The Ramsey Show - App - Aim For Progress, Not Perfection (Hour 2)

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

John Delony & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss: How to navigate life and business after cutting up your credit cards, from the blog: Do I Need a Credit Card? When you should cut your losses on a vehicle and stop repairing it, from the blog: Is Your Car Worth Repairing? Or Should You Replace It? What to pay attention to when you want to move up in house, from the blog: How to Upsize Your Home in 3 Easy Steps How to know if you should keep going to college or start working, from the blog: Should I Go Back to School to Get My Dream Job? "Should we keep our house and use it as an Airbnb?", from the blog: How to Make Extra Money Using Airbnb How to financially recover after an abusing relationship, from the blog: How to Begin Healing From Trauma Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Take our FREE 3 minute assessment: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work they love, and create actual, incredible relationships.

I'm John Deloney, joined here by my good friend, Jay Borshaw, and we're taking your calls on money, life, relationships, work, whatever's going on in your world, we're here for you. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Before we go to the phones, there's these two guys out here in the lobby that have their own homemade Dave Ramsey shirts. Just so you know, if you ever come visit us, Dave loves a good shirt with his face on it.

So there they are. Dead is dumb, cash is king. That's what I'm saying, man. They did it. I'm doing it right. Well done, guys. All right, let's go out to Josh in Ontario. What's up, brother Josh? Hey, Jade. Hey, John. What's going on? Thanks for taking my call today. I'm glad to get on here with you. I have a credit card question for you. Okay, what's going on? Me and my wife are finally making some headway, and we got rid of our last credit card in January. Way to go. We're really enjoying it, and we got everything over to debit credit cards and then a few things on a prepaid credit card,

like our purchasing items that needed credit cards. Now we have a small plumbing business and we run ads online with an online advertiser. And they won't accept anything debit credit or prepaid credit. They'll only accept real credit cards. And we've got our ads off right now. Those are about 20% to 40% of our calls for the week. It's a plumbing business, plumbing calls.

So it's $28,000 of revenue. Josh, that's a huge thing just to turn that spigot off um i can't believe they would do that but nothing surprises me anymore um one i would keep my eye out uh for another service provider that's gonna have the same values that i have that's just gonna be a thing i want to figure out in life i want to do business with people that um see the world like i do or are going to be inclusive and aren't going to be a thing I want to figure out in life. I want to do business with people that see the world like I do or are going to be inclusive and aren't going to make me jump through hoops to give them my money. It just drives me crazy. Rental car company, I just make it easy for me to pay you. That's number one. But the second thing is, I'm going to say

a company over the air. I just want to say I don't want to have any liability against it. This is just who I use personally. So if you were my friend and we were having a drink, I would tell you, um, there's a company called privacy.com. And what I do is I put my debit card in there once, and then they give me a new card for every online vendor that I use. So Amazon does not have my banking information. And there's a new And they provide a new card for Amazon. They provide a new card when I buy protein shakes. They provide a new card when my wife pays for her Squarespace, for her website, for her business.

So I probably have 40 or so different cards with different vendors that I use online, buying shoes, whatever it is you're buying. I don't want all these other companies to have my banking info. But I think if you did something like privacy.com, you put your debit card in there and it's going to create a card that's going to go to this online vendor and it's going to be what you need. The service is completely free. I love that idea. And if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work,'s cool if that doesn't work which i think that it will but

look into paypal use paypal card use a stripe card use a squarespace card they're not credit cards you can have them set up in debit format but if this vendor is not in 2023 and they're not understanding that these are real uh payment sources you know you gotta find a new vendor yeah that's like a place that only takes a check. You know what I'm saying? Like you go in there, it's like, what is wrong with you guys? I won't say them online, but it starts with G and ends with O. So it's hard to get a person on.

Yes. Yeah. In contact with a person who works there. It's mostly. Yeah. And I can tell you, I'm fairly certain we use, we have ads with them and I can guarantee you

we're not using a credit card. So I don't know how the people have figured out how to do that. But there's a way, I'm confident there's ways. But try privacy.com and give that a shot. And again,

I've got no deal with them. I'm not making any money off this. There's no advertisement. They're not an advertiser of the show. That's just who I use personally in my own life. And I was doing it more for privacy issues, but it sounds like this would help you get around that. Yeah, that's crazy.

It's time to find a new vendor. So strange, Jay. We're like in a world where I have to ask, like we're in Austin recently and I was, do y'all take cash? Do y'all take money? When it's hard for me to give a business money I know you need to re reevaluate I should just be able to give you money in whatever form I want to give you money and if you're a business and you're going no I don't like that kind of money I want the other

kind no I don't have it okay we don't want your business. Are you kidding me? I'm trying to give you money. I remember I had a hard conversation once with a rental car company that I won't name on air. I did on my show. And I finally said, hey, I'm trying to give you my money. Would you take it? Would you take my money? And she did not. All right, let's go to Daniel in H-Town.

What's up, Daniel? Hey, how's it going? Partying, man. What are you up to? All right, so I'm in H-Town. What's up, Daniel? Hey, how's it going? Partying, man. What are you up to? All right. So I'm in Baby Step 3B, and I've got some car troubles. And I need repairs that total about $5,300. Shoot.

This is a 2008. What did you do? Yeah, what happened? Richard, what'd you do? Did you talk? What happened? I've just been driving it. I've just been driving it. I've just been driving it.

Not $5,300. What is that? A new transmission? A new motor? What is that? What's the 5,300 for? It's a new transmission and then also a front crankshaft seal and a new timing chain. And it just started making a Chewbacca growl when I make a left turn, too.

What is this car worth? You're eating too much Taco Bell. That noise is you. That's you. What's the car worth? So with the transmission needing to be replaced, I'm guessing a fair price, which in a private sale would yield about $2,700. If it's in very good condition, it's $3,800.

So, you want to pay $5,300 for the car that's, at this point, not even worth $3,000? I made the mistake of getting attached to it. I wouldn't do that. I'd probably start looking for something new. These are major, major repairs.

Are you married? Divorced with one child. Okay. Do you have a pet? No. You should get one of those and get attached to it. Not your failing vehicle, my brother. I mean, here's the thing.

You don't have any debt. You're in baby step 3B. How quickly can you cash flow something that's better than three a three thousand dollar car i mean i could just take it from the emergency fund for now and then but can you add any of your cash flow to it so that you're not pulling too much from your yeah yeah i mean i would say like two months of cash flow and then whatever i could get for the car that's going out. Man, I'm doing that. Yeah, you can get a $7,500 car that way. Yeah.

Spend $6,000 to $8,000 get you something better than this and be on your merry way. That's what I'm doing, John. Absolutely. Have a ceremony. Sounds like you love this car. Get it a nice oil change. Tell it that you love it. Something happened in this car. Trade it a nice oil change. Tell her that you love it. Something happened in this car. Trade this car in, my brother. My gosh. Something happened in this car. That's all I'm saying. It's

time for those memories to go. Goodbye. Get rid of it, my man. Drive safe on those Houston roads. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also

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chministries.org slash budget at chministries.org slash budget. This is the Ramsey show. Listen, if you're a new listener and you want to dive deeper into the Ramsey baby steps, if you listen to the show and you're brand new to us and you're like, what are they talking about? They sound like weirdos. You are correct. They sound like they're in a cult. You are correct. Sound like they have different advice than everybody else. Yes. If you want to learn more, go to ramsesolutions.com and click on the get started button. Here's the deal. We're going to help you figure out the next best step for your financial journey based on exactly where you are today. Some people have a lot of money in the bank. They got money coming. They're going to help you figure out the next best step for your financial journey based on exactly where

you are today. Some people have a lot of money in the bank. They got money coming. They're broke. Some people owe six figures. Some people owe half a million dollars like Jade and Sam did. Wherever you are, go to ramsaysolutions.com and click get started and we will line you up with the exact approach tailored for you. And by the way, a great way, if you've been with us for a long time, Ralph Mendoza, some of our other gang who've been with us forever, forever, a great gift to people in your neighborhood and community that would never know about the show otherwise is if you will go hit the subscribe button, click the, you know, the leave a review, click the thumbs up, it is if you subscribe to

it it kicks it up in the algorithms whether you're on instagram whether you're on tiktoks or whether you're on youtube whatever platform it kicks it up in the algorithms and it puts the show in front of more people and it's a it's a no-cost way of helping us out but more importantly helping out your neighbors and so please hit the subscribe button today. All right, let's go to Hampton in Atlanta, Georgia. What's up, Hampton? Hampton. Hampton. I like it.

Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. What up? Not too much. How are y'all? Doing good. Doing great, ma'am. Great.

Yeah, so I listen on YouTube here and there and kind of just wanted to call in and see if I could get y'all's opinion on my current situation. So what's the situation? So I'm 29. I'll be 29 in April, so I'm still 28. But I purchased my first home four years ago on my 25th birthday.

Cool. And it was a good time to buy. I have a good amount of equity, about $150,000 in equity. And I was wondering if now is the time for me to upgrade and home. I've never really wanted to live in a neighborhood, and that's kind of where I'm at now. And I'm just wondering if now is a good time to sell my house, to purchase another one, given my financial situation. Do you have any debt? I have no debt whatsoever. Just the house.

I owe $165 on it. I got it from $181. And it's worth about $320. Great. Excellent. So, you know, I mean, money-wise, there's nothing really stopping you. I mean, of course, you want to purchase it based on those parameters that we set. We don't want the payment to be any more than 25 percent of your take home pay.

And that's with insurance and everything all combined on a 15 year fixed. Have you found something that that's within those parameters that you're looking at? So that's what makes this kind of tough for me and makes me second guess it. I'm currently I'm self-employed on my own company. And the way my taxes are structured, I would have to go bank statement loan. So we're talking eight, nine percent interest. And right now I'm currently on an FHA that's two point seven five interest. Can you explain to me when you said bank statement loan,

I'm actually not familiar with that. So, you know, conventional loans and FHA loans are based off, you know, your income, your net income. Right. And I just write off a lot through my business. So I wouldn't qualify right now for conventional. Yeah, and that's what I want you to get. I want you to get a conventional loan.

And if you can't get it, I wouldn't do this. Yeah. And if you are sketching around your taxes, don't do that either, man. No, I'm definitely not doing that. It's just I'm taking advantage of everything I can write off currently. I have a question from that because Sam and I were business owners, and I had a zero credit score at the time, and his was dropping down to zero, and we were able to get a conventional loan, 15-year fixed.

No, I think what Hampton – Hampton, tell me if I'm wrong. I think what he's saying is the way he is able to write off everything, it looks like his business makes about $1,400 a year. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So I see what you're doing there. And so now it's coming back to bite you on the butt because it looks like your business makes no money. It looks like my business makes no money.

All right, all right. So two thoughts. I'm glad that this bit you in the butt because your butt needed biting. That's thing one. And thing two is you got to pay your taxes and you got to do it right. Do it right. Hampton, here's what I would say.

I want to always challenge when somebody says I'm ready to move up. We have a culture that says now that you make this much money, you should be driving this car. And I wholeheartedly reject that. It sounds like you're also ready to change your lifestyle it must have it might have been really cool to have a townhome down how downtown or a loft downtown and now the idea of just having a suburb and laying low is pretty cool and having things be a little bit more chill a little bit closer to work you're talking about a lifestyle change and so i just want to be careful about the language like it's time to move up i just reject that man if you want to get a nice house get a

nice house but get don't do it because you're on a treadmill of any sort um and if you want to change your life change your life but as jade said man it doesn't sound like your business is if the bank looks at you and says i'm not going to give you any money unless we do a special deal that's going to cost you a bunch of extra dollars for us to feel safe about this risk, then that's the bank telling you, we really don't want to take your money right now because we don't trust you. And if the bank doesn't trust you, then sometimes that's a sign that you're not ready to buy another house yet. So just over this quick little break, I was, while John was talking, I was looking at these bank statement loans so the difference is for small businesses if you don't want to show your tax returns and you don't want to show your net income all you do is show your bank statement because

at that point it's like it's just based off of how much money has been in your bank account so i see okay yeah but that but think how sketch that can get because if you're if you were construction i can deposit 50 grand in that account show that to the bank and then turn around and buy 49 000 worth of materials for that job yeah and if you're running pretty tight like this so yeah dude hampton it sounds like you need some more work and it sounds like you need to get your profit margin way way way up yeah way up 15-year fixed conventional loan is what we would teach here. Yeah. So I'd stay put, my brother.

Stay put. Yep. All right, let's run out to Calvin real quick in Michigan. Calvin, we're right up against the clock, so get right to your question. What's up? Hi. Thank you guys for taking my call. I really appreciate it.

I'm 19, and I've been listening to Dave Ramsey for like two or three years. I found him on YouTube on accident. And that's honestly the best thing I've ever done. And I, I'm a no, no debt, no credit card guy. But my question is,

so I'm about to graduate, uh, community college with a associates in business. And I want to go into marketing and I live with my mom. I don't have any debt. And I was wondering if I should, um, if I should start into going into the field or if I should do another two years at, um, at a college. And I mean, it's more money, but, um, I want to start saving for a house and I'm a house. And I'm crazy and I want to pay for a house in full. That's not crazy.

Calvin, you need to get a job. And both, I finished two PhDs with a full-time job and little kids. It'll make you busy. But if you decide, hey, I need to go get a degree or the business I work for I love says, hey, you need to go get some extra credentials or you need to get some extra training. You can do that while working. Yeah, I'd get the job first and see if they'll pay, if anything, pay for your education. That's right.

And I focus on one thing at a time. Don't do it if you're not going to pay cash for it. I don't want you going into debt for a four-year degree or any degree for that matter. And then it also sounds like you've kind of got a lot floating around in your brain because you're also talking about buying a house. So let's kind of like focus on, let's focus on one thing at a time and make it a clear decision there and make sure all the decisions that you're making are lining you up to go down the path that you want to go down as opposed to just, this sounds good. I'll do that. Well, now this sounds good. I'm going to go do that that make sense uh-huh see if the job that you want you can get with just this two-year associates and calvin find some folks hang on the line here kelly's gonna send you a copy of our friend ken coleman's

book proximity principle i want you to get connected to a couple of folks who do marketing in your area and they do it at a scale that you want to do it they run an agency they're a partner in an agency or they're a partner in an agency, or they're doing it local, like small time. Whatever you envision yourself five or ten years from now doing that, take them out to coffee. It could be someone from your church, it could be someone from your local neighborhood.

You just reach out to someone on LinkedIn. Take them out to coffee, ask them what their life is like, and ask them the credentialing question, and they're going to give you a much much more um direct answer especially for your regional market there this is the ramsey show 888-825-5225 it's 888-825-5225 all right if you're planning to move soon we know that it can be expensive. And for that fact, I've got good news for you guys. Our studio sponsor, which is Pods Moving and Storage, they want to help you guys move for free. Can you believe that?

All you have to do is get a quote at pods.com slash Ramsey between February 20th and March 3rd in order to enter to win this. It's that simple. You're going to pods.com slash Ramsey between February 20th and March 3rd in order to enter to win this. It's that simple. You're going to pods.com slash Ramsey between February 20th and March 3rd. Now, one listener is going to get a free move, which is valued up to $5,000 and $10,000 in cold, hard cash, baby. That's what I'm talking about. If you're following the math, that's a total value of $15,000. John, can I just tell y'all, when we moved from Florida to Tennessee, I had no idea how much this would cost. Dude, we moved from Texas to Tennessee. They basically were like, hey, you can pay us or we'll just take one of your kids. Man, what? These quotes were like $19,000 and $20,000. I was sick.

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and enter for your chance to win a free move and $10,000 in cold hard cash today. That's pods.com slash Ramsey. All right, let's go to Amy in Grand Rapids. What is up, Amy? How we doing? Hi, thanks so much, guys, for having me. You got it.

I'm calling. Yeah, so my husband and I have two houses. We are living in my house and we are fixing his house. Are you all newlyweds? What's that? Are you all newlyweds? About four years. We'll be four years this July.

Have you all been living in separate houses? Sorry, we have lots of questions. Okay, no problem. We both had a house when we got married, but his house needed to be repaired, and so we were living at my house. What have you all done for four years with his house? We've been working on it.

So we had actually taken out a repair loan, and then we've also been paying that back, and then we've also paid cash for the remaining portion of his house. And his house is getting very close to being done. And so we still have my house. I have a mortgage on my house, and we have about $11,000 left to pay for the remainder of the construction repair that we have for his house. How much is the mortgage on your house? We still have about $47,000 for my house.

Okay. And on his, you said the repairs were $11,000. Is there anything else mortgage-wise on that? Nope. Nope. His house is otherwise paid for. What's it worth? I think we met with a realtor.

We haven't had it appraised recently, but probably about $125,000 to $150,000. What's yours worth? Mine was about 89,000. Do you guys have any other debt? Yes we have I have student loans of 30,000 approximately. That's it between the two of you? Yep well we have the 30,000 for my student loans my house is 47 and the repair loan for his house is about $11,000. And that's the entire amount of debt we have currently. All right. I don't love this situation. I'm not going to lie. I don't like that you guys have two homes with a mortgage. What's the plan? Like, what's the ultimate plan with these homes? Because you don't need two houses. Right. That's exactly, that's my question too, because we have, his house is almost ready to be moved into. My house is right next to a lake. And so we've thought about like in the future, potentially like putting it as like an Airbnb

house. So that's kind of what we've gone back and forth on. Would it be like financially profitable to keep it and operate it in that way because his house is nearly paid for and then you would be paying off my house i mean if that's a business venture you guys want to get into when the time comes right now i'm focused on the debt i'm looking at when you when you line up this money like this i'm like all right all right how do we get out of debt um i don't like that you have 30k of student loans sitting around and i don't like that you have two mortgages on top of it so my first indication is can we get rid of one of them

can we focus on one thing can we pay off his with the quickness um does that make sense yeah i would love to see y'all move in. Go ahead. What's that? Go ahead. Oh, you're saying to pay off his remainder of the construction loan at $11,000? I'm just saying I would love to see you guys. It sounds like if you sold one of these houses and moved into one, A, you would dramatically simplify your life. B, you'd owe nobody anything on the planet. You'd have no mortgage, no nothing.

And then the ROI of this, you know, the big buzzword is cash flow, cash flow, cash flow. You free up because you don't owe anybody anything. You free up about that much and you can save up over the next couple of years and buy your $89,000 house back in cash. And not the same one, obviously, but you set yourself up a life with very little risk at that point. Does that make sense? Versus having two mortgages, 30 grand in student loan debt. We're hoping fingers crossed the government just will wipe away for us. They're not going to. Right. And you see what I'm saying? You set yourself up in a really cool thing, but man, y'all are making your lives complicated. It's complex.

Yeah. So, okay. Well, that's helpful. Like I said, we were kind of just debating on whether like to keep it as like a potential like Airbnb in, because we live in a town where I'm about 20 minutes from like Lake Michigan. And so that is a huge profit. I think if you add Airbnb to the mix right now you're further complicating a situation and you're adding risk to it I'm not an Airbnb expert I'll be the first one to tell you I'm not an Airbnb expert but I know that there's a lot of costs associated

with that I don't think it's something that you could just walk in and be like we're just gonna make a killing I think that you have to think through it on every side um if you guys if you if y'all went crazy just went stone mad how quick could you pay off the 30,000 bucks and that 11,000 dollars the 40 41,000 bucks how how quickly could y'all get that together and pay it off um uh it would probably be a little while because we have um a lot of expenses we're both I'll get that together and pay it off. It would probably be a little while because we have a lot of expenses. We're paying for my house and then paying for his house, and then we also have daycare, which is astronomically expensive.

How many kids do you have? The maintenance. We have one child. Okay, and can I ask one more question? I don't want to sound like I'm interrogating you, but do you have any liquid cash? Yeah, we have about 14,000. Okay, here's what I like I'm interrogating you, but do you have any liquid cash? Yeah, we have about, I think about 14,000. Okay, here's what I'm going to say to you.

And I hope you don't take it as me coming down on hard on you, but you called us. Y'all are doing the most and also doing the least. All right, you have like this grandmaster plan, but I don't feel like it's planning for you. Like the math is not mathing for you because you didn't call here talking about we've got so much money we just don't know what to do with it you called me with a pile of debt and so because of that i i gotta teach you what i know works which is the baby steps that's what i know works it's helped millions of people and right now you guys are so far over just all over the place. So we would talk about like the 14 K you, why don't you have his house paid off instantly? It's $11,000 have a paid for a mortgage for the love of God.

And then you're free. Right. And now the walk through the baby steps, pay off that $11,000 loan. And now you've got, you know, 3000 left and let's pile that. Keep a thousand aside for, you know three thousand left and let's pile that keep a thousand aside

for you know your starter emergency fund and let's plow through that next twenty nine thousand dollars of debt or twenty eight thousand at that point of student loan debt plow through that and at that point you've just got your mortgage and it's a normal size actually it's not a normal size mortgage it's tiny and let's walk through these baby steps the good thing is you're not owing you know you don't owe two hundred and three hundred thousand dollars on a mortgage you know what i'm saying you don't have two and three hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt so you guys are playing patty cake with this and extending it and making it all weird where this could be really simple and cut and dry and you could have one mortgage by morning i love that

plan for you. And then you do have... You see what I'm saying? Why don't you like that, Amy? That doesn't stick with you. No, I was listening. I guess when we first got together in part, we actually have been doing the baby steps. Of course, we've gotten away from it a bit.

No, this is not the baby steps. This is not the baby steps. I got to cut you off on that. Work the plan that I just gave you to work and you guys are going to be sitting pretty. You are sitting on Lake Michigan. I went there as a kid. It's beautiful. And I think you could probably do well with an Airbnb there, but let's do it in the right order so that you don't put everything at risk for this dream of owning real estate. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show,

888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined here by Jade Warshaw. Is your marriage going sideways? Give us a shout. Are you struggling with your mental health or got money questions or you just don't know what to do with your kids? Holler at us.

888-825-5225. Let's go out to Chris in Springfield, Missouri. What's up, Chris? How we doing? Hey, man. Before I start, I just wanted to say thank you to you guys and everybody at Ramsey Solutions. Since I was younger, you've had a really positive impact on me and my financial decisions.

Cool. So I just want to say thank you for that. Well, thanks, brother. I appreciate it, man. What's happening? I think it would be important just to give you guys a little bit of context on me and just my background before I ask my questions. Basically, I've always been really good with my money. Over a few years, I was able to save up like $50,000. $40,000 of it was in my savings,

and then $10,000 of it I had invested in mutual funds. I also am going to school, I like to say, better than debt than debt free because i'm going totally free good for you that's awesome and a work study and stuff like that um so with that though um during uh all that time that i was accumulating those funds, I was in an abusive relationship. Pretty much like anything negative you could think of. I'm sorry. She dished all that out. So it kind of messed me up. And when I was finally able to get out of it, um, as a way of coping, I guess I started

spending my money on a lot of stuff. Um, sorry. Um, over like maybe eight months now, I've totally drained all my savings and, um, I've pulled out all my investments and I've just spent it all on crap. And, um, I probably only have like, I don't know, maybe a little under $2,000 now. Uh, so I just, I don't really know where to go from here because my plan originally was once I get my bachelor's, you know, the deal that I kind of have with my parents is like once I'm done with college,

I'm out of the house and that's just what it is. And I was going to go to grad school and everything, but I'm just not really sure how to go about doing that and just what to do financially anymore. So I think Dave's been saying for years, your money is just a reflection of what's going on in your heart and mind and soul and life. And so right now I want to move the money conversation over. It's a big neon sign letting you know that you're not all right right now.

And I want to tell you, having sat with people, I can't count how many people I've sat across the table with or sat next to who are trying to figure out who they are after leaving an abusive relationship. And the chaos of, I still love that person, but that person deeply hurt me in a number of different ways. I lost part of myself and I don't even know what that means and how to get that back. All of that stuff is all chaotic and a mess. And yeah, man, you got out your spending card and went bananas. What I would tell you is the sun came up today,

right? That's true, yeah. You got $2,000. I don't want to minimize. You're going to have some grief and you're probably going to have some resentment. You're going to have all that stuff. All those feelings, dude, listen to me. They're right. They're fine. They're good. You're going to have all that stuff. All those feelings, dude, listen to me. They're right. They're fine. They're good.

They're right. The only thing you can do from this moment forward, you can't go back and edit sentences that have already been written. They've got a period at the end of them. You were in love with somebody that hurt you deeply. You broke up. You spent $48,000 in a spending spree to wallpaper over depression and grief and sadness. And here you are. And the things you told us leading up to

those moments tell me that you are a strong kid and that you're a driven guy and you have accomplished a ton. Very few of the adults that call into this show have $50,000, access $50,000 cash, my brother. Very few people call in and say, hey, I figured out how to do college for free. And so you had a plan, and that plan is going to be different now. You had a plan you're just going to waltz into grad school, into your next job because you had a big nest egg. Well, you don't have that anymore, so cool.

Nothing about what you've told me suggests that you suddenly have lost the ability to work really hard because i know that's who you are and nothing you've told me says suddenly you're dumb because you're not what you have told me is you're gonna have to spend some see a season grieving this you're gonna have to go spend some time with a counselor okay and i would tell you that if you were my best friend or you're my brother okay okay and you're go spend some time with a counselor. Okay. And I would tell you that if you were my best friend or you're my brother. Okay. Okay. And you're going to spend some time healing and you're going to spend some time. Here's the, here's the uncomfortable truth about abusive relationships that people often don't hear. It's real easy to be on the outside of that and to demonize the abuser. What people often fail to take into account is the person being abused loses trust in themself. I don't even trust me anymore. And now you've got 48,000 reasons to further not trust you, right? What you're going to have to do is learn to build trust in Chris again.

That's just going to take some practice, my man. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So here's the deal. I want you to hang on the line here. Are you, you're still in school, right? Yeah. I got a year left. Okay. Here's why that's phenomenal. That's fantastic. I'm so happy because that means you have access to a student counseling center. That's going to be outstanding. And in a time when, um, it's very hard to just call a therapist off the street and get an appointment, you're going to be able to do that. So I want you to make that call today. In exchange for making that call, we're going to send you Ken Coleman's Get Clear Assessment.

We're going to send you his book, Paycheck to Purpose. And I'm going to send you my book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future. And my whole book is what happens when you are sitting down and you realize you're in ash and how do you take that next step out okay i'm grateful for the call man and we love you and we'll help you any every step of the way here i just need you to hear me say you're not broken you're not dysfunctional you didn't do anything wrong i mean you blew a bunch of money and i would laugh with you and high five you if we're sitting at the table um and also i don't believe believe, Jade, I don't believe in the phrase too soon. That's just kind of me, but I'd high five you and then we would get on with, okay, what comes next? But you got some healing

to do. Oh yeah. That's tough. I think you covered it. I'm not going to add or take away. I'm trying to think of how I've wrestled with moments in my life jade when i've just flat out set my values on fire or i've set flat out done something that i said i wasn't going to do or i've spent my time poking my finger at people who do things and then all of a sudden i look up six months later and i'm that guy now right right you know it's tough i was sitting here trying to think of a similar situation i I'm like, when have I been there? Like, what have I? And it's, you can really live in the past and wallow in like, man, what I did.

I spent $48,000. How could I have done that? But then it's like, what are you going to do next? I think as a culture, we have two narratives. One is you're always going to be the worst thing you've ever done. The worst thing ever happened. You're always going to be the worst thing you you've ever done the worst thing ever happened you're always gonna be the dumbest thing you've ever done and then the other one is if you have feelings and you're a coward and a wimp and you're weak you just suck it up and

grind it and i think that's nonsense i think the world is desperate for a new third way which is we're gonna spend some time feeling sad and we're gonna have some grief um you went through hell and you did some dumb stuff yeah let's just acknowledge it yeah and then we're gonna have some grief um you went through hell and you did some dumb stuff yeah let's just acknowledge it yeah and then we're gonna get the right people around us and because we can't do it alone we get the right people around us and then we're gonna take the next crooked wobbly step forward to wherever it is we're going right yeah progress not necessarily perfection nobody's out here doing things perfect we're all just trying to just trying to make some kind of progress forward right i mean george campbell tells us he's perfect his hair is perfect. We're all just trying to make some kind of progress forward, right? I mean, George

Campbell tells us he's perfect. His hair is perfect. His hair is perfect. It's high. It's high and tight. Well, you should see the hair dryer he has back there. I've never seen it. He actually converted an old air conditioner. It's really an extraordinary...

I need to get on that then. Well, they have a special plug in there it's like a 220 it's incredible hey that's another hour in the books here on the Ramsey show be kind to one another pay off your debts we'll be right back Hey, what's up guys? It's Jade.

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