The One You Feed - Life Changing Questions to Transform Your Mindset and Actions with Rachel Hollis

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

In this episode, Rachel Hollis offers a unique approach to changing your life by asking life changing questions to transform your mindset and actions. She shares her journey of overcoming anxious thoughts and the importance of learning to interrupt negative thought patterns. Rachel also emphasizes the need to move beyond seeking more information and instead focus on applying what we already know. Struggling to stick to your goals? In the upcoming 6 Saboteurs of Self-Control Workshop, we’ll uncover the six hidden obstacles that sabotage your progress and teach you how to overcome them. From breaking free of autopilot habits to tackling self-doubt and emotional escapism, this live session offers practical tools and strategies to help you make better choices and stay aligned with your values. Join us on Sunday, January 12 at 12pm ET and take the first step toward lasting change. Key Takeaways: Discover practical actions to manage anxiety and take control of your well-being Uncover the impact of parental anxiety on children and how it shapes their emotional growth Explore the transformative benefits of therapy for overcoming PTSD and anxiety. Learn effective strategies to interrupt and reframe negative thought patterns for a more positive mindset. Elevate your personal growth by understanding the importance of setting higher standards for yourself. For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm so grateful for the wisdom that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have from the things that I've read or the podcasts I've listened to. But I don't think something can truly be wisdom until you've lived through it and you've applied it in your real life. Welcome to The One You Feed. Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have. Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think ring true.

And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction. How they feed their good wolf.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the Museum of Failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really no really calm and register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead the really no really podcast follow us

on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is Rachel Hollis, a multi-time New York Times bestselling author, host of the Rachel Hollis podcast, and a well-known keynote speaker. Today Rachel and Eric discuss her new book, What If You Are the Answer? and 26 other questions that just might change your life. Hi, Rachel. Welcome to the show. Oh, thanks for having me. You have such a professional setup. I mean, the video looks great. I mean, everything

about it, it's just, it's really good. I have nothing to do with it. Just to be clear, this is all Jack. We give all love to Jack, who produced her. Good work, Jack. Good work. He gets a shout out. We're going to be discussing your latest book, which I love the title of, What If You Were the Answer, and 26 Other Questions That Might Change Your Life.

But before we do, we'll start the way we always do, which is with the parable. And in the parable, there's a grandparent who's talking with the grandchild, and they say, in life, there are two wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love. And the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the grandchild stops, they think about it for a second, and look up at their grandchild stops, they think about it for a second, they look up

at their grandparent and they say, well which one wins? And the grandparent says, the one you feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do. Yeah, I remember the first time I saw that. I saw it as a meme or something that came across social media years ago, and that stopped me in my tracks because it's such a good reminder that what we focus on, we create more of. What we focus on, we give energy to. And for me, that could open a lot of different ways, but I hear it again with you or if I

see it again out in the world, it always will come back to my anxious thoughts versus my more focused, intentional reach for the more positive things. I can very easily swirl into an anxious mindset that will lead me nowhere good. And so I have to really be thoughtful about we're good. And so I have to really be thoughtful about how I focus my thought process to not fall into old bad patterns. So what it makes me think of is wanting to feed the wolf of like the good stuff and the positive stuff and the stuff that I know is going to help me versus the stuff that is going to produce circular thinking in my mind and kind of lead me back to the same place over and over. Can you share a little bit about like what today's greatest hits

of anxious thoughts are like for you? I mean, I think they change for us in some different ways, depending on where we are at a particular time in life. I'm just kind of curious what's circulating lately. Well, to be honest, if I really boil it down, the anxious thoughts are old news. It's always about the past. It's never about what is happening in my presence.

Definitely nothing associated with my future. It's a fear that perhaps bad things that have happened before are going to happen again. Having been through quite a lot of trauma in my life, I will tend to gravitate back to, yeah, it feels really good right now, but what happens if it all goes wrong? You know, well, what are you gonna do if this happens?

What are you gonna do if that happens? And I honestly think that this is gonna sound so terrible, but also is real. And I feel like maybe listeners will be like, yeah, that's me too. I would have one-tenth of the anxious thoughts that I have if I didn't have children. If I didn't have worry or concern for the kids or am I doing a good job as a parent for them? Am I leading them in the right way?

Are they going to be hurt? I mean, just every time they get a little bit older, there's something else. And it can be really easy for me to just add that to the pile of worry. And it serves nothing. Serves nobody, it does not help them. It certainly doesn't help me as a parent, but that is where my brain tends to go back to.

The anxiety is around the stuff that I care about most and wanting to protect or take care of those things that I love the most and feeling like it might all go awry, it might all be taken away. And that's a response from PTSD and I've done a lot of therapy about it, but that really is what it always swirls back to. Yeah, there's a phrase, I don't know if I'll quite get it right, but it's basically that our vulnerabilities show us about our values, right?

The things that really matter to us are the things that we often feel most vulnerable around. And obviously, you know, children are that thing and it's good that they're that important. And as you said, that the anxiety doesn't really help us be a better parent. So, you know, what's your process of, okay, anxiety has arisen, I'm in anxiety. What's your process of working with it today? I absolutely have to interrupt the pattern. It took me a really long time to learn this because I love getting deep. I get real deep in my feelings.

I love just like, oh, let's just marinate in this. And I think that I believe for a very long time that if I could just keep going deeper and deeper and peeling more of the layers away, that I would get to the root cause and then it would never bother me again. And I feel like this is a trap and it's a trap I've only really understood

in the last few years, that I have to interrupt my thought pattern because my thought pattern, it becomes repetitive. And I didn't know that that's what I was doing, this sort of obsessive thinking of just circling back around to the same idea over and over. And the more that I would try and unpack that, the more I'm circling back.

So I think at this point, I've tried every which way you can think of and what works best for me is like, we're obsessing over something we cannot affect. I mean, that's the first thing to notice. Can I actually affect this thing that I'm thinking of right now? No, I cannot.

Then we need to do something right now in this moment to change my thought pattern, which usually for me looks like moving my body, like go on a walk, see the dogs in the neighborhood. I can put on some music, I can dance around, I can go talk to someone, I got a house full of kids, I have an incredible partner, I can reach out and just have a conversation about literally anything,

the groceries that I need to grab or something funny I saw on the internet, but just anything to change the thought pattern, it really does dissipate that quickly for me. It's by continuing to think about it is when I kind of feel trapped by it and I can't get out. Breaking that pattern is really helpful. I love what you said there and I've thought a lot about this and I've even had conversations recently with people about this because there are different schools of thought on how to approach this sort of thing, right? And one of them is it's sort of a depth psychology type approach. When those are happening, it's

information that's telling us something and we should figure out what it is. And I agree with that some of the time, but I also agree with you a lot of the time that to me, they feel like just habitual patterns that run. And I don't know why they run, or actually I do know why they started running, right? I have a pretty good idea of why they started running, but I don't exactly believe them when I think about them. But they go, and if I'm not careful, I just go along with them. And like you said, I'm not certain that going deeper into them provides any value

at this point. You know, there's a big movement also around like feeling your feelings, and I get it. Like we don't want to avoid how we feel, but it's a slippery slope between avoiding what you feel and allowing yourself to remain mired in thought patterns that, like you said, aren't going to go anywhere. Yes, and I think for me it's about are these new feelings? Are these feelings that are happening because of something that has

occurred in my real life? Because I would say 99% of the time, my anxious thoughts are about old stuff. It's like, remember that time in third grade, you said that thing that was really embarrassing? Like, okay, well, what did you say in high school that was embarrassing? And have you ever said something as an adult that was embarrassing? Like, it really, I guess it's a balance. And the only way you can know is this a feeling I need to feel? Is this a thought I need to be thinking? Or is this just a habit loop that I'm inside of

is to know yourself and to know what's gonna be most helpful for you. And there are times where, okay, this situation's hurting me and I really just wanna have a good cry and I wanna have a good wallow in the way that I'm feeling and I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be better cause I've allowed myself to have a good cry, and I want to have a good wallow in the way that I'm feeling, and I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be better

because I've allowed myself to process that. And then other times, especially when it's something I've thought over and over and over again, as soon as it shows up, I'm just like, nope, we do not have time for that. That is not helpful. And by being that like, quick with it, I really can redirect and move on with my life, as opposed to an older way of

thinking for me, which was like, Oh, gosh, you know, no, I really need to sit in this. And it just wasn't helping me to get better. Yeah, your book is all about questions. And'm a big fan of questions and a question that I use in that situation Really is is this useful is this thought useful because it may be telling me something that I need to do You know, there is something that needs to be done. There's a situation that needs to be remedied There's something going on that I am like, oh, I didn't realize that was an important, you know Is it useful or to your point, is it useful in processing some sort of emotion?

But a lot of time, the answer is no. There's no new information coming out. There's no new strategies. There's just nothing. And in that point, I'm like, if it's not useful, OK, let's move on. And like you said, I love this idea. Sometimes, I just have to set a fairly hard boundary,

like no. Correct. Right? Yeah. I sometimes just have to set a fairly hard boundary, like, no. Correct. Right? Yeah, that is what... No, we're not doing this. Yeah. And I don't think I knew I was allowed to tell my brain that when I was younger. I love all of these conversations now around, like, you don't have to believe the thoughts that you think.

Yes. Because growing up, I thought, well, if it shows up in my head, it must be true. And now I realize, no, our, gosh, our mind is so bombarded with so much information, taken in from so many different sources. You have beliefs that were put into you as a kid that maybe you weren't even aware were being programmed into your subconscious. So if you don't understand that and kind of take the guidance of it a bit and take control of where you're focusing,

you will unintentionally allow a bunch of stuff into your mind that I don't think is super helpful for you. And like I said, I've tried all kinds of ways and this is the one that I feel like is most helpful, which is this a very loving way. I don't get mad at myself. I don't judge myself for feeling anxious. But I just am like, no, it's literally

like course correcting a puppy. Sometimes I think my mind is a bit like a puppy where I'm like, nope, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna look over here and we're gonna move forward because that's what's best for everybody. Yep, yep, I agree. So let's turn towards the book and questions. I love the idea of a book about

questions. And I'm working on a book and part of the core ideas about creating wise habits. And I was thinking recently, like, well, what's the ultimate wise habit? Like, if you had one, what would it be? And where I landed was it would be to remember to ask the right question at the right time. And I love that this is what your whole book is oriented around. And so I thought maybe what we could do is just explore some of the questions that you offer and just kind of see where that takes us. Yeah, absolutely. Early on you say, I'm no longer looking for answers. I'm looking for wisdom.

What is wisdom to you? What does that mean to you? Wisdom to me involves a lived experience. So, you know, I love information. I have been reading nonfiction books like my life depended on it for 15 years. I'm so grateful for the wisdom that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have lived through. I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have from the things that I've read or the podcasts I've listened to, but I don't think something can truly be wisdom until you've lived through it

and you've applied it in your real life. I heard this quote and I don't know who said it, but I love it, that any experience you can live through and remember without negative emotion is now wisdom that you possess. Fascinating. Isn't that interesting? That's a very great quote.

As someone who can oftentimes be made anxious by past memories, that felt really powerful for me. Can I live through something? Can I take the best parts and pieces with me? Can I navigate that experience without feeling triggered by it, without going to a certain kind of place? Can it just be this knowledge that I possess that I get to hold in my toolbox now?

So, you know, I could have all kinds of knowledge that I acquire and did as a woman who was pregnant for the very first time and excited about having my first son. And that is very different than the wisdom I now possess. He's about to turn 18 next month. So I have a lot of lived experience with Jackson that helps me to make better decisions about his siblings. But then I'm also living through a whole different experience with each one of them. So for me, it's actually applying the knowledge that you've gained and knowing what works

and what doesn't. And I think that's a really important distinction to make, particularly for my audience, and I'm guessing maybe similarly for yours, is that she often is looking for what's the next thing, what's the next book, what's the next conference, what's the next course, what's she want, like the next thing, the next thing. And you don't need one more piece of information. You need to apply what you already know works for you.

I think that we constantly look for more info because we're hoping there's an easier path. Yes, that's exactly it. We want to hack. And there's not a hack. There's just like the stuff you know you should be doing and are not doing, that's the stuff that you need to focus on.

So for me, wisdom is about experience. I love that. And I couldn't agree more. I think that the going to the seminar, the listening to the next podcast, the reading the next book, it serves a useful purpose in reminding us of things that we know because we need to be reminded. Yes. And like you're saying, I think, yeah, we keep thinking there's an easier

answer than the answer that is presented to us, which is that life is challenging, it's hard, you're gonna do your best to get through it, and if you're gonna make a change, it's probably gonna happen as a result of a lot of small actions taken again and again and again and again. And when you're at the beginning of that process, we often doubt that it actually works. Because you do a couple of those small actions and not much changes, right? And so you go, that's not going to work.

So you don't do it, right? Whereas if we kept doing it, so many of these things, they accumulate so slowly. There's a certain amount of, I think, buying into that method and that understanding of how change works that allows us to perhaps then recognize we do know everything we need to know. Like you said, how do we apply it? I think probably after the first 15 podcasts I did, and I've done, I don't know how many, 700? I mean, so many of them at this point. Probably after the first 15, if there was some soul who was capable of applying all the knowledge and wisdom

in those first 15 would be light years ahead of somebody who had listened to all 700 of them and only partially applied little bits of it. Right, right. It's more fun and easier to listen, to read, and I'm not putting that down, I still do it, I love of it. Right. Right. It's more fun and easier to listen to read. And I'm not putting that down. I still do it. I love doing it. Same. And how do we live it? And I love that that's your definition for wisdom. Yeah, there's a great expression, which might be John Maxwell, I'm not sure who who originated it. But, you know, the old expression is, knowledge is power. And he says, no, knowledge is not power.

Applied knowledge is power. If you have all the knowledge in the world, but you don't actually take any action against it, you're gonna be in the same spot that you are next year. And you hit the nail on the head because it is fun. It's so fun to want to start your first podcast or begin a business or make a change in your life and go get together with like-minded people,

go have coffee with your friends, go talk about the thing. And if you're not careful, six months go by, nine months go by, six years go by, and you're still talking about the thing you wanna do because it feels like you're making traction and it feels like you're making change in your life because you're talking about it. Because talking about it's way funner and way easier than actually doing the things you need to do. So like you said, you're writing your book right now, you know we could talk about it all

day. I could share ideas and advice and it would be exciting. And at the end of the day, if you want to publish a book, you have to sit down and stack a bunch of words on top of each other, which is a slog and it's hard. And nobody, I've done this so many times, it never gets easier. It would be way funner to go talk about writing a book than actually writing a book,

but if you don't do the hard stuff, you don't get to experience the joy of getting to the other side of your dream. Yep, absolutely. So let's go to a question that I really like, which is what big thing is actually little? Tell me about that question. What's important about that to you? Yeah, I mean, this question came about because I kept seeing so many people in my community, friends of mine, and I'm gonna make sweeping generalizations that this, I'm sure happens to dudes as well, but a lot of women just make a really big deal about something that, as my teenagers would say,

like, it's not that deep, mom. Like, it's not that deep. So I was on a podcast tour like a year and a half ago, and I played this game with the audience where I would say, let's play a game of Never Have I Ever. Are you familiar with Never Have I Ever? Sort of, but you can refresh me. It's like a camp game, but you would start with 10 fingers

and you see who you can get out first, but you would say like, never have I ever climbed a mountain. And then if you have done that thing, you put a finger down. So I play this game with the audience, but the intention is that I am naming things that people really want to do, but don't do because they're afraid to or don't do because they think, quote, I'm not that kind of person. So it would be things like, never have I ever gotten a tattoo,

never have I ever walked up to a stranger at the bar and introduced myself, never have I ever applied for a job I was mostly qualified for, but not fully qualified for. So it's just all these things that people, especially women, think of as something for someone else. That's for a different kind of person. That's for my big sister.

That's for the cool girls in middle school. That's for someone other than me. And I was so flabbergasted by how many people were not doing things that in my mind were so simple. So like in most audiences, two thirds of the room has always wanted to get a tattoo, but doesn't get a tattoo because they're like, well, I could never, I'm not that kind of person.

I'm like, y'all could literally leave this room and change that tonight. Within an hour, you could go get a tattoo. I'm not saying you should, but you would go get a tattoo and for the rest of your life, you see yourself as a completely different kind of person. And I think that those kind of moments, like those before and after moments

where all of a sudden you are someone else based on a decision that you made is really powerful, especially for people who there's a lot of care that they give to others, a lot of taking care of other people and you begin to identify yourself through the lens of others. It's really powerful to do something. I mean, it's so ridiculous. Cut bangs, shave your head, get a tattoo. Like, just go on vacation by yourself.

Go just, it sounds so simple, but I was shocked at how many women were really sort of frozen in fear over doing these things that were pretty little. And if you're frozen in fear over doing something that little, you're never gonna make a move against something that can actually change your life in a big way. So I wanted to have a conversation about what are the little things that you're not doing

because you're making a mountain out of a molehill. And if you can start to take on some of those littler things, the example I give in the book is going to a concert by yourself. I love music. I'm a massive fan and I love concerts and I'm really blessed in that my fiance also loves music. So he's super happy to go see shows with me. But I wished earlier on in my life,

I would have just gone to see my favorite bands by myself instead of begging people to come along so I didn't have to go alone. on in my life, I would have just gone to see my favorite bands by myself instead of begging people to come along so I didn't have to go alone and then sitting next to someone who doesn't care about this artist and then my experience is ruined because I'm trying to, you know, I just wish I had figured that out sooner. So that's what it means to me. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse

to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the wooly mammoth Plus this Tom Cruise really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's gonna drop by Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us. How are you?

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park Wayne Knight. Welcome to really really sir. Bless you all Hello Newman and you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really? No, really? Yeah, really. No, really? Go to ReallyNoReally.com and register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app,

on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Some of the music that means the most to me, I almost prefer to be by myself. Even if I know somebody who likes that music, I don't know. I don't want my experience diluted at all, I guess. Or maybe it's fear of showing that much emotion, although I cry all the time, so I don't really think that it's that. But I understand what you're saying. There's something that I don't want to dilute the power of that moment with any sort of distraction. Yeah, I think that also, when I read that question, it made me also think about what things in life are we

making a big deal out of as real problems that maybe aren't? I love that idea of making mountains out of molehills, right? And the way you do that is you just get really myopic, right? If you crawl up to a little thing on the ground and you put it two inches away from your eyes, it looks really big. Absolutely. And I think that's a question like that. And it's inverse that you use, which is what big thing am I thinking is little. But those are just quick ways of changing perspective. And ultimately, that's what we want from a question, right?

We want it to cause us to look differently at something. Yeah, I think, again, it's sort of circling back to what we talked about at the beginning of what we focus on. And even as you were talking, I was thinking about moments in my day where I will be distracted by something and I will turn that into this big thing and it's really not worth my time or energy to start obsessing. It's so easy for me to do that because, especially in a season like this one where so much is going on and I'm trying to accomplish a lot in a given day, I can get really

sort of obsessively focused on something. I'm like, oh my gosh, here's a perfect example. I have a really full day, I'm doing this conversation with you and then I have a bunch of personal projects that I'm trying to get done, all of these things going against launching a book, which is just a lot of work and a lot of energy if I want to do it well and I do really want to do a good job for my readers and my community. And I got a request from my publisher, they had an idea for something they wanted to do, and can you also write

this piece for us and then we're going to push it out? And I just immediately, like I got so anxious because I'm like, I don't wait, I don't have time and I'm already so overwhelmed. Can I write something? I know I don't have time to write anything. And I really was sort of spinning before I got on this conversation with you. And an older version of me would just completely go off the rails with that. I would give incredible meaning to, I have too much and I don't have enough time and

I'm not supported and like just all these stories I might tell myself. And then it just popped in like, oh no, you just tell me to have time. It's that easy. Like this is actually, you need to not make this such a big deal. You're allowed to just say no thank you and move on with your life. That truly would have taken me a whole day,

if not hours in the past. And it ended up taking 11 minutes. Took me 11 minutes to figure out that I was allowed to say no and to move on. And it really just wasn't that big of a deal. in the past and it ended up taking 11 minutes. It took me 11 minutes to figure out that I was allowed to say no and to move on. And it really just wasn't that big of a deal. I love the reminder that the meaning that we give to things is a big determining factor

in how we're able to navigate life. So if you're giving this big meaning to something that's actually quite small, it's going to make everything seem way more serious than it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, that's another favorite question of mine, which is like, what am I making this mean and what else might it mean? We are creating meaning all the time. You can't not do it. The brain simply will do it no matter what. But recognizing that there is a construction process going on in there and that just that,

which we just generally don't do, right? We think that the meaning is what we think it means. You believe it so thoroughly. I watched this with my partner, Ginny's mother, when she had Alzheimer's, and I watched her like arrive at conclusions that were preposterous, that she believed absolutely. When someone's brain is not working that well, you sort of get to see the process that we all go through. It's just so exaggerated that you can see the little bits of it a little bit better. And I could see that in her. It would just, the brain wouldn't be like,

well, I don't know, it doesn't do that. It's like, boom, it just fills in a meaning and then you buy it 100%. Yes. It's amazing. And I think an expression, I heard someone say this years ago, I don't remember who, but they said,

the very first thought your brain has is what your programming tells you is true. And the second thought your brain has is who you actually are. And the example that I always think of this is seeing another woman walking down the street and she could be in, maybe her outfit's really sexy, or maybe her outfit's like crazy, or maybe it doesn't even matter what it is. But before I can think anything else,

my brain will supply a judgment. A judgment of her outfit, a judgment of who she is, a judgment. And then immediately I'm like, oh, gross. No, man, like we are not that person. Like we don't judge and who cares what she's wearing. Maybe she feels fabulous. And like that color looks great on her.

And the second thought I have, I think is who I really am. And that first thought is just the subconscious programming that tells me that I should judge another woman because that is something I saw modeled a lot growing up. Yep. So I think it's okay what your brain supplies as meaning if you can catch it, if you can notice the thought. Precisely, because you can't stop it.

Yes. I don't think meditation is for everyone by any stretch of the imagination. I think everybody should try it though. And the reason is because you will realize very quickly like you are not the author of the thoughts that are coming up. They just come up whether you want them to or not and you're not really even controlling what they are. It's happening on its own. And I think that's really good for us to be able to do what you said, which is let the first thought come, recognize its conditioning. I'm not bad because I have it. It's just what the brain does. But is that who I want to

be? Yeah. And I think, again, going back to this idea of training our thoughts to catch it and redirect it in the same way that I would do with my children. I watch my kids say something or see something or focus on something. And I know that the thing that they're thinking is like, maybe it's my daughter and she says something rude to her brother. And then they're, you know, I want to redirect or I want to give her information about how that might feel to the person who's receiving it, even if he is your big brother. And even if he did bug you.

And you know, it shows up a lot with my kids of trying to make their siblings human in their mind, because in their mind, like, oh, that's my brother, and he's the worst. But how would that feel if someone said that to you? And how would that hurt your heart? And just, I think it's the same thing that we need to do with ourselves. Parents especially, I think, are really,

we're so much more compassionate to our children, we're so much more graceful with our children than we would ever be with our internal monologue. So if you can begin to think through that lens of like, oh, yeah, okay, we did think that, but here's what we actually want to think. Or I think a really good example of this is if you catch yourself, let's say you see someone who's in your industry, whatever that is, whether it's another mama, like you're saying, oh, mama, or it's someone who does what you do, you see them and you judge what they're doing or you think something unkind about them.

And if you're really honest with yourself, that judgment or that criticism is coming from a place of jealousy. When you see that kind of, oh, that's what I'm doing and it's really hard to admit because none of us want to admit that we're that person. But if you can notice that, and actually I have taught myself to do this and it's so annoying, but it really does work, is to stop the unkind thought or to stop the judgmental thought and force myself to say a prayer for more success for that person. Man, she is an example that success is possible. And look at what she's getting to do and like, wouldn't that be so amazing? Number one, to pray for more success for the person that you are judging, for the person

that you're, if you're being honest, a bit jealous of. And number two, to see that jealousy as a clue for things that you wish you had. So often I think, like the internet is filled with people who are actually jealous of the people they're judging, but they don't realize that's what it is. I think that that signal, it's manifesting maybe in unkind ways, trolls tearing apart people in the comments section. But I think what's really there,

I don't think it's like an evil person who's like waving their pitchfork. I think it's someone who like has some untapped potential, some untapped desires, and they're not even in touch with themselves enough to know that that jealousy is a signal like, well, maybe I could write a book. Well, maybe I could learn to play guitar.

Maybe I could try and do that thing. So just understand that the jealousy, again, if you can look at your own foibles without judgment, is a really good indicator of maybe something that you want to make change on in your life. Yeah. You've got a question later in the book around the same idea, which is why do you believe what you believe?

And I think, you know, kind of going back to the jealousy thing and other things, you know, I think it's good to always question your thoughts. You know, why do I think this way? Why do I feel this way? And we've talked about like not believing your first thought. I think there's a corollary of that to me, which is the more strongly I feel it, the more suspicious I know I am of it.

Ooh, that's good. Right? The more it's just, mm, because it feels even more certain. Yes. And I go, wait, hang on a second. Like sometimes it's spot on, but sometimes that's a real sign to me that like I'm going off the rails on something

because it's that emotionally weighted. Yeah, that's such a good one too because the emotional piece is when I feel something that strongly, it is my emotion. It is not like my smart brain talking. It is not the rational part of me. It is usually my most emotional self and she never makes good decisions.

She really does not. She makes decisions out of fear. She makes decisions in anger. She does a lot of things that end up hurting me and that I then need to clean up later. So a great thing I've learned over the last 10 years, especially, and I think this just comes with getting older is to sit, to sit and not make a move, to not do anything, to wait and see if this very strong and intense feeling I am having dissipates, because then it's not sort of rational thinking, it's just my

emotional side wanting to show up and have an opinion. Yeah, yeah. I sometimes think I'm too good at that, meaning that I'm so good at like, okay, just let the emotional energy settle before you do anything, which is really good generally. But I think that what it can turn into for me is that it's hard for me to broach difficult things with people. And sometimes I need that emotional energy to do it.

And if I let the emotional energy settle, what ends up happening is my brain comes in and goes, ah, it's not really important. That's, you know, oh, it's just, it talks it away. And then, you know, it's a big thing that actually does need addressed, that I talk myself into making it a little thing. And I think that's why with all this stuff, it's so helpful to know, like you said it very early on, to know yourself.

Yeah. And it's why advice is know, like you said it very early on, to know yourself. Yeah. And it's why advice is not a one size fits all thing. And you talk about that early in the book also, that like, if you think someone else can give you all the answers, you're going to be disappointed. I used to coach people a lot and you'd end up giving people completely different advice because they were different people. They needed different things, you know. And so I think that these questions are it's good to know your tendencies in yourself

so that you can go, oh, okay, you know what, maybe I'm the person who swallows it all the time. So instead, I need to actually use the emotional energy, where on the other hand, you might be like you're describing, I end up saying stuff all the time that I should not have said right like I'm always getting myself in trouble maybe I need to you know pause a beat I think we all have some of both in there yeah that's a really good one the understanding and knowing myself I mean I think it's a lifelong journey for all of us, but it really is something that I've only leaned into in the last decade. And I think that's cause I was raised in an environment,

I was raised in a really religious home and a religious community. And so there really wasn't a lot of concern about knowing yourself. It was just about knowing the rules of our church community and it was about doing things that would make God happy and not making mistakes and not being a sinner and just like this whole litany of rules. And it was really just how can I be the best at following these rules and very little awareness of like, who am I and what do I like and what am I

interested in? And so it's only in the last decade that I've understood that that's a very important piece of being a human being is knowing who you are and that it's not something that you're just going to snap your fingers and immediately figure out. It is a journey inward and questions for me have always been this great way to find answers. And I thought if I could just share some of those answers with anyone who might read the book,

that it could be helpful for them. And it didn't require me to know what was best for someone else, which obviously we can't do. I used to think that I could learn enough that I would know what was best for everybody. And now I understand, oh gosh, how ridiculous. I can only speak from my perspective, my worldview, but I love that there are questions,

and gosh, there's 26 in the book, but probably a million in life, that we would all come to with completely different perspectives and completely different opinions. And my dream, my hope is that anybody who does read the book actually does not read what I wrote about the question before they consider the question. Because it's very possible you hear the question and you didn't equate it to, you know, family boundaries

at all. Like maybe it took you in a completely different direction, but I see it through the lens of dealing with in-laws, right? So that's the beauty of a great question is that it might take you in a completely different direction than it takes me. I think that's a great aspiration for the book. And back to what we talked about earlier, this idea of applying versus learning, answering the question ourselves as honestly as we can is the application of the knowledge. And I know myself that I tend to go through books like that. And

it'll be like contemplate X, Y, and Z or write this and I'm like, okay, well, I just keep reading, right? Yes, same. Keep reading. Yeah, I know exercises are good, but now some of that is as a profession, I get through these books in order to do interviews on them. If I sat and answered every reflection question, I'd never get anywhere. But I do think it's a tendency of all of us in general, because it is easier to just keep

reading than it is to actually ask ourselves a difficult question that causes us to go, uh, I don't know. Yeah, for sure. Because it's again, going back to this idea of you could just get a bunch of ideas and not actually have to hold a mirror up to yourself. I am such a huge fan of journaling. It is a massive part of my life and has been for decades and decades.

And I think because that was my first form of therapy, like writing in a diary as a little girl was how I got things out. And in my diary, I was allowed to say that this was hard and that this thing happened and I don't feel safe. And like I was allowed to say all those things I couldn't say to my parents. So I still carry that with me today.

And sometimes I don't like what is coming up when in journaling. Sometimes I'm like, well, that's a bummer. Or God, we're still in this thought pattern or dang it, that's not who I wanna be. That's not the kind of attitude I want to have around things. But for me, that journal is, it's my mirror. It's like, this is what is really going on.

And I love, love, love journaling every day, but I know that's not for everybody. And I think that even if all you do is sit down when the mood strikes you, maybe it's once a week ideally, or even once a month, and just give yourself a time limit. Say I'm gonna write no matter what for 15 minutes without stopping. Give yourself a prompt like, the things I want to improve this year are,

or something I'm really struggling with is, and just promise yourself that you will not stop writing until the timer goes off. And you don't even think about it, don't question it, just like freeform, just everything that comes out. And then go back through and read what you wrote, you will surprise yourself.

It's where your inner thoughts sort of bubble up from, it's where intuition will show up, it's where the truth will come out because we're really good at putting layers in and muting things and numbing things and not facing the truth. But if you just let yourself sort of get it out, some really incredible truths emerge and you can't unsee them once you've seen them. I always say you don't have to change, you don't have to take a step, you don't have to do anything.

But once you have the knowledge, you can't unknow it. And even if all you do is kind of stick with the knowledge for a while, I think that's a fantastic first step to understanding that change needs to happen. I agree. And if you look at the scientific study of change and the theories of change, one of the most prominent is called the trans theoretical model, which we call the stages of change model. But it talks about different stages that everybody's probably heard of this on some level, right? But the first phase is

called pre contemplation. It just means that you're just starting to have the slightest awareness that something needs to change. You're not ready to change. You don't actually think you should change. You're just starting to have a whisper. And then comes the contemplation where you start to think about and contemplate the change. And then there's a planning stage and, you, and the action stage is way down there. And I think there are times where the answer is like, just do it. It's simple.

You don't need to give it a lot of thought, like you were talking about. Some of these things that we're making a big deal out of. But sometimes certain changes, they need time to percolate. And what you're describing is the ability to just, you start to see it. I mean, I know my journey as an addict was a long one. I mean, there were initial whispers early in my drinking and drugging career, you know. By the time I got sober at 24, listeners

will know this, I was a homeless heroin addict. And it's easy to point to like the moment that I went into treatment that last time and got sober, but there were so many moments before that where I just got a glimpse of the truth for a minute and it made me uncomfortable. And I got another glimpse of the truth. Was it a moment of awareness of, oh, this is serious? What did those glimpses look like for you? They could range from just a general like,

hmm, something's not right about this. And when I say this, I mean my use. To full awareness, like you are out of control, you can't stop, this is killing you. They were just different ones, but it took a certain amount of them. And it took a certain amount of attempts at change that failed to get to the moment where, you know,

if you were going to film the movie, you'd see me walking into this treatment center in December, cue the triumphant music. But that moment, in reality, you can't separate it from all the moments before that led to that moment that were me thinking about and learning and feeling uncomfortable and trying, nor all the moments after where I made the right choice again and learning and feeling uncomfortable and trying, nor all the moments after where I made the right choice again and again and again. That moment would be meaningless without both of those things. That's so good.

And I feel like such a good reminder for people that we think the change is the instantaneous light bulb moment. Like you said in the movie, it's making that decision. Everything goes right from here. But it actually is sometimes the stacking of a thousand bits of awareness that finally got us to the moment

where we could change everything. You know, like I know you're into personal development too and you've read all of these books, so I'm sure you've had this moment, which I've definitely had, where you have heard an expression or a quote or a line a thousand times. And just for some reason, I just got chills. I don't even have a quote in mind, but just for some reason, on one random day, you hear a line, you hear a reason, on one random day, you hear a line, you hear a scripture, you hear a poem, you hear something you've heard a million

times before, but on this day, that fast, it just reorients the way that you see the world. It's not because everything changed in that instant. It's because everything has been stacking to lead you to the moment where everything could change in an nits day. That's a beautiful way to say it. And I think it's that belief and understanding that also makes anything that say, you know, you just wrote a book, I'm working on a book, to believe that there's any point in saying

these things that have been said a thousand times before, right, is to just have that hope that the way that I'll say it will appeal to this particular person on this particular day for this particular like, right? Yeah, I think if you're trying to be like, well, I'm not saying anything new. Nobody's gonna say anything. Yes. Yeah, for sure. I definitely I am not saying anything new.

Oh my gosh. I don't think anybody who is in this space is saying anything new because the Stoics had this, that we're just all repeating the things that they said so long ago. But I have personally experienced those moments of rehearing something or I used to go to a lot more conferences, personal development conferences or business conferences, and sometimes I would go to one more than once. And some of those conferences are very repetitive. It's like beat for beat, they are saying the same thing.

But I have, there's one in particular I'm thinking of where I have my notebooks from each of the three times I went, and it is is the same content but my notes are completely different. Because two years removed from the first experience I am a different person and so the information I'm taking in is for who I am today. And I really just don't think we can undervalue how long it may take us to get to the point where we can hear what we need to hear. And simultaneously for anyone who is doing work

where you're trying to teach or lead conversations or help other people, you maybe will have to say the same thing 500 times to get to the one moment where it sinks in for somebody. But it happens again and again and again. I experienced it as someone who consumes the books or the content. So I know that it must also happen for the people

who consume the things that we create. Hey friends, it's Eric. Let's talk about something hard. How many times have you made a promise to yourself and broken it? You said you'd go to bed earlier, start exercising, or stop reaching for that late-night snack. But when the moment of choice came, something pulled you in the wrong direction. Those moments, those choice points are where everything happens. And when we keep failing at them, it doesn't just derail our goals.

It chips away at something deeper, our trust in ourselves. But it doesn't have to stay that way. In my upcoming free workshop, The Six Saboteurs of Self-Control, we'll explore what happens at these choice points, why they're so hard to navigate, and most importantly, how to approach them differently. This isn't about willpower or trying harder. It's about understanding the hidden forces that lead to making the wrong choices

and learning the tools to rebuild your confidence one choice at a time. Imagine trusting yourself again, knowing that when you say you'll do something, you actually follow through. That's what this workshop is about. Join me and let's turn your choice points into moments of strength. Go to goodwolf.me slash self-control.

That's goodwolf.me slash self-control to register for this free workshop. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the Really No Lily podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse To make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer We talked with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the wooly mammoth Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stunt man reveals the answer.

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It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I got sober, I got sober in AA. And AA essentially, they've got one main text called the big book. And the first 164 pages of it are like the instructional part. After that, it's all stories. So it's been the same since like 1939. Nobody wants to change it. And I think there are some good and bad things about that thing. But the point here is that you go to meeting after meeting after meeting and you keep reading the same thing. It's only 164 pages, right? But if you're engaged in the process for real, you are like, wait a second, it said that?

Yeah, it's something comes alive because you're not the same as you were the last time you read it. The text is exactly the same, but we're not the same. Yeah. Well, I also think sometimes I just need to be reminded of truths I already know. I will re-listen to non-fiction books that I love again and again, you know, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. One of my favorites. Yeah, just phenomenal.

And once a year, I'll just re-listen to that audio book because he's also, his voice is also very soothing and I feel like my grandpa's giving me advice. But I'm like, thank you. They got distracted, but you're right. That is the truth. Like, just being reminded again and again, it's all sort of coming around to the same conversation today, which is just focusing your thought process. being reminded again and again, it's all sort of coming around to the same conversation today, which is just focusing your thought process.

And sometimes you can do it yourself, and sometimes you need tools that other people have created to help you focus on what you know is true or what you need to be reminded of. But as long as we're aware that we can just keep coming back and trying again, try again, okay, we're gonna go again, we're gonna do these things again, and we're going to see where we are. Instead of thinking that we're supposed to all have it figured out, and that we're supposed to get it the first

time and that we should be perfect or we should give up, this is this journey of just reorienting yourself coming back again and seeing where you are today. Yeah. And life just keeps changing. I mean, I've certainly had this sense many times, like, don't I have this figured out yet? You'd think by now, some of it is, yes, I did have it figured out for that version. But now my son's 18 and he's not 12. And he's not four. Yes. I'm using your example. In my case, I would say my son's 26 and not 18. And I'm in my 50s, not my 30s. My parents are aging and ill and they weren't like life never stops changing and presenting this with new challenges. And there is a certain amount of this stuff.

We have to keep answering these questions again and again for ourselves because the territory is not static. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And I feel like even some of those lessons that we learned 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, maybe you haven't considered them as a potential to help you with what you're doing today

or where you're at today. And then the reminder, you know, coming back around, oh, wow, yeah, that's a really great piece of advice. And I need to remember that small, simple steps are going to add up. And six months from now, things can look very different than they do today. And just all that stuff again and again, I don't know, I find it so helpful to keep revisiting. It's just so helpful. And it calms down the anxious thoughts that tell me I should have figured it all out by now.

Yep. So back to your questions. We've only gotten to a few of them and there's so many good ones. I want to talk about one that says, what is your floor? Tell me about that one. I was very intrigued when I read this one. Yeah, this is really for me trying to find a clever way to encourage readers to raise their standards. I grew up believing that I was limited only by my imagination. Like, if I just had opportunity, if I could just imagine something bigger and better and greater, then I could work really hard and make this happen. And if I look back on the last 20 years of my life especially,

the massive jumps that I've made that have helped me to get closer and closer to the version of myself that I wanna be when I'm 95, are not when I imagined a bigger future, it's not when I elevated the ceiling, it's when I raised the floor. It's when I put a line in the sand and refuse to go backwards from here.

It's when I put a line in the sand and refuse to go backwards from here. It's when I made decisions that are, from now on, I will never do this thing again. From now on, I am a person who does this. It's making those changes that change who you are. And the standards that we have for every area of our life, the standards we bring into romantic relationships, into our health, into the way that we conduct business, those standards are the quality of our life.

If you have low standards for yourself, if you're in a community of people who don't have any standards at all, your ability to move up and evolve and grow is going to be so freaking hard. Because even if you go through seasons of great opportunity or great growth or something amazing happens, if you're like floors all the way back down here and you can backslide that far, you're going to. At least that's my experience in life.

I can't say, oh, just one more time or, oh, it's just one XYZ or it's just this or it's just that. That's just not how I'm wired. Maybe other people can do it. That's not how I'm wired. And for me, I really learned about this through nutrition, which maybe sounds like such a silly example to use, but I grew up just no idea, like just abysmal, abysmal nutrition.

And our parents can't give us information that they don't have. And neither one of my parents were raised in homes that were healthy or understood that you know, that junk food and Cheetos and just all of that stuff that doesn't, yeah, it doesn't just affect us physically, it also affects us emotionally and like our cognitive ability and they just didn't have that info. So I didn't have that info. And then I got older, got into my teenage years, my early twenties, I sort of jumped headfirst into diet culture

and trying to do things to lose weight that were like super unhealthy. And I just went on the seesaw, this yo-yo, just all of this stuff. And it was a really very, it's gonna sound so stupid, but it really was the first time in my life that I ever made a from now on decision, and that was giving up soda. So I used to drink Diet Coke like it was my part-time job.

I'd drink it all day every day. I love Diet Coke. I still would love to have a Diet Coke, and I haven't had one in like 15 years. I understand. But I just realized one day, and I, I still was like not great nutrition, but I knew that there were chemicals in Diet Coke that were not good for my body. I just knew that. And so I thought, what does it look like if I just never have a Coke again?

And I had truly never made a decision that I didn't fall back on. Like I would always start something and then say, oh, well, it's Saturday or oh, well, you know. So that was the first thing for me. And I think that felt like a safe choice because I also was like definitely drinking too much wine at the time. I was definitely making decisions

that were way harsher for my body. But giving up soda was just, it was one thing I could do. It felt hard, but not impossible. And I thought it was going to be this whole thing. And within a week I was like over it. Yeah, I miss it. I still sort of, I really would love a Diet Coke when I'm having Mexican food, especially, but whatever.

It's been 15 years. I don't put that into my body. And it was the first decision that I made that I was like, whoa, what else could I remove? What else could I change? Where else could I raise my standards? And I don't know, I love stacking that kind of stuff, like one thing on top of another.

Because if you say, okay, well, the new standard is, then I don't consume that, I don't take that into my body. What else does it change? If you, for instance, if you're listening to this and you're like, I really wanna make positive change, I really wanna take in more information, I would love to read more. This is something I get a lot from people in my community,

how do you read so many books I'd love to read? I'm like, I don't watch TV. I don't, and I know if it, like every once in my community, how do you read so many books I'd love to read? I'm like, I don't watch TV. I don't. And I know if it like every once in a while, there's something amazing. Like I think the diplomat was fantastic. I loved the diplomat. They're like, I don't consume television. So every night for 15 years, not every night, let's say 98% of nights for 15 years, you will find me in bed, probably on a eating pad because it's my favorite, reading nonfiction. And that is how I'm able to read. That's how I'm able to get ideas.

That's how I'm able to like, oh, let me take this concept and see if I can rework it or maybe I can interview this person on the podcast. But that's a standard that I set for myself. It's what are you willing to give up and to never touch again in order to have a life that feels more like the life that you want to have? So that's what it looks like for me is it's not about can you give yourself more opportunity. It's can you raise the bar for yourself so that you're not backsliding. Yeah, I've heard some version of that that's a little bit like, what really matters is not who you are on your best day,

but who you are on your worst day. Ooh, that's good. That's good. It's the same idea. And I think this idea of drawing a line in the sand and saying, that is it, can be really effective. And for some people, it's very problematic, because they're not yet capable of making that.

And I'm thinking about things like addiction and that, like, it's just black or it's white can be problematic for those people because it is an incremental process of improvement. But I do think there's a lot to be said for this idea of, like you said, it's not that I have to keep aiming higher with everything. It's that I need to bring up the parts of my life that are low. There's a friend

of mine, Jonathan Fields, who has a podcast called The Good Life Project. And he wrote a book a few years ago and then I don't remember it, but he basically talked about like we all have these four different buckets in our life, like contribution and connection. And his point was that the lowest one of those buckets is the limiter on everything else. Whoa, that's so good. Right. So like you say, you want to raise the floor, you know, if your connection bucket is completely empty, everything else in your life is going to get

dragged down around it. So you've got to focus there on bringing that up. And so when I read that floor piece, it really resonated with me. And you know, certainly I do think for certain things, for me, there has had to be a very clear line, like no mind-altering substances. The answer is no. There's no debate, there's no question. Of course it comes up, but the answer is always no. Yeah.

It took me some attempts till I could get there, but now, like you say, it's pretty easy. Isn't it interesting too, when having made decisions like that, and I know that you've experienced this, something different occurs when it's a forever choice. different occurs when it's a forever choice. And I don't even know how to properly explain it. And I don't know how to like do these three things and it'll be a forever choice, but you feel it in your body. You're just like, oh, that's done.

Okay. And I don't know how to like explain that in the right way, but even giving up like nutrition, as I talked about, has been this evolution for me over a long period of time. And even getting to the place that I am now, I never ever would think that this version of me, if I went back 15 years, that I could imagine a world where I can't even tell you the last time I had fast food. I can't tell you the last time I

had junk food. These were not like side dishes of my life. This was the main event. This was all I ate, all I lived off of. And now it's not even, I don't even think about it, but I wish that I could bottle up whatever it is that you hit a place where all of a sudden it's just done and you know it in your spirit you're like I don't have to worry about this anymore this is just not something that I care about yeah yeah I think if any of us could come up with that you would cure addiction and you'd be the wealthiest person in the planet because you would solve a completely intractable problem these things that we know we probably shouldn't do but we still keep doing

You know, they plague everyone to some yeah, they plague everyone but you can make progress I tell this story listeners are probably god here he goes again But I don't know if probably not I don't tell it that often But a few years ago my mom fell and broke her hip so I was her primary caregiver and Every week I would go to the pharmacy and I would pick up her medicine, and I would get her groceries, and I'd bring them back to her. And it was about a month or a month and a half into that that I realized I was carrying OxyContin from the pharmacy

to my mother. And not only had I not wanted it, I hadn't even registered really what it was. And I would have probably robbed you at gunpoint for that in 1994. And again, that's not a bragging. I think that the point of that story for me is something that seems so intractable today can become, as you said, back to wisdom, can become an experience in

my past that has been drained of its emotional energy to a certain degree. That's the hopeful story of change. And that's a lot of years and a lot of effort to get to that point. But it is possible. Yeah. It also makes me think just vibrationally, because I love the idea of energy and what vibration we're living at.

Vibrationally, like, do we just get to a place that it doesn't even come into your awareness what you had in your possession, because you are not at the vibrational frequency of that substance anymore. Like you've gone to a different level until you can't even feel that thing. I feel like it's like so beautiful that we've kind of found our way here in this conversation, this idea of like a million, you know, chips at the marble to get to the place where you

hit that moment where it's just not something that affects you anymore. You know, it's chipping things away, but it's also sort of climbing your way up the ladder so that you're just at a completely different level than you used to be. And so the things that are at that lower level that you used to be, they can't even touch you up here. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I think that's a beautiful place to end. And Rachel, thank you so much. I've really enjoyed this conversation. I really enjoyed the book. I loved all the questions. You and I are going to continue in the post show conversation where we're going to explore a couple other questions, things like, are you the problem? And how old are you right now, which is a great one. So listeners, if you'd like access

to the post-show conversation, ad-free episodes, come to our monthly community meetings and all that other great stuff you get as being part of our community, you can go to whenufeed.net slash join. Thanks again, Rachel. Yeah. It's been such a pleasure and we'll have links

in the show notes where people can find you and find your book and all of that. Yeah, thank you so much for the time. [♪ Music playing. If what you just heard was helpful to you, please consider making a monthly donation to support the One You Feed podcast. When you join our membership community with this monthly pledge, you get lots of exclusive members only benefits.

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