The Menstruality Podcast - 163. How to Show Up For Big Things on Day One of Your Cycle (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Have you ever had to show up in a big way on day one of your cycle and felt exposed, then - like me - totally exhausted afterwards? Today we’re exploring how menstrual cycle awareness can help you step up when you’re on your period; whether you have to do a big presentation at work, a speech at your best friend’s wedding, host a PTA meeting, or be visible in another way. A few days before we recorded this, Alexandra and Sjanie presented a menopause workshop at a festival, and Sjanie’s menstrual cycle set it up perfectly so that she would start her bleed late, on day 29, on that very morning.We explore: How Sjanie prepared for the event beforehand by creating space, calling in support and recognising the power of the creative and pre-bleed void. The pre-bleed, void superpowers that Sjanie channelled; including heightened intuition, trusting emergence, being in the unknown, The one thing that Alexandra and Sjanie prioritise more than anything else, in all their creative work. ---Receive our free video training: Love Your Cycle, Discover the Power of Menstrual Cycle Awareness to Revolutionise Your Life - www.redschool.net/love---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @redschool - https://www.instagram.com/red.schoolSophie Jane Hardy: @sophie.jane.hardy - https://www.instagram.com/sophie.jane.hardy

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hey, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me today. I'm curious, have you ever had to show up in a big way on day one of your cycle and felt exposed

and then totally exhausted afterwards? I definitely have. And today we're exploring how the practice of menstrual cycle awareness can help you to step up when you're on your period, whether it's because you have to do a big presentation at work on day one, or you're giving a speech at your best friend's wedding, or you're hosting a PTA meeting, or you have to be visible in another way. And a few days before we recorded this I had some really lovely and rare in-person time with Alexander and Shani because they presented a menopause workshop at this lovely festival called the Heart of the Rose and it was gorgeous because I got to meet lots of podcast listeners so if you're listening it was beautiful to meet you all as well as some

of our graduates of Psycho Power and of the Menstruality Leadership Program. Hi, Chloe and Zahava, who was also teaching there, and Josephine and Tonya. It was wonderful to meet some of you and be with you in person. And the reason why I'm talking about this is because Sharni's menstrual cycle had set it up so perfectly so that she would start her bleed late on day 29 which was on that very morning and I learned so much from watching Shani show up on her day one and especially watching her channel some serious menstrual superpowers with her presentation like heightened intuition, trusting emergence and this enhanced capacity to track the audience. And wonderfully, synchronicitously, if that's a word, I'm actually just beginning my day one

right now as I record this. So it feels especially wonderful to explore the powers of menstruation in this way. And I really hope you enjoy this conversation. This is an extra special moment because we've just been together in person, body to body. What, how many days ago? Four days ago? Three days ago. Like a minute ago and a lifetime ago. Wow. It was so good to see you both we were at the the heart of the rose women's festival so beautiful and yeah it was just so lovely to see you how how is the landing back

to earth been for both of you how are you doing how are you doing cyclically i am doing very very well sophie well i came away from the heart of the Rose feeling so soothed because we were on the land and the weather was perfection and we were physically, you know, connecting with real human beings. But I got quite intoxicated by this atmosphere of love. I was just imbibing this love and it was coming out of the paws of people. I mean, it was extraordinary. And the experience of us presenting was, it was just superb.

It was so wonderful, so special. And it was, you know, dark moon Sunday. So there's that sort of, you know, slightly magical energy in the air just mysterious so I'm in the aftermath of that and feeling very present because this first day back at work for me and I'm feeling very present and feeling like we're stepping into a new era at Red School and I feel incredibly excited about it. And this is your first day back after a whole month of space. Of space. Which I just deeply respect you both for and have followed your lead. And could you just say a couple of words that I have to ask this because I know people listening are thinking, what does she mean when you say that a new era at Red School?

Well, we are stepping into now a whole new program our postgraduate it's more than that it's the work we've done up until today you know what it's the outer work we've created this wonderful cycle power course that's been like the missing piece in our red school cosmology and suddenly with the landing of this course which we so loved creating and it's such an amazing course and um we got a lot out of that course myself personally as a post-menopause woman so interesting and then what it's done for red school so it's created this kind of some sort of something's landed in red school and now we've got this new art starting and it's the shani and i've done a huge amount of inner work around negotiating stepping up to this next level of responsibility evolution

creativity and um you know we felt scared overwhelmed like oh no no no we don't want to do this i'm wanting to run away and and hide again but we've committed and people have signed up you know and um and i was just really fascinated by thinking about it this morning the creative process you're never ready you're never ready when you say i'm going to do this and what i love about the creative process is in the creating of the thing, in the process of creating, you're also growing yourself to be the person you need to be to become to do this thing. And I was just marveling at that this morning because I actually now feel ready, whereas I wasn't feeling ready even a few days ago Shani and I were talking about it so it's so fascinating I feel ready that's very affirming to hear you know sitting here watching you having done this work for decades and how deeply you embody all the menstrual leadership teachings you know you've to hear you say that is very affirming for all of us listening like okay

you never actually feel ready so you just say yes and then the path emerges thanks there's always a new stretch ahead because that's evolution that's you know that's creativity and i do trust and love creativity i have to say i do have a fundamental trust in it yeah and and it's so nice it's lined up with the moon the start of work again so it's both vulnerable but it's also lovely because it's new yes it's the beginning of something yeah great so the cycle is lined up well but what we're going to be speaking about today is how in a way you could say shiny cycle wasn't lined up well what we're about to speak about but it turns out that it was so but before we get there shiny how are you feeling today how is it day three or four for you uh yes day day four for me gosh as i'm

listening to alexandra say all that i'm realizing there's so much to say about this place I'm in because it is just little old day four. Day four doesn't get that much hype. It's not day one, two, or three of the bleed. And, yeah, it's a day that actually I have a lot of respect for because it's a very delicate day and for me it feels that way like I'm not feeling that deep holding in the menstrual bubble that I often feel in day one, two or three, but I am still in an altered state. Like today, I feel very dreamy and very kind of subtle and inner and much more guided by my intuition, then, you know, my mind isn't, you know, isn't so sharp today. Yeah, so there's a kind of delicacy about the day. And also, there's the new cycle ahead, both in terms of my menstrual cycle, so I can feel what's coming, and the anticipation of that,

both, you know, in my menstrual cycle, but also because we are at the anticipation of that both you know in my menstrual cycle but also because we are at the beginning of this new semester at red school we're back after having this month-long menstrual rest having not worked for a month oh my god i just want to say how much I love the power of rest because mostly I have been very agenda-less and not put any pressure on myself to get anything done. Because sometimes when space opens up in one's life, we can go, okay, now I finally can get to all the kind of creative projects or house projects or family things. And this year I have completely dropped all of that. And I've properly drifted and really let myself be unproductive and, you know, go to bed some days and go, oh, what did I do today?

I did like nothing. Truly I did nothing. But the thing that I'm loving looking back is how in all that empty space, there was this deep underground repair that's been happening in my body, heart and mind. And actually, this very profound healing that's been going on. Like I have been through some kind of death and I've shared so much stress and old patterns and weight of responsibility. And I can just feel myself on the other side of it. I feel so different today coming back into the work river I was saying to Alexandra this morning and this is very much a day for thing but it's so amplified having had this rest from work it's like I feel brand new like the kind of brand new when I was a kid I got a new bicycle

and now suddenly I was a different person because I had a different bike you know that feeling I've got that feeling like I am new and I feel very special there's this feeling of um kind of real goodness in me and a bit like alexandra although delicate i feel very ready for what's coming and um it's like all that rest is at my back holding me yeah and I can feel myself being carried into this new era which is really really lovely wow yeah we champion and celebrate you both for this rest is it's just modeling it's modeling everything that Red School is about isn't it because actually those two big in breaths the december and august break they what they facilitate in terms of creative expression you know like it's not easy for you to carve out that time really like there's

a lot oh yeah so much but you hold to it I mean you had to really do a lot it always seems I've got to say it always seems impossible yeah it always seems impossible every time we're approaching these big long breaks I'm like no this time we're not going it's just too much yeah amazing it's day 19 for me and it's day 19 of what's going to be a typical length cycle for me 27 or 28 I ovulated at my normal time so I'm really relishing it because I've had a few shorter cycles recently and it's been a bit harder to track summer moving into autumn um moving from ovulation to the premenstruum but it's really my lane this you know and I'm just so feeling so fulfilled feeling so um happy uh just delighted to be doing what I'm doing and really feeling a lot of energy and wind behind

my sails you know as I this is my creative week of my most creative week in my cycle I'm just going to go for it and just juice it for all it's got and then you know before I have my next rest great but I'd love to set the scene for us for this conversation. So when I saw you at the heart of the rose, it was literally about 10 minutes before you were about to give this gorgeous talk about the power of menopause and the whole festival had been abuzz with this and the tent was filling up with people and it was a hot day and it was a sealed tent so there were more and more women streaming into this sauna essentially and bear in mind you know these are women who many of whom are experiencing menopause are experiencing temperature fluctuations and hot flushes

and they're all looking at me and going blimey have I got them in there and they were fanning themselves but they went in because they knew they needed to hear what you were going to say and then I saw you shiny and you said oh I'm on day one and I felt you were like the earth your presence was so slow so steady so paced I just thought geez this is a woman who's about to present to like 100, 150 women. You were so calm. And I was very moved by it and then very moved by everything that unfolded in the presentation. Because the truth is, you know, we have our cycle awareness practice and then we can try and organize our life somewhat so that, you know, the biggest things in our lives aren't happening on day one. And then, you know, it happens like with Sharni that she had a 29 day cycle out of nowhere.

Like your cycle is always 22, 23. No, it's more like 25, 26, but really, really regular, really consistent. I shouldn't really know that since I've been working with you for years. But anyway, yes, you had a different cycle this time. really consistent I should really know that since I've been working with you for years but anyway yes it's you had a different cycle this time and um yeah so our intention with this conversation is really like okay so what do you do when it's day one and you have to give a talk to 150 people or you have to show up for a big high pressure meeting at work or something's going in your in your community and you're really needed um it can feel very exposing to do things like

that on day one you can feel very vulnerable like a kind of skinless feeling or you could just be in such a different altered state of consciousness that it can be hard to negotiate you know quote unquote the real world um or this is my experience I wonder if it speaks to our listeners I've had times where I feel like I've had to pull myself up and out of what I'm experiencing to somehow manufacture a kind of me that is very on and showing up in a more in a summer ovulatory way and then I'm just absolutely shattered afterwards because I've had to, yeah, you know, I've pushed, totally swum upstream, pushed against the river.

But yeah, what I saw in you was not that. It was showing up on day one with pizzazz skill, Grace. So yeah, my question for you, Sh you shani just to kick us off is how did it feel to be sitting up there on day one what was happening for you right at the beginning of that workshop so to to answer that maybe um alexandra and i should start by talking about really the lead up to the event because how I felt in that moment and throughout that workshop had everything to do with what came before and how I negotiated my way into day one and also how the kinds of things that I said and did to really allow myself to land in that day one experience in a very, very good way. So Alexandra, maybe do you want to sort of

set the scene for what would happen before? Well well let's just acknowledge first that we were in the dark of the moon so we have shani's menstrual cycle going and then there's the effect of the moon cycle and the moon cycle really impacts shani's experience of her menstrual cycle now more and more, doesn't it, Shani? You notice it more and more and more. Yeah. So in other words, the experience of being in the dying days of my cycle alongside the waning moon and coming into dark moon created like an amplified experience of coming into my inner winter and the end of my inner autumn. So what I normally experience, I felt much more strongly and much more deeply. And of course, I'm in the moon cycle and being affected by that. So I am pretty liminal, you know, and this is actually a very powerful place in the cycle for me because I feel very I can get quite ecstatic.

I'm not so grounded and I have to slow right down. And the other thing to say is that there is the cycle of the process of showing up to teach so we were you know we always talk about the void before the event that we're going to do so we're in the kind of void leading up to this event just kind of like this so it was like the trifecta of voice frankly that we were experiencing. And the really funny part was us trying to prepare for the event the day before, which just cracked me up. So I should say here, Alexandra arrived at my house on the Friday. So she had been traveling. So that's another layer of liminality, you know, being outside of your own home and in a different environment. you're also in a very transitional state. So she had that going on. And she arrived at my house on the Friday and on the Saturday,

the day before the workshop, we put ourselves to preparing what we were going to do. I want to say here, I was very, very conscious of the fact of Shani being about to bleed. And I know what that means. I know what happens for her. And I also know how I just know how to care for that state, you know, when people are in it. But I also know how it affects me, too.

And so the thing that's really important is that, you know, I'm in Sharni's house. So Sharni would naturally be taking care of me a bit. That's how it happens. And I do it when she comes to me. But I knew Sharni could not do that. And I actually had even brought my own food for that first night because I thought there's no way Sharni's going to get dinner ready together. I just knew it wasn gonna happen so it was things like that that I thought ahead on so that there was zero demand on shiny to have to sort of manage me and you know fit me and take care of me I completely sort of self-contained but just I just want to like have

a pause moment for how beautiful that is like wouldn't we all love to have a creative partner that thinks that way it's so beautiful yeah yeah it is so so good I have to say and you know one of the first conversations Alexandra and I had where as I said to her because normally I would be the one sort of in charge of logistics like where is the event what time do we have to get there are we taking books what sort of you know do we need a cash tin and how we can all the practical stuff would normally be my domain and I said to Alexandra I just want you to know I know nothing about where this event is even what time I know nothing and you're in charge at this point you're on day 27 you're on day 28 I was on day 28 yes yeah in in a heavily altered state it's so funny it's like

she's on drugs you know it's really funny and um I totally got on that I said no don't worry it doesn't matter leave it all to me and I wasn't fussed I wasn't going to worry about it on that I thought tomorrow I'll worry about that Saturday and I remember getting up Saturday morning and I'm a little early bird and I did all my usual morning rituals then I got all set up with my laptop and I thought I'm just going to zone in here and just get some sort of plan going and get the details that we're going I was kind of setting it all up and free you know just the practical like an actual sort of headline thing of what we're going to cover and do which we never follow but we have well we sort of followed it but

it's the thinking through it all that yeah that actually awakens what is needed to be said or how we do it. Yeah. And we, you know, it was incredible. I was just feeling really good and charged. And then Shani sort of drifted in in her pyjamas, just sat there on the floor with me. And and then we just sort of eased our way in and we just did it very kind of playful we would and I but I was in charge I said don't worry Shani no she said I've got this I've got this and um and then at one point I stopped and I said Jesus this feels like we're we're trying to create on drugs because we were so we were just moving too fast between things. And in the end, we sort of mapped something out.

But in the end, I said, we have to stop. It's too much. We can't do any more preparation. It's not, you know, and I remember stopping, closing the computer and I said, it's like over to you, universe. This is going to have to be enough because we are both so tripped out at this point. So tripped out. And what I can tell you from my perspective is if I'm going

to be doing a talk, I usually land inside some kind of infrastructure that I'm inhabiting. Like I have, I don't know, it's almost like I've stepped inside a story that I am, it's alive in me. But when I'm in the void, I am like a goldfish. I can't hold a thought or a concept or a structure for more than one split second. So everything that Alexandra and I spoke about just flowed right through me and out of me and it was gone. Like I couldn't have told you one thing we spoke about or what we had said we were or weren't going to do. I knew nothing. I was as clueless by the end of that conversation as i was when we started and and you know i can remember way back years and years ago because alexandra and i've been running live events together for years being in this void place previously and getting freaked

out that i didn't know i didn't know anything and i didn't know what I was doing. And I, you know, it was just all a vacuum, but now, and this has really come through cycle awareness. I was able to completely trust the empty space. And this is such a powerful thing to be able to do in the void of one cycle and in the void before an event is to really let go and really I really let myself be in the unknown and I dared to believe that on the day and in the moment what needed to be spoken and how it needed to be spoken would happen and that's like that's an edgy game to play it's a very edgy game to play yeah and every time I felt my nervous system going oh god I have no idea what's going on I'd be like it's fine I just need to be in the unknown because this is where I am this is where I am this is where I need to be that's it it's those moments I just want to pause with that and I'm totally borrowing this pausing practice from your day one facilitation

that I watched I want to ask you about this in a minute let's just pause with that so you feel the nervous system dysregulation you feel all of the things that can be at work in the void telling you that you don't know what you're talking about blah blah you feel it and you go no now is time to be with the unknown and that's come from years of cycle awareness practice but I'm also aware that being with the unknown is one of the 12 menstruality leadership skills the dark arts that you teach on the on the MLP so I imagine on on the program you you'll be unfolding that skill and how we can all grow the muscle of it yeah yeah the other element that and which is another dark art that was absolutely crucial here more important than all the you know the planning stuff we were trying to do was actually having a

pacing and pacing just requiring spaciousness it was more important to just have the empty space to move very very slowly rather than try and dot all the um i's and cross all of the t's on what you know the plan it was actually better to drop that and to actually let go as shani said into the unknown and so it needed it's a very practical thing but not to just have empty space to do the absolute minimum we had to do to get ready for the event and and not to put any other stuff in there so the thing of space so that we could have time to actually just pace the kind of mystery that we were in yeah yeah beautifully beautifully said a Alexandra. And you have that lovely phrase, you know, you often say my nervous system is God. And this is in a way what we mean by pacing in this void place is prioritizing staying soothed over being prepared or knowing or whatever the things our mind wants, prioritizing staying soothed. And one of the things that I find very holding in the unknown is to really align with my intention.

And Alexandra and I do this very strongly. This is actually the foundation of all our preparation for anything we do. And this is, of course, another menstruality leadership skill, another dark art, is setting intentions. And so that was actually what we put a good amount of thought and energy into, is what is our intention for this event? And when we did that, it really plugged me into something so much deeper about what we're serving, why this matters to us. And even as I'm saying that now, Sophie, I can feel how when I come into that kind of intentionality, I feel life rallying to be with me and flowing through me. And that gives me such a feeling of being held, being held in the unknown, being held in the mystery. And that's what I felt the day before is I felt the power of our intentions, the power of what we're serving,

and the life force of that, the incredible holding of that. And so every time I felt my mind, because our minds do go, oh, God, what are we doing? Where are we going? Blah, blah, blah. And I would just kind of come back to the intention and I'd come back to this kind of restedness in the unknown so yeah it's um so helpful to know I think when we're running events or you know if you're listening to this it might not be a workshop that you're doing

it might be a presentation at work or some other way that you're having to show up yeah and be visible because every time we have to step out and show ourselves we go through some kind of little void beforehand um and i think it's life's way of um preparing us and readying us for that thing but to our mind it doesn't feel that way because our ego likes to get ready you know in all the worldly ways I'm just going to pause the conversation for a moment as we've been chatting about today Sharni had to call deeply on her feminine leadership skills that she's learned from her menstrual cycle awareness practice and that she and Alexandra teach on the menstruality leadership program and we're going to speak about more of those skills later in the conversation today but if you're curious to see what these skills look like for you in your life we invite

you to join us for the menstruality leadership program in early 2025. It's the world's first leadership training rooted in the power of the menstrual cycle it's for you if you're feeling called to step up with a new kind of leadership and you want to uncover or get to know more about your unique way of leading from the feminine and here are a few words about the program from one of our recent graduates, Kate Ballow. The MLP has been hands down the best training I have ever been a part of, and I've been a part of many. The way we were all held on circle on the live calls, along with the extra support from the mentorship circles, the listening partnerships, and with the potent points of integration with the individual MMCs as well as the curriculum and how it was gently titrated all work together to form an alchemical

masterpiece in my opinion when it comes to educational experiences. I don't think that this combination of depth of wisdom and magical holding exists elsewhere. I really see it as a dream wisdom from which Alexandra and Shani lovingly disseminate the teachings and within which we get to be held in the daily lived experience of the work. Then at the end of our time together, like birds flying the nest, we are ready to leap into the unknown, each of us sturdy enough to go forth and sing our sacred menstruality-infused song. I would really recommend this training to any and every woman. It is an immersion into the art of restructuring human consciousness through the embodiment of our cyclical wisdom and via a life that is rooted in the feminine way which i believe more than anything right now is

what the world needs don't walk run into the big mama embrace of this training you will not regret it right well so good to know what was happening beforehand because I didn't know any of this yeah but it's great to see that that's what it took for you to show up in that way to arrive in that state um and I also want to do a shout out to you Alexandra because we can see that you you held a lot in the run up then. And your energy was quite different when you were at the start of the, you were fizzy, effervescent, excited and blooming hot. We were all hot. Just sleeves rolled up.

Okay, so there were some kind of superpowers that I saw that I'd like to name. And actually, it wasn't just me that saw them that I saw that I'd like to name. And actually, it wasn't just me that saw them, there were other people came up to me afterwards and gave me feedback for you two about the presentation. Yeah, I mean, firstly, there was your presence, like my sense of you is you were oceanic. It was delicious to be around you it was you were very captivating very anchored in yourself you can tell I've kind of got a crush on you can't you Johnny well that's lovely because I've got a crush on you too you were delicious there was that but there are a couple of specific moments that one of the participants named to me, one of which was, there was this moment in the workshop where you were teaching about the five phases of menopause. And Alexandra had just beautifully described betrayal, the first phase. And the feedback that this woman gave was there was this sense of oh my goodness

this is huge and there was a kind of the energy sort of um yeah and Sharni caught could feel it so it's this like intuition that you have this capacity to track everybody you could feel it and you said okay everyone let's just pause for a minute you said something like this isn't the end people there is something beyond this terrible and quite horrifying betrayal that can happen and and then the energy lifted in the room okay there's there's possibility there's hope and the And the whole space shifted. Can you remember that moment? Very, very well. Yes. How was it for you? So what you were saying there about sort of superpowers, you know, the powers of the inner winter. I mean, this is what I really had on

side. So I'll come to that specific moment in a second. But I first want to just say something because I think this is going to be useful for everyone. Is that the powers of the inner winter, for us to tap into them, we need to acknowledge, make peace with and accept the limits of the inner winter. And so this is the kind of negotiation and awareness I was holding with myself as I woke up on Sunday morning, my blood having started. And kind of as I was landing in day one, I could feel my energy low. I could feel this slowness in me and just that I had no drive, absolutely no drive. And that I was feeling very inner. inner and there was a lot going on in my felt sense but my mind had been completely decommissioned I mean my intellect completely decommissioned so no kind of left brain capacity, really just this right brain. That's all right. All right. Brain. And also no sense of time.

Just like I was, I was floating in, in timeless space. So these things are, these are the some of the kind of limits of the inner winter. And if you think about the context of stepping in front of a group of people where the context is to do with like high energy and kind of being visible and having a sharp mind and being kind of structured and timely and all the kinds of things one would think are required when you are facilitating a workshop. I did not have many of those things. So for me, there was this, you know, dawning acceptance of what the limits are and what I was, you know, what I'm dealing with on this day one. And because I was able to make peace with those limits, and because I dared to trust that there are powers here, even as they are not the powers that I might have thought would be helpful.

There are powers here. And I dared to trust that if I'm on day one and this is what life is delivering me to, that quite possibly the powers of this day are exactly what's needed to serve this situation and to serve the intentions that Alexandra and I are both holding. Alexandra, I feel you're wanting to say something. I think there's something brewing, but you keep going because you are the queen of limits. And this is something that I've really learned from you is how the limits of the menstrual cycle are what

create the power of the cycle and actually this morning you said to me Alexandra limits equal creation it was that your line yeah limits I'm just getting it more and more now. Potentizing limits are how they they sort of bring you into something and align you with something. And for you to be able to manage the limit, you have to absolutely come into alignment with the place you're in. And actually, when you come into alignment with the place you're in, you're profoundly connected to yourself. And that's what happens at menstruation. It's like menstruation just goes, pulls you right into the center of yourself. So Shani is rooted in that moment her left brain is out to lunch but it doesn't matter because she is sourced from a very deep place so she's held in this now new field of energy it's like a knowing field and the what is needed comes to her so she can't do all the kind of connecting chit chat stuff and um and i i could

feel all that it was really funny how i just knew we just had to we had to get there early and sit in the car before we even got out of the car we just had to sit and we did this whole landing ritual you know just and then just to move very slowly it was always like we wanted an invisibility cloak on us so that no one would see us so we could get to our tent without having to connect and I felt like I was a sort of protector of Shani through this and keeping away from people because that buzzy energy would have really um rocked something. So there's a real lesson in what I'm saying here, which is if you're having to show up on day one, give yourself tons of space and as much quiet and silence

as you can possibly have and possibly get yourself an invisibility cloak, which you then just take. Which are currently available at redschool.net forward slash invisibility cloak and then you just take it off at the moment where you are there present with everybody yeah so there's that whole dynamic going on so that's so beautiful can I just name it can I just tease that out a little bit because I'm thinking for people who have got a lot going on in their lives before they have to go and do the thing it's like that rigorous discipline that self-belief the trust in the menstrual cycle awareness practice the trust

in the process no I must do everything I can like no I'm not going to drive with my colleague to the thing I'm going to drive by myself it's doing the advocating for ourselves so that we can prioritize is being soothed over all else. Yes. Yeah, that's exactly right. The self-care that you do, which you can only do because you know the place you're in, because you're doing your cycle check in and because you're feeling yourself, then you can start to give yourself those things that you need. And that's what lowers you into the power so what Alexandra said there was exactly it so I was in this place of very deep inner connection and for me to be in that place I had to surrender all those other more inner summer type powers and really trust the place I was in. So coming to that moment, Sophie Jane, so I was deeply connected to myself. And because of that, I felt like I was held in this bubble

of stillness. And I could feel this expansive awareness, like I felt I could feel this expansive awareness like I felt I could feel everyone and everything I couldn't think very much but I could feel and so I really let myself receive the people the women in the room I looked at them and I felt them and the whole time while we were speaking and particularly then when Alexandra was speaking about the menopause piece I was feeling her and her words and what was happening in me. And that was giving me information, was feeling how I was being touched by what she was saying. And I was feeling the woman in the space. And I could feel in that moment a drop in the room

and a kind of feeling of powerlessness or hopelessness that I could feel in my body. And, and I could feel Alexandra who was charged and away. Like, and, and the kind of tension between what she, because she knows the whole story of menopause and the group don't you know they were kind of sitting on the edge of their seats with what was unfolding in the moment which was the conversation about the darkest hour, the death moment of menopause. And so, yes, so that was why I said what I said. And it's really about pacing. It was really about pacing the group by having felt myself and felt what was going on in the space. And this is how Alexandra and I do all our facilitation. These are the menstruality leadership skills that we teach about

because they are the facilitation skills. And everything you practice in cycle awareness is what you can apply when you're working with a group or working one-to-one. You can apply this if you are even having a meeting with someone one-to-one you can apply this if you are even having a meeting with someone one-to-one at work you know feeling what's happening in them in order to pace what you're saying and yeah and so on I'm so moved by this I'm like there are tears behind my eyes to feel the level of receptivity in you that has been carved out carved out doesn't seem like the right metaphor opened up you know allowed through your years of cycle awareness because I think receptivity is a very unacknowledged skill in our world we're a very active culture oh yes and the capacity to

actually make space and receive i mean i think if if there are a lot more of that in the world we'd find a lot more balance and i think about all the way back to descartes i think therefore i am you know it's created this active mind focus world and Eve Ensler often says you know Eve Ensler the author of the vagina monologues and so many other great things um she says I feel therefore I am and I was yeah that's what I was feeling in you oh she is she is a feeling creature I know yeah and to see you really really honor that and go all the way with it and use it you know to create such beautiful experiences because there was another one another piece of feedback which was another gritty part of the talk where Alexandra said and

you were so on fire Alexandra but you said in menopause, you're looking death in the eye. And Sharni said, okay, okay, let's pause with that. And she said, Alexandra, you just said in menopause, you look death in the eye. In menopause, you look death in the eye. Can you say that again, Alexandra? And then you said it again. And the woman fed back that that was the most powerful moment. That was the most powerful moment. And a huge part of the power was hearing it four times. Yeah. Just to say there again, when Alexandra said it, tears just started flowing for me. I mean, that's the other thing about being day one and being visible. I cried a lot.

Which is probably good. At least it was some moisture to bring in. Exactly. Just added to the sweat. But that's one of the blessings of being in your inner winter, this sensitivity. I really was in my heart and I felt very sensitized. So when Alexandra said that, I felt so deeply moved.

And it's not like I haven't heard her say that many, many times in many, many different ways, but I was present and responsive. And so it touched me. And when something touches me that strongly, I know that others are being touched. And in a way, it is also the kind of the punchline of what makes menopause initiatory and um yeah so this inner guidance and intuition that we have during menstruation is a power not to be squandered and what could it look like say back to the work example like someone's in a meeting and they hear something that's very important and they get that sensate experience of oh I don't know what I'm asking really could we sort of tease out what that could look like in other contexts I guess yeah I mean I and what comes to mind for me is

I might want to say gosh could we just slow things down for a moment? That's just very powerful what you've just said. I want to just really take it in. It's very significant. So you're really acknowledging that what they've said has impact. And, yeah, I just want to take it in for a moment. I might just make it about myself. Yeah, it's so powerful. Can we just slow this down?

Or even to say, wow, could you just say a little bit more about that? That just seems so significant. So it's finding some way to slow things down. Yeah, slowing things down is really helpful. But also if we think about every conversation we have as being a creative act, one of the components that makes conversations creative, in other words, makes them generative and meaningful and rich, is that we all know that we've been heard and received. So even in a sort of business meeting, it would make a significant difference for the person who's just said something to know how what they've said has

affected you touched you what it's meant to you so you know this is another one of the menstruality leadership skills is this uh skill of interception which is to do with being able to feel the sensations that come alive in your body in any given moment, which is right at the heart of the practice of menstrual cycle awareness. We develop this skill of embodied listening through the practice of cycle awareness. So you can use that in a conversation and just say, wow, when you said that, I felt like the muscles in my chest release, or I felt like this lightness across my shoulders, or suddenly my heart rate began to accelerate because I'm feeling excited by what you said. And it's a simple thing to do. But when we when we do that, the conversation immediately becomes more creative. And yeah. And we've all we've all been there when someone brings humanity into what could otherwise be a dry process about a particular thing that's happening at work. It's like it's such a gift for everyone. It such a relief like oh yeah we're human okay we can feel we can be together it's it's such an offering actually yeah

so yeah to really embolden all of us to listen in and and dare to dare to share from that day one place I would love to just add something more about what you bring as a day one woman, what you're bringing to that, you know, work meeting or situation is, it's so fascinating this, but there's a kind of authority you bring when you're connected to yourself and you're able to rest in the fact that you're on day one, you know, in this meeting and you're, it's so important that the other, otherwise it won't, but if you're really aligned with the fact that you are bleeding and you're not in pain, obviously, and you're just way more present, it's's like because you're plugged in more deeply, there's just more presence you bring. And you will just know things. You'll know without knowing why you know.

You'll just know things. So there'll be something that will be going on. And you will suddenly have an insight. You could have an insight that you could contribute that you wouldn't ordinarily have. I find so interesting this is incredible resource actually you know to have a menstruating woman at the meeting but also if you have to speak you know something uh or to be to challenge something you can actually do it in a way that people receive it and hear it. It has impact. I mean, this is this is some, you know, you need to have been practicing cycle

awareness for a while and to be really caring for menstruation and knowing who you are at that the words you speak have more resonance and impact um so in my book that's a very powerful power yeah i mean there's a reason why indigenous peoples have listened to the dreams of the menstruating women and people isn't there that's it there's such i kind of see it as like from the heart you can deliver things from the heart of life to the heart of life back to the heart of the rose where we were where we did all feel like we were in the heart of life it's such a beautiful festival yeah can I tell a funny little story about you about you Sophie Jane oh this was you on your day one oh no talk about like being a channel for the world in this case for red school you and I were together camping with our little kiddos oh yes this was

funny you were day one lying in your beautiful bell tent on the bed like a menstrual goddess. And I and mostly my children were looking after Artie. They provide, by the way, if anyone's listening to this, I'm hiring my children at age 13 and 10. They provide top notch childcare if anyone's interested. I can vouch. And that's a huge win-win for me here as well anyway they were looking after Artie so you were just in this like you seem so surrendered and rested I was just loving that you were able to let go because as a mother of a young boy like you don't get to do that you just don't get to do that nearly often enough it was so nice but what was amazing was you were kind of lying there drifting in and out of

sleep and we were buzzing around you and coming and going and then at one minute you lifted up your head just like through blurry eyes and you went ah I know how we can reach oprah and i was grab my notebook and pen uh-huh go speak speak menstrual oracle i shall take notes yes yes so that story because maybe we all need uh you know, a menstruator there. And we all need, I love that moment, and we all need the support of others. So I'm thinking of people at work, in community gatherings, at the PTA meeting, like whatever people are doing to show up on day one. If you can have an ally, a cycle cycle aware ally it makes so much difference okay I'm on day one this is what I'd love okay and then and they get it right you're on day one and know what that means so it's kind of a little impulse for all of us to cultivate more of those connections

and friendships like you know if you if you know someone at work who could potentially be open to this maybe send them send them towards um love your cycle or get them the book wild power for their birthday see if you can just get grow your own menstrual grow your own menstrual allies yeah yeah grow your own just add menstrual blood which you can by the way find at redschool.net forward slash grow your own but this is so important Sophie Jane because actually because feeling held is so important in terms of tapping into this power of menstruation we do need to ask for support and sometimes that's a menstrual ally but sometimes you might not even need to tell someone that you day one, it might just be like, okay, you know, so-and-so at work, can you hold the timing and the logistics of the meeting? And I'll kind of be doing the talking.

And so somebody else is on the kind of detail piece, or maybe someone else is holding the minutes and you're doing. So it's about getting whatever support you need to really let you lean into the capacities and powers that you have and where you can, getting someone else to do the other pieces or other parts for you that will allow you to be more rested. And this is something we all have to get creative with, but it does make a big, big difference. And actually, now that I think about it, Sophie Jane,

you were a bit of a menstrual ally for me as well. She was. You were. Do you know what you did for me? Oh, my God, I love you. So after the workshop, I mean, Alexandra and I lay under a tree and I slept or dozed off and really let go after the workshop to sort of come back to ground which by the way is another key piece because I was overstimulated by the end of it you know because I there was quite a lot of chat after a lot of people wanted to there was there

was and I was on a high as well and um you know got carried away with all the excitement and we got to see so many of our graduates from the menstruality leadership program we got to hug people we haven't seen in ages so I was overstimulated by the end of it. So I really needed to completely shut down, land a tree and close my eyes and, you know, ate some food and all that kind of thing an hour, hour and a half later. And then we sort of drifted more into the festival. But at one point, like I said to you, I can't talk to people anymore. No more people.

And you came and sat down and sort of created a little holding around me. And yeah, I felt very responsible for you. I was like, right, no one can get past this. And I just have hands on your body trying to give you some soothing touch to. Yeah. Yeah. I felt quite fierce. Yeah.

You were my fierce protector. I got to be there and relax but no one was coming near me you were like my bouncer yeah my bodyguard oh and you also carried all my bags for me yes I mean I was like you were a proper menstrual ally Sophie Jane just to champion the powers of inner summer here what you you don't know, but you experience the benefit of, is I was also outside the tent, wrestling the tent with a group of other women, trying to get the roof off. Oh, you did that?

We did all the thing down. I was like, heave, heave. So we could get the roof off. And then there was this like, we finally got it off and everyone could breathe again. That was incredible. That was you. Oh my goodness.

You are a magic maker. So it was beautiful. Are there any sort of final pieces that we haven't quite covered yet that either of you feel like it's important to bring in to help people show up on day one? I'm thinking of a Billie Eilish song right now. I love Billie Eilish. And she did that incredible song for the Barbie movie called, What Was I Made For? I can't remember the exact words, what am I made for? But that line is just coming to me right now because I think there is something about,

and this applies to wherever we are in our menstrual cycle, but particularly when we're bleeding. And regardless of the situation we find ourselves in, that question, what am I made for today? What am I made for? And to really give ourselves to what we made for, for this day, and let ourselves off the hook of all the other things that we're not made for today. And so I kind of want to offer that song and that question to everyone because it's so much of what the art of menstrual cycle awareness is about is really trusting what we're made for in any given season

yeah um my word is preparation, preparation, preparation. And if you know you're going to be bleeding right on the event, actually give yourself a menstrual day or two off before it and have it prepared quite a bit ahead of time. So unlike what Shadi and I did this time, normally we are prepared way ahead of time. Yeah. It's very unusual that we're preparing the day before, by the way, because our cycle awareness has taught us when you're in the void, you can't prepare.

And that proved true. So, yes, learn from our mistake. Always prepare one at a time. We prioritised our holiday, actually. We did, yeah. It's actually, that was so more important than anything else. You prioritised being soothed over being prepared. Yes, exactly.

Sounds like the new Girl Guide motto. Always be soothed. You're prepared. I should add here that you know shani and i can talk through wet cement you know on anything in the moment it well i well for me anyway around menopause i'm living and breathing this information information and it's once i step into the connection with people, something takes over and what needs to be said. It's it's I love it, actually, because I'm so inside of it. So we are both so inside what we're doing that actually, yeah, it can flow if we are soothed and connected to ourselves.

That's why we prioritize that spaciousness first. So preparation equals being well prepared ahead of time with what you're going to do, but also all the practical things you need. Do not be doing shopping the day before. Have all your food. Know what you're going to eat. Know what your needs are and and and get set up with that and and have a nothing day before somewhere and your our bodies are surprisingly

forgiving when we do that yeah so beautiful wow I knew it was going to be good and it was even better than I thought it would be this conversation thank Thank you both so much. Thank you. See you next time. Bye. Bye. Thank you, Sophie. Thank you for being with us all the way through to the end today. I've got a special request for you today at the end of this one. If you've enjoyed this podcast, or if you're enjoying the podcast in general, please, please, please, can you come over to Apple and leave us a review? You have to have listened to a whole podcast episode, and then you scroll down, click on review, you give it five stars, please. And then you can write your own review. It goes such a long way to getting this

podcast out to more people. And we really, really appreciate it. We love, I read them all. I appreciate them all. And I would love it if you could share a review. Thank you so much. And that's it for this week. I'll be with you again next week. And until then, keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm.