The Mel Robbins Podcast - Every Tattoo Has a Story: Here’s Mine

Episode Date: March 30, 2023

In today’s episode, I’m finally answering the #1 personal question that I get asked: What’s the story behind my tattoo on my right wrist? Pull up a seat to laugh along with us as Chris and I share our tattoo adventure - complete with anxiety, jealousy, intention, love, a huge mistake on my part, and the most incredible moments of synchronicity. But it’s not just a story; there’s a much more profound topic we are discussing today.  Because tattoos aren’t really about tattoos.  They are an example of a powerful, positive force that habit researchers call an “environmental trigger.”  They’re also an example of another tool that you can use to create a more powerful and resilient mindset. Because a lot of tattoos are also “meaningful mantras.”  Today, you will learn how to create and use positive triggers and meaningful mantras to improve your life and to remind you of either a deeper purpose or the values you want to live by. This goes way beyond etching ink onto your body.  By the end of this episode, you’ll not only be inspired to create your own meaningful mantra, you will have several specific examples of how you can create a positive environmental trigger using things you have around your house.  One thing’s for sure, this episode will leave a lasting impression. 😄 Xo Mel   In this episode, you’ll learn: 6:00: I’m answering this personal question so many of you have been asking.8:30: Chris shares his powerful story for the tattoo he etched on his forearm.12:00: The inspiration for my own tattoo came from this.15:00: You won’t believe what happened on our 15th wedding anniversary.18:00: Here’s how I beat myself up while Chris was getting his tattoo.19:00: You might know this already, but a tattoo isn’t just a tattoo. 21:00: I just love the synchronicity behind this entire tattoo event.24:30: Chris’s tattoo has become a lifeline for him, especially now.30:30: Rule #1: a mantra will only work for you if you have this first.32:15: Need an idea for your own mantra? I’ve got a bunch of them for you.34:30: Here’s how to figure out your own powerful mantra.36:30: This is what scientists think about why tattoos are so powerful.38:15: Here’s what Chris did that gets him emotional every time he sees it.41:00: Are you a busy mom? Then this mantra might work for you.42:40: Maybe you need to shift your thinking about a mantra this way. Learn more about “How & Why Synchronicity Can Improve Your Life.”Want more about finding your purpose? “Stop Searching and Do This Instead.” Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast that will leave a lasting impression. Woo! There is something in the air today. I cannot wait to jump into our topic. It is not only empowering, it's hilarious, it's fun, and my husband is going to be joining us in just a minute, and I know you guys love it when Chris is here on the show with me. And in case you're new, I just want to say welcome. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm a New York Times best selling author and one of the world's leading experts on change, motivation and habits.

And I have a knack. This is my skill, my superpower of taking highly complicated and scientific and research back topics and simplifying them. So that absolutely anybody can apply the deeper wisdom into specific actionable tools that will help you create a better life. And I believe you can create a better life. I've coached people for more than a decade and there is no doubt that locked inside each and every one of us, including you. There is a desire to create a deeper connection and meaning in your life.

There's a desire to be able to express yourself and live out a life that is the truest expression of who you are. And that's why I started the Mel Robbins podcast because twice a week I wanted to not only remind myself of that, I wanted to remind you of that too, that you are capable of creating more in your life, more happiness, more meaning, more love, more connection. And it will require you to show up more as you, to tap into that courage and confidence. And that's what we're talking about today,

because there are simple things that you can do based on research that will help you express yourself and will help you dream bigger. And today, we're just a really fun example of that. And I got some amazing stories to tell you. But first, let me just welcome Chris Robbins in the house. My husband, Chris Robbins is here. Hey, Chris. Hi, Mel. And I had to get Chris here because I am going to answer one of the most frequently asked questions that I get. And it is a question that is very personal.

In fact, so many of you are curious about this, that you've gone to Google to try to figure out the answer to this personal question about Mel Robbins, just like one of our listeners, Jonathan did. Hi, Mel. It's Jonathan. I'm a big fan of the podcast. I often watch the video version on YouTube. I noticed in one of the recent episodes that you have a tattoo on your wrist.

I tried looking it up online. I found a bunch of people who have the five-second rule tattoos, but I couldn't find the story behind your tattoo. So I know everything in your life is very intentional. So I'm curious, what is it, and why did you get it? Thanks, Mel. Jonathan, I love that you asked this question. I love that you went to Google and saw all the five second rule tattoos.

And I get asked all the time about this tattoo that I have on the inside of my right wrist. Just last week, I was speaking at this major event for all of these leaders that are figuring out advanced solutions for diseases like cancer. And can you, Chris, when I opened it up to Q&A, what the first question was that I was asked by this audience of pharmaceutical executives? What's your tattoos? Yes. And even last night, we had three couples over and what were we talking about?

Tattoos. Tattoos. And even last night we had three couples over and what were we talking about tattoos tattoos and This morning many of you know if you've been listening to the podcast that I have a really good friend and colleague name Amy And Amy always pulls cards in the morning that helps us set an intention and this morning she pulled a card and What was on that card Chris? And what was on that card, Chris? All about tattoos? All about your intention and it being etched in with like this permanence, like a tattoo. And so I'm like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Something is going on here. The universe is saying we have to talk about tattoos. And so I have drag Chris here and our dogs are also sitting here sleeping at our feet. So we're going to dig in to the story about the tattoo. But I want to just say something. The tattoo story, it's just the tip of the iceberg. What we're really talking about today is a really important subject that both of us believe. And that is that there are simple tools that you can use that act like lifelines in your life.

And those tools are meaningful mantras, temporary or permanent tattoos, or there are ways that you can use even a simple post-it note as a environmental cue. That's what a researcher calls it. You can use a simple Post-it note as a environmental cue. That's what a researcher calls it. You can use a simple Post-it note to act like a lifeline, to remind you that you have the power inside of you to face something.

And in those moments where it really counts and you're trying to level up, that yes, you can show up in this moment and you can perform your best. And so while we're going to start with the tattoo story, which is a great story, we're going to get to a deeper topic here. And by the time you're done listening to this episode, you're going to have a phrase that you've identified that will act like a lifeline for you moving forward. And because I always say this is not just a listening podcast, it's a doing one. I'm going to ask you to do something specific and no, it's not to go get a tattoo.

So on the topic of tattoos, if you have a tattoo or you know someone who does, you know that every tattoo has a story. And mine begins just a few weeks before our 15th wedding anniversary. We've been married 26 years, so this would have been 11 years ago. Right? 11 years ago. Yeah, 11 years ago. 11 years ago was 2012. And Chris, let's just set the table for everybody. Because 11 years ago, our life looked really different. 2012. You were still in the restaurant business. We were 800 grand in debt.

We were struggling with drinking issues. And we were trying to make the ends meet. And we thought a tattoo was going to save us. We thought it would distract us. We decided that... That was our anniversary. That was our anniversary. And so we decided that it would be cool if we got tattoos on the date of our 15th wedding anniversary.

Provided it wasn't the same tattoo. Well, see, this is the thing. I wanted to get matching tattoos. I thought it would be super cool if you and I got the exact same tattoo on our 15th wedding anniversary and what was your response? Never. I think it was no fucking way. I thought you said that is so cheesy. We are bound for divorce if we get matching tattoos. We are not doing that. And so that was kind of my idea. And Chris just shot it out of the sky, boom, not happening. And so we got to remember what my reaction was to even getting, we had been talking about it maybe a little bit. I don't remember. Do you remember

yours? Was it an out of the blue idea that, hey, let's do this for our anniversary or we had talked about it perfectly? I think we had talked about how we both wanted to get one and then we decided we'd get it for our 15th and I thought we'd get matching. You said absolutely not. And then all of a sudden we went into our corners and we were individually thinking about our tattoos. And as the date of our anniversary, August 24th came closer and closer to the appointment, I started to panic because I had no idea what I wanted for my tattoo.

And then all of a sudden, you guys, Chris, walks into the room one day and says, I figured out what my tattoo is going to be. Why don't you tell him the story? Because I wanted to kill you when you told me what it was going to be. Why don't you tell him the story? Because I wanted to kill you when you told me what it was going to be. I grew up as a ski racer and was competing in races every weekend in my teenage years. And I was always that kid in the starting gate that was shaking like a leaf and worried about not the race, but the outcome. I was in my head thinking about what was going to be my time and how it was going to line

up and... And would it freak you out? Yeah. It was always about the result. Yeah. You know, the end game, if you will, for me, or at least this was the observation that ultimately my dad had of me. And my dad was often at these races.

And he helped me see the racing and the course a little bit differently by constantly suggesting that I just take it one gate at a time, to just rather than think about the big picture or the end game, just one gate at a time. And along the years, my dad and I would converse about this without ever necessarily giving it a name of a philosophy, if you will, but he wrote a letter to me about it one day. And I decided to pull the handwriting off of a letter my dad authored about just taking things one gated to time. Even up until his last year, he was writing letters to me about taking life one gated to time. So that became my tattoo idea. And so describe where it is and what it is. I put this tattoo on my forearm, on my left forearm, and I didn't necessarily have a vision

for having it kind of be oriented such that I could read it really easily, but ultimately it was the tattoo artist who suggested kind of the the right placement of it. But it's, yeah, it's just says the word one and the word gate one gate written in my dance hand writing. It's beautiful. And so being the shallow piece of shit that I am at times when Chris announced that he had figured out his tattoo and that he was going to take his dead father's handwritten letter to a tattoo artist and have that tattoo artist lift those two words, one gate, in his father's handwriting and put it on his left forearm where he could see it and have as a reminder.

I thought that is the best damn idea and now I have no idea what the hell I am going to tattoo on my body I was so pissed and so jealous that you had such a good idea and you guys I Freaked out and stressed out until the night before we were supposed to get tattoos the night before we were Going to go into this appointment Our 15th wedding anniversary, I still had no idea what I was gonna put on my body. And then luckily, a friend of ours who was one of my very first clients

when I became a life coach, Deva, who owns the amazing store in Boston called Matsu. She stopped by to say hi, and we started talking about the tattoo and I said, I have no idea what I want. She agreed. Chris's idea. That was a really good idea, really good idea. And I, um, I didn't know, Dave was the origin. Yeah. Yeah. So what happened is I started saying, I don't know what to do. And she said, well, I know what it should be. I'm like, you do, what should it be? And she said, it should say it shall be.

I said, what? What do you mean? It should say it shall be. She said, you say it all the time. I said, no, I don't. She said, yes, you do. I said, no, I don't. She said, Mel, you have coached me for years.

You always say, if you put in the work and you hold the belief that'll happen, at some point, it shall be. I had honestly never realized that I had used that phrase when coaching other people. And as she said it, in that way, it just kind of went clunk. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put the words it shall be on the inside of my right wrist and it will be both a reminder to me that if I do the work, if I have faith, if I keep my head down and if I give up my timeline, it shall be. It'll all work out. It'll be fine.

And so that was that. Now, meanwhile, there's another twist to this story, because you remember what happened on our actual 15th wedding anniversary? Do I ever? That's the funniest part of the whole story. Oh, yeah. That's true. Don't we need to take a break? Oh yes, yes, yes, yes. We do need to hear from our sponsors, but you guys, this part is hilarious. And we'll tell you the rest of the story when we come back. I'm Mel Robbins and I'm here with my husband Chris. We're telling you the story behind tattoos that we got on our 15th wedding anniversary and we're also going to dig into the power of creating a meaningful mantra in life. Our story is now taking a very unexpected turn as we think we're going to be heading into

Boston to now go get tattoos. And that's not exactly how it played out. Okay. We'll tell everybody. Well, you were in radio at the time. Yeah. It was when I was a radio host. So you guys, Chris was still in the restaurant business, struggling financially.

He was doing some show in Boston and you had had some show talking about tattoos, right? Correct. Throwback. And all these people called in. And they suggested like the best tattoo parlor in town. Correct. If you're going to get a tattoo, you have to go to the sky. And you, of course, took it upon yourself to book us the appointment, which was at that point had to have been six

months out. Yes. And they had a huge wait list. So you couldn't even get in until like four months out. We booked this thing six months out, you guys. So you put down this big ass deposit for our anniversary. We have a babysitter. We're going into Boston. We got our appointment. We're about to pull on the mass pike. And what happens? We're no, we're pulling out of the driveway.

And you're like, well, where are we? Where are we? Let's get the address of this place. And then you say, well, let me just call them just to make sure, let them know we're coming. And you call them and sure enough, the guy says, I don't know, we got you on the books for next week. And I start pleading with him. Oh, no, you can't. I don't know. We made this expo. No, no, no, no, it's next week. It's a week from

today. But that's not our anniversary. I never want to screw this up. This must be a mistake. Can you just fit us in now? No. And we were going away. We could like we couldn't even make the following. Yeah, but also the thing was it was supposed to be on the anniversary. So now here we are with a babysitter. We have our tattoos. You've got your letter. I've got my phrase. We have no appointment. I start calling tattoo parlors because we decide let's just head into Boston. And I'm like, how hard could this be? Do you know the first five or six tattoo parlors that I called were booked? Like no openings. I didn't know you couldn't just walk into a tattoo parlour, who the hell is getting all these tattoos? So I finally call the sixth or seventh place.

And it was a place that was right around the corner from this apartment that we used to live in in Cambridge, Massachusetts, when we first moved to Boston before we had kids for you to go to graduate school. And the guy answers the phone and he says, sure, come on in. And then he says, what's the name? And I say Mel Robbins and he goes, you mean from WTKK Mel Robbins? I thought I recognized this voice. I love your show. My wife's a huge fan of yours.

Come on in. It turned out to be a guy that listened to my old radio show. So we drive to this place. The guy is this amazing big bearded teddy bear of a guy gives us this big old bear hug. Chris goes first because here's the next twist that happened. It had completely been lost on me that I hadn't even picked out a font or handwriting. And so I had the phrase it shall be, but I had no idea what I wanted it to look like

or how big it was gonna be. So while Chris got his tattoo, I pulled up Microsoft Outlook. And I started going through the font choices and ended up picking the only font that looked somewhat cool, which turned out to be something called like Zaftex or Dab Diggs or Zad, it was like a Z. Printed it out on his printer,

and that became what I permanently put on my body. And I was having like doubts and second guesses and Chris' looked so good, but I was just like, why didn't I think that I should have thought about the font? It looks a little bit like your handwriting though, so that's good. It's okay. I mean, it's fine. I love my tattoo. I love my tattoo. I've got these curved, it shall be right on my inside wrist.

If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see it. We'll put it on the stories. That's our tattoo story. That's our tattoo story. And the thing that I love about this, and this is why it's so important for us to talk about meaningful mantras today, and environmental cues that you can use to help you stay steady, to help you tap into that courage and that confidence and that power that's inside of you. And over the years, I can't tell you how many times I've looked at this tattoo. And these words, it shall be. They are a lifeline for me.

You know, when I think about moments where I was failing at something or life was going off the rails, I would see those words, it shall be. And I'd take a deep breath and I'd put my head down and I'd say, Mel, you just got to keep believing it's going to all work out. You got to keep putting in the work. If you're a good, kind person, it'll happen. Maybe not on your timeline, but just keep going. When times were tough, these three words, it shall be, reminded me that this is just a moment.

And like all moments, this will pass. It shall be. No, but I really, it, it, thinking about the question that Jonathan wrote in and saying how you're so intentional and everything that you do, it was a very thoughtful question. And I would agree that your application of that in life is very pronounced and interesting how you didn't necessarily see it. Like, Davea saw it. And how the only thing that was not intentional about it was the scramble to get the right tattoo before the evening itself.

Well, you know what's great about this? Actually, I shouldn't say that because you booked the appointment. We had it on the anniversary. Like, we were organized. We were ready to roll. There was a tension. The entire story of the tattoo is a demonstration of the philosophy at Shelby. Because nothing went according to plan. And yet we just took it one gate at a time. And I was fierce in my belief that it was all just going to work out.

What are the odds that the appointment is on the wrong date or that the first five places I call are not available for appointments, but the one that is happens to be a guy that listened to my little local Saturday radio show and recognized my name and voice? This phrase, it shall be. It's just a little bit of optimism that acts like a lifeline for me, and it reminds me that it's going to work out that I have the power within me to face things. That's how I've been using this phrase. It shall be over the last 11 years because these have not been the easiest 11 years of our life. I would argue some of the hardest. The hardest for sure. I mean, when I think about the state that you were in, when you left the restaurant business, just two years after

I got this tattoo and you just checked out a life. You're like, I'm getting sober. I have to heal. I have to take care of myself. And for two years, you were just comatose. And I'm like in survival mode. And I would look at this, my tattoo, which I'll be, it shall be, and it gave me faith that if I just kept working hard, we'd figure it out. That we'd figure out how to pay the bills.

That I would figure out how to build this business. That you would figure out how to heal and find your way back to yourself and to me. And even things like moving up here to Southern Vermont and how hard that was. And feeling like I've just turned my whole life upside down. And yet there is this deeper knowing that drove our decision to move and to change our life profoundly from living outside of Boston to being in this tiny rural town.

And on those days that I just felt so lost, I would look at my wrist and go, it shall be. It's gonna work out. I can do this. And even with the podcast, everybody was like, you know, crowd of that is, you know, there's five million podcasts. I was like, you know what, I'm playing the long game. I'm not, I'm it shall be. I'm going to put in the work. I'm going to go for it. And I even feel that like when our kids are struggling, it helps me this phrase, it shall

be to put almost like a beacon out in the future. It's a reminder that at some point, the road ahead is easier and great things happen and it gives me faith to keep going. I think the location of that tattoo is also properly aligned with you and your own just being reminded of that, right? Because if you had that tattoo on the back of your shoulder, where you never see it, where

you weren't seeing it all day every day, you would always wanted to put it right, something, whatever it was, you were thinking. Or why get a tattoo and hide it? Right. You know? How has one gate, as a phrase, a meaningful mantra, a lifeline for you, a philosophy? How has that helped you on your journey in the last 11 years? I mean, I would say just even write this minute as I'm putting together this

online program for SoulDegree. What is SoulDegree for people who don't know? SoulDegree is a mens retreat that I've hosted for the last six years, often taking place in the wilderness away from it all. And this year, I'm trying to spark the conversation online. So you're doing an online program? Yeah. I love that.

You know what you guys don't know is so Chris created this men's retreat, called SoulDegree six years ago. Something that he desperately wanted for himself, he created and the thing is filled up organically every time you lead an in-person retreat for the last six years. And so now Chris is trying something new.

He's going to create a webinar and create an online course and a digital version of this for men because you have a huge mission to help men discover themselves and to help men create deeper connections with other men. And you are so driven to do this and yet you've never done it before. And I can tell that you're scared. Yeah, like even the word webinar makes me like Chris, like are you fucking kidding me. Chris is scared about this. This is why he's right.

He's in the starting gate. Right. You're like the little kid in the starting gate going, is anybody going to sign up for this digital course? Oh my God. Some of that is present, but some of it also is just in the act of having to put something out there. Yeah. And to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable, which is being in that marketer seat and having to speak out loud and be in front of a microphone and a camera, which is really, it makes me, yeah, I'm in the starting gate for sure, looking, wondering about whether I'm going to make it to the bottom. So, but no, one gate is a perfect example of just one foot in front of the other. Just take it one day at a time and get up and think about what I want to share it or

how I want to write it or and not get wrapped around the axle about how it's all going to play out. And now we can't wait to see what you create because we're all like, ooh, what does Chris Robbins look like? So what does one gate do for you? How does that even help you? It slows me down and allows me to just take it one step at a time, one gate at a time, just one foot in front of the other, like I said, and not losing myself in what

it's going to look like, but instead just being present to the experience I'm in right now, putting the pieces together. Hmm, I love that. I absolutely love that. So I now want to turn the mic over to you. When we come back from a word from our sponsors, you are going to learn how to create a meaningful mantra for yourself. Stay with us.

Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm here with my husband Chris and we're talking about meaningful mantras and how they can create this really grounding force and they can help you tap into your power and your optimism and your resilience and life. So I now want to pass the mic to you. Wherever you are, listening in a car, taking us on a walk with you, doing errands, wherever you are right now, I want you to stop and ask yourself today at this point in my life. What is a mantra that I'd really love to live by?

Something that could act like a lifeline, some form of reassurance, something that maybe you wish somebody else would say to you. It's interesting that we're having this conversation because Kendall, who is our middle child, who's 22, she's about to graduate from college. She's been talking about getting a tattoo, talking about getting a tattoo when she graduates, but she doesn't know what it might be.

And she's been thinking in the form of symbols. But for the purpose of this conversation, I really want you listening to us as I pass the mic over to you to be thinking about a phrase. Whether it's a phrase like Chris's one gate that maybe one of your parents would say to you, or it's a phrase like it shall be that a friend of mine reminded me that I say all the time to her when I'm trying to get her to push through her fears and to believe in

herself. As you start to formulate in your own mind, what could that phrase or that word be for you? And I find this to be really interesting. See, mantras cut both ways because there are good mantras and bad mantras. There are mantras that work and mantras that don't. See, here's the interesting thing about mantras. Mantras are powerful, but they don't work unless you believe what the mantra or the phrase says. And I'm going to unpack this because I think this is super important. It's why so many of us get positive

self-talk or self-love completely wrong. A mantra is only going to work if you believe intrinsically in what the mantra means. And so I'll give you an example. If you've been beating yourself up for 40 years, there is no way you can stand in front of a mirror and say, I love myself. Or if you've been just hating on your body for decades, you're not going to be able to stand in front of the mirror and go, I look beautiful. I want you to feel those things. But if your behavior and your own mindset proves day in and day out that you don't love yourself, that you not only don't think your body

is beautiful, you think it's disgusting or you think it's gross or you think it's this or you think it's that. Simply saying a mantra because you think you should, it will not work. It actually makes things worse because your mind is like, oh, what do you mean? You know what you said yourself all day yesterday? No, it's not true. And your mind starts to fight against it. And so it makes your negative beliefs worse.

And so one of the things that I want you to think about is that as you come up with this phrase for yourself, rule number one, it has to be meaningful. And what I mean by that is a meaningful mantra is one that you can get behind. It's one that when you say it or somebody else says it to you, you're like, yeah, I can get behind that. So for example, if you struggle with how you look, instead of saying, I'm beautiful when you don't quite feel it and believe it yet, start saying, I deserve kindness. I'm trying my best. I deserve to feel better. My body needs me to take care of it.

Those are all things that you can get behind. And so oftentimes, one of the things that I say, if you're just kind of new to thinking about some guiding phrase or a meaningful mantra or some sort of word that you're going to use as your theme or your lifeline is like bring it down just a little. Like don't jack the mantra up like, oh you're the best. Because some days you're not going to feel that way. And so if you have that tattooed on your wrist, you're going to be like, I don't feel like the best right now.

You want to ratchet it down just a little so you can always get behind it. I'm trying my best. Anybody can get behind that. Here's some other ones. What if it works out? Talked a lot about that on the podcast. I love that one. What if it works out? So many people don't even realize that their guiding philosophy right now is what if it

doesn't work out? Imagine adopting the meaningful mantra. What if it works out? Another one that I love is courage. Courage. We often sit around and feel self-doubt or feel unmotivated in those moments, courage, that courage inside you

To act to say something to show up when you don't feel like it Courage is what you need first and so courage is a beautiful reminder You got this you got this is just encouragement I believe in you. I love that phrase. I believe in you one day at a time that's sort of like one gate isn't it, huh? Yeah, it is a little bit like that. But I think what you're speaking to also is that Like everything that you just mentioned almost alludes to a way of being or an attitude Certainly a reminder. What do I really need in those times

to be reminded or to be encouraged? You just gave me a huge breakthrough. One way that you could figure out a meaningful mantra or this sort of guiding phrase for you, is think about the future you, the person that you want to become. And just assume that it all works out. Just assume that you become the person that you dream about becoming. How about you let the future you give the present you that assurance and that advice,

so that the tattoo or the post-it note or whatever it is, the mantra that you say to yourself over and over, that it is a reminder from the person you're becoming that you got this. Believe, courage. All of that is incredible. Whoa, I love that. You know, Tracy, who's also a friend in a college, she has a great one that's been on her bedside table for a year. Every day I'm learning and growing. I love that.

Every day I'm learning and growing. Every day I'm learning and growing. And by simply repeating it over and over and over again, you will. Because what you, you know, they always... And that's on her bedside table, not on her body. Yes. That's an option too for anybody or... Well, yeah, because...

Tattoo is... That's how you... That's the reason why tattoos can be so powerful is because a tattoo is what researchers call an environmental trigger. An environmental trigger is something that you encounter visually in a space that cues a certain thought or behavior. And a lot of us are aware of triggers in the negative sense. Oh, you trigger me.

Oh, that sound triggers this. But you can use environmental triggers in a very positive and profound way. And I talk about environmental triggers extensively in the episode that we did called five essential hacks to make new habits stick. And I love environmental triggers. And so for sure, this tattoo, and your tattoo, that is a visual reminder that triggers

a certain positive way of thinking. But you can use a Post-it note. In fact, this is the assignment everybody. I want you to come up with a phrase. And you can borrow one that you've heard us say today and try it on for size because it's sort of like you got to see if it fits. And how do you know if the phrase fits? You're not resisting it.

You're not arguing against it. You're not saying the phrase, I'm beautiful. Yeah, but no, you got to come up with something that feels right. It's sort of like Goldilocks in the three bears, right? One's too little, one's too big, one feels just right. That's how you try this on. Then I want you to take a sharpie, a permanent pen, and write it out a post-it note, and stick that sucker on your mirror or on your laptop somewhere in your physical space that you're going to bump into it. Your bedside table, the way the Tracy does. Heck, if you're thinking about a tattoo,

before you get a tattoo, make the tattoo in a Sharpie on your arm. I so believe in this. Don't you believe in this? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, the environmental trigger piece is just makes such a difference. Yeah. You have an interesting environmental trigger on your bulletin board. It's a photo of you. Why are you getting this? I knew somehow you were going to raise this topic again. Why? Guys, he is the cutest photo that our friend Jenny Maloney took. And it's a black and white photo of Chris. And he's looking off to the side and he's sort of smiling. And he posted it. He pinned it to his bulletin board. And he wrote in a sharpie, you, with an arrow pointing at himself. And it sits right on his bulletin board at his desk

and I can see you tearing up. What does that photo mean? What does it trigger you to think? Just to, I was prompted to print the picture and tack it on my board as a piece of a homework assignment in a class that I'm taking, where I just need to be reminded that I am perfect the way I am. Yes, I'm good enough, who I am is who I am. And so it was a spontaneous response to work that I was doing in this class to say this was one of those hacks or habits I was going to develop was to look at that picture every day and see me as I am and embrace and love that person. Oh, this is for your masters and psych. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I think everybody's going to steal that one too. I mean, I don't have a mirror in my office. So I put a picture of myself environmental trigger everybody. I'm really serious about this. Positive triggers in the environment triggering positive thinking patterns and positive physical change.

And I want to keep inspiring you. So I'm gonna share a couple things that some of our listeners have shared with me on social media and the first one is from Denise. Hi Mel, it's Denise from Phoenix, Arizona. The meaning of my tattoo, which says, love yourself first, is a reminder that self-love is not selfish. It is necessary. As a single mother, I have learned that in order to be present for them, I first need to be present for me. Show up for me. Love yourself first. That's a great one. That's a great one. That doesn't hit for me though. I mean, it's great for Denise. It might be great for you, but this is why it's important to try it on.

Love yourself first. When I think about it on my wrist, that doesn't like give me the tangles. Well, I think what you had said earlier was really cool about just that this is that a mantra like this can help you on your path of becoming. on your path of becoming, rather than the tattoo needing to be a reminder of the end game or being symbolic of something that you aspire to complete, rather than just this is my evolution. I love that. That sort of shifted how I feel about love yourself first for me, because you're right. It is part of the becoming. I believe in you as a good one. I believe in you. I believe in you.

For years, though, that probably, well, if I think about it from me in the present moment, it wouldn't sink, because there have been plenty of moments where I didn't believe in myself. But if I think about it as a message from the future male, the person I'm becoming, as if she was saying to me, I believe in you, Mel. And I know what's coming. And that's why I believe in you. That would go, whoo, whoo, I love that. That's really, maybe that'll be my next tattoo. But it's interesting how you describe that as though it's something outside of you or a voice or something external. Like I don't think of one gate as like I don't hear my dad talking to me per se like I don't see my dad all the time I think of it whereas what you

are just describing is some larger voice, which is profound and can be powerful, but it conjures up a visual. It shall be as a larger voice for me. And it doesn't have to be a tattoo, you guys. Again, this is not an episode about tech twos. This is an episode about using research to create a lifeline to your power and to optimism and to resilience and belief in self. And I love this example from another listener, Namonica. Hi Mel, it's Monica from Italy. I don't

have tattoos, but I think the best sentence for me right now would be the little things. It helps me keep going when I think that my goal is to be for me too far away and that I'm just wasting time. And it also reminds me to enjoy the small beautiful things of my life. Bye! Ooh, that's a good one too. I love that. That reminds me of the thing that Oakley said at the end of the episode that we did just recently about anxiety, where he refers to your ordinary, extraordinary life, your ordinary, extraordinary life,

finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, the little things, if you will. Wow, love yourself first. The little things, one gate, it shall be. Yeah, the little things is, it's got a calming tone to it a little bit. I love that we're kind of dissecting these because I think it's really important that you truly pick a phrase that feels a certain way to you, whether that's calming or uplifting or energizing, or it just feels like the truth, that no matter what's going on in your life,

you can count on that this phrase is true. I think that's what makes it also somewhat hard, is that feeling. Like I think most people's reaction is to react swiftly to how that phrase or mantra sounds or feels in that moment. And then they move on as opposed to, as you say, kind of sitting with it, letting it marinate, posting it on a wall, putting it by your bedside, but allowing it to seep in over time a little bit,

to see truly, like how does that feel? Try it on. You know, I now want to get another tattoo. Because of this conversation. Maybe I want to get my mom to write something. This remember, this show is not about getting a tattoo. Okay, now listen, are you saying I shouldn't get a tattoo? No, not necessarily. Well, I will tell you what I do want everyone to do. I do want you to take us passing you the mic very seriously. And I want you to try the power of creating a meaningful mantra,

or a word or a phrase that you can turn to every day. And I do want you to get a post-it note, or a piece of painter's tape, or something that you can write your phrase word or mantra that's meaningful to you on it. And let's take it a step further. I'd love to see these. So take a photo of you in your post at note,

or you in your Sharpie, and share your phrase or word or mantra, and tag me, Mel Robbins. Tag the podcast, the Mel Robbins podcast. You might even be featured on our social media channels, but mostly I just want to see you and give you a virtual hug and a high five. And I want to get inspired by you. Speaking of meaningful mantras that you say to yourself, there's

something I want to be sure to say to you. In case nobody else tells you this today, I wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you too. And I believe in you. I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a life that you love. One gate of a time. And if you do, it shall be. Oh, let's go get tattoos. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach,

psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Stitcher qualified professional.