The Nick Bare Podcast - Archive - Sean Buck Rogers: A Green Beret's Journey Of Rising Above Trauma

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

“You cannot allow your past to define your future.”   In this episode, host Nick Bare sits down with former police officer and Green Beret Sean Buck Rogers as he shares his captivating story of how the trauma that he has experienced has influenced his life as a service member, father, and entrepreneur.   In his book Rising Above, Sean chronicles the toughest battle of his life: the long, painful fight to confront his darkest fears and reclaim his life. After struggling as a young man to accept the raw trauma of his past, he eventually learned to understand and embrace it, ultimately using it to become an elite Special Forces operator.   FNG Academy: www.thefngacademy.com   If you enjoy listening to "The Bare Performance Podcast," please consider rating the show wherever you listen, including Spotify and Apple Podcasts!   More Resources:   BPN website: www.bpnsupps.com Nick Bare website: www.nickbare.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/nickbarefitness Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/barelifenutrition

You are listening to the Bear Performance Podcast, where we discuss topics on fitness, nutrition, business, and leadership to help you perform at your highest level and go on more. I'm your host, Nick Baer, founder of Bear Performance Nutrition and Prior U.S. Army Infantry Officer. We've scaled our brand through our core pillars of transparency, service, and integrity, and now I want to share with you through our experience and our guests, how you can optimize your life.

Welcome to the show. All right. So today I have Sean Rogers on the podcast, former Green Beret, author of Rising Above, CEO of FNG Academy. Just finished up your book, Rising Above, loved it, man. I appreciate it. I was telling you, I felt like I was playing out a movie in my head as you were telling some of the stories.

Like I was saying, like, I pictured your house growing up. I pictured your mom's car, growing through your front door. Yeah. It was like a movie. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't a fun movie. But it was definitely like a movie. It's unbelievable.

It was like, and now it's cool because I get so much, like, I get to help people with that, with my stories and like my childhood. But in the moment, it was just so horrible to feel all the time like the constant anxiety. You know, as a kid, you know that you shouldn't be feeling that kind of anxiety. all the time, you know, where you're almost like in a combat zone and you're like 12, you're like, this isn't, this isn't normal. You know, and I'll never forget, it's just like, you know, you get off the bus and you walk, you know, down this desert road like a mile and a half, two miles gets your house.

And then looking, as soon as you could see your house, you're kind of just beep bopping along the road, right? And then as soon as you see your house, your stomach sinks, like, you don't know what's happening behind that door. Like there could be people hurting each other. There could be guns getting shot off. everyone could be just hammered drunk it doesn't matter what time of day so it's like it's terrifying and then every time i open that door is like uh you know i hold my breath like what am i what's happening

in here and it's like it just wore on me you know to always be in that state and then i didn't have any ability to deal with anything else at that point that kids should have the you know patience to deal with so like school i was in trouble constantly i can I couldn't deal with other, you know, people. So I was getting fights all the time, talking back to my teachers. I was just, I was always in-school suspension. I don't know if you guys, did your school ever have in-school suspension? We had in-school, yeah.

I was never there. Yeah, that was a nightmare. Yeah, because I had real bad ADHD when I was young. So I was always high, like, attention. You know, get up and move. And so now you're going to put me in a class, and it's all day. You're just sitting at that desk. And they're like, write out, do math homework.

And then you'll go to lunch. and they'll come right back and sit, sit back in that desk for in school. And it's like, I'm going to rip my hair out. And that was like, majority of my school was spent. Like, a lot of it was spent in school suspension.

Well, it's crazy to think is, you know, I think growing up, home is that place that was of comfort. Yeah. Like, that was my base station.

That's my foundation. When I left, that nest or that home, that's when I was vulnerable. That's when I was open to, like, things out of my comfort as I was growing up. For you is the opposite, though.

Opposite, yeah. Like, how young were you when you have first memories, was it that you realized this is not a good place to be? I think, like, probably like six, probably five, six. I want to say that my dates are so off. And honestly, a lot of it has been like trying to unpack this, and that's been a healing part of my process is because I'm unpacking all these things that people with trauma,

at least personally anyway, I stored this in such a deep recess in my memory. I thought that the best way to go about it was to forget that it existed and to push it way, way, way back. But the problem was that then is all of a sudden it's like the floodgates open and you can't control when the floodgates are going to open. And that's why that's a dangerous thing to do. But then unpacking it, it was healing, but then it's hard to remember certain dates and stuff. But I just remember being really young and I remember my sister's dad, so we had a half sister. and I remember her dad like throwing me from the top of a dresser

he grabbed me and then he threw me against the wall and I think I was like probably five or so really small because I wasn't supposed to be sitting on the dresser apparently and then he took my brother and me and then he took a plastic spoon and he started beating us until the spoon snapped in half and that was like like I remember I remember thinking thank God the spoon broke so he would stop hitting us and that was kind of the moment and I was like this is not normal this isn't good like something

went south. And I feel like I had a memory of before things went south where I was like, like, I remember Christmas at my grandparents' house and it was awesome. And I felt like my mom was like very normal. You know, there wasn't any drug abuse or, you know, opioids or anything like that. And I felt like I had a decently normal. We didn't have any money, but we were normal. And then we had a car accident and that's when things really started to go south. So before the car accident, I remember this in the book, were things okay? And then the car accident triggered a medication addiction with your mom, correct? Yeah.

So that's what I remember. So things before the car accident, like, because the boyfriend, like, beaten on us was before the car accident. But it wasn't my mom, right? It was like, yeah, she picked, you know, not a great guy, but, like, she was, she had a job. So she was going to work. And that, that's a surprising thing for a kid, like, to find prize. and their parents that they're willing to work. I don't care where she worked.

I was just happy like, yeah, my mom works. That's what normal people's parents do. And then once the car accident happened, there was no more working. She hadn't worked since. I remember, I think one time she goes like court-ordered to work at a thrift store. And I was on the bus and we were driving past to go to school. And I just looked to my left and I told the kid sitting to me. I said, my mom works there.

and I pointed at the thrift store. I didn't tell him that it was court ordered and it was, you know, a punishment. But it's just like the pride and like, look, we're kind of normal, you know. But after that car accident, things were never normal. Do you remember, did your dad ever live with you guys growing up? Or was he out of the picture pretty fast? Yeah, he was out.

I think he left from I was like one is what I would have been told. But yeah, he was always gone. So I didn't meet my dad until I was like 14. So when did, like, when do you think you realize this was a traumatic environment to be in from an emotional and physical abuse standpoint because some of the stories you tell in the book, I'm like,

holy crap, I'm surprised you survived some of that stuff. Yeah, there was a couple close calls. I mean, I almost got shot in the chest. I was like eight. Me and my brother were in the backseat and my mom is just flying down a dirt road and I'm sitting in the back with my knees and I'm looking out the back window and this guy's like chasing us in his car

and he's like pointing his hand out the the window and I didn't know what he was doing. So I was like, wow, this is really fun. Like, we're flying down a dirt road. I don't have a seatbelt on. This is super cool. My brother's like really upset though. And then once we get to our house, my brother starts like, because he's two years older than me, he starts like yelling at my mom. And I was like, what's happening? Like, why is this so bad? And he was like, look. And the car had a split on the top from where the bullet hit it. The guy was shooting at us. And then the, another bullet hit. And then the, another bullet hit the emblem of the car and deflected down into the trunk, but it would have hit me in the

chest if it didn't deflect down because it was like right lined up with my chest. What was he chasing you guys for? I can only assume that she like ripped them off for something because I vaguely remember being there. She was like, she's like, stay in the car, stay in the car. And I was like, okay, I'm a kid. So I'm like playing around. I locked the keys in the car.

And then I knew something was wrong when she came out like panicking that the keys were locked in the car. And she was like, got to get out. We got to get out of here. And then we're being chased. So I can only assume that she ripped them off for something. And this was in California, correct? Mm-hmm.

I mean, the way I pictured this part of California, correct me if I'm wrong, as listening to your book and painting this picture, it's like desert, completely flat, occasional houses, and like dirt roads everywhere. Everywhere. That's it. Really? Yeah, that's it.

So, like, a lot of meth out there. So, like, a lot of people are doing meth and, like, cooking meth in the, trailers. Cops don't want to go anywhere near you because it's like the washboard roads, destroy your car. So you have two options to get down a dirt road. You could do 90. So then you're kind of hovering over those washboards.

It's like you're like the moguls on like ski courses. Yeah. Or you have to literally do like two miles an hour and like pop over each one. So people that don't live down dirt roads like don't want to go down. It's a nightmare to drive. So the cops like it would take an hour for a cop to drive the mile. dirt road to get to us. So by the time a cop ever got to anywhere in a desert house,

like you're finished up, gone and moved along. Like they're not going to catch you in the act. They're not going to get anybody. That was really interesting when you talked about. You didn't really understand like the role of authority, like the police growing up because they never got involved and needed them. And then years later, here you are. You were green beret.

special forces, police officer. What was that like growing up where you needed so much help and you never could get it? Like just your story of trying to get to your dad, like forging that note, getting your mom to sign that note that gave your dad custody of you

and then you getting to New York and then almost getting sent back, that blew my mind. Yeah, well that and that was the, it just was a repetitive cycle. It was like, I'd run away from home, and then the cops would come get me and bring me back. Because, I mean, I have good family members.

Like, I have really good family members that, like, my Uncle Rick, like, they would do anything for me. But I can't. They can't? They can't. Because every time I run away and go to them and be like, can I live here? They'd be like, yes. And then the cops show up. And they're like, get in the car, dude.

And it's like, come on. You guys, you know my mom. Like, all the cops in that town knew my mom first name basis, all of them. And so they'd be like, listen, we know it. We get it. but she's got custody, you got to go back. So they'd throw me in the cop car and then drive me back there. And I'd sit in my room and just cry and, you know, and sulk, like,

because it's like everyone just keeps bringing me back to this hellhole and, like, I can't escape it. And so, yeah, it was just that was my interaction with police officers. It was like, you guys just do her bidding. Because she uses you as a tool for whatever she wants. If somebody makes her mad, she'll call the cops on you. And it's like, the cops got to reluctantly go answer the call because they have no choice. But she was so manipulative with a cell phone, with a phone, that like she could control people from a phone.

Like you don't want to be harassed like that. And then all of a sudden the cops are showing up. And then you know that if you don't answer the phone, either the cops are going to show up or even worse, she's going to show up. And that could mean her driving the car through your front gate. you know, just to spite you because you didn't answer the phone. So then you kind of get into her game of, well, I'll answer the phone, so that way she doesn't show up. And now you're trying to have like a conversation with someone that is not,

like you can't speak with. Because it's just like she just repeats her own manipulative things that are going on her head. And it's like you're trying to use logic and there's none to be had in a conversation with her. So is this talent primarily run by drugs and gangs? Oh yeah. Yeah. And that got exponentially worse as Ontario, the housing market went up so high that a lot of them, a lot of the gangs were like, wow, we can go to Phelan and Hesperia and Victorville and buy like, sell our small houses in Ontario for astronomical price and then go buy like this huge house in Phelan.

This is the property value so cheap. So a lot of the gang started moving out. So it was gang infested, a lot of white supremacy stuff when I was growing up, a lot of, you know, just. meth, a lot of biker gangs. So my mom used to hang out with, you know, we went to this party and it was like these bikers and they were like kids are over there as soon as we got there. And I was like, this is weird. And then all of a sudden like these naked kids, they're about my age, but they're just like walking around. They're like jump in the stack. And they all have like these little instruments and they're just like smashing them together. And I was like,

I don't want to be naked in a line doing instruments running around this house. Like, this is weird. Like, this is not normal. How old were you at this point? I was probably like maybe, I don't know, six. I was young. Like, and they were young. And it was, but it was just like this awkward thing.

But just like smashing like tambourines together. And like, and there's this biker party. I was like, I shouldn't be here. Listen. When did you like realize, all right, this isn't for me, I need to leave? because I was thinking about this the other day in terms of people who reach these large levels of success in life

and I think it has to do with something internally with like their DNA and just the way their mind thinks and works because there's some people who grow up in that situation and they just stay there they don't want to get out and there's other people like you

who identify a pretty, early on, this is not for me. I'm out. I need the fuck out. Yeah. Like, how early on did you realize this is not the life I won? I need to get out of here. I knew, like, young. I mean, there was this, there's one guy, and he,

once we moved into his house, because that was a thing. Every time my mom got a boyfriend, we ended up moving in with him. I was, like, moving into these random dudes' house. And each one had their own issues. Like, one's a drug addict. One is, like, you know, an abuser. And then sometimes, one's an alcoholic.

So it was like there's always like each one brought their own trauma, you know. And I remember this one. And as soon as we moved in, she stopped coming out of her room. And I was like, what is going on? Like I started to think like she's dying. She doesn't get out of bed like at all for weeks straight. And then I remember like crying to him like, dude, is my mom dying? And he's like, no, she's fine.

Your mom's fine. And so what me and my brother think is that he was using, he thought maybe that she was going to leave him. So he was just keeping her hyped up on pills so she couldn't get out of bed and then collecting her welfare checks and child support and whatever she was getting for us. So she was like in a coma. Yeah. So he was keeping her in like a drug-induced coma just to keep her checks. And we hated it there. He had two sons and they hated us and we hated them.

And then he hated us because we didn't get along with his sons. And his sons were our age. Our brother and I. So we were fighting constantly. I remember that he started talking, the younger boy started talking about. about my mom. Oh, your mom's just a piece of shit. She just doesn't get out of bed.

And so I got on top of him and I grabbed a handful of his hair, probably like eight years old, nine, something like that. And I started slamming his head into the ground until my hand released. And then I looked in my hand and it was just that huge chunk of hair. And like he left a solid bald spot, like without a single piece of hair on his head. And I was like, I had that moment I looked at my hand like, man, this isn't normal. Like I shouldn't be fighting like this, you know? Like kids should, there's normal kids fighting and then there's like actually physically harming each other to the point where, you know, we're ripping each other's hair out and I'm slamming his head into the ground.

I mean, like, you're fighting to survive. Yeah. And it was like I knew it wasn't right. And so that, we were probably younger than, I wish I knew the like the ages I was because it goes in order. So I remember him. And then there was another guy that was a drug addict and he used to like take her stuff. And there was another guy that used to come around like take her on dates. and they would always go away and, like, one time I tried to, like, go into her room and to, like, talk to this guy.

I was like, oh, this guy's coming around our house all the time. Like, he must be our new dad or something. And then the next morning, because I, like, walked in on them. And then the next morning, the next day, he changed out the door frame to her room. He put, like, solid two-by-four, because we lived in a trailer. And I could easily pick the lock. We learned that because my mom would, like, lock us out of the house. house all the time. We got really good at breaking back in, you know, to get inside because she would be

like, go outside. And then we go outside and she'd lock all the doors so we couldn't get back in the house. To learn how to, you know, use a butter knife to break into doors. And I could always check the windows to see if they're locked and get in. So he changed like a solid wood frame and then put a solid door and a dead bull on my mom's bedroom door. And I remember one time, like, my brother threw something at me. And I went to duck out of the way and there was a drawer open. And I was a and I smashed my nose on it and I broke my nose and I was gushing blood and I was like mom I'm bleeding and she's like I don't care and uh I was like banging on this door and I was like I can't this thing is like oh but you take a battering ram to get through this door so I was like catching my blood like as

it's coming out of my face and I'm pooling it underneath the door with my hand so she could see that I'm not joking I'm profusely bleeding out of my face and I got it to the point was like going under the door. She still wouldn't answer the door. What was the point of the door? To keep you guys out. So she could have some, she could spend alone time with this guy. And, you know, for whatever reason, I can only assume why, you know, random dates with this guy. And then we wouldn't see him for weeks on in, you know. You guys, do you still have a relationship with your, your mom? No, no. She tries, like, she, like messages my Facebook accounts. Like, I don't use Facebook. spoke, but I have a response on there, an automatic response. Like, hey, I respond to

Instagram. So if you guys can please message me over there, I'll get to a lot faster. And she like argues with the automatic response. Like, don't you fucking talk to me like that. I'm your mother. You don't tell me the same thing over and over. I'm like, my wife came up to me. She's like, check this out. Your mom's arguing with the automatic response. I was like, oh, my God. So she, she's just always threatening me, you know, and she's like, oh, you have two houses. I'm going to take one and like not to me because she can't get a hold of me but she'll like tell my brother and my brother put her on speaker one time and I was listening he's like oh mom's calling right now because I was just talking to him and he put her on speaker and she's like slur in her words she's like I'm

going to own his house and I can't wait to live in his house and all this stuff he's got two houses and I was like it it still is an adult that hurt right because I'm like I have daughters your granddaughters and in your mind you would find joy in the fact of kicking them out of their home so you could live in it. Like, you're supposed to be taking care of them and giving something positive into their lives and you want to take from my daughters, your granddaughters, their home. Like, I hate you. How was that, like your relationship with your mom or even your dad, the way you grew up?

How is that kind of impacted or changed the, the way you've wanted to be a parent, you've wanted to be a father. How big of an impact is that had? It's everything, everything. I mean, my dad was gone and then the time, you know, we reconnected because I escaped California through that note and was able to move in with him. I was only with him for like two years and he's like, I was having a horrible time fitting into the new high school. I always had my brother to protect me. So we- Because you and your brother both went to New York. Yeah, we went to visit. And then we got back and then Chris stayed and then I did the note and had her, you know, convinced her to sign it by just making her mad

until she signed it. And then I escaped. And the note luckily prevented the cops from bringing me back. So I was able to get out. Chris stayed. But he was more staying for my grandparents and was committed to be in there for them because my grandparents were amazing people. But they were always so disconnected from it.

I don't think they ever knew truly how bad things were. sorry what were you what was the just kind of the way like the way you were raised oh yeah so impacted your your fatherhood yeah thanks so

for me it's it's all about like getting away as far away from that as possible and like providing as much for my kids as I can so they never have to live and experience anything like that and my daughter asked me like you don't have a lot of family do you

and I'm like not any of that are going to give to you enough to make their presence worth it. So I'm like, I'm sorry, but, you know, your grandparents aren't going to be involved in your life. Probably, maybe not ever, but it's up to you at some point if you ever want to go down that road, but that's on you. But I will not bring them into your life because they don't bring you enough value. So for me, and I'm still working on trying to be a better dad.

You know, my daughter's, I have two daughters now. One's 10 and one. one's eight months. I've been married to the same one for over 10 years and it's a work in progress, right? Because now I have PTSD and things from childhood and from war that make me like irritable. So, you know, that's something I'm working on is like being more patient, especially for my 10-year-old because she deserves better. You know, I don't, I'm always like, I'm snippy.

Like, why are you doing that? Like, you know, but so I obviously I still, my past affects my ability to be the dad that I want. And that's a huge challenge for me. But she lives in a beautiful home and she does everything she wants to do. And if there's anything that she, she wants any opportunities we provide it. I mean, she has her own business. Like she's 10 and she runs a, she makes needle felt key chains and sells them on Etsy. and so we're teaching her.

She's killing it. She's killing it. She's an entrepreneur of my blood. So we're teaching her how to manage money. And it like, and to, because that's what I want is like her to be able to just start off with so many more tools. So she's not having to do what I did and have to pick up those things on the back end.

I want her to start with those things. So this business isn't to make money. It's to teach her that like how to, how it works when, hey, yes, you just made $60 in sales, but you don't have $60. You have to resupply.

You have to do shipping. You have to pay your, yourself. How much are you going to pay yourself? Because that's going to affect how many more, how much more supplies you're able to purchase. Add to that $60. So yeah, you can only spend five bucks to that. She's like, what? I have $60. Why do I get to spend $5? So we're trying to teach her that stuff. And that, I feel like is my way of distancing her from my childhood, as many light years as I can get that away. That's gold. I'm trying. That is gold. Like, I was telling you, me and my wife, our first baby girls due in July.

Congratulations. Thank you. It's like my mind has completely started to shift where it's, I'm starting to think, you know, what kind of father do I want to be? I had great parents growing up. I can't complain. My mom was very involved. My dad was very involved.

But I still think like there's a father that I want to be. And I want them to have for my children to have this practical life. advice. And I think like teaching them how to run a business, so the principles of a business teaches you a lot about life. And a lot of life is money management. Right. And if you can, if you can teach people money management early on, that is powerful. It's, it's so huge. And it's like nobody teaches about money. That's what I'm trying to get in the second book is like talking about guys, you got to manage money if you want to chase your dreams. You have to. I don't care what it is. money is time and you're going to have to buy time if you want to invest that time right so like how

much time did you invest in your in bpn when you're starting up countless countless it's it's it's got and there was probably you should you could have done more right like looking back on you I'm sure you feel the type of guy you are like I could have done like way more time but time cost money and so like we were talking about before is like when I was in the military I was like I had accomplished everything I wanted to on my SF deployment. I was like I got combat. I got shot. I was got killed multiple times.

Like we lost fellow green beret. So I felt the highs and lows of war. I was like this is what I was search. I wasn't searching to lose anybody, but I was searching to find my capabilities in the worst of situations. What am I made of? Because I didn't have anybody teach me, right? I got to go find it on my own.

And I got that. So it was like, I want to move on now. And so if I'm going to move on, I'm leaving a retirement. I'm leaving all this like this cush life of stability. And I'm throwing a wrench in that. And then I have to go, I'm going to go be a police officer. I took like a $30,000 a year pay cut. So then now I'm learning how to, you know, structure that so I could live off my new

low pay until I make, you know, until I get enough pay raises from the police department, which is like three years before you're, you could, you're maxed out. So it's like, okay, so I can't afford this nice truck that I can now. It's like, okay, so I'll trade that in for something that has no payment. And I'm learning, you know, how to take these risks. And then when the police department came up, when George Floyd happened, and I was like, I'm no longer happy with the fact that I don't feel like the police department has my back, I need to move on.

So many people wanted to move on with me, right? after George Floyd and the riots of Denver and then the department not supporting us, there was tons of officers that were like, I want to go. I don't feel safe here. I don't feel protected by my own employers. I want to go. I was one of the only ones I was able to go. It was like maybe a handful of us.

And then most of the guys were like just ready for retirement anyway and they just dropped sooner. So a lot of guys left that way. But the vast majority couldn't go because. They bought new cars. They mismanaged their money. They're making over $100,000 a year and they're broke. So now they can't buy any time to go invest and do something they really want to do. They're stuck.

And that being stuck scares the crap out of me because that puts me right back into being stuck in my mom's house. And the cops saying, no, you can't leave. And I'm not replicating that in my life ever again. Well, for a lot of people, like, it doesn't matter if they make more money. Because as they make more money, their cost of living. increases. They never dig out of that hole. Yeah. Like when I started BPN, I started with a $20,000 loan. And it was a career starter loan that USAA offered to pre-commissioning officers. A lot of my friends took out this money. The same loan as me. And they bought new cars. They went on vacations.

Oh, no. They got engaged. They got married. They spent all this money on things or experiences, which teach their own. But I saw all this at. as, holy crap, I can take $20,000 out right now. There's no payment for 18 months. It is the lowest interest rate I'll ever find golden ticket. That's amazing. I'm starting a business. Yeah.

That's what I did. And that told me early on really quickly how to manage money. Because I'll tell you that $20,000 went really, really fast. I could spend that tomorrow, dude. Oh, my gosh, dude. I can spend it all in inventory and I realized very quickly, holy crap, I got to build a website still. I got to market this product.

And that's when I learned the beauty of bootstrapping and becoming a Swiss Army pocket knife to learn what you have to learn. But to take it back a step, I'm really curious. You know, at this point in your life, you just got to New York. You escaped California, living with your mom, you're with your dad. How do you get from getting to New York? you broke the cycle to then joining the military. So that was a crazy road because I never wanted to join the military.

I had no intention. I wasn't that guy that was like one day, that would be cool. So after I moved to New York, my dad decided he was going to move to Colorado. And I was like, I'm not going with you. And I thought after all I'd been through, he would be like, respect me as a man and be like, even though I was 16, 17, 17, he'd be like, you know, all right, you have. something figured out. You know, you have a place to stay. You got to resituated. Okay, you could stay. Instead, he, like, lost his mind. Like, he took all my clothes that I had, all my clothes. And he locked

him in a basement and told me that he gave him away to Salvation Army. So I was like, because once I told him, like, I was like, I'm not going. Yeah, he locked all my clothes. I thought that he actually did give him away. I didn't find out later that he had him locked in the basement because he didn't want to get in trouble for actually giving everything I went away. Um, I started a business when I was like 15 called Wicked Obsessions, a clothing company. And I was like, I really like tattoos. My first tattoo I got when I was like 15. Oh, so I was probably like 16 at this time. Anyway. So I was like, I think it'd be cool to have a clothing line that's like all about tattoos on the shirts, you know, the swallows and that old school. And which in it, and it was crushing.

Like, so my dad was like doing clothing line just for fun because he owned a bar and he wanted to do funny marketing for stuff that he thought was funny. So he bought all this clothing equipment. I was like, can you let me do a run? Just one run that you fund of my designs. And then if I could sell them, I'll pay you back and then let me start my own business using your equipment. And he's like, sure, I'll give you one run.

And I sold out like that. Like all my shirt sold. So I was like, this is amazing. And then I was working for a sign company. So they started making me the banners that everyone loved on the car because it's like cool to have the eyebrow. banners back then. And so, you know, people are dressed in their car up with my logo. I remember

going to a, it was like a Burger King to get a burger. And I saw someone with wicked obsessions, decal on his car. And I was like, oh, it's a cool sticker, dude. And he's like, he's like, yeah, this high school kid owns this company. And he just makes these shirts and they're badass. And I was like, thanks, man, that's mine. And he's like, no, it's not. And I was like, yeah, I was like, see this tattoo? I was like, that's on the back of every shirt is the three stars. And he's like, oh, no shit. And I just felt so accomplished. Like I was doing something really cool.

Like 17 years old? Yeah. How much money were you guys making? I was making enough to like pay for the shirts and like keep up in the inventory. But I was selling the shirts for, you know, 25 bucks a piece. And maybe like 20, probably like 20 bucks a piece at the time. And like I would make 25, 30 shirts and sell them instantly. Like people, all my friends, they didn't even have cars, would ride over to my house when I finished a run and then buy them all up right.

then and there. And I give the money back to my dad and be like, I need more shirts, please. And then he'd go and order me more, you know, two boxes instead of one. But he was making all the screens. You know, he's burning them all and he learned how to do all that. And, and he'd make them design. So I kept my screens stacked up in my room. There are my pride and joys, right? That's how I replicate my shirts. And then I come back one day and he cut, took a knife and cut all my screens, just slashed them all. So I'm looking at all that hard work and like all like business over he just like done just like that done because he didn't like the fact that i wanted to stay instead of going with him and so like man like can i just have like one normal person in my life to you know like it's pure sabotage yeah he just sabotaged me and it's like all right dude here we go again you know i fought my mom now you're you're up and one

time I come back and the cops are at the house at my dad's and they're like hey come outside we need to you and I was like what's up they're like we heard you're hanging out with this kid this kid was like no good everybody knew I hated the kid he actually punched one of my friends for no reason they actually made my friend pee himself he punched him so hard jumped him at a party so I hated this guy he was a jerk and he's just bully beat a lot of people up he's bigger than all of us and so like we heard you're hanging out with him I'm like what I'm like yeah he's getting in a lot of trouble and now we know that you're friends with them and that you're you know where you're one of his accomplices your dad told us and i was like uh okay i see what's happening here and i was like

well you're mistaken because i definitely don't like that guy i know what's taking place i was like so am i under arrest or what i'm like no i was like well then can i go i'm like get out of here and i was like i got you dude i see what you're doing so then uh i went to a friend's house and i was like can i stay here. I'll go to school. I just want to finish my senior year, which is starting soon. And they were like, because I had to repeat 10th grade. So like, I had really invested in the school. You know, that was embarrassing. You had to redo it because of grades or because of when you showed up? Because when I showed up, my grades were so bad from California that in like, that they were like, dude, you got to 10th grade again. You're not going to 11th grade. So then I did 10th grade again.

I got through it. And then I made friends and like, people just kind of started to accept me. I was working really hard. So I was going from all Fs. Now I was like getting, you know, Bs and Cs, which is great for me. It was passing. So I wasn't going to go do that again at another school for one year. So I was like, no, just stay with friends. So the cops come give me like, you can't stay with friends. So they sent me home.

And I was like, I know this dog and pony show. So I was like, all right, what do you want talking to my dad? I was like, what do you want to let me stay? What is it going to take for you? And he's like, I'm not leaving my underage kid with strength. rangers. He's like, so if you're going to stay here, you could stay with family. I was like, what family do we have? And he's like, my mom's the only one here. I was like, where does she live? And I met her like once. And he's like, she lives in Silver Creek. And I was like, got an address.

And he's like, yep. And he thought she was just going to be like, no, get out of here. I went right to her house, knocked on the door. Like, hey, you're my grandma. And I need a place to stay. And she goes, okay. And I was like, thank you. Went back. And I was like, grandma said, yep. So see you. And he It was like, all right. And I didn't talk to for years after that. Holy crap. Yeah. Dude, up until your senior year at high school, you lived a life. Yeah, it was too much, man. I don't recommend it for anybody.

Probably exhausted. Yeah. It was too much. It's too much. And I still feel it every day. And that's what I try to, you know, portray to people is like, it's such a, it's such a burden and weakness that you have to, you have to acknowledge the strengths, too, because other Otherwise, why take on all the bad and ignore all the good? Right? We went through hardships, so we're stronger. We're fighters. We're resilient.

We learn to overcome. We don't take no for an answer. We learn all these life lessons through all this hardship. But so many of us want to be like, put all that in the trash. And I'm going to focus on the fact that I have anger problems. I'm short-tempered. And I have issues with trust and focus on all the negative. So then they start to feel like,

because of their trauma, they're not as good as everybody else. When it's like, no, man, like stop ignoring all the positive that came from it and acknowledge that you're way stronger than the average person, way stronger. It's just what happens. You know, you beat people down enough that it just, you know, was the pressure makes diamonds type thing? I hate to be corny, but it's like, it's true. Like, you can, we're resilient people.

Human beings are resilient and we just get stronger the more, you know, you try to break us. Like in business, like how stronger you now after all these years of just grinding? Oh, I needed it. It transformed my life. Powerhouse now. Powerhouse. Like imagine there's no way you would be where you are if you had an easy run in it. If someone's just like, hey, man, there's a business.

And it's just like you turn the key, you open the door and it was like everyone wanted your stuff. Sales went through the roof. Marketing's great. You wouldn't be anywhere near who you are. You need that pressure, that beat down, that constant like, kick in the face to be like getting back up let's go and I'm always searching for more of that yeah I I I know the power of it and when times my life whether business fitness fitness personal when they start getting a little comfortable I start getting a little scared because I'm thinking

nothing's sharper to me right now like my my tools are becoming dull I need something to keep me sharp so when I was reading your book I kept assuming like after going through all of this up until 18 years old. By the time you decided to join the military, you had to have some sort of advantage. That's what we were talking about. You had to have some sort of advantage going into it where it's like, try to break me.

See if you can. You see so many people crumble in the military. Like the smallest thing hurts their heart or hurts their soul. But for you, it had to be like bring it on. Yeah, 100%. That's a great point. Sorry, you completely put me back on track to what we were talking about before, but from joining the military.

So I went from my dad's, and then he left. I'm on my own. I met a girl. We got married. And how old are you? I was like, I was still in high school when I met her. So we were together for like three years, four years before we got married. So at this point I'm like 20.

So he's like 18. Like 20, about to turn 21. So it was probably three years. And then I was like, hey, I'm going to be an actor. So here's the thing. So she, the girl I met, we started dating. and then all of a sudden her grandma passed away who I loved. She was amazing.

She was very, very wealthy. So her family inherited millions of dollars. So now all of a sudden it was like, money didn't matter. So there's this weird dynamic when money doesn't matter that I'd never experienced. Like, hey, she's like, I'm paying for everything. So you could do things that don't make sense for the normal person, which is being an actor. I mean, that doesn't make any sense. That whole career field doesn't make any sense.

because it's like, hey, be available 24-7 for auditions, but also pay some of the world's highest rents, you know, and find somewhere to work, but don't miss your audition, which is at 1230 in the afternoon, you know, and it doesn't make any sense. But now a sudden I'm freed up to do that. So we ended up moving to L.A. to throw my hat at that.

I got an agent. It was going really well, and then she cheated on me. And then once she cheated on me, because I walked in on her with another man. And that was insane. I thought I was going to kill him. Then I was like, it's not worth it.

And that was the first time of my life that I really went through a depression. Did you see it coming at all? Or is it completely blindsided? Completely blindsided. So after the fact, I saw what she was doing. She was like trying to pick fights with me for no reason.

Like, and we wouldn't fight. She was just like, okay, so one time I wanted to go to Jiu-Zitsu. And it was always a fight with her for Jiu-Jitsu. Because she would be like, oh seriously again like go tomorrow and she would like try to talk me out of it every time and then so I remember I was like hey I'm gonna go to jiu-son she's like okay I was like that's interesting usually she doesn't want me to go and it's like you know kind of work around and then the next day she's like

picking a fight with me about something I was like this is completely out of left field why is this happening and she's like you just need to go away for a while and I was like that's weird she's like why don't you go to your brothers for the weekend and I was like well I do miss my brother that's not a bad idea. So then I go to my brothers and I'm staying at his house, we have a glass of whiskey, like I go to sleep

and I wake up in the middle of the night. I'm like, what am I doing? I need to be home. Like, I'm married. This is stupid. So I get my car in the middle of the night and I drive home. And I walk up the back door

and I open the back door and I hear, Sean, what are you doing here? And I was like, the hell is in my house? What do you mean? What am I doing here? And I walk in the living room and there's a dude sitting naked in my bed

and all the blinds like are taped to the wall because we had a small apartment in sherman oaks and the blind sat away a little bit so you could see in a little bit on the sides and they're all taped to the wall and i was like oh i just lost it i started like punching all the um pictures of with me and her and the frames and all i could say screaming at this guy was she's married woman and i punch a frame she's a married woman and i punched the next frame um and then i look at my Xbox i noticed that he changed out my game that i was like he called duty in there's the only game i played and this dude had a different game,

he's playing my Xbox. Like, dude, you're sleeping with my wife and you're playing my video games? That's why I punched the TV through the wall. I was like, no one's playing that on that TV ever again. And then I thought about hurting him. And I was like, because he's just sitting there cowering. And I was like, I could,

I looked at a butcher block of knives in the kitchen. And I was like, well, I could hurt him, you know, and go down that path. And then, but I didn't, want to. I didn't want to hurt him. I just thought like that's what you would do in that situation. You would want to hurt the person that did that to you, right? But I didn't have any, I didn't want to hurt him. And I thought about it was like, the best way I explained it was like, kind of how I said in the book was like a vase. It's like you could be, you're obviously really upset that this like, let's say this like amazing vase that you had and it was your pride and joy. You just watched it smashed to the ground. You're obviously devastated. But what are you going to do? Punch it back together. You can't hurt it back together. There's nothing you could do to put it back to the way it was before it just hit the ground. It'll never be that way again.

So instantly your mind's just like, this is the new starting point. So where you go from here is up to you, but you cannot go back. There's nothing you could do to go backtrack the last hour of your life and make it not happen. So then I was like, I just got to go. So I got in a car and then I'm driving like 100 miles an hour back to my brother's house. and I'm kind of hoping I crash. So I went into like the far left lane and there's a lot of traffic in LA

and I just I just punched it. And I was one as fast as I could. I was like, either a cop's going to get me and then he can kind of like save me for myself. I was like where I'm going to crash and I don't really care because I don't, I just want to wake up in this to be normal again.

And I started like screaming into my steering wheel with everything I had hoping that it would just like snap me out of this nightmare. And, And then I got to my brothers and then I went to sleep. And then I woke up and it was like, oh, thank God, that's over. It was a nightmare. And I woke up and was like, and then it hits you again.

Boom, like getting punched in the face. Like it wasn't a nightmare. This is my new reality. And then that's when I went into a little bit of a depression. And from that, I started to think about all the things I'd been through as a kid and how this was the thing that was putting me in a depression. And I was like, this is stupid. I was like, I had gone through so much.

How am I letting a failed relationship do this to me? And I was like, what can I do? What can I do? How could I win? I don't want to get back to normal, right? Because that's not good enough, right? So who wants to take a deficit only to get right back to where they were? I was like, we've got to get higher than where we were.

That's the only way it's going to feel better. Right? So I was like, what could I do? I was like, well, if I wasn't good enough for her, I need to become too good for her. That would be a win on the situation. So how do I do that? Well, first I got to stop crying and drinking and smoking cigarettes. I wasn't a smoker, but I was just like, you know, chain smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol and just like making it worse.

And I was like, that's when I kind of got my act together and was like, I'm going to go make something of myself. I'm going to do something and make myself someone that five years from now, 10 years from now, she's going to be kicking herself in the butt. Every day, like, dang, I messed up. and that started me down I want to be a firefighter so I started doing all the training for that I ended up getting a fight in EMT school it kicked out of EMT school

and that's when I signed up for the military because I was like maybe they'll let me fight and because that's that moment when you have and this is probably important for some people out there who are trying to do better is just because you decide to do better doesn't mean that it's going to be a smooth you still have all, you're still you, right?

And you still went through all these things. And those things are kind of continue to go with you. So you have to learn to, you know, work with those things, right? Because like, otherwise you keep resorting back to the old you of wanting to fight and yell at people and, you know, jump to conclusions and be a jerk, you know. So it was a hard path of I'd do the right thing and then I'd mess it all up. And then I'd do something, you know, move me five steps forward. and then I'd go three steps back. And so that was hard in the beginning.

Why do you think you did that? Why did you kind of sabotage your own success? I think that I didn't know how to be successful. Like I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know what actions I needed to take. I didn't know how to act as a person, right? Like basic human interactions, I didn't know how to do it. I wasn't like, I didn't have good,

and I want to sound like I'm blaming anybody, but it's important, you know, children's important to have, be a good role model, show them proper behavior. This is how I talk to your mom when I'm upset with her. This is how your mom talks to me. This is how we work through these things. We're always learning as kids, right?

So we're being shown proper ways to interact with other human beings, and we see the outcomes of those. So I always saw yell at the person if you don't like them, enforce your will on them if you have to physically hurt them. I shit you not. That was the exact pattern that played out in my childhood daily. I was so normal. If somebody disagrees with you, you yell at them. And if they yell at you, you yell louder. And if they try to out yell you, then you physically hurt them and put them

into submission until they accept your will. That's what the adults did in my life to each other. That's what they did. And then it ends with the cop showing up. Right. So that's, I never saw, like, if you talk to somebody and you don't agree with them, but then you try to see that their perspective and where they're coming from, then you guys can come to an equal term. and then it ends in this positive way. And now you know more about each other than when you started. And I never saw the positive side of that. So I was dealing with that deficit of not knowing how to interact with people to achieve the

outcome that I wanted. So then I was like, okay, I have to fix that. There's a deficit in me. I have to learn because I wasn't taught, which is fine. I just got to go learn it. So then I started self-education. So I started reading books and self-help books and listening to audio books and listening to podcast and I was using other people to learn positive behaviors and how to act as a human being.

So I had to teach myself, you know, how to do it the right way. At this point in your life, what was the vision and goal? Where did you want to end up? With all this work you're putting in self-development, reading books, listening to podcasts, where did you see your North Star? Who did you want to be? Dude, I just wanted to be like everybody else. Like, I wanted to stand in a group, especially when I was going special forces,

is like there's so many successful people in that crowd. It's intimidating. Like you go to a formation. It's like that guy's a police officer on his regular job. Because a lot of them do it part-time. You know, you're in the guard. So you go guard SF. You'll be standing in formation getting ready for your day.

And it's like this officer next to me already owns like a successful company. My buddy Pat own the head. He had like, I just talked to him. He's running. I don't know if I could put out. He's running for office. in North Carolina, but sorry, Pat, if that's, but he's like, he's over here running successful companies already.

You know, this guy's like got a master's degree. You know, all these like, like highly skilled people and achieved people are staying in this formation. And I'm just staying here like, when are they going to figure me out? When are they going to know that I flunked out of, I barely passed high school? It was one of the biggest achievements of my life to walk across the high school stage. And these guys have advanced degrees. there's a lawyer in my class. So my goal at that point was to teach myself enough to just fit in with these guys.

Like I was afraid to have conversations with these people, legitimately afraid. I did not want to have conversation with because they're going to find me out. They're going to know that I'm highly uneducated. I don't know basic things that people talk about. I don't know politics. I don't know history. I don't know anything. I don't know anything that I hear them talking to each other.

and they're like, oh, this person, you know, did this just like this person in history and they're like laughing about it and like they're, I'm like, these guys are so smart. Like I'm this idiot. And I've, I don't know how I've gotten here or if I'm supposed to be here. I was like at some point, if I open my mouth, they're going to find out and it's embarrassing. So I just wanted to be able to stand amongst who I thought to be good men and educated men and accomplished men and fit in. that goes back to like a I talk about this a lot defining and evaluating the people you surround yourself with and to really like take inventory of who your friends are if you're hanging out with a group of people are they talking about other people

are they complaining are they pessimistic if so if that's who you're hanging out with It's probably a negative group of people. It's like you're hanging out with the group and they're just bitching and complaining and spreading rumors around other people. And there's the other side of it where are the people you're surrounding yourself with, are they talking about ideas, concepts, growth, improvement, optimistic? If that's who you're hanging out with, it's probably a good thing, right?

And I think people should really take an evaluation of who they're hanging out with and spending their time with. And unfortunately, you have to eliminate or minimize some of the time you spend with some and maximize the time you spend with others. You owe it to yourself, to duty, responsibility, and obligation to yourself to, if you want to go to certain places,

you have to surround yourself with the right people. And it sounds like the Special Forces community is that. It also sounds like it's an intimidating community and environment to enter. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that was what, I think that's where Special Force is really capped it off for me to where it's like,

once they accepted me in, I passed selection and I passed the Q course. I was like, I was like, okay, I'm, I could do this. I could be that person that I see and that I'm impressed by. I could become one of them. I could educate myself. I could do the things like, yeah, they did it the normal route where they went, you know, high school and then college and then started businesses, but that's all right. you know, I could do it now.

There's no reason I can't be that. So I was like, I'm going to get an education. So I got an associate's degree and then a bachelor's degree and then a master's degree. And it was like, all right, so I got that. I cannot go any farther than a master's degree. I know my limitations. So, you know, I feel like I could, I figured that out. And now I'm going to teach myself stuff, you know, from books and how to interact with people and how to communicate better.

And before you know it, it was like, not only was I fitting in with these people, but now my ideas and things that I'm doing are starting to surpass what they're doing. And it was like, now some of them even look to me and start asking me advice. And that was, that was a defining moment for me.

I was like, oh, you could 100% make up for a deficit and come back from it and then grow even further from that. You could just put yourself through that education. You know, so that's what I started to do. And I'm still doing it.

So I'm in a constant state of mental growth in trying to grow. And I have to. I'm afraid that if I don't focus on that growth, that I'll regress. And that's a fear that I never want to do. So I'm always listening to audiobooks. Listen to good to great right now. We heard that one? It's amazing book.

I love that. It's really good. And I like hearing about level five leaders and what they do. and because I got a master's in organizational leadership. And to study leadership was like the worst, right? Like it's so many people to get like to be at that level of, you know, education on leadership is like all you're doing is trying to like dissect leadership and then like capitalize on a theory so you can impress people with it and put in a book

and then make me memorize it. And then I have to be like, you know, this theory can help in this foundation. if it's used correctly, it's all bullshit, right? It felt like bullshit to me anyway. I feel like from being in combat and leading men and being led in combat, there's one aspect to good leadership, and that's caring about the people you're leading. If it's truly being empathetic for those around you,

that's what good leadership is, is being a good human being. Like, you can't be a shitty person and not care about the people and then try to implement some theory or, you know, that worked for somebody else. And it's like, yeah, worked for that person because they gave a lot of shit about the people they were leading.

That's why. They went into work every day and was like, I want you to succeed. I want you to do better. I want us to succeed as a team. I care about you and I empathize with your situation

and all that stuff. I think a lot of people think you can learn leadership by reading books or listen to podcasts. It can give you a baseline understanding of foundational principles. But I truly,

believe you got to experience it. Yep. You got to live it. Because here's the thing. When you're doing it wrong, it's instant feedback. Is that, if you have, like, if you want to do a project and you talk to somebody about it and they're just like, no, good idea. Like you didn't, you've missed the mark. But if you can walk in and you talk to some guys like, this is what I'm thinking, guys. And they're like, oh, man, let's go. Like, all right, you're connecting. You're feeling the synergy that comes from two human beings with, you know, a shared purpose that really want that purpose. And that's all it is,

right? Like business from my, I mean, you're way more personness than I am. I'm just learning as I've been, I've only been just over a year of running my own company. And it's like, and we're so small. But it's like, when I talk to my guys and they get fired up, I'm like, all right, this, this is right. And I think you're 100% right. The books are then teaching me why that's right. They're not teaching me leadership. Doing leadership. Leading is teaching me leadership. The books are teaching me why it's working.

It reinforces. Yes. Yeah, I think a lot of times, like for me, the books have made the biggest impact to reinforce. This is why I did that. And now it makes sense. Yeah. This is, okay, now I have some substance behind it. And I think as a leader, you have to be hyper aware.

I don't think there's any good leader that doesn't have a sense of awareness that you can constantly read a room you know like if you're in a leadership position and like say you're in the military and you walk into your team and you can tell instantly as soon as you walk in you can feel the energy of the room just goes down

they're like fuck this guy and you have to be like pretty unaware to think these guys love me. Yeah. Yes, here I am. Which is so common. Dude.

It's so common, it is, it is. And I mean, that's my favorite part about building a business is being able to empower people in positions to go within the business and trust my direction and my leadership, because I really take that

really, really serious. And I think that is a position that not everyone can handle, but if you have the opportunity to, you got to own it. Yeah. I have so much to learn from you. I mean, when you, when we walked in, we met kind of your core, right, is your startup core guys. Yep.

So I'm, I'm in that point in my career in leadership time where I have my core. And I am terrified as to how to expand when it, when necessary, it's not time for us yet, but how you expand from your core, because it's like, that's your trust circle. You don't have to do anything for those guys. They, they're self-motivated, they're focused. Kurt, he runs our, our store. He's a prior green beret. He's, dude, I don't have to do anything for him. I just come up as like an idea. Hey, what do you think about this? And he's like, yep, doing it on it. Able with videography. I got like, hey man, what do you think about this idea? Yeah, think about this and how we're going to structure some time. You're going to need another day and the content. But once you

expand past that cord, then I'm like, I got lucky with these guys. How do you replicate that to add more guys like that or girls like that, more people like that to keep expanding? I mean, it's tough. Building a team is the hardest thing. I live by higher, slow, fire fast. And if you lose sense of that culture, you can lose your entire business. Like for me, I want people in the team who are completely bald into the mission and what we're doing. And like, you can tell if someone's bullshit in you or if they actually believe it. If someone believes in what go on more means their life, they believe in the products, they believe in the company and the brand and how it's helping people all across the world change their life.

Sometimes I don't know what they're going to do for the business, but I know they need to be on the team. Like Adam Klingk, for example, he was, in everyone's story at BPN, how they were hired, it's so unique. Adam Klingk, for example, he was first an ambassador for the brand. He was a CrossFit athlete. Then he was an athlete.

Then he came down for his athlete weekend. And I said to him, I don't know what you're going to do for BPN, but I need you to work for me full time. Hired him, and he's now our partnerships manager. Nice. Trey Freeman, our VP of marketing, he was, we hired him as a contractor to take photos for us at the Austin Marathon in 2020. I ran a shit marathon.

I stumbled across the finish line. Yeah, hurting. And as I crossed the finish line, I recognized him because we hired him, but I didn't know him. Comes over, he puts my arm across him. he gets me a water bottle with an electrolyte tab in there. He's like, you're all right, you good? He puts me over on the sidewalk, puts me down, gives me like some snacks and goes, takes photos.

And I thought, I need that guy to work for me. He wants to take care of other people. Now he's our VP of marketing. So it's like, I look for personality traits and characteristics and morals and ethics. He gave me the answer just there. it. Yeah, I mean, sometimes you don't need all the skills. You need someone who's bought in. Yeah. Well, and what you just said to me that is helps is a ton is you're not having a

hole and then looking for the right person to fill the hole. You're always looking for the right people and then bring them on the team and then they will fill the whole one and it presents itself, which makes way more sense, right? Because we're always evaluating everyone around us. But it's scary to think, okay, I have a position I have to fill and I have to choose somebody, but the right person isn't there. So I'm going to take that. I hate being in that spot. Yeah. Because then your backs up against the wall. For me, it's like even early on when we didn't have much money to play with or pay people, it was then my job. I said, all right, I need this person to work for me. How do I make more money to hire them? What can I eliminate? What expenses do we have? What expenses do we

that we can eliminate, that we can allocate to a salary or payroll. That was a tough position to dig out of. But when you bring the right people on, that makes your job a whole lot easier. I mean, just in the last 18 months, I look at the evolution of the company, and I started it in my college department in 2012. I can't take credit to where it is today.

The people in this building, the team, they get the credit to where we are today. That's funny. That's what he said in good to great. He's like, if you ever ask the CEO of a successful company of a good company that's doing really well, like, how'd you do it?

They always point the finger to everybody else. Because that humble is part of that level five leadership, right? And that's where I'd like to be too. And it's like, I wouldn't even be here where I'm at sitting with you if it wasn't for, you know, the three guys I got on my team. Two of them run in their things and they're just pushed so hard.

Like you said, they believe in what we're doing. Like, I legitimately want to influence the special operations community on a large scale. I want to increase. The way I see it is if we could, like, seriously pump up the numbers of people that apply for special operations, then the cadre could start being as selective as they should be and getting the right people into those positions. And then we better the force. And then now the people that aren't fighting anymore, that aren't in the, military anymore. Now we're so much more protected because our force is just getting stronger and better,

more intelligent, more, you know, like, we're focused. And we can't do that if everyone thinks that joining the military and become special operations is a crap shoot. Like I get asked all the time, people are like, well, what's the point if we're not going to war? And it's like, you shouldn't want to join special operations to go shoot at somebody. Shooting at another human being is not a fun thing to do, You know, because they shoot back. And I've almost been shot multiple times. You know, I've been back to back with a guy. I've been, you know, four feet or I'm sorry, six inches from a guy that wanted to kill me.

And he almost did. And that's not a fun thing to do. There's so much about special operations. It's amazing that people like mountain teams and J sets to where you're not going to see combat, but you're going to go teach people and help people grow. So that's what I want our guys to buy into is like, like, We are affecting the safety of our country by getting better people into special operation, more people.

So that way we can pick not better people, but the right people for the job. And influence their expectation of what they're getting themselves into. So when you come through F&G Academy and watch the channel and we mentor you through the new mentorship program that we're starting, you don't get in and be like, you won't make an inventory? What? You didn't tell me about this? Like, this sucks.

They already know. Now this is part of the job This is how you do it Here's how you do it faster, better More accurate So we can get done with the worst part of the job As quickly as possible Instead of me like I'm showing up as a new guy

And I got My senior bravo's like This is I have one senior He's like this is how I do it And it's just a jumbled mess of shit Keeping track of all the special Or sensitive items He's like he doesn't even check

As they're going to the range If all that sensitive items come back So you're basically have no idea Until you do your inventory with your officer that if you even have all your equipment, which could ruin your reputation as a team, which means you don't get the best missions, and now you're going to a combat zone

and be in base protection instead of getting in combat. So you just ruined everyone on the team's, like, ability to do their job. So, and then all of a sudden that senior leader leaves, and I get a new one, and he's got his own system. Now I have to learn his system. So if we could take those systems and make something better that makes something better,

sense. So these guys aren't having to get to a team and do it on the fly and then it sucks and they hate their lives. And then they're disgruntled and they don't like regiment and all that stuff. So there's so many things that we could just help them before they get there to make them better prepared. They enjoy the job more. And they're just for increasing our fighting. I've also never encountered a seal, a green bray, or a ranger that me personally, I haven't that hasn't impressed me. They all impress me. And there's a certain personality,

characteristic, and influence on the world. So, like, as much good as you guys do when you're fighting, you do just as good when you get out. Like, we need more of that. We need more of that in the world. Like, every,

everyone I follow who has been in one of those forces, those tiers, they want to improve themselves, but they also want to improve the entire world. Like they're putting their life, their work, their reputation on the line so that generations after us can benefit. We need more of that. Yeah.

And to me, it's the biggest therapy that I've found is to help other people. Like the best thing I could do for myself is totally selfish. For my PTSD from childhood, from PTSD from war, from my anxiety issues. When I'm helping other people, it's like, it calms me down. I feel a sense of purpose. I feel focused. I feel like the things I'm doing are bigger than myself. It's something that's going to last.

You know, like hopefully whatever we're building goes on to somebody else and outgrows us, you know? And people take it and run with it. And they're like, you know, we're far past you. You don't even need you anymore. It's like, awesome. You know, that's amazing.

This isn't about me as, you know, putting my name at the top of a hill and, you know, sticking my flag in the ground. This is about pushing something forward. And then once we're done and we're out of the fight, because every fight we have to take a knee at some point. And even in entrepreneurship too, right? At some point you're going to have to take a knee and be like family only.

You want to just watch your legacy just take off without you and be like, that's amazing. You said a current that's going to ripple for who knows how long. That would be success in my eyes. So after you left the, you know, you went from the military and then to the police, when you left the police was the initial mission and goal to start FNG Academy?

No. How did FNG Academy become? So while I was an officer, I was writing my book, and I was writing the book as not a book that's a publish, I was writing it as like a therapeutic journal. I knew that I had to dig in to my past

to like find the positives and unpack, you know, the positives with, the negative because at this point I felt like the whole box in my past was shoved away and it's all negative and I'm just hiding it. So I have this box of all this negative stuff and it's tucked away in this back corner. Did you come up with this on your own or was it through therapy? No, this is on my own. Okay. Just from trying journaling. I don't know where I, when I started journaling, but it got me through a lot in when I was younger. It got me through a lot in combat.

Like journaling our hardships as a team because we had a lot of infighting. and things that were kind of going off as a team. I always found it super therapeutic. When you write something out, like your emotional response to something, like I'm really unhappy today, like because of this is happening, or I'm really excited.

I found it so crazy that when you go, when you forget about it, and then you go back and read that, like a month later, two months later, sometimes a year later, it's insane to see the growth that you unknowingly had

because it's like, look at this mindset I was in. I was like almost broken because of this. instance. And now you get to reflect on that, having been through it, past it, over it, onto, you know, new things, you get to look and be like, man, that was the mindset I was in at that very moment. And it's like, it's, it's, it was a lot for me. It's super powerful for me. So then I started like, well, if it's, it's powerful me to do that during certain instances. Maybe it'll

be powerful if I do that with my whole childhood and like break it down the things that really hurt my feelings and like, you know, still I feel like are connected to me. You know what's interesting about that actually is like journaling sounds like I don't personally journal but it sounds like it's you can be your most vulnerable and honest with yourself and if you think of like current technology are journal for a lot of people with social media but 99% of the population isn't using social media in an honest invulnerable way yeah so you might go back through your feed through your timeline. And you look at two years ago, I was doing this.

And I looked so happy. But in that moment when you posted that, you took that. You might have been in your darkest, most broken spot. Yeah. So we now have this chronological timeline in journal, which is completely fake and made up. So we lose the actual touch of reality of what is real. And we can't look back.

We can't go through what. what we actually in real time went through. But a journal can do that. That's a great point. That's a great point. And that's why I had to delete, I deleted, I unfollowed everybody on Instagram

because what was happening was, I was finding myself, because, you know, like, where you're at, you probably always have something to do now. Like you always have business to be taken care of. I'm not at that point yet

to where I always have business staying care of and I need something at all times. I want there to be something at all times. And I'm trying to grow to the point where it's like, every day is business. I love that. But there's times when I just have downtime. I just have anything to do. Now I'm trying to learn to just appreciate those moments because as they get rare, I'm like, oh, this is actually really nice. But what's happening was during those down times, I'm not putting anything out that I'm proud of. I'm not, I don't have any content done. I don't have a book release coming out. I don't have anything big on the horizon, right? Which everyone's going to go through. But then I scroll through my feed and it's like, this person has a book coming out. This person just dropped this amazing video that's crushing.

This person just did. And it's like this constant in my face about everyone else achieving so much. And here I am sitting on my ass with nothing to do. And I'm like, man, these guys are making – I feel really bad about myself. Why can I just have something going on all the time? And that's not realistic. Comparison is the thief of joy. Boom.

It's so true. And I was comparing myself to so many people that – like this person – that may be the biggest thing they've done all you. year. But now that's one person. But now I have another person that just did their biggest thing. And it just never stops. It's just a constant feed of error. Because all the people I follow are like, like you are followed. They're so achieved. Like they've achieved so much in their life and they're constantly achieving. So they're, I'm just seeing it all and I'm just feeling so inadequate that I was like, I need to like disconnect from Instagram for a while. So I just unfollowed everybody.

And I was like, and my wife, my wife is like, do you follow me? I was like, I'm sorry, man. My wife would kill me. She was, I was actually pissed. She was like, you better follow me again. And I was like, no, because if I follow even a small amount of people, now I just was being a dick to all those people I just unfollowed. It's everyone or no one. Because I don't want people to think I wasn't interested in their lives because I'm

proud of what they're doing. But I want to be proud of them. I don't want to feel envy of them because I'm constantly scrolling through a feat of people crush in life. And I don't feel like I'm doing enough. So these are just things that I have to do for my own mental health, right? Because I have issues. Like a lot of people, you know, with trauma, it's like there's issues and we got to constantly

figure out ways to cope with those. And that was one of the things that I'm doing to try and, you know, lessen the stress in my life. And it's been helping quite a bit. What do you think the similarities or differences there are in terms of trauma in your life when you look at your childhood and then you look at combat military experience. What's a crossover and what are the big differences?

I think the it's, I'll have to, I'll do my best articulate that. I could, as soon as you ask me that question, I could feel the difference. I could feel in my heart, I could feel it in my gut, and I could feel the difference. I feel like I could put them like separate pieces

on the table, right? Start to paint that for me. So this one feels sad. This is, so this will be childhood. We'll put childhood on the right. This one feels sad. It feels like it's hanging on to me more. This one is just, it's a lot of negativity.

It's so many bad things. It's like a dark cloud. And then this one is pride. And the military is pride and sadness over how amazing some human beings can be in how they like are so brave and how they give their life. and how they had to give their everything, you know, and how could I make them proud? And how could I live a life that when we meet in heaven,

they're like, what did you do with it? And I'm like, hey, man, like, since you passed, I went hard, dude, and I really lived it. I did everything I could. So, like, this one is, it's like, it's joy, sadness, reality, but it's like this good thing. And this one is this hard, hard thing. thing that taught me a lot, but it almost broke me so many times. And it's a jumbled mess. This one

makes sense to me. This one, like, I would have done that too. I would have given my life if I had to. If I was the one that, you know, got hit and it wasn't them, you know, where those rounds hit me. But I understand this one. And this one, this one is a good part of my life. As sad as I am at times and, like, you know, drinking if you, if you, if you, you have some whiskey by yourself, you'll end up just, like, staring off into a wall and, like, you suddenly go into these feelings, these emotions kind of, like, rush over you.

It's always with a hint of positivity and a hint of pride and, you know, it's such a good thing. Like, our brothers and sisters that give their lives, like, they're in this, like, PTSD part of my life that I love because I love them. And I love their sacrifice. I love what they did.

And it's like, it's just, I don't know, it's just joy. This one didn't get of any of that, you know. So it's like one you would probably choose to do again. Yes, 100%. The other one you probably wouldn't. No. No.

I don't think we have to, in order to make this one positive, we can, right? And I try to teach people that and I tell people that and I'm doing that myself. But it's a lot of work. It's super hard and it's painful and it's rigorous. And then every time you make progress, it's like you cleaned a section of it. and you start to organize a section of it, and then you go on to another section, and then that section falls apart.

So it's just this constant work of, like, pulling positives, but then two negatives come with it, you know, and it's just messy. And that's the best way I could describe is this one's messy, and this one's clean, it's neat. It makes sense to me. I love it. It's sad, but it was what it was, you know.

Do both those experiences kind of, build into the mission of FNG? 100%. Because the way I see it is we're trying to get people in, right? We're trying to help them achieve their dreams. And, you know, a lot of people dream about being special operations, which is crazy. Like, that's awesome that people still want that. Because I think it's an easy few mistakes as a country we can make to where people don't

even want that anymore. Like, imagine, you know, when we were kids, like, people dreamt about being police officers. we're ruining that. And that's a shame. We're ruining that. We're ruining the desire for kids to want to be police officers. So all that's going to do is degrade their recruitment, which is going to degrade the quality of officer,

which is going to degrade what they give to society and what they're capable of giving to society based on their qualities, you know, and all that. So we all lose. But for future special operations, guys, like, I need to use this more than this, right? Because like, I don't need to teach a young man or woman that losing, you know, is painful. And but the brotherhood and the bond that comes from that environment is one of the best things you'll ever experience.

If we can get them to that point, they'll get that. That just comes with it. Like you don't have to teach someone that, you know, the person to your left will do anything for you, even if they don't like you in that environment, right? So that will come, but this, this can prevent them from making it at all. This will prevent, this will make them choose stupid things to do in their life. This will make them get arrested. This can make them never try, succumb to fear, overwhelmed with anxiety.

These are the things now that I have to unpack. And then as I unpack and kind of figure it out for myself, I then throw that tidbit of knowledge to them to help them. Hey, guys, this is what I just did. There's a book I just read really helped me with dealing with overcoming fear, which we're all scared. And then a big part of what we're trying to do with the FNG Academy is get rid of that stigma that all SF guys are these big tough. I'm not scared of anything. I'll crush anything.

Anything you put in front of me, I'll eat it. You know, like, that's not true, man. Like, we were scared shitless. I've been scared when I was getting shot at. I was scared that I wasn't going to get selected every day at selection. I was scared every day the Q-Course that they were going to kick me out and be like, no man, you're an idiot. I don't know how you got through. You're out.

There's always fear. So using this one is a bag of tools to help people because so many people have, they may not have all of it. Hopefully they don't. Some of them have way more than I do. Some have only a few. But everyone has this bag of painful experiences that could hold them back if they're not taught how to use them as a, a tool to for advancement i mean like your entire life is full of adversity yeah and and resiliency and uh and we didn't mention it but talk about in the book it's not like you like had this childhood

and you were like i'm gonna go be a green bread you're like i'm gonna join the army because i couldn't get in the other branches because my tattoos and hey you're gonna be a cook yeah and then you had to fight your way to go to infantry and be a green beret. But I'd come across so many people, or they DM me or message me. And for them, it's all or nothing. It's like, I'm getting the Ranger contract, I'm going special forces, or I'm out.

And then they either don't pass selection or they don't get that Ranger contract, and then they're completely out. I mean, some people need some adversity, some like pushback, some resistance. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, because at the end of the day, it's about growth.

Like, the people that do that, it's all or nothing. You're putting, you're trying to achieve a status. You just want to call yourself a Nafi CEO. You just want to call yourself Green Beret Ranger. Like that, but you don't realize that it doesn't mean anything. Statuses don't mean Jack. Nobody cares that I'm a green beret. You know, I know I talk about it on podcast and yet it's like, oh, that's a cool fact about you.

That's cool because it gives you some level of credibility in this environment. But at the end of the day, When I went to the police department, nobody gave a rat's ass that it was a green beret. There was no special treatment, none of that. It was like, if anything, people were at times like, oh, here we go. This guy's probably going to be arrogant, you know, or the SWAT guys would be like, oh, of course he wants on this team. You know, so you kind of have a stigma that you have to fight against,

be like, hey, no, I don't want to tell you guys how to shoot, move and communicate, right? Like, I'm not here. Like, if I hung out with SWAT guys, it was, every one of them was watching me waiting for the green beret to start telling them what to do. Oh, this isn't how. We did it. This isn't how we did it. It's like, I'm not that guy.

You know, so it's like, these guys think that the status is going to change their position in their own mind. Like, they feel inadequate. So a status is going to help me, you know, beat that inadequacy because no one could argue that a green beret is tough. It's like, yeah, you can. Yeah, all day. I've met green berets that, you know, got shot and froze.

We got shot at and froze. And it was like, had to get ripped off of positions because they almost got killed because They just locked up and couldn't move. So it was like, that status isn't going to do anything what you think it's going to do for you. So you're chasing a status. I was chasing, still doing it the wrong way too. Like, I'm not saying what I was doing was right.

But like you said, like I was just trying to fix myself. I was just trying to grow. So they were like, I was like, oh, Ranger sounds cool. It sounds like it would challenge me more. They're like, yeah, but you got to be a cook because that contract's not available. I was like, I'm moving this way forward. So if you're telling me that my forward is being a ranger cook until I could switch to infantry, then fine. And so I went forward.

And then when I hit a wall and I got hurt in ranger selection, I'm not a ranger anymore. Now I'm just a cook. So I'm literally at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to the military. No offense solid cooks out there. But if you like to cook, then, you know, great. But if you're somebody that's trying to like challenge yourself, obviously a cook isn't going to do it. You know, you're trying to challenge yourself to see, like, how tough you are. You're not going to be challenged like that as a cook.

That's common sense. So then I found myself being disrespected in the military environment because they're like, oh, you're this guy you work out. You want to do all these things. They're like, you're a cook. So everyone, I was the laughing stock. Like, people are always joking with me because I was like, I want to be something more. And they're like, okay, but you signed up as a cook.

So, like, I had no credibility in the military. And then so I had to overcome that and, like, fight. to get a better position. And then so I had, everything's always a fight. Like, you got a fight to get what you want. So I was like,

always fighting to improve my foxhole. You know, it wasn't like all or nothing. Like, if I don't get this Ranger contract, I'll kick me out because I'm not doing it. Like, no,

I didn't get the Ranger contract. I got hurt. I didn't have it. Like, all right, so now I'm a cook. Well, this sucks.

How do I do better? Well, the security position just opened up. I'm going to get that. I told the Sarm Major. I was like, I'm your PSD. I was like, Sarm Major, let me do it.

He's like, sorry, dude, no cooks are going to be my PSD for a combat deployment. And I was like, I'll out shoot and outperform out-P-T, anybody else you have going for that position. Please, let me do it. I was like, got you. And he's like, all right, fine, you got it. No one else is fighting for that spot, you know? So I fought for that spot and improved my situation. I love that deployment.

I went on deployment in 173rd as a personal security for the SART major. I loved it. I hung out with Sarm Major all day, traveled around Afghanistan, and made sure I had his back. And it was one of the, to this day, one of the best jobs they ever did in the military.

So it's like, and then from there, it was like, hey, Sarm Major, I'm healed up. I was like, I got to get back out

in this special operations attempts to push myself. And he's like, all right, what do you want to do? I was going to go SFS. He's like, all right,

sign up. And they didn't want to let me get the physical in Afghanistan. So it was about to, I was about to watch that go out the window. And Sart, and start major. That's the one pull he did for me was he called the colonel down there and was like, hey man, can you hook him up and just do the physical? And he was like, yeah, dude, of course for you.

Because there's actually, the colonel didn't say no, it was actually some of his NCOs that were like, no, get out of here, dude, we're not using our time to get you. But then the colonel was like, of course, of course would be there. So he hooked it up. And then I went home and went straight to SFAS from the at the end of deployment. I think I was at home for like a week maybe, which that was one of the hardest things I do. Leave my family after I was just gone for seven months. And then I have a baby at home. My baby girl just went from like the tiniest little thing to like I didn't even recognize her. She was so big. And I'm like, I'm leaving it again, you know. Yeah, it's got to be tough. Oh, I've ripped my soul apart. It just ripped my soul apart.

That's something interesting to mention. I think a lot of people do chase statuses. Pick this up in your book too. A lot of people will try to build this list of achievements in their life. And I think achievements are good when there's purpose behind them. But sometimes people just are building a list of achievements with no purpose other than to build their ego and their personal resume to say, look what I did. Look at me. Who did it help? Who did it benefit? And as I was reading this part of the book, I was thinking to Leadville. And I was like on a run and I was dissecting and digesting what Leadville for me was. And I always try to have like purpose behind some of these events I do.

And for Leadville for me was I wanted to take our team because we took 17 people there and everyone was involved, everyone had a role. And I wanted to take that team and I wanted to show them how hard it was going to be to build this business. Like that 30 hours in Leadville, as hard as we work, all the grit, all the pain that goes into it from every role, not just the person running, he was me, but the crew, the media team,

the media team was running up mountains. Media team climbed five miles and 6,000 feet of elevation to get to the top of Hope Pass. And that whole event, that 30 plus hours, everyone was dead at the end of it. We laid in our beds afterwards. It was my way of saying,

that's just a glimpse of what it's going to take to grow this business to where we want to grow it and help millions of people reach their goals as well. And that's what we tried to accomplish in the dock, in the story. It was more than the miles, more than the 100 miles being run. And that put things into perspective for me a lot. When I was reading that part of your book, it's you can build this list of achievements, but there's got to be purpose behind it.

Right. Yeah, and it can't be just to impress other people because nobody cares. No, no one cares. No one cares what you do. And here's the thing is what people, so people may be listening to this, be like, well, I didn't have a rough childhood. What do I do? You're showing them that.

That's what they don't get, is that you're showing them how to add that adversity to their lives. You shouldn't want to have a rough childhood. Like, it was a terrible experience. Like, I don't want it. I wish I could give it back and not have that. But you can add that adversity to your life to grow exponentially. And that's what I tried the ultra marathons.

I did just the 50Ks. It was insane how beneficial that, was for my mental health. Like the highs and lows that you go through was it's life. It's like I hate everything. I can't do this. I have I can't do this and it's like one more step. Just get through one more, one more aid station. Maybe if I just get some cookies, those cookies will bring me back up, that gel, you know, and then the highs all of a sudden you're like, you hit a downhill. You eat your your stomach feels good. You're hydrated and all of a sudden you're just coasting like running is the easiest thing you've ever done in your life. And you're like, this is the best experience I've ever

had. And then it's right around the corner that boom, the floor falls out and you're back to the worst moment of your life. And that's what ultra running is for me anyway. It was just dealing with that mentally up and down and up and down. Like that was growth. Those miles is growth. And I can't imagine doing 100 miles. I think that's like I have this saying that I've been, it's been cooked in my my brain the last couple months. And it's that life is like running in a sense that you're always going to hit hills and headwinds. Like when I'm on my bike where I'm running, I'm like, what the fuck did this hill come from? And then you're running, you have a headwind running out.

And you're like, as soon as I turn around, this headwind's going to be gone. It's all tailwind. You turn around, the headwind's back with you. Yeah. It's like you're always running up hills and you're always running into a headwind. And what is that? It's resistance. That's life.

Like life is full resistance. It's how you, how do you approach it? Are you going to lean in and drive up that hill or drive into that headwind? Are you going to stop and slow up and say, you win, you win? Yep. Have you ever, let me ask you, have you ever had a headwind that's so strong that you start cussing out the wind? Oh, dude. I've never been so frustrated in my life when I've had strong wins, like Colorado wins,

and it's like stops what I can't feel like I can even move into it. Like, I start cussing at the air. My last marathon. My last marathon, it's where I ran the sub three. And I went into the race saying, I don't care what the conditions are. I'm running sub three today.

I trained for this. 20 mile per hour headwinds. And it was so loud and so powerful, I was screaming. I was cursing, I was cussing. I was like, you got to be kidding me. Like this, I felt like, okay, you want to test me? Test me.

Let's go. Let's go. That's insane, dude. I love what you do because you like you truly, you are accomplishing things that like the athletes focus their soul. That's their one thing. You don't just go do Leadville 100. That's a, that's an athlete's like pinnacle, right? Like you're a runner.

And then you're like, oh, I got to throw in that Leadville 100 as a runner because that's what I do year and year. I mean like Courtney DeWalter status. Like they're runners, right? But you're taking the limitations off. what you could do and what you could look like and still do those things on top of that. Like, what you're doing is nuts, man. I think that mine is a powerful thing. And I think it's a lot of people haven't even tapped into half its potential.

I don't think I have tapped into half my potential that's up in here in this head right now. In terms of how far I can push my body in terms of business. Thinking about it all the time in terms of business. Like what I know right now, I have been humbled very quickly over these last 10 years. As much as I think I know right now, in five years, I'm going to look back at 2022 and laugh at what I thought I knew. But that's a good feeling. Yeah. Like you should, if I had all the answers right now, what's the point of living another 50 years?

How many guys have you met that went the opposite direction that they reached this point where they're like, this is a pinnacle? And instead of, you know, a couple years from now, looking back and looking at that peak of the mountain as the base of the mountain, they just, go the other direction and they look back as the glory days. Oh, so many. And they still talk about that. Like, I like, you ever follow Jesse Itzler? Sounds familiar. Jesse Itzler, highly recommend following.

He's an author. He was a rapper back in the day. He's married to Sarah Blakely. He has built and sold multiple businesses. He's a father, very successful businessman. And I love his perspective. And Jesse will need. never talk about what he did previously.

He'll only talk about what he's doing in the current moment. So, like, he won't talk about the businesses he sold for lots of lots of money to big companies. He'll be talking about what he's working on this year. I think it's really important because a lot of people

will use the past to represent the present. And the past doesn't matter. I mean, it got you to where you are. But for me, I want to keep talking about what I'm doing this year. what I'm doing in the future. That's a super important point is that people forget that where you are right now

should be the most exciting point in your life. Always. And that's a choice. And they forget that. I never hang my hat on special forces. I never hang your hat on anything that I've done in my past. I'm excited. Never been more excited always for that moment that I'm in right now.

And that's how you should be living because we're chasing our potential as fast and hard as we can. right and it still doesn't feel like enough like i'm i'm drinking from the fire hose of entrepreneurship right now but the growth feels amazing because every time i meet someone like you i'm not here to hang out and make content i'm here to do that but for me i'm here to learn and that growth is immense and i love it i'm in the best moments of my life right now and a year from now i want the same thing i want to look back and be like right now i'm in the best moment of life and i you know that was you know night and day from where we're at now. It's always right now is the best. And when you do that, you're not hating on

other people. You're not worried about what other people are doing. You're not all this negative in getting into politics. You're not getting into the, you know, all the drama that's going on in our world right now. I don't even want to say it. You don't have time for that because you're so excited about what's coming next because you're working so hard at that. That is that, that like, synergistic space, that exciting space that when people like us, when we meet, we could click, right? Because we both have that energy and we both have that love and drive and determination. We're both excited about right this second. And that's the best place to live, man. Like, I feel sorry for anyone that's not like living that moment in their life.

And we're like, right now is my best. And I'm going to keep going. And this is only the beginning. This is only beginning for the FNG academy. This is only a beginning for me figuring out how to run companies and to lead people, doing the mentor program. I want to help people on mass levels, mass levels. I can't wait to help people. And it's going to take a ton of work

and a ton of, you know, talking with guys like you and figuring out that I figured this stuff out. But the sky's the limit. And one thing we told, were we recording when we were talking about journaling and like solitude and sitting? I think it was before, but I did want to dive into the power of solitude because I'm a firm believer in solitude.

dude. Same. Same. And that was something when we were talking about before, I was like getting lit up because that, I love that. Like, people don't realize that they lost the, they either lost it or they were never taught how to think. And that's, that's terrifying. I don't know, maybe it was my childhood that taught me how to think because I had to use my imagination to escape. A lot of my problems, you know,

sitting in a room, I would just think about my future and what I'm going to do and how I'm going to get away. It was always thinking. And I felt like my mind would, like, freed me from every, bad situation. So now I know that my mind is so powerful that like I schedule times and not like in my calendar like oh from nine to 10 I have to sit and think like when I have a minute to just relax and quiet I'll get a pen and a journal my journal out and I'll just sit with my own thoughts and it's some of the best moments I've ever had in my life because you just allow your mind to go anywhere it wants to go. And if you it's difficult at first.

right but you could you could push it along with cues like what do i want why do i want where do i want to go what would i like to see in life and you just let your minds just start playing and working and then it's just like starts painting this colorful picture and you're just along for the ride and before you know it you arrive somewhere you're like in your mind you just went on this whole journey and you arrive like i want that and you're like excited and i write it down real quick like i want this i want this and i put it up and then i go call people anybody i'm like dude, I just had this amazing idea. And they're like, where do you come up with this shit?

Oh, dude, I get the same thing. Right? And they just have no idea, like, how you thought of it. You're just like, I just think. I just sit and think with myself. I highly recommend the book, Deep work. Deep work. Deep work.

And it talks about all the distractions in life. And one of the greatest downfalls of the world, and it's only going to get worse is people are thinking more shallower and more shallower and more shallower. and they don't know how to think deep anymore. And one thing that allows people to think deep is solitude. That's why I love running. Like for me, my morning runs,

that's the best way to describe my brain. It is, like, if I'm in my brain right now, it goes to Situation 1. It plays out Situation 1. Situation 1 plays out. It goes to option 1. Option 1 goes to option 2. Option 2 goes to option 3.

It's like, it's this map navigating all over the place. By the time I'm done with my 90 minute run in the morning, I just navigated this problem that I really didn't even know I had but it found me because I arrived in this deep space. That's the problem with social media and spending time on social media is it's not deep, it's shallow, it's surface level.

It's like when I hop on a Zoom call, I don't know how many times it's happened, do you hop on a Zoom call? I hate when someone starts it off saying, where you at? I'm 20 minutes north of Austin, Texas. What's the weather like there? Dude, do you really fucking care?

Do you care what the weather's like? Let's dive into this. And one of my favorite things to do is go to dinner with people and when we get into a deep conversation, like when I'm in that moment, I'm thinking, yes, this is awesome. Or like maybe you're having some really good food, some good cocktails, the atmosphere is amazing. And you're just like riffing on this really good conversation that's going deep and deep and deep. And it's actually pretty rare to find with people.

It's not just talking about politics and ideas and people and friends and who got pregnant or who broke up or who kissed you on The Bachelor. It's actual meaningful stuff and that is fun. Yeah. So powerful. And you walk away feeling like you filled your cup. Oh, energy. There's also two different groups of people. There's those that fill you with energy and those it suck it away.

The people that suck your energy away, you got to get rid of those people. Yeah, absolutely. And that it's it was hard like even with my family It is hard to get rid of a lot of them You know and I don't mean that like Oh, I'm never talked to you again But it's like we you just pull away Like people think they have such an obligation

To everyone around them like oh we we knew each other So I have to respond to their text message I have to answer their calls Why? Why? Is that person adding value to your life Then why are you answering their call? They're just calling like Like every since the channel started to get a little bigger

I get hit up by people I haven't talked to in years Family members I haven't talked to in years Friends I haven't talked to in years Like what's up dude I see the channel How's it going? I'm like at first I would be like oh it's going great Thanks man I really appreciate it and I felt obligated to respond And I started to feel like it's pulling me down Because I'm like why after years you suddenly interested

I was a I was in combat I almost got killed you didn't hit me up I was a police officer who was getting targeted in riots getting Molotov cocktails thrown at me. You didn't hit me up. Now I got a YouTube channel on you're hitting me up. Come on, man.

Like, that doesn't feel good. So it was bringing me down. So I was like, I finally made the decision. I was like, I'm not obligated to anybody. If I don't need to talk to you and I don't want to, I have that right. And you would think that's such a common thing to say and to feel, but it's so, it was so against our like nature

to not talk to people because they want to talk to us. Like, where is that feeling of obligation coming from. Why do I feel obligated to talk to a person? I've talked to in years. Just because they saw a channel and now all of a sudden they think I'm worth talking to now. You don't think that that hurt to my feelings, like that I'm only valuable to you because I have something that's on a social platform. I was risking my life. You didn't care anything about how I was doing. You've got to protect your time. Yeah. Like you only have so much of it. And that is one of the hardest things is I've learned over time, I used to be a yes man. Oh, you want to grab coffee?

Yes. You want to come over? Yes. You want to do this? Yes. What I quickly realize is, okay, now I'm not spending any time one of the things that's helping me get to where I want to be. So once you learn how to say no to certain things really opens up your ability to think deep. When you can think deep, you can work on bigger issues, bigger projects. You can move the needle. If you're not moving the needle, you're not moving to business, you're not improving, you're not, you're not reaching where you want to be. Everyone has a potential. It's just being in control of that potential. It's tough.

Yeah, everyone wants to suck that life force away from you. Like you only have, man, there was another book. I don't know if it was the one thing. The one thing's good. Is that the one where he's talking about like you only have so much energy to give? So, in like, there's so many. I've listened to so many now. It's like they all kind of like meld into each other.

But you only have so much energy in the day. And it's like we have to pick the things that are valuable to us. And honestly, like when I'm at home, like, I don't have a lot of friends. You know, I don't have, I don't keep people. My circle is so small. It's like three people that I talk to regularly, you know, my Kurt, Abel, Tom, and my wife. And all of them live in different states. So when I'm home, if I, if I am at home and I have downtime, I'm getting into,

that deep thought as much as possible because I know that that's where the growth is going to start. It always starts in your mind, right? You have to think of the idea before you can implement any actions. But how are you going to think of an idea if you're always distracted? If the minute that you get some downtime, you go through your phone and start flipping up, looking at whatever else is doing, you're just canceling out all that time that you could just sit by yourself and be like, what do I want to do? Why do I want to do it? How am I going to get there? What would make me feel good? what would help other people, and then going through that, like, figuring out process. Like, the last time I did it, when I was telling you earlier, is, like, we're sitting there

thinking of our marketing strategy for 2022. It's like, we have to do a lot of things, right, to improve this. First, Evan Hafer taught me about coffee. He told me, I asked him when I was there. I was like, how do you, why do you measure the coffee? I always see you guys, you coffee snobs with these scales, right? And you're measuring the coffee. And he said, well, if you don't measure how much coffee grinds you put in versus how

much water you're putting in, you can't make adjustments based on the flavors that you like. And I was like, well, shit, that's business. If I don't measure my marketing success and failures, how am I going to make adjustments? We can't just keep throwing things at the wall and hoping that they stick and then hoping that it's working. We need to start finding out what's working, what's not working. So we need to treat our marketing strategy this year like the coffee. We need to start measuring things in trial and error and see what's working and what's not, right? Like, um, but then I had this idea. I was like, passion.

I was like, I want to make a suspense short. I was like, that would be so fun. That would be so cool. That would be the funnest thing to just make something that's so serious and unexpected, um, and show people that we're not YouTubers. We're not this like derogatory term of people that just turn on the camera and pointed at ourselves and talk.

And all of a sudden, like, everyone watches like no we're filmmakers we're learning equipment we're learning editing we're storytelling let's show them let's let's let's get into this world of filmmaking and i want to make a short that's it's a suspense short and i think i got to like the idea hit me i wrote it i was excited and i've been working on it we're going to do some character development i'm going to get into some acting classes so it doesn't suck terribly and i could actually like uh pull off the the the small performance that I have to do believably, right?

Because we can't, we can't break into that realm if we're making stuff that's not believable. And as soon as you watch it, if you're like, ah, that's Buck trying to be serious instead of, oh, this is a character.

You know, like we have to dive into filmmaking if we're going to do this right. And then I had to sit with my team and like, dude, what do you mean? We're going to make a short film.

We had this whole strategy. We're getting together for this week to do all these things, these commercials for this, the commercial for that, the funny videos, all this stuff. And, you know, we had a plan and this is not part of the plan. I was like, we got to make it work.

I don't know why. I can't sit here and explain to you how it's going to benefit us long term or, you know, why we're going to put in all this work and money for something that's probably going to get no views because people are like, why the heck is he doing this? I can't explain it. But in my moment of deep thought and figuring things out, this struck a chord of passion in me. And if we're not going to do the things we're passionate about,

what the heck is the point, man? So we're going to film with short and see if it works. Well, business is all about balancing data, analyzing data, and listening to your gut. Anytime I've ignored either, and that balance is a fine line. Every time I've ignored my gut, I've made a bad decision.

And I can look back now and I know, Like, I don't know what it is. I don't know the science behind it. I don't know how it works. But if my gut tells me something, my intuition, I like to follow it. If there's data that goes against it, okay, now we can have a conversation.

But one of the things that has really helped us grow in terms of business and we're going really hard in 2022 is analyzing data and using data to make informed decisions. anywhere from market research, market segments, where we're putting more money in terms of advertising and what products reach, what demographics, where, what times a day. Luckily, I have a VP of marketing

that's analyzing all of that and helping, but the balance between data and intuition, that's entrepreneurship right there. That's where you make your money. There's so much that you have to give to the guys like me. Like the just if the to how to scale dude like that's something that's like nobody teaches you that like how many businesses are startups that just never scale up and then they end up just drifting off because it's like what was the point we just kept doing the same thing over and over getting the same results rinse and repeat and it's not it's not paying enough to keep everyone you only have someone's motivation for so long I know that I know that those guys will will follow me to the ends of the earth for a given amount of time for a given amount of time until it's a given amount of time until it's doesn't make sense for them anymore. They're too smart to keep following me if I can't scale this up. But there's nobody out there that's teaching people that I trust in that is teaching people in a way

that's enticed me to learn from them. Besides having this ability to be able to talk to guys like you, but we need to learn how to scale businesses up, how to go from your best friends that you got lucky to have in your inner circle and that they're helping you make this work to, you know, adding that growth and getting that growth. Because to be honest, I don't want to have to do it the way you had to do it. Because wouldn't you rather skip a lot of that stuff now that you know? Oh my gosh.

I'd rather have a couple hundred thousand dollars extra in my pocket and less wasted time and less fights with my wife. Right. See? There's so many lessons that you had to learn the hard way. And that's what life's all about, right? Is we learn, take all these lessons. We learn the hard way and we try to teach them to other people.

So I don't know. There's something there. And maybe there's something already out there. and I'm not aware of it, but I'm at that point now where I'm in desperate need of advice and, like, a breakdown of it just, I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing. And I'll figure it out. I'm determined. And I don't fail at things I put my mind to. I will figure it out. But do I have to trip over the same stumbling blocks that you did? Because since you've already been there and done that, right? So like, why should I have to hit those same road markers when you've already laid out the path? You were like, well, don't stand here. mile down the road, turn right, not left, you know,

and that's, one thing I talk in my, my second point is called the roadmap principle, was like, it's just nothing new, right? It's not like a new idea,

but it's just, someone's already done it before you. Why do you want to do it the hard way and make all the mistakes that they did? Just take their map and figure out the path they took and say, oh,

they went right here and fell in a hole, and then they went left, and then that was the way to go, you know? So, I think the issue, is that all the stuff that's being talked about online in terms of business, it's all up in the air. It's like high level.

Yes. Like find your passion. Follow your passion. Work hard. But then it's dumbed down a little bit. And like I talked about before we hopped on this podcast, I really love the startup community. And I really want to help the startup community.

One thing that we've been throwing around the idea of, And this is the first time I'm announcing it. So don't hold me to it yet. I brought up to our marketing director this past week. I want to create like an incubator for startups. And I started with 20, and I got this idea from Sarah Blakely. Sarah Blakely just created, I think it's called the Red Backpack Fund. She's giving $5,000 to a thousand business owners because she started with $5,000.

I started with a $20,000 loan. I want to give one person $20,000 to scale their business. But there will be like an entry and we'll go through applications and stuff like that. That's a great idea. I love the startup space because the startup space is filled with so much passion. Big business, corporate America, you don't necessarily find that passion. But startups, you'll find people who will literally die for their idea. Like I would die for BPN.

I would. and the problem is this high-level stuff doesn't get you out of the weeds. Sometimes there needs to be some practical advice. I hired this agency. Don't hire this agency. I left this agency and I brought it in house. This is how you build an internal marketing team. This is how you create an internal content team.

This is how we've told stories. This is how we've created brand campaigns. Okay, this is how we've restructured our ad sequence. and this is how we've allocated money to ambassadors and athletes as opposed to acquiring a new audience, stuff like that. So I have all this information that I, that's where I want to write my second book. And it's all about the startup and how, how I did it, what I made mistakes on, what I succeeded at, but what that looked like because it was, it was messy, but I've learned so much

And sometimes I forget how much I've learned the process because made mistakes and I pivoted. Dude, that would smash. I would buy that book right now. So if you focused everything, the whole book, which I don't know if anyone is even done, but if you start from day one and you don't go past, you know, your third employee, fourth employee, you know what I mean? Or fifth. Like we don't need stratosphere, dude, because like, they're, that's so far.

That's so far ahead. That's so far ahead. Like, it's so in the weeds in this, like, short realm of you got an idea. You got a person or two that's willing to help you with that idea. You got some money to throw out it. Like, that space is, I agree with you in that. Like, I could see where you, like, miss it. Because I spend a lot of my time with my guys, like, just so inspired.

And it's like, the sky's the limit. We're not in any one direction so we can go, pium, boom, boom, in this moment, right? And so I could see that once that kind of gets more structured, that you would miss that of just, it's like it was like being a child. Like you want to go play out with that toy? Okay, go play with that toy. You want to go to the swings?

Do whatever you want. Nobody cares. Just don't let it. A leader's job too, though, is you have to teach your team that, like, what winning looks like and feels like. So when you walk in there, it's like, we're going to win. I walk in to talk to the team, I say, we're going to be the biggest supplement company

in this entire freaking world. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Right. If you're on board, stay on board. We're all going to the top with it. And it's like a scene from Wolf of Wall Street where it's a rally. And that's not fake.

And you can't fake that. Because people smell that. And they're already looking for their exit strategy. But when I feel that same power mint, talking to just my few guys like guys, you know that we are so much we're so much farther past what numbers are dictating, right? You guys all feel that.

You know it that like 95,000 subscribers on YouTube is this much. It's nothing. It's nothing. We're, what we're going to put out and what we have in the works to put out is going to break boundaries. We're going to, it's going to be so big. But we're already there in a lot of ways that the data isn't showing.

You know, it's like there is some growing pains in that growth process. But in my mind, like, because I see the value in the guys that I have around me and I know their capabilities with them, if they stay together, there's nothing going to stop us from just crushing and doing amazing things. And I truly, truly believe that. So I just, my job is the way I see it now is just to make sure that these blessings I have in my life of human beings don't leave me. And I'll do anything for them to make sure that. Like if we're starting, like when we're starting the, uh,

the mentorship program, it's like, Kurt is overwhelmed right now. He's got, he's running the store. He's still working as a manager for a, um, marijuana company in Florida.

So he's, he's, he's got a full time job. He's got two kids. Uh, he's, he's, he's a real estate investor.

He just had one of his units in a quadplex get demolished, um, by a bad tenant. So he's trying to renovate that all at the same time as doing everything else. And I'm, I'm relentless with my ideas that just won't stop. And I could feel sometimes he's like, takes a deep breath. And he's like, okay.

All right, we'll focus on that. He wrote me this morning and said, don't forget to ask Nick about the app. His app is awesome. We love, like we have to try to do something like that. Don't forget talking about it. Okay. So I know that he's like way overwhelmed. But my goal is to get him out of the weed business of working for this weed company.

So he's doing this full time. And I will do anything to make sure that he's, makes enough money. So if he needs a higher percentage, I don't give a shit what he needs. He's going to get it because he can't leave the team. So I'll do anything to get him working for me full time. And whatever number he puts that he wants to make

a year, we will make sure that we get him that number. We have to. Because I can't lose those guys. Good people can't be replaced. No. If without them, it's over. It's over. The one thing that I wanted to really wrap up with in terms of this was

it sounds like you have momentum and momentum is felt. I can feel momentum. I'm sure you can feel momentum. Sometimes momentum can't be measured and sometimes other people can't see momentum that you have. But when you feel momentum,

you have to run with it. Yeah. Thank you for saying that because I was trying to articulate that and I couldn't. I was like the numbers, I almost sounded dushy, right? Probably sounded really dushy.

Like, oh, 95's nothing. 95,000. subscribers. I don't mean to be a douchebag. That's what I was trying to say. So thank you. It's like there's momentum here that I could feel and it's like palpable energy. And it's a scary feeling because when you have momentum, you don't want to lose it. No. So you'll do everything you have to to keep it. I talked about, and I gave this analogy a few weeks ago on the podcast about what it feels like running in business. And you're driving a car and all of a sudden the engine goes out. And it does.

drops out and it falls out of the back and your car is just like stuttering to a stop. So what do you do? You punch your feet through the floor of the car and you Fred Flintstone that car to keep it moving. You do whatever you have because you need to keep the momentum of that car moving forward. You won't let it stop. That's what it feels like. It's like I will do whatever it takes to not let this stop. Sometimes it's manual labor. Yeah, absolutely. Because we're not, we're not arrogant to think. that we are special, right? Because it's to be like, oh, well, I got that momentum rolling. I could do it again.

I am the secret sauce. No, like, come on, don't be stupid. We know that we caught lightning in a bottle, and we don't want to lose that opportunity, and we're not going to lose that advantage. We have, like, I, I, yeah, we got, there's so many ways that I feel like I got lucky, and I'm not going to let that, like you said,

I will, Fred Flintstone, if I have to, until my feet are bleeding, I'm not going to lose that momentum and then be so arrogant to think that I could just do it again. I tell my wife sometimes, I say, like, we have this momentum right now. I'm about to go into a sprint. And she knows that means like, all right, here we go. Sometimes I have to sprint. And sometimes that sprint isn't sustainable and you need to pull back. But when you see an opportunity to sprint, it's a strange.

straight away on an open track, you got to sprint with it and you got to take it when you can. And sometimes that requires a lot of sacrifice. And if you set the expectations, which I haven't always done perfectly with my wife, you set the expectations, people around you know, hey, this is a season where we're going to be sprinting, but it's going to pay off. Absolutely. All right. I appreciate you, man.

All right. Thanks for having me, dude. That was a blast. I appreciate you talking about. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the bear. performance podcast. If you enjoyed it, please feel free to leave a review on iTunes or share it with friends. It helps us to grow and reach more people and hopes changing lives with the Go One More mindset. Head on over to BPNSups.com for all your health, performance, and nutrition needs. We offer a

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