The One You Feed - Lenuta Hellen Nadolu on Courage and Survival

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

Lenuta Hellen Nadolu is a loving mother, a successful entrepreneur, and, as you’ll find out in this interview – a survivor. Most recently, Helen was a guest speaker at a United Nations High Commissioners For Refugees Charitable Event in Support of Women and Girls in The Democratic Republic of Congo. In this episode, Eric and Hellen discuss her new book, Give Me Courage: The Inspiring True Story Of Survival and Escape. But wait – there’s more! The episode is not quite over!! We continue the conversation and you can access this exclusive content right in your podcast player feed. Head over to our Patreon page and pledge to donate just $10 a month. It’s that simple and we’ll give you good stuff as a thank you!In This Interview, Lenuta Hellen Nadolu and I Discuss Courage and Strength …Her book, Give Me Courage: The Inspiring True Story Of Survival and EscapeHer experience growing up in a struggling communist countryMeeting her future husband, the doctor who cared for her mother in the hospitalThe extraordinary circumstances under which she was able to marry her husbandHer move to Africa in consideration of her daughterThe love, care, and, respect she found in GhanaWhen her husband decided to marry a 2nd wifeHer experience as the first white woman to divorce a black man in the Ghanian court Why she decided to pack her bags, take her children and fly illegally – smuggling her children – out of GhanaHer dream of giving her children a life free of the racist abuse they had experiencedThe psychic who told her where to what country she would move Lenuta Hellen Nadolu Links:TwitterFacebookKiwiCo: The subscription service that sends your child hands-on science, art, and geography projects each month to build confidence, creativity, and critical thinking skills. Get 30% off your first month plus free shipping on any crate line with the promo code FEED at www.KiwiCo.comOrganifi: Your all-day, total body, certified organic, delicious superfood system. Go to www.organifi.com and enter promo code WOLF to get 15% off any product in their store.If you enjoyed this conversation with Lenuta Hellen Nadolu, you might also enjoy these other episodes:Dr. Tererai Trent on Incredible PerseveranceDiscovering Our Essence with A. H. AlmaasSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to The One You Feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have. Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf.

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Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is Lenuta Helen Nadulu. Helen is a loving mother, a successful entrepreneur, and as you'll find out in this interview, a survivor. Most recently, Helen was a guest speaker at a United Nations High Commissioners for Refugees charitable event in support of women and girls in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Her new book is Give Me Courage, The Inspiring True Story of Survival and Escape. Hi, Helen. Welcome to the show. Eric, thank you for having me on your show. I'm very grateful for that. You are very welcome, and I am very grateful to have you on. We're going to be discussing your book called Give Me Courage, the inspiring true story of survival and escape. And I know you wanted to mention the title of the book in Spanish for listeners. In Spanish, it's translated to Dame

Valor. Wonderful. So we'll get into the book in a second, but let's start like we always do with the wolf parable. There's a grandmother who's talking with her granddaughter and she says, in life, there are two wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love. And the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the granddaughter stops. She thinks about it for a second. She looks up at her grandmother. She says, well, grandmother, which one wins? And the grandmother says, the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work

that you do. Thank you, Eric. Each day I sit with the imagery of both wolves, the good wolf and the bad wolf. It's a constant reminder of my thought selection, what is to be nurtured and what is to be released. After many years of emotional struggle, losing myself in sorrow, regret, anger, guilt, and frustration, I have come to realize on a conscious level that I needed to shift my behavior, where, how, and why I feed each wolf. The need arose soon after my daughter Nancy introduced me to your inspiring podcast, The One You Feed. The Good Wolf leads me to compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness, to compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness, releasing the dark thoughts, anger, hatred,

and fear which comes from feeding the bad wolf. Without the bad wolf, the good wolf would not exist, and the awareness of their co-existent energy brings me to the present, recognizing the power of my mind to increase self-awareness by examining the continuous flow of my thoughts and choices in turning thoughts into action, working towards the person I want to be in this lifetime. This parable helps me to travel consciously in my daily life, to receive grace with an open heart and create space within my being for compassion, respect, love, and forgiveness. That's a beautiful sentiment. That is very, very well said. Let's start with your book by kind of just tell us a little bit about what growing up was like for you. I know that you grew up in Romania, so tell us a little bit about your childhood. I was born in Transylvania, and in Transylvania, the part of Romania which is, well, in a way, it's called the home of Dracula. And it's a frightening thought for many.

Yeah, that's true. I was born in this part of the country was strongly divided between Hungarians and Romanians. I was born in my grandmother's house. And I had my happiest memories were until the age of five, when my father decided to move us to the south, where he came from. And with that, my life, as young as I was, I just felt that I was removed from my place, something which, later in life, I earned to go back. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to because I made other choices.

Yeah. And so as you grew up there, you grew up in a communist country that was struggling at the time. But as you grew a little bit older, you met a doctor who played a pretty prominent role in your life. Tell me a little bit about that situation, because this kind of starts to lead us into your need to survive and escape. I met Dr. Victor Ato, the father of my children, back in 1973 in Bucharest, Romania. He was a kind and compassionate Ghanaian man, nearing the end of his scholarship in the hospital, where he was working day and night as a gynecologist and obstetrician to save women from prison and from the brink of death. I hope I get the black dog that many women in trouble pray when they arrive at the hospital with the complication caused by illegal abortions,

such as septicemia, as happened to my mother's patient. And that's how I met Victor. He was my mother's doctor. In Romania at the time, abortions were illegal. In Romania at the time, abortions were illegal and termination of a pregnancy was performed at home with the help of alternative deadly methods. Some succeeded, a few were saved in the hospital under the condition that they first confess before treated and then be sent to jail, while many died in silence. Dr. Victor Otto was the only doctor. So you met this doctor, you're saying, because your mother had to go to the hospital and abortions were illegal at that point.

And either you confessed to the abortion, in which case you got medical care and then you were sent to jail, or you just never confessed and most people died, but that this Dr. Victor handled things differently. Correct. That is true. So Dr. Victor Otto, he was the only one in the hospital, the only doctor who refused to obey the confession protocol. And ironically, being black and foreign in this circumstance during the Cold War gave him immunity against the cruel dictatorship the system we're all living under. Saving lives in the Romanian hospital and putting his duty of care first and foremost was absolute fraud, Dr. Victor Ato. And this was despite the childhood humiliation he suffered at the hands of a white

doctor, who brutally slapped his face in the presence of his father. After removing a piece of paper Victor inserted inside in his own ear whilst playing with other children. He chose to be a different doctor by passing his own pain of constantly being reminded he's black, often recalling that what he often here heard inside the hospital calls, I am a good doctor. Outside, I'm black. So he was well-respected within the hospital, but then outside in the Romanian culture, he was discriminated against strongly because he was black.

And sometimes, Eric, you know, he would, and it happened when I was with him as well, we would walk on the street and we see one, some of his patients, ex-patients crossing the road and saying, sorry, doctor, you know, I am not supposed to talk to you because you are black. So you met the doctor when your mom was in the hospital. And tell us kind of what the relationship between you and Dr. Victor was over time. So what happened that I was aware that my mom had illegal abortion performed on her. And because she was sick the night before. So just before I went to school that day, I went to one of my neighbors.

I trusted because it's something you just don't really talk about it. And I told her to look after my mother. And when I came back from school, she told me that my mother was taken to the hospital because she was changing color and she was getting really very ill. And that was a black doctor who looked after her. So I immediately went to the hospital and the rules of the entrance in the hospital are very strict. You had to visit only two days a week which was Thursday and Sunday. Unfortunately, there were no other days. And I asked the porter to let me in.

And at the same time I was arguing with him, I saw this black doctor, because he was the only one I heard, coming out. So he asked me what was my issue. So I told him the story and he said, come on, I will take you to your mom. Yes, it is true. I have performed a DNC, the abortion for her, and she's all right. Please don't worry. And before then, he had to ask me to go to his room to just put a gown on my shoulders, to just put a gown on my shoulders, which was the white gown the students would wear to give me passage into the hospital so he doesn't get into trouble.

And so then my mother, when she looked at me, she said, where did you meet him? So I said, Adelgate. And Victor left. And the next day, my father asked me to take some tips to him because that's what was the tradition in Rumi, the custom, you tip the doctor. And he refused, Victor refused.

And with that was the end, the first time. And then a few months later, unfortunately, I fainted at school. And I was taken to the emergency. And in the emergency room, I just heard Dr. Victor's voice. And I thought, oh, that's the black doctor. And I had to go through some private, which I you know, I find very difficult. It's in the book, the details. I was admitted in his ward. And the next thing, we started talking and there was that sense of familiarity. You know, when he placed that white gown on my shoulders, I just

felt, you know, this energy, you know, flowing through my body. There was something, and I've always had that awareness. So I felt very familiar with him, you know, and I was very open and talking. And I was always so fascinated about the free world because we're never allowed to even inquire. And then we had beautiful discussion, interesting discussion. He was telling me about Africa and I was trying to find out, you know, the tales people were talking about Africa, women being sold and been sold for Camel and all these fantasies the Romanians heard about Africa. And then I was discharged from the hospital and he asked me if I could meet him. So although I was preparing for my year 12 final exams and my university entry. I agreed.

And behind my parents' back, I went to meet him. But what happened, to walk with a black man, the whole area would know about it. So the word arrived home that they saw me walking with a black doctor. And then my mother, you know, she promised me never to do it, to meet him again. And I refused to promise. And I got smacked with a wooden spoon until I would say, no, I'm not going to meet. And I never said that. So in the end, she had to stop smacking me. And after that, I decided to have a break, to go and sit my exams in Transylvania to enter my law school, philosophy and law. And when I came back, but then I had to come back to Bucharest to pack up my bags. And my younger sister, who is six years younger, she came and she said, Helen, very softly,

she said, you know something? She said, that black doctor, he's been sending so many white doctors, Romanian doctors here to ask where you are. He needs to find you. And I was quite surprised because I didn't think that I meant that much to him. So I decided to give him a call to let him know what I'm going to do. And I ran him into the hospital. And when he heard my voice, he was so overwhelmed with joy. And he asked me to come over to his house for dinner. So I agreed. And my little sister, she's six years younger than me, but she's always the one

who always found ways of misbehaving behind my parents' back. So I couldn't do it because I was so straight. And, you know, you look at my face and you know, you know, my parents will know I'm lying. So I asked her to plan going out because we're never allowed to leave at night. We have to be back by seven o'clock. And so we sorted it out. And I ran to him, yes, we are coming.

And we went to his apartment. And the first thing, there was this, later I call it the scent of Africa, you know, that scent of food. He was cooking peanuts butter soup, which is the most amazing soup, you know, I had. And we were really enjoying dinner. And then with my sister, we're talking and my sister, she's a bit cheeky and, you know, she's funny. And I was getting very nervous because I could see the night was falling and we had to leave. And I kept on saying to my sister, come on, let's go. And my sister said, no, no, no, because she needed to finish the peanuts and the Coca-Cola because that is a rarity in Romania. So in the time being, Victor asked me to go to the bedroom and then

is there where I lost my virginity. And after it happened, I just realized the consequences of it and I knew I went home and the next day my mother realized that and I was too scared to confess and they've taken me to the doctors and soor then go on and get married and go to Africa together, right? After many years, because in Romania, to get married to a foreigner, first you need to apply to the government or the president of the country to actually approve your marriage. president of the country to actually approve your marriage. But at the same time, you needed the consent of your parents, regardless how old you were. When I needed the consent, I was around 20, but I still needed my parents' consent. And my father refused to give it to me, saying that he would rather see me dead, you know, than leave Romania to go to Africa. But after I had my oldest daughter, Elsie, he said, because of the child, I will give you the consent.

But this is only because he didn't want my daughter to be left without a father. And so you guys then moved to Africa. Yes, that's correct, yeah. So you moved to Africa, and things don't go very well with the marriage. They haven't been well for a long time before even I left Romania. They were not right for a long time, but I had no other choice, Eric, because living back with my black child would have caused so much pain for my daughter. And I chose to follow the path and go.

Your daughter was facing a lot of hatred and discrimination in Romania for being black. I think you write in the book that people would spit at her and call her a black crow. Yeah, people who spit. And I remember one day, I had to go by tram. And you know, the journey is a little bit shaky. And I was holding my daughter. And I was next to the chairs, which are for in the public transport for disabled and people they needed help to sit down and it was a very rocking journey and one of an older traveler said to the young man who was sitting on the chair could you please stand up and give your seat to this lady with a child. And the next thing, there was this flooding of insults, you know, calling me a slut, calling my child a black rock,

spitting on us and saying that if I was able to sleep with a black man, I should be able to stand the rock in front. So that was one instance which, you know, he still lives with me. That was the most deciding moment when I knew I had to leave Romania. Yeah, yeah. So even though things with Victor were not going well, you knew you were not in a good relationship. You felt like you had no choice

but to get your daughter out of Romania. That's right. That's right. Yeah, you know, it's something which was very close to my heart, the responsibility I had towards my child, the responsibility of growing up happy. Yep. Yep. And so you get to Ghana, and you are kind of now in a totally new world. There's some wonderful parts of it, but lots of really bad parts of it. In Ghana, I was surrounded by love, by care, by respect. The opposite experience, which I had in Romania. My father-in-law, he was the most amazing man. He was like the father I never had. That good relationship. I had a father, but the relationship wasn't as good as I had it with my father-in-law.

And the fact that I was white, and that's what so surprised me because, you know, in Ghana, despite the colonial times, and I don't know the history that much, but I suppose they had difficulties. They still revered the white people. And myself, within myself, I was so ashamed to be white. Why I'm saying that is because I could never understand why we got so much love, respect, and then we give them back just the opposite, the abuse and the hurt and racial slurs.

And that wasn't happening in Ghana, but, you know, I lived with what happened in Romania, you know, the way we treated, Romanians who treat Black people. so your marriage continues to deteriorate in Ghana, and you hit a point where you decide you need to leave. Say more about that. Yeah, so I had a beta divorce because he chose to have a second wife. And despite the fact, you know, that I was white, I had so much support. I was the first white woman to divorce a black man in the Ghanaian court. And I went first to one lawyer.

He refused to take my case upon hearing who my husband was and my surname, because I was Mrs. Atom. was in my surname because I was Mrs. Atom. I then was introduced by my late brother-in-law to one lawyer, Mr. Amatefiu. And I went to see him. I thought my brother-in-law sent me to him just to help me divorce. But the reason behind that for my brother-in-law was to keep it as quiet and as silent as he could do and hoping that the lawyer is going to change my mind. And Amate was amazing. You know, he sat with me lose the custody of my children. And he realized and he would try to talk to my husband and see whether he can, we can sort of sit down and negotiate our marriage, which I wasn't very happy about it because for me, in my heart, I know it was the end. And he said, look, leave it with me. I will let you know in a couple of days because I don't know whether I will be able to take another case. And in a couple of days, he called me to the chambers and he said, look, I need to be very honest with you. It has been the hardest decision for me. Dr. Victor Otto,

he was my mate in the boarding school and in our culture, we don't go against our friends. and in our culture, we don't go against our friends. But I had a chat with him and the way he handled our meeting was something which I was deeply disappointed. So based on that, I decided to go ahead with the divorce, filing the divorce. But I just wanted you to know that you still risk losing your children.

Because at that time, you know, I was just doing just a few, you know, small things as work. So he was, you know, a doctor with a big income, with a big reputation. So as one day Victor said in court, when he objected the judge giving me the custody of my children, he said, she's nothing and I'm a doctor. So that summarized his position. Anyway, in the end, I was so lucky. My court case was presided by a judge, a lady judge, who could see and understand where I came from. And I got all the financial entitlements I should get. The only job I had is to look after my children.

But then we had the issue of, you know, my children going to see their father, you know, at the weekends. And then I felt my children, they were poisoned, their minds, to a point when after three days, my son would not even want to come to me. And he was a toddler. So I decided, no, I think the best thing is for me money, all these comforts. I need to leave all behind. And I decided to pack my bags with my suitcases and the children and fly them out illegally because I was giving the custody of the children back only within Ghana, not to take them out of Ghana. So I decided to smuggle

them. And I had a very good friend, actually two good friends of mine who helped me, Irene and Alex, and I was able to escape. In the book, you tell the story of sort of getting the children, getting on the plane, and just how much fear you had about, you know, if you had been caught trying to take the children back to Romania. It's a very tense situation. It was so tense. I still have a ton. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

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Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Oh, yeah, really. Go to really, no, really.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called really, no, really. And you can find it on the I heart radio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. nightmares of those moments because if i was to be caught my children would have been taken away from me because that's so many ghanian men used to do when they went to ghana they decided to marry a white woman if the white woman will not agree or will not be happy with it, they will just make sure they arrange their departure in the middle of the night and the children. And then I had another experience not long before I flew out. I came across this white lady, I assume she was from North Europe, and I dedicated my book to her.

She became an alcoholic due to the pain. She couldn't endure anymore. And she was in the gatta, you know, smelly. I was with my drive at that time, and I tried to help her, and I couldn't. She was just almost unconscious. So that was, for me, one of the biggest moments to realize and to know and to see what emotional pain can do to us. emotional pain can do to us. And that memory, I carried with me. And I still carry and I wanted to dedicate the book. Yep. So you smuggle the three children out of Ghana in a daring escape.

And you get back to Romania, which is good that you got out of Ghana, but now you've moved back to the same situation of being in a country that is not going to be very friendly to your three children. Yes, and I knew that, but I had no other option at the moment because while I was in Ghana, before I left, I tried to get an entry visa as a tourist in Canada, but I was refused. So I knew that my only option for the time being is Romania. And the shock I had, Eric, once landed, I went through the checkout immigration. I just realized, I just came to find out that I forgot to speak Romanian. And it was only a couple of years away from Romania. So I was so shocked because later I found out it's a post-traumatic syndrome. So because of what Romania meant for me and my memories, they were haunting me and the fear of going back into the same country. And I forgot the language.

And that was one big shock for me. They were very good, and they were trying to comfort me and keep on asking me to please keep up my passport because I didn't want it. I had a passport, a Romanian passport issued because I was married to a foreigner. And when I entered that country, I didn't tell them I wasn't married with a man who facilitated me to have that passport. I was married with a man who facilitated me to have that passport. So my parents, they kept on saying, give up passport. You learn what you learned. And now you have to get on and look after your children. We are going to help you. You will get an office job.

And, you know, they were trying to, you know, make it better for me. know, make it better for me, but I knew that my dream was to give my children a life free of racism, of abuse. And I just needed to leave Romania and I needed time to find a country where I could go. And while I was in Romania, I decided to apply for United States and I was refused. And then I went to a psychic and she told me that I was going to go to a country starts with A and the taxi driver dropped us right in front of the Australian embassy. And I said to my friend, I said, Cherie, this is the country with A, Australia. And my friend said, I'm crazy.

Do you know where Australia is? And I said, sort of. The only thing I knew about Australia, it was the greatest exporter of wool. And then I have applied. So I went into the embassy and I had to go to a short interview. And I remember there was this kind of Australian man with his half glasses looking at me, questioning because obviously I was suspicious.

You know, I've been in Romania for such a long time, so many months without my husband, the children, they were back there. And he said to me, you know something, leave the application here with me, but let me be honest with you. She said, I don't trust you. You want to live in Australia. And I looked at him and I smiled. I said, what makes you think I will do that?

Is that a fact? I have a Romanian passport. And he looked at me. He said, ring me in a couple of days and I will let you know. So when I rang him in three days time, he said, yes, although I don't believe you, I will still give you the visa. So that's how I managed to get the Australian tourist visa. So you land in Australia and you're eventually able to get your children there with you. Yes, after one year.

Quite a travail you went through to get out of Ghana, to get back to Romania, to find a land to live in rejected from the U.S. and Canada. And you get to Australia. And finally, after a year, you're able to reunite your family. I clearly remember that day, Eric. The relief I felt when I saw my children arriving in Sydney. And from the airport, we went home. I managed to rent a beautiful place in a beautiful area. And I was

walking along the park, the side park with my children and seeing my children so happy. And my eldest daughter asking me, Elsie, Mama, why don't people here in Sydney spit on you and call us black girls, you know, and I tell her, you like here. And this is not to say that Australia, it was or is free of racism, it's clear from the aboriginal struggle. But comparing to Romania at that time, and perhaps now, my children were treated more fairly in this land of opportunity of Australia. And you guys have remained happily in Australia all these years later.

Yes, we are so happy. I mean, even this morning, I was talking to my son, you know, how sometimes I have to pinch myself because I realize. But to see how happy we are here and the opportunity we have, and even to be able, I was talking to my son this morning, to be able to come to this place for holiday, it has been beyond my wildest dream. It was a total gift. Australia has been a gift to us. You were very brave to go through everything that you went through for you guys to make it there. And I think it's such a beautiful story that shows, you know, how much everyone just wants a place that they can be safe and not discriminated against and

not under dictator type rule and, you know, just the chance to live a decent life. I count my blessing every day, especially when I watch the news around the world, even with this coronavirus, you know, we've country and to this place and to this land. Well, we have a lot of Australian listeners. So shout out to all you Australian listeners for all the kindness your country has shown to Helen. Well, Helen, thank you so much for taking the time to come on. Again, your book is called Give Me Courage, and it's a really brave and beautiful story. And you have such a wonderful spirit. You're so kind. You're so brave. It's just been a pleasure to get to know you.

Thank you, Eric, for having me. I feel blessed to be able to share my story on your podcast because it's such an inspiring podcast. Thank you. I feel really blessed. Thank you. Thank you too. And have a lovely Easter. If what you just heard was helpful to you,

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