The Mel Robbins Podcast - 5 Small Habits That Will Change Your Life Forever

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

In this episode, you’ll learn the best expert advice Mel is using right now.For this one-of-a-kind episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel hand-picked the top 5 most impactful, insightful, and exciting pieces of advice and rules for life ever shared by her guests. Listen as experts give you their best advice that will transform your health, stop anxiety, make you more money, improve your confidence, show when someone is lying to you, and help you live with more meaning and purpose.This episode is the cheat sheet for the level-up in life you have been looking for.What should you listen to next? You’ll love the full podcast episodes with each of the experts featured today:Dr. Mark Hyman: “Reset Your Health in 10 Days: Advice From a Renowned MD”Dr. Luana Marques: “Harvard Professor Says THIS Is the Secret to Success (It’s Not What You Think)” and “Turn Anxiety Into Power: A 3-Step Process to Master Your Emotions From a Harvard Psychologist”Tiffany Aliche: “5 Rules of Money: How to Make It, Save It, & Be Smarter About It”Janine Driver: "FBI-Trained Expert Explains How to Read Body Language"Judie Robbins: "Get Your Sh*t Together: This 85-Year-Old Badass Does More Than You & Me (Steal Her 7 Amazing Secrets)"For more resources, including links to learn more about each expert on today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. Connect with Mel: Get Mel’s brand new free course Make It HappenWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s newsletter Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. You know, when I'm out and about, and I have the absolute honor of bumping into you and other listeners of this podcast, after we go, oh my god, and then we hug, and I love taking selfies with you, there are two things that you always end up telling me. The first one is how much you love this podcast and the difference that it's making, which is so great to hear. And the second thing that you always share

is you bring up the episode that made the biggest difference in your life. And I love getting that feedback from you. And I started to notice that you all like the same episodes and you keep bringing up the names of the same experts. And I want you to keep on telling me, by the way, what episodes you love, what experts that you love. And so I decided that I would take a look

at those episodes that you're referring to and check back in on some of those experts and package up five of the best pieces of advice that you loved, that I loved, and that's what we're going to do today. And this is so exciting, what you're about to listen to today, that I think I might do this every quarter, because we cover so many amazing topics and we meet so many experts that we're learning from. Even though I'm the one that's sitting in the interview chair, I love being reminded of the best of the best. And so today, you are gonna get five pieces of advice

from experts on this podcast that you have loved and commented on and shared, and you're gonna be reminded of things that you loved. And if you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I want you to know something, you're not behind at all. In fact, you have tuned into the perfect episode. But if you've been listening for a long time,

you're gonna love this because it's gonna remind you of how much power you have to make simple changes that are backed by the research that impact your life almost immediately. So I want to tell you a little bit about how I selected the five pieces of advice that you're going to hear today. And I also want to thank you because you helped me. See, this is what we did. My team and I, we looked at all the data on YouTube. We looked at what you watched. We looked at your

favorite and most replayed moments. We then dove into the podcast data. And we were looking for what advice did you like? What episodes inspired you to make changes? What episodes inspired you to report back to me the specific actions that you were taking to leave reviews? What were the experts that you shared most with your friends and your family? And so today, without further ado,

I feel like I need a drum roll. Our conversation today is gonna inspire you with some of the best advice that I've heard in the last 12 months and that you've heard too. We're gonna cover some of the top five pillars of creating a fulfilling life. You're gonna start off with a 10-day health reset from a renowned functional medical

doctor. Next, you will get the trick that a Harvard psychologist uses to stop anxiety. You're then going to hear life-changing advice on money from the single best financial expert you could ever meet, who also, by the way, said some of the most profound things that I've ever heard on this podcast. You loved her so much, and so did I. And then you're going to move on to a hilarious and tactical strategy for displaying more confidence from a CIA, FBI-trained body language expert. You're also going to learn how to tell when someone's lying to you.

And finally, you and I are going to end on an even higher note with one of your favorite guests of all time, an 86-year-old powerhouse who is sharing her specific strategies to longevity and how to live a more meaningful life. Let's do this. Hey, it's Mel, and I am so happy that you decided to listen to this particular episode today. You're going to love it, because today I'm sharing five pieces of science-supported, research-backed advice from some of the most popular experts

that have appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast in the last 12 months. Now, this is advice that has changed my life, and it's also changed the lives of listeners around the world, listeners who are just like you. And if you take a chance and you give the advice a try, I guarantee you, you are gonna feel the impact and it's gonna help you create a chance and you give the advice a try, I guarantee you, you are going to feel the impact and it's going to help you create a better life.

First up, we're going to cover a 10-day health reset that will change your life from the inside out. Dr. Mark Hyman is a renowned functional medical doctor, and he said this sentence on the podcast. Holy cow. When he said this, it made you and me both lean in. He said, you are only days away from optimal health. I'm going to say that again.

You are only days away from optimal health. And in the clip that you're about to hear, Dr. Mark Hyman will explain the research that supports this fact, that you're only days hear. Dr. Mark Hyman will explain the research that supports this fact, that you're only days away from optimal health. I mean, how cool is that? Then he's gonna walk you through his 10-day health reset. Now, this is the protocol that he has researched over the years

and that he uses with his patients in his private practice. Let me tell you a little bit about Dr. Hyman before we jump into the advice that he shared. He is a medical doctor who is the head of strategy and innovation at the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine. He is the founder and medical director of the Ultra Wellness Center,

and he has written 14 New York Times bestselling books. And his 10-day health reset is one of the most viewed clips on my YouTube channel. It's also one of the most popular pieces of advice that anyone has ever shared on the Mel Robbins podcast. So let me set up what you're about to hear. Dr. Hyman has just shared this medical fact that your body is designed to heal itself.

And you're gonna hear me reacting to that medical fact that your body is designed to heal itself. And you're going to hear me reacting to that and then asking him to explain what that means. And this is important because when you realize that your body is designed to heal itself, you'll understand exactly how his 10-day health reset that he's going to explain to you activates your body's natural healing capabilities so that you can tap into optimal health. So let's go to that clip where you're going to hear me asking Dr. Hyman to tell you about our body's intelligent design and the ability it has to heal itself. Dr. Hyman, you just said something that really struck me, which is that every single one

of us, our bodies, has an intelligent healing system built into it. And I immediately thought about the fact that we all know instinctively that if you cut your hand, your body knows how to heal itself. Exactly. And so it- You don't have to go to the doctor to get a prescription to heal your hand, your body knows how to heal itself. Exactly. And so it- You don't have to go to the doctor to get a prescription to heal your hand. It just does what it's supposed to do.

Yeah. And so can you just expand upon that for somebody who has never considered that concept that your body is designed, when you know how to take care of it, to heal itself? What the hell does that even mean? It's really incredible. I mean, I literally get to be the witness to miracles every day. And people who are either wanting to just optimize their health and live a long healthy life, or people who have end-stage diseases like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, autoimmune disease, dementia, whatever it is, ADD, depression. When you know how the body works, you can learn how to optimize its function, which

is what we call functional medicine. And then you get rid of the stuff that's impairing our ability to function properly and you put in the stuff that the body needs to thrive. So you take out the impediments to health, you put in the ingredients to health, the body knows what to do. Most people don't connect the dots between what they're doing in their life, whether it's what they're eating or the toxins are exposed to or the stress they're under, the lack of sleep they're getting or the fact that they may not move their bodies or learn how to do all

these things. They don't know how that's impacting them. They don't know how close they are to feeling good. We're literally only a few days, not weeks or months, from feeling better. We're only a few days away from feeling better. Yes, it's really remarkable. I take people all over the world, and I put them in these groups.

We do these programs around the world, and we change our diet. We move them a little bit, a little bit of yoga, not like running a marathon, but just general exercise, some simple body practices. And within six days, the average person reduces their symptoms from all diseases by 70%. Wait, what? Yeah.

Your life is not predetermined by some genetic destiny. It's the life and the exposome, which is all the sum total of all the experiences you've had, all the toxins, all the thoughts, all the relationships, all the food you eat, everything, washing over your biology, creating the expression of who you are in this moment. And so that's a very empowering idea, because something just didn't happen to you.

You can actually be empowered to understand what those things are and change them and radically reverse your biological age, your health problems, your mental health, because the body has this incredible healing system, as we said. Wow. I think if people understand how powerful food is, they don't really have to listen to me. Change your diet and see what happens.

Not for a year or 10 years, but 10 days. Anybody can do anything for 10 days. And when you do that, you literally take away all the potential inflammatory foods, all the foods that are causing you to have issues, which is typically gluten, dairy, sugar, processed foods. So what is the 10-day? Like, just give us simple rules that you want everybody listening to try. This is a dare. Let's just, let's go through a sample menu for a day. But it's basically protein and vegetables, nuts and seeds and berries.

Okay, hold on. You said that very fast. Protein, vegetables, nuts and seeds and berries. And lots of good fats. Olive oil, avocados. So it's basically breakfast could be, for example, a couple of eggs with sliced tomatoes and avocado with olive oil on top. Lunch could be a big salad with lots of different veggies and tomatoes. I could throw a can of wild salmon on there. Yep. Put in some pumpkin seeds, you know, just lots of good plant food. Very colorful. Very colorful. And dinner might be, you know, some, a big piece of fish or chicken or some nice small piece of meat with three quarters of your plate should be vegetables. Three quarters of your plate. Yeah, so like I'll have,

like the other night I had like a purple sweet potato, I had some roasted mushrooms, I had, you know, I can totally have like a roasted eggplant. Whatever you kind of get excited about, broccolini, I make cruciferous vegetables every day, these are the brocc- What did you say? Cruciferous vegetables.

What the hell were it, cruciferous? Broccoli, broccoli, basically. The broccoli family. What does cruciferous? Broccoli, broccoli, basically. The broccoli family. What does cruciferous mean? It means broccoli, basically. Broccoli, collards, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, you know, all those collard sprouts. The fiber we craft your grandmother served.

Is that what you're saying? It's this family of vegetables. It's a super family. Got it. Because it actually detoxes your cells. It helps prevent cancer. Wow. It boosts all the detox hormones,

I mean, molecules in your body. So I want to stop you real quick because you posted something two days ago. I did? What? That was, I'd never really thought about it this way. And it was, you'll probably say it better than me, but it was a very simple post that was like, the food that you eat impacts everything. Oh, your cells, your brain cells, like all of this stuff, your skin that all is continuing to grow, it doesn't just grow out of thin air. It actually is impacted and grows from the raw materials that you give it.

And so, would you rather have cells that are made from a bag of Doritos? Exactly. Or cells made from a salad or a piece of fish? And when you boil it down that way, like, holy cow, what I put in my mouth is what I become. Yeah, absolutely. You literally become what you eat. I mean, I just had someone on my podcast, the Dr of Pharmacy, talking about the difference between, for example, pasture-raised bison and bison that were fed corn and feedlot bison, which

are still better than cows. And what lab bison? Feedlot bison, meaning grown on a factory farm. Okay, got it. And they measured 15 different hundred metabolites, and what they found was so different among the same genetically identical bison. One had all these incredible molecules that come from plants because it was eating all these grasses, it had different fatty acids, it had different vitamins in it, different

minerals in it, and it was just so profound. So you are what you eat, but you also are whichever you're eating it, right? And the whole thing goes up the chain. And we really have to get how powerful food is and do an experiment. Don't listen to me, don't listen to Mel, listen to your own body. Your body's the smartest doctor in the room. It'll tell you what works and what doesn't. And when you

stop this or that, you go, well, God, wait a minute, my joints don't hurt or wait a minute, I'm not having terrible reflux or heartburn anymore. I don't have migraines. What happened? Or my mood is better. What's going on? It's what you're eating. Wow.

What are the top things that people should, in this kind of 10-day window, stop eating? I mean, anything that comes in a package, basically, I mean, this can, you know, sardines or salmon, that's fine. But basically, anything comes in a package can or a box, get rid I mean, if it's canned, you know, sardines or salmon, that's fine, but basically anything comes in a package can or a box, get rid of it. If it's sugar, no. If sugar sweetened beverages, no. Alcohol, no. The grains and beans for a short time, because a lot of people have inflammation from that,

they have a gut issue. Grains and beans are healthy and they're good for you, but for some people they can be a problem, right? So it's like peanuts are good for people, but if somebody... Well, what's the universal one? It's no gluten. No gluten, no sugar, no dairy, no alcohol, no processed food. Do you have any fun?

Absolutely. I have so much fun. I have so much fun every day. I'm just kidding. My whole life is fun. And I don't feel restricted. I don't starve myself. And the thing is, these foods are addictive, Mel.

So people think, I gotta have, I gotta have sugar. Well, can I have artificial? I know what people are listening, thinking about. They're thinking, oh, Dr. Hyman, can I have artificial sweeteners or can I have, you know, Stevia? Yes, Stevia. Is Stevia okay? Everybody's going through their head. And if you were having this inner dialogue right now, I guarantee you, you have biological addiction to sugar because you're trying to find a way out. You know, I'm going to stop smoking, but I'm going to vape or I'm going

to chew nicotine gum. Well, that's not getting rid of your addiction. And I think it's not your fault. And this is probably one of the biggest problems I have with the narrative in America that we are blaming the person who's overweight for their problem. It's your fault that you're eating too much and not exercising enough, because that's the solution to weight loss. It's all about calories in, calories out.

It's all about moderation in, calories out. It's all about moderation. And if you can't do it, there's something wrong with you. That's just a big fat lie. And that keeps people feeling ashamed about themselves. It keeps them from being empowered to know what to do. It keeps the food industry free of responsibility. And it's one of the most unfortunate narratives that we have. I love that he said, it's not your fault.

And you know what else I loved? Was this moment when he, one of the most respected functional medical doctors on the entire planet, made you the expert of your own health. And I hope you will take him at his word that you take this experiment on. Because Dr. Hyman just demystified how you can tap into the intelligent design and your body's natural healing process to tap into optimal health. And here's what else I loved.

This costs you zero dollars. I love the fact that the cells of your body do not grow out of thin air, but they grow from the raw materials that you feed it. I mean, it blew my mind. You're going to have to eat. Would you rather have your cells that are made from a bag of Doritos or a salad and

really good protein? I hope that information sticks with you forever the way that it has for me. And if you want to learn more about how to reset your health in 10 days, I really want you to take the time to listen to that entire episode with Dr. Mark Hyman. Now, that episode is linked in the description along with all of the episodes that I'm going to share with you today. And as always, if you look at the description on whatever platform you're watching this episode on or listening to the podcast, you're going to see a link that takes you to the resources page that has listening to the podcast. You're gonna see a link that takes you

to the resources page that has links to all the experts, the studies, all of that is on our website for you. But the episode itself, it's just linked below in the description. I wanted to make it easier for you. All right, now that you know where you can find the episodes and you also know about your body's ability to heal itself

and you also know how to do a 10-day health reset. That's just expert number one. We still got four more to go, and next up you're gonna learn the trick that a Harvard psychologist uses to stop anxiety. And I wanna take a quick break right now and give our fantastic sponsors the time they deserve because their support allows me to bring you all of this

at zero cost. And when we come back, you and me, we're gonna be diving into anxiety, and a little later, we're getting into money, confidence and longevity secrets and more. So don't you dare go anywhere, I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break.

I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. I'll be waiting for you after a short break. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins and today you are hearing five of the most popular pieces of advice on the Mel Robbins podcast from the last 12 months.

Now Dr. Mark Hyman just showed you how to activate your body's natural intelligence by doing a 10-day health reset. And now we're going to activate your ability to stop anxiety with expert advice from Harvard's Dr. Luana Marquez. Now, Dr. Luana appeared on two incredible episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast, and you absolutely loved her, so do I. And I love everything that she shares

with you and with me. Dr. Luana has this remarkable and inspiring story of how she went from being poverty-stricken in Brazil to becoming a professor of psychiatry at Harvard. Now, she has a clinical practice and is also on the staff at Mass General Brigham, which is the number one ranked research hospital in the world for over a decade. And what you and I both loved about Dr. Luana is that, well, yeah, she's the world leading Harvard trained expert, no big deal. Her advice is also simple, which means it can be applied easily into your own life,

even when you or a loved one is spiraling. So let me set up what you're about to hear, because when she came to the studio to have this conversation, I was so excited to talk to her about how to stop an anxiety spiral. And what you're about to hear is a clip where Dr. Luana is not only going to give you the trick to stop anxiety, but she's going to use herself as an example. Because here's what happened. You're going to hear the story of her telling you not only gonna give you the trick to stop anxiety, but she's gonna use herself as an example. Because here's what happened.

You're gonna hear the story of her telling you that right before she walked into the studio and did the taping with me, she had an anxiety attack. And so she's gonna tell you all about that and how she handled it. So let's jump into one of your favorite clips from that episode, where I've just asked Dr. Luana, so how do you stop a panic attack? Such a great question, Mel, because the first thing, if we're going to apply any skills, we need to create a pause.

And in that pause, we need to do a couple of things. First, we need to understand what was the situation that triggered any kind of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I actually call this the thoughts, emotions, and behavior cycle. Can we take the example of you waking up and not wanting to get out of bed? Yes, absolutely. So any kind of situation, I woke up,

my brain starts to spin, and basically said, what if Mel Robbins doesn't like me? It was the first thought I had this morning, I have to just be honest with everybody, Lissie. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I mean, the anxious brain never quiets down, right? And so that thought, what if she doesn't like me, led to an emotion, which for me was a little anxiety and heart pounding. My heart pounds pretty strongly.

And then my behavior was the third component, was wanting to just stay in bed. I was like, maybe I just want to stay in bed. And you asked, what is the sequence? Well, it depends on the entry way. For me it was a thought, right? She's not going to like me, maybe I'm anxious and then I wanted to behave a certain way. But they ping pong, right? If I laid in bed a little longer, I bet it would have gone this way. Yeah, maybe I didn't bring the right outfit. The outfit makes a difference. She's so powerful. She's really not going to like me. What if I say the wrong

thing and those thoughts would go really fast. the anxiety would shoot up, and then the covers would come over. And then by the time I got out of bed, my baseline anxiety would be so high that I'd be having trouble thinking. That trouble thinking would be interpreted as, oh, see, you do have a problem with anxiety, and now the avalanche. And so it's a ping pong, and it's so fast,

and that's why that pause is so important. So what do you tell your patients to do when they catch themselves in this ping-pong death match with their anxious thoughts? Whenever the anxiety happens, this is a trick that I can share with everybody that you can use and you can do it right now. How do you pause is the question, right? Take a piece of paper and literally write down your thoughts, link them to your emotions, link them to specific behavior. What do you want to do? Okay, so did you get that everyone? When the thoughts start to spiral

in you or someone that you love, and you feel that anxiety avalanche that Dr. Luana just described coming on, number one, you need to create a pause. And here's one way you can do it. Take out a piece of paper and write the thought, write the emotion that you feel, and write the behavior that it is triggering.

And in Dr. Luana's example, the thought is Mel's not gonna like me, and then that made her feel nervous, and then that feeling makes her wanna pull the covers over her head. Why does this technique work, Dr. Luana? This is why. What we know scientifically is that writing activates the prefrontal cortex.

The prefrontal cortex, the part that helps us organize, execute, right? It's the center of the brain that's the critical part of the brain. It is always competing for energy with our amygdala, the fight, flight, or freeze part of the brain. So when one is on, the other one tends to quiet down. So if you're in your anxious brain, get out of there by writing your thoughts, emotions, and behavior cycle. Just that little trickle on, I've seen hundreds of patients stop their anxiety cycle and that avalanche by creating that pause. Right. It's so liberating to overcome a fear. It's true. Your whole system crates down and you're like,

oh my God, I'm living my best life. That's what I wish for everyone, that they find their little corners of avoidance, overcome it so they can show up. Are you being your best self? If you're not, it's because you're avoiding. I love what she said about you and me and how we have these little corners, right, where we hide. It's so true, isn't it?

How anxiety or nervousness or fear or panic or imposter syndrome can keep you in that little corner. How often you can find yourself avoiding not only experiences in life, but avoiding your potential and the potential of your life. I know exactly what she's talking about and I know you do too, because that was one of the most popular things that she said. Because anxiety is something that I've struggled with for a very long time and it does make you shrink.

So don't forget the trick. Create the pause, write it down, get it out of your head. Because when it's on paper, you're not gonna spiral. When you create the pause, you step out of your little corner. And when you stop avoiding the things that scare you, you unleash that potential. And with the rise in anxiety that is so well documented today, especially in teenagers and young adults, this is an episode,

and the resources that Dr. Luana shares, this is something I hope you share with people in your life, because they work. And Dr. Luana's two episodes on the podcast are wonderful resources for you. So if you go into the description, you're going to find links to those two episodes featuring Dr. Luana. Please, please, please take the time to listen to them and more importantly, share them with somebody who needs this information. Share them with somebody who needs this information. Share them with somebody who needs this support, okay?

Because we're talking world class, Harvard, Dr. Luana, private session level support with those episodes. All righty, let's move on to a topic that gives you anxiety, which is money. And I gotta be honest, I had been avoiding talking about money on the podcast for a long time and let me tell you why. I thought it'd be a total snoozefest. I mean, come on, financial planning, boring.

And I personally, I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel this way. There's a lot of financial experts out there that are so freaking condescending and they speak in jargon and it's sort of like, you should know this. So I'm like, we don't need to talk about money. Well then, I found Tiffany Aliche. Cha-ching, baby. Holy smoke, she not only brought the money, she brought the energy and the fun.

She is so fantastic. Oh, we could not stop talking about her. And she got you and me excited about making a budget. Who gets excited about making a budget? You and I did after hearing from Tiffany Aliche. Tiffany Aliche is the money expert. You loved her. She is also known as the Budgenista.

She's a New York Times bestselling author. She has helped more than two million people just like you save, manage and pay off massive debt. If there's anybody in your life who you think needs to get better with money, you better stop talking about them and share this episode with them. Let Tiffany set the record straight. Because this is not your usual make a budget and stick to it advice. Tiffany's take on money will help you see your money in a completely different way so that you understand how to make more of it and save it with ease. Now, she's also been there. She's been there in terms of being underwater with loads of bills to pay and no job. She was the victim of a

scam. Like, unbelievable story. And that's also why she comes to the table with so much compassion for you, because she knows just how overwhelming finances can be. And she also has this knack, ooh, I love people like this, this knack for explaining boring things like budgets, snoozefest, and bills. I don't want to talk about that. But she has a way of talking about it that makes you just want to hear her keep talking. And she makes you just want to hear her keep talking. And she makes you feel like you're an expert too. And so when she came on the Mel Robbins podcast, one of the very first questions I asked her was about budgeting, because I hate budgeting.

And I freaking love the analogy she gave. And by the way, this was one of your all time favorite clips. You just kept coming back to this over and over and over again, especially on YouTube. So listen to what Tiffany Aliche has to say about the topic of budgeting. So I want you to think about a budget, the way that what I say is like how you think about

like your mom, right? So you've got three kids, right? And so if like, say your son's like, oh, when he's little, you know, mom, can I have dessert? You'd say yes after you have dinner. Or if your daughter says, mom, can I go outside to play? Yes, when you do your homework, you know, or, you know, mom, can we go on vacation? Yes, if we lower this, you know, the light bill. So your budget is like your mom.

She's there to say yes, when, if, after. So it's really a say yes plan, but one that's safely implemented so you can maintain the thing that you want, right? So you could call it a money list. That's what I usually start with because people hate that name. I like the name money list. What does a money list mean? A budget. Okay, I love this reframe because I hear the word budget and I hear no and restriction and you're saying

no. That the budget is how you say yes to what's important to you. Then it's not there actually to tell me no, it's there to find the yes in the safest way possible. So for somebody hearing you say that, and they're like, but I've never made a budget or I've never stuck to one, I don't know what my budget should be, like where do you begin? So one understanding Mel that your budget is a picture of your money flowing

in and flowing out. Okay. And so the picture that I like to take is a month. Okay. Let's take a month. Money in, money out. But is the list a list of everything in one month that is going out the door? Yes. And everything in the month that is coming in the door.

But there's a way that I like people to do it because you start to like mentally restrict yourself. If you just write everything down. Yes. And everything in the month that is coming in the door. But there's a way that I like people to do it because you start to like mentally restrict yourself if you just write everything down. Yes. Step one is to write everything down, just the words of what do I spend money on? Don't think about the month, just in general. So it's like, oh, the kids, oh, credit card,

oh, grooming, going out. Like just, I want you to just write the words. Don't think about the money, just words. Okay. So that's the first part. Step one. Yes, then step two is now you money, just words. Okay. So that's the first part. Step one. Yes.

Then step two is now you say these words on my money list, how much am I spending approximately monthly? Some stuff you'll know like your mortgage or your rent. Some stuff you might not be sure. Go pull out your bank statement and see on average the last few months how much you're spending on groceries or eating out or groomer. Electricity. Mm-hmm.

Or water. Yes. Or any of those things that you don't even really think, oh my god, I got that bill. Exactly. So then that's within a month frame on average, right? So that's step two. Then step three is to write down how much you make on average every month from all of your areas.

So maybe you get alimony, maybe you get child support, maybe you have a job, whatever that is, how much are you making monthly? Then you add up step four, you add up how much you're spending monthly and subtract it from how much you're making monthly. I call that the tears and tissue step because usually people get there and they're like, can I have a tissue? And should you do this with a friend? Yes.

So literally, so I, when I used to do one-on-ones, we would do all of that and people would be like, okay. And then I would literally just grab a box of tissues and just put it here, because I'm like, it's about the waterworks. It's common. Mm-hmm. They add it up.

I remember it was a nurse, oh, I'll never forget. I'll call her B. And I came to her house and it was beautiful condo. And so we did that step and she started crying. And then I started crying because baby, I'm a baby. And she was just like, I didn't realize how much over I was spending. And she said, as a matter of fact, I can't even afford the air condition.

That's all. Can I turn it off? And I was like, yes. So we sat with the fan on because she just turned on the air condition because I was coming over. So I was like, turn off the AC. A fan is fine. That tears and tissue step allows you to see what do you need to do now. And so let's say you've done that, right?

And you've made the money list and you see what's coming in and what's coming out. You're like faced with the reality. Tears and tissues. And you see that you are outspending every month what's actually coming in. What is the next step? The next step is I want you to categorize your expenses

before you get to slash and dashing, you know? And that's what people wanna do. I won't eat out, I won't. Yeah, I'm never gonna eat again. Never gonna turn the lights on in this house. Get the candles. No. So I'm like, categorize your expenses into three categories.

One, I want you to write a B next to all the bills on your list. So bills are, if you don't pay it, someone's going to come knocking on your door and say, where's my money? Right? Yeah. So put a B next to all those things. And give me an example. I know that sounds like a basic question, but is your mortgage a bill? Yes. Mortgage is a bill. Rent, car note, student loans. So if you don't pay, you're likely to be sued. Think about that. Gotcha, like when you're like standing at Walmart

or somewhere and you're like, yeah, I'd like 10% off this. And then you're like, oh wait, that's a credit card. Yes. That's a bill. Got it, okay. So be next to all your bills. Okay. And then, and those are really like fixed expenses.

So that way you understand, right? And then I want you to put a U in front of any beam that fluctuates based upon your usage. Oh, I love that. So I call these like the U stands for usage or utility. So your student loan does not have a U. Your mortgage or rent does not have a U. But the- Water.

Water. Electricity. So your usage- Yes, the data on your phone bill. Yes. And so it's important to separate those two because I want you to, you'll see that I want you to understand the level of control you have on these expenses. And whatever is not a B or UB, everything else is a C. C stands for cash or choice, meaning that you have full choice of how you spend here. So grooming might be left over,

groceries might be left over. How much eating out with friends. Yes. And so entertainment. And so now before you get to slashing, I want you to ask yourself, where's most of your money going? For many people, most of their money might be going to the B's and UB's. But for some people, it's actually all the C's. So then we have to identify, do you have a don't make enough issue or spend too much issue? And so if most of your money is going to the B's and UB's, you might not make enough. So it's not about slashing because these are your bills. But if most of your money is going to your C's, your choices and your cash expenses,

then you probably have a spend too much issue. So now we need to slash. Because entertainment and grocery and all those things where your money is going. Because what I find is that frugal people want to get more frugal when things are tight. I'm like, that's not the answer. Right.

You know, that instead, I want you to put your energy to learning how to earn more if all of your money's going to your bills. Because we're cutting the mortgage, what are we cutting? That's true. You know, one of the things that I worry about, I'd be curious to hear your perspective. I worry a lot about the fact that in today's world,

particularly for people who are in their 20s and 30s, that social media has become like shopping with a click. And you and I had to leave our house to go spend money back in the day. And when I think about TikTok or Instagram, every other freaking suggested thing has a shop now button. And stuff gets sent to your house. And have you seen a big increase, because you've been doing this for a while, in people in the spending category,

that spending has gotten so easy because of social media, it's always in your face, you always see what you're missing out on. There's an influencer that has the product for free who's like, this changed my life. And oh, click, click, click. It's 1130 at night. So do you see a spike in this? Or is it? Absolutely. Overconsumption is the new way. We all have so much that we don't need. I mean, even I sometimes I'm like, Tiffany, you do not need like another, like you don't even vacuum.

But that one is so cool. You know, and I'm like, but that one is so cool. You know, and I'm like, like this is influenced from who I follow, who I love her because so aesthetically pleasing. But you know the ones that were like everything in the kitchen is aesthetically pleasing. Yes, this is these Amazon shops. So they're like, click through to my Amazon thing.

So I got this all for free, but I'm gonna make money on you buying it. A container for the container. It's like, well, who wants to eat cereal out of a cereal box? We want to eat it out of an aesthetically pleasing glass container. Yes. Do I need an aesthetically pleasing? You don't. Yes. You know, so it is really hard.

Hi. Guilty. I do want to eat cereal out of an aesthetically pleasing glass container. Thank you, Tiffany, for calling me out. And don't you just love how she can make you laugh at yourself and also learn about the right thing to do with money at the exact same time? It's sort of like she's saying, you're smarter than that. And you're like, yeah, you're right. I am. I am. She is the real deal when it comes to getting your finances together and empowering yourself

in this important area of your life. And her episode is absolutely the one you need to listen to next if you haven't heard the whole thing, because budgeting is just the beginning. She was equally fantastic on all the other topics that she taught us about in that episode. She shares the five rules of money to help you build credit, pay off debt, increase your income, and have more money in the bank. credit, pay off debt, increase your income, and have more money in the bank. But even more than that, her episode is so deeply insightful and meaningful, it's going to surprise you. It will move you, and it will help you live a richer life.

And make sure you listen all the way until the end because there is a very surprising twist. Because Tiffany reflects on something personal and becomes very emotional. And she talks about the profound connection between your life, the role that money plays into it, and what actually matters. And I didn't play that part for you because it is so moving, and it comes at the end of this amazing and empowering episode that I really hope you will take the time to listen to and that you will share with the people that you love.

Because the end just hits you in the heart with this level of urgency about what's important in life. And it would be lost if I just played that part for you out of context right now. But like every other episode I mentioned today, the link to her full episode is waiting for you, like a gift. It's right in the description. You can click right on the link and on the title, and there is a gift that you can give to yourself. And you know who else is waiting for you? Our sponsors.

So let's take a quick listen to the amazing brands that bring you the Mel Robbins podcast, and then there'll be someone else waiting for you. Me? I'm going to be here waiting for you after a short break, because we are jumping into something really fun next. You do not want to miss this. Body language secrets.

You're going to learn how to look and feel more confident in seconds. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins, and I am so thrilled that you are here with me today. I'm sharing some of the best expert advice that we've had in the last 12 months on this podcast. My favorites, your favorites. Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends. Now, you just learned how to make a money list from Tiffany Aliche. You've also learned how to stop anxiety

with Harvard's Dr. Luana Marquez. You've also learned how to reset your health in 10 days with world-renowned Dr. Mark Hyman. Next up, our fourth expert is Janine Driver. She's a body language expert who gave so many tips on how to spot when someone is lying to you. I lost count. Janine Driver was trained by the FBI and the CIA.

She has been in every single newsroom from 60 minutes to CNN because they have this woman on speed dial to analyze the body language of the world's most notorious criminals, politicians, and celebrities. I'm sure you've seen her on TV because she's an expert who can tell you based on body language whether or not you can trust someone

and who's lying. I love her incredibly inspiring, entertaining, and surprising take on how you can build confidence and be smarter about the subconscious signals that other people are sending you all day long. And boy, did you love what she shared about how to decode body language. In fact, her episode of the Mel Robbins podcast is one of our most popular episodes that we've published on YouTube.

And there were so many moments in particular that you could not stop watching and sharing. And so I want to highlight one specific tip first that she told you, which is a hack to make you look more confident. Here's Janine Driver explaining this body language trick that I want you to steal. One is I'm doing it now, if you're seeing me,

it's called steepling. It's fingertips to fingertips, making like a church steeple. When we steeple people, we intimidate people. The higher the steeple, the more intimidation. So it's a sign of confidence, so a nice church steeple. When we steeple people, we intimidate people. The higher the steeple, the more intimidation. So it's a sign of confidence. So a nice low steeple, especially if you're a woman in a meeting

and men are like over talking you, instead of saying, let me finish with a palm down gesture, like you're the police on a raid and telling people to get on the ground. If you just lean back and steeple someone else at the table will quiet down the people who are interrupting you. So when we steeple people, we intimidate people. It's a sign of confidence.

When we steeple people, we intimidate people. Janine, I love that tip and I want to go even deeper into it. If you're listening to me right now and you're not watching on YouTube, let me just explain this because I want to be sure that you got this. Janine is placing the fingertips of both hands together. So you can do this by just put your palms together, almost like you're praying, and now keep your fingertips together and spread the actual hands and your palms apart, right?

So you're arching your hands so that the tips of the fingers look like a church steeple. Got it? Good. And now the next time you're with your boss or your professor or someone is talking over you or a jerk who isn't giving you the respect that you need or you're on your first date with that person

you met on hinge, just lean back and do the steeple. Now I love the steeple, but Janine was just getting warmed up. Here's another fantastic tip that she shared with you for displaying confidence. You're going to use this one when you walk into a room, or when you're sitting at a table or a desk. Janine wants you to think of one of the Avengers.

So let's jump back into the episode for this next tip on how to look and display more confidence. You pull your shoulders back, it's actually uncomfortable and you're not going to look weird. Instead, I want you to think like, like Tony Stark, right? Iron Man. Iron Man. He's got this circle orb that keeps him alive on his chest. Right. I want you to imagine you have that in the center of your chest and a laser beam shoots out of it. If that laser beam, based on your posture, is going to hit the ground, then you're being Clark Kent.

If you want to be Superman, where the wall meets the ceiling is a confident feeling. So you just want to take that laser beam and lift your chest to where the wall meets the ceiling. Okay. Relax your shoulders. Relax those. Yeah, much better. And as you're walking, you change how you are perceived. Oh my gosh.

I love this stuff. Where the wall meets the ceiling is a confident feeling. I don't know about you, but I got my chest up. That orb, that Iron Man thing, I'm pointing it up where the wall meets the ceiling. It feels great. You gotta try this. And guess what?

Janine's not done. Because while she's busy teaching you and I how to steeple and how to put the orb up toward the ceiling, she is now gonna move right into lying and how you can tell if people are lying to you. Don't you wanna know that? I sure do. She said people are lying to you

when they use a technique called eye blocking. And I want you to hear about what eye blocking is from Janine Driver. And in order to set up this clip, especially if you're listening to this, I just want to tell you that in the clip, she's going to be using the example of a cell phone. And so if you're listening, just picture her using a cell phone. And when she makes this reference about a cell phone that she has in her hand, she's going to mention a screensaver. You know that thing that happens

where all of a sudden the lock screen comes on your phone and then you've got to put your password in to unlock it? That's what she's referring to, okay? So let's hear Janine describe what eye blocking is and how you know if someone's lying. So here's eye blocking. Eye blocking, I have an iPhone right here, right? So I have to enter my code to get access to my cell phone. Eye blocking is you are putting up the code to inside your brain that you don't want people to have access to information that's inside your brain. So eye blocking can be, I put my hand over my eyes,

I could be adjusting my hat, I could be breaking the eye contact. I'm looking away. And so eye blocking happens under high stress and high anxiety. People will block. When they talk, they break eye contact a lot. So eye blocking is there's something I don't want you to see right now. And I'm putting up my screensaver. And unless you have the code, which I'm going to give to you again, say maybe I'm wrong here. It seems to me there's something you're uncertain about.

You can simply say, I call it MIW formula. Maybe I'm wrong. You know, maybe I'm wrong here, Mel, but it seems to me or it feels to me that you're uncertain about something. And then let the person say, well, yeah. Thank you, Janine. Now we know what to look for. And I'll tell you one of the big things

that this has had on my life in terms of the impact. I make sure I don't do it. You know, I think oftentimes you hear these tips and you constantly are scanning everybody else. You wanna make sure that you're also not breaking eye contact, that you're not eye blocking, so that you convey trust and authority. Now, if you love these tips, you can listen to all of the interview with Janine after you finish listening to this episode, which again, linked in the description with all the episodes that

we've mentioned so far. And because she has so many tips, I really, really encourage you to check that out when you have some time. Because you're going to learn, for example, why you should grab your chin during a high-level meeting. You'll learn the million-dollar question that you should ask at the end of every single interview and why you should never sit directly across from someone on a first date. Ooh, that's kind of interesting. I wonder why not. You're going gonna find out. Okay, the final and fifth piece of advice

that you loved from the experts on the Mel Robbins podcast. This last one was delivered by one of my favorite guests, and she also happens to be my mother-in-law. Judy Robbins is an 86-year-old powerhouse, and I guarantee you what she does in a day runs circles around what you or I do in a week. She has more energy than a 16-year-old, and she's smart as a whip,

and the woman still wears a bikini. She is so physically fit that I embarrass myself when I stand next to her in a bar class because she always has heavier weights than I do, and I sweat more than she does. You absolutely loved Judy. You loved this episode. You wanted more and more and more from her

and her secrets to living a long, happy, healthy, fulfilling, purposeful, and fun life. You just watched them over and over on YouTube. And one of the things that she talked about that really struck a chord was specific things that she talked about that really struck a chord was specific things that she's done to avoid loneliness, even though she's been a widower for more than 20 years.

Now, you wanted to know all about her daily routines. In particular, you kept playing this clip about her morning routine over and over and over again. So here is my 86-year-old mother-in-law, Judy Robbins, telling you what she does in the morning. And I have no doubt you will live longer and be happier if you do this too. What's a day in the life of Judy Robbins look like?

You wanna know specifically? Yeah, what time do you wake up? I wake up very early because I'm old. And you do when you're, when you're, when you get old, you wake up? I wake up very early because I'm old and you do when you're when you're when you get old you wake up too early. I have a sauna in my house. Yep. So I go downstairs I turn my sauna on. Then I make myself water and the orange you know know, 1000, you know, those packets. Oh, you have an emergency? Yeah.

Okay. I have an emergency in water. Okay. Vitamin C blast. Then I make myself a nice latte. Yeah. I get back in bed. Oh, God.

Okay. I have, I can do that now, you know. I don't have kids running around. And then I go through my mail. In bed? Yeah, on my phone. You go through your mail on your phone? Yeah.

Oh, you mean your email? Yeah. You are doing the exact opposite of what I tell people to do, by the way. Keep going. And I play one hand a bridge. On your phone? Yeah, on my phone. It's a practice hand.

Okay. I never seem to win, but I play it every morning. Then I go downstairs. I get in the sauna. I have a mantra that I've actually it's a fairly new mantra that I've learned from a woman up here, which is mind blowing. And what's your new mantra? Are you allowed to share it? Sure.

It's called saamana. And they sing it first. They go, Satamana, Satamana. And they do that for probably 25 times, and then they whisper it. Satamana. And then they do it silently in your head. And while you're doing it, you use your hands. What do you do with your hands? Sa ta ma na. Oh, so you do the fingertips. Sa ta ma na.

And you touch your first finger, then the second to your thumb. Now the woman that teaches it here in Manchester, she's a yoga teacher, but she has taught this all over the world to people with Alzheimer's and dementia and has actually proven that she can stimulate your brain if you continually do that every single day. Well, I don't doubt it. I mean, if you listen to some of the brain experts, you're basically talking about what I believe is called, I'm gonna forget the name, it's neurobics, where you are combining a intentional thought

with a physical movement. Oh, okay. And it's one of the fastest ways to create new neural pathways. It's a whole field of study called NeuroBix, and that's what you're doing. That's what I'm doing. You're basically pairing intentional thought with a physical movement of touching each one of your fingers to your thumb.

Yeah. And what do you notice when you do it for yourself personally? I don't know. I think I'm convincing myself that I'm remembering more things. I don't know. It's all in your mind, right? It is true. Or it's not in your mind.

Okay, so then after the sauna, what do you do? Then I come upstairs and I make myself a kombucha, apple cider vinegar, and a fresh squeezed orange juice. Okay, like all together. Yeah. That's one thing. That's one thing. That's similar to the farmer's swish, switzle, swishle, something switzle, switcher, something

like that, that my grandmother used to drink and my mom drinks, which is hot water, apple cider vinegar, a little bit of honey, and some lemon. Well, you have to mix apple cider vinegar with something because it tastes terrible. Yes. Okay, so now we've got our day done. And no, then I go and walk for five miles. Okay, now this I think is really important.

How long have you walked five miles a day? Well, I used to run. I used to be a runner. Yeah. And I think I stopped running, I don't know, when I was like 75. Talk about a casual brag. I mean, the woman is always flexing

and not just her biceps. I stopped running when I was 75. I think I stopped running when I was 35. I mean, I'm just like, oh my gosh, woman, isn't her routine amazing? I know you loved it because you wrote more comments about it than almost any other episode in the last 12 months.

And it was one of those episodes where almost every single person who listened stayed until the very, very end of it. That's how much you loved it. And look, you don't always stay until the end. That's cool, I know you got things to do. I still love you,'t always stay until the end. That's cool. I know you got things to do. I still love you, but you stayed until the end for Judy. And I know why you did. Because it was the advice that she gave at the end of the episode about purpose and meaning that really hit you.

It was incredible. And you were taken by surprise. In this clip, you're going to hear me ask her, And by surprise, in this clip, you're going to hear me ask her, what do you do when you're at a point in your life where you feel really lonely? And I thought her answer was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard. Take a listen. We have a lot of people that write into this show who say they have no one and If you were to talk directly to somebody who feels like They don't have anyone who loves them in their life because I'm always surprised by the number of people who write in about this What would your advice be about how to get started?

without a skipping a beat, I would start by taking the hospice training and go and take care of somebody. Because who you take care of is going to give you love and is going to make you feel so good about yourself. Even if you don't have your neighbor or your friend, if they don't love you, the person that you are taking care of will love you. It makes a very big difference. I've been doing hospice for over 40 years. And, you know, people say, I don't know how you do that. You know, these people are dying. It is the most rewarding thing that you can

do. And, you know, your husband does it. Yeah. What do you get out of it? A tremendous feeling of satisfaction that I've contributed to somebody's life. You know, like Judy. Like I went and saw her this morning. And even if I only spend an hour, this is a very good friend, as you know, of mine, who has Parkinson's. You know, if I only came in for, this is a very good friend, as you know, of mine, who has Parkinson's.

You know, if I only came in for 15 minutes, she's grateful. You know? You just have to make the time. You can't say that you're too busy. And so, for the people that feel very lonely that don't have anybody that love them, they can create love by taking care of somebody else. That is such beautiful advice, because we do start to look outside ourselves and look for other people to fill a need.

And what you're saying is the truth. Fill it for yourself first, and the way to bring more love into your life is to give it to a perfect stranger and being part of the hospice community. That's an incredible piece of advice. So how do you stay young at heart? What do you think that's about? Well, I go back again about living in the moment. And I don't take any day for granted that I have. I mean, I'm really grateful for every day I have. Yeah. And that's the only thing I can say. I mean, I think most people live their lives like,

well, of course they'll be tomorrow. There was yesterday, they'll be tomorrow. They'll be next week. I can do this, I can do that. Well, who's to say? We have a friend who just was on his motorcycle, bingo. Yeah. So that keeps me positive, because I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. First of all, I have a fabulous life. I have an incredible family, all these grandchildren.

I'm not sick, you know, I'm healthy. I have all my knees and all my hips. So, I'm very grateful. You have what you have right now at the moment and don't expect anything more. And I think people live in a lot of disappointment because they think about what they'd like to have or what their neighbor has or something other than what they have this moment. And that creates the stress because if there's something out there that you want and you don't have it, that's stress in itself. Be thankful what you do have. Don't think about what you wish you had. I'll always remember, and I think this is true of every little, every child. My mother used to say,

you know, you're going to wish your life away. Because we'd say, oh, I wish I could have. I wish I could do. I wish I could go. You know, as a child, we're always wishing. She'd say, you're going to wish your life away. Well, what are you wishing for? Just be grateful for what you have right this minute. [♪ Music Fades Out.

Don't wish your life away. Stop wishing for everything that you don't have and focus on what you do have, whether it's your health or family or a good friend or a roof over your head or the ability to listen to this podcast, the time to be here with me right now. That's something to be grateful for. I know I'm so grateful that you're spending time with me right now. And you know what else I'd be really grateful for?

I'd love to know how you're going to incorporate what you learned today into your life. If you're listening on Spotify or YouTube, just drop a note in the comments below and tell me. If you're listening on Apple or another platform, you can tell me how you're gonna use what you learned today in the review that you leave. Tell us what you learned and please tell me what you loved.

And if you've got someone in your life that came to mind while you were listening to one of the five experts today, please share this episode with them. I don't know about you, but my family and my friends, they don't listen to me. So I often find that I'm sharing these episodes with my family and my friends because I figure they're going to listen to the experts. Let this show and all the episodes that you love be that resource for you. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you

that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And now you got five amazing pieces of advice to help you do it. So go do it and I'll talk to you in a few days. Do they know that we are taping? I have no idea. It's probably Oak. Hold on a second.

Can you go back down, up to the top? The trick? Okay. Oh my God. Sorry. I'm just so talked out. Is that clear, Aime? Okay.

Well, thanks, Aime. Okay. You're right in the pocket, the way it sounded. Well, thanks, Aime. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh. Oh. Whew. Sorry, I'm just like super, I don't know what today.

Absolutely. Thank you. Woo. Woo. Woo. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys.

Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.