The One You Feed - Mini Episode- Why Worrying Doesn't Work

Episode Date: December 8, 2014

A short mini episode about worrying.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, it's Eric from The One You Feed, and I am back yet again, for better or worse, for another mini-episode. So the thing I want to cover this week is why worrying doesn't work. So I think if there is one skill that we could learn in life that might bring about the most peace for us, it would probably be to learn to only worry about the things we can control. This wisdom is echoed

in a couple pretty well-known teachings. The first is the classic serenity prayer that is used in Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, which I'm pretty sure everybody has heard at this point. However, as they say, repetition doesn't spoil the prayer. So it goes like this, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This was written by Reinhold Niebuhr, and it appeared sometime around 1943 in his first sermons,

but I don't think it was actually published until about 1951. But it's part of a longer prayer, which is pretty interesting, but the shorter part is the one that we all know. The second teaching of this comes from a more secular place, although he was also a religious man, and is Stephen R. Covey. And you'll know that we have been releasing some courses on the seven habits of highly effective people. And this is part of the first habit to be proactive, where he talks about something called the circle of influence versus the circle of concern. And the idea being that there is a, if you imagine two circles, the larger one being our circle of concern and the smaller

one being our circle of influence, what Covey is really recommending is to stay focused in that circle of influence, those things that we can control, or at least influence, and leave those things that we may care about but don't have any influence or control over alone, and spend our focus on those things that we can't control. And if we do that, then that circle of influence tends to grow, and if we don't, that circle of influence tends to shrink. So why does that work that way? Why would spending more time in our circle of influence cause it to grow? Or if we spend more of our time in our circle of concern, why would it cause our circle of influence to shrink? And I think it really comes down to the fact of the toll that worrying takes.

Leo Buscaglia says, Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its joy. Dale Carnegie says that our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration, and resentment. Worry tends to exhaust us and take away our strength and energy that we could be applying to our circle of influence. We have this tendency to think that worry is actually doing something, but the truth is it wears on us. It doesn't work for us. It steals that energy in

life, and it also damages relationships. So this is a pretty straightforward concept, but I think where it gets tricky is how do we know what falls into each circle? This is that famous gray area that we talk about that is challenging, and it's the wisdom that the serenity prayer is asking for. One useful way to determine which circle our concerns are in, whether they're in the circle of concern or the circle of influence, is by listening to the language that we use. We can distinguish between the use of the words have and be. Our circle of concern is full of haves, while our circle of influence is full of bees. For example, if I just had a boss that that is in our circle

of concern, I can be a better is in your circle of influence. If there's an action that you can take to make the situation better, then it's in your circle of influence. However, if it was this easy, there wouldn't be an enormously popular prayer asking for the wisdom to know the difference. There's a lot of things that fall right in the middle of this. There's decisions to be made. There's options to pick from. There are situations that tend to be gray. But if we can spend less and less of our time worrying about and focusing on the things that are clearly out of our control or influence, then we're going to have more energy and power to make the right choice on these things that are sort of in the gray area. And I think this is really the key

point that I'm getting at is that this worry, we've talked about it before, we've called it rumination, where your mind spins and spins on something. And what's the difference between rumination and problem solving is usually are we sort of plowing the same ground over and over and over again. And so it's that idea of spending less time worrying and more time on the things we can do. I personally have a rule that I've set for myself. I don't always follow it, but I try to, which says that if I am worried about something, I ask myself, is there anything at all I can do to make that situation better? And if so, then I try and take some action on that thing. So if I'm worried about money,

is there anything I can do right now about money? Is there a bill I can go pay? Is there something for my job that I'm not doing? Is there an email I've not answered about a consulting opportunity? I try and get real concrete. Is there anything I can do? If I'm worried about the kids,

is there something I can do for the kids? Is there something I was going to sign them up for that I didn't or a conversation I wanted to have with them that I didn't? But I try and get away from worrying and into action. And again, almost instantly when I do that, I feel better. A quick summary is that worrying exhausts us, it wears us out, and it's not really doing anything. The best way to get peace is to focus on these things that we can control and that observing our language can sometimes be helpful in understanding whether something is something we control or something we should accept. And finally, another quote from Robin S. Sharma, where she says, worry drains the mind of its power, and sooner or later, it injures the soul.

Hopefully all this has been helpful. As always, we would love to hear from you. If you'd like to get our free 7 Habits for Highly Effective People course, go to our website, oneufeed.net, slash email, and sign up. You can get it there, and we will have another episode out on Tuesday. Thanks so much for listening as always and talk again soon. Bye. you