The New Yorker Radio Hour - Parenting While Deported

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

Idalia and Arnold came to this country nearly two decades ago, from Honduras. They settled in a small city in New England and found the working-class jobs of the type common to undocumented Central Americans: janitorial, hotel housekeeping and construction. They and their three children were a loving, close-knit family. The kids were active in school—in the band, on the football team, and in R.O.T.C. Idalia lectured them to work hard in school and set goals, and to spend less time playing video games. When one son got a hoverboard, he taught his mom to ride it, and she would take it to work to zoom around the hotel’s halls. But when Idalia was arrested for a traffic violation and deported to Honduras, things started to come apart. Idalia tries to stay present in her children’s lives, talking to them over video calls while they eat dinner or loaf around the house. But increasingly, it’s Andy, the sixteen-year-old middle child, who is playing the roles of mother and father to his whole family. The New Yorker staff writer Sarah Stillman and Micah Hauser, who have been tracking the fates of deportees, have spent much of the past year with this ordinary family that is facing an extraordinary situation.   The Columbia Journalism School's Global Migration Project supported the reporting of this story. Eileen Grench assisted in translation.     New Yorker Radio Hour listeners, we want to hear from you.  We have a few questions about the show and how you listen to it. The survey takes about twenty minutes, and your feedback will help us make our podcast better.  Take the survey here.

From One World Trade Center in Manhattan, this is the New Yorker Radio Hour, a co-production of the New Yorker and WNYC Studios. Welcome to The New Yorker Radio Hour. I'm David Remnick. We're going to start here. I want to show them live. Yeah, we definitely want to see that. Aw, that's a nice family photo. I wasn't in it. We're in a small city in New England, in an apartment building with vinyl siding on a busy street. in the bedroom of a teenager named Dianara, who's giving staff writer Sarah Stillman a tour.

Oh, I like the lighting, mood lighting. It smells nice, too, a lot of lights, because it's very dark. This was a sixth grade band. I used to be in band. What instrument did you play? Pickleow and flute. Oh, cool. Stillman, along with reporter Micahouser,

has been talking with Dianara and her family for almost a year. They're trying to understand what this family is going through, something that's both extraordinary and at the same time very common, and it's likely to get more common every day of the Trump administration. Here's Micahouser and Sarah Stillman. Dianara is 14 years old, and she's a little quiet and shy at first, but she quickly warms up and is eager to tell us about her room. She's got long, dark hair, and when we met her, she was wearing a hoodie

and sort of fashionably ripped blue jeans. Holy crap, that pink bear is huge. What is that front? My dad got me this for Valentine's Day. Literally, it's bigger than you. We went to see them for the first time on a cold day in March, and this is New England, so it was bitterly cold, and it felt like the depths of winter.

And did you say, do you have any writings that you did for your mom or anything that? They're in the closet, but my closet has a lot of bags in it. It's like a lot. Tada. Oh, I like that purple dress. Yeah, this is, I got this for free from a field trip. Really? That's gorgeous.

Dianar is the only girl, so she has her own bedroom. Her two older brothers, Andy and Arnold Jr., share a room. Their dad is working constantly as a janitor, so they don't see that much of him these days. I think I found it. Is this stuck under all this? Okay. That's your little shoebox?

Yep. This is some of the stuff that I was going to send her, but this is the note that she sent me. Oh, that's nice. So your mom sent you these letters from there? Yeah. Oh, la me, princessa. It's from mom.

How are you, my beautiful child? And can I see the other letter? These are some of the notes that my dad didn't get to send because she was deported. I see. So your dad wrote these notes hoping to send them to her while she was in detention, but then instead she was deported. I see. That's tough.

Because were you hoping when your mom was in detention that she would get to stay here? Or what were you thinking at that time? I thought she would get out because, like, everyone was hoping she would have talking positive about it. You were feeling pretty hopeful. Yeah. And how did you find out that that wouldn't be the case that she was going to be deported? My dad told me. And I called Andy.

And what did you say to Andy? I was like, didn't you know that mom's getting deported? He's like, no, wait what? Dianar's mom at Dahlia was deported in 2017, and since then she's been living in Santa Rita, Honduras. I know we want to hear Can we hear us hear no We want to hear her sing You want to hear my mom sing

Maybe your mom can start and then you can say Ma, they said they said They just saying Stop being saying Ma, they want to sing They want to sing They want to do you can't No, he wants that you can't

Mother He Canta Where's this? Yeah, with Momma Andy, Andy and Papi

Arnold we're all with Mom Oh my God It's really For me Because to sing

Because she I'll I'm For Telephone And it's She made that song For us It's like

It's like Daya Come to Ma And then like Something about My Dad Going to us too And then

It's like a song That she made for us Like, when we were little kids, to, like, to close, so we could be happy. And then, like, every time she'd sing, we'd get happy when she sung this song. And then she said it was hard for her because she had to sing it over the phone instead of in person to us. That's Andy, the middle child. He's 16 years old. And he and Dianara are U.S. citizens.

And their older brother, Arnold Jr., has DACA status because he was a baby when his mother and father came to the U.S. from Honduras. And how would you describe your mom's personality? She's crazy. Like what kind of crazy? Andy used to have a hoverboard, and she would ride it and scream cherry. Cherry, why cherry? I don't know. That was our favorite thing, too.

She would, like, go down this hallway, like, the fastest the hoverboard, the one was so, like, like that, and then she would be like, cherry! And, like, spin, and, like. For the movie Big Mama. Cherry. Oh, it's from the movie Big Mama? Okay, so she had a rationale. Yeah, and then, like, I taught her how to use the hoverboard,

and then, like, one time she fell on her back, the first time she learned, She fell in her back. But she got back up. She's like, I'm doing it again. I'm doing it again. Go back on the hoverboard and then like she got a hold of it. And she actually started taking it to work. And she would ride around in the hallways at work like zoom through a hallways.

So that she would do her job on the hoverboard? Yeah, basically. That's awesome. She must have been popular. Yeah. And then she was happy like, oh, I have a hoverboard. She actually wanted me to send her the hoverboard. In Honduras?

Yeah. I was like, are you crazy? He'll kill you for that. So Adalia worked in a hotel doing housekeeping. And then later she was on the kitchen staff. there. She and her husband had been in the U.S. for two decades by that point, but people like Adalia only became a deportation priority after Trump was elected. In late February of 2017, she got pulled over on her way to work early one morning. So I was, I think it was like 430.

And I got a call and I was like, oh, your mom got arrested. But they didn't tell me the police station. Can you walk us through what happened? So I guess she was on the light to take her right. If we go to the hotel, I'll show you where she was. And they pulled out the back and they, like, surrounded her car. Like, they, like, trapped her. And who's the they? The police. So they took her to the police station first, and then they processed her.

She only had, imagine, she only had $25 cash on her. And they didn't. He's like, she's like, I'll give you my credit card. I'll do anything. I'll give you the pin so you could go take it out if you want. What he's talking about there is bail. And then they said no. And then, like, 10 minutes after, I got the.

that call, they gave her to immigration. So over the last year, we've been reporting on immigration enforcement and specifically on mothers who've been deported under Trump. So Adalia became for us a way to understand what happens if you're sent back to Honduras without your kids. How do you take care of them? How do you mother them by way of a computer screen or by way of a phone? Because Adalia was a super, super involved mom. And it's very clear that she wants to stay involved from Honduras. It's just a matter of exploring even methodologically, how do you mother from afar? Oh my chalel. Oh my God.

Oh, my God. That's a cause to put me in pauses in camera. Bechua mommy. Just me let me take my bagia. Mm. Mm. Yeah. How often do you guys talk to her every day?

Oh, my God. If you had the estimate. 20 for seven. Like, I'll say how many miscalls I get from her. A day. Like, miss video call, miss video call, miss video call, miss video call, miss video call. And she does not stop calling. Was that today? No, that's like, like, she called that 952, 950.

Last night, 953, 958, 958, 958, 958. And then today she called that 257, 306 and 318. Because then, then, mommy, she will be sad. And then, okay? See, Mommy. Yeah, you know, you're going to be the president of that country. A president? No.

No, my style. Yeah. Creealoo. No, no, not be president. Demasio job and many of the papers. No, that's that I want to study.

Be prepar. Um, to be president, no. What are you guys talking about? Being president. I'm not going to be no president. That's scary. I'm not going to be no president.

to be there to be a president. Yeah, she wants to be a opportunity. Okay, papa? I hope that I did years after, now, now to see it in you see a reality, okay?

Yeah, she wants to be president? Yeah, she wants me to aim towards the goal of being a president. Of Honduras or America? Of the U.S. So often when we were around the house with the family, it was kind of like Adalia was floating there,

like her virtual spirit was there. They would call her and they would leave the phone out. And they would just have her following around while they're playing video games or talking or eating dinner. They'd have her there, like literally on their computer screen or holding up their phone.

I love you too, Ma. Okay, bye, I love you. Okay, bye, I love you. Bye, I love you. Okay, bye. I love you too. Bye. But yeah.

Are you embarrassed to kiss your mom from her? No, I'm not, well, like, sometimes. So, like, normally, if you're a teenager, you can just be annoyed with your mom, slam the door, and walk away. Do you feel guilty about getting annoyed with her? Yeah, sometimes I feel, like, straight asshole. Like, when I don't want to talk to her, I feel bad,

because it's kind of, like, fucked up, like, she's not here, and then we're being, um, she wants to talk to us, and we're still being assholes. But, like, sometimes, like, I just grab the phone and I talk to her because I feel, like she, her heart like hurts like when we don't talk to her. So that's, so it's like, I feel bad. But sometimes like, like she calls too much. Well, like she doesn't call too much, but like, well, like she does at the same time. It's almost like, uh, like you've become sort of like a parent in a way to

her. Yeah. So like, I don't know how to explain it. After a while, like, yeah. Like, you guys You guys kind of take care of her. Yeah. Well, I tried to send her money as much as I can. Yeah, I try. So when we met Andy and Arnold, they had started working in an arena, cleaning up after, like, monster truck rallies. They're high school kids, but they really felt they had to work

after their mom was sent back. And they do this on the weekends, and sometimes they do it after school, which their mom does not love. And they also spent a ridiculous amount of time playing video games. They're really, really into video games, like that seems to be a primary sub-occupation. Yeah, Andy's got his laptop out, and then Arnold's got Adalia on the phone, and they're sort of not paying attention to anything because they're just like looking at the game. Question, do you guys have homework?

Yeah, but we do it like later. I do it during school. Okay, I hope we're not keeping you from your homework. No, that's fine. We usually do it later. Okay. I do stay up late? Yeah. He does, I don't, because I do it at school.

complete vampire. Like if you were to fire right now, you're going to realize. So it was after 11 p.m. when we left their house, but they were still playing video games. You're going to, no. How are you doing? Should you whisper? No. They should wake up by now. Andy. Because I know we got here early.

We came back to the apartment around 6.30 in the morning, which is when they get ready for school. They were running around, you know, getting showers. and dressed and ready, and their dad had already left for work at four in the morning. So they were kind of getting ready on the wrong. What was that? Diana, I was just telling me, what time did you go to bed last night? What o'clock in the morning? And what time did you wake up? Five.

So that's four hours of sleep. Yep. So you barely slept last night. You slept four hours? It was worth it, though. The show was great. So you just stayed up because you wanted to watch your TV show? Yep. I finished first season 1, 2, 3

What? But how do you think What do you think Your mom would think? She'd probably like take Everything away from me Your TV and stuff Did you tell her

When you talked to her on the phone this morning? No Is that your bus? No, my bus comes at 7 You know it's about 7, right? 6.53, Arnold's Not 7 yet And is anything else different for you

About your morning routine Without your mom? Usually we eat And then, like, it makes my day better, but since I don't eat, like, I don't know, I'm grumpy in the mornings. Yeah. So, like, so you've become more grumpy without having breakfast. So, like, because usually I just eat and eat and eat in the morning. Yeah, but now you don't?

No. What do you do instead? I just, I don't know. Do you get hungry at school? Yeah. I don't eat the breakfast there because it's nasty. It's, like, jail food. Like, jail food?

Like, what kind of things? It's like, they give us, like, meat, but it's, like, you could taste how frozen it is. And then, like, I don't know if you know the difference in between fresh meat and frozen meat. It has a big difference, and the meat tastes just straight frozen, and it's gross. And did your mom make frozen meat or fresh meat? Fresh. So your mom would make... What else does she make for breakfast?

She used to make us omelets with cheese in them and everything, just, like, on bagels. She used to, like, when she used to do the bagels first, she used to, like, post them and then wake us up and say, eat, eat, come and eat. And then if we didn't eat, you'd get mad. So you're not used to going to school hungry. Andy's 16 years old. So his big concerns before his mom was deported were things like girls and football. He's all about the Snapchat. He's really into that from the moment he wakes up in the morning to the moment he goes to bed. And he's very charming. And you can tell that he's a very fun kid and a very confident kid, but you can also tell that the situation since his mom's

deportation is just taking a really big toll on him. He feels like he's got pressures from both sides, right? There's like the normal kid pressures of just trying to exist in high school and make it through the day and have friends and do well. And then there's also this added layer that's been imposed on him where he has to step up and become like a third parent for this family. And do you feel like it's a lot of responsibility Making sure everybody gets out of the house And your sister and your brother are out of it Because sometimes when my sister doesn't want to go to school

She grabs her pill on her blanket And she falls asleep in her closet Really? And what do you do then? So I don't know she's there But like I know her little tricks now And so every time I leave I check the closets Okay Because that's kind of one of her tricks

When she doesn't want to go to school Yeah, her and my brother They just hide in the closet because they know I'll make them go to school. And is that a more recent thing or have they always been hiding in the closet? No, it's a recent thing they've been doing. I don't know why. Since your mama?

Mm-hmm. And it sounds like maybe your sister has gotten really not into going to school since your mom left? Yeah, she doesn't want to go to school at all or anything. And why do you think that is? Because, like, I feel like, I know she's, like, hard-headed and she doesn't want to take the fact that my mom's not here. And she's, like, I don't know, she's just stressed about it. and then she worries too much about what would happen to my mom or what's happening to my mom and stuff like that.

She worries about her safety and stuff? Yeah, because she knows it's dangerous other. That makes sense. When it comes to his dad, it's really clear that Andy and he have a good relationship. His dad really cares about and is proud of Andy and all the kids in the house. And Andy clearly feels the same way about his dad.

But it's clear that it's also just hard for him to be a kid. kid doing all the regular kid stuff and be contributing financially by working at the monster truck rallies and be translating for his dad at doctor's appointments. I mean, all of that, I think it creates some very genuine pressure. Yeah, like sometimes it gets annoying because my dad is like, oh, can you do this, can you do that? Can you pay the bill? Can you come home? Can you do that? So basically, like, I have to do everything. I have to pay the bills. Send the checks, write the checks, mail the checks. Do you think he's lonely? I don't know, sometimes I feel like, he just locks himself in his room and listens to music all day.

And like, sometimes he just falls asleep or like, sometimes he doesn't even cook because he feels like, I don't know, I feel like he feels stressed out about my mom a lot. Have you noticed things that he, how do you notice when he's missing your mom? He logs himself in his room and then like just listen to sad music, like sad Spanish music. That's 16-year-old Andy talking about his father with Sarah. Stillman and Micah Hauser. Our story is called Parenting while Deported, and

it continues in a moment. You're listening to the New Yorker Radio Hour. Welcome back to the New Yorker Radio Hour. I'm David Remnick. We're hearing the story of a family, a working class family living in New England. In 2017, their mother, Edelia, was arrested in a traffic

violation, and she was turned over to immigration officers, who then quickly sent her to Honduras after she'd been living in the United States for nearly two decades. Idalia is trying to stay an active part of her family's life while living with relatives in Honduras. She's constantly on video calls with her family,

and the three kids leave her image up on their phones as they make breakfast or go about their lives. Their father is in charge, but he's afraid of deportation himself. And it seems to have fallen to the middle child, Andy, a high school football player, to try to hold absolutely everything together. His two siblings, his anxious, father and his heartbroken mother.

Sarah Stillman and Micahouser have been reporting on the family throughout the year. A few months after we visited, Andy called me late one night, was sort of bummed out and said that he'd actually been suspended from school for getting into a fight. When I asked him what happened, he said that his brother, Arnold Jr., was being bullied, actually. And even though Andy is younger than Arnold Jr., I think he sort of was the one who had to step up to defend him. I mean, I was, like, a little aggravated because I know Arnold's been going through it.

Like, it's hit him the most. When you say it hit him the most, what do you mean by it? Like, when my mom got deported, it affected him more than all of us. First thing was we started noticing him my sister first, and then him after. How did you notice it? Because I was just looking at him, like, every time we talk to my mom, like, he would, like, I don't, like, feel down and it was like, oh, I'm, miss her so much. I miss her. I can't wait until I become a citizen. So I can try to, like,

bring her here. He's like, he just cries. I can, like, at night he cries. Wow. Because all I hear's, he doesn't have allies or anything. So I'll hear him like that. What do you say? And then I know, I don't say anything because I feel like he's going to feel embarrassed if I ask him, yo, why are you crying? So at that point, it had been almost a year since Adelia was deported. And from talking with them, it was pretty clear that no one in the house was getting a decent night's sleep. And you could really feel the heaviness of it. It definitely seemed like things in the household had taken a turn for the worse.

And when we last spoke, you mentioned that maybe your grades had been falling a little bit since your mom was arrested and deported. How's that going in terms of school and grades and all of that? I haven't been to school in a while. Okay. Because I didn't drop out, but I sort of took a break, and I'm like, no, I need a work to out my mom. And I've been working in construction a lot for the past month. What was it that, how did you convince them to let you not come after the suspension was over? Yeah, they think I'm in Honduras.

What do you think your mom would say? Does she know that you have this job? Yeah, she was pissed. What does she say? Your education comes for anything. If I was down there, if I was down there, you guys wouldn't be working at all. That's what she says?

Yeah. And what do you say back? No, I'm like, but, well, it's my, you helped me enough, and now it's my time to help you. Have you saved up a lot of money? Yeah. How does that feel? I mean, it feels good because knowing that I have enough money to feed my mom and fill up her fridge.

You had told me that she found a job down in Honduras too, right? Yeah, she works as a bartender. And has she been liking it? I mean, it's something. She says, I only make $20 a week. And remind me how much are you making at this construction job? $24 an hour. Wow.

So you make more in an hour than your mom makes in a week. Yeah. And I work 10, 12 hours. So Andy, has this changed your idea of sort of like what it means to be a young person in America?

Yeah, it's like, I wouldn't, I'd never, back then I would have never seen myself doing this. Doing what? Like working my ass off and, And I would have never saw my mom in Honduras because I thought America was like a place that dreamers want to come. Like people dream to come here, but not anymore.

What did you see yourself doing? Like I saw myself like when I was a little kid, I was like, oh, I want to be a police officer. Oh, I want to be good. I don't know. But like now I'm just kind of like, oh, I don't want to be a police officer. I don't want to be anything that has to do with the law. At one point I was thinking of becoming a border patrol agent. Oh, wow.

So I can't bring my mom over the border. Yeah. Hello? Hello. How are you, Radia? Hello. Yeah. We're here with Micah and an amica

is a name is Aileen. Hello, I'm Elaine. Adalia, do you feel like they're playing too many video games? Oh, yes. Oh, I call them and I tell them to sleep. I go online and I see that they're connected and I say, why aren't you asleep? And they say that they have insomnia. And honestly, they've been using medicine to sleep.

And I don't know how to control this, how to help them. Do you feel Adalia like you're getting the full story of what's happening? at home? I hope so. I hope that they're not ignoring anything that's happening. I feel, I hope that they're telling me everything as it's happening. I hope that it's complete. They're not hiding anything for me.

You know, the worry, because imagine how I feel, sometimes I can cry from feeling so that I have my hands. tied together. You mentioned something about the medicine they've been taking. Can you tell us more about that? And I wonder if it's scary to feel like you can't control that kind of thing as their mom? Yes, it scares me because I even didn't really know it first. And sometimes, you know, I suggest to them that, you know, maybe they don't need the medicine.

Maybe, you know, they can just control the things that they're doing that they shouldn't watch TV. They shouldn't, you know, control their life. little bit more. Later we learned that the kids have been taking melatonin. And Adalia and to an extent Arnold Sr. are both sort of grappling with this lack of control over how their kids are coping with this incredibly stressful situation and these bits of information that maybe in an earlier iteration of the family before Adalia's deportation would have been shared out in the open.

and now there's really no one sort of watching over to make sure that everyone is on the same page. And Arnold Sr. is, by all accounts, a great dad, he's there, but he's working a lot to support the family. And on top of that, he's got his own deportation case to contend with. So it's really fallen on the kids to take care of themselves. Back when we went to see the kids, they called their mom in Honduras and we got to have a little tour of her home. there by the vehicle. There goes a guy in a little motorcycle. It's a hammock. She's shown us this neighborhood there's a little there's a dirt road and a patio that's gated in some white wicker furniture which I guess is where she sits to talk to the kids.

Yeah. Well we've been humil demente, but one day you're going to be here. I'm very She said that she's not happy because we're not there, but when we come, she's going to be very happy. Are you going to go together this summer? Yeah. Okay. So for all three of the kids, being away from their mom was just getting unbearable by a certain point, and they really started to dream about going down to Honduras to be with her.

And since Andy and Dianara are U.S. citizens, they really started to flesh out that dream, what it would be like to go spend time with their mom down in Honduras to think about enrolling in school, going to the park with her, just spending their days with their mom again. And finally, this past summer, they decided to get online, buy a ticket, and make the trip to be with their mom. And there was some question about whether or not they would ever come back. Did she pick you guys up at the airport? Yeah. Yeah. Did you bring a sign or something?

Yes, she did. Oh, really? What did the sign say? Welcome to Honduras, Dianar and Andy. Yeah. How did you feel when you saw the sign? I was like, oh, I already knew it was coming since I landed. She's one of a crazy moms like that goes all out.

I was like, watch mom hold the sign with pictures on it. I was like, oh my God. Were you embarrassed or was it cool? I just knew it was coming. So I was like, see, I told you to my sister. Did you sing you any songs? No. Oh, God, no.

No. Okay, what was it like to be without your dad? We're leaving. My mom barely made us clean. Did you feel like she was spoiling you? Yeah, way too much. She would just like, we would wake up and she would have like waffles or pancakes ready for us. And then the house already clean everything.

Like, I would feel bad, but like she would have everything already done that we had to do. Hmm, that's helpful. Anything else that she did special for you? She let me drive wherever I wanted to. She let me drive too, but she was in the car. But she didn't trust my sister as much as she was. Did you guys have a driver's license? No.

Critical fact? How did you feel about driving? Did you like it? I felt good. I was like, y'all. I was so happy. I wanted to speed. Okay, you got some perks then from Honduras.

Nice. I met some girls over there. Of course you did. Yeah, I met this girl. I don't know, we became close. And then she was like, I started going to her house, and then we started going out to eat and stuff like that. Why did you meet her?

I met her at church. Okay, that's reputable. Yeah, quite wholesome. Yeah, my cousins took me, and that's where I met her. Did you tell other girls back in the U.S. jealous about that? Oh, definitely. Like, I posted it on Instagram, and then everybody was, I was like, what?

You got a girlfriend in Honduras now? Okay. And then the girls over here were kind of jelly. So if you were trying to describe Honduras to your friends, what would you say? It's hot. The mosquitoes will eat you. But it's really beautiful. It's like, I don't know, you get to, the people are really, like, friendly.

Well, some of them. And some of the men, older men, are disgusting, like, when they see a young lady. They're perverts. Yes. Oh, really? Like, what's that like? They make a sound.

What type of sound? They go, like, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, like that to call you, or they go, like that, and they go behind you or they talk to you. They'll call you, like, mommy and stuff like that. Oh, how did you feel about that, Dianara? Disgusted. My sister thinks it's America. She told some guys she was going to call the cops on him. Oh, really?

How did that go? That guy's like, what the hell? I was like, yo, this is not America. The cops will not do anything here. But in terms of the security stuff, did you feel safe walking down the street or walking around in the city? No.

I did. I didn't really care. I didn't really know people, so no. But my mom, she really wanted me to cut my hair, all of it. Because only the gang members have man buns like this. And did she have any other things she wanted you to do like that for security? She wanted me not to wear pants, not to wear too expensive shoes.

She didn't let me wear nothing, nothing, basically nothing. I had to go out with plain clothes. Like over here, I like putting like a bandana on. Over there you can't do that because you don't think you're in the game. And did you hear about that kind of thing when you were down there? Like anybody getting killed or stuff like that? Um, the only thing we heard about, one of our cousins got killed, but he was in, he wasn't in good stuff. He was in, um, the 18th Street gang. Okay. And then people from the MS-13 killed him.

Was the life, um, I mean, was it harder than you imagined it would be, or was it about the same? It's hard. Because did it change your sense, Dianara, that you would ever want to live there full-time? because I remember you saying maybe you would think about moving down there to be with your mom? It definitely. I wanted to leave, like, so bad. So you don't think you would ever live there? No.

Okay. The kids had had this very romantic idea of staying down in Honduras, getting to be with their mom and having all these fun times and maybe moving there. But it was pretty clear by the time we spoke when they were back that reality had set in. And their dad had made it clear that he needed them back before school started. They had intended to spend another two months. down there, come back to school way late, and their dad didn't want them to fall behind. So he moved the flight back and they got home and got ready for school. Yeah, so now it's sort of back to how it was

before the visit, you know, talking to Adalia on video calls multiple times a day. And he's back on his grind. He's working a landscaping job so he can keep earning money to send his mom. And he's also going to football practice twice a day and just sort of getting geared up for the school year. And it seems like the reality is really setting in that the family is just going to be separated and have to live their distant lives unless Adalia can find some way to come back, which is both incredibly dangerous to make that journey. And also, if she does it unauthorized, it's a felony. One day, I'm going to be there. And not right now, I can't go legally, but maybe I'll go. maybe I'll go anyways.

Do you have plans to try to come back? I, you know, for my part, if I can go, I'm going just like that. I'm trying first through a legal way and we'll see I'm putting my faith in God. But if I have to, those are my plans, I'm coming back anyway I can. And the trip back to the U.S. would be really dangerous, right? Are you worried about that crossing over the border and what could happen? Yeah, that worries me a lot, a lot. And that's why I'm afraid to do it, that something could happen to me, that I could die.

I'm afraid to die. Sometimes in order to get over this fear, I think about maybe being able to see my kids again, being able to hug them. And that gives me the strength to try, but I still feel this fear that I could die. So if Adalia does try to come back, it's certainly one of the most dangerous journeys in the world, one on which the majority of women are said to face sexual assault or other forms of persecution. And even if she does get here, the family knows that they just won't feel safe anymore, living even under the same roof in New England, just driving to work, going to the grocery store, all of those daily things now feel laced with peril. And so they've decided that if Adelia makes it back, that they're going to move to New York or move to New Jersey or to someplace where they won't be as easily found and targeted by immigration enforcement. In many ways, that impulse to move speaks to the collateral damage that is felt by families all over the country as a result of the Trump immigration enforcement regime, this sort of these tentacles of fear that pervade daily life when you have a parent who has been separated or maybe another undocumented parent who has yet to be separated, but that threat is constantly looming.

Yeah, I think when we first met this family more than a year ago, I still thought of deportations as a moment in time, a discreet moment when a family was pulled apart. And following them over all this time, for me, what has really stood out is realizing that it's also this slow drip, drip, drip of what it means every day to wake up without your mom, to have her not there when you're brushing your teeth at the end of the night. And the toll that long-term separation takes, that to me is an invisible part of the family separation. story. I get mad when my friends disrespect their moms and they're like, no, like, I feel mom, why don't you do it yourself? And I was like, dude, don't talk to your mom like that. Your mom's the one thing that you're going to love and miss forever. And then they're like, oh, she's annoying. This and I was like, trust me. And then they're like, oh, what do you know about stuff like that? I'm like, a lot. Just trust me. And then like, I tried to like tell them that it's not cool.

It doesn't look cool on him or anything. Yeah. So you feel like some of your friends don't even have gratitude for the fact that their moms actually are around? Yeah. Well, it's kind of upsetting, but it's life. Staff writer Sarah Stillman, reporting with Micahouser of The New Yorker. And you can find everything Sarah's written for us on immigration and other subjects at New Yorker.com. I'm David Remnick, and that's today's episode. We've got a new episode of the New Yorker Radio Hour podcast up every Friday and Tuesday.

You can find us wherever you. you get your podcasts or at new yorker radio.org. The New Yorker Radio Hour is a co-production of WNYC Studios and The New Yorker. Our theme music was composed and performed by Merrill Garbus of Tune Yards, with additional music by Lexus Quadrato. This episode was produced by Alex Barron, Emily Boutin, Ave Cario, Riannon Corby, Jill Duboff, Calalia, Karen Frillman, David Krasnow,

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