The One You Feed - Behavior Change Mistake #2

Episode Date: May 21, 2016

Get more information on The One You Feed Coaching Program. Enrollment open until May 25th     The #2 Mistake Most People Make When Trying to Change Behavior: Dropping Old Behaviors Without Putting Something In Their Place Nature abhors a vacuum. Behaviors that have been done frequently enough that they have become habits are things that are now done mindlessly or effortlessly during our day. If at a certain time of day you do something and then all of the sudden you stop doing that thing, you are now left with a slice of time that was filled and is now empty. When faced with that empty space of time, it’s going to be really hard to resist doing the thing you’ve become habituated to do. So, put some other behavior in it’s place. In addition, a lot of our “negative” behavior patterns happen for a reason. There is something that they are doing for us (or did at one time). Removing them without some sort of substitute leaves a need unmet. For example, let’s say that everyday when you get home from work you have a snack. You’d like to stop having that snack because it’s close to dinner time and you don’t want the extra calories. Instead of coming home from work, sitting on the couch and doing nothing, resisting the urge to have something to eat, maybe you go for a 15 minute walk around your neighborhood instead.     Get more information on The One You Feed Coaching Program. Enrollment open until May 25th   The Tale of Two Wolves A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other.  One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear. The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?” The grandfather quietly replies, the one you feed The Tale of Two Wolves is often attributed to the Cherokee indians but there seems to be no real proof of this. It has also been attributed to evangelical preacher Billy Graham and Irish Playwright George Bernard Shaw. It appears no one knows for sure but this does not diminish the power of the parable.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, it's Eric from The One You Feed, and I'm back to do another mini-episode. But before we get started, I want to remind you that the window to enroll in the coaching program is quickly closing. On Wednesday, May 25th at 11 to 59 p.m., well, 11, 59, 59, you get it, we're going to shut the whole thing down. And so if you want to learn more about the coaching program to decide if you're interested in enrolling, go to oneufeed.net slash coaching program or text WOLF to 66866. So again, the window is quickly coming to an end. If you're interested, oneufeed.net slash coaching program, or text WOLF to 66866. And if you do either of those things, you'll get the five biggest mistakes people make when

they're trying to change behavior. Last week we talked about mistake number one, which was starting too large. This week we're going to talk about mistake number two, which is trying to end a behavior without putting something else in its place. There's that old saying that nature abhors a vacuum. If we've been doing something for so long, it's such a habit and it's become so mindless and effortless that when we stop doing it, we've got this void there that we need to somehow fill. So an example I'll use from my own recovery is, you know, that's one of the main ways that 12-step programs work, is that the time that you spent drinking, you can now spend

going to meetings. The socializing that you had at the bar, you can make up for by meeting people at to meetings. The socializing that you had at the bar you can make up for by meeting people at the meetings. So it's intended to kind of plug in that gap. Another example from my drinking days is after I stopped drinking this last time, I would drive every day by the bar that I would always stop at and have a drink. And so during that time, I made it a ritual to start calling a friend and just talking to a person for a few minutes. Some of it was to keep me from going in, but it was really more about filling that space

with something else so I didn't feel its absence and I didn't feel the temptation. The other principle that underlies this is that most times if we're doing a negative behavior we want to get rid of, we're doing it for some reason. It's meeting some need of ours. So what can we put in its place that meets that need? So if every day after work, your after work reward is to have a big snack right when you get home, and then you eat again a little bit later, and you're trying to cut that snack out, trying to watch the calories, you could put something in its place.

Instead of doing that, you could take a walk around the block, or you could sit down and read something from a book that is positive or encouraging, or you could play a video game if you like doing that thing. The point is to be very clear on what you're going to put in its place so that you're not drawn as easily back into that behavior. In behavior change, we talk a lot about a trigger. So a trigger happens and that triggers a habit to occur. Those triggers remain the same. So one of the great ways to change a bad habit into a good habit is you keep the trigger the same. The trigger is coming home from work, but what happens after that trigger changes from having the snack to taking a walk.

But then you've got the trigger built in, and it's a trigger that you're used to. And it's a really good idea to figure these things out in advance so you know what they are, because you want this to become as habitual as the previous bad habit was. So you want to know that when X occurs, then I do Y and have that very clear. Another variation on this principle is if you want to eat well, you need to make sure that you have good food in the house because you're going to get hungry. The trigger is going to be hunger. And if you don't have something good to eat around, then you're going to eat something bad. This is probably the primary cause of when I have trouble with eating well. the reason why. It's because I haven't

put anything there that's particularly good, and so the time comes I'm hungry, and the nearest and most convenient thing is a vending machine. So that's it for this week. Remember, if you're going to try and stop a bad behavior, find something positive to put in its place. And remember, the One You Feed coaching program enrollment is open until May 25th at 1159 p.m. Go to oneyoufeed.net slash coaching program or text WOLF to 66866. I look forward to hearing from many of you. Thanks for listening as always, and we'll see you on Tuesday with another episode. Take care. Bye. Thank you.