The Morning Stream - The TMS NYE Special!

Episode Date: December 31, 2022

The TMS NYE Special! Enjoy! And donate to the Extralife Children's Network! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this a little bit of time with Scott and Brian, the host of the morning stream, which happens almost every single day of your busy work week. And we're here on the weekend leading up to the new year to help out the 2023, excuse me, I keep doing it wrong, the 23 New Year's Eve streamathon. That's right. Yes. And we're helping kids. It's 2023 shortly. That's right. We're helping the kids, you know, we get the extra life and the whatnot.

They even sent me this cool, oh, I should send you a link to this. I'll get to log into it. Anyway, the frenzy fun thing where you guys can do the hashtag business in there and donate money for specific causes here. A whole bunch of categories available. Created by a sign, a former A&P contestant sign. Oh, very nice. So, for example, if you do no respect, Mike TV will tell his Rodney Dangerfield story. Right now, that's at zero of 1,000.

Oh, really? Oh, we should have come up with. was some for us. I know. We didn't, I don't, I don't know that I knew about this, but that's pretty rad. And I say that, but like someone over there will tell me, you know, Scott, we sent you an email like a month ago and I'll say, oh, okay, well, I missed it. Actually, I think it was an email that came out yesterday or the day before. I gotcha. Well, anyway, we're Wednesday. We are happy to be here and we're excited to hang out with you guys and do, you know, have a little fun. But the goal here is, let's earn some money for charity. That's right. Let's open our

wallets, you know. And our hearts. And our hearts. right not just champagne bottles if you're in europe what else can you open there's other things right open uh open your your uh well madonna want us to open our hearts as well she did you thought i was going to say something else i did well you said madonna and then i thought about part of her career and i went you know where this is going but nope we're not going there we could have opened yeah but we're open for business everybody uh please let your let your wallet bleed out a little bit of cash before this year's up and let's help these kids because the Extra Life Children's Hospital Network is not only a worthy cause,

but it's been around for a very long time, and kids are great, man. Adults are lame. Let's let them grow up to be lame adults. Give them the better chance of doing that, okay? I've heard it said that children are the adults of the future. I've heard that as well. I think it was a little more sing-songy when I heard it, but yeah, it's close. Anyway, some of you are in here going, who are these guys?

We are the host of the morning stream, and usually on a daily basis, we do a fairly usual, structured bunch of business on Monday through Thursday. Today's going to be a little different because we're ending the year and we have an hour with you people. Yeah, there's no Indian in the middle. There's no cover song at the end. No, no, no. No guests. Sorry. Except ourselves. Yeah. I mean, I feel like a guest in our own house, don't you, a little bit? I do, yes.

But what I thought we would do, so I was really hoping Brian had seen Glass Onion before I talked to. today, but he hasn't yet. We watched the thing that we'd be using as my recommendal this week on TMS. So we thought about, we're probably going to do Glass Onion a night. Yeah. But no.

You're going to love it. You're going to love it. I can't wait. Yeah. I'm very excited. Hearing that those, that old 60s band with the four old dudes in it, I mean, it is called Glass Onion, which is a Beatles song.

So I was hoping there was some sort of connection there. There is, and they use some music, and every time that happens in a movie, my first thought is how expensive was it to get the rights to play that song? Yeah. If they're using Beatles music, very expensive. Yeah. I mean, you can do covers, I guess, right? Is there a... You can do covers, yeah, because you just basically then pay the royalties to ASCAP or BMI. I think Beatles are on BMI, if I remember correctly. Gotcha. With a few exceptions, right? The George Harrison Northern Songs, he owns his own library of stuff.

No. But the Paul McCartney, John Lennon stuff is all, well, was all owned for a while by Michael Jackson, and then Paul got it back. And then he sold it just recently, didn't he to? Somebody. Somebody somewhere got it, right? Yeah. Don't remember who, though. I don't think it's an individual, though. It's like a big old company that paid him tons of money. Yes, exactly. And it had to do with the way they got Apple music to drop the suit with the Apple record company thing and that whole thing so they could play Beatles. Remember all that? It's a big, hairy thing. I don't remember the details. But I do know this. Who owns the rights to simply having a wonderful Christmas time? Because if I own the rights to that song,

it's probably public domain at this point. I could burn it in an effigy, man. You could. You could actually, you could make it, you could basically set the royalty amount so high that it would be cost prohibitive for a radio station to play it. 100%. Yeah, I agree with that.

Well, anyway, We're glad to be here, guys. Thanks for letting us be here. And the only other thing I want to say about Glass Onion is this. It's very good. It is a great time. It makes me, it makes everybody who watches. I think even with Knives Out, people had this question.

What should the next cast be, right? And I'm 100% convinced that the next Daniel Craig led sequel follow up, whatever you want to say, to these other two movies, needs to be him at the center as usual. but all Muppets otherwise, don't you think? Excellent. Okay. Or you go the other way and everyone's a human except they do a Muppet version of him. And he voices that Muppet, but he's a Muppet. Would it be, could it be scissors out then for the Muppets?

Oh, that's good. That's good. Yeah, there are strings out. I don't know. Yeah? Glass bunion. Nope, that doesn't work. What are your thoughts?

Because I know Ryan Johnson was miffed about. having to have um knives out in the title instead of calling it just glass onion that had to be glass onion a knives out mystery or whatever it's yeah yeah that feels like executives poking their heads in and going it does it totally does well nobody's going to know yeah what this is unless they include the words knives out see i would argue and even have you know they've had two major actors including the main the main titular actor from all the bond movies in these exact mysteries. The Bond movies don't go, James Bond, colon, whatever.

It's complicated. They don't do that because people know. Well, I think they'd know here. I don't think people are that stupid. So whatever executive got it up their butt at Netflix or whoever, they were like, oh, you know, you really ought to, we need to remind people. It's like, no, people are smart. We know stuff. Yeah. I didn't need to know, you know. Another really bad example of this is having to say X-Men origins, Wolverine. yeah yeah oh this isn't just a movie about wolverines yeah see that's another example I'll bet you money somebody somewhere said well what have we added a little bit of and then they went off and had lattes at some lunch with some other executive and exactly had nothing to do with the creativity that is needed to make a proper movie well anyway so there's my thoughts on that I wanted to okay one of the things we do on the show every day is we talk about the some pretty goofy stories in the news right News of the weird.

That's right. It's usually like, hey, Florida guy set fire to a dog, and then the dog became president or whatever. You know, whatever the story is. Yeah. That never happened. I'm just using that as a fake example of this presidential dog. Okay.

So what I want to do is read some that we never actually covered, but are all things that happened in 2020 and all surprise me that we didn't see them, that we didn't cover them because these feel like things you and I would have talked about. Okay. Yeah. All right. I love this. Yeah.

All right. So while you're all peeling your cash out of your digital wallets and contributing to this extra life effort today, that's what we're going to do. All right. I just want to constantly remind people, we're here for this reason. It's for the children. All right. Look at this cool looping video they made. I'm going to play this for people.

Look at that. Looping children? Yeah, it's looping children. Although, look, Brian and I both come from a bit of a graphic design background. Mm-hmm. I think this is all really neat what you've made here. But did you have to, did you have to delay? the Diamond Club

Open and Close brackets Right on top of your year like that It's kind of... Oh, I saw that in the bottom right corner of our overlay too. It's like... It's kind of messy. Did you forget to spread those things out?

Like, did they give you several files And you just like dragged all the files? No, I got PNGs and these were it. So we... And it's fine. It's totally fine. You guys do you. You know, it's chaos.

You guys are a chaos engine over there. You know, we're like the quiet brother in the house at Thanksgiving who's like now everybody just you know calm down and eat your food and you guys over there throwing food at each other and stabbing each other with forks we get it we get it right right but uh anyway so there's a side thing uh Brian if I said to you your life depended on the answer to this question is that is a bee a fish what would you say I would say in fact no that a bee is an insect or a lagoon I'm never sure about those legumes oh those legumes you just can't trust I'm always surprised when I I find out something is a lagoon that I didn't know, was a lagoon. I always feel like I'm being ripped off when it comes to those damn legumes. I would say insect, but you're going to tell me I'm wrong, aren't you? I am going to tell you that.

According to California, they say a bee could be a fish, and here's why. In May of this year, May of 2022, a California court ruled that bumblebees can legally be considered fish under a California Endangered Species Act. Insects apparently aren't protected under the state's Endangered Species Act, but fish are. So environmental interest groups argue that bees technically fit under the act's definition of fish, which they defined as invertebrates. Gotcha. So any invertebrate qualifies as a fish now. Yep. So there are many other bugs slash insects or other species of creature that you could probably qualify as a fish now if the defining factor or feature is the invertebrate status.

are any of the members of fish legally considered fish that's a great question we need to get answers to that one because well do they have vertebrae is abe vagoda now considered a fish no wait hold on yes because his vertebrae there's no way that thing held up as long as it did like it's mushy now right in his grave right yeah well that's true okay yeah good point yeah so he's now an invertebrate he can be the fish he was always meant to be Do you ever see that spinoff, by the way? I did that I totally remember. I think we watched, I watched more of the spinoff because, for whatever reason, as a six-year-old child or seven-year-old child or whatever I was, Barney Miller was a little too heady for me. Yeah, yeah. A little too cerebral for my little mind to enjoy and process.

You know, give me whatever cartoon was on at the time, Super Friends or something like that. Now, do you mean you give you at home? Are you all too young to know? who the L. Fish is? Because now I just realized we're talking about an ancient-ass show that maybe nobody knows about. That's true. Yeah. Good point. Yeah. Sorry, you're about to say. See, Fij was a spin-off of Barney Miller.

And Bonnie Miller was a comedy set in a New York police precinct. There you go. Chicago Police Precinct. That's right. And look, if you're Fire-Fi Flans, fire-five flans. Yep, you're into the firefly. Bishop in that show was in this. So, you know, your world's

just collided. Boom. Bim, bam, boom. Here's story number two. Okay. Why does the U.S. government have 1.4 billion pounds of cheese stored in a cave underneath Springfield, Missouri? Do you know the answer to this before I read it? Hoarding, I think, is the answer. Government hoarding? Government hoarding.

I mean, they're known to, what do you call that when they, government spending is stock? Is it stockpile? Sure. Like they're the second, or no, they're the number one landowner in America. And then right after that, it's like churches, which is a little bit weird. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Churches buy lots of extra land. But now it's cheese and apparently it's buried.

So here's how this goes. In February, Utah Connection, Deseret News. It's one of our dumb local papers. It's the dumb one. I like the Tribune better. I've been to both of them, by the way. Okay, question for you, because you did all this stuff in the 90s and you went out to all these papers. Yeah.

And early aughts, I guess, right? Some of that time. Early aughts into, yeah, until 2006. There you go. That's right. You were podcasting right before, a couple of years before that ended. I was, yeah. So the Deserent News and the Salt Lake Tribune are both published or printed here in Salt Lake City.

And they're both printed and published in the exact same building. Yes. Thank you for, thank you, chat, Reg and Ego for letting us know when our cities are turning 2023. That's right. We got to make sure. We've got to keep track of this. Do we know how to count down from 10 in all of those languages? No.

I think I might know. Let's see. How does you say? I don't know any of them. Flurg, I think, is a number in one of those. Sure. Always go with Flurg. Flurg.

That's like, we have an IKEA story coming up that reminds me. Right, exactly. Well, that would be perfect, because we're talking about Switzerland. We'll time it perfectly with that. Excellent. Anyway, so they both publish and print in the same building. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that common in cities that you think they're competing papers? It's called the J.O.A, a joint operating agreement. And you find a lot of newspapers that are different leaning will share the same building. They'll have different editorial spaces naturally. They might share the same ad space. The retail ad department might sell. So this is, I bet this is even more fascinating to the younger crowd than the Barney Miller discussion. but I'll you know what I'll parapher I'll pair it down and just say yes happens a lot

newspapers save money because presses are expensive and if you've got a daily an evening paper and a morning paper then you can have that press running all the time and and printing both or at the time I don't know how many of those still exist but so they're still technically at least ideologically these might be competing sources of news but at the end of the day they're kind of in bed, right? They have to be. You know what I mean? Well, they're in bed, but they've still, they're, you can't, uh, their covers are

sewn in such a way that there's no skin-to-skin contact. So there's, they're in the same bed, but there's no touchy, touchy because the covers are, uh, separate. No, I get that. There's like a seam in the middle. Yeah. And, but, but to save money, they share the same mattress and, uh, and, uh, and, uh, spring and bathrooms and you know I think that's fascinating for some reason I was a kid I'd

went on tour there for my art class because we were doing stuff with the political cartoonist there and um some of two of which are still working there all these years crazy but um they took us on a tour and I couldn't believe that both of these things funneled into this one thing I'm like well then why don't you all just be together all the way what are we doing exactly yeah and it was bagley Thank you, Chad. That is one of them. He's awesome. All right. Let's move on. Okay. Oh, I didn't even talk about the cheese.

We don't even find out why the government has all that cheese. If you've never heard TMS, great example of how things go. Don't leave me hang it. In February. Cheese is involved, Scott. That's right. Whenever there's cheese, go all the way. In February of this year, Deserate news writer, Getangia, Punea, I don't know, wrote about surprising and very little known fact. the U.S. government is storing 1.4 billion pounds of cheese in a cave in Missouri.

Apparently, the government has been storing away cheese for decades ever since the 1970s when former president Jimmy Carter offered dairy farmers a break by having the government buy and store cheese from farmers. So that's still there. And as you know, cheese, you know, it can be stored and saved and still works. It still works as cheese. You still eat it. Sometimes it turns into a different cheese.

Sometimes it all turns into blue cheese. If you let it sit for too long. Yeah. Fuzzy cheese. I like blue cheese, but I don't like fuzzy cheese. I don't like fuzzy cheese either. No. A neighbor of mine, I'm just going to say it was the crazy neighbors.

They would just slice off the outside of the moldy cheese, and the cheese underneath would be just fine. It's like the bad cheese doesn't go any deeper than skin deep, so you just cut off the skin. So you just cut off the skin and, uh, yeah, I love it. I love it. If there's any of that going on in Missouri, but, uh, well, you never know. Missouri's a weird place with strange things and, uh, yeah, who are we to judge, you know? Yeah, don't do that with your soft cheeses, your breeze and your camera bears, but you can totally do it with your hard cheeses. So we had some, somebody made a, a block of, I think it's Swiss at the core of it, but they flavored it up with, um, a ton of, oh,

What's it called horseradish? Oh, yeah. That may sound weird and maybe even bad. But I ate three little cubes of that last night, and I thought it was magical. Really? Yeah. Now, it's making me fart like a broken human. I love horseradish.

I'm like a rotting corpse when I toot. But other than that, that was some fine cheese. I love horseradish. I love Swiss cheese, so I have no problem with any of this. It all sounds amazing. You don't mind farting and gassing up the room a little. bit when needed when you have to it allows me to get more cheese fantastic keeps other people from trying to take my cheese take that Tina what you cut the cheese and then you cut the cheese that's

right uh let's see here's so here's our next one so that's a lot of cheese I don't know what they do is it all government cheese to give it to people on well like I don't know I don't know we don't know exactly how they're disseminating the stockpile cheese but but farmers are I guess you know it just uh we're saving the cheese so you don't have to produces much cheese. Do you think it's like a paper factory where if you live too close, you just, that place just freaking reeks and you're just like,

what is that? No, it's a sugar factory. There's one in Fort Morgan, Colorado. And we drove out to see my grandmother who lives out in Brush. And you drive by the sugar factory. You can always tell when it's running because it's got a stink to it. That stink is amplified if there's like a low pressure front because it just makes that scent, hang over the highway.

No. And you don't hear vacuuming going on, do you? No, I do not. Okay, good. All right. I thought I was part of the story. I'm like, when does the vacuum come into this? This is interesting.

With the vacuum, then it really stinks. But anyway, the low pressure front just makes that stuff hang in the air. And you drive through it in your car and you can't get the smell out of your car fast enough. You have to be really quick on the keep out the outside air button on your car. to make it through that area. That sounds heinous. We have near us a Yoplae factory, or no, I'm sorry, Danin Factory. Okay.

I just mix those two up. That place for about 100 miles around it smells like death, dude. I'm sure. So bad. So it's probably a similar thing, except here you're working with dairy and sugars and all that processing just gets stinky. But easily the stinkiest thing I was ever around was this paper factory in Mississippi just about made you fall to your knees when you were there.

It was so bad. I guess I could see like because you know what newspaper does not smell good no and all the treatment they do on it was just a big stinky creation of that pulp yeah the pulp is the stinky bit is my understanding really nice town

really stunk while you were there got a purina factory on i7 that that smells exactly like you think it would smell just like dog food just like dog food it's like it's like when you drive by a burger king and you smell the flame broiling when you drive by

the purine it just smells like dog food Oh, man. I hate that Burger King smell. Not a fan. I like real broiled meat in general, like good broiled meat, but that stuff they're using smells like oil and spray and fake, you know? Oh, really? Oh, I don't mind it. I mean, if it does, I don't pick up on that when I go by it. Maybe they just need to clean the vents at your Burger King a little bit better. That wouldn't surprise me if that was the case. Or maybe they need to not clean mine because maybe that's what I'm smelling is a good filter. This reminds me the only other thing about this that I always think of when I think of stinky towns or whatever. My brother Matt, who is an adopted brother of mine, he was adopted when he was nine. He lived in Korea his life before that.

He was in an orphanage. And in this Korean orphanage, I don't know, some thousands of kids live there. And right next to it, a human crematorium. Oh, no, really? Yeah, on the same road right there. And so he says every day you'd wake up to the smell of burning bodies. oh my god and they weren't doing like some fancy clean room process at the time this is like the 70s and 80s it was like really bad and so everything always smelled like dead body so he he ended up with this like aversion to anything that had to do with death so anytime anyone's ever died in our family aunts great uncles grandparents my dad whoever it didn't matter he can't come to the funeral because it makes him think of that terrible smell every time even though that doesn't even people are getting buried yeah Not even going to a near a crematoria.

It doesn't matter. You can't do it. It just can't do it because of the smell. Yeah. That's amazing. So that'd be like us living by this, this cheese cave, going to a restaurant. They're like, ah, have you tried our Gouda? And you're like, oh.

No, no cheese. No Gouda, please. No Gouda. No Gouda for me. It's no Goud. It's no good. All right. Here's this story.

This happened this year. This is the IKEA story I was telling you about. People naming their babies after IKEA product names is a thing. In June of this month. month or this year the furniture store ikea offered its catalog as a way to come up with new baby name so they're the ones pushing it okay oh really ikea's the one okay gotcha they're the ones says following an uptick and births in norway since 2020 some parents may need to help with a deciding on a name so ikea in norway which is where they're based offered to help after three years is this is a

quote ikea has built up a large catalog to pick from says a spokesperson what would it take for you to name a kid after like an end table or whatever um i'd have no problem naming him after the ikea bookcase oh all right because it's billy it's just billy is that it's billy yeah billy the bookcase why don't i know i feel like i should have seen that i don't know that uh the jonathan colton's song ikea even has a line billy the bookcase says hello that might be where i remember it okay something whose name is ingo it goes through a lot of the product names uh i feel like that's cheating though right because you're basically just, you know, like choosing a name that you would already be fine using. Yeah. If I were to, let's see, I want to find just a random product from the IKEA catalog here.

Let's see what you got. You got like a Borca, like a Buno, like a Burga, like a Borca. Oh, a Borca. I do the Borca, sure. Would you? Yeah. Borka Johnson. Yeah, let him, let him be mad. Let him be pissed his whole. life that we named him that but at the end of the day it'll be tougher for it you know are they doing any sort of like um if you do use one of our names you get free ikea for a year or you always get a 50% discount when you come to our stores well now you're talking i would do that free meatballs yeah because a kid a person can always go down to the courthouse 50 bucks and they're done they can change their name sure sure but you have to have the like you need for this one you need the oh you just get the

product. Yeah. You just get a you just get so I'd get the bookcase. It's like, oh well, maybe I want what's the most expensive thing you make? Yeah. Which, yeah, that's

so okay, but that makes it interesting. And then what you do is you give them a really solid middle name so that when they make the switch or even always, just call them by their middle name. My friend Andrew is, that's his middle name. His real name is James Andrew. So we just call him Andrew. So people just call you Andrew, but then when you go to, I

Key, say, well, I'm Billy or I'm Borka or I'm whatever, and then you get your free meatballs or whatever you do. Right, right. Maybe that said, Lifetime Meatball. Lifetime Meatball. Yeah, Lifetime Meatball. What about Cungsbeka? Cungsbeca Johnson.

Oh, I don't know. I feel, it feels. Because it's your whole kitchen set up. So you could get a whole new kitchen. Really? Yeah. Yeah. See?

Do that. So really, Cunzbeca or whatever. Uh-huh. But then your middle name is like Jeremy. Right. And you just go by Jeremy. Yeah. And then only, but when the IKEA police come around, you go, oh, it comes back.

Come to the door. Your patrons are here. You know, and then Jeremy, you'll have to remember. Oh, right. I have that weird first name. Yeah. Does naming your child Alan count as an IKEA product? Only if you got to have wrench in there.

Middle name wrench, yeah. Alan wrench Johnson. Yeah, you got to have that or forget it. Then there's no point. No point. Is it spelled? Is Alan wrench? spelled the same as Alan the name?

Is Alan and Alan? It's spelled with an E. So it's A-L-E-N is the type of wrench, I think. But some people could be called that. And some people do spell their names, A-L-L-E-N. Yeah. Not technically A-L-A-N. Right. But I've seen some A-L-L.

I mean, Woody Allen's last name is spelled like that. Oh, right. He's like an Allen wrench and also apparently a purve. All right, moving on. Right. Here's one. This is, what is this one? Oh, yeah.

Hey, wait, wait, we're two minutes away. We're 90 seconds away. 90 seconds. Okay, good. I'm glad you're doing that. I actually put it up on our... When we have 30 seconds left, we're going to run down this list of names. We're going to go crazy.

It's going to be great. I can't wait. Okay. Where are we now? Oh, okay, here's one for you. People threw a lot of soup and cake at famous paintings this year. Soup and cake. Yeah, we didn't cover this, but a bunch of environmental groups got it into their heads

that the best way to get environmental change was to throw a of soup at the Mona Lisa or whatever. Yeah. Which is hilarious given in the movie I just watched. Anyway, this year was full of stories of climate activists throwing food on paintings. From a cake attack on the Mona Lisa to mashed potatoes launched at a Monet, no painting was safe.

But the one that got the biggest splash occurred in October when two climate activists, who honestly looked like two skater kids at the freaking parking lot at the 7-11, I just wanted to smack those kids. I'm going to say right now, we're 30 seconds. 30 seconds. Here you go on this list. Yep, here you go. They threw Heinz tomato soup at the Van Gogh painting in London's National Gallery before giving themselves.

Or no, I'm sorry, gluing themselves to the wall. Right. Don't you feel like shouldn't they have done that to a warhol? Wouldn't that have been just hilarious to throw Campbell's soup at the Warhol? Campbell's Soup painting? Maybe they meant to and didn't do it. I don't know. All right.

So we're at five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year, Europe. Germany, Norway, Switzerland, Austria, Paris, France, most of Spain, Italy, Poland, Netherlands, with exceptions. All terms apply, if you're in the Netherlands. Nigeria, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, Tanzia, Tunisia, Croatia, Algeria, Bosnia, Herzegovah, Slovakia, Chechnya, Hungary, Morocco, Angola, Chad, Central African Republic, Gabon, Benin, Cameroon, Cameroon, I almost said Game Room. Equatorial, Guinea, Albania, Kosovo, Serbia, Slovenia, and Niger. Nice. Happy New Year to all of you.

Did Iceland already get their time? Did that already happen? Iceland would be, oh, how is this? It would be, yes, Iceland would have been before. Would have been somebody else. Probably Mike TV, probably had them. Probably Mike TV because, yes, it would have been, it's east of, um, uh, uh, uh, Scandinavia so east of Java east of Java yeah there you go uh well uh well it's too bad there

wasn't on this list because I could you know my daughter is literally there tonight I I take that back it's going to be an hour until there so you just you still have an opportunity wish your daughter a uh wish your daughter a happy new year and have it still be I'm gonna do it who will be so will that be Tom Merritt who rings that one I'll be Tom Merritt yeah Tom Merritt gets to gets to welcome in New Year's Eve for your daughter. Very nice. I can trust him with that. That's good.

Brian, we're going to play a little game. Let's play a little game, Scott. I've set something up for us. Go for it. For you, really, because I can see the answers. You know, all sitcoms, TV shows seem to have a very special Christmas episode. That's true.

And, all right, this cat, go. Sorry, you're done. You're knocking everything off my desk. Everything. She loves you and wants your attention. That's all. She does. She really does.

I know why she does, but that's for another story. All right. So I'm going to give you a synopsis from a very special Christmas episode. Let's do it. And you need to name the TV show. Now, I'm going to be very careful about not giving away too many names because the list I have actually has character names and I might be too much of a giveaway. All right. All right.

Ted almost ruins Christmas for everyone when still carrying around anger towards Lily he calls her a horribly disgusting name. Ted and Lily. Ted? Oh, oh. This would be Did I make it?

No, that's Leverna and Shirley. Hold on. That's Leverna and Shirley. It's, uh, Mary Tyler Moore. show. It is not. That would be how I met your mother. Damn it. I never watched that show. The episode is called

How Lily Stole Christmas. Crap. All right. The party planning committee feuds resulting in two rival Christmas bashes. The boss gets dumped by his girlfriend

for the holidays. All right. Read me there's a cat again. Read me that one more time. Sure. The party planning committee feuds resulting in two rival Christmas bashes, the boss gets dumped by his girlfriend for the holidays. Oh, this would be, oh, wait, first, this is for the one I got wrong.

But I have a feeling I'll get this one right. That would be the American office. That is right. A Benihana Christmas is the episode. Is that, that's not the one where Kevin brought the chili and dumped it all over the entry way of the office. I don't remember. Because that is the most, that is the most. You can't even make any reference to the office without me thinking of that.

Oh, really? Oh, it doesn't even matter. You could say, favorite theme. You're like Jim Halpert looking at the camera and I'd go, Kevin dumping chili on the carpet. That's all I'd think of. That is the...

I cannot help it. All right. One one so far. One one. I'm not keeping track. So as long as you keep track. All right. Frankie wants a part-time job at a department store

so she can get a discount on Christmas presents. Brick is cast in a holiday play at church. Brick. Uh, what was the first person's name? Frankie. Frankie? Mm-hmm. Um.

This one I didn't know, so I'm really glad that the chat room knows. Yeah. Oh, uh, um, no, it can't be. Frankie Munez is his real name. Right. Frankie. Oh, shit. Frankie a girl or boy or can you even tell me?

I told you. That's she. She? She, okay. So she can get a discount on Christmas presents. Frankie? I don't know. I'm going to say, uh,

look out for the girl in room 2016. I don't know. I made that up. I have no idea. The middle. The middle. It's called the middle. Yeah.

Oh, I almost said Malcolm in the middle, but that wouldn't account. I know. I know. It's funny that you were thinking that, uh, maybe you subconsciously were poop. Poop. All right, I'll take the hit. Two losses here. All right, go ahead.

At Yuletide, J.D. videotapes a baby's birth. Turk sees an onslaught of patients in a scene set to a macab choral reworking of the 12 days of Christmas. Turk. Oh, I was just talking about this show the other day and they got a revival coming. This is That 70s show. It is not. Oh, Scrubs. Oh, Turk!

Turk! I know that Turk Frick, his best friend Turk. Damn it. Yeah. All right. I was so sure that was it. I don't know why. All right. Next up. All right. Busted for shoplifting

manages to keep the incident quiet until he returns to the store for the family Christmas portrait and the news is devastating to his mother. So I stole something? Yeah. It's still a sitcom. Busted for shoplifting, this character manages to keep, or the son character manages to keep the incident quiet until he returns to the store for the family Christmas portrait, and the news is devastating to his mother.

Family. I don't know if I'm allowed to ask this. Is this a three-camera laugh track-based thing? It's not. Okay. That helps me actually. It's more modern. Yeah.

yeah um well the only family i can think of lately it's not going to be a rest of development i would say it's probably oh the um uh the the the the gold far bar i'll tell you that there's zero cameras involved oh there's no cameras no cameras involved in the making of this how is that possible oh because it's it's animated that's still cameras though well are there i mean in the old days you You would take pictures of cells. That's a valid point. You're actually right.

I didn't think of it that way. It's all digital these days. Yeah, you're totally right. There's no, the camera is virtual. I guess, you know what? I guess when this episode was made, it would have been cameras and cells. Yeah, good point. I'll say the Simpsons because I don't know.

Say the Simpsons because it's correct. What was the episode? What was it? It was called Marge Not Be Proud. And Bart did it? He stole it? Bart Shoplifts. And then they return to the store for the family Christmas portrait.

And the news is devastating to Marge. Oh, poor Marge. All right. Hey, I feel good about how we got there. That was fun. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Husband gives wife cookware for Christmas with an ulterior motive in mind.

But when she gives them an expensive gift, he suspects she's up to something. This really doesn't give much away, does it? No, not really. But I'm going to, my first instinct I'll go with, I'll say this sounds like, married with children or something? It is, everybody loves Raymond. Damn it.

Yeah. That's a tough one. I got you cookware. That's what he's doing. On the eve of Xmas, the two main characters flee the robotic Santa who kills those he sees naughty.

Oh. Meanwhile, another character volunteers in a mission for homeless robots. Oh, it's Futurama. Of course, yes. I love that one. That's a classic. You know, I knew saying

Fry and Lila would be one thing, but seeing if I could, there was no hope of me getting that one past you. I think you had me at Robot Santa. That would have been the trick right there. There you go. All right. On this show,

one of the characters returns to work after his 12-year strike is settled. Another character gives holiday gifts in his co-workers' names to a fraudulent charity. Oh, um, Is that Arrested Development?

It is not. What is it? It's the People's Fund, Seinfeld. Oh, shoot. I should know this. I watched the show on repeat. Gosh, dang it. It reminded me they had a similar storyline with a fake charity,

but I guess it wasn't around Christmas. But they had the whole thing where, what do they call that? Festivus. No, no, no, on Arrested Development. They had a whole storyline. I can't remember it. But the family was in trouble because they made this fake thing. I don't remember what they called it.

Anyway, it was good. All right, this is going to be a tougher one without the names. Husband and wife promise a blue Christmas to their kids unless they come clean about a recent transgression. Meanwhile, a couple partners take their daughter for her first picture with Santa. Oh, probably modern family, modern family. That's a modern family, yes. Nicely done there. That was a good hint.

I like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a, you know. Let's see. I like that you hesitated. That was good. You're like, yeah, partners. Yeah, that's what we're calling.

Two friends on this family show have a thing or two to teach Santa Claus about holiday cheer after the jolly old elf gives them the brush off at the Cohag Mall. Oh, Peter. Family guy, geez. Exactly, yes. All right. The Cohawk part was going to be hard to not do. Exactly. It was like, let's just go right to the end.

It's Christmas, but Archie is not feeling festive because of an error on the job resulting in his losing a bonus. Archie. I don't want to jump to conclusions here. Just making sure I'm covering all my Archies here. Yeah, a few Archie's out there. I mean, probably Archie Bunker, so it's probably all in the family. It is all in the family, yes. I was afraid it was like Archie, Archie the comics guy or something.

Yeah, I know. I was thinking you might try and guess Riverdale. Yeah. Even though I know it's supposed to be a drama, I consider it a comedy because it sucks. Yeah. Take that world. Take that fans of Riverdale. I hate your show. Hot take. Hot take on this half hour, or on this quarter hour or whatever. We're on. All right. The family is dreaming of a Christmas in Colorado, but their mood turns blue when they get snowed in at an airport en route. an en route meaning on the way not a place called route okay yes right snowed in at an airport on the way on the way to Colorado what else can I because if I give you the last name it's a giveaway um geez maybe I just give you the last name and we we we just well let me ask you this

well I'll start with these hints is laugh track or no yes laugh track Friends? It is not friends. If I would have said the Tanners, that would have been the giveaway, right? Tanner's. Maybe not with me. I don't know. I can't think of the Tanners.

Isn't that, uh, uh, is that Rosanne? Oh, no. No, it's not Roseanne. Not, uh, Full House. What's it? Full House is the Tanners. Is that where they were? Is it full house?

Yes. Oh, that show. Man, I avoided that thing like the plague. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. and I were of the age where like Friday nights suck fest yeah dude I wanted nothing to do with any of that I'm 90s kids no no offense but some of us were like entering our 20s and we were like

what are you watching these horrible sitcoms they were bad right conners was razin I should know that because then they did the conners yeah um the gang attends this character's office holiday party and just frets when she receives an expensive gift from paul paul yes Paul I'm glad you focused on that name and not the other name I gave me. Wait, give me the other name. What was it? The gang attends this character's holiday office party and Jess frets when she receives an expensive gift from Paul. Jess.

Oh, uh, uh, oh, uh, Schmidt and everybody. Yeah. Schmidt is the other name that I took out. Oh, geez, new girl. New girl is correct. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That was hard.

Dickens A Christmas Carol inspires this episode featuring the sun as the family Scrooge Oh my god Now she's getting on the This cat Lock her out

Dead today or something Okay God dang it Oh geez I'm sure you heard that I did You also glitched the post That was my entire lightbox

Oh Did I glitch? yeah you did i was hoping it wasn't your router or something that was just funny timing because you got a froze for a minute i'm like up she got the router crap now i forgot the hint can you give me the hint one more time oh sure dickens a christmas carol inspires this episode featuring the sun as the family scrooge well who would have been scroogey

okay uh that's a good that's a good thinking yeah like who what character is kind of a scrooge type dude I kind of remember this. If I ask decade, is that unfair? I'll tell you decade. 80s. 80s. Oh,

um, uh, McFly. Um, you know. Yeah, yeah. Family.

Family-freaking ties. Family ties is correct. Holy shite. Oh, that one was painful. Okay. All right. Let's see here. This is another, oh, God, any name I give you from this one.

Yeah. Male character brings animosity to the company Christmas party where female character hunts for men and other female character and male character embarrass themselves at karaoke. What? This is like, ah, man, because if I, again, because if I, again, give you one name. I'll give you one name. Uh, Michael. Michael. And Lindsay. I'll give you Lindsay and Michael. It was the only two I'm giving you. Well, there was, can this, is it possible? Is it possible this is already one we've done? This is just a different scenario, but the same show. This is one that you've guessed for another one, but got it incorrect. Well, I think this

might be the office then. It is not. Michael and Lindsay, no. development. Shit! Lindsay! Duh! Oh my gosh, that's embarrassing. I didn't want to give you Job or maybe, because those kind of would have been the...

Frick. All right. The spirit of Christmas manifests itself at their location, beginning with a potluck party for the orphans. One character is determined not to let a mortally wounded soldier die on Christmas. What? That's a hell of a comedy routine they got going there. Oh, this counts, though.

We just, I, of course, this is, um, uh, oh, uh, oh, it's a, oh, it's a mash, it's mash. It is mash, yes. Oh, my gosh. I eliminated 407, 7th, and BJ. That's right. It was BJ and he was like, he was going to make that heartbeat right up until midnight. And then he did, I think. I think you got away with it.

All right. I like this game. The trio, except their landlord's invitation to a Christmas party, but are then asked to one that they'd rather attend. The trio. The trio. Except their landlord's invitation to a Christmas party, but they are then asked to one,

invited to one that they'd rather attend. The trio. Okay. I'm going with. there's so many sitcoms of three people that are the main things yeah uh hint uh decade what decade are 70s 70s 70s late 70s oh uh uh tripping into the age jack tripper uh freaking uh what's it called all let no wait i'll get it right hold on come on three's company two three's company there you go well done oh geez i had to do the song to remember it oh you did that was great i love it

One character plans Hanukkah fun for his son Ben, who is more interest in Christmas. Another character stirs up tension between two other characters. And finally, the last character lacks finesse in tipping restaurant waitstaff. Pretty sure this is the one with the Armadillo thing. It's friends, right? Was it friends? That's exactly right. It's friends.

All right. An innocent meeting with a disgraced councilman lands Leslie at the center of a sex scandal, disrupting her plans for the winter wonderland festival. Leslie. Oh, Parks and Rick. That's right. Yep. I like that.

The names do make it easier. Leslie was a little bit. I left out Pony, and I thought, I'll leave in Leslie. That was good. It was good. Pony would have been 100% like no hesitation. Alan starts dating a Martha Stewart-like perfectionist who takes command of the house during the holidays.

Alan. Alan? We just talked about this and so it missed me up. This one spelled A-L-A-N, if that helps. Alan? Martha Stewart-like? I know. This one I don't know.

It wasn't the one that I, oh, you know what? Yeah, it was the one I know I just typed in the wrong first word of the title. I don't know who Alan is. Decade? uh nine uh two thousands two thousands oh boy two thousands into the 2010 um i'll say uh big bang theory two and a half man oh this same guy made that show what was i thinking it's right yeah you had the damn it oh getting all worked up for the new year here all right uh because he's jewish this character is denied involvement in the nativity play and looted from trips to see Santa

because he's Jewish means there's kids involved I think a decade on this one God this one's been around for a long time it has been around for a long time 90s into 2000s into 2010s

really long one then into 2020s I think Um And there are kids involved Four of them specifically Okay one other hint Is it A laugh track or no laugh track

No laugh track Oh no no I remember this No no no That's something else another character says Heidi Ho Heidi Ho Heidi Ho Heidi Ho

Hidy Ho neighbor Heidi Ho neighbor Heidi ho neighbor Heidi ho Yeah Heidi ho Yeah Oh

South Park That's right Nice one That was a good one Let's see One of the characters goes on a quest to find the meaning of Christmas after he awakens in stop motion animation.

Oh, that would be Ahmed or Abed in the community. It sure is, yeah. Good. I would have felt bad getting that wrong, given how much you love that show. I would have felt like a slub. Yes, you as well as you should. And my secret Santa gift arrived from Rishi B,

and it's a Troy and Abed in the morning t-shirt. What? Awesome. That's a good one. Uh, Christmas brings no tidings of comfort and joy to L, who's, and I'm just giving you initial L, whose colleague starts dating P, uh, S drives everyone crazy over his adherence to gift-giving etiquette. S.

L, P, and S are the character initials. Oh, oh, uh, that, that's, that, that is big bang theory. That is big bang theory. Okay. Yeah, hold on. S is Simon. No. No?

No, that's the actor, Simon Helberg. Oh, right. I can't think anybody's name's on that show. Gregory? There's no Gregory. I'll just give it to you. Leonard, Penny, and Sheldon. Thank you.

Gosh, dang. All right. I had a big crush on. I guess you know that. Let's see. The coach's workouts nearly crush holiday spirits, but there's magic when he moonlights as a store Santa. Is it coach?

It's not coach. Damn it. What is it? Well, I don't know. Coach Cutlip. This is one that I know the name, but I don't recognize Coach Cutlip from. Coach Cutlip? Yeah.

From what show? I don't know because it won't show me the answer until I type it in. Oh, I have no idea. Never heard of that. That must be old. I don't know either. Yeah. All right, we'll come back to that one because somebody in chat will say it.

Yeah, yeah. When her parents ditch her during the holidays, Liz devotes herself to a charity program. Jack's holiday plans are scratched and he takes out his frustrations on the crew. Oh, Jack. That's Jack. That's the gay, the gays. Hold on.

Oh, thank you, Tom to go. So that is it. Yes, it was Wonder Years for Coach Cutlin. Okay. This one that you just did, though, is the gays. The gays. It's all the gays in it.

uh, freaking offerman's wife's in it. She won on Emmys for this. Oh, you're, uh, yeah, okay, I don't know what you're going.

I'll help you out and say Will and Grace. Oh, that's it. Will and Grace. Oh, it's not correct. Damn it. Uh,

30 Rock. 30 Rock. Liz. Liz Lemon and Jack Donnie. Damn it. Um, a blizzard freezes plans for Christmas Eve at this family's house, which means it is,

not the for them not the title of the show wait a minute read that again give me that one more time I can a blizzard freezes plans for Christmas Eve at this at the the titular family's house rather than at the titular family the family

main character family's house which means it's not the title of the show for them I'm adding that last bit as a clue I know because it's it's such a vague like special Christmas up said, oh, they're stuck in a blizzard.

Yeah. Hando did figure it out from my clue, but, but, I don't know. Yeah, Ralph is asked to come over and shovel. Ralph is asked to, like, right? Oh,

uh, um, Ralph. Uh, I don't, I, I, I, I don't know this one. That would be, uh, family, or I'm sorry, happy to his. Happy days. Ralph, Ralph, Ralph, what the frick am I thinking? Damn it.

Oh, that felt like I should have had that. The staffers are miffed when Jimmy responds to their thoughtful gift with cheap presents. Jimmy? Jimmy. This is another one I don't know just based on... Jimmy? Jimmy. We'll be rating Tom in five minutes.

Yeah, five minutes. We're doing it. Jimmy. Oh. uh is this uh jimmy yeah jimmy is played by okay it's uh it's uh um uh jo rogan was on it um oh sure uh the guy jimmy the character jimmy played by yeah jimmy james is james owns the station and the name of it is what kind of station is it it's oh it's news radio is what it is shit. Do I get that? I'll give you that. Sure.

You know the show. You just can come up with a title. All right. We have one more. Let's do one more. We'll do one more here. All right. The husband's holiday spirit is scrooge-like when it comes to tipping. And later, he makes an unholy mess of a nativity scene set up by his wife's parents. What? I don't feel like I've seen that. You've definitely seen this one.

His wife's parents. yeah oh it's Seinfeld no no no no that's a different no but keep on that track okay you've got it you've got it really yes that track you're so you could not be more on the right track if you tried is it the one with um I'm gonna assume that means I sure at least a character oh no no no they share an actor this is um Jerry Stiller going over to the the the UPS man show. His name is Kevin James and the show is called Every Day is Every Day with Kevin.

Nope. Here we are going with Kevin. What's that called? Hold on. Man, the man. I can't think of it. The man. I'll help you out.

It's the King of Queens. Oh, shit. But it's not. It's not it. It isn't it? They share a right, a very prominent writer, Larry David. That is curb your enthusiasm. Oh, it's curb.

Shit. Well, I clearly lost your amazing quiz. That was fun, though. Yeah, I wish this was written in a way where it, like, wasn't, oh, well, all right. The Brothers Crane wrangle over a whole host holiday festivities and Raws. Cozy's up to a apartment store Santa. Yeah, yeah. No, that's great, though.

Where did you nab this? It's a good one. Sporkel. Sporkel is a really good site for trivia quizzes like this, and usually they're timed. And, well, in this case, it's timed. We're still on 26 minutes. Yeah. No kidding. Well, here's the deal, everybody. We're going to turn the keys over to Tom Merritt. But before we do, a reminder, please give to this charity. Please help out kids. Okay? Please do it. Look, they're all, you know, a bunch of them are in hospitals tonight. That sucks. Nobody wants to spend New Year's in a hospital. And we really want you to do it. So please do. In the meantime, if you enjoyed yourself tonight, and you haven't checked out TMS yet, we do it Monday through Thursday. Lots of guests, lots of content, lots of regular episode content that we do all the time. Music, also, sorts of cool stuff, and you can find it at frogpants.com slash TMS or wherever you get your

podcasts. A big thanks to the folks at Diamond Club and ritual misery for letting us be a part of this this year. We really appreciate it. Brian, you have anything else you want to mention before? I don't have anything else. Just happy new year, everybody. Stay safe. Be kind to your your fellow people out there and let's make 2023 even better than 2022, which is so much better than 2021. Yep, let's go out there and kill it. That'll do it for us. Thanks for listening.

We'll see you next time.