The Mel Robbins Podcast - The Only Way to Stop Procrastinating (Based on Research)

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

In this episode, we’re attacking procrastination head on – using science. Just think about how many hours, or heck YEARS, you have wasted thinking about what you needed to do instead of doing it.That ends today. This episode is packed with a simple, research-backed method to understanding why you procrastinate (it’s not what you think) and what researchers claim is the best way of tackling it.I predict this episode will be one of the most shared this year because procrastination kills more dreams than fear ever does.  Take a listen to this episode, and I will give you something priceless in return: more time. Imagine having hours to move closer to your dreams, hours to spend with your family, hours to move your body or read that novel, or hell, hours to do whatever the hell you want because you deserve it. In this episode, we cover everything from micro-procrastinating to avoiding the really important stuff. And as always, I am armed with research and simple takeaways that work. Specifically, you’ll learn 4 critical takeaways to apply to your life immediately, along with a science-backed 3-step technique to break free from your procrastination habit. Whether you are the captain of procrastination like I used to be, or you are just tired of wasting so much time scrolling on your phone, this toolkit is my zero-cost gift to you.  Nothing is more important than taking control of your time, so hit play and I’ll lead the way to ending that vicious cycle you feel stuck in. Don’t procrastinate on listening to this episode.  You deserve to understand why you're resisting parts of your life so that starting today, you can level up and get more out of it. Xo Mel  In this episode, you’ll learn: 3:05: Takeaway #1: Please stop labeling yourself as this.4:00: Takeaway #2: Two kinds of procrastination; which one are you doing?6:00: If you can’t do what you need to get done… you’re normal.8:45: Believe it or not, this is the #1 task most of us procrastinate on.10:15: Takeaway #3: You are not stuck being a procrastinator.12:10: Takeaway #4: This is actually what’s behind your procrastination.13:00: Procrastination defined in a way you’ve never heard before.19:00: Comfortable doesn’t mean you LIKE where you are.24:55: Do this when you catch yourself procrastinating.25:40: What the world’s leading expert found through his research on procrastination.29:35: The best question to ask yourself next time you catch yourself procrastinating.33:00: The #1 science-backed hack to break your procrastination habit.35:00: Your problem is not that you can’t; it’s that you’ve been trapped.37:50: You have to do THIS before you start believing in yourself. Want me to answer your question on the podcast? Submit it here. Visit www.melrobbins.com/podcast for additional resources. Sign up for my free 5-day Wake Up Challenge to start beating procrastination from the second your alarm goes off. Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to what I predict will be one of the most popular episodes that we do this year on the Mel Robbins podcast. So let's do this thing. Welcome. I'm so excited that you're here today. I'm Mel Robbins, I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the most respected experts in the world on change of motivation. And today we are talking about an awesome topic.

We're talking about none other than procrastination. This is a topic that I have a lot of experience with. I used to struggle with procrastination profoundly. I still do some days. And every single time I talk about the topic of procrastination, the research, the science on social media, you guys go crazy. I mean, the topic of procrastination, the research, the science on social media. You guys go crazy. I mean, the stuff goes viral.

And even when I'm working with major brands like Starbucks or Microsoft or just last week I was in San Diego speaking at this secret event for a company that is in the human genome sequencing space. I mean, really cool stuff. At some point, everybody has a question about procrastination or is struggling with it and seeking tools that they can use to stop procrastinating and be more effective and more focused. And honestly, this is such a big topic and an important one. I'm kind of surprised at you and I haven't talked

about it yet. I have the five second rule book right here in my lab because I even wrote and researched an entire chapter about procrastination for this book. So you're gonna love what you're about to learn because everybody struggles with procrastination. I've already admitted I'm a former chronic procrastinator. You've heard all about the all-nighters I've pulled in college. I want you to know you are not alone.

The reason why you struggle with procrastination is because you're thinking about procrastination wrong. I used to do the same thing. And so today, you're gonna stop beating yourself up, and you and I are gonna get to the root of what's truly going on when you struggle with procrastination. And by the end of the episode, instead of saying to yourself, why can't I just make me help you do this? You're going to change the question. Because you're no longer going to think there's something wrong with you, why can't I just get this done? You'll be asking yourself the questions that based on research. These

are the questions that you should be asking yourself when you're procrastinating, which is how am I feeling right now? What is truly stressing me out? If you want to stop procrastinating, you have to understand it. You have to understand why you do it, and you have to understand the deeper issue that triggers you to procrastinate. And that's why we're not going to procrastinate on the topic any longer. You and I are talking about this sucker today. And I want to give you four takeaways immediately because I want you to start changing how you think about procrastination immediately. So rule number one, stop labeling yourself a procrastinator. You are not a procrastinator.

You have a habit of procrastinating. Big difference. When you call yourself a procrastinator like I used to, it becomes part of your identity. And procrastination is not a personality trait. Procrastination is a broken pattern of behavior that you need to understand and then you need to fix it and replace it with something better. And you may be the kind of person right now

where procrastination is chronic in your life. That's okay. That just tells me that the stress in your life is also chronic. And so today, whether you're just kind of procrastinating on the little things or you're so stressed out because you constantly procrastinate on the big things, you are going to get simple tools to change this. And you're also going to take your power back.

And that brings me to take away number two. There are two kinds of procrastination. There is destructive procrastination and there's productive procrastination. Like for example, if you're working on a really hard project and you decide to go outside and get some fresh air and take a walk and relieve the stress that you're feeling before you come back, that kind of avoidance or delay is conscious and it's productive. But we're going to focus on the destructive procrastination, okay?

And that's the kind of procrastination that you might not even realize the extent to what you're doing it. It could be micro procrastinations that you're engaging on all day, like the fact that you waste hours on social media, probably every single day. And by the end of the week, you're shocked to learn

how all those tiny little micro delays added up to a whole lot of waste of time, or whether the kind of destructive procrastination that you do is pretty major. You know, when you're actively avoiding something big, like your dissertation that you need to finish, or the application that you need to fill out, or posting videos on your YouTube channel, or making sales calls, or in the case of the listener that you're about to meet who is an artist. Procrastination is eating her alive, because every single time she sits down as an illustrator in the morning to work on her portfolio, she can't do it.

Just listen to Viti talk about how this happens. Hey, Mel. First of all, thank you so much for selecting my question. I was beyond happy. So my name is Rithi. I am an illustrator by profession and I absolutely love drawing. But what's been happening for quite a long time now is before I even start, I am worried about the end product.

Every morning I cannot wait to sit on the desk and start drawing, but the moment I get in that chair, and I have to start drawing, oh my god, Mel, the level of anxiety, doubt and fear, it's like I bury myself deep with all the excuses one can find in the world, and by the end of it, I am so exhausted and tired with all the negative self-talk. I have absolutely zero energy left to do anything. Ah, I just love her, Fiddy. Thank you for that. I just want to reach my arms out. I don't know if you can feel this, Fiddy,

but I am sending you, we are all sending you this big virtual hug. That is so frustrating and can't you relate? It's almost like anguish in your voice. When you're in a situation with there is something in your heart that you know you need to do, or like, this is a calling. She's an artist, an illustrator. You can tell how deeply she cares about this, how much she wants to do this. And you may feel that way about the business that you're running or the program that you want to apply to.

You know, I feel this way about something that I need to do. It's not a calling, it's something I need to do. And that is, I have got to book an appointment to go see a doctor about my hormones. And as I'm sitting here talking to you, my pants are so tight, I'm looking at this kind of hump in the center of my pants and I know it's confronting me because I'm getting older. And the shit that I've been doing my whole life to stay healthy and vibrant and feeling good in my body, it's not working. Clearly it's not working because I'm getting that thickening in the middle. And half the time my zipper I notice is kind of dropping down about a third of the way.

I call this hump my bread basket. I think about it every day. I think about it every day because when I pull on my pants and I have to zip my pants up, I have to like stick my rear end backwards and sort of suck in to get the zipper of my normal pants up over the bread basket that I have developed. And, you know, I'm 54. I'm going through some hormonal changes. And as I talk to my girlfriends about this, you know what they say? They say, yeah. Like, my went to my doctor to my doctor to Mel and you know what they told me, yeah,

just stay active, you'll probably gain five to ten pounds and then it'll probably come off when you're 60. Talk about triggering. It makes me feel like I'm not in control of my health or my body. And the other thing that's adding a lot more stress to this topic because you know, it's face it, it sounds kind of stupid and sent malchol the doctor like how hard is that? Why are you procrastinating on that? Well believe it or not, one of the major things based on research that you and I procrastinate on, making medical appointments, getting medical tests done.

So I relate to this because it's something I'm thinking about. It's something that's on my mind. And I bet you've got something like that too. And so before we keep going, I want you to think of something in your life, something like Vitties describing. Maybe you got to sit down every morning and you're trying to inch forward on some project and you just can't get yourself to do it. Or like me, you're procrastinating on making a medical appointment, or maybe it's the

sales calls. And I'm telling you this because I want you to not just listen. I want you to apply this in real time to what you're dealing with because there's a lot more going on when you're procrastinating than you realize. And I realize that by confessing this to you, you're probably thinking, how could you possibly be teaching me about procrastination if you are engaging in hell and you're confessing this?

Well, I once heard somebody say that you're best equipped to help somebody that you used to be. And I used to be a chronic procrastinator. And I now know what you're about to learn. And so I can spot this stuff immediately. And it's also why I know that there's a whole lot more going on as to why I've avoided calling the doctor today. Then just calling the doctor. I hate getting older. I hate feeling like I'm not in control. And we're gonna unpack all of this, which brings me to the third takeaway

about procrastination. And that is, you can learn how to stop procrastinating. And I wanna say this very loud and clear to Vity and to you. You're capable of this. You don't lack willpower, you're not lazy, you're not stupid, there's nothing wrong with you. Can we be honest as friends, you can fill out the financial aid forms, you can train for a marathon, you can repair your marriage and get to therapy, you can get to the doctor, and you know what else you can do? You can

stop beating yourself up about this and you can stop making yourself wrong. You're stuck in what researchers call a procrastination cycle. This is this vicious cycle because you don't understand procrastination. Neither did I. That's why my chronic procrastination spun out of control until I learned everything that I'm about to teach you. And that brings me to the fourth takeaway. And I'm going to tell you what that is right after we hear a word from our sponsors. Don't go anywhere.

Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins and we are talking about the topic and the research around procrastination and how you can stop procrastinating and take your power back. I'm Mel Robbins and we are talking about the topic and the research around procrastination and how you can stop procrastinating and take your power back. And I already gave you three takeaways that really change how you deal with procrastination immediately. Number one, stop calling yourself a procrastinator. procrastination is a habit, period. And it's one you can break. Second, there are two kinds of procrastination. There's productive procrastination, which is when you consciously take a break from something, because you need to clear your mind and destructive procrastination. And that's what we're focusing

on today, helping you break the habit of destructive procrastination. And the third takeaway, you can break this, you can do this. This is not about willpower. This is about understanding the science here. And that brings me to the fourth takeaway. And this is the game changer. The fourth takeaway. Procrastination is triggered by stress. Yep, you heard that right. Every time you catch yourself procrastinating,

it's because you're stressed out. Procrastination has nothing to do's because you're stressed out. Procrastination has nothing to do with what you need to do. Procrastination defined in the dictionary is avoiding or putting something off, delaying it. But when you look at the research and we're going to dig into that in a minute, the way that researchers define procrastination is that you are avoiding stress. That's what you're avoiding. You're not avoiding the application. You're not avoiding the illustration. You blow off things that

take brain power because you are trying to avoid stress. Procrastination is the attempt to feel better in this moment. That's what it's about. And this comes from research from Dr. Timothy Pichle at Carlton University. His definition of procrastination is this, a subconscious desire to feel good right now. And he shares that procrastination, it's just all about stress. When you first hear that, wait, procrastination is a a subculture, it's just desire to feel good right now. How the heck does that make sense?

I mean, Vitty really wants to draw a meal. So wouldn't it make sense that she'd feel good if she were drawing? Sort of. It makes sense intellectually. But when I unpack how stress is triggering you to stop doing something that you care about or that you need to do This is all gonna be like holy cow. Why didn't I hear this sooner? So let's really unpack what it means when I say that your habit of procrastinating Is triggered by the stress in your life

Stop and think for a minute. What is stressing you out right now? Maybe your mom and dad, their health is failing, and it's really upsetting you. Or perhaps like I used to have profound financial stress, like just crushing relentless financial stress. Always on my mind, always worried about it. Or your best friends are going through divorce. Maybe that's something that's on your mind, it's really bothering you and you don't know what to do about it. And so here you are in your day to day life. You got this big thing that is on your mind. You carried around like a backpack of stress. You're thinking about it all the time. Maybe it's even just in your subconscious, just grind in a way at you. It might just be the relentless pressure and stress that you feel because you are so

hard on yourself. I mean, you haven't even met Vity and you can hear in her voice, the woman beats herself up all day long. Talk about stressful. You're having been working on the dissertation. Oh my God, I need to work on that thing and why am I not getting to it? Oh my God, I need to do this. And so here you go. And like Vity, you sit down and there's something not getting to it. Oh, my God, I need to do this. I need to. And so here you go.

And like Vity, you sit down and there's something you need to do. Maybe you have to work on your portfolio. Maybe you got to make a few sales calls. Maybe you need to sort through all of those medical bills and figure out how to get compensated and reimbursed from insurance. Talk about something that requires concentration.

Maybe you're working on your business plan. Maybe some you're really excited about. You're working on the next chapter of your book. But as you sit there and you start to do the work, here's what's interesting. You need to concentrate, don't you? Doing that thing requires a bit of focus. It requires your prefrontal cortex to engage.

You've been learning all about this on the Mel Robbins podcast, but you got the stress backpack on your back. You got all of this stuff ruminating through you. You can't put your finger on it. Your stress backpack might be the fact that you're still living with the effects of childhood trauma. And so when you walk into work and you sit down or you've got a list of phone calls you need to make, or you've got a report you need to finish, or you've got something you need

to edit, and that's going to require you to concentrate. Your brain looks at you and is like, um, excuse me? You want me to do an illustration right now? You want me to make a phone call to a stranger and try to sell them some of this stuff right now? Have you not seen that I have a stress backpack on? You want me to focus on 15 phone calls when I've been worried about how I'm gonna pay my bills all day

and what mom's gonna do? Can we just look at some cat videos or some memes or some TikTok dance trends? I mean, I need a break. And then all of a sudden, what happened? Sexing in a two hours of gone. You haven't made a single phone call.

You haven't drawn a single thing. You have not even cracked open the folder with a financial aid application in it. You've been online shopping. You've been scrolling through TikTok. You have been texting people mindlessly. You've been looking at social media. And then what happens next? You go, oh my God, holy cow, it's already three o'clock. I didn't do any of this thing. And next thing you know, you're even more stressed out. And let me go back to

that example that I said about micro procrastination, which is the number of times you pick up your phone. And you mindlessly just check out and you start scrolling on social media. I often will look at my daughters as they're just rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Like, what are you doing? Thousand. Taking a break from life. And it feels like you're doing something, right? Because you're like, but you're doing this because you want to check out for a minute. You don't want to have to think about anything.

You don't want to have to focus on something. Why? Because your brain and your body is already taxed. See, when you're stressed, it triggers that fight, flight, freeze alarm system in your body. You want to know what procrastination is? It's freezing. I'm going to say that again, because I can feel the wake up calls going ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, as you're listening.

I'm going to say that again. You know that you have a fighter flight response, right? When you get stressed out, you go on edge. There's also freeze when you're stressed. You feel paralyzed. Procrastination is a form of freezing. Let me explain this. See, life triggers you.

A bill arrives in the mail or in your inbox and you're thinking, how the hell am I gonna pay that? You get triggered by stress. Your brain goes into survival mode to protect you and you freeze. So without even thinking about it, you procrastinate on something. Why?

Because you're trying to feel a little better right now. That's why you look at social media. That's why you blow off the 15 phone calls because those feel hard. That's why you blow off the writing that you need to do or the video that you need to shoot or the thing that feels hard. And then what happens is because you've blown it off in order to feel a little bit better right now, you get a little behind and guess what happens? You then feel more stressed. And this is exactly what Vity is experiencing. And this is why you got to get in front of this procrastination habit. Because this will very quickly spiral out of control. And here she is

talking about how she gets triggered. That when she sits down and she starts to worry about, and here's her stress, is it gonna be good enough? I gotta get this right. I don't know if this is the right drawing to do and she starts thinking and thinking and thinking and she even uses the word siren, naturally. She even feels like it's an alarm that's getting triggered. Listen to this.

You realize, whenever anything good is about to happen, a siren goes off inside my head. Oh, it's good to be true. Oh, it's good to be true. Oh, you think you can do this. Seriously, you can't. They chose the wrong person. You clearly not good enough.

There are hundreds of more talented authors. When you finish this project, they will know that you are a fake, that you are not good enough. So I think you should stop on the wing whenever you're doing right now. Every time something good happens, I find myself running from it. It's not feeling shitty, it has become a comfortable feeling. I don't even know if that makes any sense.

That last line, it's like feeling shitty has become a comfortable feeling. Vity, what you are describing makes perfect sense. What you're describing is how stress and this desire, this tension between just trying and expressing yourself and this deep, seated fear that it's not going to be right or it's not going to be perfect and how that paralyzes you. That's why you're procrastinating. And what you're describing is how it triggers you to freeze when you sit down to work as an illustrator.

And now you are in a vicious cycle because you're so used to feeling this way, it has become comfortable. And I want to make a really clear distinction, everyone, that the word comfortable doesn't mean you like it. The word comfortable means you're used to it, that it's normal to feel shitty, it's normal to feel stuck, it's normal to feel like you know what you need to do, but you can't make yourself do this. And I want you to hear me loud and clear, this is normal.

This is a normal experience to have, and you can do something about it. And if you relate to video like I do, good. Because then you're seeing it. You're seeing that you're trapped in this cycle and seeing it is really the first step and you're going, okay, good, because I'm gonna break the cycle,

I'm gonna replace it with something else. If you're still trying to spot yourself in this vicious procrastination loop, let me give you another more relatable example that I've been hinting at several times. How many times have you had that experience where you're going to bed, you're brushing your teeth, and you start to feel stressed out as you're going to bed, you're brushing your teeth, and you start to feel stressed out as you're going to bed because you reflect on the night and you think, oh my god, I just wasted the whole evening. I just spent three hours scrolling through social media while I was lounging on the couch watching something on Netflix and I'm not gonna get that time back and now it's too late and I know why you did it.

And so do you. You were stressed out. You finished the day and you were tired and you were stressed or you were worried about something or you felt like my God, I've been concentrating all day. I just need a break. They call this revenge procrastination. When you literally do nothing at night, you blow off time, you waste your time because you're getting back at your job because it stressed you out.

And, you know, look, is it a big deal to scroll on social media now? I mean, of course not. But when this habit revenge procrastination starts to cause a cycle of you coming home and feeling stressed out all the time. And now you're going to bed stressed out and you're waking up stressed out and you didn't take the time tonight to set yourself up tomorrow morning. And now you're waking up stressed out because you're feeling behind based on what happened last night.

This is how the stress builds and builds and builds. And so I think the big question is this, Mel, what do I do about it? You now got me freaked out, I'm no longer frozen, I wanna run, I wanna take a sledgehammer and break the cycle in half. Well, when we come back, you got me freaked out. I'm no longer frozen. I want to run. I want to take a sledgehammer and break the cycle in half. Well, when we come back, you got me and you got the research and the solution and the three simple step approach you can use to break the cycle. Take back your time.

Stop procrastinating and get your power back. It's Mal and we're talking about procrastination. And I am about to explain the simple three-step process that you are going to use based on research in order to break the vicious cycle of procrastination and to take back your time and your life. I mean, this is big stuff. And I'm going to warn you, like a lot of things that I share. At first glance, it might sound kind of stupid. This one might even sound a little schmarmy,

but this is all research-based. And in fact, I have a copy of the five second rule book right here with me. I'm on page 145, which is where chapter 11 begins, which is all about the science of procrastination. Step number one, to breaking this cycle. When you catch yourself procrastinating, forgive yourself. Step one, the next time you catch yourself procrastinating. Forgive yourself. Step one. The next time you catch yourself procrastinating, step one is forgive yourself. And there is a really profound reason why. procrastination is not about laziness, it's not about a lack of

discipline, it's not something you do because you're dumb. Procrastination is a coping mechanism. You just have a desire to feel good right now and you deserve that. You have a desire to lessen the stress in your life. And you deserve to lessen the stress in your life. I get it. And this first step to forgive yourself, it comes from research, from Dr. Pichel.

By the way, he has been studying procrastination for two decades. He may just imagine that studying procrastination for two to that, that is a dedicated person right there. And we thank you for your service to all of us. His research found that people who forgive themselves are less likely to procrastinate again. In fact, there was a study that he did. I want to turn to the page.

I got the book right here. Page 148 of the five-second rule. He co-authored a paper about how students who forgive themselves for procrastinating were less likely to procrastinate on their next test. It sounds silly, but part of the problem that psychologists have uncovered is that when you're somebody that procrastinates, you're really hard on yourselves to begin with. In fact, being hard on yourself is one of the major causes of why you're so damn stressed. And so taking a moment and forgiving yourself.

And you've got to actually have a talk with yourself. Say it out loud. Where you are sitting and you're like, oh my god, two hours just went by. Wow, I must be really stressed out. I forgive myself for just blowing off two hours on social media and you know what? I can spend the next hour setting my day up tomorrow for success. Or maybe you see all your bills and you realize you haven't opened those suckers in two months. Just go, wow, I haven't opened my bills in two months. I must be really nervous about this. I forgive myself for not doing that. And you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna just do the best that I can. I'm gonna face this head on. Because the next step that you're gonna take once you forgive yourself, you gotta recognize that you're going to take, once you forgive yourself, you've got to recognize that you're doing it. Why? Because patterns and habits repeat unless you replace them. And so noticing that it's a pattern, catching yourself, forgiving yourself, that is a way

we're going to break this pattern. Because the step two, you must identify what you're stressed about. So let's go back to the example of seeing bills piling up or getting the second notification that you didn't pay that parking ticket because you procrastinated and now you missed the deadline and now it's twice as expensive. Whoa, I really blew that off. I forgive myself.

What am I stressed about? Now don't be surprised if the answer to that question, what am I stressed about? Turns out to be much bigger than the parking ticket. For example, when you first got that ticket and it was on your windshield, maybe your immediate reaction was, why do I always do this to myself? Why am I always running late? Why can't I just get up on time and remember to move my car on time? It's the stress you feel about this habitual behavior of running late and dropping balls and screwing up.

That's what's triggering you to put off dealing with the ticket itself right now. And so what do you do because of that stress? Oh, you throw the ticket in the passenger seat and then you forget about it. And then what happens? A few weeks later, what comes in the mail? A notice from the county clerk that ticket that you didn't deal with? Guess what? It's now doubled because you missed the deadline and you didn't pay it because it was in the passenger seat and you didn't deal with it at the time. Boom! Say hello to the vicious cycle. Now on top of this, there might be a second moment

of procrastination because the second that you open up that notice and you're like, oh, I'm so stupid. Instead of paying it right then, what do you do? You procrastinate again. Why? Because you feel doubly stressed because it's not just one screw up the first time, it's now two screw ups.. And so you got to do the steps. First, you got to forgive yourself. And then you got to ask yourself the question,

when am I so stressed about? It's going to be beyond the parking ticket. That parking ticket is just an example of how life is overwhelming right now. And you might just think, I'm really stressed that it's senior year of college and four years just went by like that. Or I'm really stressed about this presentation that's coming up. I'm really stressed that I'm behind on my sales quota. I'm really stressed that my spouse and I haven't really talked for the last couple days and they're mad at me and I just don't know what to do. We're always in this fight. I'm really stressed about my dad and those test results that we're waiting on. I'm worried about him. See, when you identify the deeper thing, the thing you're actually stressed about,

it loosens its grip on you. It comes out of hiding and see I think that stress backpack is an important analogy or metaphor that you can visualize it's behind you. So you're not like thinking about it. When you identify what it is, you bring it right in front of your face and because you're now identifying the source of the stress, it loosens its grip. And now what you're going to do is you're going to ask yourself, well, what would the future me want to do right now? Vity, the artist in you that has already finished her portfolio. What does she want you to do right now? You've forgiven yourself, you've acknowledged what's stressing you out,

which is the relentless pursuit of perfection. What is the future you want you to do? Or Mel, you're zipping up your pants and that bread basket is in there, and you forgive yourself for blowing this off for so long, and you acknowledge the stress that you feel because you are getting older and this makes you feel like you're not in control of what's going on. What would the future mel that had gone to see the doctor and has got this in place? What would you want you to do right now?

And so that's what you're going to ask yourself. What is the future you want you to do right now? If you're sitting on the couch, two glasses of wine in and you realize you've procrastinated for the last five hours and you've acknowledged it, you've forgiven yourself for doing it, you've acknowledged the stress that you feel because you know, you are in a fight with a friend or a boyfriend or whatever. What is the you that's going to wake up tomorrow morning, want you to do right now? I'll tell you what that you wants you to do.

They want you to get off the couch, they want you to pack lunch for tomorrow, they want you to brush your teeth and turn off the TV in the phone and read 10 pages of non-fiction and get a good night's sleep. That's what the future you want you to do. The future you does not want you to slip back

into that vicious cycle and spend another three hours watching cat videos and memes and TikTok videos, which we both know is exactly what you would do. If you didn't break the cycle by forgiving yourself for doing it for three hours, acknowledging what you're stressed about, and then deciding what the future you want you to do instead. And then finally, you're just going to start. Because after you've forgiven yourself and you've validated what's stressing you out and you've tapped into the future you who is kicking ass and taking names and needs

you right now, I just want you to start for one minute. So Viti, when you sit down tomorrow morning and that self-doubt is there and that procrastination kicks in, no problem, use the steps and then use the five-sectoral. Why? This is not just listening, time, people. This is doing time. We always say that about the Mel Robbins podcast. Use the five-seqral.

It's one of the most effective science-backed starting rituals on the planet for creating a new habit or pattern. 54321. Start drawing for one minute. And here's what we know based on the research. Once you make that first cold call, you're likely to keep going. Once you start writing that first sentence,

you're gonna keep writing. Once you hit record on that video, on the video, you're gonna keep going. Once you fill out the first name, last name line on the application you need to fill out, you're to keep going. Once you fill out the first name, last name line on the application you need to fill out, you're going to keep going. Once you pull up your resume template and you start writing,

you're going to keep going because the problem isn't your ability to do what you need to do. The problem is you've been trapped in this stress and trauma and nervous system triggered vicious procrastination cycle. And look, I know this sounds like, really? Oh my God. Mel, come on.

I was listening to this because I want to be more productive. I want to make more money. I want to get more shit done. I want to have more life balance. Now you're telling me productivity. It's about forgiving myself. It's about calling forth the future me. Why would I want to try that? Let me tell you why. Because procrastination is a habit. And this habit becomes a very vicious cycle. And that's exactly where video is trapped. So let me let her tell you what it feels like. When you don't nip this in the bud, when the vicious cycle of procrastinating on her

art and her work is now creeping into other areas of your life. The worst part of all of this, whatever this is, self-doubt or whatever, wanting to be perfect, whatever this is, the worst part is that this doubt, this fear, is slowly seeping into all areas of my life. I know this is affecting all the relationships in my life, and I am just worried that this will take over and and destroy everything I love. So I think the question is rather how can I relearn to believe in myself, how can I relearn to believe that I deserve all the good things that come my way, and that I am good enough.

How can I learn that? Vity, I love that. I love that you reframe the question because that is what this is about. See, I told you procrastination was not about productivity. And I also told you that the thing that triggers it was going to surprise you. And that's why this topic is so important. It is never too late to wake up and be the person you want to be. And you deserve that. And here's the truth on how you do that. You have to act like you believe in yourself before you believe in yourself.

Let's say that again. You want wanna learn how to stop doubting yourself, you wanna learn how to believe in yourself again, you wanna learn how to not be so afraid or full of doubt or full of perfectionism, which by the way, is something you learned in order to cope with crap that was going on in childhood. Perfectionism everybody is what you do in order to protect yourself from rejection.

There's a huge, huge connection between your desire to be perfect, procrastinating, and the fear of rejection. And so using these tools, you not only are going to break the pattern of procrastination, you have a roadmap for the actions that take you to the future you. Because again, you have to act like you believe in yourself before you do believe in yourself. So let me just make this super, super detailed for you. Vity, when you wake up tomorrow morning and you sit down in that chair

and you walk through these simple steps that I have just taught you based on the research. When you start drawing, you are acting like you believe in yourself. And notice, you started drawing before you did believe in yourself. That's why this is so powerful. When you see yourself 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, doing it anyway because you're the kind of person that picks up the phone or picks up the pen or walks out the door or says that thing or does that thing and you keep doing that consistently.

You know what's going to happen? You're not only going to get the results that you want. You're going to believe in yourself because you're going to see yourself doing the work to get the results that you want. You're going to believe in yourself because you're going to see yourself doing the work to get the results that you want. It begins with the action. And that's why I say the Mel Robbins podcast is not a listening podcast. It's a doing podcast. It's in the doing that you become someone new. You cannot wait to feel ready. You cannot wait to feel motivated. You cannot wait for procrastination to disappear. It doesn't work that way. You got to act before you feel ready. You got to act like you believe before you do. And that's why this topic is so important. It's why I believe this will be probably one of our most shared episodes because everybody struggles with this. Whether you have kids in college or high school, share this episode with them. If there's somebody that you wish would

change this episode will be very eye-opening. If you have somebody in your life, maybe it's you, or maybe it's somebody that you care deeply about that has huge potential. And you're like, why? Well, they just start doing that thing. Why are they not writing their music? Why are they not starting their channel? Why are they not applying to nursing school? Why don't they believe in them? So why don't they just do that thing? I'll tell you why. They're stuck in a vicious cycle. And now you understand it. So send this episode to them so they can understand it too.

And tell them it's a message from their future. And in case nobody else tells you this today, I'm not procrastinating on this one. I'm going to tell you that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to catch yourself When you start procrastinating. I believe that you can as cheesy as it sounds go. I forget myself Three hours down the toilet. I needed it. You can acknowledge the stress and

You can act like the future you you want to know why you deserve that and the more you do this The more you're going to be on your way to like the future you. You want to know why you deserve that. And the more you do this, the more you're going to be on your way to being the future you. Alrighty, I can't wait to hear what you thought about this one and I'll talk to you in a few days. I gotta go call my doctor. Right? Right. Oh, one more thing.

It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Stitcher.