The Mel Robbins Podcast - Are You the Driver in Your Life or Just the Passenger?

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Today’s episode is a trip. I can’t wait to introduce you to my favorite metaphor - a road trip - to inspire you to have more fun and enjoy the ride on this thing called life. After all, life is a journey. And no one’s path is exactly the same.  So today, I’m asking you to think about this road trip called life.  And I’m going to be asking you to consider some thought-provoking questions: Are you the driver or the passenger of your life? Are you even on the right road?  Do you need to pick a new direction?  Are you heading where you want to go, but speeding so fast you can’t enjoy the ride? Is it time to update the road trip playlist (in your head)? And most importantly, what lies on the road ahead?  Whether you’ve just graduated, you’re an empty nester, or you’re somewhere in between, this episode is the perfect gift to send to absolutely everyone in your life. Change is scary, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m here to help you navigate the road ahead.  This episode will empower you to take the wheel in your life. Because you, my friend, have choices.  And there’s a million ways to get to where you want to go. The best days of your life are ahead. I believe that, and after you embrace the opportunity of this road trip called life, you’ll believe it too!  Xo Mel Check out research and other resources at melrobbins.com/podcast.And if you want to start owning your mornings, join my free Wake Up Challenge. In this episode, you’ll learn: 1:00: You’re often asking me about my career history, well here it is!3:00: What does reinvention mean anyway?6:00: The #1 piece of advice to remember before you reinvent your life.8:45: 90% of the questions coming into my inbox are about this.9:40: This is my favorite metaphor when it comes to demystifying life’s journey.12:45: When you are stuck or you’re going through hell, do this first.14:15: What happens when life doesn't go the way you expected it to?17:30: When sh*t happens in your life, please don’t do this.18:30: Embrace these two truths about life, you’ll tap into your power.20:30: Do this activity to start loving the most important person in your life.22:00: What do you do when your life feels “blah” and uninspiring?26:45: Don’t miss these science-backed steps to create more excitement!31:45: I texted this study from Laura Vanderkam to all my parent friends.35:30: Your relationship to time is always going to be about this.36:15: This study with university students doesn’t make sense logically.40:00: Denise was thinking about this for 20 YEARS; listen to what happened. Want me to answer your question on the podcast? Submit it here. Want more help with your dreams? Listen to “Your Dreams Are Not a Joke” and “Goal-Setting Toolkit.” Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel. And today, you and me, we're going on a little road trip on the Mel Robbins podcast. Let's do this thing. Okay, can you tell I got fuel in the tank today, baby? That's right. I have enthusiasm in my voice because today, you and I are talking about a topic I absolutely love. And that topic is reinvention.

I'm inviting you to climb in beside me and reimagine the road ahead. And by the end of our conversation today, you're going to feel inspired to take the wheel of your own life and turn it in an exciting new direction. Now, I have a ton of experience with reinvention because I've done it dozens of times in my own life and career. And sometimes, I've been forced to reinvent myself because I've been fired. Or somebody I was dating turned and said, I don't love you anymore. I've had to reinvent myself when I was struggling financially and couldn't pay my bills.

And then there were those times when I was just tired of where I was, where I was sick of what I was doing, or honestly, kind of disgusted with who I'd become. And I knew deep down I was meant for more. And it was time to find the courage to stop thinking about what I wanted and actually take the steps to make the reinvention come true. For example, you know me right now as a New York Times bestselling author, an award-winning podcast host. But there were at least 19 different pit stops, detours, and wrong turns on the road of life

along the way that led me here. Like, for example, I waitressed and bartended throughout college and law school. That's probably where I got my gift for gab. My first real career was as a criminal defense attorney for legal aid, which ignited my passion for wanting to help people. I then worked in a corporate law firm, which of course made me feel like my soul was slowly dying. My husband and I opened a paint your own pottery studio as a little side hustle, and that ignited my thirst for being a small business owner.

During the first.com boom in 1999, I jumped into digital marketing. Then I trained as a life coach with a professor at MIT. And it was around that time that I started hosting a radio show. That led to me becoming a legal commentator for CNN. And then suddenly, my speaking career took off by complete accident. I became a writer and an author. I hosted a daytime talk show at CBS. I launched a production company that is partnered with Audible Starbucks and LinkedIn

and created all kinds of cool projects. And now I'm a podcast host. And this is just the things that I've reinvented in my career. You and I don't have enough time today for me to introduce you to all the various evolutions of Mel Schneberger Robbins. And that brings me to your first takeaway. Reinvention. It's not about fixing something that's wrong. Reinvention is an opportunity. It's an opportunity for you to tap into your desires and to lean into your curiosity and to find the courage to turn your life and career into exciting new directions. Because as much as I love where I am right now in life, I love living in Vermont and I love love talking to you twice a week through the show. I'm sure I'm going to reinvent my life

in my career on the road ahead again. And today you're going to learn how to get started on doing that for yourself. And here's another takeaway that I'm going to give you right up front. You are never starting from zero. See, you're starting with experience. Everything that you have done on the road of life, or everything that you've learned so far, it's going to help you with what you do next. And that's important because there is a flame inside of you. And as you're listening to the Mel Robbins podcast, I know exactly what's happening because you're writing to me about it. This flame inside of you, it's getting bigger and it's shining brighter. And yes, you do

have the power to create a better life for yourself. You do deserve to be happier. And you, my friend, you are capable of not only dreaming big, you are capable of putting your head down and doing the work to make it happen. And that's why I'm so excited about this episode, because I'm going to give you an incredible metaphor that will help you understand the topic of reinvention for your own life. And you're going to hear me coach other listeners throughout this podcast so that you have the step-by-step method for doing it for yourself. And please listen all the way to the end, because I'm not only going to give you the step-by-step guide to doing it. I'm going to leave you with a full tank of gas.

You see, there's a woman named Denise that you're going to hear at the very end of this conversation today. You have to hear her story. Do you know she has been thinking about turning her life in a certain direction for 20 years. And after simply learning everything I'm about to share with you, she's not only made the change, but in a matter of months, a whole new career has materialized. The freedom in her voice, it's available to you. And you'll be inspired, especially hearing from her, to create that same kind of happiness and success in your own life. Alright, you ready?

It's time for our road trip to begin, with a question from a listener named Sarah. Here we go. Hey Mel, it's Sarah. Can you talk about starting over at 40 and being terrified doing it, I turned 40 last year and my life is not okay. I've been in a toxic marriage for 11 years with a man who also has a lot of health problems. Hashtag guilt. I was laid off from a job I loved and I have gained a crazy amount of weight.

That's just the icing on the cake. I don't even know where to start. I don't even know if I have ever been truly happy. I would love to hear your advice on this topic. I want the second act of my life to be amazing. Help me Mel, thank you to Sarah for doing the work for all of us. And I want to say one thing out of the gate. Sarah said that she is terrified of starting over. First of all, everybody, you're never starting over.

You're always starting from experience. This is so important for you to understand. Just because you got laid off, just because you've ended a relationship, you're not starting from scratch. You have all the experiences good and bad in your life that you can now use to reinvent and reimagine what the next chapter of your life looks like next. And I'm seeing the same question that Sarah is asking,

whether it's those of you in your 20s that are writing and you've graduated from college and you have no idea how to begin creating the next chapter of your life or you're writing in at the age of 33 and like Sarah, you've been laid off from your job. In fact, it seems like everywhere I go, at some point, everybody's kind of leaning over going, yeah, we just went through layoffs. So you're not alone, or maybe you're on the other side of this, because so many people got laid off, you actually have been promoted.

But now you're freaking out because you feel like you're an imposter in this role and you're not capable of handling it. Or perhaps you're 55, seeing a lot of these kinds of questions, Mel. I am now an empty nester. I want this next chapter of my life to be incredible and I'm starting to look at my spouse now that the kids are gone and I'm like Or maybe you just met the love of your life and it's unbelievable But you are worried terrified in fact that you're gonna screw it up So I want to talk about Sarah's question globally

Because she's not the only one who's feeling kind of scared about this notion of what this next chapter might be. She's the word terrified. You don't have to be terrified. This is one of the greatest opportunities of your life. So if you want to change, you either want to step into your power when good things are happening, or you want to just look out on the road ahead and create an exciting new possibility for yourself, you are listening to the exact thing that you need to hear.

Now 90% of the questions that I'm getting right now are about the topic of reinvention. How do I reinvent myself? How do I reinvent my life? You may not be using that word. I mean, Sarah didn't, but that is exactly what you and I are going to talk about today. Because I want you to imagine

a brand new possibility for your life. And if you, like Sarah, can say, I want to be happy. I want the next chapter of my life to be amazing. If you can just even start there, all you have to do is start to think about what kind of a map do you need in order to chart a course to make that possibility that you see for your life a reality. And I love this topic of reinvention. I love it, love it, love it because I have this metaphor that I've been using for years when it comes to understanding reinvention. And what is the metaphor?

The metaphor that I use is a road trip. That's right. Life is one big road trip. And we're going to use this metaphor of a road trip to demystify the entire concept and process of reinventing yourself or reinventing your life. And for those of you that have listened to my number one ranked audio series on Audible called Rein called ReInvent Your Life. You have heard me talk about this metaphor. And this is such a powerful concept because the fact is, life is a journey. It's one big road trip. And for too many of us, that road trip is boring and monotonous and I want your life to be the most exciting, exhilarating,

amazing road trip that you could possibly imagine. And every single year of your life is another mile marker on this twisting, amazing journey called life. For me, I'm at mile marker 54. That is how far down the road I am. And it's a useful exercise to think about it that way. Because when I say to you, hey, I'm at mild marker 54. That tells me that there's a lot of road that I've covered behind me, but guess what? There is a huge open road ahead of me. And when you take responsibility for charting that course

of where that open road is gonna lead you, you take control of your life. That's what reinvention is all about. It's about creating a map, picking a destination, and charting your course on this road called life. And here's what's exciting about that. You get to choose. You get to choose how fast you're going to drive, whether you're going to take the highway, whether you're going to twist and turn, where you want to go next. And so Sarah's

question was, Mel, where do I start? We're gonna start by pulling over. And the reason why we're gonna start by just mentally pulling over together for a second is because Sarah is literally describing her life as if she is driving through a hellish, heavy rainstorm with hail dropping down. I mean, between the toxic husband and the way she's put on and getting laid off from her dream job, it's holy smokes.

It's like rain and sideways in your life right now, Sarah, but that's okay. That's okay because we know that the rain doesn't last forever. We know that on the road ahead, there are going to be sunny skies and there's going to be big fluffy clouds and all kinds of amazing views. And you can make it through this rainstorm. And so here's what we're going to do, though. You can't possibly assess where you're going until you pull over for a second and you reflect on where you're at right now.

And more importantly, where do you want to go next? I mean, think about the last time you got lost. When you get lost, is driving around help you find yourself? No, you got to pull over, you got to figure out where you are, you got to consult the mile marker, you got to look for landmarks, and then you got to figure it, okay, where am I going next? And so pulling over is a mental strategy. Visualize yourself right now. Just pull in off the roto life onto the side for a second because you need that break for just a second. You need to hit the pause if you've been dealing with financial stress

or you've been dealing with health issues because by pulling over for just a second, you're acknowledging what Sarah is saying. You're going to hit the pause button on your life as it is right now, and we're going to take a second to collect ourselves, and then we're going to figure out the destination and where we want to go next. Now that we're pulled over, we're going to talk about the next step to reinvention. And we'll do that when we come back.

Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. We are talking about the topic of reinvention and we're using the metaphor of a road trip. And what happens on a road trip? Well, a lot of times you break down, a lot of times you get a flat tire, a lot of times there is a detour

and life is not going according to your plan. And that is exactly what has happened to a listener named Jen. Hi, Mel, it's Jen. I'm struggling going through a breakup and it's hard because I thought I found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was very happy and I guess I thought I found my person, but this breakup is just affecting me with work and it's just a struggle. It's just a daily struggle to get up and a daily struggle to

get dressed, I would just love some advice. Thank you for being so honest about what you're dealing with. And what you're dealing with right now is a detour on the road trip called life. That is what this is. And all detours in life, whether it is a breakup or it's the death of somebody that you love or losing a job or just anything that happens,

that can happen in life, just anything that happens that takes you off the route that you thought you were going to go down. And in those moments, it is important to pull over. It is important to feel sad and to let those emotions rise up. But you can't stay in that place. You can't allow it. You know, if you get a flat tire, if you get into an accident, what do you do? You pull over, you fix the car, and you move forward. And that's what you have to do now. You have spent enough time being said. You have spent enough time lamenting what happened. You have spent enough time looking in the rear view mirror at this relationship. If you're somebody that is looking backwards, you're looking at the past, you're looking at the road behind you. And you're spending way too much of your time and your energy, wishing things were different. Feeling sad about the miles

that you've that you've already been down and that you wish you had done something different, you wish you would have ended up, you wish that here at 24, you would have majored in a different thing because that, whatever it is that you're doing that involves the rearview mirror, stop because you're not going that way. Think about the road trip analogy. Does a car on a road trip drive forward down the road? Or do you go on a road trip by driving backwards? Are you getting my point? There's a reason why the windshield in a car is so much bigger than the rear view mirror.

You're not going backwards and you can't drive forward if you're always staring in the rear view mirror. And so you did the right thing by feeling sad. You did the right thing by pulling over, but now it's time for you to look out the windshield and look at the road ahead. And here's what I want you to do. Stop and look at the open road. Imagine if this detour that just happened, somebody that you're in love with broke up with you. That sucks. There's no way around it. It totally sucks just like getting a flat tire sucks. So what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Well, I'll tell you what I don't want you to do, because this is why you can't get out of bed. You are telling yourself that this happened because there's something wrong with you. You're telling yourself that this happened because you're not

worthy, because you're not good enough. And that is complete bullshit. You want to know why this happened? Let's go back to our road trip. This happened because every single one of us has a completely unique and deeply personal journey that we take on this thing called life. And I choose to believe that whatever detour hits you, it is aligned with what's meant for you. I also deeply believe that the best years of my life are on the road ahead. And if you can embrace those two truths that every detour in life that does not go according to plan, it's not what you wanted. And there have been so many detours in my life that have been painful,

but I can see now how they were aligned with pushing me in the direction I needed to go, giving me the lessons that were aligned with my purpose or the things that I needed to learn in order to make the years ahead even better, even happier, even more purposeful. You have to tell yourself that because what's the alternative? The alternative is you feeling like a victim. You feeling as though you're never good enough. Nothing's ever going to work out. Bullshit. This detour is not something you wanted. This detour is going to open you up to something that you needed. I swear to God, when you

start to think like that, when you grab the wheel of your life, when you take responsibility, not for the detour, but for how you're going to navigate what happens next, that's when you tap into your power and you can do that gen. This isn't about some guy breaking your heart. This is about you discovering how to love yourself. So here's what I want you to do. Clearly, you believe that finding your person is something that you need to do. So on a piece of paper, write down all the things that this person does for you. How do they make you

feel? What are some of the things that they do for you? The kind of person that you're going to fall madly, deeply in love with. Now, all those things that you write down, do them for yourself. That is what this detour is trying to teach you, Jen, that the one person that you need to truly love and truly be in a relationship with, your person, so to speak, you already found that person, and it's you. And so I think that this detour is giving you the breakdown you needed so that you could strengthen your relationship with yourself. That's why this happened.

And when you can think the years ahead, you, my friend, reinvent everything. All right, next up, we have a question from a listener about feeling blah. And I know you're going to relate to this, but first we got to hit the brakes, because I can only bring you this show at zero cost because of our sponsors. So let's hear a word from them them and then we'll be right back. Welcome back. My name is Mel Robbins. I'm so excited you're here because we're talking about the road trip called life. How you navigate it, how you chart a new course, picking the proper destination to go to

next, and most importantly, having the kind of attitude that the best years of your life are on the road ahead, and at any single moment, you can make a decision to take the wheel of your life and turn it in a new direction. And that brings me to our next question from a listener named McKenna. Hey, Mel, it's McKenna. My question for you is, what do you do when you feel blah?

Everything is fine, life is going your way, nothing bad is happening, but all of a sudden you're stuck in the limbo of feeling absolutely nothing and laxed aesicle. It can last a few minutes or even days. How do you push through and keep on keeping on? Right now, I want to withdraw from the world and recluse, but I have a family and young kids that I don't get to see much because of my work schedule, so the time I have is very precious and I'd rather not spend it a gloomy guess. Have you felt like this before?

What do you do to get out of it? Thank you for everything. Mckanna. Oh boy am I glad you asked me this question because there is no way in hell I am going to let you stay in that gloss base. And you just asked if I've ever felt that way before. Of course I have. This is so normal to have periods of your life where you feel blah, where you feel laxidaisical, where you just kind of have no energy. And there are a lot of words

for this. People describe this as feeling stuck, being in survival mode, and coming out of the last two to three years that we've had, researchers have given it the label, language. It's just sort of this, like, nothing's really wrong, but nothing's really right. You don't really have any enthusiasm. If I go back to our metaphor about life being one big long road trip, the way that I would describe it is that you're just on Autopilot right now. That's right. Cruise control is on You're rolling down the road of life

You're exhausted. You're trying just to get to the next mile marker. Well, guess what? There's really, really good news here. And the first thing that I want to acknowledge you for is that you've already checked the box on step one for changing this situation. And that is you recognize it. Seriously, it's really important if you relate to what McKenna's saying, or you're going through the motions in life,

you're just sort of on autopilot, you're not really paying attention, nothing's wrong, nothing's right, you're kind of blah, you're kind of bored. Step one is you got to check the box and say boom, that's me, I'm on autopilot and I don't want to be on autopilot anymore. Step two, you have to look ahead at that open road and you must intentionally figure out a specific destination that makes you excited to drive toward it. One of my fondest memories from childhood was the summer that my father rented a motorhome and we did a cross-country family road trip to hit as many national parks as we could. And the big destination that my dad was like super excited about was we were going to

reach Yellowstone. And we were going to stay at that big lodge at Yellow about was we were going to reach Yellowstone and we were going to stay at that big lodge at Yellowstone and we were going to be able to see Old Faithful. So I remember, you want to know why that road trip was so exciting? It was because we always had something on the road ahead to look forward to whether it was the world famous corn palace, which was a stop or wall drug or Mount Rushmore, we were inching our way toward the big destination, Yellowstone. But along the way, there were all these cool things on the road ahead that we were excited to check out.

You need that in your life. And now some of this analogy is starting to make sense, right? Because if you're staring in the rearview mirror, that's not exciting. You're not heading in that direction. If you look out at the open road, and you don't see anything in front of you that you're excited about, that's a problem. And so here's the solution as counterintuitive as it may seem. When you look out on the open road, and for me, I always like to go and time travel about two years ahead, because I think in 24 months,

you can chip away and make just about anything happen. That's plenty of time for you to start working toward something new. You have to get intentional about where you're headed next, about that destination, about your Yellowstone, which had always been a dream of my father's to take his family there. And there is something that you dream about, and it's time to start dreaming big again, especially if you're feeling blah, and that there are three reasons why you have to pick

a new destination. And these are the same three reasons why having dreams matter. I've got super cool research to share with you about why this is so important when it comes to your life and to your energy and to purpose and meaning and enjoying this road trip called life. Number one, big dreams, a new destination that you're going to head towards, having something out on the horizon that you're looking forward to that you're working toward, it creates energy in your life, which is something that you're clearly missing. I can hear it in your voice, McKenna. It creates excitement. It gives you something to look forward to. It gives you a goal to work toward. And when you have this sort of destination out there on the road ahead, just picking your

head up out of the monotony of your day-to-day life, it creates momentum. And that forward momentum right out the front on the road ahead, that's so important, because that's missing for you right now, isn't it? When you see more of the same, same old, same old, you got to create an epic road trip. And speaking of a new destination, a destination like a yellow stone, something out there two years ahead of now, it changes the way you see the world right now. It's very similar to opening up the aperture on a camera to let more light in.

New destinations on the road of life open you up to more possibilities in your life. Things are hard right now. I get it. You got a lot on your plate. Well guess what? Two years from now, you can change just about anything. And when you start to open up to bigger dreams, you start to retrain and reshape your outlook, your mind, your attitude, to be bigger and better

and more exciting than what you're dealing with right now. The third thing that happens when you get very serious about grabbing that wheel and cranking it toward a new destination, you're gonna suddenly, suddenly, see all kinds of possibility and changes that you could make. See, this is the part where that blah feeling, it goes away really quickly. And I'm going to give you an example and then I want to talk about some research about why adding something exciting on the road ahead fixes that feeling of being on autopilot and shakes you free from that heavy, blah language that you're in.

Have you ever noticed that the moment that you plan a vacation, let's say you're going to take the kids to Disney, you're going to get away, you immediately feel better. You're not even on vacation. Research shows that when you plan something like that, you get two bites at the excitement apple. The first one is just planning it and having that trip to Disney out on the road ahead because now you're excited because you're looking forward to it. And the second like boost that you get is when you actually go on the vacation. do it. And the second like boost that you get is when you actually go on the vacation. But the reason why it's so powerful to have something out in the future is just think about how it impacts you before you go away. You're not even there yet. It's a week before

you're going to board the plane with your kids and go down to Disney and you walk into work on a Monday. Your boss can pile work up to your eyeballs. Do you care? I'll think so. Why? Because Disney is in your future. And that's pretty cool. So even the demands of your current day to day blood draining life, they don't get you down. Why? Because on the road ahead, you got something pretty cool. That trip just planning it, just visualizing it, just thinking about what's in your future. It boosts your mood. It picks your thoughts up. It even helps you be more productive. And this is all simply because you intentionally put something

out in the future, a new destination that makes you excited. That's why this matters so much. And here's the other thing. I know what you're thinking right now. Mel, I don't have time for this shit. A new destination, a trip to Disney. I barely, I work so much, I barely see my kids. Well, I gotta, I work so much, I barely see my kids. Well, I got to hit you with some

research because particularly when you're exhausted and overwhelmed and it feels like something needs to give, guess what? We tend to feel like we just need a break from it all. But the research proves something very counterintuitive. Because when you're overwhelmed like McKenna is, when you're feeling checked out, blah, you're on autopilot, cruise control, you're just kind of zoned out in life, do you know what you need? You need engagement. You need to add energizing activities to your schedule.

And when you do that, something miraculous happens. You feel like you have more time. I know this is bananas, but let me just kind of unpack this study for you. This was done by Laura Vandercam. She writes about it in this essay in the New York Times. There's a better way to reclaim your time than quiet quitting. She did a study in 2021 where she worked with

super busy people just like you, who feel exhausted and tapped out. The people in her study said things like, life feels very chaotic with so many different balls in the air. Same. My work to do list is never ending. I bet you can relate to that, or how about this one. I need a few more

hours each day in order to have time to just manage my family and my life. Wouldn't that be nice? Well, what she did over the course of nine weeks, this is really interesting. Instead of asking people to scale back or have better boundaries between work and life. You know what she taught them to do? She taught every one of these folks that are as busy and as burnt out as you, that you need to add something, whether you're building in regular physical activity or you're building in a new little adventure or you're putting something that requires effort, but it's meaningful to you that you choose action over no action. So for example, instead of just passing out on front of the couch and watching your favorite

series, pick up a book and read a novel instead. She also introduced people as busy as you to this principle of take one night for you. And that just means commit for a few hours once a week to doing something you enjoy. It can't be work-related, not with your family, but just for a few hours each week. Instead of doing less, add something in, join a choir, a softball team. And here's what's amazing about it. When it's something you're interested in doing, even though you look at your schedule

right now and it's a giant, giant puzzle, and you're like, I cannot add one more thing to this thing, alone you can. Because when you sign up for something that matters for you, you commit to doing it. It nudges you to figure out the logistics to arrange the child care to get your spouse or a friend or a family member to cover for you, even if life feels so busy that you can't even contemplate such a thing right now. And it works. It works. The participants and our studies, even though their schedules when they began the study, were just as overwhelming as yours, when they committed to doing something like just singing in the church choir.

You know what they reported? That their time felt more abundant. This is the Disney effect that I'm talking about. This is like picking your head up out of a monotonous part of the road trip and seeing, oh wow, every minute we're getting closer and closer to Yellowstone. Oh wow, I got church choir this week. I got my pickup soccer league this week. I got the tutoring that I'm going to do as a volunteer this week. It reenergizes you. And in fact, people even reported making more progress at work, finding more time with their family.

They had an increase of energy and engagement that spilled out into all areas of their life. You know, the fact is, we all have the same 168 hours every single week. But here's the thing about time and it's also true about the journey of life. Your relationship to time and your relationship to where you are in life is also about the stories that you're telling yourself. Your life is always gonna be filled with to-do lists.

But when you add something that you actually want to do, that's the secret. You gotta add something that means something to you actually want to do. That's the secret. You got to add something that means something to you. What happens is when you add that in and it competes with your to-do list, time feels different. You feel more in control of your life because you're saying, I know I got all this shit I got to do, but guess what? I'm making it to choir. I'm making it to tutoring. Here's another study from just a few years ago That I think is really fascinating. So they took university students and they divided them into two groups

One group of students were told they could leave class 15 minutes early so they gave them 15 minutes of extra time The other group was asked to stay 15 minutes longer and help edit at-risk high school students essays. You want to know who felt like they had more time? The kids who took 15 minutes to edit those high school students essays. Why? Well logically it doesn't make any sense, does it? Because we literally gave the other students 15 extra minutes. But what do they do with it?

Nothing meaningful? They probably like walked over to the co-op or sat around and scrolled through social media. What happens to you when you intentionally spend time doing a rewarding and engaging activity, your time feels less scarce. That's pretty fricking cool. And when you put time into something that is meaningful to you or you find energizing, your whole narrative about your life and your power changes. You no longer feel like your life is a slog. I do this all the time. I'm probably somebody from the outside that you think is one of the busiest people you know. And I am. And there's that saying,

you want something done, ask a busy person because they figure out how to fit things in. I am doing this 75 day challenge, 75 hard. Why? Not because I have a lot of extra time, but because I know that when I add something in that matters to me, it levels up all areas of my life. I find time when it's important. There's something about getting really disciplined and excited about doing something for yourself, even though you're super busy, that does spill out into the other areas of your life. In fact, my husband, Chris right now, he's getting a masters in spiritual psychology. Does he

have time to do that? No, not as a hospice volunteer, not as he is busy launching a new program for his men's retreat called Soul Degree. He doesn't have time to do that, but actually he does, because he is making the time. I have seen this research work in my own life. I am telling you as counterintuitive as it sounds. Please look at the road ahead. The best days of your life are ahead of you. You have to start dreaming big right now. It creates this upward spiral. You can do this. I started at the very beginning by saying, there is a flame burning inside you. There is. You know it. You can feel it. You know that you're meant for more. You know you are not supposed to be broken down on the side of the road on this road trip called life. And I think we underestimate how quickly you can turn your life in a new direction.

We spend so much time thinking it's not possible. We put so much energy into our excuses and our fears. And when you get to a point where you can say, I'm done feeling this way. I want this to feel good. I want to turn my life in a new direction. It is amazing how quickly things can happen. And so I want you to hear from a listener to this podcast named Denise, who had been thinking about doing something for 20 years.

As she's going down the road of life, deep within her, the flame that was burning was, I would love to be a voice over artist. I would love to do that. And for 20 years, she thought about turning her life in a new direction, just thought about it, just like you keep doing. And then she finally pulled over.

She charted it a new course, and-5, and it's the sense of loss of a life unlived and unfulfilled. I just knew I cannot settle anymore. And now, I'm reflecting on the past six months. I set a goal to have a live voice over ACX profile by June 13th, so I could narrate books. And the profile didn't go live until August. I wasn't hard on myself, but celebrated what I did do, actually taking and posting a photo of myself, and taking action steps.

Just today, I received my second narration job, so there are now two books in the works. I have three more editions being reviewed. I'm auditioning for commercials and reaching out to potential clients with plans to be a full-time thriving voice-over artist by this time next year. So grateful for all the support and the lessons I've learned. Wow, I'm a happier, more committed to my dreams person with infused energy, drive, and excitement. I know the best is yet to be. Thank you, Mel, and your team. I'm just basking in the sound of a person's voice who is fulfilled because she got serious about what she wanted her life to look like.

She did that in six months. And this is something she was thinking about for 20 years. You only get one life. And what Denise said is right, living on autopilot, that is a life unlived and unfulfilled. You do have dreams and you do deserve to make this next leg of the journey of this thing called life as exciting and as amazing as you possibly can. So pull over, assess where you are. Remember, do not stare at the rear view mirror, but focus on the windshield because you're going forward, my friend. Remind yourself that the best years of your life are on the road ahead. And I promise you, you will travel far beyond what you can currently see. Because one day, this epic road trip that we call life, it's going to be over. And if what everybody who has approached that final leg of the journey says is true, it's

going to happen for you and me in the blink of an eye. So please, find the courage to create a new course for your life. Find the courage to take the wheel and steer it in whatever direction your heart desires and find the courage to enjoy it. And in case nobody else tells you, I love you, I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And I guess I'll see you on the road. I told you this would be a trouble. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Stitcher Qualified Professional. It's Ditcher.