The Ramsey Show - App - Credit Is a Crutch—It’s Time to Walk Without It

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

This is the Ramsey Show where America hangs out to have a conversation about their money, their profession and their relationships. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. 888-825-5225. I'm Ken Coleman and super excited to be next to the fabulous Rachel Cruz, ladies and gentlemen. You ready to go, partner? Aw, thank you, Ken. You ready to roll?

I'm ready, this'll be a good show. All right, I think so too. And I think we might be starting out hot if the board is correct. Darlene is on the line with a question in Chicago. Darlene, how can we help? I'm wondering if you can help me figure out how to get rid of a disease that my children have

that's called brain and butt syndrome. My husband and I are retiring and we are paying down debt. And we're within 180 days of retiring and walking away from 50 years in education and our 25 year old, 28 year old, 31 year old, and 36 year old think that we are called the banks and I am tired of them wanting to know if they could gladly pay me Tuesday for a hamburger today. I'm done and I want to divorce them. How do I divorce them? Wow. Well are you the bank, Darlene? Have you been saying yes when they've been asking for

the stuff? No, I am a poor little person with a bachelor's degree who's worked my hiney off for 45 years with my husband to acquire a property and we have our goals in place. We have a retirement date. We have an IMRF pension date. We have a social security date. And a few of the children who seem to have the problem called weed man and gambling synonymous think that they can just keep taking money from us when I'm

trying to stock it away and pay down things. Okay. So Darlene, I love you, by the way. You are a gift to a talk show host, and I want to point that out. But Rachel asked you a very important question that plays into our advice. You listed the 25, 28, 31, and 36 year old. Then there was Mr. Weed Man and we've got a lot of things going on here. Are all four kids, who are adults by the way, are they routinely asking you for money and

are you giving them money, yes or no? They ask for money so regular that I have the ringtone that comes through is basically doing the sound of money. Okay. Do you give them? Are you giving it to them? Thank you. Um, the last few weeks, I've told them, no, I'm broke. I'm so flat broke I can't even pay attention.

Great! What about the weeks before that? How long has this pattern been going on? Let me put it two different ways, Darlene, because Darlene, listen to me, we're trying to help you. And you're great at the description. And you're very frustrated. And you should be frustrated.

But what we're trying to get to is, I'm going to now say something and you can disagree with me. You have been giving them money for far too long for things that you shouldn't give them money for, and now you've had it, and you're at the end of your financial rope and your emotional rope. That is a true statement, correct? It is. Okay, so I'll be cranky guy and tell you that you can't divorce your children, although I appreciate what you're saying, but you can tell them as you have the last two weeks,

the gravy train is officially over. It's my fault, but you're gonna have to stand strong on this because you've probably tried to do this over the years and they kept asking and you eventually gave in and you may not have, but the point is is that Rachel, she's gotta say what she said and now she puts that. And stick to it.

Stick to it. Yeah, but so Darlene, I mean a little bit of me is like, well of course they keep asking you for money because you keep giving it to them, right? So there's a point that they probably shouldn't. I wish they were adults on their own two feet. But you have been enabling the situation for years, you know, would you agree?

And I'm over being an enabler. And you're done. I hear it. Good for you. So how was saying no the last like two weeks or so, how's that been for you? For two of them, three of them it's been great. For one, of course she had a problem with a car, which we loaned her money for so that she could and And we're still waiting three weeks later for that money. Just like the daycare is waiting for money for the week for their daughter. You're not gonna get that money back.

My husband says we're burned and we're not getting any Kentucky jelly when we loan out this money and we're over it. What's Kentucky jelly? KY jelly. What? Oh dear. Yeah, if you're going in for a gynecological checkup. Oh my gosh! Alright, alright I got it. I was trying to move on but I was honestly in a state of being stunned. Darlene, you are a gift again to live radio. Wow! Now let me ask you this as I try to move on I've tried so hard James

My name is just saying is the husband is your husband in agreement with you like he's not gonna have a problem taking a stand He is he feels so burned and so disappointed in the past that we've led our children on with Make do do without wear it out, or go without, because that's how they were raised. Well, good for you. So you've answered your own question. Rachel and I can't give you any tips

other than you've gotta make it very clear to the kids and come up with a phrase that you say, and let me tell you where I go on this kind of stuff, because if one of them keeps coming back to you, I would have the same phrase, and I would repeat it over and over again until I realized, oh, mom is actually done. So you come up with the phrasing and, Darlene,

you're a treat, you need no help coming up with any phrasing. But I'd come up with one of your classic Darlenaisms that you've dropped on us, and it's every time they ask for money, you say it that way. The same thing, yeah, consistently. Even your answer is consistent, not in principle, but in actual verbiage. Literally, that's what I'm saying. D same thing, yeah. Consistently. Even your answer is consistent. Everything.

Not in principle, but in actual footage. Yeah, literally. That's what I'm saying. Darlene, every time you go, and they say it again, and you just keep going. And I think that they'll get the picture. The gravy train has left. The gravy train has left. I'm thinking I need to probably get one of Dave Ramsey's shirts that says, we got food

at home. Because that's a lot of them. They think, my husband and I live on what? $400 a month for groceries. Do they live with you? Do any of these kids live with you? No, but we have a granddaughter who lives with us most of the time that we take care of. Which child's kid is that? That's the 25 year old. She's married to kind of the weed man, like I said. Oh, so the 25 year old daughter is's married to kind of the weed man like I said. Oh, so the 25 year old daughter is married to weed man and their daughter is living with you because they can't or won't take care of her?

Because he's high all the time. Yep. The one quit her job working and the dad's no better because... You know what? I feel genuinely bad for you. But Darlene, I don't know what Rachel's gonna say about this, so I'm gonna step out there, Darlene, but I think you gotta send the grandchild back. You are actually repeating this process with the next generation. Our grandchild is in the situation where if DCFS walked in and saw the slum of filth that

she lives in, because she actually went to court before with her mom and her aunt and told her mom at three and a half that the cops shouldn't go arrest them all. All right. I changed my opinion because if that's what you have to do to protect the child from going into government, I get that. So you know what? That's an extreme situation, but this is it.

This is it. You're going to take care of this grandchild because you have to. No one else can or will. And then it cut everybody else off. Yeah, and Darlene, and you know what, and give yourself grace, because I'm sure there's a level of a self-critic in there of like, what did we do as parents that ended up in this,

but so give yourself grace in it, but you guys, from a financial standpoint, like you said, you have to draw that strong boundary. And I can't wait to hear Darlene's saying. I can't either, and Darlene, keep your sense of humor. I think you've got a great sense of humor. It sounds like you and your hubs are going to be okay in retirement, but now it's about you two and whatever responsibilities towards that little one.

And keep your chin up, hold the line, don't give in, keep those quips coming and just press through this thing. I'm so sorry for you, but you've got this. All right, let's go to Jessica now who joins us in Columbia, South Carolina. Jessica, how can we help? Yes, so my quick question is I was a victim of identity theft, I found out at 18, my mom had been using my social security number since I was two years

old. Found out at 18 when I went to go get a car and they wouldn't even touch me with the co-signer with an 800 credit score. No money down. Found out I had $186,000 in credit card debt just alone. Wait, wait, say that again Jessica. A hundred and what? $186,000 in credit card debt, just alone. Wait, wait, say that again Jessica, 100 and what? $186,000 in credit card debt. Oh my gosh.

Did your mom racked up? Yes. Oh Jessica, how long ago was this? Oh my, where was that? I mean, all the way back to 2005, the most recent one was in 2021, which was right before I was 18. And I got it with an attorney and we got my credit wiped but what it left me with was zero credit history

and horrible credit score. Not even a secure credit card will touch me now. I have a significant other, we're not married but we have gone to plenty of financial advisors and we have been told both that our best option is to get married because again I can't get even a credit card in my name. I'm an authorized user on only one card and I can't be an authorized user on a lot of other credit cards.

I'm just stuck. All right, Jessica, slow down. Slow it down. No, you're not actually. This is going to be a great call for you because you're not stuck. But quick question here and and Rachel's gonna give you some amazing guidance here, I promise you. But why are financial advisors telling you

that the best thing to do is to get married? Because that feels like a financial reason, not a good reason to get married. So I wanna dig into that first. What are we trying to accomplish? Yes, they always say, sign if I can't. And I don't have a car in my name I can't get a car of my own we share my partner's car

we moved up here to South Carolina from Southwest, Florida away from my grandmother and To live up here near my father and I work from home, which isn't a big deal But our biggest issue right now is we have one car. Okay, all right slow down slow down I'm so you're not you're not stuck. This is the theme of this call. I just want to ask a quick question here. Rachel, I'll get out of your way. I want to ask a question here. Yes. What do you do for a living and how much do you make? And I have a quick follow-up so give me the real quick stats. What do you do and how much do you make? I'm currently a debt collector for Advance America, and I'm currently making about, after commission, $18 to $19 an hour, 40 hours a week.

All right. So if you could save up money for, let's say you could save up $10,000, I don't care how long it takes you, could you buy a car without a credit card, could you buy a car with $10,000 cash, yes or no? Yeah, most definitely. I mean, there's plenty of good vehicles for that. Could you buy a car without a credit card? Could you buy a car with $10,000 cash? Yes or no? Yeah, most definitely. I mean, there's plenty of good vehicles for that price. So I'm challenging some of your thinking here.

Rachel's going to guide you here, but I want to challenge this idea that you're stuck because you have no credit score and that you have to get married in order to have a car. You have a job and you can go buy a $5,000 car, a $7,500 car. I just wanna make sure you catch that. Are you? Definitely, most definitely. All right, I wanna get out of the way, Rachael,

because I know you got some questions, but my goodness. I mean, the paradigm shift that you have to have, Jessica, is a pretty big one, because everything you've been talking about so far on this call has to do with how do I live my life around having a great credit score? And actually, you called The Ramsey Show and we're the opposite.

We actually don't care about the credit score because primarily you use a credit score to go into more debt. And you're finding that out when you're trying to go get a car loan, they won't give it to you because you have a bad credit score. You try to go deeper into debt with a credit card, they won't give you a credit card because

of that. So living debt free, this is actually a gift, Jessica. You don't even have the option. Most people listening right now could go apply for a credit card. You don't have the option. So see that as a blessing because I don't want it an option for you, even if you had a great credit score. So how do we live life debt free?

Well, number one, starting out, your biggest need is what you're saying is a car. I almost think your biggest need is maybe a new job. As a debt collector, that can't be a very fun job. So I wouldn't even talk about that. Yeah, you're limited there. I think you can do some really great work, Jessica, and I think you can work overtime. Do you have kids? Yes, I do not. I'm married, no kids. I would make a priority right now to say here, making a very detailed budget,

knowing exactly what you need in life for food, shelter, utilities, transportation, and that's about it. Like, I mean, we're just going on the basics here. Everything else is gonna go to save up for a car. And maybe $5,000 is your goal, whatever it may be. Cause you don't, do you have, do you have any consumer debt in your name? No, no, it's okay. So and you're fighting this whole hundred eighty six thousand dollars, right? Well, we we we successfully sued the debt your eyes and it got wiped a hundred percent. How much do you have in savings?

Okay. Yes, do you have any savings? currently no, um, we just use our savings to move and You know get out of Southwest Florida because the jobs there weren't any good. And we're currently trying, I'm trying to get back into college. I have one semester left to get my associates. But again, my mother messing with my identity

has affected my tax forms to getting grants and loans. So it's another one we're working on. Listen, Jessica, you don't need a loan to get one more semester paid for. And I think your remaining semester of your associate's degree is secondary to what Rachel's saying, which is let's get some money saved, let's get on a budget, and let's buy a car.

Because Jessica, we have people call the show all the time and they're trying to get out of debt. And so when we talk about getting out of debt, for instance, we say you cut everything and you work extra. And we have people very out of debt, for instance, we say you cut everything and you work extra. And we have people, I mean, in a very normal rhythm on this show that are making an extra $1,000, $1,200 above their income on side hustles. So let's just make it a goal for you.

And especially since you don't have kids, be like, hey, evenings, I'm working. Like whether you're waiting tables, I mean, you are doing something. And let's just go crazy. And let's say you earn an extra, let's go two grand a month. I know that sounds crazy, Jessica, but seriously,

like what if you worked your butt off, earned an extra 2000? That means sitting right now where we are in the calendar, by July, August, you could have a car, by depending on how much that one semester costs you, between now and December after could have a car, depending on how much that one semester costs you, between now and December after you have a car, another couple of months of working extra, you could have saved, you know, six, $8,000

for your tuition. So that's like, that's literally between now and the end of the calendar year, Jessica. So like it is possible, you just have to make some really big goals and you have to, not that you're playing victim to this by any means, but don't be leaning on the credit industry to get you out. Jessica, you can get you out. Yeah, I know that's what we're fed our whole lives, that credit is what matters. I mean, again, we moved up here with the intent to buy a home and

we found out quickly that I couldn't be on it. I guess that's really what dedicated me to. And you don't need to buy a home with someone you're not married to either Jessica. So definitely not. Or get married, or get married at the advice of a financial advisor so you can get a car. Alright now listen, listen to this. I just found, this is in the Columbia, South Carolina area, okay? I just found a 2009 Toyota Camry, 182,000 miles which on a Camry might as well be a new car. Okay, that car can go for $482.

Oh, I know. Alright, listen to this. $3,700 they want for this car. You walk up there with $3,200 and $100 bills and say, guys, this is what I'm going to pay you for this car. They'll give it to you so fast, your head'll spin. No credit, you hear me? Yes, I do.

I've had plenty of, I mean, my first car was an 05 Civic. I mean, I don't have any problems with used cars. Okay, so I wanna know for you, cause we've thrown out a couple of things, whether it's cars or college or not buying a house with someone you're not married to, and you're rebuttal to us, this whole call has been, oh, I know, oh, I know.

But why are you then still dabbling in this idea like I can't get a credit card, I can't get a car loan, I can't get a student loan? Because you're saying you know, but you're still giving it an option, why? No, I think it's just more so again, I mean, my whole family is, I mean, obviously they're not, they got their own troubles, but the whole thing is to have great credit

and to not have this negative stuff dragging behind you. And even though I've got my credit history wiped, you know, everything nowadays, they wanna pull some type of credit, even buy here pay here. No, no they don't. If you pay cash. Buy now, pay later is horrible, Jessica.

Like that's what I'm saying. You don't need to worry about those stuff. You don't know. I know. No, stop saying you know. It's more so the, the knowing the availability and you know. But you only need it, Jessica. You really only need it to go into debt. And that's what we're telling you is- Pay cash.

Just pay cash for everything and you don't have to worry about it. And if some cell phone company pulls up your credit report, you can just show them the police report and be fine. Like you can get away with other things, but you, you have to be convicted about this, Jessica. You're going to keep getting pulled. I feel like you're getting pulled into it, even though you're saying, I know. So you need to stand firm, pay cash for anything. It is possible, Jessica, you can do this and keep things separate from the boyfriend right now and live your life. Get yourself a car, save up for the semester, get your college degree and ride off into the sunset, and then maybe get married because you love him, not because of his credit score. She's been hypnotized. Stop staring at the sun.

All right, let's go to Mike in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Mike, how can we help today? Hi, yes. I had a question about my life insurance policies. I'm 70 years old. I have four whole life insurance policies, which three of them I would like to cash in one I wanted to leave for when I do die, it'll pay for my funeral. And the I have no debt, cars paid for houses paid for all that stuff. And I just need to accumulate up the surrender value on those three policies would be seventy thousand five hundred and twenty dollars. And I'd like to know, my insurance agent is trying to tell me not to cash it in. He says you know what about your daughter when you die you

know you want to leave us some money but she's going to be sitting pretty anyway because she's going to get the money from my house and all that stuff, you know. So yeah, yeah. And you have no one dependent upon your income right now, Mike, do you? I have what? Do you have anyone dependent upon your income? Just me and my wife. Okay.

What would your wife do if something happened to you? I don't know. Good question. But like I said, the house is paid for. She'd still get part of my pension. I signed for that when I got it and social security. How much will all that equal a month for her? Probably around $2,200, $2,300. Okay. And then you'll have $70,000 if you cash all this in. What else do you have saved? I have a variable.

I have three IRA accounts, two are traditional IRAs and one is a Roth. And then I have a couple of other Roth accounts with a different company. Okay, how much are in all those accounts total, would you say? Every, about 700,000. Oh, amazing. Yeah, I would cancel all those accounts total, would you say? Every, about $700,000. Oh, amazing.

Yeah, I would cancel all three of these, Mike, and pay for your funeral with the $70,000. I would, I mean, because how much are you going to be paying for this whole life policy that you're keeping? And your agent wants you to keep it because he's making a great commission off of it. Right. And I'm still paying on three of the policies. Oh, that's why the insurance agent wants you to keep it. Exactly, yep.

So I would drop them all, Mike. Okay, and what should I do with that money though? I mean, can I put it into like a savings account? Yeah. I'm sure I'm gonna have to pay tax on it, right? Do I, yeah, you'll have to probably pay for the, with life insurance, whatever the capital rate, I'm not sure.

Yep, I would talk to them to know the tax implications of that because the growth is different than just a standard investment, but depending on what they invested it in, because that's what usually happens with whole life is they have invested that money in a really crappy investment. And so, yeah, depending upon that,

but I would ask them that to make sure. But I would just put that 70,000 in a high yield savings and you can keep it there. Cause do you have any liquid cash? I mean, everything else you were saying was tied up into investments. Do you have any just like cash in a savings account? Well, yeah, about 10,000.

About 10,000, okay. So yeah, so I would take some of the $70,000 and put it there. If you want to invest some of it, you can, but you guys can just have a good buffer of high, yeah, just in a high-yield savings. How old are you guys? I'm 70. My wife is 68. Okay.

Okay. How long have you been paying on the policies? And do you have an idea how much you've paid over the life? The three that I want to sell I've been paying into probably for about 40 years. Oh gosh, about how much a year? About a thousand I guess, something like that. All right, on the tax question, again talk with your tax pro, but if the payout or the surrender amount is more than what you've paid.

Put in the growth on it. You've put in, then you will pay taxes. Just figure out what that is. But here's the thing, that doesn't change our opinion. You still want to get that money out because it's not doing you any favors. You don't need to keep those policies. They're not helping you at all. Rachel explained that.

Right. Get the cash. That's what. do what she said to do with the cash, and cash is king on this. And get out of this bad product. And you've done such a great job, Mike. And Mike, to be seven years old, have everything paid for, $700,000 in retirement. So to your point, your daughter, your wife, everyone's gonna be okay.

Why keep the fourth one? And I know what you said. You said, I'm keeping the fourth one. I've got four, I wanna surrender three. Why keep the fourth based on what we've told you? Because you're going to have plenty to cover your funeral. Well, yeah, but I just figured that if I cash it in, the surrender value on that is $7,800, but the death benefit is $11,450. So I think that would be enough for my funeral and maybe a nice dinner afterwards for everybody.

A nice dinner. Yeah. It's very nice. It's a three grand difference though, Mike. I'd just get rid of a crappy product. I would too. I would get rid of it. You've got plenty of money.

And you're going to earn plenty. You're going to live a long time, I can tell. So put that money, gain the interest on it, as Rachel told you. You just don't need it. Get rid of them all, get the cash back. You've paid way too much into these things for way too long. Yeah, right. Right? Okay. Yeah, man. Thank you so much. Yeah, I appreciate the call. What a nice guy. So great. Wants enough to cover his funeral and a nice dinner for everybody. For everybody after. That's what I'm gonna tell people. Have a great dinner. You know, Ken.

I'm gonna do the same thing. your laptop will you pull up the Ramsey investment calculator yes okay so Mike said for 40 years he was putting in would you say a thousand dollars a year I think for these for these accounts I don't know if all I wonder if it was just one of them or if it was all of them, I'm not sure. Okay, what do you want me to put in? So he's 70 years old, so he's, and he's been in for, so he's 30 years ago. So 30 years ago. So do it. So we go age 30.

Age 30 to age 70. Oh, I see what you're doing. And $1,000. If it's per month on the calculator? What did he say, $1,000 a year? A year, so do like, do a hundred bucks a month. A rate of return will go 10% just to make everyone not freak out on us. God forbid we do 12% but that is...

10%. All right, calculate. This is very exciting. I'm just curious what... Oh no. Okay. It would have been $632,400. You would have had an additional over $600,000

and now he has 70,000. That's how crappy whole life is. That shot to the shins right there. That hurts. That hurts. I can feel it in my shins. He would have had 1.4 million in investments. I mean.

Great point here. So just, that hurts. So everyone out there, that's how crappy whole life is. And for the actual insurance part of it, life insurance part, it's so expensive. So go get Term Life. At Zander. And just, yes, at Zander Insurance y'all

and call it a day. I've got so much insurance on me because I had three kids, right? And I mean, I'm, I've always looked at my wife sideways when I get in bed every night. You know what I mean? If I've been a little cranky or not such a good hubs, you know, I might wake up, uh, we have, we have the other, like literally this past year. And I was like, are you going to try to kill me? Is this going to be like a 2020 dateline situation? I'm more valuable dead than I am alive. I promise you that. The kids are teenagers She doesn't need me around the house anymore. I don't have to do baths. I don't have to do homework

I mean what am I doing? She has an age of physical labor. But the point is you know why I got so much? For peace of mind and it's so unbelievably inexpensive. So cheap. It's so cheap. If you decently healthy It's going to be really cheap and that investment calculator exercise. What a great exercise that was poor guy Oh, man, $40,000 he's put in and what that could have grown to and now it's just 70,000 is what it'll be and then the insurance agent is still sticking it to him Come on Mike. It's such a bad problem. Don't get out. They did it. They to him. Oh man. Come on, Mike. Such a bad product. Don't get out.

Oh look, they did it. There you go. They did it. Oh, they put it up there. Thank you, James. I know. I should have plugged into my fancy little cord here. Mike's doing great.

Mike's doing great. He's doing fine. He's doing fine. But this is a lesson for all of you listening. Get term life insurance. Do not fall for universal whole life, all these other policies. And if you get a lot of life insurance, get a taster, somebody to taste your food.

Like the kings used to, you know what I mean? Back in the medieval age, they were never sure if their food was poisoned. And so if they gave them a bowl of porridge, they had to have a taster. I believe it. And if that poor sucker keeled over, then the king was like,

hey, I don't like that. I ain't taking that porridge. I had an espresso martini recently, and the bartender was telling us that there's it they always dropped three coffee beans in the top of an espresso martini you know yeah ambiance and they said if there's ever four don't drink it because it was a sign back in like the 30s or something if they dropped four coffee beans it meant that it was poisonous and so look out can for your porridge and your last thing that bartender needed to tell you Rachel Rachel, by the way, if you don't

know her well, she's never ever met a conspiracy theory she didn't believe. I mean, ever. So now PSA from Rachel, four coffee beans in the espresso martini. Run, run, flee for the door. The earth is not flat. I don't believe that one. Oh, that's good to know. Yeah. Yeah. All right, folks, if you're tired

of living paycheck to paycheck, and let's be honest, you are, that's no fun, and you're constantly wondering where is the money going? The first step is always, and always will be, getting's no fun. And you're constantly wondering, where's the money going? The first step is always, and always will be getting on a budget. And we've got a great opportunity for you to just jump into this very warm pool, all right?

It's called learning how to budget. And you can do this with our every dollar free budgeting trainings all month. You're gonna learn step by step how to actually make a budget, stick to it, adjust it, all the things. I mean this is a skill like anything else and it's also a new concept for so many of you and as a result it's scary when I want to take the fear out of this deal. So sign up at everydollar.com slash webinar. You're gonna get all the questions answered plus

live Q&A above and beyond what they're going to teach you. Sign up for free for those of you who can't afford anything. This is beautiful for you. Sign up free at everydollar.com slash webinar. Sam is up in the Big Apple New York City. Sam, how can we help? Hey, how's it going guys? So, I got out of debt, you know,

fairly recently, you know, a couple years ago, and, you know, worked through the steps, and kind of at the point now where I feel like I could give a little bit more, and just feels, I guess, not fulfilling to give for whatever reason, and I'm just kind of curious, and just feels, I guess, not fulfilling to give for whatever reason. And I'm just kind of curious, like you think that makes me a bad person,

what do you guys recommend? I'm kidding, I kid, I kid, Sam. I've been curious about this. Tell Rachel and I what kind of giving you've done and why you think, there's no right or wrong answer here, why you think you's no right or wrong answer here why you think you don't feel fulfilled or you don't have some good let's call it butterfly feeling in your body when you do something nice for somebody walk us

through an example and why you don't think you feel it I don't yeah it's such a good question and I appreciate you asking. You know, like I, one of my best friends passed from cancer. So I thought, you know, I'll give, you know, five grand to cancer research at the hospital that he was treated, you know, and that made me feel good. But you know, I just thought that it would like really make me feel better. Um, I tried, um, donating to, a like mental health, um, you know, charity, um, cause my little brother struggled with mental health. And, um, honestly, like it, you know, again, just like, didn't do much for me.

Um, you know, I have just like didn't do much for me. Okay. You know, I have a hunch. I don't know if it's because, yeah, go ahead. I got a hunch, Rachel. Rachel's great at this. I think there's something to be learned. You said something a moment ago. It felt good, but it didn't make me feel better. That's a very interesting statement.

And I'm going to assume that you actually said what you felt. And Rachael, I'll tell you what, I don't have the answer here, but you're really perceptive on this. I think that you thought it was going to be a much different feeling than it was, because you acknowledge it felt good to give to the cancer thing, there was something there. And then you mentioned the mental health and there was another connection there to

your brother, one a friend, one the brother I believe. And it felt good, which tells me you're a human. But I think that either you overestimated what it might do for you, one, or, and here's my gut, and I could be wrong, Sam, and Rachel will correct me, she's really good at this. It could be that you're dealing with some stuff. Maybe you're dealing with, I don't know, I don't know, I'm not going to hang anything on you, but I don't know if you're dealing with some negativity in your life, some depression, some anxiety, I don't know.

And you thought maybe if I do this, it's going to really trigger something better in me, and I think you were like, oh, that was good. Like an ice cream cone, and then it wore off after you eat the ice cream about 20 minutes later. Yeah. Are you sensing anything? Maybe, I had two thoughts as you were talking, Sam. And one, I'm speaking to myself

because this is actually a literal conversation I just had with my husband, Sam, like last week. Cause I read something in this book. Are you a person of faith by chance, Sam? You know, I'm trying to come around to it more. I didn't really grow up super religious, but I'm in a church. So what I'm going to say is kind of in my context of life, which is one of Christianity. And so we are told from a biblical perspective to give. And that is one of the pillars that I stand on when we talk about giving is I really do believe with scripture, like it is the wisest way to live.

And when it talks about that, and when Jesus talks specifically about giving to the poor, giving to widows, like there are orphans, widows, like there are specific people groups. And that's what he did in his life on earth was he served and he was giving and that was it, right? So I was telling my husband all this, Sam, just like last week,

because it kind of hit me different. And I had this perspective because I've been talking to my kids about this and how I want to live out more generous opportunities, not just giving money, but actually time, like actually serving, doing things with our kids now that they're older. And sorry, Sam, I'm going a long way around this,

but it hit me last week that I thought, man, I was giving for myself and then putting it on my kids of why I wanna give. It's because I want them to experience. I wanna experience. It was a lot of me and I in my giving, just like you, Sam. And last week was one of the first moments

where I thought, how self-absorbed am I? I'm taking something that's supposed to be beautiful. I'm not saying you're self-absorbed, but I'm taking something as a follower of Jesus that's beautiful and what we're just commanded to do. Like there's a reason to do this. And it may not feel good all the time. It may not be great, but it's bigger than me.

The benefit is that I do believe, the benefit is that you will end up becoming more fulfilled as you give. Because when Jesus talks about, it's the opposite, right? The eternal life, it's the least of these. It is- Well, there's also, it's not all financial.

You can give of your time and your talent. Yes, and then Sam, my other thought I had. So I would say, try not to make it more of a byproduct that you're gonna feel good, but do something that's selfless, even if it doesn't feel great, because I think that starts to change who you are. But I would also say the things you told me

that you gave to are wonderful, obviously cancer research and mental health, but they're a little faceless and big. So maybe you find somebody, I don't know how you would, this just came in my head, of a single mom and her son is struggling with depression and he's 12 and she wants to get him a therapy, but she can't afford it.

And what if you, Sam, were able to anonymously or find a situation where you're like, hey, I can actually give to help that son or a medical situation where you can actually help pay the bills of a specific family. Now you're not gonna get the tax write off and all of that because you're giving to an individual. But at least you have this connection points

that is actually really beautiful if you're able to. So maybe make it more personal and then don't put the expectation so much on yourself. I don't know, because that's new for me, that first point I was saying, Ken, is that. I told you, Sam, she's great. That was unbelievable. Well now, I wanna give you a chance to respond here I don't know, because that's new for me, that first point I was saying, Ken, is that- I told you, Sam. She's great. That was unbelievable.

Well, now, I want to give you a chance to respond here because we've been trying to help here. No, this is super helpful. And I think both of you guys hit it home where I think I was trying to, one, make it about me, which is how self-absorbed and when you're trying to do something for others. And then two, that connection point, I think it's huge. I really want to try that exact strategy, finding a mother who has a kid struggling with mental health. That's literally exactly what I want to do. It's kind of firing me up and making me feel good already. So I really appreciate you guys and that's really, really helpful. Thank you.

And let me just say to you, the fact that you would call about this says what a great heart you have. And I mentioned it very briefly while Rachel was talking, don't underestimate the gift of your time. Don't underestimate the gift of your talent to build the giving muscle. There is no guilt here, you're a good guy, but how can you give your talent away? How can you give your time away? And what that does is, is that begins to build that muscle because you go, man, that was great. That was, I gave some effort.

It was something that I cared about. And the last thing I would say is I love Rachel's advice., that was great. That was, I gave some effort. It was something that I cared about. And the last thing I would say is I love Rachel's advice. Keep that antenna up. Look for the littlest of opportunities to give money. Doesn't have to be huge. No, no. It could be you're in the grocery store and you see a single mom and you don't know

if she's single mom, but the point is you just feel like, ah, it feels right. I'm gonna go up there and drop 200 bucks on her. Hey, hope this helps with groceries. Oh, and just walk away. Or you're at the gas station and someone's filling up their car. You know what? Let me just. You know, my favorite is is the old, hey, I'm going to get the car behind me

at the old drive. Oh, yeah. That's always a fun when you drive away, because you never actually get the fanfare. And that's the key. Yeah. You got to drive away. You can't pull over to the side and go, huh? How about this guy? Can't do that. You gotta drive away. Thanks for the call, Sam. So great. This is the Ramsey show where America hangs out to talk about their money, their profession

and their relationships. Thrilled to have you with us, America triple eight eight two five five two two five is the phone number triple eight eight two five five two two five alongside the wonderful fabulous rachel cruz i'm ken colman and we're gonna start with joan or joanne i apologize joanne in baltimore joanne how can we help i am so i'd make a commitment that uh... and I, like, we just got an

assessment of our home equity. Um, and so it's right now at a point where, um, if we were to sell our home right now, our primary evidence, we would be able to pay off, um, completely our student loan. Um, and then that would make us completely out of debt and still give us like a little something left over but we're just we're just trying to figure out like what's the best financial decision because we just don't know and you know it's our home so like yeah it's a big deal yeah for sure yeah we usually don't recommend selling your home in order to get out of consumer debt but what are the numbers what how much do you guys owe in student loans?

Oh, so the student loan is about like 85,000 And on the lowest end the home equity is sold would be around like a hundred and twenty four thousand and on the highest end It would be 157 is what the assessment said. How much money do you guys make a year? Like combined gross or net? Sorry, combined, let's go net. How much are you bringing home? So a year like 167 to 175. My husband's an entrepreneur so it varies.

Yeah, that's great. But yeah. No, Joanne, I would not sell your home. I would live on nothing and get this paid off in a year and a half and have your home with all this equity in it. No, do not sell your home. No. Okay.

Is this your idea or your husband's? Like his thing was that, like, cause right now we're just paying like the minimum amount on it just because we're like, we're just paying like the minimum amount on on it just because we're like we're putting to savings and someone was saying like oh well maybe if you get your savings to the because we're trying to get it to like a three-month reserve so they were like if you get your savings to a three-month reserve by the end of the year like you say you're trying to do

then you can just put more towards it because like like the thing, basically he was saying like, well, right now we're just maintaining the loan is not going anywhere, right? Yeah, because how much margin are you putting towards savings right now? You said how much am I putting towards savings right now? Per month, yeah. It's 200 a paycheck, so.

Okay, and how many paychecks are you guys getting? I'm sorry, So 400 a month, 400 a month that you're putting towards savings. How much is in your savings right now? And the savings right now is seven something like 7,000 something. Okay. Okay. My question is, how do you guys only have $400 extra a month? What are all your bills? What's your other consumer debt?

I mean we don't really have any other consumer debt. It's mainly like our kids schooling because they're in private school and like I said he's an entrepreneur so like my my job is really the only job that's like more consistent than anything and how much is he how much is he contributing to the income? Like how much does he make a year? Out of the one, out of the one, out of the one 67, how much is his, would you say? So it was 80,000 like altogether, but then, um, things were written off. So, I mean, I don't know, like my, my income was about like one 54. Oh, so you're making majority of all this.

Correct. Okay. If you're making 154 and your income is 170, he's barely making any money. That's correct. Yeah. I mean, he's not making it. Yeah. What do you mean it's all written off? He's paying himself, but he's right. So most of it is being written off in terms of like expenses from what he's making, from what he's bringing in, like expenses for his business. Okay, so he's not paying himself much at all. Correct. Well the answer to this part of this equation is he needs to make more money. Like, would this you he's not doing a hobby here, Joe

I mean, I love being an entrepreneur But if if I've got a family and a wife and this is this is a hobby that's paying him a little bit of money This is a side dollars a month. He's making 12,000. He's bringing $12,000 a month. Yeah to the family. That's a side hustle That's what people make doing Uber Eats. Right. Okay. I mean, are you with us here or does this sound like we're speaking another language? I mean, I get what you're saying.

It's not that you're necessarily speaking another language. It's just, I mean, I just feel we're like, we're the mindset, like we're, we're a team. So I know you're a team, but when, I just feel like we're in the mindset like we're a team so. I know you're a team. Like there was time when I was with him when he was training. When there's a team, I get it. But we are in debt and you're coming to us should we sell our house and this feels like the nuclear option, right? No, your husband should make more money.

Yeah, and it's his, sounds like he's bringing this to you and you can be a team But we can disagree and Joanne I would say the same would be opposite if he was calling and if he was making your kind of money He's like, yeah, but my wife has her own business and she's me. I'd say what what's your wife doing? She doesn't think it's not a husband wife thing It's just the idea that yeah You both have to be pulling your weight in order to do this and you're about to sell one of the best assets that you Have and to get back into the housing market right now is market is so difficult. So no, I would not exit out of the housing market.

What does he do? What is his business? I'm sorry? What is his business? Last question? What is his business? Oh, he's in entertainment. He makes movies. He makes movies. And does like, yeah, he does. He makes movies and he does like commercials and...

So he has a production company? Yes, sir. And he does trade commercials, local stuff through ad agency, stuff like that, or is he all in on movies? Correct. No, he does both. It doesn't... And how long has he been doing it? He doesn't discriminate. Completely, I would say probably for the last 10 years he's like been building this business. Okay, I'm gonna tell you this. Pretty great success in the last maybe five to seven years I would say. You don't mind if I quote Dave Ramsey, do you?

No. Okay great, because literally I was on the show with him yesterday and we had a very similar call and he said and I quote, if he's been in business for 10 years, he ain't building it. It only takes a year or two to build. 10 years of this and he's barely paying himself anything. He's not building anything. He's got a fun hobby with lots of cameras and mics and lights and he wants to make a movie and hit it big and you're an amazing woman.

But he is not contributing to the level that he needs to contribute to and 10 years of this, this is not him building a business. He had his shot to build it and he's not done a good job. That's the reality. And I'm quoting Dave but I agree with Dave and I literally, we had this conversation yesterday. And so there's a season of life where Rachel, I'm fine with him trying this. If it's a side hustle and we have no debt and the kids are out of the house.

Yeah. And even if they had no debt and they were like, you know what, this is what he likes, this is what he loves to do, but we're able to do it because we have March and all the things, you things. That's a family decision. But not when you have kids in private school, not when you have debt, and then you're talking about selling your house. Yes.

No, Joanne, no. I know you called about selling your house. We're telling you, your husband, and you could show them this call because we could be the main people. But that's tough. Like, I mean, if he made 80 grand a year doing something else, you guys would have his debt paid off in 12 months. You're not much of a team right now. You're the one taking all the

shots, bringing the bacon home, and he's, you know, God bless him. And I know it's your husband, and I promise you we're not attacking him. But this needs to be a step up moment for him. And we can get rid of his debt really, really quick, get stable, and then figure out what the dream looks like. Today's question of the day is brought to you by WhyRefi. When life happens and those private student loans go into default, WhyRefi can offer you real possibilities, not judgment. YREFY will help you explore a low fixed rate loan based on your unique circumstances. Go to yrefy.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y

refy.com slash Ramsey. It may not be available in all states. Today's question comes from Ariel in Indiana. I'm getting ready to move in with my boyfriend and wonder how to best navigate paying bills. Are there things to look for that may not be in the budget? Do we split everything 50-50? Or can we make the house payment and the other person pay for the utilities and groceries

so it equals two in house payment? We have discussed this in detail and plan on staying debt-free and working towards the next step in our relationship. What are your thoughts? Well, thanks Ariel for the question. You know, this is always an interesting one to tackle Ken because it's so normal like these days always,

it's so normal becoming more and more normal to move in together before you get married. And I think one of the problems with that is this right here, where you're trying to act like you're a married couple, but you're not. So it gets things really tangled really fast. So honestly, my recommendation, Ariel, if I were to be honest, would say, don't move in, see if the relationship does go further and when it does and you guys are married, then actually be married and play house like you're married.

But if you don't take that advice and you guys do move in together, I mean, I guess my advice would be to, I guess you would split things equally. I wouldn't put your name on a mortgage together though, until you're married. But yeah, if you guys wanna look and say, okay, in order to run this house,

it's gonna cost, I'm gonna make up a number, $3,000, and you pay 1500 and I pay 1500. I guess that's what you do, but I mean, that's where this gets so sticky, is I'm like, I don't think, I don't know. That's a hard one. You have to treat it like a roommate if you're renting, I guess.

And you've split the rent. You split the rent, you split utilities. Maybe split everything down the middle, yeah, just down the middle. If it's a roommate situation, then that's what this should be considered. But to your point, we took a call recently, I think Jade and I took a call recently,

and you've had these before, and this was just recent. Last week, a lady and her boyfriend bought a house together, and then it got nasty. They don't talk anymore. And he's not paying. She moved out. She moved out to an apartment. He stayed in the house.

And he's not paying the rent. Both of their names are on it, and he's not paying the bills. And so she was worried about it going to foreclosure. So this is the kind of example of why we say, don't buy a home with somebody you're not married to. Because when you're married, God forbid something bad happened, there are legal ramifications and that is a lot,

while ugly, it's easier to figure out. So anyway, good advice. I just, as a girl dad, I got one girl, two boys. Just get married. Yeah. You know? I know. I'm with you.

Makes me sound like a dinosaur though. Okay, and I'm about to sound real like a dinosaur. I was talking to some friends about this. Cause we got married young. Okay, so we are on the same boat. Y'all got married young. Yeah, I was 23. Yep.

And we had kids early. And well, we were married for about five years and then had some kids. But, and I know everyone's story is different. Everything looks different. But I think there's like this notion nowadays, which I get, I don't think it's wrong, but it's like, hey, I'm not gonna get married yet.

I'm gonna wait until I've lived my life. And then I'm gonna settle down and get married. I laugh at that. And I don't know, call me old school, but a part of me is like, if it's the person, like go ahead and do it. Have it, you know. I agree.

Get married young, if you're gonna have kids. Like have some time together for sure, but have some kids, be an empty nester early in life. Like, do you know what I mean? Like it's, but there's like this caution around it, which I understand because I do think not everyone's ready to get married at that age, by all means, I get get that you need to be ready

But there's like this This idea in our heads. I think that eventually I'll know when I'm ready or something doesn't make sense Like I'm gonna live life first. Well, I laugh at that I hear that but I think you've not lived life until you've been a parent to Even insinuate that you can go live life and now I'm gonna settle down and be a husband, a wife, or a mom or a dad is just mind boggling to me because that's a whole nother type of living. Right.

Life before those two responsibilities is very different. Yes, yes. Certainly kids. Yes, for sure. Like double income, like Stacey and I were telling a young couple the other night about double income, no kids. And I were telling a young couple the other night about double income, no kids.

And we were talking about it like it was fantasy land. Number one, because it's been a long time. Okay. Yeah. But number two, because like, oh wow, like we just did whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. I know, I know. And that changes when you have kids.

Right. So anyway, don't tell me about how you're going to live life. Carla's up in Baltimore, Maryland. Carla, how can we help? Hi, thank you so much for taking my call. Um, you guys already changed our lives. So thanks for continuing to talk and support us. Um, but me and my husband are baby step millionaires and right now we're about to have an excess of five to seven K per month and we're trying to divide that between steps five six and seven and I was hoping that you could guide us on how much to put into

each step or if we should just focus on one of those steps. All right well I would probably say, Carly,, correct me if I'm wrong, if I'm misunderstanding you, it would be more like four, five, and six. Baby step seven is once the house is paid off and you're just building wealth at that point. So it's not really contributing to step seven. That's more of a milestone you get

once you pay off debt or pay off your house, which is baby step six. Does that make sense? Yes, that does. We still kind of give and have tried to give. Oh, you're thinking of the giving part of step seven. Yes. No, that's great. Okay. So it's more the giving aspect is what you're thinking about when you say step seven. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. So, okay. So what I would do is that 15% of your income will be at maybe step

four, but you guys have that covered because you didn't even mention that so I'm assuming that's already just you're doing that. And then I would look to see for your kids how old are they? So we have twins, seven-year-olds and then we have a 12-year-old. Okay. And we're currently contributing to their 529s, a total of 2k per month. And right now we have about 50k spread out amongst the three of them with much more in our 12 year olds and she's going to need it sooner. Yes. Have you spoken with a financial advisor and run those numbers to see how much will be

in that account at 18 if you continue on this track? Yes, we have. Okay. how much will be in that account at 18 if you continue on this track? Yes, we have. Okay. So yeah. So do you feel pretty confident with kids college as it is now in what you guys have been doing? Like that, that will be covered. Do you think? Yes. I mean, we do plan to continue, um, putting in another, um, thousand K per month into their account. Um, But even with that, we're going to have an excess

of five to seven K. Okay, perfect. So a little backstory, we've been remodeling our house and now we bought our dream house, we remodeled it. It's now the remodels almost done and we've been cash flowing the remodel. So now we all of a sudden have five to seven K a month of extra. How much do you owe on the house? That we hadn't been putting in the stuff.

We owe 600 K on the house. Okay. So yeah, I mean, cause it sounds like maybe except four and five, you guys have covered that you guys are doing that regardless of this money. So I would take this. Yeah. So I would take the six to seven K and you guys take a percentage and I'm going to let you pick it So I would take the six to seven K and you guys take a percentage.

I'm going to let you pick it. I'm not even going to assign it to you of a little bit of lifestyle, just to say, Hey, we're going to enjoy some of this. Maybe that's 2000 extra a month, whatever that may be. We're going to give a little bit more and you guys can decide on that percentage. Let's give a little bit more and then everything else remaining. Let's just throw out the house and the more concrete Carla, you have those numbers once you kind of do those percentages, what feels right. And let's just pretend it's an extra, I don't know, I'm just making this up,

4,000, 3,500 extra a month you're just throwing at the house and run out that scenario on our mortgage calculator on ramseysolutions.com and just see where that puts you guys a payoff day. And if that feels like, golly, that's so far, even though we know our income's gonna go up, you know, our income will continue to go up, but we kinda wanna be more aggressive.

Then maybe you're like, well, you know, maybe we can turn down some of the other percentages and throw more. I don't know, you can kind of play with it. There's really not a right or wrong because you guys are doing baby step four, you're funding baby step five, and what's really left is that pay off the house.

So still splitting some percentages between lifestyle, throwing extra at the house, and some additional giving, I think is great. And you guys can even change those percentages year to year. You guys get to decide that. But I think the more intentional you are on the front end, the better off your results are going to be. Taylor is joining us now in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Taylor, how can we help? Hi guys. So I got myself into quite a mess. I'm $113,000 in debt and I'm getting married in one month and having a baby daughter in two months. Trying to figure out how to get out of this. Exciting. Okay, wait, when's the wedding? What did you say? one month and having a baby daughter in two months. Whoa! Trying to figure out how to get out of this. Well, exciting.

Okay, wait, when's the wedding? What did you say? Two months, baby comes. One month wedding. Oh my goodness, you guys got a big three months ahead of you. Congratulations, Taylor! Thank you. You're staring down the barrel of responsibility, aren't you, pal?

Yep, that's for sure. Yeah, how old are you? I'm 25. 25. Break down the $113,000 in's for sure. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 25. 25. Break down the $113,000 in debt for us. What is it? So 18k in federal student loans, 57k in private loans, and then 38k across three credit cards. Okay. Give us the three credit card balances just so we kind of know what you're dealing with. Smallest to largest.

10K, 11K, and 17K. Okay, perfect. And how much do you make a year? So I have an engineering job and I make 82K a year from the engineering job. Great. And what, is your new wife, will she be working? No, she'll be staying home with the baby. She'll be staying home, okay.

Does she have any debt? Oh no, she's got 40 grand in cash. Oh, ho ho, looky there, Taylor. You're marrying up, pal, way to go. Well, it's what we all try to do, by the way. Oh my goodness. All right. Okay, well, that's pretty good news.

Are you guys on the same page with working together to clean up this mess? What's her attitude towards that? We're working together. She's okay with using her money to pay off some of my debt, but I don't know exactly how to approach that conversation because I feel kind of bad because it's her money that she made before she even met me. And there's one

more thing to add to the equation. I do have an online business I started six months ago and last month I made 40k so that's very good. Holy crap! Is that part of the 82,000 or is that additional? That's additional but it's variable. What'd you do? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is that money right now? I put everything into debt so this like every single profit I'm using to pay off my debt. So you just paid off $40,000 in debt? Profited like 30 so I paid off 30. Okay gotchacha. Wow, so that brought it down to 113. You were at 143. Yeah, that's correct.

Okay, amazing. What's the expectation that you'll be making 30K a month? Did you see that like every other month happening? Do you see that happening only twice a year? Or what do you think? Well, this business is six months old and in total over the past six months, I've made 82K and then obviously half of that was last month. So it's uncertain.

Any projection on this month? Because we're essentially halfway through this month. What are you projecting for this month? At least 20. Of profit? Yes. Paying to you? Yes.

Golly. Wow. This is great news. Besides the white to B's 40 grand and in your additional 20, you got another 60 you get to play with here. Yeah. So I'm like, let's just, we'll just pretend Taylor, just for a second, that her 40 and let's say this 20 are going to go towards that. That means you knock off basically everything and you have the $57,000 student loan left is kind of what it is. And then next month, if you make 30 or 20,

you're going down to 37 or 27,000. You'll have this paid off, I'm saying all this to say very quickly. I mean, it's pretty remarkable. So I think by the end of the year, you guys will be debt free. But I think the more important question is, for you guys as a couple, how you guys are going to do money together. And I totally understand the notion of, golly, this was my mess that I screwed up and now the money she's worked so hard to save. But the way to look at it really is that we are one team and if we are one unit and we're

going to move forward in this life together, we're going to move faster and win faster financially if we do this together. If we keep kind of playing this, well that was yours, this is mine and that's the way we do life and money, it's gonna be separate your entire life. And you guys are not really gonna ever be combined and your goals are gonna be so scattered and you're not gonna hit them as quickly

versus if you guys were like, hey, together, we're gonna get out of this debt. Hey, together, we're gonna build up an emergency fund. Together, we're gonna start funding retirement. And our goal is to have X amount in three years so that we can start traveling with the kids. You know, like you guys together are creating this life and money is just a tool to help support that, Taylor.

So I want that for you guys. I want you guys to get on the same page. So it's, I know it feels like it's her 40 grand, my debt and that, and looking at the numbers and the math side, but I want you guys to look at it more as, hey, we're creating this life together. And what do we want to do with this? Right?

And so that's really the main conversation that needs to be had. And then us combining money and going after these money goals together will naturally fall in line with this idea that we are a team. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I guess one last, yeah, one last bombshell.

I have a leased car but she has a paid off car so I'm assuming I should get out of that lease and either stick to one car until we're debt free or just buy something in cash. Correct. You're correct Taylor, yes. Yep. I wouldn't stick to one car unless you guys can actually do that and so you may have to get a cash car, like a $7,000 car or something like that as a part of this process. My question, Rachel, is he's got a month left, so we want him to, he needs to be tackling this himself until the day they combine accounts.

For sure, yeah. So you got to have the conversation with her. Taylor, one of the things you said I thought was interesting I want Rachel to weigh in on is you're like, she's open to it, but I'm not sure how to have the conversation. And I think it'd be great for you to weigh in on, this is premarital, but how does he need to have this conversation about what happens

with that 40 grand on day one? Yeah, I mean, I would approach it more in the sense of like, what do we want our marriage to look like when it comes to money? How do we want to approach this together? Let's make that decision first. And then out of that, the numbers kind of start to play out. But yeah, have y'all talked about money, Taylor?

Like how you guys want to handle it? Oh, yes, we have. We've had that conversation. When I said she's open to it, I just haven't, she knows how much I'm in debt. She knows how much I make. She's going to stay, I just haven't, she knows how much I'm in debt, she knows how much I make, she's gonna stay home, we have that all laid out. We just haven't decided for sure,

okay, that 40 grand is gonna all get wiped out and go right to my credit card debt. Sure, yeah. Yeah, so I think tonight would be a great night, you know? I was gonna say open a bottle of wine, she probably can't partake, but. Yeah. But you have a glass of something.

Good thing you're not the surgeon general you have a glass of something and just say, hey, let's make some financial goals between now and the end of the year. And I actually, because she is expecting Taylor, I wouldn't put her 40 grand on debt anyways. I would make sure that she and baby are good. So we always actually say go in stork mode when you are expecting and be keeping that savings there that when they come home from the hospital and everything's good, then you press play. But until then just hold that 40 anyways,

regardless to make sure everyone's okay from a medical standpoint. And then yeah, you guys tonight just say, hey, let's map out what we want the next year or even end of the year, calendar year, 2025. What are some of our big goals? And start running some numbers. And it could be fun to say, okay, do we wanna try to be debt-free by the end of the year, calendar year, 2025, what are some of our big goals? And start running some numbers and it could be fun to say, okay, do we want to try to be debt free

by the end of the year? What would that look like? That's crazy, but what would that look like? And start mapping out some numbers, looking at projections and just kind of start dreaming together. And then I think it naturally will flow to, here's what you have, here's what I have.

And as we combine this all together, like this is how fast we can hit these goals. And it starts to, in my opinion, be energizing. I always think that stuff is energizing. You know, Taylor, I don't know if Rachel agrees with this, but I think this requires some flowers, maybe even a spa day. You gotta go into this conversation celebrating her.

She's got 40 Gs in the bag. She's willing to take your debt ridden hide on. I mean, I wouldn't you come on. I don't mean nice. Nice gesture my friend. She's pregnant. You're wanting to take care of her. I'm going to take care of you. I appreciate you. Yes. I would make some gesture and more than flowers. I'm going to be mad about that. See, I think spa day, you know?

Maybe after a really positive, that a boy. You gotta go in with a lot of appreciation, my man. Because this is a big deal. This is a great woman. And so you need to let her know that because you're in good shape, my man. My goodness. Yeah, I've always said, you gotta out-marry yourself.

Taylor took this literally. He did it. Way to go, Taylor. Congrats, Taylor. It's the next fun couple of months for you guys. Congrats on the baby. Buying your home is a huge deal, folks. Don't try to do it on your own or with somebody that has no experience. Don't get scared. Don't bind all the headlines. Get with somebody who knows what they're doing.

Give you an example here. Immediate home prices went up slightly last month to about $430,000. More homes are on the market, the highest nearly a million right now, the highest since 2019. So it's still not enough to meet buyer demand. The average 15-year fixed rate rose to 5.9% last month but it's still under 6. So if you're ready financially a small rate increase shouldn't hold you back. To learn more about the housing market trends and get free tools to help you buy or sell with confidence, go to ramsysolutions.com. RamseySolutions.com. RamseySolutions.com.

RamseySolutions.com. RamseySolutions.com. Or we've got the link in the show notes if you're listening via podcast and YouTube. Nikki is joining us now in Salt Lake City. Nikki, how can we help? Hi. Thank you so much for having me on. So my question is basically, how do my husband and I approach helping my in-laws

in their retirement when we are working our own baby steps and they are also not making financially responsible decisions themselves? I don't know that you can. And I'm not being cynical, Rachel. I just, there's only so much you can do. You know, maybe a suggestion, maybe an offer. But outside of that, if they don't receive it, what do you think you can do? Well, here's, I guess, let me give some context for what's happening right now. Here's, I guess, let me give some context for what's happening right now.

Um, last fall they stopped paying their mortgage in a home they've been in for over 30 years. Why? We don't have no idea. They won't tell us. And so we don't know where that money has gone and they're about to lose their home to foreclosure now, um, but they're trying to get it sold. And if they do get it sold, they'll met about 200,000, but they're trying to get it sold. And if they do get it sold, they'll net about $200,000, but they haven't saved anything towards retirement and we

don't know how much credit card that they have, but my guess would be high five figures. Five figures? Is that what you said? Mm-hmm. Five figures, yeah. Well, your first clue that you can't do much, if anything, and I'm not trying to be negative here. I'm just trying to answer your question, but when they won't tell you why they stopped paying their mortgage, and we're talking about you being your husband, their son, when they just say, we're not telling our own son why we're not paying our mortgage, that's a sign. They don't want anybody to know.

There's something they are hiding and have no interest in sharing. And do you guys feel like, Nikki, that you're wanting to help them just because of the obvious, like, it's our in-laws and we don't want them to be homeless, or are they coming and asking for help? A bit of both.

So they have been kind of cagey about getting help, but my husband and his siblings have been communicating with each other and they recently asked his brother for $10,000. So we know it's only a matter of time before that question is directed at us. And they have a history of borrowing from their children and not paying it back. So it's, I mean, it's pretty ugly. And I'm just really feeling that anxiety because I don't want to be just to my own children someday. And I worry about how much money they'll want from us.

And will that rob me of my own retirement savings and my children's education? Okay, hold on, pause. Do you have a legit fear of- Sorry, I can't help myself. No, you're great. want from us and will that rob me of my own retirement savings and my children's education funds? Okay, hold on. Pause. Do you have a legit fear of- Sorry, I can't help myself. No, you're great. You actually said something that I want to lean into. Is that fear because you think if they come to your husband and ask for money that he's going to give them some money and then you're going to be really stuck?

No. My husband and I, we have worked really hard to get on the same page. When we first got together, he said, absolutely, I'm going to deplete our emergency fund to help them if they ever ask. But he's very much the opposite now. But I guess the worry is too, if we say no, that it's going to ruin the relationship he has with his siblings. Is he still going to stand strong on that? Well, that it's going to ruin the relationship he has with his siblings. Okay. Is he still gonna stand strong on that? Well, that's not his fault. Or yours.

Yeah, that is then, a boundary is drawn and whoever gets mad about the boundary, that's their decision to be mad about it. And so there's a lot of, this is so hard, this is so hard because you wanna control the whole situation. You want everyone to be okay, everyone do their hard, because you wanna control the whole situation. You want everyone to be okay, everyone do their part, be an adult, everyone, you know what I mean?

And you're like, we're the ones being adults here making wise decisions and we're getting screwed because we are making right decisions and now they're coming to us for money. And so I think the issue here is that when the boundary is drawn, it's not really a boundary until someone bumps up against it and the fact that they get mad that they bump up against it, that's their fault. And I say that with such love because you do not want a family to be torn apart

by money, but you guys aren't causing that. They're going to choose that, right? And you can't control what they're choosing. And that's hard. Very hard. And Nikki, I understand, you know, your stress over it because it involves your husband, but it also involves your money too. And as long as your hubs is on the same page and you guys are going to hold the line together, then you shouldn't have that fear.

And what I was responding to is when you said, I've got this fear that it's going to rob from my retirement. Well, there's no fear of that happening if there ain't no chance in the world it's going to happen. Now, the only way that you get to that point is if your husband goes, I'm all in on this one. I'm not going to give them a nickel. And if you guys had, you know, $400,000 sitting in a high-yield savings account or something, you're like, I mean, we could give them a few, and you wanted to do that, you could, right?

Like, I mean, people can decide to do what they want, but you guys aren't in a position to give a ton, right? Because you guys are still working the baby steps. I wouldn't give them a nickel. Well, I know you wouldn't, but some people are like, they're about to be homeless. No, you're making a great point. I wanted to put it out there that I think it's,

I think it is so morally wrong for parents to put their kids in this situation. It really bothers me. I agree, I know. But Nikki, Rachel's right. Guys can do whatever you want to, you call it us. No, yeah, and I wouldn't, but I'm saying, it's not even like, I don't feel like you guys

are even set up in a way that you really could help on a substantial level. Because you guys are still working to pay stuff off and fund retirement, you know what I mean, for yourself. So that's, how much do you guys make a year? Well, I just had my first baby and so I'm going back to work just part time. So I think this next year we'll probably net around, or not net, excuse me, will probably gross around one time.

Okay. And what baby-sip are you guys on? Four, five, and six? No, we're still in two. Oh, you're still paying off consumer debt. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have- Not a nickel. Yeah. You don't have an option to do anything right now. You don't have the money. I mean, you guys are working to pay off debt. So like we, you don't, you don't have an option to do anything right now. You don't have the money. I mean, you guys are working to pay off debt. So like we, you don't have the extra cash.

What's the other brother doing on the, I thought you mentioned- And how many siblings? Yeah, there's a couple. That he got asked for 10 grand. What's he gonna do? Well, he's not going to give it to them unless the house is supposed to be sold

to another family member and that should be closed on by the end of the month. If it's not, his brother has said he will give them the ten grand in order to give them more time to try to sell so that they don't just lose everything. Oh man, that stinks. It'd be great if all the brothers circled the wagons. I'm gonna go a step further. I think you need to have your husband preemptively tell mom and dad, hey listen, I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know you asked my brother for money.

We just had our first baby. We just had our first baby. My wife is not working full time. We're trying to get out of debt. I want you to know our financial position and our financial philosophy. And don't ask me for money because I'm not going to give it to you. I would go that far because I think they are being enabled by the one brother. Sounds like a family member is enabling them by buying this house and bailing them out. We don't know what's really going on, why they would stop paying their mortgage. This is a mess.

And here's what I know about messes. You get near a mess, you get messy. And you guys need to steer as clear as this thing as you can. Now, that may be aggressive, but I'm just that kind of mentality where if I see a potential confrontation, I try to cut off the real confrontation by going, hey, in case anybody's thinking about confronting this,

I wanna go ahead and put out my preemptive position on this. And let's avoid all the ugliness and the weird tension. Yeah, there you go. Being super proactive in that. Yeah, that may be a little too aggressive, and I know that, but I just threw it out there. That's so hard though, Nikki, I'm so sorry. So sorry for you.

And you just feel bad for the parents. There is a part of you that you're like, man, you don't wanna see him in trouble. Or lose a relationship over what they did. Yes. Like, wait a second, you guys act like morons and because of that we can't have Christmas? It's tough stuff.

This is the Ramsey Show where America hangs out to have a conversation about their money, their profession and their relationships. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. 888-825-5225. We'd love to hear from you. Alongside Rachel Cruz, I'm Ken Coleman, and we're going to start off with Devin, I believe, in Springfield, Missouri. Devin, is it Devin or Devon? I believe, in Springfield, Missouri. Devon,

is it Devon or Devon? It's Devon. Oh, good. Okay, great. How can we help? Yeah. I'm just trying to get a little advice on how to handle the next year, year and a half as a single mother, newly single mother again. My husband left a couple of weeks ago and kind of left me with everything. So I'm sure. I'm so sorry. When you say left you with everything, can you paint a picture for us? Our house that we had picked together. And I I've made mistakes as far as you know planning a future we weren't married at that time when I bought the house but it's it's fully in my name it's under you know there's not even anything on there with his name on during thing were you guys married after you bought the

house yes you did okay yes yes so he was paying half of the bills we were contributing equally to all of that. And I make decent money, I feel like, for the area. I just, I'm worried how tight things are going to be. What do you make? And I pulled $52 last year before taxes. What do you do for a living? I'm a funeral director in the state of Missouri. Yeah. And what kind

of debt did he leave you with? Or is there, I mean, is there any debt other than the house? So we didn't accumulate any debt. We hadn't integrated all of our finances and things like that. He literally left. It's been a year and a half of marriage and, uh, you know, just kind of flew the coop after a very short amount of time, right? So really integrated. Um, no, the, the children are both mine. Um, one of them, um, I have full custody of, and he is 16 and then, um, uh, my daughter, I do get a little bit of support from her father monthly to help cover things for that.

How much do you get in for her? It's $600 a month, but he hasn't been very consistent until, I think this is the most consistent child support has come in for a while. I believe it was January and it's been consistent since since January. And you know my bills are I can cover my own bills so I've really just been putting that money away. Okay. You know rainy day thing. Sure. Yeah so with just your income are you what how much is the mortgage? It's $12.02. Yeah, so with just your income, are you, what, how much is the mortgage? It's $1,202. Okay, so you're able to do that? Yes. Okay, yep. My monthly bills are about $1,800. I

live really minimally. Oh wow, good. And you bring home what, three to four thousand a month, would you say? Yes. Okay. That's great. Well, that's the good news. Yeah, that's great. Tell us what you're specifically afraid of because as we were starting to look into these numbers it doesn't look as scary to us as it may feel for you and that's very understandable but where can we lean in on some of this fear? So I'm in RN school. I've only just started. I've got the entire schooling covered through grants and scholarships. Good job. Amazing.

Oh, yeah. It's absolutely just the best blessing right now. That's phenomenal, Devon. How long before you'll be done with that program? So I'm doing an LPN to RN Bridge program. I'm taking all of my prerequisites first for both programs and then I'll roll into the LPN program. So about a year and a half before I can switch to a better paying career. What do you anticipate that? I'm kind of capped out. What do you, yeah absolutely, what do you anticipate the starting salary being and what do you think the range of growth looks like as a nurse? You know for an LPN I'm hoping to get in at about 60 to 65.

And I feel like I'm being kind of on the low end and I've kind of done some research locally with other nurses and things. And then after I finished the RN and take the NCLEX and all that, I'm hoping for maybe around 80, which is totally manageable for how minimally we live. That's great, Devon problem, my problem is is that during a certain portion of my

college education I'm gonna have to attend school a couple days a week full-time for I want to say it's 16 weeks so I'll have to do Mondays and Fridays at the actual school doing like, you know, hands on things and stuff like that. So I'm going to be having to cut down some hours. And I'm trying to figure out if I should take out some student loans to cover us during that time. I've managed to save, I was working on baby step three when all

this happened, so I have 2,600 in savings. Okay. And then I have some taxes that I've kind of taken care of over the last couple weeks since all this happened, just trying to get everything, just trying to get safe. Yeah. All right, so let me ask you this. Yeah, so let me ask you this. So let me ask you this. Have you put a projected number? First of all, we don't want you to get the student loan, but let's take the number that you were thinking about loaning to cover you. What is the amount of money that you need to cover you for four months while you're in class Monday and Friday?

Tell us what that number is. You go, Ken, Rachel, I'd feel great if I had this amount of money. So I'm thinking if I did the math right, missing two days a week for 16 weeks I think equals about 5,500 I want to say. I want to say 6,000 would probably be comfortable. Let's round it up to six. All right. And tell us how long before you start that Monday and Friday where you have to knock back your hours. So it'll, it'll be next year. So everything is covered financially through, through this year's schooling. But when 2026 start is when those clinicals will start. We're talking January 26th? I want to say it'll be this,

either I want to say it'll be the spring. It'll be the spring semester. I haven't looked quite that far out yet. How long did it take you to... But you have $1,800 left at the end of each month, correct? You know, I don't include groceries and my fuel in that. So my bills are about 1800 minus the groceries and the gas.

Okay, okay. So let's do, that'll probably be 21. Let's go, let's say $2,500 is probably what it is. And you guys, and you bring home 3000 to 4000, more like 4000, would you say, with the child support? Yes. Yeah, okay. So you'll have $1,500 extra per month, and you're going to need 5,000. We rounded up to six to make her comfortable.

Oh, that's right, that's right, 6,000. And how much do you have in savings that you've been saving? So I have 2,600 in savings, and then I'm expecting $6,000 to $7,000 in taxes because I got behind for a couple of years. That's what you're going to owe? No, no, that's what I expect to come back. Okay, great. So can I just tell you, between that, between your savings, okay, between what you can save every month that Rachel just walked you through. And your taxes. Plus your taxes, you're going to have enough to cover this. You're going to have an emergency fund and enough to cover school by the spring.

And I was going to say before I found out about the tax refund, how can you earn $6,000 on the side extra? Now you can work these extra hours and you can get there. So you don't need a student loan for this. You're okay and I'm glad. Listen, I know you're hurting and I can feel the relief, but this deadbeat walking out on you like this, I hope he comes to his senses. If he doesn't, he's a deadbeat. And you can do this without him.

You already have and you can pay for school. You're amazing. With cash. You got this, Devon. All right, we've got a question here from our Ramsey network app. It's from Alex. He says, my wife and I have a net worth of $1.4 million, a number that I couldn't even have imagined 10 years ago, but are we millionaires?

Does your definition of being a millionaire change for a single person versus a married couple? To be fair, to the single millionaires, I would think we would need to have a net worth of $2 million to consider ourselves millionaires. Man, Alex, you come from the Department of Overthinking. I have been a long time member, so I recognize my fellow tribespeople.

You're thinking way too hard on this. Net worth of 1.4 million, You guys are in fact millionaires, both you and your wife. Yes. Congratulations. You're doing well. And you're the same person, you know? They change it. I know. I love it. Michael, in our neck of the woods, Nashville is on the line. Michael, how can we help? Yes, I was just wondering if you could give me some advice. My wife and I are in the process of interviewing

financial advisors and how to know if they are trustworthy or not. That's a great question. Good question. Yeah, I mean, I would say always trust your gut. I do think that sometimes you can get a vibe off people where you're like, eh, he feels a little slimy or, eh, she didn't like, I don't, I don't like that. Like there is kind of a level of just

liking the person that I really think is important. The person is going to be handling your money. So that's kind of one qualification for me where I'm like, Hey, what am I, what's the vibe I'm getting from this person? Cause usually you can smell some, you know, is there something that's off? You're like, eh. That I would say someone that doesn't talk down to you and actually teaches you, kind of our phrase, Michael,

when it comes to financial advisors, is that they need the heart of a teacher, not the heart of a salesman. And so making sure that they are teaching you and telling you and they're not looking down their nose at you, that there's a level of humility there. And then also just, I would make sure that they're not selling crappy products. If there's like a bunch of, they're trying to push you into whole life insurance or annuities

or something like that and you're like, I think that that's an element too. We have smart vester pros, Michael, that we have vetted all over the country. And so you can look those up at ramsysolutions.com if you just need some that are just kind of Ramsey approved, if you will. But what would you say, Ken? How would you trust? I think it's a good answer, I think,

just to add to what you said. You know, you gotta trust that gut feeling. I have read a lot about the gut feeling, and the gut feeling is not this grandmother, you know, theory. It's actually real. When you've got a feeling in your gut, in your body, that's the brain sending a signal to your body.

So I think all the things that Rachel laid out, I think that's absolutely beautiful. But when you're sitting in there, pay attention. Like, this ought to be a thing that you're asking as many questions as necessary to where you go, I'd feel comfortable with this person watching my kids. It needs to be that level. I feel like they're honest.

I feel like they have my interest at heart here. They're trustworthy, they're transparent. Everything they say makes sense. I don't feel like they're rushing me. Could be any little thing like that. If you've got something that's off, and I've had it to be as little as, I've met with people before and they're talking too fast

and they're in such a hurry for me to agree with them. And I immediately slow down. That's good, yeah. You know what I mean? Yes, yes. I don't want my financial person to be a fast talker, a little bit antsy. Just a little salesy. If I don't get it right away.

Uh huh. That's good. I like that. And you know what's funny? They're kind of like real estate agents in the sense that there's so many of them. So many firms, so many options. A lot of fish in the sea. Yeah. Where I feel like doctors nowadays, like when you're older and you're trying to get a doctor, you can't find one. You can't get into the doctor. But a financial advisor, there's a bunch out there. They're everywhere. By the way, have you noticed, my wife was still in the other day. She can't get a doctor, you can't find one. You can't get into the doctor. You can't get into the doctor. You can't get into the doctor. But a financial advisor, there's a bunch out there. Yeah, they're everywhere. By the way, have you noticed,

my wife was telling me the other day, she can't get in with one of her doctors. She's got something she needs to have looked at. Two months. Oh, geez. Yeah, I didn't have a primary care doctor forever, right? I know, I don't have one. You don't either?

No. No, I'm no judgment. I know, Winston, okay, good, okay. But you're young. I go to the urgent care if I get sick. You should, you're young. I'm at the age. And my OB. I feel like sometimes I'm like,

hey, will you just check my blood pressure and make sure I'm okay? Well, you know they got the blood pressure machines at the grocery store now. Oh, I know. So you just stick your arm in it. I can't even intelligently speak about our healthcare systems, I really don't know, but I just stick your arm in it. I can't even intelligently speak about our healthcare systems.

I really don't know, but I just know it's not working. No. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know anything. I have zero solutions. And I'm- It's just hard. I'm as healthy as a horse.

I mean, I'm the picture of health. Look at me. Look at you. I'm 50. Hey, you do a lot of pickleball, a lot of cardio. I do. Your heart must be great. It is, I got scanned.

Oh. Got a heart scan. Got you. No plaque. That's the key. Your heart must be great. It is, I got scanned. Oh. Got a heart scan. No plaque. That's the key. Actually, it's big. But I'm at this age now where you gotta do that. Yeah. And that's why I gotta get the primary care.

Yeah, you need someone, Ken. Oh man, the stuff I gotta do. Doing my first colonoscopy this year. Oh man. You excited? That's when you know you're old. I know. I do feel like, yeah feel like, yeah, sorry.

Not excited about that at all. No. Everybody's like, best sleep you ever had. I'm like, what about the part leading up to it? Everybody. All right, we digress here in the third hour as I talk about all my exams. It's like that movie, what's that movie?

He's like, hey, I got something on my neck here. Is it red? Yeah, because you keep touching it. Is that like Christmas Vacation? I don't know, I don't remember. All right, Jimon, Jimon, I love that name is up next. How can we help? Hey man, so my fiance and I,

we are on baby step number four. Nice. But I'm looking back at my debt. We're out of debt and I have nothing to my name. And I've been checking my credit score since for about five months now. And it's either not moving or yeah, it's just not moving. Yeah, I'm afraid it's not gonna go to zero.

And I was wondering, is that normal? Yeah, it usually takes up to a year because sometimes all the processing and stuff and them getting into the bureaus and all of it, it's such a process. When was the last debt that you paid off? The last debt was my car. Okay. And you paid it off when? Back in December. I think it was December or January. Have you pulled your credit report and checked and double-checked that there's

nothing on it that's outstanding? Yes, I have. Okay, good. And there's nothing there. And any accounts open? Did you have a credit card account that maybe you cut out the card, but you didn't close the account? I had that and it is closed and severed. Nothing. Okay, that's great. Nothing at all. Okay. Yeah, I would give it a few more months and then you can even call some of those bureaus

and just double check and ask them. But usually it takes, we say anywhere from 12 to even 14 months for it to start going down. So you should start seeing it soon. Oh, okay. Yeah. so it does take some time. I'm glad I got a clear answer. Yeah, which is hard because this is the tough part about the baby steps in the order that we do it

is that it does take a year to 18 months for it to go down. And if you try to pull, if you try to go get a mortgage, you can get a mortgage through manual underwriting when your credit score's at zero. But if there's still a credit score and it's going down, so it's bad, right, like it's starting to get worse, and then you pull for a mortgage,

they're gonna be like, no, you have a bad credit score and they can't do manual underwriting with that. So in order to do the manual underwriting, you do have to wait for it to get to zero. So the whole house thing does have to wait for that process, which stinks, but it is what it is. Yeah. Oh, okay, well at least we know now.

Yeah, good for you by the way. Yeah well done you guys. That's amazing. I love that you're there and I would do what Rachel said. I'd actually call those credit bureaus and just talk to somebody and tell them what's going on and that'll give you that extra reassurance. Okay. Yeah, you're doing great. Yeah, well done. You're feeling good, don't you? When's the wedding? You said fiance. Do you guys have a date? Yeah, we're waiting for September 20th. Okay, congrats. Where's the honeymoon? We graduated. We're waiting a couple years. We're gonna go to Japan.

Wow! Asia, that would be beautiful. But I'm more impressed that they're gonna wait a couple years. Yeah, to make it nice? Is that what you're thinking? Save up and go on like a great one? Yeah, try to pay it all. Yeah, I mean, yeah mean yeah save up, pay cash, try to like go all out.

How old are you guys? I'm 24. You're one of the smartest callers that we've had all day. You are the MVP. The fact that you're willing to put off a honeymoon most couples wouldn't do that. That's fantastic. And can I tell you, told Stacey the other day, really want to go to Japan. I want to do Asia too. Can I tell you what she said? What?

Not so much. Really? Yeah, she's not interested. Oh man, see I do. I do want to do. So I'm going to have to talk her into that. I want to go to Thailand. I want to do all of it. Bora Bora, why I'm out that way, you know? Might as well. Zip, yeah, Bora Bora. Why I'm out that way, you know might as well zip on over to Bora Bora

I just love the Japanese architecture and the whole I think Tokyo would be amazing. Yeah, that would be I gotta talk Stacy into that Alright it's that time of year Rachel graduation is upon us. I don't know, it's that time of year, Rachel. Graduation is upon us. I don't know if it's busy at your house with all the graduation party invites. You know what? We're not there. We're at the end of the year picnics and field trips and school plays and all of that's happening. True story.

Come home last night, Stacey says, Hey, do you know a such and such, such and such, says their names, from Knoxville? I go, never heard that name in my life. They go, really? She goes, really? She goes, they have a daughter name, and says the name. And I said, I have no recollection. I said, check them out on Facebook.

She's on Facebook, I'm not on Facebook. Nothing. Send us a graduation invite to their daughter's party. Is it a fan? I hope not, they're gonna hear about it now, I guess. I didn't say their name, but seriously, Kelly, Rachel. You don't even know the people. Don't know them.

Have zero. And it came to your house. Came to our house. And you know what that deal is? It's like they're looking for cash. Yeah, 100 bucks. So you know what I'm sending them? Your book. The brand new student edition of Find the Work You're Wired to Do, because this is the

gift that keeps on giving. You like that segue? You didn't see that coming. Oh my gosh. This is just out and I just heard some great news. Amazon just ordered a ton of them. Oh good. And this is the student edition of the assessment, the Get Clear Career Assessment. Find the work you're wired to do. This is for students, so it's questions are a little bit simpler. The output is a little bit more wired to them, but this will help a high school grad figure out is it trade school, is it four-year school, no school, a college grad, hey I got the degree, what do I wanna do? This is literally a practical guide

to figuring out the work that you were designed, that's why we say wired to do, it's gonna measure three key outputs, what you're good at, what you enjoy doing, and the results you care deeply about. That's the secret to doing work that you really enjoy and you can make good money. So, you can get it now, ramsysolutions.com slash store,

it's only 34.99, That includes the assessment and the book where I coach you on the results. So parents, grandparents, and if you're like me and you get random graduation invites. You're gonna send that. I am gonna send it. It's like a childhood wound. You know when I was like in like second and third grade,

dad had just written his first book. And that was the Christmas gift they would give my teachers. Is his book. I know, I know. But here's the point, let me finish the pitch. ramsesolutions.com slash store is where you can get the book. ramsesolutions.com slash store.

But here's the why I set this up. And Kelly is producing and she's got a strong opinion. And Rachel, you have a strong opinion. Am I obligated to send anything to those folks? I do not know them at all. What say you? I don't think so, just because you get an invite. Kelly?

Only if the goodness of your heart says to. Right, so knowing that I do have a little goodness in my heart, sending the book is a nice gesture, yes? That's actually nice, yeah. I probably wouldn't send something if I didn't know who it was. Yeah, maybe a coaster from the house, an extra coaster just put there. I just think it's so, don't send me something if I don't know you.

Is that the expectation? See, I'm a little bit behind the times. That's the expectation. If I send you a graduation invite, see, I think we've gotten invites, Ken, that I don't have and I haven't done anything with them. If you can't show up to the party, then it's kind of a, we hope to get some cash. This is how these kids clean up. So when Amelia Cruz walks the aisle,

I'm expecting an invite, and that I'm gonna send some Kazash. Uncle Ken's gonna drop a few in there. Did you send me and Winston any for your kids? I'm so sorry if you did. I don't think I've sent- Well, that's weird, I don't know. I haven't sent money to college students, or like to college students. I should call Stacey right now. Hey,

hey babe, you're live on the air. Did we send Winston and Rachel a grad invite? I think and I've gotten grad invites. I just didn't realize that was like the protocol. Like when I was in high school. Oh, so you just thought we were just bragging and showing you a picture of our kids? Inviting to a graduation party. We had a party at the house and mom set out my senior picture And we invited people to the party and then I promise you even back then I'm sure I did get some cash You got invited invite you couldn't go. I don't expect you to give me a gift if you can't come Okay, okay. It's good to know etiquette. Am I saying anything wrong here? You're probably right. Kelly's closer to all this She's a youngster. Yeah. Yeah

My point is don't send me a graduation announcement about your kid on here? You're probably right. Kelly's closer to all this. She's a youngster. Yeah, yeah. My point is, don't send me a graduation announcement about your kid if I don't know you. It puts an unnecessary pressure on me, even for 13 seconds, because that's all I spent on it. And two minutes on here on the show. Well, yeah, but now this is actually a cultural thing

that people need to understand. I think people can benefit from this. Stay within your budget too, people. Yeah. All right. Stay within your personal list. Don't email everybody or mail everybody you've ever run into.

Yeah, that's not fair. I think Ken Coleman might send you a little something. You're right, it's gonna be a book. A book. I'm so excited now to send this away. Cameron is up in Portland, Oregon. Cameron, how can we help? Hey there guys. I was just wondering if I would be a bad husband or leader for

wanting to move away from my wife to start a business. Wow, coming with the fastball, Cameron. How far are you moving away and for how long will you be away from your wife? So it would be moving back to our hometown in Carson City, Nevada, and it would be for indefinitely. She's currently in graduate school to become a physician assistant. So it would be until her schooling is done. How long would that be? She's got a year and a half left, but the majority of next year will be clinical rotations, so she could be all over the place. All over the place, meaning all over America? Like she could be in a different city? Yeah, we're not sure. Okay. You know, I think this is funny. My first

reaction is, what does she think about this idea? Because I think it cuts the vote that kind of counts. So I'm assuming you've brought this up to her? Yeah, I have. And what's she saying? She's not a huge fan of the idea. The problem is I'm just burnt out at work and just the area. What business are you trying to start in Carson City? It's a plumbing company. I'm a plumber. So new construction, plumbing, everything. And you're burned out from being a plumber in the Portland area?

Yeah, you know, it's the people I'm working around and just the, I guess, just the society of the area. You know, it's not what I'm used to. The city in general. Yeah. Oh, well sure. It's a different type of demographic in Carson City. Well, is there, sorry, what's the opportunity in Carson City? Is it just the idea that I'm gonna go back home and just start something or is there some like an actual thing that someone's like, hey Cameron, I need you to come take over this

company or like what's the situation? No, so I'm licensed and I already have an LLC formed. So pretty, all the work is done and I have a lot of contacts there. And I could just be, I could make a lot more money than what I'm making now and feel like I would just be a lot happier with what I'm doing. Are you working for somebody now or you work for yourself? Yes, I'm working for somebody now.

All right, you called, I'm gonna shoot you really straight. That's what you work for yourself? Yes, I'm working for somebody now. All right, you call it. I'm going to shoot you really straight. That's what you want, correct? Yep. Okay. I think this was a horrible idea. And I think it's a horrible idea, number one, because your wife is not a fan of it. She's in transition.

She's not a fan of it. That's a bad relationship move. That is always foundational for me. Horrible idea, number two, because you can get plenty of plumbing work. There is a lack of plumbers everywhere and you could start your own business where you are and be home and be with her. So starting the business somewhere else in your hometown to escape some difficult people is not the right solution. I don't think it's mature. And I'm not knocking you when I say that. I just don't think you've thought it through because I think there's a lot of emotion there. And I'm

completely devoid of emotion because I don't have to deal with it. And I think the third thing is, is you don't know where your wife is gonna end up a year and a half from now anyway. So to put all of that effort, if I didn't have the first two reasons, and the only reason was this one, to go back home, start a business, and then your wife go, hey babe, I got great news. I just got a great PA job in Fort Lauderdale or wherever. You don't know the future. I think staying put and making the best of your current situation by maybe working for yourself where you currently are

and learn from what you've experienced. And for a year and a half. That would be my vote. It's for a year and a half. For a year and a half. We don't know where we're going to end up. Yeah, it's too much transition right now, Cameron. How long have you guys been married?

Friday will be our one year anniversary. Oh, dude. No, don't do this, Cameron. This is an absolute nuclear no way do you do this, Cameron. Bro, for a year and a half, Cameron, you gotta suck it up. I'm so sorry. Suck it up.

And then when she's out of transition, when she kinda knows what she's doing, you can be a plumber anywhere, which is fantastic actually, because you can make a killing. Having, man, someone in the medical field in a plumber, y'all are gonna make a lot of money. A lot of money. But your relationship is, someone in the medical field and a plumber, y'all are going to make a lot of money.

A lot of money. But your relationship is so key in this, especially this first year. Oh my gosh, you should have led with that. I wouldn't even have given you my great reasons. That one trumps all of my reasons. And by the way, on behalf of all people who use plumbers, keep your pants pulled. hands pulled up. Our scripture of the day is Philippians 3 verse 13 and 14. One thing I do forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on

toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. This little fun note, every time I sign a book, I sign press on. Oh yeah, is that from this? And it's from that verse. So that's a very, very fun verse for me. I love that verse. And then our quote of the day from Bobby Knight. Do you know who Bobby Knight was? I'll be very impressed if you can tell me this. Was he a singer? Yes. Was Bobby Knight a singer? Oh, no. Legendary basketball coach. Oh, that's why I was going to say I didn't expect you. I was thinking it was the new kids on the block.

No. Oh, you're thinking of Jordan Knight. That's it. Is that right? I was like on the same. Hey, great effort. What basketball team? Indiana College basketball team. Legend won three national championships. I didn't know they were that good. Well, this is when you were team? Indiana, college basketball team. Legend, won three national championships. Didn't know they were that good.

Well, this is when you were. I always just think North Carolina. If you would have said you knew that way, I would have been blown away. So that's no shame. I'm glad your expectations weren't met. They were not high. The quote is, the key is not the will to win.

Everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important. Now that's a sports man right there. You know? I, Peyton Manning. That's a sports man. Peyton Manning always said, someone asked him, do you get nervous before the games?

And he always answered, no, because I've practiced. Yep. What a preparation machine. And they always say that. They say the athletes that spend the most time in the film room and conditioning that know what's going on, they are like, even physically, if they're not as good physically,

right, as another, they can still. It's true. He's an example. By the way, did you ever meet him in person? Bobby Knight? No, Peyton Manning. Oh no, when I'm a vol. Davis met him so many times.

He's very tall. And off the air, I'm gonna show you a picture of me next to Peyton Manning, and I look like a toddler. And I've never felt so small. And I'm not a big guy, but he's so tall. And I remember getting the picture and I remember thinking, well he's tall, but then I saw the picture and I was like,

good lord man, I look like a baby next to him. It's a funny photo because of how small I am. That's always the thing with me in athletes is you watch them on TV for so long and they're so far away that you're like, you know, I bet they're like, I bet whatever. And then you get next to them and you're like, oh my gosh.

You told me about this. Didn't you meet Kevin Durant? Yes, I did. In Oklahoma City? Yes, I did. And he's like seven feet tall. I mean. Peyton Manning's six five.

Huge. So that's another level. I've never stood next to somebody like that. Huge, absolutely huge. His knee was at your nose. 100%. Yeah, 100%. I was hitting his hip bone.

I remember you telling me about that. Yes. Wow, I pulled that one. Yeah, that was a long time ago. I know, that's the database. Jeffrey is with us in Austin, Texas. Jeffrey, how can we help? Hey, y'all.

I'm moving in with my girlfriend in a month and I'm getting some cold feet just recently because of her financial situation. Wanna be able to help her out all I can with her financial situation, but obviously don't want it to become mine as well in the future. But it's kind of need some advice on A, what should I do? And B, how can I help her? Okay, I'm going to go first because I only have one little piece of advice and Rachel's

going to have way better advice than me. My piece of advice is pay attention to those cold feet, keep your socks and shoes off. We want those cold feet to scare you to death. That is your body telling you in the really not cold. I know that. But that fear, you can help her. I'm going to hand the baton to Rachel. I would say you can try to help her. Rachel, give you great advice on this and I may pipe in. I don't know. But don't move in with her, especially if you've got all these fears about this. Don't do it. What is her financial situation, Jeffrey? Is it that she's in a mess, but she's trying to get out of it, or is she a mess with finances? How would you explain it?

I think, well, she's coming to her senses about the reality of her situation. Okay, which is what? What's her situation? Yeah. So she makes about 50,000. She's a nanny and a housekeeper. And she has, I think about $7,000 in credit card debt. She also has a high interest rate on her car, about 15%. And her car payment is around $800 a month. How much does she, how How much does she owe? 32 on the car. Okay, keep going.

And I mean, she admits that she kind of got herself there. She is not from the US and she is an immigrant. And I know her family struggled with money and we've opened up and had talks about it. And you know, she is regretful about some of her decisions and is also a pretty low maintenance girl. You know, she doesn't buy expensive things. She doesn't want expensive things from me or expect me to spoil her. If you know, if it's not necessary. So she has a good,

she has a good head on her shoulders, but she definitely has found herself in a situation that I don't make quite enough money to just wipe it all away for her and I'm also not her husband. No, exactly. Yeah. So what I would say is the green flag here from what you're saying is she's aware of it, right? And so, and you guys having these conversations I think is very important because money fights and money problems is one of the leading causes of divorce in America today.

So if this goes the distance, you guys get divorced and you don't have a handle and seeing eye to eye to this it's gonna be a really difficult road to walk down for the rest of your life. So the fact that she's even acknowledging it, I think is great. That's a green flag. Another big green flag for me would be

if she starts actually paying this off. Like if she cuts up her credit cards, it's like, hey, I'm gonna work on this. I'm actually gonna look to sell my car because she needs to, Jeffrey. We say you do not need a car that is worth more than half of your annual income. She is over that. She cannot afford this car. She needs to, Jeffrey, we say you do not need a car that is worth more than half of your annual income. She is over that. She cannot afford this car. She needs to sell it. Even if she's

underwater, she takes... How do we do? Oh, sorry. No, no, you're good. You're good. How much would it be worth if you guys did private sale? Have you guys, Kelly Blue Book did it all? Yeah, it'd be like 20. 20,000? Did she have bad equity on another car that she rolled over to this or no? I think she did. She did have a car issue that she had to get rid of her car. And then I think she did this all by herself. And she told me this, she did this all by herself without having any knowledge of how to get a car. And, sure. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was too expensive. Totally. Okay.

So did you guys do private sale on Kelly Blue Book or to a dealership? How did you find that number, that 20 grand? I don't know. Okay. Okay. So, okay. Well then, if she's willing for you guys to kind of, you to help her I would Kelly blue book it and do private sale and see because I mean my hope is let's just pretend

Jeffrey I'm gonna just be Pollyanna here let's say you could get twenty six thousand for it okay so you'd be underwater six thousand okay you'd be underwater so she'd have to go get a loan for probably 10,000 and go get a $4,000 car, pay off the difference, and then sell it and then take the deed. And once she's, you know, when she pays it off, she'll get the deed. She can sell it private sale owner, all the things. She'll have $10,000. A $10,000 loan is way better than a $32,000 loan. Agreed? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And then she just starts kind of working her way down and that's great. And then do not combine finances and this is not

because of her past mistakes, that's because all dating couples and even when you're engaged do not combine finances. She needs to work her own plan, you're working your own. If you guys decide to move in together you can figure out like roommates, treat it like a roommate, not a romantic partner, that, you know, pay the half and half or whatever you decide to do. But that does start to get messy, Jeffrey. I'll tell you that, that when you move in

before you're married and you act like you're married and you're not, and you guys start buying stuff, you start playing house, it gets complicated financially. And there's no legal binding to help protect either one of you if this relationship ends versus like a divorce, right? So just keep that in mind. That's just the flag I'm going to raise for you, the red flag. Are you ready to marry this girl?

Not right now. We've been dating for a year last month. Do you love her? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What needs to happen in your mind for you to be ready to marry her? I would definitely want a lot of this financial situation to be resolved for sure. Perfect. Don't move in with her. And that'd be about it. Don't move in with her. See if she can do this stuff. Yeah, have her start cleaning it up. And then when you see the effort,

the effort's a great green light. Yeah, you can help her and you can guide her, but this moving in business, if you're not ready to marry her, don't move in with her. I'm just telling. Uncle Ken has spoken. Yeah, I'm sorry. Get off my lawn.

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