The People, Process, & Progress Podcast - The Stability Equation: 7 Pillars for a More Balanced Life

Episode Date: March 23, 2025

Today's episode, The Stability Equation: 7 Pillars for a More Balanced Life, is all about building a balanced life, a life that honors the miracle you are while acknowledging the human imperfections that come along with the ride. We're talking about the seven pillars that, when stacked carefully, create a life that's not just planned – it's thriving.

Hey everybody, welcome back to the People Process Progress podcast. I'm your host, Kevin Pennell, and today's episode is a repurpose of an episode I put out a little over a year ago on the Hope Is Not A Plan podcast that is the seven pillars for a more balanced life. These pillars are ownership, mindfulness, movement, boundaries, connection, sleep, and faith. Thank you for having faith in me by hitting play on this podcast. You can follow me on Instagram and X at Penel, P and NLKG.

And I also have a YouTube channel where I share fitness, jujitsu, cold plunge stuff 15 to 30 seconds at a time called the Penel 5 Fitness Club. Now let's get into this episode and hope you rebalance your seven pillars. Did you know that the odds of a single sperm fertilizing an egg and resulting in a living breathing human are roughly 1 in 200 million. That means you, yes YOU, listener, are a walking, talking, statistical anomaly. Pretty incredible, right? But here's the thing, just because we're all miracles doesn't mean we're immune to the

struggles of everyday life. We get lost, we stumble, we get caught in the hope-based hamster wheel. That's where this podcast comes in. I'm not here to sell you empty promises or one-size-fits-all solutions. Rather, my calling is to provide you the listener practical tools, references, and actionable steps to help you turn those hopes into realities. Today's episode is all about building a balanced life, a life that honors the miracle you are while acknowledging the human imperfections that come along with the ride.

We're talking about the seven pillars that, when stacked carefully, create a life that's not just planned, it's thriving. Before we dive into these pillars, I want to share that the opinions and perspectives I provide in this and all of the podcast episodes are my own. They do not reflect the viewpoints of my former or current employees. All right, everybody, let's start with the basics. What is a pillar? It's a structural support. that do not reflect the viewpoints of my former or current employees. All right everybody, let's start with the basics. What is a pillar?

It's a structural support, it's a key member of a team, or even a critical facet of society like freedom. So pillars are important. Now pillars are vital to the strength of a structure. And in this episode, the metaphorical structure is you. Now I'm gonna share seven pillars I have found help me balance my life and that I know can help you balance yours.

So let's get into it. Pillar one, taking ownership. This is the foundation. We can't build a balanced life if we're blaming everyone else for circumstances. We can't depend on a pill to get things done. We shouldn't rely on others to give us motivation. We must take ownership.

Do you know what's coming? Extreme ownership, if you will. It's time to own your choices, mistakes, and successes. Really, imagine you're trapped in the woods. Who else is gonna find you shelter or get you water or start the fire? Nobody. You have to. I use the term extreme ownership because I was fortunate to read the book, Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. And that is part of today's plan to address the hope that we will get better. Step one in this plan is make your mind up that you wanna take ownership.

And step two, I'll say, is get the book, Extreme Ownership. It will help you realize that every earthly facet of your life is yours to own. Getting up, exercising, eating better, doing the work, addressing your mental health, your physical health. We'll get into some of those here later. But it's an outstanding guide. Jocko Willink and Leif Babin did great work there.

There's a follow-up book called The Dichotomy of Leadership. But I highly recommend that book. The other book I recommend is Un-Fuck Yourself, Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life by Gary John Bishop. It's a pretty no-nonsense perspective on things up to and including death to not freak out about, but to also realize, hey, some of this stuff's emotions, it's not practical things, and you can own your emotions,

you can let them come and go. That's part of pillar two I'll talk about here in a second. So those are two books, but it really comes down to your mind. If you're in a tough spot, you're the only one that can help you. You can have somebody ping you all the time and say, hey, how you doing, how you doing, are you doing this,

are you taking that note? And if you keep saying no, not feeling it, not doing it, then you're never gonna do it, and you're never that note. But if you keep saying, no, not feeling it, not doing it, then you're never gonna do it and you're never gonna get ready. So if you need to get motivated, now's the time. No better time like that. The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step, right?

Lao Tzu. So thank you for starting your podcast journey today with me. Let's go to pillar two, mindfulness. Mindfulness is a tool I had heard of but had no interest in until I had to, until my mind and my body woke me up a few years ago in a panic and said, hey, you're going to die. But I wasn't. It was stress. It was a mismanagement of my health.

It was many other things. It was not dealing with things in my past. Does that sound familiar for you all? If so, I highly suggest you start a mindfulness practice. A mindfulness practice is in its simplest form, taking 10 minutes out of your day to sit quietly, focus on how your body feels, listen to your breath, and just be disconnected.

It will then help you be able to calm yourself in times that you are not, and be comfortable with the quiet and not the rat race of virtual connection and pings and likes and family life and work life and all that stuff. Mindfulness is an outstanding tool to help you get a hold of go figure your mind.

Now, it is not an instant thing. It will not be a one session and done type of deal. This like any skill is required to be done over and over again, but that's all right. So schedule time for it. Highly recommend it. 10 minutes. Here are resources that I have used and that I use now.

The first one is I have an app and I have no affiliation with any of these books or products. I'm just shooting you straight, but I use these things. I use an app called Headspace. I use it both for mindfulness, which is those 10 minute sessions I talk about, and for wind downs in the evening, where you can do eye movement exercises

or muscle relaxing exercises. It's on for 45 minutes, these days I last like 10 minutes maybe and then I'm asleep. They are great, they are a great way to give yourself some peace during the day and then to chill out in the evening and I'll touch on some sleep tips here in a second, but a wind down is a great way to do that. So the Headspace app.

Two people who I have followed, one I've met and interviewed a few years ago, which was great. The first is Dr. Tracy Marks, who has both a YouTube channel and multiple books. But the book that I'm referencing here is Why Am I So Anxious? Dr. Marks is a psychiatrist

and has a very successful YouTube channel. She has awesome videos, both shorts and longer videos that include some mindfulness, but also just overall mental health, the chemical of it, foods that work, supplements. So I dove way into her products, her videos, and read the book, and like I said, had a great conversation with her from a couple years ago.

The other online YouTube that I really followed and actually did an emotions course is called Therapy in a Nutshell. Emma McAdams at Outstanding, she's a therapist and has really practical, compassionate ways to help you deal with depression, anxiety, sleep issues, the whole gamut of it. She has some free courses, some paid courses,

and I completed one and it really helped me process some emotions and some trauma stuff from my past. Highly recommend those and you can get most of it for free, right? It's on the YouTubes. Two other folks that I met and interviewed a couple years ago as part of my previous podcast journey. One is Kim Colgrove, who has the Paws First Academy.

This is very responder-focused, first responder-focused, or military, who has the PAWS First Academy. This is very responder focused, first responder focused, or military. So is the next one I'll talk about. But Kim Kohlgrove had practiced mindfulness and meditation for a long time. And then she spread that message after, unfortunately, her husband after his 30 plus year of law enforcement committed suicide and dealing with traumas and things. So now through Paul's First Academy, they help responders and families of responders deal with stuff now. So others don't have to deal with it later at a funeral.

And she was a great person to talk to, sad story, great attitude and great tools. So highly recommend Paul's First Academy. Rhonda Kelly of Responders Strong is another person I was fortunate to meet and tools that I've used. And with Responder Strong, not just mindfulness and mental health,

but also physical health, which is a direct factor in its pillar number three, spoiler alert coming up, is a very helpful resource. So Headspace, Dr. Tracy Marks, Emma McAdam in Therapy in a Nutshell, Paul's First Academy and Responder Strong, excellent tools for mindfulness, and there are many others, but these are ones I've used,

so I'm gonna speak to those, not ones that I've just seen randomly. Pillar three, movement. Exercise isn't just about looking good, right? It's a vital part, it's about feeling good. There are many myths about movement, about what's the best exercise, you should do this, you shouldn't do this, but really the key is for us to discover ways to do things to move every day that will keep

us active that we want to do. It will no doubt boost our well-being. There are studies that show exercises as good, actually I think it's better than many or all of the clinical antidepressant drugs. And if I wasn't already a regular exerciser when I had my bout of panic a couple of years ago, I would be in a tough place because I knew how to push my body. I was nervous to do it sometimes, but it made a huge difference. And that baseline of being used to moving really changed the course of my life and to some extent, state it. So I highly suggest you incorporate movement. It can be yoga, weights. I do jujitsu, a mix of everything, weights, body weight, yoga. And I think that's the thing is find what you like,

but do something. Just go for a walk. Walking itself is therapeutic for your mind and body. It's hugely important. And also you're getting better shape. Resources that I'm gonna share, and there are, as you all know from being online, ad nauseum fitness influencers out there. One of the best unfiltered ones I like is actually James Smith. He will give you no nonsense advice, which is great.

So check him out on YouTube. I also have a YouTube channel called Penelphi Fitness Club. I really shared shorts of my workouts, like 15 seconds at a time promoting fitness essentially, but it's been helpful. I've gotten good feedback. We are at a little over 500 subscribers, about 360,000 views. And the key there is it's fun to share.

It's fun to get comments and say, oh, I didn't think of that movement or the pull-up bar I put between two trees, just ideas because we're helping each other, right? That's the whole point of this podcast and for me to share those videos. So Penelphi Fitness Club, little plug for myself. Other resources that helped me as I was rekindling

my fitness journey seven, eight years ago, the Onnit, O-N-N-I-T Academy. They have great sample workouts, body weight kettlebell, different things. Crossfit, of course, is very well known. You don't have to go in and try and snatch or squat 500 pounds. Take it slow, but they post workouts of the day, right? So you can get ideas if you're starting from scratch.

And if you can't do six rounds of 30 pushups, then do four rounds of 10 or whatever you can do. But the key is movement, right? This third pillar of movement is doing something. If you are gonna get into strength training, or even if you already are, the other resource which is kind of a definitive and standard for gym bros like me is Starting Strength by Mark Ripiteau.

It's got great basics on squat form, deadlift form, bench press, and it's a good standard to start with. So if you're looking to get in shape, one, it'd be helpful to get a trainer, but you don't have to. You can learn so much by doing this, by taking that ownership, right?

By getting your mind right, your mindfulness, and getting movement. So pillar three is movement, it's important. I hope those resources are helpful. Pillar four is boundaries, right? Setting boundaries both for ourselves personally. What do we see, what do we hear, who do we interact with, and professionally at work.

What you allow in your presence you promote is one of the best quotes I've gotten from a good friend and mentor of mine, and it really speaks to what are you allowed to happen in your presence? Do you allow people to talk to you like crap in meetings? Do you allow teams to talk to each other like crap? We need to set boundaries, act like adults

when we're supposed to, say no, when you really can't do something, when it's not something to take on and that's not saying you should be like, that's not my job, right? But there are boundaries. There are times when folks take advantage of other people's time,

whether it's in your personal life or professional. And there's huge negative impacts to that, particularly to safety at times. And the first resource I'm gonna share is The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. And he tells many harrowing tales, some heartbreaking and some inspirational because people use the tools that he teaches of setting boundaries specifically.

Don't let people in your space physically. Right. Don't let them pressure you into following you or doing something. There's a whole, you know, list of ways bad guys try and trick you like they're helpers. But the gist of it is space and boundaries. Right. I should never go walk up to a woman who's alone putting groceries in just thinking, oh, I'm just gonna help and get within, you know, five, 10 feet of that person. If I see someone struggling, I ask, and then I approach.

And that's a very quick, basic thing. But I highly recommend reading that whole book. It's eye-opening, but it's very helpful. The other resource is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Bessel van der Kolk is a psychiatrist as well hugely important and helpful book for me and millions of others and Just dealing with trauma different tools things like that

And the boundary in this is what are you comfortable talking about and getting into so if you're someone that needs help now What are you comfortable getting help with to help make your life better? That's your boundary. Sometimes we have to push our own boundaries though. Sometimes there's things we look back at. I've done a trauma letter. Essentially you do a diary and you remember all the bad stuff that happened and I didn't want to. Right. And it helps to get it out of your mind and it's not gone, but it's an exercise. It's there. And in that book, Vessel Van Okrug also shares tools like yoga and massage, and those are all boundaries people have to get used to when you've dealt with traumatic events or you're anxious

or depressed or something. A boundary of someone giving you a massage is odd because you're jumpy, right? Or you're just standoffish. But there are people trained in trauma-focused massage and it's a great tool. And that's just one and I'm just touching on those. So be comfortable saying no to things

that you don't have to be involved in and set boundaries for yourself, personally and professionally. The fifth pillar here is connection, right? So while we may need to set boundaries for strangers or even family members sometimes, humans are social creatures, right? And isolation is not good for us.

The isolation of the pandemic wasn't good for us. It's not good. I've had times I've worked remote for about five years where I'm too isolated and I'm like, man, it wears on your brain. For me, part of my connection is going to the Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu mats and grappling with people, but you're there, it's great people, have a great great place to go and also getting together with friends, you know, and

your spouse or whomever you are with. But, you know, isolation is a recipe for unhappiness and there are ways to reconnect, to reestablish, to establish first-hand meaningful connections. It will help you combat loneliness. And there are support networks for just about anything you can think of. If you have an ailment, if you have an interest, there's a group for it, whether in your community or online or both, right?

Ideally, it's in-person connection, but just not sitting in a corner by yourself when you're upset is not good. It actually makes it worse. You're stuck in your own mind, then you're not connected with somebody else like you. So what are some resources that are helpful? Two that I read, in addition to, I mentioned community groups. So whether it's AA, whether it's community members that like trees, whatever it is, go to a group of like-minded people. It's building your village.

But two books that I highly recommend that I read that are awesome is Lost Connections, Why You're Depressed and How to Find Hope by Johann Hari that is all about the power of community connection, whether it's to fight some legal battles in the neighborhood where companies want to take over or literally more directly applicable to this pillar five of connection on how being connected with your community members raises the mental health and the overall health and not in this book necessarily, or I don't remember if it's mentioned, but there's also these things called blue zones and blue zones are areas where more people per capita, I think is the right term, live to be 100. Well, guess what?

A huge factor or pillar of their living longer is community. Families living together, communities taking care of each other. So get out of the isolation and connect. The other book is Tribe by Sebastian Younger. And this speaks to the tribal nature of humans through a few examples. One that stands out the most is you know I connect more with public safety and military folks because I've been through the same That they have right or similar. We don't have all the same exact experience

But there's when you go through struggle with people you connect when you've had shared Triumphs with people it doesn't have to all just be shared bad stuff, right? But the tribe that you have helps stand you up, they look out for you, they take care of you. It raises your mental health game. Pillar six is sleep and this could have been number one and these aren't necessarily in rank order, but sleep deprivation as you know if you've ever been exhausted is a thief of joy. There are tips about sleep hygiene and the resources I'm gonna share here, but the gist of it is sleep, to get it right,

you have to put work in and it's gonna suck at first if you're not sleeping well now because you're gonna be exhausted and you probably are already exhausted. My wife, other folks I know, can lay their head down and they're out, and that's amazing. I have been like that before.

I, a couple years ago, was not where I could not sleep. But fortunately, through my ownership, through getting into that mindfulness, through setting boundaries for myself and moving and making connections, I looked for solutions on how I could sleep better and what was going on. And the first thing I had to do was that mindset.

Sleep's not the enemy. If you're continually mad at sleep while you're not sleeping That's all you're gonna be thinking about and then when you wake up and you didn't sleep you're gonna be upset And that's a hard thing to let go But it makes a big difference You have to accept what it is and if you're exhausted accept that as a human being you can actually do tons of stuff with little to no sleep. The most grave example I have seen of this or read about it is in the book, Man's Search for Meeting by Viktor Frankl,

where he chronicles and it is just sharing some amazing perspectives on life. I've read this three times now. His awful experience in the concentration camps, four different concentration camps during World War II. And if you want to talk about sleep deprivation and still being able to move in the freezing cold with no shoes to give you perspective that you didn't sleep good for two nights,

that'll do it. And that's a book in general, I suggest that I didn't put it in one of these categories, but Man's Search for Meaning is a life changingchanging book that I think every human should read. So sleep, so how do we get it better? Going back to the YouTubes, Matthew Walker, PhD, he is a sleep expert and has some great philosophies, great guidance about alcohol consumption, caffeine consumption, behaviors,

what you do or don't do in the bedroom, and that's part of the pillars of this this I'll touch on here in a second. And then kind of the overarching methodology, one of them that's kind of the more, I don't know, clinical, I guess, is called cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia or CBT-I. And this has to do with reducing stimuli before bed, like your phone and your TV and action movies action movies or video games and doing something calming like reading a book or doing some yoga or even sauna you know an hour or two before bed and if you're not sleeping if you can't get to sleep then you can do what's called sleep restriction and this should be done in conjunction I mean you can experiment on

your own I'm saying this because that's what was told to me when I watch these videos in conjunction with the doctor, et cetera. But basically, you stay up later, but you get up at the same time. The key is, let's say 10 and six is a good normal, you know, time to go to bed and get up in the morning to get stuff done.

So let's say you're not sleeping. Well, I'm still gonna get up at six, but I might stay up till 12.30 or one until I'm exhausted and I have to go to sleep. And you do that sometimes for a week, a little bit longer. So those are those days when I talk about what's the perspective on being tired, where you have to make your body and your mind tired to realize I don't care if you don't go to sleep, I'm getting up at this time, and we're going to have our day. And then eventually your body learns, oh, I should probably go to sleep. And it's not overnight.

Again, it's none of these things happen overnight. You all know that, right? No good skill, no problem is corrected overnight with a simple flip of the switch. And then also for sleep, I would also revisit Dr. Marks and Emma McAdam. They have some great sleep-focused things. But the gist of that sleep is really learning

to calm your mind down, disconnecting from external stimuli, turning the lights down, cool it down. And there are some supplements and things too that you can use. Magnesium glycinate is one that I use actually. So I'm going to have deep dives actually into each of these things in future episodes. So I won't go into those now. You'll get them when you look at the videos or read the books. But sleep is critical. I think we all know that we realize when we don't have a good sleep, we don't perform well in either sports or other things the next day in life, really.

If we're exhausted, we're kind of crappy. So pillar six, show up that sleep. Pillar seven is one that I have been on a roller coaster with throughout my life. And it's faith. Whether it's spirituality, religion, a deep belief in something bigger than yourself, having faith can be a powerful source of strength and hope. And I have explored all the different ways. To me, I'm a Christian.

That's where I've come back to. There are many other religions and I would implore you to explore them. What calls to you? What will help you take the mental burden off yourself and give it up to something bigger than you? For me, I believe that's God and Jesus. And that works for me. it hasn't, right? And if you've gone through bad things, seen bad things,

we've all lost people, right? Sometimes you can question that, why? And I did, and I sat there and I looked at folks that had not blind faith, strong faith, and I was jealous at the same time I was angry, or sad, or heartbroken. But I have found that faith in something bigger than me helps and it's true.

I would say for a resource, the first one is there's folks I mentioned, other folks that have faith, talk to them. Why do you have faith? How do you have faith? How do you practice? What do you think about this? How could I get into this? How do you think this could help you think about this? How could I get into this?

How do you think this could help me? It's that human connection, right? And sharing our faith is a big deal. It's uncomfortable sometimes, I think, right? But when we push up against the edge of uncomfortableness, that's when we grow. Someone that I listen to very often, pretty much every day is Joyce Myers. She is a preacher, a Christian, and to me, more so a truth teller of no nonsense. You know, God may love you and things, but he's not gonna come do the work for you. He's not gonna take the step for you to get outside. He's not gonna tie your shoes for you, et cetera, et cetera.

Just super great practical advice from someone who herself has been through a lot of trauma and suffering, who turned that around and helped others, and who gives you some no-nonsense advice, it's great. They also use the Halo app, which has a daily reflection, which is really a perspective, and it's Bible-based, but it's a perspective on life, really, and lessons you can learn from that.

And I would also say go to different churches. Try them out. Do you like that music? Do you like traditional? Do you wanna just be outside in nature? Just try different things for yourself. Another practice related to faith is praying when you get up, that you're thankful that you're up, and before you go to bed, to whatever being you believe in.

And as a bonus, and again, this is the story of the Christian faith, but watch The Chosen. It's an amazing show. It's inspirational. It's very well done. But I would say Faith of Some Kind has gotten me and millions, billions, trillions probably of others through hardships throughout history. And it's an amazing thing that will make a big difference

and will be one of the strongest pillars. And at times maybe one of the weakest pillars, maybe I should say one of the most powerful pillars that you can have. So we said what we were gonna talk about, we talked about it, and now I'm gonna tell you what I told you. Pillar one, take ownership.

It starts with you, it ends with you. You have to take these actions. Pillar two, practice some mindfulness. Pillar three, get into some movement of some kind every day. Pillar four, set boundaries and say no. Doesn't make you a bad person. Pillar five, connection. Don't isolate yourself, stay connected with humans.

Pillar six is sleep. It is so critically important. Sleep is not the enemy. Sometimes it feels like it, but you gotta put work into it if it's off kilter. And pillar seven is have faith. Have faith in yourself, have faith in whatever higher power, bigger being you believe in.

And remember that all of these pillars, working on them day to day, waxing and waning, some will crumble and be weak while others are strong, but it's not about achieving some unattainable goal, it's about progress, not perfection. It's about taking small steps, celebrating wins, even the tiny ones, and learning from our stumbles. So listener, are you ready to build your miracle life?

Grab your notebook, put on your action shoes, and let's go. Because if we can beat the odds of being born, we can definitely create a life that's worthy of a miracle. Thank you for listening to this Seven Pillars for a More Balanced Life episode of the Pupil Process Progress podcast. Again, I've been your host, Kevin Pennell. I hope you've enjoyed this show. This has been helpful.

You can follow me at pupilprocessprogress.com and again, xinstagram at Pennell KG and on YouTube at the Pennell 5 Fitness Club, where I share fitness, 15 seconds at a time. Also some Jiu Jitsu after action reports from class. And of course, cold plunges. Godspeed y'all.