The Nick Bare Podcast - 061: Preparing to Run 300 Miles With Lucy Haldon and Her Journey to Hybrid Training

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

This week's episode comes from our Los Angeles base camp as we prepare for The Speed Project. I welcomed Lucy Haldon, an exceptional hybrid athlete from Manchester, UK, as our guest. In this episode, Lucy and I had a raw and vulnerable conversation about her experience dealing with imposter syndrome after being invited to join our team for The Speed Project. We also discussed the challenging yet rewarding decisions that come with letting go of negative relationships and shared our experiences of overcoming eating disorders. Lucy is a true inspiration to people all over the world, demonstrating what it means to have courage in the face of adversity. Enjoy! Save 10% at BPN Supps: https://bit.ly/nickbare10audio Follow for more:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/nickbarefitness/ YT: https://www.youtube.com/@nickbarefitness Keep up with Lucy here:IG: https://www.instagram.com/lucydavis_fit Podcast: linktr.ee/Thenotsofitcouple Topics: 0:00 Intro 1:05 Welcome 2:39 The Speed Project 7:50 Exposing vulnerabilities 13:17 Imposter syndrome 18:21 Embracing the discomfort 25:14 The confidence to ask questions 28:57 Getting around the right people 43:36 Courage is the action required 47:17 The pain cave 53:39 Lucy’s training evolution 1:02:11 Overcoming eating disorders 1:12:41 Setting the example 1:18:27 The most exciting race

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Lucy Holden. We are in Los Angeles, California. I'm rocking my Speed Project outfit. We're hours away from stepping off for the Speed Project 2024 from L.A. to Vegas. And Lucy is one of the runners who is on our team this year. I had the opportunity to sit down with Lucy and talk about her journey in, fitness, being a elite swimmer, experiencing and going through a severe eating disorder, moving into bodybuilding, hybrid training, endurance training, and now is competing in high rocks.

And it's an amazing story that I really resonate with and relate to. Very similar stories. So I hope you guys enjoy it. And we are about to let it rip at the speed project very, very soon. All right, guys, welcome back to the podcast. And in today's episode, I have the Lucy Holden. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me.

I can't believe we're here in L.A. Wow. That was good. That was great. That was really good. I was going to say for the speed project, but yeah, in L.A. So let's set the stage really quick, where we're at, what we're doing, what I'm wearing. Yeah.

So we're in L.A. right now. We're in Los Angeles, California. We're at our Airbnb. We're actually in the back behind our Airbnb that we're staying at. The Speed Project, which we are racing, is in less than two days. Yeah. I think we're probably like 36 hours out right now. Today we went to the Speed Project HQ. Very cool. Very cool. Super disruptive. And we checked in. We got our safety brief. I bought this new jacket that I'm wearing right now. And you bought a cool jacket too. I bought a cool jacket made from World War II Parachutes.

Got a bit of a backstory. And I did look at the one you're wearing and I still think it's very cool. I love it. I rate it a lot. I rarely buy clothes. And in the last two days, I bought two new jackets. I bought a Patagonia from REI. Lovely.

That was like super colorful. And then I bought this one. And it feels, it feels really good. I think it's great. I might have to go back and get that exact one. We'll go back tomorrow.

Yeah, thank you. So let's talk about the Speed Project. For those who are listening to don't know, the Speed Project is an unsanctioned, unsupported race that starts in Los Angeles

and it goes to Vegas straight. There's no rules, there's no spectators, there's no route. and you can either do it as a team, which we are doing, or solo. Our team is four men, two women. It kicks off this coming Friday, which is March 29th at 4 a.m.

at the Santa Monica Pier. What are your thoughts? Are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you scared? I'm a little bit scared. And only because when we had the safety briefing today, I was getting really excited like, oh my God, this is so cool.

Certain stuff they say in the safety briefing, like the dogs. For a lot of people, they'd be like, oh, dogs, I'm scared of all dogs. Any dog, even walking down the street back in the UK at home, if there's a dog next to me or if I'm on a run, heart rate increases, sweaty palms. They're on a lead. As soon as the guy was like, oh, yeah, there's like stray dogs, you stop running and you squirt them with water. I was like, oh, good God, brilliant.

thinking rocks, sticks. So instantly, a bit scared. Feel a little bit nervous. The running side of it, I don't feel that scared for. I'm just so excited. I've never done anything like this before. I've never done team sports. I've always done solo, always an individual.

Something I've always done used to swim. Now run, lift. It's very much me. But now we're responsible for the whole team. And I like that a lot. So I'm not necessarily completely scared. Very excited for the run. Scared for the dogs.

That is a key point we all need to acknowledge. I'm also scared for the dogs. I'm scared for the dogs. But I have actually had rabies injections when I went to Nepal to do Everest Base Camp. So do you know what? If I get bitten, I'll just carry, I'm going to be absolutely fine. I'm just going to carry on. You might not get rabies, but you might lose an arm.

Honestly, it makes me quite nervous even just thinking about it. But it's fine. We carry water bottle and squirt them in the face, apparently. Yeah. So that is a real thing. The dogs are a real thing. from what we've been told from the solo runners that so the solar runners took off i think two days ago obviously it takes them longer than the teams to do and there have been reports that there's like

these wild dogs all along the course that can be aggressive but we were told today that no one was ever actually bit by a dog but i've been on a lot of runs like on ranch lands in texas and when i was stationed in georgia where you're passing like someone's front yard or or their property and a dog is at you. And I'm the same way where like, I know that I can fend off this dog if I need to, but it's like the intimidation of this massive animal, this massive wild animal. It's not like this docile dog you have in your home. Like these things will...

Half my height. Yes. They will tear you apart. They have like one mission that is to eat you. Yeah. So that is one of the concerns on this course is the wild dogs that are being told about. This, like, race for me is... one of the most exciting races that I've ever done.

I've heard about the speed project for years. And this is, from what I understand, their 11th year doing the speed project. And I've always wanted to do it. I've always wanted to be a part of it because from the outside looking in, it is this disruptive race that is focused on the love of running in community.

And there's no elitist aspect to it. There's no, like, Strava tracking There's no really comparison It's you and your team or you by yourself Covering this distance Choosing your route Embracing the suck and the discomfort

So I'm excited because it is different But also like you said it's it's a team Sport team effort Which is also pretty Rare and different in the endurance space Where one person has to be running at all time And I think going into this race, it's just going to bring us all together a whole lot closer.

I mean, we are the misfits. Oh, completely. None of us, I don't think anyway are like complete elitists with running. I don't think so anyway. And I remember when you first messaged me about it, I got complete imposter syndrome. Like instantly, I haven't, sat on this podcast, I'm like, oh, imposter syndrome hits me really, really hard. You sent that message.

I just had to quickly check my dates. I was like, let's just make sure it doesn't clash with anything. I literally just got back for my honeymoon. I was like, doesn't clash. I am terrified to say yes to this because it's such a big opportunity. And then you're someone that I look up to as well and always have in the industry with what we do. And I was like, I can't say no to this. I was like, this is one of the biggest opportunities.

And then regarding the team element, we're all going to have different strengths and weaknesses. Because I've never met any of you guys before. Yeah. So I've flown out of him, they're like, hi, Lucy, nice to meet you all. So I don't actually know you all as people, or more so as the days goes on, but as people. And then when you're in the deepest, darkest places, we're all going to go there at some stage in the next couple of days. Something's going to come out of us. Like it might be anger, sadness, emotional, whatever it is.

And we don't know what they are yet for each other. But because it's a team, we're just going to have to be there for each other, whatever the instance. and whatever the situation. Whereas with ultra running, you're always by yourself. It's very secluded. You go through the highs and lows on your own. Bear in mind,

there are teams and things when we've done races before. But you're running with other people who are also going to feel your pain, who also want to do something hard, who also just fucking love running. And it's so magical that you've got this team together for that specific reason,

like a bunch of misfits. It's really special. Yeah, I mean, this is a great opportunity for everyone. to come together closer and it's forced because you have to be vulnerable and you can't hide those insecurities and those vulnerabilities. One of the things I was saying on the RV, because we took, so to give you more context, we have our team, which is me, you, Mitch Amens, Joey, Lauren Osborne, and Ken Ride out. So that's the Avenger, the Avenger crew.

Everyone said that, didn't they? Yes, they did. It's so funny. We have two RVs. We have a truck and we have a Jeep because the route we're going to take goes off course for about 40 miles. And the RVs won't be able to go on that. So one of the trucks or the jeeps are going to have to go off road with us. And one of the things I was saying on the RV back from checking this morning back to the air,

Airbnb was that you can really find out a lot about a person and their character, their true character is exposed when they are tired and hungry. I found that with ultras. But again, like, you come in from your ultra, you check in with your crew, you can put it on a smile, you go back out with something like this. You are all condensed in this small RV for, say, the 36 hours. going to take us. So you can't hide these vulnerabilities.

You can't hide these pain caves or these weaknesses or these insecurities. They are all exposed, which is great to bring people together. You break them down, you build it back up, and it's like the Avengers times 10 afterwards. Oh my God, it's completely Avengers. When that post was shared on BF yet, because I went through the comments, like, everyone's like, they're the Avengers, they're all coming together. And that made me feel really quite like, we are. like we're such this random team who's been put together

but I can't wait I'm quite a vulnerable person anyway and I share I share a lot online and there's certain things that I do hold back but I'm very transparent. I don't think it's wise to not share who you are so if you meet me in person I'm exactly the same as I am online and from everyone that we've met here it's a very it's very similar

in terms of who we are in person because I don't I've met I've met some people before who are just very, very different. Oh, same. And it throws me off quite a lot. I just think you don't, whatever you share online, you should be able to be that person

face to face when you meet someone. I am very no bullshit. I'm very transparent. Take it or leave it. It doesn't really bother me. I care about what people think. Obviously, I think that's natural human trait. But when you meet people and they're so different

than they are on social media, it blows my mind. I'm like, I don't understand how you can live, almost like a double life that's not fun you get caught in eventually you get caught completely but I'm quite glad that

that's not me and it never has been because social media is very intense it's very rocky and I've made sure that I've just never been pulled into that side of it because I don't like it I don't appreciate it that's why I can't wait for you to meet Ken right out when he comes in

I'm excited because Ken is so much energy and he's so much energy and he's so fast. He's so gritty. He's a hard dude. And you know, we have like the, like Jeff Cunningham is our crew chief who's just going to supply us with all the one-liners we need for the rest of our lives. And then you have Mitch Amens who's just lightning fast. He's so fast. His marathon PR is like a 216. He's light. He's quick, but Mitch is just like the nightest, sweetest, dude, you all have made.

Yeah, he's so not. I only met him today and he's so lovely. Yeah, Mitch is great. You got Joey, who's like Joey's the bro. You know, Joey the pilot. Lauren is absolutely amazing and so wonderful, nice. And her husband have an amazing running store called the Exchange in Nashville. And then Ken is just going to bring this like, he will not let shit fly. And Ken's coming to win, which I love. Great news.

Yeah. I can't wait to meet him. So you said you had like imposter syndrome when I first. reach out to you. I want to dive into that because from the outside looking in, I mean, you're like this rock star. You're like chiseled, you're jacked, you're strong, you're confident, you're fit, you're helping people achieve all of their goals, whether that's fitness or mindset mentality. Where do you think that imposter syndrome comes in? I don't know if it's something that I've always had because I grew up as an athlete. I was a full-time swimmer.

I transitioned into the fitness industry when I was 18, so I was relatively young, but I stopped competitive sport swimming at 18. I was like, it's just not for me anymore. It's one of those moments, Lucy, you're either going to go to the Olympics, and your whole identity and the rest of your life is going to be a swimmer,

which at the time I thought I really wanted, missed out by a few places, and now I think it's the best thing that ever happened, me not doing that, even though at the time, I couldn't see life past swimming. There was literally nothing. I fell into fitness naturally.

I would have anyway. I grew up outside with my dad. He's like James Bond. We literally did everything. I'm so thankful for that. Like all the outdoor sports. So I knew I would have gone into sport and it's something that I'm very passionate about.

But I fell into an eating disorder, which most, not most, a lot of competitive athletes do. If you quit a high-end sport, you don't know what you're doing. My whole identity, my purpose, of living for 18 years was swimming. So when I went into the fitness space, very new to it, eating disorder at university, moved away from home, completely lost in all honesty. And I didn't

feel like I fit in any way. I didn't feel like I fit in at university. Everyone was drinking. Everyone's going out a lot. I tried the drinking for the first year. And I hated it. So I always felt a little bit out of sorts. I then started my business really young when I was 19. Like the least, David's fit kind of things. And I never fit in at uni. And that's fine. Everyone would not necessarily pick on me, but they would say things that I would never say to people. And I'm a very kind person, but I always felt left out. And then when I started doing well in quotations, however, people want to judge that, whether it's working with brands or starting businesses, we've got the app and the podcast, the opportunities that started to arrive.

for me because I'm very no bullshit, I'm very transparent. I was getting confused as I started to grow was that people are really attaching onto this and maybe they like that I'm not fake. Maybe they like that I am a very young muscular woman who looks a little bit freakish, don't know what it is. And I get severe imposter syndrome. Even when you said this morning, oh yeah, we'll jump on the podcast at three. I was like, oh my God. I was like, that's, I think until you I was like, yeah, sound like no problem three o'clock like not even a worry in my head i said to ben i was like i was like nick just asked me to my podcast i was like shaking i was like i can't do that i was like i'm not good enough to go on that podcast like what am i supposed to speak about and he was like lucy he was like ground

yourself he asked you to be here which is incredible and the reason that this is what ben was telling me before the reason you asked me to be here is because i've worked so hard to put myself in a position to be the best at hopefully why I do, which is being hybrid and inspiring women. I want to inspire men as well, but my biggest thing is to inspire women to be strong, to have muscle, to not be worried about, oh, you're going to look manly, oh, Lucy's on steroids.

It's every single trolling comment possible. And imposter syndrome, I think the reason that I'm open about it is because I think a lot of people can relate and I quite like being relatable and not fake in front of people. I just find it mind-blowing when you're idol or someone you look up to you're in the same room as then.

We're staying in the same Airbnb. We're doing a podcast together. We're doing a run together. I have to tell myself that I have worked really, really hard also to be there and I'm deserving and I'm enough and I don't really do affirmations,

but I have to tell myself constantly every single day I have to work on it. You're doing great. It's this innate feeling and I can't give you the full answer why I feel this way, but I'm not, I don't deserve it. And it's really hard to depict and explain to someone. But I still have it now, even sat here across you. I can't give you a solid answer why I feel that way. I grew up with anxiety.

That could be a pinpoint of it. Something that's always triggered me. Is it from my swimming background where I failed so miserably? and then now I'm not failing, but that doesn't give you the solid answer, but that is how I feel a lot of the time. Do you feel, though, that having that imposter syndrome is also part of your edge that keeps you pushing forward? Yeah, always.

I think if I didn't have it, there's always something to strive for. I love challenges. I love doing new things. I like being uncomfortable. I think one of my strengths that I don't even share, I've never even really shared is I enjoy uncomfortable situations, probably a lot more than the average woman. I don't know because people say it's like, why would you sign up to ultras or these challenges or these random things that you do? I'm thinking, why would you not? You have one

one body, for starters, like one body that you should cherish, that you should love. And I believe that body should be challenged on a day-to-day basis. Every single, day you have to do something that makes you very uncomfortable, which I do. But then I do these big challenges to make myself even more uncomfortable and to do hard things because I don't know why you wouldn't do that when we only have one, one life. That's all I tell myself, like, you're going to die one day. I think about death quite often. I used to not at all. It used to scare me. I think about death quite often. Not in a, that sound, wow, that sounded really sad. Not in a horrible way or other people dying.

I just think one day I won't be here. And I just hope I've done everything I can when I'm essentially on my deathbed. I can relate to that a lot. One of my favorite books that I've read multiple times is called The Courage to Be Disliked. Yeah, I've read it. Love it. Yeah, it's a great book. And the one part that I go back and reread frequently is a difference between feelings of being inferior and inferiority complex.

And a lot of people think they're the same thing. But feelings of being inferior is that imposter syndrome feeling. And it's comparing yourself currently to who you can be in the future. And that's what makes us keep improving and getting better. Like a chef, for example, there's this chef that I love in Nashville. His name's Sean Brock, and he has a chef's table series or episode on Netflix. And I watch this episode where he nearly killed himself to become this high-end, world-renowned chef because he was so unsatisfied with his performance in his craft.

So he just kept working and working to get better and better and better. And the only reason he got to the level he was is because he had feelings of being inferior from where he was at right then and now to what he thought his true potential could be. But then having an inferiority complex is when you compare yourself to other people and it creates low self-esteem, self-esteem, self-doubt, it is destructive to every part of your life. It doesn't inspire you to grow and improve and get better, but it actually dampens your ability to do anything or move.

You just want to stay in bed, and you're constantly comparing what you're doing to what other people are doing. That's the inferiority complex, and there are two different things, but where I'm going with all that is this imposter syndrome you're talking about, I think that is felt by a lot of high achievers, and it's what keeps them to keep trying to get better. Like for me, in this past two years,

I had those same feelings in business where BPN was growing and I just thought that I wasn't the person to be the CEO and take BPN to the next level. Because I was in these rooms with these other CEOs and founders. I'm like, holy shit,

you went to Harvard, you went to Stanford. You worked at this prestigious, She just bank. I went to the Indiana University of Pennsylvania and got my education in the military. So I had this imposter syndrome of, oh man, I just don't fit in here. I don't have the resume to be here. And then I realized, I got everything I need.

And we're all just trying to figure it out. But that imposter syndrome, it exists in a lot of people. But you can use it to your advantage, I truly believe. Yeah, completely. it almost make, as you said before, it makes you unique. The business thing, and I can relate to completely,

having the app, having the podcast, we've been to some meetings and you're sat next like billionaires. I'm thinking, oh my God, like I got a D in maths and you're really smart.

Like, I used to really compare like smartness and business and education. I did go to uni, I did get a business degree. So I'm not completely off. But I still, think I don't fit in in this room of people, but I think that's the good thing that I don't fit in

because we don't have the same business. I'm not doing the same thing as you. And clearly, whatever I'm doing and pushing forward, it's working. And there will be people who are probably so much better at what I do in different elements, but that's okay. Because where I'm at right now, I just try and not look at other people because they're not them and they're not me and I'm not them. the chapters in the book thing. I think you've quoted this before and I say it all the time because people say to me, how do you not compare to others? I actually don't compare to anyone ever. It's one of my strengths, like deep, deep down, whether it's running times or Strava or lifting the gym or what people look like or successes or money. I just don't compare to other people.

You look at chapters in a book. You have the fitness element, the personal life, business. I'm in all different chapters and it's exciting. I'm ahead in a lot like fitness ahead, business in the middle, personal, probably can do a bit of work. My chapter could be like chapter three comparing it to someone's chapter 20 and that's cool

because when I get to chapter six or seven I'll probably look back and be like, oh my God, I've come so far. I just do not look at other people because they can't relate. Everyone's so unique and everyone's so different. So when I say to people, stop comparing

to other people, you're different, you're so individual as a human. There's only one of you on this planet. So why are you comparing to someone else who isn't you? Everyone has difference of everything. I completely agree with that. Yeah, people will approach me. They're training for a race, maybe it's the same race I'm training for, and they'll send me a message or they'll meet me in person,

and they'll be like, my goal is to beat you. I'm like, I hope you do. Yeah, cool, good luck. I really hope you do. Like, when I go and try, trained for a race, for example, and I spend 16, 20 weeks in a prep, it is to beat my previous time. Yeah.

It is to achieve the goal that I set out for. And I don't say that in a selfish way, but it's like, if I am so focused on just beating you, I am focused on the end result of the win and not what I'm learning or why I'm doing what I'm doing in the process. Going back to that note you made about being in a room with all these successful business people, my mindset has shifted significantly this past year where the old me would go into a room with all these professional business people, knowing that I wasn't as smart as them, that I didn't have as much money as them as I didn't have all this experience that they had or went to this Ivy League school that they went to. And historically, I would have had this imposter syndrome.

And I would have tried to act like I knew what I was talking about and just stuck with them in hopes they didn't figure out that I had no clue what I was talking about. Now my mindset has shifted. We're all going to a room like that. And I'll be the first person to call myself out and saying, like, hey, guys, I'm brand new to this. I have no clue what we're talking about. If you could, like, just tell me so I can get better or like, I've just never done this. and I don't want to make the wrong mistake. And I used to think people would hear me say that and think,

oh, this guy's like, he's an idiot. But now, after being on the other side of that conversation, when someone does that and they expose their vulnerabilities, you realize how confident they are. They're not afraid to fake it. They're not afraid to share with what they don't know. They're so confident in their ability to play to their strengths they want to improve their weaknesses.

And I think that's a strength in itself. Oh, completely. That's one of the things I love to do is asking questions. So when we're doing podcasts and then me and Ben are hosting, we've had some guests on before and they say a word. And I've never even, I've not even, didn't know it was a word, this amazing long word. And I say, I'm like, oh, what does that, what does that word mean?

And at the start, I used to think, I'm just going to have to go back and Google. But I just ask questions now. for so many things. I don't know a lot of things and I'm not, I am not scared to ask a question whether someone said a really smart word and I'm like, will you just explain what that means because I'm not 100% sure so our listeners might not know what it means

or I just, I don't understand the context of what you're talking about and I used to be really embarrassed and not be able to ask questions but if you don't ask the question, you will remain stupid is what I say to people. Just ask questions when we're giving presentations or talks and no one asks the question

but they come up to me at the end. And like you could have asked that. Like, it's not embarrassing to not know. Nobody's going to know all the answers to everything. Always, always ask questions. It doesn't mean you're stupid or you don't know what's going on. It just means you want to learn. And being open to wanting to learn more is amazing.

As a human being, why would you not want to open yourself up to wanting to learn more about whatever topic people are talking about? I definitely think there's there's something there's something there that you learn through experience and wisdom because all these things that are old coaches mentors teachers used to tell us that we're like okay like you're saying that because you're supposed to say that yeah but I don't buy into it yet and then years and years years later you realize the advice that our mentors and teachers and coaches were giving us was really sound information for example kind of like you were just mentioning teachers in grade school would say, hey, if you have a question, ask your question,

because I guarantee there's a handful of people in this room that have that same question. So don't feel stupid for not knowing. Well, of course, as a younger, insecure person, you're not going to raise your hand and admit what you don't know because you don't want to be that one person who doesn't know when everyone else knows who you think they know. But you realize years down the road, oh, that teacher, that coach that mentor, they knew exactly what they were talking about. Another one of my favorite stories that Sam Parr told me. So Sam Parr built the hustle and he sold it to HubSpot. And it was a very

successful outcome. And he was giving this speech years ago. It was like a keynote speech. And he was giving this keynote speech with all these super successful entrepreneurs that sold businesses for 10, 20, 30x of what he sold his business for. And they were world leaders and just very highly successful people. And he was on this panel with them. So he walks backstage to go get his speech and he's super nervous and very uncomfortable. And all of these people that he was doing this panel with and these keynotes are backstage as well. And they're shaking, their palms are sweating.

They look just as nervous. And he starts talking to some of these people. he realizes they're so nervous to go on stage to present to these people, the same people that Sam's presenting to. And he realized in that moment, holy crap, we're all weak. We're all just figuring out. No one has the answers. And as soon as you realize that, we're all just figuring out as we go, it gives you so much self-empowerment to have the courage to do the things you actually want to do. Yeah, that is so true. When you can't, do you know what's really hard actually as well?

It is the experience. Until you've experienced certain things, because I don't know 100% who your audience, the podcast is and we always say for mine and Ben's when we're hosting, you have to go through these really uncomfortable experiences and put yourself with people who are better, who are faster, and who you surround yourself with to become those people. Like I'm very, very strong and I say it a lot.

And actually my mum used to say to me all the time. When you're growing up and you have like 20 best friends and you're like, we're going to be best friends forever. And there's like a group of like 50 of you. And I say to my mom like, we're going to go together and we're going to go all together. She's like, Lucy, there'll be five people or less. You probably have them on one hand.

Who will be your ride or dies, who you can rely on and who you can be around. I have noticed significantly last year I was surrounded by a few people who were quite negative in certain situations or who had more fixed mindsets not necessarily even in the industry that I'm in but just very fixed mindsets

and they're not, I'm very growth mindset I'm like okay so this didn't work what can we do okay that failed but that's great we learned from that like what's next Not that what I have now isn't enough, it's great, it's lovely, but there's more people I want to touch and inspire and help change their lives. And last year I went through quite a big transition of certain people just not being a part of my life anymore, who I have known for years, maybe like some of my whole life, like 15, 20 years. And having the conversation with them and just saying,

I'm really stuck. We're at completely different stages of our lives. It's no bad thing. We might do a full circle in five years. We might come back around and be friends again and we can relate and we'll have more things in common and I just can't, you're just quite negative. I'm like, I just can't, I can't on board what you're saying and I can't help you in this instance because I'm working on this. And that took me years to do. And I think through experience, you then realise sometimes who you need to be surrounded with. And I just think it is better to be like the dumbest or the most stupid or the slowest person in the room so you can learn from others around you.

And I used to not want to do that. And I used to be dragged into the negativity or the fixed mindset of not wanting to achieve more because certain people were like that. And I was like, I need to put myself in a different environment. If I want to grow as a person, whether it's business or fitness or whatever it is, I need to put myself in a situation where I'm surrounded by those sort of people. It's a really, really hard thing to do, whether you're cutting off friendships or you're saying by to certain people, but it doesn't have to be forever.

You go through different stages in your life, and if they're a good enough friend, they'll realize that. And it might do it, it might do a 360, it might come right around, it might not. But you've had the conversation. And honestly, last year was a big pivotal moment for me where there's a lot of people that I was just like, whoa, we're at different stages, that's cool. And I'm so much happier. Yeah, there's a book by Dr. Henry Cloud

called Necessary Endings that explains that season of life that people go through. Yeah. Did you notice a massive unlock when you did that? Completely. And it was more so, even if they're friends in you just like text them a lot or you're just having any sort of communication with them because you don't even have to see them face to face.

People who text in a negative way or they're just very, I'm going to put this in the correct way. They're just very poor me a lot of the time. And I 100% understand people's circumstances are so different for so many different reasons and I will always appreciate that or be there for people. But every single day when it's poor me,

poor this, poor that. And actually, when I got back from every space camp in November, I had a real epiphany coming back from there. I've never actually been to more of like a third world country, so going to Kathmandu and going to Nepal and then going into the Himalayas and you're surrounded by Nepalese people who don't really have anything. And they are the happiest, kindest, most genuine people I have ever met in my life. And I realized, I used to complain about a few things

that were so trivial like oh the Wi-Fi has gone off again fucking Wi-Fi Lucy and the Himalayas really just I came back from that trip and I was like and then that's when I realized a lot of friendships that I had

so that you're literally complaining about things that you should be so grateful that you have but for me that was downward gratitude and I was so lucky to experience Everest Base Camp to to put myself in that downward gratitude position to say these people don't really have anything and they are the happiest and most genuine people I have ever met in my life.

I could move out here and just be a part of that. I would leave it like they are such wonderful people and I've experienced that and then certain people who are the back home and they have a lot, they have a roof over their heads or they have Wi-Fi or they have a phone, they have a job and it's the poor me, poor me, poor me, that's what I struggled with quite a lot. I was like, it can be poor you, but let's get you out of, get you out of that. There is a way out. You might be, like mental health is a really, really hard one. And I can really appreciate when people go through mental health struggles

because I grew up with horrendous anxiety, like crippling anxiety for so many years, like not being able to get out of bed, not been able to do my job properly. So I can definitely, I still struggle with it now, but it's very manageable. So I can really appreciate that. but I think just even wording be instead of saying I'm sad it's just I'm having a feeling of sadness in this moment this is how I'm going to deal with it I'm going to move on from it not I am sad you don't need to describe yourself as that thing or angry having anger I'm having this moment of real rage and I can feel it and it's going to go it's acknowledging all these these different emotions

rather than describing yourself as, oh, I'm sad. Well, you're not sad. You're having a sad moment and it's going to pass and it's going to go. And it's just having these mindset shifts completely. I hope that last bit made a little bit more sense. Yes. The way I'm like visualizing it is you detach the feeling from your identity. Yeah.

And you kind of put it out in your hands and say, this is what I'm feeling. Yeah, right now. How do I address this now? Yeah, but that is not you. Like you are not. If you tell yourself, I'm sad or I'm angry, no, you're having feelings of anger or you're having feelings of sadness. If you tell yourself, you are sad, it's that very poor me mentality.

That it's hard to get out of them because then you identify as though I'm just sad. Like that, that's me. It's not. It's just how you deal with it and you reword it and you say to yourself in different ways. And again, these are all things that I have learned over the years. And if I can come out of it, most people can. I believe that. One of the ways that Dr. Henry Cloud explained that in his book, Necessary Endings,

is identifying moments of hope versus hopelessness. So as we're talking about making sure you have the right people on your team or on your life to facilitate the life you want, that might sound selfish, but you have to be selfish. to position yourself to be in a good spot to help other people. So I don't think there's ever moments of selfishness when you're taking care of yourself. And part of taking care of yourself is curating the environment and ecosystem in which you live. So people might hear, oh, so you just cut off these relationships because they weren't trying to do the things you want to do. They weren't good enough or they had these weaknesses.

I don't see it that way. I think, well, no, you can have hope with people. You can have hope in relationships. You can have hope in business partners or things that you are doing up until you don't anymore. And once you lose hope that they will change, it will change, it can change, it will change, then it switches to hopelessness. And once you're in a hopelessness situation, you have to end it. It's only holding you back and you're just expending all. all this energy on the negativity, the pessimism,

people who look at the cup half full as opposed to half empty. You have to end that to move on for yourself. I think what you say to yourself is though, what is the worst thing that could happen from cutting off a friendship? Like I'm a 27 year old woman. There's a lot of friendships and it's all very, what is the worst thing that could happen? if you keep asking yourself that question,

the end outcome isn't a travesty and you will probably feel better for it. I mean, I've tried with a lot of friendships in different ways and yes, our line of work is a little bit different. Certain people doesn't matter what their job is or what the jobs my friends were having or doing or whatever they had. If you have the conversation over and over

with these people and as you said, you lose the hope with them. Because I'm not saying you cut it off instantly. It's not you have one conversation. It's you try with someone. Of course you do. But if you're wasting a lot of time and energy on specific people and it's not a very reciprocal relationship,

it's literally fine just to say to them, look, our lives a little bit different. I think we're going in two different paths. We might meet again, we might not. And it's really not that bad. And me saying that now, oh my God, if I was told to do that a couple of years ago, like no way.

I was like, absolutely not. I'm too much a pushover. I can't do that. It's scary to do it. But then when you do it once, you feel a little bit unstoppable and things just start moving in a more positive trajectory. And it's better for you. And it's better for everyone around you. It's just a learning curve. It unlocks and you see what's unlocked. You're like, oh, wow. Oh, my God. You just think, what else can I do today? Who else do I need to talk to? What else can I possibly do? And I don't want people to. you listen to this and think it's a negative thing. I'm saying it's quite a scary thing to do, but just ask yourself the one question, what is the worst thing that can happen? It's like ending an uncomfortable relationship. If you're not happy with your partner, if you hate work, if you don't like your job, what is the worst thing that could happen? You have all the immediate things and you think, oh my God, I'm not able to pay this, I can't do that. I've been with my

partner for 10 years. Well, okay, so you've got another 50, 60, 70 more years with the partner. and you're not happy? Are you going to live unhappy for the next 50, 60 years? No. The answer is, of course it's no. You're really unhappy in a job that you've got another 30, 40, 50 years. No, come on. Like, it's having that.

You actually said a word before that I'm going to reuse, courage. Having courage to do things is like a superpower. And when you've cut off that one friendship or you've said something that you've wanted to say for so long, you get this amazing feeling of courage that you can do these things because nothing, nothing really, really, really bad is going to happen. Courage is my favorite word right now. That's a great word. I love it.

I'd get that tattooed on me. Yeah. Because a lot of people, myself included, can have the idea and the confidence in the idea, but the courage is the action that is required to make that idea and confidence be not even come true but be tested. Like can we actually do this? Can we accomplish this? Speed project.

Like this is this is super cool. I'm really interested in this. I'm curious. I have the confidence that we can do it. But we had to have the courage to sign up, to put the team together, to travel to L.A., to rent the RVs, do all these things.

So that we can tow the lawn. this coming Friday to see can we do it and how fast can we do it that's courage and again what people have to remember is and it again from experience speaking for myself personally when I sign up to these mad races it's like the first 100k that I ran for example I'd never ran more than 25k I don't know what that is in miles maybe a little 13, 14 miles. We're different with our kilometers and miles here.

I honestly cannot even keep up with the kilometers. No, I can't. Whatever. It was 100% courage that made me sign up for that race, that feeling of, I don't have a clue if I can do that. And at the time, I really didn't. Like, if you've never ran over 22, 24 kilometers

and you sign up for 100, it's a bit like, well, I don't know if I can complete it, but it's almost the courage with curiosity of, okay, so deep down, there's something in me that wants to test myself as a human, how far can I go, how far can I push myself? What does it feel like? How painful is it going to be? All these questions, the curiosity and the courage is,

well, you know you can do it. You just have to sign up. I actually, I don't really drink anymore at all. I drunkenly signed up for that 100km, to run race. and I'm so thankful because it is the best thing. Liquid courage. Liquid courage. That's what they call it.

It's one of the best things that I ever did, but it was almost the curiosity of, I don't know if I can complain. I don't have a clue. I couldn't tell you at the time if I was going to finish that race or if I wasn't, but the courage got me through so much that I need to do this. I need to see how much I can test myself.

And that's the only time my endurance running even started was just having the courage to sign up, was having curiosity to see what the human body can do, and then the rest is history, and I've not been able to not sign up to them again. Like, I just, I love that feeling of how painful is it going to be. Like, am I going to finish it? Like, that's, it's very unknown,

which takes us back to the start of the podcast where I said, I think I'm quite particular with certain things that I do to just test more so the mental side, less than the physical. I think physically, a lot of the time you can probably do it mentally if you tap out mentally it is a different ballgame it's very very difficult if you're in a race or you're training something and you tap out mentally because physically certain instances no you can't keep pushing mentally if you tap out that's a rough place to be that's a very very

difficult place to get out of yeah i think speed project coming up we'll test a lot of people's mindset mentality. The way I love that Courtney DeWalter explains why she does races to this day is that she views her brain as this cave, the pain cave. And with every race she does, it digs that pain cave out just a little bit more, a little bit more. She wants to find out how big is that cave. And the only way you find out how big that cave is is through endurance,

and patience. You can't go and throw like this stick of dynamite in this cave and it blows up and you find the other end. The only way is by race after race, mile after mile, step after step. And every time you dig that cave out a little bit deeper, a little bit larger, it builds more confidence. And the ability to extract that confidence and apply it to courage becomes a little bit easier and easier and easier.

So for most people, they just have to get started. Absolutely. And then once you get started, start digging. Find out how big that pain cave is. Find out what your potential looks like. But you'll never know without that first step and at first dig. I think what's really interesting with running and endurance, because I have listened to a lot of podcasts when people do endurance events.

Like marathons are hard also. Marathons are very, they're different, because they're almost at speed, whereas with an ultra, the pace is slightly different, you're out there for longer, it's more of a journey. Marathons are really difficult. Marathons are hard, ultras are painful. Do you know what? Honestly, I had a really rough experience with my first marathon.

I bonged at 27 kilometers, which is just over halfway. And it was, I had to walk. Was it your first? It was my first. That happened to be my first, too. And it was, I've never, the training was great. The training block was fantastic. I think I put quite a lot of pressure on myself for that first marathon.

My first marathon was only last October. So I did 100K before I did a marathon race. Love the 100K, which maybe want to do more endurance races and things like that. I did chess a marathon and I have never balked so hard in my life. I think it was just a mixture of everything. But as I said, I put a lot of pressure on myself. I think externally from other people as well, which I've taken forward to learn not to do.

A lot of outside voice being like, you can do this time, you can do that. I don't want to be an elite runner. That's not what I want to do. If I just wanted to run and just train for marathons, I would do that. And I try and go really, really hard at it. But I don't.

I want to have a shit ton of muscle. I want to be able to run marathons well, but I don't want to be the best. I just want to test myself. And I never will be the best. at marathons or bodybuilding or powerlifting or swimming or cycling but if I can dabble in all of them

that is good enough for me because a lot of people put the pressure on a high rock example the new thing that I've added into the mix a lot of people like but you can you can make like the top 15 in the world yeah but I don't want to because I still want to be able to run marathons run ultras like power lift competitions randomly

I want to be able to do everything rather than just do one sport because I'm not interested in just doing one sport anymore it's not me I'm too passionate about testing my body as Courtney said loved her podcast when she was speaking about the pain cave because it is so interesting to me I don't want to win those races

I'm not that extreme with it I wouldn't go down that route if I can do so many different sports and experience so many different things that is good enough for me it's the external pressure that sometimes I get really carried away with and it puts me off completely.

And I know it shouldn't, because I'm quite an experienced athlete, but when you have thousands of people on social media, and when you can do this time, I'm like, but that's not, that's not where I'm at. Like I'm training for an ultra, and a marathon, marathon, high rocks and a multitude of things. Don't put that external pressure onto me. Like, I don't want to lose the love of what I do now,

because I lost the love for swimming. And that's so sad to me. I hate, when I quit swimming, I hated it. And it was my whole world. Like, it was just absolutely everything to me. It got to the stage where the pressure was too much. I literally hated and had to quit. It got too much.

If this ever happened with what I do now, being hybrid and running and doing this multitude of sports, I'd hate that. So I want to keep the passion in there as much as possible and just don't add too much external pressure because I'm not the best with pressure. I do believe that a lot of times the loud noise that comes from those situations and those people

are from individuals who focus on specialization. And when you focus on specialization, it's really easy to lose perspective. Like the elite runners, the elite runners, like when I first started hybrid training, people who were elite runners wanted to doggle on me all the time

because I was trying to run faster marathons. And they didn't have the perspective that I still wanted to balance strength and endurance. So they're like, why don't you just stop lifting weights, lose all your muscle, and you run faster? Because I don't want to do that. And then the opposite side of individuals who specialize in strength, they're like, hold on, like, you're running now. You're going to burn your muscle and lose size and strength. You need to stop doing that because their perspective says strength is the only way.

Yeah. And the endurance athlete says endurance is the only way. way. And this is not just applicable to training and fitness, but the entire world. People lose touch with perspective and self-awareness. And they think their way is the way. There's no other way to see it. And it's a really dangerous place to be. Now, I know you started as a swimmer. Yeah. I actually just finished one of your podcasts. It was the one where your mom got brought on the podcast and you didn't know she was coming on. That was great. And it was a surprise, and you guys were talking about your unhealthy relationship with food and your eating disorders and your background was swimming.

So going from swimming, and then what I love that you said, what was hard about transitioning out of swimming, was that you're so used to this routine. So going, and I think a lot of collegiate athletes go through this, a lot of professional athletes go through this, you live this life where you're constantly training, eating, living, breathing the sport. It is your identity. And when that ends, you lose your identity and you feel the need to keep training, eating, living like you were a professional athlete.

Then there's two things that happened. One, you keep living that same lifestyle. Two, you stop everything and you become like... You go in the other way. It's not a good direction. And then you found kind of strength and endurance in hybrid training and now you're competing in high rocks.

I would love to hear overall what that evolution of training has looked and felt like for you. And more importantly, where and why and how you had the courage to explore these curiosities because so many people find their lane

and they want to stay in that lane because they lack the perspective of there's more out there that I could pursue that I enjoy in a better way. Yeah, for sure. Swimming was 18 years of my life. My whole life was swimming, as you said, it was my identity,

and it's all I really knew. So when I, I mean, we dabbled in the gym, the smallest amount, like S&C really specific work when we were swimmers. But, you know, we do pull-ups, we do a little bit like box jumps and that sort of thing. Explosive type training? The explosive type training,

like very much like how you dive off the block or how it can mimic swimming and things like that and all these mad exercises we did. So when I stopped when I was 18, I was like, naturally, I need to continue training nine days a week, but in the gym. And I was very, because it was that routine, I didn't want to eat the same amount

because I knew I wasn't expending enough calories. And bear in mind, I should note when we were swimming, it was very, very strict. So we had nutritionists. We were weighed before and after most sessions, which is nine times. a week so you're weighed twice a day before and after your session. I have body...

That sounds like a catalyst for an eating disorder right there. This, yeah, I say this. This is why I think a lot of athletes, especially young women, do stem into eating disorders, unfortunately, as well, but when they leave competitive sport. So I had my body fats measured from the age of 14. Bear in mind, 14, you're literally a child. That is so young. But this is just, this was the norm.

This was completely normal. And I think as well for my eating disorder specifically, one of the girls, because we used to get a weight in front of everyone else, which is also awful in front of like your peers and coaches and nutritionists. And you used to shout out your weight and they used to write it down. One of the girls shouts out, oh, Lucy's anorexic. And that stuck with me. When I quit swimming, I was like, oh, I'm going to continue to train nine days a week.

I'll do fast-cardia in the morning and I'll do weights at night. I'll just drop my calories a little bit, eating disorder completely naturally. Nine sessions a week? Yeah, I just fast a cardio in the morning, weights at night, 15 sets in the gym. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. Social media not as big back then. I didn't really know who to turn to.

There was also no one to turn to because I didn't know who had quit sport and just gone into the gym. I didn't know what I was doing. So I'm very confused, lost my identity. Lost all my friends as well. I didn't lose my friends, but all I had was swimming people. And then going to university, everyone was drinking. I was like, I don't want to drink. I found the gym and it was a safe space for me, but I was just doing bodybuilding. So, like, I had an arm day, which makes me just feel a certain type of way. I had an arm day. I had a chest day, leg, complete bro split in the gym.

And I just did that. And I started. Arm days. Arm days. I remember arm days. Arm days. Like biceps and triceps in one gym. session and I just train like a bodybuilder completely and the cardio started to slowly get left. I used to do the stair master a lot. The eating disorder started to get better and better but this is over like a three or four year period at university and the reason it started to get better is because I became very, very aware of it in terms of if I continue with this trajectory my life is going to be fucking awful. I was very very self-aware because people say like how did you get over it? Who speak to. I was like, I didn't speak to anyone because there was nobody to speak to back then, and I

felt very, very embarrassed. It wasn't spoken about like it is in this day and age on social media. I had no one to talk to. So I started posting on Instagram. My Lucy Eliza Davis then changed to Lucy Davis fit as I'll just document my progress. I'll see how I go. People liked that, bear in mind those people didn't know I had an eating disorder. I never shared it. I was just posting like my transformations or then I, I don't know. popping my phone up in the corner of the gym, doing the bodybuilding style of things. And it wasn't until COVID hit. So I'd just done bodybuilding for like three years straight, not really any forms of cardio.

I thought I've done the cardio, tick the box, swimming's done. I don't need that anymore. Just did bodybuilding. So my cardiovascular fitness dropped massively. Like didn't run at all, maybe a couple of 2Ks. And I thought, I'm absolutely gas, like this is so hard. COVID hit and all the gym shut, I naturally started running again. but I was like okay that was a 5k tick I'm a try 10 and we're going to the 10k and then I did 15k

and then I signed up for the 100 like not far after because I was like my body can still do these things and bodybuilding got a little bit boring for me I still think it's great if people just bodybuild but I wasn't getting the same drive or push or it didn't feel as hard as I don't think that I was capable of and I thought I'll try running and my God when I first started running, I was so robotic. I couldn't, I felt so out of sorts running. I didn't know how to run. We have a very similar story.

I was very like, Ben was like, relax shoulders and I was like, I don't know how to run. I feel very uncomfortable. I can't get into it, but I was like, I need to push through this uncomfortable stage because I'm really bored of my training and it's not giving me that hard drive or the challenge that I'm after, started the running, drunkenly signed up for the 100K,000, which is the best thing I ever did. Smash the 100K. It was amazing.

Hard. Completely loved it. And I thought, do you know what? Endurance, I'll dabble in that. I do tell people as a transparent thing, I did swim for 18 years. So naturally,

I think running the lung capacity and the heart rate and things like that was probably maybe a little bit easier if you've just gone straight from bodybuilding into running. But overall, why would you not want to try

loads of different sports. It's exciting. I've tried them all. Gymnastics, cycling, swimming. I'm really crap at some of them. But I've tried it. Some sticks, some don't. I did one power lifting competition after my 100K hated it. But I just wanted to try it. I wanted to try and get into a weight category. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Never again when I do a power lifting competition. And I was very uncomfortable actually in that sphere of people because if you've ever done a power lifting competition, then They're very rogue. They're very different.

They're very out there. I just kind of turned up. I was like, oh my God, this is terrifying. It's intimidating. I've never felt so intimidating. I also was probably the weakest because I wasn't a power lifter. I only did bench as well. I didn't do deadly four squats.

I just did sole bench. It's like 70 kilos. I was like, whoa, this is. And then some girls lifting 120. But I didn't care about being the shittest in the room. I gave it a good. I gave it my best go. Realistically, I didn't like it.

And that's all you can do. if you're giving it your best, you either love or hate it and carry on with it. I have a, my story is so similar to yours. Is it really? From the eating disorder. Oh, wow. To finding fitness to then finding endurance and then combining the two. Because people ask me that question all the time, they say, well, how did you get over your eating disorder?

Because once I shared, I kept it a secret for a long time. I didn't actually know that about you. Yep. When I finally shared it, it's, it's. This was probably 2015, maybe. 2015 that I shared about my eating disorder

for the first time. And their response was incredible. Yeah. Where all these people reached out saying, I'm going through something similar right now. And I did not expect that reaction. But a lot of the questions were,

or the responses were, I'm going through this. And there was a follow-up question. How did you get over it? And I really don't know because I remember being confronted by the doctor that he's like, we know you have an eating disorder, you've been starving yourself, if you keep doing this, it's going to kill you. And that's really all I needed to hear.

And I came home and I was like, I'm going to get better. I'm going to start eating. And even until this day, I have unhealthy relationship with food. I will never say that I fully got over it. certain things trigger it more during certain seasons. My wife, Steph, tells me all the time. She knows when I'm stressed, because when I'm stressed, I try to control aspects of my life.

And for me, food is the easiest thing to control. What I'm eating, how much of it, weighing things, excessively controlling what's in it and what's not in it. But my journey is very similar. and I do believe as much as that my eating disorder was what I viewed once as a weakness was turned into a strength. And now I use that story, that vulnerability to help other people, but also that ability to hyper-focus, control, execute on discipline.

I've now just shifted away from food to other aspects of my life. I think it's become a strength It's become powerful But I completely resonate with your entire story I didn't yeah I didn't know you actually had an eating disorder And I was the same I didn't So when I was going through it

I didn't share with anyone I think I told one of my friends at uni Didn't tell my mom I didn't tell my sister I really didn't tell people Because I was like It's just I need to fix this And the way

Because I don't know I don't know if you You don't fully ever ever ever get over there's always these weird little tendencies in your head because I was bulimic. So I had like purge bulimia. Mine wasn't anorexia. And you have these weird tendencies.

But I eventually put out a YouTube video but about four years later when I was basically like recovered from it and I was in a much better space. But at uni when I was in the depth of it and I didn't tell anyone, the way that I started to process it, I looked at research papers,

which is really weird looking back. Like, I researched bulimia and side effects. One of the side effects was death. I can envision that research paper in my head now where I'm set in my uni halls. And I read that and I thought, yeah, I'm not going to die because of this. And it was something that then the Instagram page started. And I was very, very self-aware that if I keep doing this, I might die.

And that's wild to me because I'm doing this to myself. And so that's not necessarily a way that I got over it. But it was maybe the catalyst that I started in my head that, whoa, this is not my path. This is not what I want to do. But yeah, mine was only three or four years later. I shared it on YouTube. And the response was really overwhelmingly positive. How old were you when you were at your peak of your eating disorder?

1920. It was as soon as I quit swimming. So I quit when I was 18, nearly 19. Left home, went straight to university. Life had done a 360. wasn't the swimmer anymore, failed, it made the Olympics. I was like, oh, okay, well, bulimia's next. And I just, I really just fell into it.

But my trigger food still to this day is pizza, and I won't really eat it. And it's not that I probably can't now. I've got, I definitely look at food now as a way for performance and fueling myself. But I think the endurance really helped with my relationship with food. When I was just doing bodybuilding, I still used to struggle quite a lot.

I just psychologically, the calories that are in foods and burning them off and everything like that. Whereas when I was like, whoa, no more aesthetic goals. Let's think of performance goals. What can we do? The running naturally, I was like, well, I'm running 100K. Give me all the food. And it naturally helped that process of, I don't need to stress about this. I don't need to worry what's in that.

You're not going to throw it up. You're going to be absolutely fine. You're about to run 40K. I need to eat so much. food and it really helped naturally with my relationship. And I think I've got a pretty sound relationship with food now. Yeah, I went through something similar where when I was bodybuilding, strictly bodybuilding. Because my eating disorder when I was 14 years old.

Oh, wow. And it got to the point where I had one of those moments where I was having to go in and out out of the hospital for doctor's appointments because my parents were trying to figure out why I'm losing so much weight, why I had no energy. So I vividly remember I knew I was going in for a doctor's appointment on a Monday And that Friday we went for dinner

And I binged at that dinner And I had ribs, french fries, frosted animal crackers Like all this food I was so stuffed And we went in for this appointment on a Monday And they put a scope down my throat And they came out of that appointment

saying the food you ate on Friday we can see it's still in your stomach. Like your organs are slowing down. They're not working. Like your organs are shutting off. You are dying. And I was like, holy crap. I'm, they got real.

Like, I'm doing this to myself. And that was a trigger for me to get better. And then I started viewing food as this catalyst then to build muscle and get bigger. That's how I fell in love with fitness and bodybuilding. But I always looked at food as a means to body composition. Protein builds muscle. Fat, too much fat is going to build fat. Too many carbs.

Like you might spill over. You know, it's like I viewed food as a way to achieve a certain body composition, whether balking or cutting. And then when I found endurance, that's when I had the shift in mindset of, oh, food is for fueling performance. It's not just for body composition and looks or aesthetics, but it's, I need this to do what I want to do. And that's run a race.

Yeah. Or have the energy to run in the morning and show up for my friends and my business and my family at night. And if I don't fuel my performance and my day, I'm not going to have the energy to do what I want to do. So that also really helped me realize, like, food is powerful, the right foods, quality, quantity, to be able to do what you want to do. Yeah, it is completely. And I really struggled as well because I have had a six-pack

since I was five years old and a lot of people online like even to this day cannot fathom the way that I'd look. I mean, not even trolling comments. People will say now, oh, she's clearly got an eating disorder and I'm like, I don't know,

but I did. I was like, go back and look and 100% I was in that space but also go back to my five-year-old self, I still had a six-pack. Like, how I look now doesn't define having an eating disorder, like not even at all. Like, I look very strong, fit and healthy. But because mine was bulimia, I didn't necessarily lose a ton of weight. I was very just like watery and because you're binging on a lot of food and it's very different. And then all the acid and everything like that.

But even to this day, comments at least a couple of times a day, or she's clearly got an eating disorder because she's a woman with a six-pack, it's so unhealthy. I'm like, no, but go and tell my five-year-old self, I was like, that's just the way that I look. And that's where social media, I think, sometimes can be really damaging for young girls. It worries me about when I have kids at some stage. How do I navigate? If I have a baby girl, how do I navigate her feeling amazing in herself when there is so much on social media? It's not something that I can solve with social media. It's how I will raise my children, but it's definitely a concern of mine because we are in that sphere now.

We work on social media. We get the comments. We see them. Young girls is the one thing that worries me. And boys, young girls and what they see on social media now is worrying because there's so much out there that I wouldn't want my younger self to see. Because when I was 15, I didn't have it. I didn't use it. Well, I do appreciate the fact that you don't, like, you see you get these comments, the abs,

too much muscle, all these things. And you don't snap back at them, but you address that. And you're like, yeah, I do have abs. And I'm fucking proud of those abs. And I do have muscle. And I'm proud of that muscle. Oh, yeah.

It was the evening the other day I got the manly comment. I was like, I can't know what this that comment was. Oh, do you worry about looking too manly? I took a picture next to this gorgeous pool where we are in L.A. And I put, you know what? It's not really something to worry about. I was like, I'm so proud to be a woman with muscle. Like, why would I, there's nothing to be ashamed of?

I was like, no, I don't, I'm not concerned about looking manly. There's a lot more things in life to worry about. And if you're worried about that for me, God bless you. Yeah. Like, really, it's, it's on you. I mean, it's a position of being a role model for these young girls. Like, I want to be strong. I want to feel my performance.

I think because I did previously had an eating disorder. I think I was telling you, like, certain things in my life will re-trigger it. I did a bodybuilding competition last year. It definitely came back during that. I can imagine. And talking about raising kids and setting the example for them to combat the dangers of social media and food and just comparing one self to another. There was this one night where we were going to dinner and I was in prep. And me and a bodybuilding prep, I used my old eating disorder to my advantage.

where I can starve myself and get as lean as I possibly have to. Not necessarily proud of that, but it's a reality. And we were at dinner, and I was so strict on my diet, but I didn't want to bring my Tupperware and food to dinner, because I didn't want to do that to my family. We were with friends, my daughter. It was like the perception of I can still live a life with you guys. So I go to order my chicken fajitas.

It was a Tex-Mex restaurant, and I just asked, like, what do you marinate the chicken with? And the server goes, well, it's like an oil-based marinade and we cook it in oil. It's like, is there any way you can like get me chicken without the marinate? I'm sorry for being in inconvenience, but like, can you please do that? They know, it's all marinated. So I was like, well, could you wash the marinade? As I'm saying this, my wife's looking like, what are you doing?

but can you wash the marinade off the chicken before you put it in the grill? And he said he would do that, which I was very appreciative for. And then when our food comes out, I could tell the marinade was still in the chicken and it was dripping in oil. So I'm like, I'm spiraling at this point.

In my head, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be thrown off my macros. My fats are going to be so high up. I'm going to gain weight from this one chicken breast. Yeah. And I look across and I see my, daughter who at the time, I think, might have been six, eight months old. And she's still young to realize what's going on. But she's watching me as I'm freaking out over this chicken breast. I'm thinking,

this is the example I'm setting for this baby girl. I have to be better. I have to be more aware of what I'm doing because I don't want her to have the same issues that I had growing up. So that's like something I'm always aware of is the things that I'm doing, whether it's in fitness or with food or the way I treat people or build my brand. I'm doing that a way that has set an example for my daughter, our baby boy that's on the way, but for the community and everyone else who watches. So for you to stand up and say, I'm proud of being strong, like that is cool. that is awesome. That is being a pioneer in saying, you can shit on me all you want,

but I'm being proud of it. Yeah, and I think as well for a lot of young women or girls, when we're growing up, we're sometimes told, especially in sport, we can't do it or we can't do something. And that is why I do what I do. That's why I want to empower as many women as possible

because it's not, it's not necessarily that we can't do these things, but we are told by other people. Oh, like, that's for boys. And that's really weird having that conversation even now, but it still happens. Like, so many women will not go to the gym because they think it's for men. So many women won't even try football or rugby, not as much now. But when we were growing up, oh, my God, I would have never probably done football. We did, like, ballet tap.

But luckily, because of my dad, we did climbing and skiing and very outdoors. the sports that only a lot of boys did. And I'm so thankful to my dad still to this day because if we didn't have him pushing us, I don't think I would do what I'd do today. I was the sporty kid in school.

All my friends hated P.A. hated sport. Whereas I hated math and English and stuff. I thought, get me into P.A. I love sport. All the other girls are opposite and we were always told, you can't do this, you can't do that. Whereas I hope to God

that I am in this generation now, especially being a role model on social media, whatever. I don't like use the term influence. I say like business woman or whatever it is. Person of influence. Creator. Creator. Anything, yeah.

Anything but that. That people would look to me in certain ways as a woman who looks a little bit different, who puts herself out there more in a positive light that you can do these things. That may be when you were little or when you were growing up, you were told you can't, but it really, really sticks with you. It really sticks with you from a young age if you're a girl who were told by someone, whether it's a guy or your parents or it was teachers in school, that you can't do something because you're a girl.

It was so pivotal. I'm 27 now, so whatever era that is growing up, we were always told we couldn't do things or we weren't good enough, it was a boy's job, and that really stuck with me. And I think why I'm so passionate about what I do and what I portray on social media and being very transparent and quite like powerful, stem, like it must stem from that. But you're doing it now.

I'm doing it now. Yeah, hopefully it's coming across in that way. But yeah. Well, you did it? You're doing it? And Porta Syndrome gone. And we got Speed Project coming up. Yeah, in a couple of hours.

Yeah. So I'm pretty excited. I'm so excited. We're going to let it rip. Are you nervous at all? Honestly, of all the races that I've ever done, this is the one where I'm not nervous at all. And we were talking about on the RV on the way back here.

This is one race, though, that usually when we go into some of these ultras or marathons, I'm the only one running and it's a more controlled environment. Yeah. So I don't have fear for the safety of, like, the whole organization. This, he, in the guy mentioned today at the safety briefing. And for some reason, that really, like, sunk in with me. I was like, this race of all the races we've ever done has the largest safety concerns. That is like my main focus right now.

Yeah. In terms of like we're moving a lot of people, we're going to like 18 people from L.A. to Vegas, four vehicles driving and running at night for like 36 hours straight. People are going to be tired. Get little cranky. You know, you get tired. You become complacent. Yeah.

So it's just making sure that everyone is safe throughout this whole push. We don't get arrested and we don't get attacked by dogs. And if all that works... We're going to be fine. We'll be fine. We'll get to Vegas. We'll have a steak. Yeah.

There's a pool party in Vegas, which I think we're all going to be way too tired to do. Yeah, I was thinking about that. I just, yeah, there's a lot of stuff to be saying. I was thinking, I think I'm just going to be asleep. We've got a second race to do, don't we maybe? Potentially. There's potentially a second race. Which is wild, by the way.

But, yeah, I'm all for a second race. This I definitely think is going to be one the most exciting things that we ever do. I might get the tattoo. I might be that delirious at the end. I saw one on your foot actually. Yeah, I really hate it. I really hate it. So I've got an eagle on my foot when I got when I was 18.

Do you know why actually I got this tattoo and I've never shared this before? Have an eagle on my foot because eagle's a very heroic, courageous creatures, very grand. When I quit swimming and I was going through all what we spoke about today, the eating disorder. and I was completely lost. Didn't know what to do with my life. Didn't really want to be here. Got the eagle tattoo because I thought that will solve all my problems.

I've got a courageous eagle tattoo. But yeah, I don't really like it. I do want to get another one. I quite like a quote here. Yeah. I don't know what it will be yet. Well, where would you get the TSP tattoo? I just, is it just like,

does it just say TSP? No, they said it's like, or is it a logo. I think it's some sort of logo. It may be one of those things where you put your arm in a box. You don't know what you're getting. Yeah. I mean, it would have maybe like on my wrist really small, like very discreet.

Or I would just get like TSP. Because I don't have many tattoos, so it would be quite like, whoa, this is pivotal. She's got a tattoo. We need to just. Well, I think TSP in general is it's going to be a pivotal point. Yeah, in my life. In your life, in our lives. And it needs to be.

Yeah. I also, I generally might get courage tattooed on me. I love that. Courage or strength or something or do it for tomorrow. There's something here that will be tattooed on me. but I don't have any except the eagle, which we don't count. So it would be a very big thing if I get the TSP tattoo. Vegas is a spot to do it.

Yeah. Great tattoo artists. As long as it's like a nice tattoo, that one's not a good tattoo. Well, that's the best part about tattoos. In perfection is the best part about them. Yeah, absolutely. Well, Lucy, this has been a long time coming. Absolutely as.

Here we are in Los Angeles, about to let it rip. Yep. the Avenger misfits take on speed project 2004 yeah you ready for the Avengers

we're ready thanks for being here thank you so much appreciate you thank you