The Overshare with Gemma Atkinson - SECRETS: He Was IN LOVE with MY SISTER!?

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

In this Overshare Gemma delves into some of the biggest secrets that people have un covered… from secret families to the tale of one husband and the text he never expected his wife to see. One of our juiciest Overshares of the series… 

Welcome back to another episode of our Overshare. Hello, I'm Gemma Atkinson and this episode is one we're all really, really excited about. It's the episode anyone who works in an office or who loves the soap opera or who adores escaping their own worries will love, right? It's all about secrets, big, big secrets that have changed everything. These stories are going to leave you gobsmacked, trust me. So whatever you're doing, get yourself to a place where you can dive into the shocking, jaw-dropping secrets. Now, as always, I have to warn you, it's not for young ears in case they're lurking about. Put them away, put them in another room. We're joined on this cliffhanger episode with Abby again.

Abby Blaze, she's back. She's fabulous. And together, we're going to find out the repercussions of having such a huge secret. The burden, the pressure, the shock that surrounded it. So strap yourselves in. There is definitely high drama on the way. up in this episode of the overshare and it was a very beautifully written love letter to my sister from my husband it turns out that my brother has a 30 year old daughter i don't think he was banking on amy contacting the family who

i hadn't met at this point and also being in touch with the other women and us actually working together and supporting each other to work out what had actually been going on. A massive secret that changed everything. This feels like therapy for me, I thank you. My friend said, don't do it, don't do it. I thought, you know what, I need this release. There we go, I can see you. Brilliant.

Thank you for having me. I'm sorry about the weird background. I'm in my shed. Oh, in your shed. That's a good podcast, Matt, from a shed. The shed cast. Laura, welcome to The Overshare. Thank you for joining us.

Now, I think your story is going to leave everyone gobsmacked because you discovered something that it changed your life forever, didn't it? What happened? Tell us. So it's a really odd one and it's going back a few years. But when I was a mitchinger, I was married and back then everybody had the same sorts of phones. You didn't have to do all this fancy looking at it to unlock it or putting your finger on it just literally was the button and it unlocked so my husband and I had the same phone and we were out on a family gathering my mom my stepdad my sister and her family and and me and my husband and I picked up a phone thinking it was mine and locked it and it opened

on the draft messages of texts and it was a very beautifully written love letter to my sister from my husband that he hadn't had the guts to actually send but he had spent time writing it oh my goodness so what a love letter as in him declaring his love for her or something yeah they weren't having an affair were they no my sister I mean I launched the phone at his head I'm not gonna lie he launched the phone at his head the world span like it does in the movies in dramatic fashion and I walked off my sister didn't have a clue no idea whatsoever but he he was in love with her and it was about how he lived every hair on her head he would never harm her and that he knew that if he if he told her and everybody found out it would be like catastrophic for the family and everything um but my sister was clueless I am

very close to my sister and I have a lot of trust with her it didn't damage my relationship with her at all she's very happily married still they've got family she the only thing she felt about my husband was that it's my baby sister's husband so yeah and it felt like the worst thing in the world at the time. It completely changed my life. Obviously, the marriage broke down. It was a massive secret that changed everything. I bet. And how was your marriage before you found this text? Did you have any inclination? Anything was wrong? Was he distant or was everything, in your opinion, fine? Everything was as it had

always been he was quite a controlling person so I didn't have outside of my family I didn't really have anybody but him because if I tried to see friends he'd get very jealous about it um and I know at the time I thought oh my god I must be doing something wrong I must be flirting without realizing I'm flirting um but now kind of years on I and with experience and knowledge of other things he was projecting his own guilt onto me is that a common trait for people who are quite controlling because he's obviously trying to control the family narrative as well maybe seeing how the sister would react maybe do you mean fishing it's kind of like he was maybe thinking oh I could test

the water maybe and see see what other angles to go down but the fact that he was doing that and thinking that but keeping Laura away from her friends that's a red flag isn't it huge red flag yeah and sometimes when you're in it you just don't see it at the time it's like you look back and you go oh actually there actually there was, you know, when I think about that relationship, it probably wasn't that healthy. But when you're in it, all you're doing is getting on with it

and you're not even necessarily noticing that this is even going on. So I do really feel like so, like it's so awful that you had to go through that, Laura. My world did completely fall apart. I did fall out with my family for a little bit because they adored him. He was like the son my mum had never had.

He actually went and stayed with her for a while after we broke up until he found somewhere else to go. Oh, my gosh. But then we were very close, so it didn't last. And we had a big chat and my family and I, you know, moved on from it. And he got kicked out. And I wish I could talk to myself back then and say, run, run for your life. Oh, we all do. Everyone has that conversation. Would it have been any different had he sent

the text? I honestly don't know. I mean, it probably would have caused even more drama because then there would have been the awkwardness of my sister having to say and I 100% believe she would have told me or told my mum so my mum would tell me that this had happened I don't know I think it would have just caused even more drama I'm kind of glad I found out the way I did because it was just that shock instant shock instant reaction and and almost done as it were to say there were ripples of repercussions in terms of falling out with my family for a little bit but ultimately it ended it did he just hold

his hands up he actually just got up and walked away in silence and then later that day i got a call from his mom and stepdad saying or could you come to ours with your mom and stepdad we all need to have a chat he's been very silly this was like you know he's in his early 30s he's not a teenager he hasn't been very silly he has catastrophically messed up and the ironic thing is afterwards he was like oh when i said i don't understand i don't understand how this has happened and why you've done this you know how it's come to this. And he was like, oh, I just wish you were more like her. That's trying to blame me as though I'd done something. But the irony was I was more the way I was because he made me that way.

I wasn't particularly sociable anymore because I didn't feel like I could. I just, I was home. I was home. I didn't do very much because he didn't feel like I could I just I was home I was home I didn't do very much because he didn't want me to do very much which was the opposite to my sister because that's what he wanted it's gaslighting isn't it yes get someone to act a certain way and then go oh why are you acting like that and punish them for it punish them blame them shift in instead of taking accountability let's blame the person that's like completely innocent in this I suspect that with someone like that they would no matter how you behaved and how you were they would always want something different and that you would not

be able to do right by that person one time I saw him about a year later um and I was filling up the car with petrol and I was just waiting in the queue to pay so I had my phone in my hand and he was like oh new phone what has it got to do with you and yes new phone new number two because you're never contacting me again. Do you know what good for you Laura for getting out of that because I'm sure there'll be a lot of people who are in similar situations who haven't, you know, haven't got the strength to get up and leave yet. And I'm glad that it's not affected your relationship with your sister and that your family's back on track and that you found someone who treats you as you should be treated. I definitely appreciate the relationship I'm in now because he is really supportive. I wanted to go and finish my degree and he was like, no, we're going to have a family. Whereas my partner is like, stop talking about it, just sign up, do it. And I actually graduated last year from my degree.

Oh, that's amazing. That's what you want. Someone who supports you and shares it with you. Absolutely. Oh, fabulous Laura. Well, good for you you thank you for coming on thank you very much welcome to the Overshare Rachel and you were quite young I believe when you found something really shocking about your own dad. Walk us through the story, Rach. What happened? How did this secret come out? What was it?

19, working in the local pub as a teenager, et cetera. Parents had been split for a few years. And it was like I was working a childhood person who grew up with now. He said, oh, how's your sister, Kate? How's your sister? And I said, what sister? I've only got my brother. And he said, oh, you know, your sister, she's in London with your dad.

She's broken her leg. I'm like, no idea. And then a few weeks later, my dad obviously comes back to the area. And I said to him, I said, so what, you got to tell me? And he went, I thought, you know. So he had a whole other family. He did what he did when I was only about two years old. They had split up, got back together,

thought everything was hunky-dory. And then when I was about 14, obviously the parents did split, thought nothing of it, me and my brother going down probably every month to obviously where he lived. So we already knew that about the step-siblings the you know the other wife's family but then it all just came about that the woman he had the affair with initially when I was tiny he'd had four kids in between me and my brother oh my goodness with different women no it's all one woman so he had two families

parallel so it's like he used to work away. So it used to be like come back to work, say, weekends. Didn't see him in the week because he was working. I don't know. It's like, well, it is. It's a double life. Imagine the expense of that. So was your mum unaware as well?

It wasn't a secret that your mum kept from you? She was completely oblivious. Like she was working hats off to my mom because she is incredible like we had major difficulties growing up but when you become a mom yourself you respect and you understand you like you question things it's like how enough didn't she know when you're in a situation sometimes you don't you don't realize anything that's going on because you're just so involved like obviously if you've got kids and you know your priority becomes the kids you don't realise anything that's going on because you're just so involved. Obviously, if you've got kids, your priority becomes the kids.

You don't necessarily pay attention all the time. Why would you do that to a woman who could have lived her life a lot sooner? Did your dad express remorse at any point? Oh, God, no. Don't get me wrong, he's an incredible man. And I will say this to him, he's never once abandoned any of the children. He goes above and beyond financially. When I have spoken to them prior, it was, they went, no, he was there for schools. He was more of the primary parent for them. Whereas for me, it was my mum did all the school, my mum did all the parents' evening. My mum was at home, like working, looking after us, going through, you know, the teenage years. Do you kind of feel like you've obviously missed out on that time

because the other family you were unaware of were getting it? I'm jealous, if that makes sense. Because me and my mum argued like cat and dog, and I was very much a daddy scale. And I thought, how dare you now ruin what I thought was not a bad childhood but that's a normal reaction isn't it Abby I'm assuming if you found out your dad had a whole other family other children he was not necessarily prioritizing but spending time with them birthdays and doing all the stuff that you assume is only for you do you know I mean like like like Rachel

said her she's the princess in her dad's eyes. A jealousy is a normal reaction, I'm assuming for that. Completely normal reaction. I mean, it's such a tough one for you to go through that. And I imagine, I can only imagine because obviously I've not been through that same thing, but it's kind of like a rejection, isn't it? Like a feeling of you chose someone else over me. And rejection is one of the strongest, most painful feelings that a person can feel so to feel like on any level rejected by a parent and although your dad didn't we know your dad didn't reject you but in a sense he took his time his resources somewhere else it makes sense that that would be extremely painful for you yeah the biggest thing

was when like obviously I knew he'd gotten married which we weren't we weren't invited to the wedding and the excuse was at the time it was oh your mom wouldn't let you come when I when we did go down to his house and I saw wedding photos all of a sudden for the first time and there was this little kid set and I went who were they and I went they're your brothers and sisters and don't't get me wrong, I smashed them up. And at the time, I felt fantastic. I'm not going to lie to you. I just, I know it sounds horrible.

No, it's your release, isn't it? That's when it became real. I met them two days, the first time I met them was two days prior to my granddad's funeral. And he's like, right, they're coming to the funeral. You've got to meet them. And I'm like, what the hell? Yeah, like now of all times.

That's a lot, isn't it? To put this one's plate when you're grieving. They seemed nice enough. The one girl, no offence, we clash and I'm like, we can't be related. But then, you know, she's the one who can play. You know, seriously, I was thinking, we can't. She goes, I'm daddy's princess i'm like no that's

my role one of my friends um he's he's passed away now the dad um but we it was that they were our next door neighbors as kids and we found out when his daughter was around 19 that he had another family in another country and it was in another country so there was never any you know we didn't hear from them at all and it was only at his funeral recently when they found out in a will he'd left quite a lot to them as well and my friend his daughter over here she was kind of expecting obviously it's the last thing on your mind when someone passes, but she was expecting a little bit more than what she'd got. But then she realized it had to go to this other family, so to speak. And he'd kept that quiet from his wife, well,

for at least 17 years. And he used to nip out of the country for work every now and again. And that's where he'd had this whole other family. And they ended up meeting eventually. And she was the same as you. She said, it's not that they're a bad person. She said, but I ain't going to miss what I never had. She says, and I had my childhood with my memories and I don't need to make new memories with someone who is essentially a stranger apart from a blood bond that I don't there's no kind of emotional bond there and she said obviously it's her dad's fault it's not hers but she didn't want it wasn't her responsibility now to build that emotional bond it should have been there from the beginning it wasn't and that's like that's okay it's done people say oh you're

bitter you hate the children I don't hate the past is too painful the current conflict is my little boy he's an incredible footballer you know he's my world but yet he's dad because i share 50 50 and he lives 10 minutes away from his cousins and my dad's always up there i'm like come on dad just pop over you know my little one would love to see you etc and he's going no no i'm too busy and then you find out oh he's gone up here he's done this i don't know and it makes you feel rubbish about yourself like what have they got that you don't have a good way of shifting it is to think more about it's more of a reflection of your dad than you what's going on and i don't mean that in a disrespectful way because I don't know your dad. And I don't know really the ins and the outs. I'm sure he's fabulous. But, you know, if you've got

a child saying, I want to see you and I want to spend time with you and you're saying no, I mean, I can't imagine what anyone could have done to produce that rejection. And I very much doubt it's you. You need them there as an adult and it's just like oh no I'm busy I get you work full-time but. So do you though that's the thing you're busy you're still there to make time. I can't thank you enough for each for coming on and sharing your story and I'm sure you probably don't feel like it now but you're probably helping a lot of families because like I mean I've got that personal story myself with my friend's dad there'll be so many families in the similar situation to you and I think the fact that because, like, I mean, I've got that personal story myself with my friend's dad.

There'll be so many families in a similar situation to you. And I think the fact that you've got your son and you're still cracking on, I think that's great. This feels like therapy for me. I thank you. My friend said, don't do it, don't do it. I thought, you know what? I need this release. You'll be absolutely fine. You keep going for your little lad, Rach. So welcome to The Overshareare our next guest is karen and we had loads and loads of stories

about secrets that all came out thanks to social media that's the thing it's a double-edged sword isn't it and karen i believe you found out a huge secret via instagram didn't you what happened basically my now ex-boyfriend i met on bumble about four years ago so back 2019 and was all started really well you know kind of normal natural easy relationship and um several months later i was connected with someone on instagram they started following me and i looked to see who it was and the first post that i saw that had recently been put up was a picture of her and my boyfriend. And yeah, it was sort of a lot of backwards and forwards. But basically, he'd been spinning a lot of lies to me, and to her and his family, but quite serious lies. So at the time, I didn't realise what was happening until later on. But we'd been away on holiday to his friend's villa

with his best friends and when I got back my mum had been waiting to tell the family that she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer which was obviously quite a shock and luckily it had been caught early and she made a full recovery and was fine but nine days after her surgery he rang me crying one morning to tell me that a friend of his had just been diagnosed with blood cancer. And because I was going through it, I was obviously very sympathetic to his situation. And strangely enough, about a couple of weeks before that, I'd met someone who was involved with the blood cancer charity and had been through it. So I knew a little bit about it,

because it's a type of cancer that not many people know too much about. And so I'd asked him what type of blood cancer she had. And he said that she didn't know too much about. And so I'd asked him what type of blood cancer she had and he said that she didn't know yet because she was waiting on test results. And at the time I thought that was slightly strange because I'm sure you don't get told you have blood cancer if you don't know what type it is. But I didn't push him because he was really, really upset. So that seemed a little bit strange to me. And there were maybe a few other pieces here and there, but they were just like those micro moments of self-doubt, like not enough hard evidence or anything really tangible to make you think something's not right. But I

think I started to get the gist of this probably wasn't the relationship for me. And then things started to go a little bit weird around Christmas. and I was sort of just trying to get through that let's just get Christmas over and done with and then let's have a conversation about it in January and some of his behaviour was a little bit strange. When this sort of all came out he basically said that this other woman was, he wasn't having a relationship with her, they had split up and that she had basically threatened to kill herself if she wasn't in his relationship with her they had split up and that she had basically threatened to kill herself if she wasn't in his life anymore so I was quite confused you know what sure whether this was the truth or not and I basically reached out to his sister-in-law to say

look I'm stepping away from this situation but I just want someone to check in on him because I think this is not quite right. Something's going on here. And then she told me that they'd also been noticing strange behaviours. And at Christmas, he had told the family that a friend of his had tried to commit suicide. So he needed to go and visit them in hospital and wouldn't be with the family at Christmas. So fast forward a couple of days and I look at my LinkedIn and I can see that this woman and another woman who's connected to her have looked at my LinkedIn. So I then knew who the friend was and I decided to contact the friend rather than go direct to the other woman

because I'm thinking that she's potentially vulnerable and this is not going to go well. And it transpired that he had been spinning the same cancer story to this other woman, but for a lot longer. Well, first of all, you've dodged a bullet. Have you spoke to him since you broke up no i um he messaged me sort of the day we so we met and we spoke as i said and he kind of told me this story about this woman who said she was going to kill herself if he wasn't in her life anymore so he'd been secretly seeing her as a friend

um and i just said after a few days after i'd kind of found out a little bit of the background I just sent him a text message kind of telling him what I thought and then that was it I never spoke to him again after that and he never tried to contact me after that there was never an apology or anything and I was quite happy to never speak to him again he sort of tried to pit myself in this other woman against each other maybe it was make us fearful of each other i don't think he was banking on amy contacting the family who i hadn't met at this point and also being in touch with the other women and us actually working together and supporting each other to work out what had actually been going on and maybe there's many situations where that doesn't happen yeah because they always they always a lot of the women they kind of like you

say turn on each other. My ex was cheating on me and I found out on Instagram. A lovely lady DM'd me on Instagram when we were on holiday because I'd put a picture of a sunset on my grid and he'd stupidly put it as his WhatsApp profile picture. And he told her he was in Florida with the lads and he was in the Bahamas and we had no idea about each other.

And it was the same in that she was so polite with me and I was so polite with her because ultimately we didn't do anything wrong we just both kind of were swept off our feet at the time by someone who we thought was wonderful but it turned out he was a narcissist and a liar and just a really crappy person it must be exhausting to be that much of a liar but the thing with a sociopath is they don't have that um feeling of guilt that most people would have in keeping a secret like most of us if we have a secret or we lie about something we feel remorseful it might feel shame guilt we have lots of feelings around it if someone is a sociopath then they won't have that so they won't actually care right so if you're having an argument with them so to speak you could be in floods of tears so

angry and they'd just be like yeah no no emotion at all which makes it harder to deal with in a way I think Karen because you in some ways you kind of not blame yourself because it's not your fault but you kind of feel in my for me when I was going through it I didn't feel very important to him because he was showing no emotion to me going I was threatening to leave and this and that he was just like all right then I think he was the emotional one in our case because his um behaviors would change they'd flip 180 so he used sort of tears and crying and you know playing the victim quite a lot in a lot of his scenarios yeah um to get sympathy and sort of divert the blame and then he also one of the classic things that I learned is that they try

to ruin the other person to salvage their reputation and has it affected your relationships moving forward when it comes to like trusting people or do you feel like you've now got a finer eye for looking for the uh the masks slipping um I don't think I'd ever want to go into a relationship assuming that everyone is a sociopath. I think I would be more cautious now and maybe know some of the signs to look for. But yeah, I think it definitely sort of, you know, I don't think you'd be human if it had no effect on you. Kudos to you, though, for being able to spot all of that stuff, because when you're in the very beginning stages of a relationship, we can become a bit blind to someone else's faults. So you must be pretty intelligent and grounded to have spotted all of that stuff.

I think I'm a Scorpio like you, Gemma. Oh, so we're detectives anyway, aren't we? We are generally quite intuitive. Yeah, I think the perfect job for a Scorpio, they say, is a detective. Really? Yeah, because it's just instinct. Like you say, you just trust. You kind of know when things are not right and things aren't.

And rather than question it, you say, right, I'm just going to go and try and figure it out, put the FBI cap on and get the job done um which is what you did thank you so much Karen enjoy the rest of your day thank you take care thanks a lot and finally Tanya joins us now on the Overshare. Tanya, you found out something about your brother, I believe. What's the story? Yeah, my brother is quite a bit older than me. So he was a bit of a hero.

He was in his 40s before he had a child, by which point I'd already been a mum for nine and a half, ten years. That was several years ago. Since then, our parents have both passed away and sort of a bit of curiosity, a bit of feeling lost, I did one of the DNA tests, not expecting to find anything. Two or three years have passed and then I got a message last year from someone saying, I think you're my auntie. It turns out that my brother has a 30-year-old daughter. What?

It's been kept quiet for 30 years? I then thought he didn't know. Hmm. And I found out the day before him and his family were due to fly on holiday. And so I can't give him this news and then say, enjoy your holiday. So I spoke to our younger sister, spoke to my adult daughter. And we were like, what do we do?

Waited for him to come back from holiday. Sent a message saying, it's nothing dreadful, but ring me when you're on your own. And it was a bit of a strange reaction, but I sort of thought it was shock. He sort of basically says, want nothing to do with her. Don't want the child that he's got at home now. Don't want them knowing. But then since speaking to this new niece, we've learnt that he knew about her all along. So he's known about her but he's had no inclusion in her life?

He's had no... He's wanted nothing to do with her right from birth. So I'm assuming that the woman who he had the child with, was it an affair or was it just a one night stand thing? It was not particularly serious from what I can gather. He'd been in a long term relationship. Then he'd seen this girl sort of on and off for a bit. And then he'd moved sort of closer to where our parents were.

I wonder why that makes him not want anything to do with her. I mean, it's not her fault, is it? Are you in contact with her still? Yeah, me and my sister. She's overseas at the moment, but she's going to be coming back. You're still keeping this secret on his behalf? Yes, but we have a mutual friend whose nephew is married to my niece's friend. Oh, so it's all interlinked anyway. Yeah, but obviously this has all come out in the last few months.

So, yeah, there's another friend that knows. So it's going to come out, isn't it? Yeah. At some point it's going to come out. I'm assuming the question she's going to bring to you is, can I meet my dad? We did explain. I said, look look I've told him

this is his decision she said it's a shame but for now she's sort of accepting it is what it is and we're giving her as much sort of parents grandparents information as we can because she said there's there's half a family that I just don't know about. But he doesn't know obviously you're doing any of this? He knows we're in contact but that's it. Has your opinion or relationship changed with him since finding this out? Do you feel like you wish he'd confided in you a little bit? I get that obviously I was quite a bit younger but you sort of think there's been plenty of years you could have said something. As a kid he was my first hero. I can't believe when he's seen me as a single mum,

he's seen other family members as single mums and he's left her. I don't think as highly of him now as I did. I do think, you know, people should take responsibility for past behaviours and actions. Well, you've created a life. I mean mean they always say you can't you choose your friends but you can't choose your family can you know i mean i was i was holding out for sort of a couple of billionaires and your niece seems quite nice oh tanya thank you so much for sharing i hope um for your niece's sake i hope he does change his mind it's a shame that they're around walking about and just not willing to connect but I hope for her sake he does and kudos to you for being the bridge. It must be a difficult situation to be in but you seem to be doing all right with it. Yeah I'm lucky because me and my

sister we weren't close as kids as we've grown up we've accepted we've got differences but the two of us we're sort of a bit of a tag team and we're sort of we're building that relationship with the niece it's because as well if you're a parent yourself you know you know it's the nurturing side of you it comes out regardless because you understand you won't want it for your kids so you know why would you let someone else go through it when you can be in a position to help just a little bit so keep going with it and fingers crossed he has a u-turn fingers crossed wow well what an episode that was crikey i think we've all learned that one thing all these secrets

have in common is they've all been ticking time bombs like for so many years but all at some point have gone off and you know what it's going to come out that's the thing with secrets they do eventually come out um thank you to all our guests thank you for daring to appear on this this episode i know it's been difficult uh this podcast would be nothing without you guys and you've made it a compelling listen for all of us so thank you so much for coming on as always we love your comments and we always love your stories so you can get us on the whatsapp on 07761 039898 or you can email us on the overshare at bowermedia.co.uk thank you again to abby you've been fabulous and the overshare

as always was produced by matt foyster for bowermedia you can now return to your own lives after that glorious distracting drama we've all just been part of. Wow.