The Ramsey Show - App - DAVE RANT: Kids Aren’t the Epicenter of the House! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us, America. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, is my co-host today. And today is the day that the new book goes on pre-sale. His brand book own your past change your future a not so

complicated approach to relationships mental health and wellness on sale today pre-ordered and guess what there is a uh well there's a record-setting number of them already going out the first day congratulations john thanks man i'm excited it's a pretty incredible book and uh i predict it'll be in yet another bestseller and um uh it's quite a process to write your first one i tell you what especially when you come out of academia and for writing for not for academics writing for real people is different well the number of people who said i don't know what you're talking about can you you say that again? And then I'd say it again, say it again, say it again. So the refinement process has been great. It's a pain in the butt is what it is.

Editing is harsh. Refinement process is great is Latin for, yeah, it pretty much sucks. It's not great. Yeah, pretty much. The editing process where you have a baby and then someone says, your baby ugly. That baby's ugly. Let me dress it up. You think, no, I don't wear those clothes.

Yeah. And they say, well, no one knows what you're talking about. It's ugly. That baby's ugly. Let me dress it up. You think, no, I don't wear those clothes. Yeah. And they say, well, no one knows what you're talking about. Oh, it's harsh. It's just harsh. I don't know. Hey, there's a world class team. Content and creative people where your work is criticized every day. I don't know how you do it.

Dave, you know what's worse. I mean, your words are hard. And you feel really important. You think the words you wrote are really important. And then somebody comes and says, I don't know. That's hard. When somebody looks at 35 pictures of your face and says, man,

that looks really great, but your face. And you're like, yeah, that's all I got, man. That's all I got to work with. You can't edit that one. I can't change that. No, it's a great cover. It is a good looking book.

So good, man. Good looking man on a good looking book. Smart guy. We man. Good-looking man on a good-looking book. Smart guy. We're ready to rock and roll. I'm excited about this. Own your past. Change your future. It's about changing your story.

That's exactly right, man. I'm sick of everybody having all the answers and all the technology and all the stuff, and I'm watching people, myself and my friends and family included, melting. And Enough's Enough, this is a book about mental health relationships that anybody can understand and it's for all of us to get our hearts back our homes back let's get this country back man let's just start healing people i'm ready i'm ready own your past change your future on sale now ramsey solutions.com you get 200 worth of pre-sale items when you pre-purchase pretty incredible comes with a free month of counseling. Yeah. I mean, that's over the top.

Over the top. All right. Let's go to Katie in Colorado Springs to kick off this hour. Hi, Katie. How are you? Hi, Dave. Doing well. How are you?

Great. How can we help? Well, we're Baby Step 7. And my son, who's 17, just about 18 now now has been racing go-karts for a couple of years and he's ready to move up from basically from a state level to more of a regional level basically west of the mississippi and i'm having a little trouble deciding what's a reasonable amount to budget for that. Okay. So where does this lead when he's done?

Ultimately, I think it's going to be a hobby. I don't know any 57-year-old go-kart racers. Yeah. I mean, he understands that when he's done with college and out doing his own thing, that it's going to be something that if he wants to continue with, that he will have to fund it himself. Does he win prize money? Or is this just, are you just supporting a hobby here? Yeah, it's pretty much a hobby.

He took a championship in the state league last year. So he's basically, he basically getting a little tired. I don't know how this works. Do you move up from this to driving NASCAR? No, just karting. Well, the go-karts, there are adult leagues. Oh, I know. I know that, but I'm just saying that, okay,

because some hobbies actually lead into stuff. I'll give you an example, okay? My son played ice hockey. I played ice hockey. And I coached my son playing ice hockey. And we had the opportunity to spend a bazillion dollars to put him on the travel team. However, we knew that him having my DNA meant he was not going to be in the NHL. And so this is not going anywhere except it is recreational sports for fun.

Yeah, he, of course, thinks he's going to be an F1 driver someday. except it is recreational sports for fun. And so how much do I... Yeah, he, of course, thinks he's going to be an F1 driver someday, but no, it's a hobby. He is very, very good at it, but I don't see him ever going into the big leagues. So that's part of what goes into the equation, is are we going somewhere with this that becomes a career? I mean, if you've got a kid that's going to be in the NHL and you want to spend a bazillion dollars on travel team

and individual coaching and everything else, that's a different thing than a kid playing rec league. We were playing rec league, and we just needed to admit that and budget accordingly. So that's what I was asking about is that kind of a thing. And then the other thing, I guess, is as a percentage of your world or of your net worth, what's your net worth uh net worth we're probably just under a million okay and what are we spending on this hobby this year to do all of the races that my husband would like him to be doing uh

we're looking at 30 to 40 thousand dollars that's the magic. And our income is about $165,000. Yeah, so that, man, you threw me an underhand softball pitch here. So I've seen this with baseball kids, and I was a baseball kid that turns into rec league, turns into travel team, turns into for half a million dollars like Dave was talking about. But what I often find is kids like playing with other kids it's the moms and the dads who have some sort of identity investment in this so when you say and that's a big part of it yeah i think my husband is living vicariously through our son there you go there you go and so there's something beneath your question here

are you looking for two guys to give you permission to put the brakes on something that's out of control? No pun intended. Oh, yeah, no pun intended. Horrible metaphor. Honestly, I think I'm more looking for permission to let it happen. I mean, we're, you know, Dave always talks about the security gland. I grew up very lower middle class, and I am a hoarder. When I get cash in the savings account, I don't like to let go of it.

And I guess trying to maybe kind of talk myself into it. Financially, this is not going to bankrupt you. You're going to be fine. This is not killing you. Okay. I'm not aghast at what you're spending. Forty grand? Based spending based 40 grand based on your income and based on the fact you have a million dollars okay okay and your baby step

seven they're 100 out of debt house and everything okay and um i i but what does bother me is motivation and i don't hear uh good motivation down under here and i think that might also be disturbing you and you're trying to blame yourself being cheap on your disturbance. Maybe it's not your being cheap. Maybe you see that this is not going. It was a fun thing that got out of control. Again, bad metaphor. And Dad got some self-esteem out of it.

I'm wondering if Mom feels like she's trying to protect kids. How much my husband wants him to race this year that's right yeah that's a that's a telling line right there so financially you're probably okay i'm not gonna i'm not gonna give you permission to stop everything based on just the money in your situation you probably have the money but there's other stuff going on here and the money money's talking to you. You need to listen to it. Folks, listen up. I know some of y'all are putting off getting life insurance because rates went up, restrictions were added due to COVID,

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Hey, I want to circle back for a second because kids' activities, John, is one of the things that is a budget buster in our world. And sometimes I get roundly and wrongly criticized by saying no children should ever have any activity. Dave Ramsey's too cheap. You should never, if you're following Dave Ramsey's plan, you should never have a child in any kind of extracurricular activity that costs money ever under any circumstances. That's just not true. I do not say that. I've never said that ever in 30 years of doing this. What I have attempted to do is what we do in the Ramsey household is to use some common sense when it comes to kids' activities. If Little League Baseball is funded but the college fund isn't, ding, ding, wrong.

Well, he might play college on a scholarship. He might not, too. She might not, too. She might not, too. Statistically speaking, probably won't. Very statistically speaking. And if they go to college, the chances that they play pro are 1% of the NCAA athletes go pro. One freaking percent. So how do we translate that statistics?

Probably not your kid. Not your statistics? Probably not your kid. Not your kid. Probably not your kid. Not your kid. Right. So, you know, let's think this through. Then what are extracurricular activities for? Are piano lessons, dance lessons, little league sports of all kinds, cheerleading competitions and lessons uh nothing evil

inherently about any of them but like so many things when they go to an extreme and they violate common sense many times it's more about the adults than the kids and you bust your budget doing it yeah i mean i've got a whole section in this new book about that, about over the last 25, 30 years, there's this weird switch. Kids used to be furniture or pets at best, right? I've got to make sure we run this household. And over the last 25, 30 years, they've turned into the epicenter of the household. In the name of nurturing. Well, it started out in the name of nurturing,

and it's become in the name of propping up my ego because I'm not happy at work, I'm not happy in my marriage, I'm not happy, I'm disconnected from my church, my community. But if you find yourself waking up thinking about Little League baseball plays, you've probably got a problem. If you wake up thinking, okay, an adult, I'm going to pitch this guy this weekend, or, okay, if my daughter can pull this trick off, she can get this and that we've gone way overboard man and we're taking we've we've taken the fun and the way that the parents treat the referees tell you that it's bananas bananas i've got friends who are you know i worked in college i got friends who are trainers in college in

universities across the country telling me they've got athletes who are 18 coming with overuse joint injuries in their shoulders, knees, and hips that they see in elderly populations because these kids from age four are getting personalized coaches and specialize this. You're only going to play this. You're playing year round, not doing other sports, not just running and playing and being a kid there's so much psychology about the importance of just let your kids play that's how they figure stuff out it's how they stretch their imagination they develop neural connections all that stuff happens but man when they feel like they're in a job a kid cannot prop up and hold up i'm getting fired up about this i'm

sorry they they are do not have the strength to hold up a mom or a dad's self-esteem. They do not have the strength to hold up a home. And the number of calls I get on my show about a dad yelling at a kid for his athletic performance or all of that stuff breeds insanity. Stop it. Stop it, man. Let your kids play. And your treasure is where your heart is. Always.

If you see that you're spending so much on this that it feels out of whack, you know why it feels that way? Because it's probably out of whack. Right. It's probably out of control. That's right. Now, our kids did cheerleading and took cheerleading coaching a little bit. Well, my kids play.

A little bit. And my kids played rec sports of all kinds. I talked about Daniel playing hockey a minute ago. We spend money on other things around that kind of a thing, but we were under no illusion that our child was going to make a living cheerleading. And I'm under every illusion that if I feel my blood pressure boiling over the performance of a 9-year-old, the problem is not the 9-year-old. The problem is me.

You know, it's uh one of the reasons i dropped my ut tickets because i my blood pressure was boiling over someone else's 18 year over teenagers these are teenagers with 120 000 people threatening to kill them that's right that's exactly right over the use of a pigskin yeah that's right. And I thought, you know what? I've lost my rabid mind. I'm with you. And I'm a football fan, but I spent a bazillion dollars to go watch the game to be angry. That's right. And I thought, I'm just stupid. Or the opposite.

I'm stupid. I had my week fulfilled because a group of teenagers rallied up and won a game. And if you're a Tennessee fan, thatied up and won a game. Yeah. And if you're a Tennessee fan, that never happens. Now, careful. Now, see what you did. I see what you did there. But, yeah, and again, my kids play sports.

Is travel sports illegal? No. Is sports illegal? No. Is spending money on violin lessons? No. Music is great. Music is good for the brain development. That's right. I spend money on that stuff for my kids. And, you know, spending money on violin lessons no music is great music is good for the brain development that's right i spend money on that stuff for my kids and uh you know that's fine

but my my wife took piano lessons and get this you might be a hillbilly if harmonica lessons okay so and we have the harmonica so um we've we have used it a time or two in some family jokes beyond belief but uh giving her a hard time but she could play neither yeah now neither but she can deal with you and i think i think all the lessons she got growing up are all came together for a purpose god doesn't waste anything dave nothing wasted in God's economy. Nothing's wasted. Oh, touche. Touche. So, I mean, that's the thing. So, here's the thing.

If you are advancing their maturity, their ability to move into adulthood, fine. But if they're playing for you, which you can tell with some of the symptoms you gave out, that's a problem, and one of the ways you can tell that is the money will tell you because the money gets out of control. Right. What you're freaking spending on the travel, on the lessons, on the specialization, relative to your overall budget. That's right.

Now, again, if you got $20 million and you want to spend $100,000 on your kid to go do whatever, that's fine. I feel like that. That's fine. But even that, you got to look at it and go, this is a kid. I just dropped 100K on a sport they're never going to use. Or on a music lesson they're really not going to develop into. A lot of parents have stopped asking their kids, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? What do you want to do? One of my worst parenting moments that has become one of my favorite,

I would come home. I was exhausted when I was a dean of students. I would plop on the couch, and I would watch the Astros game. And I would try to, instead of going out and playing ball with my son, I'd try to get him to watch it with me, going out and being with him. I'd say, hey, let's watch together. And then one day he said, hey, Dad. This is just six-year-old innocence. He said, innocence said hey dad do you love me as much as the astros

and that's when we turned it off and canceled it and then this is just a few weeks ago he came and said called a family meeting i thought oh no what has happened he's 12 he's gonna be saying hey mom dad we need to talk but he said, I don't know how y'all are going to feel about this, but I'm interested in not playing Sport X this year. I would love to try out for the school play. I've never been prouder of a 12-year-old, which tells us we redeemed that and said, give him some language. What are some things you're interested in?

Let's try stuff. Let's expand it. No one's canning out scholarships for 12-year-olds. Let's let these kids go back to playing, and let's let us do the hard work of getting our identity in other places, man. I wish it was not true, but they are giving out scholarships for 12 years. They probably – But they shouldn't be. That's right.

Yeah, we're getting there. But the thing is this, guys, you know, you need to money in your life where you're putting it and the ratios and where you're putting it will speak to you as a symptom of an underlying problem. And where you feel anger is also a symptom. It's a underlying. That's right. It's a signal. Or great fear or anxiety. That's right. Also, same thing.

The new book is Own Your Past, Change Your Future. Went on sale today. Deals with a lot of these particular issues that just happen to be right spot on for this hour. This is the Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time. Thank you for joining us, America. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. The new book released for pre-sale today. It actually publishes in April, but you can get pre-sale on it today own your past change your future a not so complicated approach to relationships mental

health and wellness so make sure you join in and help us make that a bestseller as it comes out of the gate john's first big major book stephanie is with in Santa Rosa, California. Says on my screen, Stephanie, you're debt-free. Congratulations. Thank you. It's so exciting. It's good to have you. Welcome. How much have you paid off? $53,000. Good for you. And how long did this take? 25 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time so i started at 75 and then went down to 40 and now back up to about 62 not including like my side hustle i was doing during the time cool what kind of side hustle were you doing i was delivering doordash ah how'd that work you make some money i made a lot of money, yeah. I did really well.

I did it about two, three nights a week since I started in like about a year and a half ago. Yeah, what kind of money? What's good money in a month? Like in a month, what would you get? Probably about, well, I saved up about $8,000 in a year doing it. So that paid for my car. So what happened to your paycheck? It sounds like it got cut in half for a while.

Well, a little thing called a pandemic happened. What? Tell us more. Just kidding. I know. So I was living on unemployment for a little while, not working, and then just kind of wanted to get back out there. So I just took a job that I liked, and then another opportunity came about, and so that's how I got my income back up again.

Good for you. So what kind of debt was your $53,000? I had about 23 in student loans. I had a great car fleece, 401k loan and season tickets, credit cards, everything. You knocked it out. Wow. Good for you. I had about nine payments I was trying to manage at once every month. So how old are you? 36. Okay.

Good for you. So what inspired you to get on this journey all the job loss and everything was that your wake-up call or something else um no i actually started before i had lost my job um i started dating a guy and you know about two months in he was telling me about his journey with with you actually and just encouraged me to get on board too and and i did it wow very cool so is he still around he is still around yes he's sitting next to me right now oh he might be a keeper okay i know i think so good deal so you've had a good cheerleader a good accountability partner and encourager oh 100 if i didn't have the accountability like for myself personally i needed that like because

i kind of would slack off you know every once in a while and want to go to dinner or want to do something so it was just good having him in my corner like keeping me going i like it well well done good job i'm proud of you. Very cool. Thank you. Who were your other cheerleaders? My parents, of course, and then a really good friend. I hope she's listening. Her name is Kat. She kind of got encouraged by us as well, and her and her husband became debt-free with your journey, using your steps also, And her sister is now starting the program.

So just paying it forward one friend at a time. I love it. That's fantastic. Very cool. What was the hardest thing about this journey? You live in a very expensive part of the country. You're grinding it. You're doing DoorDash on top of it.

What was the hardest part of all of this? Honestly, changing my lifestyle because I got into this mess by not caring and buying what I wanted when I wanted it. And just having to not do that anymore and budget myself. I was just letting myself spend $150 a week for gas, groceries, everything. And that was the hardest part for me, was 100%, just the lifestyle change. Way to go, man.

You knocked it out. And I have about three more months until my emergency fund is done, and then I can start my 401k investing and all that good stuff. So it's great. You are on your way. When is that guy sitting

next to you gonna quit waiting around oh i don't know stephanie i'm trying i'm trying to help you out here i appreciate it john i appreciate it you got it tell him to call my show on another thing we'll figure it out i love it well done hey we got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you, How Ordinary People Build Extraordinary Wealth. You can, too. Number one bestseller. It's our gift to you because we think you are on your way to being a Baby Steps Millionaire. That's your next step in your journey, next part of your story as you go along.

And we want to help you with that. We're also going to give you a copy of Total Money Makeover for you to give away to somebody and help them get started. And about eight, nine million people have you with that. We're also going to give you a copy of Total Money Makeover for you to give away to somebody and help them get started. And about 8, 9 million people have now read that and helped them with their get out of debt plan and head towards, as you have, head towards not only debt freedom but now becoming wealthy. So way to go, Stephanie. I like it. Thank you.

Stephanie in Santa Rosa, California, $53,000 paid off in 25 months, making $75,000 to $40,000 to $62,000 plus the DoorDash. I love it. I love it. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. One, two, three, I'm debt-free. Yeah.

Yeah. And get free! Yeah! Well done, well done, well done. Oh, man. That's cool. Very cool. And she showed her spreadsheet, which they popped up on YouTube as we were sitting here. For you YouTubers, you saw it too. 49ers season tickets i was gonna say it was everything from victoria's secret to 49ers season tickets i love the way she said it anything i

wanted i just bought everything right that's what most people do that's right there you have it so pretty interesting stuff very cool well done stephanie very well done jeremiah is with us in columbia south carolina hi jeremiah welcome to the ramsey show hey how you doing better than i Very well done. Jeremiah is with us in Columbia, South Carolina. Hi, Jeremiah. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, how you doing, Dave? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I just got into Financial Peace University, and I'm working on the baby steps.

I'm in step two right now, so I actually have, instead of $1,000, I currently am sitting on about $8,000. And the reason for that, and the reason I haven't paid it toward the debt yet, is I'm a single father. I have primary custody of my daughter, and I'm looking at possibly having to go back to court here soon, which is going to mean, at minimum, a $5,000 retainer for my lawyer to continue my custody battle. I was just trying to get some advice on how to deal with this now and how to deal with it going forward if more legal expenses come up. Wow. I'm sorry, man. Jeez. That's hard.

You treat it like a medical problem, financially speaking. You treat it like a medical problem that as soon as there's healing, you no longer need to budget for it. But as long as you're in the medical fight, you need to budget for it. It's an ongoing expense or potential expense. And so, yeah, you need to set aside some money for something that you're, you know, it sounds like you feel like you're 90% sure this is coming again. Yeah, not to see how tomorrow goes. I'm going to meet with my ex, but

she is with her boyfriend. They have a kid, and there's been some investigations into abuse with them. So I got to make sure I can do what I need to do to keep custody. Yeah, before you do anything having to do with financial anything, you take care of the kids. That's right. Right. Whether there's potential abuse or potential stuff, you've got to protect your babies. Good for you, Jeremiah.

Yeah, that's the first thing you do. Outstanding. And, you know, if you have to put your whole total money makeover financial piece thing on hold while you just fight this then do and you'll get you know there'll be a day that it does come to an end right i don't know what day that is but when it comes to an end then we don't need a budget for it anymore or we can step back into a more enthusiastic mathematically enthusiastic uh hit on the stuff. But you've got to take care of kids in that situation first and foremost. Agreed?

Man, I love your heart, Jeremiah. Thank you for being one of those dads that says, not on my watch. I'm grateful for you, man. Yeah, you're not doing this. Boyfriend that's out of control? Nope. Nope, not with my kids. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Jordan's in Houston, Texas. Hi, Jordan. How are you? Doing well. Thanks for having me, guys. Great, man. What's up? All right, man. So here's my situation. I'm curious about where my business loan falls into my debt snowball, and I'm kind of struggling with some guilt that I've got over not being able to give 10% to my church and just how to manage those two things together.

How much is your business loan? $90,000. Who do you owe that to? I owe it to a private loan, so I actually borrowed it from a family member. Okay. And so you signed a personal note, right? Correct, yeah. Yeah, so it's really a personal loan.

Okay. That you used for business. Correct. Okay. And what's your profit on your business look like a year? So last year, so I bought a gym a week before the shutdown in March 2021. Great timing, huh? Yeah. Oh, it was beautiful. timing, huh? 2021, yes.

Oh, it was beautiful. Oh, it sucks. I'm sorry. And then next week, hey, you're done. And so with it being a small gym too, it's relationship-based, and so everybody with all the change and the fear, that was the first thing to go. So anyway, that said, you know, we went down to nothing for that year. I think I lost money in 2021.

Then last year, I did about $40 profit-wise. We were just able to make by at home. I really don't have a lot. Actually, I don't have any extra at the end. We're following baby steps. We're doing our best to and and cutting back you know at home expenses is there any other income coming into the house all the things yeah so my wife works as a teacher and she makes what she makes 52 okay so you're making 40 off

the business today and she's making 52 off the business today wow how's the growth coming putting the income back what did what was the high point on the gym what was the best it ever did um that was actually back in august um i did we did 17 that month um but that was the highest it's ever done. What happened in September? What's that? In a small relationship-based gym, I wouldn't expect it to fall off that next month like that. What happened in September? Oh, no. So the next month, it was just about $1,500 under that.

I think we were right at $1,500 that month. Okay. So it wasn't a big drop off. No. And we still haven't had a big drop off currently. We're just at a point where, you know, I'm making enough to pay for expenses at home, but nothing extra. And I'm making enough, you know, at the gym to pay my staff, to pay the bills, keep the lights on, but nothing extra. Like I don't have any extra you know fluff in in the budget whatsoever now back when the before you owned the gym what did it do oh it was doing like 7 000 a month

and you did 17 000 so you've doubled it? Correct. Yes. And you paid how much for it? $90,000. And it wasn't even making money? No, it wasn't. It was breaking even. Okay. So you overpaid dramatically.

Correct. Wow. Okay, so we're going to continue to fight it and continue to get the income up, continue to work the business, and I'll try to increase your income out of the business as much as possible. And what did you make it your job before you took this gym on um i made about 52 okay are you maxed what's that is the gym max is the gym maxed no it's not maxed okay no i can i can probably double it again before we get to the max point

okay all right let's keep working to double it then and that's going to be the answer to working yourself through this and the business loan goes into the debt snowball which also means it's probably the largest and it's the big thing at the bottom how much other debt have you got zero no so this is it okay yes so yeah I think you'd fight this tiger, and if you could make $90,000 extra in two years and pay it off, in other words, increase your income by that much, by doubling, which is what you're talking about, then you're out of debt in two years. If it takes you longer, three years, that's fine. But you get this monkey off your back, this thing suddenly starts to be a lot more fun to run. Agreed?

Agreed, yes. And can I ask about the giving during this process? Yeah, sure. I'm struggling with this concept of, you know, I want to be able to give to the church, and I feel like I'm not trusting enough to give, you know, because I know the tithe is supposed to come off the top, all that good stuff. But at the same time, I don't know which bill i don't pay if i give that 10 well i i would challenge you that you're not that close on your budget it just feels like you are um because you're down there fighting cash flow every day and so you've got this sense of

that i i've i've just i've done been done doing budgets for 30 years and very seldom is somebody within 10% of being broke. It's usually a lot worse or a lot better. And so this is about budgeting. It is about writing it down. Now, what I would challenge you on is the struggle part, okay? Number one, I don't believe in giving money to the church. I believe in giving money to God. And as an evangelical Christian, the first 10% he teaches us to give

is to the local church. But I would change my phrasing on that because it changes your heart when you change your phrasing. You know, the church really doesn't need your money. God really doesn't need your money. He wants to teach you to become a giver, and he loves you. And so he's not wringing his hands over you giving or not giving it's just like if you have a kid and you look at your kid and you say hey brush your teeth you get to keep them that way that's a loving father right and the kid's like yeah dad but i don't really want to or dad it's not convenient right now i'm a little too busy i don't have the bandwidth um you're like i know but when you don't have any teeth someday you'll wish you had brushed

your teeth and this is a loving father giving instruction to his kid that he's crazy about do you hate your kid or think less of your kid or think your kid has got some kind of issue if they don't brush your teeth no he's just a kid and kids don't brush their teeth sometimes adults sometimes don't give but at your your heavenly, son, the best way to live your life is to be a giver. And Jordan, can I challenge you on something? Sure. How much of this is a guilt about giving and how much of this is guilt over taking out that loan and overpaying for a business?

There's definitely some of that too i think more so um it's it's you know not providing through you know a way that i thought i was going to be able to provide there you go and it's more so for my family not not necessarily about overpaying for the business and it's all of it but here's the deal you cannot move forward if you're carrying that bag of bricks around with you and so at some point, you have to make the choice. And it's hard and it's something you practice, but you got to make the choice to say, I did X and that day is over. And here's who I'm going to become moving forward. And I'm going to start practicing those things. The giving part rallies around an identity, man.

It's like Dave would say, it rallies around who you are, who you're giving money to. I think you just beat yourself up so bad. And then you think, man, I can't let another dollar go out this door that's not feeding my family because of what I've done to us. And you've got to put that crap down, man. Yeah, so the way I talk to myself about it is I go, sometimes I do stupid things, but I am not stupid. There you go. So I think we can put you buying this business under the heading of stupid stuff, or at least what you paid for it. But you're not stupid. I've been talking to you for quite a few minutes.

You're anything but stupid. You're caring. You're loving. I think you're probably developing into a really strong, good businessman, and I think you're going to have a great, thriving business. It's going to take you some time, and you'll never borrow money again, and you'll never overpay for anything again. You've learned your lesson.

And just like the Bible says, borrow or slave the lender, so get out of debt. Okay? I don't want you sitting around fretting and going, I feel awful, I feel awful, I feel awful. But I do want you to feel awful enough to get out of debt. That's right. And the same thing about giving. I don't want you to be guilted into it or act like you're some kind of Christian Boy Scout or something doing your duty. But just go, hey, my Heavenly Father cares about me, says the best way for me to keep my teeth is brush them.

The best way for me to live is to be a generous person. I'm going to work generosity into my plan, even when it doesn't feel like it fits. I'm going to practice it. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.