The Mel Robbins Podcast - 5 Fun Ideas to Shake Up Your Life & Get Out Of A Rut

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Want to know the secret to make your life exciting again? By the end of this podcast, you are going to have a plan to shake things up in your life, starting today. In this fun and engaging episode, Mel is leading you through an exercise that will prompt you to find more adventure and passion in your life. She will walk you through 5 different questions that will help you start your “Never Been There, Never Done That” adventure. You are going to learn the surprising benefits of trying something new, and it doesn't have to cost a thing or take up very much time.For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, you’ll love listening to this episode next: Transform Your Life at Any Moment: The Surprising Science of HappinessConnect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeGo deeper with Mel’s free video course, Make It HappenFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Hey, it's your buddy Mel, and you know what we're going to do today? How about you and I shake up our life? I mean, if I could just snap my fingers and put us both on a beach in Bali, like boom, there we are laying on the sand. Oh my God, wouldn't that be amazing? Of course it would be amazing. But let's be honest, we don't have the time to just leave our life behind right

now, jump on a plane and go halfway around the world. Simply shaking up your routine is all that research says you need to do. So here's what we're gonna do instead. I'm gonna teach you my favorite trick to shaking up your life. It's a little game and I play this game all the time. It is exactly what you need right now. And what I love about it doesn't have to cost a thing. It is right in front of your face, just waiting for you to see it. All you need is 30 minutes and the willingness

to walk out your front door and the game begins. So you're ready? Great, let's shake things up. Great. Let's shake things up. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and it is such an honor to spend some time together with you today. And I also want to start by acknowledging you for choosing to listen to something that is going to help you create a better life.

I just think that's awesome. And if you're a new listener, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here with me because today you and I are going to play one of my all-time favorite games. It's called Never Been There, Never Done That. And I'm going to explain what it is in just a minute, but you can kind of think about it like making a bucket list of things that you've never done, places you've never been, but here's the catch. These are not things that are halfway around the world. These are things that are right in your own backyard. And there's a couple of reasons why I love this game.

Number one, it is a simple way to shake up your life. I mean, let's face it, you are a creature of habit. So am I. And it doesn't matter if you're in a small town, you live in a face it, you are a creature of habit, so am I. And it doesn't matter if you're in a small town, you live in a rural area, you live in a big city, there are places right around you where you've never eaten. There are coffee shops you've never stepped foot inside of. There are neighborhoods that you've never explored.

Museums, art galleries, junk shops, antique stores, secondhand clothing places that you've never opened the door and stepped foot inside. There are lectures that are happening right now at your local library that you aren't even aware of. Sports leagues that you could join, volunteer opportunities that you've always wanted to get involved in. There are hiking trails, biking trails, walking trails that you've always passed by, but you've never turned and ventured down. You know I'm right.

Don't you hate it when a friend of yours points out something and you know that they're right? And the second reason why I love this game, never been there, never done that, is because you shouldn't have to wait until you have the time and the money to go on a vacation far away. You shouldn't have to wait until you have the time and the money to go on a vacation far away. You shouldn't have to wait

to be able to escape your day-to-day life. You know, I was just talking with my colleague, Tracy, who is the executive producer of this podcast, and she was sharing this story that I know is going to resonate with you. So this weekend, she was with her family, and everyone was gathering around, and they were talking about all of these possible places

that they could go away on vacation together. Let's go to the Caribbean. How about Patagonia? Wouldn't it be fun to go on safari? I've always wanted to go to Greece. You've done that with your family, right? I mean, it's really fun. It's amazing to put together a big wish list,

but it's gonna take you two years to save the money and block everybody's calendars. I mean, if you're anything like my family or Tracy's family, there's one weekend this summer that your family can actually find overlapping dates to be able to get to the same beach together. And so planning a big amazing trip to the Caribbean or to go on safari or go somewhere you've never been before, having something like that off in the distance, it is so important and you should do that.

But here's the thing, it's off in the distance. I mean, Tracy and I were just laughing because you wanna know what happened with her family at the end of this amazing dream vacation brainstorming session? There was no vacation planned Why well because there's not a single date this year that works for anybody And if you really take a second and you stop and think about your own life

Modern life is really busy What if I told you that you could do something that is almost as fun as going away on vacation in the next seven days? You could create your own adventure playing this game. Never been there, never done that. And so that's what we're going to do. And by the end of this podcast, you are going to have generated your own bucket list of things to do and experience in your own backyard. And the way that I'm going to teach you how to do this is I will walk you through five different prompts that are going to make you really think about all the different ways

that you can explore your own neighborhood or your own city or the varying towns around you. And you are going to make a never been there, never done that list. You don't have to do it one day. Whatever ends up on the never been there, never done that list, this is something you can pick from once a week,

from now until the end of the year, to keep shaking up your life. Because the research shows, when you have something in the future to look forward to, what's so cool about that is you get two bumps to your mood and your energy. The first boost that you get to your mood and your energy is simply planning it.

Planning it and having something that you're able to look forward to, boom, immediately it boosts your mood and energy, which is what we're gonna do right now. Together on the podcast as friends, we are gonna plan your never been there, never done that list. And the second time you're gonna get a big boost

to your energy and your mood is when you actually do the thing on your never been there, never done that list. When you go to a place you've never been to, when you do the thing that you've never done, you are gonna feel like a different person. I do this all the time, trust me, you are gonna see. And so I want you to start this process

by just thinking about where you live, okay? Maybe you live in a rural area like I do, and you constantly say to yourself, there's nothing to do around here. Or maybe you live in the suburbs and it's like boring. You basically go to like those big shopping areas where the big box stores are, you know, do the same things. Or maybe you

live in a big city, but you really only stick to your neighborhood in the big city. Wherever it is that you live in the world, there is so much under your nose just waiting to be discovered. I once heard somebody describe the area that I live in, very, very rural area. On the outside, it looks like there isn't squat to do where I live. But what this person said is she's like, you know, it's very deceiving. You know, you look around, you don't see anything. It's sort of like walking by an anthill, right? You literally see an anthill and you're like, that's a little mound of dirt.

Nothing interesting going on there. Not true. You look inside an anthill, holy cow, there's a whole just world and vibrancy. Same thing about your own backyard. See, the problem is that you drive by the same things, you do the same stuff, and you are missing what is hidden underneath the surface, something that is waiting for you to unlock all the hidden gems to discover in your own backyard. And if you think about your life experience, I bet you know that this is true.

So I'm going to tell you a story to just prove my point. I remember when I moved from the Boston area, where my husband and I had lived with our three kids for 26 years, up to a rural area in southern Vermont. It wasn't until I left the Boston area that I realized I didn't take advantage of absolutely everything that the greater Boston area had to offer. I didn't explore it. I didn't care about it. I mean, I went to the same three restaurants. I went to the same coffee shop. I almost never went to Fenway Park. I bet I went to the MFA, the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, once or twice in 26 years.

Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, you know, the one where there was that huge art heist? Maybe once or twice. I never even made it out to the Harbor Islands for the day. I mean, I could go on and on and on and come to think of it. You know, we moved to this area in southern Vermont, which is a place where my husband had been going all his life. So I have been going to southern Vermont, the place that I now live for 28 years. But let me paint a picture for how little I actually knew about the area. We would drive up there occasionally to go visit my in-laws. We would arrive Friday night after work. We'd put the kids to bed. We would wake up at their house.

We would have breakfast at the house with the family. And then we would either go hike or Chris would play golf. We would go to one of the two ski resorts that are in the area. And then we would either go hike or Chris would play golf or we would go to one of the two ski resorts that are in the area and then we would come back, we'd have dinner at the house with family and then we would drive back to Boston on Sunday morning. So for all those years when we would go up to Vermont for a weekend, this was our routine. We never went out to eat other than running to a grocery store. We never really went shopping or did anything. So when our son turned to us four years ago and said, I wanna move to Southern Vermont,

I turned to him and I was like, Southern Vermont? What? There's nothing, I mean, that is a place where people go to die. There's nothing to do there. I'm not moving there. And I couldn't have been more wrong. It's just like my new friend said.

Any place that you live has a vibrant, active community, like an anthill. So much going on. You're just passing by it. You don't see what's beneath the surface. In fact, right near where I live is the National Fly Fishing History Museum. 28 years I've been driving past this

place. Never stepped foot in there. So guess what? It's going on the list. It's something I could do this weekend. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I mean, my colleague Jessie is always raving about this amazing garden center. She says it just goes on for miles and miles and it is so incredible. I'd never even heard of it. Never been there, never done that. I'm going to add it to the list. There's also this place, another town over, where there's this cross-country ski complex where they light the trails with candles. I mean, how freaking cool is that? Never been there, never done it, add it to the list. Here's another one. And in fact, this is what I love about this game. You are so into your routine of going to the same three restaurants,

you haven't even been looking around at all the cool things. And once you start to open your mind to this, you're gonna see it everywhere, just like I'm seeing it everywhere as I'm telling you right now. There are all these women that I now know since I've lived in Southern Vermont for four years who all go to the same CrossFit gym.

Never been there, never done that, adding it to the list. And here's another one. I've just heard that there's a new woman who teaches a bar class on Tuesday nights. She's supposed to be fantastic. She moved to the area, never even been to the studio. So are you starting to get a sense

of what a fun game this is? Good, because starting right now, you and me, we are starting our never-been-there, never-done-it adventure together. Now, I've already added five things to my list, and so we're going to keep on having some fun. And we're going to start adding things to your list, because the whole point is for you to shake things up, to become more connected, more adventurous, to live a more purposeful life, to explore a little, to shake things up and have a whole lot more fun.

And if you've opened up every door in your teeny tiny little town, just go one town over, or go one neighborhood over, or one city block over, and you're gonna find a whole new world to explore. And before we talk about these five different types of things you're gonna add to the list, let's just dig into the science because there's great science to explain

why this never been there, never done that, adventure game thing is so awesome. And the two areas of research that explain the power of the never been there, never done it list have to do with goal setting and something called habituation. And I'm gonna take them one at a time. So the first body of research

that I wanna talk about is goals. Based on the research, setting goals is critical to creating a better life. Because dreams and goals, even when they're just as simple as like, you know what I'm gonna do this weekend? I'm gonna go down to that new garden center, things that you can do in your own backyard,

making a goal and doing it, it does two important things. First of all, a goal of something you're gonna do, it gives you a sense of direction. And second, it defines a game that's worth playing. See, when you make this list, you're defining micro goals for yourself. And that helps you shake up your life. You're making this action-oriented plan

that helps you lift yourself out of the day-to-day, autopilot, do the same old stuff all the time, and it creates more meaning and excitement in your life. And I want you to just really stop and consider what I'm saying to you right now. Like, let's just roll the clock forward. It's Saturday morning, OK? You got no plan.

You roll out of bed. What are you going to do? Me? Whatever the wind takes me, I'm just going to wake up and kind of figure it out. You know what you're going to do? You're going to go to the grocery store. You're going to run all the same errands.

You're going to get stuck in the house doing chores, you might stop at the place you always get coffee, next thing you know Saturday's over, same old same old. Well guess what? The wind is picking up and it's blowing you right into your never been there, never done it adventure. Just imagine it's Saturday morning, you've listened to this podcast, you've got this long list of things on the list, and you wake up and you say, oh my gosh, I'm going to go check out that new nursery today, or oh my gosh, I'm going to go to the fly fishing museum today. You know what you just did?

You made that Saturday more meaningful. And you deserve to feel that. And your never been there, never done that list is going to help you do it. Now, the second piece of research that I want to unpack for you is all about excitement. And I'm going to ask you specifically, this is not one of those podcast episodes to just listen to, okay? I want you to do something with this. So as you're listening, if you've got the ability

to write down your list and jot little notes as I've been talking, do it. If you're not able to make a list because you're driving a car or you're busy walking and taking me on a walk with you, which I love, love, love seeing all the pictures that you guys post as you're listening to the podcast and you don't have a pen, no problem. When you're done with your walk or you're done driving, just make sure that you take

the time to jot down some notes and you keep a list. Because check out this research. Based on the research, simply putting a plan in place to explore your own backyard will bring more excitement into your day-to-day life. Just making the list, because you and I get so stuck in the day-to-day slump. I know I do. Oh my God, don't you get sick of your own routine at times?

I mean, it's like, my God, when did I become so boring? It feels like you're just kind of sleepwalking through your life. You're going through the motions. You're kind of on autopilot. You know, some days you barely taste the coffee because you make it the same way every day or you order it the same way every day. That's why everybody loves when it's pumpkin latte season because we're shaking things up. But when you're in that sort of like, ho hum, nothing new, everything's kind of, there's

nothing going on here, you don't notice a beautiful view. You don't hear the birds chirping. You don't stop and smell the roses or check out the flowers blooming. I mean, this is what happens when you don't shake up your day-to-day routine. This is why we crave a vacation. We want to escape. You think, I got to go to Bali. I got to go on a retreat. I got to get crave a vacation. We want to escape. You think, I got to go to Bali. I got to go on a retreat.

I got to get on a vacation. Yeah, you do need to get away. And what I'm going to tell you is simply shaking up your routine is all that research says you need to do. Because when you get into that slump of the ho-hums, you're experiencing a phenomenon that researchers called habituation. There's a lot of science around this, and we're going to get into the science. In fact, there's a neuroscientist from MIT that has researched this. And what habituation means is

that your routine actually can kill the joy in your life. And we're not going to let that happen, so we're going to come back. I'll unpack that research quickly. And then we're gonna jump into your never been there, never done that list. You are gonna start making it. So get your pens, get your paper. We're gonna be making a list and I'm gonna walk you through the five different categories

of adventures that you're gonna put on the list. It's so fun. Don't you dare go anywhere. I'm gonna be waiting for you after a short break. So stay with me. Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. You and I are Shaking Things Up today. I am teaching you a game that I love to play called Never Been There, Never Done That. It's a way to shake up your life. You need it. You're gonna love

it. And before I walk you through making your never been there, never done that list, I want to just briefly unpack this research around routines and how getting into too much of a routine, things are too familiar. It's the same old, same old. This is a phenomenon called habituation. It is robbing you of joy. This research is so powerful that I've dedicated an upcoming episode to the topic of habituation, the research around habituation, which basically means your routine is slowly killing you. And you're gonna learn firsthand from an MIT neuroscientist that habituation,

which basically means you've gotten so used to your routine, the same three restaurants, the same commute, the same stores that you go into, the same stuff you buy at the grocery store, the same five meals that you cook at home. This is why something that can seem awesome on a Monday is suddenly boring on a Friday. This is why if you go to your favorite restaurant and you order the same dish over and over and over again, by the 20th time you've had the homemade bolognese, it doesn't taste as great as it did the first time.

Routines are great for locking in a habit, but when your life becomes too routine, it loses its sparkle. And you know that this is true. It's why the person that you were madly in love with, not so sparkly after a couple of years, your beautiful backyard, not so sparkly. Those breathtaking work of art, if you stare at it for five years, not so sparkly. Why? Because you're used to it. Habituation just means you're so used to your life, you stop noticing the most wonderful and beautiful things about your life. And that brings me to another reason why I love

Never Been There, Never Done That adventures. It's a way you can see your own life, your own backyard, as if it's brand new. It's a way you can see your own life, your own backyard, as if it's brand new. It's a way for you to shake things up and regain a sense of wonder about all the great things in your life that are right under your nose. This isn't just another Saturday. This is a Saturday where you're shaking things up,

where you're exploring, and based on decades of psychological, biological sciences, it's the key to seeing, feeling, and noticing things again. And that key is change. By changing your environment, changing up the rules, changing the people you interact with, changing your routine, changing your commute, or even just stepping back and imagining the changes

that you're gonna make by creating this list and doing all these things that you've never done before, you're shaking things up. This is why, again, that you crave an escape or a vacation. Instinctively, you know, you know when you hit that point where you're like, I gotta shake things up, I gotta get myself out of this, I gotta get myself somewhere else. And based on the research, here's the great news.

You don't need a huge shakeup. You and I don't need to find the time and the money to leave our life and go halfway around the world. All you need to do, create this list. Create this list with me. Create this list with me and then one by one, week by week, just check them off. It's so vital to have meaning, adventure,

and wonder in your life. And you can do it starting today. So are you ready to begin your never been there, never done that adventure? Great. I'm gonna now walk you through the five easy ways to fill out your list and jumpstart your adventure. And that first way, go to a new store.

It's as easy as that. This is one of the easiest ways to explore your hometown, your city, neighboring towns. Just walk down the main street of wherever you live and pop into a store you have never been in before. And I want you to really stop and think about this for a second. There are stores in your town you've never walked into. I was referring to the fact that my husband and I lived in the Boston area for 26 years. I lived near this town called Natick.

I was in Natick all the time. I was driving through Natick all the time. It has this adorable little downtown, like Main Street area that's like two and a half blocks long. I bet I never even walked into half those stores in 26 years. And I'm sure if there's a person listening that owns one of the stores there, that's hearing this,

you're just shaking your head like, oh my God, oh my God. And you wanna know something crazy? That when we moved to the area, my husband and I way back in the day actually had a storefront on that main street. We owned a little paint your own pottery studio, you know, where you would go in and you'd sit with your kids and paint mugs

and then we'd fire it in a kiln and Even though I was a store owner on the main street. That's two and a half blocks long I still didn't go into every one of the neighboring stores. How insane is that? But it's true You're the same way You know, and if you think about your town or the neighboring town, maybe it's a thrift store or a clothing store or heck, maybe there's a small grocery store you've never checked out or it's a store that you don't

even know what the heck it is or what they sell, but you just drive by it. You've always kind of thought, oh, you know, I should stop in there. We all have a store like that. Maybe, maybe it's somebody who resells old cars and you drive by and you're like, oh, I need to stop by and check that out. You've never stopped in and walked the lot.

Or maybe it's a neighboring town and they've got a farmer's market, but their farmer's market is on Thursdays and yours is on Saturdays and you always go to the Saturday one. Why not go to the one on Thursday? Maybe there are different farms there. Maybe they have live music. Maybe there's something really cool that's gonna happen when you shake things up. Maybe it's just about mixing up your routine. And if you really opened up every door in your town,

you have no idea what would happen when you walk through that open door. And here's the other thing. Like in the modern world, you know what we do all day? We online shop, that's what we default to. But what about going in person? I mean, it's so much more fun. It's so fun to just like tap into that instinct to hunt and to gather and to check things

out and to talk to the local shop owners and turn things over and take it all in. You know, in fact, when I was driving down here this morning from Vermont to get to our studios here in Boston, we were on Route 2, which runs from, you know, west to east in Massachusetts. And we were in western Massachusetts. And as we were driving down Route 2, I pointed out to my colleague Jesse, who was in the car with me, hey, if you ever need an incredible wooden salad bowl, that place right there makes the most extraordinary bowls.

And so we're flying down route two at 50 miles per hour. And Jesse's like, how the hell did you know that that place sells salad bowls? And I was like, well, because I used to drive up to Vermont for 26 years and I would always pass this place. And when the stores open, they always have these big wooden bowls sitting out on the front lawn

and they've got a hand-painted sign that says handmade wooden bowls. And one year after passing it for almost two decades, I pulled in, I walked in and wouldn't you know it? They don't just make wooden salad bowls. I mean, this place has been on Oprah's favorite list for wooden salad bowls for several years. I mean, who fricking knew?

The place looks like a shack from the road. And now it's become my go-to wedding gift. So you're starting to catch on, right? That it's all around you, just waiting for you to slow down and discover it. And all you gotta do to begin to tap into all that juicy research is add it to the list. Never been there, never done that, this week I'm going.

This feels like a great time to hit the pause and hear a word from our amazing sponsors, because I bet after giving you all those examples, you have all kinds of ideas. So while you're listening to the sponsors, I want you to start generating your list. While those ideas are hot, you get them down on that piece of paper.

And you know what you're gonna experience based on the research? A boost of energy and a boost in your mood because research shows just planning the adventure actually makes you feel better. So you do that and I will be waiting for you after this short break. Stay with me. Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel. I'm so excited you're still here with me. We are

talking about a simple way based on research to shake up your life, boost your mood, give you energy, make things sparkly again, and it's right in your own backyard. And I'm walking you through the five things you should add to this list. We've covered checking out a new store. Now we're going to talk about the second way to add to your never been there, done that list. And that's drive, walk or bike down a new street. And I just love this. I stole this idea from my colleague Amy, who has the best tradition ever whenever Amy and her daughter drive by a street that they've never been down before.

Check this out. They just turned out it. I mean, imagine that simply turning down a street. Hey, let's just go this way. Your GPS will reroute, but simply doing it. They've found incredible farms, beautiful gardens, fresh vegetable and fruit stands. And more importantly, she and her daughter

have a blast exploring new places together. And you don't need a car to make this work. If you live in a city, instead of walking the same route to work, take a new one. Instead of going the same way to your workout class or grocery store, or even to your friend's house, take a detour. Drive, bike, or walk a different way. You know, one way that I do this in a rural area is that there's all these walking trails, you know, that I take my dogs, Yolo and Homie on. And every once in a while, if I'll have a little bit of extra time,

I'll just follow a different marker and go on a different loop. And sometimes it's absolutely amazing. Sometimes it's sort of meh. But the most important thing, according to the research, is that changing things up, shaking things up is an essential requirement to experiencing joy and happiness in your life.

And I also want to bring in another example. If you've ever traveled to a new city for work or for vacation and you've got a chance to explore it, what do you do? You wander. You are constantly walking down streets you've never been before. I recently went on a mother-daughter trip, took my girls to Paris. We walked 20,000 steps a day.

And when we got tired of walking, you know what we did? We hopped on those electric bikes that are all over every major city and we just rode bikes all over the place. We had no idea where we were. We were just exploring. I'm here to tell you that is available to you, that sense of adventure to the area that you live.

And all you got to do the next time you drive, walk, or bike is just turn down a new street. Take a detour. You never know what you might see, but I can guarantee what you will feel. You will feel that boost to your mood and that energy that research says will happen from that little burst of adventure. Now, the third way to keep filling out your never been there, never done that list,

go to a museum, art gallery, library, or some sort of public green space and take it in. Recently, my parents were visiting from Michigan because it was our son Oakley's high school graduation. And one of the things that I always do when my folks visit is I just pack the time together to keep everybody busy and on the move and doing stuff. And so when I knew they were gonna come for three days

for Oakes graduation, I started to plan their three day visit. And I was basically making a never been there, never done that list. And I gotta tell you something, it was so revealing. There are so many places I had never been, things I had never done. And so I just started adding them to the list. And one of the biggest ones

Was going to a museum nearby. It's one of my favorite things to do with my mom And so I had heard about this place called the Clark Art Institute Which is you know about an hour away from where I live. Oh My god, I Had no idea that one of the largest private art collections in the world is just an hour away from me in Williamstown, Massachusetts. I'm talking a town of 7,000 people. They have an entire room of Renoir paintings, and by entire room, I mean like 40 of them. Winslow Homer, check. Degas, check. Remington, check. All the impressionists,

check. 19 different rooms filled with paintings, sculpture, prints, drawings, photos. I mean, it was jaw-dropping. All the artists from the Impressionist era that you know. Holy cow, I thought it was in Europe. Oh, and did I mention it's on 145 acres that are landscaped in this incredible way. I mean, my jaw is still on the floor. My favorite portrait painter, John Singer Sargent, check. I mean, I cannot believe I did not know it was there

until I started to dig into what to do with my parents. How did I not discover it was like, I could not believe I'd never been there and never done that. And there are things within an hour of you that will put your jaw on the floor. And tell you what, now that I've been there and done that, I'm going to go again and again. That's how amazing it was.

And I still can't believe that, as a matter of three days ago, I had never been there I mean, do you know how much shock and awe and amazement is just waiting for you to come find it? That's why I want you to fill out this list and the fourth way that you can keep filling out this never been there never done That list is by trying a new type of food or cooking something new now. I'm a huge foodie I love love love cooking. I also love trying new restaurants wherever I'm traveling. I love just wandering down a street and discovering some hole in the wall or some incredible neighborhood

restaurants. I mean, isn't that like the best part of traveling, wandering through the markets or the food stands? And so it does kind of beg the question, if we love to do that when we travel, why do you and I go to the same two restaurants every weekend? Well, you heard the research from the MIT neuroscientist, tabituation.

You get really stuck in a routine and it dulls your senses. I'm the same way. But a great way to create a never been there, never done that experience for yourself is to fill it with new places to eat, new markets to shop in, or a new recipe to try at home. And so I'll give you an example. Last month, I did this really fun thing with our son Oakley. Oakley has gotten really into cooking lately.

And he has been saying over and over again that he wants to learn how to make bread from scratch and not any bread. He wants to learn how to make bread from scratch, and not any bread. He wants to learn how to bake sourdough bread. And sourdough bread baking has been on my list for ages, but never been there, never done that. I've always made excuses. I don't have enough time, it's really complicated. We can buy great sourdough bread at the farmer's market,

so why on earth would I hassle with this when for $5, somebody who's an expert can do it better. I digress. I finally said to Oakley about a month ago, all right, Oak, let's do it. So we printed out an article on how you make the starter, you know, the kind of like yeasty, really sour part of it from scratch.

I mean, we went old school and my grandparents were immigrants from Austria. They owned a bakery. And so I'm like, I got this. This is in my DNA. My grandmother made German and Austrian pastries her entire life. Sourdough?

Not that simple. Okay. Just kind of hardy. Not that simple. So Oakley and I go through the process and we make the starter for the sourdough bread. Never been there, never done that. This is a very tedious process. This is a very tedious process.

This is a seven day process, okay? You have to take like one part white flour, one part wheat flour, you gotta add a little water in, then you gotta let it sit like every day for the seven days. You're like looking at it, you're stirring it, you're dividing it in half. We get to day four. I mean, it's like having a newborn baby that you got to

take care of, and we're getting the hang of it. It's starting to bubble. It's starting to double in size. And I had to leave on day four to come down to Boston to do some work. Guess who left the starter unattended? Guess who didn't feed the baby? Guess who left the baby on the counter? I mean, this wasn't just a starter. When Oakley and I did this project, I went on social media, I put up photographs. You guys all chimed in.

Fans of the show named our starter. You want to know what the fans of the Mel Robbins podcast named our starter? Dolene. Yeah, really our starter, Dolene. Yep, really cute name, Dolene, cute. When I came back, that starter was not ready to bake bread. That starter was dead, dead as a doornail. My son killed the starter.

He actually put it outside in the jar to hide it from me. He knew he was in trouble. Now, what I love about this story is that this is an example of a never been there, never done that adventure, that eh, fail, huge fail. We didn't even make the bread, but holy cow, was it fun. You can even hear as I'm talking about it, the boost in my mood, right?

You can hear the energy, the research is playing out. It's true. Simply planning to do something, one boost. I got all excited looking for starter recipes. Doing the thing, another boost. And now I'm getting the third boost because I'm telling you a story about it and I'm kind of reliving it. And here's another example of how simply trying a new place can change your life. So a year ago, I discovered one of my all-time favorite coffee shop cafe places on the planet. I mean, I probably go to this place three times a week. I go for coffee, I go for matcha, I go for the homemade croissants on the weekends. My husband and I go out back and we have an alfresca dinner.

Now here's the catch. This place has been open for seven years. I have driven past this place for seven years. Why did I not go inside? Well, because my friend, Jessie, who I referred to, told me, oh, have you been to such and such? And I was like, no, what is that place? And she's like, oh, it's like a beer garden. They serve, you know, amazing beer and tinned fish. And I'm like, why would I go to a place that serves beer and tinned

fish? That sounds disgusting. Well, I'll tell you why. Because as my mother said, try it. You might like it. Seriously. So I walk into this place one day. Ha. Ooh. It turns out it's like beer garden in the back, French pastry phenomenon in the front. They make the best coffee. They have the single best croissants on the planet that they hand pull, hand roll. They sell out within 15 minutes of the

doors opening every Saturday and Sunday. I didn't realize that Outback was not necessarily a beer garden. It's like this alfresca dining place where they make sourdough pizzas and like oysters and incredible, like it is like being in Napa Valley in my own backyard. Oh my God, I had dismissed it before I even tried it. I was so wrong. And you're so wrong about a place that you keep driving by. So even if you're like, I don't know how I feel about fondue. I don't know if I like old cars. Add it to the list.

And speaking of the list, the final thing that you should add to your never been there, never done that list, join a sports league, sign up for a community service group, or volunteer somewhere. And this is a huge, huge thing to do, especially if you are in a new city. If you're young in a new city, you want to know one of the best ways you can make new friends, join a kickball league. You don't have to be an athlete. Hell, you don't even have to be able to climb up a flight of stairs to be able to join a kickball league. You just show up, you make friends, you laugh, you hang out afterwards.

It is so much fun. Another way to build community instantly and explore your backyard, volunteer. Our son Oakley had this experience freshman year in high school when it was after school and he wandered into the cafeteria because he thought he had forgotten something in there after school. And these are his words, not mine. They were a group of grandmas in the school cafeteria

just chopping up a storm and cooking and chatting away. And Oakley walked up to them and was like, hey, what are you doing? And they explained that they are this organization called Grateful Hearts that takes all kinds of food donations from farmers markets and farms, and they then chop it all up and cook it all into people in our community who are food insecure.

And so Oakley put down the book that he left in the cafeteria and said, can I help? Put on an apron, and for four years, he's been hanging out with the grandmas in our communities, doing what they called chat and shop and cooking food, which is how he got interested in cooking. It changed his life. Because when you volunteer, you not only feel connected with the other volunteers, but you connect more deeply with yourself. You learn more about your community.

So you could sign up to Weed a Local Garden. You could be a hospice volunteer. That's what my husband Chris does. Every single Thursday, he picks up meals from local restaurants that are donated, and then he drives them and drops them off to hospice patients in and around the Southern Vermont area. You can chat and chop with all the grandmas like Oakley does. You could help out at a 5K or a half marathon.

I could go on and on and on. And if you don't know of any place to volunteer, just look for the Facebook group for your town, go online, call the town clerk's office, walk into your local library, and I guarantee you people will be filled with ideas. Add them to the list.

All right. There you have it. You got five simple ways to start your never been there, never done that adventure. So let me remind you of them again. Go to a new store. Drive, walk, or bike down a new street. Go into museums, art galleries, libraries, try a new type of food or cook a new recipe.

It doesn't even have to be good. Mediocre is good enough because just doing something different shakes it up. Or join a sports league, a community service group, or volunteer because you can shake things up. You can be more adventurous. You can design and live a more purposeful life and you can do it in your own backyard.

In fact, your next adventure is just waiting for you. All you have to do is open that door and walk in. And in case no one else tells you, let me be the first person to tell you today that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And it starts with one never been there, never done that list.

Alrighty, I'll talk to you in a few days. ["The Best of Me"] My husband and I have never talked about this on the podcast. We used to have a little retail store. It was a paint your own pottery studio. Everybody loved it. It didn't make any money at all.

Let's go to the Caribbean. Let's go to the Patagon. Let's go to the, but let's be honest with each other. I Let's go to the Carri... But let's be honest with each other. I've said that a couple times. I'm not going to say, but let's get real. Let's... Apparently there's also this place, another town over, where there's this cross... Where there's this cross...

Where this... And being able... Is the second... Okay, sorry. Never been there, never done it. Never been there, never done that. Never been there, never done that. Never been there, never done that. [♪upbeat music playing [♪upbeat music playing

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[♪upbeat music playing [♪upbeat music playing a [♪I'm just your friend. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.