The Overshare with Gemma Atkinson - LABOUR BIRTH PARTNERS: My Other Half was Useless!

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Prepare to be astonished at just how rubbish some birth partners can be! However bad you may have had it, ask yourself how you’d feel if your other half went for a round of golf whilst you were in labour! There’s also an appearance from Gorka Marquez, who between tip runs chats about his performance during Gemma’s labours.

Hi guys, it's Gemma here. Now first of all, I want to say thank you because you're about to listen to this week's episode. Now, it's about terrible partners in labour, because let's be honest, when your partner's with you in labour, they are a spare part, aren't they? And Gawker was definitely in that category. And now he's been eliminated from Strictly, I'm actually going to get 10 minutes with him to sit down and chat about our experience. So once he's back from his tip run, because that's all he does now when his day's off, I'm going to grab him, sit down, and at the end of this episode, you'll hear my story about my time in labour with Gawker. Hello and welcome back to another episode of The Overshare. It's our safe place to put the world to rights, to chat amongst ourselves, unedited I might ask, with plenty of honesty, which does mean occasionally there's adult content, just in case there's any youngies lurking. You need to put the kids away for this one.

This week we're doing, my other half was that useless during my labour. So whilst I was pregnant with Tiago, I had so many messages from people offering advice and words of wisdom, right? Telling me how to cope with two. And there were a few people who wished me luck with Gawker and told me just how useless their other half was during labour. So if you thought your partner was rubbish,

you'll be stunned at what's coming up. And I was like, where have you been? And he was like, oh, I just went to play a round of golf. They don't tell you about the labour, the piles, the thrush, all that stuff. When I just said to the midwife, he's not coming in with me. What are you doing? And you went, well, we haven't watched the film. I want a refund.

Like, are you actually joking? As ever, we're going to be supported by someone who can guide us through the bizarre and wonderful and have a good chat with us. And today, it's Emma Kenny. Now, she's here and hopefully you'll know her from her TV work on this morning. And obviously, Emma, you've got boys and a girl now. Congratulations. And are boys easier than girls?

Because I'm wrestling a son now as well. Any tips for me? Is it going to be horrendous? No, it's been really easy. I think I've got away with it because of the boys they're just really kind of simple and logical as long as you feed them basically keep them warm at night they're pretty effective at just being quite consistently okay well hopefully being for an easy ride ride so our first guest on the show is emma another emma hi emma thank you for joining us how many uh how many children do you have i've got two um a four-year-old and a three-year-old oh wow so close together yeah and everyone listening is going to be horrified but also

very like entertained when they find out what your other half got up to whilst you were in labour tell us the story Emma of how useless he was tell us what you did I was booked in to be induced so they told us to arrive for 9am which we did and they put us in a room with like there's four beds. And they said, we'll put you here first and see how you go. And then when you're ready, we'll move you to the labour suite. And he went off to go get the bags from the car. And by the time he'd come back, they'd actually moved me to labour suite because they realised I was further along than they thought. And I was in the labour suite for about an hour. And they were looking for him,

they couldn't find where he'd gone. And they were were like he must have come back in by now with bags and eventually they found him asleep on the bed that they had originally put me in he pulled the curtains around himself and gone to sleep oh my god he got he got very much hold off by the midwife for that. I bet. And then, so then we went into the labour suite, things were progressing, and it got to about one o'clock in the afternoon. My contractions were just starting. He was getting really, like, antsy about being in the room for too long.

He's not the sort of person that can sit still for long. So I just said to him, look, just go outside, get five minutes of fresh air and then come back and then he returned about about an hour and a half two hours later like really sweaty so I'm at this point like on the bouncing ball having contractions and I was like where have you been and he was like oh I just went to play a round of golf. As you do? Golf! And I was like, literally the midwife in the room looked at me and went, I'll give you five minutes.

I bet she could see the clench fist. So he fell asleep, first of all, on a hospital bed, a spare hospital bed. He thought he'll have 40 wins because it's tiring, isn't it, when you're just watching your other half go through all that. First thing in the morning as well. So even like you've been doing a long shift. And then he decides to go for a round of golf.

Oh my goodness. It couldn't have been a very relaxing game though, could it? In the evening, because I still hadn't given birth, he went out for a run as well. So he left me again to go for another run. Does he obviously trust that you're not the kind of person who's going to take out some serious action after those kind of behaviors you know are you a very placid lovely human being to be around i think he just knew i was hooked up to

machines so i couldn't chase him and what was it like with your second did he kind of did you pre-warn him in advance no golf no sleep second sleep? Second was a planned C-section, so he knew the time to be there. He had to just be there for that one bit. For guys, it is in part, because obviously they are a spare part, aren't they, during the labour? Sure. And a lot of the time they are annoying sometimes, just being in the room, breathing, you're like,

I just need to get this human out of me. Anything they do can be annoying. Yeah, I think that's right. I think everybody in a situation where you're like I just need to get this human out of me anything they do can be annoying yeah I think that's right I think everybody in a situation where you're really stressed and you're dealing with one of the most complex experiences of your life and as a female giving birth is really tough but at the same time what you do want is for them to prioritize you so if you say why don't you go and have a few rounds of golf that's cool as long as you've checked out that the person really means it but if they're just electing to remove themselves from the situation probably on the most pivotal moment of your lives that can pang a little bit of being egocentric and selfish and can also mean that

going home is not going to be an environment you're going to wish to return to because of how that person's going to hoard that feeling because I mean for you you probably tell that don't you emma at dinner parties. You probably do it when you're down at the pub. It's like the thing that he will never be allowed to forget. Four years down the line, I still very much hold on to it. Yeah, I bet. And what about, like, what's his mum said and his dad said about it?

Or your parents? Have you told them, obviously? Yeah, they were just all quite shocked and they were just a bit like, I can't believe he did that. Especially because I wanted my mum to be there and he was like no no it's just going to be me and you you know which I understood and then I was like well actually I could have done with my mum there because you just kept leaving it's like they don't know what to do with themselves they have one job don't they in the uh in the whole equation until the baby's actually here and their job is quite fun but that for that one you know however long it takes, it's a fun thing for them. And then it's like, yeah, you're done.

It's a funny situation to be in because, like you say, they're like a spare part and I don't think they can do right for doing wrong. I think there are some simple rules like stay in the room, don't go and play golf, don't go and sleep in a random ward. Those kind of things are pretty pivotal. You know, just stick to just being present. That's probably good enough. Oh, well, Emma, thank you so much for um for sharing your story and uh yeah good luck if if you have any more kids make sure we uh handcuff to you the whole time

so our next guest is the lovely rebecca welcome to the overshare and rebecca your actual journey to the hospital didn't quite go as planned did it tell us what happened well i needed to get to the hospital obviously um my husband was taking me and decided to um stop in the plumbing shop on the way so that he could sort out materials for a job that he had boys working on so i was left in the plumbing shop on the way so that he could sort out materials for a job that he had boys working on so I was left in the car park waiting for him while he was having a nice little chat with the the boys in the plumbing shop and I was desperate to get to the hospital. Oh wow so he just casually popped in and there was no urgency there was no like fast lane or anything he was just casual how long were you waiting for?

I was probably waiting for about 20 minutes, 25 minutes. He was more focused on getting the materials for his job that he had to do. And the boys in the plumbing shop all asked him, like, oh, how's Beck? You know, how's she doing, et cetera? And he was like, oh, yeah, she's in labour. She's in the car.

And they were like, no, you're joking. They were like, no, she is in the car. And they all came out to have a little look, just to check I was in the car and they were like no you're joking they were like no she is in the car and they all came out to have a little look just to check I was in the car. Because something that you're told as a new mum or a mum-to-be is to plan your journey to the hospital in advance aren't you? I like to be prepared for things so I'm always like I had my bag packed the minute I knew I was like I had to go to hospital I was like months in advance my bag was packed and I was like we knew the route and I knew everything and then when he just stopped I was like what you doing we need to get there now you must be a person that he thinks is always kind of heavily

prepared ready for anything and therefore there's not that much of a rush is that kind of the mindset and his excuse for the way he treated you probably yeah he's just like yeah don't worry you know it was for everything sorted itself out. But both my labours were really quick. Wow. Although I was quite chilled and relaxed, literally within an hour of getting to the hospital, I had the baby in my arms both times. I know a lot of people are going to be thinking,

was the materials, did the job get done? Yes. Yeah. Because the next day, I did have to stay in with my my son for one night and the next day like all the other mums were there they were like partners to turn it up to take them home etc you know see the doctor they could go home and I was still sat there at something like three o'clock in the afternoon and I was like why haven't I gone home yet and it's because I was waiting for him

to come and pick me up but he'd been to the job to sort the job out and I was just sat there's like you should have been here nine o'clock again he might be sitting here all day waiting for you oh well thank you so much Rebecca Rebecca, for sharing your story. Good luck with everything. Oh, thank you. Our next guest is Jenny. Now, poor Jenny's fella is about to get a proper rinse in, apparently. So, Jenny, tell us about it. a proper rinsing apparently. So Jenny,

tell us about it. Where were you when your contraction started? What happened? I was at home and it was actually the day that I was supposed to go to the midwife. So I went to the midwife and it's my third baby. So she said, you know what you're doing? You know, just go up, go for a little walk. So we dropped the kids off at my sister's. I said, let's go into town. I'll have a little wander around town. I had a T machine on it everything felt fine we had a bit of lunch and then I said you know I'm getting a bit tired should we just go to the cinema and watch like a really crappy film we went to the cinema sat down watched the the trailers it was the most boring film the kingdom well I'm told it was most boring film because we didn't get to watch it um kingdom of heaven and within about five minutes of it starting i just thought i've got to go i really

really have to go my the contractions were coming on really strong so i said to my partner come on we need to go he's like what do you mean the film's just started no like we really need to go now so we got up i'm walking out sort of puffing and panting a little bit and then he just stopped and started talking to someone that worked there. And I was like, what are you doing? And he went, well, we haven't watched the film. I want a refund. Like, are you actually joking?

Drove to hospital. We get to the car park. And he, again, stops and starts looking. And he's looking at his watch and looking at the sign, saying, how long do you think this is going to take them? Because if you're like six hours, it only costs so much. When I just said to the midwifewife he's not coming in with me the funny thing is it was actually 18 years ago this day my daughter happy birthday oh that's a lovely sign and is he still as tight 18 years on

we're not together anymore when i did tell him the other day i said oh by the way i'm going to give you a bit of a bashing. He thought it was hilarious. But yeah, very, very tight. Crikey. And with parking, though, what baffles me with guys, they're always bothered about parking at like hospital or doctors. Well, normally, if they're nipping into town for a pair of shoes or something,

they're not bothered, are they? Oh, not at all. It's kind of like as and when. And Emma, do you think, obviously with guys, do you think they just have no clue at all what it's like for women in labour? I mean, obviously, Jenny, it's third baby. You seem very chilled.

I mean, the fact that you suggested, I'll just have some popcorn and sit down, I'd be like, oh, my God. But men, they don't really know, do they? No, and also women are quite calm a lot of the time, so women don't necessarily show people just what they're going through. And there is absolutely no way on God's earth

that men truly can understand the pain of labour. They can't. They just have no concept. And I don't care how many doctors say that if you've had chronic pain, like kidney stones, for example, you're going to be somebody who relates to it. I've had gallstones.

I've had lots of issues that are chronic, incomparable to trying to birth a melon through a lemon essentially so men are never ever going to really be able to connect and I think that's why they're so challenged by the experience and also as just was noticed there the whole premise of well how long will it be because psychically I know this is what I'm connected to it will be five hours 33 minutes the very fact that they're asking those questions that shows you how psychologically far away they are from the reality of what you're enduring.

Yeah. I'm surprised he didn't get me to walk from town, actually. It would have been cheaper for him to park in it. Rather than, you know, parking at the hospital. Do you think sometimes birthing partners, men, they go into distraction mode because they want to block out the reality of what's happening. Because there must be an element.

Like, I asked my mum to be with me at my first birth. Yeah. Because I didn't... Same. Not that I didn't trust Gorka, but I wanted someone who delivered a baby. I agree. And someone who could relate to it.

And she said it was difficult seeing me go through pain. So do you think that's the same sometimes for the fellas? They just want to distract themselves? I mean, in most most relationships when you're with your partner and you're giving birth you are the most important person for that human being to witness delivering that child and dealing with the agony and i think that they feel lots of different emotions highly stressed very anxious really scared for you you know you are everything to that person and you're giving them an even further everything. So I don't think that we can take it lightly,

the psychological stress that they're under and the helplessness that they feel. No matter whether they're being the best partner otherwise, anything can annoy you. Just anything, just breathing. Back of the red. Absolutely. So that is something they have to manage as well.

And unfortunately for them, they can't really retaliate because they are going to lose. It's as simple as that. Oh, well, thank you so much for your story, Jenny. And happy birthday to your daughter. Thank you. Bye. Bye, Jenny.

Bye. So Rachel is our next guest on The Overshare. And Rachel, we've got a comedy food appearance apparently with your story. What happened? How useless was your partner in labour? Well, it was Christmas Eve, so not many places were open in the hospital. And he'd not taken any food, even though I told him to make sure he'd packed something up. So he managed to find a little shop and he went off to get something to eat. And he came in and I'm hanging off the side of his bed, swinging side to side, mid-contraction. And he turned around and went, do you want a part of my pepperami?

So I told him I was going to bite something else in a minute. And he put it in my face again. me so i told him i was gonna bite something else in a minute and of all the times as well a christmas eve as well all that lovely food he could have packed and then later on um because my labor wasn't progressing they um were gonna put a catheter in see if i was needed to go to the toilet because i hadn't had a wee and um so put it in and they said oh nothing's coming out you need to take a drink so I'd taken all these like sport top bottles of drink so I said to him well pass me one of those drinks and he went oh I've drank them all so he drank all the drink I think the midwife could tell by my face they were like well get her some water so you need to drink something.

Pepper army what a choice. I think he was more worried about who's going to get his Christmas dinner the next day. They should do that in antenatal classes, though, I think. Stuff like this. They always tell you the good things that are coming with a baby. They don't tell you about the labour, the peperamis, the piles, the thrush, all that stuff.

Oh, the piles. It's awful, and they never tell you that stuff, do they? Well, maybe they need to educate the men so that when you're getting told what to put in your hospital bag to take, they should be advised what to put in a sandwich box. Then we'd all be happy, wouldn't we? Well, we've had that in our lesson, in our antenatal classes, they'd said. Make sure you're going to be there for hours.

Make sure that you've taken snacks. So I said to him when I'm laying in the bath at four in the morning, get some food. And he didn't. I think there's a reason, isn't it, that women give birth? There is a reason, but also those kind of things

where we don't necessarily have a partner who remembers the time and the structure like we do. We are literally physically connected to that experience and moment. You know, we are anchored to that reality. So I do understand why they don't necessarily hold dear those moments whereas we tend to yeah and also it's useful collateral that you can throw back at your partner for the rest of their lives oh well rachel thank

you for that thank you thank you for sharing and uh yeah note to any dads to be listening pack a sandwich bag yeah pepper army will never feel the same again no thanks so much he's back from the tip did you take all the boxes yes i did finally you're welcome so this episode gawker is about partners in labor You're welcome. partner we're talking about the day in labor though well I didn't fall asleep well I've got picture images of you you have yeah you were in labor at that time you were just like waiting to go into labor I was waiting starting from that point I wasn't in labor and yes I fell asleep not in for the sleep I just was on my own thoughts with my eyes closed the light was too bright the light was too bright I defend I was touring around the country yeah well this is what Gorka always says he He was touring the country.

And yeah, I can imagine being on a tour bus with your two best mates is a lot harder than growing a human. I get it. Now, I tried to get Mia out. It was a good two days I was trying for. Nothing worked. We ended up with an emergency seat section, didn't we? Yes.

And then a hemorrhage. Yes. And to be fair, you did really, really step up at that point because that was when it got a bit scary. I remember, again, I kind of like wanted to keep myself busy. But I remember when the moment of the like, when they took Gemma away to like give birth in the C-section, it was quite scary, you know, because obviously you tried to put a smile on their face

to, oh, it's okay, everything is going to be fine. But then they were like, we don't know if you're going to be able to come in because, you know, if things doesn't go to plan, you won't be able to come in. But just go and put the scrubs on and be ready. And I remember I was in that room and I was like, I don't know if I'm even going to be able to go in and see her again. What about Tiago? I remember I was in that room and I was like I don't know if I'm gonna be able

to go in and see her again yeah what about Tiago how good I was yeah with Tiago well again this is a thing Tiago my waters broke again on the uh Wimbledon final day and it was Alcaraz and Djokovic I said to her please don't go into labor now let me at least watch the final that's what he genuinely did say that um but yeah my waters broke early in the morning she even had to go upstairs because i was too loud it was awful i had to i was upstairs on my own on the bed on all fours just breathing through my contractions because i wanted to try and stay at home for as long as possible this time i don't know if it was a fear of the hospital or what but I just thought until I can no longer tolerate the contractions I will be at home and

So yeah, I was upstairs just trying to deal with it and every now and again I'd hear vamos vamos I was downstairs having the tortilla chips watching the tennis And I remember that's over the joke society This the game finished, Alcaraz won, so I went upstairs and said, are you okay? He's like, yes. Like, okay, now you can have the baby. Yeah.

He said, it's Alcaraz's run, you can get him out now if you want. But it got to the stage where I couldn't hold a conversation. So we were like, we need to go into the hospital. And this time you were so much more, you were much more relaxed. I think because you knew what was happening. Yes, I knew what was happening yes i i knew what was going on and i know we were like okay we know how to react but because she was all more like organized and the fact that we were like okay we can make a choice we knew everything this time

around i actually enjoyed it i was even watching and looking at every how you got a cut how you got a stitch i was quite like and oh that's nice that oh that's amazing what they do you found that nice not nice but i was just like fascinated i love all these things like interesting it's like quite geeky yeah so i love it yeah it was a lot more relaxed this time the only thing we had jess glenn playing didn't we not by choice they had the radio on in the background didn't they don't remember that and when he come out it was jess glenn i don't wear makeup on thursdays that's what was playing. So no, I wouldn't say Gorka's been useless in labour.

It's been quite frustrating, but it's only been because... Frustrating? My labour, my waters have broken each time when you could have been watching your tennis. Also, you're so dramatic sometimes, like... Dramatic? I had a haemorrhage. What's dramatic about a haemorrhage? That's not dramatic, but in general, you're just like,

not dramatic, like very apprehensive. Apprehensive? Apprehensiveensive person like you think something is you have a pain and you just have like a tumor or like cancer in your shoulder you'd like that and then you go to the worst place to look google doctors never look at google i love never google anything every single woman who's had a baby or is pregnant the worst thing you can say to them is, you're quite dramatic. I would love for a guy just to have just even a half of the pain of labour and contractions. The reason you guys don't have them.

Because we are really dramatic by nature. That's why we don't have babies. Speaking of babies, that's our little one crying. But have you enjoyed the podcast so far? Yes, it's very funny, very real, and I really enjoy it. You're very funny. Thank you for joining us, Gawks. You're welcome. Anytime.

Thank you so much, everyone, for listening. We'd love your comments on this, Sep, as always. You can get us whenever you want to on the Overshare WhatsApp. It's in the hands of producer Matt. So, yeah, all the messages come to us. So don't send him anything rude. You don't want that filth, do you? I'm happily married. He's happily married, so no filth.

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