The Menstruality Podcast - 226. The Power of No: Menstrual Cycle Awareness and Boundaries (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

One of the most beautiful and practical gifts of menstrual cycle awareness is how it awakens a newfound capacity to know and assert our boundaries. As we track our shifting emotions, mental state and energy levels through the cycle month, we get to know our unique strengths and our limits. This helps to build confidence in ourselves and our nature, so that when we become aware of a boundary that has been crossed, we’re more able to find a skillful way to use the power of NO. So today we’re exploring the power of menstrual cycle awareness for setting boundaries, especially when you’re highly sensitive, in the premenstrual phase of your cycle, and in the years running up to and during menopause, and how this is potentially a life-changing and even world-changing act. We explore:How to work with the inner critic voice that invariably wakes up when we decide to claim a boundary and take care of ourselves. How the initiatory times in our menstruality life arc; like matressense, perimenopause, menopause, illness, loss require even stronger boundaries to hold ourselves through liminal times.Why we all need to re-write the story of the emotional messages of inner autumn as boundary signals rather than irrational outbursts.---Receive our free video training: Love Your Cycle, Discover the Power of Menstrual Cycle Awareness to Revolutionise Your Life - www.redschool.net/love---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @redschool - https://www.instagram.com/red.schoolSophie Jane Hardy: @sophie.jane.hardy - https://www.instagram.com/sophie.jane.hardy

Welcome to the menstruality podcast where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexander and Sharnie, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, change makers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hey, thank you so much for tuning in today. So one of the most beautiful and practical gifts of menstrual cycle awareness

is how it can awaken a newfound capacity to know and claim our boundaries. As we track our shifting emotions, mental state and energy levels, throughout the cycle month, we get to know our unique strengths and our limits. We become more able to hear our yeses and, importantly, our knows. And this helps to build confidence in ourselves, in our nature, so that when we become aware of a boundary that's been crossed, we're more able to find a skillful way to use the power of no. And today on the podcast with Alexander and Shawnee,

we're exploring the power of menstrual cycle awareness for setting boundaries, especially when you're highly sensitive in the pre-menstrual phase of your cycle and in the years running up to and during menopause. And we look at how this power of no is potentially life-changing and even world-changing. Okay, let's talk about boundaries. I'm excited about this one. The power of no. The power of no has been big in my life.

Maybe we'll share our stories throughout this. But let's start with our cycle check-in through the lens of boundaries. All right. Day 13, I'm very much in my inner summer. And I'm feeling good. Like in my body good. My senses feel very alive. And I was thinking this morning, I like to play little games with myself.

And the game I played this morning was, if you were an animal today, what animal would you be? And immediately I'd be, I was like, a horse. It's just something so, I don't know, the physical power and beauty of a horse. I was like, oh, yeah. And then I was like, whoa, interesting. I can also feel the part of me that can be quite unconscious with this energy, in a way the shadow side of this in a summer place.

You know, in terms of the powers that I'm in touch with, I feel really in the flow, time is passing, I've got a lot of energy, I've got a lot of capacity, I feel very in my body, but I can also catch just sort of out of the corner of my eye how this could slip into a sort of obsessive, possessed energy. bit like a racehorse with blinkers on where I could just lose myself down a particular rabbit hole.

And actually that kind of obsessive energy that I can sometimes tap into the in the summer is great when there's a creative project or something very worthy of that kind of focus and deep flow. But I was noticing myself falling down into things that are not. generative or creative and getting a little bit kind of possessed and obsessed. So in terms of boundaries today, it's to do with creating mental boundaries about around where I put my attention. Yeah, I have to be very deliberate and choiceful around what I put my attention on because there's so much energy in my system. The moment I put my attention on, it's bull's eye.

and I'm away. So yes, I'm needing to practice boundaries around my own thoughts, where my attention is, yeah, and what I let my energy go towards and go into. Right, because wherever it goes, it's like that wild horse just gallops that way. Wow. Yeah, exactly. It was putting a lot of power behind it. So I want to check in through the lens of boundaries, but I also like the animal game as well.

I feel like a bird because my mind is moving fast. I'm on day six. And I'm also coming out of a cold. So I've been like down with low energy from my bleed and low energy from this cold. And now I'm like, I'm back. Life is good again. But I feel like a flock of birds because my energy and thoughts are very dispersed at this time in the cycle. But it does feel a bit more like, you know, like a murmuration of starlings.

So there's like so, you know, sometimes a hundred. of them, but they are all moving. They're all kind of responding and moving with each other. So not often does this happen in my life, but I feel quite, you know, all moving in the same direction, but it's a good feeling. And when I think of boundaries, my mind immediately goes to my relationship with my son, Artie, who's five now. And how difficult I find it to help to hold the boundaries that he needs me to hold, to be

like the grown-up adult person that decides what. is okay and what isn't okay because I see a lot of grey areas in everything. It's just part of my nature. So this morning I was very good at playing his new favourite game, which is we just invent city names for each other and just bat them back and forth. But when it was like, it is time to go to school, you need your shoes on. We must brush your teeth. I wasn't very good at that bit because I'm just feeling, yeah, so light and airy and playful. But that is my boundaries quest for my life. It's like how to show up as the grown up in my relationship with my son. The boundaries were strong for me growing up and I'm resisting that. I'm like, no,

no, the kid needs boundaries. Come on. How about you, Alexandra? You're making me laugh. This other thing. So what spontaneously happened this morning was, it's day four of the moon, or thereabouts. And I suddenly had this feeling of, oh, I'm like a creature that's been brought out of hibernation too early. Ouch. And I just thought I'm just like to go back into hibernation for a little while, please. Thank you very much. Yeah, because you've had a big couple of weeks because with the Oracle event.

Yes, we came back and sort of had to get right into it instantly. Yes. And, you know, it's the dark moon and we've just come through. and I felt very permeable and kind of lost to the world. I don't mean lost to myself, but lost. Oh, that makes me teary saying that. But really, gosh, that's really got me that. But I wasn't lost to myself.

I was very in myself. I was very raw and alone. And I wanted silence. And actually the truth is, that's what I want to stay with. That's the hibernation thing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't feel sturdy enough yet. And then I've got this very, you know, steady kind of focused.

I know what my business is, you know, in the world. That helps. It's really good just knowing, you know, what I'm made for. So in terms of boundaries today, mine are very focused around physical boundaries, just really feeling the limits of my physical capacity to do things and what I have to do to stay within my physical boundaries, my energy boundaries, my nervous system boundaries,

my blood sugar level boundaries, just really basic, really in my body boundaries. Yeah. You use the word basic, but that sounded so. such like such a powerful, comprehensive list of someone who's lived a life of menstrual cycle awareness and knows herself and knows what she needs. That's what I was hearing from what you were saying. Oh, thank you. Yeah. And that's our topic for today really is how menstrual cycle awareness can help us with this big lifetime work of boundaries and how to say no when it's a no rather

than overriding ourselves and just saying yes to everybody. We thought we could kick this conversation off with a story from someone in our community, Rebecca. So she says, boundaries alongside wonderful menstrual cycle awareness has been the most helpful and also the most difficult thing that is supporting me on my healing journey from a mega burnout. While I'm definitely saying no more to others and yes, more to myself, it's so hard, but also feels so bloody good when I have created space for just me to rest. and do whatever I want to do, however I want to do it. Oh, it feels good.

And then she says, the thing that I struggle with the most is a feeling that I'm asking too much. My needs are too great. And then with that comes a feeling that I'm weak or a failure that I need to ask for this. Rather than getting upset or feeling victimized, which can so often be my way of responding,

I really want to own my beautiful needs, to feel empowered to say no and get to a place where I feel totally respected, wow, for expressing what I need and want rather than that at the moment, feeling more of a burden. I'm so grateful to her for showing this because I can imagine so many people listening

and myself included relate to those feelings of like feeling like I'm asking too much, my needs are too great, that I'm a failure in some way because I need to put a boundary in place. Yeah. Yeah, it's, um, Yeah, so incredibly relatable. And actually Alexandra and I were talking about this this morning because, you know,

setting boundaries is not a one-time thing, you know, and it's not something in a way that I think we ever master. It really is a practice. It's an ongoing learning edge because our needs are always changing and we're in a way deepening into our, ability to claim ourselves, which is really, it's lifelong. Oh, God, yeah. It's really, it's lifelong. So I think it's really helpful to think about boundary setting as a practice rather than a thing you do, you know, as an ongoing learning experiment, like a learning lab, because every

time you play out that experiment, you come up against all the. those kinds of feelings that Rebecca described, which are judgments of ourselves. So that's really helpful to know that this process of boundary setting in a way activates our inner critic. And I mean, that's the first thing you come up against is feeling bad about yourself and all the judgments that you imagine others are making on you and that you are making on yourself. God, it's a lot to hold. No wonder we shy away from boundaries because the moment we draw that line, we've got to deal with the consequence of that. And the inner consequence is, in a way, our first, you know, our first encounter where Rebecca says how, you know, she really wants to own her beautiful

needs and to feel empowered to say no and to get to a place where she feels respected. That's the work of meeting our inner critic, you know, on and on and on every time we set a boundary. It's really also, I mean, at the foundational level, it's the work of menstrual cycle awareness because there's two things happening when you're practicing menstrual cycle awareness. Well, there's lots of things happening actually. So you're in menstrual cycle awareness, you're learning to, you're discovering what your nature is. where your vulnerable areas are. And you are learning this art of pacing your energies.

And the very act of doing menstrual cycle awareness brings in this third thing of it actually organically starts to build a confidence in who you are. This is actually really important in terms of being able to say, and dealing with the fallout of it, both within yourself, as Sharnie was describing, with your inner critic, but also in disappointing people.

And I really understand Rebecca's situation because that was me dealing with severe chronic exhaustion. And I, you know, it was well known amongst my friends for letting them down, but I didn't know it that. This was years and years and years ago, and I didn't have the understanding I have now. And that awful, just knowing, feeling completely overwhelmed

and I'm able to do something, but simultaneously judging myself and not being able to, and not being able to explain to them what was going on. I just looked like I was permanently letting them down. But, you know, nowadays, I mean, I still have the highly sensitive nature. I still have very singular needs. and as I get older, the things I simply can't do at certain times. I have to pace everything.

But now I know who I am. And it's much easier now for me to assert my needs and to be able to, but there's always a slight edge there, by the way, every time, because I don't want to. I want to fit in. I want to go with the flow. It's so interesting. But menstrual cycle awareness, it has, it, it, it, it,

weaves you into yourself and to the point where it becomes in a way non-negotiable to your own spirit to compromise, to go against that boundary. And Alexandra, when you talk there about your very natural longing to go with the flow and in a way to be limitless and all things to all people and always able and always up for it. What that had me referred to. reflecting on was how the practice of cycle awareness in a way is an antidote to that kind of thinking where more is always better. Yes. And that whatever there is is never enough.

FOMO. Yeah, exactly. Mensual cycle awareness is really an antidote to that because when you think about the menstrual cycle and the experience of moving through the menstrual month and the four distinct phases that you move through. The phases are distinct. Each one is their own cosmos, their own inner season, as we like to call them. And because of that, there is, you know, a beginning, a middle and an end to each phase, and therefore a boundary that we move through. Yeah. So the inner seasons in a way create limits is another way of saying it.

So the whole experience of traveling through the menstrual month is on some level. It's a practice in pacing our energy and honoring the limits that we meet in each inner season. Each inner season has got extraordinary powers, but also there are limits to those powers. And those have to be honored in order to access the powers. So you're in a real masterclass here with the cycle. It's like a, it's a containing thing to be the menstrual cycle. I remember looking back to my 20s especially, I just felt like I was just careering around the world,

careening, careering, careening around the world with just boundless, you know. And then I discovered menstrual cycle awareness in my late 20s and then really practiced it in my 30s and now I'm really established in my 40s. and I feel like I'm held all the time. I feel like I know where I'm at in the world. I know where I'm at in myself. So coming back to what you were saying, Alexandra, there are actually very few things I say yes to these days

in terms of things I'm putting in my diary because I just know what my capacity is now. And then it stops me from letting people down because I'm just like, I've got one evening over the next two weeks that I can do something. I'm going to choose that thing to do. so I'll say yes to that person or that thing. And yeah, it's that containing, stops me from spilling over.

And funnily enough, with all that careening around, I burn out, you know, because energy was just spilling over the edges all the time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because the cycle and in the seasons teach us there's a time and place for things. There's a time for activity. There's a time for rest. And it's in the honoring of that that we create this sustainability in this well-being.

So I love your story, Sophie, because it's true, actually, the limits in a way are what create our well-being and help to fortify us and bring us deeper into ourselves. Yeah. So in terms of leadership, like if we're wanting to step into leadership in our lives and the different roles that we have, being able to lean back on the containment of these seasons, it means we can, we have control over our yeses and our nose.

Oh, it's so good. It's so exquisite. And I think that the thought that I'm holding right now as you're speaking is that when we practice this kind of deliberateness around our energy and what we're up for and not up for, we're giving permission to others. I remember once, this was in a, we were doing a training, a in-person training. And someone was having, you know, it was distress. She was in a distress space. And it was just before lunch. El Muggins here has to take care of blood sugar levels.

But I couldn't just force, I could say, sorry, darling, got to have lunch, you know. Of course, I couldn't do that. I had to be with her. And I took some time with her and sort of we got some sort of, you know, soothing and so on. And then I said to her very firmly and directly, I said, I need to take care of. of myself right now because my blood sugar levels are struggling. And so I'm actually going to have to step away and go and get my lunch. And I said, can you hold this?

And she looked up at me and she said, oh, wow, that's amazing. Because there was a line I knew I could not cross around my energy because I was running this, you know, this whole thing. Well, I mean, it wasn't just me, but, you know, I was, yeah. And I couldn't afford to go down. No. So it was a really interesting moment of meeting her and supporting her and then realizing I couldn't abandon myself.

And I said to her, I'm very happy to come back and spend a little bit more time with you later on. it's such a beautiful example of a very loving boundary that creates clarity and also gives everyone responsibility and agency. You know, what's interesting around boundaries is boundaries will out regardless of whether you're up for saying yes or no, we have to remember that. And it'll come out as reactivity or it'll come out as illness in some way. So boundaries, you know, boundaries will make themselves known or that you have crossed your boundaries.

will just make themselves known. And what menstrual cycle awareness is doing is, as I said earlier, you're really learning about yourself, your own nature. And this is really important for highly sensitive people who can't just willfully just push on because they just can't. It's impossible. So it really supports those kind of people

to recognize their nature and to know what their limits and so on are. But it's also doing this really important thing of building this inner confidence in one's own nature. This is for me the centrepiece of menstrual cycle awareness. It's building this confidence in who one is so that when the boundaries start prickling, you know, one out, you know, you can be more congruent when you, because I discover boundaries by crossing

them, you know, that's generally how I discover my boundaries. I thought, oops, yep, gone too far. But because of this kind of self-awareness of myself, I like to think I'm better at articulating my no rather than reacting. I know sometimes, sometimes when I have crossed a boundary, it comes out as rather a sharp no. Energetically, it's not even that I'm shouting, no, or anything like that. It's just that suddenly people are almost shocked, you know. It's like suddenly, boom, something's shut down and I'm out of there.

And because I haven't been pacing that. So, you know, your boundaries are going to announce themselves. through reactivity. And what menstrual cycle awareness is helping you to do is to come into greater, well, knowledge of yourself

and therefore congruence with your nose so they are less reactive and more aligned. And a congruent know can be heard. And I think that's what happened when I spoke with that woman

on the training was that I felt so congruent. It was just so clear and I felt this calmness in me. So yes, that's really. really important for me. It helps you to speak your nose with greater and greater congruence. And especially as a highly sensitive person, like you named, you know, it's something

I know about myself. And sometimes I've thought, well, I can't follow these big ambitions I have because I'm highly sensitive. I'm just not able to pull them off. What menstrual cycle awareness is done for me is help me understand where my boundaries are so that I can take care of myself really well so that big things do become possible for me, even as my energy definitely runs out and I just need to stop. And the world needs more highly sensitive leaders. It needs more quiet leaders. You know, those people who are like engines that are like train engines. They can just go and go and go and go. My older brother's like that. He's just going on stop. And we need those people too. But there's a lot of those people in leadership. We need the people who are more sensitive, empathic

introverted, intuitive in leadership role. So these boundaries, you know, it's world-changing stuff we're talking about here. It's vital, actually, and is no less effective or potent. And in fact, if you're rather fierce about this, it can be even more important potent because there is, because there is a sensitivity there, because that go-go energy deadens and numbs. You know, there's a shadow side to every type of constitution. And so we need us all. Yeah, I'm really feeling it because just of kind of flipping this whole narrative around what power is and what power looks like.

And actually that regardless of our constitution and nature, we all hold enormous power. And that's what menstrual cycle awareness is doing. is bringing us into our particular kind of genius, our particular kind of power and helping us to have the potency and impact that we are built for, that we're designed for in exactly the way that we're meant to. Yeah, I really, I really love that. And just along this theme around how, you know, speaking about highly sensitive natures in a way that, you know, if you're someone who is highly sensitive, you have less bandwidth.

Your boundaries in a way need to be tighter, firmer. Whereas maybe if you aren't such a highly sensitive person, you might have more leeway, more buffer. Now, what's really interesting is we all actually go through degrees of this through the arc of our lives because when we're younger and we have more energy. For example, when we're in the spring of our menstruating life, in our 20s or in the sum of our menstruating life in our 30s,

we all have that added layer of buffer. And that's why, in a way, the work of boundaries is not quite as pressing and as urgent, I want to say as it is when we come into the autumn and the winter of our menstruating life. So, you know, roughly in our 40s and then in menopause and postmenopause. life. So yes, that's something to really kind of track. Of course, it's also true when we are experiencing illness like chronic fatigue. Then again, we're needing tighter boundaries. So through challenging times in our life and through initiatory times in our life, like I'm also thinking through the metrescence initiation, you know, becoming a mother. It's another moment where boundaries are much

less flexible and kind of need a much more, much, we need much more care in order to hold ourselves through those times of heightened vulnerability. When you don't know what the heck is going on or what's up or down. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And in a way, that's when we're kind of needing them more. We need to come closer in to ourselves.

So all these times of heightened sensitivity or increased liminality or vulnerability, either through our nature or through initiations or challenges we're going through or because we're in this life phase or because we're in the season of the cycle. Yeah. Or all in a way invitations to come closer into ourselves. And that's what our boundaries are inviting us to do. The claiming of our boundaries are inviting us to do. I'm going to pause our conversation for a conversation for a conversation.

couple of minutes to share an invitation with you. You know, it takes time to be able to hear how our cycle is nudging us towards the boundaries that will keep us healthy and well and on track with our lives. And it helps so much to have like-minded community around us. If you're looking for companionship on this menstrual cycle awareness journey to stronger boundaries, Alexander and Shawnee warmly welcome you to explore joining them for this year's menstruality leadership. program. Every year, an extraordinary circle of support forms itself made up of women and folks who are passionate about living from their cyclical intelligence. There are still a few places left. And if you're feeling called, there's a seat with your name on it. You can find out all about

the program at menstrualityleadership.com. And here's a story from Ruby May about her experience of the program. And then we'll get back to our conversation with Alexandra. I remember when I received the invitation to apply for the menstruality leadership training and like the full body all cells tingling yes that I experienced it was like so clear that this is something that I have to do and I remember so clearly that that excitement was also about tuning into the place that the invitation came from because I could sense that it came from such a deep and wise an embodied place. And that that was so refreshing in a world that just feels full of different courses and

information and all these different things that you can do. And I could just sense that, wow, this is something really different. And I'm afraid I will sound a bit like a menstrual missionary saying this. I am a bit of a menstrual missionary. But it has changed my life in such beautiful, subtle yet. deeply impactful ways. And some of that is through the guidance of Shawnee and Alexandra, who just embody this wisdom and facilitate in a way that is just such a pleasure to experience. But a lot of it is also from the sense of being held in a community, having peers around me on a

similar journey and being held in a movement, no, because it feels like that these teachings and and this this work is very much in emergence through a movement and unfolding that is happening on our planet. And there's something very supportive about the sense of being held through that. and something so exciting about taking the time to let things kind of percolate and integrate. And, you know, this is no like weekend workshop or short-term fix. It's like, really, it's like a lifelong commitment now. It's like planting seeds that will then blossom for years and years and years to come. But to then find that wave of creativity that then is like, yes, I'm really.

ready to start sharing this with the world and to just feel yourself as part of this movement and see the results and see how this work is not only touching women in such amazing ways in their self-care, in like what they're available for, where they want to draw their boundaries, their ways that they show up in the world, but I can see. how it's really creating like a paradigm shift in the way that we relate. And so as an activist, and I am so grateful to feel like I get to be part of the puzzle and find my unique way to share this and am ever in gratitude for the Red School for being such a catalyst on the start of my journey. Okay, speaking of particular seasons and boundaries then,

at the time of the cycle when maybe most of us, not everyone, but maybe most of us feel our boundaries shout themselves more loudly, which is in the pre-menstrual phase of the cycle, in autumn. And we've got a really beautiful story from Rachel about her pre-menstrual boundary setting. She says, Today I'm on day 26 and I felt that I was more vulnerable and raw and ready to cry. Knowing that was where I was at helped me to tend to myself better throughout the days as I got extremely triggered. I told someone to stop talking. I walked away from two situations. I took time to care for myself emotionally.

I cherished the hurting parts of myself. I was kind but firm with my inner critic. Well done. and I spoke up for myself. Holding a boundary was as much about what I gave myself within bounded space and time, emotionally and in outreaching to people, as much as it was creating a boundary externally through what I said no to. And it led to a softer no and moments of repair in a relationship where there never had been repair like that. Wow.

So I was just thinking about Rachel's, you know, had come into a deep congruence with herself through cycle awareness. And she had such a precise understanding of where she was in her cycle, you know, the nature of the place she was in in her cycle. She's really learnt how to pace and care for herself in this stage of the cycle. It was the level of self-awareness and holding she had that allowed her then to make these choices. And what I'm hearing in her words is a congruence with herself so that when she spoke her no to, this softer no to someone, because there's the congruence at work.

Some, a magic started to happen with a relationship that was struggling and, you know, some repair happened. I find that rather wonderful, actually, just through honoring this kind of deep respect of where one's at and honoring that and being bounderied and how that elicited a real shift with someone. That's what got me. Yeah. Yeah, we sometimes forget that boundaries are generative. They're actually creative.

There's something around dating what we want and need that shifts the axis of our dynamic with someone or our relationship with someone and can be very, very generative. Yeah. So in a way, that's what I'm hearing. The boundary illuminated something and kind of opened up the space between them for their relationship to evolve. And that is ultimately actually what our boundaries are doing. They're supporting evolution both within us. So in the way I spoke about earlier, every time we set a boundary, we're in a personal developmental process of learning to take our own side

and take responsibility for ourselves. So we're all evolving, maturing, growing up in the process. But also every time we set a boundary with another, there's the, it's creating the possibility for our relationship to evolve and for both parties to take more responsibility and to step up to something new together. So yes, it's very generative, the boundary. Particularly when it comes through in that very skillful way that Rachel brought through there, because let's be honest, that's fairly rare and very highly skilled.

Yeah, yeah, very true. Can I just say, Rachel is a graduate of the menstruality leadership program and is on our menstruality apprenticeship and is very, very deep into practicing cycle awareness, which I think has a lot to do with it. It's a wonderful example of someone being very grown up. Yeah, bringing a lot of wisdom to it, a lot of embodied, lived wisdom. And she actually went on to say in her quote,

I was deep in the dark arts, a lot of interception. So it feels important to tease that out because there's a skill that she's bringing, one of the menstruality leadership skills that you teach on the program that she's bringing to bear here. Because the dark arts is like your fun name for these 12 menstruality leadership skills that you teach. Hang on 12 or 13. No, it's 12, but we play with the 13th one. It's really, it's 12 plus the 13th fairy. Okay.

And the 13th fairy is the critic. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. So we have 12 dark arts and a 13th fairy. I like that. And this interception, this skill is so vital for being able to set boundaries. We've kind of been talking about it throughout the first.

conversation, but this capacity to feel what's going on inside ourselves and then make a decision from that place is vital to being able to set boundaries, isn't it? Absolutely. And this is what menstrual cycle awareness is doing. Every time we do a cycle check-in and notice the place we're in, we're practicing interception. We're really feeling our interior state and noticing how we are so that we can track how our mood and energy and needs are shifting. Yeah, so Rachel had knowledge both of where she was in her cycle, the pre-menström, and a deep understanding of how this phase is feedback. You know, this is the place in the cycle where we really get feedback about our own needs

and the places and ways that we have given ourselves to others or have crossed our boundaries. that really comes into sharp focus. And that knowledge, in combination with this menstruality skill, of really listening deeply to ourselves and staying connected to ourselves, yeah, is very, very core to being able to set the boundary congruently as she did. Go, Rachel. Amazing story. I feel like this brings us naturally to the autumn of the autumn of

the menstruating years that you were talking about earlier, Sharnie, how in our 40s in the quickening or, you know, this time of, it's sometimes called perimenopause, oh, how boundaries become ever more vital and sort of readily expressable within us, maybe much to the dismay of everyone around us. And there's a story from Lauren here that I'd love to share. I'm in my mid-40s now, I've been practicing cycle awareness for about three years, and it's definitely taught me about boundaries. I'm way more adept at listening to the emotional messages of autumn and understanding them as boundary signals rather than irrational outbursts. Can we just say that again? Okay. I'm way more adept at listening to the emotional messages of autumn and understanding them as

boundary signals rather than irrational outbursts. Yes. Definitely yes. When one's feeling the reactivity rise up, and it is such a clear signal that we have compromised ourselves in some ways. And so rather than judging ourselves for, you know, you might want to apologise if you have sort of just murdered somebody. It doesn't happen to me every month.

You've just taken someone out. You might want to go back and apologise. But, you know, a way of dignifying, because I know that being reactive can feel very undignified, actually afterwards. Well, I can feel that. But it is, you know, to sort of claim it as, wow. Wow, that is such a clear signal.

And I think what, of course, as you come into your 40s, you've got more grit in your system now. So I think you've got way more capacity for being gritty with your boundaries and clearer about them. But it's so important to when you feel that reactivity to see it in this way. And the more that you do that, I think the more you will be able to. to be more direct and gritty rather than reactive. When you are feeling, you know, you can feel the reactivity rising in you. And, you know, if you're doing cyclone awareness, you'll be able to really, you know, you do have capacity, you'll feel that sort of awareness in you

and a kind of determination to sort of meet that charge and ride that charge, be present to that charge. I mean, if that charge is coming out, you better be riding it rather than letting it ride you. Because, yeah, you are going to, you're not going to be loved. We do get more difficult in our 40s. And so we're not always loved, but the more that you're riding that charge,

the more you will feel the sort of, the dignity. in yourself and kind of the depth that you're, that grounding you're going to have in yourself. It's huge. Those, the years of your 40s are really very big growing up this. It's all about preparation for menopause. Oh, because my God, at menopause, you hit the big no, the really big no.

And if you haven't worked your nose in your forewomenes, in your 40s, that big no is, it's actually, I think it's too big, it's too much. Yeah, it's huge. It can, it's a huge power. It's a massive power and it's the power of powers you need to get through menopause. But if you haven't sort of built somewhere with all in you to be able to take responsibility for the power of that no, you are gifted menopause. then it's not so great, and I won't say any more about that. I'm thinking of how it's quite good for us to do weights in our 40s. And how like every time you lift the weight, no, no, no, just use it as a no workout as well as a muscle workout.

It's also making me think of, I mean, all the brilliant people who are rewriting the story of menopause, you know, from boundary. signals rather than irrational outburst. It makes me think of Melanie Sanders from the We Do Not Care Club. It's just the way that they are rewriting the story of, actually, no, I'm not going to do this anymore. And that's just the way it is. So if anyone needs some cheerleading and support, go and find Melanie Sanders on Instagram. I'm enjoying the We Do Not Care Club for everyone in perimenopause and menopause.

celebrating the no. So powerful. I mean, it is a power. It's an incredible power. And in a way, what menstrual cycle awareness is doing is really growing you into a maturity to handle that power because Shani spoke about the generative power of it. And I think we'll come to that in a moment

with the next story actually around calling, which was a hugely, it's a wonderful story. So it's not only generative, but actually, it builds intimacy. And you heard that in Rachel's story. For that repair to happen in that relationship, there must have been some greater closeness between them, greater vulnerability.

And I think the no is a radical, radical power that can generate and also build. Well, it builds realness, and realness leads to the potential for greater intimacy. Yeah. But you've got to know how to use it. Yeah.

And it's not easy. I'll just complete Lauren's story because she shares, she says some beautiful pieces about how this is hard. She says, of course, actually putting those boundaries into place is a lot harder

than just acknowledging what they are. It's a constant exercising of the no muscle that is required. Yeah. That's the takeaway from this podcast. Work your no muscles. Sometimes I get it right.

often I don't. I find myself now in perimenopause and each month I seem to wait a day or two longer for my bleed. It's almost as if my cycle is saying to me, hey, just a reminder, I'm not going to be here much longer to remind you to be true to you. Not many more of these physical reminders of the importance of your boundaries. So get to honoring them. I love that. I just love that. There's such intimacy in there and of course, wonderful humor. humor saves the day. Yes, yes. Okay, moving on to the next story then that you were speaking about Alexandra of how this power of no and boundaries can help us when we're living our calling, living our genius, following our purpose in life. Charney, do you feel like sharing Rose's story?

Yeah, I'd love to read it. When Rose shared her story, I was just, I was both inspired, but also just felt such a massive yes in my being. I was like, wow. So Rose, who's also one of our menstruality apprentices, she, this was some time back, she was working on a sailboat as a first mate in a training position where the training was given as reimbursement for her work. And it was really full time in the fullest sense, living aboard the boat. She had a deck crew to manage. She had a skipper above her who owned the business and the boat. And it quickly became clear that the skipper had expectations of her ability and of her character. And he wanted her to lead like him, i.e. with overt strength, with commanding power, you know, taking charge.

But rather than nurturing Rose and really kind of cultivating her comfort, to do that. He would dismiss her and, you know, intimate that she was a weakling and so on. Sounds actually really tough. Sounds horrible. So she writes, when we were sat sitting around the table, eating lunch one day, and at this point, things were really awfully bad, and I'd become pretty physically unwell from the stress. It was like hitting rock bottom. I suddenly realized while I sat there, I could just leave. So I said no, and I left the job. And then she went off, I love this, and bought her own boat,

something she had wanted for a long time, this gorgeous bright red boat, okay, bright red boat called Defiance. I mean, how's that for a name? And that boat led to a film project, which became much bigger than she expected. She landed up touring it around the UK and had international screenings. And in the film, she is sailing defiance. And actually, that led eventually to a changing career for her because she realized she really needed to find her own way, her own genius.

And in that, she discovered Red School and came and did the menstruality leadership program. And she writes about how that helped her to cultivate trust in really all aspects of who she is, including and especially her sensitivity and her belief in them in the leadership, in a different way of leading and being in the world. And she says how the menstruality leadership program will, also helped her to find direction in the next chapter of her life, which she's very much journeying in now. I mean, that's really a story and a half.

It's just wonderful how, what I particularly love is how that inner voice spoke. Actually, that really got me. And we've all got that in us, actually. that there is something in us that will ultimately not let us abandon ourselves, you know, that speaks. So out comes just thought, I could just leave. So the no was birthed from within her, so potent. Yeah.

It was like her deep guiding self, you know, knew about the sort of bigger plan of her life. if you like, her wild power if you like, you know, spoke to her, even though she was unaware of all this work. She was connected into something and she heard herself, her deep self talk and in following that impulse, she generated something completely wonderful for herself. I mean, you know, a whole new, exciting chapter opened up. has really put her on this path of something of liberating her. Yeah. Or even more.

I wouldn't want to say that Rose is not liberated. Defiance, the big red, the fias. I mean, it's the coolest name. Yeah. I feel, I think there was more that Rose shared, and I feel like I remember her saying that she was sort of tuned into a patterning that she had recognized for a long time in her life of not,

having confidence in herself. And my experience of the premenstrual phase, especially of the cycle, is that there are these nudges and they're often quiet but very persistent of something's wrong. This isn't right. This doesn't feel good. And I think what menstrual cycle awareness helps us to do is not only hear those nudges, but take them seriously. I think that's such a good point, Sophie. I mean, I'm really curious now to know, what phase of cycle Rose was in when she suddenly heard that I, you know, I could just leave and said no, because it's true. You can feel or, you know, you can be trotting along and, you know, and feeling and just sort of repressing things, but feeling sort of uneasy, uneasy. And this is where the premenstrom comes to save you because you become more permeable and you can't censor. It's where your deep self can burst out. and, you know, often in reactivity, if we're not sort of connected. But that, it's meaningful.

Yeah, it's, it's the gloves are off. That was exactly the phrase was kind of like, yeah, the premenstruing the gloves are off, you know, might have been niggling away, but suddenly it's, you're fully confronted by the thing that is absolutely not okay anymore in your life. Yeah, yeah, that's why the premenstruentrum, is not loved because people disrupt things. They interrupt the status quo. They become difficult.

And it's very inconvenient for all involved. I mean, that was not good for this, the business owner. Yeah, the skipper wasn't happy. Suddenly lost his first mate. But maybe it made him think about the way he runs. So much for control, mate. Yeah. Yeah, because these boundaries, they can change things as we spoke

earlier, not just for ourselves personally, but for the people around us and the world at large. And this beautiful message came in from Olga in the Red School community. And she said, how are we, those of us who hesitate to uphold clear and consistent boundaries, unintentionally sustaining the very same systems of dominance that we long to dismantle? Can we dare to believe, even against all odds, that by standing firmly in our truth and honouring our limits, we are helping the world recalibrate, that slowly gently the collective will begin to return to its natural rhythm and sacred order.

What if saying no is one of the biggest parts of our purpose? Now the real question is, can I be brave enough to follow through? That is really profound. I mean, those questions are, I feel silenced or not, silenced in a bad way, just quietened, sober, just I feel the power in it, yeah. And the thing is, and I can give you no evidence for this, you know, I can't pull out evidence. I firmly believe that we can through our nose, our boundaries, restore, return. to a more human, loving, respectful, rhythmic way of living that honors life, all life,

honors the order of nature. I feel it profoundly in my bones, which is why I do this work. It's what's, that's at the heart of what drives me is, I believe profoundly. in the power of this work to change our relationship with life. And I've always seen it as like cathedral building. You know, cathedrals took generations to build. So you'd be a stone mason working on some tiny part of it. I mean, if we look at our magnificent cathedrals today, I mean, really, how the fuck?

How the fuck did that happen? And, you know, you're a stone mason or, yes, you carve her in some way, a carpenter or something. And you're just working on just some small little part of it. And, yes, you never get to see the hole. But, yeah, the cathedral somehow gets built. So it's a deep feeling I have. So my answer is yes. My answer is no.

And that's my final answer. It says the woman very deeply immersed in the quickening right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a woman right on the door of menopause. She might be giving two fingers up to the world right now. Well, all power to everyone listening, may you be strengthened in your whatever knows you need to bring forth in your life today and moving forwards. Yeah, it's been a great conversation.

Thanks so much, you too. Thank you. It's been great. Thanks for being with us today. I hope this conversation was inspiring and supportive for you. If you know someone who needs help to claim their boundaries in their life, then please forward this conversation to them. And if you are loving the podcast and you'd like to support it,

one of the best ways you can do that is to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and leave us a review, which I believe you can do on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify. We appreciate it so much. It really helps to make more people aware of the podcast. So that's it for this week. We'll be with you again in a couple of weeks time and until then keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm.