The Menstruality Podcast - 1. The Leadership Keys within the Menstrual Cycle (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

In this tender, honest and intimate conversation Red School’s founders, Alexandra and Sjanie reveal how the menstrual cycle activates a fresh kind of relational, creative leadership within each of us, and the possibility that holds for the future of our global community. We explore:The arch nemesis that we have to battle in order to grow up as leaders - the inner critic, and the sacred role it plays in calling us home to ourselves. The surprising ego-deflation devices that live in the second half of the cycle and how they wake us up to our humanity.Personal leadership stories: how Sjanie gets humbled each and every pre-menstruum and what Alexandra means when she says she’s now a ‘comic cycler’.---Registration is now open for our 2022 Menstruality Leadership Programme. You can explore the curriculum at www.menstrualityleadership.com---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @red.school 

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Welcome to our first ever episode. Thank you so much for being here and for tuning in. Today's episode is, it's tender, it's honest, it's joyous, it's a kind of hour-long leadership

handbook of a conversation which reveals how the menstrual cycle activates a fresh kind of relational creative leadership within each of us and the possibility that this holds for the future of our global community. We explore the arch nemesis that we have to battle in order to grow up as leaders, the inner critic. We look at the surprising ego deflation devices that live in the second half of the menstrual cycle and how they actually wake us up to our humanity. We also hear how Sharni gets humbled each and every inner autumn and what Alexandra means when she says she's now a cosmic cycler. Today, I'm talking with the brilliant Alexandra Pope and Sharni Hugo-Wurlitzer. They are the founders of Red School. They're the authors of Wild Power.

And these women have devoted a collective 45 years of research to reveal the power of the menstrual cycle and menopause. Their mission is to activate the vitality and the creativity and the leadership of a million people through the magic of menstrual cycle awareness. And they're well on their way. There are thousands of people who have studied with these women. They're currently running this year's menstruality leadership program with 72 future menstruality leaders. This is going to be such an amazing hour. I'm so grateful to be here with you both. How are you doing today? Oh, I feel slightly overwhelmed almost. Yeah. Yeah, I feel a combination of really nervous and also just before we began began speaking i thought i can think of nothing more pleasurable right now than to be talking with you sophie and with alexandra on this particular topic i feel so good about that and that we have this time ahead of us to just unfold into the delights of menstrual cycle awareness and leadership.

Well, I have to second that. Absolutely. It's a real pleasure, Sophie, to be with you. So we always start this podcast with a cycle check-in. Alexandra, so you cycle differently these days on the other side of menopause. Yes, I think actually of myself as a cosmic cycler, Sophie. I'm tracking all sorts of cycles in my life, but the most intimate one would be, gosh, it would probably be my creative process actually but the moon cycle is a lovely everyday rhythm for me and i am on about i think it's about day eight today isn't it but i tend to also to think i think less about the day and more about the phase it's more about the tone of the phase of the moon cycle and it's only just before dark moon um that I have to really pay attention to

the days and new moon itself because I can get a little high and then I can crash if I'm not careful so but I'm in that lovely you know crest coming up day eight it's a lovely time and how about you Sharni so I'm day five today and I think I've got to set the context for this by saying because talking about Alexandra being a cosmic cyclist I love that expression I feel like I've got to get you a t-shirt that says that cosmic cyclist um yes I'm really aware of you know the other cycles in my life right now and I'm in the middle of a big life transition moving town moving house my kids starting a new school so I really am feeling that uh liminal sort of separation type quality of neither being here nor there that's really coloring my experience and has colored this whole bleed but here on day five

my my sort of intimate experience with myself is I guess one of relief. I'm feeling relief like there is some spark of terra firma under my feet because I felt quite like I was in a vacuum for the past few days. It was so full of unknown and I was so stretched, my system so stretched and really um feeling out of capacity and not having the space and time I needed to bleed but here and I just feel like there's such a grace in the cycle Sophie I'm always so grateful like even with the little bit of rest that I was able to steal for myself at this very intense time is this grace that's come through and today there is a sense of um new like new holding new ground new ah like something that I can let go into which feels yeah it's a relief it's it's such a relief

yeah I'm on the other end of the spectrum to you too then because I'm just turning from inner summer into inner autumn day 20 and the if I could sum sum it up in a few words it's um it's a really pleasurable place I just pulled the power card pleasure and I really feel it because I get I get creative now I get I don't care so much about what the world is saying and doing. I care about what I'm doing and I just want to dive right into it. I love this. And I can get, you know, pretty feisty with that, you know, telling people to get out of my way so I can do what I want to do and need to do. But, oh, I'm feeling the pleasure of that today. Lovely. Wow. It's gorgeous. I am the charge of that creative drive oh I love it too Sophie bring it on I've got that to look forward to it's coming um Shaina you you hinted at this just now

like you have so much going on in your world And from a professional perspective with Red School, both of you have been cooking up so much recently. You've just completed the first draft of this world-changing book about the menopause. You are now leading this profoundly deep training process of the Mentorality Leadership Program with this year's group. And you've got a million other things happening. So when I look at you both, frankly, I'm in awe of what you're able to do. But I also see how you have so many invitations to step into leadership literally every minute of your day. And I'd love to speak to you about, I'd love to hear you speak about how you lead, how the cycle has honed your leadership. And especially in this past year,

which has been, you're always very creative in this past year has been so immensely creative for you both. So Alexandra, could you kick off how, How did the menstrual cycle support you to embody your leadership? And how is that showing up for you? How has it shown up for you in this past year? Oh, yes, Sophie. Ah, let me feel into this. You know, the cycle has been everything for me. I can honestly say it's actually saved my life. And that's very melodramatic. But it's really helped me to find myself.

And in finding myself, I found my calling. And the cycle, you know, literally helped me to fulfill that calling, to bring it out into the world. Now, when I was, you know, I stopped cycling, menstruating about 12 years ago, 10 years ago now. And but up until that time, you know, in my years of cycling, we didn't really have this phrase menstrual cycle awareness. But I was unwittingly practicing it, of course, because I had to follow my cycle to help me heal my menstrual pain. And my cycle held me to myself. And, you know, my nature is very um ecstatic for want of a better word and I used to really ponder to myself you know what what is my mission what is my work in the world I always had a deep

sense of meaning but there was no job description to go with that and there was no words to describe what that meaning was in me but um I always had the cycle and in menstruation in particular was very very powerful for me and holding me to my calling so every time I bled I would always stop because that was how I learned to heal the pain and heal it I did but I would drop into such a deep place and I would feel so fabulous so the feelings of love and ecstasy and this extraordinary affirmation of myself of feeling oh oh I felt aligned with the world with the with the soul of the world I felt like I was plugged into something and this gave me this huge feeling of meaning and this sense that there was something at work and I mean I can't remember in this moment whether I had actual I mean I did have extraordinary kind of visions and ideas go

off it used to feel like feel like a firework display in my brain of explosions of things and I this fueled me this held me to something because I would leave menstruation and go out into the world and there was no affirmation of what I'd experienced but because I would leave menstruation and go out into the world. And there was no affirmation of what I'd experienced. But because I had experienced it, I felt like I was okay, all was okay, something was at work. And I could keep faith with myself. And that's really the key thing for me here. I could keep faith with myself in the unknownness of what it is that I was meant to be doing. I mean, yes, I had a day job, you know, as a psychotherapist, and that felt meaningful and useful. And I felt like I was serving something in the world through doing that. But I knew it wasn't it for me.

But the closer and closer I got to menopause, and this is just the magic of the cycle to me, it's just so amazing, is that it became clearer and stronger and the words were coming. And I could finally say, oh, this is who I am. This is what I do. This is what I'm good at. And it was menopause that put the cherry on the cake of my leadership understanding. So I'm talking about, when I talk about leadership in this moment right now, I'm really talking about what I was to be leading in, you know, what my calling was, if you like. So my sense of leadership is sourced out of having a calling. There is something in me that wants to be expressed in the world.

And calling is not just about me. It's about something bigger than me. And my cycle brought that out in me, what that was. But my cycle also gave me these different kinds of powers. And they went through a sort of final proving at menopause, but they gave me these different powers, which give me the fortitude now to do what I'm doing, because it does require something to step out and be a leader in the world to take on a role and to be outspoken about something. It does require something. But I actually feel I was tutored in that through all those years

of working with my cycle and healing that menstrual pain, and then undergoing the sort of final proving of menopause. I love that, that the final proving of menopause. I love that, the final proving of menopause, such a beautiful phrase. And we will actually have an entire conversation about menopause and leadership, which is one that is so important for us to have in the world, especially right now. I'm looking forward to that very much. Alexandra, I especially loved a couple of the things that you just said about how the cycle holds us to ourselves and your cycle helped you to keep faith with yourself. And I'd love to know what that looks like now in the midst of your, you know, immensely creative life of leadership. In the middle of a difficult day,

how does this capacity to keep faith with yourself help you in your leadership? Like, I'm just wanting to hear what it's like sort of in the day to day. Wow, it's a good question, Sophie, because, you know, day to day, it can be quite challenging sometimes. It's quite hard work on occasion occasion and we've had a very intense time with the writing of the book I mean it's bonkers who would write a book really especially one on menopause like I've been through menopause all over again writing the book um and um so what the thing is what's so interesting because i've had this conversation with shani of you know this is bonkers what we do you know sometimes the things we have to turn up

to in the hats we keep having to change and and i could stop i could stop except that i can't because it would be a betrayal of my calling and I can stop I mean and I do I do take rest and I have to take gaps because I have a body that needs caring for which I am fierce about it I'm really fierce about my self-care but the thing is even though it's really challenging sometimes the things we have to sort of attend to and face as leaders, I feel I am fueled by something inside. It's, you know, I want to, the calling is feeding me and it's talking to me. It never stops talking. I mean, Shani and I never stop having ideas. We've got far too many.

I've got ideas to go into my next lifetime because I'm not going to be fulfilling all this one. I've probably got another 20 years in me, Sophie. And that's probably pushing it. It is that I cannot abandon it. And it moves me. It actually moves me. And it's deeply satisfying.

I mean, bonkers though it is writing a book. It is so satisfying. It's so creative. And when you're finally able to articulate what is inside you that you would love people to know, it is miraculous. And, yeah, it is that deep sense of meaning, I suppose, you know, there's a whole conversation there about menopause, which we will save because there's something about the menopause transition that has really opened up a new space in me around this understanding of leadership and, you know, and the fortitude it requires and how menopause can give you can really give you that fortitude. You've made me really look forward to menopause, Alexandra Pope. Oh man, I'm selling menopause. Shani, how about you?

How do you feel that your cycle has been growing you as a leader in this past year? Oh, this past year. Wow. And what a year it has been, you know, the year of a global pandemic. And then for us also the year of writing this book, as Alexandra said. I can honestly say, Sophie, that like Alexandra said,

you know, the menstrual cycle saved her life. I don't know how people live without cycle awareness. And I have just been so diligent about paying attention to my cycle over this past year for me as the heat gets turned up whether that's in a creative project or in life or in my health or what have you the deeper I bed myself into this rhythm that's in my body and yeah the thing about cycle awareness for me really this is I think this is such a fundamental piece of leadership when I think about leadership Sophie I think firstly for me it means being connected to myself and that's in a kind of moment by moment, day by day sort of way. That means connected to, you know, how I am, but also what I'm needing. So it's this collaboration and care of myself, really.

So that's what I think about when I think about leadership and I also think about being purpose-fueled you know being in service of something not just kind of leading without cause but really leading in what matters to me so I think of that I also think of being responsive and being in relationship with the people I'm working with or with life itself, with creativity itself. For me, that's what I think of when I think of leadership, really kind of having that capacity to not just willfully go my own way, but actually listen, respond, adapt grow evolve so that's another really important piece for me for leadership and I think the the the other piece which I think we just really have to name when we're talking about leadership is power

um leadership for me is about power so having said all that so it's awareness of my power and uh and really using my power again to serve my calling so having said all that over this last year what menstrual cycle awareness has done for me is kept me really honest with myself really honest with my own limits, what my capacity is, you know, how much I can push, how much I need to yield, how much rest I need, you know, all that kind of stuff that keeps me healthy. But also it's kept me really honest with myself about, yeah, who I am and where I want to put my energy and why I choose to keep showing up every day, even though it has been particularly hard this last year. So, you know, the creative tension of writing this book has really forced me to grow up, to keep growing up, to keep sort of stepping up, to take more responsibility for myself, to take better care of myself, to dig a little bit deeper and to also lean into the support

that's around me and the support of life itself and also the creativity that's wanting to come through me so I've had to grow up a lot and for me that's really your leadership is just an ongoing growing up thing so yes the cycle awareness has been so foundational in that for me and I don't think I would be standing now I don't think I would have a little cheeky smile on my face if it weren't for cycle awareness really one of the things I most appreciate about working with you because I get to work with you every day which is really really fun for me is and for us so working with you is so pleasurable and I think one of the main reasons is because of the way that you embody the pacing that the cycle has has taught you and and and

gently nudged you to embody more and more every cycle you've been through red school doesn't do stress it just doesn't and I don't know how you do that I'm honestly baffled because I've never experienced it before and I think the world needs much more of it you know you just you trust the creative rhythms to unfold and it ends up being incredibly um effective as a business strategy you know the way that we're able to work with so many people and and really fulfill this mission that we're on is is yes it's really grounded in this isn't it yes and it also makes what we do so pleasurable and that's always been something that I've held to I'm I'm I'm not going to go through this life without

enjoying myself and uh what you've said there about um you know keeping stress levels really low is so fundamental to pleasure and to actually enjoying and and um reaping the the satisfaction of living your calling even when it's hard and you know we talk about menstrual cycle awareness as being um your number one stress reduction tool and what you're saying Sophie is you know it's not just for individuals it's for families it's for family life it's for organizations gosh it's for humanity yes it's for humanity so that's really one of the things that Cycle Awareness brings which is such a necessity yeah so however people are showing up to lead in their lives whether it is with their family their community their business the person who is in leadership

their what they're holding in their body ripples out into the rest of the system doesn't it so in this way cycle awareness is such a key leadership tool because it keeps us honest and clear and and or has a such a powerful feedback system so that we can reduce the stress that's being that's rippling out exactly exactly and actually that's something I didn't mention which you've just touched on there is the feedback system of the cycle particularly in the pre-menstrual you know you really get feedback about whether you've been doing too much going too fast or whether you've lost your way even you know are you still on track as an individual or as an organization

or as a family and that feedback is so necessary for good leadership and for just health, really good health. Yeah. You two obviously have quite an innovative and radical understanding of what leadership is. You know, you speak about it in a very fresh way. You're redefining it. A lot of people, when they think of leadership, they might think of, you know, a boardroom with some older white men sitting around making big decisions. And that's not what you're talking about here. You're talking about the kind of leadership that blossoms through each of us exactly where we are. I would love to hear more about how you perceive, how you see leadership.

What is leadership to you? I think you said it rather well, Sophie, just then when you said it blossoms out of who you are. So I think I just, well, I'll backtrack first and just say, you know, the world is in such a, the world is going through a massive initiation right now, a huge turmoil and change. now that we can't just hand over saving our planet, saving our lives to those who are in the classical positions of power, because they're all human beings, for starters, you know, like us. And they're not sort of infallible gods, as they are proving every day. And we shouldn't imagine them being that. And we shouldn't put it all on them you know it's it's for all of us now to step up and um and the leadership that we're speaking to here as you say blossoms out of who you are and it is it can take many forms i really want to emphasize

this now shani and i have a very kind of some ways, fairly classical role in the sense that we've probably will not think of yourself as a leader. Interestingly, I didn't particularly think of myself as a leader. But rather you, something speaks to you, you feel something stir um you know the cycle really helps to awaken this new kind of leadership which is a shana used the word responsive when she was talking about leadership it's a response to a situation so it's sort of leadership in the moment for a particular situation rather than saying i'm going to become a politician and change things in my community. But that you see something in your community and, you know, you feel something stir in you around it and you just have a sense that, yes, this has to change. It has to be different. And i really feel that everyone has we're all coded for something

and you know we all have a particular kind of genius or particular gift to offer the world through who we are through our own particular natures and we you, we call it the calling. We all have some sort of calling in us. And for some, it's very, very obvious and clear. And for others, it's very subtle and quiet. But I would love people to know that they do have something and that there are many different ways to serve. And it can be very, in this very quiet, intimate way, or it can be in a very public way. It can be very in this very quiet, intimate way, or it can be in a very public way.

It can be very subtle. You know, there's there's there's there's a huge amount of work for the world that can be done on an energetic level. You know, for people who work, you know, like to work at that level and then there are some of us who like to be on the front line um you know at the coalface of in in the world in a very real and obviously practical way am i um is that sort of responding to your question sophie very much so um shani is there anything you want to add yes i just i'm loving what you're saying alexandra and i was uh as you were speaking i was feeling into this thing about leadership and you know that it's sourced in who you are and this understanding of your worth that there's something valuable about you, valuable about who you are.

And then your leadership is about daring to share that, daring to give that, daring to show that. And that requires an awful amount of, I want to say, courage, but also connection with yourself in a way that is kind of kind and generous it requires you to really be willing to see yourself and to kind of take yourself in and um acknowledge what is what it is that you have so uh this this is yeah this is how we think about leadership and um of course the cycle is such a beautiful guide and tutor ongoingly in supporting people to step into their leadership ever more. One of the things that's really unique about your teaching around the cycle is how you speak about the via negativa the second half of the cycle and um how this the powers of the via negativa help women and and all people who menstruate to tap into a very precious and fresh and needed kind of leadership can we go there let's talk the via negativa what what's what's what's in the second half of the cycle that can

can support our leadership this is a this is a whole conversation this is a huge conversation, a very, very juicy one. I just want to come back to what I was saying about what, you know, what leadership means to me. And I spoke about, you, being able to be responsive to life. So one of the things about the cycle, the first half of the cycle is this wonderful ego building. Yes, it's beautiful. The first half of the cycle really fills your sense of place in the world and your sense of identity and can give you like a healthy ego. And then the second half of the cycle comes along and pops that bubble of, you know, invincibility and know-it-allness and um and and kind of capacity and really brings you to your knees it's very humbling we

we call it the sort of built-in ego deflation device that's the second half of the cycle and this is a good thing why why are you wondering why is this a good thing well it's a good thing because um it brings this uh sensitivity humility really brings you into your humanity and into your heart it kind of brings you back to both feeling yourself but also feeling sensitive and awake to life and that is such a profound gift when it comes to leadership because it keeps you responsive it keeps you from operating in isolation and from sort of controlling and commanding or trying to control and command life and sort of brings you into this humility where you kind of feel, ah, okay, right. It's not just my will at play here, but there is a greater will at play there's something larger at work that

I'm needing to be responsive to and in collaboration with and in fact in service of so that's one of the gifts of the premenstrual if this conversation is inspiring you and you'd like to explore how your menstrual cycle or your menopause process can inspire and awaken your unique form of leadership, we invite you to visit menstrualityleadership.com where you can find out more about the world's first leadership training designed for pioneers, change makers, nurturers and creatives to realize your full authority and leadership through the power of the menstrual cycle can you give an example of that in in your recent cycles of a time when you noticed that humanity that that tenderness

absolutely so yeah it sort of happens what I find so funny is it sort of happens every cycle and it's almost like I only remember, you know, like, oh yeah, that. So I come through the first half of my cycle, I get to the summer and I have capacity. I mean, that's a word I would use to describe myself in the summer. I have capacity. I have emotional resilience. I feel like I can do, I can really conquer the world. I have so much energy even.

And as part of that, I'm a little less sensitive. And I sort of in those moments can't really understand why everybody else can't do everything as well. It's just like, well well I can do it all why can't you is sort of one of the flavors that comes through for me there oh and lo and behold hit hit day 19 and there's this gear change in my system my energy levels drop I suddenly start to feel more tired I feel like that buffer of resilience has just gone thin and um and suddenly I kind of notice like oh actually this is uh all a bit much I suddenly get this feeling of like like I've been juggling all these balls and suddenly I'm like, oh, my God, I can't keep them all going.

Like somebody help. Suddenly there's just too many balls in the air and there's just too much responsibility and I don't quite have the capacity. And I'm humbled. I'm humbled. I'm humbled to remember, oh, yes, I'm human. I have limits. I've got to slow down. I can't do it all on my own I mean

that's the thing that always slaps me in the face Sophie is oh shit I can't do it all on my own for a while there I thought I could I was a you know a one woman show oh no suddenly I realize I'm not I mean you know and it happens every month and I never really learn until I come back around I always think of the cycle as the antidote to invincible heroes yeah yeah yeah exactly um I'd love to actually pick up on this theme of uh what's happening in the second half of the cycle and how crucial it is for the leadership the types of leadership we need today and shani has in what she described sort of she teased out some elements which is that um you become permeable to the other and um so you have this sensitivity to others and a recognition and and so it's sort of teaching you about learning to

work with to work in collaboration with because that command and control is very much you know this lowly figure that does it all and manages everything and there's no space for anybody else so the second half undoes that and you are being tutored in relationality if you like but there's something else that I think that's going on which I find really exciting about the second half of the cycle and particularly then leading into menstruation itself which is that in in loosening our boundaries you know which is what happens in the second half we become more permeable to ourselves but to to the world but and new possibilities can come in and this is what we need today we you know we can't keep doing the same old thing

to try and change things we've actually got to find new creative innovative responses to to what's unfolding on the planet and one of the ways that those those things can come in is through this second half of the cycle um and particularly then you know the second half prepares you of course then to come into menstruation itself which is this extraordinary visioning time now in the second half of the cycle there is a very particular power that you develop you have to which we're always it's one of our favorites that we use at red school all the time We talk about holding the tension because in the second half, you feel disturbance and lots of feelings come up and you want to immediately try to manage and control them. But as you learn to hold the tension of the change in atmosphere within yourself, the disturbance that's within you you you then start to stabilize with what

is disturbing you what's going on and in that holding the tension and in that stabilization you create more spaciousness more inner spaciousness but sort of you know psychic spaciousness around you for something other to come in. So we think of the via negativa as the evolutionary force in the cycle. And I always think of the first half of the cycle, the via positiva, as the part that then delivers on that, because you want both sides, you want both those powers. I mean, I love that command and control energy when you get the bit between your teeth and you go for it and you're, you know, ticking things off the list and you're producing things and manifesting. It's a wonderful feeling of agency.

But then you come into the second half of the cycle and then you're then tapping into a larger power, if you like, Sophie. You're getting access to something bigger than you. And frankly, it's an incredible relief isn't it Shani I mean when we're writing a book you know I have all my own kind of resources and intelligence but as with any creative project but you know as we write books you know in particular with with writing this book it you know um the book had an agenda that was bigger than us it it the book was in a sense was working us and we were sort of put into uncomfortable waters all the time weren't we shani where we had to go oh i can't just trot out the same old stuff i have to i'm now having to

fish for something other you know something more And so our ideas were deepened. Our ideas were expanded. It wasn't just what I'd done before. In a way, all my ideas on menopause went through this huge workout. And it was in relationship with Shani, you see, and with something other that uh you know more came through and I'm I just feel so proud of this book I feel so moved but I think oh my god wow we pulled it but it wasn't little old me on my own. I would never have constructed that book ever. Alexandra, what you're talking about here is breaking new ground. And you know, you're

describing it in the creative process, which of course, the menstrual cycle has the template of the creative process built into it. It is a template of the creative process. And in the premenstruum, that is exactly what's happening to our psyches. We're breaking new ground in ourselves. We're usually coming to some kind of threshold, some sort of course comes down in part to self-care, really slowing down enough and taking care of yourself in a way that you can actually be with what's happening. in that experience you break new ground in yourself you expand your consciousness expands your system expands your awareness expands and that for leaders to be leaders we need to keep evolving we need to be we need to keep turning up keep growing up keep evolving so that we are leading for the times that we're in and we're leading at the leading edge, you know? So yeah, the premenstrual is such a masterclass in that

every damn month, every damn month. Yeah. And there's also a figure who appears in this yeah yeah actually because that was you know when i spoke about uh leadership and the sort of elements of leadership the other thing i mentioned was um power our awareness of the power we have is so crucial to leadership, but also being able to access our power and use it in service of what we're doing. So the whole menstrual cycle process is actually a training

in your relationship to power. Each phase helps you develop different powers and different capacities but the pre-menstruum is a really deep workout in both building your awareness of your own power but also in growing your power and the inner critic is the arch nemesis that you shall battle with in order in order to grow up alexandra what's your what's your take on it oh where to begin oh bloody hell this figure this figure organizes all our lives yeah um you know i'm going to speak from a personal place to to and then expand out from there with response uh you know to talk about this figure it's deeply personal to me this because

i have been organized by shame for so long in my life and um you know and shame is so corrosive and um destructive in you know completely undoes the vessel of who you are and you can't hold yourself with that going on and so to uh name and learn to meet this figure that we call the inner critic which is that part of us that um only sees what we have not done, what we're not good at, and never stops. It is constantly, I mean, it criticizes, it judges, and its role is not to praise, it is to judge, to criticize. And if we can't develop a relationship with this figure, we won't get out the door, it will undo us. But if we can turn to meet this figure, it can turn into something very, very powerful. And it is the greatest tutor in learning to meet ourselves and to hold ourselves and to, I want to say, meet our power

and grow our power. And it's always a very wild thing to say this, that, you know, we talk about the critic having a sacred role in the cycle, and it is to wake us up. So know in that first half of the cycle we feel you know we've got this natural buffering that comes with the end of the rising energy and that sort of inner yes as we like to say which you should completely lap up you know and strut your stuff as we were talking about all that lovely ego building stuff and then we you know we come over the top of the hill and down the other side and into the second half and there sits that critic it's probably been roaming all over the place but the inner autumn the premenstrual is its natural home and where it should be kept, by the way, folks, and not roaming all over the place, and to pop your bubble.

And that is its role. And it is to wake us up from illusions about ourselves. It's testing. I always say the ultimate task that the critic is doing is it's testing to see if you're home. And by that, I mean mean are you connected to yourself do you have um a degree of self-respect and self-holding and yes even with that by the way the critic will initially knock you off your pedestal. So if you're feeling completely fooled by your critic, it doesn't mean you weren't actually at home. But it's about your capacity to pick yourself up to be able to go, Oh, look who's turned up, you know, and to have some kind of

spaciousness around that figure that you are able to both hear what it's saying. A lot of which is crap, by the way, but there is this kernel of truth. And I'm going to come to that in a moment. But if you can have spaciousness to be able to say the critic has turned up, what it's saying. Is that true? That capacity to meet it and to, I suppose for want of a better word, process it almost. I mean, this is a high art, by the way, folks,

and it takes years to build this. And if you can do this 1% of the time, you are ahead, believe you me. You you are ahead you just keep doing these one percents of learning to to name that figure and to try to start to negotiate with it what you're doing in that moment of of standing up to it if you like is um you're saying, I am home. I'm here. And I actually, yes, I hear you, critic. And I hear that I didn't do that very well. Thank you very much.

But that doesn't mean the whole of my life is, you know, totally screwed up. It just means in this moment, I didn't do this well. That's a radical statement because you're holding on to the goodness. Because if you don't do that, the critic will destroy all the goodness and that is terrible to experience so can you hear the discipline at work and what i'm talking about it's a huge discipline of awareness and it's a huge discipline in learning to claim yourself

and i know no other part of ourselves, no other process quite like this for really helping you to forge your own identity, to recognize your own identity. And for me in particular, for instance, I have quite a, I have a combination of things. I have a very strong intellect, but my nature is actually incredibly fae. I'm actually really sensitive and intuitive. And although I've got this very fierce sort of intellectual and color logical mind, that loses out to this very kind of expansive, ecstatic sort of, I mean, I'd like to say kind of poetic nature. That's the kind of way I think rather than scientifically. And of course, in the mainstream world, you know, being a sort of intuitive really cemented in me the acceptance of my own nature and that was the game changer in meeting my critic I'm going this is the kind of person I am

this is who I am and I'm going to stop trying to be all these other things which I don't do so well but I can do this really really well And, you see, it was the relationship with my critic that helped me to take my own side ultimately. But it's not something you do on your own. You do need supports. Well, you can do it on your own, but I think all of us do need some kind of support because far too many of us are coming out of a cesspool of shame.

And we need allies when that is the case you you've actually created an incredible support that I lean on often which is on page 165 of wild power your book wild power where I think it's 15 guidelines you've created for managing your critic and they're so practical and so helpful so if anyone's listening and thinking oh I need some help with this that is a great place to begin so your job now is to train the menstruality leaders of the future really I mean you've got lots going on but that's your core like the core of what you're doing now on earth and now you're in module two of this year's program

uh and you're and you're with the critic you know you're teaching about the critic and the creativity cycle could you just give us a little window in to how it's going like how it's feeling what you're loving about teaching this time around for anyone who's like listening to this conversation and intrigued and interested in the program could you give us a little window in yeah it's um such a deep and incredibly satisfying experience so we're stepping back here into module two after we've all had a three-month break from the process. And, you know, we're now exploring the creative cycle, which is a whole other layer of this work and the role of the inner critic in the training is the sort of awe, like, oh, wow, there is another layer to this. And it just keeps getting deeper and richer. And the thing that I absolutely love

about teaching this work to a group of people is all the insights that come, the rich responses that arise from people out of the awareness of their cycle and also doing the process and exercises that we offer. The sharings that come out of people are just like awe-dropping. I often cry cry I often laugh I often gasp in amazement at the sort of transformation that's happening for people because it's staggering and you know together everybody seems to be sort of adding another piece of understanding to this menstruality cosmology that Alexandra and I are teaching. It's like another pearl of wisdom gets added into our beautiful string of pearls with each person's experience and how each person brings themselves to it. So I feel like we're collecting jewels. I feel like we're collecting pearls galore.

So that's one of the things I really, really love. And it's especially powerful because there is a whole group of people doing it together. And the level of support that they receive both from us and the mentors, but also from each other, just lures people into such a deep and rich experience. It's very, very beautiful to watch to witness yeah I really agree with you Sharni I feel every time I step up to teach it's a new conversation and I feel catalyzed by the presence and the experience and the stories of all the participants and it's almost as though I can feel the work evolving before my eyes. Exactly. It's so... Exciting.

I mean, it is. It's magic. It's quite magic. Yeah, it is magic. It feels like a privilege because Alexandra and I get so much out of teaching it. It's such a rich experience for us. And it also inspires more ideas. As you know, we don't really need any more ideas, but it really fuels our creativity. And, you know, our books that we've written have come out of women's

stories like this. So, you know, we're hearing people's experiences and we're gathering these ideas and they're providing the um the the sort of web of texture for whatever we write about and whatever we teach about next so it's it's very rich for us yeah that's such a beautiful embodiment of the kind of leadership that you've been talking about here the um collaborative leadership that's what's happening it's each person bringing their own experiences evolving this work evolving this movement yeah reluctantly we need to finish now oh so I could keep going I could talk all day with you that's that's the joy of this podcast you know we we will continue this conversation um in fact the next next theme we're going to pick up is menopause and leadership so that's coming soon and um yeah to be continued we will we will talk about the critic we'll talk about the creative cycle we'll talk about so many different aspects of the magic of menstruality and you two thank you so much for

everything that you do for everything that you bring and for your humor and joy and ecstasy and vulnerability and truth that you've brought to this conversation thank you thank you thank you so much it's ah it's a joy and pleasure Sophie thank you so much for being with us today and listening to the menstruality podcast from red school please subscribe and follow wherever you listen to podcasts and it'll really help us to reach more people if you could leave us a review and if you'd like to explore how to activate your unique form of leadership through menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause you can visit menstrualityleadership.com all right see you next week and until then keep living life by your own

brilliant rhythm