The Ramsey Show - App - Balancing Being Intentional and Enjoying Money (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony discuss: Dealing with a toxic family situation Accepting a promotion to CEO, Balancing intentionality and enjoyment.   Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. We help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show and number one best-selling author. The book Own Your Past, Change Your Future is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Michelle is in Evansvilleville indiana hi michelle welcome to the ramsey show hi dave i'm glad i got through to you today long time listener um i have a little complex situation um my parents filed bankruptcy back uh my latter latter teen years so mid 80s

there were um some property that was given to us or by that dollar transaction from an aunt totaling about probably 40 or so acres with a separate section cut out to build a home on after they filed bankruptcy that was about a house built in five acres. Long story short, my sister, my parents couldn't take out a loan. So she was 18 years old. So they took the loan out in my sister's name and deeded the ground and the home to separate deeds in my sister, my name. Um, she's since married and she, um, her and her husband now are on the deed along with myself.

My question is this, we do not get along. Um, my father has passed. Uh, my mother had a lifetime estate to this property. As long as she lives, she could live there. Um, however my sister was her caregiver and there has been some discord that my sister was basically maltreating my mother. And so my mother has relinquished her rights to this property. So I have never been interested in this property.

It is not my homestead. My sister lives adjoining property that my father-in-law gave her and her husband for a wedding present. Where do you live? I live in Evansville, Indiana, so I am in different states. Where's the how? Where's the property? Illinois, southern, southern I am in different states. Where's the how? Where's the property? Illinois. Southern, southern, very tip-top.

So Crazy is in a pile in Illinois, and you're not in the pile of Crazy. I am not in the pile of Crazy. Never wanted a pile of Crazy. Have asked to be purchased, have bought out, things like that, until this recent transaction when my mom decided I want out of this. I'm moving up north with my other family, nieces and nephews, and I said to my sister then, once she had mom sign off the deed, I want out. I want you guys to buy me out.

And she said, just sell it. Well, it's hard to sell a home and four, five acres, half of it to someone without her authority and her agreeing i guess well you got you have two choices okay you don't have anything in this i do not you can deed it to her and walk away from crazy okay that's probably what i would do okay life's too short it. This is a screwed up pile of mess. It is. And these people have done everything they can to duck reality for decades and twist and turn. And the whole thing's a pretzel.

And now the other option is, technically, legally, you are partners. And you could file a lawsuit in chancery Court for the disillusionment of the partnership, which would force the sale of the real estate. Okay. And you would get your half. Okay. What would you guess your half is worth? Well, in that area right now, it's going for roughly $6,000 an acre,

plus their standing timber that my dad would not allow anyone to cut. What do you think the property is worth uh between that house and the other acreage probably around 150 to 200 your half my half 75 to 100 no probably closer to 250 to 2 your half is worth 150 to 2 okay correct okay between because there's a house and five acres and there's additional like 20 to 40 acres with timber so just how much trouble you want to go to to get that because it's probably going to cost you 30 grand in legal fees okay and you will win and you will lose right no there is no winning when it comes to family yeah the only thing that the only

the only ones that win these things are the lawyers. But I would guess if you have a decent attorney that the judge will hear you and say, this thing has to be liquidated because, or he'll look at your sister and say, buy her out. One or two, and your sister will go, okay, I'll do that, or whatever. But you cannot sell a one half undivided interest it has no value because nobody else wants to be partners with these crazy people either no i don't no i don't i would give you ten thousand dollars to not make me a partner exactly well i would love to turn around and walk away i was married for 22 years

and actually walked away from about 350 000 dollars in assets and gave that to the ex-husband you know the other thing that could happen i guess is you could file the lawsuit or have the attorney let her know put her on notice that you're filing the suit you're not suing her you're asking for the judge to make a declaration. Declaration. She hasn't done anything wrong. You're just asking for the judge to declare that this partnership needs to be dissolved. Because I'm positive there are no partnership documents.

No. No, of course not. Absolutely none. Of course not. I was probably 15 or 16 when this all took place 40-plus years ago. As a minor, I knew nothing so and they did this with your sister's permission or they stole her identity no actually the sister uh was of age and she wanted them to be able to build a home so she went out and took this loan out yeah and had me as a co-signer on it as a 15 year old oh well that's not legal either. No, it's not. There's a lot of... 15-year-old co-signers?

You can't even buy cigarettes. No. I know. I know it. When you're 15 and you live in the... But you can get a mortgage in Illinois. Exactly. Not really.

No beer or cigarettes, but I'll give you a house. John, I mean, you see anything from the family standpoint? I don't think there's anything heels this house. No, nothing. Can you afford to walk away i can i can i know that the sad thing is i know it's not my parents wishes but yes i can and i am a walkaway person so your parents um they created a mess and it's you're not your obligation to fix the mess to to create a picture that's going to satisfy something that they you see what i'm saying you're going to be putting together puzzle

pieces on a puzzle and the picture keeps shifting on you if you have the energy i might you know spiritually it's okay to just say i'm going to rise above this toss them the keys okay there's something freeing about just doing that and noble about doing that um from a just a legal strategy standpoint uh you could just file the thing without going to a huge amount of expense if you want to drop i don't know five thousand dollar retainer with a good lawyer and see if that doesn't bring her to the table okay because when she discovers what this is actually going to do, it's going to force the sale of the real estate that is next door to her.

She may come up and go, okay, if you'll make me a deal, I'll buy you out. And I would sell it to her for 50% of what it's worth. Yeah. But that way you get 75 grand out of it or something instead of nothing. Yeah. If you want to put a bluff on the table, that's the way to put it. But I honestly would not play it all the way through and force the auction

and the drama of the auctioneer if you win everybody loses there's no winning this deal I wouldn't go through all that but I might make her think I'm going to see if she could come to the table see if we can give her a little redneck wake up call

this is the Ramsey Show I'm in for that. See if she could come to the table. See if we can give her a little redneck wake-up call. This is The Ramsey Show. August, get this, John. August is National Make-A-Will Month. Because August just didn't have much to do. What else are we going to do? Yeah, it's actually a thing. I make fun of you all. I believe in having a will, but I make a will month.

Yeah, okay. All right. Well, whatever. It gives me an excuse to talk about you need a will i think here's what it is it's the end of the summer and parents are thinking i'm gonna kill my children i'm gonna kill somebody if the kids don't go back to school i'm gonna kill one of them so let's make a will that's right that makes you think about death yes uh listen you do need to get your will done estate planning covers all the documents all the plans all the conversations and actually i'm doing the ramsey estate plan annual meeting next week the i call

it the monty python meeting where we discuss dave's death i'm not dead yet i'm really not dead yet i'm feeling much better it's just a flesh wound but yeah it's uh yeah that and so it's a weird meeting where we sit and talk about my death with me there and so i wish you a video of that dave dies this year what are we going to do with this what are we going to do with that and um so forth if you live stream that it could be our most successful live stream we could live stream it rachel's gonna have all the pictures of all the tests i gotta tell you truthfully as exciting as it sounds, it's not. But you do it because it's called diligence. And you don't have to be an eccentric millionaire or some crazy guy like me or have to have some kind of offshore account.

I don't have any offshore accounts to have an estate plan. You need an estate plan. Everyone needs a will if you're 18 years old. Go to RamseySolutions.com slash estate guide and get our free estate planning guide. It will allow you to ask all the hard questions, and then you can have all the nervous laughter and funny jokes like we do around it. But still, you've got to deal with the issue. Don't die without a will.

Don't die without an estate plan. Don't die without life insurance. Your family is counting on you to instruct what your will is what you what you desire that's your will what your will is what you desire upon your death your last desire your last will and testament and you testify to your desires that's what the last will and testament is and uh there's nothing spooky about it and no you don't you're not more likely to die if you get a will you're gonna die it's just a matter of when nobody gets out of this life jesus and elijah that's it nobody else gets everybody else everybody

else has to die so crossfitters will hang in there a little bit longer than most though yeah hang in there longer but they're not not going to make it either. They're going to die to you. Ultimately, that exercise will kill you. That's right. But we've got cross figures in the lobby, so John's poking at them. That's just in case you didn't know. But anyway, RamseySolutions.com slash estate guide. It is a free estate planning guide. Jump over there and get her done.

Get her done. Stephen's with us in Twin Falls, Idaho. Hi, Stephen. How are you? Hey, good, steven how are you hey good babe how are you and john doing better than we deserve what's up awesome uh funny thought of crossfit kills you in the end we might as well just eat cookies and reeses huh thank you i've been saying that this is this is john's theory and gummy bears thank Thank you. John is a gummy bear addict. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is John, and I like gummy bears. I have a problem. What's up, man? Right on, right on. Well, yeah, I got a quick question about a pay structure that my boss is proposing to me. It's a little bit different. I've never heard of it. I wanted your guys' opinion on if it sounds normal and if you think it'd be a good deal or not.

He's looking to make me the CEO of the company. So I would get a base salary, which is a livable wage in Idaho, would be the base salary, plus a bonus off the profit at the end of the year. The issue I'm having is the bonus. He's proposing to pay out the bonus and three equal payments over three years. If that makes sense or do I need to kind of explain that? No, I understand it. Why the delay if the company is profitable? Why can't he pay you?

Because he wants to keep me long term. And the other caveat to it is if I ever leave the company, I forfeit any unpaid bonuses. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. He, I have, this is a small business. How many million-dollar gross reps? Well, it's our first year open open we haven't hit a million yet we're at about 500k right now but what are you looking to grow a million probably

in the first year what kind of business it's um pay it it's pet waste removal okay and your uh your uh your living wage will be how much? Starting at $65,000. And what do you think the, and how many employees are there, three, five? We got five. Yeah. Okay. And you think your profit is going to be $100,000?

This year it is. Yeah. And so you get $30,000 a year over three years yeah essentially yeah okay um we coach small businesses under the entree leadership umbrella we'll have 700 of them here in nashville next month and i'll be teaching them for three days on running the business and on hiring and firing and comp structures and a lot of month and I'll be teaching them for three days on running the business and on hiring and firing and comp structures and a lot of things and I'll be teaching them based and a lot of our other leaders will be involved in the teaching based on what we've learned over the 30 years of running this business it started as a card table in my living room and now has 1200

team members we'll do about 300 million top line So we've made a lot of mistakes over the years. What I hear your boss trying to do is give you great value. He wants to honor you and give you value. I've been in that situation where I have a good team member and I want them to know I love them. I want them to stay. But he's trying to create a thing where money is the only thing that keeps you around and if i were coaching him i would say he doesn't want that you don't want someone that is just staying because of money it's called golden handcuffs and when someone stays just for the money, that means their spirit left the building

and their body's still there collecting a check. He doesn't want that. What he's trying to do is a good thing, and I've tried to do wacky comp things as well, but they don't work when it's time for someone to leave. It's time for them to leave. And you cry if you love them, and it breaks your heart. And it's happened to me. I've shed tears this month over folks leaving our company

that have been with us a decade or for 20 years or for whatever. But I'm really glad I'm not holding them artificially against their will just so they get a check. You see how that's not good for him? Follow me? Yeah, I mean, I can see it. What I would propose to him is instead that once a quarter, he gives you a percentage of the profits as a bonus. Once a quarter.

We figure out what we made this quarter. We add it up, and he gives you it. That's what I would tell him. I would tell him to build his comp structure. It's a much more open hand, and you might leave someday, but you won't leave your body there and take your spirit and go somewhere else. You'll take your body and leave, and you won't be collecting checks from him anymore,

and he'll have that open payroll to do something else with at that point. This is a small startup business. He's scratching and clawing, and if I were in your shoes, I would just say I'm willing for the first two years or three years to take less percentage of profit. And, you know, we'll escalate it up to a greater percentage later. Like year one, I make this percentage. Year two, I make this percentage.

Year three, I make this percentage. And we pay it out quarterly. But I want less money. But I don't want you to think that you're going to hold me here with money. Because money won't keep me here. Good people and opportunity. Work that matters. A quality organization.

A leader with integrity. These are the things that will keep me here. Until God tells me to go somewhere else. And then I'll go somewhere else. And that might happen someday. So I don't try to artificially hold people with money. Doesn't work. If you do hold them against their will with money, you'll wish you didn't.

This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, is my co-host today as we answer your questions about your life and your money. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Debt Free Stage in person, Eric and Reba are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hey, doing great. Welcome. Where are you all from? Syracuse, New York area.

Oh, cool. Welcome to Nashville. Thank you. And how much debt did you all from? Syracuse, New York area. Oh, cool. Welcome to Nashville. Thank you. And how much debt did you pay off? We paid off $186,000 in 43 months. Oh, yeah. Way to go. And your range of income during that time?

Oh, started around 75 and finished around 180. Cool. Nice jump. So what do you guys do for a living? I'm a risk control consultant for an insurance company. I'm a mechanical design engineer for an automation company. Okay. So how did your income almost triple?

Well, when we started the plan, it was right after I had a contract with a previous employer that had ended. So it was just her income. Oh. And shortly after that, I got my next full-time job after the contract work, and we were on from there. Go to work, Eric. Exactly. Come on, Eric. You get a job.

Exactly. Excellent. Welcome. Good, guys. What kind of debt was the $186,000? A little bit of everything. The biggest was student loans. We had medical bills, car loan, credit card.

So pretty normal. Very cool. How long have y'all been married? Five years. Okay. So it wasn't long after marriage, 43 months ago, someone walked in and said, something's got to change. What happened?

Yeah. So we were down in North Carolina, and then we decided to move back to New York to be closer to family. And probably six months after that is when my contract had ended. And a month before that, we had put an offer in and basically bought a house. And then my contract ended between signing the papers and closing and moving to that. And we were blowing through our equity. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. We made decent money on our our house in in the charlotte area when we moved and um looked at that point and that that wasn't really there anymore and we didn't really know where it went so we had to uh had to change some stuff and uh get connected to the ramsey way so i'm a risk control consultant like i said so i drive a a lot for work and music sometimes gets boring. So I hit scan and I honestly think I was looking for like Rush or something like that. Just talk radio and came across you one day. I don't know what stuck, but. Well, we're no Rush, but there you go.

I don't know what stuck, but I was at a point because the bulk of my student loans or the bulk of the student loans was mine. And we weren't together financially outside of paying bills and paying for our rent at the time. So I was stuck with my huge student loan on top of sharing the other financial side of things. So I think I was just like, hey, I can't do this by myself myself so i don't know we had a conversation a few hard conversations yeah yeah definitely yeah um and that kind of kick-started things um i'd had surgery so we got a big bill for that and a lot of scary things kind of yeah it was uh the house deal messed up, the contract ends and... No, no, we were okay with that. And that's now our only debt. So we're going to be working on that here pretty soon.

I'm excited to get into that stuff. But yeah, it was a long 43 months with a lot of different stuff happening. We had found out we were pregnant shortly after the, you know, I got my job and found out we were pregnant shortly after that. And then a few weeks after that, we got a fatal fetal diagnosis with that and had a lot of, I guess, not really a lot of decisions to make. And we're really looking for control of the situation and we didn't have that control. And, uh, I think that was another driving factor to get, to get into the plan is to be able to have control of our finances. If we couldn't control some of the other stuff that was happening in,

in our life. So had that, and we had, uh, another baby, uh, two years after that. Um, and, uh, right between those two, we totaled our car that we'd paid off like three months before that. So this has really not been a fun journey. It's been a journey for sure. Yeah. Up and down for sure.

Our heads are falling off. Yeah, exactly. It's just happening. Yeah. So, yeah. So how do you guys stay together during all that? Because every one of those things you just mentioned i sit with people whose relationship has ended they've gone sideways and things and y'all chose to stay on a path together towards a new picture

somewhere yep and i and i kind of saw the little exchange there i mean maybe if you're listening on the radio you didn't see it but there was a moment where you almost killed each other. There's a couple of those. Yeah, yeah. It was hard for sure. I mean, I've told people if we hadn't followed this plan, I don't think, I mean, maybe we'd still be together today, but not in the condition that we're in, certainly, because it gave us a common goal. It gave us something to work towards.

It gave us something to think about other than the situation. And, and, um, we had carried that baby, you know, all the way as long as we could. Um, and, um, so with that became the medical bills and everything on top of it, but we weren't, we weren't stressed about it cause we had better control of everything. Yeah. Not, not about the finances at least. So yeah, it was, um, yeah, I think part of it was when we started the plan and then like she said, a lot of the student loan debt was, was hers. Um, and I was, you know, I refusing to, to believe it was ours. Um, and that was a, that was a big step and kind of had to, had to get that out of my system of, you know, I didn't sign up for that student debt, but

you know, I don't want to take a step back in lifestyle or sacrifice for that. So I just kind of had to get over that and find some maturity there and get into that. Our little Eric grew up. Yeah, exactly. He's going to be an all-the-way husband. Slow and steady, slow and steady. So, hey, what's something you're excited about? Like, this has been a hellacious journey, let's be honest.

It's been tough. But the future's got to be bright. Yeah, you've made it through this tunnel, man, full of alligators and snakes and all kinds of things. What are you going to do? What's something great that's on the horizon now? I'm going to shop. Yes. Straight up.

Straight up. I'm going shopping. Yeah. She is an emotional spender too so it's been a a tug a tug of war for sure on on some of that stuff and uh you know it hasn't always been easy at all and you know we've fallen off and um you know done what done what we can to get back on and keep keep pushing through what are you gonna do man um i think i'm gonna start buying buying car parts again i've uh i've got a 69 chevelle that I haven't bought any parts for for a while.

It's just put gas in it, which is another story right now. But get that thing going and maybe find some. So just so when you go back and watch this again, which you will, you're that guy. When you go back and watch this, your whole cadence picked up. You smiled a little bit more. You started bouncing on your feet. Get some car parts. Put in your budget and Get some car parts.

Would you? Put in your budget and get some car parts. I can feel it coming at you, man. Set it to the side, and we're going to get back into it for sure. I love it, man. I think he's an emotional spender. I know he is. You might have me there.

But it's for an investment, Dave, so it's different. It's good. It's a 60. What did you say? 69. 69. Oh, God. That's a wonderful. What did you say? 69. 69. Oh, God. That's a wonderful car.

Oh, man. Congratulations, y'all. Thank you. I'm proud of you. You have come through so much, and it has reformed you. Yeah. Transformed you. For sure.

And you have transformed to get through it as well. So you're in a completely different place that you never would have been in had you not gone through the hard parts of this journey and gone through the journey overall yep it's uh it's impressive just sitting here talking to you we can see the body language shift we can see you guys we can feel it off of you how how how much hustle grind and how much struggle it's been yeah and there's been a lot of grief that went with it and everything else and it's good to have all that in the rearview mirror yeah absolutely as far as it can be anyway and uh at least the money piece yeah and got rid of that stupid student loan yes absolutely kept the girl got rid of the student loan so that's the good that's the good choice yeah i love growing up eric yeah me too well done y'all hey let's bring the kiddos in what are their names and ages

and we've got a copy of baby steps million Hey, let's bring the kiddos in. What are their names and ages? And we've got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you. That's the next chapter in your story. This is Della. She's going to be six soon, but she's five right now. This is Maverick, and he just turned one a few days ago. Go, Maverick. All right. And we've got a one-year membership to Financial Peace University.

Count it down, guys. All right. $186,000 paid off in 43 months. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Oh, man. Cute kids.

Wow, that's fun. Man, journeys are tough, but they're worth it. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Our scripture of the day, James 1, 12. Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. Victor Frankl said, But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man

had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer. Open phones this hour, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. Brendan is in Madrid, Spain, no less. Hi, Brendan. How are you? I'm doing well.

It's an honor to talk with you and John. You too, sir. How can we help? So life's moving a million miles a minute for me recently. I just got married a few months ago. We bought a house. And then as you pointed out, we're currently on what I would call an extended honeymoon. And that's given us a chance to kind of slow down.

We were going through financial peace together. We're flying through the baby steps. Like I said, we just purchased that house. and it meets all the rules of the baby steps. But our goal right now is to pay that off in five years. So at a five-year amortization, that would be about $7,500 a month. But my income is really inconsistent because I'm self-employed. So my question to you is, how can we enjoy the hard work that we're, you know, putting into our work right now, but still be, you know, be intentional, you know, to set those lofty long-term financial goals for ourselves? What does enjoy mean? Well, honestly, right now with the new house,

you know, there's a lot that comes with that. I guess the couch comes to mind. Again, we're both pretty young, so we kind of have nothing. Lawmower, we'll need a second car, you know, that kind of stuff. And we're trying to figure out how much can we spend on these. Yes, we can go spend X, Y, and Z, but we're really focused on this five-year goal, and we don't know, okay, should we put more money towards that above our existing lofty goal, or is it okay to go get a nicer car? And then you say it's changed from uh gazelle intensity to intentional so we're having trouble walking that line

not buying a couch couch and sitting on the floor would be gazelle intense that is not intentional yes not buying a second car that is a reasonable used car that you pay cash for would be intense, not intentional. You need to be intentional and do those things within reason. That is baby steps four, five, and six. Baby steps one, two, three, which you talked about, are different. That's intense. You don't go on vacation in Madrid, Spain there. But you do go on vacation in Madrid, Spain for an extended honeymoon

when you're on four, five, and six as a part of your overall deal. What is your income going to be next year or this year? This year, since I'm focusing on full-time, it'll probably be just over $300,000. What do you think it'll be the following year? Well, last year it was $200,000, so I guess at this growth it would be a little over $400,000 hopefully. Okay, what do you think it'll be the following year? Well, last year it was $200,000, so I guess at this growth it would be a little over $400,000 hopefully. Okay. What do you do? What kind of a business? It was actually just a side hustle I started in college a few years ago,

but basically I review bank accounts, budgeting apps, and just help people find the best financial tools. Okay. All right. Good for you. That's wonderful. Okay. I hope you make 400.

So what I would do is, um, uh, set your household budget, not counting couches and cars and extra payments on the mortgage, just your household budget to pay the minimum payment and live. What does that take? And I'll just just just make up a number for right now okay and have a reasonable life and go out to eat occasionally and you know have a reasonable vacation every so often and so let's just make up a number let's call that a hundred okay and so every month you know you've got the bills paid for 100 and you pretty much are going to make that money every single month even if you have a down month agreed agreed okay and then what i would do is say beyond that i'm just going to make a list of where the money's going to go

in order of priority so everything above 100 i make this month's going to go in order of priority. So everything above 100 I make this month is going to go to the list. And the list is a list of prioritized spending and saving on other things. Okay. So, you know, part of the list is you need to be putting your 15% aside for retirement. And that part of your list is increased giving as your income increases. And those need to be near the top, if not the top two, above your living. Okay? Then you would put the couch on the list, and you would put the car on the list. And then you would say, everything above that that i'm going to throw at the mortgage

and so if you had a 35 000 month you set aside 8 300 for your hundred thousand dollar budget and you walk down the list with the rest of that 35 000 minus 8300. You follow me? Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. And so that month you might put $15,000 on the mortgage. Another month you might make $12,000. And you don't get to extra on the mortgage because the stuff at the top of the list eats it up, the surplus above $100 before then. Just run your little formula like that with a prioritized plan and go down the prioritized list on everything over everything over basic living expenses and call

that 100 it may be 100 it might be 80 when you look at it it might be 110 i don't care but it's not 200 and it's not 40 yeah all right, and here's the second thing I want you to talk about your marriage, okay? When you say the word enjoy, that's a feeling. And one of the things that run into newlyweds is they expect this thing to feel a certain way now that they're married, okay?

I expect it to feel just madly, wildly in love all the time. Sometimes you just got to, like, sometimes your stomach hurts, man, and you got gas. Sometimes you just got to mow the yard. Sometimes someone's got to do the dishes, right? So I don't want you to default to this word enjoyment because that's going to be a target that moves on you. I want you and your wife to sit down together probably once a month for the first year. Let's do it for the first year, right? Where are we? What needs do we have for this month? Let's check in with one another and truly listen to one another. And what we're doing is we're practicing a new

communication style as we move forward. Most young couples imagine their life moving forward and their spouse is just going to move into their life. And she's imagining the same thing too. And then the energy expenditure is you dragging each other back and forth between, I thought she was going to sit down and watch football with me. I thought he was going to always want to help make dinner and whatever the things are, right? So once a month, check in with one another and let's balance as we go. I thought I was going to pay pay 7,500 a month on the mortgage and this chick wants a couch ridiculous hey you married terrible she should have been

able to i think we can i think we can both agree on that i'm kidding with you but you buy a couch for crying but the but the point is that kind of that check-in goes with building this list right because as you lay those things out you are defining what you want your money to do together yes and now we're not trying to make the money do something it's not designed to do it's not going to give you joy the uh joy will be there and uh it will give you traction towards some of your goals and there's a sense of fulfillment in that uh but that's different than joy right i feel like when i'm paying your house off the joy is the joy of buying a used car is about 10 minutes long right yes but the the joy of not having any payments right being free yeah that's underneath the money part yeah and he's he's driving at that to get the mortgage paid

off and we're both agreed on that we're both heading that way so it's a fun thing it's a great exercise so sharon and i after 40 years one of the reasons we have an outstanding marriage is um we spend almost as much time planning our time nowadays as we do our money and we don't make any big decisions without the other one involved in either yeah she doesn't come in and go i'm gonna be gone a week right now and i don't do that to her either right so um so our calendar um and we sit down and do calendars so she keeps one of those old calendars from walgreens yep the two two oh sheila's got a month at a glance yep month at a glance it's a 75 year old product they still writing hers. Month at a Glance. Yep. Month at a Glance. It's a 75-year-old product. They still make it.

Of all the weightlifting I do, Dave, all the workouts. And mine's on the computer, by God, because I'm a high-tech dude. I'm just saying. The most romantic thing I offer my wife is 45 minutes of calendar time each week. There you go. No more exercising for me. You're a regular Romeo. I am Romeo.

That's right. I'm just saying. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. Thanks, John and James and Drew and Zach and Will and Austin in the booth. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

Dave here. You can find all of our shows with the ramsey network app on your smartphone it's the only place to listen to the entire back catalog of episodes download the ramsey network app in your favorite app store today