The Mel Robbins Podcast - Do This To Become More Confident: 5 Truths You Need To Hear

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

This one-of-a-kind episode is a masterclass in how to believe in yourself, no matter what obstacles you face. There are 5 lies that you are telling yourself that are holding you back from greater success, purpose, and true fulfillment. Today, Mel is sitting down with one of the most successful self-made women, Jamie Kern Lima, who will share these lies and the truth you need to hear.Jamie went from serving stacks of pancakes at Denny’s to creating a billion-dollar makeup company, IT Cosmetics. She is one of the most successful entrepreneurs of all time and was the first female CEO in L'Oreal's history.Jamie’s life story shows you what is possible when you stop doubting your greatness, build unshakeable self-worth, and embrace who you are.In this episode, she is giving you the exact playbook for the level up in your life you have been looking for. Once you listen, your self-doubt won’t stand a chance. Listen to Jamie’s first interview with Mel (and her full story!): How to Find Your Purpose: Stop Searching and Do This InsteadFor more resources, including links to Jamie’s new book Worthy, her website, and her social media platforms, click here for the podcast episode page. Connect with Mel: Get Mel’s free 29-page workbook to make this your best yearWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s newsletter Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend, Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so glad that you're here. It is an absolute honor to be able to spend some time with you today and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Thank you for making this podcast one of the most popular podcasts in the entire world. And I also want to take a moment and just acknowledge you for something. You chose to listen to this. And I know why you did, because you are committed to making your life better. And I just want to say that is so cool. And I'm really proud of you. And today I am so thrilled, like chills thrilled, to welcome back one of our most popular experts that has ever appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast.

And she also happens to be a very dear friend of mine. I'm talking about Jamie Kern Lima. I call her the Professor of Purpose because the last time she was here, she taught you how to discover your purpose. But today Jamie is back and she's here to reveal five lies that she had to confront in order to become who she was meant to be. And I know Jamie is going to tell you something that these are the same five lies you're probably telling yourself right now.

So let's tee up these five lies and one by one, knock them down and reveal the truth. You are capable of more than you could ever even imagine. So let me tell you a little bit about my dear friend, Jamie. I'm so excited that she's back because selfishly, she's such a close friend and she lives on the West Coast, which kind of makes me mad because I don't see her as much as I would like to. But the other reason why I'm really excited is because every time I sit down with Jamie, the conversation goes so deep, so fast. And I always walk away feeling like I personally have tapped into a deeper sense of purpose,

a greater level of clarity. And I know you will too. Now, Jamie started her career as a waitress at Denny's and went on to build, launch and sell a cosmetics company that she started in her living room for $1.2 billion. Now, you've probably heard of the company that she founded, It Cosmetics. After selling it, she then became the first female CEO inside of L'Oreal in their 100-year history. She's one of the world's most successful entrepreneurs,

a New York Times bestselling author. She's been named to the Forbes Riches Self-Made Women's List. Her brand new book, Worthy, is here. And what I'm really excited about is when she was here last time, and we will link to that episode so you can hear it. She took us on this wild, unbelievable ride behind the scenes of the story of IT Cosmetics. But today, Jamie is back, and she's here to reveal five lies, lies that keep you from believing in yourself, lies that destroy your confidence, lies that rob

you of the life that you are meant to lead. And even though we are really good friends, I poured through her book and just had epiphany after epiphany and I didn't realize these were the things that she was struggling with. But she's here to get real with you and me. Please help me welcome Jamie Kern-Lima. Mel, thank you so much for having me. I am so excited. This is going to be a powerful episode for everybody listening because these are lies that like lead to self-doubt and we're here to wake up some truths. Well, and what I love, Jamie, is that, you know, when somebody meets you and they hear

your resume and they see what you have built in your life, there is this moment where you go, I should really tell you how this life is like for real, come on. But I know that you dug deep to go behind the story that was in the headlines, the story that everybody tells about IT Cosmetics and you doing the impossible and you took a look at what did I actually have to dig through in order to keep going. And so before we get into the five lies and some of the amazing resources in your new bestselling book worthy, I would just love for the new listeners that are here with us that did not hear the story.

Could you just give us the thumbnail version of how IT Cosmetics started and some of the highs and lows? It all started with this season of setback in my life of how it cosmetics started and some of the highs and lows. It all started with this season of setback in my life and major self-doubt. And what I know now, Mel, is for so many of us, our setbacks are actually set ups

for what we're supposed to do to live our best life. We just don't know it at the time, but I was working in what I thought was my dream job. I had done so many jobs, you know, from waitressing at Denny's to bagging groceries in the grocery store to get my way into journalism and eventually I was anchoring the news and I was live on the air one day

and I hear in my earpiece from the producer, there's something on your face, there's something. And I'm talking to millions of viewers live. He's like, there's something on your face, there's something on your face. You need to wipe it off, You need to wipe it off. You need to wipe it off. And in the commercial break, I glance down,

and I see this bright red rosacea kind of coming, cracking through my makeup. If you imagine like Desert Clay cracking, my makeup was cracking under the HD lights, and the red was coming through. And I have hereditary rosacea, which for me, gets really bumpy, really bright red. And so I'm trying to cover it during the commercial break and it won't work.

And that set off a moment where I spent all my paycheck trying to find makeup and nothing would work. And every time I'd go back and I'd be live on the air, you know, I'd hear in my earpiece, it's still there, it's still there, it's still there. And I went through this season of self-doubt where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm in my dream job. But am I gonna get fired? Like I'd be talking live on the air and instead of engaging in the story I'd be thinking our viewers changing the channel. Am I costing the company ratings?

I started this big season of self-doubt. How old were you? Oh gosh, 31. Okay, so you're 31 years old. And just to kind of bring you listening in as Jamie's telling the story, I think we've all had a moment like that where maybe you're sitting in a meeting at work and you feel your face flush or you are giving a presentation and you start to stutter. Or you are sitting in a meeting at school and you are there to advocate for your kid and you just can't find the words. Or you're even in a relationship and every day you wake up and you're like, okay, today's the day I'm going to say this is not working and I need you to change and you

just start to doubt yourself. Yeah. And so this is a universal experience. Yes. But you amplify this because you're on television in your dream job and your rosacea is basically melting your makeup and now making its own appearance on the television with you. Yes. So what the hell do you do? Well, I remember this moment, and I love the examples you just shared because everyone has these moments where you get this gut feeling or this knowing.

I remember thinking, you know, this makes no sense. I cannot. There's thousands of makeup companies out there. Why does nothing work for me? And I got this moment, this knowing that said, well, if you can't find anything that works for you, there's probably a whole lot of other people out there that can't find anything. What if you create something that works for you? It'll probably help a whole lot of people. Then I got this moment where I'm like, okay, my entire life, because this makes no sense

that nothing works for me, then I realized I've never seen, you know, a woman with bright red rosacea saying, you know, as a model for products. Oh, that's true. I just want to make sure that as you're listening, you understand something. So this was a time where you didn't see normal people in ads the way that you do now. This was a time where there would never be anybody on social media or in an advertisement or in a makeup advertisement that had no makeup on.

We take it for granted because we see before and after and we see people wearing a more natural look, but that was not the case. Not the case. Over a decade ago. Yeah. And I realized, Mel, I'm like, okay, I've always loved beauty ads and commercials and magazines my whole life, but deep down inside, they always made me feel like I wasn't enough. And this moment happened, right?

And you mentioned someone saying, I'm about to end a relationship or whatever situation we're in. I had this moment, this gut feeling where I was like, wait a minute, what if I could figure out how to make a product and not just make a product but put real women as models, every age and shape and size and skin tone and skin challenge and try to shift that definition of beauty in the whole beauty industry for every little girl out there about to start doubting herself and every grown person who does. So I had this feeling like, what if, right? What if I could do it?

And that was in my gut, in my knowing, but really fast my head talked me out of it. My self-doubt was like, oh, but you got no money. You don't know what you're doing. You're unqualified. You have no connections in the beauty industry. And I sat in that place, and maybe a lot of viewers can connect with this, where you have this gut feeling or you're supposed to do something or go for it

or tell the person you want to be more than just friends or put your idea out there. But then your head is talking yourself out of it. And you're about to doubt yourself out of your own destiny. And I sat in that place for a minute and I made the decision, OK, I am going to trust my knowing. I'm going to take a risk, even though I was in what I thought was my dream job, even though I didn't know what

the heck I was doing, I tapped. I tried to almost turn down the volume on my self-doubt, my thoughts on my mind saying, you are not enough, turn up the volume on that gut feeling. And these are the moments that change our entire lives, when we make the decision to trust that gut feeling. And now here's the thing, I launched the business. OK. Now, I just have to ask you a question.

Yes. You'd never made makeup before. No. No. So not knowing how is an excuse to not figure out how to do it. Yeah. And I want to hover on this moment for a second because we are going to unpack five specific lies.

Yes. But the big headline here as you're listening to this is every freaking lie you tell yourself is a form of self doubt. Yes. And so they are sneaky. And we're gonna get into the specifics because I think it's gonna surprise you the kind of garbage that Jamie was saying to herself,

the way herself doubt formed. But let's just stay in this moment of the no. But you've never done makeup, but who's gonna buy this for you? But you don't have any money. Who do you think you are? All that garbage that comes in your mind. You said this the first time you were here and everybody went bananas over this concept. So I want you to share this both to remind us and also to make sure that nobody misses out on this concept of the no

out on this concept of the know versus the knowing. Yes. Put us at the moment of that know versus the knowing and how the heck in a moment when concern whether that is legit fear or it is just the self-doubt and a sense of unworthiness coming up. Yeah. And you have something deeper called a knowing. Professor Purfis from the House people, let's go. Every single person listening right now, every day, we get nos. We get nos in all different forms. We're not invited to the parties. Someone doesn't include us. We don't know why we're

not in the circle of mom standing around and we're feeling on the outside. But most of our most painful nos are the ones we're telling ourselves. The ones we're telling ourselves in the form of negative self-talk all day long? We all get nose all the time and we tell ourselves nose, but inside, in our gut, if we get still, if we listen to our soul, right, we get a knowing, an intuition, a still small voice, a gut feeling. Every single moment in your life, in your friendships, in your joy, in your,, in your goals and dreams and ambitions, I believe Mel, they come down to which one you listen to. Do you listen to the nose or do you listen to your knowing?

And this is the most important thing because our self-doubt will lie to us all day long. It will lie to us all day long. And when we get still and ask ourselves, is that the truth? Right? And you tune into your gut. Your gut will tell you the right answer. I don't believe your gut is ever wrong. I believe that it either leads you to the next right step or the next right lesson. Oh, right. So even if you quote, trust your gut and it blows up in your face, it was leading you to a lesson that you absolutely needed. Exactly.

Yep. Yep. And I believe our steps are ordered that way. And when we talk about the nose, the moment I decided to trust myself, right? And listen to that knowing over the nose in my own head, et cetera, and launch this business, what a lot of people don't know because they just see the headline fairy tale, oh, Denny's Waitress Builds a Billion Dollar Company. It was three years, hundreds and hundreds of knows.

Know after know after know after know. I would pray or meditate and be like, why is this not working? Why is no one telling me that they believe in my dream? All these retail stores saying no, right? I had this vision for inclusivity in the beauty industry. I was saying, let's have models every age and shape and size. And I had this vision. I'm like, let me show my bare face rosation,

prove the product works. And these retail stores were mortified. They were mortified, right? There was thousands of makeup brands, but I entered that space fully authentically to who I was, no matter what your dream or your idea or your art you want to put out in the world or your podcast you want to launch. If you are one of the brave ones willing to do it authentically to you, by definition, it has never been done before.

It has never been done before. It has never been done before. So, because there is not another you in existence and there never will be, and nobody can compete with that. And I know one of our lies we're gonna talk about is you're not crazy, you're just first, but I'm gonna go off on this for any- That's the first lie, you're not crazy, you're just first. Let's unpack that. You want me to unpack that?

Okay. Go, go, go, she's on a roll. Let's keep on. You want me to unpack that? Okay. Go, go, go. She's on a roll. Let's keep going. I heard that this one lie, oh my gosh Mel, it is life changing and this lie is called, you're not crazy, you're just first. So many of us think and believe the things that are different or odd or strange or quirky

or wrong with us, that we should hide. And we should dim our own light, that we should hide. And we should dim our own light, hide them from others. And instead, because we fear if we show up as who we truly are, oh, then we'll be found out. People might not like us anymore. We might not be loved. And so we end up, so many of us, showing up

as who we think other people want us to be. We end up showing up as our representative, right? Every day, a lot of people wake up in the morning and put on their, you know, who they think they need to be uniform with their name on the front. Like a Denny's waitress, you know, like uniform. Here I am in my role.

Yes, in my role. Good daughter. Yes. Good partner. Yes. Good employee. I'm just gonna keep showing up. The friend that gets invited. Yep. the mom that has it all together, whatever that role is,

exactly. So first of all, it is impossible to have a true connection with another human being if you are showing up as anything other than who you authentically are, whether it's with a friend or a partner or a customer for everyone listening who thinks like, oh, if I'm me, I won't be loved or if I'm really me, then I won't do well on social media or I won't get the promotion or I won't get the job or whatever it might be, who you are deep down inside and your authenticity is your superpower and for anybody listening who has ever felt like that they're different or that they don't belong, growing up, okay, growing up as a little girl, I was adopted.

I have five families. Five families? Who made me? Five families? What happened? Did you explain that? Through divorces and then birth family I met later. Oh, God, okay.

Yeah, five families. Marriage. So blessed. I, gotcha, okay. Yeah, five families. Marriage. So blessed. I would not change a thing. And also, growing up, I always felt like I didn't belong. I always, like I would have these big ideas, like, what if we could solve world hunger? And, you know, I was raised in an environment where no one had ever gone to college. And I would hear things like, you know, things like that don't happen to people like us.

Or you're crazy. They would always call me crazy as a term of endearment. You're crazy for having these different ideas. Fast forward, I am in my late 20s and I went to therapy. First person in any of my families I'm aware of to go to therapy and I literally asked my therapist. I said, am I crazy? Because I go, I've been called this as a term of endearment my whole life. And she said, hold on, as a term of endearment. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about gaslighting yourself. Yeah. Right?

And my therapist said to me, you're not crazy, but I'm really glad you're here. And she explained that when you are first in your family to maybe break a generational cycle or to actually show up as who you authentically are, to really share how you feel, to share your ideas, to not dim your light to fit in, that it often is met with confusion, resistance, with a feeling like you need to dim your light to belong.

And this moment, Mel, hit me so bright like a light bulb that burst. I realized in that moment, I'm not crazy. I'm just first. I'm just first. You are the first ever you that has ever been in existence. And so when you show up as who you are, do not be surprised if not everyone gets it.

There's never been a you before. And it's not just that everyone of us has unique fingerprints and irises of our eyes and tongue prints that are unique and heartbeats that are unique. You're the only one in existence who's had the experiences you've had in life and feels emotions the way you feel and sees art and beauty the way that you do. And when you are brave enough to be who you truly are, it's scary at first. But when you step into it and one step at a time, you start saying what you really mean,

being who you truly are. It's how you start to live in alignment with your assignment in life. And so I go deep in this lie and worthy about how to unlearn the lie that the things that are wrong with you or odd or strange or different are the things you should hide when, in fact, they're the things most right with you. There are so many moments in my life when I was going through rejection after rejection

or not being invited to the party or retailers weren't believing in my brand and I was tempted to quit and I would remind myself, okay, I'm doing this authentic to me. I'm not crazy. I'm just first. I'm just first. In any moment where you're tempted to feel like your idea isn't good enough or you shouldn't raise your hand and share how you really feel, right? So many of us can remember a moment in our childhood, in class perhaps, when we knew the answer, but for the first time ever didn't raise our hand. Because we started to doubt, am I right? Am I going to get made fun of?

Am I going to fit in? And self-doubt starts to kick in. And before you know it, you know, we're 55 and deciding, I think I'm not going to raise my hand on that Zoom call tomorrow. Or I'm not going to go after that wild, bold idea because it might not work. And we start to live our lives hiding in plain sight. And we can be crushing things all around us

that look good to everyone else. But we know we're not living the truest, highest, fullest expression of ourselves. And so for anyone who's ever felt like who they are isn't enough, it is a lie. You are not crazy. You're just first. One thing about this, especially in the context

of a family system structure, when you feel like there's something wrong with you or when you get pushed back from your family, the reframe from the lie, which is everybody, you're crazy, you can't do that, people judging you, you even judging yourself. That reframe is so powerful because I've been really surprised

by how difficult it is in my own life. But I know in your life as you're listening to break free of that fear of disappointing people in your family or what their expectations were for you. And so to think, oh, I'm just the first one to go to college. I'm just the first one to not be an accountant. I'm just the first one to really prioritize healing. Well, I'm just the first one that's gonna live my life differently than everybody in my family has done forever.

And in so doing, I am setting up this lie, you're crazy, and calling it out for what it is, and living in the truth, which is, no, I'm just first. First. And as much as I don't want to take a break, I wanna hit pause, let's hear a quick word from our sponsors, they allow us to bring this magic to you listening for free.

So give them a little bit of love, but don't you dare go anywhere. I'm telling you right now, don't go anywhere. Cause Jamie and I are gonna be waiting for you after a short break. And when we return, there's so much to dig into. There are former lies. There are so many more stories that you're going to hear. And one of my favorite stories is the first time she ever appeared on QVC. I cannot wait for you to experience this. We'll see you in a few minutes. Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel, and I am here today with one of my all-time favorite

people, Jamie Kern Lima. Her resume is so long. She's the founder of It Cosmetics. She's a New York Times bestselling author. Her brand new book is Worthy and we are digging into the five lies that you are telling yourself that are holding you back from reaching your potential. And we are in the middle of covering the first line, which is, you're not crazy. Like all those people that told you that you're crazy, it's a lie.

It's a lie. And Jamie's beautiful, empowering rock star reframe, you're just first. You're just the first one in your family to do this. You're just the first one to go to school. You're just the first one to have this idea. So, Jamie, I want to add to this conversation and go a little bit deeper because we have a question from a listener named Lisa. I have that good things happen to others, but not me. How do I start believing in myself? Yes.

So that is such a common lie that we tell ourselves that good things happen to other people, but not us. And I was raised around that lie, right? I was raised around that lie that, oh, things like that can't happen to people like us. So my whole family, a lot of my family, believes that lie as well. And I remember when I was waitressing at Denny's, I had this moment where I'm like, I think I could run this restaurant, right?

I had this moment. But guess what? Self-doubt kicked in really fast, and that lie that she just shared, Lisa just shared, I remember thinking that, oh, but I'm not qualified to do that. People like me don't run the restaurant, right? And so how do you overcome that? So let me just take a step back. Every single thing in life is the meaning we attach to it, right?

And we have the power to unlearn that lie because this is a lie. That's true. That's a story you're telling yourself. It's a story you're telling yourself. Things like that don't happen to people like us. That's a lie. Exactly. It is a lie. And so maybe there's a lot of evidence in the past that makes you go, oh, but I have evidence to prove this. Okay. But do you, first question is, do you want to unbelieve that? Do you want to still continue believing that lie? That's the next question, because let me just

get really real here. Some of us use our lies as excuses on why something's not happening. So the next question is, do I want to unlearn that lie? Because those are just lies that lead to self-doubt, that keep us stuck, that keep us feeling like we're unworthy. Right now, as we're talking, 80% of women do not believe they're enough. 91% of girls and women don't love their bodies. 75% of female executives

deal with imposter syndrome. 73% of men feel inadequate, and they're not enough. Why I wrote Worthy is the time to unlearn these lies has come. And so for Lisa, A, great job being aware of the lie. A lot of times we tell ourselves lies, we're not even aware of it. We just think they're truths, right? But guess what? You're the character of your main life. You cannot always control all the supporting actors and actresses that come into your world, but you can control the main character and how you describe her and how you define her and what you want her storyline to be going forward.

And so the next question is, do you want to keep that lie or do you want to unlearn it? If you want to unlearn it, you reframe it, and every time it comes into your mind, you intercept it. You intercept that lie that says things like that don't happen to people like me. You decide, oh, no, no, my new meaning is things like that haven't happened yet. Oh, but they're going to happen.

Once I step into who I authentically am, I am the first ever only me, and I'm going to live in alignment with my assignment. I believe for me, when that lie comes into my head, I'm like, oh, I'm not crazy, I'm first. I just reframe it, and I decide the meaning I attach to my story. I decide what I'm going to believe is going to happen and I decide that will be my narrative. And the second we do that, right, because what we focus on is what we magnify and that becomes our whole life.

And when you change your story, you change your entire life. Was there a moment in the building of IT Cosmetics where that lie came up for you? You're getting told, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and you start to look around and see, there's all these other cosmetic brands. Clearly it's happening for other people and it's not happening for someone like me. Yeah. All the time. all the time. I remember hundreds of no's and rejections into cosmetics. So easy for me to say, oh, I'm a person

that not only gets rejected, but I'm a reject. Let it take root in my self worth level. And then that's when it is a powerful lie that becomes hard to unlearn. The biggest struggle for me was, and especially as we started getting success, which was many years in, but we got a big shot on QVC. After years of no's, I get a yes on QVC, which is a live television shopping channel for anyone unfamiliar with it, and it's broadcast to 100 million homes.

At this moment, Mel, we were selling only two to three orders a day on our website. That's not enough to pay the bills, Shady. I don't know if you know that, but that's not enough to pay the bills. You were teetering on bankruptcy for years, and after hearing no after, no after, no after, no, even from QVC, I got a yes for one shot in this 10 minute window to launch the product and put everybody at the scene because this sounds like something that would cause any human being the biggest case of stress diarrhea on live television

because it is an unbelievable pressure cooker what what you have to do. So just for the uninitiated, put us on the set at QVC, you are teetering on bankruptcy. You're only selling two of your products every day. You've been at this for years and years and years and no and no and no and you're up in your head like, people like me, this doesn't have people like me, it happens to them. Yes.

And the lies are coming up. So what do you do at QVC? What do you have to do when somebody says, yes, you can sell your product? Yeah, so okay, I learned I had to sell over 6,000 units of this product to hit their sales goal in the 10-minute window. In 10 minutes? In 10 minutes, or not come back. And remember, we're only selling two or three orders a day.

So I go to 20 banks trying to get a loan to fund the inventory to do this. 22 banks said no. The 23rd bank, California Bank & Trust, gave us a loan for just the amount to cover this purchase order and a little bit more to get my one shot on QVC. I learned it's a consignment offer,

which means if I don't sell it, I don't get paid, I have to take it all back, right? And everything was on the line. And here's the story about the power of your authenticity, about knowing you're not crazy, you're just first. Because in that moment, I had been told no so many times, right? And we start to doubt, oh, right, that lie.

It do things like this possibly happen for people like me. So we start to doubt, oh, right, that lie. Do things like this possibly happen for people like me. So we figured all out, I get there, all of these third-party consultants are saying, okay, if you want to do well, here's what you need to do. You need to book this type of model to demonstrate your product, which was all like people who look like they're 12 with flawless skin. I'm like, that is not why I created this brand. That's not authentic to why I did this. And I would tell them these third party consultants and they help a lot of people and they really wanted me to win. And I said, well, what if I put a model in her 80s and then women in their 40s and 50s with hyperpigmentation and someone who's dealing with

acne and what if I take my own makeup off on national TV and show my bright red rosacea and they were mortified. They're like, you're crazy. Yes, you're crazy. They said, listen, like you get one shot. They're like, you understand you get one shot, right? And I remember Mel, I flew out to QVC in Pennsylvania and a week before I sat in this rental car in the parking lot. Every single day, staring at the front door of the building, like praying, crying in the car, all alone, because I felt like the pressure was so heavy. And in that moment, those lies come up, and I start to doubt myself.

And I think, well, maybe I should be inauthentic, try it their way, right? And maybe I'll do well finally, and then I'll make money. And then I could try it my way. I had all of these thoughts come up. And I remember this moment in that car where I, these words are that while authenticity alone doesn't automatically guarantee success, in authenticity guarantees failure, every time, over time.

You and I, everyone listening, you can see people popping up online everywhere, and maybe they do well for a minute, but this over time, it does not work. Why is Mel Robbins podcast the number one podcast? Why? Because look how you show up fully authentically, the same way on air as you are off air. I know this lesson, yet I'm sitting there in my car telling myself lies, like some of our listeners are writing in, right? All things like this don't happen to me. Everyone's telling me I'm crazy. my car telling myself lies, like some of our listeners, your listeners are writing in, right?

All things like this don't happen to me. Everyone's telling me I'm crazy, but I know every single person listening, you are not crazy, you are just first. And when someone does not get you, that's okay, right? You have to align with your authenticity because that's what is your superpower. And I knew that lesson and I was scared out of my mind to trust that, but I did. And I walked into the building

and the moment I walked in the studio, there's these giant clocks on the floor that said 10 minutes. I got 10 minutes to hit those sales goals or not come back. And then Mel, I learned right before I went on air that you're not guaranteed your 10 minutes. If you're a minute or two into your presentation, they know by the second if you're hitting sales numbers, if you're a minute or two in and you're not hitting sales numbers, your clock,

you think you have eight minutes left, it jumps to one minute. You're done. So I learned that. And I go on air and you were mentioning Imagine Stress Diarrhea. I go on air. I'm drenched in sweat. I have on two pairs of Spanx under my dress, not because I care what I look like. I was trying to absorb all the sweat, so I didn't sweat through my dress on national TV. I remember the lights go on, and I was trying to do a demonstration to show how my product

does a creasing crack on my wrist, and my hand was shaking so much that the host grabbed my hand, put it under the podium. She's like, thank you, Sugar. And she took over. And I remember the moment on national television, my bright red rosacea comes up, my bare face. And I remember walking over to models every age and shape and size and skin tone and skin challenge and calling them beautiful and meaning it. And I didn't know how we were doing a few minutes in, but I knew I wasn't cut yet.

And then we got down to the one minute mark left, and I hear the hosts say, the deep shade's almost gone, the tan shade's almost sold out. I was like, oh, oh, oh. And then literally the moment the 10 minute mark hit, this giant sold out sign comes up across the screen. I start crying on national television. They cut from me and go for to Dyson vacuum or something.

And my husband, I remember this, my husband comes rushing through the double doors of the studio. I'm sobbing, like sobbing. Our very first employee, one of my best friends of 20 years, she was the only person on payroll at the time because we couldn't even afford to pay ourselves. She starts sobbing. My husband comes running over to me, and I thought he's gonna hug me,

and he just looks at me, and he puts his arms in the air and his fists, and he's like, we're not going bankrupt! And I'm like, real women is spoken! And just sobbing. And I remember in that moment, right? All the things people told me about me would not work. The years and years of rejection,

the retailers that didn't believe in me, making that decision to remind myself and every person listening right now, I don't know what room you're walking into today, what phone call you're walking into, what Zoom you're walking into, what idea you're about to share, but you're doubting it. You are not crazy.

You are just first, right? You're just first. It's why I wrote this poem that's poured out. It's the only poem in the books and it's called, You're Not Crazy, You're Just First. Would you read us the poem you wrote? Yes. And let me read an excerpt of it. You're not crazy, you're just first.

Who do you think you are? They say, things like that aren't for people like us. Why are you going around changing? Planning to leave us in the dust? Are you forgetting where you come from? Are we not good enough anymore? And just like that, the temptation to play life small feels more comfortable than before.

If you're doubting you're enough, your thoughts, their words have got you down. It's time for your soul to tell your mind there's a new boss in town. See, there's no one else quite like you in the entire universe. And what your soul knows is you're not crazy. You're just first.

The first to have your hopes and dreams, the first you there's ever been. So don't be surprised if they don't get you or try to shame you to fit in. They call you odd, strange, different for having dreams bigger than they can see because those dreams weren't given to them. They see them through fear and anxiety. And even the well-intentioned people who love you to the bone can see you pursuing your dreams as a reminder of them not fulfilling their own. If people like people who are like them,

hiding your true selves, a comfort zone, but a calling unexpressed inside you leaves you feeling anguished and alone, even inside of your own home. They call you words like crazy and say we stick together for better or for worse, but what you're knowing knows is you're not crazy, you're dispersed.

The first to launch the business, to dust your dreams off of the shelf. The first to believe you're worthy of betting on yourself. The first to beat addiction, to live life sober and awake. The first to end the generational cycle that you know you're born to break. The first to start healing, the first to forgive so you'll be free.

The first to love others for who they are, not for who you wish they'd be. And when doubt tempts you to dim your light, always remember this verse, your soul knows you're made for more. With so much purpose, it can burst. You're born with greatness inside you, and whether it's a blessing or a curse, the world won't be better until your greatness is dispersed.

See, there's only one of you in the entire universe. And you're knowing those deep down. You're not crazy, you're just first. Oh, wow. Are you crying, Mel Robbins? Well, I'm just sitting here, I'm very proud of you. Hmm, what does that mean to you? It means freedom. When you unlearn those lies that lead to self-doubt, oh my gosh,

and you start to ignite those truths that wake up worthiness, like that is what that feels like joy and tastes like freedom. Like that is when we start to feel alive, right? That is when the weight of other people's expectations or even the ones we put on ourselves starts to lift. Like we don't sort the level of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We will always fall to what we believe we're worthy of.

You will never feel joy and fulfillment in life until you learn to embrace who you truly are and learn to believe you are enough as who you are. And that is the truth, every person listening. I do not care how many past mistakes and failures and regrets and none of that is relevant when it comes to your worth.

And when we learn that, it is the most powerful, powerful thing we can do. I need a tall glass of water in order to just digest what you just poured into us, Jamie. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And we're gonna take a quick break right now and hear a word from our sponsors. And when we return, don't go anywhere.

We have four more lies to cover. And this next one, I know that you're going to get a ton out of it because it's about your past and about the mistakes that you've made. And Jamie is going to teach you today how to dismantle that lie and how to discover your worth and to keep on going. Stay with us.

Welcome back, it's your friend, Mal. I am here with the remarkable Jamie Kern Lima, New York Times bestselling author. She's here with her new book Worthy You Know Her as the founder of It Cosmetics, which she sold to L'Oreal for $1.2 billion. And she is here today in our Boston studios to teach you the five lies that you're telling yourself that are holding you back from all of your power and all of your purpose and unlocking all the joy in your life. And so Jamie, let's go to line number two.

My past mistakes and failures determine my future success. And the way that I wanna dig into this one is with a question from a listener named Jesse who writes, Jamie, I keep failing over and over and over again. How do I know when it is time to quit? And this gets us back to is it a no like hell no, we're not doing this anymore? Or is it a knowing to keep going? What is the specific thing that you could tell her or anybody to do to really tease out a string of rejections?

Yes. And whether it's like this is quitting time, or it's keep going time. Or it's keep going time. Jessie, I love that you asked this question because here's the thing, you go online, all you see is what looks like everyone's successes. When we're getting rejected, when we're failing, we think something's wrong with us.

We think we're alone. We think like, oh, maybe my gut is wrong. I am living proof that rejections, failures, setbacks, no one else believing in you, things not getting traction, things not going your way for a long period of time are not an indication of the potential of your success. They are not. The people who succeed the most, and you can Google anyone in history, you can read all about my story, Mel Robin's story, that anybody who has moved humanity forward, who has launched an incredible business, an incredible podcast, written a great book, read about all of them. The people who succeed the most are the same people who fail the most because they're the

ones who try the most. Anybody listening today who's been hiding their failures and their past mistakes and thinking it's just me, first of all, it is not, you are not alone, you are one of the brave ones, willing to actually go for it. So you're one of the ones now in the rare group who is highly likely to succeed

because you're one of the ones going for it. So that is one of the most important things. And how do you know when it's time? Because I do believe that sometimes knowing when to let go of a dream matters as much as knowing when to go after one. So how do you do that? So I approach that the same way I approach, is it time for this relationship to end or me to leave this job or me to leave this friendship or all of those things.

I get still and for some people this might look like praying, it might look like meditation. I will get still, I will pray. I don't talk out loud when I pray. Some people do. There is no wrong way to pray. There is no wrong way to meditate. This is a universal tool, whether someone has a faith that they practice or does not.

And I literally will ask for the answer. I will ask for the answer and I will wait until I hear it. And one thing that's important to do is not project the answer you want and think you hear that, right? Because you can block your intuition when you're just focused on what you're hoping for, but to really get still, get quiet,

and ask the question, I will wait until I feel an intuition or something as close to a feeling or a knowing as I can, and I will take a step in that direction. Okay, so I wanna really break this down. Yeah. Cause we're all hanging on your words because that difference between a know is the truth

Yeah. Versus a know is just fear. Right. And self doubt. Yeah. And knowing, being deeper. Mm-hmm. A lot of people they go,

well, I don't hear my intuition. What do I do if I don't hear it? This is a skill that you can build. It's like building a muscle. As women, especially, oh my gosh, really all generations of women, but when you think about women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s in particular, a lot of us were raised to be quiet,

to not actually say what we mean and to be people pleasers. We learned that we're not enough on our own. You look at all the studies that show women will make decisions based on consensus. You look at the studies that show when they ask little girls and boys a question, the boys will give an answer right away, the girls will turn to each other and try to come up with a consensus answer. So we, especially as women learn,

like to not hear our own intuition. And so as adults, the beautiful thing is we all have it and you are never too young or too old to start learning how to hear it again. And so one of my favorite tools to do to build your intuition is just to take some time, get still, ask a question, see if anything comes up, and that's okay if it doesn't. But then also carve out some time to think back to moments in your life when

you had a gut feeling about something, and maybe you trusted it, and then what happened? And then similarly, think back to moments when you had a gut feeling you didn't trust it. You let everyone else's opinion tell you what to do or whatever, you went against your feeling and then what happened then? And as you focus on those moments in your life, you start to build that muscle of remembering

what does that feel like when I have a feeling. And when I trusted it or didn't trust it, what happened? And you start building that muscle over time. And you've got to give yourself grace, right? Because you talk about neural pathways on your show all the time. But for a lot of us, we haven't learned how to hear ourself or trust ourself our entire life. What if we all take up this hobby of, I'm gonna learn to trust my own intuition.

And every day I'm gonna take one step forward of trusting it, right? Or just asking myself before I just give an answer to someone and say yes when I really mean no, like say, oh yeah, I'll do, I'll volunteer for that thing when you don't wanna do it, or whatever it is, right? Just pause and be like, how am I really feeling? Right?

And that's your intuition telling you exactly what you need to know. And then just making that decision one step at a time just to start trusting and to rebuild that muscle. You know, if I can offer to you listening just a little explanation for how I do this. Yes, I would, yes. explanation for how I do this. Yes. Yes.

So for me, absolutely, got to get still. Yeah. Because I notice that the lies are more dominant and the self-doubt is more powerful, the busier I am. And the more I'm just in the go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Because there's a lot of emotion and energy with go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Because there's a lot of emotion and energy with go, go, go, go, go, right? And so when I get still and I really drop into what is true for me, there is a very distinct feeling associated for me personally. And the feeling is this,

if let's just say that I have to make like a phone call. Every one of us has a phone call we're probably putting off or dreading, right? And if you drop into, how do I really feel about this? Do I need to make this call? Should I not? Or a conversation. There's a conversation that you need to have. And we avoid it, and we avoid it, and we avoid it. But you're knowing is going, you need to have and we avoid it and we avoid it and we avoid it, but you're knowing It's going you gotta have a conversation. Mm-hmm, but the know is like not today not today not today for me I can drop into the knowing if I Really try to feel the energy

Around doing it or not So when I'm putting something off, even though it feels a little bit like a relief, I feel a part of me shrinking. There is something about the energy of that that is depleting and constricting and small. And if I access the knowing, what is always true for me, even if it scares the daylights out of me,

is that there is something more expansive. And there is something through that experience that I know is going to expand or grow or free me up. And that's how I distinguish at a very deep level, okay, what is actually my knowing versus what is the know being driven by emotion or self doubt or pattern or whatever. Isn't that so true, right? When we live like in alignment with our truth, you feel that expansion, that freedom, that freedom.

Even it's like the thing you're dreading, you don't wanna do it, but then you do it and you just feel that freedom, whereas if you're letting yourself take over the thing telling you don't do it, that doesn't feel that same way. And I love how you described it, it feels constricted. And I just think of, we think,

oh, I'm gonna be who everyone else wants me to be or dim my light to play it safe or to get love. It feels that same way. Dimming our light, not being who we truly are can feel like the safe thing to do, but it feels constricted. But when we show up fully authentically, even if not everyone gets it,

if we make that decision, I'm not crazy, I'm just first, right? You're gonna feel what Mel just described, that expansiveness, because it's part of your knowing of who you're born to be, of who you're born to be on this earth. And like, yeah, I love that. That's beautiful. Well, I always get the question, and I know you too, too. How do I know the difference between something I'm afraid to do then the fear is real? Yeah. And here's what I have to say to you. Nine times out of ten, I am afraid to do the thing that I know is right. Yeah.

Yeah. And the fear is real. Yeah. And that's why you have to get still. Yes, exactly. Now, there's another lie. So this is kind of the third lie that you really had to dismantle, which is your weight determines your worth.

Mm, mm. Whew, yes. For every person listening, Mel Robbins, most of my entire life, I believed my weight determined my worth. Wait, what does that mean? Right now, 89% of girls and women will opt out of meaningful activities, including interaction with friends and loved ones, when they do not like how they look.

We miss out on our lives when we are waiting on our weight. And by the way, for some people, it's not literal weight. It's the weight of other people's expectations that they need to stop waiting on, the weight of their own expectations, right? What are you waiting on right now in your life and how are you letting that determine your worth before you live your best life? So this was a lie that took me most of my entire life so far to unlearn. And I created a business that was so about celebrating every person, you know, for their

authentic beauty. I was able to overcome so many lies that lead to self-doubt in my life. I was able to build self-worth around believing I was worthy of having a CEO title, right? Of running a business, of building a team of over a thousand, all those things. But I still struggle with the lie that my weight determined my worth. And it wasn't until my daughter's one year birthday we're at this hotel.

And I'm about to opt out of swimming again. Because I don't wanna wear the swimsuit. I wanna sit on the chair on the side of the pool all covered up and miss out on this moment in her life. When I realized what has waiting on my weight already cost me in my life. And the answer? Way too much. Memories, experiences, joy, like all of it.

Because as humans, as you know, we're wired to avoid pain at all costs. And I had been thinking, oh, if I go out there in my swimsuit, I'll be judged, I'll be this, I'll be that. I was associating pain with that. And that moment I flipped the script and I associated more pain with what I had missed out on, with the pain of regret, with the pain of what has waiting on my weight already cost me,

and that is how I flipped the lie around, and I decided no more. And I literally took my cover up off, I shook my cellulite with joy, and I got right in that pool, and I made it not about me anymore. I'm like, me hiding on the sidelines is what I'm doing is I'm telling my daughter,

she's not worthy of her body either. I am not, uh-uh, like that lie has gotta stop now. The moment we step into our power, that is when we give other people permission to step into theirs, right? And now every time I will walk around in a swimsuit, all I think about is I would never care what someone else looks like.

People do not care what I look like. This is about like living life with no regret. This is about inspiring other people to embrace all of who they are and start considering what has waiting on your way already cost you, right? And when we think of it that way, that is almost way more painful than the fear

that we're making up in our heads about just living our best life as who we are, exactly as we are. Unbelievable, unbelievable. I don't have anything to add, so I'm gonna go to line number four. So line number four, if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. What does that mean? This is a big one because as women, we learn to downplay our strengths, to dim our light,

to fit in. We often will bond over problems, right? We'll be self-deprecating. If we get a victory, we'll downplay it and give credit away to someone else. But if there's something wrong with us, we'll tell everyone, oh, my house is a disaster. My kid is a hot mess. And we bond with each other over problems. And we worry, like, oh, wow, I crushed this. Or I did, you know, this happened to me. We worry if we share that, then if we're great, we'll get hate. I actually struggle with this one. There are very few people that I share my success with, or my wins, or the things that I'm really proud of that are going really, really well.

Like I chronically downplay things. You're somebody that I'm the first person to text, the first person to be like, oh my God, I changed this thing. Like big and small. But this is definitely something that I struggle with, that I, you know, and I grew up around someone who constantly was griping about other people, who were wealthy or who

had this or who had that or had the other thing. And I started to associate any kind of standing out as attracting disapproval, a lack of love. Yes, exactly. That's exactly it. Right? We think if I stand out, I'll get kicked out. I will no longer belong and be loved. And so we hide and dim our light. And thank you for just texting me when you have a victory because I hope you sense I'm so freaking excited for you and so happy. That's where it takes you. And real friends want the best in others.

And it just takes every one of us together to start celebrating wins of other people, to start sharing our own wins. And I think one tip on that for everybody listening, if you're just hesitant to unlearn that lie and you're worried that people will think, oh, who does she think she is? Or she's arrogant or all that crap,

which is just their own unworthiness being reflected on you because they also believe that lie. Instead of thinking, oh, I'm gonna share my win because of myself, just flip it and think, when I share my win, I'm living an example of freeing another woman to start sharing hers. And you make it about something bigger than yourself, and that is how you unlearn the lie one step at a time,

especially for people that feel like, oh, you know, self-worth is selfish. It's not, it is not. The more you raise your own self-worth, the stronger you are an example for other people on how to believe they're enough to. Awesome. The fifth lie I wanted you to explain that you had to confront was labels are permanent.

What does that mean? Yes, Mel. So many of us in our life have let labels that someone else said about us, could be in our childhood, it could be in a relationship as an adult, something an employer said, something someone said online, something we told ourselves. We've let these labels stick to us and take root. And we've told ourselves the lie that they're permanent. I have a question for you about this. Yeah.

Because there is this remarkable thing that happened to you when you were building IT Cosmetics, where you are wildly successful. You're sitting in a meeting with a bunch of bankers. You have gone through all of these rounds, through this process, and somebody gave you a label. And I'd love for you to tell that story and then tell us, how the heck did you peel that label off yourself when somebody so publicly just took you down?

Yes. So often we think the label's permanent or we don't realize we're carrying it around and we're believing it, we're letting it take root in our identity, but labels are like post-it notes. They have this light adhesive. They come right off when you decide for them to come off. But it's hard when we don't realize they're stuck to us. And they could be like lead balloons on our wings when we're trying to fly. They hold us down. And so I was meeting with this potential investor,

huge private equity company. And you guys, I really wanted him to believe in us. Because I thought maybe he'll be able to use all his leverage and power to get us into all the retail stores that were telling us no. This big investor, they're known for taking little small companies and making them huge companies that a lot of us shop for in grocery stores or big box retailers. To put this in context, you are already killing it on QVC.

Like this is not like you're in your living room anymore. This is, Jamie is legit the biggest brand at QVC. She is destroying it and now she's gonna level this up. And so she goes to somebody in the industry and she has used the results and you have the product and you've got the track record and you've got the revenue and you go waltzing in there meeting after meeting and tell us what happened.

And they loved our products and I just thought, this is gonna be so great because we're gonna take it to the next level and all these things. And I presented our whole product pipeline for the future and I just thought this was going so well. I thought, oh my gosh, this is going to be it. This is going to be it.

And at the very end of the meeting, he's three feet from me. My husband's on the other side. And I remember the moment his mouth started moving. And he says, congratulations. You should be so proud of this product. But it's a no. We're going to pass on investing in IT Cosmetics. And I was like, OK, can you tell me why?

Because feedback is usually a gift. And he just got really quiet. And then he says to me, do you want me to be really honest with you? And I said, yes, please. He says, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight.

I remember a lifetime of self-doubt and body doubt, like flooding my body all at once, right? But Mel, the moment he said those words to me, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can feel like it was yesterday that said he's wrong. And what I know happened in that moment because I got that deep feeling was that this dude gave me a no, but God gave me a knowing. Right? And it goes back to what we're talking about is whether we're the ones telling ourselves

no or someone else gives us a label and it's a no. It always comes down to which you listen to. Do you listen to the no or do you listen to the knowing? We let these labels or these stories we're telling about ourselves stick to us and sometimes we don't realize we're doing it. And whether it's I've had failures, I've made mistakes, everyone keeps breaking up with me, friends betray me. Whatever these stories are, these labels can snowball and impact everything we believe. And so,

inworthy, I go through this exercise on how do you identify these labels? They can impact your self-worth at such a deep level. And again, in life, so many of us have had failures, rejections, et cetera, that have rattled our confidence. But when we let them take root as a label that we're a failure, we're a reject, that's when it impacts our self-worth. That's when it impacts everything in our life. And so learning to identify those labels and then ask yourself, is that really true?

No, it is not really true. It is the story we are telling ourselves, right? And we can remove that label and replace it with a new empowering label. So in the case of me being adopted and my parents always working, I was like, okay, I can look at it as I'm unwanted or abandoned. And instead I'm like, no, no, no. What is something that is actually really true? It has to be true that I'm gonna believe about this story. Oh, I'm chosen.

My birth mom, her life would have been way easier if she did not have me, but she chose to have me. And then my parents who raised me chose to adopt me. I'm not rejected. I'm not unwanted. I'm chosen. And here's one of my favorite ones for someone listening today.

This is my, oh my gosh, I'm gonna jump in my seat. And this one, I'm hopping in my seat. She's getting wound up, everybody. Cause I feel like Jamie's wanted herself up. You know, when you like talk about our knowing, I just think about every day, we get rejected, we tell ourselves no, we get people sticking labels on us. We apply for the job, we want it so bad, and we don't know why they didn't see our value, and we

don't get it. And we have the person betray us or pull the rug out from under us, and we're so tempted to assign a label that is disempowering. So my favorite way to do this is to replace it with new empowering labels. So for example, every time something like that happens to me, I will assign a new label that I believe to be true, whether it was the person that I really wanted to be friends with and they just don't see my value, or the people that don't include me, or the door that closed in my face, or whatever it is,

I decide the label is divinely ordered, Like my life is divinely orchestrated, right? And I choose that label and that trust over rejected failure. By the way, Mel, I don't think I've ever shared this before on, you know, Out Loud, but in high school, I was voted biggest procrastinator. Really? Biggest procrastinator in the high school yearbook. And listen, at the time, it was kind of true.

You know what I mean? I wanted to hang out with my friends and I was working for jobs and so I'd turn in homework late and all these things. If I let that label that people gave me at that time, biggest procrastinator, they're right in the yearbook. If I let that take root, I could have never. I could have never when I had those feelings, when I was a struggling waitress feeling like,

oh, I could launch a business. If I let that label take root, I could have never done it. It's about assigning new labels. And this is everywhere. I'm thinking people that say, I'm not a morning person, or I'm not smart, or I'm not good with languages, or I'm not great at math, or I could never. I'm too old. I'm too young. My days have passed.

No one wants all of it. All of it. I feel like I should just race out of here and go do something. Like I'm like, OK, all right, all right, all right. You know, like being in a great sermon or emotional mode of it, I'm like, okay. All right. All right. All right. You know like great sermon or emotional Motivation, I'm like, okay. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. But what are what what is well? Whatever happened to that investor? Did you ever see him again? Okay? I didn't hear by the way

I prayed before this episode like something that would happen in this room today is exactly for someone listening to us right now Okay, I love that you feel that way because I feel that way I cannot wait until people ride into the Mel Robbins podcast and share this episode, right? Because we all need to unlearn these lies that lead to self-doubt. I did not hear from that potential investor again for six years, the day that we sold our business to L'Oreal, right? Which, how wild. When I was waitressing Denny, saving my tip money, I could have never imagined that this would all happen. I had hoped.

I had little feelings. But the day L'Oreal bought our business for $1.2 billion cash, and they were our public company. So it was all over the press. It was the home page of the Wall Street Journal. That was the first time I heard from him, the one who said women won't buy makeup from someone who looks like him. First time I heard from him in six years,

and he said, congratulations on the L'Oreal deal. I was wrong. No shit, I'm sorry. And, and I, and it's funny, I know I've, I've joked with you before about this, that in that moment, like, I just think for anyone who's seen the movie Pretty Woman, or she goes in the store and they won't help her,

and then she comes back later, like, what I wanted to say to him in that moment was, big mistake. Huge! Huge! I can give you 1.2 billion reasons why. It was a huge mistake, but I kept it classy. I did not say that. I wouldn't have wanted to be him, and I believe, you know, I go into worthy about... But I kept it classy. I did not say that. I wouldn't have wanted to be him. And I believe, you know, I go into worthy about... But here's the thing.

Yeah. Here's the thing. If he had said yes, you wouldn't have sold your company for over a billion dollars to L'Oreal and you wouldn't have been directed on the path you were meant to go. And one of my biggest takeaways always when I listen to you and I hear your wisdom is that it's easy to look backwards at your life and both go, thank God, it happened that way. Or I now understand how all the dots connect. What you're talking about is the life-changing magic

of learning how to be in the present moment, the present day, and trust that the dots will connect. Yes. And that your life is directing you toward the lessons or toward the life that you are supposed to be leading. And that if you can get out of this self-doubt and if you can tee up the lies and the labels that you keep telling yourself

that simply aren't freaking true. That you can drop into this deeper knowing and the deeper knowing can be as simple as it is going to work out. I am figuring it out. I do know what is right for me. And I'm worthy of being who I am. I'm worthy of my goals and my dreams.

And our self-worth is our ceiling. Our self-worth is our ceiling in every area of life. And it's those lies that I'm so grateful we got to dive into that they create a ceiling for us. They create a ceiling. And so unlearning those lies and learning to believe that you are worthy exactly as you are, you are not crazy, you're just first. That your past failures do not determine your future successes. That if you stand out, you'll get kicked out. If you stand out, that is how you step into alignment with your assignment and the person that you're born to be.

So it's like I'm learning those lies is the greatest way to get like on that on your north star of who you're born to be and to enjoy the journey. Because when we're living under the belief of all these lies, you cannot be fulfilled. No matter how much you accomplish, you cannot be fulfilled when you don't believe you're enough. You cannot accomplish your way into fulfillment when underneath it all you don't believe you're enough. You cannot get married and have the kids and get the six pack abs and do all the things you thought

and then those that make you fulfilled, they will not make you fulfilled when underneath it all you do not believe you are worthy or enough. And so that is why this episode is so powerful that you're putting out about unlearning the lies. You are fully worthy and learning to believe you are and that you are enough. That is what brings fulfillment in your whole life.

That's when you, you know, on that path are able to be fulfilled as you step into all the most beautiful and hard and difficult parts of your life. And the last thing I'll say is when you believe you're worthy, you become more fearless and more ambitious, right? Because you know, oh, I might go for it and fall flat on my face, it might shake my confidence for a little bit, but it cannot touch my self-worth, right? So your self-worth is your ceiling,

which is why I'm so passionate about this. Because when we don't believe we're enough as we are, we'll either stay stuck, we'll go for things and sabotage them, we'll hit a ceiling, or we'll actually achieve them, but feel empty and like something's missing. So believing you're enough, building your sense of worthiness, it's the key. I did a lot of things in my whole life where I did not feel fulfilled and I thought something was missing even though I was achieving and I didn't know why. And it's because deep down inside,

I didn't yet believe I was enough. So that is the one thing that will change everything. Jamie Kern-Lima, I cherish our friendship. I love you. I love your wisdom and how relatable you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you for pouring into us and for writing a book that gives us a pathway to discovering our self-worth and unlocking the unique limitless potential of our lives. I love you. And for you listening, I just want to tell you that I love

you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life and clearly identifying these lies and these labels and punching them in the face and tapping into your self worth is the way you're going to do that. I'll talk to you in a few days. Oh wait, did I have headphones on? Oh dear, okay. Remember that. Lord.

Okay, understand. Let me just see here. So where are you sweetheart? Do you want me to do that line? What is it that I said last? Of course I was like... That's right. Here, oh got it.

No, what did I say? Something's weird. It feels like it's almost... Yeah, there's like a huge... What is that? Like, hold on a second. That... Go ahead and... I missed the catch on that. Okay, there it is. Uh, it's backwards, Trace.

Oh my god, done! Chibi! That's fine right now. Woo! Oh my God, done! Chibi! All right. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language.

You know what the lawyer's right and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.

Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.