The Overshare with Gemma Atkinson - DRAMATIC EXITS: There was the door; and you ran!

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

An episode for the brave; who dared to do what we’ve all secretly longed to do; whether it’s at work, on a date, at a wedding or in a WhatsApp group, and that’s storm off! Here we have stories of upping sticks and moving abroad, walking away from a marriage after only a few days and what happened when one boss was told where to shove her job!You can find Sam Owen at relationshipscoach.co.ukAnd her books below!bit.ly/ResilientMebit.ly/AnxietyFree4Weeksbit.ly/HappyRelationships4Weeks

I'm done with this podcast. I'm done with a lot of you to be honest. Can't be ass anymore. You can take everything, drop them mics, take all this equipment and shove it up your ass. The little tease of what's coming on today's episode. Don't really come back. Matt, I need you to Welcome to the Overshare. I'm Gemma Atkinson safe space manager and this episode is all about dramatic exits The times you ran the times you down tools and thought you know what I am just done I can't do this anymore. There was a door and you legged it. So come on We've all we've all dreamt of doing this at some point.

I think we've all imagined what we would say at work or at a party, even on a date in a meeting, WhatsApp groups, especially. We've all played in our heads, but only a few have had the courage to go through with it. And that's what's coming up. Those who pulled off those dramatic exits with me on this rollercoaster of an episode, strapping yourself in is the wonderful author, psychologist and relationship expert, Sam Owen. Sam, welcome to our safe space for oversharing.

Tell me what it is you do, tell me a bit about yourself and you must have had dramatic exits as well. So I'm a relationships coach, so I help individuals and couples with their relationships with others, dating, anxiety, confidence, that sort of thing. In terms of dramatic exits, well I am one of five siblings and I am the youngest so I've had a few dramatic exits in my time for sure. What about yourself? My, I'm just thinking about mine have all been with been with guys back in my 20s. I remember

once I was on a girls night and my boyfriend at the time was on a lads night out and we went to the same bar, well I went to a bar that he was at and he didn't know I was turning up at that bar with my friends and I remember my best mate Laura said to me, is that such a body? And I turned around and he was sat with his arm around another girl really close. I remember I just, I texted him from across the room, have a nice life. And I remember just sending that. He didn't know I was there, just looking at him like deadpan

and then leaving and carrying on my night with the girls. Ha ha ha ha. Let's meet our dramatic exiters. I said, you're sleeping within. She said, no, I'm not. And she went bright red. You could tell she just wanted the ground to swallow her up. And the whole time I thought, if I just run now, we don't have to do this.

So yes, in 48 hours, we'd gone from floating it as an idea to actually finding a house and signing a contract. But then I didn't know where to run to because he made it clear I had nowhere to run to. Sometimes on the Overshare we change names just to protect people's privacy. But this should be really good. Are you ready? Now here's a story from our first guest that I think we've all dreamt of doing at some point, I know I definitely have, but I've never actually met anyone who's gone ahead and done it until now. Welcome to the Overshare, Lucy, tell everyone first of all what did you do?

I told my manager at the time to stick your job up your arse. So I was only really, I was quite young at the time and it was the ballsy-est thing I'd ever done. So after it, the adrenaline was going. But she'd made my life hell really. So I worked in a quite well-known cafe where they have a customer side and a colleague side. So whilst I used to switch between the two, but in the colleague side, the chef was,

he was basically, he was sleeping with the manager and he kept telling us, those young girls that, oh yeah, I'm sleeping with her and she was quite a bit older than him. Like I'd say a good 20 years. So we didn't believe him. And we were saying, no, he's just a fantasist. He's not sleeping with her. It's a load of rubbish. And then one day he showed us a photo of her in his bathroom brushing her teeth. And we was like, actually, yeah, it must be true because why is she in his bathroom brushing her teeth? And then everything worked out then. So she was promoting him all the time, giving him pay increases. She didn't like us girls because we were young and we were around him. And we was like, why, why, what she got against us, but it all like fell into place and made

sense. So I'd had enough by this point. It'd been, it'd been going on for quite a while and I'd rang in and said, I can't come in today. And she was like, no, you have to come in with short staff. So I said, no, I can't come in. And I really needed to think whether I want me to work there anymore. So I'd sat at home and I'd scribbled my resignation out and said, like, look, I was dead polite in it. Didn't say the reasons why just just said like, I've had

enough, don't want to work there anymore. So I wrote it all out and thought, right, get in the car and drive there, I'm going to hand it in and really like got myself prepared for it. And when he arrived through the colleague entrance, he was there and he was like, oh, have you come in to see her? And I was like, yeah, have you come in to work? I was like, no. He went, well, I'll take you to go and see her. And I thought, I don't need a chaperone. Why are you taking me to go and see her? So we'd gone upstairs and she's filling one of the fridges up

and she didn't see me and she turned around to him and said, has she fucking bothered to turn up? And I was like behind her on the other side and I just bobbed my head around and went, I'm here. And I thought I have definitely made the right decision. So I just said to her, I've got my notice. Um, here it is. It's written out. I said, but I'm not working it.

And she went, Oh no, you must, you have to work it. So I said, I don't. And she was like, yes, you do. And I went, no, I don't. I said, you're sleeping with him. She went, no, I'm not. And she like went bright red. You could tell she just wanted the ground to swallow her up.

And I said, you're sleeping with him. I said, and I have seen pictures on his phone of you brushing your teeth in his bathroom. I said, so you can stick your job up your ass. And she was just like, oh, no, that's fine. Yes, no problem. You can leave now. And I thought, yes.

It's like you dropped the hand grenade because then she has to go to him and say, first of all, what are you taking pictures of me for? Second of all, why are you showing them to people? But then the adrenaline kicks in. I was so shaky because I thought, oh my God, I've actually just done that. That's so big of me. Like I'd never have done anything like that before. And then I got in my car and because I was all flustered, I crashed into someone's car, car park. Oh no. Oh, good for you though, Lucy. I'm glad you said that cause that is an unfair advantage,

isn't it? Promotions and stuff at work because of that reason. I've never heard of an affair at work ending well. I know they do happen a lot. Crikey, you should have seen us in our hollyhocks era. But they never end well, do they? Rarely, rarely. And the thing is that, you know,

sometimes you just think there's more to the relationship than there is just because you're spending so much time together. And it is an unfair advantage on other people in the workplace if you're getting perks because of it. But if you are in a relationship like that, I'd keep it really under wraps, you know. Don't let him take pictures of you.

Yeah, at least for- Brushing your teeth. Yeah, don't be floating it and rubbing it in people's faces. How did the fella react when you told them that, you know, I bet he was probably nervous as well, was he? Yeah, he didn't say anything. He just stood there wide-eyed like, have you actually just said this? But he thought, well, you told me. Because Lucy, this guy told you that what was going on, is there an obligation? Do you have to tell HR?

I mean, I don't know how it works. Would you have to tell HR that someone at work is having an affair or a relationship? Only if they stipulate it in the contract to begin with, but really, is it any of their business? Yeah, especially if the two people are single, then that's completely different, isn't it? Lots of relationships start up in the workplace and go on to be long and happy.

But if I guess you knew someone was having an affair, did the other girls know what you did? Yeah, a couple of my friends knew, yeah. Did you connect with them afterwards and find out like what happened, what the fallout was after you'd left? Yeah, they didn't say anything, they didn't know anything about it. Nothing was said to them. So it was all very hush hush.

Yeah. Oh, Lucy, thank you so much for joining us. I love that you had that dramatic exit. You probably inspired a few people to go and say the same to their bosses or partner. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on the Overshare. No problem. Thanks for having me So this is the Overshare and today we're talking dramatic exits. Now we have so many ways for you to get in touch. You can DM us on our social media, you can drop us an email or you can send us a voice note which we love getting.

Jamie's done just that. Take a listen to this. This all started about six years ago. We'd always talked about moving to Spain, myself and my partner, was something we'd kind of thought we'd do once we retired. But just over six years ago, I was working in Cornwall, doing a job I absolutely loved. Loved my job, working for the library service there.

When suddenly the offer of voluntary redundancy was floated, it set something going in my mind. My daughter at the time was eight, nine. We talked about where we'd go and whereabouts in Spain we'd go. So my partner and my daughter and I went over to Majorca for a week to have a look, see if it was still as nice as I remembered and just get a feeling for whereabouts we might like to live, that kind of thing. We'd also asked my dad if he wanted to come with us, because he was living with us in Cornwall at the time. And while we were actually in Majorca on holiday, we got a phone call from my dad saying he'd just been offered a job at an international school in Majorca and he'd managed to negotiate

a free place at the school for my daughter. So yes, in 48 hours, we'd gone from floating it as an idea to actually finding a house and signing a contract. When I landed in Majorca, I had about £100 in my account and that was it. I'd got no savings. Looking back, it was probably a fairly crazy thing to do, but I had no savings. I had no job to go to, but my dad had at least got some work. It's been a lot harder for my partner because of work and everything else and having to get back and forth. But we did have Majorca very

much. It's a beautiful place, absolutely beautiful. Two years ago we decided to move from there to Malaga. I came and saw a house, came over for one day, came and saw a house, liked it, signed the contract, went back and told the family I had just signed a contract on a house, a rental contract, and that I was paying it from that day and so we might as well move sooner rather than later. We actually ended up moving on Christmas Eve two years ago. If I think about things too long, I will think of all the reasons not to do them. When sometimes it's just about taking the leap and just going for it and enjoying the

ride. I like the fact, first of all, that you wouldn't associate a librarian with having that much drama to storm off to Spain. But kind of the way she invited her dad and he'd already secured a job, that's kind of meant to be, isn't it? Definitely feels that way. Definitely. I love the fact that everything kind of fell into place for them so quickly. And also the fact that they just really seize the moment, you

know, when you know things aren't right, and you really just know something needs to change. You know, sometimes you just have to trust your gut and just go with it and just also just have a positive outlook and just know that whatever comes along, you'll handle it. And I feel like that's what they do. They were like, let's just do it. Let's just see what happens. Let's make the most of it. And you know, where's the case scenario? You come back to the UK. I was going to say there's always a choice to go back, isn't there?

Yeah. And I think it's something I do. Whenever I go on holiday, I always think, oh, be nice to live over here. I think it doesn't matter where you go, does it? There's always four days in you're thinking to your other half or saying to your other half. Could we possibly, you know, even get a place out here, just move here? Because I think it's just, I always say my partner's Spanish, Gorka, and his family are from Bilbao. And whenever we go and visit, the lifestyle over there is just so much more like the hassle and madness of school run time here.

Obviously they still have it in Spain, but there's couples set outside with espressos, you know, walking the dogs and they seem to be so much more laid back. The whole siesta vibe over there. It's kind of, you compare it to how we're just all systems go in the UK. So maybe for Jamie and her family, they're a lot more relaxed as a family, which will only benefit the family. Definitely. And their health as well, no doubt, because stress is always bad for your physical health. I do really love the fact that in another country like Spain, it is very much about lifestyle

rather than just working and working. And the sun. The sun's like medicine, isn't it? What would you say, like, what's your advice to someone thinking about a move like this? I mean, you've already touched on it, but is a bit apprehensive. Is it like you say, just just trying in one of my self-help books, Resilient Me, I talk about the three pillars of resilience and they are, you know, have a positive outlook, have a driving motivation to achieve the end goal and use a problem solving approach.

And as long as you approach anything that way, you know, it just means that you just attack things head on, whatever life throws at you, good or bad, you just roll with the punches. You know, there's something positive to come out of even the negatives and you'll end up in, in a, in a, in a different place, in a better place in your life as a result of it, whatever happens, you're going to grow through it. If you're happy, your relationships are happy, your health is better for it, you'll likely live longer if you look at research.

Just do what you need to do to make you happy and you have to start with yourself. Just really be very introspective. What do I need and what changes will help me to achieve them? Because I've got friends and family who they literally, they hate going to work, they hate the doing it because it's a paycheck and it's a survival mechanism. They say, don't you, if you enjoy your job and that, what's that saying?

You never work a day in your life. You never work a day in your life. But it is hard for a lot of people who they've literally, their job is because it puts food on the table. It's not because they had this desire to work in this specific place. Yeah. So it's hard. It is hard.

It is hard. And for those people, I would say, find a way to make the rest of your life fulfilling and fulfill those needs and hobbies and desires that you have, the stuff that suits your personality. Do that in your spare time if you can. So even if you, you know, unfortunately hate your nine to five, so to speak, the rest of your life time if you can. So even if you, you know, unfortunately hate your nine to five, so to speak,

the rest of your life is as a pleasure. Yeah. You know, one of the things I always say to people is build your relationships and career and your life around your personality, you know, not the other way around. So, you know, just think about who you are and what's going to make you happy and make you tick. gonna make you happy and make you tick. So, Amy, welcome to The Overshare. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. Now, your dramatic exit took place just after you landed from getting married abroad. What

happened? Tell us. We landed back on the early hours of the Sunday morning, and on the Tuesday morning, I woke up and said, I can't do this anymore and walked out. After two days of marriage? I've just seen your expression. No, not all I'm thinking. This is pretty much what anyone that I tell this story, yeah, I say I did a Britney Spears.

With hindsight, it's a wonderful thing. We shouldn't have got married. I was having second thoughts and I had tried to talk to him about it and was told that I was being a bit of a princess. A really good friend of mine said, no, no, it's just wedding nerves, don't worry. And so I thought, oh, it's all in my head and you have to go to the registry office to get your license to get married. And we were there for an hour. And the whole time I thought, if I just run now, we don't have to do this. But I couldn't and I felt very trapped. And so I went ahead with the wedding. We had riled several times throughout the time being

out there and between pretty much the day after the wedding until we flew home, we weren't speaking. And on the Monday, he was particularly horrible and I I just, I didn't sleep that night. And I just thought, it can't be any worse than this if I leave him. And I sat up and I just said to him, I can't do this anymore. We should never have got married. And I, yeah. And I left. Oh, well, Amy, I'm sorry, like you went through all that here in your side of it, because my question was going to be why, why go through with the wedding, but the way you've discussed it, like it's a lot of pressure, I think. And especially on the bride, I think, because people always assume, oh, it's the brides day, it's your big day, it's the fairytale wedding.

And if you're not 100% truly happy, a wedding isn't something you can just say, oh, it'll be fine. Well, as you've proven, Amy, you know, you've done that. I think you've definitely done the right thing. If you're not happy, you have it'll be fine. Well, as you've proven, Amy, you know, you've done that. I think you've definitely done the right thing. If you're not happy, you have to lead that situation. You can't be with someone if it's not right. Yeah. And looking back, it was a plaster over a crack. Our relationship hadn't been good for a while and he proposed in a very public place where I couldn't say no. And I just felt very trapped. Once it was booked and we'd paid the deposit and friends and family had paid, I just didn't feel like I could back out. But yeah, they actually I guess the landing back into reality of

being back home was I was like, I can't I can't carry on my life like this. And I remember texting my friend to say what had happened and she was like, I'm in the hairdressers. I'm getting my hair done for your wedding reception because we were due to have the wedding reception back home. And I was like, I'm in the hairdressers. I'm getting my hair done for your wedding reception, because we were due to have the wedding reception back home. And I was like, I'm really sorry. I'll pay for your hair. Oh, it is so easy to feel so trapped in a situation like that, though, and feel like you're going to let everybody down if you don't go ahead with it. Because everyone's excited.

It's almost like it's everybody's wedding sometimes, isn't it? And not just yours. I'm so happy for you, though, that even if it was after the wedding and a couple of days later that you actually got away because it sounds like a toxic relationship. I mean, looking back now, so one of my friends said to me probably about six to eight months afterwards, she said, oh, it's good to have you back. We haven't seen you for a while. And actually looking back, he was very controlling. And in fact, actually, his wedding speech, he didn't mention me once. One of my friends did say to me afterwards, you're controlling. And in fact, actually his wedding speech, he didn't mention me once.

One of my friends did say to me afterwards, you're okay. And I was like, oh, that's just normal. It was obviously something you'd been experiencing for such a long time that you were so used to it when he behaved in such a poor way on your own wedding day that it was like, oh, it's just the usual. And there's very much about diminishing your worth. Oh God, thank God you're away from him. It was, it was pretty miserable afterwards, I would say, for a while because all my friends and family loved him. What advice would you give to someone in the wrong relationship,

but doesn't know how to get out of it? Listen to yourself because at the end of the day, research finds that our relationships impact our health, our happiness, and even our longevity. So who you choose to spend your life with is really crucial to your future, everything. So don't listen to other people's opinions when they really don't know what goes on behind closed doors, especially when you're with somebody who's manipulative, who puts on this wonderful persona in front of the world, but you know otherwise, really listen to yourself. If you have at least one good friend you know will listen to you, hear you out, have your back, speak you know, otherwise really listen to yourself. If you have at least one good friend, you know, we'll listen to you, hear you out, have your back speak to them because, you know, research finds that even just one friend can make us resilient and, you know, boost our wellbeing.

So that'd be really helpful in terms of support. But even if you don't have anybody to speak to, just tune into your intuition because your brain actually does a lot of evaluating and calculating subconsciously. And so sometimes you get a feeling very physically in your body, you can get a feeling about what the right decision is for you and what the wrong decision is for you before you can put into words why you're getting that feeling. And so, you know, the way intuition works is that your brain processes

subconsciously very rapidly information you've got stored in memory, information you're absorbing through your senses, and any patterns it's identified. Other research finds that your brain actually makes decisions subconsciously, so your brain makes decisions subconsciously and then you later make the same decisions consciously. Yeah, you make the same decision later, but what you don't realize that you'd already made that decision. So actually, sometimes you get the physiological reaction to that calculation that your brain's already done in the background that you're not consciously aware of. So just chaining into your bodily sensations sometimes can be really helpful for you to work

out before you can put into words why you're getting a certain feeling about something, just pay attention to the feeling. So very simply could be like, does, you know, following through on decision X versus decision Y, does that make me feel tense or relaxed, light or heavy, good or bad? And just pay attention to that because that is actually intuitive awareness that you're tapping into before you can pinpoint what it is. Because I heard, and it's obviously the case for you, Amy, I heard a stat that when a woman

finally leaves a man, they usually mentally checked out a long time beforehand. Oh, absolutely. And it's something they've, and I've been there, Amy, where I've been in relationships and for at least six months I've known it's not my person, but I've stayed with them in fear of, it sounds ridiculous now, but it was like the press, oh, another breakup, another person's left. So I stayed with them, because I think if I get to this two year mark, at least they won't say it was just a fling. And I've known it's not been my person, but you mentally check out before you physically do. And obviously that's what happened with you. How did your partner take it at the time when you told him

you were leaving? Had you split up before or was this like a complete, the first time for him where you said, I am leaving you? I remember one day we had a huge route, we were in a park and I went to walk away and he said to me, if you walk away, don't think you're coming home. Now he knew that I didn't have any family that I could go and stay with. I think he knew that I didn't have anyone that I could go to immediately and stay with until we'd sorted it out. And I remember stopping and walking back thinking, I've got nowhere to run to. About six months later, he then proposed, obviously, trying to paper over the cracks. And I did feel very trapped.

And I had, I think it was at that point that I had decided this isn't working, but then I didn't know where to run to because he made it clear I had nowhere to run to. It sounds like he was cornering you, cornering you with the public proposal, cornering you when you're having an argument, knowing that you've got nowhere else to go to. Yeah. Very intimidating, very controlling, very coercive sort of behaviour.

Have you seen him since? Yes, I haven't seen him for a while, but we had a similar circle of friends and I was very good friends with a wife of his friend. So we occasionally bumped into each other at social events. I was always civil, but for many years it wasn't civil. I think without change, there's no growth. And, you know, I think you've totally done the right thing. You know, I learned a lot about myself and how to manage situations. So that's what I've taken from it.

And just remember how he treated you is not about you. It's not your fault. It's about him. Yeah, that's one thing I did learn. It took a while, but I did, I did learn that. And there you go on our Overshare episode of Dramatic Exits. Hopefully that's inspired you to get out of the situation or circumstance that you're in. Maybe not by telling them to shove it up their arse, but you know, just getting out of there. So thank you for tuning in. Thank you to you, Sam, as well. Hope you've enjoyed it, have you? I have, I have. Thank you so much for having me. Remind us again what your books call for anyone who wants to get it. Well, there are three. They're all self-help books. They're practical ones and they are

Resilient Me, Anxiety Free and Happy Relationships. Before you all go and remove this download from your downloads, don't forget to have a look at our other episodes as well. Have a nosy on our social media pages, we post behind the scenes and you'll meet our guests, our experts on there. There's loads of extra clips as well.

And vision, hence why we've got all these posh couches. So take a look at those. The Overshare was produced by Matt Feuster and Molly Carter for Bauer Media. But you know what? Shove them! Shove it up your arse Matt! I'm out of here. See ya. Just subscribe yeah? Do whatever you want.