The One You Feed - Mini Episode: The Persistent Illusion

Episode Date: February 21, 2015

The persistence of the illusion that people or things will make us happy is astonishing, despite much evidence to the contrary.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey everybody it's Eric from the one You Feed with this week's mini episode. Before we jump in, I just want to mention again I've got a couple spots left in the one-on-one coaching work that I'm doing. The first few that I've done with people have been amazing.

I'm really excited about the people that I'm working with and I think we're doing great things. So if you're interested, send me a note, eric at oneyoufeed.net. doing great things. So if you're interested, send me a note eric at one you feed.net. I often say I'm amazed at how persistent the illusion that other people can make us happy is. And I was really reminded of that this week, I ran into somebody this week that I know, I don't know him incredibly well, but but somewhat well. And he is the sort of person that from the outside has everything that at least a man would think he would want. He has, you know, he's tall, he's in perfect shape, very handsome. He's financially independent. He's wealthy. He gets to do what he wants. He travels the world when he wants. He's just got what looks like the

perfect life. And yet he's not a really happy person. And so I was really struck by that as I thought about that, because it's those things that we think of. If I looked better, or I had more money, or I had more time, or I got to travel, or my spouse was nicer, whatever those things are, we think that those are the things that happiness lies in, despite the fact that over and over and over again, we see people who have all those things who are not happy. And yet, we still think that's what's going to do it for us. And I find that interesting, because it's another example of something we sort of intellectually know, but we don't really believe because if we really believed

it, we would think about things differently. And so it was just a real opportunity for me to look at that. The other thing that I thought about was my reaction to that. Sometimes it's easy when people who have everything that you might perceive you want are doing poorly to feel like, oh, well, look, at least, you know, they're not happy and that's some compensation. But what really hit me about that was, again, that insight into really questioning, why is it that I think I want those things? And why do I think that I'll be happy when I get there? Not that I'm not saying that any of those things are bad in and of themselves, and that working for them or any of that is not a good thing. says when those things happen, we're happy. And as my life has gone on, I've become increasingly more convinced that the mindset we have to find a way to have is to be happy where we are in the circumstances we have. Otherwise, we simply carry that dissatisfied mindset into all other situations, even the ones that we believe are going to make us happy, and the ones that we work hard to achieve.

And you end up with that empty sense of accomplishment, or that feeling of, is this all there is? I wish there was an easy way that this point would be driven home in all of us, so that we could stop that wishful thinking that says, oh, you know, if these things are arranged in the right way in the outside world, then happiness and contentment would come. But I think the only real way is to simply become mindful of those things when we think them, and begin to question them and ask ourselves, is this really true? And when I ask myself that

intently, what I realize is that no, it's not really true. And there's no evidence in my life, or in a lot of other people's lives that that's really the case. The other thing I want to say is that you may very well be in circumstances that are not good for you, that are not the right place for you to be, that are causing you pain. And changing those is absolutely important and a necessary part of what we do. I think it's that trying to balance something that we talk about on the show a lot, which is how do I want to make positive changes in my life, have ambitions, strive for things, and yet find a way to be happy and content where I'm at? How do you balance those two things that seem somewhat paradoxical, but I think that finding that balance is really where, is at least the state I'm striving for, because it seems so

precious to be able to do that. So that's what I've got for this week. Again, if you're interested in working with me individually, eric at oneufeed.net. Send me an email and we can talk about the details. Everyone else, have a great week. Interview out on Tuesday. Talk to you soon. Bye.