The Overshare with Gemma Atkinson - LIFE CURVE BALLS: From Relocating to Dramatic Exits

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

Everything’s as it should be, you think you’ve got a handle on life and it’s all on course… then, out of the blue you’re hit with a huge curve ball. That’s what this episode is all about.  Gemma’s joined by people who all had their life suddenly interrupted, from rare illnesses to dramatic exits to re locations and the discovery your marriage wasn’t as it seemed.In some episodes of The Overshare we change names to protect those connected to our Over sharers.

Thank you so much for downloading. Welcome along to our little safe haven of oversharing. I'm Gemma Atkinson and this episode I would say has the most variety of any of our overshares, right? Because it's all about what caused you to veer off in life. Those curveballs that you didn't see coming that took you right off path. They're all life interruptions. So whether it's a divorce, a sudden illness, a job issue, there's a whole heap of reasons why things never go to plan. And that's what's coming up. How they affected people involved, I'm fairly sure there'll be a situation coming up in this episode that every single person can relate to. So get those AirPods comfortable,

recharge that brew, we're going in again. As ever, it's perhaps not suited for younger ears. Abby Blaise is joining us once again. You all right, Abby? Yeah, very good, thank you. Good, good. She's going to be by our side

to tackle the widest selection of stories we've ever had. And this is what's coming up. Anyway, I called my doctors and they were like, you need to call an ambulance. And at this point, I'm still like going, really? He met my parents.

We'd spent time together. We had a holiday booked. We were supposed to be going away a month after my birthday. Like there was everything. Life was planned. I don't feel confident in people seeing me because I don't look like I used to look.

And he basically then upped and left. And that was last July and I've still not seen or spoken to him since. he basically then upped and left. And that was last July and I've still not seen or spoken to him since. What? It was the best thing I have ever done, walking away from my marriage. I genuinely feel like I'm living the best life. So our first guest is Claire. So take us back to what life was like for you before it dramatically changed. So I'd say I have quite a normal life really. I'm a mum of three children. I've got two older children and an 11 year old. I work full time in marketing for a law firm. I am

exceptionally busy. I'm a taxi service. I also am a trustee for a rescue as well. So quite hectic, really. Very hectic. I'd say, yeah. So yeah, quite a normal, hectic, busy, normal household, really. And when you were 46, life changed for you. Tell us what happened happened so on the 25th of September Monday I'd gone to work uh normal day at work uh had lots of meetings um left at quarter past three to drive home to take my daughter to work and on the way home driving home I had a stroke oh gosh I didn't feel unwell I felt my face go funny and I was like oh that's a bit weird it felt like I'd been to the dentist actually um but without the pain um and I got home um so and luckily actually because I travel around quite a lot for my job and uh thankfully on this day I was only half an hour away from home so I walked into my husband and I said do you know what my face feels really funny and he goes

what do you mean your face feels funny I went went, it just feels really numb. And then I looked in the mirror and everyone's seen all of the posters, files and everything like that. But my right side of my face, my mouth had actually dropped. So if you'd seen me then, it actually dropped. And my husband was like, that's a stroke. And I don't be so stupid. I'm 46. I feel fine. It's not a problem. I'll take Sophie to work. And if I feel a bit funny and see how it goes on, if not, I'll call the doctors tomorrow. And he was like, I'm not sure about that, actually. I think you probably need to call somebody. And I was like, really? I don't feel, I feel fine. Anyway, I called my doctors and they were like, you need to call an ambulance. And at this point,

I'm still like going, really? Are you being serious? And she said, yeah like you need to call an ambulance and at this point I'm still like going really are you being serious and she said yeah you need to call an ambulance very luckily I live quite close to the hospital um so my husband said look we'll drive you there um and it was in the car I then started to realize actually this is probably quite serious because that's when I started to lose all the sensation in the right side of my body so my arms had started to go a bit funny really weird tingling sensation and really heavy and then by the time I got to the hospital my foot had also started to go funny too. I've been incredibly lucky so I'd lost the feeling on the side, the my right side in terms of all my mobility. But unfortunately, the bit that you can't see is the bit that needs time to heal. So

my brain obviously has had quite a knock. And that's the bit that I'm now struggling with. So I can't do the things that I used to be able to do, which is taking a bit of a while to get used to. You wouldn't think at 46 it'd be a stroke you wouldn't know no the most difficult part for me was actually being in hospital and being I was in hospital for uh nearly 10 days because obviously they like to do lots of tests when you're quite young to find out what's happened um but you know you're surrounded with people that you know quite life changing and very, very poorly people. And I'm like, I don't feel like I should be in here.

And has anyone in your family had them? Is there like a history of it? Yes. So they're thinking that's possibly one of the reasons at the moment because all my tests have come back fine. So we've got history of blood clots on my side of the family and also strokes. So that is one possibility that they're looking into, that it's actually maybe hereditary. And I guess as a mum, that then puts you in panic mode of, is it going to be passed down from me to my kids? Yes, you know, completely. Like, well, you know, what happens if it is hereditary? Because obviously they could be at risk as well.

And you said, obviously, it's a mental struggle now, because physically you look absolutely fine. You look fresh-faced and ready to go. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah I guess if this is a trauma in someone's life I mean that's probably the hardest thing it's the mental side of it which people don't don't see other than yourself yeah and it'll take you some time to get used to a brand new shocking event and it's interesting that you said about denying it that's a very normal reaction of like feeling like how can this possibly be true? And that's part of your process. And then eventually you'll accept it and you'll be able to move forward and you'll get more used to the situation that you're in. But it's super hard. actually a personal perspective because I recently found out that I've got high cholesterol and actually yeah 62% of women have high cholesterol and many of them don't know about it did they is there anything like that that they've found or is it everything coming back normal everything's come back normal however they have put me on medication for my cholesterol but all the tests

I've had so far you know and as I said I have had so many tests it was it was huge nothing's come back which is the bit that's a bit you know I suppose it's one of those things that you I thought have been like to your mind going I really would like it to have been caused by something so it could be mixed yeah so you know because you're in like this limbo bit at the moment um but no my cholesterol was fine I guess if something happens like that you don't know what what's caused it you don't know if it could happen again is it kind of like you don't want to be on your own as much? Or is it just a case of you carrying on? And if it happens, it happens. I go through stages, because obviously, for me, there's so many different things that are going on in my head at the moment, because,

you know, and also, it's quite difficult. It's quite difficult to talk about and I think I'm still in a little bit of denial where I'm like it will all be fine it's okay but there's lots of different things and I go through days where it's all quite fine and there's other days you're quite emotional you know you know I feel really guilty watching seeing how other people had you know cope with a stroke and actually I've come out okay you know considering what's happened um I get quite frustrated because obviously um I couldn't drive for a month I was relying on loads of different people um you know I can't do the things that I used to do I really can't because mentally my brain just says no um and that's the bit that's really really tough um you know and actually the

hardest thing is that actually whilst I've been very lucky I don't know if my brain will fully recover and I'll get back to where I was um and that's taking some time to adjust to actually say I need some help um because I'm not very good at doing that no I don't think women and mums are in general no I think every woman it takes the fact that you were like oh no it's fine I'll just see how I am in the morning um yeah do you know what I mean it it takes the fact that you were like, oh, no, it's fine. I'll just see how I am in the morning. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's a typical female thing to do, I think, isn't it? Just ignore it.

It'll go away. My granddad was in his 80s when he had his stroke. So that's what I assume a stroke victim is, someone who's an older person. But clearly it's not. No. And actually, I think that's one of the things that surprised me was when I was in hospital, whilst the majority of people are of a of a certain age actually there's a lot more people under 50 now that have had strokes and so when I was in the hospital there was probably in the ward about another four or five of us that were under 50 that had had a stroke which I was actually quite quite surprised about but it's

more common than you think it is and that's one of the reasons why I thought I would contribute to this is that actually it doesn't matter what age you are if you think those you've got those symptoms take them really seriously because that window where they can treat you is so important I mean and you know if I have actually stopped and not gone in that four-hour window it might be a completely different outcome for me literally one minute I was fine and the next minute I wasn't for me literally one minute I was fine um and the next minute I wasn't for me it was the typical uh advert it was your face and then your arm so it's

it's if you see that then take it really seriously because they won't mess around in the hospital they'll they will they will treat you as though you're having a stroke until they tell you otherwise yeah and listen to your husband when they tell you to go. That's what I'll need to do. That's going to take a little bit. Yeah. I know. Oh, thank you so much, Claire. And good luck with the recovery process. And thank you for raising awareness.

Thank you. so next on the overshare we've got anastasia welcome anastasia so your life interruption happened on a milestone birthday didn't it yeah it was my 40th birthday so this was last july my life was i thought going really smoothly going really swimmingly in fact I had a great guy in my life I've got a son he had a daughter the kids got on well um he lived a little while a little way away so we were doing long distance for a while and then we were looking at houses we're planning a life together and then literally on the day of my 40th birthday party I had this massive fancy dress party planned I'd been planning it since I was 30. I always said I was going to have a massive blowout. Yeah. And it was all planned. A whole band, huge, huge, huge event. And we had some vague words, not even anything to do with

an argument, really just a few, you know, tension in the morning, trying to sort out cakes and outfits and stuff. And he basically then Upton left. And that was last July. And I've still not seen or spoken to him since. What? Yeah. I know. Upton left as in left? That was me.

So left where you live, left everything, like no trace? Nope. So he was staying with me at the time. We were still doing the long distance. We hadn't found anywhere. I'd spent the week with him. And yeah, he literally me at the time. Obviously, we were still doing the long distance thing. We hadn't found anywhere. I'd spent the week with him. And yeah, he literally went around the house. It blew up out of nowhere, which obviously on reflection for him wasn't out of nowhere.

But I had no clue. And then that was it. He left and got in the car. And then I think I got a handful of text messages the next day. And he said he needed time. And he never then got in touch so everything I thought about my life just got completely turned upside down on its head it was just madness when I look back now I'm trying to think if that was me you'd be on the fence of right okay is something really horrendous happened to him where he has to go for either safety or

to to get out of a situation? Or is it just plain mean? And that person you thought you knew is the complete opposite. To put not only you through that, but his child as well, who was obviously enjoying your company. How can that happen? Now, I probably should mention, he had, basically, it was down to grief. He had lost his wife.

Okay. But again, I I mean that's his business I don't and actually what I learned was I can't sit and figure out all of his stuff that's what I was trying to do and I was trying to get that closure by understanding him where he was at why he would do this I almost went drove myself nuts for a little while trying to figure this out like your face then when went, that was me for about three months because I just couldn't. However, so it was instigated. He had a reason. It was this underlying grief and a level of healing that he had never dealt with, you know, or a level of pain that he had never dealt with. So unfortunately, I don't know what happened. I don't know what triggered it. I don't know what was going on underneath the surface, but it clearly wasn't what I thought. He wasn't the man I thought he was. The relationship wasn't the relationship I thought it was. We had this whole

future planned. And he'd said things to me about he was so, he felt so lucky to have met me after having, you know, this lovely wife and this family situation that now was no more. So if anything, I was sold even more of a, like, this is incredible that we found each other. He met my parents. We'd spent time together. We had a holiday booked. We were supposed to be going away a month after my birthday. Like, there was everything. Life was planned.

Do you think it could be a case, I mean, Abby, you'll know more, with people going through grief, I know some people, if something's going good in their life and they've experienced such a loss, could it be a case they're so scared it'll go wrong that they'd rather just push them away and get out of the situation rather than potentially deal with heartbreak again down the line? Or am I just playing devil's advocate for him?

We can't know exactly what went on for him because he hasn't given us the answer. That is a potential answer. But when we don't get closure, one of the ways of dealing with it is to think okay how how can i create my own closure because sometimes we can become fixated on the why is the why why why why and actually that holds us back and puts us in a position where we're powerless so if somebody disappears like that no matter the reason they're demonstrating that the mutual

love isn't really there they're not displaying it in that moment they're not respecting you in that moment they're not communicating with you in that moment and they're also breaching your trust and so that alone kind of is closure because we should have a standard of like I need that as a bare minimum in a relationship and if that person cannot meet that no matter what they're going through even if it's awful that's not good enough for me and I want something else for the relationship and that might sound a bit brutal because I actually don't I think he probably was going through a terrible time and probably felt guilty and you know probably isn't the worst person in the world but ultimately you can only deal with what's presented to you and say, is that good enough for me? And if it's not, that's closure.

And that's one huge life lesson is that I've now learned to get that closure within myself without having that last conversation or that explanation or the reasons. You have to find that within yourself somehow amidst all the chaos. And actually it was my mum then that said to me, you know, but I'll maybe give him some time. what if he gets in touch in six months and I said exactly that Abby I said but I even if I had a conversation with him I don't want to let that person back into my life that could do that to me I still went ahead with the party because again I was like if anything it was awful so I got absolutely smashed and was in tears by about half past nine which everybody was expecting but thankfully I was surrounded by people that love me I love that that all happened in fancy dress as well.

I'll tell you what actually helped. I was full on Wonder Woman. There you go. Oh, brilliant. You had your cape. Yeah, I had the cape. I had the boots. I had the wrist.

I was set to go. But actually, I'm glad in a way. And that helped the closure for exactly that reason. I was like, this man left me who said hours before that he loved me, hours before we were talking about he loved me hours before we were talking about the holiday hours before we were talking about you know all of the life plans and then didn't have the decency to have a conversation I'm glad he wasn't there yeah and everyone all your friends and family were who who love you well I think it's great

well not great but how you said to your mum you're not going to let him back because you said you've got a son yes so yeah you've done the right thing there because it's teaching him what not to do yeah to exactly his partner when he gets in relationships or if he's in one now whatever I always think you know it's a lot easier to walk away and to run back to someone when you need them if you're on your own but when you have a child you don't want them to think that's acceptable for them either absolutely not I thought I had this great life coming and that was just probably the biggest curveball that I've been faced in my 41 years I think do you feel now a year on you're out the other side and you've realized well you know my life still is going to a plan just not that one but you know the I always say the the start of a finish line is the beginning of a new race

and there's so much more to do without that person totally and you know, I always say the start of a finished line is the beginning of a new race. And there's so much more to do without that person. Totally. And you know what's interesting? I'm a big believer in the universe. I've got quite a deep spiritual faith. I know you like your crystals and stuff. I do a lot of crystal energy and all sorts. So that's been hugely supportive for me. A no to one thing is a yes to something else. And the huge things that have happened in my life, again, on reflection now at 41, you don't see it maybe when you're in your teens or your twenties, do you? You don't until you have a family or you get older and you go through this stuff. When I look back now, all of it maybe

didn't happen for a reason, but I do think some things happen to put you on a different path, which probably has better things for you ahead or more productive things for you or more opportunities for you. I feel like anyone listening to this now, it's going to be a meme of like, there's the clapping, just the yes, amen, sister. Do you know what I mean? There's going to be so many people

going through breakups now putting this back on repeat because that's amazing. The advice. Yeah, amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your life curveball and good luck with the uh with the rest of the

the rest of the event show what awaits thank you very much so lisa's our next guest on the overshare thank you for joining us lisa your life is very different now it's actually got a different view as well, hasn't it? What happened? Yeah, very different. It all started May 2020. Lockdown romance was what started my complete change in my life. So I met my now partner online and he lived in a different city. And fast forward three and a half years, I'm now in that city with him, which resulted in the last 10 months being quite an upheaval. I took redundancy from my job of 28 years and left my hometown of 53 years to relocate to another part of the country to be with him. Oh, my God. And that's that's a risk. Obviously, it's a risk anyway. But I always say with lockdown, there's one of two outcomes, isn't there?

With lockdown, it's either the back of the head annoys you and lots of people split up or it made people and made the relationship stronger. Was it, obviously you met online, so was it, how long were you chatting online before you became, you know, official in person? We were head over heels in love within a week. Took us both by surprise. I think we'd just got to the point in our lives where we were happy being single. We've both been through quite a lot because it's second time round for both of us. You know, we're both 53. We've both got children, been divorced. So we've got five children between us and sort of kind of not being apathetic, but just got to the point where we were happy with our lives, our friends and kind of thought who's going to want us you know we were both thinking the same things not in a really bad

negative way just that we'd been through so much and we were happy being single and I think because we were happy being single that was the right time to meet because we were both then in the same place and we're both really honest with each other about what our expectations were in a relationship and I think because we were both so honest we were able to be honest about falling quickly as well because it was complete just completely unexpected. You're a you match make obviously for a living is that a key thing like what Lisa was saying is they're both in the right place it's not just the right place at the right time it's on a mental level they were both completely content on their own and then it's just kind of they say opposites attract but sometimes it's not it's someone on the same mindset and pathway as

you like fits perfectly yeah actually with the opposites attract thing it can be that you're attracted to someone that's very different from yourself and that can be because they have something that you feel that you lack but yeah yeah, similarity is a stronger predictor of long-term relationship success. So being in the exact same kind of headspace and wanting the exact same things from life. And also, do you know what I love about this story is that lockdown made dating really, really difficult. And this is an example of, yes, it can be really, really difficult, but there are people out there that have had the same difficulties that have managed to overcome those hurdles have you always done things on a whim as in like yeah i'm going or was it a massive

decision it was a massive decision i've always been very plate safe because i've had to be because i've been on my own with my children for 20 odd years been a single mum they've got a great relationship with their dad they've got a great relationship with the dad they've always seen him but it was always just me and the two of them so it was the right time because they were older and independent and living their own lives that I could take that step but it was still a huge huge step I'd got no friends of my own that I'd made down here they're all our friends you find out who your real friends are when you move I mean I'm very I don't even like it when they change items in a supermarket aisle that I'm used to I don't think

anyone likes no one likes change yeah I don't like change at all and you know my fella he, Gorka's from Spain but he he moved from his small city in Bilbao, he moved to Madrid when he was 16 and then he moved to America and he was in New York, he's lived in so many different places and I say to him, do you not feel like, what do you do

when you need somebody and he's like, well you make new friends but for me I I moved to a different city for a relationship years ago and it lasted two years and I ended up moving back. But the factor for me was I never ever felt 100% settled because the home comforts of my mum being five minutes up the road,

my sister being a 20 minute drive and my best mates from school, we all lived more or less in the the same street and I hated that feeling but they all made the effort to still drive over and I made the effort to drive back and now I'm back home we all still live near each other but it did make me realize you do realize who your true friends are when they're prepared to do the journey to still get that month you know girls night in and stuff you you realise that I think we're moving away absolutely moving away was huge for me and I'd lived in the same house for the last 20 odd years that I'd had my kids so it was massive absolutely massive but my my friends

and family everybody was supportive because they knew it was the right decision to make with the responsibilities of my job versus his job. And do you think, Abi, Lisa's relationship, she said they had a good couple of years of, you know, dating long distance, so to speak, before they made the initial move. Is that the best way to go, really, as opposed to, you know, if Lisa had moved down, you know, if Lisa had to move down, you know, straight away within the first few months, it could have been different.

Is it a key factor to get to know someone properly? Absolutely. So the first 12 to 18 months, you're in the most passionate part of love, the bit where your body is producing lots of hormones, chemicals, and making you not think very rationally. And it's only until that starts to calm down that we can see the person for who they truly are. So it's better to give a relationship space, time to evolve. If you hadn't moved, the relationship is less likely to succeed. So the fact that the move happened is probably quite important.

Right, yeah, that makes sense. It happened at the right time because they had all the yeah the lovey-gushy hormones and then it kind of flatlines to okay this is the person I'm gonna move for them and it's still it kind of revamps it again I guess because it's a new even though you're a couple of years deep into the relationship it's still new for both of you living together yeah and it's a new new level of commitment as well oh well lisa thank you i think you've give hope to so many people who've been on their own for so long that you know you've got your happy ending absolutely it's definitely a happy ending thank you very much lisa enjoy the rest of your day and thank you for taking the time to speak to Lovely. Thanks very much. Thank you.

Rihanna is our next guest on The Overshare. And Rihanna's life interruption, it came around 10 years ago. And this is a massive, massive curveball. Talk us through what happened, Rhianna. I got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2012 and then things escalated and I started feeling really poorly. Headaches, but they were that bad that I couldn't see. I ended up losing vision in my right eye. They thought I'd had a stroke.

They didn't know what it was and they didn't know what was causing it all. But basically, I'd got swelling on my brain. I had a central vein occlusion, which meant that I'd lost vision in my right eye. They ran the tests and ended up finding out that I'd got Sousac syndrome, but nobody in the hospital had ever been seen with it before. My neurologist had never seen anyone with it. I've never heard of that. It's an autoimmune disease. So basically it attacks your fine blood vessels. So my brain scan mirrors somebody with MS. So it causes swelling of the fine blood vessels. The reason I was getting headaches

is because of all the swelling that was going on in my brain. Oh, gosh. They have to try and dampen down your immune system. So I was being pumped full of steroids. I was high as a kite in hospital. So I didn't really know what was going on. And the thing with autoimmune disease is it's horrible because we all need an immune system, don't we, to fight off illness.

And if they had to lower your immune to fight this disease, it's kind of the fighting one thing, but I guess opening the floodgates for any other germs, other diseases, bacteria, other diseases to come in and take hold. That must have been, how long did it go on for that period of waiting to find out? Well, I was in hospital for eight weeks. I think I got diagnosed quite early on in the eight weeks. I remember having all students come in trying to guess what was wrong with me at the time. How is life different for you now? Is there certain things you can't do?

I used to do a lot of driving. I used to like going far. I used to like going visiting friends. Everything exhausts me. I only work four and a half hours a day, but even that, that's hard work. When it comes to your self-esteem, your confidence and relationships, how are things different now to then? I don't have a lot of self-esteem, your confidence and relationships? How's things different now to then? I don't have a lot of self-confidence.

I've not seen a lot of my family for a long time because I've put so much weight on through the tablets that I'm on. Basically, I'm on antidepressants and I'm also on something to help with my headaches. But they're all weight-gaining medications. I can't do the exercise because of the fatigue. It's in my head. I don't like, you know, like I used to be a size 12,

probably about size 16 now. I don't feel confident in people seeing me because I don't look like I used to look. How do you handle the not knowing? It's like, probably going to get upset, sorry. No, don't be sorry. They don't know your life expectancy. And it's hard because the illness is too new for them to know how long somebody can live with it and it's like I'm taking chemotherapy drugs every day to dampen my immune system but what

are they doing to me maybe someone's listening who can you know point us in the right direction if anyone gets in touch we'll absolutely pass them on to you. But there's got to be, in this day and age, someone who knows what to do and how to help. There's got to be, surely. When I was diagnosed, there was about... I mean, I got told there was number 305 in the world to be diagnosed with it.

But still now on Google, if you Google it, there's only 500 reported cases roughly in the world we don't know what causes it the two people i've spoken to had had a traumatic time in their lives so whether it's trauma i don't know i just don't know what causes it yeah stress and trauma brings they said about the reason my dad had his heart attack was through stress there's nothing worse than taking a toll on the physical sides of the body and the mental sides than someone who's constantly under stress or experiences a trauma i'm hoping with research and as the years go on somebody one day will find out what causes it it sounds like a really like lonely position to be put in especially because

you said there's not many people with it but I'm just wondering like is there anything in life that you do draw like great joy from? Yeah I've got a horse. I used to horse ride as a as a kid and when I turned I think it was 2017 I went I need to start riding again so I stupidly decided to loan an ex-racehorse and she was mental but um but I loved it and uh she's everything I get a bit emotional when I talk about it because she is absolutely everything to me and I love her to bits if anyone has any advice we will pass it on to you um but thank you if anybody gets in touch that's got it I'd be really grateful you know thank you Rihanna thanks jamma thanks bye i've never done anything like this before so i actually hope it's interesting and if it's not no one needs to hear about it it's only us

yeah that's fine so next we have sarah welcome to the overshare thank you for joining us hi yeah we're talking um life curveballs sarah so what happened to you a couple of years ago right so basically i was with my ex-husband well he's now my ex-husband um i was with him from being 16, knew him from being 13, and literally we were best friends, had a fantastic relationship, got married, had three children, had two very good jobs, had a beautiful house, lovely lifestyle, and we were literally best friends. And then about four years ago, his behavior started changing. And I literally, you have a gut instinct, don't you? Something's going amiss. And despite me asking him multiple

questions, trying to find out what was going on into a human being that I didn't even know. And it actually was then a year and a half ago, I thought I can't do this anymore. And I had to make that decision. Do I actually leave my best friend, my soulmate, the person I had been with for 22 years? We had a brilliant family. Should I walk away? Because I was actually on the verge of suicide as well. And I actually decided to walk away.

And literally two months later, that's when I started to realize that this person was not the person I thought multiple affairs ferrying money aside using money out of our joint account to feed his affairs and actually he turned out to be a textbook narcissist. And basically for the last year and a half, I have had to claw my way back to realising it was the best thing I have ever done, walking away from my marriage and finding myself again. For doing what he's done is unforgivable I'm I'm proud that

you've walked away because I know it must have been especially with children involved yeah everything's a lot harder to do but you you've not got together when you're 16 you've known him since you were 13 Abby here's our our expert, so he's essentially changed Abby whilst in the relationship because surely at age 13, you don't know how to be a narcissist. You don't know how to manipulate. I think it's hard when someone's 13. I think it's difficult to know what stage of development that child's at. So everyone's different.

So there's a possibility that, you know, that was there at that point. We can't know that for sure. Everyone's different. So there's a possibility that, you know, that was there at that point. We can't know that for sure. And, you know, things may have happened along the way that he's learned, you know, I can get away with this and there aren't any consequences to it. And then it can get a bit addictive, can't it? If you can get away with something, just keep doing it. Are your children aware of what's happened? So the children, I've tried to be very honest with them. Unfortunately, their dad decided that the way to introduce his new girlfriend that he was having an affair with was to introduce our children to her while he was still with me. We have 50-50 custody.

I have said, you know, he's your dad. You see him, you make up your own decisions they've seen me start to turn things around and i think they're now realizing actually mum is actually resilient gonna be okay yeah yeah i'd be mortified if the only secret i'd want my kids to keep from me is what the dad and them are getting me for my birthday or if they're planning a surprise. If I'd known that Gawker had said to Mia, don't tell mummy, this is such a body, you're putting a lot of responsibility and stress on your child

just to keep your dirty secret. I always think it's not nice. It's like you're cheating on your child. I always think if you cheat on your partner, you're also cheating on your family. You're throwing everything away. And for this other lady, I mean, if I was her, I'd be thinking if a man's prepared to walk away

from 22 years and three kids and mess around, what's he going to be like with me? Yeah, because there's that saying, if you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you're married to a man who cheats on his wife it has actually been the best thing that has ever happened to me in a weird sort of way even though it was it's been the most horrific horrific situation I now I didn't know how to do anything around the house I now decorate I do DIY I do all my bills I yeah I genuinely feel like I'm living the best life you learn a lot about yourself when you have when you're faced with a challenge whereby you have to put on a face you have to

be there for the kids you you kind of alone you learn a lot about yourself and your resilience and what you're prepared to accept moving forward from your life and your partner. Definitely. What would happen? Are you open to dating anyone else? Well, I am actually. I met somebody which was really, really not planned at all. But, you know, again, when you want a bit of a giggle. Yeah. And we all know these dating websites can be a bit of a giggle yeah and we all know these dating websites can be

a bit of a giggle yeah um and very unexpectedly met somebody however he's not met my children i have not met his it's just time for for me i don't know what the future holds but i'm having a really lovely time you inspire me jemma Instagram. I'm there with my weights now. I'm literally going for it. The revenge body is coming on sweetly. That's the thing. You either have a heartbreak diet where you just feel dead weak

and, oh, I can't eat anything, or you think, bollocks to you, I'm going to show you what you're missing, pal. Yeah. Sex, weights and protein shakes. Oh, well, thank you so much for joining us. I'm sure you've inspired so many people. If anyone's in a rut,

you don't have to tolerate being treated that way. Get out and get moving forward like you've done. Whatever you think is the most horrendous situation and you think, I really can't leave or I don't know how I'd survive, all I would say is, yes, you can. Thank you for joining us and enjoy the rest of your day. And that's it another one done thank you so much to all of our guests I know it's um it's not always easy coming on and sharing such personal life situations. So

thank you. And also thank you if you sent a story in for this episode. Matt had loads and loads through and his hardest job is always deciding which story to go with. So again, thank you, thank you, thank you. We're well aware this series would be very empty without you guys being so honest and willing to come on and talk to us as ever please do let us know what you think there'll be a review section wherever you got this pod from and you can drop us a message whenever you want as well you can whatsapp us we're on 07761039898 or you can email us theovershare at bowermedia.co.uk thank you to abby who by the way this is how you can reach abby if you want to

Abby go on give us your social handles Abby what's your Instagram? my Instagram is abbyblaze perfect so if you want any advice tips relationships

you want to meet your perfect match check out Abby's socials The Overshare was produced by Matt Feuster for Bauer Media and if you're listening to the episodes in order still to come this series the most horrifying first dates you will ever hear. You do not want to miss that episode.

We'll see you next time. Was that okay? So good. It's been an interesting time. It sounds like it. It's a book is what you've got there.