The Mel Robbins Podcast - The Most Important Wake-Up Call You’ll Ever Hear

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

You need to hear today’s episode.  I have something profound to share with you. It is a deeply personal message, straight from my heart to yours.  This is not a pep talk. It’s not a motivational speech. This is a goddamn wake-up call.  Your life is like a melting ice cube.  Your excuses are endless, but time isn’t.  Stop waiting for the perfect time.  Stop waiting to feel ready. While you’ve been full of excuses, waiting for someday to come, time has been passing you by. So, if you’re sick of standing still or talking yourself out of the changes you want to make and the goals you dream of achieving, this one's for you. My mission is to make today the someday you’ve been waiting for. This is the coaching you need. And you need to hear it right now. Xo, Mel In this episode:3:30: Can you relate to Cathy’s self-doubt?6:15: If you hear anything today, let it be this.10:55: This is how you actually reach your goals.12:35: Worried about what others will think of you? Listen to this.13:25: Steps 1 and 2 when you have a dream you want to make REAL.15:00: Stop wasting your time and energy on this.18:20: Frozen because you don’t have experience?23:00: Is your schedule already full? Switch your mindset this way.28:40: I told myself the very same excuses you do!32:30: Filling your time with things that have nothing to do with your goals?34:00: How do you start focusing on yourself once and for all? Want more resources? Go to my podcast page at melrobbins.com. Disclaimer Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. So I have something pretty amazing that I want to give you today. It's exactly what you need to hear. It is not just a pep talk. It is the kind of message that a really dear friend who's fed up with you delivers straight between the eyes. What am I talking about? I'm talking about your dreams. You're the kind of person just like me that every single year, you write down the things that you want in your life. And as each year rolls on and the new list gets written, you move the thing that you didn't work on this year to the list that you do for the next year. And on and on and on.

I mean, how many years have you been thinking about writing a book or changing your job or changing where you live or healing some aspect of your past or finding love or learning how to love yourself or starting that business? these things that you hold in your heart, they are meant to be out in the world. And today I'm on a mission to get you to stop waiting. Stop waiting for the perfect time. Stop waiting to feel ready. Stop waiting for the money.

Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting to feel like somebody's going to care about this. The only person that needs to care enough is you. Because today is the day that you're going to pick up the pen. You're going to start the research. You're going to commit to taking action. Why? Because that's what you're meant to do with your life. You're meant to create a bigger vision for yourself. And the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this today is because I know you need to hear it. See, a couple weeks ago, we did a episode on Imposter Syndrome. Imposter syndrome is just self-doubt. It's just when you intellectualize your self-doubt and you talk yourself out of doing what you want to do. You tell yourself, oh my God, I want to be a singer, I want to be a writer, I want to, I want to travel more.

I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to do the other thing. And then you tell yourself, you're not ready, that you're not worthy, that it's not going to happen for you. Now, that episode that I'm referring to, it's called the four words that silence self-doubt. And on the day that we released it within an hour, the response was so overwhelming, I realized, I have to talk to you. I need to talk to you about how you're holding yourself back from pursuing the goals that you want to pursue in your life. And here's what made me realize.

We got to talk about this and we got to talk about it right now. First of all, on the morning that the episode aired, number one, I woke up and there was already a voice memo from a friend of mine. She was only halfway through the episode. She was already starting to tear up because the episode made her think about this dream of writing a book, publishing a book. and how she's been putting it off because her self-doubt and feeling like an imposter, it has kept her from picking up the pen. Well, why don't you just hear it for yourself? Hi, Mal.

I'm partially through Kendall's imposter commentary, and I had to stop it right in my misty moment to tell her and you, as a woman who's soon going to be 60, I feel the imposter syndrome, too. why I've had a book deal sitting on my desk since 2006. Too self-doubting to take the risk of judgment. Oh, I'm not a respected writer. Oh, it isn't that interesting to actually pin it. It's been on the top of my annual goal list for almost 20 years now,

yet remains just a dream due to every imposter excuse to not follow through. I teared up when I got to that part of it. of your message, which is actually the most powerful awareness, talk about a double barrel of self-doubt. I just want to thank you, Kendall, for being raw and real. And I want you to go for it. You got this. Imagine how far you will be in 20 years. And thank you, Mel. You just don't know who you might be touching. And I appreciate all your kindness and love to the universe. You know what strikes me about that? This is what hit me. Time. 20 years, that for 20 years, she would put on her annual list of goals, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, I do. Every single year, I write them all down. And when the next year rolls around, there's usually one or two that I move from one page to the other page. For me, it was always start a podcast, start a podcast, start a podcast, start a podcast.

And so much fucking time went by where I carried this dream from one page to the next. And you know what's funny is now that I've launched the podcast, I sit here and think, Mel, why did you waste so many years thinking about this podcast and doing nothing about it? well, I'm sure for the same reasons that you're wasting time. To begin with, I didn't know how to do it. Plus, I had so much going on from the little things like, I got to get dinner on the table to the big things. Someone else has already done it.

Honestly, there were endless reasons. I got college tours this weekend. What if I do it? And it's a disaster. Like, it's embarrassing how. bad it does. By the way, who am I to compete with the people that are already doing it that have already said everything like Joe Rogan and Alex Cooper and NPR and everybody else? And by the way, all the good ideas. They're already out there. And there's no room for me. And I don't even know

how to get started at this. I mean, the excuses are endless, but time isn't. Just think about that. Your excuses are endless, but time isn't. Think about all the time that passed. Not only was this something that my friend had written on her annual goal list. She actually wrote a book proposal and she got an offer and it was sitting on her desk since 2006. That's 18 years. What a shame. You know, when you hear somebody's got a goal and they've just kind of like been pushing it off,

for a week or two or a month, you're like, oh, come on, get over yourself. Come on. Get your ass working on it. Let's go. But when you think about how much time you've wasted, that's a lot. And look, I don't want to scare you. But I kind of want to take my hands right now and put them on your cheeks or your shoulders and shake you because I want to wake you up. And I need you to realize that your life is a melting ice cube. And I think we all believe that we have time, that at some point it'll be the right time, that someday you'll feel ready, that someday it'll be perfect, that someday you'll be a legitimate writer, that someday you'll have something to say. And I'm here to tell you right now that today is that someday.

You will waste your whole life. You will watch time tick by waiting for someday to come. And you will watch that ice cube melt. And you are listening to this right now because you needed to hear this. You have on that secret list that you either have on a piece of paper or you have tucked into your heart, a dream, a goal, something that you want to change that you are too fucking scared to get started on. And today that ends. Today you're going to stop waiting. You're going to stop wishing.

You're going to stop waiting for the right time, waiting for this to happen, waiting for the other thing to happen. waiting for you to feel ready, waiting for this, waiting for that. That ice cube is going to be a puddle that will evaporate if you keep doing that. And I am not going to let 20 years go by. No way. Not in your life, not in my life, not in my friend's life. Today we make a commitment to ourselves that we are going to get started. And I know you need to hear this for me today because the second thing that happened after we released that episode is that within 24 hours of it going to be.

going live, Kathy was only the first person to reach out to me. Within hours, there were over 700 messages from listeners of this podcast from around the world talking about their dreams and their goals and how imposter syndrome had taken them down and how they felt paralyzed and awkward. And how many times have you looked back on your life and thought, I wish I had started something sooner. I wish I had done this thing. I wish I had done that thing. I'm going to tell you something. The biggest regret that you will ever have in your entire life is that you didn't push through the fear. You didn't push through the bullshit imposter syndrome. You didn't push through the self-doubt and get started on the dreams that you have, on the life you want to create.

And so today, this conversation is dedicated to your dreams. It's dedicated to the courage and the fire inside you and your capability of moving from thinking and wishing and wanting things in your life to finding the courage to take action and make them happen. And is it going to be easy? No. Nope. Is it worth it always? It's scary to want something. And it's frustrating when you know in your heart that it's fear that is keeping you from getting started. My mission today is to kick you in the ass so that you push through the fear and the insecurity and the imposter syndrome and the sadness and the regret or whatever it is that's holding you back from taking the actions that you are capable of taking over time to chip away at this

dream and this vision of a bigger life. I want you to start to see something bigger for yourself. And more importantly, I want you to start working on it. And what does that look like? What does it look like? Well, I'm going to boil it down. It's very simple. It's about time and energy. That's all that this is about. You do not have to write that book overnight. You have to pick up the fucking pen. You do not have to become a physician overnight. You have to research schools.

And then you have to apply. Today, we are going to begin the process of moving from the dream world and the doubt world into the real world. And I'm going to bring in a metaphor that I think is really important. And it's a metaphor that I used in a project that we did with Audible. called ReInvent Your Life. I like to think about life as one long road trip. Every year of your life is a mile marker on the road of life. And the thing about this road trip is it's a solo journey.

You started at mile zero and you were alone. That's how you came into this world. And wherever the road of your life leads you, when you leave this world, you're going to be alone. Yes, you're going to drive parallel with some people. Yes, you're going to intersect with some people. yep, you're going to travel in packs, but you are driving alone. And look, I'm not telling you this to make you feel isolated or unsupported.

That's the last thing that I want you to feel. The reason why I'm telling you this is because I want you to understand the power that you have to make these dreams part of your day-to-day life as you pursue them. I mean, maybe you've been so worried about what everybody else is going to think, and that's what's kept you from starting your YouTube channel or writing that screenplay or making a career change. I'm here to tell you, no one gives a shit about what you do. You want to know why?

Because everybody else is driving their own car on their own solo journey and they're busy trying to figure out their own life. When you realize that the only person who is truly judging you right now is you, when you embrace that you're the one in your way, it can spark a fire in your gut. Yes, it sucks that my friend has been telling herself for 20 years that she's not a real writer, that she's not a respected writer, that it's not that interesting. Yeah, that sucks to wake up and realize that you're the one that's been dragging yourself down. But you want to know it sucks more spending another 20 years, never writing it. So step one, you have to acknowledge the thing that's on your list and that's in

your heart. And then step two is take responsibility for doing whatever you can, however you're capable, and whatever big or small way to move toward it. Get serious about looking ahead instead of looking back. Looking out the window in front of you at the road ahead and where you want to go, you can inch your way day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, to creating a whole new life for yourself. And that's not to say there's anything wrong with your life right now. It's to say that there are directions that you want to head in,

that you deserve to start paying attention to. And I'm going to come back to how you do it. It's time and it's energy. Every single day when you wake up, you can find five minutes or 10 minutes or 15 minutes to move from thinking about what you want to taking action on what you want, picking up the pen, writing a sentence,

sending an email, doing the research, taking a class, all of these actions are how you move towards what you want while you're still in the life that you have. That's how you do it. And the other thing that you're going to have to pay attention to is energy. Because just like you are wasting precious time on shit that doesn't really matter to you, you are also wasting your precious energy spending time with people who are draining it from you, who are not giving it back to you. Every single day, when you wake up, I want you to pay attention to where you're putting your time and where you're putting your energy. And I want you to find five measly minutes to start working on what you want

instead of keeping it a secret in your heart and in your mind. Wait to you hear what your fellow listeners from 194 countries have to say about the dreams that they're holding on to, that they're afraid to pursue. And you're going to hear those dreams. And then you're going to hear the coaching that I have for all of you. Yes, you. As you're sitting there going, oh, man, this is me. This is me. Well, guess what? We're going to do some coaching when we get back because I am committed to getting you out of thinking about this stuff you've been writing down that you want. And I want today to be the day that you start working on it. Don't go anywhere because you need to hear this. Welcome back. It's your friend, Mel, and I am on fire today.

I'm on fire because I am on a mission after hearing from so many of you about our imposter syndrome episode and how it resonated at such a deep level, how you realize that there are these things that you want to do with your life, but you're the one talking yourself out of it, that you're the one who is an active participant in your own demise. And that's going to end today because I don't think you realize how much time you're wasting, how much energy you put into doing things that you don't want to be doing instead of carving out and fighting for small amounts of time and energy to propel yourself forward. You will start to see when you get serious about this

what an active participant you are in your own demise. How much time you waste, how much energy you pour into things that really aren't what you want. And when you wake up and realize that time and energy is a secret and taking it seriously from this moment forward, that's the answer. Not in big moves, but in the small, daily rhythms that you can insert in little ways to just start honoring what you want in your life. I personally believe that working on your dreams and taking what you want in life seriously enough that you do the work to make it a reality, I personally think this is the greatest act of love that you could ever give to

yourself. That is the engine that fuels the joy and the fulfillment that you're going to feel in your life. Let me share some of the things that fellow listeners wrote to us about as soon as that episode aired. Mel, I dream about being a motivational speaker, but I lack the experience and I lack the plan. Let me just stop right there. Let's just stop right there. Of course you lack the experience. You've never done this before. That's why you doubt yourself. That's why you feel like an imposter. You haven't done it before. And so the first thing that I want to tell you is that this is good news. It's good news because it doesn't mean you're not going to do it. It's good news because it just means you're beginning. And being a beginner is so cool because you're going to learn so much.

You know, we talked about this exact point in that episode I told you about earlier, the one that got Kathy crying about the book that she hadn't written and that got so many of you to pour in the stories about how you've got dreams that you've been putting off because you lack experience. So I need to drive this point home about embracing the fact that you don't lack experience. You're just a beginner. And I want you to embrace this idea that you're just a beginner. So let me play you a moment from that original episode with my daughter. where she's describing this, I'm a beginner epiphany to you. Check this out. You can diffuse the imposter syndrome if you just accept where you're at. I think once I sort of owned where I'm at, which is a beginner. I'm not an imposter as a beginner, you know, because that's what I am. Wait, say that again. I'm not an imposter if I'm a beginner because that's what I'm.

am. Yeah. Then the imposter syndrome sort of disappears. You're not an imposter. You're just a beginner. Did you hear that? So that dream that you have, that thing that you've never done, great. Great. You are a beginner. And that's amazing because everybody starts as a beginner. but as long as you refuse to start moving toward the things you want to create, you're standing still in your life. And time is passing you by. And we're not going to let that happen. Because when it comes to the things that we all want to create in our lives, we're all

beginners. I'm going to read you a few more that have come in from listeners. I want to pursue a career as a fashion editor, but I'm afraid at 34 of making a huge career change. Let me tell you what's more scary than making a career change at 34. It's spending the next 34 years of your life in a career you didn't like. And being 68 and looking back at this moment when you were 34 or 31 or 18 or 54 or 39 and wishing, wishing you had made the career, change. Do not waste your life doing things that don't fulfill you. You have the ability starting

today to change the direction that you're driving in. Are you going to arrive at this new career overnight as a fashion editor? No. But you won't arrive there ever if you don't take the wheel and turn it in the direction that you want to go and start inching toward it. This is what I'm talking about. Here's another one. I want to design clothes. I'm 31 and I haven't achieved anything, though. Well, of course you haven't. How are you supposed to design clothes if you're not designing clothes?

How are you supposed to make that change if you are only thinking about it or writing it on a list? When I say that I want you to start driving toward your dreams, I want you to start taking action. What that means is it means that you need to start to take your time. and your energy and in whatever way you can, in whatever capacity that you can, you need to start to direct your time and energy at the things that you want, not at the things that you have. And look, I know so many of you have really full lives right now. You're a single parent. You're caring for aging parents. You're underwater with your bills. You've got 10 minutes a day. You've got five minutes a day. You've got 15 minutes a day. And that's what I want to inspire

you to start doing. I feel so adamant about this because time keeps going even if you don't. Because when you're so in it, you're so busy in your day-to-day life as it is right now that you can't see the bigger picture. Time is passing. It's always passing. I'll give you an example for my own life. I think a lot about this moment where after we sold our house where we raised our kids outside of Boston, where we spent 26 years, I always thought when I lived there, I would live there forever. I just took it for granted. And over a year ago, I drove down the street that I had been driving up and down for 26 years for the very last time. And I saw the house that I had raised my kids in disappearing in the rearview mirror. for the last time. I say that because eventually you're going to look back on this moment too. And you're going to think, my God, I wish I had begun back then. I wish I had started.

I wish I had said, fuck it. I know it's not going to happen overnight. But I'm not going to let my entire life go by just thinking about this thing that I want to create. I'm going to try. I'm going to step up. out of the thinking and I'm going to step into the doing because it's never going to feel like the right time. It's never going to feel perfect. You're not going to feel worthy until you actually start taking the actions. I want you to stop waiting to create what you want in your life.

If you want to make art, make art. If you want to write, write. If you want to travel, you've got to figure out how you can travel. You are missing out on everything because you're waiting for someday. You're waiting for someday to feel ready, someday for it to be perfect, someday, well, I'll tell you what, today is that someday. And my mission today is to light a fire under your ass and have it burn so bright that that fire inside you becomes the engine that drives you. And that's exactly what I'm going to do after we take a short break and hear a word from our sponsors. Don't you dare go anywhere. I'll be waiting for you when you come back. Welcome back. It's your pal Mel Robbins, and today is the day that you start. That's right. Today is the day that you find the courage

and you carve out a little time and you direct your energy in a brand new direction. Why? Because you deserve that. And just so you're clear, those excuses that you have, they dim that fire. Remember what I said earlier? You are full of excuses, but you're running out of time. So let me stoke the flames with a little more coaching. Here's some more dreams of listeners. I want to leave my corporate job and start something on my own, but I fear failure. Here's the interesting thing about letting failure stop you. What do you feel when you show up at a corporate job every single day that you don't like and you've got this dream buried deep inside you and you know you're not working on it? Who are you failing? You're failing yourself because you're not taking any action on your dreams. And that's sad. Here's another person talking about fear. The fear holding me back is taking a risk to change what has become my norm.

See, that's a form of fear. Fear can be disguised as sameness. This is a really sneaky way that fear sneaks into your life. It's why it's so hard to get off the couch. It's why it's hard to work out. It's why it's hard to leave a job that you've had for 10 years, despite the fact that you want more, you deserve more, you're willing to work for more.

It's just fear. You're used to what you have. Do not let that lull you into a sleep because what will happen is decades will go by. That's exactly what happened to me. Every single year when I would write, on a list what I wanted in my life. Hosting a radio show is at the top of it. I mean, I was a huge Howard Stern fan.

I'd been listening to Howard Stern since I was in my mid-30s. I just love Howard Stern. And I would write, I want to be Redos, want to be Rados, want to be Rados, want to be Radios, want to be Radios, want to be Radios, want to be a podcast host. I did the exact same thing. I was so used to my current life, I kept saying, well, I don't know how to fit that in. I've never done that before.

who's going to listen to me. I don't have anything to say. I put all my time and energy into talking myself out of working for what I wanted. Here's another one. I'd like to work in the film industry as a director and writer in Los Angeles, but I currently live in Europe and I'm working in marketing. Okay. Okay. You want to be tortured by your dreams? Or do you want to work toward him? How about signing up for a screenwriting class and a producing class while you're in Europe? How about making a plan? How about you stop thinking about it and arguing about what you're currently doing and you put your time in energy into figuring out how to do what you'd actually like to do?

See, in life, time and energy are your two biggest commodities. Your life is like a melting ice cube. Every day that goes by, it melts a little bit more. You know, you've been so busy waiting for somebody else to tell you it's okay to do it, that you're missing the real power in pushing yourself through the fear and the imposter syndrome and the self-doubt. And that's why I so want you to start to take this seriously, that today be the day that you get started. You can find five, ten, fifteen minutes a day to start chipping away and doing the work to figure out how to make some version of what you want

a reality in your life. And we know based on the research and based on what you learn on this podcast, it's simply spending time every day, working on something that really matters to you is the secret to bringing more meaning and joy into your life. Why? Because when you start to acknowledge your dreams by working on them, you validate something deep within your soul. It's an act of love to do that for yourself. See, I think we get love all wrong. I think we believe that love is something that someone else gives to you. That's not true. Ultimately, love is something that you give to yourself. It's something that you create. And love, again, is what you're going to feel when you stop thinking about the things that you want in your life and you step into the

physical world of them by beginning the work to make them a reality. I'll tell you another dream of mine. I really want to write a trilogy, like a fiction trilogy. I'm not going to tell you the thing because I don't want anyone to steal it, but I don't know how to do that. And it's been in the back of my mind for a long time. And what I know is if I were to simply sign up for some kind of class, even online, on fiction, fantasy novel writing, that would bring my dreams out of the intellectual or the conceptual and into the physical realm. And that makes it real.

Do I ever have to write the book? No. Simply working on it brings something alive inside of you. What you bring to each and every day that you wake up is what you're going to create more and more of. And that's the secret. Everybody talks about habits and how habits like help you determine who you are. I want to boil it down and make it even more simple.

where you put your time and energy every single day will define the life you create. And so if you're putting your energy into relationships where you're not getting back what you deserve, that is a waste of time. A waste of your precious time, I might add. Another listener writes, the imposter episode was key for me and I realize I've been filling my time with other things so I don't have to do what I'm afraid of. I'm going to come back to this concept of time and energy. Is the time that you have during the day, I'm talking five, 10, 15 minutes, are you directing it at what you want to create? Or are you just mindlessly going through the day and through the routine and keeping everything the same? The energy that you're putting into relationships are those relationships that are giving you something back in return.

I am here to tell you, you can change. change your life by waking up every day, being very clear about what you want, taking responsibility for creating it day by day by day, and slowly redirecting your time and energy toward the things that you want. It's just like pointing your car in a new direction and driving forward, and ultimately it takes you somewhere new. And that brings me back to why I wanted to talk to you about this, because this is really a conversation about love. It's not about fear. It's about love.

Because love is something you give to yourself. It's something that you can create. And love is the engine and the fuel that will bring more joy and fulfillment in your life. And so how do you start with yourself? Well, the more that you wake up every day and you direct your life, your time and your energy, toward the things that you really want to create in your life, and the relationships that give you energy back, you will be feeling and creating more love for yourself. And you know how I keep talking about the fuel and the fire and the engine? Well,

that's love. What can drive your life forward is creating love from within. That's why this matters so much. You know, I have another listener right at and I want to become a surgeon, but the process is very complicated. Well, no, shit. It is very complicated. If you look at the end result, but it's not complicated at all, if you wake up every day and you ask yourself, how can I pour time and energy today in a small way into this thing that I want to create? And when you start to get that intentional, when you take responsibility for what you want and moving your life in small ways every single day toward it, everything changes, and it's not that complicated at all.

And this final one for a listener, I still want to be an actor after all of these years, but I'm a coward. No, you're not. You're just a beginner. That's all that you are. That's all that I am. That's all that everybody is.

when it comes to the things that you've never done, the dreams that you haven't begun working on, you're not afraid, you're not an imposter, you're not unworthy, you're just a beginner. And all that a beginner needs to do is wake up every day and in small ways point their time and their energy toward working at it. And if you do that, one of these days, you'll wake up.

Maybe it'll be someday soon. maybe it'll be a decade from now. But you'll wake up and that dream that you've been writing on your list and moving from one piece of paper to another year after year will stop being a thing that you think about and it will become what your life is centered around because you're the one that woke up and made it happen. Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year.

That's how you get it done. I told you this was exactly what you needed to hear, and here's what I want you to tell me. I want you to tell me the one action you're going to take today. I want you to flood my inbox and the forms at melrobbins.com slash podcast with stories of what you did. Not what you're wishing for or wanting or the self-doubt or the fears. Make today that someday that you've been waiting for. and then tell me what you did so I can cheer for you and celebrate you because you know I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to move from the dream world and the

doubt world into the doing world and make what you want a reality and by God you also know I'll be here driving side by side with you on this solo journey called life cheering for you every single step of the way. I love you. Now go do it and share this episode with someone you love. Oh my God, that's so loud. Can we hear that? I think we can't hear it?

Okay. It's pretty loud out there. Can we shut that thing? Is it a truck? I have no idea. It might be, I don't know. Good boys. Oh, sorry.

I forgot where I was. Is that it? That's it? Okay. And one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.