The Morning Stream - TMS 2144: let’s do X together

Episode Date: July 15, 2021

I think a bird just fell off my shirt! 7 Ingredient Dipshit Supremes. 10 regular size Hamsters or a Hamster sized dog? Monkey Butts and Sugar Science with Bobby. They Were All Along The Watchtower! A public toilet, but for faces! Poorly translated pet water. Bezos Knows a Penis. Selfie Stick... or Lightning Rod? You Just Can't Willy-Nilly" This Stuff!" Gotta go walk the Hamster. What am I to you? A sot? The X-Ray Doodle. Ooops i crapped my pants. Reccamentals and more on this episode of The Morning Stream. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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to get Blue Chew at Blue Chew.com. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code TMS at checkout and pay just $5 shipping. That's bluechew.com and the promo code TMS. Coming up on TMS, I think a bird fell off my shirt. Seven ingredient dipshit Supremes. Ten regular sized hamsters or one hamster-sized dog. Monkey butts and sugar signs with Bobby. They were all along the watchtower.

A public toilet, but for faces. Poorly translated pet water. Bezos knows a penis. selfie stick or lightning rod you just can't willy-nilly this stuff gotta go walk the hamster what am i to you a sot the x-ray doodle oops i crapped my pants therapy Thursday and more on this episode of the morning stream stranger how is it your pants have colors and flared legs he just smiled and said i'm wearing Levi's dull has gone out of style and how

This is the morning stream. It's just what the doctor ordered. Welcome back to TMS, everyone. It is the morning stream for July 1.5th, halfway mark. That's right. Yeah. Beware the aides of July. Yeah.

Doesn't roll off the tongue quite yet, but we'll get there. It's Brian Ibit over there, and I'm Scott Johnson, and we're doing a morning show called The Morning Stream. If this is your first time, well, tuck in because it's a good meal and we'll help you go about your day. You can't see this at home. So much pressure, Scott. Like, you're telling, like, the people who are here for the first time, now we have to really, like, put on a show for them. Yeah, performance anxiety. We could have just let it go.

We could have just said, new people. Yeah, I know. We could have. but now I've pointed it out and your shirt will be all the brighter for it. That's true, yes. You guys at home can't see this, but Brian is wearing the brightest yellow awesome shirt. I've worn this shirt on the show before. I don't know.

I don't remember it at all. I don't know why I don't remember it. It seems like it's the kind of brightness that would be burned into my retina, but I don't remember it. But I love it. I want one of them. And I want to wear it the same day, so we both have one of these on. How about that? Yes.

No, I'm alone wolf, Scott. I have to wear the Hawaiian shirts alone. Gotcha. I feel you. Look, sometimes we've got to make decisions and they're hard ones. Hey, uh, welcome back, everybody. Good to have you here. We got a show lined up for you that features some science and some, uh, some therapy Thursday and all that, plus a bunch of other crap.

So stick with us and enjoy it. Uh, real quick, uh, follow up here. Uh, I mentioned on the show yesterday, maybe a couple of shows now where, uh, my daughter's dog Ripley, Ellen Ripley. uh has had some sort of ailment that's causing her to like cough and hack almost like whooping cough and a kid it's just really violent and terrible and um the other night it was all night and last night she slept because we got her some cough suppressant uh at the vet there uh but anyway the vet confirmed what we already kind of suspected she's got a rotten case of kennel cough and uh that's basically whooping cough for dogs and um you can't

transfer it to humans yet i'm just saying we're working on it yeah if we you know that i mean covid-19 jumped from a what a bat or a bird or whatever a goat a pig yeah so this is what happens the animal ones stay where they're stay put until they don't and then oh no it gloms on to us and before you know it we've all got kennel cough but anyway a little bit of puppy pertussis yeah it's pertussis is whooping cough right is it pertussis i think pertussis pertussis perthus think Now that I say it out loud, it doesn't sound right. Protesis. Somebody, we have many, many scientists in the chat room right now,

one of whom can confirm. We have doctors. We have a couple of vets who write in. I don't know if they're hearing the chat. They're busy taking care of some dirty cat right now. So they probably can't be. Bobby, Jeannie, both confirming pertussis is whooping cough. All right.

Well, it's kind of like that. Pertesis is what they can. There you go. Anyway, she's just a sad mess. And she's such a sweet dog that she's, She just looks like she doesn't understand what's happening to her. Anyway, doctor confirms it, overcharged for the confirmation, and then immediately handed Carter the suppressant and then some antibiotics or some sort

that's supposed to take care of this. So that's fun and good. And last night was way better because the dog had the suppressive medicine and slept. Like the dog slept. We all slept. Thank goodness. Everybody slept. however we have to we're playing the quarantine juggle game here because you it's very contagious

between dogs and the other two in the household Jim Rainer the female dog and boomer Battlestar galactica's boomer these two dogs don't have it yet and um we're trying to make that stay that way so we're keeping them very separated we got to keep them separated as the song says so they got to like eating separate bowls make sure they don't share the same water bowl clean out their bowls and we're done all this kind of stuff one goes outside the other one stays far away then you let that one out so it's a little bit of a juggling act but i'm happy to say i think i think we're we're on the mend here and uh here's the warning here's the little warning uh this probably came from a communal water bowl at the farmer's market last

yeah man wow this is what you get so when you're drinking out of that water bowl it's like you're drinking out of the mouths of the last 10 dogs that your dog was with something like that. Yeah, basically. Yeah, you're just, it's a public toilet for dogs, except it's where they put their faces, but

apparently there was a little mini breakout over there, or outbreak rather. And she's not the only dog to get it. There's been a bit of a rash around here. So anyway, thanks for all your nice thoughts and everything. She's going to be fine. Dear, dear next door. Uh, this is a warning to any dog that drank out of the communal water bowl at the farmers market.

That's a perfect next door post. Why don't I make one? I would be. Actually, that would be like the most, uh, like there'd be no toxicity, right? Uh, you and your snowflake liberal dogs got my dog sick with your tainted water at the farmer's market. While I was shopping for broccoli. Uh-huh. for some fresh garden fresh broccoli so yeah just uh i guess i'm saying be careful around those kind of bowls you never know what you're gonna get like dog parks pretty bad with that um they make some really cool like um there's a thing you can attach to the top of a water bottle

that um that has a little bowl on it and you just basically screw the cap of the water bottle screw the cap on or screw this bowl thing on and then tip the water bottle up and it fills the bowl with water and the dog can drink out of it and then you tip it back up and the water goes back into the water bottle right so that's a great idea yeah so um i love that is it portable look for one of those and then you can yeah totally portable because it's really like it is really a thing this big yeah that the dog doesn't need a lot of space to drink out of a water you know out of a uh a little cap thing like that sure sure so um look for one of those and then you can just bring your own dog water and not have to roll the dice on yeah we're not doing that again

I don't want to do this. Tainted water. Yeah, we don't want any more tainted water. It sucked. It was like, she's just so miserable. It's sad. If she just ate and then as a coughing fit,

it means there's an 80% chance. She's going to hurl her entire breakfast up just because she's gagging so hard. So she did that already. And the smoke outside, the haze and everything doesn't help. That's not helping. No. Although that was better yesterday and looks a little little clearer today. So I don't know where we sent that smoke, but it seems like it's.

Oh, we got it. It came over here. Okay. All right. Great. Yeah. Well, we'll keep it coming. You know, as we get more, as we get new smoke, we'll, we'll pass it.

We'll keep passing it your way. So don't, don't stress about it. But, yeah, actually, that is nice. We didn't have, we had these horrible few days of just soup in the sky. It's just awful. Yeah. And then yesterday was, yesterday was okay. Just looks like it's, uh, it looks like it's overcast, but you can see sky through the, through the haze.

It's weird. Yeah, you see like a red sun. It's not good. It's, it's cool. looking. It's very post-apocalyptic film looking, but we don't want that in real life. No, I like that in my movie's not in my real life.

Oh, did you see that trailer for that colony show or that colony movie? By chance? No, not yet. I saw I saw it recommender, came up in my Twitter feed or anything, but is it good? Does it look good? It looks great. So it's basically I don't know what to compare it to. It's like Waterworld meets

I don't even know. I don't even know what to call it. It might be terrible. I don't know but it looks like it looks like it's my jam and i only saw you know this brief little trailer bit and it's you know i don't even know what the story is but the setting seems to be the planet's gone to shit and a bunch of humans escaped and then when they came back to see what was going on they found a bunch of humans that stayed and and they're living like water world surface dwellers and it looks it looks rad so that's cool all right i'll watch the trailer after this hey can i can i direct your attention to a link that captain kipper just put in the chat

room. So this is a link to an Amazon product. Similar to what I was describing, actually, this is even cooler because it's a water bottle that has a built-in silicon bowl, but it's like it's a rubberized silicon that you just basically peel back like a leaf and you turn it inside out and it becomes a bowl. Look at that. That's awesome. So same effect you were talking about before. It still pours in sort of when you dip it, but you've got a like a retractable bowl here. That's awesome. Yeah. Now, I want to direct your attention though to the description just the title of this this item. Dog water bottle

Yeah go ahead. Dog water bottle for walking. Tiovery Pet Water dispenser feeder container portable with drinking cup bowl outdoor hiking travel for puppy cats, hamsters, rabbits and other small animals. Hamsters? Wow.

Like are you a... Wow. Hamsters? Wow. Like we get that you go. Are you taking your hamster out of its cage plopping it into this thing and then we get that they're maximizing their search potential by putting every word possible in a title but hamsters really hamsters okay you're walking your hamster uh taking hamster and why do we have puppy but not kitty we just have cats yeah what's up with that and are you taking your cat outdoor hiking a lot of questions here it's really just for dogs i mean come on there's no other no other pet you're taken out for a walk that you need this portability maybe it's those little shit dogs.

What are they called? A little dog. Chihuahua? Maybe they look like a hamster. A little hamster guy, kind of, sort of, you know? I see. A dog that, a hamster-sized dog is what you're... Do you want to fight 10 hamster-sized...

No, regular-sized hamsters or one hamster-sized dog? No way. How's that all go? I don't know how to go. I don't know either way. Anyway, Carter, hey. Carter, go look at that. See if that's something you want, because that seems pretty neat, actually. You go, 1399 on Amazon, and Captain Kipper did not put a, use his personal link to share it, so missed opportunity.

Gosh, I wonder if it's been translated from a foreign source, descriptions such as excellent pet water bottle or high-quality, healthy material. Happy number one water bottle for you. That's right. Leaf-shaped bowl. Oh, wow. Okay. Big enough for your pet. Oh, this is great.

I'm sorry, I have to read some of this. Okay, so they have a whole promo page here. This is all poorly translated. Okay. Portable drinking vessel for pets during walk or travels. Eugenomic bottle with a nicely shaped leaf. High quality silicone durable in use. Easy to operate. All right, those are fine, but here we go with this one.

Foldable leaf-shaped bowl. Big enough for your pets drank anywhere. drank, D-R-A-N-K. Dr.A-N-K. Drink anywhere, yeah. Super easy to use... That's if you feed your dog a purple drink. Yeah.

I like this. Just flip out the leaf-like part to make a bowl, made of 100% food-grade silicone. It can help prevent... It can help prevent health issues coming from public water dispensers. Like, it's not so bad that you don't understand it. Right, right, right. But just bad enough where you're like, ooh, you almost had it, guys.

like they had their best translator person working on this and uh yeah oh this is great you and your lovely pet will have an easy tidy and more fun journey with this new fashion bottle wow by doing this pet feels the drinking joy from people that helps further growth interaction between pet and pet owner that's great that's great keep on go keep it on there there you go Chinese bottle makers we adore your horrible text for sure Brian how was puzzle

pint last night yeah actually well we went Tuesday night I forgot to mention this yesterday but I gotta say they this feels like a little too coincidental Scott oh alright just gonna say so I'm gonna give you a link

this is a link to a PDF this is one of the this is one of the puzzles we had Tuesday night I'll put in the chat room as well all right okay this gives you an ID of the kind of stuff that we do on when it's Puzzled Pint Night. And you've got a grid like a word search up top. And then you've got

pig heads scattered all throughout that grid. And you're not really given any instructions on what you're supposed to do, which is typical for Puzzled Pint. But like you see, oh, this little blank prevents food from entering the windpipe. And there's a little pig, a little pig head in the description.

So instead of giving you a list of words, it's giving you descriptions, but there's a little pighead in there. So it says, this little pighead prevents food from entering the windpipe. And the pighead is just a stand-in for other words? It's the idea. It is not. Okay. But if you know what that thing is in the human anatomy, it's the epiglottis. Yeah.

Prevents food from entering the windpipe. And epiglottis contains the word pig. Oh, I see. So what you do is you go up in the grid above and you'll... find epiglottis it's there across the very top and you circle that right so you go through and then the middle one um this little pig is nonsense well you can't think of a word that the pig you know with nonsense in it but hog hog hog wash is nonsense sure enough the middle column is all hogs right so your first column is all pigs your second column is all hogs your third column this little blank can

be corrugated or this little pig can be corrugated well cardboard yeah but but but where is it Oh, a boar, sure. Oh, bore. So you're looking, you find in the grid above cardboard. Okay. Kinds of pigs, guys. Pigs, hogs, and boars in each column. Yeah.

Once you've cleared all those out, you're left with a few letters that have not made it into, that have not been selected. Okay. And so you go through and you look at those, uh, those remaining letters. And it is Wart Hog from the Lion King.

Oh. Oh. Oh. I, uh, pumba then. There you go. Yeah. Like, wow. This feels a little coincidental.

It's a little on the nose. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. So we get our answers done. We take it up there and they say, oh, good job on the pumba spelling. And I'm like, oh, yeah, well, that's, it's part of your life. It's easy.

Yeah, we kind of know that one. Like, yeah, did you have to look it up? Like, you know, we knew it. Wow. How did you know it so well? Like, a long story. Very long. A long story.

Give us the next puzzle, please. It became the tapestry of our lives for a number of months. That's right. Exactly. That's awesome. Kind of a cool idea, though. I like this pig idea. Yeah, it's a fun.

It was a really fun puzzle. Can you tell me if the, so on the front page there are these drinks lined up on the side. I assume that's difficulty. The top right corner. Yeah. Is that difficulty? Like three out of five? That's difficulty.

That's three out of five. So this is a three out of five puzzle. Okay. Cool. So they did that with drinks. That's smart because they want people drinking. That's the whole point. Yeah.

Yep. They don't make their money from the cuisine. They make their money from the drinking. That's right. Right. So this is like one of like seven puzzles that we got that night. But it was the only one that felt like it was ripped right from the pages of TMS. No kidding.

Did you win? Like, how did you fare? There's not really, we completed all seven puzzles in our, I think our fastest time ever we did in just about 45 minutes. And usually we're an hour to an hour and 15 minutes for all seven puzzles. Yeah. But, yeah, for whatever reason, we were just clicking with those puzzles, and we nailed it. We got through them really quick. Nice.

Nicely done. Yeah. So if you go, you know, people listening to sound of my voice, if you just go to PuzzlePint.com and go to puzzles, you can actually download the July batch of puzzles and see how you do, you do with them yourself. Nice. They're fun. Yeah, they are good. And you don't have to drink to do that. You don't have to drink.

As a matter of fact, Tina had an Arnold Palmer. She did not imbibe. What'd you get? What'd you have? I had a cider. Oh. I did imbibed. Because, you know, I was in a tap house.

Yeah. They had cider on tap. They had a dry shilling London cider, and I enjoyed it greatly. And you're Brian Ibitt. Like, I don't, when I say that, I don't mean you're like a drinking fool. I mean... A lush. Are you calling me a lush?

No, but if you're in a place that's got like a nice... What am I a sot to you? Am I a sot? I don't even know what that is, but if maybe you are, I don't know. But if you're in a place that has something nice, like a nice cider, you're not going to go, ah, I'm not having that, right? Absolutely. Yes, I'm totally going to partake. Well, good for you.

Let's get Bobby in here and partake in some science. Yes. And sitting on this one for about a week, I'm very curious about it and excited to talk to him about it. So let's bring him in and play this thing right here, right here. I think science. I'll make you go poo-poo. Hey, look who it is. It's Bobby Frankenberger all the way from South Carolina.

Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. With our own Brian done away. Hello. Hi, Bobby. Funny seeing you.

I barely recognized you. It's been so long. It's been a while. It really has been a while. We haven't had a Thursday where this all made sense yet for a while because of all the weird holiday crap and trips and stuff. But we're good now. I usually see you on my TikTok feed.

Something will pop up and go, did you know that if you combine sugar with a monkey's anus, you're going to achieve cold fusion. Oh, the sugar and the monkey's anus, TikTok, yeah. It's probably his most popular TikTok, actually. Yeah, that one's got all the views. But you're on there a lot for me, like not even in my follow page. Like, my, for you, you pop up a lot even though I follow you. So it's crazy.

Anyway, the algorithm knows what I like, I suppose. Anyway, Bobby's here. It's good to have you back. How have things been since we last talk? Things have been great. I've been uncharacteristically in a great mood considering it's the summer. I don't like the summer. Yeah, I don't like the summer as much as I used to.

I don't know what it is this year. I think it's the smoke and the early heat. I usually like a little more drawn-out summer. It's just weird this year. But you guys down there, you're just constantly sweltering in a pig's butt. So I get it. It's that. That is half of the problem, more than half of the problem.

The other half is that I'm constantly surrounded by children. Ah, yes. Parenting never. Which I guess has been all year anyway, so, but it's, you know when, because they're going to be going back to school in September and you know when like, you're not feeling you're almost done. You're almost there and it's just feels like it's taking forever. I get you. You're getting trunky. That's how they used to say it.

Yeah, a little bit of trunk trunkiness. Well, it's good to have you here. We're going to talk about this thing that you'd sent over earlier in the week. And it had, it had terms I like, like, like crab nebula. and supernova. You like that? Yeah, I do. I like that kind of stuff because it means we're going to talk about space.

No, we're not going to talk about Richard Branson sort of not really going into space. We're not talking about that. Although, I guess he did, he got to prance around in his little plain thing and have some low gravity or no gravity, right? Yeah, we did something really cool that I think we would all like to do. Yeah. Oh, of course. Yeah, I'd love to kiss the outer atmosphere. That'd be cool.

I think the whole argument is dumb, though. Like, people like, did he go into space? or didn't he? Like, who cares? Like, why do we really care who gets the title of richest, first of a super rich guy to get into space? Yeah, it's a good point. But you know what? I feel like, of all of our billionaires, I kind of like Richard Branson the most.

Like, I like him more than Musk. I like him more than Bezos. I feel like I could have a cider with Richard Branson. Ah, yeah, you would. Virgin music is probably what we would talk about. He definitely seems like the most fun. You think it's because he's the most fun. Warren. And so we don't have as much kind. Like, I feel like I barely hear about Richard Branson ever until one of these things comes up. But we hear about Musk every freaking minute. We hear about Bezos every other minute. It's like, I guess Bill Gates is kind of, you know, under the radar. But you hear about him more than you hear about Richard Branson. But Branson, like, like he, you get the feeling that he's, he's just trying to do cool, fun stuff and he's not trying to pretend that he isn't, you know? Like, yeah. There is a.

certain boldness to his, like, whatever, I'm just doing what I want to do. Yeah. But billionaires, notably unaware of things around them. I feel like they don't really see the larger picture sometimes, and so they kind of annoy me. But also, you know, it's not like government entities are pushing the space program as hard as they used to. And so in some ways, this stuff is exciting because. At least somebody's pushing it, you know? And part of it may be for ego, you know, I don't know why Bezos's ship has to look like a penis.

I don't know what that's about. And his logo looks like a penis. Like, what are you doing over there, Jeff Bezos? I know he's seen a penis. In fact, I think didn't he get busted for sending pictures of his own to somebody? Like, what I'm saying is like these guys, I feel like they're doing it for their reasons. But when I see it, I go, all right. It looks like we can maybe land a rocket.

that's really a huge advancement that maybe we wouldn't have made without that investment put aside that Musk is whatever or anyone else is whatever like there's something about that so I don't know like part of me is like yeah exploration or whatever

but maybe you could and people always say imagine what one of these guys could do for world hunger if they just put that space thing to the side and did this instead and my answer to that is they have enough money they could do both of those things and four other things too.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I don't like those kinds of like this or that arguments because it's silly because you can have those arguments forever, right? Well, and then eventually it just starts boiling down to

you having to decide which super terrible problem is more important because then it's like, okay, now we're putting all our money into world hunger. Well, why are, you know, you're trying to solve world hunger, but what about climate change? What about cancer? You know, like... Yeah, you can go, you're right.

You can go a million different ways and everybody want to tell billionaires what they should do. I do wish they were more. I wish they were all more like Jeff Bezos's ex-wife who just seems to be giving away most of her money or a lot of it, not most of it. Give away most of Jeff Bezos. Yeah. Oh, they'll both be fine. They'll do just fine. Yeah, they'll do just fine. So instead, let's not talk about them.

Let's talk about this crab nebula and what you found out. There's a whole thing about it like a thousand years ago. And today, and you were talking my language and you sent me this, so tell us what we're doing. Yeah. So there's a new kind of supernova that was discovered. That's the headline, right? Like a new type of supernova was discovered. It turns out that this new type of supernova, there are many different types.

But this new one that was discovered actually seems to be the type that caused the crab nebula that many of us are familiar with, which is that cool, very colorful, pretty explosion-looking nebula in space. So a supernova, in case you don't know, is just, that's just when a star collapses under its own, like, immense gravitational pressure. You know, those things are so big, they crush into each other. And then when it finally collapses under its own gravity, it explodes. Right. And creates a supernova. It's a massive explosion.

and these are so big that they're very bright and can it's supernova are the source of basically all the heavier elements that we have in the world you know um the famous uh carl sagan quote that were all star stuff that's from supernova's exploding and creating all the elements that create the whole universe it's very cool um but uh their one type of supernova had always been theorized it was called an electron capture supernova. All right. And it was predicted back in the 80s by an astronomer Kenichi Nomoto. I'm not good at pronouncing. And that guy's name was Sting.

And he was amazing. Anyway, go ahead. And he was a university of Tokyo astronomer. He predicted back in the 80s that this type of supernova must exist. So this was like 40 years ago. And as with a lot of things in astronomy and astrophysics, you predict them a long time before you ever observe them.

So, yeah, well, there was another, in 2018, another astronomer came by who happened to also be a Japanese astronomer. He was an amateur astronomer at that, which is cool, noticed a supernova back in 2018, told the astronomical community about it, and pretty quickly after it happened, too. They happened to see it like just hours after the supernova occurred from our perspective. And from our perspective, that means how old was that actual explosion in time? I think it was, I wish I had that number right in front of me, but I think it was only 30-something light years away, maybe 60-something light years away, which is, in astronomical terms, it's pretty close. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, so that means it actually occurred some decades ago. Right. And we're just seeing it now. Right. But so astronomers got to point all their telescopes at it and gather data just three hours. after it started and so they got to collect tons of data about this and they determined that this was in fact the predicted electron capture supernova oh wow and and with all the data that

they collected because what you can observe about a supernova in different types the thing that distinguishes different types of supernova are are the type of light that comes out of it which tells you what sorts of elements were inside the star when it exploded what sorts of elements it It's creating, all that kind of stuff, which then will tell you how big the star was before it exploded, all this kind of stuff. And they were able to gather all that data and see what would a nebula look like after the fact, after this supernova. And it fits the image, or not necessarily the image, but the profile of the crab nebula. And the thing that I think that's so cool about that is that the crab nebula, and a lot of of people might not know this, but humans actually observed the crab nebula being formed.

It was like a thousand years ago, 1054, we have, we, in the year 1054, we have these A. D. I guess it would have been A.D. Right. Yeah. A.D. Yeah. And we have records. They actually wrote this down that in, I think, Asian astronomers, I think Chinese astronomers, astronomers specifically, I could be wrong about that, but they wrote down that a new star had formed in the sky, and it was around, you could see it during the day for 23 whole days. That's how bright these supermarkets are. And they were like, a new star is born. And then after 23 days, you couldn't see it.

But it was still able to, this was so big, you were able to see it in the night sky all over the whole world. for two years and then it went away so wait what were they seeing so they were seeing what this the beginning of the end collapsing on itself and exploding so that was the actual they were they were seeing the actual explosion okay okay the actual supernova because when it explodes it's the the light that is created is intensely bright in all the spectrum okay so what we see now what we're observing now is aftermath of that but it's just that now we can reach out further and see that stuff, whereas a thousand years ago, you know, they probably thought it was God farted or whatever they thought back then. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yes, exactly, because it would

have had to have been bright enough for them to be able to see it without the aid of telescopes. Yeah. But now we can point like the Hubble telescope at it. And we never knew. It was that connection that was made. Oh, where the Crab Nebula is now, that's where people saw that star a thousand years ago. To me that's just so neat that over the course of recorded history we've been able to document

a star exploding and the resulting very beautiful crab nebula that formed after it. That's just, there's something really cool and poetic about that to me. Do you think the fact that I mean this is all purely based on whatever theory is currently

held I suppose, but since we're seeing the crab or this nebula in the way that we're seeing it today, that means that we're seeing it 60 years after its current state, right? We're seeing it, we're seeing what it looked like 60 years ago. 60 years ago. So in another 60, or in the 60 years that have passed and we just don't see it yet, which means in another 60 we'll see it, what else would this look like?

Would it look the same? Because we're talking about cosmic stuff could take a billion years to do anything, right? So it's not like suddenly we're going to be looking in there and go, oh, the first little planet with the people are on it. There it is. Like a whole new Earth or whatever. It doesn't work that way, does it? It definitely changes over time and it will be different another thousand years from now.

To be clear, so that you don't get correction emails by nerdy astronomers. The crab nebula is like six and a half thousand light years away. The 60 or 30 or 60 or whatever, that was the one that was noticed in 2018. Okay. So the crab one, though, that's very possible that in another thousand years, things could look, you know, different there, right? I mean, I don't mean there'll be life on planets and I can see birds in the sky. It's not what I mean, but you might be, you know. Certainly it will look different, though, because the reason that you can even see it is because of all the complex interactions of, like, energy and light from moving through the huge gas of elements that are floating around.

So that is going to continue to spread out from the force of the explosion that happened a thousand years prior to what we're seeing. and eventually that will just spread out and and maybe new stars will form from from that maybe not but but um it'll eventually just spread out yeah do uh scientists have a way are they monitoring stars that seem like they're close to collapse so that maybe in our lifetime we can see using the technology and the telescopes that we've got see a star collapsing on itself and exploding into a supernova? Yes. Yes, absolutely. There's one in particular that astronomers are super excited about. It's called, it's got another cool name. It's Betel Juice. If you've heard of, you've heard of that. Yeah, yeah. To say it three times. I won't say it anymore. But that one has been being talked about, it comes up in the news all the time, because it appears to be like the type of star based on its size, the type of star that it is, how old it is, and what we We know about how the lifetime and life cycle of stars, it's at the end of its life.

And it's probably going to go supernova any day now, quote unquote. That's what the headlines always say. Any day now, but in astronomical terms, it's like sometime within the next thousand years, it's going to explode. That's like a space day is very different than our day. Yeah, exactly. Whether we like that or not. Somebody in the chat, I forgot who did it. Captain Kipper was it?

yeah uh put up a link with the crab nebula's various um light uh states so if you look at it with radio you see a very different thing infrared visible light ultraviolet x-rays and gamma rays those are those look like very separate things like they don't exist in the same place but those are all being just sort of looked through by different lenses at the same nebula which is really rad like that x-rays one the hell's going on there i mean that looks like a a little black hole looking thing with it. Like something that the Enterprise wouldn't want to get close to. Yeah.

That little doodle hanging out of there is going to hit the Enterprise and send everybody into a new dimension or whatever. You're going to watch out. The gamma rays are the ones you've got to watch out for. Isn't that what made Hulk? Yeah, that's what made Hulk. Yeah, that's what made Hulk was Gamma Rays. Yeah, right.

Yeah, hopefully Bruce Banner can push Rick Jones out of the way for that one. Oh, I got, sorry, this is unrelated. Well, it's related to what Brian was just saying and what you brought up with the Hulk, but I just wanted to mention it because it comes up on the show sometimes. The reason that we don't see any more standalone Hulk movies

isn't because the two Hulk movies that came before weren't good enough to make more. And the Hulk was incredibly popular in the MCU, you know, the Mark Ruffalo stuff. But intended, incredibly popular. There you go. Very nice, very nice. However, I looked it up or did a bunch of research

and the only reason any of this doesn't happen again or the reason that Disney Plus doesn't have at least the 03 one. I'm not sure they have the 08 one. They may have that on on the Disney Plus channel, but they don't have the old O3 one because Universal still has the rights to Incredible Hulk

usage. Oh, really? Okay. So it's interesting. So we've got them on loan or Disney has them on loan for Endgame and Infinity War and Rite and Iraq and all that stuff. I think they have some special arrangement that just basically says, look, if he's

the focus, then we get him. If he's not that's fine or whatever. I knew the O3-1 was outside of the MCU. That's true, too. Like, there's no MCU connective, no, the connective tissue there, whereas 08 had what Tony Stark showed up and... Yeah, and Edward Norton Jr., and I want to say...

Black Widow, right? Wasn't she in there? Black Widow showed up to, no. Wasn't it her first? No. That was her first showing, no? Nope, because she, uh, because we talked about this.

That came out a month after, um... Oh, Iron Man 2, she was in. Iron Man 2, yes, she was in Iron Man. That's right. I thought Edward Norton, being a butt was a butthead was part of that whole thing, too. Or maybe that's why they didn't make more after the first one he was in. I don't know. Something like that.

Yeah. Because they really tease us getting the leader in that, right? We get Tim Blake Nelson, who you see his silhouette with growing the giant forehead thing in the background. But they never followed up on that. So the leader. But it is official, it is officially in the MCU can. Isn't it? Yeah, it is.

Yeah, and that's why we're probably going to be seeing where it looks like we're going to be seeing the Abomination, Emel Blonski, in Shang Chi. He's in the trailer. It's very cool. I'm totally into that. Yeah, Thunderbolt Ross, that's where he started in that 08 movie, that actor. What's his name? Anyway, he's all through the M. He was.

William Hurt. And he was in the last two movies. He was in Black Widow. Yeah. Oh, was he? Okay, see? Some of this stuff just to keep. hanging on, man. John Hurt. No, not John Hurt. William Hurt. William Hurt. It's not the elephant

man. It is... Right. John Hurt had his... It is broadcast news. He was the alien chessburster, John Hurt. People are thinking of. Anyway. That's right. Yes. Good stuff, as always, Bobby. We started with space. We ended with the Hulk. I can't imagine a better way to do it. Well, there's... It's connected. There's a nebula is in the MCU. Hey, look at that. There you go. Yes. She's a cranny. She can be a crab sometimes. She's a cranky crabby. She's a crabby nebula.

Father's kind of a dick. Anyway, hey, why don't you tell for the fine folks in home where they can get more science coverage from Bobby Frankenberger? You should definitely check out the podcast I do with my amazing science-e co-host, Maura.

She and I do a podcast called All Around Science, and you can every week we talk about science news like this and some fun topic we just got done the one that came out on Monday we were talking about

Rome and the theory have you ever heard the the theory that lead poisoning because Romans used lead they made their pipes and aqueducts and stuff out of lead that lead poisoning

contributed to the fall of the Roman Empire? No I didn't know that I know. I thought you were going to say it was built in the day. All this talk about it not being built in the day. Yeah, it was aliens. That was going to be my theory joke. That's all right. It's fine. It's fine. We stole it. So, wait a minute. Is that true? Do we know this, that the lead did it? Well, I don't know. I guess you'll have to listen to a Monday's episode of All Around Science.

I see what you've done there. All right. Oh, teased, sir. Check it. And also check out his TikTok channel. It's very good. And it's always a pleasure when those pop up. Bobby Frankenberger, have a fantastic week, and we'll see you next time. Bye now. I like space. Space is cool. Space is cool.

I'm a fan of space. Also occasionally a fan of this. It's time for the news. Brought to you by. Brought to you by a sneeze. Oh. Oh, it's coming. It's coming.

Oh, wow. Thank you very much. Wow. It was a long time building to that one. That actually changed us to the central. servers. Yeah, I think a bird just fell off of my shirt when I did that. Hey, Coverville

is happening today at 1 p.m. Mountain Time to celebrate the birthday, or what would have been the birthday, of Bon Scott of ACDC. If he were still alive, he'd be 75 freaking years old. Well, about a week ago, he would have turned 75.

So Coverville, of course, going to be ACDC covers. All your favorites. You know, it's a long way to the top. if you want to rock and roll, highway to hell, back in black, dirty deeds, all that stuff. Balls to the wall. ACDC. Yeah, remember that song?

Balls to the wall. Remember that? Yep, no cover of that one. A whole lot of rosy Thunderstruck, TNT. Wait, it's Thunderstruck. There'll be T's in songs I don't have a covers. But isn't it, Thunderstruck? That's a, what's his name, John Brian Johnson joint, isn't it, Thunderstruck?

No, it is. Yeah, I'm covering the whole game. Oh, you're just doing the whole band. Okay, got you. Yeah, it's just ACD. and I'm not limiting it to just bond scott stuff yeah yep they have a lot of run in the gamut very nice i love me some acdc so yeah an episode to watch there you go uh let's get mountaintime uh twitch tv slash coverville very nice our first story today lightning strikes in india kill 38 people in 24

hours including 11 that we're taking selfies oh geez now i have a takeaway on this and also i don't love reveling in the deaths of anyone, but that's a lot of selfie takers. So my thinking is, if you, okay, let's say you're out in the rain, thunderstorm rain. The idea is like don't have an umbrella or don't have a, you know, stand close to a tree. Right. Is that still true? I guess the tree thinks true, right?

Yeah, you just don't want anything, you don't want to be next to something metal and tall or just tall. right right right so I wonder if these people had lightning or sorry not lightning what do you call them selfie sticks or if they were just doing one of these oh yeah it could have been yeah that's interesting possibility that would make sense right because you're you're holding something taller than you that's made out of metal they don't get into it but they say the majority of the deaths occurred in the western state of russia fan tan where 11 people died after being struck by lightning as they pose for photographs near a watchtower. Well, that's probably why. They're near a watchtower. They were all along that watchtower. They were all along the watchtower. It's the end of BSG again. Let's see. This is according to

the police there. Senior police officer Anad Siravisdava said some of the victims were taking selfies near the popular tourist attraction in the city of Jepur when lightning struck on Sunday evening. He said at least nine people were killed and

nearly 20 others were injured in separate lightning strikes when the state was last with thunderstorms and monsoon rains um that's a lot 38 people man it is a lot i'm curious as to how many people died at the same time and you know staying in that watchtower or if you know it was like uh pium boom boom boom like it was taken lightning's taken about one by one or if it was uh one big shot yeah yeah i assume it was probably multiple people i would assume so too if it was all you know all of these people died at the same or all these people uh died next to that watchtower because uh yeah yeah pretty rough though man i don't want to get it's crazy hit by lightning i wonder have you ever been close to being hit by lightning no no i mean not to my knowledge

anyway i haven't been standing near a tree that got hit but there have been times that you know we've just been in the house and we hear we see the flash and hear the lightning immediately so no it was close It was really nearby, yeah. Yeah, we had, I was in a car once that got struck, but because you're rubber on the road, you're grounded. Right, you're grounded, yeah. So nothing happened, except I want to say that radio quit working or something like that.

But it was, it was a long time ago. I know, I can't taste salt. Well, that would be a bummer. I wouldn't like that. That would be a bummer, yeah. Yeah, my wife just made Jambalaya with a perfect amount of salt. I would enjoy that much less. Anyway, so sad for those folks, but,

that's intense. I don't know if we, that may be a record. Yeah, for sure. They don't say, but it might be. Scary stuff. Speaking of scary stuff, Taco Bell employee set off some fireworks inside the restaurant causing fire and then accidentally lock themselves out because they're dummies. Because they're dipshit Supremes. Yeah, dipshit Supremes. Same seven ingredients. Dip shit supreme. That's right. Taco Bell employee was arrested on Monday in Nashville, Tennessee after she and her co-workers allegedly set off fireworks inside the place, and it caused everything to catch on fire. They watched this happen from afar because they accidentally locked themselves out of the place.

The incident occurred on July 5th at one of the fast food chains locations in Tennessee's capital city, but the investigation into how the blaze began took a turn on the 8th when the restaurant management called fire investigators to report the surveillance cameras had captured their employees playing with fireworks inside of the establishment. According to the footage, the employees had been seen. locking the doors to the dining room to keep customers from entering the business. The video then shows the employees running around the inside of the store with fireworks in their hand. Now, one, I'm not justifying what they did, doing this in a closed place in a building, bad idea.

Yeah, yeah. But in the south, they don't have the same, like, we hear this out here in the West and we go, it'll burn everything. The whole world will burn because we have really strict fireworks laws during the summer when everything's really tindery. You think, though, right? Because there's still people setting off firecrackers here in Colorado, and it's been dry and hot.

People are still dumb, but, you know, we're a little more of like... There's dumb people everywhere. Yeah. But, uh, we're a little more tender to it here just because we, you know, half of California can burn down with one guy's dumb fireworks. So it's like that. So over in the south, though, like where my wife grew up in Mississippi, they had fireworks all year long and they're constantly having wars out in the yard and shooting at each other.

And it's no big deal because everything's wet and swampy and never going to catch on anything fire. Now, you don't do it in the house, but, you know, Her brothers would run around the yard and just fire bottle rockets at each other until one got hit. Oh, we did a thing one year. God, this is a long time ago, but we had a bunch of bottle rockets and a fence between us and the kids who live down the street, the neighbors, right? But they were in the next yard over, so we had a fence between us. And what we were doing is lighting the pop bottle rocket and then tossing it up in the air so that as it spun around, it would.

then kick in and go and fire down in a direction you didn't know it was basically like what direction is it going and you could kind of like if you looked at it you could almost see when it was going to go and you kind of toss it up

and hope that as it makes its arc it's pointing on the right direction to hit the guys on the other side of the fence but yeah that was stupid it was stupid right now completely stupid it was a bad idea we did a lot of that as well when I was younger it was a thing we did

and we got our when fire works were like, uh, stringent because there'd be new rules because of a particularly dry summer, we would drive to, uh, Wendover, Nevada? Yeah, Wendover, Nevada, right? Okay. I don't know. I've heard the name, but I didn't, I don't know what state it's in. I think it's Nevada. It'd have to be, because they have a casino there. It is in, it's funny. I type Wendover and I get Wendover, Utah, Wendover, Nevada. Uh, I think, Google, I think we're right on the border and so on one side, you can go to casinos and on the other you can't. Um, it is. It is, it is Nevada, but, but, it. Yeah, it is apparently.

Okay. Well, we'd go down there because they sold, they didn't care. They had, they had like the full-blown M-80s and all like the big stuff, and so we'd buy it there because we were dumb teenagers. That's what we did. And I don't regret it. I have no regrets about going to Wendover. Wendover's even got one of those big waving cowboy signs.

It's pretty great. I was going to say it actually does. The Wendover Will, that's his name, Wendover Will, not Bendover Will. No. Wendover Will. Neon Cowboy. He's on the Nevada side, but the Best Western Plus Wendover Inn and the airport are on the Utah side. Yeah, weird, right? So you fly to Utah and then you go check up the cowboy in Nevada.

Yeah, that's what we did. We would do that. And they also had, I can't remember if we ever went in there. Well, they had all kinds of, like, it just seemed like a different planet because they had all these, like, you know, debauchery over there. They had. Sure, they allowed everything. They allowed it all, man. As far as we know, they had strip clubs.

We never looked, but maybe they did. I don't know. But they were right across the street. Very weird. Anyway. Yeah, there's one over a bill chat room. You see him there? Wow, why is there?

There's a place called the Danger Cave State Historical Monument. Oh, Danger Cave. Let's go into Danger Cave. Ooh. It sounds like the Hardy Boys, like where the Hardy Boys would go. I'd go to the Danger Cave. Sure. Yeah.

That's, uh, they used to, I had a girlfriend named Danger Cave. Just kidding. Uh, moving on. Hello. Those guys are dumb. in trouble and they deserve it to get. Okay, moving on. Elon Musk in the news, but this isn't really about him. He was giving testimony in a Tesla lawsuit that was about this acquisition of Solar City. They're doing a merger with the big solar company. Actually, that's who, I think they've

done a merger because solar, we have solar panels. We bought them from Solar City, but now we get bills from Tesla. Right. I think it's done, but there's a lawsuit around it. Gotcha. Something about who knows it's like any business stuff there's always when there's this much money there's always something going on in court but um they merged with them for two point six billion dollars so that's probably why but anyway he's sitting there giving some testimony and the uh the test let's see the uh the the Tesla lawyer vomited in the jury box just like hold on a second and just horked it in the in the jury box which uh the impressive part is that he did it from the witness stand

uh says Elon Musk's testimony in a trial concerning the electric car company Tesla was interrupted when an attorney vomited in the courtroom causing the trial to come to a temporary halt. Uh, the attorney was sitting in the jury box when he vomited according to Mr. Musk's testimony in the broader proceedings for two hours while staff cleaned out the area. Uh, the lawsuit claims, uh, this and then they get into the whole lawsuit, which we don't care that much about. But, uh, with the jury please rise? Oh, I already want to say. step ahead of you. The jury's excused. I'm out of here. Yeah, the jury may now retire. Oh, well, don't worry.

We're halfway out the door. Yeah. I mean, obviously the guy just fell like crap, but Your Honor, I'm going to put my headphones down and go throw up. I was going to say. Like, you have, you had the most graceful out of anyone's ever done for that sort of thing. Like, I had to leave the tail end of TMS, or not

TMS, DTNS yesterday when we're doing like post-show stuff. Yeah. Because these pills, the doctor has me on, let's just say, out of nowhere, you got a fruit and you got to go. You got to get up and go. You got no time, no time. Yeah, I hate him. I freaking hate him.

All right. Final story today before taking our break. Tiger King, Joe Exotic. Yeah. I'm sorry. It will not be played by Nicholas Cage. Yeah. Real name Joseph Molonato.

I've got standards. Can you imagine Nick Cage passing on something as he has standards? Joseph Molinado Passage, as you know him. I hate his name. I hate his real name. Yeah, yeah. His 22-year sentence has been vacated by federal appeals court. The 10th Circuit Court of Appeals found that the lower courts made a mistake

by not grouping both murder-for-hire convictions together with the sentencing of Exotic, whose real name is Joseph. Who cares? While his sentencing was vacated, Molinato Passages' convictions were upheld, and he'll be resentenced at a later date. So he's, this is the only temporary thing. It's just a little temporary bonus for him, gotcha. It's a little like the technicalities can really hose you in a court thing.

Yeah, Bill Cosby. Yeah, the Jello pudding can tell you all about it, for sure. Anyway, he was convicted in 2019, applauding to kill his rival, Carol Baskin, as well as a, or sorry, counts of animal rule. cruelty. You mean that bitch, Carol Baskin? Yeah, sorry. Got that, I always forget to put that bitch in there. Malinato Passage hired two hit men on two different occasions, though his end goal on purpose was the same. Thus, the acts or transactions of the two counts shared a common criminal objective. Her murder said the court district erred by not grouping the two murder for higher

counts. So it's the definition of a technicality. However, it doesn't really help him. He's probably going to get the same sentencing roughly. Yeah, yeah. But I, you know what, as much as this stuff's like, oh, man, technicality, whatever, I'm glad that they, I'm kind of glad when this stuff comes up, because then you're like, I know it's not perfect. No justice system is, but I like when there's a goof

and they feel like they have to go through all the rigmarole to fix the goof. Otherwise, if you can, if you, I don't, I just don't think you can just willy-nilly this stuff. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. So I'm kind of glad when they do this. I'm not happy when it results to somebody like Bill Cosby being free who admitted what he did.

It's not like. Yeah, right. But in the case of Joe Exotic, it's all very complicated. Anyway, we're going to come back in a minute with an email for Wendy for Therapy Thursday. But before we can do that, I'm told, I was just told from the control room, we have to play a song. Brian, do you have one? I do. This is great stuff.

This is a group called Smoking Area featuring Kalk-B-H-O-K-K-B-H-R-R-R-I-L-R-I-N-I-N-I-L-N-A-L-L-A-L-N. Yeah, pronounce that. Okay, I'm looking. It looks like, it looks like those are the letters in your Scrabble tray that you're not going to be able to do anything with. Oh, my gosh. K-P-K-A-O-H-O-M. Cap-O-H-O-M. Cap-P-P-P-P-O.

That's really weird. smoking area wrote this about the song and said it was a long time ago we used to smoke cigarettes together at the same place however we're separated today and as she went to a better place but i stayed here forever waiting for her to come back again i miss her so much so i don't know where they're from but um sounds like it was translated yeah uh all right the band is called smoking area but that band name is even you're hearing the song as well the song is called waiting here it is we'll be right back And so, you know, BOR, BOR, BOR, BOR,

BOR, BOR, BOR, BOR, BOR, BADC, It's too late to let me apologize for my mistake. That chocolate cake for my birthday is too late

Not even secrets all this time I've been waiting I've been waiting In smoking, I've been waiting for you I've been waiting I've been waiting in smoking area, I've been waiting for you. I am waiting in the smoking area. I am waiting.

In the smoking area, I am here. And I know where you are at this time. The day Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,

We're scared together I just want to stay And move on Maybe Forgiven, but I'm Comfortable, okay And just saying I've been waiting

I've been waiting In smoking, I've been waiting, and smoking are here, I've been waiting for you I've been waiting I've been waiting In smoking barrier

I've been waiting for you I am waiting in the smoking barrier I am waiting In the smoking barrier I am here And I can't know where you are at this time Hey, guys. Let's talk about Blue Chew. You know what's summer and camping season. Let's talk about those tents you got to pitch. That's right. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew.

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that's blue like the color blue bluechew.com and use the promo code TMS receive that first month for free and get that $5 off on the shipping pretty great visit bluechew.com for more details and more important safety information and we thank bluechew for sponsoring the show today if you look like me you wouldn't wear a shirt either I bear them This is the morning stream. That's maybe one of my favorite Fletcher's. Brian, that song again was. That song again is a waiting room.

I'm sorry, waiting by the band's smoking area featuring Kpaqom. Sounds like a ricochet of a bullet or something. I know. I'm like looking up, I'm doing the typical Google thing, which is pronounce. Puckolm. Let's see here.

Okay, hold on a second. We've got, uh, uh, there's no, there's nothing that says pronounce. I found,

I found their sound cloud and I found, um, it's all I found though. Yeah. Did not find, uh, a way to pronounce it. Well,

bummer. They've done themselves a disservice by having a wacky name and no way to know how to say it. Totally. Totally. Just search for waiting by smoking area. Perfect. Quick note while we went for Wendy to arrive. Yeah.

Tomorrow, the instance, Garrett's out of town for two weeks. And joining me tomorrow will be Alex Albisu, who's currently in the chat there, despite his crappy voice. I was going to say, aren't you a little concerned about having his voice on your show? I mean, I think a mic can fix a lot of that. I'm going to try to do some post-production work on it. I think there is a fixed crappy voice filter in addition that you can use. Yeah, I'm kidding, of course. He'll be here tomorrow, though that's not a joke.

He will be here. And the week after that, John Jagger will join me at some point in some future sit in if Garrett's gone. I think even Bobby may swing by. So yeah, you're going to see more guests when some of us aren't around. But yeah, tomorrow is a big deal. You mentioned, I haven't heard the most recent show, but you mentioned a big change for the instance. Yeah, we're just sort of pulling the camera out a little bit. We're, we're saying, hey, what if it was more than just, wow, maybe it's MMOs in general. Maybe it's the industry of

MMOs. Oh, cool. I got you. Yeah. Because things are, I don't know, a little weird on the blizzard front in terms of like, you know, being able to generate content. And we're not the only ones feeling this. It's all happening kind of all over the place. And so we're just like, I have this phrase. I keep using it because I'm proud of it, but I know people are sick of it, but we had a choice. We came to a crossroads. We could end it after 15 years. We could end it. We could pretend it.

Oh. Or we could amend it. Amend it. Oh, well done. So we amended it. I love it when things rhyme like that. So we're amending it. And Greg Street over at Riot Software used to be at Blizzard. A ghost crawler himself told me on a text

that he may steal that phrase and use it for something internally. I said, that'd be totally fine. You can use it. That's nice. Are you excited about the new, uh, the new game that is, um, you know, lane-based like Heroes of the Storm, but features Pokemon characters? No. I mean, I mean, yes, but I didn't know about it. I didn't know that was coming. Pokemon Unite, uh, just got announced. Comes out on the switch, uh, week from today, or actually week from, you're excited from yesterday. Yeah. Kind of. I mean, I'm not a big Heroes of the Storm, I'm not a big Lane-based games or whatever they call

Moba. I'm not a big Moba guy. Yeah, not a Mova guy. I'll try it, but Moba's usually mean I have to cooperate with other people who are telling me, learn to play Noob. Yeah, learn to play, get good and stay in the middle lane or whatever. Right, exactly. L2P Noob. There you go. Well, speaking of not

nobs, my sister is here, and we're going to play a little intro here. Definitely not a new. If I can find that. After a whirlwind trip out west and a 20, I'm sure, uneventful hours of driving back home to Minnesota where she is based. It's windy, everybody. Hi, Wendy. Hi. I'm worried about Wyoming. Shall we stage an intervention?

What happened up there? Did you, uh, you went through there both ways. So what happened in Wyoming? No, I just generally worry about everybody. You just have a general sense of worry about Wyoming? No, like it's not going well. And their roads are terrible and, you know, stuff like that. Oh, like infrastructure.

Stop a little American get a 25-cent ice cream cone and look at their new clean tile showers. That's true. I think it's 75 cents. Man, inflation. Yeah. Inflation. No, it's good. It's good.

We made it back where all alive. Three drivers really makes a difference. I will tell you that. You know what I heard is really fancy and nice up there is Dick Cheney's ranch. It's apparently very nice up there. Oh, of course. Yeah. I think Star Valley is another one of those places that is like mega nice.

Yeah, mega nice. It's just not spreading out the last. love. I don't think. No, as far as I know, Dick Cheney, he just shoots, shoots his friends at hunting accidents. His, my, I had a friend who I knew in my 20s who, I always told us he was going to be an FBI, or sorry, a secret service agent. We never believed him. He totally did it. And all during the Bush presidency, he was chief secret service guy for Cheney's detail. And so everywhere Cheney went nationally, internationally, anytime. at the ranch, anytime in D.C., this old friend of mine was right there, ready to take a bullet for the VP. What was he doing when you shot someone in the face? I know. That's the thing, is I think he may have even been there for that, but they were standing off somewhere and heard it happen. He's supposed to protect Cheney, I guess, not the other guy. Yeah. He's one of the

coolest guys I know, and I think he's retiring now and, like, living in Idaho, but he was a really cool, really cool, dude. I also have a friend from high school who was on Dick Cheney's detail. I bet they know each other. They probably know each other, yeah. Now there's what's funny is this is a guy who in every way in his professional life turned out to be a very serious guy, very serious about his job, very devoted to the Secret Service thing, served under multiple administrations, different parties. It was, you know, there's no like party affiliation for him. It was just like, this is how I'm serving my country. This is my career. So that's what he did. And it was all very good. But this is the same guy that one time sent me a picture of his poo because he thought it looked funny.

You know what I'm saying? Like the, I guess what I'm saying is everybody matures, right? And at one point when he was, I want to say 19 or 20, he thought it'd be hilarious if he sent me a picture. Oh, no, I'm sorry. He took my camera. So it was a film camera, right? Because this is before digital. Mm-hmm.

And he takes a picture of what he thinks is just a big gnarly poo and then doesn't tell me. And then I go get the film processed and I'm flicking through my 30 or 40 pictures and all of a sudden one of them is a picture of his poo. so how do you go from that to secret service agent i don't know man well it's called time and maturity and yeah wouldn't this new generation just love to have that kind of freedom to be stupid and not have it ruin their lives right right they don't have any like it's not on someone's phone you can hack or any of that it's i know i still have the photo in a box somewhere but it doesn't say where it came from it's my camera so yeah times have changed anyway uh it's good to have you here we're going to do an email and uh it was really fun having you here

Also, even though I felt like I barely saw you, but that was just because it was a busy day that day. But did you have fun out here? Was it a good time? We did. We had a blast. It was great. We got our, we took back our 30 boxes of them for donuts. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you get the chocolate cake ones? Those are the best. Yeah. Yeah. Those are all matter. Cake for us all. They're so good.

Oh my gosh. You know they're good. You've had all good. It's all good because that happened. No, it was great. We had a great time. Did you have a continuing regret that you are not the airs to the. Dunford Bakery that you could have

been at one point? No. No, not at all. I do like having like our last name on a thing that I can give someone and be like, sorry, your dog died. Here's some donuts. Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that. No, I missed that. But, you know, we brought enough back. We could probably do that for a little while. All right. Well, good luck. May

those calories burn like the hot Arizona sun. All right. Let's get to this email that we received from a listener. This is from a French Canadian. I know this because they said, sorry about any grammatical inconsistencies. My English is not great. So I'll, first of all, no problem. And second of all, most people assume it's just me anyway.

So here we go. Hi, Wendy Bryan and Scott. I'm 43 years old and a white male. I've been in a couple with my wife for over 20 years, married for 16. We got four healthy children that are two, five, 12, and 13 years old. Wow, it's a lot. Me and my wife own a fashion design company since 2000. We used to work full time together with our first kid born in 2007, the 2008 financial crisis and our second child coming in 2009, we decided it would be safer for the family if I took a more stable job. You put that in quotes. I took a job in a call center for a financial institution as my wife kept with our business or stayed with our business. I continued to be involved in our company, but of course at a lesser level. The job in the call center was rough from the

beginning, excuse me, in the beginning, but I kept going the financial security of my growing family was my main goal. Working in a call center is nobody's dream job, but over the last 12 years, I've managed to obtain several positions in the company, and I'm now call center team leader and doubled my initial salary. During this time, our company continues to evolve, but sadly, even though we never lost money, it was never that profitable. But my wife kept going. The business was the life project of the beginning of our relationship. For some years, the rational choice would have been to close the shop and get a job elsewhere, but my wife feels like she can, she can't do any. else. So basically, I'm generally happy, but don't have much to complain about. And don't. No,

there's no but. So what is the point of sending this email to Therapy Thursday? Over the last years, I feel underappreciated. Sorry, I feel, yeah, I feel underappreciated. Over the last 10 years, I have worked really hard, set aside most of my friends, as I had no time to invest in any other relationship. I've managed to allow everybody in the family to have hobbies, to have time with their friends to have the most fulfilling life as possible. However, whenever it came time for me to have spare time for myself, it was always set aside. I'm gladly making all sacrifices from my family and I wouldn't do it, and I would do it again, but I would love some recognition, some acknowledgement. Although I rationally know I am important, I am important for my family. I don't feel like it.

I would appreciate to hear what you guys would say about my feelings and have some of Wendy's guidance. Therapy Thursday is really important for me and for a lot of people on the topics that they might not be related to me directly. But it helps me to have a better understanding of people around me. Thanks for all your work. All the best, M, we'll call them. He didn't say specifically that it was recognition or acknowledgement from his spouse, but that's what this feels like, right?

Sounds like it from the family, yeah, that he did all this stuff to help the family. Sure. And the kids, that's hard because they're, let's see, He said they were 5, 12, and 13. Oh, no, sorry. Yeah. Or 2.5, 12, and 13. They're not really old enough to start realizing the sacrifices dad made to help them out or whatever.

So you can't really get it from there yet. He will eventually. But they'll be in their 30s. That's how this works. But it sounds like his wife. Is that a fair assumption? If you could just hang on for 30 more years, all the things you'll need. Yeah.

No, it's amazing. Ask a 70-year-old about that and see if that's what happens. Is that? Okay. Well, maybe it doesn't. But it's still, like, it feels like my kids are just now hitting the age where they're running into stuff in their life where they go, oh, man, this really makes me appreciate what mom did or what dad did. Like, I hear that more now than when they were young because they don't know when they're young. Yeah, yeah, they can't see it when they're younger.

So, yeah, no, not that, yeah. No, it does come as they get older and maybe some appreciation or whatever, but it might take them being in their 40s and living this life for them to really get it. And so if that's what you have to wait for it. you might be waiting too long. Yeah. Right. Okay. Well, so yeah, maybe there's a hint that it's the wife.

You know, there's a couple things there. Let's start with this. Like, life is hard. Let's just start with that fact, right? Next email. Oh, yeah. That's not all. Okay.

Well, to put, put, to raise a family. I mean, this is French Canada. I don't know what it's like to live there. or what the policies are currently to make life good for a family. But I can speak for Americans. And I've also lived in Sweden. And I know there's a crazy difference in how families are supported in Sweden than how they're supported here.

They're not supported here. I mean, there's a couple things. I can get income tax break with you have a kid, maybe. That's about it. Anyway, so, you know, it's just, it's difficult to be a parent, it's difficult to raise a family. and it's almost impossible to go live your dream and or do, you know, take financial risks or try, you know, I don't know, swing for the stars a couple times and regroup and do different things when you've got to feed people consistently and making sure they have a roof over their head, right?

So we have a long history of just adulting is tough and then you have to sacrifice a lot so that those kids have stability. I just want to acknowledge that. That's hard. It's hard. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. Am I in the same boat? Maybe. Anyway, yeah, it's tough stuff. So, start with that. And then let's dig into this internally. So we have a couple things. And culturally, I'm not really sure what's relevant here, but I'll just take it from my own perspective. So often we have what's what we call a good mom or a good dad, right? So I want both of you to tell me what a good dad is. If we had to categorize, maybe list a few things, what's a good dad?

Oh, my gosh. Always there to support your kids, listens to what they have to say, doesn't, doesn't, just provides advice or direction, but doesn't necessarily. dictate what they need to do I guess that comes with a certain age though because there's some ages you just need to dictate what those damn kids need to do

but yeah I mean being someone that the kids feel like they can trust and rely on yeah a protector of sorts maybe you know like I don't mean provider yeah provider protector somebody you just feel safe with

you can do that with your mom too of course but I don't know I feel like you're especially if you're teaming You got the, you know, husband-wife team, you both have some of these qualities. But to me, it seems like, oh, it's the one who make sure we're all okay. And I'm, there's food on this table because he's out there working for it, even though mom can do that too. But those are, those are, these all sound kind of stereotype. But I think in some ways they're true.

So I guess you'll tell us if we're wrong or not. Yeah. So then what's a bad dad? A bad dad. Bad dad is one who doesn't do any of the things that we just said. Yeah. give me an example of something they do do what's a bad dad do

a bad dad comes up with excuses to not be with his family for someone someone who's like I'm going to the bar well what about the kids you said they'd be fine right like just kind of wouldn't doesn't want to be there yeah that that feels like a bad dad

okay so let's put it in different language because what you said about a good dad is a good dad puts his needs aside and make sure everyone else is okay. Yeah. And a bad dad puts his needs first and doesn't consider what everyone else needs. Well, that sure is a better way of saying all the stuff that we just said. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. But here's the thing, gentlemen, welcome to what it's been like for women forever, which is how do you, there has got to be a balance, right? Because if you disappear and put everyone's needs ahead of you, then those kids, kids actually don't get a mom or a dad. They get a servant or they get someone who's sacrificed so much that don't have their own life. And at certain stages of development, that's great because they took me to every baseball game and that was wonderful. But then later on, what does that actually look like? Well, they follow me around the country and try to live in my backyard. Or whatever.

You know, like there's development. This can look different at different stages. So let's, I want you to talk about that for a second. Is that a thing amongst your male peers, your dad, friends, that is a conversation about losing themselves or who they are? And note the age, 43. Welcome to 43 young, young sir. This is about the time where these questions and these concerns start to sort of pop up of like, you give and you give and suddenly you look around and go, wait, I'm a little not feeling good.

So, anyway, so your thoughts, your friends, is this a conversation or is it all video game, video game? Wow. Kind of is a video game. Yeah, I mean, my dad friends don't really, I mean, I guess that is the dad thing, right? Is that moms will sit there and talk to each other about, oh, we need to, you know, what are you doing your kid does this? And I walked in on him doing this sort of thing and that, and dads are like, yeah, hey, can I get you another, uh, Globe Ultra there, Fred? Yeah.

I mean, hmm, so it's funny. Kim and I have this conversation once in a while and we just had a conversation like this, where we just try to stay mindful of, of our, whatever our roles are. And those change and they evolve and it's,

you know, there's nothing set in stone and, and whatever, but, but, you know, the way it works around here, the way it's always worked,

it was a big deal for us when we first got married and had Taylor. that at the time Kim could quit working and focus entirely on the kids. That was a mutual decision by both of us. We weren't going to do like a period of time and then back after maternity leave or whatever. She just, she and I agreed wholeheartedly that the way we wanted to do this was she wanted to be full-time mom and I would be dude out paying the bills. And it was 100% good.

never a problem never once we were always mindful of it so it was never once where i would go i'm out here working my hands of the bone while she's at home breastfeeding who got the raw end of that day like it was never that never and those feelings never crossed um but we've had to address it more recently not because we need it because we don't but i was concerned that because she doesn't have the constant of little ones or kids in school or that everyday thing that, Wendy, you know all too well of just managing the family and the kids and the everything else while dad's working, she doesn't have that as much anymore. She has plenty of it because she's still constantly doing stuff with her for the kids,

running somewhere with Taylor and the baby because Taylor needs to do a photo shoot and Kim can go along and watch the baby because the sitter fell through. whatever um just she's always still kind of doing that and that outreach is now including like strangers like she'll do you you were here when it happened that old guy that was out in the front yard eating whatever it was and he left i didn't know this but he left a note on a napkin he scrawled out on a napkin this really sweet old guy says thank you for your kindness it means a lot to me or something so now it's like hanging up on the i made her hanging on the fridge but anyway the point is like the roles are still pretty clear

defined, but we've had to talk about it because I was worried that she would be not happy that way anymore. Like maybe this would be a weird time for her because, you know, does she want to get back into some kind of workforce thing? We're okay financially. We don't need to or have to, but does she want to? Like just from her own fulfillment standpoint or whatever. And so we've had to have that conversation. And that conversation is still sort of ongoing. But that I think is an important part of this, you have to things change, you know, like stuff evolves and your family's going to involve and people's roles will evolve. And, and, um, this is obviously very different than when he's talking about up there where he's got what he's described as a failing

business and she doesn't want to let it go. That's different, um, I think. But, but, but yeah, like, for me, it's, uh, I've forgotten what the original question was, but for me, all of this comes down to being mindful of where you're at and what you're doing so that you don't lose sight of it and forget that maybe something changed. So maybe you need to change too and then not being willing to or whatever. Like that seems important to me. Yeah, I think you bring up a really good point, which is like the check-in, right? We kind of go along, get busy, do our things and you know sort of really finding out what your partner is needing or lacking or needing some adjustment or change in you know but that takes being able to hear something hard right

and maybe we'll require you to do something differently and and that's tricky especially if there's financial constraints that feel like a trap or like a you know sort of You don't have a lot of flexibility and or like the needs of the kids or something, right? Like it can be, it's a miracle anyone stays together and raises kids, honestly, if you think about it. Because there's just so many points of strain and difficulty and challenges. And so, yeah, I mean, I get that from the email as well that, you know, whether he's openly or, you know, secretly just like annoyed with her. Like, I've done all this and I'm not getting the thing. So she could keep pursuing her dream.

He has some feelings and some concerns and some thoughts and needs here that maybe he isn't quite sure how to address. And so does she, right? She's been trying to do this business for this whole time and frustrated and feels unqualified for other things. That's scary feeling. And this is where sort of midlife gets exciting, right, which is you made some decisions. You became expert at a thing just. by sheer doing it, not even that's what you studied or, you know, I mean, there are, there are doctors who don't practice medicine. There are definitely lawyers who do not practice

law. You know, there's a lot of folks who at some point realize they, they prepped and worked to become a thing they don't want to be. So they've had to pivot or, you know, get creative. And so that's, that's scary to face down and think, do I just keep doing this the rest of my life or do I shift? And that's, especially when you got four humans that are looking at you like, so how much stability you're going to provide me, you know? And so that, it is really challenging. But I think the center here that can be really important is that they as a couple get better at talking about this. Yeah. I mean, it definitely sounds like it, I hate to say, it just boils down to communication, but it doesn't sound like either of them are really telling the other how they feel

about this. They're telling each other what they want, but they're not saying, here's what I'm not getting and I kind of need that. Right. And to go to the, what do I need and to be honestly able to, A, know what you need and ask for it that is appropriate to ask for. So I think sometimes we swing right to the, well, what I need you to do is quit your job so I can feel differently. right or or some other version of that right as opposed to maybe let's start with what I need is for us to have a conversation once a day where we just appreciate what the other person is doing right that's yeah less about what I need you to do and more about here's here's what I need for my own kind of life satisfaction and balance yes and maybe not even you know and kind of opening up and saying maybe you have an idea that isn't the the idea of the idea of of what I think you should do to solve it. Maybe you have another idea to solve it or to address it. Yeah, exactly.

And we're all myopic and we're sort of stuck in our own heads and our own worlds. And really, this is what's cool about being partnered with someone as you're a team. And getting that team to work well is difficult sometimes, right? And so it doesn't, it's not that it automatically happens, but to have this person who can reflect back to you, you know, ways to help you get actual needs met, but you've got to be able to identify them and say them. So I'm hearing good dad, good mom syndrome here where I do all these things because it's the right thing to do, but as I've done them, I've lost myself and I need some credit for that. And here's the thing. You made your choices. You're not going to get credit for anything. Your ward may come when your

kids change your diapers when you're 80. I don't know. Life isn't fair, friend. But what you can do is, is start to implement, and this is how people often need to rebalance in midlife, is they've done certain things for certain reasons, and they're all still good reasons and valid. It just isn't working in the same way or some balance needs to be restored, right? So it may look like talking with his wife about some of these needs, and then we move on to the, let's experiment a little bit. What if every Tuesday night is his night, and he just goes. and figures out how to rebuild friendships, how to reconnect, how to have his own thing,

pursue something that makes him happy, right? Start with a baby step that he may not even know how to do anymore, but that she helps sort of secure the schedules so that it can be done. And this goes both ways with any partnership. Often one is a little better in making sure they're doing good. And the other one's a little less good at maybe self-care. and that's probably why it's worked the way it's worked and suddenly it needs to be readjusted and it's you know not that easy to do but needs to be done is there a worry that doing that they

push each other further away that um you know all right i'm finding the satisfaction and the joy that i need by being away from you and doing my own thing to rebuild those friendships and connections as opposed to say again sounds sounds trite and silly but you know going and taking a class together or going and doing X together, doing this, not ecstasy, going and doing item X. Actually, that's a really good idea. Yeah, no. I hear you.

I hear you. It's the, you know, not trying to introduce something that will pull them apart. Yeah. And that's why I, yeah, it should be very clear. You don't get to jump to the action stage until you have finished the really good communication stage, right? Which is, let's get on the same page. Let's talk this year. This should take weeks and months of communication before you're figuring out all the things and adjusting. But you can experiment. You can do small different things. But if that communication is not there, then it's

just, I'm now demanding my time back and none of you appreciate me. And you're coming from a place of antagonism and pain and not a place of unity and how can I help you thrive and how can I help you thrive. So there is a book that's pretty new out, just came out in February, that I've had a couple clients read. I am in the middle of reading. So I can't, I mean, the ending could go really sideways. I can't, I can't vouch for all of it yet.

But it's called the 80-80 marriage. Oh, interesting. A new model for a happier, stronger relationship. And I mean, it's only in hardcover. That's how new it is. Oh, you can't even get this on. kindle yet it says you yes you can but you can also your libraries may not have it is what I'm saying um anyway it's uh so the concept of that you know the 80 20 marriage is what it used to be

uh like you know 50s think housewife is 20% 80 is the man getting all this support and she just gets to dance around and then the 50 50 model which is like the new hey it's 50 50 you spend this much money and this much time doing your thing i get that same money and that same time and that ends in divorce uh it's really tough and really hard to navigate and require so much communication and is it's pretty difficult and is why you know so much of marriage counseling has to be done about chores i i spend with any couple i'm working with there is always a good good chunk of what we're doing, which is about who is doing what and when and feeling like you're carrying more than the law. By the way, 100% of couples, people in a couple think they're doing more.

Oh yeah, they all do, right? Somehow that math never adds up. And this is what's great about the 80-80 marriage, is the math doesn't add up. No, it doesn't. That's 160%. That's not a real percentage. That doesn't work. Yeah. And the reason it works is because it does this thing that I'm trying to hint at here, which is the internal work. that is required to be, and I think the term they use, is radically generous and to see things very differently and it's amazing. So I have this couple reading this book. They've read it for two weeks. They come back and I'm like, how's it going? And they're speaking differently and they're talking about the stuff they've stopped doing that was keeping score and maintaining the 50-50 thing. And it's just gone. I was like, what the? It's fast.

Anyway, it's great. Very inspiring, really helpful model. So I would recommend that to these guys, to anyone who. So if you both do 80%, trying to do the 50. If you both do 80, it means that you've got 20 left. In theory, you've got 20 left each,

even though the math doesn't work still. Is that meant to be on purpose to say, well, you still got 20? You're good. Go do your 20%. Yeah, your 20% is your mini painting or your World Warcraft raid team. Or whatever it is.

Right. Well, yeah. Yeah. And it's not necessarily that. It's more that you are, you're not keeping score anymore. And that is, that's what inevitably happens with the 50-50 model. We think it means equality. But what it means is we're still fighting for equality. Whereas the 80-80 is everyone's giving more than they should, which just means we have more. Anyway, it's cool. You should check it out. So I would recommend that as a good primer to sort of, get in the right mindset because she's working really hard on this business all this time, too. It's her heart and soul. She's feeling like a failure herself, you know, blah, blah, blah. Everyone has got their own life, their own story. They're all complicated. And you've chosen to be together and raise kids together. So your greatest ally needs to be the other. And so these things are, they're the most simple things, but man, they matter the most, right? of being able to say, I need a break, I need some help, I need to talk through how I got here and how you got here and not have it be a competition. And that's what's so hard. And sometimes

you need someone to help you do that. But to sort of see this newfound 43-year-old part of life, reframe it as rather than my other life is cracking and falling apart or I can't maintain what I've created, it's a chance to see that what you've created is good. You're a good dad. Way to go. So if we can stop worrying about being a good dad or being obligated to do all of those things on some totally self-sacrificial level and find more balance, you're also going to model to your kids that a mom also has a life. A dad also has a life and an inner world. And they need nurturing and self-care just like the rest of us. That gift to your kids will go so much further than you can imagine.

When we often just think of, well, I have to be at every baseball game and I have to do everything they need all the time and be their present, that's what helps them. That's not true. There's plenty of parents who can do all those things and really miss having a real relationship with a kid. So it's, but we've got a good, good dad, good mom paradigm that's really built into us. So we don't screw our kids up like our parents. did or like the neighbors are doing or whatever so if that's our core i mean you'll just burn out

and snap maybe so it's about building a little more balance and this is a great chance to look at your life and go all right look where we've gotten what are our options how do we work together um and and what is it that each of us sort of needs and anyway but this this book's a helpful way to sort of help them tap into that they actually have more to give than they think um Well, let's assume, let's assume one thing for a second. Let's assume that he's all gung-ho on this idea, but she's not hearing this. She doesn't have maybe the same motivation he does for any of this. Is there a way for him to better approach her and say, you know, I've been thinking a lot about this and I also found this book or, you know, like how does one, it feels like breaking the ice kind of, even though it's someone you're married to, but how do you do that without them retracting or feeling like you're coming after him?

I don't know. That seems like an issue to me. Well, you own your stuff. You got to know what it is and then you own it. So this happens all day long, all day long, which is, I'm feeling something. I'm going to take it out on someone else. So just now, I needed my kids to go pick raspberries. Man, do we have too many?

Like so many. And I can't let one drop to the ground because I love themselves, right? So I'm like, kids, get out there while I'm on this call and be silent. and pick raspberries and they both just look at me like and i'm just like wow why am i so grumpy at them and what it is is i need them to be quiet that's my need and how what i just and i need the raspberries picked so i just took two of my needs and yelled at them for it right and that is a perfect example so i can say that this now and i can go apologize and repair and blah blah blah blah and i won't because i'm tired um no i'm just kidding but just

just that idea of like what is yours and get clear on that and sort of figure out if you're feeling this and then the person walks in the room and and this is always true it's always true when you are feeling you're like in a great mood and someone who's grumpy walks in you're just like oh wonder what's going on with them yeah but conversely if you come in grumpy and someone's in a good mood you're mad at them right so that's kind of how it works um and and so really get get a hold of your own junk uh and kind of understand it so you're not coming out her swinging when it's your stuff right so that takes some effort and some work and some sort of self analysis um and then when you you do you're going to be open to hearing what they also are experiencing so not everyone's

on the same page with this so this is why you have a couple's count or this is why you read a book at the same time together because it gets you the language and in the rhythm to talk about it. So I really would recommend they, and there's other good marriage books, I'm happy to give you a list of just things that start to help. It's like having permission to use the words, right? Because we're both reading it. So another good one, Harville Hendricks is his name.

It's getting the marriage, giving the love you want, that's what it's called. And there's a workbook and some stuff. So there is some, I mean, I don't listen to this at all and think, whoa, these guys are in trouble. Get your butts to a counselor's office right now. I don't think that at all. I do think a book would be a great start. But it's this easy way to get on the same page and use the same language. And what you find is that when you can take care of your own garbage and you can come at it with, you know, the right energy and attitude and the hope for.

both of you to feel good um most people respond really well to that and when people don't respond well it's because they haven't taken out their own garbage and or um you know maybe you need to say sorry for some stuff that that's often a thing yeah um but getting to to this appreciation piece i just want to say this thing so so kind of let me just i'm going to read you the chapters of the book okay um so it describes what an 80 20 marriage is a 50 50 and 80 so you get that and then there's this this is the sort of helping you fix your mindset a little bit and just the chapter names tell you everything so radical generosity that's the 8080 mindset contribution what do you do appreciation what do you see revealing what do you say so it really tackles that how to talk how to appreciate

how to contribute yourself so that you're feeling good and then you start to build this shared success mentality that's the 8080 structure and then it just gives you rules and helps you prioritize and what's your boundaries and all the good all the good stuff um and then sort of really helping you ritualize it so it's habits and it sticks so it's really it's great and i would highly recommend it and if it's you find as you start to do this book together or as you start to have these conversations and you just can't seem to communicate well and you're you feel like you're hurting one another while you do it that's a good sign that you might need somebody else to help you organize how this works.

But what happens to most couples is they're suddenly both getting the need met of there is attention on this thing that is hard in my life or I want to be better or I feel so alone, now I don't feel as alone. And there's so much power in that. So that's really most people's experience is just giving it attention. It's like a garden. It's like you give them attention and they respond, right? And sometimes we just get busy doing life that we fail to give attention to the core

relationship, maybe that matters the most. I think what you've made me realize today is the 50-50 ideas is almost a myth. I don't think that's a real thing. Oh, it's not a myth. It's a terrible idea. Well, that's what I mean. And it exists. It doesn't actually, you never actually hit exact parity though, ever.

No. And if you require it, you have, you're killing your relationships. Right, right. It's like having a, it's like saying, hey, what are you doing? Well, I'm, I'm going to, we're going to have an outdoor picnic for a bunch of people. How many are coming? Well, we think it'll be exactly 25 people. Okay, cool.

I'm going to make 25 meals and there'll be enough for 25 drinks and it'll be perfect. That'll never be perfect. There'll be more people there or less people there. And no matter what, you'll either overshoot or undershoot. So you may as well overshoot and do your 80. I like it. Yeah. It's a picnic grandology.

I love it. It's great. And you have to be in the right mindset because when you're, when you're doing 50-50. Let's make very clear, people, I do not mean that someone needs to be subservient to the other and do the 80-20 model for marriage to work. It worked because society kept it that way. It is easier when 80, someone gets all the 80 and the other 20 is doing, you know, happy to let the 80 run the show, right? That's just why that would work. But it doesn't work to try to force a 50-50,

but it is someone should not be some servant or abused or any of those things. But the constant fight to keep it equitable, what if that could be taken out? And that is the beauty of this model, is that everybody does more than their share and everybody feels better. But you have to get the right mindset

or it just starts to feel unfair. And so that's kind of crucial. Yeah, and you also don't want to get caught in this thing of like, well, I'm giving 80 now. Where's your 80? You did like 72. You're still in 50-50. You don't want to just move the number up and call it good.

You have to actually get to the philosophy of it. All right. Go check it out. That book is The 80-80 marriage. It's available on Amazon. And it is on Kindle, audiobook and hardcover currently. Sounds like a worthy thing. Someone in the chat suggested that we put together a windy book list at some point.

We probably should do that. Just all the books you recommend. That's a really good deal. It's a really good idea. You're having one on a web page or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's what I do for every wedding. When anyone gets married, I send them five books.

And they're always like, oh, I want a toaster. And I'm like, you know what you don't want. Is it $2 million divorce? So read my books. Yeah, here, read this book on how not to get married. No, not really. You can, you know, there's ways to be successful. All right.

Good stuff, Wendy, as always. I'm glad to your home, safe and well. And we'll do this again next time. Thanks for hanging out with us. Thanks, bye now. Thanks, Wendy. I can't find her name on here. Crap.

Hold on, Wendy. I'm kicking you out. All right. There you go. All right. That's it for the show, everybody. Big thanks for watching us and hanging out with us here on this Thursday. There is a PM edition of the show tomorrow for patrons. So if you are a Patreon supporter over at patreon.com slash TMS, you'll be getting a whole bonus show tomorrow. That'll be 3.30 Mountain Time.

And we'll give you the live links in Patreon and all that. Even if you join today, you'll be eligible. So throw a buck today, and tomorrow you get the bonus thing. And today's bonus content, too. It just keeps flowing out of us like... All the stuff. Yeah, like medication diarrhea. You just keep getting it.

And apps tomorrow, I believe. Yeah, we're doing apps tomorrow. No Dan. Dan, Dan, last time. Yep. Apps tomorrow. I got a great one. Are you going to do...

I know we both messed with it, so maybe we should do it as a third thing. but that cool trivia thing. Yeah, I hate calling it a trivia game because it's not. It's hangman. It's not a trivia game at all. It is kind of hangman. It's hang man, but you know what? It is hang man.

Yeah, it's hang man. Yeah, you're straight up right. Yeah, there are clues, but you get clues in regular hangman as well, so you can't really call that a trivia thing. Yeah, I think I'm with you. But it's fun. I do get a kick out of it. Yeah, it's pretty good.

We'll recommend it because we had some fans to tell us to try it. Anyway, that'll be tomorrow. 3.30 Mountain Time and check your Patreon page for more. Make sure your email notifications are on for that, because that's how you can find out we're going live. That's it. Send us your emails, feedback, thoughts on today's program, your own

therapy Thursday questions, whatever, the morning stream at gmail.com. And while you're at it, why don't you give us a follow on Twitter? Brian's at Coverville. I'm at Scott Johnson. The show is at MorningStream. We will now play a song to take the show to its final conclusion, Brian. Correct. And then just

One quick reminder, ACDC on Coverville today, 1 p.m. Mountain Time at Twitch.tv slash Coverville. Excellent. Luke wrote in and said, sorry for the late request, but I was encouraged by your enthusiasm for the Irish on yesterday's show to request a birthday song. On Friday, I turn 40. I'm a day one TMS listener, maybe even your first Irish TMS fan. Ooh, the gauntlet has been thrown. Happy birthday to you! Yeah, that's great.

Anyho, any who, he says, along with my song. I have a small request. Please pronounce Domhnall. Gleason's name correctly is pronounced the same as Donald. So it's Donald Gleason and I'm completely

guilty of trying to pronounce every single letter in his name. Well, look how that thing is spelled. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Domhnall. And what was Brendan Gleeson thinking? His name is Brendan. We all know that one.

He's got a son named. Brian Gleeson. Everyone knows Brian. Then you go Dom. Domna. Oh, with this other kid? Dom Hanal. So Donald Gleason.

Okay, Donald Gleason. Fine. You guys are a major part of my day, and I want to thank you both for what you do. Love the show, though, signed Luke. All right. So originally, he wanted to hear the cover of Britney Spears Every Time by James Franco from the movie Spring Breakers. Guess what? Not available commercially, and I don't even think you can really even get the whole song from the YouTube clip.

Plus, it doesn't sound very good on the YouTube clip because it's from the movie. there's a lot of background noise. But his backup was a cover by Glenn Hansard. And you know Glenn Hansard from the movie once and that amazing song falling slowly. Boy, and the, I'm not even going to try and pronounce it. It's a Grita Nilova. Oh, no, I can't even, I can't remember. Dominal.

Just kidding. Yeah, Dominole. Anyway. But if you're not familiar with Glenn Hansard, amazing. an amazing Irish singer and does a great cover right here from the Even Better Than The Real Thing Volume 2 from 2004.

Here's this cover of Britney Spears every time. me take my hand so why are we strange is when I love is strong but carry on without me And every time I try to fly, I fall without my wings. I feel so small. I guess I need you, baby. And every time I see you in my dreams, I see your face. It's haunting me.

I guess I need you, baby. I make believe you are here it's the only way I can see it clear what have I done you seem to move to move on easy

And every time I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so small I guess I need you baby And every time I see You and my dreams I see your face You're haunting me

I guess I need you baby I may have made it rain Oh please forgive me My frankness caused you pain Now this song's my sorry Three But night I pray But soon your face will fade away

And every time I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so small I guess I need you, baby And every time I see you in my dreams I see your face is haunting me I guess I need you, baby This show is part of the Frog Pants Network.

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