The Overshare with Gemma Atkinson - MAKING MARRIAGE WORK: Keeping the spark alive!

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

What does it take to keep a Marriage fresh and exciting? Is that even possible.  From the happily married couple who have NEVER lived together, to the Parents of SIX kids who are still as loved up as the day they met… we investigate the secrets of being happily married.

Thank you for joining us on yet another episode of The Overshare. We are back and this one, this is an adventure of an episode because we're talking about something that I think is very much overlooked. Even in my group of friends, it's something we don't really discuss. We want to know the secret to making a marriage work. And I don't just mean plodding along with it because it's easy. I mean, what is the secret to keeping that spark alive? Is there even a secret?

How do you keep things exciting? How do you keep your partner being fanciable to you? How do you still want to spend time with them after years and years. Those are the subjects we're going to be talking about in today's episode and join us on this episode she's the OG of the Overshare experts, it's Abby Blair she's back! You joined us on series one didn't you? Yeah I did. You joined us at the start of series two, you're now back and you're gonna be at the end of series two as well so I feel like you're the bookend of the Overshare. I'm so glad to be here. I'm like genuinely. It's lovely isn't it? You've kept us all together and just remind people what it is you do.

So I'm a dating and life coach so I work with people who want to get into long-term monogamous relationships so this is a good topic because we're talking about that long-term element of relationships. It's the perfect topic to have you on. So with that in mind, you're clearly in safe hands with Abbie here. So let's buckle those seatbelts and get started. Let's meet our happily married couples. We've never lived together, even though we got married seven years ago. Thinking about it, if that didn't happen, I'd probably be offended.

Yeah. You know, I'd rather the spontaneous arousal in that, you know, I'm 40, two kids in, he still wants to do that. We forget sometimes that actually the relationship is so, so, so important and you need to water that relationship in order for it to continue to grow. With his sex hips. Whereas I like him scruffy looking. Doesn't doing any of that be you in the bedroom, Gemma? So our first guest on this episode is Kerry. Now Kerry, I think you may just have the answer on how to keep a marriage exciting. Welcome to The Overshare. First of all, tell us about your family life. I believe there's six children, is that right?

There is, yeah. Three boys and three girls. Crikey. And your house looks very clean and precise behind you. Is that just one area of it? The rest of it? The rest of it, there's lots of clutter, believe me. Oh, brilliant. So six kids, first of all, tell me, was that a choice or was it just a case of it's happened, let's go with it? Two kids.

Two kids were a choice. Right. Four accidents. That's amazing. Once you get past three, you might as well carry on to 10. Really? How do you and your husband, you might as well carry on to 10. Really? How do you and your husband, because I'm assuming you're still happily married. That's the secret.

How have you done that? Well, at first it was a bit more like a strangle. You know, you just knee deep in motherhood. You don't really find time for yourself. But because we didn't have any family support either, it was all just me and my husband constantly just doing it ourselves. So we just had to find time to when they were in bed, just have a movie night, just make sure it was just us and we'd make sure that we had to have our time because otherwise

it becomes a friendship rather than a marriage. I'm listening as a guest of you really because I do make time in my life to get up in the morning. I'm up every morning at half past four to get my workout in before the day starts. But if someone said to me, do you commit to making that much time to like a movie night with Gorka? Or I probably don't because not that it's not. You should. Yeah, we definitely should. The way he looks at you, he's obsessed with you just as much as my fellow still is with me. Rekindling that regularly is so good for you both.

And it's kind of like the rekindling of it, like you say, to make sure it never goes out. As you've said, we put our focus and our energy into our work or careers, all of that stuff, our workouts and then we forget sometimes that actually the relationship is so so so important and you need to water that relationship in order for it to continue to grow. I've done all that where I've realized that you're putting your relationship on the back burner and then you've got to realize that if this wants to stay as strong as it is you need to put some commitment in and focus on each other and remember that we was together before them kids. And, you know, remember why you met and what you love about each other.

Personal question, apologies, but it is the overshare. When it comes to intimacy, I'm assuming with a house full of children, that's at times difficult. Do you schedule, not schedule, but do you plan in advance we're going to have a night away or you know, how does that keep alive? Recently we've been having nights when, you know, all the laundry comes out. Oh nice. But in the house it's like pillars behind the headboards and try and be as discreet as possible. That's brilliant that you make time for that because Gorka works away a lot,

obviously from July to December, he can be based anywhere in the country. You know, if he has a strictly partner, they go where the partner is. So last year he was in, he was in Glasgow Monday to Thursday, and then he was in London Thursday to Sunday, and it was like that for about nine, 10 weeks. So on the off chance he did get to come home, obviously he's a male, the first thing on his mind is, I'm home, let's go and have sex. Whereas sometimes for me, because I've been with the kids on my own, yeah, I'm like, yes, you're home. Can I go and have a bath while you sort the kids? For Gorka, because he is away for so much, he likes to come home and know that I still fancy him, which I completely do. I mean, I think

he's gorgeous. Is sometimes, I mean, sex, a sexless marriage, a reason for divorce? Do any of your clients say, you know, they've, because like Kerry said, it is having sex, the intimacy and that those special times is what separates the friendship from a relationship. That can cause the demise of a marriage yeah but I think we also need to be careful not to freak out too much about the quantity that we're having sex with somebody as long as you're connecting and it's quality there's not like a certain amount of sex that you must have sex this many times a week or yeah and it varies from person to person so really it's about what works for you as a couple

and communicating with each other about what your needs are rather than not communicating it. Men and women are a little bit different when it comes to arousal as well. So men are much more likely, and it's not always the case, but they're much more likely to experience spontaneous arousal where they're just ready. They're just like, they don't know why, but they're good to go. And a woman is much more likely to respond responsively. So it's called responsive arousal.

So she needs warming up into it. So actually a woman initiating with a man is less likely to happen because she needs to be like wind and dined and feel connected emotionally. Whereas for men, it's more likely that by having sex, they will feel emotionally connected. So there's this like slight difference between genders, which can become problematic,

but we just need to understand each other and find a compromise. And planning sex is actually not a bad thing. A lot of people think, oh, can't plan it, but actually it's better to plan it than to never have sex at all. Yeah, no, I definitely get that. I find sometimes I'm in bed and I'm fast asleep and Gorka will like roll over and spoon me.

And I think and in my head I'm thinking he's going to attempt it, he's going to attempt it. And sometimes I'm thinking, please no, please no, just stay asleep. And then, but you can feel in your back, like you say, the spontaneous arousal. And I think, oh, it's there. I'm in love with that. I'm in love with that as well. You think, and it's like, and I guess thinking about it,

if that didn't happen, I'd probably be offended. Yeah. I'd rather the spontaneous arousal in that, I'm 42 kids in, he still wants to do that. Because I think if it was the opposite way around, I'd be thinking, well, who's having sex with you then? You don't have sex with me. So it is that kind of balance in the book, so to speak. When you have these nights away, Kerry, do you plan them specific? Like, do you have like, is it once a month, once a week? When do you go away?

Well, it's once a month at the minute, but we always have Fridays as well. Just for like, for spending the quality time together. Yeah, and that change in environment is really good because it's like different. And that's what happens over time. Everything's the same in a relationship. You don't have those firsts again. And when there's no novelty, it's harder to be seduced by a partner and to be as attracted to them. So

you can actually add these things in to keep the spark going. It's always going to be a little bit different from the very, very beginning. So we have to be realistic with our expectations too. I mean, the teenagers now, I mean, they probably fully know what we're doing and they're probably thinking, that's disgusting. Well, that was going to save the rage that the oldest ones are out there probably putting the pillows behind their headboards as well, aren't they, with their toddlers around.

Do you know what I mean? It's... I'm a nan as well, so... Oh, well, there you go. The thing that I'm on the fence with is the reason me and Gorka work so well is I'm so comfortable around him. He's so comfortable around me.

Like, there's nothing... Oh, me too. Me too. Yeah, it wouldn't... Too comfortable. Yeah, well, it wouldn't bother me, for example, if he was in the bathroom shaving and I needed to poo, I'd go, it doesn't matter.

He'd probably go, fuck's sake Gemma. But he'd still be there, he wouldn't mind. If he was in the bath and I had to go for a poo, you know, on holiday, he's pooed in front of me. I've been doing, you know, it's that kind of being comfortable. He's seen me at two C-sections. That's why it works,

because he's my best friend and we love each other. But then there's also that, when he's been away for so long, am I supposed to shave my armpits by the nice undue? There's a certain level of pride that I think sometimes drips off the longer it's gone, where it's like, oh, we've been together so long, it don't matter if he sees me looking like shit. I mean, I'm like yourself,

the shower curtain's pulled across while he's been on toilet and I'm in bath and I'm like, seriously, up at window. He just thinks he's got my nose nearly Friday. He's always like, dude, he definitely won't get on my bed books on a Thursday, that's for sure. No. I mean, it's unrealistic for you to expect to always be glamorous around him, right? Yeah. I mean, I couldn't, that would never work for me. I would...

I mean, he does see you looking glamorous. I mean, you look awesome anyway, let's be fair. But it's the same for him though. Like, I'll watch him on Strictly, and he's always in the lovely tight pants to show his bottom off. But I love him on a Sunday morning when he's in just a pair of trackies,

a white t-shirt, bedhead, doing the kids breakfast. That for me is like, oh my gosh, that's when I want to pounce on him the most. Which is bizarre because a lot of other people find him attractive when they see him on the telly on a Saturday. But I like the other side of him. Doing his sexy dancing. Yeah, doing with his sex hips. Whereas I like him scruffy looking. He doesn't do any of that for you in the bedroom, Vimah? He does, only on a Thursdays. Only on a Thursdays.

There's actually a running joke in our family that both kids, me and Gorka, we fell pregnant around the same time with both kids. It was in the October. So it was a running joke that if he makes it to Halloween, that's when I have sex with him. If he makes it to Halloween where he comes strictly, he gets a cheeky pipe. Oh, Kerry, thank you so much for joining us. I love that you're an advocate of long, you know, marriages can work. Out of interest, how long have you been with your fella? Since 1999. So a long time. 26 years.

Well, so you're proof that 20 odd years of marriage and six kids and still weekly date nights are the key for you and your husband. Date nights are so important. I think that's brilliant. Thank you for joining us, Kerry. And enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks for taking the time out. I know you must be bloody manic, but yeah, thank you.

You're welcome. Well, at this point, not just in the middle of this episode, but in the middle of our second series, I wanted to just take a pause and first of all say thank you, a massive thank you to everyone who's downloaded, who's tuned in, who's subscribed, who's been leaving comments on our social media, who's give us honest, positive feedback. We really, really appreciate it. I feel it's like an ever-growing community of oversharers and it wouldn't be possible without you guys.

So thank you so much. I'm gonna mention a few people who've messaged. It's a bit self-indulgent, Abby, isn't it? But I'm still gonna do it. Because genuinely, they've made It's a bit self-indulgent, Abby, isn't it? But I'm still going to do it. Because genuinely, they've made my day when we got these comments, producer Matt Givamir, and I can't believe it. Natalie Kilroy said,

"'Gemma' and Instagram brighten my day. "'I work for the NHS and I love escaping "'in the world of the overshare,' which is nice. Thank you for working for the NHS as well, Nat. Jenny in Scotland says, "'I don't normally listen to podcasts, but this one doesn't feel staged or rehearsed. Well, that's because it genuinely isn't.

I mean, if it was, it'd probably sound a lot better, wouldn't it? Thank you. Louise, the only way I can tolerate housework, running, and being sat outside various Tuesday nights after school clubs waiting for my kids is to stick on the Overshare. That's nice.

I mean, I don't think even the Overshare. That's nice. I mean, I don't think even the Overshare could get me through running. Kate says, I want a dinner party with Giovino from Better Body Confidence and Helen from The Power of Pets. We could make that work. I love my treadmill and my Jack Russell and it's a great series. Oh, thank you Kate. Giovino probably would. And this one is perfect with you being here, Abby. Helen in Kent says, I love the overshare, you should do an episode on how to date. I'm newly single and I have no idea how to date anymore. So I'll ask Abby for you, Helen,

seeing as though she's here. So picture this Abby, right? You're newly single, you're nervous as hell, obviously. You're bothered about saying the wrong thing. How do you approach someone who you really, really fancy? And I guarantee everyone's gonna wanna hear this answer, no pressure. So if it comes to like approaching people, I think we have to bear in mind, she just said she's bothered about saying the wrong thing.

And I think actually, a lot of the time it's not about what we say. It's more important that we are making moves because a lot of the time we don't. And women especially don't want to approach men. But I think we should take back our power. And if we're attracted to somebody, we should be able to say it. And then if it doesn't go in the right direction, just handle it.

So if it's like a stranger, so it depends what she wants to do. So she's about, you said about approaching people. We might wanna think about what are indirect ways of doing it and what are direct ways of doing it and what will we be willing to do? Because certain things would be like, I would never dare do that. And it'll push us too far out of our comfort zone. But we want to get a little bit out of our comfort zone and take a few risks and find the courage because obviously

the end goal is worth the effort and worth the risk. So if you go for an indirect approach and it's a stranger, you could ask for advice on something. I was just thinking I'd ask for directions. Yeah, you could ask for directions and then try and maybe ask an open-ended question onto that. It's like, what brings you here today? You might want to encourage him to maybe make the move rather than you necessarily making the move. Are you supposed to go on eye contact first? Because is that the key thing?

If they give you, because is the eye contact a way for them to give you the, I'm good for you to approach me? Yeah, especially if it's a man approaching a woman. So it's called glancing behavior. You know, when you like glance and you look away, you glance and you look back. Yeah, all of that.

Yeah, all that. All that stuff is like flirtation, but nonverbal flirtation. If you get those signals from somebody, that's a massive green flag of they are approachable, or they're interested in some capacity. Now, the level of that interest, we don't know, but it's certainly enough for you

to maybe initiate a conversation. And I think it's key to when you do initiate a conversation with somebody, do not think about, oh my goodness, the end goal, the end goal, I've got to get their phone number, or what if they reject me? Actually, you're just opening up a conversation, you might change your mind and decide that's not for me

or that it's not a good fit. Yeah, but you've initially done it. Yeah, so it's really about taking that very, very first step. So you've got your indirect approaches. My favourite one would be asking someone to take a picture of you or you and your friends. You know, like if you're on a night out, you can be like, oh, could you take a picture of us? And then you're, you are way more approachable after that point.

So if he's attracted to you, he's much more likely to feel like he can actually come back and have a chat with you later on. What I did with Gorka, which I think I did follow your rules before I even met you, and he reciprocated them. We rehearsed, we had a two week rehearsal for Strictly. I can't remember where it was, it was down south somewhere, but attached to the rehearsal room, about a 10 minute walk, not even that,

there was a coffee shop. And I'd clocked every single day that Gorka arrived with coffee from that shop. So because I fancied him, I remember there was me and Simon Rimmer going for a coffee and I said to him, one sec, I went over to Gorka and said, I'm gonna go for a coffee, do you want me to bring you one? And he looked at me and Simon Rimmer going for a coffee. And I said to him, one sec, I went over to Gorka and said, I'm gonna go for a coffee, do you want me to bring you one?

And he looked at me and he went, I'll come with you. And I thought, oh, here we go. So I initiated it, and we both went for a coffee. And it was on that stroll to the coffee. First of all, Simon Rimmer was like, what the hell am I doing here now? I'm just a third wheel instantly. But it was from that that Gorka told me

like he was from Bilbao, it's a great city. Maybe one day I'll have to go and see it. You know, it got that conversation flowing. And that for me was the initial icebreaker of, okay. But I did a bit of like, yeah, he has a coffee every day. I'll go and say. Yeah, so you made an observation, you used that. He didn't know I didn't want a coffee,

but it was fine, it worked. So there you go. So you like co-created it, and I think that's important. So sometimes we think, oh, if a man likes you enough, he's gonna make the move. Absolutely not necessarily the case. The more attracted he is to you, like the scarier you are.

And they'd be nervous as well, especially, on a night out it's different if you've had a few drinks, you're a bit more, alcohol helps. Alcohol helps, as the saying goes, yeah. But I'm trying to think now if I'd have asked him, does he want a coffee if he'd have just gone, no. What would I have done?

Oh, it's fine, I'm going with Simon Rimmer anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha! ["Simon Rimmer's Theme Song"] Let's get back to making marriages work. Here's a voice note. You can get in touch with us via voice note as well. This is from Del. So I met my husband 17 years ago. I'm from Doncaster. He's from Swansea, but we met in a pub in Doncaster. We've never lived together, even though we got married seven years ago, because he has a taxi in Swansea,

and I have my job here and my family here. It's just never been a thing where we'll live together really now until he's retired. It's a weird one. I have got my head around it. I never thought I'd be able to live apart from somebody that I love, but I've never been a jealous person

and I'm quite trusting. So it just works well. I love him coming home. I look forward to that. He normally works three weeks in his taxi. Then he comes home seven days. Sometimes he'll extend it to 10 because he doesn't want to go back.

People don't understand it. People think that if you are married and you are together then you should always be together. I think it works because we're older as well, we're older and we're wiser and we've both come out of long-term relationships. But yeah you do have your old, some people that they just like to twitch and gossip and think it's weird. But I don't think it's weird. It's my situation. This relationship to me for all 17 years of it has been a breath of fresh air. To be fair, Del sells that really well, doesn't she? Yeah.

I mean, who says you have to live with your spouse? Actually, separation can be quite a good thing because the closer you are to somebody, the more you know about them, the less curious you are about them. If you're living apart, as long as you're reconnecting, why should it be a problem? And I love the fact that she's not succumbing

to societal pressures and traditions. Yeah, because we have these ideas, don't we? We're told this is how a marriage should look. This is when things should occur. But actually it's quite important, I think, for you to think about what works best for you and your relationship rather than what would other people think.

Again, for six months of the year, like I say, Gorkas, he's not just away from home. He's with his dance partner. If he gets a partner every year, he's with them. So if there was any jealousy in our relationship, it really wouldn't work at all. We're both very laid back with that. I trust him and he trusts me. And I've never had that in a relationship before. I've always been kind of, what are they doing? Because they've always

given me reason to be like that. taking the phone in the bathroom with them, just kind of weird calls in the night. Gorkas never give me any reason to, and I'm very much a, until someone does something wrong, why would you always think they're going to type vibe? And part of the reason we work so is because we're away so much. I don't know if I could be with someone,

even Gorka 24 seven, like every single day, all day, I think it would drive me insane. Whereas seven years and two kids in, I still, I've not seen him properly for about four weeks now. I've seen him three days in four weeks. When his tour finishes and he's home for a month, I can't wait. Yeah. It's nice, I think, because it keeps it alive. Because next time you see him, you're going to have so much to talk about. If you're always with someone, you sometimes feel like,

oh, what do we have to talk about? Or maybe we stop being so curious about them. And also, if he's away a lot, you're probably gonna put more effort in when he is with you. And that's what's key, is that the effort does go in and that you're both happy with the situation. And if you're not, that you're able to talk about it.

When I first heard it, it sounds horrible and people make the same assumption about me. They instantly go to, they've got another life somewhere else, they're doing all sorts, that's why they've not moved in together. That's what we're programmed to think. If they're not with you all the time, they must have someone else. It's not the case though at all in every circumstance. Yeah, my partner sometimes works away, and he works away in Las Vegas. So if I say, oh, my partner's in Las Vegas for six weeks,

I feel like people will be like, oh my goodness. And I remember once going to this beauty therapist, and she was doing a wax for me, and she said to me, make sure you keep this up, because if you don't have regular waxes, your partner will leave you. And I was just like, this is absolutely insane. He couldn't care less about the level of hairiness that is on my body. He like actually loves me. And it's

such a strange thing to like project onto somebody else. But people do do that and have their ideas. And yeah, it's just talk about trying to freak someone out. But it's funny you say that about the waxing. I've had laser hair removal now, not everywhere, but I don't need to maintain my waxing. But years and years ago, someone said similar to me, I went in for a wax and they said, oh, have you got a fella? And I said, no, I'm just going on holiday. I mean, before I had my laser, when I was praying with Mia, Gorka had to shave me down there because I couldn't see it because of my belly. That's love.

I said to him, I said I can't go into labour with this full bush go-kart. I said you need to sort it. I've always wondered about that in labour. I said but they don't, they mean they shave you before a section, but I said to him you need to trim it and I was stood with one foot on the bath and he was sat on the toilet seat literally shaving. You have to get all the angles as well. Yeah, but he wasn't bothered. He said to me, the last thing a midwife's gonna look at

is how hairy you are. Yeah, and she's seen it all. But I'm assuming in Del's case, like you say, she's got those three weeks to prep and get excited. So it is a little bit more exciting, I think, when you've not seen them for so long. Yeah. But don't feel you have to have a wax every few weeks ladies. Absolutely. Men should do it as well. Some of them do because

apparently it makes it look bigger if there's no hair. Just saying. Yeah it does. I've got a few male friends and they say they get it caught and I've said why? And he says because it adds an extra in. If you think about it, if you've got a good bush going on, it would hide the base. It would hide the base. Oh, I hate talking about that, it makes me feel a bit weird. Yeah, because they're never pretty, are they? None of them are pretty, I don't think. Up or down, it's just like, well,

I think we need to move on to our next guest. We've digressed, haven't we? We're onto pubes and bases. Let's speak to Rachel. Thanks for joining us, Rachel. Now I've heard your story briefly, and I think you're a one woman super machine based on your story. Tell us about your partner's job. So he works offshore,

which is on the oil rigs in the North Sea here in Scotland. So he goes away for three weeks at a time. So three weeks at home, three weeks offshore. So three weeks on, three weeks off, and you've got children as well? Yeah, we've got two children, one by one girl. We've been together for 22 years, married for two years. That's a long time.

That's a long time to be together before getting married actually, isn't it? If you've only been married after 20 years. How does it work in terms of, has he always worked offshore from when you met? He was still at school and I was at college. So we're so glad we're young. And then we worked at home, actually for my family company. And then he went offshore. So probably about 10 years into the relationship.

And how did that conversation come about? Was it something you were both happy with or were you aware, meaning being away for a lot? Yeah, yeah, we did. I knew he wanted a change. I knew he didn't want to stay in the job he was doing. And I guess it's quite a common thing in Scotland actually to go offshore. It was when we were younger. Yeah, I just supported him and said, you know, whatever is best for you. Obviously when children came, it then did become a bit more difficult. It's a common thing now that a lot of couples have to deal with one half working away a lot,

because so many companies, you know, they restructure, they change locations. And if it's your job, and it's your way of bringing money to the family, it's natural to do it. How do you keep your married, I mean, you're still happily together, I mean, it's been a long time. How do you keep that spark alive for you two personally? I mean, the fact that he goes away allows us to miss each other. So I think that helps as well because we're not living in each other's pockets all the time. But I think especially after having children, you do kind of, I guess you lose yourself a little bit. And we think that it's really important, or I feel it's really important that we have that time just us two as husband and wife and not as

mom and dad with the children around to spend that time with each other. So we try and go maybe out first for some something to eat and some drinks drinks together or we're quite lucky if we're like, our parents would keep our children for a night or two to allow us to go away for nights away together as well. And I definitely think that down together, just us is really important to kind of keep that spark there between the two of us. And I believe he had to go away, diddy, not long after you'd had a baby. It's awful. When Mia was, my little girl was three days old, Gorkra had to go on tour and it broke him.

I was upset because I was like left alone. It's first baby and I was just like, I don't know what to do with it. But he felt horrendous. How was it for you? Yeah, same. I mean, we're quite lucky when our children were born, he was on that 3 in 3 rotation. So he was able to just skip like a whole shift. But with having an emergency C-section, your recovery is obviously longer as well. And I remember more so with my first baby than

my second, he was only about a week and a half old and I was obviously recovering. I remember being really upset and said, I can't do this on my own. You can't leave me. I'm not ready. You know, that was so hard. And I found it hard because I was being left on my own. I didn't really appreciate how hard he found it actually having to leave his baby. I guess communication in how each other is feeling is vital to keep a marriage or relationship long term happy, isn't it? And explaining it is normal for you to both be missing and craving certain things that affect you. Yeah, and that communication piece, we've said it a few times, haven't we?

It's just like so, so, so, so vital. We've also got a bit of a running theme about spending time together. And that's also really important. But some couples might be sat there thinking, oh, what can I do to make sure that I keep the spark going and having these conversations and having time together? You can have literally 10 minutes a day where you get together and have a chat and you talk about stuff that's not family, work,

that kind of thing. That's quite important to have those moments, even if it's not huge date nights. So we find, I don't know what it's like for you, Rachel, whenever we try to make time time in the early stages of Mia being a baby, we'd say, let's go out for dinner, let's go for brunch. All you talk about is the baby.

You're like, that's all you end up doing anyway. We trust, obviously that has to be, more so I guess for your partner's side, because you know he's not really stuck in the middle of the ocean, unless there's a mermaid who takes his fancy. But for him, obviously you're at home, you've got your friends around you, familiarities. Is that something you think makes it work as well, having that trust? Oh, 100%. Yeah. I mean, I guess when you're not the one stuck in the middle of the ocean, you don't really appreciate

that thought process that he might go through, of what's happening at home or what's she up to. But I think as we've been together so long, the trust was already built in before he started going away. But I always felt like I couldn't speak to him about like a night out or like he's missed weddings and things because I felt guilty that he was missing it. I think actually he wanted to hear about those things. You know, he wanted to know how the night went. It's little things that I guess if you're at home with the kids on your own, you're not that you take for granted. But in my case, it's dancing on a Monday, it's swimming on a Friday, it's gymnastics on a Saturday. It's dancing on a Monday, it's swimming on a Friday, it's gymnastics on a Saturday.

You know, it's all these things, the school nativities, the Easterbonic parade, and you think, oh, and Gorka, you know, he's never seen Mia in a nativity. It's things like that that he struggles with, working away, the little things. So like you say, Rach, keeping your partner in the loop about what's going on and what they've done,

they somehow feel still involved. I think as well, when he's at home, he's so hands on, he wants to do everything. He'll cook, he'll clean, he'll take the kids to school, drop off at nursery, pick up. We go to the gym together now, which is something that's quite new for us. They say couples that train together stay together, don't they? Yeah. Yeah. And how do the kids feel?

Are the kids used to his routine with him going away? My son's probably more used to it just with his age and he's never known any different. But I do find the first couple of days of him being away is probably when the emotions change with the children. And you can see sometimes my eldest or maybe not be as focused at school and the teacher will say, is there anything happening? He's been a bit more disruptive today. It's because his dad's went away and

he's just feeling a bit lost without him. So you're, I guess in your story, so your advice would be to keep it alive, keep the communication going, make time for each other. Something as little as sitting down at the table together and eating together and not being too busy to make sure you've even got that five minutes is really nice. Yeah, like even like not having your phone out when you're communicating with that person is huge. Yeah.

Because if you're distracted by something else, you're not giving your relationship the nurturing that it needs. No, you're like saying to the other person, I'm listening, but this is at the minute a little bit more important. Yes. Once I finish this, you're like my... I feel quite bad for that. Yeah, I am like, because I...

It's very common and it's something that we all should all be like, oh, I need to actually put my phone away and listen to this person. Because you're turning away from them in that moment. And we want to always be turning towards. We do this thing as a family, just because it's something, even if it's on FaceTime, we do it. Um, TL's not there yet cause he's too little, but at the end of each day, we say to me, what's been the best part of today and what's been the worst part of

the day. Great question. And, and she'll always go because I'm FaceTime, always in the room. And it can be something as little as the best part was that I had a ham roll for my dinner, you know? But sometimes she'll say the worst part was that daddy had to go dancing.

And we're like, oh my, and it kills him when he hears that, but he also says to me, I'm glad she's voicing it. Yes. Because I don't, you know, like the communication is vital for kids as well. Amaluk actually said, when her dad was saying bye to her, she says to me, it's going to be a long time before daddy comes back. All this takes so long.

I know. She'll be back though. That's the thing. Do you think they'd be like that if the mums were away? Cause I often have a little bit of it where you think you're at home with them, you're doing everything for them and all they blather about is the bloody dad. They're all excited about dad coming back. Yeah. Oh, thank you so much for joining us.

Really, really appreciate it and good luck with everything. Thank you so much. It was lovely to speak to you as well. Well that's it for this episode, so proof that it can work. There can be ways to keep your marriage, keep your relationship happy, keep that spark going. And everyone's got their own unique circumstances which I love. It's not one size fits all is it when it comes to marriage, it's whatever works for you. So thank you very much to those who Overshared. Thank you to everyone who's listened. Thank you Abby. Abby will return for nakedness. That's your tease. All will be revealed and explained before series two wraps up. The Overshare is produced by Matt Foister and Molly Carter for Bauer Media. I'm Gemma Atkinson

and I will see you next time on the Overshare is produced by Matt Feuster and Molly Carter for Bauer Media. I'm Gemma Atkinson and I will see you next time on The Overshare.