The Menstruality Podcast - 150. The Inner Autumn Powers that Awaken in our 40s (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: June 13, 2024

As with your early years of cycling, your later years of cycling are a transitional time.Your 20s and 30s are all about discovering your rhythm and firming up your sense of self. But from your 40s onwards, the focus begins to shift. Subtly, you start to feel that you're stepping up to a bigger game. It's as though the clock on your life is now ticking. That's why Alexandra and Sjanie call this life phase "the Quickening".You may start to find that your inner autumn, premenstrual energies seem to dominate more of your whole cycle experience, and as challenging as this may feel, something powerful is being worked within you.That’s exactly what we’re talking about today - the inner autumn powers that wake up in your 40s and the potent self care practice that helps you to channel them into your life.We explore:How to hold ourselves when the anesthetic wears off in our 40s (just like in the premenstruum), so that we can invite in greater depth and self-responsibility. How the inner autumn in the cycle and our lives calls us home to our natural authority and powerWhy the practice of ‘gearing down’ is vital in the Quickening and how to do it in a world which wants to keep us hustling. ---Receive our free video training: Love Your Cycle, Discover the Power of Menstrual Cycle Awareness to Revolutionise Your Life - www.redschool.net/love---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @redschool - https://www.instagram.com/red.schoolSophie Jane Hardy: @sophie.jane.hardy - https://www.instagram.com/sophie.jane.hardy

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hey, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for tuning in today. We're talking about the inner autumn powers, the premenstrual powers today, which is one of my favorite things to speak about when it comes to menstrual cycle awareness, probably because embracing these

powers, understanding these powers has transformed everything in my life. And I know it's the same for many, many of us in the Red School community. So thank you for joining us today. What we're exploring is actually how the premenstrual powers wake up in our forties. So in our 20s and 30s, the inner spring and the inner summer of our menstruating years, they're all about discovering our own rhythm, firming up our sense of self. But from our 40s onwards, our focus begins to shift. So you might have noticed if you're in your 40s or you have friends in their 40s, that there's this subtle feeling of stepping into a bigger game, like the clock on your life is now ticking. And that's why Alexandra and Sharni have called this phase, named this phase, the quickening. Many people find that they start to experience that

their inner autumn premenstrual energy start to dominate more of their whole cycle experience and that can feel really challenging but something really powerful is being worked in us and that's our topic for today the inner autumn powers that wake up in our 40s and the potent self-care practice that helps us to channel them into our life in ever more transformational ways. In our upcoming Cycle Power six-week online course we're going to be exploring this inner autumn self-care practice along with the other three practices for the rest of the inner seasons of the menstrual cycle. It's for you whether you're at the beginning of your cycle awareness journey or you've been tracking your cycle for years or if you're on the side, post-menopause and wanting to explore the wisdom

of the inner seasons from this place in your life. We're starting on June the 21st. You can find out all about it at redschool.net forward slash cycle power. But for now, let's get started with our conversation about the inner autumn powers in the 40s with Alexander and Shani. Hey, you two. It's lovely to be back in this triad again. And I'm really excited for this conversation. I always say that because I bloody am always excited for these conversations. Particularly this one, because at 42 into I'm entering into this terrain and yeah can't wait to hear the brilliance that's going to come out of you two but let's start with our cycle check-in as we always do I feel like we're in quite different places although

maybe I'm lined up with the moon actually I'm on day seven you are you and I are on the same day Sophie exactly the same day ah so for me it's um I noticed a specific thing last night that I'm still very with this morning a physical sensation that there is this rising energy in me and it feels like it's holding my body up I was doing a meditation recently with Shamali who we've interviewed on the podcast she's one of my teachers and she said imagine an upward flow of energy and your body is hanging off it like a like a like some clothes on a hanger and that has really stayed with me and I can feel that this this rising energy pre-ovulatory energy and and I'm I'm right I'm hanging off it I'm relaxing sort of hanging off it so that's the feeling that I'm really with at the moment.

And yeah, I'm feeling really, really good. I had a fantastic bleed. Lots of clarity. Yeah. I'm just grateful for this practice today. Incredibly grateful for the practice of menstrual cycle awareness. Yeah. Yeah.

How's day seven feeling for you? It's just lovely hearing yours at the image. It's great that you've just given us it's perfect um i'm grateful for cycle awareness too because i have had uh it's interesting i've had this lovely i've had a really insightful revelation at dark moon i always get a bit high at dark moon and then i also can crash and feel very overexposed and in the discipline of meeting both those things so i've got great downloads and then feeling suddenly overwhelmed and having to completely be still and withdraw. And the kind of discipline of caring for my energies and really trusting the place that I'm in and how that brings me into new sort of awareness and insight, it endlessly fascinates me.

And this is just with the moon cycle. to new sort of awareness and insight. It endlessly fascinates me. And this is just with the moon cycle. And it brought me into, I just love it, the kind of intimacy that I have with myself at the dark moon and this closeness to myself. And I'm still with that. And I'm with what has been kind of revealed to me for myself and i'm and i'm sort of i'm playing with that and exploring that and and there's a i'm just inside this intimacy and loveliness so there's something about it made me laugh this morning actually i

wanted i thought music what shall i play and i went beethoven's pastoral symphony it's the most exquisite piece of music it's just perfect for that spring energy there's just a good there's just something so exquisitely beautiful about it that is utterly kind of spring-like and and I it felt like an expression of something that was inside me hmm and then there's always the space note for me of being of the sort of stronger energy of being an older person and the kind of gravitas and seriousness and boundaryness you know so it's sort of like beneath all that there's a don't fuck with me energy yeah basically

interesting combination i'm fascinated by that word discipline because I've really been with that too. And it can feel like it's a hard word. And actually it's the most tender, gentle thing to do for ourselves. And it awakens this joy in this life that I've had exactly the same practice. So be disciplined about keeping this energy for you throughout the bleed. And I feel so much stronger and more vital and healthy for doing that. Yeah. Whoa. Well done, that. Yeah. Whoa. Well done, Sophie.

Wow, it's lovely what you say about discipline. How about you, Sharni? Day two. Yeah. Day two. Listening to you both is sort of helping me to feel myself a little bit more because I can hear how you are both really in yourself and I am not, I sort of feel like I'm very much in this process of kind of weak and I'm I'm still dropping I'm dropping

and dropping and dropping I haven't quite come to that place in the bleed where I've docked in. So I, yeah, I feel quite in the unknown and a little bit neither here nor there, unformed. And beautifully, I think the menstrual goddess must be looking after me because my alarm, which usually goes off at about 6 in the morning, either didn't go off this morning or it went off and I have no recollection of it. But I woke up after 12 hours of sleep 12 hours and that is clearly so what my system is needing that just completely lost to the world out of shape out of form out of mind immersion uh which is so so good

i mean the only downside about sleeping for 12 hours when you're bleeding is uh waking up and finding that your bed looks like a crime scene it's just blood everywhere that's a small price to pay for 12 hours of sleep yeah so that's me and I love that your body gave you that because you know we're always speaking in the context here at red school of your bleeding and dropping your bundle amidst running a big operation here at red school there's a lot there's always a lot happening because there are a lot of students there are a lot of um people to tend to and take care of and i just love that life and your body gave you that 12 hours to just let go of everything that you're holding yeah so so good I mean because rest can take so many forms but for

me there's nothing quite like sleep there's a form of rest yeah so good so good uh so it's interesting that we find ourselves in winter spring land here to talk about the 40s that's fun i just want to say actually before we get into this that sharni's been sharing her cycle check-ins on instagram for the past three weeks i'd say in the run-up to the start of our new cycle power course and if you enjoy shiny's check-ins and we all do then just head over to instagram because she's been sharing them with chart art and um really interesting captions so head over to at bread.school on instagram yeah and can i highly recommend to everyone who loves playing that creating some little form of art I put that in inverted commas for your cycle day is such a pleasurable and fun way of sort of catching the essence of the power

of that day and finding you know a word or two or a phrase you could do it digitally you could hand draw something yeah there's so many ways you could do it digitally you could hand draw something um yeah there's so many ways you could do it but it really brings your cycle experience to life in a new way so i highly highly recommend people do it yeah and and for the movement focused um people here of which i know you on i'm on shiny i cannot remember who this, but I spoke to someone on the podcast who did an embodied cycle check-in with her wife and sometimes would film them and put them on social media. Do you know who it is I'm talking about? It could be Lizola. Yeah. Yeah, it was Lizola. And so she, and she had done a couple on Instagram where she'd filmed herself just for a minute moving in the way that she needed to move on that cycle day.

Yeah. Another another another way in yeah so beautiful like finding a particular shape with your body that holds the energy of your cycle day is a very good way to kind of physically embody something of what you're experiencing yeah so that's lazola maduka who is actually going to be a mentor on the Cycle Power course as well. She is. I'll drop a link to her Instagram in our show notes for this episode. But I'm going to contain my inner spring energy right now. Focus us on what is happening in our 40s.

What are these inner autumn powers that awaken in our 40s um we did do an episode episode 48 what's going on in perimenopause where we spoke about how in our 40s we're receiving a report card on the state of our health it's inviting us to up our self-care to prepare us for a healthy post-menopause life and we did speak a little about how to handle the some of the new increased capacities that come in your 40s particularly the critical ones but this episode is really to go deeper into that but for anyone who hasn't listened to that episode and I do recommend going back and listening episode 48 could you give us the headlights on what's happening in our 40s in terms of the arc of our menstruating life the arc of menstruality through our lives what's happening in this this yes the best way to come at that is to speak about the the whole arc and so you know when we begin at monarchy we step into this arc and we step into the spring years of uh of our menstruating years and so the uh teens and 20s are very much um the springtime

of our menstruating years and sort of discovery of oneself that one goes on and there's a there's a kind of self-containedness and a freedom and experimenting and um yes all those gorgeous spring energies and then as we come into our 30s we're coming into the summer of our menstruating years and this hopefully is as with the inner summer is where you're just really finding the groove of yourself now you know you've been experimenting and playing and you go yeah yeah I think I'm getting the hang of this, you know, this is me. And really kind of going for it, you know, showing yourself and sort of becoming something in the world and laying down kind

of some form for your life, creating some form for your life. And it might be that you're creating a family in there or whatever your work is establishing all that. And with these spring and summer phases of our menstruating years, I think you're really riding on the goodwill of youth. That is to say, you have energy in the tank hopefully that's how it should be that and that there's a kind of carefreeness and possibly a carelessness carelessness i don't mean that negatively but you know and it's a quality of abandon and yeah, having it all. And, and then when we come into our

40s, we are, of course, coming into the autumn of our menstruating years. And it's so interesting, that line crossing into your 40s, that may not be actually when you turn 40, it could be you may sense it more when you say 41 and 42, but somewhere around there. Rather than like when you step into the inner autumn of your menstrual cycle, you know, the atmosphere changes. I always think of the quality of light when we go from the outer season of summer to the season of autumn and how the light starts to change. And it's so distinct. I almost can't describe it, but I can feel it very acutely. And I know that we're coming into something different now, a different sort of thing.

And you're going to have that sense with your life. And the autumn energies are this quality of really getting real with who you are, getting serious with something. And the other thing that really opens up more, because it's always there, but particularly in the second half of the menstrual cycle and will be showing up in your 40s, is this kind of the word meaning, you know, what is it that I'm about? You know, because there's a certain kind of intoxication you're carried by

with that kind of useful energy and, you know, chi in the bank. And suddenly with your 40s, there's a sort of, it can feel like almost a drop, like the promise of your life suddenly doesn't look so promising. There's a glow that's suddenly gone. Oh, dear. And there's some sort of hard reality coming in. Oh, this is such a dangerous moment because you could go, oh, you know, sorry, I do want to swear here.

Sorry. It's like, oh, it's all fucked. You know, it's all going to happen. Sorry, folks. sorry folks i i do try to clean up my language but sometimes occasionally you need those words so that energy of just wanting to go you know what's the point almost there's a cynicalness that can sneak in because there's a vulnerability here but i want to say very clearly here, this is when the meaning of your life, it's like the rubber hits the road now on the meaning of your life. You are actually coming into both in your menstrual cycle round at the inner autumn and the 40s autumn of your menstruating years,

you are actually coming into a deeper rooting into yourself, which can be uncomfortable and where you start to get real and face the reality of things. And it's an invitation into greater, to actually coming into, well, what, those bigger existential questions that you start to meet. And in meeting them, you're actually awakening. You're waking up. You know, I think we say one of the gifts of the premenstrual is the anesthetic

has worn off and you're suddenly feeling things really like you've never felt them before. And that is the invitation to greater depth in yourself. And also it's a greater self-responsibility. So these are all qualities that are going to dominate in your 40s, self-responsibility. So these are all qualities that are going to dominate in your 40s. Self-responsibility. But with those more serious sober energies,

you are actually stepping into becoming more real and discovering what you are actually made of. And can you hear the power in that? And the authority that could arise from that, because that is the business of our inner autumn, bringing us into ourselves more and developing this authority. But that is what's really happening in our 40s. So all that demands something of us, which hasn't been demanded of us before, which is why it can feel not great and like we're getting old and it's over

and, oh, my God, I must be in menopause please do not ever think that folks you've got a whole new party ahead of you so don't get sidelined into that thought like a whole new party before menopause you mean yeah all the thing that's going to happen before menopause yes it's all going to happen you've got a whole new game, a whole new adventure. But that sort of is you having to adjust to yourself and what's actually going on, which is really to do with your energy levels and state of your nervous system, because you may not have been quite so plugged in because you were

just a little high on that youthful energy which the world celebrates which wants to keep us going on that youthful energy and you have a name for this we do call it the quickening because it's your deep self that is now quickening and saying, hey, hey, you've got to wake up to me now more. You can't dance around me anymore. It's getting real. It's getting real. And you know, when you named that the quickening, were you thinking of the quickening in pregnancy? Oh, and actually, this is interesting. We only discovered this a couple of weeks ago.

The quickening, actually, the definition of the quickening, which we obviously hadn't looked up, the word came to me and it spoke to me because there was something about the energy of this word of the clock of life ticking and a sort of divine urgency that kicks in. I'm not talking about busyness, but I'm talking about this need for meaning, this call to purpose, this getting real thing that Alexandra's talking about. It was that. But then when we recently looked up the word, I found the definition of it just as a word in and of itself means animation, sudden renewal, and aliveness,

which actually really speaks to what is going on here. This, you know, a kind of deeper life force that is coming in. We're dropping into this deeper gear in ourselves that although initially feels not so good it is actually this return home which is where we really get plugged into something and that becomes the fuel for our life post-menopause so just to complete the story because I don't want to leave anyone hanging, I suspect everyone knows what comes after autumn, but the answer is winter. And so after the 40s, the next phase that we go into in our menstruating years is like an inner winter.

And that is, of course course this phase of menopause and the reason I think it's really important to kind of tease those out as being two very separate seasons of our lives because they do people are seeming to sort of swish them all together. It's kind of quite easy to go, okay, once you're 40, basically, that's it. It's over. You're in menopause and so on. But as Alexandra said, there is something very fulsome that happens in the autumn of your menstruating years, which is very distinct to the winter of your menstruating years. So when we talk about menopause, we aren't talking just about the moment of stopping bleeding. We're referring to the psycho-spiritual process that happens over a few years around that time of stopping to bleed. and that is the death and rebirth that you go through at menopause

and that energy of the inner winter is very much dominant at that time you know it's this time where we need to retreat down tools take a pause from the momentum of the life that we've been living um to really truly complete this work of returning home to ourselves so you can probably see when you look at the arc of the menstruating years you you know, your 20s and 30s, where there's this lovely rise of energy in the spring, in the spring, in the summer. This is where you are sort of creating home, we could say, making a life for yourself, establishing your ego, your identity, your physical place in the world who you are what you're about and that comes to a peak of course in the summer of your menstruating years in your 30s

but then this whole sort of second half of your menstruating years the autumn of your 40s and this is really where you are now coming home to yourself and yeah it looks less glamorous it doesn't it can look not great but ultimately it's the preparation for a whole new cycle of life which happens post-menopause where you after that in the winter there is a second spring that comes and and that's well a whole new another life arc that many people fail to recognize you know they think it's menopause is the end well it's menopause is the end well it's a cycle and this word quickening feels fun for me to just come back to again because I only really just learned what it means in the the phase of the development of a baby that the quickening is when suddenly the growth of the baby picks up and you can start to feel it and that's so interesting in this context it's like

our deep self is starting to stir and we're starting to feel her and her or him or them and it doesn't yeah like you said shiny it doesn't look good and boy it doesn't feel good sometimes a lot of the time. Yeah. And this example of pregnancy is such a beautiful one because it is so parallel to the 40s because there is all this growth going on on the inside, but there isn't yet sort of evidence that, you know, the baby hasn't been born. And that's really what's happening in the 40s.

There's so much underground work that's happening. And the full kind of fruits of that will only be revealed once you have been born again, which is in a way what menopause is, is this, yeah, the birth of you. So yes, that's a good parallel. Okay, I'm going to pause here for a moment because I'd love to share more with you about the upcoming course that we've been speaking about, Cycle Power, where we're going to be exploring the

wisdom of the four inner seasons of the menstrual cycle it's actually the one and only time that alexandra and sharni are going to teach this course live so if you've been wanting to study live with them this is a really great opportunity and there'll actually be time to receive their guidance and personal feedback on your own inner seasons experiences whether you're brand new to the power of your menstrual cycle whether you've been tracking your menstrual cycle for years but you want to go deeper with the two women who actually initially named the inner seasons of the menstrual cycle or perhaps you're heading towards menopause or on the other side of menopause and want to explore this wisdom from this phase in your life we invite you to join us

for six weeks of soulful inspiring exploration that really does have the power to transform every aspect of your life you can find out more at redschool.net forward slash cycle power. That's redschool.net forward slash cycle power. And we're starting on June the 21st. Okay, let's get back to the conversation with Alexandra and Sharni. Wow. So we're calling these powers inner autumn powers because essentially we're saying they're powers that live in the inner autumn phase of the menstrual cycle. And they lay out throughout the whole of our inner autumn years of our menstruality life arc.

And today we want to tease out what are these powers that live in the pre-menstruum and then we can tap into in our 40s and particularly how can we access them more and I want us I'd love us to speak about this through the lens of the self-care practice that you'll actually be teaching on cycle power and I just think it could be really beautiful to share what the inner autumn one is, and then to look through that lens at these powers and how we can, how the self-care practice can support us to awaken them. How does that sound?

Yes. And I'd love to speak to this self-care practice. It is quite simple and very hard to do. It is to slow down because as you come into the second half of the cycle, you're actually, what's happening is you're stepping into more expansion into yourself. So the first half of the cycle, you're somewhat taken out of yourself. And as Shani said, in the second half, you're coming home. So this is what's happening in your 40s.

You're coming home. So you're going into something, which means that you're going to be feeling and feeling things more and seeing things more in yourself. And some of it, another way of saying this is you'll be encountering your shadow side too, not only, but also. And it's like more feeling is opening up, more awareness is opening up. It's going at speed that actually discombobulates us in the inner autumn and we end up experiencing, you know, what we call PMS or even PMDD. Of course, it's multifactorial, but underneath it all is this fundamental thing of not being able to or not being supported in this transition more into this expanded place within ourselves so um if you

come at this with speed you get tripped up the other thing is your energy may not be quite the same as it was in your inner summer and you're also because you're becoming more aware of yourself and you'll be becoming more aware of your nervous system and probably noticing because you may have been overdoing it who hasn't um this is where you uh you're going to feel that more the uh impact of that actual impact on your energy and your nervous system and so what you're doing is when you're slowing down it's like you're moving down a gear in the gear shift when you're driving you're moving down a gear and coming into, you see you're coming into more grunt within the engine, aren't you? And that's what's happening here because you've got some very big, powerful powers at work.

And power can go both ways you can mess it up if you're not present enough it'll knock you about so you are you are coming into you've got to come into more alignment with who you really are and you can only do that by slowing down and then bingo as you you start to find as you slow down it's like you're navigating the new place you know what is it what what okay hang on a minute too much information coming in i mean this just happens getting older the older and older you get the more kind of expanded and liminal you become and you see i must drive people nuts on the motorway now because i've just got to go and i used to be a bit fast actually and now i'm like in the slow known and I know I'm pissing people off but I just it's like whoa

okay yes there's there's big trucks around they're going very fast and whoa and I'm and I always get quite high when I'm driving because I love driving and being in that private space so navigating more I get enchanted by everything that's around me and then I go oh no no I'm driving the car I really when I drive the car and I have to go okay I'm driving the car I'm going to blah blah I'm really don't have to chop my shoulder into it that's exactly how I drive when I'm bleeding it's like okay Shani remember you're driving a car I have to like talk to myself that's funny all that stuff about women being shit drivers I think just is you know we're we're bleeding and not aware that we're in this menstrual zone or we're in the void and we're not aware. Yeah. I think I might have said this before.

They should teach this on the driving. It's like cycle awareness for good driving skills. I mean, come on, people. What is wrong with the world? So, yes, if you can really pace that change of energy by slowing down, then it's like you start to find the sweets you can find that sweet spot in yourself more but also then you've got more consciousness online to navigate the shadow that's there within yourself your your own woundedness, your own, and the reactivity that can come out of that. And that critical energy that's lying in wait for us, you know,

and how we choose to use that energy. Because if we're coming from a wounded place, then we'll be lashing out at others or at ourselves. But if you can come into alignment with yourself more and more, and it's an art, can I just say, folks, it's a real art, and I perfect it every day of my life. I am trying to get better at this. I actually teach that, oh, it's another day for me to see if i can behave

better and and uh what is so beautiful about this self-care practice um and working with it in your 40s is it isn't just for sort of mitigating the challenge and the kind of gear change that happens in your 40s it's actually also a way to really drink of the well of this life phase because Because you know how when we slow down, life really comes alive for us. And we start to see and feel the miracle and the wonder and the beauty and the magnificence. I mean, you just can't really fully appreciate how incredible life is when you're moving at speed. When you slow down is when you really start to come into a more receptive state and actually feel life and receive life, drink life in. And this is really for me being a very big part of the 40s is this kind of deepening appreciation of life and of beauty and of wonder and of the miraculous um and and also part of that is

the a deepening feeling of connection with other people that I now enjoy, which I didn't experience so much when I was younger. I'm more discerning now about who I hang out with, but also when I'm with people, I really am with them, and I really get to connect with them and enjoy them and receive them and love them and that slowing down yeah you can't do that without slowing down and I'll just sort of add a parenting example there and actually somebody on our current menstruality leadership program shared this very, very beautiful post about how, so she's in her early 40s. And she's been doing this very disciplined daily practice of just feeling how she is and finding some small way each day in her cycle to honor the place she's

in and she even said and some days that's just in my imagination that I'm able to do that because she's got I think three young children but she was describing how during this inner autumn in her cycle unlike her usual wishing she could escape her family and be on the other side of the planet for the first time ever she's experienced this um slowing down with them in such a way that she was so beautiful how she wrote it how she's able to really enjoy her children uh and really kind of marvel at who they are and you know that they're her children and so on so this is uh this is all part of the gift of slowing down yeah i feel also that when we slow down the truth of our mortality that hits in the 40s can become a portal to awe and amazement and joy rather than something that feels full of doom it's a it's a big thing to wrestle with

but this slowing down means that we are able to work with that as a portal to appreciation, receptivity, enjoyment. Yes. And, you know, this what's sort of with me right now is slowing down doesn't mean I want to say doesn't mean going slow just bear with me because actually in your 40s you can come into some of the most you know productive and creative you're coming into a time of mastery in yourself yeah you know yourself and what that slowing down is doing is it's actually inviting you into greater alignment with yourself so that you can really chant you don't scatter your energies everywhere and that you and shani mentioned this word discernment you see because that's very much an autumn power and you're employing this word discernment you you're getting this clarity about what's most important for you to be focusing on. And you are really developing mastery in what you're doing. There's a real sense

of, I believe everyone in their 40s should be growing into a real sense of feeling, yeah, like on top of the world almost, you know, like just being in your, really in your power and on your game with what you're doing with your work. And, you know, I see that in Shani really strongly. And sometimes I, and there's an edge for me there, feeling like, oh, maybe I'm not really needed here anymore. You know, she's kind of

got this one and um and there's that's a whole other conversation negotiating the kind of power we have post-menopause um because it's it's it's it's supreme it's amazing it's you know the authority you hold Shani the clarity the way you are over everything, everything that you're doing. I mean, even though you're having to be incredibly disciplined and paced about what you're applying yourself to, it's incredible the things that you are achieving. And I just keep wanting to big this thing of mastery up it's like really healthy ego strength i want everyone in their 40s just be feeling healthy egoic energy and a sense that yeah you know i can do it i'm making so i have a something but and but that the something you have is meaningful to you.

That's really the punchline, that you're not just doing work, that's just, you know, yeah. Again, it's not about doing something big that looks a certain way to the world. It's about doing your thing. Yeah. Yeah, coming into that more and more. And, of course, then there's a whole other expansion of that

in the most cosmic way, post-menopause but yeah go on sir i'll be sure um yeah that's it's so good that you've brought out this uh layer of the 40s because i realize there is just such a wonderful contradiction that's going on in our 40s because i have never been more busy. I've never had more responsibility. I've never had so much challenge. And what you were saying there, Alexandra, is, and this is where what we're talking about is so inner, because what is allowing me to do more and hold more is the very fact that I am slowing down in myself. So this thing of discernment, I think is really, really important, because it's about cutting away all the fluff from your life, anything that isn't absolutely it, so that all the things I do put my energy into are things that I am deeply aligned with, things that I love, things that I am 100% made for and here for. So it doesn't drain me. It doesn't tax me. There is no, it doesn't have the same sort of, you know, it doesn't cause burnout, for example.

Like I can really create and do things and move at a certain kind of speed in the world because there's not that much drag on my system. And the other thing is, and this is where we're kind of working with a very interesting creative tension in our 40s, is that the more that is asked of me, the more I need to show up for my family, for my work, in my life, there are two things I really hold to, which is all part of the slowing down is the the more I

am asked to surrender let go to trust and the more I have to take care of myself so my self-care and that word discipline, I mean, people would laugh. I mean, Alexandra and I often joke about it because I spend a very, very good amount of my time looking after myself. So, you know, for example, I spend about three hours every morning in some kind of meditation,, practice, exercise, time with myself. And then, you know, throughout the day, I'm having afternoon naps, I'm going to bed early. So I'm not wasting energy, and I'm constantly refueling. And occasionally when that goes slightly out of whack, I have to pull, I have to pull back some. So it's the sort of ongoing negotiation,

but it's that that allows me to, to do more. And it's, yeah, it's a kind of fun game to play actually I love hearing about that it's so inspiring because I often I marvel at people who are doing big things and I often think so how are they doing that what's going on I feel like you've just shared a really huge key yes I think the thing I want to emphasize is the clarity that shani holds about what is her business and what isn't her business you know when i say business is business with a capital b and um and i want to throw in the word boundaries because of course that's what that's one of the powers that comes to the fore in the inner autumn, this clarity about your boundaries and the necessity.

And you have a power to assert them if you are present with your sufficiently present with yourself. This is the time. And if you're not sufficiently present with yourself, you will institute those boundaries unconsciously by telling everyone to piss off or, you know, just you be reactive in how you do it. So boundaries will out at this time. And it's really how do you deliver those boundaries, you know, assert those boundaries. And, and it's this, this capacity, you know, this thing of slowing down and coming into and knowing what you're about and your feeling of worth to be able to assert those boundaries. And, you know, that's always a work in progress. It's always an imperfect business. I want to keep emphasizing this to everybody.

It's not about being you don't just hit your 40s and become perfect at this you know I I still well now I'm pretty good on boundaries now I'm sorry I think I've nailed that well haven't I yeah I think you are a living master class in boundaries Alexandra yeah actually Alexandra that's a very good point just about the coming into the 40s because in my early 40s I really hit a speed wobble I mean I was so outside of my own capacity um initially really it was it was such a difficult time and that also had to do with my life circumstances moving house and having a book deadline at the same time would not recommend and younger children and younger children yeah yeah exactly but I think we all do go through

some sort of hump coming into this season just just like coming into the premenstruum. There's a sort of hump. And then you kind of recalibrate, renegotiate, you adapt your lifestyle and so on. And then you drop into this deeper place. So that was my experience. And, you know, the 40s are a graduation, just as the inner autumn is a graduation. This isn't a sort of static block of time. It's not something you step into and suddenly, you know, all the autumn powers are on.

And it's not that at all. It's this gradual negotiation, incremental through your 40s. And now I am, how old am I Alexandra 47 Charlie 47 and a half that's right oh that's right I'm the age keeper I am and so now I'm in a kind of different place of this kind of quickening uh phase the different qualities have come to the fore just like in late autumn in the cycle you start coming to towards that more voidy place pre-bleed or you know you start coming for example into the menopause hinterland is what we call it before you actually arrive in menopause then or winter so it is a it's a gradual incremental thing and and it's an ongoing

negotiation and course correction and it's a process of getting to know yourself and figuring out what you need day by day month by month and then learning how to assert those boundaries and care for that so yes there's no perfect about this or no kind of nailing this um it's a practice yeah and it's yeah it's you've got your whole of your 40s to sort of figure it out in inverted commas yeah i always feel a fire in me when we talk about this because i feel like the main reason why we must just drop all myth of perfection around every aspect of cycle awareness is because of the world we live in that is the problem there isn't a it's not like people are talking in this way it's not like

there are policies in place to support women and people who menstruate who are entering the quickening and therefore you know we need to dismantle the inequalities that mean, you know, I'm thinking of single, single moms, for example, anyone who's socioeconomically challenged, there were just massive obstacles to slowing down. Yeah. And that's true and real. And it's where my social justice fire rises up, you know,

and where cycle awareness and social justice just intersects so much that yeah there are huge things to shift and change and rework in our world to make these things possible for everybody and yeah it's just always important to name that isn't it the fire burns in me around that yeah really. And then the other piece, just to do with kind of the time in history that we're living in, is that menstrual cycle awareness, the knowledge of it has been lost. So many of us, many people in their 40s people have had a life where they've had to be fighting against their bodies and against this rhythm and flow. So there's a sort of accumulation of stress in our bodies and having overridden ourselves month after month. And the thing about the premenstruum is that it is the feedback moment in the cycle. It's the moment where the stress we've been carrying, the underlying health issues all become revealed. And there's this sort of increased physical vulnerability that happens in the pre-menstruum. And that's exactly the same in the forties. So, you know, here, here you are having managed to

sort of get away with things in your twenties and thirties, and now you can no longer ignore those niggles or they, you know, the symptoms symptoms start to scream the health conditions start to amplify and so that's the other piece of this is that many many people in their 40s are dealing with health challenges that are just you know they're being named perimenopause but it's a much bigger deeper conversation than that it's you know that um our bodies um are there isn't a design flaw here and it's not inevitable that we suffer physically but it is the fallout of as you have said the world we're living in the um social justice you know inequalities the loss of cyclical knowledge we're all up against that in our 40s uh in a big way it gets really real you're like oh wow and and the the environment we live in, you know, the toxins, like all of that, we start to really see the damage that our environment is having on us individually.

And I feel like the hope or the agency that we can hold on to then in the face of this is finding our 1% way to slow down. Oh yes. We're all, we're all, we all have access to that next level, next 1% of that, the boundaries you're talking about, the discipline, this, I like the definition of discipline as being a disciple to what we love or being a disciple to ourselves. That's also from Shamily. Shamily is getting too called out today shamily adar from the women institute thank you uh yeah that that's we have access to that we all have access to that that one percent yeah we we

absolutely do and it is never too late never ever too late ever ever ever too late yeah and that one percent just it shifts the access of your being to another track yeah and your all you have to do is to keep with that new step that and 1% more and 1% more and exponentially something radical starts to happen. Yeah. And also at the end of your 40s, you have the great gift of menopause waiting for you, which really if you are honoring yourself

in the way that we're saying now with this 1%, 1% more day by day, when you get to menopause, there is this possibility of a great reset and really a way of setting yourself up for the next chapter of your life. Just like at menstruation, no matter how much stress you've carried through the menstrual month, when you get to menstruation, if you can honor it in some way, your body naturally releases that stress. You detoxify. It's like a good night's sleep you get reset you get re um wired actually so it's really never too late because you have menopause ahead of you if indeed you do have menopause ahead of you but there's another story if you don't and actually if you don't have menopause ahead of you in other words if menopause is behind you

i really recommend you come to the cycle power course because there is the possibility and we've heard this from many that you can recover something of your menstruating years through coming to this work after you stop bleeding and through working with the moon cycle as alexandra does and sort of re-establishing the cyclical rhythm in your life yeah yeah it really is never too late and then we all have death waiting for us which is another great another great reset so you know it's coming for me baby and it's never too late but it is too late to have any more of this conversation because we have reached the end so it's actually too late for us to stick to the plan we had for this conversation i thought we were just getting started that's because you're on day two.

I know. We're big into expanding time, Sophie. But sometimes it doesn't work. We have boundaries and discipline. And as our host, I will have the discipline. But luckily, we have the Mentor Charity podcast where we can carry on having this conversation. And, you know, for you listening, if this has awoken insights, questions, wonderings, you know, in you, please share them with me and I will bring them to Alexander and Shani. We can carry on the conversation through the lens of your questions and thoughts. So you can write to me at sophie at redschool.net but for now we shall complete

our conversation about the inner powers that awaken in our 40s and yeah I hope you two both have a gorgeous rest of your day thank you thank you Sophie we will bye Bye. Thank you for being with us today. As Shani mentioned, we would love, love, love to have you with us for Cycle Power, which is starting on June the 21st. You can find out about the curriculum, the different self-care practices, the guided journeys that the course will include, teachings that Alexandra and the course will include, teachings that Alexander and Sharni will share, the potential for connecting with the community through the online circle

and through listening partnerships and much much more about the course at redschool.net forward slash cycle power. Yeah thank you so much for being with us all the way through to the end today I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day and I'll be with you again next week until then keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm