The Ramsey Show - App - A Victim Mentality Is Not Helpful! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney, and we are very, very excited, properly caffeinated, highly awake and agitated, and ready to attack and answer your questions. Deloney's here with me and we tend to always get in some kind of trouble when we're here. Doesn't matter. We'll figure it out as we go, as long as we get to talk to real people.

All right, here's the reality. If you're out there, I want you to call us. We can't wreak havoc and give you information if you don't talk to us. The number to call is 888-825-5225. Deloney, you ready? I'm ready. What are you doing? Writing a love note? I am properly filling the dots on this little journal here.

You're already messing up. You're frustrating me already. I have a dot journal here. We haven't even started the show. You need to get one of these dot journals, man. Somebody got this for me. Not talking to you right now. Here's the deal, people. I'm going to let you know something. We got an event coming up and you need to get one of these dot journals, man. Somebody got this for me. Not talking to you right now. It's fantastic. All right, here's the deal, people. I'm going to let you know something. We got an event coming up, and you need to get ready.

Imagine the electric energy of a jam-packed arena full of people ready to experience what it means to live life to the fullest. Picture all of our favorite speakers together on one stage, empowering you with tools and principles to create unstoppable momentum in your life. Now envision it all live, streaming right into your house. And that's what you'll experience at our first ever Smart Conference live stream presented by Ramsey Plus. So mark your calendar. Join us on November 7th for a reimagined digital version of our fan favorite conference. You're going to hear from an all-star cast of experts on how to close the gap between who you are today

and who you want to become. Topics include money, marriage, parenting, leadership, career, and personal development. Speakers include, I didn't think you made it, Chris Hogan will be on the list, Rachel Cruz, Christy Wright, Anthony O'Neill, Ken Coleman, myself, John Deloney, Dr. Les Parrott, Dr. Meg Meeker, a whole crew. Start living your life smarter and on purpose right now.

Now, here's the deal, people. Tickets are on sale right now at DaveRamsey.com slash events for $39. This is absolute. That's got to be a typo. That's low. That's cheap. That's $39. But here's the kicker. We be a typo. That's low. That's cheap. That's $39. But here's the kicker.

We have been telling people to sign up for Ramsey Plus. We've been telling them. You're going to get tools, tracking, and you even get a chance to talk to a financial coach if you're a member of Ramsey Plus. Well, here's the deal. And I'm so excited I get to reveal this. If you are a member of Ramsey Plus, you're going to get this event for free. You're already plugged in.

You're already there. So you're going to have an opportunity to stream this in your home for free as being a member of Ramsey Plus. So it's awesome. So here's the deal. John, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I'm from Kentucky. Agreed. But here's the thing.

If there's a free Ramsey Plus trial, seems like to me you need to get over there and sign up so you can get in there, get a part of this, and get this for free. That's what I'm saying. And think about wrapping your whole week around it. Yeah. Build up, get your work done at work, get some kids a sitter, and get it on your big TV in your living room, and just plan to spend the day investing in yourself, investing in your marriage, investing in relationships, and make some life changes. And here's the deal. If your kids are teenagers, have them come. Bring them in.

Sit in there and check it out. So, all right, here's the reality. Text TRIAL to 33789 for Ramsey Plus. Get in there. Mark your calendar for November 7th. We're going to do the live stream. And I'm going to tell you, it is one of my favorite events. If I'm not on stage, I'm in the audience sitting, listening, taking notes,

just because it's this much fun. So it's a great event. Smart Conference livestream, November 7th. Check it out, mark your calendar, and we're going to make it happen. Very cool. Let's do it. All right, people, we want to hear from you. The number to call is 888-825-5225. And do me a favor, please follow Deloney on social media.

Bless his heart. Bless your heart. You have, like, four followers, and on social media. Bless his heart. Bless your heart. You have like four followers, and we've got to get his account up there, people. I'm tired of hearing him whine each morning to me, so please follow him. You can find him at John Deloney on the social medias. You can find me at ChrisHogan360. We just need to make sure we're beating Rachel. That's a low, low bar, Christopher.

It's a low bar. We're chasing down Ramsey, but we're going to beat Rachel. That's a low, low bar, Christopher. It's a low bar. We're chasing down Ramsey, but we're going to beat Rachel. That's the deal. So help us out today. We want to take your calls. All right, here's the reality. We're going to get to the phone. We got Ryan on the line calling us from Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

Ryan, how can John and I help you? Hey, guys. Appreciate all you guys do. Hey, quick question for you. So I just recently bought a house in 26 um i have no debt and trying to decide here i've been throwing some extra payments towards my house okay i'm already investing 15 good um and i still have money left in my budget and so should i um in babies four five and six should I continue throwing

more money at the house? Or should I start putting some more money away and investing more above that 15%? Okay, got you, Ryan. So Ryan, are you married or single? I'm single. You're single, you got your house, you're already doing your 15%. And you still got money left over in the budget. How much do you have left over? So right now I'm putting about $1,500 extra towards my house. Awesome. All right. And how much is left after the $1,500 extra? It depends on the month because I work on commission partially, but typically somewhere in the range of $1,000 that I'm putting away. So do you have, how much do you have in your emergency fund?

So I'm probably got at least a year in my emergency fund just because I work in the tech industry so I wanted to be a little safer there. You are cheating the system. You're not following the baby steps, right? You know better now. How much

did we tell you? Three to six months. Okay? That's right. So listen to me. Here's the reality. I want you to take that other amount you got chucked over in there. You've been hiding from me. And throw it at the house.

Throw it at the house. You got a six-month commission. I get it. You want to have that hill and valley fund. You've got it there. But I'm going to tell you right now what I would do with that other thousand on the months that you have it as a commission throw it at the house okay throw it at that i mean do you have a good car or a truck right now yeah i do okay okay see you at 26 you're like a unicorn yeah man how'd you how'd you learn about this stuff

um i just was aggressive and just i mean started learning your guys stuff i have great parents and just worked my butt off through college yeah ryan i was ryan i was gonna about to tell you do me a favor when you get off this call i want you to take a deep breath and exhale and then i want you to call your mom and your dad i want you to tell them hey i talked to a couple of knuckleheads on the radio and they wanted me to remind you that y'all are awesome. I love you. Thank you for setting me up spiritually, emotionally, financially, and then just tell them thank you. All right?

Do that. First of all, maybe there's one knucklehead. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. But I'm proud of you, Ryan. I'm serious. The fact that you've listened and you're applying it is a big deal.

And I'm proud of your parents, man. And I'm going to tell you this, buddy. Let's take it from Uncle Chris here. Watch out for stupid. You've put yourself on a path, and the thing you want to watch out for is that deserve mentality where you start to feel like you deserve some stuff. And I want you to have some stuff,

but I want you to do it with cash. Just stay allergic to debt. Get this home paid off. Get this thing out of your life. And you've set yourself up to become an everyday millionaire on the path. And he's right. Your parents talk with you. You listened and you applied it.

That's the game changer. They say information without application is just information. But when you apply it in your life, it gets a chance to become what's called wisdom. And that's fantastic. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. folks i love telling you about well-made well-thought-out products today i'm talking about grip six belts i don't know about you but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip6 belts are unique. Owner BJ designed a truly modern minimalist belt made of high quality materials with no holes, no flap, and no bulk.

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And hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And we are very, very excited to be able to talk to you. Now, I want to let you know something real quick. John, you have launched The Dr. John Deloney Show. And new episodes are coming on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. You can find it on YouTube and anywhere you listen to podcasts. But you are getting real on life, relationships, and Friday. You can find it on YouTube and anywhere you listen to podcasts, but you are getting real on life relationships as well as mental health challenges, really helping people get the tools they need. These are trying times right now.

Yes, sir. I think people are becoming more aware of where they lack, where they're deficient. What's the first step? Once you're sitting in this situation, you're starting to realize maybe your anxiety is growing or you're starting to get frustrated and irritated as you become enlightened what's step one step one is to be aware of it to recognize that um you're not trapped recognize that this doesn't have to be forever recognize that there's healing recognize there's a light at the end of this nonsense right at the end of this nonsense, right? At the end of this darkness. And then the second thing is you've got to reach out and talk to somebody. I was going to say, because our tendency is not to share.

It's to shut off. It's to shut off or to blame, to go after, right? And so instead of blaming, when you feel you've divided up the world into us's and them's, that's when you've got a problem, right? When you start telling yourself, if you're a business owner, you're a single mom, you're just a teenager. When you start thinking this following phrase, if they would just fill in the blank. If you've reduced the world down into a sentence that makes you the byproduct of somebody else's whatever, then that's when you know you've got a problem. You need to be honest with yourself, put your shoulders down, relax, breathe, and then go find someone to be honest with.

Go be vulnerable. Right? Okay. You need to be honest with yourself, put your shoulders down, relax, breathe, and then go find someone to be honest with. Wow. Right? Okay. So that victim mentality is not healthy. It's not helpful. It's not helpful. Right? There are people who are victims, true victims.

There are people who are struggling. They're caught in systems. There's all kinds of challenges. The reality is just sitting down, like being being angry sitting down and stewing in it doesn't help you get to a better tomorrow man you know what's crazy i was you we all go through life and i wrote down for myself bitterness won't make me better man and and in the midst of that i think it's really important so reaching out and talking where do people find someone to talk to where would you suggest what's that first step

i think that depends on the person if you've got a uh a husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend that is compassionate and won't try to solve you but will just receive you that's a good place to start if you've got a mentor a coach a pastor at a local church somebody that you reach out to that's great if it's something you start realizing man man, I've got some trauma back there. I've got some heavy stuff. Call a counselor, man. Call a professional. That's what they do.

They are gifted. And they will walk alongside you and help give you some tools. That's fantastic. Now, here's the deal. Reaching out and talking is very important. But if you want to reach out to John, you can email him, askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com or call the show and leave a voicemail. The number to call

is 844-693-3291. Again, that's askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com or call 844-693-3291. And I think it's a great first step. You all have heard me talk about isolation isn't healthy. And we need to make

sure to reach out and get some guidance just to know you're not in this stuff alone. And you're not. Let me one-up you. Isolation is not only not healthy, isolation is deadly. It's not neutral. It's not a, hey, this isn't helping. Nope, it's actively hurting you.

You've got to have people in your life. Reach out. Okay, that's fantastic. Alright, we're going back to the phones. If you're out there and you've got to have people in your life. You've got to have. Reach out. Okay. That's fantastic. All right. We're going back to the phones. If you're out there and you've got a question on money or life or relationships or feelings or whatever, call us, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. We'd love to talk to you.

All right. We're going to Little Rock. We've got Ernie on the line. Ernie, how can we help you? I'm doing good. Thanks, Chris and john for uh taking my call um i got a question about life insurance my wife um due to some medical conditions is currently uninsurable okay and we're looking at trying to figure out whether do we stay with the term life that we get to group to work for her or do we go through an option and get a whole life policy that has a guaranteed issue and an option to do a guaranteed purchase option later to increase that?

What are your takes on that? Ernie, what is the thing your wife's dealing with? She's got multiple sclerosis. So is this something you've all been battling a while? It was diagnosed last year. So this is new. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that, my friend. You know, the initial thing is obviously having something in place is better than nothing. And the thing through the job, you look at that and having that term life insurance. The problem with that, Ernie, is portability, which means if she were

to lose or leave that job, she's losing or leaving behind that insurance. And, you know, I'm going to my first step before you look at the whole life with the guarantee side is to get connected to one of our insurance ELPs and to be able to walk through the process and what's available, to be able to find out. Oftentimes, those guys at Zander, because they are a broker, they're connected with a lot of different plans and options out there that may be able to help you all kind of set up and plan for the future. How old is your wife? My wife and I are both 35.

Okay. My word. So she's young. That's what I'd do. I really would. I'd reach out to Xander, really begin to talk through and look. Has she been denied yet for any term, life insurance? She was denied a few years ago.

We both, a few few years back we went through financial peace university and uh i hopped on board i went after some life insurance myself and she went to and i was i've got life insurance on myself but she was she was not due to uh bmi okay okay so yeah so reach back out in that option, and tell me this, what baby step are you all on? Well, we're trying to get back through step one, to be honest with you. Okay, no, no, there's nothing wrong with shooting straight. The reason I say that, too, is as you're getting that stuff in place, this is also a motivator to help you all kickstart, right? Because, you know, as I've told people, if they bumped into a situation where they become uninsurable,

it's really important that you begin to have this mindset of being self-insured. This is where you're setting aside money and being very, very intentional with how you approach it. So, Ernie, reach out to them. Definitely talk. Begin to walk through the options and find out what's available for you all. Thank you for your call. Okay, let's check out Wes. Wes is in Ogden, Utah. Wes, how can we help you? Hey, guys, thanks for taking my call.

Yeah, buddy. What's on your mind? All right. So we are, my wife and I are on baby step two. We started getting serious a couple months ago. Right now, we've got about $80,000 worth of debt. And we're looking at ways to try to get out of that as soon as possible. My question is, I've got about 150 in an investment account. It's a non-retirement investment account. And it's making about 12% on average. Most of our debt is actually at a lower percentage rate than that. So the question is, is it wise to sell off some of that investment that's making more to pay off these debts that are at a lower rate? Yes, without a doubt. And the thing was that the reason I say it so quick, you said non-retirement investments.

And so what kind of debt is the $80,000? So about 40 of that is actually borrowed against this account. And it's at like five and a half percent. And then the rest of that is actually borrowed against this account, and it's at like 5.5%. Okay. And then the rest of it is a mix of some old business loans, about 5,000 of it's credit card, and some of it's medical and personal. Yeah. Now, without a shadow of a doubt, I'm definitely going to cash out some of that non-retirement account investment, pay off the debt. And then the big thing is this. You've got to change your thinking, right, because you've said it.

You've got some business debt. You've got some credit card debt. We've got to change the way we are approaching this money stuff so these things that become traps later don't become an option. And so I want you to just take those things off the table. Pay that thing off. And the reason I say that is you're talking percentages. See, that's what people do.

He's turning this into a math problem. Yeah, they tell me, Chris, hold on now. It's making about $12,000, but my debt's only a $2,000 or $1,000. Yeah, debt brings risk. And so that's a factor in there. And so attack it. Get it out of your life. And then take it off the table.

And now you move forward and you go, okay, here's the deal. This debt's gone. I've still got about 70,000 left in that account. So be it. Let's move forward. You don't want to go backwards. You want to move forward. And whether you've got to push, pull, or drag yourself, forward is a destination.

Progress is available. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. At the Dave Ramsey Show, we really value your input. It helps us to know what's important to you so we can deliver relevant content to help you crush your money goals. We just launched a brand new survey, and we'd love your feedback. It only takes a few minutes, and you'll be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card. No purchase necessary. Take the survey at DaveRamsey.com slash survey or text survey to 33789. well when you see people standing on the debt-free stage you know something is about to go down i'm chris hogan you're listening to the dave ramsey show hosting along with me this hour is

dr john deloney and uh we've got adam Adam and Jesse standing out here on this stage. And you're not standing there just to look pretty. You all did something. Yes, sir. We should have. What'd you do? We paid off all of our stuff. How much did you pay off?

$130,000. $130,000. What kind of stuff did you pay off? Well, let me get my list. Uh-oh, here we go. I hope you have time. I'll go, come on. Family loan. Okay. Card loan. Uh-huh. Medical. Credit card.

Personal loans. Uh-huh. Student loans. And our mortgage! No way, you paid off even the mortgage? It's gone! That's awesome. Alright, how much student loan debt did you have? Combined, probably about $35,000. Okay.

And then how much of the house did you pay off? That was roughly $70,000. $70,000. Okay. What was your income leveled? How long did it take you to do this? Three and a half years. Three and a half years.

What was your income level at that time so we went from 120 120 000 to down to 90 and then back up to 130 000 wow okay what caused this what started it all well um we got married so today is our four-year anniversary. Congratulations. Happy anniversary. Thank you. Thank you. I grew up in a household with not a lot of money, and I remember us being on food stamps. I remember going to food pantries. And when we were getting married, I noted I did not want that same future for us. And so a friend of mine gave me Dave's Entree Leadership Book, picked it up, read it, got connected with the show,

got the total money makeover, started watching the show, these debt-free screams. And I remember watching some people, and they made like no money, and they had all this debt, and they had like 1,000 kids, and they paid off all this debt. And I like if these people can do it if these people oh my gosh i have zero excuse so i better giddy up and get on it yeah and so then you know like a crazy person i was like guess what we're gonna do cut off all of our credit cards and uh i wanted no part of that you didn't how long hold on i'm watching her she seems uh let's call it persuasive how long did you pretend to resist

so i immediately cut up like i think i had three cards okay so i immediately cut up two all right i had one i was like you know all your life you're told you got to have an emergency card. You got to have that emergency card. I could not for the life of me let it go. Okay. Never. I wasn't going to do it. And then persistence, I finally was just like, I'm tired of hearing about it. I'm just going to cut it up.

So I cut it up, and then I never looked back. You just ground him down to powder, huh? Basically. I'm queen of guilt trips. Okay, hold on. So when Chris was going through your debt here, it looks like there was a season in your life where you were just standing out in your front yard

saying, I will take money from anyone who will loan it. Family, friends, personal. What was going on? I was the queen of living paycheck to paycheck. My buddy always made fun of me for this. I bought a pair of snowboarding goggles and I had to take the goggles back because I had so little money

that I was going to have non-sufficient funds. So I had to take them back to the Oakley store so that I didn't bounce all my checks and one of them was for my mortgage. Whoa. I was that person.

So if you're listening to this like i'm talking to you like you literally you can get it together if you can get yourself together you can change your life it is it's a matter of making a decision yeah hey adam i want to know what you learn about her throughout this process outside of persistence how beneficial it is to have somebody that has that kind of drive and what you can learn. Going through this, I knew there was going to be something good at the end. I just didn't realize how soon we'd be able to get it done. You look for somebody that can make you drive to go and exceed things. Well, that was what we were for each other for this.

Just pushing each other and trying to get to the end. I mean, that's what it was all about. And plus, the biggest thing, you're watching everybody that's been standing here years beyond us that have done their debt-free scream. I mean, just watching them. Every week when you watch somebody do this, that's what we did constantly. And she was on YouTube. She's watching Dave every day.

And then I'm bebopping around and coming through, and I see it. And then I get pulled in by these stories. Right. You see these stories all the time, and it's just so powerful. If anybody else is watching this, just watch one of these. If it can motivate you in any way to do it, it's worth it to be standing here and say that you have paid everything off. Absolutely, you have. Did you all have any cheerleaders throughout this?

We sure did. So, our SmartVestor Pro, Ryan Noggle, is here. He actually drove from Pittsburgh all the way down here to be with us. So, I mean, just a shout- out to the SmartVestor program. That's fantastic. I don't know who everyone else has for their person, but I tell you what, my former guy wouldn't have done anything like this for me. But that Parker who works here on your FPU team, like he's here.

I mean, just everybody. I mean, the Dave Ramseysey team here everyone's awesome that's and we were our biggest cheerleaders too well absolutely you have to be and as you lock arms there's nothing you can't achieve when you're working as a team all right before we do this let me ask one more question because this is the for the the the mental health person in me i i've got to know this you're living your life you're living your life you're living your life and it starts to weigh on you heavier and heavier what caused that moment when you say i cannot do this was it the embarrassment of almost getting kicked out of your house because you wanted a pair of snow goggles what was the what was the moment knowing where that i what my

seeing what my parents used to fight about, watching my parents having to put food back at the grocery store. Like, I was small. And, like, that stuck with me. Not wanting to repeat that, not wanting to repeat the past. Yeah. Wanting to have a completely different future. You knew what you wanted for you. Uh-huh.

But you were crystal clear of what you didn't want. Mm-hmm. And that's huge. It's to have a completely different future. You knew what you wanted for you, but you were crystal clear of what you didn't want. And that's huge. It's a legacy decision. It is. I mean, you made the decision and you guys did it together. Okay, Adam and Jesse paid off $130,000 in three and a half years. Income range $120,000, down to $90,000. Now back up to $130,000.

Let's count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Thank you, God. Three, two, one. hear a debt-free scream thank you God 3 2 1 WE'RE DEBT FREE that came from the toes that came from deep that came from deep and look at that hug they meant that stuff

love to see that Adam and Jesse we're going to give you a copy of Chris Hogan's book, Everyday Millionaires, because that's your next step. You mentioned we're at the finish line. No, boys and girls, we just now started. Now the game started. You got to zero, and now you can start giving and living like crazy. Absolutely. It's awesome.

I mean, listen to me. If you're out there, you just heard that debt-free scream. That was one that came, like I said, from deep. You can't pay off family loans, car loans, medical loans, personal loans, student loan debt, and a mortgage by accident. What you do is you begin to make a decision. Yes, being normal got you there. But what's going to get you out of that? And that's thinking abnormal, making sacrifices.

They have not let go of each other's hands yet. They're in this together. They've locked up. And I'm going to tell you something. I'm going to tell you. You get a team member. You get somebody that's on your side and is thinking like you think, and you all align in goals. There is nothing you can't accomplish.

You can change your family tree. You can change your legacy. You can say, I remember being a little kid and mom and dad haven't put food back on the shelf. She said, I got goosebumps. I did too. Because we all have those moments, Chris. We all got those moments that we remember and we think, I'm going to do that one different.

Yep. I'm going to do that one different. And man, they dug down and did the hard work. How cool is that? You are out there listening and you don't think you can? Go back and It's fantastic. You are out there listening and you don't think you can? Yes, you can. Go back and watch this again. You can. You can no matter where you are.

You ain't stuck, baby. You just stopped. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. Welcome back to the Dave Ramsey Show. Boy, we just had a blast with the debt-free scream. And if you didn't see it, you need to go back and check it out. Powerful, powerful, powerful couple, Adam and Jesse, paid off $130,000 in three and a half years. And just, man, oh, man, just the electricity out in the lobby from people cheering and being plugged in. It was amazing.

Okay, John, we got the blinds.com. Blinds.com, 100% satisfaction guaranteed. Means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. You're going to get free samples, free shipping, and the new promos they run every month. You're going to save even more. Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. All right, today's question comes from Betty in Georgia.

Christopher, this one's for you. She visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, should I use the equity in my home to co-sign a loan for my 23-year-old granddaughter who's trying to go to college? I co-signed a student loan for $5,000 for this semester, but the payoff after she graduates is $14,000. Ladies and gentlemen, Christopher is having a corner here. I want to pay that off and use my collateral that she's paying for these loans.

Be nice. Be nice. What's this little woman's name? Betty. Betty. From Betty. Betty. From Georgia. No, you don't co-sign for anybody, not even yourself. Okay, listen, I'm telling you right now, think about that.

I'll explain it to you after break the learning. Listen to me, you don't want to do this. We're not going this path, not at all. And listen, there are many ways for your granddaughter to try to get to school. There are scholarships, grants. They can go to community college and work at night. They can get jobs. Do not go this route.

I know it feels like you're helping, but I've seen young people make decisions not to finish something, right? And then now you've put your home on the line. Not at all. And don't co-sign because that means you're guaranteeing that debt. Betty, there's other ways. I'm going to tell you right now, do not go this route. Not at all. No, no, no, no.

Well, I hope Betty didn't do it. I hope she didn't. I hope we saved her, John, because that just leads down to headache and heartache. Let's talk to the 23-year-olds. Do not, I don't care what college you have in your mind and heart, Nope. who has the coolest ads and just the most rad website, Grandma. Don't ask your grandma to co-sign her home so that you can go be fancy.

Don't do it. Hold on. I got a question. Did you just say rad? I did. I was trying to be a 23-year-old. Oh, okay. Go ahead.

Keep going. That's all I want to say. Don't ask your grandma to co-sign her house for your college. Get a job. Get a second one that's right here it out no seriously because there are options that's right now and we got too many young people strolling into financial aid offices signing documents they don't understand for payments they can't afford and this trend has to stop we're at 1.7 trillion dollars in student loan

debt and it's choking out young people before they even get their lives started and now it's squeezing grandparents out of their equity out of their homes legacy money guys it is and the next thing you know is if she does not able to pay on it then what are they doing they're foreclosing on the home so it's just a trickle down effect and it's a cycle that has to stop and what we have to do is begin to educate young people on the things that they can do for themselves this isn't a trickle down brother, brother. This is a flash flood. No, it is. It really is a flash flood, John. And, again, it can stop.

All right, if you're out there, we want to hear from you. Call us, 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We'd love to talk to you. All right, we're going to Matt. It sounds like Matt's got a question for Dr. Deloney. What's up, Matt? Hey, John, how you doing? Hey, Chris, how you doing? Thanks for taking my call thanks for calling in brother how can we help oh yes so i had a

question um i've been dealing with anxiety uh all my life uh ever since i started getting picked on in elementary school and the years go by and i feel like I always have to have approval first from somebody else to do something or what I really want to do. And then I don't go do that dream or chase that dream, and I am stuck, and I'm just not really going anywhere. So what's your question, brother? How can I help you? Yeah, so I was just wondering, just any advice on how to get out of that rut of always asking for approval from somebody or always saying, oh, I'm sorry, I did this? How old are you, man?

33. 33? What are you doing for a living? I work at a major hospital in the U.S. Okay. Married kids, anything like that? Yep, I'm married and then have a 6-year-old son. You have a 6-year-old son. Tell me about him. hospital in the U.S. Okay. Married kids, anything like that? Yeah, I'm married and then have a six-year-old son.

You have a six-year-old son. Tell me about him. Energetic, growing like a weed, a lot more energy. Good kid, you love him? Than when I was a kid. Good kid and you love him? Yes, he's my heart and joy. There you go.

Brother Matt, I want you to listen to me, okay? You got a great job. You got a great wife. You got a kid. You don't need anybody's approval. And so what you were able to do really quick, which usually takes years of therapy, is to trace back where did some of this stuff start?

Where did some of my adaptive behaviors that are trying to protect me start and i want you to know you've done well man thank you are you hearing me matt i am hearing you yep all right you've done well here's whose approval you need your wife's and yours ta-da okay yep so here's the thing the next time you think i want to do something but i probably need to ask four or five people i want you to stop i want you to take your wife out to dinner and say hey i've got this crazy idea and she'll say matt matt we've talked about this don't do that and that's what wives are for that's what great accountability partners and and like ride or die ninjas that hopefully our wives and husbands are with us that's what they're there for right um and after that brother you don't need it and I wish there was some magic pill I could give you other than to say don't stop and I'm talking to myself in the mirror here right this is a pot talking to the kettle on this one.

The approval we need is ourselves and our wives and any other accountability partner we let into our life. Right, because like I mentioned before, I got picked on in elementary school, and there was things like, you know, I mean, I know it sounds crazy, and this is totally true. One of my special education teachers said, I don't think you'd be able to do college. then it really like set off from there like i didn't think i could do anything but listen matt we've all got bricks in our backpack either that we put in there or that some scumbag idiot jerk or somebody who just didn't know any better put

in there for us and what we have to do as folks who struggle with anxiety, who struggle with needing other people's approval that aren't inside our sphere of influence, is we have to decide I'm not going to carry that brick anymore. And some of those bricks, we're able to, it's literally as easy as just setting it down. And every morning when I wake up and I start to reach down and pick it up, I'm going to go, nope, I'm not carrying that, man.

That was when I was 14. I'm not carrying that. And then some of those traumas, Chris, are heavy. And you've got to get a professional to help you get them out of there. It doesn't sound like this is with you, Chris, right? We've all got teachers in our back, in our past, coaches in our past. Oh, yeah. Put some bricks in our back. We wish we weren't there.

It is what it is. I'm not going to carry their crap anymore. You know what's crazy, John, is that you do have village idiots that will try to put those certain bricks in there. But my goodness, you start to look at the other building things people have put inside. Oh, that's right. The words of affirmation, the encouragement. And it's all a matter of, I think, of what we begin to focus on. And, yeah, listen to our friend Matt here.

He's walking, and he's looking backwards. He's feeling that weight back there, and he's not recognizing this beautiful six-year-old energetic ball of joy his heart walking around he's not focusing on this wife right because it's that's sticking with him that's that's picking up the slack when he's having anxiety attacks my wife's been there um he's looking backwards and dude take the backpack off just take it off and if you can't get it off by yourself if if you can't get it off with a partner, go get a professional. But I'm not hearing that with Matt. I'm hearing, Matt, it's a daily decision. It's going to be something you practice.

I'm going to practice not picking that brick up. Yeah, and having that confidence. Have the confidence. Right, the self-confidence and being mindful of what you're doing. Matt, I'm proud of you, buddy. I appreciate you reaching out. What a call. Thank you.

Yeah, and really deciding to focus forward for himself. But I like how you tagged in with this kid, helping him to start to really focus here and not glancing back. That's right. Right. I tell people, how big is a rearview mirror? You know, they're about six, eight inches. But how big is a windshield? Yeah.

And so you can glance back, but we've got to focus forward. That's right. You know, and we've got more ahead of us and what's coming. And so, glancing back's a good thing. It helps us realize what we've come from, but I think it can also help us understand how far we've come. If you are struggling with anxiety, put it down.

Put it down. Listen, I want to thank all of you for taking the time to call in. I want to thank our producer, James Child, associate producer, Kelly Daniel, and of course, all of you for tuning in. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. Dave here. We just launched a brand new survey, and we'd love your feedback. You'll be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card.

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