The Morning Stream - TMS 2815: Aunt Market

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

Oops! All Preshow. We All Like Freebeeeeeeeees. Say Hi To Matthew. Boats full of Seamen. Bording Pass for the D. Nothing beats a grandkids letter. It chokes on anything thicker. The money saving tips Vegas doesn't want you to know! Go, Sperm Racer, Go! Tetris Packer. Missing chat to go have fun. Overly Fonda. Goin' to the D! Egg Sauce. Panoramic Shane and more on this episode of The Morning Stream. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A lonely fig clung to the highest branch, dreaming of adventure, until a curious crow plucked it away and dropped it into a poet's open palm. What did he do? Well, he ate the thing and then went to patreon.com slash TMS to register his support for his favorite morning show podcast. Coming up on the morning stream, oops, all pre-show. We all like free bees. Say hi to Matthew. Boats full of semen. Boarding pass for the D.

Nothing beats a grand. kid's letter. It chokes on anything's thicker. The money-saving tips Vegas doesn't want you to know. Go, sperm racer, go. Tetris Packer. Missing chat to go have fun. Overly fond. Go into the deep. Egg sauce. Panoramic Shane and more on this episode of the morning stream. Otis, do you need underwear? Yes, underwear. I bet you've never seen an underwear tree. Isaiah and I have lots of good underwear at home. We keep out growing it. And I need your. I Outgrown underwear, too. Oh, we wouldn't forget about underwear, Otis.

We'll be back real soon, Otis. We're going to brighten this corner with some underwear. This is such a big house. It'll take me a while to get used to things. The morning stream. They're coming to get you, Barbara. There's one of them now. Good morning, everyone. Welcome to TMS. It is Thursday, April 24th, 20205. I'm Scott Johnson. That's Brian David. Hi, Brian.

Good morning. Good final morning. It's the last show before Vegas for me. I know you've got some stuff you're doing tomorrow. But last episode for me, last time I'm going to talk to these people before I see some of them in person. That's right. It's going to be great, though. They're all going to be there hanging out, having fun. You're going to miss a lot of you. I know there. I know there's There's a bunch of you that usually come to can't or a few that, you know, maybe just to never come and maybe will in the future. But we're going to miss all of you while we're over there. Yeah. It's going to be fun, though. Yeah. And don't worry.

Like I said yesterday, we're going to have content. We'll post it. It'll all be great. You're not going to be missing out for too long. But if, you know, you're Jones and during the week, just imagine how great it'll feel when we all come back, you know? Exactly. Yeah. A good way to look at it.

It's like, you know, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. So we're going to make you really fond of us for a week. Yeah. You're going to be overly fond by then. be a regular Jane Fonda That's right I'll be Peter Fonda Brian will be Henry Fonda

We'll have Fondue And that's right Great perfect Everybody wins Hey here's the deal We got kind of a shortest show today Wendy's not here today Everybody's got tons of stuff going on

We got a little bit of a hard out So sorry for the shortness But we do have a lot to talk about I want to start with something That is going to require a little bit of indulgence From both Brian and the audience So Brian can I have your indulgence Are you okay with this?

You have my sword and my indulgence. All right. I got in the, well, I wasn't in the mail because now we're at the stage where we're faking it. But the kids, Van in particular, is super obsessed with mailing letters and receiving letters. We've talked about this before. Oh, really? Well, that's great. He loves it.

He thinks it's magic. Open up the mailbox. Suddenly there's a letter out of nowhere. To him, it's magic. To me, it's kind of magic that it still works this way. But anyway, instead, now we're faking, you know, postage. Oh, look at that. Yeah, no kidding.

I like that it's a, there's not a stamp, there's mom. There's mom and there's van, and then Pops is the address. So I get this yesterday, and I open it up. Now, his mother transcribed it. He's not quite this good with his writing. He's six years old. But here's what he wrote. So he dictated this, and then she wrote it all down in her writing.

Basically, she was Siri dictation. Yeah. Probably, yeah. Yeah, she was basically that. And here's how it goes. Dear Pops, I love you so much. I will get you a present. I will get you $2.

You could paint me a picture for a letter. You will get me a present if you want. Love, man. No, not for $2. I'm going to need more than $2.2, boy. Anyway, I just love, I love how their little brains think. You know, he's trying to articulate stuff. So now I've got to get him a present because why wouldn't I?

You'll probably be fine if you just get him a letter. Probably. If you just write him a letter in Maryland. It's probably present enough for that kid. So, yeah, anyway, we've been having this great back and forth. It's super fun to do. Like, he gets them from, you know, sometimes strangers. He's got a teacher that sends him letters now because he's so into it.

And I don't know if he's ever going to get over this thing, but maybe he's destined to be the Postmaster General of the United States one day. Yes. God, will we have a Postmaster General in 10 years? Will there be, we're still going to get mail or we can have something that, like if we send, if, Somebody sends us a bill that we don't want to get electronically. It'll, like, come through digitally printed on paper or something.

Are we bringing back the fax machine? Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the answer. It's a great question, though. Like, how long until it's, I mean, it's already, for letter letters, like, you know, information or talking to each other, it's already very obsolete, I would argue. Yeah, exactly. But, like, you know, bills and things.

The only thing we really need delivered are physical objects that we order or pay for or have people send to us. We don't need. I still get, you know, we always get these dumb advertisements in the mail. We get bills that, for some reason, companies that can't send them electronically, you know, there's really nothing else that can't be done electronically except for the things we order, the things we buy, the things that people ship to us. Yeah. I assume there's some people that still prefer their bills this way, but I don't know why they do, you know? Maybe it's just they don't trust it. They don't trust the internet. They don't trust uh yeah they don't trust them computers so i think oh september september's got a good point

likes to send cards and letters yes i i agree on cards i'd much rather get um a physical well i'd like to at least get one physical birthday card a year and the rest can be digital i'm actually fine with that same with um oh christmas cards though because we make a little decorative thing in the house with the christmas yeah see there's all these old traditions and stuff yeah yeah but the problem is can you have an entire postal system exist just to fulfill the nostalgia of I want at least a few cards every year. So that's what I'm saying. Exactly. Is that enough to, that's a decision for the Postmaster General. So Tel Avani, better study up. Yeah, start working now, buddy. I also improve your, uh, your grammar a little bit.

Your penmanship. Yeah. Maybe, you know, maybe up the little, uh, up the, up the, up the dollars there a little bit chum for, uh, for what you might want. And we're still, it's actually, this is actually a huge step forward because he is used to or he used to put his end backwards on the on the van now it's proper although it's lowercase but he's gotten much better at that but you know he'll get there

one day maybe he'll work for a proper administration anyway hey let's talk about this note here from Wendy she's not going to be here today so it's important that we get this out there the no better use session that we're going to have while we're in Las Vegas

those interested in coming to that every year we have a little bit of something going on, right? It'll be Wednesday next week, 1.30 p.m. in the afternoon. I don't have the information about what room that's going to be yet, but the important thing is we have a Discord sign-up sheet for it. Right? It will be, it will be Barry's, um, Barry's Sweet. Yeah. And Bobby Ann's sweet, which is, uh, top floor and hopefully next door to mine. Yep. Yeah. So, uh, should be should be something like that. We'll get, well, the details will come when you're there. uh for now can you go to the discord and sign up sheet that's in there to help her coordinate her and berry uh because barry's helping her kind of coordinate it so if you can that'd be great

you'll find it in the tmsd discord uh or sorry the tms vagus discord uh on the frogpants discord channel so uh get in there check it out and uh contribute and be there because uh those are always fun always good stuff come out of those this time i won't be out in the searing heat where i got sunburn last year uh it'll be inside of a sweet it'll be nice yeah the The pool deck is so nice. It's such a nice place to sit. But people would always kind of fight over those closest to the wall seats because they were in the shade sooner than the ones further out by the door.

So we'll have to see how well things work with the Penhouse Suite. The problem with that is that you need a card to get there. You can't just go to the elevator, punch the button, and go to the penthouse suite. You need somebody there to swipe a card. So we're going to have to. have, you're going to have to have some gatekeepers with the extra cards and stuff like that. That was like half the reason Tina would take us up last time because we had to get past that. Yeah.

For Taskville, yeah. Yeah. We'll have to do that again too, yeah. Taskville, baby. Taskville, look at that. Oh, right here, right here are some tasks. Oh, look, I wish I could see through them. Too washed out. You can't read anything here. No, I can't read that.

There's something about a while you something? I don't know. yeah i don't even know i don't even know who i'm with i've tried to guess i have no i have freaking no idea who i'm partnered you know it's one of uh nine people yeah all you know i have i have a i have a narrowed down pool that it's based on dumb information like i really don't know i have no idea sure sure it was originally me me and windy that made sense to me it can't be because when she's traveling now so it is what it's going to be and i'm fine with whoever it is But, you know.

If you asked, like, all the other, the, all the other producers, hey, what time you're flying in, you might, you'll, you'll be able to narrow it down to like four or five, but, um, even then. Yeah, no. And it's more fun, it's, it's really more fun for, we're going to try and work it out just like on the show where you don't know who you're paired with until it's time to start your task, which I think is the best way to do it. What if it was the desecrated remains of Jimmy Hoffa, finally revealed and on a couch

when I walk into the suite, he'll be there, that'll be fine, a chance to, to finally put that mystery to bed and I get to compete with the great Jimmy Hoffa. Yeah. Boy, I won't rule it out. There's a chance there's a chance that the desiccated corpse of Jimmy Hoffa

is involved in your task. Oh shit. Reassemble these bones until he is. Reassemble, right. Reassemble. Chisel out this section of the Hoover Dam and remove the corpse of Jimmy Hoff. That is one of the theories, right, that he's in there. Yeah. Yeah. There's no

there are no bodies in the Hoover Dam. No, it's all, that turns out it's all a hoax, but it's still fun to talk about. Yeah. I like it. Speaking of Vegas, Scott, you know, we've got a lot of our listeners right now are people who are going to be in Vegas, and they're looking forward to a good time. They're also probably like, oh, man, you know, it's going to be, there's going to be some expenses out there.

There's going to be some things that cost money and, oh, I don't know, man. How do we save money? Well, I'm here. I'm here to help you. navigate this landscape that is, what can I get for free in Vegas? Are there still things that I can get for free? Yeah. And there are, Scott, and fairly easy things to get.

And these are all downtown freebies. I'm not talking about, there's some great freebies on the strip, like just watching the Bellagio Fountains. That's a thing that if I had to, I would pay, I don't know, $10 an hour to sit and just watch the Bellagio Fountains, but they give that away for free. Oh, watch that. Don't get many ideas, man. They're going to do it. I know. I know that's true. Good point. They'll figure out a way to charge

for it. Sadly, there's no volcano anymore that you can watch at Mirage. There's the boats full of semen don't bounce around at the Treasure Island anymore. Yes, I know what I said. Because they made that joke before I did.

Anyway, yes, the tasks are printed on regular paper. Because And, Amy, it's not because I can't afford cardstock. It's because my HP NV-6400 chokes on anything thicker than cheap-ass Home Depot or Office Depot paper. Yeah. Really, I swear to got. My printer, I have the same problem with this laser over here, this HP laser.

I can't put, it's supposed to go up to like 120 pound or something. No way, dude. No way. Yeah, no, no. I can't even do the stickers for the stickers jam up. They're thin, little stickers jam up for the, what you might call it, for the arcade cabinet. So I have to print it on regular paper and adhere it that way, but it came out really good that way. So anyway, all right, enough of that.

We'll talk about that later. Sure. So, all right, freebies. These are all, for the most part, gambling freebies. But gambling freebies, there's no better feeling than playing slots or blackjack or something else like that with somebody. else's money and not your own. So, here's what you do. We'll start with the El Cortez.

El Cortez downtown, if you have not checked out the El Cortez, it is, all these are super walkable from the plaza. If you show up to the El Cortez and show your paper or digital boarding pass within 72 hours of landing in Vegas, they will spin a wheel and you'll get all of the following. So they'll, first up, they'll spin a wheel and you'll get somewhere between $10 and $1,000 in free slot play. So basically, you know, they'll give you a card, your name on it, you'll put that into a machine, you'll say, give me my $10, chances or it'll be $10, but hey, I'd love to see somebody in our Tadpool group get $1,000

a free slot play. That'd be amazing. Holy crap. Yeah. That would be fantastic. And $25 blackjack match play, so you'll get a bunch of chips. that you put with your chips so you you know you basically spend 25 they give you 25 so you spend 25 like you're playing 50 or you you play 50 but you're only paying for 25 of it whatever it is right um and a free drink neel cortez bar well you cut out you cut a little there you had a glitch you're back now oh okay uh and the third thing is free drink so you get uh 10 to a thousand dollars in free slot play 25 dollar blackjack match play free drink at any el cortez bar you just go up to the Players Club, show

them your boarding pass, say I want this deal, and they'll give it to you. Nice. All right. That's all Cortez. All right. Even closer to the plaza right across the street is the brand new and absolutely gorgeous Circa.

And if you go to the player's desk there and say the following, say hi to Matthew. Really? Is this true? This is true. 100% true. Oh my gosh. They will give you a $25 match play chip. So, this is, again, this is $25 that you put up with your own $25 on one hand

of blackjack or one roll of craps or one whatever. Or you keep it as a nice little souvenir. It's a $25 circuit chip. You just can't take it to the cage and cash it in. It's got it, it's a promotional. It's like a token. You got to, it's like a token. It's only good for, right, only good for that.

I would, I'm going to do this just to get it. I want one. I want to take one home. Yeah. Right, it's a great souvenir, exactly I'm going to do this. Do you know why it's the Matthew thing? I think, so

Circa, the guy who what's his name, it begins with D, his last name, but it's not Matthew, it's that why the D is called the D? That's why the D, it's his last name, it's his last initial. Okay, he's a big downtown.

I can't remember, yeah, I can't remember the guy's name, but Matthew might be his son or something. I don't know. There's somebody, yeah, Steve Matthews. Say hi to Dave Matthew.

All right. So say hi to Matthew. And what do you? I'll put a link to all this stuff in the distance. So, you know, if you're writing these down even better. Hey,

cut out again. That's so weird. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let me switch over to hold on. I'm going to try something. That might be, this may help, I may not. Let me try it.

Here we go. Okay, new server. See how you do now. Okay. Now, Vegas is trying to shut me up. Yeah. All right. Okay, so El Cortez circuit, the D.

If you go to the player's desk at the D, and by the way, oh, Derek, yes, that's it. It's Derek Stevens, right? Derek Stevens? Derek Stevens? Derek. I think it's Derek Stevens. Cool. Anyway, if you go to the D and show your boarding pass, it can only be self-reuxed, it can only be

Southwester Spirit, God help you if you flew Spirit, but you deserve whatever perks you get for Flying Spirit. If you go to the player's desk at the D and show your Southwester Spirit Boarding Pass, digital or paper, you get $50 match play. That comes into two beautiful $25 souvenir chips. Not bad. Pretty good. No, not bad at all.

Yeah, you can either take those or play those, whatever you want to do. Right, exactly. Shave Maddox is Flying Spirit. you go to the D. That's right. I'm happy to go with, yeah. Yeah, the airline that spins slowly in a circle and doesn't say anything. That's the airline.

That's right. Let's see. Okay, Golden Gate, that's also right across the street from the plaza. If you flew Allegiant, you go to Golden Gate and show your digital or paper, Allegiant boarding pass. I don't know who that is. $50 match plate. Is that a brand? Is that a flight?

That's another airline. Okay. Have you taken him before? flown them before? Never flow. I've never flown Allegiant. Yeah. I've never flown Blue, JetBlue, and I want to. I hear good things about JetBlue. Yeah, JetBlue is nice. And don't by Delta now, so, you know,

they've got backing. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. That's good. And finally, the last one, this is another good one, because again, it's right, it's just down the street from us, uh, from the plaza. Downtown Grand, go to the players desk and mention, hey, Gamble Smart, Gamble Safe

sent me. Okay. They're a YouTube channel, I think. It's a YouTube channel. You just say, hey, Gamble Smart, Gamble Safe sent me. They'll give you $50 match play or $15 in free play. So $15 to put in any slot machines you want or another pair of souvenir downtown grand chips, $25. I want all these souvenirs.

I might just do all of these if I figure out a way to do it. I would love to do it. Yeah, I mean, it's so easy. It's like, you know, you wouldn't be able to do the, as you're driving, you wouldn't have any boarding passes, but you could do all the other of these. Oh, that'd be really funny. I see Brian makes up some of these just to get people to embarrass themselves at some.

If you go to the Californian and say, hello, my name is, uh, uh, you have to hold the microphone and go, I'm really into dudes and then they'll give you $100. Exactly. Would I have some more TP for my bunghole? It'll give you a free $50 chip. Oh man, that's great, though. Those are fun freebies. I like it.

Yeah, exactly. Some chips. Gotta love chips. Yeah, we're already downtown, so just do it. You know, no big deal. Exactly. And all of these are still working as of a couple weeks ago. Oh, that El Cortez thing with all those freebies, you can only do it once per year.

And the circuit thing, you've, can do twice a year, and you can even do it two consecutive days. So on Sunday, you could go to Circa and say, say how to Matthew and get your $25 match play. And then on Monday, you could go back to the Cirque and say, say how to Matthew and get another. Do you have to register something, obviously, because they wouldn't, they know who you are? You need a players card. But players cards are free. And usually very quick, you just basically hand them your driver's license. They input your stuff. Then you get your driver's license back with a players card that you can use if you don't already have a players card. And, um,

Circa, the D, and Golden Gate all use the same players' cards. So you don't need to get a new players card at each of those. They're all part of Club One, I think. They should call it Club Derek. Club Derek, Club D. Oh, it might be Club. Club D. Could be Club D.

Club D? Maybe. I can't remember. He's not the same guy that owns the plaza that we saw that one time in the bar, right? It's a different guy. No, no. No. The plaza is an island unto itself.

Yeah. He's somebody's son, though. somebody some big shot son owns it i can't remember what we talked we this whole came up before but we saw him in the bar one night after that new bar opened down there that we use yeah and he was walking around in there and somebody said that's the owner of the thing i remember it was you or somebody else pointed him out and um and that he was somebody's son some big shot billionaire's son i don't remember who it was somebody yeah nepotism baby the name yeah yeah sure nothing wrong little nepotism.

Actually, there's a lot of things wrong with nepotism. But anyway, there's a lot of things wrong with nepotism. Yeah, it's not the greatest aspect of human life. All right. Other things on the docket here. Oh, we got a text from Michael and talking about Dune. I can't resist those, so I must read it. Here it is.

Okay. Sounds good. Good morning, sandworm and baron. Ooh, that makes you Baron Harkonen. How do you feel about that? Oh, I'm fine with that. We're hearkening. I will kill him.

Yeah, we'll do. Yeah. That was, uh, that was, uh, That was Sting in the first movie, who was not the Baron, he was one of the sons. That's right, the one that ended up getting played by Elvis and the new one. Anyway, he says, I'd just like to share a personal anecdote on the lighting discussion and tie into a mutual love we all have, the Dune universe. If anyone ever came to me and said, hey, you can have one technology from Dune, what would it be? For me, it wouldn't be the shield or the faster than light travel or any of the other weird and not so functional technologies they have.

It would be the sensor lamp, the little part. personal lamp that just hovers around you all the time. That would be amazing. Anyway, love the show, though. And may shall hallood bless your passing, says Michael from North Dakota. I would say that that's an interesting idea. The problem with Dune Tech in general is that it's not tech anymore because it's banned, it's outlawed. So when they have things like the lamp that follows them, it's not actually a computerized electronics-based robotics thing. It can't be. It's illegal. After the AI wars in the history of Dune, all that stuff's been banned. So everything else you see is being done practically or with other stuff like the Spice

makes the intergalactic travel possible. Those aren't ships like normal ships. It's not like you go in there and everything's blinking lights and fancy buttons and stuff. That's the cool thing about Dune. So how that light would work and how you'd get it, I don't know, but I'm with you there, Michael. Yeah, that would be super cool. Yep. Screw the banning. Give us a little hovering lights. Yeah, give us hover lights.

By the way, speaking of which, I'm looking up here and it still says pre-show. Shit. That's it been doing it the whole time. I was just playing with it, by the way. It was like trying to catch the W. Damn it to hell. I hate when I forget to turn that off. I've got to come up with a more automatic way to do that.

I sure can. I just got to do it. Well, anyway, there's that. Now let's do this. keg tapper wrote in we hear from keg tapper here and there yeah it's kind of coming after me though on this one a little bit a little bit of

I'm just a I don't know picked it the wrong scab or something I don't know what's going on he says hey Scott and Brian Scott's infatuation with raising chickens for eggs Scott must think Kim doesn't have enough to do let's create more work for her he says dipships I mean I'm adding I'm adding some tone here but it still feels

kind of like what he's saying no it does there's a little bit implied And there's not a, it's not super gentle here, yeah. And he says, and yes, Scott, I heard your conversation about raising chickens with Kim on Skim. You sound like a child who says they can take care of a puppy. I'll take care of it. I'll take care of it. I'm not nearly as into this chicken thing as he's making it sound like.

I don't really care that much. I just have thought about it. But anyway, I would bet, he says I would bet 20 bucks that within six months the chickens are gone or Kim has taken over the chicken chores like walking the dogs because Scott is too. busy love the show globe says keg tapper all right keg tapper i walk the dogs every day i walk a dog at least a dog per day sure i get up i feed him in the morning this is he made all that up that is just some that's some gas lighting right there is what that is the thing with the chickens is i mean all i'm saying is it'd be nice to make more of your own food that's the whole point of it that's all yeah for sure like especially tin and i are big egg eaters we eat at

eggs, probably six days out of the week, maybe five days out of the week. We might, I might do an oatmeal or avocado toast or something like that one day or a bowl of cereal or something. But for the most part, we're eating a couple eggs a day, each of us. Yeah, eggs are common food stuff for people like us. They are. It's a good base for, like, I made a break, oh, I made a breakfast breeder this morning, Scott. We had those hash browns that you just kind of fry up, the little cubes. potato cubes, and then

Schwann's sausage patties. So I cooked those up first, got them good and cooked, and then chopped up the sausage, a little bit of cheese, and then I fried the eggs, because of badass breakfast burritos, I fried

the eggs and kept the yolks intact. Yeah. So that in the burrito, when I rolled it all up, like like the juices, that was the sound it made. Those are the juices, are the yokes coming out and being like a sauce for the rest of the burrito. Yeah.

You made your own badass burrito is what you did. I did. I did. Yeah. Probably save some money on that because those things are like $12. Probably do. They're not cheap. Right.

No, that's great. Same. It's like eggs are and everything around here. It feels like we do eggs a lot. Kim made me an egg, egg and mushroom. What do you call it? Omit the other day that was unbelievably good. So I'm all about the eggs.

And it'd be nice if we didn't have. have to rely on some store to have them at the price we need them. You know what I'm saying? That's all. That's all. Yes. And the same way that we're growing tomatoes again this year and all the stuff they're putting in the garden. And yes, keg tapper. Mostly that's Kim doing that. I know. All right. Yes, Kim does a lot around here. That's the partnership we have. She makes sure that a chick grows out in the yard. I make sure that the bills get paid and that there's a show on the air right now. That's how it works. So while you're out tapping kegs and send in angry emails, I'm just teasing. He's fine.

That's funny, yeah. David Taylor says, having your own chickens mean that the eggs are only $15 a dozen instead of what you pay at the grocery. Yeah, and I realize there's like an investment, initial investment, a upkeep. Like there's a lot of reasons why probably as an individual wouldn't work out, right? Yeah. I mean, the stuff you got to buy for, man, it ain't cheap. It's not chicken feed. Yeah.

It's actually a lot more chicken feed than you would hope. All right. We have some news to do. It is time for us to, uh, bang some of this out so let's do it here we go hey brian it's time for the news brought to you by news is brought to you today by coverville i'll be doing coverville a little bit early today but not i was hoping to do it right after tms but i've got a phone call that i need to do um right after tms so it's going to be an hour earlier than it usually is 11 o'clock mountain time which is 1 o'clock

eastern uh um whatever that all translates to where else uh 10 o'clock pacific all that stuff If you can figure out 11 o'clock mountain, that's the one I'll give you. The rest is up to you. Yeah. You all have clocks. You can find out yourself. You'll be fine, everybody at home. Okay.

The subject for today, Lou Graham, is turning 75 in a couple days. So it's time for a foreigner cover story. That's right. It feels like the first time that I've done one of these, but I haven't. I've done it before. But I do it today. And if you've been waiting for a girl like, you know uh if you um uh if you don't listen you'll be cold as ice oh there you go cold as

ice that's the landing something paradise i know i like that song big fan that's right uh no it'll be 10 o'clock your time zoe because you're an hour earlier than me so no she's later right because she's in she's in Vegas right now oh i thought she was in minnesota so that's right she doesn't come to Vegas until tomorrow that's right so noon for her noon for her you're exactly right yeah central time I think, right? Those guys are central and they're not Eastern. That's exactly right.

That's right. Yeah. Somebody there gets cut in half and they have Eastern and Central. Michigan has... Is that what it is? That must be it. Or Indiana. Indiana is partial central and eastern, I think.

Must be weird, you know? Yeah, yeah. Throw me. I think it's got to be weird for Arizona still. Oh, yeah. Either that or they're loving it. I can't tell which. It's probably, it's great for them.

It's weird for everybody. yeah yeah it's that's weird um all right here is a story you talked about a boat full of semen earlier i did let's talk about a uh the world's first sperm race uh will be held in los angeles california this is very exciting if you've been waiting around for a sperm race yeah uh an unusual startup announced the world's first sperm race a race involving actual human sperm it will be held April 25th at the Hollywood Palladium in Los Angeles so you know which venue to avoid after.

Because good Lord, I ain't going near that place. Hull of the stickiest floors in Los Angeles. Nasty. Sperm racing, a startup founded by a team of young millionaires. Great. They always have good ideas. I saw this video on Brazners. I was going to say, it's definitely its own category. Announce representatives

from its two competing schools, the University of Southern California and University of California, LA will provide the microscour Swimmers for the inaugural sperm race. The race will take place under a microscope camera and will track the progress of the sperms as they attempt to cross the finish line. By the way, there's no

egg there for them to get to. It's kind of a bummer. Right, exactly. It's like, you know, these racing dogs don't even get the bunny at the end of the ride. Yeah, it says the race will take place under a microscope camera that will track the progress of the sperm's.

The startup said there will be three races held to determine the overall winner and play-by-play commentary will be provided for each heat. Yeah. There will also be instant replays. Great. Leaderboards and betting through approved partners. Of course, there will, because someone's got to make money.

Traff Kings. Like, how do you know which, like, what's the pedigree of this sperm? Where, you know, does it come from long line of sperm racers? It's worse than that, even. I don't even like, I really hate this quote. Eric Zoo, one of the co-founder, says, quote, CERM racing isn't just about sperm or racing sperm, although, let's be honest, that's hilarious, he says. Is it?

Is it hilarious, is it? It's not really hilarious. I don't think he knows what hilarious is. It's, it earns a wry smile. Yeah, it makes you go, really? They're doing that. Anyway, he also went on to say in the sperm racing manifesto, the following. Yeah, that's right, the SRM.

It's about turning health into a competition. it's about making male fertility something that people actually want to talk about track and improve. Does it though? Does it? Brought to you by Four Hems. What's one of the chances that the betting for this thing involves NFTs or crypto?

I almost guarantee you something. It may not be NFTs because nobody's doing those now but probably some crypto connection. Almost always the shit. And especially when it's like a bunch of millionaire goes, you know it'd be cool, man. I got an idea. You know what we should do? Hold on. Put down your drink for a second.

man? I got this idea. Hold on, bro. Hold on. I got it. I got it, bro. I got this idea. What if instead of just always, like, pumping our semen everywhere, what have we raced it, man? Freaking bullshit. The time trials will be held on Fremont Street at 1 o'clock in the morning on Sunday night. Make sure to go and watch the time trials. Just half a block down from the topless nun. That's right. The topless none. I was going to say, the topless nun is your key to know. knowing when to start. And the lady that just spins around in a circle for hours and hours. Oh, yeah.

She's never, I've never thrown her a dollar, but I've thought about it. I think I will this time. I will say, you know what? You live rent-free in my head, so I'm going to give you some money.

I'll give her $10 if Shane spins around adjacent to her. If he's next to her, just like kind of just off to the side and he mimics it. and I can film that, I'll give her a $10 bill. That's what I'll do. Perfect. Wow, nice. So if this is going to be the bellwether whether or not she gets money.

Oh, yeah. That's it. I'll give her $10 if she spins in the opposite direction for her. Like, what would that do to her you think? It would probably really up her up. She's like, it's like Superman going around the world backwards. Yeah, forwarding time instead. Killing Lois even more than she'd been killed.

All right, one final story. Belgian teens, they're in the news, you know, with their waffles, their French fries or whatever. They're stroop waffles. That's right. They got arrested with 5,000 smuggled ants from Kenya. And they're now warning everybody about a changing trafficking trend that also includes now insects. I guess this is a thing. Anyway, two Belgian teenagers were charged Tuesday with wildest.

wildlife piracy after they were found with thousands of ants packed into test tubes in what Kenyan Authority said was part of a trending traffic, sorry, trend in trafficking smaller and lesser known species. So no more giant elephant tusks through the airport, taking a bunch of ants. Right. Now it's just ants. Yep. These guys' names were Lornoi David and Sepi Ladawikzik's. Yeah, Lodwick, Lodwig. How do you say these names? Is it Lornaoi or Lomoi? I couldn't tell if that was an M or an R. That's an R, I think. Oh, it is.

Yeah, it is. I can put my cursor between those two letters. Lornaud, David, and Sepi Lodwe. Here you go, Chad, and you can see it. How would you say that last? I mean, what is this at the end of that Lode thing? Lojowitz. Lojewitz?

No, I'm kidding. It's got a K-X or excuse me, C-K-X at the end of it? That's bananas. I mean, no offense to any, you know, country that makes you call yourself that, but whatever. That'd be Lodewick CX. It's insane. Anyway, they're both 19, so they're still teens, you know. Arrested April 5,000 ants as a guest house or in a guest house or at a guest house.

They say at. I would assume you'd say in, not ad. Well, whatever. They appeared distraught during their first appearance before a magistrate in Nairobi and were confronted in the courtroom by relatives. They told the magistrate. Oh, comforted is better than confronted. Confronted. Yeah.

Yeah, because you want your relatives to support you there, right? You want them there to help you. Yeah, yeah, not to confront me. No. They told the magistrate they were collecting the ants for fun and did not know it was illegal. Well, why would you bring 5,000 ants with you anywhere? Yeah, I don't buy that. We're just collecting 5,000 ants for fun.

We want to see how many ants we could collect. I don't buy it. There's something. They're not, I don't believe their plea. We hate picnics. Yeah, they're the worst. So we're going to study these ants and tell them not to do it anymore. Let's see.

Let's see. What else? Oh, okay, in a separate criminal case. See, this is why I think it's more common than just those guys were having a fluke. Kenyan Dennis N-Gengga and Vietnam-based guy named Duhang Nguyen, also were charged. Is it N-N-N-N? I don't even think you put an N-Sound at the beginning. I think it's just W-E-N. So both the N and the G are silent kind of.

Sort of. It's just win. A win? Not even, yeah, not yen, but when. Yeah, I never get those right. I know. Us English speakers, it goes against everything that we know about the sounds that letters make. Yeah, this is horseshit.

Anyway, they got busted for having 400 ants in their possession. So I think the ant thing is, there's something going on. There's an ant market in Europe and Asia. It says here, cephalotes, cephaloats, whatever. I guess that's what they are. Messercephalal. uh hoats anyway a distinctive large and red colored harvester ant native to east africa people are into those so i guess don't buy don't buy illegal ants everybody yeah and that is the show yeah that's right

we're done cover coverville at 11 core at one uh that's today and uh that'll be uh that's a big long show today because we had oh my gosh there's so much shit to talk about and then film sac will be posted on saturday because it's already done we did it already okay we had to we had to do it Yeah, we'll be out of town, but there will be a film sack. Don't worry. There's some exciting stuff. Yeah, the next two film sacks are going to be Q&A sessions. And if you love our roundtable episodes where we have discussions about things,

our Q&A episodes are like a bunch of mini roundtables. Yeah, yeah, I agree 100%. They're like, it's like we took, you're absolutely right. We killed our chances of doing roundtables for like three years now because we took all the ideas and put them all out in two Q&A episodes. So you're going to get those back to back like Brian said. They're going to be great, so enjoy those, but also a skim tomorrow at 10 a.m. Mountain Time. That's going to do it for everything else.

Frogpants.com slash TMS. We're going to play one song on our way out the door. What is it, Brian? We are. This is not a request unless you call it a request by me. Listen, it's kind of obvious. I'm going to pick something Vegas-related. And what's more Vegas-related than the song that Elvis Presley made famous, Viva Las Vegas.

This is a great cover. All right. This is some bluegrass right here for you. Already I got you hooked, right? A bluegrass cover of Viva Las Vegas. Let's up the ante appropriately with a little bit of Dolly Parton. What? Yeah, the Dolly Parton and joining the Grascles.

Love the Grascles for a cover of Viva Las Vegas. Bright Life City, going to set my soul, going to set my soul. soul on fire got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn so get those stakes up higher there's a thousand pretty women waiting at there and they're all living the devil make care oh i'm just the devil with love to spare so viva los vegas viva los vegas there were more than 24 hours in a devil. But even if there were 40 more, I wouldn't sleep a minute away. Polar's blackjack, poker, and the roulette wheel.

A fortune won and lost on every deal. Oh, you need to strong heart and a nervous deal. So, Viva, Las Vegas. Viva, Las Vegas Viva, Las Vegas Viva, Las Vegas With your neon flashing And your one-arm band is crashing

All those homes down the drain Viva, Las Vegas turning day into night time turning night time into daytime If you see it once You'll never be the same again Viva, Las Vegas, I'm going to keep on the run. I'm going to have me some fun. my very last dime.

If I wind up broke, well, I'll always remember that I had a swing in time. I'm gonna give it everything I've gone. Lady Luckin, please let the dice stay hot. Let me shoot a seven with every shot.

Oh, Viva, Las Vegas. Viva, Las Vegas. Everybody's having to happen. Viva, Las Vegas. Hey, look, you might be the one. Viva, Viva, Las Vegas! Hello, I'm a tailor, and your pants size is frog. You're always welcome at frogpants.com.

Oh, that's nothing but a rusty old lizard. Ew.