The Mel Robbins Podcast - Before You Waste Another Year of Your Life, Get Serious About Healing Your Past

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

This is an episode about how to face the things that you’re scared to admit, or as in the case of my guest today, have never publicly spoken about.Today, you and I are going on a healing journey so that you can put the past where it belongs: in the rearview mirror.You deserve healing.It’s the only pathway for experiencing true peace, happiness, and the greatness you’re capable of.So, I’m introducing you to a friend of mine who had some serious sh*t to face and has spent the last several years addressing the things that used to drag him down.Do not miss this deeply personal conversation.It is profound. It is relevant to your life and packed with so much wisdom. And we jump right in. There are so many mic-drop moments, it would be hard for me to pick just one, because my guest today was so unguarded and generous.You may know him, but you’ve never heard him like this before.I’m talking about Lewis Howes, host of the award-winning podcast, The School of Greatness, which just celebrated its 10-year anniversary and has over 500 million downloads.His brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, teaches you how to discover your own unique gifts and talents, but more importantly, how to do the work to heal.And look, this conversation is “unguarded” and covers sensitive topics (particularly perhaps for the men in your life). So if this isn’t for you right now – please skip this episode.I cannot wait to hear your favorite and most meaningful parts of this unforgettable conversation with Lewis.Xo MelIn this episode, you’ll learn: 3:00: After all the work he’s done, how does Lewis define greatness?4:50: If you’re drowning emotionally, here’s what to do.6:00: One of the most profound ways to start accepting yourself.8:00: If you were bullied or didn’t do well in school, you’ll relate to this.13:00: Almost all of us have an identity crisis at some point in our lives.14:43: Here’s what happens when success never feels fulfilling.15:40: What does it feel like to be “at peace”?19:30: Listen to Lewis describe the surprising places he felt his past trauma.21:00: Here’s how Lewis came to terms with being dyslexic.23:40: If you haven’t healed trauma, here’s how it can come out in your day to day life.28:20: Lewis describes the first time he shared his trauma out loud.37:00: No matter what you do, you don’t feel like you’re enough. Here’s what to do.37:35: Here’s what’s incredible about seeing your own value.40:30: Lewis started a podcast when podcasts were not really a thing. This is how it began.42:30: The wake up moment that led to The School of Greatness.45:15: Do this when you want to change your career or start a business.46:30: I love this way of thinking about winning.48:30: Out of hundreds, this is the interview guest that had the most impact.50:30: Lewis only found real love after doing this first.53:00: What does it mean to no longer abandon yourself?54:00: Most men struggle with this because they were never taught how.56:30: The powerful words Lewis said at the start of his current relationship.58:00: The moment in Lewis’ therapy that changed everything.60:00: The surprising place where Lewis found men who felt emotionally free. Visit www.melrobbins.com/podcast for additional resources. Want me to answer your question on the podcast? Submit it here.Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to a very profound episode of the Mel Robbins podcast. Welcome, I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the world's leading experts on change, motivation, and habits. And I am really proud to share this conversation with you today. When I sit here and think about what you're about to experience, I can honestly tell you this is one of the deepest conversations I've ever had with someone that I recorded. And so I'm glad that my guest today agreed to let me share this

conversation with you because I want you to experience this. I want you to be a part of this conversation. So many of you write to me from around the world every single day about how you feel discouraged because you're starting to realize that you deserve more. And that means that there's work to do. There's work that you need to do in order to face and heal your past, to create better habits, and to experience more happiness and

love in your life. Well, my guest today, he has put his head down, and he has done the work in his own life. Ultimately, the episode today is about learning how to heal, how to be less reactive, calmer, clearer, more confident, and how happiness and that power inside of you will flow back into your life when you do that kind of work. And I am talking to someone today who has impacted the lives of hundreds of millions of people. None other, the New York Times bestselling author, Lewis Hous. You may know Lewis because he is the host of the award-winning podcast, The School of Greatness,

which just celebrated its 10-year anniversary with over 500 million downloads. That's pretty incredible. And I'm absolutely thrilled that today, we're gonna dig into Lewis's healing journey. And we're also gonna cover his latest book, The Greatness Mindset, which is a playbook based on what he's learned after 10 years of interviewing the brightest

minds and biggest brains in sports, business, and entertainment. Now, I do want to give you just a little bit of a warning. There is a lot of intimate and deeply personal topics that we cover. So if you're someone who's in a very sensitive place in your life today, maybe you bookmark this and you come back to it when you got your sweats on and a mug a tee, and if you got little ones running around, please be mindful of the little ears when, you know, Lewis shares about his own past

and about men and trauma in particular, it's unlike anything you may have heard before, particularly heard a man talking about. Now, I can't wait for this conversation. So let's go. Lewis, I am so glad that you're here. Thank you for having me. I'm so grateful.

Thank you very much. What is your definition of greatness? For me, it's going on a journey to discover your unique gifts and talents. And in that discovery, figuring out what your dreams are. And on the path of going out for your dreams, making the maximum impact on the people around you, for me, that's greatness. Wow. So, obviously, your book is a road map to that.

But can you just talk to somebody who's like, yeah, how do you tap into that knowing that you are meant for greatness, especially when the shit is hit the fan and your life feels like a disaster I'm very grateful that I had a voice inside of me that was keeping me going and a lot of times when I was in elementary school I used to say I wish I was dead a lot. I would get in trouble get sent to the principal's office And I'd say I wish I was dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I was dead a lot. I would get in trouble, get sent to the principal's office, and I'd say I wish I was dead, I wish I were dead, I wish I were dead. And I don't know if anyone related that feeling.

I didn't never felt suicidal, like I actually was gonna do it, but I remember saying essentially, why am I here? Am I enough? Am I lovable? Well, I ever matter. That was like a thing that was just a constant theme inside of me. But there was a voice that I was also like, just keep going. You know, it was like,

you got this. Just keep going. So I'm really grateful that I was able to hear that voice even though I was so distracted and the loudness of insecurity was crippling my mind. It was so loud and so overwhelming that it felt like I was drowning emotionally. And so if someone feels that way now, what I would say is two things. Number one, like hold on to whatever voice that says, even if it's like a second a day that's like, keep going, like hold on to that voice because that is the thing that has allowed me to overcome so much. And I wish I would have learned sooner what I talk

about in the book, which is allowing myself to heal all the memories and pain from the past. And it really wasn't until I started that process 10 years ago of healing, past memories, where things started to unlock, where I started to feel free internally. And then externally, the things that I was accumulating or creating or developing was more meaningful because I was successful, I was accomplishing accumulating, but it didn't feel enough because I didn't feel enough. I didn't feel like I was worthy of receiving.

I didn't feel like I was deserving of love because I didn't accept me. And it really wasn't until the last two years when I went even deeper into healing that I was like, I'm going to create a loving relationship with any shame or guilt or insecurity that I once had and just have a new relationship with it. It doesn't mean it wasn't painful, it doesn't mean I wish things didn't happen, it doesn't mean I didn't do things I'm ashamed of, but creating a new relationship with it so it doesn't hurt me today.

And those two things of listening to the kind of the voice inside of me telling me to keep going and being on a journey of healing has given me such a sense of emotional freedom and peace that I've never felt my life. And it allows me to not abandon myself anymore. And I think for all many years, I would abandon myself to fit in, to belong, to be accepted. And the more I would do that, I would feel shameful because I was doing things that I knew weren't an alignment with who I was or my highest self was.

And so once I started the heal, I could stop abandoning myself, create barriers or boundaries in my emotions or my life so that I could stay in peace and be okay with disturbing things around me by standing my ground in certain situations. And that has been the biggest gift I've given myself because it has allowed me.

Someone was asking me on the phone when I was driving here. I was like, how did this book come about? I go, I had the idea for it for years, but I didn't have inner peace. I didn't have the energy to create it. And once I got clear on my inner peace, like this just came out. And I'm already like just creating so much because I have clarity. And it wasn't until I was able to get

full clarity and ownership of accepting who I am, where I was able to start doing these things authentically. So it's been a journey. There is so much to unpack in what you just said, and I'm so happy you went deep. You remind me in many ways of somebody I love more than anybody else in the world, and that's my husband, Chris. And one of the things that I love about you is you're this big masculine, super successful,

professional athlete, dude. And yet there's this incredible quiet softness, strength, and vulnerability to you. And you often say a lot without saying much. Thanks, appreciate it. I think it's interesting that you say that because I didn't feel like I had a lot to say when I was growing up because I felt very insecure in school

So I was always in the bottom of my grade all the way through middle school high school And it took me seven years to finish college and graduate and in middle school high school I would be in the special needs classes and a lot of times during recess. I would have to do extra tutoring So when other kids were playing or having fun or I'd have to do a short lunch break and then go right into reading class because in eighth grade, I had a second grade reading level. So it was just very challenging for me to read a page of any book and comprehend it. It was just, it would take a long time to read it.

And then by the time I'd finish it, it was almost like it was so long that I don't remember what I was reading, that I'd have to go back and read the page over and over again. So I would get through a couple pages and what would seem like 30 to 45 minutes and I would just be tired and like, I don't have the focus. That's why I started using my energy and sports. And when I asked to speak aloud in class, specifically in high school, I just felt insecure because I knew I wasn't the smartest. I knew I was always in the bottom of my class because they used to rank us in our great-cards.

So I would always be in the bottom four. And a lot of times I cheated my way through quizzes and tests and homework to just pass to stay like not in the bottom one, right? Yeah. So I just felt very unsure of myself. I mean, when you talk about the 500 million downloads of the award-winning podcast, The School of Greatness,

which is one of the top podcasts in the world. I'd say that's not bad for the bottom four. I'm sure you're in a middle school. It's one of the reasons why I love your story. Because you had to figure out how to be successful in a world that was telling you that you weren't. And it starts on the couch. This was September 2007.

I hadn't graduated yet. I left to go play Arena Football. I tried to make the NFL, didn't make it. So I played an Arena Football for a season to try to get more practice than go to NFL. I'm a rookie season. I get injured. I dive for a football into the wall. It's indoor football. So imagine a hockey rink football. That's what it was. So I dove, I snapped my wrist like in the wall. Okay. So I just played through the pain and at the end, the surgeon was like every catch, every block, it was just like grinding the bone and disintegrating

the bone in my wrist. And so that's why he said, we have to take a bone out of your hip. That hurt more than the wrist surgery. And so I'm like, I'm gonna heal, I'm gonna be fine. My ego is so big that I'm like, I feel like I'm a superhuman. And then every six weeks I do a checkup with a doctor thinking I'm like, I feel like I'm a superhuman. And then every six weeks,

I do a checkup with a doctor thinking I'm gonna be fine. And they keep saying another six weeks, another six weeks, another six weeks. We're supposed to be three months turns into six months with a cast on. So it takes about a year and a half just to like rehab my arm. So I went through a phase of like sadness, denial, depression, not one of the depression, but it was just like extreme sadness. Okay, this identity

that I had when I originally thought like I am gonna be a professional athlete. Yeah, I'm like, nothing can hurt me. I realize quickly, oh, things can hurt me. And they can take away from my dreams. And right before this, my dad gets in an accident where he has a traumatic brain injury from a car accident. They have to airlift him out of the car and he's in a coma for three months after a month's in a coma in a hospital. He was physically alive but emotionally dead.

So he wasn't able to really communicate. He was my dad, but I couldn't have a conversation with him. I'd see him and he'd say, what's your name again? What sport did you just play? Where'd you go to school again? That was the conversation every time I'd visit my dad. And he was at every football game. He was my biggest fan. and he loved to see me succeed. It was like he was gone. He was physically there, but he wasn't my dad anymore.

So my mom and my sister's couch for a year and a half in this phase of sadness about my dad, sadness about my identity, my injury. It's also 2008 was like, it kind of felt like 2020 with the economic crisis. I don't have a college degree yet. I'm trying to figure out how to get my degree and finish it while I get a job, but no one's hiring people without degrees at that time.

So it's just kind of like, what am I doing in this world? Why are these things happening? Yeah. And I think I just want to say that there's a lot of times in life where things happen and you can feel like that, whether your marriage didn't work out and you never expected to be divorced or you go all in on a business and it goes bankrupt or you end up struggling with an addiction after surgery and pain killers. And so I think this moment is really important

for us to unpack. And so I want to have you read a part of your book. So that highlighted section, I'd love for you to read because it takes us right back to the moment of what you were feeling when you were on that couch. I felt like all I could do during those dark days was flip through TV reruns and infomercials with the remote as I felt my chance at greatness not just slipping away but sprinting as fast as it could go. I didn't know what to think, how to feel or how to process my own emotions. And on top of that, I hadn't even finished

college at the time. I was financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually broken. I wondered what to do next, and from my perspective, I was now very much alone. But I knew this couldn't be how the story of my life went. I knew there had to be more to my story. There had to be greatness inside of me, but I didn't know where or how to get started. Yet deep down, I knew I would eventually figure it all out.

Thank you so much for sharing that. We got to take a short break for our sponsors, and we're going to continue this when we come back. It's Mal and I'm here with New York Times bestselling author, Lewis Howes. He's a very close friend of mine. He's also the host of the School of Greatness podcast and we are talking about healing. So Lewis, it's been a journey from being the 23 year old lost former professional football person to really realizing that chasing success got you so far. But you had to fix what felt broken on the inside. Yeah, and you know, as a growing up, I wanted success. The thought of success was like the answer, right?

And that was maybe, I don't know why that came about, but it was always about how to be successful. Yep. And I achieved success on my terms, but I didn't feel fulfilled. Yep. And I didn't feel like it was enough. So then I would have to achieve more and more and more

to feel something up where I didn't feel enough. And I think there's a difference between success and greatness where success is more selfish about me and greatness is about we. It's going after your goals and dreams, but making it about impacting others in the process and them being celebrated and them accomplishing as well or improving as well.

And it's much more rewarding that way. So I feel like I want to create more, but I'm also happy with where I'm at. And it's a sense of peace. It's like, yes, I'm always gonna be striving for more, at least in this season of life, maybe when I'm 90, I'm just like, okay, I don't want more, I want less,

and that'll be a different season. But for now, I want more, and I'm also just peaceful with where I am because I accept who I am. And I didn't know that that was the game, accepting yourself. It's accepting, but also saying you just still get to improve. You still get to grow. You still get to transform, but also accepting and loving where you're at.

Okay, so let me unpack this a little bit, because I think there's so much wisdom that you just drop. If you're sitting here going, but, but, but, but, but, hold on a second. I don't even know how we went from 23 year old broke, like on the sister's couch, lost three or a half dad having this to now all of a sudden, this crazy successful business and podcast and millions of like, how did you do that? And wait a minute. Lewis House, are you telling me this inner piece bullshit? Like I need to pay my bills. Like don't be talking to me about that.

And so I want to say a couple things. Yes, we will get to the story of how we went from the couch to building what he built. But there's something much bigger in terms of the master class that is being offered to you in this moment. Where Lewis is going to save you two decades or whatever of pain that he put himself through, to get to the wisdom and the greatness that he has unlocked in himself.

Because I've known Lewis for five years, he is a different human being, a different human being than even just a year ago. And I think that it is possible and Lewis will tell you this, to be a competitive mother fucker and to compete at the highest levels, which he does. Yeah, I still like to win. How, how yes?

But it's a win-win. Yes. You know, it's the different type of win. And to be a calm, cool, and confident person, because you have peace with yourself as you are doing those things. And even just to calm on what you said about paying bills, I don't think you can have financial peace

unless you have interpeace, because there's so many people that you know that have lots of money who are overly stressed. Right. And more money doesn't always solve every problem. It's solved lots of problems, but it doesn't always solve the problem of accepting and loving yourself. That's true.

And I'm going to add something to that, because both Lewis and I have been in moments of our life, and ironically it was during 2007 and 2008, where neither one of us were able to buy groceries. We did not have any savings. We did not have any income. We were relying on other people to help us get through. And the stress that you feel when you cannot pay for your basic needs is a toxic level of stress that can consume you. But what I also want you to consider is the added stress and shame and mental beat down that you add on top of that reality doesn't help you pay your bills either.

100% And so whether you are at a point where you've been wildly successful but you're deeply unhappy, or you're at a point where you're having trouble paying your bills, cultivating a sense of peace inside yourself and assuridness that you can rely on yourself, a steadiness, so that the world around you does not trip you up emotionally, that that is a superpower.

That's part of this greatness mindset that you're talking about. And Lewis has been on this profound healing journey. And so I want to go there. The game is healing. The game is healing. The game is healing in order to create anything in my mind. What does healing even mean, Lewis? I used to feel a lot of pain in my chest or tightness in my throat or disturbance in my

stomach. I used to feel like I couldn't sleep at night because I was up for an hour and a half, like ruminating and thinking and stressed. I used to be very reactive when my nervous system was triggered. I feel like that's the opposite of healing. You know, healing is learning how to overcome all those things. So your nervous system is in peace when there's chaos around you. It doesn't mean I'm not going to feel triggered momentarily or feel like, oh, I don't like that or react to a thing or feel disturbed,

but it's learning how to recognize it much faster and But it's learning how to recognize it much faster. And from a place of integrating healing and lessons, be able to respond differently when there's a disturbance as opposed to based on a wound. So most of my life I was just reacting, responding based on wounds that I was unaware of. Or maybe I was aware of them, but I was just like, this is who I am,

don't mess with me. You know what I'm saying? I'm just like, I'm just like, this is her dad. Yeah, this is, don't try to change me. Don't mess with me. Like, this is who I am. I'm fine. You know, there'm the answer for that. Yeah, this is, don't try to change me. Don't mess with me. Like this is who I am. I'm fine. Right.

You know, there's nothing wrong with me. Like this like reaction. Can you give people a sense of some of the things that needed healing? So I'm going to just point out one of them. You and I both have dyslexia. You're more profound than mine. Even reading my own words, I trip up sometimes

because I still have to practice like reading slowly and with the cadence. So what was that like for me to pass the book to you? I was even gonna say it. I was like, you know, this is like I get to practice my insecurities all the time. I have to read it on telepropter all the time and I'm always like, just take a deep breath and know that I just know that I'm not going to be the best reader in the world and that's okay. And so I just say, you know, I accept myself when I stutter. I accept myself when I stumble. I accept myself when I have to redo a sentence over and over again, because I wasn't able to see what's coming next

and it just didn't sound right. It probably takes me twice as long to read my audiobook as video, right? And I, but I used to hate myself for that and beat myself up. And now I accept and love myself. And when I do that, I notice I read a lot better. And I flow a lot better.

And it's them, you know, it's not perfect or anything. But I'm like, it's just, I save a lot more time, I'm more relaxed. And as opposed to I used to beat myself up and be the biggest critic, now I'm just a positive self-coach in those moments. I'm just like, oh, you got this. It's okay. You know, you'll be... Can we impact that for a minute? Because I think it's a really relatable example. So, every one of us has something that we're self-conscious about or that we beat ourselves up

about whether it's our weight or something about our skin or our hair or our height or, you know, for you, you mentioned stuttering and stumbling and reading out loud or being slower at something. And you so beautifully talked about how you used to just beat the hell out of yourself. Hate it that about yourself. How do you or how did you, Lewis, learn to accept something you hated? How do you fucking do that? There's many different modalities of feeling. Right. And I and I feel like over the last 10 years, I was telling your husband, Chris about this. I was like, because he was asking me about all these different things. Right. And I was like, I feel like I've tried lots of different stuff because I got a lot of work to do. So I'm willing to, I'm willing to dive in and like,

take a look in the mirror and say, tell me what to do and I'll try it. And I did workshops, emotional intelligence, leadership training workshops 10 years ago that helped me unlock and open up about sexual trauma. That was kind of stage one. It was one of my biggest shames that I didn't want to talk about. I didn't want anyone to know about because if anyone knew that I've been sexual abused,

I thought no one would ever love me. So it was a huge protection that I was shielded that I was putting up on myself to show people that I was strong, to show people that I was confident, to show people that I was that no one could mess with me in sports or whatever it might be. And that that supported me in accomplishing certain results, but hurt me and feeling loves and harmony and alignment within myself. And so it was exhausting. It's draining.

It's an emotional train wreck, because you're kind of living a double life. Inside, you know the truth. Outside, others don't know the truth about you. So you're hiding something. And you know, I want to point something out about this because we've been doing a whole series on trauma and nervous system repair and you talked earlier about how you're lived experience, even though you're super successful on the outside, is

like not in the stomach tightness in the chest, something in the throat. You don't even have to be conscious about the fact that you're hiding this thing. It's not like you're walking around thinking about the fact that you were a victim of sexual abuse. It's that it's stored in your body. So your body operates in a state all the time as if something bad's about to happen. I wasn't even like aware that I wasn't telling people. I was just like, you know, trying to block it and cover it up constantly. But it was always in my mind. Like, maybe every few days, the memory would come up in some way. It was just like a movie that was repeating on repeat. And when I did this first workshop, a lot of things started

to happen in my life where I was having breakdowns, intimate relationship, business partnership, just life, I just felt like, man, stuff is breaking down all around me. Although I'm successful, why are all these things breaking down? On the common denominator, I actually got in a fight on a basketball court. This was kind of the tipping point,

where I was the perfect storm. And a friend of mine who was there was like, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore, if you're gonna keep reacting in this way. Because I was the same fun loving guy, but when I would get triggered, I was like, this reaction would come out of me. Like you get like super physical, like a linebacker kind of thing? I would just like to try to defend myself energetically.

But if someone was physically trying to attack me, which in a basketball game is kind of a, you know, isn't that part of the game? Yes, but I would take it so personally. So when there was a cheap elbow, it'd be like, turn around and be like, let's go, let's fight. So I didn't have the filter, because I felt like someone was always trying to abuse me or take it seriously.

Because they had. Exactly. And so this was kind of the last thing that happened. I got in this fight. My friend was like, hey, I don't wanna hang out with you. I don't wanna play basketball anymore with you if you're gonna react like this. And it was a tendency that was happening for many months more and more until this like fist fight.

Fist fight. Fist fight. On a basketball court. On a pick up basketball court. Yeah. There was no stakes on the line. It was just like a friendly game in the mean streets of Beverly Hills. Yeah. And how old were you? I was 10 years ago. Yeah, it's 10 years ago. 39. So when you're 29 years old. And I remember there was a police station right across the street. It was in West Hollywood, or it was 10 minutes away from there.

And I remember seeing the guy's face when it was done and being really scared of what I had done. Meaning he was facing, look good. I'll just say that. And I always had this rule that I'll never hit someone unless they hit me first. That was kind of like my thing. But I'll freaking get in someone's face,

I'll talk trash, whatever, but I was like, I'll never hit someone unless they hit me first. He ended up headburning me because we were like kind of in each other's faces and he headbuts me. And then I kind of just go blank. And I turn into like the incredible Hulk in that moment, like this guy hit me,

there's no rules. And afterwards I had so much adrenaline because I don't think I'd gotten in an actual fight since I was like 13, right? So I played football to get my aggression out, but I know I no longer was able to hit people legally. Right? And so this was a point where this happened,

and I remember going home and looking at myself and in the mirror and being like, who are you? I did not recognize myself. And I was really kind of like shaking, because I was like, what am I doing? Like, who am I? What are you, why are you reacting? I was started to like ask myself this question.

And I remember thinking like, I have too much to lose now to allow my anger, my fears, my wounds to be in control. Because I had built a business and I was like, what if someone, I don't know, what if someone had a knife or a gun or whatever, like when I injured myself in a worse way or I hurt someone else? Like, what if something really bad happened?

He was ended up fine. We were fine. But I remember thinking, Oh, okay, this could really get out of control. And this was nothing. This was like a little incident. And I was so reactive. So that's what got me down the path of saying, let me take a look in the mirror. I asked some friends for some, some suggestions on what I could do. I went to some workshops. The first workshop I went to got me to a vulnerable enough state to talk about sexual abuse for the first time. Out loud? Out loud. First time I spoke the words. What was that like? The most terrifying

moment of my life, to be honest, because I never thought that this had happened to any other man. So you have to imagine if you think that not what has happened to you has never happened to anyone else then you think you are wrong, broken, and the worst human being alive. Now that's just what was my interpretation, right? And I got to a place during this workshop where And I got to a place during this workshop where it was a five day experience and a lot of people were going through about. So leadership workshop, but we have to go into our past and mend things to clear on what we want for the future and then move towards the future. So it's kind of like a process, a journey of your personal life to help you have more tools of leadership. Yeah. And at one point during this workshop, people were open up about different stuff. It was a vulnerable state at this time,

but it was like after the third day. The trainer goes, okay, we've gone into these different past experiences, parents and this and that and breakups. We're not talking about the past anymore. We're moving on, we're going into what you wanna create for the future. Like, we're done, about the past anymore. We're moving on. We're going into what you want to create for the future. Like, we're done.

We're moving forward. But if there's anything you haven't shared, now is the time. Like, if there anything you haven't shared from the past, now is the time, or we're moving on, and you're going to miss your moment. For whatever reason, that voice came back out and was like, okay, and during this time,

I started to address all these different things from my childhood. My parents, you know, they probably should have never been married in the first place, but they went through a divorce eventually and just kind of the fear of their arguments and fights as a young child. That was stressful. My brother went to prison when I was eight for four and a half years. So I didn't have friends for four and a half years because in a small town, the moms would have let their kids hang out with me. So that was just a lonely time and it was traumatic

to go to a prison every weekend and watch your brother in a roomful of convicts in their families. It was a traumatic experience with all family. Being picked on in school and in special needs classes and all these different things, breakups, heartbreakup, I was like, okay, I've already addressed this stuff, I feel fine here, but what about this thing

that I've been thinking about almost every day for 25 years? And whatever inside of me just said, you have to stand up. And I remember just like standing up and getting out of my seat and walking to the front of the room, and there's probably, I don't know, 30, 40 people in the room were kind of like in a semi-circle and I stand up. And this was interesting because I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I stood up,

I like looked down at the carpet, went in front of the room and just said when I was five, I was sexually abused by the babysitter's son. And I went through the entire story of the entire event. It was almost like I was in the bathroom again, reliving it. And I shared this, but I could not look up because I was so ashamed of what I was saying. And I was just thinking to myself, man, everyone's laughing every,

everyone's like, you know, thinking I'm a loser, everyone's thinking I'm unlovable. All these things came up for me. And I was like, my life is over. Essentially, I was thinking. And I remember sharing this, staring down, like walk through the whole thing. And somehow, I was like semi-com. I was like standing there just, maybe because I wasn't looking at anyone's eyes, but I was pretty calm and able to just get through it. I wasn't crying or anything, I was just getting through it. And then I went and sat down

and there was two women sitting on either side of me when I sat down. And I remember just looking at one of them and she's like weeping. And the other one is like holding me, they're crying. Now it's like 25 years of pain, just kind of a rubs. And I start crying and they're holding me, they're all kind of like jumping and shaking,

like, you know, they're crying on the control of me, and I'm just like, I have to leave. So I run out of the room. It was in kind of a conference room of like a hotel, run out of the hotel to get some fresh air. And I'm in the back alley behind this hotel by LAX, and there's a wall, I kind of just put my hand against the wall, and I'm just like sobbing.

And a few minutes later, I feel a touch on the back of my shoulder and it's this guy who's bigger than me. He's probably in his late 50s and he turns me around. He's crying. He looks at me in my eyes. He says, you're my hero. You're my hero. I will follow you anywhere. I vividly remember this. He goes, I're my hero. You're my hero. I will follow you anywhere. I

verbally remember this. He goes, I have three kids. I've been married for 20 something years. My wife doesn't know. My kids don't know. This happened to me when I was 11. This happened to me multiple times. And I've lived with shame and doubt and insecurities my whole life. Thank you for being the first person to open up in front of me. You're going to give me the courage now to go and tell my wife. All these men from the room started coming out. There was only a two or three guys who had been sexually abused to tell me that for the first time, by the way. They hadn't opened up either to anyone in their lives.

And then other guys were just like, I've never heard anything like this. This happened to me, I feel really insecure about this in my life or this thing I'm ashamed of. Right. And it was so powerful because I was thinking, all these, everyone's going to make fun of me, but in fact, it made them trust me and respect me more and love me more. The thing that was the scariest thing for me was actually the thing that brought me closer to people and people could actually see me for the first time fully, at least in that regard. And it was, that was the start of 10 years of lots of different healing modalities, which I'm happy to talk about some of them, but it was, that was the start of processing the healing. The next step is integrating the healing, which is where all the work is. Yeah, that's true. I want to just say that this is yet another one of

those areas where you and I have a parallel path, because I had a very similar thing happen to me when I was in the fourth grade and I buried it. And I knew in the back of my mind, somewhere in the back of my mind, it's something had happened. And it wasn't until I was at a leadership summit. Really? That was in the personal debate. No, well, what happened is somebody else shared. And they shared about how it had, they had been molested and they had forgiven their parents

and forgiven the babysitter, but they couldn't forgive their sister because while this was happening to them in the bathroom, similar to their story, their sister was watching TV. And as she said that, I had a very vivid memory of the moment that it happened to me in the middle of the night. And when I kind of rolled over,

because I was scared that this person was on top of me, the first person I saw was my brother, because he was sleeping on the bunk bed like right across. And I thought, I don't want this person to hurt him. So I was just like quiet like a mouse. But it was the sibling connection. And it like you just flooded in. And I was like, quiet like a mouse, but it was the sibling connection and it like you just flooded in and I was like I got to share this and for a minute

I question whether or not it happened Hmm Was it a bad dream or was it real? Yeah, it was that blockade was a real yes But that voice that knowing that flood of emotion made me like you say, I just have to say it out loud. And what happened when you said it out loud? Oh, I just collapsed, sobbing. Same thing as you. Like so many people come up. I mean, it is such, unfortunately, a very common story. One in four women, one in six men have experienced

something like that. But it's in either the denying that it's real and questioning it or the shame that you feel around it as if somehow it's your fault or it somehow is damaging to you and carrying that inside which really is damaging. And so I think that it's an important thank you, first of all, for sharing that story. Yeah, of course.

And I think speaking the things that you hate or ashamed of is a form of acceptance. Because if you keep this stuff silent, if you're unwilling to talk about it, it's going to continue to haunt you. So Lewis, I want to just hit the pause button for a second so we can hear from our sponsors and let's pick up this topic when we come back. Welcome back. It's Mel and I'm here with one of my very close friends, New York Times bestselling author, Lewis House, who's also the host of the School of Greatness Podcast. And you know, you've been on this incredible journey of healing. What has it taught you about greatness?

You can't be great without having peace and without going on a healing journey in my mind. You can accomplish a lot, you can achieve a lot, you can get a lot of awards and make a lot of money, but I feel like if you feel like you don't, I still aren't enough, then you're not great. I don't think I really don't know. It's the enough, the thing that you're chasing is outside of you.

It is outside of you. And again, I was chasing them to feel better about myself, to feel like, okay, I matter and I have value because I didn't believe I had value. And I think once you believe you have value, then you're creating from a space of love and win-win and service as opposed to, I need to do this for me and look good and feel something up inside of me. You're doing it from a more healing journey place and then you're able to give more.

You're able to create in a better place. So a lot of my life was doing things to prove people wrong. That I felt abused, abandoned, made fun of by. So like, well, let me go make, create, succeed, to prove people wrong. So when I would lose, I was a bad loser, because I was like, oh, I didn't prove them wrong. I lost, they were right.

And so it was just a different energy of creation, the fuel of anger and not enough this. You can go nonstop for years, trying to prove your enoughness from that state, but it is exhausting energy. It's draining. So many times I accomplished things in sports, biggest dreams, after 10 and 15 years of thinking about them, working hard and accomplishing it

and feeling like so angry after I accomplished it, because I thought I would feel something different. And I still didn't feel good enough. So I was like, I need to go create more and accomplish more. And then I would do it. And I was like, why am I still feeling alone inside? It's because I didn't have a good relationship with me internally. And once I started to shift that, I just feel such a good sense of peace.

And because I have a meaningful mission that is not about me, It's about others as well. That's the foundation. It's like getting clear on a meaningful mission that I found out about. How do you do that? I mean, you've got the framework in here, but I'm thinking Lewis about the person. It depends on the season in your life. And again, if you were trying to pay your bills,

you can't think about a meaningful mission. You got to think about protecting yourself, safety, and getting to a place of financial stability. Well, that's a meaningful mission, right? And that is a meaningful mission for you got to think about protecting yourself, safety, and getting to a place of financial stability. Well, that's a meaningful mission, right? And that is a meaningful mission for this season, right? So when I was on my sister's couch, that's all I could think about. I was like, how can I make enough money

to get off the couch? Great. And so that was the mission for that season. But once you complete that, you got to think about something bigger that includes others, right? And so I was still including others in that by adding value to people in order to get money from them. Right?

Essentially, I'm going to give you a service. I'm going to help you and you're going to pay me. Right. So I'm helping them overcome a problem. And I was using my my passion and my power to solve a problem. And that's what I started to do. And then I started to once I Once I overcame that mission or accomplished it was like, okay, now I can see a little bit farther. Now it will create. And the same thing happened with the School of Greatness. I just want to tell everybody. So Lewis basically, and looking for a job, figured out how LinkedIn worked. Exactly. And then realized, oh, whoa, I can teach other people how to use LinkedIn like a pro. And so he became wildly successful, being an expert on monetizing and utilizing LinkedIn and one platform and tell everybody how you came up

with the school for greatness idea. So after, I don't know, four or five years of kind of teaching LinkedIn and then expanding it into just social media and marketing and general courses and stuff like that. I realized, okay, I had enough money for maybe two years to live. Oh, that's pretty damn good, Lewis. When you're broken poor, at least for my point of view, the Holy Grail.

When you're broken poor, from my point of view, I didn't spend anything. I was like, I just need to stack everything because I wasn't scarcity mode. So I wasn't like spending anything. So I had enough. And I also didn't have a car, you know, I was living in like a apartment that was my $495 a month. I was like living in the lowest amount I could. I was like, taking trains places, not like flying anywhere. I was like, how can I say this is Lewis the squirrel. Yes, I was in his nuts, man. You're right. That's right. Put him in my back pocket.

And once I realized, oh, I can actually like, I'm surviving now, right? I'm thriving, I'm surviving. I got out of this kind of scarcity mentality. Yeah. I was able to think beyond that. I was able to think beyond this like me to like just make money really quickly.

And I realized I didn't want this anymore. This season of life I was like, I don't want to do what I was doing in this business anymore. So I sold it to a business partner that I had. And I was like, okay, I've got about two years of cash if I don't make any money to survive. This is the exact moment when I got into the fight

in the basketball court. I was going through a breakup and a relationship that I moved to LA for, and I was just having breakdowns in life. And so I was literally stuck in traffic in LA a little over 10 years ago. Tuesday next week is my 10 year anniversary for my podcast. No way. Tuesday next week. So a little over 10 years ago, 10 years and three months ago, I'm stuck in L.A. traffic. All this stuff had just happened. And I'm just thinking to myself, man, I don't have it all figured out. I thought I did. I thought my ego knew it was right. I thought I, you know, accomplished stuff and this and that and featuring the White House and all these others, I was like, man, I should be the man, but I feel like a loser. And I was stuck in a late traffic.

We were literally on the 405 and we were not moving. And all these people around me and cars stopped. We're screaming and honking and flipping each other up. And I'm honking and I'm like, man, I'm stuck. We're stuck. Everyone's stuck. And I was just like, okay, huh. If people are stuck in traffic and they're taking them so long to get places, what if I could offer value and solve a problem for them to get unstuck? This was literally what I was going through.

And I was like, I need the solution myself. And I just started hurting about, hurting about podcasting. This was 20, like 12. I just started to hear, hurting about podcasting. This was 20, like 12. I just started to hear like, just whispers, you know, whispers about podcasting, by what? What is this thing, right? And I was like, I literally called two friends in the car.

It was a long drive, things stuck. I called two friends, I go, I know you have a podcast, tell me about the podcasting thing. And they're like, I love it. It's the coolest thing ever. The audience, I'm connecting, the building, the relationship, it's the best thing ever. I don't make any money, but it's the best thing ever. And I was like, okay, cool. And I was like, man, I think I could do this because I had started to just interview people for myself, recording it for me, like business leaders

and sports athletes and all these people for years leading up to that. That's how I got in kind of the LinkedIn space. I would network with people, I'd interview them. And I just was like, man, I've learned so much from these people which got me here in my business results. So let me take it a step farther. And they were both telling me like, well, you should just make it about like marketing and entrepreneurship because that's what you're doing.

Right. I was like, yeah, it just doesn't resonate with me. I feel like I'm supposed to do something more. They're like, well, don't go too broad because it probably won't work. I mean, like greatness. Yeah. And I was like, and who are you?

You're still just like getting started. You're like an internet marketer. You don't have a big audience. Like, you can't go too broad. You just beat somebody up on a basketball pool. I mean, come on. You're breaking down everywhere in your life. And I was just like, again, that voice kept saying,

like, I just feel like this is what I want to step into though. And even if it fails, I'm going to make it an experiment. I'm going to do it for one year, one episode a week for a year. And just see if I like it. So I discovered the mission by exploring something, by being curious and trying it. And I gave myself some parameters. I'm not going to try to make money.

Again, at that time, I had money for two years. Some people may not have that luxury when they're figuring this out in terms of making money. You might have to make money really quickly. If I needed to make money, I could have. Well, you also don't have to go all in. Exactly.

But I loved about what you said, did you hear what Louis said? Experiment. He gave himself permission to experiment with something for a year. Number two, he took the pressure what you said, did you hear what Louis said? Experiment. He gave himself permission to experiment with something for a year. Number two, he took the pressure off and said, I'm not going to make this experiment generate money. And so if you can, whether you're on the couch or you're working a job, if you can give yourself

the grace of an experiment and take the pressure off of money, you now are walking in the footsteps of greatness. And so you set out on this experiment and you didn't know shit about how to do it. You have two friends that... I had an iPhone that I used to record in the beginning. I had no clue what I was doing.

I was, you know, I was trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do. I was just like trying stuff. And it's funny because my assistant listened to the first episode, like last week she goes, I went back and listened the first episode. She goes, you're completely different person. And I'm like, because it was more about success.

Right, it was more about like achievement and winning and like results. Oh, I have to go back and listen. And I was like, you, you. And then after, then I went to this workshop a few months later. Oh, one where you spoke for the first time about sexual abuse and all these things. And I actually, this is so funny, I actually learned the concept about you don't win unless everyone wins around you. You know, that was like, what?

That concept didn't make sense to me as an athlete. I was like, no, there was one winner. Everyone else must lose. Otherwise, you're the loser, right? That was kind of like the mentality that I was trained winner. Everyone else must lose, otherwise you're the loser, right? That was kind of like the mentality I was trained with. It was the programming that I was conditioned to have. And this workshop taught me that you don't win unless everyone wins.

You embody that, dude. And it is about, and thank you. And it's about, it doesn't mean, the winning could look differently for everyone around you, but there must be like a win-win experience. Otherwise, your win doesn't mean as much if others aren't improving and growing and succeeding in whatever it is they're doing as well, right? It doesn't mean that's to be equal, winning or something like that.

And that's what I was like, yes, right, this podcast can't be about like results. It should be about elevating others and about improvement and how we can all win together. And that's when it started to shift. And I started to like, we have a little softer and it's like, let's just keep results, you know? And it was beautiful. So there's so much that happened in that first year

of the experiment where I started to like try something and it wasn't perfect the first hundred times. I just said, how can I make it better every time? How can I listen to feedback and make it better every time? And how can I find my voice in this process? You know, even I'm not comfortable sharing my voice, how do I find it by practicing it? And after the first year, I remember being like, man, I just really love this and enjoyed it. And after the first year, I remember being like, man, I just really loved this and enjoyed it.

And so 10 years later, here we are. I still love it. Still enjoy it. When you think back, unliterally, probably thousands of people that you've interviewed, what's one interview that you reflect on the most? I was going to say Kobe because he was my favorite interview, but when you said this, there was an interview the first year that I had with Gennie and Chris Lee, who is the actual coach and trainer of the workshop I went to when I opened up for the first time.

He had such a massive impact on me from that experience that I ended up hiring him as a coach for a couple of years just to like coach me personally. And I had him come on the show. I was single at the time ago. How do you find the dream like partner? And he put me through a guided meditation where he had me close my eyes. And he like walked me through a scenario and a scene of my future self. a scenario and a scene of my future self. He said, I want you to imagine waking up next to this person. I want you to imagine what they look like, what they sound like. I want you to imagine what you, when you open the windows, where you are in the world, what your view is,

I want you to imagine the feeling, the experience you're having with this person. And the reason I'm talking about that is because I said to myself during that, my eyes were closed, I was like, I don't know if this was weird at all, but I was like, I wake up next to the woman of my dreams. And when I open my eyes, she looks at me and she's smiling at me every morning.

And I remember saying that. I don't know why that came to me, but I was like, she looks at me, she's smiling at me every morning. And I remember saying that. I don't know why that came to me, but I was like, she looks at me, she's smiling at me, because she's so grateful and happy that we're in this relationship together. And essentially eight years later, I'm in a relationship with a person that wakes up, that literally opens her eyes and looks at me and smiles.

And this is no joke. It happens every day. She looks at me and smiles. And this is no joke. It happens every day. She looks at me. She hugs me. Some days she wakes up crying. I'm not kidding because she's just a grateful human being, not just because of like, I'm in her life, but she's just a happy person.

And I dreamt of this. And so for me, that was a powerful, powerful episode because I had two other relationships for her and after this conversation, those, those things didn't happen. And I realized that it only happened the moment I started to fully heal a lot of the emotional things that I still wasn't ready to face in intimacy. So I healed one element, but not all the other elements. And it wasn't until I literally there was a pain in my chest for still for years from other things, not the sexual abuse pain, because I could talk about that freely and be peace. But in other things

that I still wasn't willing to face. And it wasn't until I faced those things two years ago, there was a pain in my chest for many years that would come and go. It disintegrated after about five months of intensive therapy integration healing. It finally disintegrated in my chest and I felt this ball of pain go throughout my body into like complete freedom. And it hasn't come back since. Wow. It took five months of intense reflection, exercises, practicing of healing the nervous system to where that went away. That is literally a month or two later, I met her. Wow. And it's been a game-change ever since. Have you talked publicly about what that thing was that

you faced? I just started, I haven't really talked about it publicly. I just started kind of telling people that because I don't know if other people feel a pain in their chest. I don't know if you've ever felt like a ball that's kind of like this, not palpitations, but just kind of nagging pain. I feel it more kind of like right about the stomach. That's sort of where my, and I know when it's common because it hits the ankles first in the misclinches. Yep.

Like wobbly legs or something. No, like I feel literally that when I get triggered, I literally feel it start and it comes to your stomach. Yeah, but I think you want to know why. It's because that's how the person approached you. Oh, wow. Yes. Yeah, I, because it was used to be the throat

and the chest for me. You feel like I couldn't speak. Yeah. And there was like a pain here. And I was like, it wasn't like I felt like it was on a heart attack or anything like that, but it's just like a nagging pain. And it would come and go. And I could have figured out how to get rid of it or how to like eliminate it. And it just, I went to five months of intensive every week therapy, sometimes five, six hours on Saturdays,

where I was just like, I'm a maniac on a mission to create peace, clarity, and freedom. The first day I stepped into the therapy with my coach, I call her an emotional coach, because I think we should all have one. She said, what's your intention for starting this process? I said, I want peace, clarity, and freedom, because I didn't feel like I had any of those. It was my inability to not abandon myself. What does that mean for somebody who's never heard that term? So it was my inability to not abandon myself

in intimacy with one person, the person that I was choosing to be in a committed relationship with. Because I wanted to abandon myself in other areas. I would stand up for a little, I was like, no, I'm not gonna do that. Oh, for you like a nice guy dormat type in relationships? I was more trying to buy peace.

So whenever my relationship, what, the relationship's in the past would be upset at me. Yeah. You didn't do this. I'm sorry, okay, I'll go do it now. Yeah. Whenever there was disturbance emotionally. Yes.

You went through. Or the environment, or they were screaming at me, or they were called shoulder, or they went and speak to me. speak to me. I was like, I don't like this feeling. And so I didn't know how to navigate my inner world when that would happen. I didn't know how to be peaceful under chaos emotionally. So I would do things to buy peace. I would say, okay, I'll stop doing this. Even though I don't want to stop doing something, I'll stop doing it to make you feel comfortable. Okay, I'll give in here.

Okay, I'll come home five hours early. Okay, I won't go on that trip because you don't feel comfortable with me going alone. Sandal think people understand how much men struggle with this. That, that, no, I mean it. Like this is why I said,

you remind me a tremendous amount in ways of Chris Same thing like just would shut down. Yeah, and or give in and not capable of Expressing what he needed because his experience as a kid was it didn't matter anyway? Exactly and a lot of men were never trained on how to Navigate uncomfortable emotions through trained on how to navigate uncomfortable emotions through their highest selves. They would defend, protect, and show that everything is okay. I didn't have the tools to training, the knowledge, the experience, the wisdom on how to navigate stressful emotions in love, in an intimate loving relationship.

I could do it in business and sports and all the things. What was it modeled for you? Was it modeled for me? Yeah, it was a constant low level stress and resentment from my parents of each other, which made me always like, yeah, what's gonna happen, right? When they loved me and I knew they loved me,

but I knew they also didn't love each other. And so that was stressful. And so I didn't know how to be with a woman who was like, you can't do this screaming at me. Don't do this. I don't like when you do this. This is not okay. Boba, Boba, Boba, Boba.

Because what they are saying is you're not enough. And I don't accept you for who you are Lewis. So I didn't accept myself for who I was. I knew I wasn't enough. That's how I thought. So I said, I'm gonna do what's gonna make her feel like I'm enough for her. Right.

And after a year, two years, three years of doing that and just giving in and giving in and giving in, you fully lose yourself. Yes. You lose all your, you lose who you are. Then you get resentful, you get frustrated, you get angry. So I lacked the emotional ability to say no.

And if you don't love me and accept me and you want to walk away, that's okay. And I lacked the emotional ability to just be okay with me walking away from something as well. And that's why when I met Martha, which you've met her a couple of times now. She smiles at you all the time. I had a fully different experience. Because you were different. Because I was completely different. And I just told her straight up,

I was like, this is my values, this is who I am, and I'm never gonna abandon myself for anyone. You this, that doesn't matter. Like I'm just never going to abandon myself. Now it doesn't mean I'm not going to be a flexible human being and supportive in all these other ways, but I'm not going to give up who I am to please one human being because they're not happy with me.

Dude, if you could sum up the greatness mindset, I think you just did. There is this quote that goes viral all the time. I have no idea who said it first, but it's that thing that when you put all your energy into trying to keep the peace with others, you create a war inside yourself. That's good. That is just what you describe. That tension in your chest, and so many of you listening, listen with it, or that pit in your stomach is the war that Lewis just described

with yourself, because you're so much more focused and concerned with keeping the peace, making sure everybody else is okay. And until you invert that, and you focus on creating peace within yourself, that's it right there. And this is the moment when it unlocks, I remember now exactly what happens when this pain went away,

because I was working on, because I didn't feel free, right? And so for five months of therapy, going in every week because I was working on, because I didn't feel free, right? And so for five months of therapy going in every week, I was committed. I was like, I'm gonna figure this out. And I'll go as long as it takes. You're like a truffle pig for healing, man. He's got to root that thing out right there.

I'm doing it, man. I'm not gonna stop until I feel, I love that. I remember, and healing is a journey. It's not an event that happens overnight. There's an unlocking, There's an awareness moments So what was that moment? So the moment was Many because every time I would meet my coach, she'd say what's your intention? Peace clarity freedom. I didn't feel them and

So we were talking about which each one is when do you not feel peace when you do not feel clear freedom? I was like I've never felt free in my life and know if you're clear freedom. I was like, I've never felt free in my life. And a lot of it came down to modeling parents. They weren't free in their relationship. They both were resentful of being in their relationship. They both got married when they're 19. They didn't know any better. They had four kids. They were working their butts off just staying together. So I don't blame them, but they stayed together, not because they wanted to because they didn't know how to navigate it as well. And so I saw them trapped. That was what it was for me. I saw them trapped. And I was afraid to be trapped, because I didn't want to repeat the feeling of them being trapped and feeling miserable

a lot of the time. And I was like, I don't want to create that in my life. But I didn't know how to stand up for myself. So that was the thing, and she just kept looking at me. It was kind of like a good, well-hunting moment. She was like, you're not trapped. You're not trapped. You're not trapped. You're a free man. You're a free man.

You're a free man. And I don't know what it was just like all the months of like the practicing, the integrating, the opening of back up, where it's just kind of like, there's like rush. It's like finally connected to me that I am a free man that I'm not trapped. She was like, you can walk away at any moment. You can walk away at any moment. You don't have to keep working in this relationship.

Like, especially since you're not married, you can walk away at any moment. But even if you are married, you can walk away at any moment. But even if you are married, you're free. You can walk away, and that was the thing. I was like, I'm so afraid to get married because I don't want to have the shame of getting divorced or the pain that happens after divorce as so many people go through. Well, it's so interesting you were so focused on

not feeling trapped that you actually trapped yourself. 100%. And it's so funny because I went to a prison almost every week for four and a half years and I watched men who were trapped behind bars. Some of them were emotionally free. Some of them were there, but I saw them free men. Like they were in a state of complete peace, not all of them, but some of them had so much love in their hearts, which were very kind and generous. They had their families around and they were free emotionally, but they just did something

that put them in there physically. And I realized we're so long that I was trapped emotionally, but free physically, and I didn't know how to break free. And that was the thing where I was like, I'm just sick and tired of feeling this pain. I'm sick and tired of repeating the pattern. We're on the common denominator in all these relationships, choosing them, staying in them and not standing up for myself. So that was a massive game changer for me was investing in emotional coaching, showing

up consistently when I didn't want to and doing the work. And I think a lot of us will get business coaches, career coaches, health coaches, but the emotional game is the game that most of us don't know at a master. And yet we won't invest in coaching or fine support. And I just think it's so crucial. Well, you're right. At the very end of your fantastic book,

The Greatness Mindset. You're talking about unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today. You have a huge section in this on healing. A whole section is healing. I feel like you cannot be great. Not huge section. I think you can't be great unless you heal.

The book is healing, I feel like it's not even unlock the power of your mind. It's literally unlock the power of your mind body and spirit, integrate it all. You know, everything's a charging horse. That's true. Now he's gonna pick up the healing books. So they're everything's a charging horse. That's true. Now he's going to pick up the healing books.

I'm going to buy the mindset book. But, guys, if people understood the art of falling in love with yourself, the world would be a much better place. Lewis, the world is a much better place because you're in it. Thank you, Mel. So, first of all, everybody, please go get the book. I'm not asking Lewis questions, but please, please, please support the man that has supported all of our greatness for the last 10 years.

You will love this and it's the greatness mindset. So I wanted to close by just saying, I want you to imagine that it's your last anniversary. And you can only leave the world with three truths, three lessons that you want to impart on the world. What are they, Lewis? You are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. If we understood that and embodied it and truly believed it, then life is just a much better place. Wow, and you embody it. That's your damn sure.

Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you. Appreciate you. Oh, man. Well, and, you know, before I go, I just want to make sure that you hear Lewis and I tell you something, which is

in case nobody else in your life tells you this today, I want to tell you that I love you. And I know Lewis, you probably want to say the same thing. 100% yeah. I love you. And I believe in you and your ability to take absolutely everything you heard today, from Lewis and put it into practice in your own life. And not only develop the greatness mindset, but to go heal and to learn how to fall in love

with yourself and use that transformation to change the world around you. I love you, Louis. I love you too. Appreciate it, Mel. Thanks. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Stitcher.