The Menstruality Podcast - 185. Perimenopause - What’s Actually Going On? Replay (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

In our 40s, many of us begin to experience a variety of health symptoms and challenges, as well as emotional and psychological shifts. Some call this perimenopause. At Red School, Alexandra and Sjanie call it, The Quickening…  So for today’s podcast episode - we’re re-sharing a conversation from a couple of years ago - one of the most listened to and shared episodes ever on the podcast. It was the fourth in our menopause summer series when we were launching S+A’s Wise Power book and it’s called perimenopause - what’s going on?!We look at how this life phase in the run up to our menopause process is slowly awakening new levels of power within us, and how to navigate all this can bring up for us, and beautifully, Sjanie shares generously about how she is negotiating this transition personally. We explore:How we receive a report card on the state of our health in our 40s, which is inviting us to up our self care and set ourselves up for a healthy post-menopause life. Why the power that is awakening in us in the Quickening requires deeper responsibility as well as deeper self care. How to handle your new, increased critical capacites (cynicism, discernment, judgement) wisely and cleanly, rather than use it to annihilate and destroy!---Receive our free video training: Love Your Cycle, Discover the Power of Menstrual Cycle Awareness to Revolutionise Your Life - www.redschool.net/love---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @redschool - https://www.instagram.com/red.schoolSophie Jane Hardy: @sophie.jane.hardy - https://www.instagram.com/sophie.jane.hardy

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hi there, welcome back to the Menstruality Podcast. As you may have experienced yourself or you may be seeing in your friends or family or community, when we enter our 40s, many of us begin to experience a variety of different shifts and challenges with our health, emotionally,

and all aspects of life. Some big psychological and emotional shifts. Some call this perimenopause. At Red School, Alexandra and Sharni call it the quickening. And for today's podcast episode, we're actually resharing a conversation we had a couple of years ago. It's one of the most listened to and shared episodes ever on the podcast. It was the fourth in our menopause summer series when we were launching Alexandra and Sharni's wise power book, brilliant book. And today this episode is called perimenopause, what's going on? So we look at how this life phase in the run-up to menopause is slowly awakening new levels of power within us and how to navigate all this can bring up for us. And beautifully in this episode, Sharni shares really generously about how she is negotiating

this transition personally. So let's get started with perimenopause, what's going on? Hey you two, I'm aware that we're all arriving at this conversation in various states of disarray is one word for it. Alexandra's had some dental work, Sharni hasn't had much sleep at all and I'm in the middle of just piles of bricks and craziness in my house as we begin this renovation so yeah here we are for our conversation really it is perfect all this chaos and dissembling and kind of discomfort and weariness is just the perfect ground for what we're about to talk about. Life does it again. And what day are you on, Sharni? You go, Alexandra.

Yeah, we are good. Well, for me, it's the day before, it's the dark moon, it's the day before new moon. And I always go into a slight kind of high on this day, which is what echoes what it was for my when i was bleeding so i get sort of i'm slightly untethered and in a nice way and i'm feeling very chirpy this morning just sort of humming tunelessly to myself because i'm no singer but i just find myself humming along singing away so i'm in good spirits. But the other thing is I feel monumentally sleepy and I feel like I'll be not tired so much but sleepy. And I sort of feel like, you know,

it's like the Mad Hatter that falls asleep. There may be a point where I'm just sort of... We'll just nudge if you start snoring. I might just sizzle off at some point but you know i am i'm in a sort of happy-go-lucky mood really an image of you at the mad hatter's tea party that's so funny and i feel like i just want to fall into that slumber with you oh yes i mean we're taking the whole month off next month and in true style like whenever you approach well i'll speak for myself whenever you can speak for me too whenever i approach like a sort of holiday or sabbatical there's this grind that happens in the lead up to it there's this intensity it's not that different

to just before menstruation where it's like oh suddenly like everything wants a piece of you uh i'm i have that going on um and i'm actually mid-cycle so i'm day 13 today routine today. And I would, it's interesting, often at this place in my cycle, I feel really full. And it's a sort of pregnancy fullness, like I can hold it, I feel really alive and virile and like there's a lot going on but I can hold it but today not so much today I feel full but in a kind of overwhelmed too much sort of way which is everything to do with the fact that I have had rough nights because of my daughter waking up and because we're coming to this final week of work and also because it's dark moon that combination it's like oh I don't quite have the same inner resilience

that I ordinarily might have here which is going to speak so much to people who might be listening who are feeling that they're in perimenopause because the sleep disturbances that can happen in that phase it feels really relevant I want to frame this conversation for us so this is our fourth and final in our wise power summer series where we've been looking at the stories and the teachings that will be revealed when we release Wise Power, which is coming out on September the 20th. And today's topic is so important. We get asked about it all the time, and the conversation that's happening in the world is big and loud at the moment around this time of life that is being called perimenopause, and that you two have coined or call the quickening

and it's a time when people see physical health challenges rising mental health challenges cycles start changing new cycle symptoms can arise and also just a destabilizing time bewildering time when like feelings about our lives start to change and our worldview changes and I say our because I've turned 40 and I'm feeling it I'm feeling it it feels very personal for me and there isn't much understanding or any understanding in our world about this which is why I'm so grateful for you two when I was reading the chapter on the quickening I was saying wow wow wow this is so needed and I think we should just get into the conversation by looking at the terms the terminology here because there's lots of different ways of talking about these phases of our lives and it can get very confusing and you've laid this out quite clearly so I'll

walk us into it. Firstly you talk about the summer of your menstruating years being from about age 28 to 40 so this is the phase before we get to the quickening. Do you want to say a little bit about those years yeah what would I say about the summer there's an ease and if you're fairly healthy you know there's energy in the tank and you feel young and I suppose I want to say bizarrely there's a certain level of unconsciousness about what you really hold in yourself at a deeper level and it's also probably very much about really establishing a life so there's a kind of out of focus there in a way it's not about deep inquiry stuff so much as just really getting out there and creating an identity for yourself for something you know forming something yeah yeah yeah which is good and right and true and exactly

what should be happening yeah and then there's this progressive shift through our 40s that you're referring to as the autumn of your menstruating years or the quickening and then there's this word perimenopause which is being used in loads of different ways and can be confusing so can we talk about all of this yeah this there is so much confusion sophie i i am so much of our work at red school has been i was thinking about this this morning when i was in the bath which is how i recovered from my hell night i thought i thought i'm gonna get into a hot bath this morning you know abandon my children and just soak in the tub and while i I was soaking in the tub, I thought, one of the ways that we have been disempowered is through all the confusion around the naming of our experience. Our sort of inner processes as women and the experiences that we have connected to our biological changes

have, well, firstly been shamed and denied and ignored. And as part of that, there's been no words to describe them. And so much of our work at Red School has been discovering the lexicon, finding the words that really meet the experience that we're having. And of course, when we came to writing this book on menopause, we were once again confronted with all the confusion that's out there with how our experience is being described. And the terms that are being used have almost been put upon us, and they don't seem to come from our deeply lived experience. So Alexandra and I really felt into our understanding of menstruality and how that speaks to us and found the words that really capture the essence of what we're talking about. So that's where this term, the quickening, came from, which we can get into in a minute. And then as part of that, we started to go, okay,

so everyone's talking about perimenopause. What does this actually mean? And we discovered a flipping minefield. It's okay. So people are using this word in all kinds of ways. People are using the word perimenopause to actually describe the menopause transition, to actually describe the time around where your periods stop. So we'll come to the medical definition of menopause is like when your periods have ceased for a year. So that it's a moment. And then perimenopause seems to be used as the word to describe all that happens around that moment, what we actually call the menopause transition, the psycho-spiritual changes that happen over a number of years around that time of your menstrual cycle ending. Then there are other people who are using this word perimenopause to

describe the gradual incremental shifts that happen in our system from our late 30s onwards because everything in our being is transitional. Nothing goes from on to off. So there is this gradual incremental change that happens as we move through our 40s and then peaking, crescendering, culminating at menopause. So people are talking about the 40s, really, the late 30s, 40s as being perimenopause. So now that's the phase that we refer to as the quickening. Yeah, so hopefully that brings a little more clarity. I mean, there are actually people using the word perimenopause in other kinds of ways as well. But those are the ways that we've uncovered it and how we've made sense of it for ourselves. So let's position that now with it with the next phases which I love this term

you'd call it the menopause hinterland which is a void a year or two before the menopause so this is part of is this part of the quickening? It's the gray area between the quickening and menopause. As Simon said, the whole process is just, you know, you're in one great transition. And the reason we are very disciplined around this, our terminology is, actually, we feel people are putting themselves into menopause ahead of their time because menopause is there's a very distinct psycho-spiritual process that goes on that actually requires age as a component of it gosh it's really yes we've broken it up like this because people are always asking us, well, how do you know when it's menopause? This is the million dollar question. In a way, when people are constantly asking that question, it tells me that they're not

in connection with something because we are evolved into menopause and you will know that moment where it has really shifted and we have just really sort of it's almost like we put that whole phase the quickening the hinterlands that we put that whole journey into menopause under the magnifying glass really and tried to sort of break it up to give people more clues and the reason people are asking all the time you know when is it was it's because they they haven't been educated or rooted in their menstrual cycle and when you're practicing cycle awareness and we have some lovely stories in the book about this, people who are feeling the transition now, and they're just inside something. You know, I remember it so clearly. I was never fussed by any terms whatsoever. It's so interesting. to it and took the you know appropriate moves to take care of myself both my inner work and practical health stuff yes because it's it's a hugely gray area where you're neither one thing nor the other and then suddenly you are really in something very strong because menopause is initiatory. And I'm saying that in a very

emphatic way. And what we mean by that is, if it's initiatory, that means there's going to be a challenge involved. That doesn't mean you're going to have shit symptoms or anything like that, but you are going to meet a psychological challenge to your identity of who you are, because you're stepping up to this really expanded sense of yourself. You're stepping up to real spiritual power, like powers become available. But you have to be evolved into that. You've got to be prepared. You can't flip a switch and suddenly be channeling those kind of forces. It's a real responsibility that you step into.

And, you know, the years of your 40s, you know, I see it in Shani now. We talk about it because Shani's in her mid-40s. And really, we should be hearing from Shani now about what she's going through but I you know at one point I I think I gave you a serious talking to didn't I Shani oh that's here what did she say well because I I can feel these powers starting to wake up in Shani more I mean you know I can feel that Shani is, it's so interesting watching it. It's really in the last year or so, probably, that I've observed that you are dealing with more force in your system. And the 40s are really a time of mastery. You are really, you've got a fabulous power you need to hone in your 40s. i can feel how it's working shadi and how i have to meet her differently and and also i i said some firm things to her about

how she manages this power i'll let shani speak to that that and yeah it's just really interesting feeling this quickening going on and it's it's fabulous it's great it's it's super i'm really loving uh observing this process in you shanley and um loving this power that's sort of almost like there's a hungriness for it to come out. I don't know if you haven't used that word, I don't think, but yeah. Let's go there. Let's look at, or could you give us an overview, if it's possible, of what's happening psychologically in this deep soul level within us in the quickening, Shani. Praise, yeah. So I love what you said, Alexandra, just that reminder about menopause being an initiation

and that you are learning to channel this enormous power. And in a way, that capacity has to be titrated through your 40s. What do you mean by titrated? So microdosing, bit by bit, you're learning to inhabit that and take responsibility for it and manage it. So it's incremental it's a you know we talk about getting fit for menopause in our book and it's that you're being you're having this spiritual workout on the inside which sort of starts in your 40s and then incrementally accelerates so for me and this will we know, we're putting ages to this,

it'll be slightly different for everyone. But there is a patterning of this gradually increasing intensity and urgency and pace at which one has to rise to meet oneself and rise to meet the challenges that one's faced with. So a good way of diving into this is to really refer to what we know about the menstrual cycle, particularly the second half of the menstrual cycle. So the second half of the menstrual cycle, we refer to this as the via negativa. And this is the place in the cycle where you are geared down into yourself. And as part of that process, you are being punctured. We talk about this ego deflation that happens. So you're confronted with your wounds, with your shadow

and in all of that, you're sort of, you're tenderized and humbled and really ultimately invited to drop into a deeper resource in yourself to find deeper connection, to lean into something bigger than yourself. so that's what's happening in the second half of the cycle which is preparing you for that spiritual expansion that happens at menstruation is preparing you to receive the power that's available to administration oh yes Oh yes, yes. So this is what's being mirrored in our life cycle. So our 40s are a long, slow, gradual ego deflation. I'm doing, I'm doing. Can't wait. Yeah, it's funny. And it's this thrust of authority that's coming through.

And that's what I'm feeling in you, your authority. You know, I mean, yes. So this is what's happening. The powers of the inner autumn are amplifying they're waking up in us in our 40s we're getting access to uh greater authority bigger power more discernment heightened sensitivity stronger intuition more potency, more clarity, all these kinds of things. We're getting access to these very powerful forces. And, you know, I just have to come in here.

If that wasn't counterbalanced by this ego deflation, you'd end up being a shit, basically. Yeah, yeah. counterbalanced by this ego deflation you'd end up being a shit basically yeah yeah so it takes a huge amount of responsibility to manage what's waking up in you in your 40s and in it that was alexandra's talking to me that was her firm talking to me was the you've got to take responsibility for what's waking up in you you can't afford to go unconscious now you can't afford to be lazy you can't afford to um abandon yourself or um or really not show up for yourself so there's this real call to actually step into greater responsibility for yourself and with that greater care for yourself so this is where self-care just becomes absolutely I want to say critical critical it's like you in your 30s 20s you know in your 20s you kind of really don't know how to look after yourself that well in your 30s you start dabbs, you know, in your 20s, you kind of really don't know how to look after yourself

that well. In your 30s, you start dabbling and, you know, you can get away with it. So, you know, you don't really have. In your 40s, the buck stops. It's non-negotiable. You can't cross your own boundaries. You can't cross your own capacity. can't cross your your um your own capacity you've got to be super careful with your nervous system and energy because if you overstep yourself um you land up reacting acting out destroying hurting others yourself that's what happens which is what happens premenstrually if we aren't taking enough time and space for ourself that power either gets turned on us or on those we love so just to put you totally on the spot what is this looking like for you in your life

how old are you you're 45 i'm. So the thing I've noticed most, Sophie, is I'm experiencing a lot of challenge these days. So things are not so simple as they used to be. I'm dealing with a lot more complexity both in myself but also in my life so red school is bigger and thriving and there are more people involved and there's more to care for if everything is my children are older their lives are getting bigger it's like my marriage has been going for a long time so you know all the sheen is gone so that gets more complicated it's just there's a lot more to have to deal with overall in my in my life and then the same is happening on the inside so the things that I you know we spoke about the the summer of our menstruating years we're a little more unconscious the things in myself that I had I could get away with not looking at or that I could be unconscious about I'm being confronted

with now I am noticing that because pretty much every time when we show up to a team meeting and you're checking in you say some version of I'm dealing with big stuff inside right now and I'm always amazed because then you're laughing you're working you know you're functioning but I can see there are like the way I talk about it is there are like big whales in your ocean yeah there are big whales swimming around inside you and you keep showing up and holding yourself through them it's really beautiful to witness thank you Sophie and the other piece I want to add to that before I come to a little bit of of how how I do that it's just the other piece that's very big for me at the moment is the critical capacities that I have are far stronger now than they've ever been. I've always been somebody who

has seen through things and been very quick to kind of notice what's not working or, you know, like I've got this cynical edge in me and this sort of rebellious quality. I've had that all my life, but now it's amped up. It's like the innocent part of me has stepped back or is sort of being overshadowed by that discerning, critical part of me and so what I'm having to do it or what I'm confronted with so often is all the ways I'm seeing how things are not working and you know what a pain in the arse it is to be around somebody who's very critical

okay well I have to be around myself all the time okay so that's what I'm you're very graceful with it because you know that could come out as you it could come out in so many ways I could come out as me being an arsehole I'd love to come in here because it's this is just such a juicy conversation around power. And I really have felt that critical capacity in you, Shani. And what's really interesting for me is to, because this is just all wholesome, good power. This is, you know, it's just power that's got to be wielded. And I, for myself, when I'm encountering you, I step up to something more. I have to choose to, because it's power that's in service of something.

You know, our power is in service of something. And I think you're really negotiating that in your 40s and for me i mean it's challenging i mean you're not directing your critical power me well occasionally you might as far as you know in your back for me very fast. Because I have a very strong critical faculty too. But I'm really not wanting to judge this critical power. Completely, yeah. I'm really trying to say, yeah, you've got this critical faculty, and what you need are players around you who meet you there with it and you've

got to do your own inner work you've got to take responsibility for something and that's i think what i was talking to you about partly was what you were doing you know it's about yourself that critical power and yourself but also about you know is power. We want to ride this power, Shani. I mean, I want to capitalize on this. I think the two of us together, you know, with what's waking up in you is a powerful combination. So, but of course you need, you need people who can meet you in that. Yeah. And this is so much for me, the, ground of the 40s is learning to be clean with that critical energy, learning to be in right relationship with that critical energy. I hold this in myself is I am so committed to what I'm serving and the the piece that I keep coming back to is is what I'm feeling now serving am I using this critical capacity and service to generate and create discernment and potency and refinement, or am I using it to annihilate and destroy? And to really do that, one has to be aware that one is in this critical energy so for me that's my practice

is really noticing oh okay here I am I'm in this critical energy again and really letting myself inhabit it that's the trick if you try and shut this shit down it pops pops out all the wrong places and becomes petty and shitty. So the thing I have learned is to really inhabit this critical energy in myself. So what that looks like, Sophie, is I rant and rave about the things that are pissing me off or irritating me or you know all the finger pointing stuff I've got going on outer I really let myself go there and in doing that I then come clean with it I come into like what what am I really serving with this I find it a lot harder in terms of you know doing that with myself but the discipline there for me has been to counterweight it with with championing and affirming myself to really consciously cultivate the part of myself that affirms holds cherishes loves me um yeah and as you know that's a huge you know part of the culture at red school

that's what we do we give time to that so you know that that that's part of how i dignify this energy and then and hold myself in it it's beautiful to hear so that when you're ranting and raving you're doing that privately aren't you um yes occasionally you might join me with this if i know that we we do have our rants and raves together yeah we have our rants and raves together yes that's i i regard myself as part of that privacy yeah it's good it's good to do I think it's good to have moments where we stop trying to be good and nice and spiritual and you know it's really good to have these moments where we let ourselves be total assholes in the privacy of our own room fair let it rip let it rip so good what you're saying and we were talking about this before we

began this conversation that so much of what we do at red school is dignifying and honoring this the via negativa the inner autumn the premenstrual grittiness and challenge and the power that's within it and what we're saying really here is that this conversation around the quickening is a continuation of this honoring of this power that our world does not understand and does not recognize and see it's big big work in our 40s because it's not just personal we're really writing we're rewriting the power story in our 40s if you're looking for guidance and support in navigating the shifts we've been talking about in your 40s the quickeningening, the autumn of your cycling years, then Alexandra and Sharni would love to invite you to join them on their new Cycle Power course.

It's their most comprehensive menstrual cycle awareness course and today I was chatting with them about how it can support those of us in our 40s and they were sharing how in many ways menstrual cycle awareness gets even more important now in this life phase. It can be a really powerful way of staying close to yourself, staying close to the experience you're having, as well as give you insights about your changing needs and vulnerabilities and boundaries. And the course is especially helpful for helping you navigate this inner autumn of your menstrual cycling years without feeling like you're losing it or going under. Because you learn about the powers of the premenstruum on cycle power, the inner autumn and the self-care practice you need to work with the power that erupts in you in the premenstruum and is erupting in you in the quickening. So one of our course participants in her 40s Sita reported back after the course saying, I discovered how just

applying many little changes, self-care practices and awareness has already changed things in my life during these six weeks. Wow magic, she says. I was able to witness my restlessness in trying to slow down in autumn and how if I did slow down, it brought a new clarity and acceptance to me and the critical voice and the truths that were present. This course is like a gentle guide and supportive friend with a backpack full of tips and tools. You can find out about cycle power at redschool.net forward slash cycle power which brings us back to something you said at the beginning alexandra about not putting you ahead not putting yourself ahead of yourself with menopause

so you say in the book this life stage is crucial in the creative arc of your life and you have much to live, learn and develop here. It's important preparation. Be careful not to let the label perimenopause put you ahead of yourself, like groundweed creeping into your forties and taking over. This time in your menstruating years is sacrosanct and you need to fulfill it before entering menopause it's really a time to it's about mastery i think of it as really you've really coming to terms with power um i mean you're coming you're actually learning how to hold spiritual power more and more but actually you're learning how to your wielding power in the world you can be immensely effective you know this is I think of us as really

kind of coming into a real time of flow with our whatever our professional identity is in the world just really feeling like you're in your authority you are an authority and you're nailing it and you're achieving things there's a muscularity that's the word that's coming there's a real muscularity that you're developing and a really healthy healthy ego like yeah i'm strutting my stuff and I'm great you've got energy in the tank still and you you know there's a lot of physical Chi there still even as you know it's not as resilient as it was in your 30s you've got it and yes there's a very particular kind of mastery that you're achieving

well a worldly kind of energy and establishing an identity and and and that to be able to do that you you know you've got you've got that's a responsibility and I'm so I'm seeing that in shani that's what shani's going shani is really great she's just it's great working with you it's great just i can feel and hear your intelligence you know it's just so alive and great and it's like having a real equal you know in this game it's so satisfying um and that's really as it should be that kind of strutting your stuff i just want you to feel really great charlie about sharniness cool and you know it all, you know? Do you know one of the things that's so beautiful about this critical capacity that wakes up big time

during the quickening is that you become more and more discerning about what's you and what's not you. And you talk about this sharniness waking up it's such a beautiful thing after a lifetime of being loaded with cultural expectations who you think you should be and trying to live up to other people's ideals and all of that. In your 40s, part of this critical discernment is you go, hey, wait a minute. Who am I? What do I want? What do I like? You know, what's for me? What's not me? And so you are shedding such a cultural load in your 40s. If you're paying attention, you will really be climbing out of some sort of straitjacket that you've been holding yourself in about who you think you should be.

So that sort of social face, the social self that you've been locked in, which is possibly served you to a point you'll come to recognize all the ways that doesn't serve you anymore and all the ways that you've abandoned yourself in being that that person that others want you to be ultimately and you start coming home to yourself and the thing that's so beautiful about this Sophie is you really start to come into this sweeter connection with well what you love but also what you need and so this deeper relationship of kindness and care for yourself starts to come in. That's what I am really feeling is that I'm learning at a very deep level how to care for myself. and your morning this morning is an example of that you know you were up till 11 with one kiddo awake at three with another kiddo and this morning you went you know what I'm gonna go and get in the bath and soak and that was that's the display of this isn't it you knew you needed to be with

yourself in hot water yes exactly and it's it so it's that it's like i i can feel my boundaries much more clearly and um and i go okay that's i've hit an edge in myself now i've got a big day it's like i can't go beyond this place in myself so now i'm going to start saying no to my children, to the other jobs I needed to do, the other things that need to happen. And I'm going to care for me. So it's like you get this kind of new elbowing capacity to sort of carve the space out. So it's that, Sophie, but it's something else as well it's um it's also like a moment by moment thing where I'm just kinder to myself in the moment just a way of thinking about yourself exactly so yeah where I let myself off the hook or yeah it's it's kindness that's the

only way I can describe it it's a moment by moment kindness that I'm starting to feel that wasn't there before it was um I was much more outer focused and now yeah my attention is much more with my needs speaking about needs it feels really important to look at what's going on with our health in our 40s in this phase because I can imagine I can almost hear the people listening with the challenges that they're facing physically but emotionally and mentally as well when it comes to health and I luckily luckily unluckily had in my 30s a lot of health challenges so I know what it means to have to turn towards myself and make all kinds of life

changes that I didn't want to so I can I can empathize from that place you talk about the quickening being all these final years of your cycle being like a report card on the life you've lived and the state of your health so things are coming up now you're seeing things that need to be seen yeah and um rather than casting it as this is menopause you know this is a sign menopause is upon me it's actually a sign you're getting older and you can't abuse your body in the same way. Just rather than sort of saying, oh, it's menopause. And there's a certain inevitability about that statement. Oh, right. And actually, what is happening is you're getting a report card on your overall health how you're doing

because your energy is probably not what it used to be and you cannot take stress in the same way yes there is a drop in estrogen progesterone in our 40s and progesterone is that lovely soothing hormone um and when that's dropping then some sleep stuff can come in and we can't tolerate stress in the same way that as we used to but it's not I want to say it's not a pathology it's not a kind of weakness in the system it is it is what it is and you're being asked to adjust to something different. And I've got Lara Brydon's words ringing in my ears right now around, well, I suppose you're late 40s. She speaks of it as a critical window or a window of opportunity,

actually, is the phrase. She uses both those phrases. And that if you can meet this moment and really address your overall health not see it as oh you know menopause symptoms but address your overall health and it's all the usual culprits you don't have to attend to and what you're doing is not only setting yourself up well for menopause but you're actually setting a new line for your health in your post-menopause years because you've got another 30 odd years of you know living and loving and you know causing trouble in the world and you want to be well to do that and I just love that image of this you know window of opportunity

to to really seize this moment and go okay I'm really going to put in place now something different for my health or practices. And these are practices then for life. Now, I was like you, Sophie, that I suffered with hideous, you know, menstrual, all sorts of health problems, not just my menstrual pain story, in my 30s and so and through my for early 40s and my hand you know my self-care practices were second to none I was so determined to be well and and I've just continued going on you know learning more about health and what supports my body. But do you know what? My menopause, I did not have physical symptoms. My sleep, because I'd had hideous sleep before that, long before then. My sleep was, in my eyes, you know,

you know, it wasn't great sleep, but I was ahead, let me tell you. And so I wasn't great sleep but I was ahead let me tell you and so I wasn't getting neurotic about the sleep I mean I was always wanting to improve it but I was ahead and I actually had no idea what hot flashes were until the end when I was tired from moving countries that was when I started getting not severe ones but mild ones and I I put it I'm so grateful yeah I mean, I would not wish ill health on anybody, but the upside of it was that I'm pretty fierce about my self-care. And I think, so yes, your 40s, if you're starting to experience difficulties, attend to them, attend to them.

Very much like the premenstruum people often notice and I often notice how in the inner autumn and as I approach my bleed I have these repeating surfacing of health issues are cyclical they're cyclical um you know for a long time i used to get sinus pain in my premenstruum or toothache or started feeling you know snotty or bunged up or whatever it was and and this is what's happening in our 40s our resilience is dropping it's like the curtain is parting and our sort of buffer starts to wane and what gets revealed are the deep underlying issues in our system. So that's both on a psychological, emotional level and on a health level.

And all of this is coming up to be tended to in our 40s so that we are lightening our load. We're arriving at menopause having healed and integrated as much as possible we're really wanting to create more coherence a bit a stronger container both physically mentally and emotionally to handle this power because power is it takes a body, you know, it takes wellness to hold power. When we're unwell or tired or it's very hard to hold power, to use power well. So that's really what's happening is again, it's just getting fit for menopause piece. So the report card you're getting is like, right, this is your prescription of what you need to care for. And I just want to really reiterate something here, because this is one of the other

ways that the word perimenopause is being used is really to describe the sort of people talk about them as almost inevitable symptoms that happen as your hormonal system shifts. And in a way it pathologizes all of what's going on here. And we really want to remind people that there is profound meaning in what surfaces at this time. And it's not an inevitable decline that you are a victim of. Not at all.

It's actually a call to step up to greater responsibility for yourself. And the book is full of examples of this, full of stories of people that you've sat in circle with, that you've worked with. It was beautiful to read one of them. And I've got one of them here in front of me, which is Kirstie, a 49 year old Red School menstruality mentor. And she was kind of doubling down on her cycle awareness practice because she was noticing her cycles changing and she said you know because my cycles are shifting around between 19 and 39 days I have to be more on it and she noticed that she was having normal ovulatory four inner season cycles as she knew it but then she was also having in between and

and I can never say this word an ovulatory cycle when an egg wasn't being released and those cycles were leaving her feeling very tired and wired and that she was noticing that her inner seasons weren't working in the same way like they can all happen at any moment in an ovulatory cycle and she said it's like climate change it is climate change you know it's just like inner climate change I love that quote it's so good yeah and I think it points to like this beautiful section in the book where you talk you have these strategies for navigating perimenopause on page 78 and one of them is keep practicing menstrual cycle awareness what i what i love sophie is how you know when i what i love about changing menstrual cycles which is is oftentimes what happens um in the quickening and certainly

the hinterland what i love about it is the practice of menstrual cycle awareness really amps up so when you have a life of predictable cycles you can actually get relatively complacent and start to fool yourself into believing that um well you're in control and that you know that that that things are going to go according to plan. You know, you can actually go relatively unconscious. And the thing with shifting cycles is it wakes you up. Suddenly, you're really having to pay attention because your cycle is guiding you, really guiding you, and it's asking you to come closer in to yourself,

to not let your mind run the show and not fall into, you know, the false fantasy that you're in control. And that's profound preparation for menopause. Yeah, you're actually guided into menopause you're pulled inside something you're inside a process and then coming back to that question of you know is it menopause yet the answer arises it's self-evident you won't be asking the question you'll be in a process and it will feel meaningful even as it may be challenging but you have i want to say a sort of infrastructure for meeting it you have a a sort of that's not the right word but you have a blueprint there's a

yeah blueprint for something so it's not like you're consciously going oh i've got it is you somehow are just in it and you you meet it i suppose there's a certain discipline you have in yourself oh and you lose it of course you lose it i mean you've got to lose it yeah i mean in way, what we're talking about here is how the changes that happen in the quickening are really building our capacity for presence and self-awareness. Yeah. And when you have that presence and self-awareness, you're then connected to the process. You're then connected to menstruality and the intelligence of menstruality holds you. That's that blueprint. It meaningful actually it starts to feel meaningful and um i felt i was in a very meaningful

process you know i was literally in a transition because i got sort of my instructions in inverted commas on what i had to do with my life at 48. And seven years later, I had fulfilled them, you know, and was coming out of menopause the other end at 55. So I had heard something within my being that I knew to be true. And I didn't know how the hell I was going to pull it off, but I set the line. I said, okay, yeah, I don't know how it's going to happen, but I had this kind of trust. so I was in a flow of something and it's like and I

do say this you know and Shani just said it then actually that you know the what she said menstruality is guiding you well what what I often say is that menopause has you menopause actually has your back but you've got to be present and aware to sort of catch the clues and that requires a certain trust and self-acceptance in yourself and you know Shani earlier was talking about you know this kindness she's developing that's growing in her towards herself and um yeah there's a sort of confidence and uh it isn't a super stop confidence probably isn't the right word but a sense of knowing herself and being in something and that's going to get stronger and stronger

so you're going to sort of feel almost not consciously but subtly it's not like you're you know your left brain's gonna go oh yes that is menopause coming in supporting me it's just that your being has a knowing of something has a knowing of something has an and you somehow have the wit to trust that knowing. And I did have the wit to trust it, and I have to give thanks for cycle awareness over the years for giving me that capacity to just go with the clues of my being. And then there would be, for me me there was just so many outer clues I mean the synchronicities were just off the Richter scale they were just so interesting it is interesting and I really want to

name that this kind of trust that you're speaking about or this turning towards ourselves and this kindness is so much easier when we're together with other people who are navigating the same kind of unknown uncertain bewildering experiences and I want to point people to the great awakener well I want to point people to wise power the book and all of the community gatherings we're going to have in the launch of the book but also to the great awakener our online program which is for to support anyone who's in menopause to navigate these to learn about and navigate these five phases of the transition but it is also relevant for people in their later 40s oh absolutely and what's a beauty about this course is you can you know it's almost like you can have a trial run of something.

Because the exercises are giving you insight into your relationship to particular skills or capacities that you're going to need. Then you want to be practicing them now that you really need fiercely going through menopause and insight into the different stages. But because of how we set up the course, can come back you know next year and we've had people come back third year and each time it's particularly the second years but that's third year too they get so much more out of it because they've they've kind of had a year of of living with something having done it once and then they come for the next round and they can go deeper. So it's a course that really keeps on giving. It's really good as a way of bringing you into this trust,

bringing you into yourself and this trust with yourself. I think that would be my biggest intention for the course and i feel absolutely the course delivers on that and the community the togetherness the community around that because it's so affirming hearing all these other stories it's so affirming the other reason it's a really um great thing for people to do in their 40s is because what you're learning about is the phases of initiation and the exercises really deepen you into the skills and awareness to navigate the phases of initiation and that's uh you know we we go through initiations in our life all the time and we go through it every month at menstruation so practicing this through the course in a way you're getting that like that skill bedded down

in your system both for whatever you're facing in your life now but also then you know in preparation for menopause so these are life skills and and post i live by that knowledge now. Postmenopause. Yeah, I know. In terms of meeting, you know, the challenges and things that we're doing, it's powerful skills, tools. Yeah, it's just core. It's core for my care, postmenopause. So final word time.

What would you share as a final word for someone who's in the middle of feeling bewildered and lost and confused and what's going on in the quickening what would you say to help them to hold themselves through this whatever you're experiencing in your 40s and and often it doesn't feel good, it is challenging and confronting. Whatever you're experiencing, I really invite you to dignify it and by that I mean to not see it as bad or wrong or a problem but to get deeply curious about the meaning that's at work and really meet the challenges as an invitation into taking better care of yourself and into taking more responsibility for yourself. I'd like to just add one quick thing.

Well, cycle awareness, just do your cycle awareness. But it's really just a final two words or three words. Take yourself seriously. Take your power seriously thanks for being with us thanks for tuning in all the way through to the end today if you heard something in this episode that you think a friend would benefit from please do share this episode with everyone you know who's navigating this terrain of the quickening. And if you'd like any guidance, support to be held by a global community of like-minded women and people committed to cyclical living, then please do come and explore the Cycle Power course. You can find out all about

it at redschool.net forward slash cycle power, redschool.net forward slash cycle power redschool.net forward slash cycle power all right that's it for this week we'll be with you again next week and until then keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm