The Menstruality Podcast - Perimenopause - What’s Actually Going On? (Alexandra & Sjanie)

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

In our 40s, many women and people with periods begin to experience a variety of health symptoms and challenges, as well as emotional and psychological shifts. Some call this perimenopause. At Red School we like to call it, the Quickening. In this episode - which is the fourth in our menopause summer series - we look at how the Quickening is slowly awakening new levels of power within us, and how to navigate this. Sjanie shares her personal experience of negotiating this transition over the past few years. We explore:How we receive a report card on the state of our health in our 40s, which is inviting us to up our self care and set ourselves up for a healthy post-menopause life. Why the power that is awakening in us in the Quickening requires deeper responsibility as well as deeper self care. How to handle your new, increased critical capacites (cynicism, discernment, judgement) wisely and cleanly, rather than use it to annihilate and destroy!You can pre-order your copy of Wise Power: Discover the Liberating Power of Menopause to awaken authority, purpose and belonging here: https://www.wisepowerbook.com---The Menstruality Podcast is hosted by Red School. We love hearing from you. To contact us, email: [e-mail]---Social media:Red School: @redschool - https://www.instagram.com/red.school

Welcome to the Menstruality Podcast, where we share inspiring conversations about the power of menstrual cycle awareness and conscious menopause. This podcast is brought to you by Red School, where we're training the menstruality leaders of the future. I'm your host, Sophie Jane Hardy, and I'll be joined often by Red School's founders, Alexandra and Sharni, as well as an inspiring group of pioneers, activists, changemakers and creatives to explore how you can unashamedly claim the power of the menstrual cycle to activate your unique form of leadership for yourself, your community and the world. Hey, it's so good to have you with us today. Welcome back to the Menstruality Podcast. Today's theme is perimenopause and we're looking at how in our 40s for most people,

many women and people with periods begin to experience a variety of health symptoms, challenges, emotional and psychological shifts and some call this perimenopause. At Red School we like to call it the quickening. So in this episode today which is the fourth and final in our menopause summer series celebrating the launch of our upcoming book wise power we look at the quickening perimenopause this phase in our life in the run-up to the menopause process and how it's slowly awakening new levels of power within us and it's really beautiful because shani shares very personally how she's currently negotiating this transition we look at how we receive this report card on the state of our health in our 40s which invites us to up our self-care and prepare for a healthy post-menopause life we look at how to handle

this new power that's awakening in us which requires deeper responsibility and also how to handle your new increased critical capacities in this time wisely and cleanly rather than using them to annihilate and destroy hey you two i'm i'm aware that we're all arriving at this conversation in various states of disarray is one word for it. Alexandra's had some dental work. Sharni hasn't had much sleep at all. And I'm in the middle of just piles of bricks and craziness in my house as we begin this renovation. So, yeah, here we are. Here we are.

And it's for our conversation, really. It is perfect all this chaos and dissembling and kind of discomfort and weariness is just the perfect ground for what we're about to talk about life does it again and what day you won shiny you go alexandra yeah we are good it's uh well for me it's the day before uh it's the dark moon it's the day before new moon and i I always go into a slight kind of high on this day which is what echoes what it was for my when I was bleeding so I get sort of I'm slightly untethered and in a nice way and I'm feeling very chirpy this morning just sort of humming tunelessly to myself because i'm no singer but i just find myself humming along singing away so i'm in good spirits but the other thing is i feel monumentally

sleepy and i feel like i'll be not not tired so much but sleepy and i i sort of feel like you know the mad hatter that falls asleep so there may be a point where I'm just sort of we'll just nudge if you start snoring I might just snooze off at some point but you know I am I'm in a sort of happy-go-lucky mood really that image of you at the mad hatter's tea party that's so funny and I feel like I just want to fall into that slumber with you. Oh, yes. I mean, we're taking the whole month off next month. And in true style, like whenever you approach, well, I'll speak for myself.

You can speak for me too, Charlotte. I'll speak for you. Whenever I approach like a sort of holiday or sabbatical, there's this grind that happens in the lead up to it. There's this intensity. It's not that different to just before menstruation where it's like, Oh, suddenly like everything wants a piece of you. I have that going on.

And I'm actually mid cycle. So I'm day going on. And I'm actually mid-cycle, so I'm day 13 today. And I would, hmm, it's interesting. Often at this place in my cycle, I feel really full. And it's a sort of pregnancy fullness, like I can hold it. I feel really alive and virile and like there's a lot going on but I can hold it. But today not so much. Today I feel full but in a kind of overwhelmed too much sort of way which is everything to do with the fact that I have had rough nights because of my

daughter waking up and because we're coming to this final week of work and also because it's dark moon that combination it's like oh I don't quite have the same inner resilience that I ordinarily might have here which is going to speak so much to people who might be listening who are feeling that they're in perimenopause because the sleep disturbances that can happen in that phase it feels really relevant i want to frame this conversation for us so this is our fourth and final in our wise power summer series where we've been looking at the stories and the teachings that will be revealed when we release Wise Power, which is coming out on September the 20th.

And today's topic is so important. We get asked about it all the time. And the conversation that's happening in the world is big and loud at the moment around this time of life that is being called perimenopause and that you two have coined or call the quickening. And it's a time when people see physical health challenges rising, mental health challenges, cycles start start changing new cycle symptoms can arise and also just a destabilizing time bewildering time when like feelings about our lives start to change and our worldview changes and I say our because I've turned 40 and I'm feeling it I'm feeling it it feels very personal for me and there isn't much understanding or any understanding in our world about this which is why I'm so grateful for you two when I was reading the chapter on

the quickening I was saying wow wow wow this is so needed and I think we should just get into the conversation by looking at the terms the terminology here because there's lots of different ways of talking about these phases of our lives, and it can get very confusing. And you've laid this out quite clearly. So I'll walk us into it. Firstly, you talk about the summer of your menstruating years being from about age 28 to 40. So this is the phase before we get to the quickening do you want to say a little bit about those years yeah what would I say about the summer there's an ease and if you're fairly healthy you know there's energy in the tank and you feel young and I suppose I want to say bizarrely there's a certain level of unconsciousness about what you really hold in yourself at a deeper level and

it's also probably very much about really establishing a life so there's a kind of out of focus there in a way it's not about deep inquiry stuff so much as just really getting out there and creating an identity for yourself for something you know forming something yeah yeah yeah which is good and right and true and exactly what should be happening yeah and then there's this progressive shift through our 40s that you're referring to as the autumn of your menstruating years or the quickening and then there's this word perimenopause which is being used in loads of different ways and can be confusing so can we talk about all of this

yeah this there is so much confusion Sophie I am so much of our work at red school has been I was thinking about this this morning when I was in the bath which is how I recovered from my health night I thought I thought I'm gonna get into a hot bath this morning, you know, abandon my children and just soak in the tub. And while I was soaking in the tub, I thought, one of the ways that we have been disempowered is through all the confusion around the naming of our experience. Our sort of inner processes as women and the experiences that we have connected to our biological changes have, well, firstly been shamed and denied and ignored. And as part of that, there's been no words to describe them. And so much of our work at Red School has been discovering the lexicon, finding the words that really meet the experience that we're having. And of course, when we came to writing this book on menopause, we were once again confronted with all the confusion that's out there

with how our experience is being described. And the terms that are being used have almost been put upon us and they don't seem to come from our deeply lived experience. So Alexandra and I really felt into our understanding of menstruality and how that speaks to us and found the words that really capture the essence of what we're talking about. So that's where this term, the quickening came from, which we can get into in a minute. And then as part of that, we started to go, okay, so everyone's talking about perimenopause. What does this actually mean? And we discovered a flipping minefield. Okay, so people are using this word in all kinds of ways people are using the word perimenopause to actually describe the menopause transition to actually describe the time around where your periods stop so we'll come to the medical definition of menopause is like when your periods have ceased for a year. So that it's a moment.

And then perimenopause seems to be used as the word to describe all that happens around that moment, what we actually call the menopause transition, the psycho-spiritual changes that happen over a number of years around that time of your menstrual cycle ending. Then there are other people who are using this word perimenopause to describe the gradual incremental shifts that happen in our system from our late 30s onwards. Because everything in our being is transitional. Nothing goes from on to off. So there is this gradual incremental change that happens as we move through our 40s and then peaking, crescendering, culminating at menopause. So people are talking about the 40s, really, the late 30s, 40s as being perimenopause. So now that's the phase that we refer to as the quickening.

Yeah, so hopefully that brings a little more clarity. I mean, there are actually people using the word perimenopause in other kinds of ways as well. But those are the ways that we've uncovered it and how we've made sense of it for ourselves. So let's position that now with the next phases, which I love this term. You'd call it the menopause hinterland, which is a void a year or two before the menopause. So this is part of, is this part of the quickening? It's the grey area between the quickening and menopause so this is part of is this part of the quickening it's the gray area between the quickening and menopause as john said the whole process is just you know you're in one great

transition and the reason we are very disciplined around this our terminology is was actually we feel people are putting themselves into menopause ahead of their time because menopause is there's a very distinct psycho-spiritual process that goes on that actually requires age as a component of it. Gosh, it's really, yes, we've broken it up like this because people are always asking us, well, how do you know when it's menopause? This is the million dollar question. In a way, when people are constantly asking that question, it tells me that they're not in connection with something because we are evolved into menopause and you will know that moment where it has really shifted. And we have just really sort of, it's almost like we've put that whole phase, the quickening, the hinterlands, we've put that whole journey into quickening the hinterlands that we put that whole journey into my pores under the magnifying glass really and try to

sort of break it up to give people more clues and the reason people are asking all the time you know once it was it it's because they they haven't been educated or rooted in their menstrual cycle and when you're practicing cycle awareness and we have some lovely stories in the book about these people who are feeling the transition now and they're just inside something you know i remember it so clearly i was never fussed by any terms whatsoever it's so interesting i just followed the process of what my body was doing and listened to it and took the appropriate moves to take care of myself,

both my inner work and practical health stuff. Yes, because it's a hugely gray area where you're neither one thing nor the other. And then suddenly you are really in something very strong because menopause is initiatory and we're saying that in a very emphatic way and what we mean by that is if it's initiatory that means there's going to be a challenge involved that doesn't mean you're going to have shit symptoms or anything like that but you are going to meet a psychological challenge to your identity of who you are because you're stepping up to this really expanded sense of yourself you're stepping

up to real spiritual power like powers become available but you have to be evolved into you've got to be prepared you can't flip a switch and suddenly be channeling those kind of forces it's a it's a real responsibility that you step into and um you know the years of your 40s you know i see it in shardy now we talk about it because sh Shani's in her mid-40s and I really we should be hearing from Shani now about what she's going through but I you know at one point I think I gave you a serious talking to didn't I Shani oh that's here what did she say well because I can feel these powers starting to wake up in Shani more.

I mean, you know, I can feel that Shani is, it's so interesting watching it. It's really in the last year or so, probably, that I've observed that you are dealing with more force in your system. And the 40s are really a time of mastery. You are really, you've got a fabulous power you need to hone in your 40s. And I can feel how it's working, Shani, and how I have to meet her differently. And also, I said some firm things to her about how she manages this power.

I'll let Shani speak to that. And, yeah, it's just really interesting feeling this quickening going on. And it's fabulous. It's great. It's super. I'm really loving observing this process in you, Shani, and loving this power that's sort of almost like really loving observing this process in you, Sharnley,

and loving this power that's sort of almost like there's a hungriness for it to come out. I don't know if you haven't used that word, I don't think, but yeah. Let's go there. Let's look at, or could you give us an overview, if it's possible, of what's happening psychologically in this deep soul level within us in the quickening, Shani? Praise, yeah. So I love what you said, Alexandra, just that reminder about menopause being an initiation and that you are learning to channel this enormous power. And in a way, that capacity has to be titrated through your 40s.

What do you mean by titrated? So microdosing, bit by bit, you're learning to inhabit that and take responsibility for it and manage it so it's incremental it's a you know we talk about getting fit for menopause in our book and it's that you're being you're having this spiritual workout on the inside which sort of starts in your 40s and then incrementally accelerates so for me and this will you know we're putting ages to this it'll be slightly different for everyone but there is a patterning of this gradually increasing intensity and urgency and pace at which one has to rise to meet oneself and rise to meet the challenges that one's faced with. So a good way of diving into this is to really refer to what we know about the menstrual cycle,

particularly the second half of the menstrual cycle. So the second half of the menstrual cycle, we refer to this as the via negativa. And this is the place in the cycle where you are geared down into yourself and as part of that process you are being punctured you're we talk about this ego deflation that happens so you're confronted with your wounds, with your shadow. And in all of that, you're tenderized and humbled and really ultimately invited to drop into a deeper resource in yourself to find deeper connection to lean into something bigger than yourself so that's what's happening in the second half of the cycle which is preparing you for that spiritual expansion that happens at menstruation is preparing you to receive the power that's available to administration. Oh, yes. Yes.

So this is what's being mirrored in our life cycle. So our 40s are a long, slow, gradual ego deflation. I'm doing puncturing. Can't wait. deflation i'm doing i'm trying wait yeah it's funny and it's this thrust of authority that's coming through and that's what i'm feeling in you your authority you know i mean yes yes so this is what's happening the powers of the inner autumn are amplifying they're waking up in us in our 40s we're getting access to uh greater authority bigger power more discernment, heightened sensitivity, stronger intuition, more potency, more clarity, all these kinds of things. We're getting access to these very powerful forces.

And, you know, I just have to come in here. If that wasn't counterbalanced by this ego deflation, you'd end up being a shit, basically. Yeah, yeah. So it takes a huge amount of responsibility to manage what's waking up in you in your 40s. And that was Alexandra's talking to me. That was her firm talking to me was the you've got to take responsibility for what's waking up in you you can't afford to go unconscious now

you can't afford to be lazy you can't afford to um abandon yourself or um or really not show up for yourself so there's this real call to actually step into greater responsibility for yourself and with that greater care for yourself um so this is where self-care just becomes absolutely i want to say critical critical it's like you in your 30s, you know, in your 20s, you kind of really don't know how to look after yourself that well. In your 30s, you start dabbling and, you know, you can get away with it. So, you know, you don't really have. In your 40s, the buck stops. It's non-negotiable. You can't cross your own boundaries you can't cross your your um your own capacity you've got to be super careful with your nervous system and energy because if you overstep

yourself um you land up reacting acting out out, destroying, hurting others, yourself. That's what happens, which is what happens premenstrually. If we aren't taking enough time and space for ourself, that power either gets turned on us or on those we love. So just to put you totally on the spot, what is this looking like for you in your life? How old are you? You're 45. I'm 45. So the thing I've noticed most, Sophie, is I'm experiencing a lot of challenge these days. So things are not so simple as they used to be I'm dealing with a lot more complexity

both in myself but also in my life so red school is bigger and thriving and there are more people involved and there's more to care for if everything is my children are older their lives are getting bigger it's like my marriage has been going for a long time. So, you know, all the sheen is gone. So that gets more complicated. It's just there's a lot more to have to deal with overall in my life. And then the same is happening on the inside. So the things that I, you know, spoke about the the summer of our menstruating years

we're a little more unconscious the things in myself that I had I could get away with not looking at or that I could be unconscious about I'm being confronted with now I am noticing that because pretty much every time when we show up to a team meeting and you're checking in, you say some version of I'm dealing with big stuff inside right now. And I'm always amazed because then you're laughing, you're working, you know, you're functioning. But I can see there are like the way I talk about it is there are like big whales in your ocean. Yeah. There are big whales swimming around inside you and you keep showing up and holding yourself through them. It's really beautiful to witness. Thank you, Sophie. And the other piece I want to add to that at the moment is the critical capacities that I have

are far stronger now than they've ever been. I've always been somebody who has seen through things and been very quick to kind of notice what's not working or you know I like I've got this cynical edge in me and this sort of rebellious quality I've had that all my life but now it's amped up uh it's like the innocent part of me has um has stepped back or is sort of being overshadowed by that discerning critical part of me. And so what I'm having to do or what I'm confronted with so often is all the ways I'm seeing how things are not working. And you know what a pain in the ass it is to be around somebody who's very critical? Okay, well, I have to be around myself all the time.

Okay, so that's what I'm keeping me with. You're very graceful with it because, you know, that could come out as you. It could come out in so many ways. That could come out as me being an i'd love to come in here because it's this is just such a juicy conversation around power and i have really have felt that critical capacity in you shani and um and what's really interesting for me is to because this is just all wholesome good power this is you know it's just power that's got to be wielded and i and i for myself when i'm encountering you i um i step up to something more i have to choose to a big it's because it's power that's in service of something you know our power is in

service of something and i think you're really negotiating that in your 40s and for me i mean it's challenging i mean you're not directing your critical power of me well occasionally you might as far as you know in your head for me very fast because i have a very strong critical faculty too but i'm really not wanting to judge this critical power completely yeah i'm really trying to say yeah you've got this critical faculty and what you need are players around you who meet you there with it and you've got to do your own inner work you've got to take responsibility for something and that's i think what i was talking to you about partly was what you were doing you know it's about yourself that critical power and yourself but also about you know this is power we want to ride this power shani i mean i want to capitalize on this with you i think the two of us together you know um

with what's waking up in you it's a powerful combination so But, of course, you need people who can meet you in that. Yeah. And this is so much, for me, the training ground of the 40s, is learning to be clean with that critical energy, learning to be in right relationship with that critical energy. The thing you said, Alexandra, which is really comes to my how, how I hold this in myself, is I am so committed to what I'm serving. And the piece that I keep coming back to is, is what I'm feeling now serving?

Am I using this critical capacity and service to generate and create discernment and potency and refinement, or am I using it to annihilate and destroy and and to to really to really do that one has to be aware that one is in this critical energy so for me that's my practice is really noticing oh okay here I am I'm in this critical energy again and really letting myself inhabit it that That's the trick. If you try and shut this shit down, it pops out all the wrong places and becomes petty and shitty. So the thing I have learned is to really inhabit this critical energy in myself. So what that looks like, Sophie,

is I rant and rave about the things that are pissing me off or irritating me or, you know, all the finger pointing stuff I've got going on outer. I really let myself go there. And in doing that, I then come clean with it. I come into like, what am I really serving with this? I find it a lot harder in terms of, you know, doing that with myself. But the discipline there for me has been to counterweight it with championing and affirming myself, to really consciously cultivate the part of myself that affirms holds cherishes loves me um yeah and as you know that's a huge you know part of the culture at red school that's what we do we give time to that so you know

that that that's part of how i dignify this energy and hold myself in it. It's beautiful to hear. So when you're ranting and raving, you're doing that privately, aren't you? Yes. Occasionally you might join me with this. If I know this, we do have our rants and raves together. We have our rants and raves together, yes. I regard myself as part of that privacy.

Yeah, it's good to do. I think it's good to have moments where we stop trying to be good and nice and spiritual. It's really good to have these moments where we let ourselves be total assholes in the privacy of our own room. Let it rip. Let it rip. this the via negativa the inner autumn the premenstrual grittiness and challenge and the power that's within it and what we're saying really here is that this conversation around the quickening is a continuation of this honoring of this power that our world does not understand and does not recognize and see yeah it's big big work in our 40s because it's not just personal we're really writing we're rewriting the power story in our 40s

at red school we want to create a world where our 40s are a time where this power story can be rewritten for all of us and that's why alexander and sharni have written their new book wise power discover the liberating power of menopause to awaken authority purpose and belonging it's coming out through hay house House on September 20th this year and the book goes into lots of depth about how to manage and navigate the quickening. You can pre-order your copy today at wisepowerbook.com. That's wisepowerbook.com. I want to read a section from the book which brings us back to something you said at the beginning Alexandra about not putting yourself ahead of yourself with menopause

so you say in the book this life stage is crucial in the creative arc of your life and you have much to live learn and develop here it's important preparation be careful not to let the label perimenopause put you ahead of yourself like groundweed creeping into your 40s and taking over this time in your menstruating years is sacrosanct and you need to fulfill it before entering menopause it's really a time to, it's about mastery. I think of it as really you really coming to terms with power. I mean, you're coming, you're actually learning how to hold spiritual power more and more, but actually you're learning learning how to you're wielding power in the world you can be immensely effective you know this is i think of us as really kind of coming into a real

time of flow with our whatever our professional identity is in the world just really feeling like you're in your authority you are an authority and you're nailing it and you're achieving things there's a muscularity that's the word that's coming there's a real muscularity that you're developing and a really healthy healthy ego like yeah i'm strutting my stuff and i'm great you've got energy in the tank still and you you know there's a lot of physical Chi there still even as you know it's not as resilient as it was in your 30s you've got it and yes there's a very particular kind of mastery that you're achieving were a worldly kind of energy and establishing an identity

and and and that to be able to do that you you know you've got you've got that's a responsibility and i i'm so i'm seeing that in shani that's what shani's getting shani is really great she's just it's great working with you it's great just I can feel and hear your intelligence you know it's just so alive and great and it's like having a real equal you know in this game it's so satisfying and that's really as it should be, that kind of strutting your stuff. I just want you to feel really great, Sharni, about Sharniness. Cool.

And you know it all, you know. You know, one of the things that's so beautiful about this critical capacity that wakes up big time during the quickening is that you become more and more discerning about what's you and what's not you. it's such a beautiful thing after a lifetime of being loaded with cultural expectations who you think you should be and trying to live up to other people's ideals and all of that in your 40s part of this critical discernment is you go hey wait a minute who minute, who am I? What do I want? What do I like? You know, what's for me? What's not me? And so you are shedding such a cultural load in your 40s. If you're paying attention, you will really be climbing out of some sort of straitjacket that you've been holding yourself in about who you think you should be. So that sort of social face, the social self that you've been locked in, which is possibly served you to a point, you'll come to recognize all the ways that doesn't serve you anymore and all the ways that you've abandoned yourself in being that person that others want you to be, ultimately.

And you start coming home to yourself. that's so beautiful about this Sophie is you really start to come into this sweeter connection with well what you love but also what you need and so this deeper relationship of kindness and care for yourself starts to come in that's what I am really feeling is that I'm learning at a very deep level how to care for myself and your morning this morning is an example of that you know you were up till 11 with one kiddo awake at three with another kiddo and this morning you went you know what gonna go and get in the bath and soak and that was that's the display of this isn't it you knew you needed to be with yourself in hot water yes exactly and it's it so it's that it's like I

I can feel my boundaries much more clearly and um and I go okay that's i've hit an edge in myself now i've got a big day it's like i can't go beyond this place in myself so now i'm going to start saying no to um to my children to the other jobs i needed to do, the other things that need to happen. And I'm going to care for me. So it's like you get this kind of new elbowing capacity to sort of carve the space out. So it's that, Sophie, but it's something else as well. It's also like a moment-by-moment thing where I'm just kinder to myself in the moment.

Just a way of thinking about yourself. Exactly. Yourself, yeah. Where I let myself off the hook or... Yeah. It's kindness. That's the only way I can describe it. It's a moment-by-moment kindness that I'm starting to feel that wasn't there before it was um I was much more outer

focused and now yeah my attention is much more with my needs speaking about needs it feels really important to look at what's going on with our health in our 40s in this phase because I can imagine I can almost hear the people listening with the challenges that they're facing physically but emotionally and mentally as well when it comes to health and I luckily luckily unluckily had in my 30s a lot of health challenges so I know what it means to have to turn towards myself and make all kinds of life changes that I didn't want to so I can I can empathize from that place you talk about the quickening being all these final years of your cycle being like a report card

on the life you've lived and the state of your health so things are coming up now you're seeing things that need to be seen yeah and um rather than casting it as this is menopause you know this is a sign menopause is upon me it's actually a sign you're getting older and you can't abuse your body in the same way just rather than sort of saying oh it's menopause and there's a certain inevitability about that statement oh right and actually what is happening is you're getting a report card on your overall health how you're doing because your energy is probably not what it used to be and you cannot take stress in the same way yes there is a drop in estrogen progesterone in our 40s and progesterone is that

lovely soothing hormone um and when that's dropping then some sleep stuff can come in and we can't tolerate stress in the same way that as we used to but it is not I want to say it's not a pathology it's not a kind of weakness in the system it is it is what it is and you're being asked to adjust to something different and and and I'm now I've got Lara Brydon's words ringing in my ears right now around, well, I suppose you're late 40s, she speaks of it as a critical window,opause symptoms but address your overall health and it's all the usual culprits you know we have to attend to and what you're doing is not only setting yourself up well for menopause but you're actually setting a new line for your health in your post menopause years because you've got another 30 odd years of, you know, living and loving and, you know,

causing trouble in the world. And you want to be well to do that. And I just love that image of this, you know, window of opportunity to really seize this moment and go, okay, I'm really going to put in place now something different for my health or practices. And these are practices then for life. Now, I was like you, Sophie, that I suffered with hideous, you know,

menstrual, all sorts of health problems, not just my menstrual pain story, in my 30s and through my early 40s. And, man, you know, my self-care practices were second to none. I was so determined to be well. And I've just continued going on, you know, learning more about health and what supports my body. But do you know what? My menopause, I did not have physical symptoms. My my sleep because I'd had hideous sleep before

there long before then my sleep was in my eyes you know you know it wasn't great sleep but I was ahead let me tell you and so I wasn't getting neurotic about the sleep I mean I was always wanting to improve it but I was ahead. I actually had no idea what hot flashes were until the end when I was tired from moving countries. That was when I started getting not severe ones, but mild ones. I'm so grateful. I would not wish ill health on anybody but you know the upside of it was that i'm pretty fierce about my self-care and and i think so yes your 40s if you're starting to experience difficulties attend to them attend to them very much like uh the pre-menstruum, people often notice, and I often notice, how in the inner autumn and as I approach my bleed,

I have these repeating surfacing of health issues. They're cyclical. They're cyclical. You know, for a long time I used to get sinus pain in my premenstruum or toothache or started feeling you know snotty or bunged up or whatever it was and and this is what's happening our resilience is dropping. It's like the curtain is parting and our sort of buffer starts to wane. And what gets revealed are the deep underlying issues in our system. So that's both on a psychological, emotional level and on a health level. And all of this is coming up to be tended to in our 40s so that we are lightening our load. We're arriving at menopause having healed and integrated as much as possible. We're really wanting to create more coherence,

a stronger container, both physically, mentally, and emotionally to handle this power. Because power is, it takes a body, you know? It takes wellness to hold power. When we're unwell or tired, it's very hard to hold power to use power well so that's really what's happening is again it's just getting fit for menopause piece so the report card you're getting is it's like right this is your prescription of what you need to care for and i just want to really reiterate something here because this is one of the other ways that the word perimenopause is being used is really to describe the sort of

people talk about them as almost inevitable symptoms that happen as your hormonal system shifts and in a way it pathologizes all of what's going on here and we really want to remind people that the there is profound meaning in what surfaces at this time and it's not an inevitable decline that you are a victim of not at all it's actually a call to step up to greater responsibility for yourself and the book is full of examples of this full of stories of people that you've sat in circle with that you've worked with it was beautiful to read one of them and what I've got one of them here in front of me which is Kirsty a 49 year old red school menstruality mentor and she was kind of doubling down on her cycle awareness practice because she was noticing her cycles changing and she said you know because my cycles are shifting around between 19 and 39 days I have to be more on it and she noticed that

she was having normal ovulatory four inner season cycles as she knew it but then she was also having in between and I can never say this word an ovulatory cycle when an egg wasn't being released. And those cycles were leaving her feeling very tired and wired. And that she was noticing that her inner seasons weren't working in the same way. Like they can all happen at any moment in an ovulatory cycle. And she said, it's like climate change. It is climate change. It's just like inner climate change is happening. I that quote it's so good yeah and I think it points to

like this beautiful section in the book where you talk you have these strategies for navigating perimenopause on page 78 and one of them is keep practicing menstrual cycle awareness what I what I love Sophie is how you know when I what I love about changing menstrual cycle awareness what i what i love sophie is how you know when i what i love about changing menstrual cycles which is is oftentimes what happens um in the quickening and certainly the hinterland what i love about it is the practice of menstrual cycle awareness really amps up so when you have a life of predictable cycles, you can actually get relatively complacent and start to fool yourself into believing that, well, you're in control and that, you know, that things are going to go according to plan. You know, you can actually

go relatively unconscious. And the thing with shifting cycles is it wakes you up suddenly you're really having to pay attention because your cycle is guiding you and really guiding you and it's asking you to come closer in to yourself to not let your mind run the show and not fall into, you know, the false fantasy that you're in control. And that's profound preparation for menopause. Yeah, you're actually guided into menopause. You're pulled inside something, you're inside a process. And then coming back to that question of, you know, is it menopause you're pulled inside something you're inside a process and then coming back to that question of you know is it menopause yet the answer arises it's self-evident you won't be asking the question you'll be in a process and it will feel meaningful even as it may be challenging but you have I want

to say a sort of infrastructure for meeting it you have a sort of that's not the right word but you have a blueprint there's a blueprint for something so it's not like you're consciously going oh i've got to do this you somehow are just in it and you meet it i suppose there's a certain discipline you have in yourself oh and you lose it of course you lose it i mean you've got to lose it yeah i mean in a way what we're talking about here is how the changes that happen in the quickening are really building our capacity for presence and self-awareness yeah and when you have that presence and self-awareness you're then connected to the process you've been connected to menstruality and the intelligence of menstruality

holds you that's that blueprint it feels meaningful actually it starts to feel meaningful and um i felt i was in a very meaningful process you know i was literally in a transition because i got sort of my instructions and inverted commas on what i had to do with my life at 48 and seven years later i had fulfilled them you know i was coming out of menopause the other end at 55. So I had heard something within my being that I knew to be true. And I didn't know how the hell I was going to pull it off. But I set the line. I said, Okay, yeah, that's that. I don't know how it's going to happen. But I had this kind of trust. So I was in a flow of something. And it's like, and I do say this, you know, and Sharni just said it then actually, that, you know, the, well, she said,

menstruality is guiding you. Well, what I often say is that menopause has you. Menopause actually has your back, but you've got to be present and aware to sort of catch the clues and that requires a certain trust and self-acceptance in yourself and you know shani earlier was talking about you know this kindness she's developing that's growing in her towards herself and um yeah there's a sort of uh confidence and uh it isn't a super stop confidence probably

isn't the right word but a sense of knowing herself and being in something and that's going to get stronger and stronger so you're going to sort of feel almost not consciously but subtly the it's not like your you know your left brain's gonna go oh yes that is menopause coming in supporting me it's just that your being has a knowing of something has a knowing of something has an and you somehow have the wit to trust that knowing and i did have the wit to trust it. And I have to give thanks for cycle awareness over the years for giving me that capacity to just go with the clues of my being. And then there would be, for me, there was just so many outer clues. I mean, the synchronicities were just off the Richter scale they were just so interesting it is interesting and I really want to name that this kind of trust that you're speaking about or this turning towards ourselves and this kindness is so much easier when we're together with other people who are navigating the same kind of unknown uncertain bewildering experiences and i want to point people to

the great awakener well i want to point people to wise power the book and all of the community gatherings we're going to have in the lot in the launch of the book but also to the great awakener our online program which is for to support anyone who's in menopause to navigate these to learn about and navigate these five phases of the transition but it is also relevant for people in their later 40s oh absolutely and what's a beauty about this course is you can you know it's almost like you can have a trial run of something you you you because you the exercises are giving you insight into your relationship to particular skills or capacities that you're going to need then you want to be practicing them now that you're going to really need fiercely going through menopause and insight

into the different stages but because of how we set up the course you can come back you know next year and we've had people come back third year and each time it's particularly the second years but that's third year too they get so much more out of it because they've they've kind of had a year of of living with something having done it once and then they come for the next round and they can go deeper um so it's a course that really keeps on giving it's really good as a way of bringing you into this trust bringing you into yourself and this trust with yourself i just i think that would be my biggest intention for the course and i feel absolutely the course delivers on that and the community the togetherness

the community around that because it's so affirming hearing all these other stories it's so affirming the other reason it's a really great thing for people to do in their 40s is because what you're learning about is the phases of initiation and the exercises really deepen you into the skills and awareness to navigate the phases of initiation. And that's, you know, we go through initiations in our life all the time and we go through it every month at menstruation. So practicing this through the course, in a way you're getting that like that skill bedded down in your system both for whatever you're facing in your life now but also then you know in preparation

for menopause so these are life skills and and post i live by that knowledge now post menopause yeah yeah i know in terms of meeting you know the challenges and things that we're doing it's they're powerful skills tools and yeah it's just core it's core for my care post-menopause so final word time what would you share as a final word for someone who's in the middle of feeling bewildered and lost and confused and what's going on in the quickening what would you say to help them to hold themselves through this whatever you're experiencing in your 40s and often it doesn't feel good. It is challenging and confronting. Whatever you're experiencing, I really invite you to dignify it. And by that, I mean to not see it as bad or wrong or a problem but to get deeply curious about the meaning that's at work and really meet the challenges as an invitation into taking better care of yourself and into taking more responsibility

for yourself i'd like to just add one quick thing. Well, cycle awareness, just do your cycle awareness. But it's really just a final two words or three words. Take yourself seriously. Take your power seriously. Ah, thank you so much for tuning in today and for listening all the way through till now if this has really piqued your interest and you're looking for support and inspiration and encouragement and ideas as you navigate this phase of your life we really recommend that you pre-order your copy of wise power there's a whole chapter about the quickening and lots more information about how to prepare for menopause how to manage the new negotiation with power that's going on

in our beings at this time and so much more so you can pre-order your copy at wisepowerbook.com okay that's the end of our special menopause summer series. And it's now the beginning of a series of conversations that I'm so excited to have with menopausal and postmenopausal leaders and changemakers and troublemakers and creatives and all kinds of incredible people that I can't wait to share with you. So I look forward to starting that in two weeks time. And until then, keep living life according to your own brilliant rhythm.