The People, Process, & Progress Podcast - My Review of the Book Mindfulness for Warriors by Kim Colegrove | PPP #110

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Sharing the top 5 most impactful lessons I took from Mindfulness for Warriors: Empowering First Responders to Reduces Stress and Build Resilience by Kim Colegrove, Author and Owner at Pause First Foundation

Nobody needs this information more than emergency responders, police, firefighters, EMTs, paramedics, other EMS roles, dispatchers, corrections officers, active military and veterans, and I'm also going to include social workers and other mental health professionals, quote, first responder, their experiences of stress, trauma, and secondary trauma mirror those of first responders. This is a quote from early in the book called Mindfulness for Warriors by Kim Colgrove. And today, I'm going to share some of the top five most impactful things from this book. But first, it's time to lace up, chalk up, get logged in, and get locked on as we put people first, share our processes, and help each other make progress on the People Process Progress Podcast with Kevin Pinnell. Thank you, everybody, for coming back to the People Process Progress Podcast. Again, my name is Kevin Fennell. Please go to peopleprocessprogress.com for more information about the show, my social media contacts, and contact me. Like I said, I'm going to go over today some really important things that I learned from reading the book Mindfulness for Warriors, Empowering First Responders to Reduce Stress and Build Resilience.

This is by Kim Colgrove, who is the author of the book, also owner at Paws First Academy. And unfortunately, as she details in the book, the widower of a public safety law enforcement officer that put 30 years on the job, and then we lost him to suicide. And so what I want to cover and share, like I said, are five key things. The first thing I'm going to share, though, is the structure of this book. I got this from my local library. Certainly, you can do that. Amazon, it's wherever books are sold.

It's broken up into warrior, weight, and wisdom. In the warrior section, the first part, we hear about Kim and David. David was her husband and some other impacts in the family. I'll touch on one of those here in a little bit. The weight, we hear stories from a lot of first responders, and you'll see a lot of themes from the tools that I'll touch on later where a lot of first responders where she got stories from them use these tools. I use them also. They're very helpful. And then wisdom is the last part of the book. And that is tools and resources, references and things like that. So again, these are the top

five kind of foundational things that I really found most impactful. There's way more than this in the book Mindfulness for Warriors. So again, I highly encourage you to get it, whether you're a first responder, you're the spouse of a first responder, you know, and all the different facets that that means, like in the intro, I meant, and you know, when a lot of folks say first responder, they police fire EMS dispatch, probably police fire EMS. And unless you're in public safety, don't know the critical role dispatch plays. But the other positions too that Kim mentioned, you know, folks that hear horrible things, see horrible things, are in that environment in some capacity. You are first responders and we appreciate it. So the first thing is that I'm

going to say that impacted me and I'm familiar with as well is that invisible wounds don't stay that way, right? So over one bad call, months of calls, years of calls, a service, a whole career of calls, these wounds, these mental wounds, this trauma, this horrible stuff that we see, whether we're treating patients in a hospital or running calls on the street or we're shot at in war or as police officers or something, just terrible things happen. Those wounds are called invisible wounds because they're in your mind. But at some point, they don't stay there. People start to withdraw, isolate themselves, right? So we see behavioral changes. You know, rage builds up. We're angry, right? This stress builds up and confessor into

rage, lashing out, you know, at the world because of maybe the injustice of a call that you went on where you couldn't help somebody or you just see bad things and don't understand why. Certainly questioning faith, you know, all these different impacts. Some folks are the opposite. It strengthens their faith. Alcohol and drugs are well-known coping mechanisms. They're not good ones. Well, you know, depending.

So the alcohol, certainly not. Illicit drugs, painkillers, things like that, abuse of those, not. There are some, you know, antidepressants, things like that, that folks can use that do help people. But when we abuse them more on the prescription drug side, they're not good. And again, alcohol is a big go-to in the public safety world and really probably post-COVID world. I'm sure alcohol use has gone up quite a bit. But that was the first thing.

Not surprising to me because it's something that's impacted me as well. It didn't stay invisible. It caused me to have some panic and anxiety and live through things that I didn't process well before. And I certainly was no stranger to mood swings and things and drinking to cope. And I've worked through a lot of that stuff. But Kim talks about that in her book. And it's really good to kind of read through that and hear other people's stories as well. And I say good, because it's good for us, I think, to know that we're not alone, right? Sometimes you can feel isolated or when you're withdrawn, when you're having a bad time, and you feel like, oh, it's

just me, I'm the only one. But if you're listening to this, or your spouse or someone listening to this, and they're having problems, and they're a first responder, you're not alone, they're not alone, right? They don't have to go through this alone together. And I'll give some resources here in a bit to help with that. The second that I listed, and again, there's a lot more impactful things, but for me is that suicide causes ripple effects. And there's this phenomenon, not just your immediate family, obviously, when you're gone, but there's a phenomenon where suicide can be contagious. It's a canon I think I heard on Jocko Podcast and other resources and Kim mentions in this book. But the contagiousness where people that were exposed to suicide have a higher or rather increases one's potential to consider it.

Because maybe you look at that person and you go, oh, well, they got out and they were dealing with the same stuff I am. But no, that's not a good thing. And one of the stories, the super sad stories, is that her husband, David, had a really close nephew. And not that long after David took his own life, his nephew took his own life. So the contagiousness of this horrible event, this horrible act spread. And, you know, kudos to Kim for talking openly about this in her book.

It's a super impactful story. Again, get the book, read it. And here's a quote from Kim that speaks about this, where suicide does not end suffering. It simply passes suffering on to others. So those folks that are left behind, and I know folks that were close with others. I've perfectly known folks that have committed suicide. Everybody's left wondering, could they have done something? Should I have recognized this sign?

Why? There's anger. there's sadness, there's all these different things in every emotion that people feel toward that person after that person's gone. And we've heard stories in the news where particularly first responders, some of them have done it in a very high profile way, maybe near where their friends are or coworkers. But again, I think Kim sums it up where it doesn't end it. It just passes it on to the folks that are left behind. That was a really, really tough thing to read through that she talked through, both her husband's story of suicide, the notification that she got.

For those of you not familiar, you know that when folks show up, whether it's military folks in dress uniform or public safety folks or someone you know, and you know your loved ones deployed or out on duty, there can be some bad news, right, coming when they show up and they look somber and they're going to talk to you. And she talks, she walks the reader through, she walks us through that in her book and it's just really hard to read. But again, she's so brave for sharing that because it's something that we should all be aware of to help others if we see some of these signs. And I'll go through some of these as well about the predictors.

And that's the next thing I wanted to talk about. So I'm going to, I'm going to read through the list of some of these predictors or behaviors that we can pay attention to for friends we have, peripheral folks we know, people at work, family members, to maybe keep an eye on that to let them know we're there for them and to look out for. So this list starts on page 134 in the book, and I'm just going to kind of quote the paragraph before the list. The following list of symptoms can be signs or indicators that the possibility of suicide exists, especially if multiple symptoms are concurrent, chronic, or repetitive. So here's

the list. Chronic stress, depression, anxiety, anger, intense irritability aggression alcohol abuse or alcoholism drug use or addiction hopelessness isolation and withdrawal suicidal ideation talk of suicide so if you know someone that experiences those multiple of those signs please have them reach out most folks that are at that state don't want to reach out. Maybe reach out for them. Talk to their co-workers, their friends. I'm not licensed in any of this. Just other things I've read and, again, some suggestions Kim has. Also, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline or Lifeline, rather, that's 1-800-273-8255. Or folks can text the crisis text line, which is text the words H-O-M-E to 741-741. And we can get some folks from help. So again, if you see those signs, those behaviors,

those addictions, please take note of them and don't ignore them. So that hopefully we're not some of the ones wondering what we could have done. The fourth thing that was really impactful of the many things, but just to share on, you know, a podcast, that's not just me reading the whole book to everybody, is that really first responder spouses are first responders. And she talks about this, you know, after her husband's death, and she's getting organized and, you know, after her husband's death and she's getting organized and, you know, talking about sharing mindfulness and all this and kind of feeling apprehensive that, oh, I'm not a first responder. Who am I to talk to folks? And fortunately, a friend of hers, someone she knows says, you are, you were married to one of us. So in the book, she shares how that made her feel much better. But, you know, I've been married when I was in public safety, and certainly our spouses are the first line, right, for those of us that wear the badge, that put scrubs on and take care of patients each day, that take the 911 calls.

They're the first ones that see that anger, that see those signs and symptoms, that we lash out. Even if we don't mean to, we're just in a bad place, or that watch our behaviors, right? Eating bad, drinking too much, if we're taking those painkillers for that injury, you know, too much, not just every now and then for pain. All the signs and symptoms that Kim mentions in that list, which is focused on suicide, but also behavioral changes that are common to the first responder community. Our spouses are there first, right? They notice when we come home and maybe we had a bad call or we're exhausted or we're sitting at, you know, a sporting event with them or our child sports and we're just kind of there, but not really there. And so that's something that we,

as first responders, previous first responders, veterans, all the, you know, the folks that we mentioned earlier, need to pay attention to and appreciate. And when we're in a bad state of mind, that's hard to do. So when you're in your ups and you're having a good day, make sure you tell your spouse, you love them and you appreciate them. And, you know, thank you spouses out there. Thanks to my spouse. Love you much. We're going to be actually married 21 years here the 15th. So happy anniversary to us and everybody else out there that's been together for a while, but don't forget their spouses, right? They keep us going. The last bit I want to share and is the tools part, right? So this is the wisdom, the mindfulness tools. And again,

it's called mindfulness for warriors. So you know, this is part of it. And one of the challenges, which is, you know, similar or reminded me rather of, and I talked to a good friend of mine a long time ago when I used to have the Between the Slides podcast about law enforcement's resistance to using the incident command system. Well, Kim in the book mentions, how am I going to go talk to, or someone says to her, you'll never get law enforcement folks to go do mindfulness or talk about it. And in the book, she even says, hold my beer. And of course, now, you know, we have the pause first foundation and all the work that she's done. And in this wisdom section, the big buckets that fall under overall mindfulness, but the first one is meditation, the second one is mindfulness, and then the third one is breath or breathing.

And so a great short brief to the point definition, of course, first responders like to keep it simple, right? For meditation is a few moments of uninterrupted silence each day. Sounds glorious, right? Sometimes, as she mentions earlier in the book and I didn't really touch on, silence isn't what we need because it helps us ruminate. And by help, meaning it's not helpful, right? So we sit there and it makes us think about things whereas staying active but when we start working and when she starts working and how i've worked with meditation and mindfulness it becomes and gives you tools to calm your mind to calm your breathing when you're feeling anxious and your chest gets tight and you think about bad things and you know relatable to first responders

it's much needed um after hearing you know station tones right that alarm that pavlov's dogs symbol like tones are going off got to do something got to do something you're always ready for the tones to go off whether you're at dinner you're sleeping you're working out you're cleaning the rig at the station or maybe you're in your cruiser right on patrol and you're listening to radio crackles or codes and and calls coming over you're a dispatcher in the 911 center, and of course call centers have all that noise, people talking, calls coming in. You're in health care in the hospital, and those patient alarm bells are going off.

And when we get out of any of those environments, it can seem deafeningly quiet, but that's where meditation is helpful, and that's where, again, we can self self soothe and calm ourselves, whether it's guided or ourselves. And Kim has great guided things in there. I've mentioned this on other podcasts, but he's headspace app, and it's fantastic. And I try each morning, I get up and I work out. And then I do some meditation afterwards, either 510 15 minutes, depending on what I've gone on that morning. And I can tell the days that I don't do it and the days that I do it.

I'm calmer later in the day when I go to bed when I do it versus when I don't. I'm not quite able to relax quite as much. So the next big category that Kim walks us through is mindfulness. And so this, her brief, keep it simple definition is awareness in the present moment without judgment, right? So, you know, she goes on to say a little bit after that, you know, we avoid labeling, criticizing, categorizing, quantifying, qualifying, or complaining, right? Which, you know, first responders do quite often. To me, I take that, you know, as a first responder to think first responder to think we can tear ourselves out of our mental size up

and skip the triage of the world where we're always looking around and always, what's going to happen here? What could happen there? What would I do if this situation happened? How am I going to respond? We can shut down or try to as we keep keep practicing, um, to shut down those after action reports, we run in our head. Could I have done this on the call?

Would I have been more helpful? Could I have saved this one? Um, you know, all that stuff. And the mindfulness practice as part of that, as part of being where you are now, that includes meditation. And then the next thing, which is breathing, um, which we'll get into here in a second, is critically important. You know, we have to be able to get back to embracing the quiet and the normal when we're so used to going, going, going and responding to alarms and calls and emergent things. So the last kind of big section is breath or breathing.

And Kim says, you know, the breath is the body's natural stress reliever. And if you've ever, which a lot of people have taken that kind of deep breath where it relaxes you, that's, that's what she means, right? It works. Um, often, you know, there's so many different breathing methods. There's like the box breathing method where you breathe in for four, hold it for four, breathe out for four, hold it for four, and you do that over and over. It's actually a great relaxation thing before bed.

There's like four, seven, six, eight, or something like that, different sequences, or just take five slow, you know, five seconds in your nose, five seconds out your mouth, all these different things. Kim has great walkthroughs in there. There's a lot of other resources. Like I mentioned, I use Headspace, but the tools in mindfulness for warriors is great. And Kim encourages folks she works with to breathe or take a breathing break at least once during the day. I mentioned in the morning, I do that at least five calming breaths. Sometimes I won't because say I did the assault bike, I'm breathing hard anyway. So I'm kind of taking those deep breaths, but it's good maybe later in the day to just sit there and quiet.

You don't need songs. You don't need sounds. And to just get those breaths in those deep breath in, hold it a little bit deep breath out, you can really feel it when you start to do it. If you have anxiety, if you have panic, if you know, you can feel a big difference. And sometimes it's hard, right? Because you feel like I can't get my breath. But the more you practice this meditation, mindfulness and breath, it really is helpful. Like I said, check out the mindfulnessfulness for Warriors book by Kim Colgrove. Check out the Paws First Foundation. Pay attention to those signs and symptoms I mentioned.

And even if folks don't have a lot of them or they don't have suicidal ideation or anything, you know, being a first responder, being the spouse of a first responder is very hard. And it's not just hard while they're doing it. It's hard maybe when they're off on vacation and not able to enjoy their vacation because they're still ramped up or certainly in retirement when they get out of the environment, but have been in it for so long or, you know, it sticks with you. And so I want to close with sharing another great sentiment from Kim. And by thanking you all again for coming back to the show, for sharing it, please leave a review on Apple podcasts. Um, you know, really want to share these resources and the knowledge

of folks that have been on the show that will be on the show and got some cool people lined up in the future and really appreciate you all going to people process progress.com. Again, all my connections are their emails, uh, Instagram and stuff. I'm at P-A-N-N-E-L-L-K-G on Instagram and Twitter. There's People Process Progress on Facebook and peopleprocessprogress at gmail.com. If you go to the website, you want to be on the show or you know someone that should be on the show, a person that has some process to share with us so we can all make progress, that'd be great. Send them to peopleprocessprogress.com. And I'll close with a reading from the book and the way that Kim closes her book, Mindfulness for Warriors, Empowering First Responders to Reduce Stress and Build Resilience. Quote, you now know everything you need to know

to begin meditating. I encourage you to seek out more information, do some research, get an app on your phone, or take a local class. But honestly, the best way to learn more about meditation is to do it. You can read every book ever written, listen to podcasts, and scan the internet for information, but you won't discover nearly as much about meditation as you will by meditating. Good luck, and let me know if I can help. End quote. Stay safe.

Wash those hands, everybody. And I wish you Godspeed.