The One You Feed - How to Break Free from the Mental Prisons That Hold You Back with Dr. Edith Eger

Starting point is 00:00:00 We got to think about our thinking and pay attention what we're paying attention to, because any behavior you pay attention to, you reinforce that behavior. Welcome to the one you feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have. Quotes like, Garbage in, garbage out, or, you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that

Starting point is 00:00:43 hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf. I think most of us believe that if our circumstances were different, we'd feel more free. But What Edith Eager makes clear in this conversation is that freedom doesn't work that way. Edith, who passed away recently, survived Auschwitz. And like fellow concentration camp survivor Victor Frankel, she arrived at the conclusion that even when everything is taken from you, there's still one place where you have a say.

Starting point is 00:01:27 And that's your inner world. In this conversation, we talk about the prisons we build in our own minds. Victimhood, guilt, judgment, secrets, and how easy it is to live inside them without realizing it, and we also talk about how to begin to step out. I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is the one you feed. Hello, Dr. Eager. Welcome to the show. Hello. I am really honored to have you on today, and it is such a treat to get a chance to talk with you. Thank you. In a moment, we're going to talk about your book called The Gift. But before we do that, there's a parable we read at the beginning of the show, and I'd like to ask you for your thoughts on it. In life, there are two wolves inside of a gift. In life, there are two wolves

Starting point is 00:02:07 inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the wolf that wins is the one that we feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do. The work I do is practical psychology. And those two are really fitting me beautifully because what we think we create and what we want to recognize that what we pay attention to, we have to be careful and study our thinking and what we're paying attention to. Because when we have a goal, we want to be sure that what we focus on and

Starting point is 00:03:06 pay attention to will be in alignment to get us closer to the goal. So I like to call it the arrow that I follow and to find always the way I think and find a gift in everything. But then I also look at things in terms of is it rational or irrational? Is this going to empower? Is this going to empower me for five minutes and then I pay a whole price for it all my life. Like if I go cheat on my wife, okay? Because it's not the sex. It's I'm dishonoring my wife. So I think we got to think about our thinking and pay attention what we're paying attention to because any behavior you pay attention to, you reinforce that behavior. So it's a wonderful wonderful way for us to start. It's a beautiful way to start, and it's very important to think about

Starting point is 00:04:14 your thinking before you say anything and possibly ask yourself, is it kind? Is it very important? At 93, I'm very, very much thinking before I open my mouth, and I want to say something, hopefully, that is kind and it is necessary. Thank you. That's a beautiful way to start. So I think in order to frame up your life and your work, we need to sort of go back to your origin story, which is not a very pleasant one, right? You are a Holocaust survivor,

Starting point is 00:04:52 and whatever amount of that you feel like you want to share that would be useful for the audience, I don't want to spend a ton of time there because I really want to focus on the amazing work you've done in creating your approach that you're calling practical psychology. I want to spend a lot of time there, but I do feel like it's important to give listeners a little backstory. So I'll leave it to you how much you want to talk about there, and then we'll move into

Starting point is 00:05:16 your work and your psychology. Good. That's good. What I am talking to you about is that you told me I'm a Holocaust survivor, and I'm going to tell you that it's not my identity. I am a human being who went through an experience. I refuse to be a victim. It's not who I am, is what was done to me.

Starting point is 00:05:44 And I think that's a big difference because in some ways in history, we are all victims of victims. So that's why when I ask a child, why do you do that? A child would say because I feel like it. Children don't care about consequences. As an adult, I still feel like it, but I don't act upon it unless it is in my best interest. So, you know, you are brilliantly putting that wolf's story beautifully so important because it's not what happens is the way we look at it.

Starting point is 00:06:26 When I go to church, who is the little Jewish boy I talk about? Jesus. Jesus. And Jesus told us three things that I relate to. Love thy neighbor as thyself. But that prophet is telling us that you cannot give what you don't have. If you don't love you, you know, how can you love others? Everything, you start with you, you're born alone, you die alone. There is something between birth and that called life. Do you leave a lifestyle or a death style? If I live a love style, I feed myself with good things. All right?

Starting point is 00:07:09 I'm not going to have a donut for breakfast with coal. And so that's why I ask people to be good parents to themselves. I think you're saving the world with your world. You may not think it, but you want to teach from me that if you wait for someone else to make you happy, you're never going to be happy. And in Auschwitz, nothing was coming from the outside. So it was an opportunity for discovering the inner strength that they could put me in a gas chamber any minute.

Starting point is 00:07:48 Just like now, we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. It's a very hard place to be in a limbo. But then I am also very much aware as to, short-term hedonism or long-term hedonism. So when you ask, as I told you as a child, the child doesn't care. Even if I have diabetes, it doesn't matter. If I like the Hungarian chocolate cake, I'm going to eat. And that voice is in me on my life because it's called temptation.

Starting point is 00:08:23 And God gave us temptation. Why? So I can practice the freedom of choice. As an adult, I still feel like it, but it's up to me whether I act upon it or not. See, I had a woman calling me 5 o'clock in the morning. A sudden girl. She called herself a sudden beauty. And she's crying, E.D., I am in this guy's bed.

Starting point is 00:08:51 I went to the bar, and I picked up this guy, and I'm in his bed. you know, it wasn't me. I very quietly said, who was it? The devil got into me, she tells me, in a sudden accent. So freedom comes with responsibility. Freedom without responsibility is energy. And that's why I beg, don't spoil your children because they were the first one to die.

Starting point is 00:09:24 It's very important for you. to listen to your self-dialogue early in the morning. So when I go to church, I listen to that. The secondly, what I really admire, that he was able to meet people where they are. And that's why I never ask people, how are you? Those are social noises, and people lie if you ask a question.

Starting point is 00:09:53 How are you fine? I was just saying in my former interview that I was teaching, I was professor of psychology, and my student said that in America people are hearing, but they're not listening. And I said, okay, let's test it tomorrow morning when you pick up your book, someone is going to say hi to you, and very quietly you see, my mother died this morning. Sure enough, he comes back, said, I did what you told me, and I told him to say, my mother died this morning. And he said, great, I'll see you this afternoon.

Starting point is 00:10:35 People are hearing, but they're not listening. I think it's very important for you to listen to that voice. But most of all, I think what is most important that Jesus said, turn the other cheek. And he didn't say, go back and do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, you know, which is the definition of insanity by Einstein. Thank God that little Jew came to America and changed World War II. So I think when he said, turned the other cheek, he said,

Starting point is 00:11:16 look at the same thing from a different perspective. See, you and I are good up to. We look at everything for an opportunity, for discovery, not recovery. And that's how I talk about Auschwitz and the discovery of my inner resources and not to allow anybody get my soul. They could throw me in a gas chamber any minute. I didn't know whether I take a shower whether water or gas is going to come out. I didn't know 4 o'clock in the morning.

Starting point is 00:11:55 When I stood in line, they were counting hands. I didn't know whether I end up in a gas chamber or not. And this is where we are now with the COVID. We don't know. We know that we don't know. Really, we don't have any guarantee. We don't have any certainty. I think we have probability.

Starting point is 00:12:15 Yeah. Which one I feed. Because all people who come to me are hungry. They either have something what they don't want or they want something what they don't have. People are hungry. That's my diagnosis. Hungry for affection.

Starting point is 00:12:33 Hungry for attention. Hungry for approval. You got to give up your need for approval of others if you want to be free. You've got to give up the need to please anyone all the time. And most of all, you give up. you give up being a perfectionist. When you are a perfectionist, you procrastinate.

Starting point is 00:12:59 So let's talk a little bit about your book The Gift. In it, you talk about a bunch of different prisons. So you're using the analogy, obviously, of you said it earlier. The Nazis could put you in prison, but they couldn't take away your freedom. And you talk about a lot of the prisons that we put ourselves in. I thought maybe we'd just go through and explore a few of the different ones that you have. And I thought we'd start with the first one. You sort of touched on it a little bit, but you call it the prison of victimhood.

Starting point is 00:13:32 And you say suffering is universal, but victimhood is optional. And then you also have a question that is so good. You say, ask what now instead of why me? That's right. And unfortunately, I talk about the prison in our own minds. And it reminds me that I graduated cum laude. And I was told to pick up my cap and gun and meet the people at this and this and this place.

Starting point is 00:14:02 And I never showed up for my graduation because I told myself I don't deserve because they are dead. That's the prison that I created in my own mind and didn't even give myself permission. That's a good word, to really go and celebrate that I worked so hard. You know, I never finished high school. I begged the university to take me in on probation in January, and I made the dance list and they forgot about me.

Starting point is 00:14:42 And I worked so hard because I didn't speak English well. and I put things down in Hungary and a lot of the times and the basketball players who were tall, tall, tall, came to me because I sat in the first row so I can see the professors throw it. They wanted my notes and I told them, it's Hungarian. You see, you have to want to badly enough. You have to want to be.

Starting point is 00:15:17 as survivor. You have to want to recognize that life is difficult. There is no guarantee. There is no certainty of any kind. Marriage is the hardest thing you enter into to empower each other with your differences rather than waiting with an empty cup, somebody to fill my cup and make me happy. It's not working that way. Self-love is self-care. It's not narcissistic. It takes adults to get married. I beg young people to stay in school and don't mess with your brain. Don't smoke pot because it interferes with the natural growth of your brain. That takes 25 years. So don't kill your wonderful brain cells and become a good parent to you. So I preach a little bit because, you know, I'm 93 years old.

Starting point is 00:16:24 I've been there, done that. And it's very important to revisit the places where we've been. And that's the work I do. I hold your precious hand. And we go back to your bedroom when you were a little boy. And I remember I had a 90-year-old boy who had a dog. and the dog died and the boy died

Starting point is 00:16:48 with that just about emotionally didn't know what to do so he cried and he cried and father came in and yelled at the boy we don't cry in this family and grabbed the boy

Starting point is 00:17:04 and took him to a pet shop and bought a new puppy and he said to me Dr. Eager I'm 56 years old And I have yet to shed a tear since I'm nine years old. See what comes out to our body doesn't make us ill. Crying is good.

Starting point is 00:17:26 It's healthy. When you have a broken heart, you grieve, you cry. But in many families, especially the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant families, you have to control yourself. You're so controlled, you're splitting at the seams. Be a little Hungarian scream it out. You've got to have rage before you move into forgiveness. I'll admit I'm a little spoiled.

Starting point is 00:18:24 Ginny does a lot of the cooking and she's great at it. However, she has been traveling a lot lately, and I am really busy launching a book, which has made me really glad that I have Hello Fresh. It saves me going to the grocery store, and they have so many different options. I'm kind of particular about what I eat, and yet I still find tons of things

Starting point is 00:18:45 that I'll eat on Hello Fresh. I'm able to order delicious, healthy, high-protein meals that are enjoyable to cook. It gives me something to do with my hands at the end of a long day sitting in front of a screen. So go to HelloFresh.com slash feed to get 10 free meals and a free Zwilling knife, which is $144.99 value,

Starting point is 00:19:07 on your third box. Offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box, new subscribers only, varies by plan. There's been times where I knew I could use some extra support, some therapy, and then I would start looking and it's like who's a good fit, who takes insurance, how do I even sort through all of these options? And that's why I love what Alma is doing. They've built a network of over 20,000 therapists and you can browse their directory without creating an account. You can filter by the things that actually matter, like what you're dealing with, the therapist's approach, even background. So it feels a lot more human and a lot less like guesswork. And one thing that really stands out, most Alma therapists except insurance. On average,

Starting point is 00:19:54 people save about 80% on sessions, which makes getting help feel a lot more doable. Because for a lot of us finding therapists, we just don't know where to start and we worry about the cost. So if you've been thinking about therapy but haven't taken that first step, this is a good place to begin. Go to helloalma.com slash feed. That's hello-a-l-ma.com slash feed and find a therapist who fits you. You say that the opposite of depression is expression. That's right. So share your secret.

Starting point is 00:20:29 Share your secret what comes out of your body. It doesn't make you ill. you either vent anger, suppress anger, I like you to dissolve the anger. Talk to me about how you dissolve the anger without venting the anger. Recognizing that anger is not a primary emotion. That is very, very, very true because I studied that. When I'm angry, I give my power away. I ask people to reclaim your powers.

Starting point is 00:21:04 You're angry because you're expected more and you're getting less. It's really very important what you're expecting. So what I'm really talking about a lot of the times is the name rejection. So somebody, maybe like you, I come to and I tell you, I would like you to get to know me, me, E.D., not Dr. Eager, and you tell me that, it's a very nice offer, and thank you. I'm not interested. So the best four-letter word is risk, and I asked you, and I didn't get it what I want, but I was not rejected, because rejection is just an English word that people make up to express a feeling when you don't get what you want.

Starting point is 00:22:03 So give up the drama. One time a young person told me, he rejected me. No, no one can reject you. So get rid of that word, for sure. No one has any power to reject you. But you just wanted something and you didn't get it, and that's what life is, suffering. And when you suffer, take it from me,

Starting point is 00:22:28 you'll become stronger. So who do you feed? Before we dive back into the conversation, let me ask you something. What's one thing that has been holding you back lately? You know that it's there. You've tried to push past it, but somehow it keeps getting in the way.

Starting point is 00:22:46 You're not alone in this, and I've identified six major saboteurs of self-control, things like autopilot behavior, self-doubt, emotional escapism, that quietly do you rarely, our best intentions. But here's the good news. You can outsmart them. And I've put together a free guide to help you spot these hidden obstacles and give you simple, actionable strategies that you can use to regain control. Download the free guide now at one you feed.net slash ebook and take the

Starting point is 00:23:17 first step towards getting back on track. Another of the prisons that you talk about, we touched on this just a little bit here, but I want to hit it, which is the prison of secrets. I love this. In Hungary, we have an expression. If you sit with one butt on two chairs, you become half-ass. That's a Hungarian saying. In Hungarian, it sounds funny. If you're Jewish, you say, you can't go to two weddings with one behind, you know, and you cannot dance within two weddings. Many ways, how do you split yourself? How do I split myself that I'm working? loving and playing. While I'm talking to you, I'm cooking a Hungarian dinner for tonight. My children are here. It's called the Sekegoulash. It's about meat and sauerkraut and sour cream,

Starting point is 00:24:13 a lot of caravetsies, a lot of paprika, and you serve it on mashed potatoes. So I am dividing myself and you know what? I will never retire. I'm better now than I was. Years ago, if I don't know anything, I tell you, and maybe we can look it up together. But I want to be the true me, not the image of me. And that's what we call the ego, the false self. You say that honesty starts with learning to tell the truth to yourself. You look in the mirror in the morning and just say, I'm one of a kind. Look at Gandhi.

Starting point is 00:24:56 took one person to bring down the whole British Empire without ever shedding blood. I lectured in that museum of Gandhi in Johannesburg, South Africa. I felt so, so wonderful to talk to people. These people were called the YPO, the Young President's Organization. They have a lot of people.

Starting point is 00:25:26 money and they spent it on building all kinds of schools for the children, building homes for families. They are really truly my heroes, the young president organization. I was so beautifully, beautifully treated. You see, they don't give you money for what you do, but they treat you so that I traveled with an airline called Virgin Airlines. Have you ever been on Virgin Airlines? First class? I have not been on it. I know what it is. They give you pajamas. They put you to bed in San Diego. And then I woke up in London. Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous treatment. I was treated beautifully. And I was able to travel practically all over the world.

Starting point is 00:26:30 And even today, I am hoping that I can guide people to transcend their ego needs. And recognize that Auschwitz was an opportunity to discover that life is from inside out and not to wait. People who were waiting for someone to come and liberate them, they didn't make it. All we had was each other then, and all we have is each other now. So when I danced for Dr. Mangala, I closed my eyes and I imagined that the music was Chikovsky, and I was dancing at the Romey and Juliet at the Budapestaparhal. And today when a woman tells me, I was sexually touched. And I don't know how to tell you, Edie, because you were in Auschwitz.

Starting point is 00:27:28 And I said, you were more in prison than I was because I knew the enemy. So if you have a secret, share it. If you come to see me, you're going to have to go to the 12th step because there were two drunk going to Carl Jung in Switzerland And Carl Jung said alcoholism is a spiritual issue, not psychotherapy. So I sent people to the 12-step so they could be grown-ups. So they could live a life of an adult that freedom comes with responsibility. Yeah, well, it saved my life.

Starting point is 00:28:11 And one of the things we used to say in 12-step programs all the time is you're only as sick as your secrets. And you're thinking, thinking, yes. Lovely, lovely words that I like to use about how you go to a meeting and recognize that. All you have to do is sit there. And then they trigger things in you that you ran away from because you medicated your feelings. You medicated your grief. You don't drink when you're happy. You think you are happy.

Starting point is 00:28:46 You want to be happy. But then you become a false you. You tell them that you are some kind of a king's son. And then you get sober and then you think, oh, my God, I feel so little. They call it a shame attack. I feel little. And you fluctuate from helplessness to grandiosity. Yes.

Starting point is 00:29:16 Yes, that does appear to be a big part of it. You became now the one who does his calling. This is your calling. And the alcohol is a gift that you were able to turn tragedy into this kind of an opportunity now that you can tell people, this is not the best you can do. Recently, I had a sudden and unexpected need to move studios. It was really stressful because it landed in the middle of a family health issue and book events,

Starting point is 00:30:19 and I just didn't have much time to do it. So having TaskRabbit available really reduced my stress level. I can book a Tasker through the app and just get help ASAP. TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area for moving, furniture assembly, home repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search based on costs, skill set, availability, and reviews, so you know who's showing up. And because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, and handled 1.5 million moves, you know you can count on them.

Starting point is 00:30:55 I use TaskRabbit and you should too. When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at taskrabbit.com or on the TaskRabbit app using promo code feed. Taskers book up fast, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help Today. That's $15 off your first task using promo code feed with the TaskRabbit app or at taskrabbit.com. Let's talk about another of your prisons. You talk about the prison of guilt and shame.

Starting point is 00:31:30 I'd like to talk about what is the way out of that prison. I can only tell you what I lived. Anything I tell you, I lived it. First of all, my parents wanted a son after two girls, and I came along. So I came into a very talented family. My sister Magda played the piano. My sister Clara played a violin. And many people didn't even know I existed.

Starting point is 00:32:03 I would say I'm Clara's sister. I didn't know. I didn't have my identity. But my mother looked at me one day. and said, I'm glad you have brains because you have no looks. I think it's very important for people to see what you carry in you. It's kind of like Shakespeare, they put you somewhere, and then you give a game, and what happens that I took care of a military family,

Starting point is 00:32:33 and they just came back from Germany. And so they had these little dolls in the living, room. And so when I came in, the mother introduced me to the children. This is the shy one. This is my giggly one. This is my son, the doctor. And so we sit down, the shy is shy. The giggly is giggly. And I tell the shy one because I was painfully shy. I said, you have such a beautiful profile. And mother kicked me under the table and said, don't tell you. her that she'll be conceded. So you know right away in this family, you don't get positive reinforcement. And that's why, you know, many times your mother may tell you, you're a very handsome

Starting point is 00:33:26 boy, but you're fat and butt, you're pimply, and you forget about before the bot happened. So I tell people, give me the butt, and I give you an end. Yes, and, yes, and. So the little two-year-old was nagging on mother, and she was washing dishes, and she was telling the little boy that she's busy. But the little boy is two years old. I want and I want it now. That's what children want, want it easy and want it now. And so the little boy stopped. I watched that little boy thinking, click-a-dick, click-a-click, and goes to the little.

Starting point is 00:34:10 living room and just about touching one of those dolls and mother comes in, grabs the boy, picks up the boy and said, didn't I tell you not to touch that? You see, what do you pay attention to? Just like which one, which wolf. And you know, yeah, he got picked up one way or another. And that's what children do. They go to a most elegant restaurant, and you may sell to your mother. If you don't give me this now,

Starting point is 00:34:49 then I'm going to say the effort. You immediately don't want to be seen as some kind of a bad parent. So we look at the firstborn child usually are the responsible ones. Most of our Nobel Prize winners are either only children or first-born children. Middle children are like peacemakers, like Kissinger. They want everybody to get along.

Starting point is 00:35:20 I guess that's what you are very good at. But young people in a family, we call charming manipulators. And I was one of those charming manipulators. If I wanted money, I asked money from my father. when he was playing billiards and he wanted to look very generous in front of him. I couldn't do that with my mother. Very different responses.

Starting point is 00:35:50 So which one are you teaching people to be a survivor and not a victim of anything or anyone? No one can put you down, but you. No one can reject you, but you. You have as much power over other people as you give them permission, allow them. And that's why I ask people to reclaim their innocence. And for that I had to go back to Auschwitz and go back to that lion's den, and go back and look at that lion in a face,

Starting point is 00:36:27 and go back there and reclaim my innocence, and begin to forgive myself that I survived. That's the hardest thing to forgive you. And that's why I didn't show up for my graduation when I graduated with honors. So you see, we can be our own worst enemies. And hopefully you can recognize that children don't do what we say. They do what they see. So the best thing, again, for children, is a happy marriage.

Starting point is 00:37:07 I hope you are in a happy marriage. I am with a partner and I am very happy, yes. She and I are very happy. I'm very happy that you're a good role model also to others, the way you treat. Do your children want to know how you treat their mother? Yeah. And you are good role mother to the children. Let's talk about the prison of judgment.

Starting point is 00:37:32 You tell a pretty powerful story in the book about in the early 80s, you're doing court-appointed therapy, and a 14-year-old boy comes to you. Do you want to tell that story? I think what comes up for me is the 14-year-old young boy, who was part of the White Supremacy group, who was part of a group called David Koresh in Texas, He ended up being bombed by the government. But he came to my office, and he told me he's a boot boy in Texas,

Starting point is 00:38:09 and I acknowledged his boots, even though I know nothing about boots. And then he got up, and he put his elbow on my desk, and said, Hey, Doc, it's time for America to be white again, and I'm going to kill all the Jews. and all the using the N-word, and all the chinkos and all the Mexicans. Now there is a difference between reacting or responding. If I would have reacted, I would have dragged that boy, the corner, I would have stepped on him, and I would say,

Starting point is 00:38:51 who do you think you're talking to? I was in Auschwitz. My parents died in a cash chamber. But I live by the idea that somehow I was in Auschwitz, and here is this young boy coming to me. And I operate on the idea that people don't come to me, they're sent to me like you are. So I went to God, as I did in Auschwitz.

Starting point is 00:39:26 And I said to God all that, and God said to me, find the bigot in you. And I told God, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am not a bigot at all. I came to America in 1949. And I worked in a factory. It's called the sweatshop. I got seven cents per dozen cutting up boxers shorts. And I became the breadwinner because my late husband,

Starting point is 00:39:56 ended up in a TB hospital. He died of TB too, came back. But when I went to the bathroom, I saw a sign, colored. Imagine after Nazi Germany and communist Russia, I come to America to find democracy. So love is not what you feel, it's what you do. I gather there will be men of color.

Starting point is 00:40:23 I asked them to take me to a meeting. And guess what? In 1963, you may find myself among all those people with Martin Luther King singing, we shall overcome. You're too young to understand that, right? 1963, June or July, I don't know, but I know it was summer. It was very hard. So when someone is not going as well as you want to,

Starting point is 00:41:00 I ask people to say to themselves, I don't like it. It's inconvenient. And it's temporary, and I can survive it. Don't say but, say and, because everything is temporary. I'm going to be very happy in my death, but I know. I know because I'm. I live life to the fullest every day.

Starting point is 00:41:27 I finish everything on my plate. Take me out to lunch and believe me, I'm going to eat up everything on that plate. And if you leave something on your plate, I'm going to either eat it or take it home with me. It pains me to throw away. So Auschwitz was an opportunity to really discover that inner strength. that they could throw me in a gas chamber any minute.

Starting point is 00:41:58 I had no power over that. They would beat me, torture me, and never, ever touch my spirit. So that's what I bring to you. That spiritual freedom, that no matter what you tell me, in the English language, when you're angry, I'm going to hear the word you.

Starting point is 00:42:21 You are stupid. You know, that's what bullets do in school. You are, whatever they call you, and all you say to yourself, the longer they talk, the more relaxed I become, you take the negative stimuli, immediately turn it into positive, and you say I'm practicing my low frustration tolerance level. That's a 50-cent word from psychology, that I cannot change the stimulus,

Starting point is 00:42:55 but I'm sure not allowing to murder my spirit ever. So you don't make me angry. When you hear somebody tell you, all you have to do is just change it to I. I make me angry because your behavior is unacceptable. So I went back to that boy, and I created the environment that you create, that people can feel any feeling without the fear of being judged.

Starting point is 00:43:25 And I looked at him as lovingly as I could. You know, I can kill you with my eyes and I can love you with my eyes. And I said three words, tell me more. Please tell me more. He never knew a thing about my past. And that's my experience that I was remembering when I saw at the camera. The people who wear the white supremacist and wearing a shirt six million was not enough. How do you think I feel?

Starting point is 00:44:03 But I don't let fear rule my life. But you know, people trigger things in you. I watched a movie the other night. It's called a miracle worker. It's the life of Helen Keller. She's deaf, blind. And then one time when they have dinner, after once and months and working with this child, Helen Keller was taking a picture and going out with the teacher.

Starting point is 00:44:37 And as she was getting the border, the first time she began to talk. And she said water. It took like 10 minutes at least. and what triggered in me, that when I was liberated, I didn't know how to write. And I remembered practicing a capital G for hours and hours. See, when we were liberated, people would go through the gate, but then they would come back and SIDA talks about the positive psychology.

Starting point is 00:45:14 We were free, but we didn't know. And he caused it, learned helplessness. And that's very, very true. I did not know how to write, especially the capital chief. So you're guiding people now that maybe something is going to trigger that you have not finished. And you got to go back and relive that experience, and you go through the valley of the shadow of that. Don't get stuck in there. Because when you constipated, you concentrate on a movement.

Starting point is 00:45:49 So that's why my daughter calls it, edism. Are you reviving or are you evolving? So be like a butterfly and shed that chrysalis so you can fly freely like a butterfly. Before we wrap up, I want you to think about this. Have you ever ended the day feeling like your choices didn't quite match the person you wanted to be? Maybe it was autopilot mode or self-doubt that made it harder to stick to your goals. And that's exactly why I created the six saboteurs of self-control. It's a free guide to help you recognize the hidden patterns that hold you back

Starting point is 00:46:32 and give you simple, effective strategies to break through them. If you're ready to take back control and start making lasting changes, download your copy now at one you feed.net slash ebook. Let's make those shifts happen starting today. Oneefeed.net slash eBook. I think that is a great place for us to wrap up. Thank you so, so much for coming on and sharing so much of your wisdom and kindness and love with us.

Starting point is 00:47:02 It's been a real honor for me. God bless. God bless. Thank you so much for listening to the show. If you found this conversation helpful, inspiring, or thought-provoking, I'd love for you to share it with a friend. sharing from one person to another is the lifeblood of what we do. We don't have a big budget, and I'm certainly not a celebrity,

Starting point is 00:47:22 but we have something even better, and that's you. Just hit the share button on your podcast app or send a quick text with the episode link to someone who might enjoy it. Your support means the world, and together we can spread wisdom one episode at a time. Thank you for being part of the One You Feed community.

The One You Feed - How to Break Free from the Mental Prisons That Hold You Back with Dr. Edith Eger

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.