The Ramsey Show - App - Comparison Will Destroy Your Contentment (Hour 3)

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us, America. Co-hosting with me on today's show, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality. We're answering your questions about life and about money. You jump in and we'll talk. The phone number, 888-825-5225.

Tony is with us in Florida. Hi, Tony. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Good afternoon, Dave and John, and thanks for taking my call today. Our pleasure. How can we help? So my wife and I, we just received an inheritance from my grandfather's estate. We're in Baby Steps 456, and we're just discussing some ways on how to give, save, and spend some of the inheritance.

And we're wondering if you had some advice to give us on some wise ways to use this inheritance in our grandfather's memory. How much was the inheritance? It's about $30,000. Okay. And what are you thinking of doing with it? So we've talked a little bit about there are five other grandkids, and most of them are under 18, so they'll be thinking about going to college soon. So we thought about possibly gifting some to some family members. Although we do have a number of family members

that we're cautious about because of them not being good with finances. Oh, so this just got complex. So your grandfather passed away and left you money, but not the other grandkids? Yes, sir. Any reasons why? Yeah, I think probably had similar relationship issues with my mom and my aunt, I'm sure, along the ways. So I don't know if that played into it. Okay, if his last will, meaning what his will is, what does he want to occur?

That's my will. My will is against my will, right? If his last will is for you to have the money and not them, why would you give it to them? Because you feel guilty good good question it's something we've been talking about you know with with uh you know having uh younger sisters and and wanting to you know make sure that they have um you know some money to go to college and and um did he give it to you to steward it like as as kind of a off book executor or did he say no he wants you to have this money because you're the only one of us that's going to use it to you to steward it like as as kind of a off-book executor or did he say no we want

you to have this money because you're the only one of us that's going to use it wisely yeah it was uh he named he named me as a personal representative so um definitely wanted me to to manage it along the way so um not not specific on on giving to others, and obviously didn't have that conversation with anyone prior to his passing. How old are you? 34. Okay, and you're thinking about giving how much to the younger siblings? That's something we haven't figured out yet, but I was saying a few thousand apiece. And there's how many, five of them?

Five, yeah. So three apiece would be 15 grand, half the money, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, I think you would have to do it in such a way that it ensured that it was being used for something that your grandfather would be proud of. Because he left it to you for that reason. He did not leave it to them because he's afraid they would lose proud of because he left it to you for that reason he did not leave it to them because he's afraid they would lose control of it so you know it would sound something like this

if he if you thought he was proud if you're uh if one of these five went to college and they make the decision to go to college you say i'm going to hold back three thousand dollars for you if you decide to go to college to pay for your college, help you pay for your college. Because I think grandpa would be happy with that. If you want to, if you want to buy cocaine with it, I'm not going to give it to you because I don't think grandpa would be proud of that or anything in between. Whenever you breach the spectrum where the, where the, where the level tips, the scales tip, and Grandpa wouldn't be proud of whatever your decision,

I'm going to use that as my judge as to whether you get the money or not. But I've mainly got it here sitting. Whatever you want to use. You can say whatever you want. It's your deal, right? Right. And the challenge I'm going to have for you is you've got to hold your chin up and not carry around this $30,000, this last will

and gift as don't perceive it as a burden or it will become one. And don't spend excessive nights wrangling your hands over it. I think you and your wife know your sisters, know your granddad, and y'all make your decision and then you stick by it. There's a 100%

chance someone in your family, two, three, are not going to like what you come up with. Um, and they don't get a vote. Um, you're going to do it with integrity. Otherwise he wouldn't lift you the money. And you clearly are somebody who's handling their money. Well, the fact that you've mentioned that you've talked to your wife about it tells me you're different than, than many married men that I know. So, um, hold your head high and make the decision and then don't look back. Yeah, you do need to kind of set, you need to put this issue to bed by setting the principles or the guidelines aside by which you will give the money and whether or not you're going to share those

issues or guidelines with someone. In other words, you could sit down with the five of them and say, I've made the decision. Grandpa left me this money. My wife and I have talked about it. We're going to allocate $3,000 for each of you to pay for college, help you pay for college if you choose to go to college. If you do not choose to go to college, the money is not there for you. And that's our decision. And 100% of the time, what John said is true. Someone won't like that, but at least it's over. Because right now there's all this rustling in your mind, back and forth. Should I? Should I not? What am I supposed to do? Am I being selfish? Am I being generous? Am I buying something that Grandpa will be proud of?

Am I not? And just make some decisions, and the clarity that decision-making gives you will give you peace. The lack of decisions, the ambivalence, is where a lot of anxiety can come from in these things. So don't drag it out.

Make some decisions, pull the trigger, move on. And just, you know, for me, the paradigm is, is the decision wise? Is it helpful? Hopeful? Does it bring healing? And would Grandpa be proud of this? And if you use those kinds of things as your paradigm, then you go, and now I'm done making decisions.

And then we just start writing checks or setting the money aside to write checks some other day later on. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Well, we learned something during coronavirus. We learned you guys like free access to Financial Peace University. Almost 100,000 people in the last 60 days have taken the free 14-day trial to Financial Peace University membership. And that includes all nine lessons to Financial Peace University. It includes access to the EveryDollarPlus budgeting app, which is the one that hooks to your bank. And in this case, for free, the Baby Steps app, which the only way you can get that is inside of the Financial Peace membership.

And it tracks your progress as you go along. And believe me, you're going to want to track your progress. Huge correlation between behavior change and progress tracking. 100,000 people is a lot, Dave. It is. It's a lot of people that said no more. I'm ready to change. No more.

Never again. I don't want to face another problem in life like Corona and not be ready next time. I did that. I changed when I lost everything. I said, I'm not living like this anymore. Because problems are going to come. DaveRamsey.com slash FPU or DaveRamsey.com slash Hope. Either one will get you the 14-day free trial, free trial to Financial Peace University. Dr. John Deloney and Dave Ramsey here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, folks.

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for free plus these guys do business right They make their products and source their materials in the U.S. So show Dad you love him and get a GRIP6 belt. To get the Dave Ramsey special, visit GRIP6.com. Melissa is with us. Melissa's in Indiana. Hi, Melissa. Welcome to Dave Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you for having me on your show.

Sure. What's up? All right. We go to a church that's about 70 miles round trip to get to, and we go three times a week. My husband has done the calculation, and using my vehicle, it cost us about $1,150 a year to drive there. We're putting about 10,000 miles on my vehicle a year, and then there's also the wear and tear issue. We have both of our cars paid off. The only debt we have is our mortgage.

We finished babysit number three. We have our six months of expenses saved. What's your household? We've been going to this church about 125. Okay. Go ahead, I'm sorry. You've been going to this church? Oh, you're fine.

Yeah, we've been going there for almost 12 years. Everyone's like family there. There is a church, though, that's close by. It's about two miles away. We're just kind of thinking, trying to figure out, is it worth it to save a little extra money and not have the wear and tear on our vehicle or just stick with what we've been doing?

This does not sound like a math problem or a vehicle wear and tear problem. My wife and I, our family, and we were back in Texas. Our church is about 30 miles away, and we drove, and it was a long drive, and sometimes it wasn't. It was out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of a cotton field. And you drove past some perfectly good churches hundreds of them in texas yeah um and that was where our people was and that's where community rallied

around us and loved us and it was good and then there was uh got to be a time when that drive was long and we transitioned so i've been down that road um i think it's probably not a i think it's a hard conversation for you guys is one of you want to go and not and um the other one not want to yeah i mean we both i'm wanting to stay okay that's how it was in my house yeah one of us wanted to really stay and one of us wanted to go um this just doesn't sound like a a math problem or a wear and tear problem sounds like a um uh that's a long way to drive um that's an hour in the car three times a week but that's also your people and so i think it's it's a long way to drive. That's an hour in the car three times a week, but that's also your people. And so I think it's a different level of –

it's a different conversation you and your husband need to have. There's something about that community that's not being true. You said you've been there how long? Twelve years. Twelve years. Almost twelve, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Well, the amount of money in what you're describing as a ratio to your income is irrelevant if this is where you wanted to go to church. I wouldn't say, you need to stop going to church there. That's financially irresponsible. Nah, that does not come up on my radar with these numbers, okay? I mean, if you make $20,000 a year and you spend $1,100 a month to go to that church, we have to talk about it. But there's other issues there going on. So, you know, in this case, but it sounds like the the where leaving a church is because your relationships are there. For those of us that are church members that go to church regularly, we form our a large portion of our social circle there.

You, me, John. Right. and so we understand what you're talking about that this is you're not just not going to that particular building this is your circle of support your friends this is who shows up at the hospital if you call and say my husband just had a car wreck there are these people these are the people that um that you do life with and um that that's what we're discussing here and that's what's hard to change when you change churches. There's also something to be said for the importance of the word local. There's something in Nashville. I mean, you're talking about different universes,

30 miles and 30-mile sections away from the city. And so there's something to be said for getting involved locally and dealing with issues that are 10 miles radius around your house. Because this is a painful decision, it feels like it is absolute. And I'll give you a suggestion. It might not work, but if you've got a place that you're looking at locally, just start halftiming at both of them.

Jesus is at both of them. It's okay. And so Sharon and I actually split time between two churches here, and they're five miles apart, but we go to each one for different reasons. Both the pastors are very close friends in both cases. And if I went to every single church that I'm close with, the pastor around here, I'd go to 20 different ones. But that's not the point. But we're just plugged in. We had people groups in both places and we get different things from both experiences and give different things to both experiences.

And I'm gone a lot. And so, you know, she chooses what she wants to do when I'm gone. So all of that comes into play. But I'm just, we split time. And you might try splitting time for a little while and see how it goes. Because I used to think it was so absolute. If you don't have one place that was your place, and you're going somewhere else as being like cheating. Unfaithful, right?

I'm being unfaithful to my church. I'm cheating on my church, you know, but it's not. And these days, things have shifted a little bit too culturally that make that a little bit more pliable. So I might try that and just go. You might go where you go, you know, I really like these people. I'm just making some new friends there. Heck with that drive. I'm done with that drive because the drive is draining, you know.

You know, but every, we've only changed churches two times since I got saved 30 years ago, 40 years ago. And every time has been more painful for my wife than it was for me. Both of us had pain. I'm not saying I wasn't without pain. But because, again, the social circle is there, and that's where my friends are, and that's where the people we do dinner with during the week, that kind of a thing. And so that makes it tough. And whenever I'm making hard decisions like this,

I want to get rid of the variables that don't matter, that sound or feel like they do, but they don't. And that's the car. This is the car and the money. None of that enters into this. Not in your situation, because it's a small enough percentage of the whole thing is irrelevant. Barbara's with us in California.

Hey, Barbara, welcome to Dave Ramsey irrelevant. Barbara's with us in California. Hey, Barbara, welcome to Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you for taking my call. I've been trying to get in for weeks. I'm glad you got in. How can we help? Well, I know what needs to be done, but I don't know how to do it. My fiance has co-signed for two loans for his daughter,

and we recently found out that she's been very inconsistent in making payments. We know they should be sold, but they're not being cooperative. They're in their late thirties, early forties and say, well, our money is none of your business. Our money, you know, everything is not anybody else's business. But we don't know, you know, how do you do this with adult kids? So how old is your daughter? Well, this is his daughter um she's 37 um one is a or one of the vehicles is a car that's about 15 000 upside down the other is a luxury rv sherry RV. And how long ago did your fiance sign for these? The RV was four years ago. The car was two years ago. Okay. And then he met you and you set him straight. Oh, I've known him for 20 plus years, but he just, he always trusted that she said she was paying it and on time, and he was never concerned with his credit score or his credit report

and never checked. They shared a P.O. box. And then when you checked. We never got mail. Yeah, because we're working on our first budget together. When are you to be married? Well, we are down to this Sunday. Wow, congratulations.

It has been going on since, thank you. Well, you're going to marry into the soup. Okay? Right. Yeah. And your fiancé has raised a princess. He's never told her she'd know for anything. And now you've come in and started saying,

no, you're going to be the wicked witch of the West, the ugly stepmother, if you're not real careful. Hold on through the break. I want John to talk to you about this. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Folks, save cash by fixing your major appliances yourself. Get your parts from my friends at Appliance Parts Pros. We just heard from a listener who said he saved his family at least $500 by getting his parts and expert advice to fix his leaky fridge and dishwasher from Appliance Parts Pros.

These guys carry over 2 million appliance and outdoor power equipment parts and offer easy returns. Order your parts today at AppliancePartsPros.com. All right, we're talking with Barbara in California. She's getting ready to get married Sunday to a fiancé who has a 34-year-old daughter. He co-signed an expensive RV and co-signed a car. She's not paying the bills, and so his credit's getting dinged. The stepmother-to-be discovered all of this and is suggesting that it's a bad idea. Of course it's a bad idea. What can she do about it, John?

Barbara, does that sound right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So here's a couple of things. One, it's his job, his number one job in this deal is to love his daughter, and so I'm going to challenge you with doing the best you can to not talk bad about his daughter and make him choose sides because the side he's got to choose is with her.

The second thing is he really has two options. Number one, he can sue his daughter or he can pay the bills. We call it a stupid tax around here or maybe a princess tax or pay the bill. And one thing that drives me crazy with adults is when they want to have one side of the scale, but not the other, right? So I'm going to take your money. I want you to co-sign. And then they get indignant and say, you can't ask questions about my money. You don't get to talk about money. Absolutely he does. And so i would recommend that he have a non-emotional um go for coffee um go for a restaurant that might be open in california there and sit down and talk to his daughter about hey we got to come to turn and her

husband right all right and you don't go and we got to have yeah you don't go um that's not your job and you don't say a word about this and then after you get married you build a budget together and you go forward and you may have to build in a deluxe rv payment that you're not getting to sleep and you need you do need agreement from your fiance he never does this again that's right going forward but if you say a word it'll undo everything all you can do is encourage him to have a backbone with her because for some reason or another he's not right in the past and at christmas love her be kind yes um you stay out of it because you're not gonna you're not going to cause anything good to happen she you know and she's

gonna view this whole change in attitude your fault him as your fault that's right and so you got to stay way back from that in the ramsey solutions lobby on the debt-free stage, Michaela is with us. Hi, Michaela. How are you? Hi, I'm doing well. How are you, Dave? Better than I deserve. Where are you from?

Where do you live? I'm from Seymour, Indiana. Okay, which is where? It's in Indiana, so it's about an hour south of Indianapolis. Oh, gotcha. Okay, cool. Welcome to Nashville. And all the way here to do your debt-free screen.

Yes. How much have you paid off? I paid off about $20,000. All right. And how long did this take? It took 13 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time?

So it started at $18,000, and then it moved to $24,000 by picking up another job. Whoa. What do you do for a living? Yeah. Well, I started in corporate wellness, and I also was working at Starbucks, so working two full-time jobs. And then when I became debt-free, I got to quit the corporate life and work my fun job and make some coffee I love it good for you oh that's fantastic how old are you I'm 23 and what kind of debt was the 20,000 all my student loans ah what's your degree in exercise

science exercise science why are you not doing that um it just kind of got magnanimous it's the same thing over and over and making coffees not? You get different people all the time. Yeah, different smiling faces every morning. So I love it. So now I'm taking some time to kind of figure out what I truly want to do. There you go. Good for you. Well, you're free. Yes. So what happened 13 months ago that put you on this journey? Well, I actually started with doing envelopes when I was really little. So you have your save some, spend some, and give some. So as a kid, I got paid $4. Then I had to figure out what to do with that extra dollar.

So I kind of grew up on it, and then it's just something I've always wanted to do going into school. So I went to college for three years instead of four, definitely kind of packing everything in to help save money there with college and everything. So what started you on the whole get out of debt 13 months ago my um so i started the book the total money makeover um reading that going through highlighting everything and knew i just wanted to pay it off as soon as i could um because then i could be free because anybody who's debt free can do whatever that they really want and

i can stay making coffee for a little bit i love it by my true passion so i'm excited for you yeah very cool so you were your parents on the financial peace stuff when you're a kid is that oh yeah definitely yeah oh so you're a financial peace baby yeah okay uh-huh my parents i taught the class and then i also became a co-coordinator for the financial peace university stuff as well after i graduated college um so yeah wow you're all in very Very cool. Very cool. Good for you. Okay, so you're an old pro now. What is the secret to getting out of debt that you tell people?

Keep going and don't stop. You don't necessarily need to go get your nails done or go out to eat or buy new clothes. It's really going to suck for a little bit, but just keep going. There's going to be light at the end of the tunnel, definitely. So you're paying a price to win and don't stop. Right, right. Do you remember a moment when you thought, I can't keep doing this? Well, about halfway through, it really kind of got overwhelming because I was working from

6 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday and then also working on Saturdays. Wow. So I was like, man, I really don't want to keep working all these hours. I just want to have some social time. You're doing like 70, 80 hours a week. You're kicking it. But I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel. There was definitely, it was going to be like worth it all in the end. And then I could work less hours and have those dinners and be able to hang out with people and have more of a social life. Who was your team who held your arms up in the desert when you were going through this? Yeah, my dad, my mom, my brother, and then my boyfriend as well.

So they all held on through. Was that that guy with the beard over there? Yeah, that'd be him. All right, I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him during the break. Yeah, they definitely hung. John's going to check him out, so be careful here. Make sure he's worthy.

That's right. All right, that's very cool. Is that your mom and dad with you cheering you on? Yes, yes, and my brother. And your brother. Awesome. Wow, you've got a good crew. Very cool. Very cool. What was the hardest part for you the work yeah the long hours that was

definitely the hardest part um and then just deciding to do two full-time jobs that was really that was the hardest part so sometimes i hear people say well that who i mean you have no life if you do that dave ramsey stuff was it worth it oh yeah oh definitely it was definitely worth it um because you do you have all of this freedom, and now you have the extra income, and you're able to kind of do whatever you really want to do. You're not held down to, okay, well, I have to work all of these hours so that I can do it in a year or whatever your goal is going to be.

Now it's like, okay, I can go out to eat. I can go and do these things, and it's going to be okay. And again, Dave, every time we do a Deafbt-Free Scream, I always harp on this, but I see a mom and a dad between the cameras over there, and I just want the moms and dads who are listening to this show with little kids, with teenage kids, with grownups, to let folks know that this, Dave's been saying it for years and years and years, that you change your family tree, and now we're starting to see FPU babies coming through paying off their debts too this idea that you trance you just

think how cute little michaela was when she's walking around with her little envelope right but she's different now and she's gonna i don't know about marrying this dude with the beard but it may happen and y'all are going to create debt-free babies and it's going to go on and nobody is ever going to own what your decisions no one's going to own what y'all are going to create debt-free babies, and it's going to go on. And nobody is ever going to own your decisions. No one's going to own what y'all want to do. And no one's going to ever put you in a bind again. And this goes back to mom and dad and this idea of changing your family tree, creating legacy. That's about as good as it gets.

It's incredible. And when you've got kids Michaela's age like I do and older and you got your little kids it inspires you and they're watching you they're watching you yep man well you're you're impressive you're a hero young lady thank you you are not afraid of hard work wow I mean you got a shovel and dug out very proud of you very well done very impressive you're going to be able to do anything you want to do with that kind of work ethic and that kind of drive and that kind of attitude. Including buy him some beard trimmers. Whoa, you were on this beer. He's a COVID-19 with a little rub.

What are you, jealous? Yeah, I can't grow a beard. I know. It's beard jealousy. That's what it is. Right here with the psychologist. He's dealing with, golly, completely sidebar my dadgum debt-free screen. I have.

All right. Michaela, $20,000 paid off in 13 months, making $18,000 to $24,000 a year. And now one job again. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. All right. Three, two, one. I'm debt-free!

Yes! Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! I love it! I'm debt free. Yes. I love it. John, you're absolutely right about the change in the family tree. The people that go through Financial Peace University, they start oftentimes just to get rid of the pain of the problem right today. But quickly, they start to catch this noble vision that a godly man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. And I can not only retire with dignity myself, I can be the last Ramsey in this branch.

Owned by somebody else. Exactly. And controlled by somebody else. Controlled by the man. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Business leaders, now more than ever, we need people with the right skills to support our communities, especially the frontline workers who provide resources and care for those most in need. To help, LinkedIn is offering free job posts for health care and essential service organizations that need to quickly fill critical roles with the people who help us all. If you are hiring for one of these organizations, free job posts on LinkedIn can help you quickly find the right people for your front line. LinkedIn jobs can help by screening candidates for skills and experience you're looking for and putting your job post in front

of qualified people who have what you're looking for so you can find the right person to quickly fill critical roles. To post a health care or essential service job for free or if you're in another industry and have hiring needs, visit linkedin.com slash ramsey linkedin.com slash ramsey terms and conditions apply so Our scripture of the day, Romans 12, 15 through 18. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.

Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable and the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Martin Luther King Jr. said, Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Open phones this hour. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today on the air. Catherine is next in Tennessee. Hi, Catherine. How do you do? Hey, Dave and Dr. D. I'm a mid-30-year-old nurse practitioner trying to navigate the online dating world in the midst of a pandemic.

What advice would you give me if the person I'm dating has a career that just doesn't sit well with me? Some examples are like whole life insurance agents or mortgage life insurance agents, timeshare agents, debt collectors, telemarketers, or those who practice left-handed puppetry. I thought you were going to say drug dealer or dancer or something, man. Male dancer. Might as well be. I thought you were going to say male dancer.

But no, whole life agent. Whole life agent is right up there. Yeah, I'd rather have a... Well, mom, he sells cocaine, but he doesn't sell whole life insurance. Bring him over. Bring him over. But they're so nice, though. They're good people.

But they're so nice. Hey, this is how it starts, Kathy. I'm just kidding. This is how it starts. I have a pen uh all right so i think i think you're the first thing that you did it's really wise is to call two completely out of touch old married guys um to help you navigate online dating that's that's that was a huge well done there that's big time um the second thing is i would tell you in all

seriousness is um this just is is it it sounds funny and then kind of get out out to left field That's big time. The second thing is, I would tell you in all seriousness, is this just is, it sounds funny and you can kind of get out to feel a little bit, but it just goes back to values. What are your values? And write them down and hold fast to them. And yeah, don't budge on them. If you're not going to buy whole life insurance and you don't do whole life insurance

and you think people who are peddling that are preying on people, you're going to have a hard time being in a relationship with somebody um you've got to respect who they are and what they do um my i married a teacher and i i was able to honor her every day um and so that that's my take on it if um i agree with. I'm not sure we have the answer. But, you know, I don't know that on first blush anything you named there would be a complete deal killer. By that I mean maybe they're about to leave that career or maybe they've got plans to do it for a little while longer uh or maybe they hate every day and they're looking for or you know in other words maybe it is not an indicator of their character but if you get in there and you associate those things with scummy people and you determine yeah this is a scummy person obviously you would walk away real quickly. But I'm not sure that it just says, okay, based on their career,

I'm not going to check the box on online dating. I would just X that one out. No matter what, all people that do X or Y or Z, I'm not going to talk to any of them. I would talk to them, but after a couple dates, if you become convinced that really they are shmarmy, then obviously you're going to walk away. But you might find a real story in there of somebody who's in the middle of some kind of journey or transformation that you wouldn't mind going on the ride with if all the other things lined up. Okay.

It's the guilt that gets me. So I shouldn't feel guilty if I feel like it's not right. No. No, your values's not right. No. No, your values are your values. No. I mean, let's just, you know, why would you feel guilty if you didn't want to date a cocaine dealer? You wouldn't feel guilty. Right?

That's true. That's an extreme example that you're still making the decision based on values. Right. But it's an extreme example that allows us to laugh, but it illustrates that I used a value-based decision. Someone who doesn't mind cocaine and who does a lot of cocaine might think it'd be cool to date a cocaine dealer. That'd be great.

You know, got my supplier, you know. But you know what I'm saying. So the thing is, it's your value system, and we use our values to make decisions every day, whether we even are conscious that we have values. You still make decisions on that all the time. You make decisions on how you're going to treat someone. You make decisions on the type of things you're going to buy or do.

All of it ends up being those kinds of things. So, yeah, I mean, I think you're wise to do that no i would far from feeling guilty what i wouldn't do is just say 100 of the people that currently work at this moment in the whole life industry 100 of the people that work currently in the debt collector business are disqualified um you can say you got one big strike against you bubba you might even have two strikes coming out of the gate and you only got one more. And so if you get into the conversation the first day, you go, yep, I thought so. You're out of here.

But something you said is so wise is I'd rather see somebody's default setting set to let's talk to somebody. Let's engage with humanity. Yeah. There's, yeah, I think going with preconceived notions just burns holes through people a lot so um have your values and and hold it's a little bit like deciding i'm never going to work with someone based on one tweet yeah you know how how asinine it's just silly yeah you have no concept of what you're talking about you have no window into their life you wouldn't it's too Right. It's too thin, which makes you narrow.

Right. I always, when somebody's telemarketer calls me, I always want to exhale a little bit with the frustration that somebody just called me in the middle of a meeting and I thought there was an emergency. But then the second thing is this person's probably doing the best they can to get a job and trying to make ends meet for their family. And I want to honor them as a person. Well, I'm making an exception for them. No. I want to honor them as a person. Well, I'm making an exception for them. No, I want to honor them as a person. You are too kind. I want to high-five them, and then I'm going to hang up the phone with dignity and with kindness.

So, yeah. I'm just going to hang up the phone. Hey, COVID's killing me, man. My default setting is let's just hug it out, man, and you can't do that anymore. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're having to air's just hug it out, man, and you can't do that anymore. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're having to air high-five it out. You are killing people now. All right, Cassie's with us in Massachusetts.

Hey, Cassie, how are you? Hi, how are you? I hope both your families are doing well. Well, we're short on time. Go straight to your question. So I've been deemed an essential worker since my state shut down, but I've been struggling with feelings of guilt and frustration about not receiving some extra benefits like people on unemployment are.

Like you are frustrated that you're not unemployed, so you're not getting unemployment? Yeah. No, it's more like I'm i'm i kind of feel like people who aren't medical workers or but are still essential workers kind of got left behind but at the same time i feel like i should be a lot more grateful because i do have a job to go to every day yeah so i'm i'm i'm going to challenge you to do this cassie i absolutely 100 understand that impulse and that idea that i'm working really hard and um why are they getting all the attention and why not me, why not us? And I'm going to tell you, think of your life as a backpack and that is choosing to pick up a brick and carry it around. It's not going to help them not get paid.

It's not going to help you do your job well and it's not going to do anything for bridging um the divides we have across our country right now and in your local community so i'm gonna say you put that stuff down work really hard honor the people that you're serving in your job and let the other stuff go retro cruise has a number one best-selling book called love your life not theirs i'm gonna send you a copy of it. Comparison is a thief that will destroy your contentment, your peace, your ambition. Comparison is a really nasty thing. And all of us engage in it, but to the extent you're calling because it kind of feels like an obsession and the more you obsess on it the more it's going to eat at you um put that brick down i work away sit down count my blessings pile my pile on gratitude instead of on on uh that

as a matter of fact i'm gonna send you two books i'm gonna send you rachel's contentment journal also and the love your life not theirs book great question though i know people are struggling with that all over the country. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for the dave ramsey show if you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show make sure you visit davramsey.com

slash show and register we would love for you to come to nashville and tell dave your story