The Ramsey Show - App - Couples That Work Together Succeed in Achieving Their Dreams (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today. We're taking your questions about your life and your money.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. You jump in and we will talk. Well, bad news for those of you that didn't get in on it, but the Goal Planner, the 2021 Goal Planner by Christy, is completely sold out. Yeah. And there's not going to be any more ordered. That's it. But the gold planner, the 2021 gold planner by Christy is completely sold out. Yeah. And there's not going to be any more ordered.

That's it. We're done. We already placed a reorder and those sold out. And those sold out. Yeah, we already went that route. But the good news is the Living True devotional

is 40 days to get back to you is doing extremely well. Hit the bestseller list. And this thing is powerful. Yeah, this is such a pain point point for people and it really has come so much out of not only my own experience dave especially in the last six to eight years but also women i've talked with all over the country all stages of life whether they work outside the home inside the home run their own business they're a mom of littles or

they don't have kids it doesn't matter it's just so easy to lose yourself in your own life. And I know that sounds kind of weird. But whether it's you lose yourself in your business, or trying to build your career, or maybe a really difficult season, where you feel like you lose your identity and just the difficulty of it all. I feel like we all go through that. And so that's why I was so excited to write this devotional because it's 40 days. So it's very easily digestible. It's not a big commitment. It's 40 days to help you reset and refocus on the truth of who you are and what God says about you to really help you get that sense that you've gotten back to yourself and who you were created to be.

So it's been a joy to see this now out in the marketplace and hear the feedback and see how God is speaking to people through this. And I'm just so grateful to get to do it. And, you know, walking through the emotional and the spiritual impacts of the economic shutdown and all the careers that have been impacted, and walking through just the fear that a lot of people have had over the pandemic issues. And it is a good year to have in our rearview mirror. Yes.

And this might be a way to kind of i don't know step on the accelerator and make sure that 2021 is in your or 2020 is in your rearview mirror for completely um so i mean 40 days to get back to you it could be that getting you're getting back to you after experiencing 2020 yeah and i think what's interesting is even if you are a person of faith and you say oh i know my identity is who I am as a child of God, we still have things in our world that we get a sense of identity from. So our work, it's like this is who I am. This is what I do. And you've seen so many people lose their jobs this year.

They felt like they lost a piece of themselves in that difficult time. Or even something as simple as being social and you're always going and you're always with friends. You're always extroverted. That's a part of who you are. And you didn't get to feel that experience that this year as you were maybe isolated, lonely, shut down. And so there's all these things that are our sense of normal this year that were removed. And we're going, okay, what's left of me? Who am I outside of these things that I found joy in?

And they weren't bad things, but it gave me a sense of who I am. And now who am I when those things are not true anymore? And so I just I love this opportunity to dig into scripture to remind you in any season, difficult seasons or awesome seasons, that this is who you are and this is what God says about you. And I think it's just a great message to go into a new year with for sure. The devotional is called Living True, 40 Days to Get Back to You. You can check it out at DaveRamsey.com. We're on a $10 sale on almost all of our books there as well, so be sure and check all that. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Abigail is in Springfield, Missouri. Hi, Abigail. What's up? Hi, Dave. Not so much. How about you? Better than I deserve. how can we help you uh yes sir um well me and my husband are just starting out with your program we're baby pre

baby step one we're getting everything sorted out was just wondering what kind of um advice you would have for someone starting out um and what you would recommend and everything. Yeah. Well, good. Congratulations. We're honored to have you in the tribe here. I think what ends up happening is the first step, the first thing you end up doing is you try to figure out where you actually are. And that's stuff like making a list of your debts and starting to write out your first budget where you're actually going to tell your money what to do and make it behave.

And then we're going to give you a clear path that we call the baby steps to walk through. You may have heard of that already. I've been doing a decent amount of research the last few days. I'm curious what led to you finding Dave and the baby steps, Abigail. How did you get to this point? Actually saw someone post on one of the Facebook pages that I was at. Her name is Julie Goheen, and she was sharing her journey and how they became debt-free and was talking to her,

and she offered to send me the starter book and everything and been watching your YouTube channel for the last day. Okay. Wow. And everything, just getting more and more excited about it. Wow. That's cool.

I'm honored, yeah. That's fun to see someone else do it. You know, you see someone else on the other side of being debt-free, you're like, oh, could I do that? You know, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I could have that happen to me.

Yeah. And I think you can, Abigail. So, well, again, welcome aboard. So you're going to sit down, do your written game plan, your written budget, and you've already seen that stuff on YouTube, and lay out your debt snowball and begin to attack your debts. It's imperative that you and your husband work together. All of our data, Christy, shows that couples who work together on almost any part of their life right yeah is um they're more effective at that part money parenting careers right building a business

or whatever i mean if uh if they're if you guys are working together it just makes all the difference in the world and that means one of you is not a spectator yeah yeah and it's interesting too because i feel like that whenever you are having these conversations, you'll typically have one. One of the things that Abigail said, she said, I'm getting excited. I was like, oh, good, because the excitement motivation goes a long way. I always hear you say this, Dave. You say you've got to get fired up.

You've got to get mad, sick and tired of being sick and tired. You can wander into debt. You cannot wander out. So emotion does play a piece in this. You can't be just indifferent and get out of debt. You've got to actually care because change is hard. But it's interesting in marriage. I think a lot of times what we see is there's one person that's excited and on board and one person that is less so, less excited. And so I think what's cool is if you start having these conversations on the front end,

Abigail, where you and your spouse are talking about, okay, what are our goals? What are our dreams? What would it look like for us to be debt freefree? What could we do if we didn't have payments? And then you both start out excited together. You both start out not only communicating on the budget, but also with the enthusiasm that you both need to bring to the table to actually make the change. Yeah, because you're going to have to bust into some stuff that's going to be hard. Yes. You're going to have to make some choices differently than you've ever made. And, you know, we always say you have to live like no one else so that later you can live

and give like no one else. It works, but it's hard. Yeah. This process that we teach is extremely effective, has a very high probability of you succeeding, but only to the extent that you bust into it. Yeah. It is easy to understand what we teach you to do. It is hard to change your life.

Right. And it's interesting, too, because we always say, like, of all the people, the millions of people that have become debt-free, you know, using our program, it's amazing how none of them are going, man, I really miss those payments. I really miss being in debt. They never look back with regret. And so if you could see what it will feel like on the other side, it will give you that motivation and enthusiasm to push through the hard stuff initially because it is so worth it when you get there. Yeah, very good. Very good.

Well, you keep listening to Miss Abigail, and we're here to help you call anytime if we can help you on this journey. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. As we continue to face challenging times, I hear that a lot of you have been calling Zander Insurance to see if term life insurance plans are still available. The good news is the insurance companies are starting to loosen up the restrictions that they had put in place at the start of the pandemic, making coverage available to even more people. So if you haven't dealt with this yet, I'm not sure what you're waiting for.

Regardless of what's going on in the world, we're going to get through it. But the responsibility of protecting your family has not changed let this crazy season motivate you to get your priorities in order and check the big things like life insurance off your list rates are still low zander makes the process simple and most of you have the time right now to deal with this. Call 800-356-4282 or visit zander.com. Zander's team will get you the affordable coverage to give your family the peace of mind they deserve. Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Lindsay's in Portland, Oregon. Hi, Lindsay.

How are you? Hello. Hi, Dave and Christy. Hi. What's going on? So we are wondering, we have about $20,000 extra, and we're trying to decide if we should use that to pay down our current mortgage or if we should put it towards money for a future house to do a down payment.

Pay down the current mortgage but then i have to sell contingent or buy contingent and in our market you have to go in like that's really risky well i mean you don't have to do it today anyway so by the time you do it it might not be that way that has to do with the hot with the market being hot if the market's slow it's not a problem at all so you know you're gonna have to sell your house anyway before you buy a house you have to sell contingent anyway no not if i yeah i don't want you keeping two stinking house payments. That's unwise. Okay. That's unwise.

So you've got to get rid of the house anyway. And you're going to get your money back, obviously. They give you the money. We were just thinking that, you know, buy where we're moving, move out, sell the house, roll that into the new house. Yeah, that ends up with two house payments if this plan of yours doesn't work. Okay. Yeah, and I would never tell you to sign up for two house payments nope not a chance so um and i you know six months later you're still cranking two house payments no now we're gonna rent it oh god no you really got a

disaster so no nope nope nope nope nope you got to get it sold it has to work that way anyway you do whatever you want to do obviously Obviously, you're going to. But I wouldn't tell you to do that, and I personally wouldn't do that. You know, you've got to be able to get the – you just can't sign up for two house payments to kill you. Christy, the number of times we've run into problems with people, they're in here in serious financial problems because they did that. Yeah. And so it's just made me super leery over the years.

Paul is with us. Paul is in Jacksonville, Florida. Hi, Paul. How are you? Hey, Dave. How are you? Very exciting to finally be talking to you. You too.

How can we help? Well, here's the thing. So I am four months away from being debt free and I have zero. Well, I'm 55 years old and I have zero for retirement. I come out of a bad divorce and had to pay a lot of debt and so but i'm four months away and my question is is uh what's the best thing for me to do i mean to invest money to do i have no idea okay uh well what we're going to teach you to do is to be debt free then your next goal is to have your emergency fund of three to six months of expenses.

Right. And then once you've done that, you start investing 15% of your income into retirement. Do you own a home? No, I do not. Okay. Are you planning on buying a home? Well, it's kind of a funny thing. I got remarried, and the woman, the love of my life, who I got married to, she owns her home. So that's where I am. Okay.

Well, we are married, and we have a paid-for house. Right. Okay, cool. That's a pretty good deal you got there well right well it's not it's not as cut and dry as that but uh well let me have y'all combined your finances paul because you're using a lot of her and i statements here, like we got separate things going on? No, ma'am. No, ma'am. She was married before, and obviously I was married before, and when we went into the relationship, she wanted a prenup, so that's what we did. That's what I did.

That does not prohibit you from working together to live your dreams yes sir a prenup does not make you roommates well and that is the word that i used with her one time we had gotten into a discussion of that and um she uh she has it in her head that she wants to keep it this way because she said there's no upside for me if we combine everything. I'm self-employed, and she makes a lot more money than I do. Okay. I think you're going to struggle to build wealth yes sir i because we're not working together is essential it's one of the data points that we see with families that become wealthy is they work together and they overcome the wounds and the hurts of the past in order to do that.

And you're either going to, you know, it's up to you. You can do it or not do it. But I'm just telling you that everything we know about what we do says that couples that work together have a much higher probability of living their dreams because they are sharing their dreams. And this is not just financial. Like, I mean, I hear it in his voice, Dave. Like, this is whether it's because she's been hurt from her past marriage and she wants to protect herself in this new one, but there is some distrust, not even just at the financial level, that is, I think, playing out in the finances. And to me, that's worth digging into, Paul, with a counselor or however you guys want to go about

it. It's not just about the numbers and who manages which account and who has savings or paid for house. It's like, if y'all can't be a team in a marriage, that's a bigger problem than having separate bank accounts. I just I would say, aside from the obvious financial benefit that Dave has already talked about, I would dig into that because even hearing it in your voice, it sounds a lot of like her and me. And we're very separate type of language. And that's that's a little bit concerning to me. But aside from that, the answer to your overall question is you start investing, since you don't have a house payment, and I'm guessing that you're not having to support kids in college, or you would have mentioned that, then you're down to all you can, you have taken the shortest path to building your own nest egg, which is to become debt-free.

And so normally we would put you at baby step four after this, but you don't have a house payment, so really you're at baby step seven. And so once you get your emergency fund in place, you're going to max out all retirement that you can get your hands on, max out a Roth IRA with a SmartVestor Pro, max out your 401K at work, or you said you're self-employed, you look at a 401k a simple IRA there or a SEP depending on your situation SmartVestor Pro can help you with both of those so depending on your income you can really chunk a bunch of money away quickly and you'd be amazed how big a nest egg in

10 years from 55 to 65 that you can build now that you don't have any payments and you can focus on that and concentrate on that, it will be much more efficient and have a higher probability of winning if you'll go ahead and deal with the issues in the relationship as well that Christy's talking about. Just again, we do not see people winning at this. So let me just back up, folks folks from this because it feels like i've done this twice already in this hour um haven't i similar similar question feels like that um when we studied the millionaires over 10 000 of them and we did in-depth research and surveying and questioning of them. One of the things that came out of that, a lot of things that came out of that were not a surprise. And this was not a surprise.

But what was a surprise was how high the percentages were of spouses working together, sharing the dream. One of them's not dragging the other one along. One of them's not, you know, you're not treating their household separately. You know, we work together. We achieve our goals together. We set big dreams. We both dream. We both fight to get there. was apparent in very high percentages in the number of millionaires that we researched.

Over 10,000 of them. Yeah. And so it's not like the data is inconclusive. It's conclusive. Right. And so can you do it without working with your spouse? Yeah, you can do it. But 80% of the people that make it, they work together.

Right. And they credit their spouse as one of the reasons that they are able to get the thing done. This is the Dave Ramsey Personality. Number one best-selling author is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. John is with us in Dallas, Texas. Hey, John, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, guys, how are you doing today?

Great. How can we help? Hey, I had a question just regarding a career change I'm considering. So my wife and I are currently working through the baby steps. We're almost paid through all of our debt. We will be by next month. So we're really excited about that and appreciate you guys, what you teach. My question is though, you know, the company I'm working at right now, I make really good money, really happy with it, but about a third of the income that I get from the job is in the form of stock grants or restricted stock units. The stock is doing well. We're performing well. We're in a stable industry. But, you know,

the base salary is lower and I'm currently considering another position at another company, also a great opportunity. It would technically over the next two years, maybe pay a little bit less, but it would be a much much higher base um and commission package you just wouldn't have that the stock that comes with it um so i just was just wondering you know wanting your guidance on you know how you'd help someone determine maybe which path to go down from a financial perspective how long is the stock restricted um so it's going to be vesting over the next three and a half years. Um, and I get to cash it out every quarter. Um, so it's, it's a one 16th cash out every quarter, um, for the next three and a half years. So, um, it's going to be about, it's going to be netting around $10,000 every quarter after taxes. Um, so what is your, what is your income now, counting the stock?

Counting the stock, as long as it stays where it's at next year, my income will be around $200,000. And what would your income be at the other place? About $160,000 to $170,000. What field are you in? Software sales. Okay. Ten years from now, you're ten years older. Your kids are ten years older.

Which one are you glad you did? Probably the new company I'm considering. Why? I think there's more career mobility. It's a bit of an earlier stage company. You know, I think I have the opportunity to advance faster. You know, and I think that the company that now I don't like the idea of so much of my income, you know, it's about a third of my income is rested on a single stock doing well yeah agreed a lot of risk there and then the other thing is you're in sales and so if you add value you're going to add income right true so i mean i i would talk to

the new company and just say look i'm i'm struggling with this, and show me what I can do to add enough value to get my income to $200 with you. What have I got to do to cause that to happen? Okay. And if they give you some, you know, just show me a path at how I can add so much value that you are smiling when you're paying me $200. Right? I like that because i mean if you bring it you know if you work for me and you bring in a whole bunch more money and i share some of it with you that's not there's no downside to this equation yeah that's true and so i you know that you you can control your destiny so yeah i think you've answered your own question you take this

job but you just work the you work for a clear path rather than a vague sense of i think i can get my income up give the have them give you some structure on how you can do it and that's not really a salary negotiation it's just how can i add enough value and then you know what have i got to do and it's well if you tell you you know if you do a good job we'll take care of you no that's not what i'm talking about. I'm talking about tactically, specifically, what kind of numbers do I need to generate so that I generate $200,000 in income for me? And what have I got to do that's good for you guys that makes you really happy about that?

And I don't know, Christy, what can you add to that? Well, I think one of the points that you made is really good because a lot of people go into salary negotiations with i want x or i need x yeah or i deserve x and nobody really cares what they care about is what you're going to do for them what are you going to do for the company and so when you come in and say hey what can i do it's again it's a personal responsibility angle what can i do to get to this for me and for you and i love that angle because every leader of any organization is going, oh, okay, they're a go-getter.

They get personal responsibility. They're taking initiative. And what's cool is then in this initial conversation, John, like setting the foundation for a potential relationship with this company, you're letting them know where you want to be and where you're working toward. It's not like you worked there for three years, wish you made 200,000.

You're going, well, I wish I would've gotten there. They're like, we didn't know. You set this plan and this path from the get-go and then you're both working toward it together and you make that intent very clear but from the right posture yeah the reason i'm taking this is i think this is a wonderful company and i think it's got a tremendous upside potential i want that to be a little less vague yeah if i and so this is you talking to them and so what i want to do is i want to know that i can add value to this place beyond the deal we're talking about that i can be more valuable than that to you and that i've you know i've sold more stuff i've executed whatever i've

created relationships i've led a team what is it that i need to do to be valuable to the organization to that level to the two hundred thousand dollar level and they'll tell you they'll tell you and then then it's not a matter of oh they promised me after six months i'd be telling so right no they promised me when i did this now did you do it right if you did it then they're then you're going to get the money unless they've not got integrity yeah so that that's the whole thing great great great stuff yeah take that job uh garrett's in alexandria virginia hi garrett welcome to the dave ramsey show hey dave thanks for taking my call sure what's up so i just finished college last may and i recently started my new job and it's currently time to enroll for next year's benefits

um i'm currently on baby step number four, and I'm calling specifically about life insurance. My company offers a group universal policy for up to 10 times my income for about $22 a month. No. I'll be getting – sorry? No. You don't buy universal life policies. All right. Let me help you.

Remind us why, because I forget too. Now let me tell you why, okay, so that you don't have to do what Dave Ramsey says. But here's the thing. They have built into them an investment side of it that you're paying extra to get. The investment portion of this sucks. The other thing that's built into a universal policy is the life insurance side is what's called an ART, an annual renewable term. And what that means is the portion of your dollars that are going to life insurance goes up every year as you get older. So if you buy a life insurance policy that is what we would call pure life insurance, an ART, an annual renewable term, no one does that in the financial planning world anymore,

but they still sell them out there. That's purely, this is what it costs to cover you at 32. This is what it costs to cover you at 33. This is what it costs to cover you at 34. This is what it costs because it does cost more to cover you because you're older and you're more likely to die statistically. Actuarial tables. And they're going to up.

So out of your $22, X is going to life insurance and Y is going to a bad investment. Next year, X that's going to life insurance is larger. So less is going to the investments to the point that if this is your whole plan, someday the entire $22 will be absorbed by just the life insurance cost, and there'll be nothing going to the investments to the point that if this is your whole plan someday the entire 22 dollars will be absorbed by just the life insurance cost and there'll be nothing going to the investment and then it gets worse than that it starts taking out of the investment to cover the fact that you're even short later and that's if you keep it years and years and years and years and years which you probably wouldn't do it's a group plan it's a piece of crap don't buy it go get life insurance get 15 to 20 year level term life insurance is't buy it. Go get life insurance. Get 15 to 20-year level term life insurance.

It's the cheapest way to handle your life insurance needs. And when you leave your company, if you've had a medical problem, you won't have trouble getting insurance because you already have insurance. And so you need to just avoid that stuff. So go to ZanderInsurance.com, get a quick, easy quote, and you'll just do a whole lot better there. So, Christy, two problems with that equation. Number one, the Universal Life product is a bad product, and I explain why. Number two, you got all your insurance at work. Yeah.

And if you get diabetes or have a heart problem or a cancer scare and you leave work, you cannot take it. It's not portable. It does not go with you. And now you're uninsurable. When you leave, you can't get, that's your new job, you can't get insurance. Yeah. So you always want your insurance or at least the larger portion of your insurance to be independent of work. Christy Wright Ramsey personality is my co-host today.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. Linda is in Los Angeles. Hi, Linda. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi. It's actually very funny. I just bumped into your channel for the first time on YouTube, and I'm hearing people ask for advice, so I really need some major advice.

I'm almost going through a divorce because of financial issues. Bottom line is, I was a single mom with two boys before I remarried. As a single mom, I was scared to lose my kids to the street. So I made them a promise and told them that if they went to college full time, as long as God blessed me with health and employment, I would financially take care of them while they completed school. So they kept their end of the deal. They got accepted into really great schools. And I wanted to, as their mom, to keep my end of the deal. Problem is I got remarried, and my husband's completely against me helping them financially.

They're now 22, I'm sorry, 24 and 21. One has one semester left at UCLA. I'm sorry, at TCU. The next one has a year left at UCLA. So have you supported them all this time? I have. Okay, good. And they're almost done, and he's objecting to you finishing the support?

100%. He will not contribute financially to our family because he's upset that I contribute towards my children. But just the main point that I was calling about was I don't ask him for anything. I pay for everything for my children. He's never had to contribute anything towards their school, towards any of their expenses. But his frame of thinking is I'm not going to contribute to the family if you're contributing to your children that are already over 20. You need to cut the string and they need to fly on their own.

But I told him I made this promise and I just really want to finish it for them. So he was like, it's the kids or our marriage. So I'm just, we're literally, he just moved out a few months ago, and I'm just literally torn because I don't know what to do. But, I mean, I do know what to do. I want to continue helping my children. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, yeah.'m sorry i'm sorry yeah linda i'm just i'm really sorry you're in this situation it hurts yeah and um am i wrong am i wrong no you're not you're not wrong no you're not wrong no and he tells me all the time because i'm a christian woman and he tells me this all the time you're christian and you need to submit to your husband and if i don't approve of it, you need to accept it. Let me help you with this, okay? If your husband's doing cocaine and wants you to pay for it, and he says you're supposed to submit to me, then that's not what the Bible's talking about, okay?

So submit does not mean endorsing misbehavior, okay? That's not what it means uh at all and so uh he probably needs to get a little better bible study going because he didn't understand that concept but um and he probably needs to get the idea that you're supposed to like serve each other and now what i'm interested in and number one let me just tell you i don't think this is going to go well with what you've described i think you're i think i think you're on the path of your marriage ending and let me help you it is not because you supported your children okay your marriage is ending because it was not built on mutual respect

and agreement your marriage is ending because you had made a deal prior to getting married he knew about that deal and then after getting married was not okay with it and tried to change it and punished you for it and punish you for. So your marriage is not ending because you're supporting your kids. He's framing the narrative that way to try to box you into your choosing between me and them. But that's not what's happening at all. That's not it at all. This has to do with him not getting his little way. And that's what's going on.

It's incredibly manipulative as well. Yes. It's beyond belief. To say that you have to choose between supporting an adult child or me is incredibly manipulative. That you knew about before you got married. Yeah. He is the one that is spinning up this narrative and put you in this position. That is not actually what's going on, and he put you in this position. You did not put you in this position that is not actually what's going on and he put you in this position you did not put yourself in this position so uh if you're my little sister

linda i would here's what i would tell you today i would tell you to be sure you are seeing a marriage counselor and if he wants to go that it would be great you can have a mediator to try to help you guys learn through how to communicate and how to work and navigate through things we disagree on. Okay? And if he won't go, you should go anyway because you need someone in your corner reminding you that you're not crazy and you're not wrong. Okay? Okay. And if you're not in a good church, get in one, and you need to get in touch with the church staff and sit with a pastor and tell them what's going on so you've got people praying for you that love you well

and that are explaining that submission does not mean endorsing misbehavior or endorsing bad concepts. You know, I've been married 38 years as a believer, as a person of faith, and I have never one time told my wife she needed to do something that I wanted her to do because she was supposed to submit. I don't have to. It doesn't come up. And because we're in agreement we're communicating we're navigating the decision making together and she knows i have her best interest at heart we don't know that about your husband he does not seem to have your best interest at heart he seems

to be selfish with the story you've told anyway. So, no, you're not crazy, darling. You're just going through hell. And I'm sorry. It hurts, and it hurts to be torn between, to be put in a position that you feel like you're torn between two different competing relationships. And that's not fair. And it's wrong. Especially, there's no way he doesn't know this deal happened prior. You know, he didn't come into this blind.

No. So, that's so hurtful. So hard. Here's what I will tell you guys out there. It seems like we've had a little bit of a marriage hour here. Theme today, yeah. Christy, we have experienced this. That, you know, I use Proverbs 31 a lot.

Who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain. Now, for you ladies, that means virtuous. It does not give you permission to be the Holy Spirit. That's not your job. You're virtuous, and you're kind, and you're thoughtful, and you're smart, and you're entrepreneurial, and you're energetic, and you're adding value to the conversation. And when Sharon Ramsey does that, because she has done that for 38 years, is one of the reasons we're so vastly freaking successful here, is that pulling together that thing that unity thing and um to discount the voice of either spouse is just it's uh it's so destructive it does not work and it does not

cause success yeah and and it's amazing too how i feel like there's like what i hear in some of those conversations from linda It's like, he wants to be respected. He wants to be submitted to whatever, but he's not taking actions that are worthy of respect or submission. And anytime any man throws around, you need to submit to me because the Bible says that's a red flag right there. Can I just

say that? Because the men that you want to follow are not men that are throwing that around. And it's not the way that you love and lead in a marriage using that kind of language, punishing your wife. I'm not going to contribute to the family financially because you're doing something I don't like. Okay. And so I think that one of the things that even just as we're kind of talking about this and it applies to lots of marriages, not just the unity piece and the communication piece, but the respect piece, respecting that other person's voice, respecting their values, being willing to lean into the conflict and have the conversation until you

can get on the same page versus I'm just going to do whatever I want to. We don't make decisions at the Ramsey's of size without being in agreement. And right at this moment, we have a decision that she and I are not in agreement on. And so when we're not in agreement, what we do is nothing. That's right. The other person's not going to be like, well, too bad. See you later. I'm just going to go do what I want to. That's such a healthy thing to sit in that because it shows the person, I love you enough to work

through this with you because I want to do it with you right, then not with you. I'm going to wait on you to catch up. Yeah, please. I want you to see my side. Please. But we just, you know, if there's a charity and a ministry we're going to give to, one of us doesn't feel good about it, we don't.

Until we do enough research or get more options, and both of us either don't feel good about it then or both of us start to feel good about it. And then we can move forward. But we have to have agreement to move forward on major financial decisions. When you don't, you're going to struggle financially. Good hour, Christy. Well done. Thanks for having me. James Childs and Kelly in the booth. Well done. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the

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