The Ramsey Show - App - A Gold Digger Is Draining All My Father-in-Law’s Money (Hour 1)

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

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Live Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. One of my good friends dropped by today with his brand new book, Pastor Max Licato. Yes, the Max Licato is sitting to my right. I've been blessed to become friends with him many, many years ago, and we've gotten to talk about his book of the year because he writes one about every 20 minutes. It's easy if you just go with quantity and not quality, Dave.

Well, I don't know with over 130 million books sold now we'll go with the quality aspect of that but uh max has got another book out and everything he writes i read he is an incredible person an incredible friend incredible man one of the top pastors in america today you can check out his website at maxlocato.com. And, of course, he pastors over in San Antonio, Texas. The new book is You Were Made for This Moment, Courage for Today and Hope for Tomorrow. Almost like you wrote that during a pandemic. I did. I did.

In fact, I was going a different direction with a different sermon series at our church, and then the pandemic exploded. And it was my turn to preach at the church. And I thought, boy, we've got to do something on this whole theme of global calamity. And we had never studied through the book of Esther, the Old Testament book of Esther. And I started reading through those nine chapters, and I thought that's exactly what we need for this season. Of course, when I wrote it, Dave, I thought, well, by the time I finish the book, the pandemic will be over.

Was that gumming? Here we are still. Well, it is, and then it comes back. And then it is, and then it comes back. So courage for today and hope for tomorrow. The story of Esther is so powerful. I made sure my daughters, when they were growing up, really got that story. Because A, she was beautiful.

And B, she was unbelievably courageous. Put her life on the line for others. Sure did. And took a chance walking into the king and so how did you weave that into this idea of dealing with worldwide pandemic yeah yeah you know the um as you remember mordecai the uncle and esther his uh niece uh were uh in exile. They were three generations removed. We're 5th century B.C., by the way, for your listeners. And in Persia, which our world today has nothing to compare with ancient Persia,

50% of the population, twice the land mass of the United States. And the king was Xerxes. He was more of a drinker than a thinker he just kind of did whatever he wanted to do misogynist power hungry and then he had a right-hand man named Haman that always rhymes with hangman which is appropriate because he was a murderer child turned out exactly and he wanted to kill all the Jews and so that's kind of the context and then in his court was Mordecai, a Jew, but Mordecai did not tell people he was Jewish. And he had this niece who became queen without telling anybody she was Jewish. And so I know that they are heroes.

But in the beginning, they were clandestine in their faith. But it was a crisis that forced them to be forthcoming about their faith. Esther, Mordecai refused to bow before Haman. Esther put her life on the line by appearing before King Xerxes without any invitation. And literally, they saved the entire Jewish nation in a time of great crisis. And there's something about standing up for the right thing that goes into this. But the way they did it was not violent. The way they did it was real strength.

Wiersbe says meekness is not weakness, it's power under control. That's it. And how do we right-size our view of god to inspire us to live that way yeah and i'm glad you mentioned god because the book of esther's famous for not mentioning god you know it's it's one of the two books in the bible where the name of god doesn't appear uh but as john calvin stated centuries ago his fingerprints are on every paragraph. I mean, God's sovereignty is woven throughout this entire story. And I think the big message of Esther is that we need to have a bigger view of God. I mean, a huge view of God.

If you're a Jew in 5th century B.C., Persia, you feel like a mosquito in comparison to the persian empire and they're going to come down on you with their heavy boots at any moment and then just from a moment to the next god rewrites and reroutes the story so maybe there's a listener today who feels like you're overwhelmed or or just just coming undone by everything just believe a big God, and he's going to help you. Trust him. Max Licato is my guest this segment here on the show. The book is You Were Made for This Moment. It is available tomorrow in bookstores,

and you order it today from online, Amazon, or wherever else. You can, of course, get it very, very quickly since it starts tomorrow. Courage for today and hope for tomorrow. Also, they're doing a live event tomorrow night. You can register for free at faithgateway.com slash moment, and it'll be all about this book. It will. Tony Dunch, he's going to be with us. Tony Evans and his entire family natalie grant and my precious

wife deanlyn as of 40 years last month all right yeah it's a good lineup that's a really good lineup yeah and i'm surprised they let me on the program yeah well sometimes if we organize it we get to do stuff with cool people that's right That's a couple of cool Tonys right there. They're both great men. All of those folks are great. That's pretty incredible. So, again, the book is You Were Made for This Moment, Courage for Today, Hope for Tomorrow. What's the main takeaway you hope people get from this?

I hope people will consider the possibility that they were made for this moment. You know, that phrase comes from what Mordecai said to Esther. You were made for a time such as this. You were made for a time such as this. And she says, okay, I'll go. I'll appear before the king. If I perish, I perish. I believe that we are on the planet right now for this purpose, that God determined our generation.

He determined our zip code. He determined our nation. And there is something in you. There's something in me. There's something in every person that God can use to advance his cause and help his people. And so the real question is not, why me? But the real question is, God, how?

How can you use me? And if we can make that shift in our mindset, and your story is the perfect illustration of this, Dave. I know that you had tough days early in your career when bankruptcy was knocking on your door. And then look how you used that, and God used that to bless millions of people all over the planet, yours truly being one of them. And so you're an example of courage for all of us. You're a good man. We appreciate you.

Pastor Max Locato, this book is a must-read. You were made for this moment. If you were wondering if you were, we can both answer the question, yes, you were. And when you read through this, it will confirm it. Courage for today, hope for tomorrow. Pick it up anywhere great books are sold. Pastor, good to be with Yes, you were. And when you read through this, it will confirm a courage for today, hope for tomorrow. Pick it up anywhere great books are sold. Pastor, good to be with you, my friend. Thank you.

Good to see you. Thanks for hanging out. Stay safe. This is The Ramsey Show. You've got a lot on your plate. A job, your home, your marriage, and your growing family. While you're enjoying the present, you can't help but think about your future and your finances. As you explore your options, consider Christian Healthcare Ministries or CHM for your health care. Their generous maternity program and budget-friendly monthly programs have been a blessing to members welcoming children into their families.

Visit chministries.org slash budget to see if it's right for you. Christian Healthcare Ministries is a Ramsey Trusted Provider. to see if it's right for you. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones as we talk about your life and your money. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. David is in Dallas. Hi, David. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hello, Dave.

This is Dave. From there, I want to congratulate you on everything that's going on, and Max definitely had some great introductions to today's topics. Yeah, absolutely. I've been following you with my family for well over 15 years, and I can say your program works. Well, thank you, sir. Because I facilitated fpu numerous times

went through the entire process baby step 7 edm wow from there the biggest improvements over here is that the life insurance chapter is a very important item oh no that doesn't mean i'm having to exercise the life insurance policy on my wife that passed away last month. Oh, no. I'm sorry, David. What happened to her? It basically looks like it's COVID-related. Oh, no. And how long were you all married? 22 years.

Wow. I'm so sorry. How can we help today? From there, I have two children, an 18-year-old and 16-year-old. And what I want your opinion on is perhaps one of the best structures for doing what the life insurance payout. From there, the two big things I'm looking at is one version of it is all of the money can come straight to me, and then from there I do come up with some type of investment or real estate of some sort. Or there's another strategy that I'm thinking about of disclaiming part of it

and letting it split to each of the kids. And the question I have, though, is that is that going to mess up my kids by having too much money too early too young? I think they're responsible, but I'm concerned about messing up their relationships for their potential mates and new spouses as they enter their new adult life. Yeah. How much life insurance is involved? About $250,000.

Okay. All right. And your net worth is a total of what? About $3.6. Good for you. Well done. I can tell you what I would do, and then I'll tell you why. Okay?

I would take it as a lump sum to you and make it part of your estate that you leave to your kids. That does away with all your worries of the other things, and you can distribute it to them as they have shown themselves capable of carrying the weight of wealth. Wealth is a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in that you get to do a lot of wonderful things with it. It's a curse in that it's heavy because it means you are responsible for managing a lot of God's money and God's stuff and God's assets. And the more stuff you own, the more repairmen you have to know. And so the good news is you get to do a lot of wonderful things with generosity when you're wealthy you get to feed hungry kids you get to do wonderful

helpful things you get to do nice things for your family and yourself um and it just gives you a more of a stress-free version of life that's why we call it financial peace two words that don't go together like like Congress intelligence. I don't know. Is that a thing? But anyway. Oh, Fauci math. That's one that doesn't go together.

But I'm looking for oxymorons here. Airline service. There's another one. But anyway, yeah, I just put it into your name, and that way you don't have some teenagers and you're worried about the weight on them. I want them to have just the margin, the room to grieve without any extra weight of anything right now, the loss of their mom. What are you thinking, John? David, you said it was a month ago?

Yes. Yeah, along with Dave, I really don't want people making those type of decisions for six months nine months and letting the smoke clear on some of this and the temptation is when you've lost somebody's important and as as uh as a cornerstone to your existence as your wife you clearly love her and she was an integral part of your every breath you took it's It's natural to want to start trying to control every variable in your life, including the money, the this, the this, the this, and you start thinking five years, ten years down the road. That's a brain in a heart and a spirit that is just grasping for control.

And I want you to park that money and keep, like Dave said, taking a lump sum and just spend a season grieving the loss of your best friend, of your wife, and that's going to be relinquishing some control, getting around some buddies that you care about and you love and that will just sit with you. And some of these things

that feel so pressing right now tend to clear themselves up over six months, over a year. And you've done so well financially, you're not having to go to work on monday to make you know make the electric bill and so i want you to spend a season grieving and just like dave said hold that hold on to that money right now and the rest of that stuff will take care of itself over the next few years an interesting technicality that adds to this

suggestion and makes it possible is you can transfer any amount of your estate to anyone while you're alive with no estate taxes and no gift taxes under the Unified Estate Tax Credit up to the federal exemptions. Now, word is that President Biden is getting ready to lower the federal exemption considerably, but it's not going to be down to 3.6 or 3.85 if we had 250 to it. So if you move the money into your name, later on, you could move it to their names under the Unified Estate Tax Credit with no tax implications whatsoever. And so that gives you the ability to delay this decision, to not have to do it right

now. And I wouldn't put it on my teenagers now um now uh but i would begin to talk to them not this minute but later in the year about the money that you have and what it's going to look like when they manage it and you know if you're doing heroin you're not going to be in the will because i don't want to finance your death if you're misbehaving in other ways i don't want to finance your death. If you're misbehaving in other ways, I don't want to finance your misbehavior. That's not a blessing then. That's when wealth is a curse.

So in order to qualify to manage God's money, our kids have to be behaving God's ways. It's also a good moment. I'm assuming they follow the plan. They've been teaching it. So I imagine he's got a rhythm where him and his wife did a budget every month, and they talked about short-term and long-term financial goals. This can be a masterful moment for his kids' legacy for them to become a part of this monthly budget.

You keep that same meeting that you had with your wife every month, just invite them along and say, here's what bills look like, here's what this all looks like. Absolutely. Carrie's in Naples, Florida. Hi, Carrie. Welcome to The Ramsey here's what this all looks like. Absolutely. Carrie's in Naples, Florida. Hi, Carrie. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave and Dr. John. I wanted to call in and ask, my husband and I are 28, 29.

We're on baby steps four and six. We are kind of at a crossroads. We have about $100,000 in the bank right now, 30 of that's kind of earmarked for our emergency funds. We've got 70 where we're trying to figure out if we should we started investing kind of late so um i'm wondering if i should be dumping like maybe 30 000 just into investments to catch up a little bit on our investments because you know the money's working harder what's your what's your household income about 150 if you want to follow your plan, you can do that.

But you're not following our plan right now. You're not on Baby Steps 4 and 6. Baby Step 4 is 15% of your income going into retirement, an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses, and everything else goes on your home until your home is paid for. Yeah, we are doing 15% now. We just started to do it. But you have not put all the money in on your house on Baby Step 6.

Right. The question I got to do that kind of plays into it. And I've answered the question. Okay. Now you want to know why. Here's why. Okay. Yeah.

This idea that you can get rich keeping a mortgage, there's no data points that indicate that. Seventy-seven percent of the millionaires that we studied had a paid-off house. Interesting. They didn't dump it all in the stock market because they thought they could make more. They didn't dump it all in mutual funds because they thought they could make more. They put a healthy amount in mutual funds because the typical millionaire, when we find them, the first area they hit is about a third of their net worth is their paid-off home, about $500,000, and then there's about a million over there in their mutual funds.

You are not old. You have plenty of time. If you never do anything but 15% at your age and your income, you're going to be worth $10 million just doing that. If you never do anything else and you just burn the rest of the money in the middle of the front yard, you're mathematically going to be okay. So quit trying to fix this. It's not broken, kiddo.

Dump that money on the house. Get your stinking house paid off fast as you can. And that's the fastest route between where you are and wealth is. That's what we teach. Now, if you want to do something else, you're welcome to. Dr. John Deloney, my co-host today, open phones on The Ramsey Show in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage. Ethan and Whitney are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Fantastic. How are you?

Better than I deserve, brother. Where are you guys from? We are from Losedale, Mississippi, about 30 minutes from the Gulf Coast. Ah, L.A., lower Alabama. I like it. That's it. Welcome, brother. Good to have you guys. How much debt have you all paid off? $56,761.05.

Not that we're counting, right? Right. Of course. How long did that take you? 36 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time? Started at $34,000, went up to $70,000.

Whoa! Okay, what do you guys do for a living i'm a stay-at-home mom and at the start of this journey i was a science teacher soccer coach went from that to a fitness instructor and then uh got furloughed and became a truck driver oh wow yes and that's how we go from 34 to 70 and double our income that's's it. Wow. A little bit of everything. You're not afraid of work. No, I'm a jack of all trades. Yeah, I'm telling you. Very cool.

What kind of debt was the $57,000? It was all student loans. All right. Good for you. So what are the degrees in? My degree is in Bachelor of Science, Exercise Science. It was all his student loans. It was all his student loans.

All right. So what happened three years ago put you guys on this journey well we started uh when i was 20 i heard about you from a co-worker and we were engaged at the time so he jumped on board we took fbu when we got married unfortunately we failed the class we were ish for a while. Oh, no. Yes. And ish is a wish, so it didn't work. That's right. You can't half-butt do this stuff. That's right.

All right. Yeah. I realized ish wasn't working, and I was pregnant with my fourth baby, and I knew we had all these student loans piled up, and I didn't even know the balance of it. That's how ish we were. But I looked, I thought I had an idea. And when I checked the balance, it was over 50,000 and he took out 38,000. So I was a little scared. Yeah. This is going the wrong way. Right. Yeah. that is what fired me up. And I said, no more. We're doing gazelle intents.

I printed out all the charts. We did the debt snowball. It was eight total loans. We did from smallest to largest. He came home from work and saw all the stuff I printed out and put up on the wall. And we made chains out for the kids. Every time we did a certain amount, they broke a chain off. So, yeah.

So, Ethan, you came home and your wife had gone crazy. Yes. And what did you say? I said, I better be ready to eat some beans and rice, rice and beans. I knew real quick what I was about to be into. She seems, Whitney, you seem like somebody who is so lovely and easygoing, but when that switch flips, you knew, didn't you? That's right.

It's going to happen. Yeah. I have an identity question for you. So, Ethan, when you're a teacher, you're a teacher. Right. And then when you're a fitness person, you're a fitness person. How have you been able to toggle these? Those are two significant lifelong identities.

Right. And here you are. You know what? I'm a double income. I'm going to keep putting food on my table in the middle of a pandemic. I'm become a trucker. I'll do whatever it takes. How did you do that?

Well, I just knew that when I got furloughed and I was just trying to just go survival mode during that time, and I just wasn't hearing anything. I was supposed to only be furloughed for about six weeks. I wasn't hearing anything. So I was like, I've got to do something. I'm tired of having this debt on me. This was all my debt.

So I'll be the one to go do something. And I was looking into the CDL. I saw that you'd go to school for a couple of weeks uh get your license and then you can immediately go work over the road and just make a lot of money so i was like i won't do it so uh whitney got on board with me uh got done with it real quick and um it was rough at first because you know i always like to run i like to exercise i'm just stuck in a truck i made it work out for me i kept my exercise stuff with me i'm that weird guy that would be at a rest area just running at different places but um i knew that it was going to be worthwhile just getting out of this debt that's incredible what's your long-term goal

well i'm actually i'm starting to look into personal training again i am enjoying driving just getting out of this debt. That's incredible. What's your long-term goal? Well, actually, I'm starting to look into personal training again. I am enjoying driving a truck. I'll keep doing it, but I would love to just go back into personal training, make sure I wouldn't put any debt or anything with that, of course, but see if I can start getting clientele again and just get back to what I love. Okay. Are you still driving over the road?

I'm local now. So once we got out of debt. So you're home at night. I'm home every night now, guys. So I get to see the kids, spend quality time with them, and I'm still making good money. Yeah, absolutely you are. Well done. Well, I love it. You're willing to do whatever it takes for your family, for yourself on the short term.

And then we start looking at the long term and figure out what we're going to do. And now you don't have any debt. How does that feel? Great. Fantastic. We don't have this burden over our shoulders. What do you tell people the secret to getting out of debt is? For me, it's contentment.

You see your friends going and doing things, and you have to tell yourself no. You have to tell the kids no. So I would say contentment. Yes. Mine was every day, to tell the kids no. So I would say contentment. Yes. Mine was every day, think about the end goal. Say how you're going to get there, even if you knew it was going to be hard, but you take it one day at a time. Pushing through.

You guys are incredible. Yeah. I hope everybody listening to this, the millions of people listening to this here, it's so easy to get trapped into an identity. And I'm a this person, and we attach that to our work. And you've on multiple occasions said, I'm the kind of guy that takes care of his wife and kids. I'm the kind of guy that's not scared of hard work. I'm a guy that can reinvent myself and go jogging at a truck stop while my buddies are all eating chicken fingers for breakfast.

Good for you, my man. What an absolute stud. Thank you. Absolutely. I agree. Heroes. You took control of your life, and you can. And then What an absolute stud. Thank you. Absolutely. I agree. Heroes. You took control of your life, and you can. And then that gives you options to readjust from there and do whatever you want to do.

You can choose to continue to drive a truck, or you can choose to do something else. And that's no shame in either one of those, by the way. That's right. Awesome. Awesome. This willingness to, it's both of those are a type of contentment, really, both of you, where you just said, whatever, whatever it takes, whatever it takes, let's do it. We'll pay the price because it's worth it.

Now, was it worth it? Yes, it was. Yes. Okay. Yes. All right. Look at your smiles. It's unbelievable, man.

That's very cool. Wow. And you brought the kiddos with you. What are their names and ages? Yes. Have them get up in the shot. Okay. is with you. What are their names and ages? Have them get up in the shot. Okay, we have Hayden is six. AJ is seven.

Eli is four. Addie is three. All right, that's perfect. AJ's rocking the mullet, baby. It looks great. I love it. Very well done. Good stuff. Well, we got a copy of the Legacy Journey for you. That is your next chapter in your story to become Baby Steps Millionaires, completely change this whole

family tree which you're in the process of doing. So proud of y'all. Very, very well done. We've got a copy of Total Money Makeover for you to give away to somebody and help them out and you can pay it forward a little bit as well. So show someone else how to do what you guys have done and just remind them not to do ish. That's right.

Ish is a wish. I love it. Ethan and Whitney, AJ, Hayden, Eli, and Addie. $57,000 paid off in 36 months, making $34,000 to $70,000, doing whatever it takes to win. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. All right. You ready? Three, two, one.

We're debt-free! Two, one, we're dead free! I love it. Well done, you guys. Very, very well done. I can tell by the volume of a couple of those kids, they are done with rice and bean sticks. They want a hamburger. Well, they like celebrating. We tore off enough of those cardboard links off that chain to where our family's free. That's exactly right. And you can remember that when you're six, and you can remember that when you're five,

and you can remember that when you're eight. It's very possible. You'll remember the day Mom and Daddy changed our lives. And one of them's going to come in and say, Hey, Dad, I got accepted to Susten Touch College, but I'm going to need to take out a student loan. And he's going to remember her look when she gave him that one day. And he's going to say, no,

son, I don't think that's going to happen. I don't think that's going to occur, young man. Amazing. Love it. This is The Ramsey Show. 55% of Americans want to change jobs this year. The struggle with burnout is real. The struggle with existential crisis is real. We've even given this a name, the Great Resignation, it is called.

But just like you need a plan for your money, you absolutely need a plan for your career. Ask yourself, what do I like about my current job? What do I not like about my current job? What does my dream job look like? And what do I need to do in order to have my dream job? If it's time to make a change, America's career coach, Ken Coleman, has written out his proven career plan in this brand new book, From Paycheck to Purpose. Stop settling for just another paycheck and find the work that brings purpose and joy into your life.

The book, plus the $100 in free tools, because it's in pre-sale, we'll send you for pre-ordering, will help you find out what you're meant to do, who you're meant to be, where your dream job is. Everyone needs to read this book before changing jobs. Don't just go chasing something. That's going to get you in trouble. Get your copy from Paycheck to Purpose today at RamseySolutions.com. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window

coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos, they run every month. You'll save even more. Today's question comes from Regina in Kentucky. Regina writes, My husband's 86-year-old father moved in with us after his wife passed away. At the time, he had over $2 million in retirement investments. Two years ago, he met a woman who's 54.

He has spent well over $800,000 on her. Nothing his children say will deter him from pulling money out of his investments to make her happy. When we talk to him about this, he says if he runs out of money, we'll just have to provide for him. My husband and I did not sacrifice

to build our retirement just to support a lovesick old man. Dang. Whoa. What is the family obligation to support aging family members? Can I just divorce my father-in-law? You know what, Dave? I've been doing this a long time.

I've never heard that. Wow. Can I divorce my father-in-law? A lovesick old man. Lovesick old man. She is over this. Can you tell? Dave, what do you think about this?

About her? I think she's pissed. I know she is. Yeah, it's pretty obvious. The email has heat on it. Yeah, I just set it down. It burns. This reminds me of an inverse problem and i don't i don't have a ton of experience with

um 86 you know 87 88 what we call geriatric older folks uh family members i always i i know that there is a i feel a responsibility if you will to to love and support my parents as best i can the other side of this is it reminds me of an old Henry Cloud statement when you're talking about young kids, which is if he's 15 and he was acting like this, Henry would say, Dr. Cloud would say, he needs some problems. And the 86-year-old who is taking advantage of his children at this point and just burning through his money, which he's allowed to do, it's his money, but he also has no repercussion for it because he feels like he's got a safety net so at some point

it feels like the his kids can make a make set their boundaries and then dad with his 1.2 million dollars left gets to make some of his own decisions what do you think about that that sounds far be feels harsh just saying that out loud, too. No. Here's the thing. I think that we're called to take care of our family. I agree. But we need to define take care of our family.

Right. The problem with enablers is that they, and she's not, but the problem with enablers is that they define help improperly. They provide help as being nice and allowing people to continue in their misbehavior. That's not actually helping this man. Correct. This man has another problem, okay? Everyone hearing this story, through this lady's eyes anyway, is really confirmed that this 54-year-old is not attracted to this 86-year-old.

She's attracted to his money. Right. She's attracted to his money. She's a gold digger. We're well aware his birthday suit needs ironing. Okay? I mean, this is not an attraction. This is a money thing. It's a money play.

And so, you know, he's being taken advantage of. Are you helping him by winking and nodding at it? That's enabling. I don't think you're helping him. So I think nodding at it? That's enabling. I don't think you're helping him. So I think you've got to love him enough to not be disgusted with him. She's pretty angry. But gently and kindly just say, Dad, there are some consequences of your misbehavior. Because this lady's not after you.

She's taking advantage of you. Everyone that loves you is telling you that. And you technically have a right to be stupid. That's not after you. She's taking advantage of you. Everyone that loves you is telling you that. And you technically have a right to be stupid. That's not illegal. It's your money. It's your money. But you can't live here while you're doing it. We're not going to condone it.

And you need to go ahead and be on notice that we do not feel obligated to take care of you as if you you weren't didn't burn through two million dollars by giving it to a gold digger and so dad um if you're going to continue to give her money you can't stay here and you cannot expect future help from us now if you're hungry you can come over and have dinner we're not gonna allow you to be hungry we're not gonna you know but we are not obligated to support you while you're doing cocaine. Right. I always just kind of, one of the things I do in my head if I think I'm being an enabler, because I really, people think I'm just a smart aleck, which I am, but they also, you

know, but I got this huge heart and I have a real tendency to participate in people's insanities. Just keep going and going. I don't know. I think most people do. Yep. Most of us that love people, you know, we have a tendency to do that. And I just extrapolated to something extreme and said that love people, you know, we have a tendency to do that.

And I just extrapolated to something extreme and said, if he was doing cocaine, would you allow him to stay in your house? No. Well, all that is is another form of misbehavior. If he was, you know, if he was boiling crack in the back bedroom, you know, would you allow him to stay here? That's another form of misbehavior. But that's kind of taking it crazy. But that helps you think about, even though this is a little more socially acceptable than boiling crack in the back bedroom. Right? And so you do boil crack. Not really, but I'm going to let it ride.

You're cooking crack. I didn't want to drop my crack knowledge here on the show. In the middle of my soliloquy. That's right. You'll mess up my poetry. But yeah, that's – Can I tell you some heat that I feel on this? Yeah.

And this is – since Regina's not here – I think she's been mad a long time. She's been mad a long time. She's mad at her husband for not stepping in the middle of this. And this is hard, but when you have an 86-year-old in your home with this kind of money, it's easy to start spinning it in your head. It's easy to start thinking, man, just when so-and-so passes away, we'll be able to get this and we'll be able to take care of that. And to see it just liquidating on somebody who you think has ulterior motives.

Well, we all do. It just eats your soul. I don't think there's any question about that. But, yeah, you need to check your own heart and make sure what you're really mad at. He's allowed to do what he wants to do with his money. But he's not allowed to live in my house. But you've got to draw boundaries, yeah. And I'm not required by moral standards to take care of someone's misbehavior.

I am required to honor my father and mother, which means I honor the office of father. I'm required to honor the president. We've had several presidents in the last few years that I agreed with. Almost nothing any of them did. But that doesn't mean I'm going to dishonor the office of the president of the United States. I don't have to dishonor the office of father, but I can dishonor his behavior. There you go. I can disagree with the president's behavior.

You can draw boundaries. And go, that's out of control. You're acting like an Alzheimer's patient. Quit that. I'm not going to take direction from you. And this is important. Y'all have already talked to him. You've done the right thing.

You sat down and talked to him. He said, I don't care. She's more important than y'all are. So go live with her. Go live with her. Draw boundaries. And see how long you get to stay after you run out of money. Not very long.

Yeah. About 20 seconds. Oh, man. That's so sad. That is heartbreaking. But, yeah, you are going to have to move him out. And your husband's going to have to be the one that does it. And your husband's going to have to step up and get a backbone and deal with this.

Because you're going to end up really further pissed at him if you don't yeah you're going to end up losing your marriage over this y'all got to be on the same page right here yeah and it feels like feel yeah i i think while your husband's gone up to about a three boil you boiled over she's over and uh and you know you're gonna end up thinking you can deal with this and it's not it's not in your purview to deal with his dad. No, because what happens is his dad's going to go away and pass away, and then you're going to have to lose your husband because you kicked my dad out. Yeah.

And you're going to have a whole other set of mess. Yeah. You've got to be together on this. There's a different script that's going to play then. That's exactly right. So everybody's got to get on the same page. Wow. Yup, man. Yup, man.

Yup, yup. There we go. This is The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to theramseyshow.com. The Ramsey Show.