The People, Process, & Progress Podcast - The Day My Son Surpassed Me | S6 EP1

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

There comes a moment when we realize our kids are no longer just following us, they’re leading in their way. In this episode, "The Day My Son Surpassed Me," I share the story of how my son surpassed me, not just in the gym, but also in emotional steadiness. I also share how that shifted my approach to parenting, leadership, and letting go.Inspired by a powerful quote from Ryan Holiday's The Daily Dad: “Your job isn’t to raise a good kid. It’s to raise a good adult.” - Read more at https://dailydad.com/

There was a moment standing beside a barbell on our gym when I realized my son wasn't just stronger than me physically. He was steadier mentally too. When my mind was in a storm, his was anchored. And in that moment, the balance in our relationship shifted. Welcome to People Process Progress. This podcast is for anyone who wants to lead better, train smarter, and live with more intention. Each episode brings practical lessons, real stories, and tools that you can use to grow in your personal and professional life. Remember, hope ignites, plans guide, and action transforms.

Thanks for listening, and let's get on with the show. It started with the weights. My son had been training hard. He's doing Olympic lifts, squats, deadlifts. One day he passed me. Clean, powerful focus. He just, he put the time time in and I'm very proud. I was proud then, I'm still proud now.

But the shift I'm talking about today wasn't just about the gym. A few years ago, as I've talked about here and in the book, The Stability Equation, I was dealing with panic, anxiety. My breathing would spike. Couldn't think straight, right? I would just get caught up in that catastrophization,

right, catastrophic thoughts, just foreshadowing things that weren't happening. It all came to a head one day when I couldn't drive. I was just locked up. I was just there. I had tried SSRIs. I had tried all these different things and I just wasn't in a good place.

And he stepped up. He was still on his learner's permit. He calmly took the keys, he drove, he stayed present, alert and calm on the highway. We live in the mountains. Well, I sat behind him trying to breathe, trying to get a hold of my thoughts because we had to go somewhere and do some things. And in that moment he didn't just carry the car, he carried me. And for me, that changed everything. That experience forced me to shift how I parent, to think about how I was.

I looked at him and realized I could step back some. Not because I stopped caring, not because of where I was mentally, but because I started trusting him. I saw the strength, I knew we had it, but man, I was so impressed with it. I stopped just throwing out guidance quite as much. My dad, I played football, he played football.

It's hard to hold that back. But I started consciously to say, do you want feedback or do you just wanna talk instead of just throwing it out there and just telling him what I thought during the game, after the game, right? And that gave him space. And it gave me peace. We also held onto some basic standards in our home.

Let's use good language. Let's keep those strong handshakes. Let's talk to adults like adults, not like we're gaming online or Snapchatting your friends because we're not your friends. We're your parents. These are adults. And they're not about control. They're about parents, these are adults. Right? And they're not about control, they're about identity, like who we are, respect for ourselves and others. And

to my and my wife's credit, I'll say, and of course my son's, every time he's around other people, they just comment on how good mannered he is and how helpful. And that's to me as a father, the greatest thing we can do. Right? And it became a new process and it worked. It's still developing, it's not perfect. Progress didn't come from me leading him at every step, from hand holding him. It came from letting him lead on his own. From driving more whether I needed his help or not,

or my wife did. And now I watch him decide, reflect, act on his own. And of course in my mind I still have thoughts, right? And I don't always agree with him, but I always need to. And now he's 18 so he's an adult, right? So technically he could go and live and do what he wants in the world. But he's not just my son anymore. He's becoming his own man. And to me that that's what progress looks like. Right, not when they just follow your plan, but when they start building their own plan

and process for their life. To me, this episode is anchored in ownership. That's one of the seven pillars I talk about. As a reminder, if you don't know what those are, they're ownership, mindfulness, movement, boundaries, connections, sleep, and faith. These are areas I focused on when I've had hard times in my life

and they make a difference. But this ownership is about ownership of the transition, right, from younger son to young man to man. Ownership of my own anxiety and realizing while frankly it was kind of embarrassing, it was also a moment as I'm talking about now that I was immensely proud and am of my son. Ownership of the fact that sometimes I'm not the teacher,

I'm the one being taught. In this episode and in other episodes here in the season six of People Process Progress, I'm gonna quote some folks. So Ryan Holiday writes, The Daily Dad, and this is a great quote, "'Your job isn't to raise a good kid, it's to raise a good adult. One who knows how to do things, how to solve problems, how to lead, and how to care for others.

To me that's such a complete statement because often I've seen parents, especially at football games, just screaming at their child and half the parents don't even look like they played a sport, and that's a whole nother topic. But that doesn't help. Right. Or they're like, well, our family all went to this school, so you're going to this school. And I'm just I don't think that way. My wife doesn't. A lot of folks I know don't.

But that quote didn't necessarily change the way a parent, but it helps me reflect on that. Right. Sure, we want them to be good when they're kids, but the ultimate is when they're an adult and they're not with us every day, we need to hope we've done the best we could. And I hope all parents think that right. And it reminds me that it's really not about perfection. It's about preparation, preparing our children, sons or daughters.

And that preparation takes a lot of trust and that comes through building relationships with your child Here's the call to action I'm gonna take and I'll put for you all as well this week is next time someone you care about shares a problem ask Do you want feedback or do you just want to talk? It's along the same lines of what I've talked about here before what my wife and I what she introduced me to do you want me to Help handle or hear what we're gonna talk about? But keep it simple. Do you want feedback or do you just want me to listen?

Do you want to talk? Then give them space. This is hard to do as a parent, it really is, but this could be the most respectful thing you do all day, all week, right? There's a shift that happens as a parent. For us, I'm 51, I have an 18, 14, and 12 year old, and it's as a mentor, as a leader, right?

It's the moment when you realize they've got it. And it's not how you would live necessarily. It's not perfect. But our job isn't to hold that wheel anymore. It's to sit beside them, calm, steady, ready when they ask for help. And that's not a loss of power, ladies and gentlemen. That's a sign of progress. Thank you for listening to this episode of People Process Progress. If this episode helped you think differently, train better, or lead more clearly, pass it on to someone who might need it. You can find more episodes and tools at PeopleProcessProgress.com.

Remember, keep showing up, right? Just because they're older and they're bigger and they're on their own, they still need us as parents. Help them learn that to keep that hope alive, that that hope ignites, that plans can help guide them, whether they know how to form them or not, and that the actions they take or don't take will transform their lives. Thank you everybody and Godspeed.