The Mel Robbins Podcast - The #1 Journal Exercise to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

When you don't feel like doing anything, this one thing will turn it around.If you struggle with stress and anxiety and can’t let go of the negative thoughts that keep you stuck, this episode will change your life.Learn the #1 journal exercise that will pull you out of your rut. This simple exercise will transform your energy so that you become the person you’ve always wanted to be.What you do TODAY will change your future.For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page.Connect with Mel: Liked this episode? Listen next to: How To Achieve Your Most Ambitious GoalsGet Mel’s free 29-page workbook to make this your best yearWatch the episodes on YouTubeFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTokSign up for Mel’s newsletterDisclaimer

Hey, it's your friend, Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I have got a really weird question for you. Have you ever thought about portals, you know, like doors to a different world? Now, don't think I'm nuts, but I am reading this book right now. I am so hooked. It's a fantasy novel. I literally cannot put it down. I cannot wait to get into my car to

push play and listen. It's called A Court of Thorns and Roses. It is by Sarah J. Moss and it is just captivating. I mean, I am transported to this other world called Prithyan. It's just like a realm of fairies and I am so lost in the book. I'm listening to the dramatic read with all the sound effects It's almost like having a movie in your ears It is so cool And I was just talking about it this morning at our team meeting before we were gonna brainstorm the episode that we're taping for you right now And it turns out The entire staff here at 143 studios is reading this book. I am not kidding

Who knew everybody was into fairies and before you you think this is an ad, this is not an ad. This is just your crazy friend, Mel, sharing her latest obsession. It is trending on TikTok this book. It is flying off the shelves everywhere and I know why. It is magical. And it got me thinking about something. What if there was a whole other world that you could tap into, you know, kind of like a portal to the fairy world that you could pass through, only in this world you would be happier? What if I told you that it is possible to tap into this other happier world and all you need in order to open that portal between where you are right now and the happiness that you want to feel is a pen and a piece

of paper. Oh my gosh, I was so caught up in talking to you about this book that I just realized I didn't even introduce myself. So let's back up a little bit and let's step into the here and now. It's Mel. I am so glad that you're here, whether you're listening for yourself or because somebody that you love shared this episode with you. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family and thank you for making this podcast one of the most popular podcasts in the entire world. It is really an honor to

spend this time with you. And I want to acknowledge you for something before we jump into the amazing topic today. You could be listening or watching a million things right now. I mean, you could be listening to this juicy fantasy audiobook that I'm currently addicted to, A Court of Thorne Arroses. But you're a lot smarter than me because you chose to listen to something that can help you create a better life instead of trying to escape yours by disappearing into a world of fairies. And that brings me back to this idea of two worlds. Just imagine that there are two different worlds. The one that you're living in

right now and the world I want you to tap into, because what you're going to learn today is that there is a portal to a happier you. And I know how to open that portal. And I can teach you to pass through it. See, I have this exercise that I cannot believe I haven't shared with you on this podcast yet. It's a very simple exercise that will really give you the clues to how you can be happier. Not a year from now, not a decade from now, but happier in your life day to day. And this is an exercise that has helped thousands of people. It's an exercise that has helped me over and over and over again. To pass through that portal, to go from where I am right now to a different world.

And to bring back clues so that I can be a happier me here. And I know you're thinking, Mel Robbins has lost your damn mind. But I'm going to tell you something, you keep listening, because if you really think about it, when you're reading a fantasy novel like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or Fourth Wing, isn't it interesting that the main character has this ability to pass between worlds? Whether you're talking about Harry Potter and he's going from the muggle world to the wizard world, they always learn something that they need to bring back into the present.

It's as if they open up the doors to a different realm precisely for the purpose of learning something. And that's what you and I are gonna do today. And if you are still going, oh, for God's sakes, Mel, what are you talking about? Good, good. Question what I'm saying. Because if you're questioning what I'm saying as you're driving your car or walking your dog

or you're at the gym, it means you're listening with intent. And I wanna assure you, we're not going to do a bunch of woo-woo stuff. This is not a meditation or mantra and you don't need a magic wand. What we're going to do today is based on science and here's the coolest part. It taps into your own life experience. And if you're listening for yourself today and you're thinking, yeah, I'd like to be happier, let's pass through the port-a-mel, let's go to this different world. Let me find some clues about how I can be happier right now.

You're gonna absolutely love this conversation. But I also want you to keep the people that you love in mind because this simple exercise that you and I are gonna do today, I want you to share it with them because it will change their life for the better. So make sure to send this episode to the people that you love as just a little gift from your world to theirs. So let's talk about this exercise.

Now I had been doing this little exercise for as long as I can remember. It was like my own little secret magic trick, right? A fail-proof way to tap into happiness whenever I felt lost. And I had never shared this exercise with anyone else. Well, that all changed one day in 2020. Here's what happened. So my husband and I were standing in the kitchen. It was in the summer, and our daughter Sawyer, she was in her mid-20s.

She walked into the kitchen. We were cooking dinner and we turned to look at her and her eyes were swollen, they were so red. You know that look on somebody's face where they just look puffy and it is so clear that they have been crying for Lord knows how long. I mean, honestly, it looked like she had probably been sobbing all day long.

She had been having a really tough time. Let me explain a little bit about what was going on. She had graduated from college in the middle of COVID. Maybe you had that experience too. Maybe somebody that you love had that experience. And the life that she had been looking forward to had literally imploded. I mean, absolutely nothing was going according to plan. She had been working for four years while she was in college to save enough money to

take a service trip to Cambodia after she graduated. It was canceled. Instead of living with her friends in the city, she was stuck living at home with us. And you want to know how she dealt with the sadness and the depression and the disappointment and the grief by drinking herself into the ground. So she had put on extra weight, she had become really sedentary, she hated how she looked, she hated how she felt, she hated her life, she had nothing to look forward to, and she had hit this point where she could no longer contain or hide the massive breakdown and downward spiral that she was in. So she walks into the kitchen after clearly crying all day and said to us, I am so stuck.

I'm lost. I'm miserable. I don't know what to do. And I turned and I looked at her and I said, actually, I think you do. You're just scared. And she looked back at me and I said, no, I think you know what to do. And I'm gonna prove it to you.

Take out a piece of paper, draw a line down the center and on the left hand side of that piece of paper, I want you to write two words, happy me. Now close your eyes and imagine a world where you remember being happy or more confident or feeling more alive. It could be a great memory from the recent past, or you might have to go all the way back to childhood, and there was this long silence. And as we stood there, I could tell that she was traveling back in her mind to this other world.

But all of a sudden, she exhaled and she opened her eyes and she said, the last time I remember being happy was my senior year of high school. And I said, okay, great. I want you to write down all of the things that you see that you were doing in that world. Describe a week of your life when you were a senior in high school. And she said, oh, well, I got up at 630. I left the house by 7. I was with my friends all day and going to classes. I was so looking forward to going to college. I was playing varsity of the cross. I was exercising six days a week. I had a great relationship with the guy I was dating. I was home probably for dinner with you guys four nights a week. And as she described it, I could see that world too.

And I said, great. Now look back to the piece of paper. And on the right hand side, I want you to describe the world that you live in right now. And she sighed. And she said, well, I sleep until noon. When I wake up, I don't know what to do every day. I drink every night because I'm so depressed. I don't ever see my friends because everybody scattered after we graduated and plus COVID and I don't have anything to look forward to.

I mean, this trip to Cambodia was canceled. My job doesn't start for another six months. I'm not exercising, I'm eating like crap. I sit in my bed most days and I'm spending so much time on social media. And I said, great, compare those two worlds. And she got it right away. And I bet you're getting it, aren't you? Because there are two worlds, aren't there? There's the world that you're in right now and another world that you can access when you close your eyes and you ask yourself, when do I remember being happier?

See our daughter immediately made the connection between these two worlds. And that's how easy it is to pass between them. She understood that the happier version of herself was right there for her to see. Everything that she described in the world that she lived in as a senior in high school offered the clues that she needed to bring back into her world today so that she could become happier, more confident, and feel alive again.

Because here's the truth. You do know how to be happy. That's why you miss feeling it. You can only miss feeling something that you know. And your own life experience offers a map to a world where you do feel happier today. And here's the mistake we all make. You think you need to permanently escape your life in order to be happier, to go on vacation, to blow up your relationships, to move and change your jobs. No, you don't. All you need to do is learn how to open the door to that other world while you're still living day to day in this one. Because you're already starting to think back and travel through time and tap into that

world where you felt a little happier. I want to give you a very important tip that will make this exercise even easier and it's based on research. Here it is. All you have to do as you pass through the portal in your mind and you step into this other world is find one clue. is find one clue. You just need one thing. One thing that you can bring back with you to this moment. That's all you need to look for. And when you and I come back

after we hear a short word from our sponsors, I'm gonna walk you through this exercise together and it's about to get downright magical. Welcome back. It's your friend, Mal. I am so glad you are traveling between worlds with me today and I want to jump right back into this portal of happiness with you. So, you know, I told you that this morning we were having a team meeting and we were talking all about this episode and we were also talking well about the book, A Court

of Thorne or Roses. But then we got down to business. And as I started talking about the exercise, the team started to just naturally pass through the portal into other worlds in their own minds back in time when they felt happier. And so I thought, before I turn to you, I wanted to share some of the reflections that our team members had because I think as you listen to other people describe what they discovered, when they thought about, well, when was I happier? And what did that world look like?

I have a feeling it's going to shake loose some memories for you. So let me share some of these with you. Jenea, who is one of our amazing video editors, she said, oh yeah, I know exactly what that world was like. I felt so much happier when I was younger. And she used the word freedom. She said, you know, when I was younger, I just felt free.

I would get up every morning and I was with my family and then I would go to school and I got out of school at two o'clock. And then every day after school, I would go to dance practice. And I loved dance practice. Dance was like this creative expression of who I was and it was so amazing. And then I would come home and I'd have dinner with my family and I'd go to bed and then I'd wake up and do the whole thing all over again.

And can you guess what the clue is that she needs to bring back into her world right now? If you're thinking dance or some form of creative expression, you're exactly right. And it doesn't have to be dance every evening. It could be take one class a month from now. It could be sign up for some sort of series, but when you bring something from that other world into your life now, you can see how just adding that one thing

suddenly energizes you, suddenly reminds you of who you are, suddenly brings something alive inside of you, and it helps you to start feeling free again. reminds you of who you are suddenly brings something alive inside of you. And it helps you to start feeling free again. Isn't this so cool? So let me share another one with you. Maddie, who is one of our amazing video editors on the team, shared about a time in her life when she was super happy and she was getting her MFA in documentary filmmaking. And as she described her life,

she would get up every single day at like 6.30. She would go exercise. Then she would go to class and she felt so creatively energized. And after class, she went to the same coffee shop every single day, the Thinking Cup on Newberry Street. That was her spot in Boston. And she would sit there like the filmmaker that she is. And she would sit with her journal and everybody in the coffee shop knew her and greeted her when she came in. And she felt the sense of community. And then at night, she'd be helping some of her fellow classmates shooting their films and she'd collapse in bed at 11 and then the next morning get up and do it again. And the reason why I'm telling you the details of what Maddie shared is because she had this

huge epiphany on the call this morning with the team, where she realized, and she allowed herself to pass through that portal and step back into this world where she was a happier person, and then come back into the present moment and examine her life right now, she realized something amazing. She's really happy right now because her current life contains all the clues that were in the other world. She wakes up at six o'clock in the morning and exercises. On her commute, she's always listening to some audiobook. We all know which one she's listening to right now. And she arrives close to the office by around 7.30 in the morning. And you know what she does for 45 minutes? She sits in a coffee shop with her journal. Everybody at the coffee shop

now knows who she is and greets her when she walks in, and then she goes into work and she's working on creative projects. And then she gets home and she's with somebody that she cares about, and then she wakes up and she does it all over again. Those little things, those little clues that built a happy life. She has brought them to her life now. And this is so important for you to hear because you think it's the big things and it's actually no just one little thing.

Maddie's super happy in her life right now and she's able to see so many similarities between that time in her life in the world where she was an MFA student and the world that she is living in right now. And I want to share with you what mine looked like. At first, it was kind of hard for me to think about it. I mean, I've done this exercise a lot, but I'm in a really good place right now. So I kept thinking, well, I'm kind of happy right now. So when was I really content? Like really just didn't feel like I needed to change anything really in my day-to-day life, right?

And all of a sudden, I realized, holy cow, it was when I was 24 years old. I was a public defender. I worked for Legal Aid in New York City. I was not yet married. I was living with a couple of girlfriends. I lived on the Upper West Side in New York. This would have been around 1994, holy smokes. I used to walk to work every single day.

And I did it because I really loved New York and I loved walking, but I also did it because I wanted to save some money. I mean, they only paid you $19,000 a year at a law school as a public defender working for legal aid. I lived on 68th Street up on the Upper West Side and I worked down at 100 Canal Street. I mean, I'm talking probably 78 city blocks. And then I would get to work and I was in the courthouse on my feet all day. I was either in court dealing with cases, talking to clients or I was out at Rikers Island visiting my

clients or I was racing back to the office to do something or I was out on the Walking home. I loved walking home. I was with my best friend, Matt Myers. He was actually one of my supervisors at work. We became amazing friends. And we would walk home every day together and walk and talk and talk and walk and talk and talk in cases. And we would go from Chinatown through the Bowery, up into the village.

We would walk up the east side, on the lower east side. He would peel off around St. Mark's because that was the neighborhood that he lived in. I was so far from home, it didn't matter. I would keep on walking through Union Square. And somewhere around the 30s, I would sync up with Chris, who I was starting to date. He lived in Murray Hill. And then we would walk and talk and walk and talk from the 30s all the way up to 68th Street on the west side. I moved through all those neighborhoods. The city was alive. I felt alive. I loved being outside. Like it was just incredible, absolutely incredible.

And then I would wake up and do it again the next day. And here's the clues. Number one, I was getting outside every day and getting a walk and I love that. I do that first thing in the morning and I love getting outside for a walk. I love walking and talking with people that I care about, whether it's my husband or the group of girlfriends

that I have up here now that I live in Southern Vermont. I was with friends because I lived with them and I was doing work that was dynamic and creative and that helped people. Kind of sounds a little like the life of your friend Mel Robbins now, doesn't it? And as I share these stories with you, I hope it's giving you a peek, a glimpse into what that other world is for you. Because it might be a small clue, something like, boy, I used to love doing puzzles. And if I just simply got a puzzle at the library or bought myself a puzzle or pulled one out of that cupboard that I haven't opened in 10 years, and I put it out on the table, it is literally an invisible string that connects this world that you're in right now

to that other world and the portal that you passed through where you were happier. And honestly, it could be anything. It could be memories of gardening. It could be memories of painting. It could be spending more time outdoors. It could be the fact that when you were super happy, you were little and the family had a dog. Maybe it's time that you actually lean into getting one. I'm serious. And I'm also serious about walking you through this exercise and helping you spot the clues that you find when you close your eyes and you allow yourself

to go through that portal into time and step into that world where you were a happier you. And that's exactly what we're gonna do when we come back, stay with us. Welcome back. It's Mel. I'm so glad you're still here. And you know what? Maybe you've already downloaded a court of thorns and roses because now that we're talking

about fantasies in different worlds, you're like, what is this thing that Mel is listening to that has got her all like talking about different worlds? She is on a roll today. But I'll tell you what you have definitely been doing as you were listening to our sponsors. I guarantee you that your mind has been drifting to that other world. Maybe you're already imagining yourself doing puzzles when you were little or twirling around in dance class or sitting in that cafe journaling or training for that 5K race that you used to do with your girlfriends when you used to live in the city. And you know what?

That's the whole point of our conversation today. That you can drift back to that world for yourself, back and forth in and out of your imagination. Isn't this cool? So now it's your turn. If you have a piece of paper or a pen that's near you, great, pull it out and all you're gonna do is draw a line down the center of the paper.

And if you don't have a piece of paper, who cares? You understand the power of your mind. I want you to just think through this with me right now. You can imagine a piece of paper. You can imagine the line down the center. You can imagine yourself writing the two words, happy me. And now I want you to just stop and think about a moment in time

or a time in your life when you felt happier. Close your eyes. Allow yourself to travel back in time. Maybe you were really little. Maybe it was a year ago. Maybe it was a really long time ago. And as you start to picture yourself in this world, start looking around. Because now the reason why you're there is because you're there to find clues. And they are in the little details of your day-to-day life.

When did you get up? What did your mornings look like? Describe what you did during the day. Were you a student? Were you working? Were you with your friends? What were you doing? When did you go to bed?

Where did you live? How did you spend your time? And what was your favorite part of the day? Amazing. Amazing. Now, there's a couple of things I want to point out when you start to play around with this, right? And the first thing is this. You may have an experience where you don't see yourself being happy. You may travel back in time and pass through that portal and you don't actually locate yourself anywhere where you felt happy.

And I want you to hear something that's so normal, okay? So normal. In fact, this morning as we were talking about this as a team, one of our team members who is absolutely amazing raised her hand and she said, you know what? I hate this exercise. And let me tell you why. Because I don't have a memory of being happy. My childhood was filled with so much trauma and pain and my happiness was so contingent on how another human being

was acting or not or what mood they were in that I literally just think about survival. And maybe that's your experience. Maybe when you close your eyes and go back in time and pass through that portal, it's one big empty space because you don't see a world where you were happy. You see a world where you were conditioned to survive, where you were just in a lot of pain, where you felt isolated, where you didn't feel safe. And here's what I want to tell you. Even if that's the world that you step back into. There are still clues.

I'm gonna say it again. Even if the world that you travel back to is one where you don't see yourself being happy, there are still clues. What are the clues teaching you? They're teaching you what not to do. If what you see is a world where you were so conditioned to please other people and put them first and be worried about their moods, you know that doesn't make you happy. And so if you're doing it in your life right now, you also know that taking your

healing seriously and working on this pattern and changing how you show up is a key to your happiness now. In fact, seeing those kind of clues, the clues that teach you what not to continue doing, the things that you need to start taking responsibility for changing in yourself, those are some of the most powerful clues on the planet because they transform who you are at a much deeper level. And when you start taking that on in your day-to-day life, boy, does it change your world. And the second thing that you may notice in this other world is that it's never the big things that make you happy.

It's just the little things that you take for granted. And this is so important because you and I think that big changes are what are going to make you happy. That's not the answer. What makes you happier are the little things. Stop overcomplicating big words like happiness. I know I did for decades. Happiness is the smallest things because your whole life is made up of all the little things that you do every single day.

That's how you build a happier life. So pay attention to when you wake up, the first thing you look at every morning, taking care of your body, being kinder to yourself, enjoying a warm cup of coffee, stopping to hug your pets, or giving your loved one a huge embrace at the end of the day, spending time outside in nature, or smiling when you see someone. The little things are everything because they add up to one big happy life. And that's what I want for you. And this simple exercise is so easy to do. I am proud of you for hanging with me.

I know it was a little odd in the beginning, a little woo-woo, a little fairyland, but it works, doesn't it? And it makes sense. And it's true. I would love to hear what you discover. Seriously, I want to know what happens when you allow yourself to pass through this portal and step into this other world. What clues do you find? Would you share it with the rest of us? I mean, there is magic in that world that you are going to step back into. And I want to know what it is because I have a feeling that I missed out on some clues in my life. And I bet if I hear yours that I am going to go, oh, that's another one. Like I just thought of another one. When I was really little, my parents were constantly working on this fixer upper

where I grew up in Western Michigan. When they bought this house, it was overgrown with trees. And they reclaimed the whole yard. They put in all these gardens and they were out there all the time. And I was always out there playing by their side as they were deadheading or weeding or splitting plants. Is it any surprise that one of the things that makes me so happy now that I'm in my life as an adult 50 years later, flowers? It's an invisible string to this other world. And it brings it and all the magic to my present life. And I want to know what you discover.

And here's how you can share with us. Take a photo of yourself for real. And tag the Mel Robbins podcast. And I'm going to start to repost your photos and tag you so that we can share these clues, so that we can share these clues, so that we can all benefit from the magic that you bring back from the other world into your life.

And maybe it'll make us happy or two. And I love this because here's what you're gonna find. You can do it too with your own life. That you have the power to go from where you are in this moment into that fantasy world in your mind and bring what you learned back into this present moment to help you. Alrighty, you got that one clue, that one clue that you're going to tuck under your arm and bring right back into your life today?

Good. Now go do it. I can't end an episode as you know without saying, I love you. I really do. And I believe in you and I believe in your ability to use this superpower that you have, to travel through time, to find the clues that you need, and to bring them into your life and become the happiest person that you know.

I'll talk to you in a few days. ["The Last Song of the Year"] You weren't ready for it? What's that? Yeah, keep coaching me. You know that line? Yeah, I do. I know exactly what you say.

Instead of living with her, hold on a second. Let me go back up just a bit. Okay, what's the top again? Oh, wait, am I doing that later? I'm doing that later, aren't I? I'm not going to do that later. Okay, let's do that later? I'm doing that later, aren't I? Okay, let's do that later. All right, what else? How should I transition this? Isn't this cool? Go ahead, what are you gonna say? Now let's jump back in and come back to this part. You're

ready? I wanted to share... Hold on, we already did this one. Let me do that one more time. Are you hooked guys? Okay, good. Fantastic. Okay, good. Yep. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyer's right and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend.

I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. ["Stychern"] Stitchern.