The Mel Robbins Podcast - Take Control of Your Mindset: Master Your Mental Habits for a Happier Life

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

In this episode, you’re learning a simple but powerful way to take control of your mindset. You need to get serious about your mindset. The way you think and talk to yourself has serious consequenc...es.Your thoughts become your beliefs.Your beliefs turn into actions.Your actions become habits.And your habits determine who you are and what you achieve in life, or not.That’s why you need a Mindset Reset.Imagine if your thoughts were positive, empowering, clear, and encouraging. Imagine if your beliefs inspired the best in you.If you’re tired of listening to a voice that beats you down, fills you with doubt, and argues against your goals and dreams, it’s time to change your thinking.Today, you’ll learn how to do it for yourself and start programming a more positive, empowering, and confident mindset.So pull up a seat as I coach two people through the process.I’m so confident you’re going to be fired up after listening to this episode that I have a free gift to help you take your current mindset to the next level.I have a brand new, free, 3-part training called "Take Control with Mel Robbins."It will provide you with the coaching, structure, and support you need to hit reset, take control, and level up your life.It features 3 brand-new training videos, two hours of research-backed curriculum taught by me, and a 21-page workbook. Plus you’ll be with hundreds of thousands of other students taking the course for free around the world.All at zero cost to you. Why? Because you deserve it, and it’s my way of thanking you for being here with me.You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Why not take advantage of this opportunity? I’ll see you in the course!Xo Mel In this episode, you will learn: 5:00: What does your default critical soundtrack sound like in your mind?7:30: Here’s the mantra I want you to start your day with. 9:45: This is one of my easiest and favorite tools for dealing with a critical voice.16:00: This is the #1 hit playlist I want you to put on repeat. 17:30: Drop this word if you want to improve your relationship with others.22:30: Work on the most important relationship of all first.24:15: What if your critics are the voices of your boss, partner, and friends?26:25: This trauma response is very common when you live in a state of anxiety.30:15: Here’s why telling yourself that you love yourself doesn’t work for you.32:00: Yes, your boss may be a douche, but you don’t have to let that ruin you.35:00: Don’t leave today without taking away this message. Disclaimer

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, it's your friend Mel Robbins and today we're talking mindset reset on the Mel Robbins podcast. Let's go. I'm really excited for today's show because mindset reset is one of my favorite topics. In fact, for years, I taught a course online that I created called mindset reset all about the science of reprogramming, the default soundtrack in your mind. More than half a million people have taken that online course. I'm really proud of it. And today, I'm going to bring some of the teaching right to this podcast as I coach two listeners who are struggling with their mindset.
Starting point is 00:00:45 If you're brand new to the podcast, I'm Mel Robbins, welcome. I am one of the world's leading experts on behavior change, motivation and habits. I'm also a New York Times bestselling author. If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, I just wanna take a minute before we jump into these live coaching sessions to thank you.
Starting point is 00:01:03 I always say this is our podcast. And I mean it. I couldn't be doing this without you, without you listening, without you sharing, without you submitting topics, sending me videos in the DMs. You are a critical part of the success of this podcast. And I always envision that this would just be like, you know, taking a walk with a friend. But you have taken this to an entirely different level. And so from the bottom of my heart,
Starting point is 00:01:31 I wanna say thank you. You are a force for good in people's lives around the world. Thank you for sharing this show. Thank you for listening. Thank you for making our podcast, a life changing, zero cost resource for people. And today's gonna be no different. Today, we're gonna do something really cool.
Starting point is 00:01:54 You're gonna listen in on two live, raw, real coaching sessions. These are coaching sessions with listeners just like you who are struggling with the critical voice in their head. The first coaching session is with a woman named Poppy who grew up with very, very critical parents. And what's happened is since her parents were so critical when she was little, she is now incredibly critical of herself and she's sick of it.
Starting point is 00:02:20 She wants to evict that jerk in her head. Then we're going to move on to a second listener who is realizing by listening to this podcast that she has been surrounded by narcissists her entire life. And they have beaten her up to a point where she believes everything is her fault. And we're gonna talk about the steps she needs to take
Starting point is 00:02:40 in order to evict that jerk in her head and program in a positive new soundtrack, one that is all her own, that is empowering. So that's what we're doing today. I invite you to pull up a seat. You are going to laugh. You're going to feel seen. You're going to feel empowered.
Starting point is 00:02:56 You're going to leave with tactical tools and a step-by-step process for giving yourself a mindset reset. So let's get into it with our first coaching session with Poppy who wrote to me asking for advice on how to change her mindset and get her parents' critical voices out of her head once and for all. Hi Poppy. Hi Mel. How can I help you? So, how does one turn out that voice that's been programmed into our head, telling us that our needs, our emotions don't matter and we must cater to theirs. How do you turn that off? Okay, it's an excellent question. And you don't turn it off.
Starting point is 00:03:43 You have to lay a new soundtrack. If you think about the default mindset, almost like a playlist that runs in the background, that it's almost hard to make it go silent, it's much easier to put a new playlist in there. And so there are two tricks I'm going to give you. Well, before I get into the tricks, I just want to acknowledge something. Great job recognizing that the default thinking doesn't serve you in your life now.
Starting point is 00:04:22 So the fact that you recognize, wow, I have this way of thinking that I don't want in my life and I'm gonna do something about it. So that's enormous and it's amazing. Can you tell me, what does this default soundtrack sound like? What does it say to you? So it says that you know whenever I put myself first
Starting point is 00:04:52 and don't put you know other people first, I'm selfish or if I want to do something for myself it's never going to succeed. Did somebody tell you that? Yes, my parents. Okay. All right, so thank you for admitting that. And the reason why your parents told you that is because their parents probably told them that. And so they probably thought that they were protecting you. And instead, they sentenced you to a way of thinking that makes you feel terrible. And so when you can recognize who the programming comes from, it also helps because then you can separate yourself
Starting point is 00:05:49 from that voice because it's not your voice, it's your parents voice. And you have a chance to break this chain. You have the chance to be the one that this playlist dies with. You have the chance to create a whole new way of thinking and talking to yourself, and that's incredible. The first thing that you said is that you have a belief
Starting point is 00:06:16 because somebody programmed this into your mind that runs on default, that putting yourself first is selfish. Correct? How does that impact your life? I get burnt out basically. If you could program a different belief, what would the belief be? That, you know, um, yeah, um, what that basically, it's okay for me to take care of myself.
Starting point is 00:06:50 It's okay for me to have emotions. It's okay for me to just be me. Yeah. Oh, I love this. Your whole life's about to change because not only is it okay, I deserve to feel how I feel. The main mantra I want you to have is I deserve to be happy. Does this make me happy? I deserve to feel happy. Does this make me happy? What would change in your life if you started to tell yourself over and over every single morning when you start your day? I deserve to be happy today. What would change if you believed that happiness was something you deserved? Wow. I think that my day today would be a lot better, basically. I would actually, you know, get to cross off all the lists that I put down on my to-do list. I would have some confidence.
Starting point is 00:07:52 I would be able to go out and have a great day with friends. I noticed that I hold myself back a lot because of what's been programmed in my head. And I'm done with that, you know? Well, I'm glad you recognize it. That's a huge step. Most of us sleepwalk through life and don't even realize that we have been trained as little kids to make everybody around us happy
Starting point is 00:08:16 and that it's your job to make people happy. It's your job to keep people satisfied. It's your job to make sure nobody's disappointed with you. And part of the problem is, is that underneath what your story is, which is it's selfish to put myself first, you have an uglier story. And the uglier story, which I recognize, because I have this one too, is people will be mad at me if I put myself first. There will be consequences if I do with it's good for me. And so that's what you're really wrestling with, is that you've connected, taking care of yourself
Starting point is 00:08:56 with somebody pulling their love away. Yes. And that's why you're scared to put yourself first This goes way deeper and so you're doing fan Tastic on behalf of all of us by Recognizing that your own thinking is holding yourself back and I can I can tell you're just sick of it And so here's what you have to start to do Number one, I want you to name the voice Name it?
Starting point is 00:09:28 Yeah, give it a name. Sally Sue, Jocco, Raul, Michael. We gotta name this thing. Oh boy. Vicki, I guess. Vicki, okay. So when this default programming comes up, you're going to talk back to Vicki, okay?
Starting point is 00:09:55 Okay. And literally, you can even physically, when you feel yourself holding yourself back, that's the signal that this is default programming. You're going to turn toward Vicky. Let me like literally I want you to like turn your body and you're going to look as if Vicky's there and you're going to be like, shut up Vicky. Right. Now I want to hear you do it. Shut up Vicky. Yeah, but if you don't make your boss happy,
Starting point is 00:10:27 nobody's going to love you. Tell her, shut up. Shut up. If you don't do exactly what your parents want, they're going gonna be disappointed. Shut up. Say it louder. I don't believe you. Shut up. Say her name. Shut up, Vicki.
Starting point is 00:10:59 You don't want to believe this shit, Vicki's saying, right? Nope. What do you want to believe? And myself. Yeah. Your parents want you to be happy. They don't know how to make you happy. So they're just telling you what their parents told them. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying this is what people do. You are now an adult. You're not to blame for the crap, the molarky, the garbage, the gunk, the generational trauma shit that your parents put in your brain. You're responsible now that you're an adult for reprogramming this. And so whenever your mind tells you something that you don't want to think, shut up, Vicki.
Starting point is 00:11:38 I believe that if I'm happy, my parents are going to think they won the lottery. I don't believe that. I believe that if I put myself first, I'm going to do better work. Shob, Vicki. What the hell? You're not paying my rent. Shut up, Vicki. You're not going to the party.
Starting point is 00:11:54 I'm not taking you with you. There's no plus one on this invitation. Shut up, Vicki. By distancing yourself and talking back to it, it loses its power over you. And what also starts to happen is the filter in your brain, the RIS, it's now noticing, oh, you actually care about empowering yourself. And you're going to see more and more reasons to put yourself first.
Starting point is 00:12:20 But it really does start with, you got to delete that song. Shut up, Vicky, shut up, Vicky, shut up, Vicky, on the playlist in your mind from the past. And you've got to insert the new programming you want to run on default, which is I deserve to be happy. My parents are proud of me for being me. Nobody's disappointed in me. And if they are, I'm an adult, I can freaking handle it. And I got to start taking care of myself
Starting point is 00:12:46 because I deserve that. Those are your beliefs, period. And whenever you start to feel like here you go, hold on yourself back. Shut up, Vicki. Shut up, Vicki. And you'll notice the more you do this and you take ownership for programming your mind, the less Vicky's gonna show up. Okay. I mean it. Right. I really mean it. If you believed in yourself, what's one change you would make that would improve your life? I would be less intense, I would say. Why are you intense? I would be less intense, I would say. Why are you intense?
Starting point is 00:13:25 Because, well, just a little story where you're like, I'm an immigrant and so are my parents. And they are very tough on me. They're very toxic because of culture and they feel the need to raise me a certain way. But in terms of, you know, living in America, what they're doing to me, it's very toxic and abusive. So I'm just like, always living on the edge, basically.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Yeah. And if I could just, you know, embrace myself, I think it would be a more relaxed person. Yes. So are you open to some coaching? Yes. Great. Let's do that when we come back.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins and today on the podcast, I'm teaching you and two listeners how to give yourself a mindset reset, which you now know is the process where you intentionally identify the negative soundtrack from your past that's been playing in your head since childhood, and making a decision to overwrite it with a positive new soundtrack for your adult life. Why? Because you deserve this. You need to have a positive soundtrack because your thoughts, when you repeat them, they become your beliefs and your beliefs, they become your actions and your actions turn into your habits and your habits define who you are. And that's why it's
Starting point is 00:15:06 critical to change your thoughts because of what they ultimately trigger. Now Poppy, who you've been listening to, has a very harsh critical soundtrack that's been playing in her mind from her tough immigrant parents and it's been wearing her down since she was a little girl. Now that she's an adult, it's her job to delete that old toxic soundtrack, get rid of that critical voice, and lay down a new soundtrack, something that she wants to listen to,
Starting point is 00:15:38 something that empowers her. Because when you change your thoughts, you start to change everything. And Poppy, when you do that, you're going to relax. And the reason why you feel so intense and so stressed and so on edge is because your parents and your childhood, it trained you to believe that at any moment something could go wrong. And that's your lived experience. That is real.
Starting point is 00:16:10 That happened. And that is what happened during your childhood. And it will also help you if you can lose the word toxic. I can less your parents are abusing you and I don't know that they are or they're not. But if you lose the word toxic and you amplify a little compassion and you say, hmm, I'm not saying what my parents are doing is right. I'm not saying that they didn't cause issues for me emotionally and mentally and psychologically, but they did the best that they could. And I bet it was kind of hard
Starting point is 00:16:52 to immigrate here. And I bet it was really hard for them. And I bet the stakes did feel high. And they felt like outsiders. And they felt like they couldn't mess up. And I bet they took all of that stress that was their lived experience and out of fear and love they aimed at you. Right. And the reason why I want you to drop the word toxic is because I see this word thrown all over the internet.
Starting point is 00:17:19 And it's a very divisive word, particularly if you want to improve your relationship with the people who are engaged in behavior that feels toxic. And so I think your parents probably did the best they could with their experiences in life and with the situation that they were in, and that if they truly understood what it was like for you as a child, they'd be mortified and horrified and they'd feel terrible. Is that a fair assessment? I guess for some parts. Okay, so I don't want to have you have to go in through your whole family history,
Starting point is 00:18:07 but if there's abuse and that kind of stuff, then yeah, that is toxic. And you do need boundaries, and you'll figure that out with your therapist. But when it comes to not adding more pressure on yourself, adding a little compassion so that it doesn't feel so personal and accepting the fact that this was a form of like emotional abuse for you that stressed you the hell out you have this the dynamic with your parents. And the way that you change the dynamics but with your parents is by taking responsibility for how you show up for yourself. There's always kind of two people in a relationship. When you change the energy that you bring into that relationship is going to change. And they're going to have no choice but to change in reaction to it
Starting point is 00:19:08 That's how this creates a major ripple effect Because it is held you hostage for far too long and you have the chance to not only heal yourself But to heal this pattern that's been passed down through your family Yeah, what are you thinking? So far right now, we're not really on speaking terms. Yes, they have abused me physically, emotionally, mentally. It's bad. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:39 Okay. And you said in your note to me when you reached out that you are currently seeking professional help. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Since you're not on speaking terms and you're seeking therapeutic health, let's first say this, I am proud of you for getting the help that you need. And I am proud of you for drawing boundaries that put you first. And drawing boundaries that put you first is an example of you believing that you're worthy and that you deserve to be happy. And that's amazing, absolutely amazing. And when you continue to start to evict the bully that's in your head by naming that bully and talking back to that bully,
Starting point is 00:20:33 you will start to hear and reclaim the most powerful voice on the planet, your own. Period. And you don't need to worry about your parents. The time will come if it ever comes when you will feel strong enough, confident enough, secure enough, and safe enough to reconnect with them if that's what you choose to do. And if you choose to never do that, that's okay too,
Starting point is 00:21:11 because you deserve to be happy. You do. Okay. What did you get from this conversation? What did you get from this conversation? Who, basically, to have more compassion for others as well as myself? Yes. Because part of learning to accept yourself is being compassionate. Compassion for self is super important. You don't have to excuse what
Starting point is 00:21:50 somebody did. But when you seek to kind of understand what was going on, both for yourself, for other people, when you bring compassion to it, that's where you open the door to true power for yourself and where you take control and responsibility for what happens in your life moving forward. You get to decide what happens next. And when you start to change the way that you speak to yourself, again, your whole mindset is going to change. And that will be what empowers you to create a new relationship.
Starting point is 00:22:25 But that's what you decide to do in the future. But what you're doing right now is you're actually working on the most important relationship on the planet. That's the one you have with yourself. Right. Awesome. Thank you so much, Mel. I'm really proud of you.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Thank you. And thank you for telling me what you told me because you actually sang, wait a minute, I can hear what you're saying, but there was physical abuser, Mel. That's you putting yourself first. That's another example of how strong you are. Thank you. You're welcome. I love you, Mel. I love you too. You're awesome, Poppy. And next up, you're going to hear from a fellow podcast listener who's been impacted by the negativity of narcissism. And she's sick of it.
Starting point is 00:23:12 And we're going to talk about what steps she can take and what steps you can take to when we come back. I'm Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are talking about a mindset reset, which is when you identify the negative default programming that's been in your mind since childhood. You know, that critical voice, constantly chirping away in the background. You never get enough. Oh, you didn away in the background. You never get enough. Oh, you didn't get that right.
Starting point is 00:23:47 You look fat today. Once you identify that negative default programming, you can erase that bully. You can evict that bully. And more importantly, you can program a new positive mindset soundtrack voice in its place. Well, Diane wrote in because she's realizing that she's been surrounded by narcissists her entire life and they've beaten her up to a point
Starting point is 00:24:14 where she believes everything is her fault. And even though her narcissistic ex-husband is in the rear view mirror, his voice is still in her head. Hi, Diane. Hi, my question comes more of what about when this kind of programming and voices are from spouses, friends, employers, you know, and they're just basically building on what your parents or other people have said. Great question. building on what your parents or other people have said. Great question.
Starting point is 00:24:45 So the question is, what if you've got programming from childhood that now is basically being reinforced by colleagues, bosses, spouses, friend group, blobby-d blobby-d blob. Yes. What is the kind of default negative thing that you say to yourself? It's definitely not good enough and who the heck do you think you are? Ooh.
Starting point is 00:25:13 The who the heck do you think you are? That has a real bite to it. Yes, it does. So I don't know why I'm going to ask you this, but I'm going to ask you this. We're either of your parents on the narcissism personality disorder by chance, expecting. Well, I'm pretty close, so I would say yes, one of them, for sure. And the reason why I say that is because the who do you think you are has a very hostile nature to it. So I would imagine, and again, I'm just guessing, just guessing here that there was a level of either
Starting point is 00:25:58 hostility or fighting or outbursts or eruptions that were very chaotic for you when you were a little kid happening with the adults in your house. I've blocked out a lot. I remember more of my adults showed there. My ex was a nurse assistant. I mean, you know, definitely. Yep, okay.
Starting point is 00:26:20 So I am not surprised that you blocked a lot of childhood out because what happens is that when you're in a situation that is extremely stressful as a young kid because the adults around you can't be trusted or they're erratic or whatever the situation may be, you live in a state of fight or flight and the alarm system in your body's going off. And when you are on edge and the alarm system and your nervous system is going off because you don't feel safe around the adults in the house, it impairs the cognitive functioning in your brain.
Starting point is 00:27:05 This comes from research at a UCLA, Dr. Judith Willis, who studied extensively how nervous system, dysregulation impacts the brain's ability to function. And so if you're busy managing this toxic stress in your body as a kid, your brain's not actually present to make memories. So super normal to not have a lot of memories, by the way, I do not have a lot of memories from my childhood, from high school, from college, from law school because I was in a constant state of anxiety.
Starting point is 00:27:40 Never present the room to make memories there. And what I want to tell you first is the good news. So the good news is, even though you have been the victim of being with a narcissist, and you have had a childhood that was fraught with all kinds of stuff, you can change your brain. You can learn how to calm your nervous system, and you can absolutely change the programming in your mind. And I want you to relate to the programming in your mind as if it was deliberately put there. Because even though a narcissist or somebody with a narcissistic personality is not deliberately doing this to you, they are so incapable of empathy. They're not even considering you and me. We're objects.
Starting point is 00:28:40 They're just doing what they're doing, but we get damaged in the way that we think about ourselves when you're around somebody like that. Because you think you're the problem. You think that if there was something different about you, that everything would be okay. And lots of people with a narcissistic personality issue, they actually tell you that you're the problem. And so this was a deliberate programming in your mind at the hands of other adults. Now, the good news is you're an adult and you can take deliberate steps to reprogram your mind. And I'm going straight for like boom in the face on this because I want you to realize that you
Starting point is 00:29:27 got to get deliberate about this, that somebody else trained you to think this way. And it is a level of being deliberate. As if I said, you're going to move to Russia and you got to speak fluent Russian. I realize you've spoken how old you? 60 phones. You've spoken English for 65 years. But for the rest of your life, we're going to speak Russian. We're going to speak Swahili. We're going to speak a different language. And you can learn a different language. And learning to shut off the abusive voice in your head and teaching yourself through thought substitution. A different language is what you're going to have to do.
Starting point is 00:30:29 going to have to do. So that's number one. Number two, you're not going to overnight be able to look in your like a loveless of it doesn't work that way because you've had a lifetime of people telling you otherwise. And your brain will reject any mantra that you choose that you have actively tried to disprove. And so we got to pick something for you that you believe in the truth of it. And what I believe that everybody deserves, I think you can say I deserve to be happy or I'm a good person who's trying her best? And I deserve to be happy. I'm a kind person who deserves respect. I am doing the best I can, and that's good enough. Like there are these mantras that kick the narcissist. You're not good enough.
Starting point is 00:31:19 Who do you think you are thing out of your head? And you can say something back that's like, hey, I'm a kind person doing the best I can. And that's good enough. And that is enough of a rebuke. And it's believable enough, even when you're beaten down, that as you repeat it and repeat it and repeat it and repeat it to yourself, because you're going to have to. You will start to, believe it. And one final thing that I wanted to say to you is that, you know how you said that the program started with my parents and then it was an ex and then it was colleagues and then it was a boss, that may be true.
Starting point is 00:31:58 But we've also got to start to do the work of catching the filter in your brain. So yes, your boss may be an erratic douche who calls out the things that are negative or is always in a grouchy mood. But that doesn't mean anything about you. This is where your filter and the programming in your mind scans the world and reads your boss's crappy mood as having to do with you. Because the narcissist in your life made you feel like everything was your fault. For all you know, your boss's wife is having an affair. He's going through a tumultuous divorce. He's dealing with irritable bowel syndrome, which is why he's always grouchy and he's a really sad,
Starting point is 00:32:47 sad guy who can't get his shit together because he has childhood trauma. None of what he has to do with you. But your programming in your mind makes you think everything's your fault. And that's also the part of the work that you're going to need to do. You've got to reprogram the words you say, hey, I'm a kind person, I'm doing the best I can, that's good enough. Or I deserve to be happy, especially after these assholes that were in my life. You can put a little sauce in there, like, you know, you can tell I like a little spicy
Starting point is 00:33:17 mantra, like something that, you know, because if you don't quite believe it, if it doesn't loosen you up a little bit, that's not the right thing to say. Because most mantras are bullshit because people pick things like, I love myself. And then they spend the day going, you look like shit. You don't screw that. Like, no, you don't love yourself. I need to get myself a break. I'm doing the best I can. Now, there's a mantra I can get behind. Because I believe that. And so pick something believable, put a little ad, you're fun into it, because it shakes the mood down a little bit. And then go to work on this filter that you have of making everything is your
Starting point is 00:33:52 fault because it's freaking not. Your stupid parents and your dumb ex-husband, all of whom were mentally challenged with narcissistic personalities, made you think that horse shit. You're not to blame for that, but you have a responsibility to change the way you talk to yourself and to basically go, not everything's about me. Thank God. I love that you're laughing now. You seem like a little bit.
Starting point is 00:34:18 What did you get out of this? I love the one thing, it's not everything's about me. Period, it's not mine, not always, not a little bit, you know, and really retraining the brain, really working through catching those filters. You know, and it's going to have to be one step at a time. That's it. And here's the, give yourself a fucking break. Seriously.
Starting point is 00:34:44 Give yourself a break. I have a little bit of compassion. Wow. I got out of a marriage with a raging narcissist. I'm pretty awesome. Yes, I am. Yes, you are. Yes, I am. Give yourself more credit. Let me hear you say your new mantra. Quit taking my stuff so seriously I'm not getting out of this thing alive. That's true. This ends the same. And how about adding, I might as well enjoy the rest of the ride. There we go. I may as well enjoy the rest of the ride. The first 65 kicked my ass. So let's have some fun. The next 65. And they did. Oh my Lord. Yeah, but you're here laughing about it. That's more than most can say. And so I do believe the best days of your life are on the road ahead.
Starting point is 00:35:41 I believe that. Thank you. I'm believing it too. I'm getting there. Awesome. Well, you know I'm here. I'll be kicking your ass forward the whole way. Good. Let's go. All right. Go get him. If you were listening to that and you felt it deep in your body somewhere, I want you
Starting point is 00:36:17 to know that when you have the revelation that the voice that you've listened to for years, the voice that's held you back, that made you feel like shit, that it's actually not even yours, that can make your heart sees for a minute. It's kind of one of those like, wait, wait, what? And then when I add on top of it, that you're not to blame for the crap that somebody programmed into your head. You were just a little person with three pounds of macaroni that was trying to absorb everything around it.
Starting point is 00:36:58 And our brains love patterns. And it picks up on patterns of speaking. And that's what your brain did. And so if you're having this revelation, holy shit, I've thought that everything's my fault for my entire life because somebody made me believe it was and then I held onto that belief. Don't freak out.
Starting point is 00:37:26 This is great news because so many people spend their entire lives not even realizing that it's possible to change the way you think. It is possible to put a new playlist in your mind. It is possible to filter the world completely differently and to make your brain work for you. Now, are you gonna have positive thoughts all day long? No.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Are you gonna be like, you know, a thousand percent confident? No. But can you stop torturing yourself? Yes. Can you start encouraging yourself? You better believe you can. Can you separate what your narcissistic piece of shit expos said to you from what you actually believe about yourself?
Starting point is 00:38:23 That you want to believe about yourself, that you wanna believe about yourself? Yeah, you can. Can you do it overnight? No, you're gonna have to work at this, just like the people in your past worked over time at saying things to you that beat you down. This stuff takes hold over time, but the good news is your brain is super responsive.
Starting point is 00:38:48 And when you combine what you're learning about resetting your mind with healing your nervous system and the science of making and sticking to new habits, all of which you are absolutely smart enough and capable enough to apply to your life because your friend Mel Robbins, I am not going to make this scientific. I'm going to give you the science so that you know this stuff works and you can count on it and trust it, but I make this stuff so dead simple that literally your kids and I can do it. And so you can do everything that you are learning
Starting point is 00:39:27 on the Melrose podcast. You can change your mind. You can kick the bully out of your head. You can program in new thoughts. You can actively work to change the reticular activity system in your brain, that network of neurons that filters the world. You can take better care of your brain
Starting point is 00:39:43 and taking care of your physical brain will also help the thoughts in your mind. You can develop new healthy habits and you can do this. You can make it easier and you can heal your nervous system, which is the trifecta of transformation. We hit the habits, the mindset, and the nervous system. Holy shit, you're like the terminator of transformation. You could do anything. I believe that. I just have way too much evidence. And if you're cynical about that, take a look at who taught you to be cynical. Just because life hasn't worked out for you the way that you wanted to up until this point, who fucking says it's not going to work out for you and the best days aren't ahead?
Starting point is 00:40:31 I'll tell you who says you do. You decide whether or not you're going to continue to let all this crap you're not responsible for to hold you back or you're going to take responsibility for what happens next. Heal your nervous system. Change your mind. You can do that and you don't have to spend a dollar to do it. Make new habits. Habits that actually help you get what you want, what you deserve.
Starting point is 00:40:59 You can do that and you do not have to spend money to do it. And one more thing. You can go beyond just listening and you can not have to spend money to do it. And one more thing, you can go beyond just listening and you can truly start doing. And I wanna help. I've created a brand new free training program called Take Control with Mel Robbins. I do this every single spring as a gift
Starting point is 00:41:18 to all of my followers around the world and the folks on our newsletter list and to now you are beloved podcast family. This is a three part free video training and you can access it from MelRobins.com slash take control or there's a link right in the show notes. It has a very detailed and amazing workbook that our team put together and in the free training, I'm gonna hold your hand
Starting point is 00:41:46 and I'm going to be your teacher and I'm going to walk you through exercises that are backed by science that will help you take everything you just learned in these coaching sessions and apply it to your own life to that voice in your head and to the changes that you wanna make. That's what we're gonna do in part one. In part two, oh my gosh, I'm going to share you the coolest thing because I brought all these
Starting point is 00:42:10 amazing visual examples that will help you see how you process and think. And once you understand whether you're what I call a box stepper or a box jumper. You're now going to have the self awareness to know how to identify what habits and what changes you could make in order to support you taking control. And then finally, training number three, it just brings it all home. And it helps you get super inspired and ready for action. So how do you get you this free training? Just go to melrobbins.com slash take control. You can also go to the show notes. We're absolutely every resource that we mention
Starting point is 00:42:52 in these coaching sessions in today's episode are, and I do this because I believe in you, and I know change is hard. But if you are jumping in with me as your coach and a quarter of a million people around the world who are also part of this amazing brand new training program that we've just launched, you're more likely to make it stick. And I so want that for you. That's why I'm here. I'm here to help you do these things. I'm here because I know it's possible. I'm here because I'm trying to save you the headache of living with these negative thoughts as I have for 40 plus years. I'm trying to save you
Starting point is 00:43:33 just the discomfort and the agitation and the horrible feeling of living with a dysregulated nervous system as I have done for over 45 years. And I am absolutely right here beside you, trying to make some new habits, using this simple science. And so we got each other's back in this one, but I want you to know change is possible. It's not only possible, you will make it happen. You just have to start to do the work.
Starting point is 00:44:04 All right, I love you. I believe in you and your ability to take all these coaching sessions and apply them to your life right now. And I can't wait to hear what you got out of this episode. Talk to you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Stitcher.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Stitcher.

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