The Nick Bare Podcast - 002: Lewis Howes - Face Your Fears And Live A Meaningful Mission

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

Today on the show, I sit down to have an inspiring conversation with Lewis Howes. Lewis is a New York Times best-selling author, keynote speaker, and industry-leading show host. We discuss the importance of saying no in life, the collateral damage of overworking, opening emotional wounds to find healing, and what it truly means to have a greatness mindset. Lewis is a man full of wisdom and experience, and today he held nothing back. Topics: (00:00) - Intro (00:57) - Living as our authentic self (06:05) - Learning to say no (12:06) - Result of setting boundaries (12:47) - Are you truly happy? (15:32) - Life transitions (26:40) - Identity foreclosure (28:20) - Meaningful mission (33:36) - Resisting change (37:59) - Emotional coaching (45:06) - Inner peace (47:20) - Regrets of the dying (49:20) - Collateral damage of overworking (55:00) - Finding help to heal (1:01:40) - Opening wounds (1:05:30) - Powerless vs. greatness mindset (1:13:58) - Results of a great coach (1:18:00) - Final words Follow for more: IG: https://www.instagram.com/nickbarefitness/ YT: https://www.youtube.com/@nickbarefitness Check out Lewis here: Website: www.lewishowes.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/lewishowes/

In June of 2016, I sent this video to a complete stranger. And I wanted to personally just thank you for everything you put online, the message you spread, and the positivity that you create. That person was Lewis House. Lewis House. Lewis House. Please welcome Lewis House. Keynote speaker.

And New York Times bestseller. It's the former pro athlete turned entrepreneur and broadcaster with over 500 million downloads. And today, he's the guest on our show. We reveal some of our biggest fears. I could make money and I could have a good personal brand and I could interviewed top leaders. In the inside, there was a lot of pain in uncertainty and fear. Reach new depths of vulnerability. I'm 10 and a half years of building. And I'm only now realizing the collateral damage and chat about navigating massive life transitions.

I've been through, I don't know, three different breakups in the last decade. And so I had to learn the hard way over and over again that, okay, I'm the root of this problem. Reading your books, there's an obvious mindset transformation that is actively pursued. Why is it so challenging for us to show up as our authentic self? I think it's scary. I think it's hard to face the parts of us that we are not proud of, that we're ashamed of, that we're insecure about.

And I think that's what it takes to be our most authentic self, is actually accepting the whole. And most of the times we don't want to accept the things that hurt us or affected us or trigger us and make us angry, resistant, reactive, guarded, protective. we want to talk about and elevate the things that make us look good, the things that make us get results, get success, things like that.

But what I've learned is it really just takes accepting all of you, everything that you've been through, the past, the pain, the challenges, the good, everything, the nasty, the things you've done that you're not proud of, the things that other people have done to you that hurt you, doesn't mean you have to like all these things, but being able to face it, accept it,

talk about it without it having power over you and moving forward. But I think a lot of people are afraid to face themselves. Was there a moment, like a very clear, definitive moment

when you realized you weren't showing up as your authentic self? There's been many moments over the last 10 years that I haven't been showing up as my authentic self. But 10 years ago

is kind of when I kickstarted the journey. And I realized I had a number of different breakdowns in my life, a breakdown in an intimate relationship that I was in, a business partnership, and then also just like in life, all activities in life, I just saw myself breaking down.

It was kind of all happening at the same time in life until I got into a pretty intense physical fist fight on a basketball court with, you know, in the middle of a normal pickup basketball game that didn't mean anything. There was no stakes. There was no money on the line. It was in for some league championship.

It was just to pick a basketball game. And I allowed my anger and my emotions to get the best of me where I ended up getting in a fist fight with someone. And it was after that moment, again, kind of all these things were breaking down in my life that that was a big trigger, a big wake-up call. And I was just like looking in the mirror and asking myself, who are you? I just didn't know who I was when I looked at myself in the mirror. And I remember kind of shaking and trembling, just being like,

I don't know what my life has gotten to at this point because I thought I was going after and chasing the things that would make me feel happy. But just getting success didn't bring me fulfillment. And I realized I had to take a look at myself to see what was missing or what I was overlooking that was causing me to feel pain inside, that was causing me to feel not enough, that was causing me to feel not accepted or needing to defend myself in every area of life in every relationship and every scenario. And that was kind of the first wake of a call,

first aha moment 10 years ago that started me down this path of saying, I need to become a beginner. I need to find mentors, coaches, guides. I'm going to try weird healing modalities. I'm going to try exercises, workshops, therapy, meditation, ice tubbing, whatever it takes for me to face the fears inside of me

that are holding me back, that are causing me to react in ineffective. ways in life when certain situations happen. Because I really feel like it's about, it's not about who's right and wrong or good and bad. That's not what this is about. If reacting in a certain way, is that bad?

Maybe not. Maybe you're justifying something. But is it effective? Is it helpful towards you feeling more harmony inside of you, you having more energy and impacting the people around you and you working towards a mission that serves you? and 10 years ago was the first wake-up call that started me down the path. But really in the last few years is when I dove in even deeper, which we talked about when I had you on my show,

I just started diving in even deeper because I was still struggling in intimacy. I'd gotten better in business relationships. I'd gotten better with life situations by not reacting. But in intimacy in relationships, I still was struggling not being a stable. for my highest most authentic self. And so I would abandon my highest self to try to buy peace in relationships.

I would give in what my values or vision was and who I authentically was to try to make someone happy. I try to please. I try to minimize the stress as opposed to just standing in who I was authentically and being able to navigate and manage the stresses around me. And also ultimately just realizing certain relationships weren't meant for me

and not trying to force them anymore. So it's been a journey of 10 years of going on facing myself and healing this process. I just finished the book, the greatest mindset, your newest book. And as you're talking about vision and values,

you talk a lot about boundaries in the book, which I found extremely interesting. And I think a lot of people struggle with. I mean, I struggle with boundaries. Were you a people pleaser? I was and I still am. Yeah.

And I have the issue of making myself super accessible to a lot of people. Man, I know that feeling. And what happens is like I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I get anxiety. I just feel like I can't breathe any longer because I make myself so accessible. You say yes to too many things. I do.

And I used to say yes to everything. And I got better at saying no to more things. But what's interesting is when I stepped down from the CEO role at BPN and I moved into a chief creative officer role, I thought that would instantly and automatically remove a lot of my duties and responsibilities. And I would have more freedom to maneuver and work. And what I ended up doing is because I handed off some responsibilities, I made myself so accessible.

Hey, if you need something reviewed, if you need, if you need help, if you need me to I'm here, whatever you need, whatever you need. And I was so overwhelmed by adding more into my plate. I would love to talk more about setting boundaries because I think people could benefit from that so much. Man, I see myself in you a lot because for years, that's what I did as well. I said yes to everyone. It took every meeting.

If anyone needed something, I would drop what I was doing to try to help them or I would help them as quick as I could and get distracted from actually doing the thing that I was working on. And that worked for a season of life until it didn't work. And that got me to a certain place, but it wasn't going to get me to the next place. And it really wasn't until two years ago when I learned. So your father had than me at 34, right? Not to be 33. 33.

You're about to be 33. Your father, I wish I learned this seven years ago, right? because I wasted so much energy and time, stressed out way more than I needed to, and just suffered at the end of the day emotionally. And it wasn't until a couple years ago when I learned, I mean, really it's been a process of healing and belonging to myself, which may sound a little weird.

I don't know if this is going to resonate with people watching or listening, but I used to do things because I wanted to belong and fit in to other places. but it's because I didn't belong to myself. I didn't fit in with me fully because I hadn't accepted all of me yet. And again, I don't know if I would have understood that if I'd have heard this 10 years ago or seven years ago. I probably would have gone over my head.

I wouldn't have made sense. But because I didn't fully love and accept who I was, there was a lot of shame that I had tied to me that I wasn't able to share or talk about to anyone. And I didn't want anyone to hear those things. Because I was so afraid and insecure. I would say yes to people, please people, be available, do these things because I wanted to fit in and be accepted by others because I still didn't accept who I was.

It's when I started to fully own myself in an authentic, conscious, humble way, not a narcissistic egomaniac way, but when I fully owned who I was and started to mend and create new meaning around the different things of my life that caused me the most pain. and create new stories about those things, create a different relationship with those memories. I fully embraced those parts of me. I brought them into me and I said, okay,

I accept and belong to myself. I accept these parts of me now. It was before I was ashamed of them. By doing that, it was a practice. Two years ago I started this where I was like, I'm just going to start saying no to certain things that no longer support me

or that are crossing boundaries for me, right? that I really don't want to do. And if I'm doing something I really don't want to do because I'm trying to be liked or be looked good or people please, and at the end of the day I'm resenting myself and I'm abandoning who I am. This was one of the most challenging practices to start saying no and start just eliminating things or people or events

that weren't necessary to do and go to anymore. It was so hard for me to quote unquote disappoint people, to let people down. But the more I practice it, it is freeing. And again, it's because I have more ownership with who I am authentically. I have a great core group of friends and family around me that I fit in and belong to who accept me. And again, at the end of the day, I accept myself, which I think was hard for me to do

for a long time. I was kind of running away from things that I didn't like about me. I was winning, succeeding, excelling, chasing to leave. behind things that I didn't want people to know about me. But those things you try to run away from keep creeping in. They keep, they just, they're a shadow. They're right there behind you, man. They don't leave. But it wasn't until I turned around and looked at all these things I was disgusted with about my past. I said, man, I don't like this. I'm not proud of this, but I take full ownership and responsibility. And I'm going to create new meaning around it. That's when I was able to

say no to people, not in a mean way, but in an authentic way, like, hey, it doesn't work for me right now. I can't do this. I'm sorry. and be okay with it and not worry about them getting upset at me. And I think the fear of judgment was my biggest fear that I've had to learn how to that go of and overcome. And that's a constant thing we've got to work on forever. So when you set these boundaries, you stopped going to these events,

you started saying no to people, what was the result? The result was my business doubled. The result was I felt peace and freedom. The result was I had more intensive. in connection with my partner. The result was I've deepened my relationships with core friends and family. The result was I can sleep better at night.

The result was I feel clearer about my mission. And it feels like I can manage the stress, the challenges, and the adversities of life with more energy because I've taken my energy back. Would you say now that you still struggle with fulfillment and happiness? At this season of life, I feel really good. I feel like I'm very fulfilled. I feel very happy. And I don't think I've ever been fulfilled truly or happy, truly.

I think I have moments of fulfillment or moments of happiness before. But I feel like because I am so clear on the mission I'm on, I'm constantly doing the emotional healing work. It's not like I had a couple coaching sessions and I stopped. It's like every month, I'm working on improving and developing myself. Not making myself wrong or beating myself up, but saying, hey, I'm always a beginner.

Let me keep learning and growing. So it's not being complacent. It's pushing myself to grow and overcome. And I'm truly fulfilled with the effort that I put out in the world. I'll give an example. This book is probably the first time, no joke, that I've been proud of myself for the efforts of creating something and finishing it, proud of myself for the efforts of preparing to promote it, launching it, and all these different

things. And it's the first time, I kid you not, that I'm not focused on obsessing over the results. Now, do I have goals in mind for the results? Do I have certain numbers and certain things I'd like to do? Yes. But I have released it, which feels weird, because I, In the previous of any launch I've ever done, whether it be a book or anything, I was obsessed with the numbers.

And if the numbers didn't happen, I would get frustrated or angry or resentful or whatever. Beat myself up. Blame someone else, whatever might be. And it doesn't mean I don't want great results. I do. I want numbers. I want results, all these different things. But all I know is that I've done a great job creating a product that I'm proud of,

a great job of planning for many, many months and a great job of executing. And at the end of the day, I'm releasing the results out there because I know focusing on only the results will make me suffer. And so it's just playing a different game in my mind around the things I'm creating in the world and allowing myself to be at peace if it doesn't make it. If the dreams don't come true, the results don't happen, just knowing like I'm doing my best. And for me, that is, that is for me good enough right now because I know I'm showing up fully.

I know I'm working hard. I'm knowing growing and overcoming and I know I'm impacting lives. And that's what's important. I'm curious how you got here because it sounds like you have a solid game plan in place. And it sounds like this very clean and clear path. It was a 10 years of mess, though. I believe it. Yeah.

And as I was describing you before we start recording, transitions are very difficult in life. And I'm going through transitions in life right now, being a new father, having a new role in the business, in trying to really identify what is my identity and what is my mission moving forward. And how does my new lifestyle being a father and being a husband and being a business owner, how does that transition kind of fit into this new life? and I'm curious, what were the massive transitions in your life that really shifted your thought process

that got to where you are today? Because, you know, I just finished Arthur Brooks book from Strength to Strength. And he talks about... What was the biggest takeaway for you? That we think we're going through these midlife or quarter life crises, and they're not actually a crisis, it's just a transition.

And we go through these transitions every 12 to 18 months, and there's 52 of them. It's loss. It's birth. It's getting married. It's getting divorced. It's having a kid. It's losing your job. It's getting a job.

There's these things in life that happen, whether we welcome them or not. Yes. And they ultimately change and can change the trajectory of where we're heading. And it's how we adapt to those transitions. So it's accepting the transitions rather than fighting against them and working with them rather than against them. Yes. So what transitions have you gone through that have shaped you to get here? Because I'm assuming when you were playing professional sports,

you never anticipated or expected to have a top performing podcast. No. Right, multiple New York Times bestselling books and possibly going on a podcast tour to promote a new book in 2003. Yeah, that wasn't the thought. I mean, there's been a number of transitions in the last 10 years, the big ones. A lot of it ties to relationships, getting in and out of relationships.

Those have been big transitions. Because anytime you invest in a human being of your time, energy, thoughts, emotions, and then you pull out of that investment, whether it be a breakup or just a mutual agreement that this doesn't work anymore, in business or in intimacy or in friendship, that's a big transition. Like you're investing in someone and then all of a sudden you're not investing in each other specifically intimately. So I've been through, I don't know, three different, three different breakups in the last decade, all a couple of year relationships each. I tend to be a slow learner, so I repeated the, you know, same mistakes over and over in certain relationships choosing based on a

wound as opposed to based on a vision and alignment and values. And so I had to learn the hard way over and over again that, okay, I'm the root of this problem, these things happening. So relationships have been big, those transitions, but I mean, even the last year and a half, I entered a new relationship. I've been doing every two weeks of emotional coaching, almost every two weeks for the last, almost two years now. I got out of a relationship two years ago, started in the relationship a year and a half ago. I've been doing emotional coaching almost every two weeks.

moved in with my partner. That's a big transition. We're getting a house now, moving into a home and buying my first home ever. I've only stayed in apartments. So actually investing in a home, not just apartments. That's happening this week. So I'm moving into a home this week. Moving in with someone this week.

I'm on tour doing all these things. I had a tooth surgery that, an implant surgery for a tooth because I have a gap in my, my jaw. That was in for three weeks. over January, it came out because the implant didn't bond with my tooth. So I was in just gnawing pain every day trying to manage the pain while negotiating a home, while planning for the book launch, while just trying to take care of my health. So a lot of these things, a lot of these big life events, launching a book, moving to a home, moving in with someone, surgery are all happening at once.

Are you overwhelmed? I'm not overwhelmed. And this is the thing. There are moments of like, I can't believe this is all happening at once. But five years ago, this would have overwhelmed me. This would have drained me. And I was just telling you, like the last two days, I was recording six hours a day to read this audiobook before 12 interviews,

the week of that. So I didn't take a day off, it just from five days, 12 interviews, two days back to back, flew on a plane. You're my third interview today, running around Austin and, you know, trying to figure it out. going on a plane tonight, going to do four hundred views tomorrow, and then back at it until the weekend again, while I'm moving in this weekend into a home that I'm putting all this money invested in and putting my bank account down to zero. So there's big life transitions happening

for me right now. But there's a concept I learned about four or five years ago after one of these breakups that I, one of the many breakups that I've been through, but one of these breakups that I had. Sounds like a new book. I know, right? Yeah. I feel like I've, I've learned so much just through breakups that I have wisdom because of all the mistakes I've made. But yeah, five years ago, I went through a breakup. And it was, it was, there was a couple weeks of, like, messiness because the person I dated decided to, like, say a bunch of nasty things about me online. And I was like, okay, this doesn't feel fair. This feels unjust, all these different things I felt. And all I wanted to do was defend myself because people were kind of coming at me and saying, oh, Lewis, I heard

you did this and this and this. And I was like, now these are all like just made up gossip, right? There's a truth and then there's gossip. And it was challenging because I felt like people that I had helped and said yes to for for for and promoted and all these different things. I could see them leaving nasty comments about me online. And that was frustrating. I remember being like, this is frustrating. And I was like, I've just given all my energy to all these people and they're just talking bad about me. Like, what's the point of this? And I was interviewing Robin Sharma right around this time, the guy who wrote the monk who sold his Ferrari, I think it was called the book. It sold like 15 million copies. Robin Sharma, he's got another book called the 5am Club.

And I interviewed him. And he was like, hey, how's it going, Lewis? You know, I just met him for the first time. I go, well, to be honest, I'm kind of going through this and this and just talk to for like an hour before the interview. And he goes, you know, a bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul. And he said, this is perfect for you. He goes, I understand it's not fun and it may not be fair. It may not be 100% accurate. But it's important for the ego to go through a spiritual cleansing every now and then.

And I think these transitions you're talking about from strength to strength talk about reflecting on what's working and what's not working and in purifying certain parts of your life cleansing your ego cleansing relationships like removing things from your life that don't serve you to the next strength to get to the next level certain things of your identity before you were married worked for you until you were married and you have to let go of them same thing with fatherhood right I'm not a father I don't know what it's like but I can imagine I'm going to have to step up in a ways I've never been as a man before, right? And be a better role model, a better example, a better father, more discipline, all these things that don't work for me anymore, the things I used to be. And so

he said this and he goes, you know, in six months or a year, like this is all going to blow by. Like this isn't that big a deal. It's going to blow by. It might feel like a lot because you're in it right now. This is all going to blow by. And as long as you use this to your advantage and allow yourself to cleanse yourself, allow yourself to be humble in this process, cleanse your ego, and really cut ties with people that were draining your energy. And I think you and I are similar where we like to say yes to everyone. We want everyone to like us. We want to help people, all that stuff. We want to feel valued by lots of people. But if these people are just going to hear gossip and do one and say nasty things about you and stab you in the back at the end of the day,

it's like, okay, is it really that valuable to have all these relationships and to say yes to all of them all the time in the process of abandoning yourself? I'm not saying don't help people, but just make sure you're aligning to yourself and your energy first. And I remember saying, and he was like, you know, eventually in the next few years, these people are going to come back around and ask you for something. They're going to ask you to promote their book or this or that

because if you stay humble, if you stay in service to your mission, people are to come back around. And it's funny because in the last year, I've had so many people come back around and not speak to me for four years, and now they act like they're my best friend again, and ask me, oh, I've got a book out, I've got this,

and Lewis, you have this big platform. Can I come on, can you help me now? And again, it's not like I'm vindictive, but I'm just guarding my energy. I'm just like, okay, I wish you all the success, but it's not the right fit. And maybe it is for some of them, but for the most people, it's not.

And it's not going back into my old ways of saying, okay, well, I want them to like me now. So I'm going to go do something for them. No. Protecting your energy, making sure you're taking care of your mission and your health first. So all these transitions in life, the only way I feel like I'm able to stay calm under all the stuff that's happening like immediately in my life is because I've been doing two years of emotional coaching. It's because I've been grounding myself consistently.

It's because I've been putting my energy on people and the things that matter most and not on the things that don't matter. And it's because I'm driven by a mission to serve. First, to serve my health as a top priority to make sure I'm taking care of. Second, to serve my mission. And because I'm focused on the mission and not pleasing people, it helps me stay focused under the overwhelm. I don't know if that answered that, but... No, it did. It was great. You pulled this quote from Seth Godin in your book,

that I loved. It's, I am choosing to be passionate about what I do and my purpose is whatever I'm doing. I get purpose questions all the time. And I think the issue is that a lot of people view purpose as this almighty, power that could be foofy and fluffy and they think it has to be established early on and then it lasts forever. You also referenced identity for closure, which I thought was absolutely amazing

when we identify our purpose and we get stuck essentially. Yes. As being one thing. Right. And you have to stick to it. I think it's what a lot of people do with purpose. And that's why I personally love focusing on on passion. Do you feel like you had an identity foreclosure when you were just the CEO and how to speak about one main thing on a show and it's one of the reasons why you were like, I want to transition and break free so I'm not limited by this one topic? Yeah, I felt the need in the want for change. And I knew I could stay on the path that I was on and do really well.

but I wasn't feeling the fulfillment that I was truly searching for and the happiness that I was truly searching for and I knew that the only way to unlock that fulfillment and happiness was to make a change. That's why when I decided to step down from CEO, it actually wasn't a hard decision. Like I knew it was the right decision. People reached onto me saying,

that must have been the hardest thing ever. Like, do you need anything? I feel great. peaceful now. That is what I wanted because I was pursuing this, this passion, this change that I knew was coming. And I don't use,

I don't use the word purpose often. I like using the word passion. But you talk a lot about having your meaningful mission. And that for me was just, what I loved most about meaningful mission in the book is that your meaningful mission can change and evolve. And when you quickly, realize and understand that.

It's you can have seasons in chapters where you're focused on on one thing. And like my big overarching mission and passion, it's pretty constant. And it's pretty similar to what it was in this previous chapter. But a meaningful mission now has evolved and changed. Yes. I would love to dive into what the meaningful mission is and how to discover it.

Well, I think the enemy of greatness is a lack of a meaningful mission. And I mean, I can't speak for what you've experienced, you know, being in the military. But I do know, and I'm assuming you know a lot of men and women who once they finished their deployment or their mission in service and came back into a different life. You've probably seen a lot of men and women struggle without having a clear mission. And maybe you struggled while having the mission, but it was a different type of struggle. It wasn't a mission struggle.

Did you have friends that have struggled after they come back? from service because they don't know what their mission is now? I mean, the military transition is, in my opinion, one of the U.S.'s largest issues. You know, I led an infantry platoon, and I had soldiers and non-commissioned officers that struggled so hard with that transition because there was this very clear mission.

You had a very clear schedule every single day. Role, responsibilities. You knew what you had to do and what you couldn't do, where you had to be, wearing what, when, where when you transition out, that all ends. Yes. Now, people ask about my transition out all the time, and mine was pretty seamless because I already had this before, yeah.

I had a mission already established, and I had a plan at the day I got out, that next day, the new mission started. I think a man without a mission is a destructive and dangerous man or has the potential to be that, because then we're just kind of wandering around saying yes to whatever or just having no direction, just going in circle, or going nowhere. And I think that is one of the scariest things

is not having an aim. And it doesn't have to be the perfect aim like you said. It just be like, what am I want to do for this season? And your meaningful mission can be, I'm in a season of recovery. I'm in a season of reflection of trying a bunch of stuff.

I don't know where to want to go. And that's okay. But declare that you're going to try something and do something and be like, this is the season I'm in and say, this is where I'm at. A few examples. You know, I loved baseball.

Did you play baseball growing up? I played baseball. I loved baseball. I played every level baseball until I got to be a junior in high school. And after my junior season, I reflected and I was like, I don't want to play baseball anymore. It doesn't serve me anymore. I loved it for the seasons that I played. But I think I want to go do track now.

And I did both my junior year. And I was like, I actually like track better right now at this season. And I think that's okay. You can move on from something you loved. When I was on my sister's couch for a year and a half, I didn't know what I wanted. was in a season of sadness, kind of depression of not playing football anymore, not sure what I wanted, not sure what my skills and talents were. And I was in a season of learning, of overcoming fears, of finding mentors, of trying to learn new skills. And really, my mission was how do I make enough

money to get off my sister's couch? It took me a year and a half to figure that out. But that was the season while I was in. I was in kind of survival mode and figuring out myself, I couldn't think beyond that. I wasn't like, I'm going to go launch a big podcast and do this thing and I'm going to go make a million dollars. I was like, how do I make two grand a month to get my own apartment in Ohio? That was the season I was in. And I had a mission in that season. And like you said, it doesn't have to be know what you want for the rest of your life.

Just know what you want right now or for the next couple of years because it can always evolve. And the mechanisms can change in the mission. So right now, my mission is to serve and impact 100 million lives weekly to help them improve the quality of their life. It's clear. I know where I'm heading. That may evolve in a few years, 10 years,

three years. I have no idea, but right now that's what speaks to me. It's what fulfills me is what calls me. And also the mechanisms might change. So your mechanism at one point was to be in the military, to be in service in that way.

The mechanism changed into nutrition and supplements and information and education and inspiring people with content. The mechanism might change in three to five years, but it's still in service to something. And again, my mechanism is YouTube and audio and books and all these different things, but it may change in the future, the mechanism, and that's okay. But if we're clear on the mission, then we can start saying yes and no to things that either serve or don't serve the mission.

And I think that allows us to take our power and our energy back and be more effective. There's a moment when you may feel the need. and want to change direction and change this mission. And I think where a lot of people end up, I've been there before too, is you know you need to change, but you're afraid to change. Resistant.

Yeah. You're resistant to that change. What happens when you resistent that change for long periods of time? You suffer. You suffer when you resist change. And I think that's why it's important to always be thinking of,

maybe it's not changing, but it's growth. It's thinking, how can I continually grow? People resist change, although we need to change and evolve. But if we look at it and package it as, I just want to keep having a beginner's mind. I want to keep growing. I want to keep learning. Keep developing who I am. Keep overcoming fears and insecurities.

The more you do that, you're going to figure out, wow, I'm really excited about this thing. Or wow, now I have this opportunity to go in this direction. but if we resist change or aka growth and learning, I think we hurt ourselves and we hold ourselves back from what's possible within side of us. If you resisted not being stepping down from the CEO, you may never know, like if you held on to that,

you may never have known how much bigger and more impactful you will be over these next six to 24 months with what you're about. to do. I know that that decision unlocked something new in front of you that is giving you more energy and more expansiveness to serve people at a greater level. But if you resisted it and you're like, well, I really want the identity of being the CEO and being in control or making sure I'm managing everything, it would have held you back from impacting and serving more lives, having the energy to do things more creatively that you might be doing now. And I think because you stepped into it, it's allowing you to see things in a different perspective and really serve your mission better.

One of my favorite Bible quotes, 2 Corinthians, is do not focus on the scene, but focus on the unseen, as the scene is temporary and the unseen is eternal. And I pull this quote from your book. It's our subconscious convinces us that the familiar is always better than something unpredictable. even if this is important, taking a new approach might turn out to be better. Familiar is the scene. Yes. And the unpredictable is the unseen.

Yeah. That's why it's scary to leave a toxic relationship because we're familiar with it. We're familiar with good and we're familiar with bad. But both of those are the enemy of greatness. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or something's wrong with you if you don't want to strive for more. but living a good life without fully tapping into what you feel like you're called to do and drawn to do and resisting going beyond it, you're doing it because it's familiar, it's comfortable. And also being in a bad situation.

Maybe you don't like your job, but you're familiar with the paycheck every month. You're familiar with the benefits. You're familiar with at least you have somewhere to go. It might be bad, but bad and good is not good enough for you to be great. it usually takes us going into some type of extreme identity shift breakdown in order to take a step back or it takes some type of graduation season, whether that is graduating school, whether that's ending a relationship, whether that's graduating at a deployment for four years in service, now you take a step back.

You're in a new season of life. It usually takes a reflection moment where you're not in the thing or something breaking down for us to get a breakthrough or to see like, okay, I need. to change, I need to evolve, I need to overcome, I need to grow, I need to learn. But I feel like good and bad is familiar and that's what gets people stuck. Unless they have some type of support system, some type of coach or accountability friend or mentor who's, they're really trust and respect and they're willing to take leadership from and they're willing to take feedback from and say, okay, I'm going to push beyond familiar.

I just feel like familiar gets us trapped and stuck from greatness. Have you found that the emotional coaching you've been doing the last two years has helped you rip that band-aid off in terms of leaving familiar? I just feel like it gave me freedom. It gave me peace and it gave me clarity. Now, it didn't give it to me. I gave it to myself by diving in and doing some intense, emotional and really physical exercises and then practicing and integrating those in my daily life. It's not like you just go and talk about your feelings for. 30 minutes and then, okay, I'm good to go. It's facing the craziest mess that you can ever be the

most afraid of and scared of from your past. It's addressing the things that hold you back. It's diving in and creating a new relationship with your 5-year-old, your 10-year-old, your 20-year-old self that you hurt yourself with. Whatever it is, it's doing, it's willing to go anywhere and everywhere for peace and freedom. I was successful in a lot of areas of my life, but I was in peace. inside. I was calm on the outside, but in the inside there was chaos and stress. There was tension and tightness and clenching in my throat and pain pulpitating in my chest off and on. Now, I could have it all together externally and it could look good and I could work out hard and I could make money and I could have a good personal brand and I could interview top leaders

and make it all look good on the outside. But on the inside, there was a lot of pain in uncertainty and fear. And it wasn't until I was willing to face it and go through a process of really purging and healing and repeating it over and over again every week for many, many months until I got to the place of awareness. So that got me to a place of, okay, I can finally see the parts of me after months and months and months of intense emotional coaching. Then it's using the awareness and the tools that I learned through that coaching and applying it every day when my nervous system would get reactive, when I'd feel triggered, when I'd feel like I want to defend myself, when I feel like my emotional state would take over or want to protect who I was.

And when I was able to finally see things happen in the world around me and my nervous system not react, I'm not talking about a physical threat, I'm talking about psychological or emotional threats to our ego. It's a physical threat. I want to be reactive. I want to defend myself. I want to do whatever it takes to survive. But 99.9% of the time it's not a physical threat.

It's an emotional psychological reaction to a wound inside of us that causes us to feel and experience pain and suffering. So when I was willing to face it, finally, after a big transition, a big breakdown, a relationship ending a few years ago, and me being in pain and me being back in this place of sadness of like why is this happening, why is this happening and saying I'm ready to face this once and for all because the common denominator of my pain is me, me being in certain relationships that caused me to feel this way.

I chose these things. So it's my responsibility to take a look at them. And when I did that and became aware of it after months, then I was willing to practice it and integrate it and reflect back to the coach. this came up to me and I'm feeling triggered again, but I practiced this tool, this lessen this experience, and I feel a lot better. I'm less reactive. And just repeating that over and over again

and rewiring new ways of thinking, new ways of feeling and new behaviors tied to my thinking and my emotions. That has set me free. I'll give an example. Last week, in the middle of all this stuff, I got an email from one of the, agencies that we're working with, although I'm not going to say names or anything here,

but just to context, working with an agency that we're paying a lot of money to help us with some stuff. We realized that we weren't getting results with the agency. We'd worked with them for a few months and we weren't getting results. And we realized like we shouldn't be in this relationship anymore. So we've been trying to unwind the relationship for a couple of weeks. But they haven't been responding. They haven't been responding.

They've been trying to skirt around it to not deal with us like leaving the relationship. the business partnership. And last week, they sent a really nasty email. They added another person who I know in the industry to the email and kind of like attacked me, my character, like our team, everything. Two to five years ago, I would have went freaking ape shit on this guy, right? I'd been like, you, mother effort, like email, like just instant reaction. Like, how dare you?

I would have called him. And I've been like, what are you doing? I would have blasted all that. I would have reacted with a lot of anger and resentment. But this time I was able to notice it. It doesn't mean for 10 seconds I wasn't like, oh, this is pretty messed up. This is, man, he kind of went overboard.

He went nuclear on an email. I go, that's pretty messed up. But does my reaction support and serve me and my mission if I attack this guy in return? If I respond with negativity. If I get so flustered and offended by how he treated me, Does that serve my mission? Or does it hurt me?

It does not serve anything. It doesn't help my health. It's going to keep me up at night. It's going to make me stressed. And literally within about 30 seconds, no joke, I just let it go. I said, this is all going to get handled. Maybe there's some, you know, maybe he doesn't like me or maybe he says some bad stuff about me or maybe he interprets something the wrong way.

But this is all going to get handled. Me worrying about this and defending myself and lashing out does not. serve me or my mission. It hurts me. And I want to guard and protect my emotional state. I want to guard and protect my mind. And that means I'm not always going to like everything that happens around me, but my highest self deserves peace and harmony inside of me. So again, I've got to take necessary steps and get legal involved and all these things and, you know, all that stuff. But how respond to it can be more peaceful so that I have energy to be here and do other things I need to do as opposed to stressing about something that my ego take a head out. So it's been a practice

continually over the last couple of years of right when you think you've got to figure it out, life is going to throw tests at you and say, okay, let's test you this way. Let's test you this way. Are you sure you're peaceful? Here's something else. Let's throw this at you. And you just got to keep practicing it. And that's why I feel like it's wise to have support. I'm not saying you need to invest in coaches or things like that, but having someone you can rely on to be an accountability friend and support you in your emotional reactions. When I was on your show, you asked me on a scale of one to ten, what is my inner piece? And I've been thinking about this since. What did you say? It was like a five or something? I didn't say like a five or six. I've been thinking about this

since I was on the show. And, you know, I think back to when I was building my business early on, bootstrapping the business, I got this sense of fulfillment and reward when I was overwhelmed. Like when my back was pressed up against the wall, when I was stressed, when I was overwhelmed, when I had anxiety when our business bank account was reaching zero, and I was just working nonstop.

when I would stay up until 2 a.m. and then wake up at 5 a.m. the next day and I was dead tired. For me, that was some sort of positive reinforcement that I was working. I was doing the work that I was intended to do to reach some sort of level in of success and fulfillment at some point. And as the older I've gotten and the more wise and I got married and had a kid and the business has grown, I've still carried some of that positive reinforcement with me. Of overworking, you mean? Of overworking, where when my back is pressed up against the wall, when I am overwhelmed, when I am overworked,

there's a positive reinforcement that follows that I'm doing the work that I have to to get from point A to point B. But what I've also learned through this process is it's not sustainable or healthy or improving my inner peace. it's, if anything, making it worse. Yeah, keeping out of five. And imagine what life would be like at an eight, nine, or ten of inner energy, inner abundant energy, peace and harmony.

I'm not saying being complacent with and being lazy, but I'm saying having that energy to create more, to have more clarity and freedom in the efforts you're creating, it just makes it expansive. Again, my business has doubled in the last couple of years. I mean, it's also, I've just been in the business for a long time and it's like, you know, it's the tipping point. But also I had more clarity, more freedom, more energy to decide and make decisions better.

Have you read the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying? I have not. There's this book about, you know, a woman who worked in a, I forget what it's called, a palliative care or it's like when people are in nursing homes are about to die. She worked in this home. And she worked there for a couple years. she would ask these people, like people dying and on their deathbed, essentially, what are your biggest regrets? And the common, there was five of them, I'm going to forget all of them, but

one of them was like, I wish I would have let myself be happier. Another one was, I wish I would have lived in accordance to what I wanted, not what other people wanted for me. I'm paraphrasing that. And one of the others was, I wish I wanted to have worked so hard. That is one of of the five regrets of the dying, people who are on their deathbed saying, man, that I really wish I would have, like, had three hours of sleep for all these years and, like, kept pushing it. Now, I'm all for a season of life of building momentum and working and kind of overworking, because you need to when you're launching something. When you're getting anything off the ground, it's going to take more energy and fuel to

launch a rocket in the first minute than it is the rest of the time it's in the space. So I'm all for that. But there needs to be a time when you turn off the boosters as much. and you're not trying to get it off the ground anymore, you're now getting wiser and smarter and building systems and team and empowerment. And I think, again, I'm all for busting my butt and working hard,

but also for creating time to enjoy life and feel peaceful inside. And I don't want to regret when I'm dying later in life that, man, I didn't allow myself to be happy. I didn't allow myself to love who I was and I had no time to do any other activities. Now, I know you create a lot of time for activities you love. I'm not saying this is you.

But just the concept of overworking, I think, for a long seasons of life can be very hurtful for us. I'm 10.5 years of building, and I'm only now realizing the collateral damage that it creates, not just for myself, but for the people in my life as well. Yeah. Who gets hurt the most around you with you overworking? My wife, Steph, and now that I have a daughter,

it's interesting because when it was just me and Steph, I was fine with still just busts in my ass and working nonstop. But the moment my daughter was born, it completely changed everything. I even, I looked at my wife differently. and I knew that there had to be a change. And I had to change something because I don't want to get 10, 15, 20 years down the road from this and realize I missed two decades of both their lives.

It's interesting. I saw a clip online. I think Noah Kagan. Do you know who he is? I think he lives in Austin still. Yeah, he's in Austin. He's a buddy of mine to know for a long time. He's doing all these interesting.

interviews with like old billionaires and stuff like that right now. Right. And one of the questions was something like with this guy, I think he was in his 80s or 90s, like the super successful billionaire. I can't remember what he did or, you know, his business. But no, I asked him like, what's your definition of success at this age?

And he said, my kids wanting to spend time with me authentically. Not because like I'm giving them money every day, but because I was a good dad. was essentially the concept of this guy's response. And I just thought, you know, there's a lot of wisdom and people who've been there and done that, who've been successful in business,

but also have beautiful family lives. I really look up and admire those men who are like, yeah, you know, you can have a big business still. And not everyone can have a billion dollar business, I don't believe, but you can have a successful business, if that's your role and your mission and you feel like that's what you're destined to do.

And I think you can also be a great father and a great, you know, husband and be good to the people who are closest to you. And I think that's what I want to be when that time comes is like making sure that my kids want to hang out with me when they don't have to hang out with me. That's the transition I'm in right now in life. You know, when Charlie was born, I quickly realized I couldn't be as selfish with my time that I used to be. And recognizing that is one thing, but accepting that is a completely different thing. It's hard to let go of an old identity.

It is. And completely change and transition who you've always been. Because what got you to this point, it worked. It did work. And I'm sure it would work taking those same practices and protocols in the future. Yeah. But it only works for one side and one priority. It's true.

And I think the difference between success and greatness, success is in itself selfish. Success is about me accomplishing what I want. It's about me reaching certain goals, milestones, which, again, there's nothing bad about that. But success at the end of the day is selfish, whereas greatness is about how can I reach and achieve my goals and dreams while also impacting and empowering the people around me so that they feel they are winning as well. They are winning and succeeding as well around me. And if you are only sleeping three hours a night and just doing all your things and your wife

and your kid doesn't feel like they're winning as well because they don't see you ever, then it's more selfish than it is towards greatness. And I just think it's, again, for 30 years of my life, I was after selfish things like success by itself. Doesn't mean it's wrong or bad. It just means you're going to get, you go after success and you're going to get success problems. You go after greatness and you're to create a bigger impact on the people around you. And that's the shift, is going from success.

success to greatness. I actually love that because one of my questions that I want to ask you was, do you think there's collateral damage? It comes with greatness, but it sounds like there's collateral damage. It comes with success, but not with greatness. The way I define it, for me, there's not, because you are overcoming your fears and insecurities when you go for greatness. You are facing past pains. You are being vulnerable. you are actually using whatever gifts and talents that are in you and cultivating them and maximizing them to pursue the goals and dreams that you feel called to do on a meaningful mission. And in that pursuit, everyone around you is impacted in a positive way.

When I talked to Kobe, when I interviewed him about greatness, he said it's the impact you make on others around you, being a positive impact for good, and therefore them being inspired to impact the people around them and that ripple effect. He didn't say winning. He didn't say being number one. He was like, you doing something that you're inspired by that then inspires others and others.

That's greatness. And I think there's not collateral damage in that. Obviously, we're all on a journey of discovering who we are, overcoming mistakes, lessons, taking responsibility for our lives and everything we've been through. But if we have that intention and mission of service

within our success, then it becomes greatness. Before we talked, I was thinking about going to therapy and talking to someone. And I can't tell you what exactly sparked the interest, but I wanted to. And then when I read the book, The Greatness Mindset, I was convinced, okay, this reconfirms, I need to talk to someone.

And, you know, part of it is, as I talked with you, I had an eating disorder when I was younger. And for the majority of my life after that, I didn't really care why I had that or what created it. I just saw it as that happened, that's over. The older I get, I'm more interested in why did that happen? Right. And how is that still holding on in some part of my life? You just brushed it off and kept moving forward. Exactly.

And actually face it and address you just like, well, I'm moving on to the next thing. Exactly. I did that with a lot. Like when my mom passed away, I did the same thing. I recognized it, but I moved on. Life kept moving. And then 10 and a half years of building a brand and... You didn't have time to think about those things.

I didn't. I had other priorities. We put another rug. And there was this one analogy in the book that for me confirmed that, I mean, I reached out to multiple. people immediately as I read this and it's the analogy of a juicy orange

squeeze it and find out what's inside apply pressure to a human and what comes out all depends on what feelings are inside I mean if you so has touched my arm you're gonna find out like I'm gonna get some sort of emotional

reaction that you're probably not gonna like when my back's pressed up against the wall and I get stressed from overwhelmed the smallest amount of pressure will change my attitude will put me in a bad mood will change my day that's what I'm trying to solve for

I love that analogy and that's a Wayne Dyer used to give that analogy I never saw him speak but he used to have an orange when he would speak on stage and I heard him talk about this in many of his talks that he said when you squeeze an orange what comes out of it is orange juice but when you apply pressure or squeeze a human what comes out of it is what's inside the human

Now you've got fun and love and joy inside of you. So when everything's good, you're fun, you're happy, you're excited, you're like, hey guys, let's go, let's make this happen. But when there's something that's applied to you, like there was for me for 38 years of my life, essentially, when something was applied to me that triggered a wound that was still inside of me, that spilled out on everyone. That shit went everywhere, right?

It was just like, blah, just spilled out on people. and it doesn't make us bad people or wrong people. It's not about a good or bad right and wrong. It's about is it effective? Is it useful to have that to feel healthier, happier, or more fulfilled, and more peaceful? If it's not, then we've got to address it. And for a long time, I did not want to address it because it does not feel good to face those things inside of us. It doesn't feel good to face my dad getting in an accident and him dying.

It doesn't feel good to face being seen. sexually abused, my parents going through divorce, being picked on and bullied. It doesn't feel good. All that stuff. Going through breakups and all these things happening to it, none of that feels good. But that's what will set us free when we face it. And it's, for me, it was near impossible. I'm not saying I couldn't have done it, but it was near impossible to but do it on my own.

Because I didn't understand it. I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to manage it. I don't know how to address it. So when I used to feel painful feelings, I would just kind of bottle up in the fetal position in my room and a bed for days and have ice cream and watch TV because I didn't know how to process it. And then eventually, like, I would get up and, all right, let me go work out and try to move

on by with this stuff. Because I didn't want to talk about it. It is not fun to address. This work that I did in the last few years was some of the most intense work I've ever done, Harder than any football camp, harder than any game, any sports training session, anything. It was the most intense training of my life, but it set me free. And I'm not saying that I'm going to be perfect and free forever. I've got to keep doing the work consistently.

I'm not saying every week I've got to face these things because now I show up and I feel good. I feel peaceful. And it's planning for the future changes. So now when I go to my coach, I say, man, I feel great. Like, life is great right now. But I'm about to make this move in the next six months. I'm about to invest in a home. I'm about to, I feel like things are going to unlock for me.

So how do I prepare myself for potential things that might cause me to be reactive? At a new level that I've never experienced before, it's preparing and preventing these things to open back up. You know, it's making sure that the scars keep healing. and you don't keep cutting them open, and so there's a wound. And I think what I experienced has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. And that's why when we talked, and I just heard a little bit about what you're going through, I can see it because that was me, man. That's what I was like for a long time.

And I'm not saying there's anything right or wrong here. It's just, is it useful for your next stage and your next season? And what helped you get here may not help you get to the next level. And so I'm really excited for you to just start exploring it and start like, you know, talking to different people and seeing what coaches might be available. And allow yourself a season this year of allowing healing and harmony in your heart to happen. Because I think it's going to unlock incredible abundance, love, peace, friendship, family, finances, all of it.

And it's going to be more effortless. But first you got to go through some pain. Yeah. Because I know you can work out with the best of them. I know you can push yourself and do freaking five minute miles for a marathon. I know you can do all these things. But when it comes to the emotional transformations,

that is stuff like me and you that is not fun to face. It's not fun to face. And also it's historically for me, it's been a pride thing. You know, this past month on my morning runs, I listen to your book, The Mask of Masculinity. And it's true, like as men, we put up this wall. And anything we feel emotionally, we just shut off.

And we feel like, you know, there's a persona that we need to represent and uphold, especially for people who have shared and documented their life on social media and with the world. Yeah, and being a veteran and all these different things that you've done. It's like there's even more of a stigma to face kind of emotional wounds when you're like out there in the battlefield. Fricking bullets whizzen by. You know, it's like you're not trained to do that. So it's much harder for you to overcome these things and it would be for me. That's why I don't think you should do it alone.

I don't think anyone should do it alone. Whether you've been in the military or not, it's like these things are very challenging to face. Well, what I've realized is I've tried to do it alone. And look what that's got on. And I've tried the last couple months, and I still feel stuck at a certain point. What I'm excited about this next couple months is I want to share my journey of what I'm going through and this transition in life and truly finding fulfillment and happiness. And I say that with a caveat.

I am happy and I am fulfilled and I'm so passionate about. the business that I do. Yes. But I also know that there's a change that I want any need to make. And I want to find out what that is. I want to pursue that because I know I can unlock an untathed potential. Dude, and when you unlock that, everything in your business is going to expand. Everything is going to grow.

Your relationships are going to grow everywhere in a positive way because you're to see things differently. It's going to feel like you're in the matrix and you're like you see, you know, just everything differently. Like when I got this email, as opposed to be in fighter flight and reactive and be like, you MFer, you're like, I can't believe you and this and attacking back. I felt that for a moment. And then I paused and I go, okay, I understand this is this person's like how they're responding and reacting based on a wound because this is how I used to react. So I can see it.

Doesn't mean I like it. It doesn't mean I agree with it. But I can see it. And I can say, what is the highest version of me on how I respond to this? emotionally. Now, whether that's me responding physically or not responding or getting a lawyer involved or whatever it is, but how am I going to emotionally respond to this? Make sure I'm taking care of whatever steps I need to, but emotionally take care of my peace and my harmony. And that has been freeing to be able to just handle these different little emotional triggers that used to bug me so much.

And it's a constant, again, it's a constant practice. It's not like I've mastered this. I'm still work and progress, but I've done a lot of work and I feel a lot more peaceful. So I'm excited for you, you know, when you're ready and when you feel called to find some type of emotional coach. And my recommendation is to find someone locally that you see in person. There's a lot of great people you can talk to online, but I think finding someone in person that you resonate with, that you trust and respect, that you'll listen to and you'll take coaching from. You'll do whatever they tell you to do. Because I believe that when someone coaches you that you trust and respect, you'll do it to like 100%. And that's where you're going to find your freedom. When you do the most

uncomfortable, challenging things emotionally and you repeat them over and over again until these things don't hurt you anymore or affect you in that way, it is going to unlock so much. And that's what I think the greatness mindset is all about. It's interesting because on page 201, I talk about, there's a graph here that I talk about where people can take a quick assessment. to see where they are. If they have, and again, this is not you're a bad person or you're a good person. You're right or you're wrong. This is not a judgment.

This is none of that. On page 201, there's a quick graphic that tells you if you're in more of a powerless mindset state of being right now or generally in your life, or you're in more in the greatness mindset state of being. And I'll just list it off really quick so you can take this assessment yourself if you are in a powerless mindset, meaning something has power and control over you, or it's holding you back from taking action,

it's holding you back from feeling more love, freedom, peace. My definition is that has power over you. So you are more powerless in your mindset. Does it mean you're bad or wrong? It just means that's where you are currently. When you lack a meaningful mission, if you're just like, I don't know what I'm going to do in my life right now,

I have no clue and I have no clue what season I'm in, I'm just wandering. That means you're more powerless. You're not in ownership of your decisions in your life. If you're controlled by fear, I'm not saying that you're going to have zero fears psychologically or emotionally, but if you are controlled by them from taking action in your life, then you're a powerless mindset.

If you're crippled by self-doubt, if you're so insecure with yourself and allowing self-doubt to run your narrative, then you're in a powerless mindset. if you conceal past pains. I'm not saying you need to share your past pains with the world, but if you cannot share with your closest friend, partner, family member, some of the darkest parts about it you, then that thing has power over you.

It's causing you to clinch up, to tighten, to restrict as opposed to be open because you're afraid of what someone might think of you if they knew this thing about you. If you're defined by the opinions of others, with everything, you're a powerless mindset. I'm not saying to not take feedback and be a good human being, but when you are so defined by the opinions of others,

that it causes you to not act courageously in your life. You're in a powerless state. And if you drift toward complacency, you're in a powerless mindset. So the goal is to be aware of these six areas and say, is there one, two, or maybe all these areas frequently or once in a while that I'm in? maybe it's only situationally, maybe it's every day in some area, but just be aware and reflect,

okay, are any of these things happening in my life? And if so, then maybe it's only one thing, then that's all you've got to work on. But it's still that one thing is holding power over you. The goal is to be aware and make a decision, and this is where you transform and create a new commitment to overcome these things. And the greatness mindset is being driven by a meaningful mission. You are in your mission. You know what your company's mission is.

is, you know what this mission is for your season of life, you're driven by it. You make decisions by that. You're guided by a vision. That's more greatness. When you turn your fears into confidence, for many years, I was a scared, insecure little boy as an adult for many years of my 20s. And it wasn't until I said, I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. And I created a fear list, all the things I wrote down, all the things I was afraid of. And I said, I no longer want to be consumed and controlled by my fears. So I'm going to start investing time, action, commitment over and over and over again on overcoming these fears. It took years. And it's still a process. Every new season of life, there's different fears we've got to overcome. But if we are,

if we are, again, letting fears to control us, then it only holds us back. So when we overcome these fears, we become more confident. When you can overcome self-doubt, again, identifying where you doubt yourself the most. I believe self-doubt is the killer of dreams. So when we learn to believe in our gifts and in our actions continuously, that way we can step into the greatest mindset, healing past pain, again, I could create all the success in the world for myself, but I still wasn't great in my mind because my past pain would direct me in certain areas and would just kind of control me or make me feel powerless at times. It doesn't mean all the time, but holding on to past pain held me back from feeling peace and harmony. Doesn't mean I couldn't

achieve or excel or live a good life. Creates a healthy identity. I don't know about you, Nick, but I, for many, many years, if people recorded the things I said to myself internally and they played it on a loudspeaker in the world, they'd put me in a mental hospital, if they would have known what I said to myself. They known what I said to myself alone, how I used to punch myself in the face and beat myself up because I thought I was so stupid and making mistakes and I'd never be enough.

Things I'd say in front of other people, I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I did this. If people recorded every conversation we have with ourselves, a lot of people would be in a mental hospital for these things that we do to ourselves. Imagine if we did that to our partner, to our best friend, to our mom, to our lover, they wouldn't want to be with us.

They'd be like, what's wrong with you? But we do that to ourselves constantly. So we have to learn how to create a healthy identity. And this took me again, a journey of practicing this over the last 10 years, of changing my identity with myself. Instead of saying I'm stupid, I'm an idiot. I'm never going to mount anything. I said, I'm wise.

Instead of saying, like, I'm angry because that's what was inside of me, anger. I also had love inside of me, so I said, I'm loving. Instead of being depressed and frustrated and resentful, because that's what was inside of me, I said, I'm passionate because that was also inside of me. So I created a new contract with myself 10 years ago. I literally wrote this down and I signed it. I am a loving, passionate, wise man.

And it had to be something that I believed in. It couldn't be a false idea that I didn't have inside of me. I didn't believe I was smart, so I didn't use the word smart. I said wise. The other words, loving and passionate, I believed in. So I stepped into those things, and then I just had to reaffirm them with daily actions and behaviors that matched the identity that I started speaking to myself. I had to live into that.

And then taking action with a game plan, you're one of the best in the world at taking consistent action with a clear game plan from all of your experience, from the military to business and athletics. And again, that is a part of the greatness mindset. So if these are the things that you are doing, then you're living and stepping more into greatness as opposed to powerlessness. And it's first just being aware, where are you at?

And maybe in some areas of your life, you're doing really good in other areas you're not. Maybe the only thing for you is like, I haven't fully addressed the past pain. But the other five areas, like you're crushing it, right? And nothing else affects you. but that might be the one thing that unlocks from you going to a five to six to a seven, eight, nine, ten on a more general consistent basis.

And it doesn't mean, you know, there's something wrong with us. If you're not living in this greatness mindset right now or there's something bad about you, it just means you can be aware of it and you've got work to do. And that's exciting. It's an opportunity for growth. And I think that's a beautiful thing. I mean, I love growth. I love transformation.

And I think for me, like I saw, I saw this chart, this graph in the book while I was reading it. And the thing that stands out to me is the decision. Because without the decision, you don't go from the powerless mindset to the greatness mindset. Without the decision, you stay crippled by self-doubt and controlled by fear and concealing past pains. that decision, which is so huge and so hard, is literally the switch to move into the greatest mindset. Yeah. Now let me ask you a question.

You're doing this like, what is it, 60-day cut and like training for marathons and Iron Mans and all this crazy stuff right now, right? Well, right now I'm going to cut. It's a 16-week cut. 16-week cut. I mean, I've done preps from Iron Man's. Okay. Triathlon and marathon.

Let me ask you a question. When the prep for your best marathon and triathlon or whatever the thing you've done, the prep you did where you had your PR. Do you remember that prep? I do. Did you do it all in your own or did you have some support or team or coach or like accountability in that process? I had a coach. And all my successful preps, I've had a coach. Oh, so you had a coach and that gave you your best result.

Right. So I didn't know that because I thought maybe you just did all this on your own all the time because you're a machine. I had a coach. Okay, so your best result, you had a coach. Interesting. And I just think that's good for us to be aware of and say, well, if I had a coach in my best athletic result, then if I want a great emotional result, great mental result, great inner result, then why don't I look for a great coach too to help me have a better

result? And again, I learned this from sports. I had to learn the mistakes, the hard way by like, okay, I could do this in business and nutrition and athletics, but I'm not going to talk about my emotions because I don't want people to know this about me. And if they knew what I really thought about myself, they'd think I was crazy. If they knew what I had done or what I had gone through, then they would laugh at me. They wouldn't accept me and no one would like me or love me.

And that fear was greater than, you know, being last place in a sporting event that I'm starting, you know, and having a coach there. It was more of a fear being, you know, an emotional beginner. than it was an athletic beginner at some event. And so it's easier to work out and not be the best because it wasn't as humiliating emotionally. But I think that our greatest fear is the things that we don't want others people to know about us.

And if we can overcome those things, man, it gives us so much peace and freedom to be greater. I bet you'll break every record you've ever done in the next year, not because you train harder, but because you start to release things that you've been holding on. to. I bet you have a healthier relationship with everything within your body, nutrition, food, working out, and you feel lighter emotionally, and therefore you run faster and perform

better and you're making more money. All these things I feel like are going to shift, your intimacy, your relationship with everyone is going to evolve. And I'm not saying that you don't have great relationships and intimacy already, but it's just going to be that unlocked to a different level. And I think it's going to be a beautiful thing to watch, man, if you're willing to do the work. I mean, I'm all in at this point. From the podcast to the book, the message to your wisdom, I'm all in. I'm at a point where I don't see any other option. I don't see a better option. And I've seen such power in sharing vulnerabilities over the last couple years where I was afraid in the beginning. I was afraid to share vulnerabilities. I remember you saying that. Yeah.

And when I started to do that, it helped so many people, but it helped myself. Right. I kept things to myself for a long time because I was embarrassed in my eating disorder, for example. I was ashamed by the eating disorder. And when I started sharing those stories and those messages, so many people related. So many people still relate. And the vulnerability has not only helped me with other people as well. So I'm excited for this next chapter.

Side of you, man. I'm excited for the journey because I know it can only unlock the doors that are currently closed. Excited of you, man. Or maybe they're like creeped open a little bit, but there's no airways to get through there. You know, it's not enough flow. And you just want to step into more flow. That's the key. It's drafty right now.

It's drafty. Yeah, exactly. Well, Lewis, I appreciate the wisdom. I appreciate the message. Super excited about the book, The Greatness Mindset. It honestly confirmed a lot of things for me. And there are certain books that I read. certain chapters in my life that are just perfect timing.

This for me was the perfect book for the perfect timing for the perfect chapter that I'm in. So I thank you for that. Oh man. I'm glad to hear that, man. I appreciate it. All right. Well, appreciate you. We'll talk to you soon.

Thanks, man.