The Menstruality Podcast - Let's Talk to Men about Menstrual Cycle Awareness (Dominick Quartuccio and Bryan Stacey)

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

Menstrual Cycle Awareness (MCA) is life and world-changing for everyone, whether you have a cycle or not. In today's episode, we explore this with Dominick Quartuccio and Bryan Stacey, the hosts of The Great Man Within podcast. They’re a breath of fresh air in a world which can feel full of toxic masculinity. Brave and vulnerable in their desire to break new ground for men and masculinity, they’ve interviewed Red School’s co-founders Alexandra and Sjanie not once, but TWICE. The first interview “A Man’s Guide to the Menstrual Cycle", has since become their most downloaded episode ever! We explore:Innovative, sensitive, simple ways to introduce cycle awareness to your male partner, colleagues, family members or friends, and how to enlist their support to ‘drop your bundle’ in inner winter (menstruation) by giving them a way to ‘be a hero’. How cycle awareness provides a ‘surfboard’ to ride the relationship waves that can happen in inner autumn (premenstruum), and how to bring your truth-speaker in a way that can actually be received.How to have period sex with a male partner, to move through taboos around blood, and cultivate sexual intimacy during menstruation so you can enter the “Holy Grail” together. ---Registration is open for our 2022 Menstruality Leadership Programme. You can check it out here. (https://www.redschool.net/menstruality-leadership-programme-2022)---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @red.schoolDominick Quartuccio: @dominickq

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hey, welcome back. Thank you for tuning in to the Menstruality Podcast. We have been loving getting your feedback about these conversations and hearing how they're

landing for you. Please get in touch with us with your ideas for future episodes. Probably the best way is at red.school on instagram today's conversation is a new one it's a bit of a radical one it's about how we can invite the men in our lives into our menstrual cycle awareness experience so that includes fathers brothers colleagues friends and we also hone in on male femalefemale intimate relationship dynamics when it comes to the menstrual cycle and if this doesn't include your experience we wanted to give you a heads up that we use cisgender and heteronormative language throughout this episode so that you can make an informed choice about whether to listen or not and please know we've

got episodes coming up later in the season where we explore same-sex and gender fluid experiences of relating through cycle awareness. Okay let's get going with how to invite the men in your life into menstrual cycle awareness with Dominic Quartuccio and Brian Stacey. Dominic and Brian are phenomenal. You'll hear from them very soon. They host together the Great Man Within podcast. They are doing incredibly meaningful and powerful work to help men relearn how to think about their masculinity. So Brian is a CEO in the sexual health field. Dominic is a speaker, an author, mastermind, host. And I love on your website, Dominic, that you say that you took a radical sabbatical after your 15 years in the financial world.

And, you know, I said this to you earlier, Dominic, but in a world where there is so much toxic masculinity, you two are a real breath of fresh air I really appreciate the honesty that you bring the vulnerability that you bring to your work the power and how you dare to go into challenging topics and to break new ground and I want to name a couple of those examples up top so that our listeners can get a feel for for who you are um Brian I was looking through your Instagram and I saw that in the wake of the Me Too movement you actually hosted an event called but I'm one of the good guys to challenge whether you really are good guys and what makes

a good guy and how you intend to support women and live as good guys in the future which I absolutely loved and Dominic as I was exploring you I was watching how you amplify the voices of women you know you're regularly sharing the books that you're reading by women and inviting the men that follow you to read them and both of you obviously took the bold move of deciding to interview Alexandra and Sharni for the podcast, not once, but twice. The first time, A Man's Guide to the Menstrual Cycle, and the second, A Man's Guide to Menopause. I would love to start by asking you, what inspired you to make that quite radical move for two men who are hosting a podcast for men? What inspired you to invite Alexander and Sharni? Yeah. Thank you for that beautiful introduction, Sophie. And this is Dominic speaking. I just,

you can get to know my voice and the deep bass voice, the velvety voice that you're going to hear the other man's voice. That's Brian. Okay. So what I would say is, a big part of this, actually, I have Brian to thank for because back when he was running a sexual health company, he entered a lot of spaces that consent, sexual consents conversations, sexual wellbeing conversations where 99% of the audience was women. And we were like the only guys in the audience who were there listening to conversations about the legislations, the policies, the social dynamics, the interactions that women were having with men. And we could hear a lot of gold nuggets and wisdom and perspectives that were starting to open our minds and our hearts and just understanding the vantage point of women in ways that we'd never really been invited into before. And I personally started making an effort around reading books written for and by women, Because if I wanted to consider myself to be an

advocate of women, I couldn't just say that. I had to do my homework and do my research. And so all of this kind of led up to this moment where I was like, hey, Bri, I got a crazy idea. I don't know if I'm out of my mind here, but I'm thinking we should do an episode on the menstrual cycle on our podcast for men. And, you know, Brian, who's always so down for this kind of stuff, he's like, let's do it. And it turned out to be an episode that we thought, I mean, we had a blast recording it. We had so much wisdom that Shawnee and Alexandra dropped on us. And we knew it was a great episode, but I thought, we both thought that most of the men who were listening to our show would pass it over. And it turns out that after 260 episodes of the Great Man Within podcast, by far the most downloaded episode we've ever done is the man's guide to the menstrual cycle. So who knew? Dominic, thank you for that. That was definitely not my reaction was let's do this. While that's usually my reaction,

this one felt like a, I don't know if this is a good idea for a men's podcast. Like, what are we going to title this thing? People are definitely going to just scroll past it. And since that time, Dominic and I have broached a few other subjects that have felt that have felt like maybe we shouldn't be talking about them. And and it's been those topics where we've gained the most understanding and value and perspective and our audience has too. So in retrospect, it's not surprising that this mystery of the menstrual cycle for men is something that men actually wanted to hear about. And I heard that you were actually approached by an Academy Award winning documentary filmmaker who asked you for the audio for a film that he was making. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. I think that he and his partner were listening to

it together and he was so moved by it that he said, hey, I want to grab this audio. We don't know exactly what he has done with that. I think it's still a work in progress. But Sophie, I think the question that I heard you starting to ask was, why do we think that it's such a heavily, why it's our number one most downloaded episode? And I think there's a few answers for it, but one of them is we found that half of our listeners for the show that's dedicated towards men are women. Cause women are very curious about, you know, being a fly on the wall of these deeper conversations that men are having. And when women have listened to the podcast, they end up sharing it with the men

in their lives. And one of the biggest pieces of feedback we got about that episode was how many couples listened to that episode together and how it created so many emotional moments because it was almost like this secret, mysterious world has been decoded for men. And so many of us, we talk about this in the podcast, so many of the men in our lives have been raised to believe the menstrual cycle is something that's none of your business, or it's an impediment to sex, or it's characterized as she's crazy during that time, so avoid it at all costs. All of these really outdated and oftentimes toxic narratives that once it's actually brought out of the shadows and spoken about, it becomes this gateway of superpowered communication and intimacy. And I think that those components of demystification, intimacy, closeness, understanding, and I think we're going to get into this,

what a man's role can be and how he can step into his power and support of the cycle. All of that created this really beautiful mix that people just really seem to want. The podcast is a really safe place too, because the chances of me, even if I had questions about the menstrual cycle or how that pertains to me or my relationship or my partner, well, when is it a safe time to ask? I'm not totally sure. I'm probably not going to pick up a book or go to a class about the menstrual cycle,

but I can sit down for 60 minutes and listen to a podcast about it by myself where there's very little risk. And so I think, Dominic, you said the demystification of this, I think is what it was. And the content in there, as I said, is still something I use to this day. So I like this idea of women using that podcast to send to

their men and say, see, like, take a look at this. So it was a safe environment, I think, for a topic that we usually don't know when to bring up. That's one of my plans actually to drop into the show notes, a link to both of those episodes, because they are such a powerful resource for couples, but also for people who want to share their cycle experience or invite the other men in their lives into their cycle experience. So dads, grandfathers brothers colleagues bosses you know I think it can be a great resource for for all the men all the men in our lives so normally we begin each

episode with a cycle check-in so I was thinking I wonder how we'd do this with Dominic and Brian but I do have a question about it actually actually. And this question comes up fairly regularly, which is, do you experience yourself as cyclical? I'm so happy you asked us this question and didn't pass us by. I just had this conversation with my partner two days ago because I was feeling less energetic. I was feeling less sexual. And I asked her, I said, I think I'm in my winter. And I'm not fully sure if that's backed by biology or not. There's also some behavioral things going on. I wasn't working out as much as I usually do. But that was the question for me. So are we cyclical? I definitely notice that I have peaks and valleys when it comes to energy and sexuality and interest even. I don't know if that's based on behavior, if that's based on what I'm eating,

if it's based on anything else. But I do wonder that question. I do have that question. Yeah, Sophie. And I wonder that as well. I mean, one of the things that I've come to admire about the four seasons of the cycle is the winter phase, right? The bleed and the intuition, the deep intuitiveness where the armor starts to fall away, the veil between the ordinary world and this deeper, I guess you can almost call it like higher ground to get guidance and wisdom. I don't feel like I have access anywhere near what I've heard described from Shawnee,

Alexandra, from the women in my life who really practice menstrual cycle awareness. So, I mean, if I do experience a cycle, I would probably call it much more like my energy flows go up and down, but I don't think I experience anything like the four seasons of the cycle as they've been outlined in Wild Power and what we learned about from Shawnee and Alexandra. So then moving on on since you are in connection with women in your lives and people who menstruate in your lives that are experiencing a cycle I'd love to hear you speak about how how understanding more about cycle awareness about the inner seasons about the different states of consciousness and energy that can happen throughout the cycle. How has that changed your relationship with the women or the people who menstruate in your lives? Brian, do you mind if I jump into this one?

Please do. Okay. Okay. Okay. So this is a story. So I'm very excited to answer this. I'm actually excited because there's a really recent story about this, Sophie. Tuesday, I work out every Tuesday with my trainer. And on Tuesday morning, she's high octane, super high energy, always comes and kicks my butt. And that morning, three days ago when she showed up, I could sense that she was much more tender and there was a softness to her. And withdrawn is not the right word, but she was definitely within herself. And so I just noticed a difference in energy.

I didn't think anything of where she was in her cycle, but I just noticed her energy was different. And I just started asking her questions like, hey, how did you sleep last night? How are you feeling? And she doesn't know that I'm first on the menstrual cycle awareness. And so she started to kind of tiptoe towards, I started my period last night. And when she shared that with me, I was like, ah, you're talking to the right guy. Like, thank you for sharing that with me, I was like, ah, you're talking to the right guy. Like, thank you for sharing that with me. And, and she's just started to say, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm feeling a little bit less, which she said was, I apologize that I'm not myself today. Right. And, and I said, oh, we're not apologizing for anything. Right. Like we are, you are more yourself today. You know, like you are as much

of yourself today as you always have been. And this is, let's just welcome what is. And I feel that you're, you know, you're tender. I feel your softness. This is awesome. We were actually supposed to, as part of kind of like a thank you to her for all the training she's done for me. I was actually supposed to film her doing some workouts and some exercises at the end of our workout together. And so that allowed me to ask, are you still feeling up for that? Do you want to be in front of the camera today? And it turns out she didn't. She was like, I'm feeling kind of sensitive or insecure about my physical appearance. And I don't feel like I want to put on the performance. And I was like, great. We'll do that when you're ready.

Maybe, you know, I hear spring is right around the corner, you know, like we'll, we'll, we'll hit it then. And she was just like, oh my God, you know, like this is, this is amazing. And, and I actually just shared with her how I knew about this stuff in the four seasons of the cycle and the red school. And she wasn't versed about menstrual cycle awareness, even to the extent that I've been because of the education that I've received from you all. And she was just like, can you send me the book? Can you send me the podcast? And she was just like, thank you. I feel really safe in your presence. And so that I thought was a really beautiful,

relevant and recent example of how I was able to meet someone who's not even a romantic partner in my life. That's such a beautiful moment to hear. I feel like I can feel the sense of relief in the bodies of our listeners right now to hear a man say, no, actually, I think you're more yourself right now. Oh, wow. Thanks, Dominic. How about you, Brian? Now, Sophie, is there a limit to that?

I mean, something that we had a fun laugh about on the last podcast was like maybe when not to bring this sort of stuff up. And Dominic, it sounds like you had an existing relationship with this person and you noticed something and picked it up. And that's a beautiful thing to do. And I've often wondered, how do I bring this up? Is this something to tread into or not? Or can we just be aware of what's clearly around us? And Dominic, that's a great example of how to do that. Your energy seems a little lower today or what have you. So maybe we'll get into that in a moment.

But one thing that I've noticed is I played stories in my head when a woman in my life felt different. And the story went went uh-oh maybe they're on their period right now i need to back off i need to avoid um that meant that i couldn't listen uh it meant that that maybe i wouldn't i wouldn't partake in activities with them. I don't mean sexual, but kind of invite them into meetings or have deeper conversation because I was in that avoidant mode. And what I've learned since the podcast is this, a willingness to be open and to hear. And what I've learned during those time periods where a partner of mine has been in their winter cycle has been, forget all the personal development in the world. If we as guys, and if I can listen, even if it's hard to hear, even if there's 1% truth in what's being said, it is so, so valuable

for me. And I've unlocked some big things in my life that a partner has brought to me while in that part of their cycle. So something that I used to avoid completely is now something that I try my best to embrace and learn from. I'd like us to go through actually like season by season, how women can bring their cycle experience to the men in their lives and to ask you, you know, from lots of different angles, the best ways in, you know, cause this is a precious experience. This is a precious opportunity we have here with you to, you know, because this is a precious experience. This is a precious opportunity we have here with you two, you know, you two are cycle aware, you are interested, you're passionate, you're open, you're curious, which I just I'm so grateful for. And I think, you know, I want to ask

lots of questions that the women in our audience are asking, but don't wouldn't necessarily want to ask the men in their lives, you know. So is that okay? Can we just get into it? Of course. Please. That's why we're here. So I'm not going to go so much into inner summer and inner spring, like preovulation, ovulation,

because not always, but those tend to be the easier realms to navigate in relationship. We're in the via positiva as Alexander and Shani teach, which is often a bit more palatable to the world. So I think we're going to focus more on autumn and winter and we'll see if we get round to spring and summer. So if we start in a winter in menstruation you know as you've learned from alexandra and sharni as you've seen in your experience if we have time and space at this phase of the cycle we can access renewal visioning clarity direction both for ourselves and for the people that that we love

and that we care for but in lives with lots of responsibilities we often need support to actually have the time and space so one question that comes up a lot in our community is how do we invite or how do we enlist the support of the men in our lives to actually just drop our bundle and rest for a few hours or even a day? What would be the best way into that? Well, I think the masculine loves, and I can speak certainly for myself here, I love to be a hero. Sometimes that's great and sometimes that's awful um but i think this is an opportunity to for for women to allow guys to to play that role to to be the hero and i think where that starts sophie is is just in the languaging i know what's been really helpful with my partner and i

is just being i love your term cycle aware and being able to state like where we're at for some reason, being able to say something that's very familiar to a summer, spring, autumn, winter has been really helpful. And it cues me, it cues me to think about our dynamic a little bit differently. And so my partner doesn't have to ask like, hey, can you take the trash out? Could you, could you, could you take this off my plate? Instead, it's hey, wintertime. And I know that's my that's my cue that, hey, that maybe needs a little more support here. And so I think that that's where that's where it begins.

It's just what does that mean? What does winter mean? And how can I really be supportive in that? We got to this at the end of our last podcast, like what, how guys can be supportive in these different seasons. And I've gone back to that podcast and listen to it. I've gone back to my notes that I took during the podcast. And I literally just try those things. I experiment with it.

And so it becomes a fun little, okay, no, she's in her winter. Let me see what I can do here. And by no means am I an expert or great at doing it, but she can tell. She can tell when I'm sitting there trying to do a part while she's in that cycle.

Thanks. I wanted to repeat back what I've hearing from you, Brian, is it's important to share about the inner seasons to actually share what it means to be in winter. And then instead of being specific and saying, I need you to do this, this, this and this, which can feel like micromanaging or controlling. I have heard I have been told by my man. That's what it feels like. Instead, it's about saying, you know, this is how, this is how I am. This is how I'm feeling. And that creates an opportunity or a doorway for the man in the relationship to be the hero, to step in and to support. That's right. And don't forget to sell this a little bit because there are, I feel like we're talking about the, what could be perceived as the negative effects of being in winter.

And there's a lot of positive effects of being of being in winter. There's also a lot of positive effects of being in spring and summer. And so by being aware and us as guys, Dominic mentioned earlier in this podcast that I did a lot of work with women and talking about consent in the sexual health space. And I got to be honest, I didn't do any of that because I'm a great guy or because I'm altruistic. I did that because I was running a sexual health company and I need to understand my customer. Now I learned a lot in that process. It brought me to new perspectives and we can do the same thing with guys. There's certain things that guys like want, they want to understand their partners. They want to be able to communicate better. Maybe they want to learn how to like when to sexually explore, when to be the hero. And so don't shy away from these

benefits that each cycle brings that a guy, if he can tap into, becomes a better partner. Yeah. And Sophie, the thing I would add on top of everything that Brian said, which I absolutely validate a hundred percent is the way that the four seasons have been outlined. It hits right to the heart of what a lot of men need in order to have structure, which is, oh, okay. This thing that has been behind a veil, behind the curtain. Oh, it's four seasons. I can wrap my brain around winter, spring, summer, and fall. And then I can, oh, these are some of the characteristics that, you know, let's say not all women, but maybe, or people, you know, when my winters come, sometimes I just want to hibernate. And what I desire more than anything in the world is for my man to protect my borders, right? Like when the outside world is making phone calls or demanding my time or my inbox is piling up or people, the kids want my attention. When my man steps up and he protects my borders, then he's my hero. And like Brian said, that word hero, there is a part of seducing your partner into his

best self. For me, what would feel good, like Sophie, you had mentioned, it's not just the outlining all the tasks or the specifics. I feel like a micromanager, but it's like, honey, would you be my hero and just stand guard at my gates while I go back here and I, you know, I take time for myself, you know, you'd be my hero. And for me, it's like, I will lay down in the road for you. I will take bullets. I will, I will, I will, you know, fend off dragons for you with that kind of, uh, with that kind of request. What would it look like to share about the seasons with, with your man? Like how, how could you sort of paint a picture, you know, for anyone that's listening who's thinking, you know,

I've never really talked to my partner about this. I would love to. How can I begin the conversation? How can I get into this? To be honest, the easiest way, I believe, is if you were to listen to the episode where Shawnee and Alexandra break this down season by season on our podcast, like I've never heard it or seen it outlined so beautifully, so succinctly with such rich detail. So the invitation that I might make is instead of putting all of that work on your

shoulders, like, hey, honey, let's sit down and let's spend 45 minutes or 50 minutes, however long that episode is, instead of watching Netflix tonight, will you sit down with me and listen to this episode? And let's just hear two experts who have dedicated their lives to breaking this down articulately, beautifully, whimsically, painting pictures. That would be my piece of guidance on how to introduce your partner. So I love that approach. It's very easy to point to a podcast and some of my, some of my best friends' wives have, have done this with two, two of my best friends like, Hey, you should listen to Brian, Brian and Dominic's podcast. This is, this one was really

good, really funny. And I find that if you use those words, that it's awesome and funny, a guy's actually more likely to listen to it. So it's, it's, it's great that it's valuable. It's got good information in it and everything else. But if it's like good and funny and it's a guy, like there's something to be said about that. The other cue that I would give is get curious around what your partner currently thinks about the cycle. And so start asking, like, what do you think, like, what's a word that comes to your mind when you think about me being on my period? And also be ready for any answer that comes up when asking this question. But I think just a couple of questions can, regardless of the answer, can start the conversation a little bit

easier. That's one, curiosity. And number two is revealing. So if you can reveal something about yourself during one of your seasons, that's going to spark curiosity or interest in your man. So for example, I just read this book or I listened to this podcast and something I've noticed about myself is when I'm on my period, I blank, right? I feel more intuitive or I get triggered more easily. And I know how that might impact us, right? And so starting to reveal your state, the woman's state, while in a cycle will signal to the man that this is an okay topic to talk about. So I think curiosity and revealing are two really good tactics. Curiosity and revealing. It's really helpful. Thank you so so in the book wild power alexander and

shani's book they talk about the possibility of entering what they call the holy grail together at menstruation so that's this place of of deep intimacy and mystery and magic and power and transformation. And this is going to be different for all, you know, couples, for all people. I know we won't necessarily have the answers for everyone here, but I want to just dive into an exploration of it together anyway. So I think essentially the question is, how do you feel about period sex? Rye?

Oh, wow. You just tossed that right over toye? Oh, wow. You just tossed that right over to me. Oh, yeah. Wow. I heard a noise on the other side of the microphone, so I figured you were processing something. Goodness. You must know that both of my parents are visiting me in Philadelphia today, so let me hit this one hard and loud.

So how do I feel about periods like i let's let's take some precautions first of all i want to put something down because i don't want like a a mess uh afterwards so i like to keep that like it can be it can be a contained mess would be fantastic um and also we can do that like in a shower right like there's some some ways around it but I think mostly what comes up for me is I tend to take the lead of my partner I've had some partners that are completely fine with it and don't want to do anything different I've had come some partners say like this is completely a no-go and that's that hasn't been a direct conversation necessarily with them but it's something that I could pick up on. And I don't know if it's the bleed.

I don't know if it's just how they're feeling in that moment. But I've gone, let's say I've gone both ways on it. So for me, I'm not in a partnership right now, which is the real reason why, Brian, I handed it over to you. But for me, I love it. And I've been with partners who have been very comfortable with their cycle, with sharing their cycle with me and very comfortable having sex during when they're menstruating. There are other partners who have felt less secure about that. And that's also something I've come to learn to praise and to, you know, to validate and also to invite into deeper conversations around that because some of that

insecurity or that hesitancy may be due to having been embarrassed or shamed for it in the past. I'm thinking about a story of a friend of mine who's, she's younger, 27 years old. And she was at the early stages of getting to know a guy where he came over while she had just started bleeding and they had sex together. And something, she had just recovered from COVID and there was a lot more blood than she was ever used to. There was a different kind of smell to it. And after the sex was over, there wasn't a lot of aftercare from this partner who was also her age. So he's a 27 year old guy, kind of got up and left. And then she didn't hear from him for 24 hours. And I remember her feeling, she was really, she was really feeling rejected and insensitive and raw about that.

And I just remember, you know, asking her, you know, questions and, and what she, what it came down to was she felt ashamed. You know, she felt ugly because of this experience and the way that he had treated her. And when I was able to hold that space for her and just say, sweetheart, this is a beautiful part of you. And I don't have an explanation for the blood or the smell, but these are parts of you and they're beautiful and let's just talk about it. And that allowed part of her, that situation to heal. And if I had been her partner, I would have loved to have had that opportunity for her to be insecure around me, to be sensitive,

to hold that space with her, to be intimate with her. Because at that point, it's not about the sex anymore. It's about the intimacy and the revealing and the vulnerability. That's a place where we can become closer. So I want all of those things in a future partner. So that's my, I guess, long and winding answer to say, how do I feel about holy grail sex, man? Sign me up. We need more Dominics in the world, no? And Bryans. Thank you. More about period sex with these two brilliant men in just a moment. But before we get back to

it, I want to offer an invitation to you if you're inspired by the idea of inviting more of the men or the non-menstruators in your life into cycle awareness. You might be interested in our menstruality leadership program. It's the world's first leadership training designed for pioneers, change makers, nurturers and creatives to realize your full authority and leadership through the power of the menstrual cycle and conscious menopause you can find out more at menstrualityleadership.com that's menstrualityleadership.com okay let's get back to Dominic and Brian. So for someone who's listening who is thinking I would love that kind of holy grail sex intimacy and isn't sure how to broach it with their man could you share some guidance for how to

start the conversation or how to how to move through these taboos that exist around menstruation or around menstrual blood and how to begin that path. Yeah. Sophie, you just did it. You asked us, how do you feel about this? And how would you feel about it? And you gave us an opportunity in a very safe space to just be honest about our response. And I think to just allow the partner to kind of say, hey, yeah, like I'm down, I'm game at any time, or maybe there's something about the smell, or maybe there's something about the sheets and like all these things that may sound trivial or maybe immature or whatever may be judged. Like the partner needs to be able to have some space to actually speak that out because whatever's there is in the bedroom with you, whether it's explicit or not explicit. And if you're going to actually have great communication,

you got to take what's not explicitly stated and bring it out for discussion. So I think maybe that conversation might want to be had at a particular point in time where the person with the period is feeling particularly secure, right? Because if you're feeling really raw and tender and you have this conversation and the other partner is maybe a little bit cutting or honest in a way that can hurt, that could go the wrong way. So I would say, yeah, invite them in. Do it when you're in a place of really groundedness and strength because you may hear some stuff that could be a little bit chafing. And I don't know, those are my contributions to that question.

So Dominic, I'm going to double down on everything Dominic just said. That's an approach that I completely agree with. And I'm going to just throw out one additional approach. There is a product out there, and I promise that I'm not sponsored by them, but it's been such a key tool in the repertoire. It's called a Liberator Blanket. And it's this nice, soft, velvety sort of blanket, and it's waterproof.

And so another approach might be to get a liberator blanket throw it on the bed grab your man and be like get on the blanket this is how this is going down and maybe talk about it afterwards but that's a different approach it's a little more direct approach. Liberator blanket is been amazing when it came to, I've never put the liberator blanket with the Holy Grail together in my mind, but it makes a lot of sense. I've done it physically. So coming back to one of the things you said, Dominic, is do this at a time when you're feeling strong. So to me, that points to in your, in your, this is a conversation to have in your inner summer. If that's a time of the cycle, when you

do feel strong, which is, you know, classically tends to be that way. So pick your timing. And another thing that comes to mind as you're talking, I think it was sparked by something you said, Dominic, is, you know, so much of the taboo around menstruation can come from what our first experiences of menstruation were like and for most women and people who menstruate they they weren't often good you know there was shame there was embarrassment there was hiding there were secrets and one of the things that we offer at Red School is a very short program called Menaki, which is it guides people through a sort of re-experiencing and a reclaiming and a revisioning of their first period so that they can heal anything that felt difficult there.

And that can have really powerful repercussions for our experience of menstruation in the future. So that could also be a powerful resource. That's beautiful. One more topic, Sophie, that's coming up for me right now is sometimes it's hard to talk about the subject when you're just talking about that subject. And sometimes we can create a container in our lives that allow us to speak on all of these topics that are maybe uncomfortable. Something that my partner and I do is every Sunday morning, we grab our coffee, we sit upstairs on the roof or on the couch, and we have what we call a relationship board meeting.

And in that relationship board meeting, we go over really five things. The first is how what do we appreciate about the partner that happened that week? The second thing is where could have that partner shown up better? The third thing is where we might need support. The fourth thing is operations like like what kind of meetings do we have? Are we traveling? Do we pay the bills, right? It's all the operations stuff. Those are the four main things that we go through. And the fifth thing that I would love to add because we haven't added it to this container in particular, but it's here's something I want you to know about me. And I think I've heard the definition of love is a never-ending desire to understand someone better.

And when I proposed to my partner, that's something that I said to her, that I would never stop wanting to understand her. And so adding that sort of question to a container that already exists would allow a question about menstruation, about sex during menstruation, allow that to more naturally happen in a container that's already set. So that's another tool that could be used to bring up some of these conversations. Thank you. Let's go to inner autumn or fall, as you guys would say. This is often the most challenging inner season personally and also in relationship.

So there's lots of questions to ask here. I guess where I'd like to start is how do you experience the inner autumn, the premenstrual phase of the women in your lives and how has that changed as your cycle of awareness has grown? Yeah, I'll start on that one. So the last partner I was in relationship with, we were together for about six or seven months and we ended up reading wild power together, um, which was, which was an awesome experience because she hadn't ever gone through this level of education before. And her first response was, it all makes sense now, you know, just like it all makes sense. And, um, and she's, her autumns were particularly challenging for her. She was a superwoman, self-described and showed up vibrant and powerful and external during the summer phase. And then her autumns would be really, really, it felt like a hard 90 degree turn for her. And when she started to have the language for it and understood the reasons behind it, what she was able to, um, what, what I was able to, to, to, to see as well,

when, when, when I noticed that she was making the shift is I got ready for some truth, you know, like the stuff that had been bothering her about me that maybe she'd, you know, either suppressed or she'd kept on the sideline or she sugarcoated. I was getting that like a full hefty dose of it, whether I liked it or not without it. Right. And it wasn't dressed up at all. I mean, and she was sharp with it. And I remember there's this one time where during her autumn, she just came out with it. It was just like, yo, you are too needy. I don't want to hear from you this many times in a day. Right?

Like I don't want to be texting you this many times in a day. And it hurt. It hurt. But I knew where she was coming from. And I knew that a lot of it had been pent up and I knew that she would have wanted to say it maybe a little bit more gracefully or compassionately and maybe at a different other time in the face. So I, I didn't take that part personally. I could, I could just see it for what it was. I mean, actually it was, it was a beautiful thing.

Like I was emotional when, when, when she shared that with me and I, and I actually like allowed some tears to fall. I actually even shared this with Shawnee and Alexandra, but it was also this beautiful moment of like, well, thank you. Now I know what's going on in your inner world and I can stop bothering you as many times a day. And let's, let's talk about the communication pattern that would work. So I always knew that for, let's say a quarter of the month, you know, during that fall or autumn season that I was going to get some, some real hefty truth. And I just, I just shifted my own expectations. Um, and during that, so I could ride the wave with her. I love that phrase, right? Ride the wave. Um, cause that's really what it is. Cause if we're

not riding the wave, we're getting crushed by it. And I've been crushed by waves before quite often. Uh, it's a, it's a confusing and disorientating time because it feels like whiplash. It feels like, Hey, we're going, we're going about everything right here and we're humming along and everything's good. And then boom. Um, and it seems to come out of nowhere. And so I think that the cycle awareness for me has allowed me to take a beat and Dominic, you just, you talked, told a beautiful story here about that. Um, I have, I have a rule that I've implemented or not a rule, but kind of a lesson or a guideline for myself that when in, when in fall, first of all,

are Americans the only ones that say fall? I think so. I mean, we say autumn. I mean, it's such a more, it's such a more elegant term. I'm going to go with autumn from here on out.

So during the autumn, um, so during the autumn, I have the, the, the guideline that I live by is like, is asking during the autumn, um, so during the autumn I have the, the, the guideline that I live by is like, is asking myself the question, like, what is the 1% truth and what's being brought to me right now? And the reason that that's so important is because it's so easy for my defenses to go up, for my ego to take over, for me to get defensive, uh, around things that come up specifically during this time period,

because it seems kind of crazy because like, where did this come from? Like we were doing just fine. And so for me, the question that I asked myself when something brought to me specifically during this time is like, okay, like if this was at least just, let's just say 1% true, because it's really hard to hear, what would that mean? What would that mean for me? And so that just allows me to listen more deeply. And as I mentioned at the beginning of this podcast, I've found some of my biggest life lessons in those moments. So that's a tool for me to be able to listen in those moments. Yeah, Brad, one more thing to add is the analogy you gave at the

end of our interview with Shawnee and Alexandra was, um, I feel like the menstrual cycle awareness that you have provided me is like giving me the surfboard that I've needed to ride the waves versus being crushed by them. And so, right. So like, so I think a great metaphor for this work is it provides the men in your life with the surfboard to ride the waves versus being pummeled by them. Yeah. It doesn't mean we don't fall off. Oh, we fall. Oh yeah. We fall. Yeah. I mean, eventually that, that, that ride hits the, hits the shore. Right. But, but that's exactly it. It feels like I have a chance. I have, I have a, I have an opportunity to have a lot of fun while it's while it's happening the other thing that Alexandra talked about in when she was talking about that analogy of the surfboard or I think it was you Brian Alexandra said well we fall off too you

know we when we're cycling ourselves we get taken out by big waves and um yeah it's uh it's good to have the surfboard for sure so I love the approach that you're bringing here because you're both talking about how you you know process it and receive it and deal with it inside um and I'm just laughing to myself because when I asked our community what they would want to ask you you know I said I'm doing this podcast with these two great guys what would would want to ask you, you know, I said, I'm doing this podcast with these two great guys. What would you want to ask? And one woman, Julia, said, do we scare you? Yes, Julia.

Yes, we're scared. And I think, you know, she could well have been talking about this truth teller that comes out in in autumn and you know i i wanted to ask a question for the women really of when we feel this like searing fire that just has to pour through us and there's something that we want to share how can we do it in a way that can be more easily received by the men in our lives? Yeah. You know, one of the friends of our show, The Great Man Within Podcast, is a woman named Madeline Moon.

And she's this beautiful spiritual teacher. She does spiritual comedy videos on masculine and feminine polarities and how to, as a feminine being, evoke the best from your masculine being. And she's always inviting play and drama, when I say drama, kind of like theater, theater kind of drama into these ordinary mundane moments in life, whether it's infusing some drama into asking your man to take out the trash or to put down the toilet seat. She does it in these really playful ways and then overly dramatizes the thank you when the man does the thing. And so I'm thinking of her, I've got these visuals of her, like how she might

step into that space where she's about to breathe fire, you know, like here's, you know, here's some truth that's about to come through me and your head's about to come off, like get ready for it. And just like that little, just that little preamble and that self-awareness of this is going to hurt and I'm going to let it rip anyway, uh, kind of, kind of, kind of creates that, um, acknowledgement of me, you know, that like, that I'm here, that I have feelings that this is challenging for me too, you know, um, because when, when you're, when you're going through something, I'm also going through it.

And like, and I, and I believe that that acknowledgement is almost like an invitation to participate versus just being roadkill or being steamrolled by it. So that's how I would feel welcomed in. Because I've even said this. I put a post together on my Instagram account months ago that I think was really well received. And it said, don't dim your fire. I can handle your heat. I can. I just want to know that it's appreciated and that I'm acknowledged, that I'm standing here with the flamethrower pointed right at my head. Can you say again what that acknowledgement looks like? Yeah. I mean, it could just be like before the fire gets, like before you let it rip,

before you take my head off, it's just like, hey, I'm about to let it rip. Like this is going to hurt. Your head may come off. It's like the flamethrower. Like, even any one of those things, just like a quick, hey, heads up. I'm about to let this thing go loose. Tidal wave is coming. Whatever you want to say. Even just a heads up before it all comes out shows me enough care that allows me to then actually set up my container and hold

the space for it. Yeah. Yeah. It's that, it's that cue, right? That this is, this is, this is happening. Um, one, one way that, that I've seen this done really, really effectively is oftentimes when that flamethrower comes out, it's directed, right? It's directed at the person or the partner. Surgical. Right. And so the defenses have to go up, like immediately, boom, like fire is coming at me.

Like, let me put the defenses up. Instead, there's a state that we can get the partner into that hero mentality by revealing like what's going on internally before we talk about cause and effect. So that fire that's inside, like I am burning up, I feel anger in my stomach, in my chest, in my face, like I want to punch something, whatever it is, even knowing that that's maybe going to be directed at, at me as the partner at some point in the very near future, um, understanding their state

puts us partners as the masculine into a, okay, wow, there's, there's an, there's something going on here. Um, let me, let me see further. So just understanding like what the internal state, like what's really going on before it gets directed is really important. And there's intimacy in that because there's an invitation in to being together rather than, you know, one pattern I have is the anger goes in and I get cold. You know, I get this ice queen like and then suddenly so I'm being cold cold cold and then suddenly the fire gets thrown and that's right I know for aid if I could say you know I'm really feel I'm feeling a lot of anger at the moment I'm there's like a fire in

my belly I don't know what's gonna happen or and like show him what's happening then he can he can give up for it show him and going back to julia's question or do you scare us i'll tell you when it's scary it's not when the flames coming out at us it's scary when you mention so that that coldness because we're starting to wonder what is going on is it me did i do something oh my god when is this gonna it's gonna explode i know it's gonna I know it's gonna happen and so so just um like that kind of just taking it internally and letting it just kind of burn there and feeling cold like that's actually the worst case scenario that's it that's worse than the flamethrower well guys I'm taking some real notes here for myself. And I can imagine that the people listening feel the same.

I really appreciate how practical this has been, you know, and how willing you've been to share your experiences vulnerably and openly. Yep. So can I say something to maybe the partners that listen to this? Yes, please. Um, sometimes it can feel, and it has for me that like, Oh my God, this is like, this is all my responsibility. I need to take it like a, like a woke man and, and understand what it is. And it, that it feels like a lot of pressure sometimes. And there feels like when those moments, when those heated moments happen, it feels like there's a necessity to respond and respond right away. And something that I have found valuable and even more recently is to give myself a break in those moments to just receive and to hear and to not force myself or feel like I have to respond right then and there.

There's been a couple of moments where something like that came up and I went outside and I took a walk, did a little bit of breath work, sat in the park, but just took a little bit of time in those moments. And usually I can come back. My capacity is much higher in that moment to have a better conversation. So yes, we as partners can do a lot to create the space to allow these conversations and understanding to happen. And it doesn't have to be all right now in real time. So true. Thank you. I imagine there are people listening who are thinking, oh, I would love them. And I know to be able to connect with Dominic and Brian, could you share a bit more about your work, how people can connect with you, what you're up to? Yeah, Sophie, I think if you put in the show notes, the links to the two

episodes that we did with Shawnee and Alexandra. So number one is the man's guide to the menstrual cycle. That's the number one that we said is most downloaded episode. And then the man's guide to menopause, just clicking on those links. links will take you not only to those episodes, but you get a chance to see our library of about 260 episodes that we've done for men around a wide ranging set of topics from high performance habits to live an optimal lifestyle around sleep and morning routines, evening routines. We talk a lot about sexuality and sexual performance and sexual health for men and all the conversations around masculinity and how to define your own. And so I think that's a great

place to get started. If you go to thegreatmanwithin.com, there's also a whole host of resources and articles that we've written for a man who's on the early stages of his inner journey you know just trying to discover what's important to him in his life and why does time feel like it's slipping through your fingers and how do you find your purpose how do you find other men who are interested in talking about this stuff because we've got communities that we've built around us. So if you go to thegreatmanwithin.com, you got a whole bunch of resources around that and the podcast. Those are the two best places to start. Thank you so much. Is there anything you'd like to share in closing? yeah you know um i i was i was yesterday i i was watching television and i stumbled across this

movie that i hadn't seen in probably 15 years it was the movie called clueless with alicia silverstone in it i mean that movie is phenomenal i can't i forgot how great that movie is and i only watched the first 20 minutes or so but there is this scene where alicia silverstone is sitting in class and her teacher said that she's being written up for having two tardies. And she's like, two tardies, do you have proof and evidence of when these tardies occurred? And the teacher said, it's a male teacher. One of them was as recent as last week. And she said, and she was making this up. She goes, well, that's when I was on my period and I was in the ladies room. And the teacher gets all, the male teacher gets all like flustered and weird. And he goes, oh, women issues.

Okay, okay. I'm going to remove one of those tardies. And it just, it made me, it reminded me of how in media, and that movie is like 20 years old, but I don't think it's been much updated. In media, men get portrayed as like these bumbling idiots around this topic of menstruation that's not to be talked about. Don't touch it. Like run away from it. You know, it's a woman's issue and then just leave it where it is. And I want, I would like to think that the conversation that we're having today and the conversations that we've been having on our podcast about it is starting to invite a new narrative and also call men forward to being like, that's old, that's outdated. side by side with, looks at the menstrual cycle with deference and pays its respects to something that's beautiful. This initiation that a woman gets to go through or a person with a period gets

to go through every 28 days or so that we get the opportunity to learn from and benefit from all the changes that she gets to go through, um, to respect it and to see this gateway to deeper intimacy. I just want to, I want to obliterate that old model that I grew up learning and laughing at and replace it with something far more powerful. Yeah. And, and, and we can be part of it, right? Like this, this can be something this for the guys listening, this is something that we can and should be part of, and that's okay. And the way Dominic and I got started working together with this specifically around our podcast is we would get together on Saturdays and just talk about some of these deeper topics of life often around. And we didn't hit menstruation then, but we talked a lot about relationships and sex and performance and and and success and what that

looks like and I invite guys to bring this conversation to their guys to whoever whoever they're feeling comfortable with and I think you might be surprised as what as what at what comes out not that there will be necessarily answers there but the fact that you're asking that sort of question is going to invite a new level of relationship with your friends. Yeah. That's a fantastic challenge and invitation, Brian. Thank you. I appreciate you both so much. Thank you for gifting us with your time today. Thank you, Sophie. Thank you, Sophie. What a refreshing conversation with two brave and vulnerable and illuminating men. I loved speaking with Dominic and Brian, and I hope you really enjoyed it too.

I hope you enjoyed listening. We would love to hear from you. We'd love to hear how you're feeling about the guests, how the podcast is landing for you and we would really appreciate it if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts because it means Apple shows the podcast to more people and our vision at Red School is to activate the vitality, creativity and leadership of a million people through the magic of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. And this podcast is one of the ways that we're doing that. And we're so grateful to be doing it together with you. If you feel passionate about this vision, visit menstrualityleadership.com and see if you're interested in joining us for next year's menstruality leadership program.

Okay, thanks for listening to the menstruality podcast from Red School. We'll see you next week and until then keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm.