The Ramsey Show - App - All About Money and Relationships

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

Rachel Cruze & John Delony discuss: Studies that show couples who combine finances are happier, The challenge of talking to your parents about money, Paying back money borrowed from family, Should you buy a pool? Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I am Ramsey personality Rachel Cruz. Here in co-hosting with me today is Dr. John Deloney. Welcome, John. Thank you so much. Glad to be on with you. And if you guys have...

And also with you. A question about life, money, relationships, anything and everything, give us a call at 888-825-5225. We're going to start off with Jared in Jacksonville. Hey, Jared. welcome to the show. Thank you guys for having me. I appreciate it. Absolutely. How can we help? Hey, so I'm a recent college graduate and I've got a job lined up in the ICU and was curious if I should use the money I've got saved up and start focusing on buying a house or save that money and put it towards grad school in

a few years. Is grad school going to be a reality for you? Do you know, or is that just a possibility? Yeah. So I think I'm pretty much determined on going to CRNA school and getting my anesthesia degree. And I have to work two years in the ICU before going back. So right now it's kind of just whether or not it's smart to rent. I know the housing market has been insane now, so I don't know if it's smart and wanted to get your opinion on getting a house. Yeah, it's a great question. You know, I mean, whenever there's a big life change that's happening, you're graduating, you're getting married, anything,

when it comes to home buying, I always kind of just like to take a deep breath because there can be a lot of change that occurs, whether it's moving cities or what you're wanting before this life change could be different than what you want after and all of that. So especially since you know you're going to be going to school, you might be not going to school in Jacksonville, right? Like you could be moving to be going to school. So if you're not going to be settled for more than four or five years, I would not recommend buying a home because taking the hit and because the market, it is so crazy. I would hate for you to like buy at the top for instance, and you know, and then who knows 24 months what it looks like. So if I were you, I would definitely rent because this is a big transitional period. And I think there's something about permission.

Maybe I'm reading into this call, but you have permission to rent, dude. And the people you work with are going to be like, you're just pissing your money away, dude. And you can just smile at them because you'll know you're unchackled and you can move where you want to. You can date who you want to when you want. You know what I mean? You'll be free to move about the country while you're getting your two years in going to grad school and stuff. Okay, perfect. And I know I'm going to try to save about

$30,000 a year to help go towards down payment and master's. So I'm definitely trying to live frugally and even though I'm renting, save as much as I can. So I appreciate you guys. Yeah, you bet. Get some roommates, man. You'll have a couple of fun years and you're not going to hang out anyway.

You're going to be working like crazy. It's so funny. I feel like the home ownership conversation, there is something very special about owning your home, right? You're putting roots down. It's there. But you also don't know and don't think about always all the other expenses that come along with being a homeowner.

It's up to you. There's no one's no there's not anyone fixing stuff for a couple years uh for one year was one year maybe 18 months when sheila and i sold our house and moved into residence hall to pay off everything i had done the math on how much our mortgage was how much we would save yeah we saved infinitely more and I had not calculated the hoses and the repairs and the nozzle on the thing. None of that stuff. And then you add up the electricity, and it's all yours. Yes. I undershot it probably by half, if not three times.

I couldn't believe how much money we saved by not owning. Yes, yes. I know. Winston's grandfather, he's passed now but i'm where he always said he said the cheapest day you buy the cheapest day you own a home is the day you buy it or so it was something on that idea like because then from there the cost it goes up so expensive such a good question all right up next we have alex here from washington kent washington hey alex welcome to the show hey rachel Rachel. Hey, John. Happy Monday.

Happy Monday. How can we help? So I have a personal loan for my mortgage at 0%. I am trying to figure out if it is smarter to set aside those extra payments I want to do. To clarify, I'm in step three, so I'm just building up my emergency fund. Okay. Because I don't have any interest on it, if I should just set aside that money, maybe find something to put it in just to gain a little interest, or if I should just keep tackling on it since there's no interest on it. Sure.

So you took out the personal loan as your mortgage is what you're saying? Correct. And how much is it? It's around $300,000. Around $300,000. So you have like a family member that loans you $300,000 for your house? Indeed. Okay. All right. In that case, I think I still

because it is for your home and because of the amount and what it is, I would still I would bucket that with the baby steps and baby step six. So I would go ahead and go through and go ahead and, you know, continue baby step three, saving up your emergency funds, start funding retirement, and then you, I'm sorry, baby step six. And then I would tackle it as if it's baby step six for you where you're paying this off.

So the zero interest thing, again, people get so tied up in the math and like, okay, I can put my money here and earn this and that and that. But for right now, I would follow the baby steps, Alex. And then when you get to that baby step six, that $300,000, yeah, that's your mortgage

is how I would look at it and that you're putting that money in. And especially since it's from a family member. Yeah. I hope that gives you a little motivation. Who is your family member, Alex? Who is it? Oh, it's my father.

So I'm not going to ask you to say anything negative about your old man, but does it feel weird having this hanging over you? Because it would for me, and I love my dad. No, it doesn't for you? No, I have a really good relationship with him. Okay. What we've seen over and over is the relationship's great and dad is so well-meaning and the recipient is so well-meaning and then um let's don't drive that car or no my grandkid's

gonna go to this school or my why are they wearing this cool you don't even have a house payment and it begins to cloud things a little bit you may be the one in a million who dad just wrote an interest-free $300,000 check because he loves his son. And if that's the case, then way to go. I'd still pay it off as quick as I could in Baby Step 6. But in most cases, when a family member, someone you love, someone you are in relationship with,

you owe them money, it just changes everything. It changes the dynamics in little ways in big ways and i just steer clear of it and again i love that you pointed out because i'm like it could be well-meaning almost always yeah but there it there's always this thing because the borrower is slave to the lender when your master is your dad it does there's a level there that it's like okay you owe there's a little bit of that string attached in life that you owe this to me and there's also this when your spouse and it's to think through like to think my father-in-law owns us you know what i mean like our father-in-law is i would rather pay the interest rate and get a traditional mortgage than take a zero percent

interest from a friend or family member. That money would be worth preservation of that relationship. Of that, the safety net of it even. Yeah, of keeping it away. Yeah, it's an interesting thing. And again, money's a tool, right, to help you in your life.

And a lot of parents and family members, they do this to help. But just be careful, Alex. And again, paid off ASAP on the Baby Step 6. Thanks for calling. This is The Ramsey Show. People all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs through Christian Health Care Ministries. Christian Health Care Ministries, or CHM, is a nonprofit organization that helps members

carry one another's burdens with health care expenses. And they have successfully shared each other's medical bills for nearly 40 years. See if CHM is right for you by visiting chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz, co-hosting today with Dr. John Deloney. So give us a call at 888-825-5225. We're here hanging out with you, America, talking about your life, your money, relationships, anything and everything.

So give us a call. We have Kyle from Atlanta up next. next hey kyle welcome to the ramsey show hey guys really cool to talk to you guys really appreciate it absolutely we're glad you called how can we help um just a couple of quick questions and then a bonus question if you guys have time well i think we got some time so yeah i've recently just got engaged. Congrats. Thank you. And I'm wondering if me and her should stop our retirement investments to help cash flow the wedding and honeymoon. And we also just bought a house and that sort of thing. And the other thing, too, is since we are engaged, do we need to start combining our money now or wait until after the wedding? Dude, that's a great question, man.

Great questions. So when it comes to – are you all debt-free? Yes, sir. Okay. My sister is debt-free. She's currently living with her mom. Like I said, we just bought a house. So aside from a mortgage.

Yeah, I would. I would pause and pile up cash here. The end goal here is to not, to get through your wedding without owing anybody any money. Don't go back in debt. The one thing I would say is, Rachel, stop me if I'm wrong here.

I will. I'm okay with you pausing it. I wouldn't, and here's why. It would put a cap on me because with all this extra, I'm going to spend what's there and I'm going to buzz through whatever money is there

and get right to the edge. And so there's some ways that continuing to invest in your retirement, keeping your investments going, is going to act as a governor on your expenses. Yeah, how much do you guys make a year, Kyle? How much do you make and how much does she make? Together, we make roughly $120,000.

Oh, yeah. You can cash flow this. I would. I probably wouldn't. I mean, yeah, with the boundary in place, you're not going to go into debt for anything and to say, okay, let's just say, yeah, that we throw as much as we can. And when is the wedding if it's april now when is it but it won't be in the next year uh oh dude you got plenty of money kyle save up

your money just keep running yeah your money yeah and you guys it's just the only thing is since we just bought the house we're trying to keep everything as separate as possible so she's moving into the house here in June when it gets finished being built. And I won't move in until May. So we're going to be paying like two separate rents or her mortgage and my rent. That's probably

the money pension starts to come in because our hard saving is kind of over with. Yeah, why are you guys waiting a year? Yeah, dude, go to the JP, man. Come up here. Somebody here in the office will marry you. Are waiting a year? Yeah, dude, go to the JP, man. Come up here. Somebody here in the office will marry you. Are you ordained?

Yeah. What if John marries you, Kyle? Come up here. I'll do it. No, we're joking, but for real, what's causing you all to wait? You're owning a house. I mean, you're doing it.

Yeah, we kind of turned on the house, man, just because we wasn't sure if we could afford able to afford what we could afford in six months. You know, just with interest rates and everything. So we kind of jumped on that early. And I feel like it was the right decision, the best decision for us. So just jump on your marriage. Look, you could get married and then have a big party in a year from now, and you can cash flow the whole thing. Dude, I married somebody.

I officiated a wedding in my living room uh somebody stopped by the house and was like hey we have this plan and then all of a sudden this got canceled and this and we're in a mess now we've already got this and so dude you can go find it that's a whole other call i know you didn't call about that but i wouldn't here's what i wouldn't do i you're gonna drive each other bonkers because you're half playing married and you're half not and you're gonna drive each other bananas and you're going to blow a bunch of money. Just go. I mean, expedite everything. Y'all made a big grown up decision to pull the trigger on a house.

Then just go ahead and call it and get married and move on. The other thing about joining your bank accounts, I would not do that until you're married. As much as you love her and y'all bought a house to go and all that, I would not join bank accounts until y'all are fully legally married. And it makes me nervous. y'all bought a house together and all that, I would not join bank accounts until y'all are fully legally married. And it makes me nervous, Kyle, that y'all bought a house. So I'm hoping it's under one of your names, not both. This whole situation makes me just a little bit – y'all are getting a little – Ahead of yourself.

Ahead of yourself. So listen, yeah, it's done in June, you said. You know, have her move in in June when it's done. You guys get married in July, August. That's four or five months. Yeah. Move in, call it a day, and you're running you're running life going about your life and and the in the wedding it's always an interesting conversation because weddings they they are so blown up in our heads right of what i don't know if it's just america no

because other cultures yeah they take you know three weeks three weeks to celebrate in some places but but listen and it's an exciting time in all of it but we get so caught up in that day and my my brother he's been married now a few years but i remember i told him i was like take your wedding budget split it in half and save the rest for marriage therapy after because like like you're it really is one day and how much effort and time we think about like that like your marriage is a lifetime so we're not trying to rush you into a marriage call but obviously you're engaged and obviously she's the one the way you were talking so um i i would just not put as much stock in the wedding itself i'm like okay let's let's start yeah go get married and then if you want to have a party a year from now kovic i feel like kovic took all the rules

off yes like like people getting married over zoom or just like it is what it is. I love you. You love me. We're going to start our lives together. Let's just go make it happen. And then we can rally around a party later. Absolutely. Yep, and the party could be at the next person's house here. Michael from Florida.

Michael, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you. How are y'all doing? Doing good. I see the word pool coming up. So I thought, well, that'd be a great place for old Kyle to have his reception there. There's not a lot of wedding pool parties. Yes, Sunday one day.

How can we help, Michael? I'm trying to get some advice as to whether or not my wife and I are making a financial mistake by putting an in-ground pool on our property. Okay. So we have the money to cash flow it. We have no debt other than our home. We bought our house right before COVID popped off pretty strong two years ago. The house we were living in prior had a pool and it's something that we both want and enjoyed having. I'm terrified about spending the money. She's not. She's all over it. Michael, put in a pool.

Michael, don't put in a pool. I'm just kidding. Hey, how much do you owe in your house? So currently, the mortgage is about 182, but with the way property values and everything is going in our area, we're sitting on a piece of property worth upwards of 350 at the moment. So you owe 180 left on your mortgage? That's correct. This 60 would bring you down to 120 and then a couple more hard months and you're at five digits, man. That is exactly what I try to tell my wife. If she sat back a little bit, I know that we could have that house paid off in less than five years. That was my goal. Do y' all have kids? Yes.

What are their ages? I've got two daughters. One is fixing to be 18. The other one is fixing to be 11. 18 and 11. Is that what you just said? Correct. Yes, that's correct.

Oh, so this pool is for y'all. It's not even for them. For the 11-year-old. For the 11-year-old. Yeah, the 11-year-old will use it. The 18-year-old may not so much. So I don't think there's not a right or wrong here. Here's the deal.

Here's the honest truth. John and I might be split on it. Rachel's all about pools. She loves a pool. And I've never had one. So I just go to other people's pools. I've never had a pool either. I've never had a house with a pool.

No, you haven't? No. Oh, okay. My parents moved into a house with a pool when I left for college. So it't i don't count that's a good move i don't count yeah but um yeah because here's the deal michael you guys you're out of debt you're funding retirement you have your emergency fund and yes obviously the house is the next big thing so yeah run the numbers and say okay let's say we paid it off all you know and took the,000 instead of a pool. But to me, it's $60,000, which actually is kind of an...

Some pools I've heard are insane. It's crazy. This is like a nice car. This would be like, you know what I'm saying? Like the $60,000. If it was $200,000, Michael, I think my answer would probably be different. $60,000, you have the cash for it.

You got your 11-year-old home. And we'll still have, honestly, well over our three- to six-month emergency fund. How much did you make a year? Our base is $115,000, but with the bonuses that my wife consistently gets, we're closer to about $120,000. Pay your house off faster. Maybe you split the difference. Say, I'll get this, but we're going to put our house

on a 24, 36-month payoff. And so I'll trade you the pool for we're hitting the gas, we're not going out to eat anymore, we're going to get this house paid off, and we're going to get it done. And so then you both, you look up in three years

and you both won. There you go. Compromise. This is the worst. This is the worst. The worst show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. So, John. Hey, listen. I know you love it when you're right.

Study. I know you love it when you're right. So you are always... I'm going to just bask in it. Actually, you never said I was wrong, though. Oh, no, no, no. This is more America. That would have been better. But America... I've watched you never said I was wrong, though. Oh, no, no, no. This is more America. That would have been better.

But America. I watched you get beat up when we're doing live events on the internets, on social media, about you always tell everybody, we always tell everybody to get joint checking accounts and bank accounts and don't hide money from each other. So there was this real Instagram reel going around, and it was like, you know, basically say something that no one would say out loud and you like point and you put like a

thing and i put when you get married combine your money including when checking out and you would have thought oh yeah you would have thought that i was like you're you everyone out there i hate no you would have thought like invite your neighbor over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. You got a lot of heat for it. It was like, hey, go drive to a red light, and whoever's next to you in the car, combine your checking. Everyone's like, you're so stupid. You would have thought that was my advice. All right, so.

All I'll say. Gladstone, Garbinski, Magenler, sorry that I just butchered your name. In the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, this is the abstract. Ultimately, when couples decide to share their lives, they're simultaneously faced with the decision of how or whether to pool their finances. So this group of psychologists is doing a study to find out

does the way in which couples keep their money affect happiness in their relationship? So they took the Rachel Cruz-ism, the Ramsey-ism, and said we're going to put it to the empirical test. Now they did six different studies. Now I haven't read the methodology here, so this is just the abstract,

but their sample size was almost 40,000 people, including primary and secondary data. Which in your world... That's a lot, right? That's a lot. So again, I haven't looked at the methodology, but here's what they came across. Across six studies, about 40,000 people,

that couples who pool all of their money compared to couples who keep all or some of their money separate experience greater relationship satisfaction and are less likely to break up. Joining bank account, though it benefits all couples, the effect is particularly strong among couples with scarce financial resources. So empirically, if you will put all of your money in the account

and deal with all of the anxiety and all of the hard conversations and all of the push and all of the hard conversations and all the push and pull that that will entail the data says you're less likely to break up and you are more likely to experience greater relationship satisfaction and what else do we want in a marriage to not break up and to experience satisfaction in the marriage well we talk about this a lot in money in marriage but it's so in our event but it's so funny to me and you're the one that said it so i want to coin you but i'm like you will share a kitchen with someone you will share a bed with someone you share your g your genetics with humans together with a little

person running on you're sharing literally your genetics are sharing human together but when it comes to your checking account it's my money no i earned it no where's my 300 for the light bill it's like what are you talking about You know what I mean Yes It blows my mind And I do know People have a lot of

Trigger points And fear around it Because of past experiences Right Like there's legitimate People walk through Legitimate pain And hardship

To get to that And to say I'm too scared now To still go in Full force To my second marriage Or whatever it may be But still Okay so If you're choosing To get to that and to say, I'm too scared now to still go in full force to my second marriage or whatever it may be. But still, if you're choosing to get married, you guys, if you're choosing to share your life, and the reason you don't is another reason is people say, well, we just fight all the time.

We fight all the time. It's easier just to avoid the conflict. But that's the exact conflict you have to have to have a better marriage. You're just avoiding it. And if you're avoiding that, you're probably avoiding other things, right things right i was gonna say like if if your thought is i can't ever have that conversation it's just gonna end in a fight or i can't ever talk to him or her about this because it would then don't get married do not get married because that that gap in communication that gap in the ability to have hard conversations and do hard things together

will show up somewhere. And there's going to be kids involved or there's going to be a mortgage or a business involved. There's going to be in-laws involved. It only magnifies from there. So the thought of sitting down with somebody you're dating or engaged to and saying, hey, it's a big deal to me that when we get married, we pull all of our money together. If you can't do that, call it. Call it. Because what's coming for you

is going to be worse and worse and worse and worse. Okay, so for people that are married though and that this is still a point, they're like, yeah, you know, I had a DM come through.

Someone slid into your DMs? They slid into my DMs. And I don't always check it, but I was just home and I was like going through them. And she was like, yeah, I'm thinking about getting a separate checking account

for just my spending because he kind of harps on what I spend my money on and I'm kind of just tired of it. So we do everything else. We budget together that but just my spending, I want a separate account

and I messaged her back. I was like, hey, no, no because the issue is not having a separate account. The issue is that your husband's either being kind of a jerk and poking at you and bringing up things in the past to throw in your face that you've spent, or maybe what you're spending

y'all aren't agree on and he's frustrated. Like, I don't know who's right or wrong. It sounded like, you know, she was more right, but obviously she was on the DME. But I was like, no, you can't, don't put a bandaid of things on your relationship. And that's what people I feel like do all the time. We'll just figure out systems in marriage with our money so that we don't have to go there. We don't have to engage. We don't have to go there. And I'm like, go there. Go there. It's painful and it's

hard, but it's worth it. That's a deeper marriage. And finding out as much as you love somebody that they're not going to be your forever person because they can't honor your safety. Before you get married, yeah. They are not willing. Call it. Right? And if you are with a spouse

who steadfastly refuses to join then here's how much you've got to go connect with somebody that's when you call and say i'm going to go start seeing somebody i'd love for you to join me because this marriage isn't safe yeah because you don't trust me we don't trust each other enough here and you and i both heard heard of people who blow all the money because they've got addictions, who blow all the money because like, well, I just need a new rifle. It's like, well, yeah, but we need diapers.

It's like, well, you figure that out. Everybody knows of that. And so we're not talking about those abusive. There's a small percentage. Yes. Or there's an addiction with gambling or something else. But for most people, most of the time, put your money in the same account.

Yes, yes. And here, we won't keep harping on this, Something else. Yes. For most people, most of the time. Yes. Put your money in the same account. Yes. Yes. Right. And here, we won't keep harping on this, but another thing too that I would love for you to speak on though is that there's, I hear for women especially, don't depend on a man. Like, independence is celebrated. Yeah. Yeah.

Where it's like, oh no, I can take care of myself. I don't have to depend. You know? And that idea, that can rot a marriage as well, right? Yeah. This idea that i'm going to continue to stay separate from you to take care of my own self that's still a level a guard that's up that you're not allowing terry real who i consider america's greatest therapist he's just

extraordinary he's a great author um he says that the great lie that women were told coming out of the 50s and 60s and 70s is you don't need anybody and you can do this all by yourself. And the great lie that men were told is the rules didn't change because the rules did change. And your wife got a seat at the table. When I was doing research for my book, my mom, who got married in 70, was not allowed by law to go get her own checking account without my dad's signature until 73. Wow. This is our parents, right? This is the arc of our parents' relationships.

That blew my mind, right? So the rules changed. For men and women. Men have to do things differently. Yes. They have to be more inclusive. They have to sit at the table. They have to have hard conversations.

They have to invite partners into these conversations in ways that their grandparents didn't. And the lie that, you know what, you can do all of this by yourself is not true. We're not wired that way. We're not built that way. And that's not woo-woo. That's co-regulated science. That's who we are. We've got to do life together.

So you guys, I mean, hear us say, please, I know we're kind of like harping on this topic, but for real. It's hard, man. The money and marriage conversation, it is is it's so tough because your marriage issues come out in all different ways and money is one of those avenues it comes out through money and so there can be tension there can be fights but digging in and working on what's really going on underneath the surface and and seeing yourself as a team and said and you both come to that's right like i you know sometimes it's all put on the

woman and it's like yeah because she's the one that's doing a lot of the household spending and all that we see that in studies and so for some women they feel very isolated because their husband's not helping he's not engaging in the conversation or the flip is my dad did it i'm doing it and the flip is yeah yeah i'm gonna just i'm gonna just you know yield to him and he can just no you have a voice to step in and you guys working together, you're going to be different opposites attract. So be prepared for that. We both feel that, uh, in our marriages, but, but man, I'm telling you combine this, your marriage has to be so tightly unified and use money as a tool to be one of those things that that helps. This is the Ramsey Show. I am Ramsey personality rachel cruz along with dr john

deloney and we're pumped america because we're coming we're coming for you we are now hitting the road sounds so dramatic for live events coming for you for when you when it was part of your job for 10 years and then you can't do events for two because of the old COVID now it's back. Events are back and we are back and we are so excited. So our Building Wealth live event is coming to Vegas

in Orlando Disney World. I mean my two favorite places. This is great. If you want to see Wheels Off Rachel you can see Rachel in Vegas or in Orlando. Or at Disney. We get them both. I can't wait. But we are traveling out with this event, Building Wealth, because it's such a hot topic.

Because I feel like there's so many options. People are talking about getting wealthy, whether it's crypto or single stocks or zero down real estate. Pokemon cards. Everything. All of them. It's like everyone just wants to get rich quick. So Dave Ramsey, George Camel, Dr. John Zaloni, Ken Coleman, we're all going to unpack all of these topics.

And you and Ken are actually going to be doing a free bonus lesson before the event and talk about balance of your work and relationships and live a richer life, which sounds awesome. Yeah. So fun. So Vegas, we're coming for you on Thursday, May 5th, Orlando, May 19th. And again, we're so excited because we actually have confirmed four more cities for the fall of the same event. So we're pumped about it. But again, for here in the spring, Vegas, you are Thursday, May 15th. In Orlando, Thursday, May 19th.

You can get your ticket starting at just $25 or get a four-pack for $60. Just go to ramseysolutions.com slash events to learn more. All right, coming up next is Cliff from Indianapolis. Hey, Cliff, welcome to the show. Hi, Rachel. Hi, John. What's up? Well, I am wanting some advice on how I can work with my parents on taking care of some of their debt that my sister and I have discovered that they have. And my father, he's kind of the one that takes control of finances,

and when I explain to him the baby steps and financial peace, he kind of grunts and groans, doesn't really want to change his ways. And so I'm just trying to figure out how do you go about that, working with parents that have some financial issues? Yeah, that's a great question. Cliff, how old are you? How old are your parents? My parents are in their early 70s.

I'm late 40s. Okay. And what did you guys discover? You said you and your sister discovered some debt that they've had. Yeah, credit cards, personal loan. I think there's a timeshare that they were paying on. So a bunch of stuff. And they have not come to you stressed out or anything.

You're just seeing all of this and thinking, oh gosh, they're not in a great spot. Right, yeah. So it's been my experience that on two issues, parents do not receive advice from their kids very well. Sex and money. If you happen to show up at Christmas and you're 35 and your parents are 70, and you're like, Mom, here's how you need to start wooing dad.

She'll just cut you off and be like, how about you go out and sleep in the yard, right? So they're not going to hear that. And the same is, hey, you know what y'all should be doing with your money? For most parents, your dad knows how much debt he has, and he knows the mess he's in. He knows the math. He knows it. And when his son comes to him a son who loves him

and who cares about him is trying to do the best for him it's such a shame inducing conversation that every every response mechanism he has to deflect that shame kicks off right the grunts the uh-huh whatever has your mother just those, all that stuff is his body saying, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. And it's too big and it's too late and I'm scared. Okay. Here's the hard part. My experience has been, there's not a lot of movement there. The one thing you can do is to have a conversation about, um, connectivity. Here's what I mean. Hey dad, um, let's go to breakfast. Hey, I've had some success with this stuff. If you ever need something, I want you to know I've made some stupid errors too,

that you don't even know about. And I'm, I'd love to be a first call and I love you. And I love mom. I want y'all to live to be 140 years old. If you need anything, when it comes to talking about money, I'm an open book and i'll help in any way i can and that makes it more of a connection conversation a relationship conversation and less about a failure or you didn't do the x's and o's right you hear the difference it's subtle but it's massive right yeah and other than that man it's tough i know yeah that's yeah that's what i was going to say though, is I feel like any conversation that I hear that is successful between a child to a parent and that is them

just sharing their own experience, the child, right. And just saying, Hey, here's what, here's what we've done. And it's, it's been amazing. And the benefits of being debt free and having this emergency fund, like it, it just takes, it took so much stress off that I didn't even realize. And we're just really pumped about it. And Hey dad Dad, if you guys ever have a question or anything, I would love to sit down and talk because I've seen the flip side of this. Or even, I don't know if this would be another avenue to Cliff, but because of their age, talking to parents about their estate and their will, like all of that,

which kind of gets into a different type of conversation because we're talking about death as well. But just the idea of, hey, we want to honor your legacy and what you and mom have built over the years of over our life. And so whenever you want to dive into that, the more details me and your sister can have around that to honor you guys if something were to happen. We want to know that and be on the same team with you all.

So that could be another door that sort of opens it. That's actually a great, and it's one of those things I forget all the time because my dad was a homicide detective. We've been talking about death. We talk way too much.

Our family can be uncomfortable. We talk once a year. We have a once a year family meeting. At the Ramsey's. So if that guy dies, right, that's actually a brilliant idea, Cliff, is to call your dad and say, or maybe send him a text and say, hey, I'm going to call you this week.

Need to talk Will. And that way he's got a moment to, he's got a day or two or three to wrap his head around this conversation and then say, hey, I had a buddy whose parents passed away. I just saw something on TV. It's just been something that's been in my soul. I want to make sure that you and I are on the same page with how I'm going to take care of mom if and when something happens to you. I want to make sure that we've got it all down, that if something happens to mom, that we are going to honor you and love you and honor her the best way we can.

And can we sit down and talk wills? And I don't care about who's in the will or who's – I don't care about any of that stuff. I just want to make sure we're honoring you guys the right way. Some parents take that against – oh, they're any of that stuff. I just want to make sure we're honoring you guys the right way. Some parents take that again as, oh, they're just after our stuff. You can't control that. What you're trying to do

is on the front end honor and love your parents the best you can. You can't control how the athletes choose to internalize it. Yeah, that's right. All right, up next is,

is it Bavik? Bavik. Is that right? From Raleigh? Did I say it right? Yeah, you said it right. Bavik, what's up, man? Welcome to the show. How can we help? Yeah, I want to say thank you to you guys.

I've been following you guys for a while now and I learned a lot of things from you guys. Today I'm calling to get an advice on a situation that I'm having. So my MX account was charged off on December 2020 and the collection agency, it seems like I'm not able to find that listing in my recent credit report.

So I'm wondering, is it worth paying off that collection when you're trying to reach out to the agency and working up a deal with them? Yeah, is the collection, are they actively calling you as of now? They haven't called me, I would say, since last six months. In last six months. And how much do you owe on it? I owe them $3,400. $3,400? And it's not on your credit report?

No. I saw Experian and TransUnion credit report. Neither of them has that listing. Hmm. And you, can you go back in your own records and know that you had $3,400 on this Amex? Yeah, because the Amex, they do report to the credit bureau

and I see that, you know, they do report to the credit bureau, and I see that they have charged off on December 2020, and the amount was $3,400. Okay. So whenever it's in collections, depending on where you're at in it, you can definitely try to just settle it, even for pennies on the dollar. So, yeah, I would definitely go in and just call them and see if you can settle it. And they may have sold it off to somebody else at this point, and they may say it's gone. You've got to track it down.

That's right. You're going to have to wait for a letter. Well, John, so fun co-hosting with you today. Thank you, America, for listening. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.