The Ramsey Show - App - Colleges Are Selling Their Kids Out for Sponsorship Deals (Hour 3)

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony discuss: Taking out a personal loan to pay off debt, Getting traction in baby steps 4-6, Colleges selling out to sports betting companies, Pausing the baby steps after a personal loss. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

МУЗЫКАЛЬНАЯ ЗАСТАВКА Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving, and storage studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. We help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Michelle is with us in Bend, oregon starting off this hour hi michelle how are you i'm great thanks how are you guys better than we deserve what's up

so i was just curious um i was thinking about my husband and i were talking about refinancing our vehicle and then taking a personal loan so we can consolidate our credit cards. And I just want to know what your thought would be on that. It would be like almost half the interest that it was when I first got the car two years ago. And then obviously the interest on the personal loan is way less than the credit cards. So it makes sense to me that I wanted your opinion. What's the balance? On the cars, $12,500.

And the credit cards? About $19,000. Okay. And what's your interest rate on your car? Currently, I think it's at 9%. No, it's 7. Yeah, I want to say it's between seven and nine i i'm not certain i and and the new rate if you refinance would be what uh i have a quote from uh

credit karma for like 4.15 okay i doubt that's going to happen in this current environment. Zero percent chance. Yeah. So they're just trying to sneak you in with all we can. I think you're about to get bait and switch. That's way below market rates. Okay, but let's say you saved 4% on, give or take, on, say, $10,000.

That's $400. Mm-hmm. Okay. What's your household income? About $75,000 after taxes. And the interest rate on your credit cards average on that $20,000 balance is what? I want to say probably like 24%, something like that. Probably closer to 20%.

Yeah. Probably got some at 18%. But, yeah, that's probably about right. And then the interest rate on the offered refinance on that is how much? 9.63 or something like that. All right. So 10% savings, let's call it, for round numbers on $20,000 is $2,000. Okay.

So you have $30,000 in debt, and this move saves to $2,000. Okay. So you have $30,000 in debt, and this move saves you $2,400 a year. A year, right. You do not have a $2,400 problem. You have a $30,000 problem. Right. I understand that. Yeah.

But what my thought was is that, so I've been listening to your program for a couple months and um i've convinced my husband he does the bills and i've convinced him to stop putting little extras here on every single one focus on the smallest pay it off we've paid off two cards um we've got the thousand dollars in the savings good you're making progress i'm trying yeah and i'm trying and I want to hurry that. It's kind of hard because he doesn't see it the same way I do. So I'm like, $24 a year, though.

Here's the point. Here's the point. If you save 10% on this, which is approximately what you're saving, round numbers, you have addressed 10% of the problem. You still have 90% of the problem to address. So if you want to do it, that's fine. But it's laughable that you think you did something. Well, because if you say that 2400,

you didn't hear me. You're not listening. I just said 90% of the problem is still not addressed. Got it. You addressed 10% of the problem. This is the problem with debt consolidation. Because debt consolidation intellectually, psychologically triggers your brain and makes you think you did something. And you did do something, but it's only 10 you still

have 90 of the problem and so we have to address this on a higher plane at a different level with a different approach and if you want to do it that's fine but i want you guys uh working extra jobs not seeing this out of a restaurant unless you work there i want you saying no more vacations and we're on a written budget, and we're working together, and we're paying off these debts smallest to largest, and we sold so much stuff the kids think they're next. Okay. And when you get there, now you're addressing the 90%.

If you also want to do the other, that's fine. But when people do what you're describing to me, they don't do the other, and 88% of the time they end up with more debt then that's what i don't want yeah so that's kind of where i'm at i like you know just keep hammering away at the credit card so what i would tell you is this you got thirty thousand dollars worth of debt if you can pay off ten to fifteen thousand dollars by june first without doing this then if you want to refinance the balance of it at that point, because you've proven to yourself you're willing to address the real problem, which is you, you are the real

problem. Your husband is the real problem. Then you can do this. But I'm afraid that you're going to activate a part of your brain. Here's how you know, okay? The Bible says, in the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So, what we think comes out of our mouth if we're not real careful okay including on this show so here's what you said you said i'm gonna pay off my debt you're no you're not you're gonna move you're gonna rearrange you're gonna move borrowing it

yeah you're borrowing to lower interest which when you i know but my point is your heart is feeling like you did something, like I paid it off. You didn't pay it off. You just moved it around a little bit. Well, and I know that, and that's part of the thing. So one of the credit cards that we currently owe on, basically he's not paying anything on it. So that was going to kind of cover that too because basically he pays $200 a month, but it's not taking anything off. Pay minimum payments on everything but your smallest debt. Attack your smallest debt with a vengeance.

Work extra. Sell stuff. Don't go out to eat. Don't go on vacation. Work extra. Sell stuff. Don't buy anything. And live on beans and rice, rice and beans,

where your friends think you've joined a cult and your mother-in-law thinks you need counseling and then what's going to happen is you can pay off 30,000 making 75,000 in about 18 months doing that and that's approximately two thousand dollars a month okay and you're a different person on the back end right i understand that it's getting him do you remember how old are you how old are you michelle i'm 54 do you remember back in the early 80s when a diet was tab and like a neutral light bar and a half of a grapefruit yes that's what you're trying to do right you're trying to shortcut and hack your way to this. Don't.

There's no hack. Don't. You're right. Getting him to do the whole thing. Because here's what happened. Interest rates did not put you guys $30,000 in debt. Your decisions did. Interest rates are not keeping you in debt.

Your decisions are. And so, again, I'm fine with you doing the refinance, the debt consolidation. It does make mathematical sense, but it addresses 10% of the issue. You've got to address the other 90% or you're not going to win. And I've done you a disservice unless I preach at you like this, because I love you and I want you to win. Thanks for calling. This is The Ramsey Show. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is our co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. Number one best-selling author of the book book Own Your Past, Change Your Future.

He is featured on this week's Jordan Peterson podcast. If you want to watch a long form on YouTube or listen to it, check it out. It just came out today, I believe. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Randy's with us. Randy is in Cedar Rapids. Hi, Randy. Welcome to The Ramsey Show.

Hey, guys. I y'all taking my call sure what's up hey so i've been following y'all's program for a while now and we've gotten to the point where i'm in uh baby steps four five and six and i'm just not really feeling traction and so my question for you guys is uh is there is there something i'm missing i don't want to be just reactive to things but proactive in some of this um so we have what do you mean you're not feeling traction like it's been a couple years and like life keeps hitting us so like for example we had uh what's called a derecho which is basically an online hurricane of sustained winds of 180 miles an hour or so.

Some stuff on an old house that insurance wouldn't cover that we had to prepare. We had two babies in the midst of this journey as well, so saved up for those and paid cash for all those things. We now have paid cash for both of our reliable cars now that we've upgraded. How old are you? We've been investing 27, sir 27 sir wow you're killing it dude this is called life and you're winning it yeah i mean i missed the part where you're not getting traction what are you talking about he's paid for storm repairs i mean you you're you're rocking this we just we've been investing

you know 15 20 percent now now for a couple of years. Your house paid for? Not quite. Then you should not be doing the 15%. We have five years left on our house. Yeah, you should be doing 15% at Baby Step 4 onto your house. No more, not 20%. Gotcha.

And so you're going to have a paid-off house when you're 32. You know who would trade places with you? Everybody. A couple hundred million Americans. Yeah. In all honesty, let me tell you what I think it is. You thought it would feel differently. And everyone I've ever sat down with,

whether they are multi, multi, multi-millionaire or they're a pro athlete, they thought that there would be this resolution that suddenly dad would text out of the blue and be like, hey, I've never called you and told you I'm really proud of you. I want you to know I'm proud of you. That call's never coming, right?

Or that I was just going to wake up and suddenly like i'm a good looking guy i feel great that that that that resolution never comes and so then you're in a like you're in a position brother where you're gonna start doing dumb stuff if you continue to chase feelings instead of just stay in the path stay in the path stay in the path because you're gonna start seeking feeling. Does that make sense? Yes, sir.

And people rarely cheat on their spouse because of their spouse. They cheat on their spouse because it makes them feel alive again. They rarely go buy a new sports car because it's a great purchase, but it makes them feel alive for five seconds. And you're in danger of going down that road if you deviate from the path. That's why the path is so important, man, because it gives us something to lean on when we quote unquote don't feel right that's why i map out my workout programs because i don't i don't feel like it in the morning right but i've already got it written out man stay on the path stay on the path

from two old guys way older than you bro you are doing great so good man stay on the path you're doing how often have you heard that over the years oh it happens all the time yeah when you get to baby step four it just slows down that's it changes the adrenaline changes from intensity to life that is great to intentional and intentional is not nearly as exciting as intensity yeah and so intentional is a marathon intensity is a sprint a sprint. It changes everything. So good call. Good call, Randy.

Thank you. When I started on the show here 30 years ago, and for the first two decades after that, one of the big pariahs on the college campus was they were getting college kids in credit card debt, credit card people walking up and down the campus handing out free T-shirts and free pizzas and getting people in debt. Most of the states and

college institutions have run the credit card people off the campus. They're somewhere within a block away doing that stuff, but they're not physically on the campus anymore. But we've decided to replace that with stupidity on steroids. Hey, this is way worse.

This is way worse. This activates a whole bunch of other stuff. It's cray-cray. This is unbelievable to me. New York Times reporting how colleges and sports betting companies have Caesarized campus life. In order to reap millions of dollars in fees, universities are partnering with betting companies to introduce their students and sports fans to online gambling. They sold their students out. In September 2021, an official at Michigan State University's Athletic Department sent an email to his boss with exciting news.

An online betting company was willing to pay handsomely for the right to promote gambling at the university. Allen, if we're willing to take an aggressive position, we have a million-dollar-a-year deal on the table with Caesars, Paul Shager wrote to Alan Haller, the university's athletic director. In the end, the company proposed a deal worth $8.4 million over five years. Other schools, too, have struck deals to bring betting to campus. After Louisiana State University signed a similar deal in 2021 with Caesars, the university sent an email encouraging recipients, including some students who were under 21 and couldn't legally gamble, to place your first bet and earn your first bonus.

So far, at least eight universities have become partners with online sports betting companies or sports books, many in the last year with more expected. The partnership raises questions, however, about whether promoting gambling on campus, especially to people who are at an age when they are vulnerable to develop. And they're broke! And they're under your care! You freaking idiots! Unbelievable. Dude, like, Dave, I guess it's hard for me to catch my breath on this. This is the first time I'm reading through this.

This is insane. To my colleagues at universities across the country you should be ashamed of yourself yes and for those of you who've walked away from this good for you for having some shred of decency this is god almighty dude the number of gambling addicts and all this causes so much madness downstream for a couple of short-term bucks on the front end it's disgusting selling out your own students that you're supposed to be selling out god almighty dude you really ought to have your butts kicked up around your neck and be wearing them like a collar this is unbelievable this is un-freaking-believable lsu you ought to be ashamed

of yourself the partnership raised questions about whether promoting gambling on campus, especially to children, people who are vulnerable, fits the mission. I'll answer it. No, it doesn't. There's not a question about it. This guy says it just feels gross and tacky for a university to be encouraging people to engage in behavior this addictive and very harmful, said Robert Mann, an LSU journalism professor.

Thank you for standing up to your own university. Wow. Unbelievable. My university years ago, I took them to task, University of Tennessee, on the air because they sold out to a credit card company. Sold everybody's list, all the alumni, all the students, and big-time check. Got a big-time check to sign everybody up for the UT credit card. Yeah.

Like I need a Smokey in my plastic. Well, hey. Piss me off, man. I've struggled for years. That cost them a little bit of a donation or two. I've struggled for years with colleges who saddle up to alcohol companies when the students, when alcohol is so destructive across a college campus and i've been all over the country having these conversations with um campus life leaders and college presidents

everybody this is i think worse let me just tell you here's the here's the numbers the number one addiction in north america today is not drugs it's not alcohol it's online porn that's right by far online porn generates more revenue than all professional sporting put together the number two addiction in north america today and fastest growing addiction in north america today gambling online gambling and it's saddled in it starts with the sports betting as a gateway drug and um. And if you want to do it and you're 50 years old and you've got $10,000 just to piss away, that's fine. We'll just call you stupid. But when you're serving up your students and they're supposed to be in your care and you're a university president or an athletic department at a university, you ought to be fired for incompetence. Immediately.

For endangering your students. You greedy SOBs. Unbelievable. Unconscionable. Unbelievable. Yeah, Caesar this. Oh my god. This is the Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author, host of the Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, is my co-host today.

In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Ross and Abby are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Doing great. Awesome. Pleasure to have you. Where do you guys live? West Plains, Missouri.

Now, where is West Plains? 100 miles east of Branson. 100 miles. I go to West Pl plains twice a year i've got man i got some friends who live there and they run a boys ranch there in town west stone yes look at that yeah west plains very cool neat well welcome how much debt have you guys paid off 70 200 all right and how long did that take you? 30 and a half months. 30 months. All right. And your range of income during that two and a half years?

It was $60,000 to $78,000. Excellent. What do you guys do for a living? I'm a pastor. And I work for a local state farm agent. Okay. Very good. And you are the numbers person, Abby.

We know this because he's been pointing to you every time we ask a question. She has it wrote down. He knows how nervous I am. Oh, okay. So you're not the numbers person? No, he is. You're not? Oh, okay.

He deals with the spirit. She deals with the math. No, he's dealing with them. She said he's the numbers guy. Okay, good. So what kind of debt was the $70,000? Well, about 10% of it would be a combination of a health bill, we'll say, and auto loan. 20% to 30% of that would have been a school loan, and the rest of it was our house.

Oh, you paid off your house! Woo! Look at it, weird people! How much is this house worth? About $150,000 to $160,000. 160 i love it and it's yours how old are you guys i'm 31 and he's 35 all right whoop whoop not even 40 and you have a paid for house y'all are so weird i love it way to go fun fun well tell us story. What got you guys fired up on this two and a half years ago? Well, originally, we found out about your program through my dad,

and we used to watch you on Fox Business when you had your show on there. Yeah, back in the day. And when we got married 11 years ago, they sent us through financial peace, and instead of the Dave plan, we was on the Ross and Abby plan for several years. But after we had our boy and then I was going through Bible college and about COVID, we decided, you know, let's take care of this and start acting how we should. So we started in on it. Well, January 1st, I guess, is before COVID. Okay. And then just in time for COVID. We're going to get out of debt just in time so what happened to your

incomes during covid i was able to work from home um so i didn't miss any work and i i preached online and they sent me a check every week i never checked so yeah all right that's good very good okay so we kept moving all the way through it yeah and uh pushed on through even in the middle of all that weirdness and um boy that it's it's strange god's timing that he wakes you up in january and then they shut the world down in march right yeah yeah it's one of them deals that just worked out and we was both kind of ready at the same time and she jumped on board and if i set out a plan she'll pretty well go with me whatever I want to. So it works out good.

Okay. So you drug out the old financial piece and blew the dust off of it and went again, huh? Yeah. Listened to several of your shows currently, get caught back up and everything, and read through a bunch of books. What was the biggest disagreement you all had? Sometimes I would cut our food budget back to like next month we're not going to spend any money on food just to see if we could and she said can we just

set it and stop changing it you know i know you're excited but uh that's probably the biggest one so yeah we had the we had the uh argument over the grocery budget one time to the point that sharon's so mad she's like well then you go to the store stupid and buy all of our food for 11 since you think you can do it better have at it bubba so Ross that was a good answer that's a good answer from you Abby what was your biggest disagreement probably when he would change the budget okay I've gotten used to a certain number and then he'd go and change it I'd have to get used to a new one. Yeah. And then you said, I'm not getting used to this one.

You're going to change it back. And then he did. Yep. Smart man. Good, good, good. Way to go, you guys. How's it feel to not have a payment in the world? Feels pretty awesome.

We actually had some, our transmission went out in our van last week. Of course. And kind of freaked out about it, but we had our emergency fund, so we had the money to do it. But, you know, fight or flight at that time. But you didn't really want to let it go. But we decided to go ahead and fix it. We don't like walking.

Yeah, walking is a bit of a haul there. Very good, you guys. bit of a haul there. Yeah. Very good, you guys. Very good. Very cool. All right, what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Don't give up. Yeah.

Sorry, go ahead. Thank you. She says don't give up. I think back to when you did your 2020 reset. I believe it was in Oklahoma City. You said you'll get out of debt eventually if you'd start borrowing money and you know that's pretty simple and i'm kind of a simple guy and that really set home with me so i'd say stop borrowing money but uh that and of course budget as everybody always

says because it's always true yeah yeah way to go you guys guys. Very cool. Congratulations. Thank you. Think it'll change your preaching? Give me plenty of things to think about and preach on. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah, just the sense of freedom. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes it just makes you more aware, more wise when you're looking over other people's pain because you've been through it. Seeing what people's going through and understanding. Yeah. Exactly. And sometimes it's compassion that you get from it. Yeah. Very good. I've got a friend of mine.

He says he doesn't trust a man that doesn't walk with a limp. So I haven't been through that stuff. And you've worked your way through this. That makes you aware. Very good. Good job, you guys. Great work. Great work.

Great work. I'm proud of you. Very good. Good job, you guys. Great work, great work, great work. I'm proud of you. Very good. Hey, we've got the Live and Give bundle for you. That is the total money makeover book for you to give away to someone. I'm sure you'll be counseling some young couple in church before you know it, since you're a young couple. And Baby Steps Millionaires, for you, that's the next chapter in your story.

We want you to learn how to do that and go ahead and plug that in the new version of financial peace university the membership to that is one year and yeah let's bring the kiddos up and introduce them give me their names and ages this is tate he's four and this is hazel she just turned one all right and she's a grandpa's girl i can tell she was sitting with her grandpa that's a good girl all right good stuff you guys good stuff you had good reasons to change what was your why why why was this so important stewardship we know we could do better and wasn't and we all need to yeah man if we can do better we should imagine god's resources for his glory. Yeah. Good stuff. Proud of y'all.

Well done. Well done. Ross and Abby, Tate and Hazel, West Plains, Missouri. $70,000 paid off in 30 months. House and everything, baby. Woo! They are free. I love it.

Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Ready? One, two, three. We're debt-free! Yeah! I love it! Man.

The places you can go, the money you can save, the money you can give to help others when you live in west plains missouri with a paid four house and a seventy thousand dollar household income as a pastor the things he's going to be able to do unbelievable yeah it's a that's a there's there's seasons when that's when that town like many small towns across america struggles and man being able to be a pastor that's free, wow. Yeah. Puts you in a whole different mindset.

It's way different than making $700,000 a year living in XYZ metropolitan area with debt up to your dadgum eyeballs and can't breathe. It's a whole different life, a whole different quality of life, a whole different quality of relationships, everything. And a pastor that has peace radiating from inside, they can walk into people's hurt and walk into people's pain, and they just exhale, right? Instead of bringing their chaos with them, he's going to be able to walk into situations,

she's going to be able to walk into situations. People are struggling, and they're going to feel that on them. It's incredible. Powerful. And changes a little kid's life. Change your family tree, man. Hey, little Tate, your dad's a hero. So is your mom.

Love it. This is The Ramsey Show. so Our scripture today, Ecclesiastes 4, 9, and 10. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can nine, and ten. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Dr. Henry Cloud says, There is a difference between solitude and isolation.

One is connected and one isn't. Solitude replenishes. Isolation diminishes. Ooh, that's good. Sounds like Dr. dr cloud it sounds exactly like dr cloud i love it good stuff hey we're heading into the holiday season where our brains are focused on buying presents thawing turkeys and all the christmas and new year's celebrations all of a sudden it's january and then we're behind on everything hey it doesn't have to be that way you can start the new year strong. Set yourself up to start the new year strong by joining us for Building Wealth Live

here in Nashville, January the 12th. This is a one-night event. It's going to help you kick off 2023 feeling confident about your finances, even in this crazy economy. Rachel Cruz, George Camel, Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney, and me join us as we walk you through a simple, proven plan to be on track and actually build wealth in the middle of all this economy craziness. Our building wealth events have been a huge hit.

We just wrapped up the sold-out fall season. It was incredible. Our January event will be here in the Ramsey headquarters. But we're also going to Indianapolis, Austin, Salt Lake City, and Anaheim here with dates in the spring. All of these are available at $39 seats. Seats are limited. Be sure and check them out. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash events. Ramseysolutions.com slash events. Neil is with us. Neil is in Chicago. Hi, Neil. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Hey, thanks for taking my call, guys. Sure. What's up? Hey, so I am in babysit two, and I just lost my dad a little bit over a week ago. When? When? 11 days ago. Oh, my gosh, Neil.

I'm sorry. What happened, Neil? We don't know. One day we were talking about bringing my fiance out to go visit him, and the next day he's on life support. Oh, man. I'm so sorry. Oh, man.

What was his name? His name was Carol. Carol. Man. How old was he? 67. I'm sorry man yeah it was um a good man lost too soon yeah absolutely so that brings you you're on baby step two you and your fiance were supposed to go out to see him

and 11 days ago you get the deal with this for the last 11 days. Yeah, and I've been working 40 to 80 hours a week for the past two years. I took out two student loans my first two years of college, but the last two years of college I worked full-time at multiple jobs and was able to cash flow my career, my degree. So I've just been super gazelle intense feeling a little you know burnt out but i think this is just pushing you over the edge um just trying to well i don't i don't know that's pushing you over the edge as much as yeah you you had intentionally so you'd cut your margin you got your knees kicked out from that's different than being pushed over this was just a wipeout man yeah um you should be feeling overwhelmed and you should

be feeling heartbroken and you should be unable to eat and unable to sleep because your old man just passed away right all those feelings are normal man um yeah you need to push pause on everything. On your baby steps. Okay. Do you have brothers and sisters? Yeah. Okay. What about your mom?

Yeah, she's still alive. Were they married? Yeah. Okay. Have you all had the funeral already? No. I'm going out to california to see them in in a couple days okay if you can stay a few days and have some conversations with your siblings and with your mom and you may have to have some direct conversations about what comes

next and whatnot but man push pause on the baby steps right now okay this is a season of grief it's going to be there for a while okay it would take normal people a little while to get over this and i assume you're normal yeah i've just been you know trying to stay positive and trying to work and well you're just trying to cope right now and drive your car yeah you know put some put some bologna on the bread and eat i mean it's just you're going through the motions you're still breathe just breathe in and out it hurts yeah i feel like if i just slow down i'm just gonna hurt more no no you're not you can't um you can't pour water out of a glass it's empty, and yours just got emptied.

Your glass got shattered. So give yourself a little grace. Breathe. If you're still talking like this in a year and a half, I'll probably have a problem with that. But you're not going to be that guy. Okay? But you need to take 30 to 60 days for sure and just breathe don't go buy something silly don't be going into debt or something like that but in terms of working intense and paying off debt and being

focused on all of that while you're going through one of life's most traumatic events no you take you take 30 to 60 off man here's something i want you to do um I want you to go to like a Walgreens or a Walmart or something like that and buy a couple of sheets of nice paper. And I want you to write your dad a letter and tell him that you miss him. And in that letter, you can also be upset with him, be mad at him, you shouldn't have left, I don't even know what happened. And then also tell him, be mad at him. He shouldn't have left. I don't even know what happened. And then also tell him about this fiance of yours,

about what's coming down the road. And that might be a letter that you share with your siblings when you get together in a couple of days for the funeral. It might be a letter you share at the funeral. It might be a letter you share with your mom. But it's going to be a way for your body to process this. In conflict resolution, there's always a saying, conflict deferred is conflict amplified. By not saying things you need to say, it just makes it worse down the road. The same thing applies to grief.

If you try to avoid, work really hard to try to avoid feeling how much this hurts, it's just going to turn into a cancer. And so the best thing to do is like Dave said, take 30, 60, 90 days, exhale. You got to keep working. You got to keep eating. You got to keep sleeping, but fully lean into how bad this hurts. Your dad died, man. Your dad died. And nobody who has a good relationship with their dad is upright in this position right now. Okay. You're right where you should be. I'm so sorry to hear that, man. Thank you. I'm going to send you a copy of John's book,

Own Your Past, Change Your Future. I do not want you to read it until after Christmas, okay? Okay. But after Christmas, it'll help you with the final stages of processing or the next stages of processing some of this. How old are you? 20, 23, just turned 23.

Yeah. So how long have you been in Chicago? For five years. Are you plugged into a good church there by chance? No, not really. Chicago. For five years. Are you plugged into a good church there by chance? No, not really, not. Okay. You got some good friends in your life?

Yeah. You need to make sure they know what's going on with you. Yeah, I have coworkers that know about it. They're picking up some slack. But not just text messages. You don't need to go, you need to say, hey, I need to get some pizza tonight. Who's in?

Yeah. And y'all go sit and look at other people in the face. And you're going to find, because you've been working real hard the last few days, when you sit down and you actually exhale and you start looking at other people and they look back at you, you're going to get hit waves with heavy emotion

and don't run from that, okay? It's part of being sad. It's part of the grieving process. Everybody does it different. Okay. I appreciate it. Don't hide from this and don't hide from other people, okay? Humans need humans, especially in times like this, brother.

You call here anytime we can help you, okay? That's right. Check back in. Let us know how you're doing. Let us know how your mom's doing. If we can help her with any of this process, we will. It's one of the mandates on us. And so you just let us know anything we need to do, man. Hang on. We'll have Austin pick up and get you a copy of that book. And, Dave, that's a good reminder. As people head into the holidays, there's going to be a swath of people who sit down for Thanksgiving and there's somebody missing at that table. Somebody's at Christmas. There's going to be fewer presents under that tree. And it's okay if this isn't just the joyous season for you, right? If it's a season of grief and a season of sadness, a season of remembrance, that's part of the human experience. Yep.

Doesn't have to be all plastic and facade. That's part of the human experience. Yep. Doesn't have to be all plastic and facade. That's right. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.