The People, Process, & Progress Podcast - Sometimes We Need to Peer Into the Darkness to Appreciate the Light | PPP #70

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Sharing ways those exposed to death while serving in the Military or Public Safety can appreciate the light. Thankful for Jocko Podcast.

Hey everyone, Kevin Pinnell, host of the People Process Progress podcast. Just a note up front with this episode 70, peer into the darkness to appreciate the light and the blog post that will accompany this. It's going to contain some adult content that may trigger some folks, readers and listeners who've experienced trauma in their lives, but there is hope. We just need to find it. And I hope through this and some of the perspective I'll provide and others have provided me that we'll find it together.

Please silence your cell phones, hold all sidebar conversations to a minimum, and we will get started with people process progress in 3, 2, 1. I think I saw my first dead body when I was 18 or 19 years old as a volunteer firefighter. But my first distinct memory of death was as a U.S. Navy hospital corpsman. I was assigned to the critical care division at the National Naval Medical Center, now known as Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, more specifically in the intensive care unit. As an ICU corpsman, I was trained to care for the sickest, most injured, infected, and critical patients the Navy had to offer. This was to be my crash course in fighting death, dealing with death, and handling dead bodies.

The Navy did an excellent job in preparing me for this task, and my youth helped push me through without being too traumatized at the time. I pushed IV fluids into patients whose insides were coming out. I wrapped the dead body of a 20-something-year-old young woman who died in childbirth, and then wheeled her covered body past the room her newborn child and husband were in. I was there at the end of life for elderly military retirees, and I helped provide comfort for the 40-something father dying of cancer as his child yelled, Why does daddy have to die? There are many more memories and stories, but these are the ones that are forever saved to my mind's dark highlight reel.

After the Navy, I got into information technology and was removed from dealing with sickness and death for a few years until I felt the call to help again and got back into public service and would put over a decade into public health and public safety. Both on the job and off, I would be privy to the suffering of others. Some I could help, others I had to watch helplessly as they died. These experiences was a part of my darkness. There are many others with far worse stories and experiences. So today, that's what I want to share with you all. That's just a brief statement about some of the stuff that has affected me in my life. And again, it's some of the things. But some of these stories of others I've heard,

and I've mentioned this before through Jocko podcast, Jocko Willink and Echo Charles. It's host. Those are the hosts of the show. If you haven't heard of it, they've been a major influence on me. And as I've shared on this podcast, and I'll share again on the blog posts, my friend Mike recommended that to me.

And once I started listening, I was hooked. I was hooked on the perspective it provided me as at the time I found myself in a valley, valley of darkness. Some of the stories Jocko tells based on the books he has read and the guests that he's shared, they show both the depths that humans can sink to and the evil and the contrast that we should each appreciate when we think our day is tough. And this is what this episode is really about. Not to dwell on our darkness, though, if you're having that. And we'll get into that a little bit later. But how do we bring ourselves out of it after this past year and all the stuff that's happened all over the world in the united states and in our history and you know among some of these super dark stories on the jaco podcast include the nanjing

or nan king massacre or the rape of nan king which was perpetrated by the japanese army against chinese civilians during the sino-japanese war the myai Massacre carried out by U.S. Army soldiers in Vietnam, and an episode I just listened to, which helped kind of prompt this episode, focuses on the atrocities committed by ISIS against Yazidis and others in Iraq. And when you hear these stories, and they're told from people that either committed them

or correspondents that interviewed survivors or from books written about that. And that's a large basis for Jocko Podcasts is review of a book, interview with a person, sometimes the author. You hear within these things you couldn't even make up if someone said, hey, I want you to picture yourself as a bad guy and think of the worst things you could do. But these things really happen. And these things were really happened

by people like you and I, or at least at one point, they were like you and I, and something in them changed. And then there were people that had this happen to them that survived many that didn't. So what do these have to do with dealing with personal trauma? I'm not a professional, right? But to me, they provide that perspective on how bad things are where I am, how hard they could be and how hard they've actually been in other places. Right. And that doesn't minimize any of our experiences. You know, how hard they've been in America at different periods of time, how are they, how hard they are now. To me, though, when I learn kind of the depths of evil or the darkness humans commit,

we also learn the unbelievable strength that they can have right in those environments. During each one of the events I just mentioned that are on Jocko podcast, and I'll link to those episodes on the blog post on the website, people had to endure like the highest levels of cruelty, witness the most horrible death. They lost family and friends up close and personal and and for those that survived like life was never the same just like if you've been through trauma life's never been the same for you there's always something there some fostered that hate right and exacted vengeance some found justice by placing

those responsible in trial and others lifted themselves up through their own inner strength by being together to survive you know the moment and then the long eternal struggle life after such death happens and to me this is the lesson that we can all get from from these and other episodes of jaco podcast so this isn't just a promo um but it's a great example and again i was just listening to one of his more recent episodes about the atrocities in Iraq. And it really, again, gave me that perspective that sometimes I need to understand one, we need to be ready to deal with evil, but also to think about what others have dealt with and how I look at myself. So talking about other stuff, what tools can we use then? What are things that have helped me? What are things that I know have helped other people? Well, I'm going to share five of them. And there's many more. And again, I'm not a professional. This is perspective from some of the stuff that I mentioned that I was involved in, help that I've gotten, talks I've had with other people, things I've heard from

other folks that are professionals, and feedback certainly that I've gotten from the Jocko podcast. So if you're in a dark spot or you're curious about how to help somebody get out of a dark spot, here's five things that I know have been helpful for me and that I think could be helpful for you all the listeners. The first thing. And this comes from. I can't take credit for the statement. But a thread on a military board that I'm on. Is get help or talk to a brother or sister.

Right. If your darkness is taking you down a road of self-destruction. Whether it's through substance abuse. Dangerous behavior. Or even suicidal thoughts. You need to get help. You really do. If you're employed.

Look at your employee assistance program or EAP. Sometimes it's not the greatest, frankly, but it's there. You get, I think, five free sessions and it's a great place to start. If you're not employed, there's local mental health departments, there's suicide hotline numbers. And if you don't want to do either of those things, talk to someone else in your field if you're in public safety in particular you're having a hard time if you're in health care who's just been hammered by COVID the past year talk to someone in your field because they can relate to what you're going through to what you've seen heard smelled tasted felt right that's who you need to talk to because some folks and will want to be helpful and they'll say they want to talk to you. But as soon as you actually unload the stuff that you have,

they can't handle it. And rightfully, if they haven't been through what you've been through, we shouldn't expect them to handle it, right? If someone's never wrapped up a body that's dead repeatedly, taken it to the morgue or held someone's guts in or whatever it is right that you out there have been through talk to someone else who has ultimately though this last point is stay in the game i've heard and i've known some and i know you all know some people that have killed themselves particularly public safety folks don't don't leave others wondering what they could have done differently to save you that's not fair don't put it on them

talk to someone whether it's a professional whether it's someone else in your field probably a combination of both is good. Make sure if you have traumatic calls, whether you're in the hospital and you've worked a code together, or you just tried to save that child, or you just had a horrific car accident, where you see human bodies the way human bodies aren't supposed to be. Talk on the bumper afterwards. Talk in the break room afterwards. You have to unwind. You have to talk it through. And then the next couple steps, there's other ways to deal with it in addition to talking. But first one, get help or talk to a brother or sister in whatever field you're in.

The second thing, which I know I've talked about a lot here, Jocko talks about, many others talk about, because it's true, is regular exercise. It warrants a mention. It's number two for a reason. You know, whether the start, the middle, the end of your day, get up and get moving because it's not just your body that gets moving. It's your mind. It's your spirit.

It's all your emotions, right? Pushing yourself physically also pushes you mentally. So if you're making it hard for yourself every day when you experience other hardships or you're dealing through hardships, like my teammate and friend that died the other week, I got after the gym so hard and then I lost it, right? It helps you process. It helps you push. It helps you deal with your emotions. It helps push out that darkness or it allows you to focus that fear and anger or negative feelings that you're having on something else like pushups,

walking, or that damn assault bike. The thing's great and it's horrible. You can hear my angst. You also just feel better about yourself, right? As you start to feel more physically fit, as you start to look more physically fit, you will feel more mentally fit. There are direct correlations to that. Absolutely. So we've gotten help and talked to someone. We are exercising. The next thing to me is especially in this kind of disconnected, but hyper-connected, and by disconnected, I mean physically, right, due to COVID, but hyper-connected via the internet and everything else, is the third thing for me that helps us appreciate the light and deal with our own darkness is to make our circle small. We don't need the most friends.

We need the highest quality friends. Friends we could see, like we've established relationships. We couldn't see him for a year. We pick up right where we left off, right? Friends that truly celebrate our successes together. And I talked about this in episode 69 with, um, about Jordan Peterson's 12 rules, right? Surrounding yourself with people that actually do well and you, us for our kids, right? So celebrating their success, not getting on too harshly when they screw up, but also friends that will call us out. If we're being lazy, if we're not doing what we're supposed to do, that's accountability,

right? And clean up your social media, you know, included with a meaning we don't need the most, we need the highest quality. We don't need a thousand Facebook friends. We need 10 solid real life friends. It's hard to do. Everybody likes, likes, everybody likes smiles. Everybody likes whatever emoji. I share things from the show. I share things on my personal page, et cetera. But I've gone through and filtered out a lot of people that, you know, weren't some just frankly were negative impacts. Um, you know, and others just, maybe we lost touch who knows, but that's a good thing. So you're talking through issues, if you're talking on how to deal with things, if you're getting

advice from either professional or your peer, you're exercising, cut down on the on the linkage in social media, cut down on how many people you try and be friends with, right? Be friends with yourself first, with your family first, then branch out from there. The fourth thing, and this is a real kicker sometimes, right, is stop blaming others and outside forces. If you're staying up late, if you're drinking too much, if you're ignoring your wife and kids, that's on you. It was on me, right? There's no they. There's you and your actions. There's what you do or don't choose to do, and it's you and they. There's you and your actions. There's what you do or don't choose to do, and it's you and your decisions on what you do from there. That ownership, that, again,

I'll go the Jocko route, that extreme ownership, but really self-inflection, whatever term you want to use starts with yourself, right? Listen to the stories on the episodes, and again, I'll link to those on the blog post that I mentioned. It doesn't minimize pain you might be going through now, but it should really provide perspective into where you can find the positive, right? Where you can appreciate those around you and reflect on what you're taking too seriously. I'm not talking about real life trauma, you know, whether it's being attacked or, you know, seeing something horrible. But the analogy I always use is your Starbucks is warm instead of hot, or there's not enough ice in your iced mocha, whatever. Or you have to wait an extra five minutes because there's a lot of people getting a haircut. Or for your child after

practice, right? I used that in the last episode, full episode. People get impatient and they don't process things well. Think about how easy it is in some instances today when we have, some people have gigabit speed internet. They can connect to anything, find any information, order anything they want from their house. Right? That's a pretty good setup. Now, if you're in a much harder situation that's probably harder to see perspective sometimes as in the episode i just listened to there is seemingly no good reason for why bad stuff happens i have gosh i have myself blamed pointed at the sky shouted

right all these different things sometimes there is no sense then it's okay well what can i do about this and that leads us into the fifth thing which i didn't make up again on my own but no good thing is right original i think that's why we keep passing on it and number five for me is to find your mission if we've gotten help we're talking to folks we're exercising regularly we're making our circle small so it it's filled with quality, not quantity. We are taking our ownership, we are not blaming others and outside forces, and we need to find a new mission. Right, it's a well known statement, like I said, you know, it applies in particular to those leaving the military, find your next mission. but also again public service folks retiring from public safety from the government from whatever industry or maybe just you know private private life right you've you've done this job for enough time and you're retiring

and now what you know and and it makes a big deal and and you know my mission as i practiced the steps above was initially really not to feel like a lazy piece of crap, frankly, because that's what I felt like. And to do better in next year's Memorial Day Murph, because that was a catalyst, both listening to Jocko talking to my friends. And then I did a Murph and I felt horrible. I mean, it's hard, right? It's a mile, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats and another mile. So it's ridiculous. But for me, it shouldn't have been in

the heart. I shouldn't have felt that bad. And that combined with, you know, all the other bad choices I was making and just not doing well was my goal. Right. And then it grows. Hey, maybe also pay more attention to your family. Maybe also focus a little more on work and on and on and you build, right? You can have immediate and near-term focus, right? And then what outcome do you want as you begin to appreciate that light again? You know, for us in March 2021, as the veil of fear from COVID is lifted, how will we reemerge better people? As our health improves and we talk through our issues,

what will our newfound purpose be purpose really here is to continue to provide people's stories right we love a good story i love to hear other people's origins and what they've done to share their processes and those that i'm familiar with that i know that work right and provide a small way for anyone that reads the blog that downloads a template from the website, or listens to a podcast episode to make that progress in their personal and professional lives. And I think we owe that to each other as humans. And this is, for me right now,

how I'm doing my part in addition to in my home and at work. And I can't thank you all enough for your time. I hope this episode was helpful for those out there struggling. I hope if you need help, you get it. There are many resources out there. Get help. Talk to your brother or sister. Exercise regularly. Make your circle small. Stop blaming others and outside forces and find your mission. Thank you again for right now making your mission to listen to this i hope you take action i look forward to your feedback people process progress at gmail.com check out the website people process progress.com and all the social links and everything are there please stay safe wash your hands and godspeed