The Menstruality Podcast - 133: How The Menstrual Cycle Changed Our Lives (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

Around 20 years ago, in London, Sjanie was living her life with great abandon. Bold, confident and out there…she was invulnerable.But she had no menstrual cycle - she had been on the contraceptive injection for seven years.It was only when she started to have intense pain after orgasm that she suddenly sensed something was missing and that she needed to get her cycle back… and today we hear the amazing story of what happened once her cycles returned.We also hear the full story of how the menstrual cycle also changed everything for Alexandra, including her long journey to heal debilitating menstrual pain, and the immense gifts she received along the way, by surrendering to the power of menstruation. We explore:What Sjanie’s mentor Maggie meant when she said that Sjanie was living life with her gloves on?!What happened when Alexandra’s partner held her through the worst of her pain, even as she was cursing the patriarchy.And how the intimacy with the menstrual cycle awakened a profound sense of purpose for both Alexandra & Sjanie.---Join our Cyclical Wisdom Quest - Feb 20th - 22nd: www.redschool.net/quest---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @redschool - https://www.instagram.com/red.schoolSophie Jane Hardy: @sophie.jane.hardy - https://www.instagram.com/sophie.jane.hardy

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hey there, thank you so much for tuning in to the Menstruality Podcast today. Thank you for joining us. So around about 20 years ago in London, Sharni was living her life with great abandon. She was bold, she was confident, she was out there and in her own words

she was invulnerable. But she didn't have a menstrual cycle. She'd been on the contraceptive injection for seven years and it was actually only when she started to have intense pain after orgasm that she suddenly sensed that something was missing and she needed to get her cycle back. And today we hear the amazing story of what happened once her cycles returned. And we also hear the full story of how the menstrual cycle changed everything for Alexandra, including her long journey to heal really debilitating menstrual pain and the immense gifts she received along the way, mostly by surrendering to the power of menstruation. Okay, so it's story time today. We're going to be looking at how, yeah, the menstrual cycle has

been a game changer for all of us, obviously. And I wanted to invite everyone listening as you're listening to the stories to reflect on your own cycle story and what inspired you to come and listen today what inspired you to connect to your cycle or your menopause process or your cyclical nature post menopause wherever you're at and you know where you're at with it now, what you've harvested so far, where you'd like to be, let this inspire your own connection to your own cycle story. But before we get into story time, let's do our cycle check-in. Well, it was really interesting when I was out walking in the fields this morning because I felt bathed in this lovely soft light and it had a hint of spring in it the light it

was very interesting it was very lovely and that was that lift of this you know just this tiny inkling of something I could feel that delight in my system. And at the same time, I'm actually, it's just before the dark moon, which is, I think, tomorrow. And I am rather liminal. And it's like I have to move in slow motion because I get a bit high at this time it's like I have a foot in two worlds you know

and I am of the sort of ineffable and then the sort of mundane and if I go too fast things get a bit scrambled and I don't know which one I'm operating from And if I go too fast, things get a bit scrambled. And I don't know which one I'm operating from. It'll be an interesting conversation.

It's making me laugh, Alexandra, because you know how you often say to me when I'm in the void of my cycle that I'm organizing you. You know, you start to feel all void-y with me. I'm starting to feel it as I'm listening to you in that place and uh we were having a conversation yesterday Sophie Jane about how um the influence of the moon on my cycle seems to be coming more and more significant as I get older as my cycling years go on like Like in my 20s, my menstrual cycle really dominated. But lately, my cycle, while still very present, there is this interplay with the moon cycle that's much more, yeah, much more dominant um so I've got a little flavor of what Alexandra's got going on and I'm day 15 um but I ovulated around day 10 11 so you know the

last couple of days I just felt such a drop in energy and uh after I had so much capacity last week it was extraordinary you know there was nothing that was impossible and then you know that like humbling feeling I had on Monday and Tuesday of like oh wow actually I don't think I can take anything else on or face another thing. I started declining Alexandra's invitations to doing something else and so on. But what's beautiful is today, like so yesterday, I really pulled in to myself and I was much more contained and minimalist with everything I was doing. I didn't

waste any energy and today that's paid dividends. I sort of feel, although my energy is much quieter still, I've kind of caught up with myself. I'm feeling in a more rested place with it um so it's nice yeah I feel like your cycle check-in really illustrates how we have to get really close to our own cycle because for a lot of people day 15 is you know peak of summertime and if you look at lots of the maps and charts out there in the world you might think there's something wrong with you but you knowing when you ovulated shows you which in a season you're in right now and it's it's so important that we're with the cycle that we have isn't it exactly we even created a rule about it called the big red rule um which is you know if you come to red school that's the rule you sign off on which is that you know, your experience trumps everything

anyone else might say. You are correct. No book, no teacher, no nothing is more correct than you and the intelligence and integrity of your cycle and your cycle experience. Yeah, it's so good that you named that, Sophie. I can never hear that enough. You are correct. I took a great big sigh of relief then I wonder what our listeners happened for our listeners because oh it's not what the world has been has told us especially as women yeah the menstrual

cycle doesn't lie and that's uh really good to kind of lean into yeah day 21 here for me my critic is so ridiculous today just just picking on everything so it was nice to come on with you this morning and just name it and then have you two blast me with love and affirmation and now it's sort of sulking in the corner, twiddling its thumbs. I gave your critic a good talking to. Yeah. So, yeah, let's get on to our stories. Alexandra, I'm wondering if we can start with you. Yes. I guess my first question for you is, what was life like for you before you realised that your menstrual cycle was a magical powerful

thing well interestingly even though I wasn't conscious of you know all that we are teaching today there was something going on in me in my 20s it's very interesting the first thing is I was always comfortable and easy about my menstrual cycle I've never felt you know I may have felt shame in other areas of my life big time but I've never felt any shame around my menstrual cycle so I was always easy talking about it um but i you know i sort of got i went on the pill just initially just because that's what you did you know and then something woke up in me and i thought no no no i don't want some corporation controlling me because i thought of the corporations producing the drugs, you know, and I thought, I'm being controlled by somebody else. No way. And came off it.

And, of course, I needed contraception. So I learned about fertility awareness. I don't know how I found out about it. And I learned also about Luna, the Luna Fertile Place, which I won't go into now, but you can look it up if you're interested. And so I started, it was fertility awareness that I was doing. And, you know, I was very kind of comfortable that it just felt healthy and normal. And the other little thing about my cycle was that I discovered the book The Wise Wound in my 20s.

And this book came out in the 70s and was just one of those seminal books, you know, that began to change the conversation. And this book spoke to me, but I didn't know, you know, I didn't. It wasn't like I was paying attention to menstruation or giving space to it or anything like that. But, you know, in my brain, my brain was going, yeah. But this is the piece I want to share, which I just really, really love. I was a great diary keeper. I used to write, write journal, journal, write journals. And I remember looking back at a journal, and I was 29 at the time, and it's indelibly marked on my brain, these words.

The world is singing today. Last night, I got my period. And I just want to cry now saying that, because I thought, wow, I was experiencing that the world is singing today, meaning everything's alive. You know, this feeling of, you know, that menstruation gives. And I love that I recorded that quite unwittingly, you know, not clocking. This, of course, is an expanded state, et cetera, et cetera. So that was me in my 20s i was connected to something um at a deep level unwittingly but i was very connected to my

fertility for contraceptive purposes but it was of course the great pain at 31 that kick-started everything. Yeah, what happened with that at 31? What happened with that pain? Yes, up until this point, I'd never had problems with my cycle. I had problems with my energy. My energy wasn't great overall, probably, but I was in my 20s and willful and pushed myself, which is probably why I got the menstrual pain from hell just before my 31st birthday. I had other health issues going on, allergies and so on.

And this pain was shattering, just shattering, insane. And I wasn't into drugs and surgery. I just I was into natural therapies by this point. And I just thought and then the pain came back the next month. That was it wasn't like it was a one hit wonder. And then I thought oh holy shit and you know this is serious you know what am I going to do because I am not taking painkillers every month and I'm not having surgery and it was just this wake up in my brain that I went my body is speaking to me and I'm going to listen I'm going to follow my body it speaking to me and I'm going to listen. I'm going to follow my body. It's talking. And yeah, that began this odyssey, Sophie, of healing my body.

And what that meant was I had to give, I chose to give space to menstruation so I could ride with the pain and somehow meet it and really seize it and go into it again okay body you're talking right I'm coming in here I'm going to face you and it was like that I would go in like cold turkey and no drugs and I had to of course I couldn't work I mean I, I was working, but I would have to not work. And I remember going in and riding this pain, just going deep into the inner rest, wherever it took me into myself. And I, you know, would happily scream and shout and

curse the patriarchy very volumely. And I also then had a boyfriend who would actually hold me through this and just hold me and support me to go into it. I mean, that was so radical, even as I was cursing all men. And, you know, it's not a simple story. It's not like I, you know, gave space to menstruation and my pain was healed. No, no. I began an odyssey of, you know, diet and other therapies. And so I'm all natural. But the centerpiece, so I refuse to put drugs into my body each month. I mean, I had to sometimes, but because it just messed with my liver and made the problem worse the next time.

I thought, no, no, no, no, I'm not going to contribute to this. I want to ease things. And there was an element of my work that I controlled. I was starting out as a psychotherapist. And I used to say to my clients, my cycle was regular. Hallelujah. So I knew I could plan for it and i would say to my clients um i have period pain and i don't wish to take drugs so i won't

be working so they all knew and it was actually really good about demonstrating self-care for myself demonstrated something to them especially the men actually were really kind of interested um yeah so i started to organize my life around menstruation itself but of course i had to clock the whole cycle to know when menstruation was due and i then became aware of what my energy was like overall through the cycle so i started with energy i noticed how my energy collapsed after i was wiped out after the bleeding wouldn't pick up until i was ovulating i always knew when i'd ovulate it because suddenly i woke up and i always used to enjoy the premenstruum as i've always have just felt at home there and i felt oh i knew myself yeah so i was starting to get a flavor for things. Just before we carry on, it feels meaningful to bring in that I'm actually tonight going to have a conversation with Dr. Laura Bryden, who wrote the period repair manual and is a resource that we point people to all the time.

And we're going to be talking about alternatives to the pill, coming the pill menstrual pain natural approaches to menstrual pain so for anyone that's you know relating to your story and those different elements there's something coming for you next week which is this conversation with Lara yeah because it's not simple it's not simple no it's not and it was dance forwards and backwards you know of one month I would have these breakthroughs and then other months it would seem to be kind of worse again. And I actually was then learning to clock stress because this was the other really interesting element that I had to really pay attention to how I came into menstruation and and of course we do a lot of teaching around that don't we shani about how the premenstruum sets you up or a good bleed in inverted commas you know but it actually prepares you for the spiritual uh experiences of menstruation well of course i was starting to tune into this unwittingly um because i discovered how i entered my bleed made a difference. If I crashed into my bleed, just stopped on the bleed. No, no, no, no. Made no difference.

But if I could ease up coming in, then something else. It was amazing. And I could feel because I was easing up. I could start to feel the shifts in my psyche and learn about this sort of empty space just before the blood came. You know, my whole experience of this healing the pain brought me into this extraordinary attunement with my menstrual cycle overall. And of course, then an attunement with myself it was you know in attuning to my menstrual cycle I was really attuning to me to my rhythm to my nature it was kind of grounding me in something and I was we were on a call yesterday weren't we shadi where i was joking about how

this pain was like uh you know menstruation screaming was grabbing me by the scruff of the neck and going we've got something to tell you darling and you know the only way you're going to listen is you know we're going to just kick you with some fierce pain to pull you in and then they could talk because menstruation started to deliver the goodies I mean the pain started to ease but then I was having all these other extraordinary experiences of menstruation I was like I could just feel you know the power of menstruation starting to relax in me and going, thank bloody God. One of the things I read from you early on in my journey is that so many of us women, especially highly sensitive women

and others who menstruate are the canaries in the coal mine, that we are showing up something that's out of whack in our world and it's coming through our bodies. So it's a huge amount of emotional labor that we have to do but that we're we're we're rewriting the story in the world by turning in and listening we have to listen because it because it screams at us and grabs us by the scruff of the neck and all of it and I have my own version of that yeah but that it really dignifies it to see it that way. Yeah, such a helpful reminder.

There's a conversation in our online community space at the moment on exactly this topic. You know, someone asking a question around how the suffering of animals seems to be correlating with her experience of pain at menstruation and um it's you know it's a it's such a supportive thing to kind of recognize that we feel not only for ourselves but for the world you know the menstrual cycle really breaks this illusion of separateness yeah i have shivers from head to toe hearing you say that. The menstrual cycle breaks this illusion of separateness. Yeah. Yeah.

I kind of want to pause on that. It's just so profound, Shani. It's the gift. That's the most wonderful gift of this work. Uh-oh, we're all going into the cosmic void with Alexandra I'm gonna have to pull the reins back on this conversation and ask another question somehow so let's see so you were giving time for your bleed you were slowly but surely healing your menstrual pain what did this change for you in your life in general

it's so interesting wow because of course when I was in it I was not aware of it you know I was living the transformation it's only you know I'm looking back now with hindsight well basically this whole experience was actually weaving me into my calling because it's so interesting this I've always felt held by something mysterious something ineffable you know I always felt like on the surface my life didn't look very you know meaningful uh um yeah not promising I mean I I was out there and doing stuff and being opinionated and you know it was not a bad life but it was just you know it wasn't don't know. I wasn't a something yet, but I knew I had something, you know, there was something there. I knew there was, you know, an intelligence operating there. And there was this grace,

something felt meaningful in my life. Even there's a, it out, you know, looking from the outside, it looked like perhaps, you know, I was adrift in some way or whatever not doing so well um i knew i was okay at some level okay on the inside because i was dealing with quite difficult health challenges overall as well and um but what happened was the this is all unwittingly, of course, you see, I'm tracking the cycle and it's holding me to something. And of course, it was holding me to menstruation because, oh, I could weep, I could weep, I could weep saying this, because this is the wonder of menstruation. And in that wonder, I was discovering that I was okay, that there was something so powerful there in me. Because I mean, I am a bit of an ecstatic. And then to have to feel that all line up in me at menstruation, and to feel that sort of poetic energy in me unleashed, and to feel the rightness of it. I mean, to feel the rightness of who I was.

Every month there was this medicine I was receiving. And it just was the menstrual cycle wove me into something. It wove me into my calling, the meaning of my life and everything. But, of course, that meaning, that work work that purpose was this work of menstruality it was the very thing you know the cycle was teaching me about the work i was to do if you like and um and and but what i what the the meaning in that work for me not just teaching what what is menstrual cycle awareness or teaching about the power of menstruation but what that work was serving in the world this was the punchline for me you know it was this deep service to something in the world

that i was caring for in the world and it is this work of caring for soul caring for the feminine serving the feminine and it was always about power it was always about i knew my mission was always about power but of a different kind of power to It was always about, I knew my mission was always about power, but a different kind of power to what was being demonstrated in the world. So I was being woven into this. And the teachings that we have were sort of coming in stages. And I began by running workshops, just self-care workshops for healing menstruals. It was going to be interested in workshops on menstruation? Only those that suffer or, you know, the menstrual cycle.

So that's where it began. And then the stories came in. People came with their stories and the stories were like these explosions in my brain of the power of the cycle that was turning up as disturbance. And this is how it all began to unfold. The understanding of the psychological, creative, and spiritual forces built into the cycle came through, obviously, my own experience that was unfolding, but hearing the stories of the people who were suffering.

And, of course, in my psychotherapy practice, which was, of course, great, time was was passing and this was my main work now and people would come and they would come knowing about my interest in this work and come with their challenges the cycle challenges amongst many other things and you know it was their sort of throwaway remarks again ding in my being so it was amazing like mapping it was like having this blank great blank sheet of paper and I was just mapping in things onto that and gradually the picture was forming more and more and more and more. oh wow I loved hearing Alexandra's story and we're going to hear about the surprising thing that initially got Sharni connected to her cycle next but before we get to that I want to share an

invitation with you we've got a month to go before we start this year's menstruality leadership program and next week we're hosting an event to give those of you who are interested a taste of what becomes possible when you move from knowing about the power of cycle awareness to actually embodying the power of the cycle in your day-to-day life. It's called the Cyclical Wisdom Quest. It's a three-day workshop focused on the inner seasons with

alexander and sharni and a community of hundreds of cycle explorers are gathering already i'm really excited we're offering our podcast listeners you and our email community a free ticket to honor you as the inner circle gathered around this work. The code to access your free ticket is freequest01 and you can register at redschool.net forward slash quest. So again the code is freequest01 and you can register at redschool.net forward slash quest. Okay next we're going to hear from one of our graduates, a short story about how the program supported them. And then we'll get back to Sharni to hear about how the menstrual cycle transformed her life.

Hi there, my name is Soraya and I'm a transformational leader based in Bali. All I can say is that out of all the training programs I've done in the last 20 years, of all the self-help programs, of all the energy work, I would say that the menstruality leadership program is by far one of the most life-changing and transformative programs I've ever done. Because our menstrual cycle is unique to us, even though the teachings that Shani and Alexandra pass on might be the same, how I interpret it is very different to how another person interprets it. So the reason I absolutely recommend the menstruality leadership program is it is tailored specifically for you and you will get so much out of it you will grow so much as a as a person as a soul as

a being and in the words of Alexandra and Shani menstrual cycle awareness will restore a woman's authority and leadership in the world. And I wholeheartedly concur with that statement. Oh, well, thanks, Alexandra. I've got so many more questions. And I also want to talk to our beloved Shani. And I want to hear from our beloved Shani and I want to hear from our beloved Shani so Shani are you warmed up are you ready that really warmed me up Alejandra can I just say you know I've heard your story many many times it's such a pleasure like I really received something from that, particularly just the longevity of faith that you've held, that you've held true to. That really touched me.

I have stuck in there, haven't I? Yeah, which we can only really appreciate with hindsight. You know, it's very, very beautiful. Yeah, I was especially moved by when you said, in many ways, you were adrift, and it didn't necessarily look promising, which made me laugh too. But so many of us feel that way.

What's going on? What am I about? Particularly those who are experiencing burnout or health challenges. So that was a real affirmation of if you're feeling adrift like lean in that there's something meaningful at work yeah ah but shani what was your life like before you understood that the menstrual cycle was an amazing magical thing

yeah An amazing magical thing. Yeah. In many ways, it was really good in the kind of way that only innocence allows. You know? you know uh I had a you know I was blessed with the innocence of not knowing what I didn't know and that really buffered me me really carried me a long way, but only so far, which is, I think we've all experienced a version of that in our lives. And for me, how it looked was, you know, I was a very physical child, very sporty, very active, been dancing since I was three. Danced, I always joke with my children now, I never walked from one classroom to another. I only ever danced between classrooms.

I mean, I truly danced my way through life, through my childhood. And I was a very expressive young person. I loved creating things and sharing things. And, you know, I studied drama at university. I loved visual art and graphic design and these kinds of things. And I was also very philosophical. I actually majored in philosophy. I had a very philosophical mind and was really enamored with the questions that had no answers. And so in my early 20s, when I began a relationship, my first, my first love, I knew I had to go on to contraception. Because honestly, there was absolutely no alternative. I mean, it was just

what you did. And it was the responsible thing to do. It was, you know, I felt quite proud of myself for going on contraception. And I had no cycle awareness education, really zero, nothing, none, aside from some basic biology at school. So I was really innocent about it all. And I went on the contraceptive injection at the beginning of my 20s. And, of course, the contraceptive injection shuts one's menstrual cycle down. So I had no cycles. And I was living, you know, I moved to London. I was very adventurous.

First, I went and traveled in the Middle East, loved, loved big, exciting adventures. I was fearless. I went traveling on my own, hitchhiking around the Middle East. Yeah. Sleeping rough, you know, so on and so forth. Honestly, I was invincible. I felt invincible. I really did not experience any vulnerability. Not that I didn't you know worry about things and so on and so forth but fundamentally I was um invincible yeah and um I was working you know went on to live in London work as a graphic designer um my relationship went on and on and on and uh i i think the kind of key thing looking back that i'm now aware of that i wasn't aware of because i was and very kind of productive and active and creative

I had a great graphic design job and so on and self-care um and uh very little self-reflection in retrospect yeah do you want to ask me something I literally did want to ask you something right then I thought don't interrupt be a good interviewer what I wanted to ask was was there meaning were you experiencing meaning I guess because you said there was no self little self-reflection where was that philosophical side I guess I want to ask yeah um it's interesting that philosophical side was so heady and so invested in ideas and thinking. It wasn't self-reflective. I didn't have an intimacy with myself.

I couldn't feel myself. I really couldn't feel very much. And I remember I was so wanting to know what I was for. I do remember that. I do remember being dogged by this question of what am I for? What's my purpose? What have I got to give or bring? I remember being really plagued by that question. It's interesting. It was a question that was, I was disconnected from myself. And so in that question, there was just a lot of lostness and I felt really frustrated as well. Yeah. Something had come to the end of the line for me. And as you know, our body, even as we try and shove it down, even as we try ignore it, the body calls us. Oh my goodness, does the body call. The body always finds a way, you know, through disease and disruption to bring us back to

ourselves. And of course, the way it showed up for me was with this unbelievable pain that I started experiencing after orgasm, like really chilling pain. So right after that rush of pleasure, my body would go cold and I would spasm, you know, my womb would cramp up and often find myself on the bathroom floor feeling like I was going to throw up. Didn't last very long, but it felt harder and harder to sort of want to orgasm or have sex or any sexual pleasure because you know I kind of knew what was coming and um yeah I I really just in the way I was describing

what a physical human I am I'm also a very sexual human um so that you know that that sort of made me go wait a minute this is this is not good this is gonna interrupt my my pleasure some people with a lower libido would have been like oh well I guess that's not something I do anymore you're like I'll just quit orgasms yeah it's funny I mean I did ignore it for a while or then I would just keep sort of having orgasms and then just be like oh no yeah afterwards I ignored it um for a significant amount of time partly because I didn't have that muscle of self-care really strong in me yeah so then what happened what changed what called you to the cycle I really couldn't ignore that pain ongoingly so it was you know it was it was calling me it was really calling me and I guess it was working my psyche at some level because from out of nowhere as insights often come from an insight just kind of dropped that the pain was connected to the

contraception that I was on that somehow something in my system was blocked and yeah and disturbed there wasn't a kind of free-flowing energy and once I had that insight, it made absolute sense to me to come off it. And by that point, you know, I was seven years older, I discovered alternative options. I knew there were other ways. And so I came off the contraceptive injection and it does take a while for one cycles to return. It took me a little while. And actually I started doing some very practical things to recover my body from the toxic load to sort of detox and to clear it out of my system. And in a way to begin the process of repair, I really wisened up to, you know, what I'd been doing to my body and what the impact was on that. Yeah, and then my cycles returned. There's something that you say about what happened when your cycles return that

is so vivid to me, because you say life burst into technicolor that's exactly it so I mean my bleeds came back and I just bled and bled and bled and bled and bled you know it was like my body was trying to catch up on the sort of wasted years and um and that numbness and that disconnection that i had felt for myself that kind of lack of um inner life just flooded back and really that this kind of image of the nile delta you know when the delta floods and then suddenly there's just this burst forth of life in what was once an arid desert, you know, dull place is really what it was like for me. And honestly, that return of life was so strong. And there was so much power in the return of my cycle that initially it was quite shocking and I discovered how sensitive I am. I mean Alexandra laughs now because she knows I mean

it's fascinating to look back and go wow wow, I was so desensitized. And I am such a, I'm such a sensitive human being. And so all of that sensitivity came back online. And my feeling life returned, and I began to feel things. Things affected me. Things impacted me. I was no longer this sort of separate, contained, doing machine. Suddenly I was in relationship with life and I was being knocked around, affected, impacted, changed by my environment, my relationship, the things I was doing. And that was like a whole new world for me. It was really like stepping into life, really stepping into life. Yeah. And, and I'm so grateful because I, I share, I've shared a story where, you know, prior to coming off this contraception,

I was having a conversation with my dear friend and mentor, Maggie, who was 20 years wiser than me, I like to say. And she said to me, you know, Shani, it's like you're playing the instrument of life with gloves on and I I actually didn't know what she meant like what could she possibly mean but boy when the gloves came off did I know what she meant yeah yeah and do you know what's so fascinating? At that point, when my cycles came back, I ended the seven year relationship that I'd been in all the time I was on contraception. I moved home, house, started living on my own for the first time, I embarked on, well, I had sort of already started, but I actually stepped into my professional career, my new professional career as a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist. I'd been working as a graphic designer. So I went from this kind of creative work to this

inner work, this psychological work, this work of, it really required the sensing and sensitivity and, you know, the gifts that had woken up in me. And so my-evident. I remember knowing, I just knew what it was about for me, both because every time I sort of engaged with particularly the topic around kind of women, initiation, power, those things lit me up in a way like I could really feel in my being how alive I became in response to those things. But also I started having visions. And at this point, you know, I had no, I'd never experienced, I had any kind of mystical experience prior to this,

or even really intuitive experience. But suddenly there was this new faculty that came online for me. And I began seeing things and knowing things that were coming from somewhere else. And that were just unquestionable for me as being signposts to what I'm for. And, you know, one of the visions I saw really was this vision of the word that I attached to it was justice,

that it was to do with this restoration of harmony and balance, you know, through really serving women. And that stayed with me. So suddenly there was just, there was meaning at work in my life and synchronicity after synchronicity happened. I mean, this, I was thinking about this yesterday. It's incredible when I look back at what opened up for me once my cycles returned. I met Alexandra within a year, met her for the first time. I met Susanna and Yaakov Darling-Khan, who have gone on to be, you know, teachers of mine in the field of moving medicine for over 20 years now. It's been such a significant part of um you know my personal practice and uh and my uh growing my skill to be able to uh do what I do in the world um those things all just

fell into place the doors were open the doors were opened yeah it's so fascinating hearing your story one of the things that's really striking me is actually how much the pre-cycle aware you sounds like my husband yeah it's this invincibility steady energy outer focus go go go um armored in my judgment aid wouldn't mind me saying this um and how sometimes i wish for him that he had a menstrual cycle that he that could yeah pierce pierce that armor open it So to hear the journey that you took from that invincibility to the vulnerability, to the permeability, to the sensitivity and how life could then flood in and collaborate with you. You entered into, I'm doing, I'm kind of doing this backward and forward movement with my body that you were entering into this relationship with life.

I feel sad for the men and those who don't menstruate sometimes or those who aren't connected to this cyclical consciousness. Because of the beauty of that relationship that opened up for you. Yeah, the Technicolor beauty. I mean, it's true we are incredibly gifted with this built-in process that um holds us to our vulnerability yeah um and i i also feel that that is part of the sacred relationship between men and women, is that we really hold this knowing. We really hold this energy in the world.

It's our particular power and men hold a different kind of power which is just as necessary just as valuable and and particularly when it's in relationship and in balance with and in harmony with this, the kind of power that we can bring through for those of us with a menstrual cycle. And also, the other thing is, and I really learned this through my work as well, I, you know, when when my hypnotherapy practice began, I was really drawn to working with women. And really, just because of the kinds of people that came to me, and I was really fascinated by the menstrual cycle, and inviting people to chart track the cycle, and notice what shows up in the pre-menstruum and as that being um and that

information we began working with that information as a kind of gateway to healing trauma um and And a bit like Alexandra, I was so blown away by the impact that was having and the kinds of stories that were coming back to me in that work. And it led to me working with lotstility is that, and I didn't have the words for it then, but I really get it now. And I was feeling my way with something then woman with a fertility issues where I realized that, you know, we couldn't be in a therapeutic relationship where we were working towards the aim of her achieving pregnancy, if that was our goal, we were setting ourselves up for all kinds of stress. And it was actually very counterproductive. And I remember kind of realizing, you know, this is initiatory. And what that means is there is a situation here that is completely out of our control that takes one into a place of great vulnerability. And trying to fix it isn't what allows the evolution and healing to happen and that what we really needed to be holding together was the possibility of surrendering in to the reality of the place that we find ourselves in with this initiation and it's that surrendering and allowing ourselves to really feel the place

it takes us to, the heartbreak, the heartache, the loss, that then brings the kind of connection that we've been talking about here. And the reason I'm using or sharing that example in light of your questions of you with regards men is because men have life initiations too you know and that's where their heart is broken open you know men face all kinds of initiations in life uh it could even be fertility issues for a man too um and uh so you know what alexandra and i have really come to understand through unpacking the the um power of the menstrual cycle is that it is teaching us about initiation and the initiatory process. And yeah, so, you know,

for anyone who doesn't have a menstrual cycle, don't, don't, don't you worry you're, you're, you're going to get punctured too. I'm just going to get you. One of the things I was really hearing when you were telling your story was how it feels like a um a big expression of the two vias of the menstrual cycle of how you talk about in the via positiva from menstruation to ovulation the outer lights are on and our focus is outwards and then as we start to descend from ovulation to menstruation in the via negativa the inner lights come on it's like this was a huge via negativa

opening for you after you came off the injection yeah good observation and that is absolutely true. So it's also interesting to note I was around 27, 28, I think 27 when I came off the contraceptive injection, and that was, you know, the beginning of my Saturn return for those interested in astrology. And, yes, in a way the kind of part of my life prior to that was so characteristic I mean my entire childhood was you know as childhood is via positiva in all those ways a real turning point moment for me of really coming in to myself, really awakening to the power within me and really stepping on the path of feminine power. That is absolutely what happened. And ever since then, really, it's been a journey deeper and deeper into intimacy and connection with myself and into the reality of connection with life. that I feel in my body, in my being now more and more

as I practice menstrual cycle awareness. We often say that menstrual cycle awareness is a journey to love. And that is absolutely what it has been for me. I just find that so beautiful. It is this journey of opening our hearts over and over again and that the via negativa, the second half of the cycle is, you know, we curse it because we're feeling undone. It's not that we're undone. What's being undone is the kind of trance we get caught up in with that via positive energy, which is magnificent energy and we need it and it's great and magnificent and I love it. But when you only have that up your sleeve, you're in trouble.

And the second half undoes that and we feel undone. But in that undoing, we become permeable and vulnerable and it's only, we can only feel. Our vulnerability allows us to feel. Without vulnerability, we would not be feeling anything. And love, of course, is the centerpiece of that. So I always think of in that second half, in that undoing, we're being exposed to this tender, raw, pulsating heart that feels,

that feels for the whole world, feels for ourself, feels for the whole world. And when we look at the bigger context of our world today, what really is more needed in the face of the challenges that we're we're looking at you know really looking in the eyes of right now than an ability to feel and from that place of feeling to relate to connect to empathize to build bridges where there's difference to yes move towards togetherness to find solutions beautifully put's beautifully put, Sophie. And just to bring this conversation around full circle, now my critic is going, see, I'm just undoing you and making you permeable.

So let me do my work, lady. Yes, exactly. No, we don't call the critic the great awakener for nothing. Oh, thanks, you two. This has been so wonderful to hear your stories and yeah again I'd love to invite our listeners to share your stories too what inspired you to lean into the menstrual cycle or to cycle awareness what called you to it and how has your journey been so far where are you heading to where have you arrived and yeah please write to me at sophie at redschool.net we'd love to hear from you yes thanks you too

thank you sophie thanks thanks for staying with us all the way to the end today i want to reiterate our invitation for you for our cyclical wisdom quest happening next week on february the 20th to the end today. I want to reiterate our invitation for you for our cyclical wisdom quest happening next week on February the 20th to the 22nd. There are actually hundreds of people coming now, so it's going to be a great way to meet other cycle aware folks. Alexandra and Sharni are going to guide us through a guided journey for each of the inner seasons and it's incredible taking these journeys I've done it many times but such amazing wisdom can come through that you can apply to whatever you're challenged by or longing for in your life at the moment and it often surprises me what comes through

we want to offer you a free place on the quest to honor you as being part of the inner circle gathered around this menstruality movement and everything we're doing at Red School. So the code to access your free ticket is freequest01 and you can register at redschool.net forward slash quest. That's free quest 01 and you can register at redschool.net forward slash quest. Okay, that's it for now. I'll be with you again next week. And until then, keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm.